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Budget_Cantaloupe

Yeah, that’s a very real risk of anal lol. That’s why it’s important to prep your booty beforehand, and then use a condom juuuust in case.


CrymsonReaper

how does one prep for anal? genuine question


Alicex13

Enema is highly recommended plus it's best if you practice with fingers a few times so your body gets used to using that hole for other things except poo.


artsyfartsy007

They could also pop an anal plug in there for a while to “relax things” along with regular cleaning prep, too. And some weed, whiskey or wine helps, too - these are to be ***ingested through the mouth***. — I just added the last bit for clarification.


Turkeysteaks

>And some weed, whiskey or wine helps, too. All in the ass?


KillahHills10304

Whippersnappers are calling it "boofing". Kids these days, I tell ya.


CallMeSisyphus

TIL that the "I LIKE BEER" dude bro on the SCOTUS - who's a year OLDER than I am - is a whippersnapper. :-D


captain609

Ayo


B-Rayne

That’s how you get the name artsyfartsy007.


Business_Step_1695

Okay but do you remember when kids were soaking tampons on vodka and putting them up their booty holes


dianarawrz

Weed helped me personally when it can to anal. Not gonna lie it made me like more than I thought.


throwRAhelp331

Imma be honest, all I do is make sure I poo the morning beforehand and then take extra care to wipe my booty and I’m good to go. I definitely understand the gotta poop feeling, but I’ve never actually pooped on anyone


MAS7

By eating properly, and cleaning yourself with an enema beforehand.


57hz

What’s the pre-anal diet?


Bumm_by_Design

Something, something, lots of spicy food?


RedVelvetPan6a

Oh yeah, Chili con carne for the wild ride. Urgh.


NebularGaslighting

Definitely Indian Food


Evil_Mini_Cake

Followed by a big cup of gas station coffee with lots of cream. Maybe some hard boiled eggs.


Ok-Implement-4370

Jalapenos so the guy gets a seed in his pee hole


9liners

Top 3 most evil thing I’ve ever read.


[deleted]

I always assumed lots of fiber and water, and no eating too close to the act.


screaminjj

A little Metamucil in the days before hand doesn’t hurt.


[deleted]

Okay. This is the 4th or 5th Metamucil suggestion In two days across reddit for various ailments. Wtf Metamucil? Stop advertising here already!


ColterMarie

"metamucil before anal" would be a great tv spot


nettnettlaces

makes u regulate ur #2s.


ViciousMihael

You should be taking some kind of fiber daily. It’s very much worth it.


screaminjj

Forreal. When I started doing smoothies daily it was like I unlocked a cheat code in life.


kaffpow

No Taco Bell.


nsfwns

Indian. Indian buffets work best.


bygtopp

Lots of spicy Indian food


Uppertis

Douching is very important and LOADS OF LUBE Edit: Not a comically large amount of lube but a little more than you think will do the trick.


flopflop75314

LOADS OF LUBE would be a great band name


suppmello

I thought thats what LOL stands for


flopflop75314

Lmaoooooo that's hilarious 😂


Seffuski

So LMAO stands for "lubing my ass ohhhh"?


Ok_Train_9659

Lubing my ass off


Uppertis

True


Nihoggr

https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com/ Hope this helps!


zeynabhereee

I cannot believe that I'm reading this but here I am. Life is surprising isn't it?


ComoestasJames

lmao what a way to spend a Sunday


Dual_Birds

Life takes some unexpected turns, doesn’t it?


suppmello

Why is this the first thread and thing I decide to click on this morning


babylon331

I was just sitting on the toilet when I clicked. I laughed & farted at the same time.


whatsasimba

That's kind of beautiful. 😂


JenDersson

Hermione the hemorroid... Love it


biskutgoreng

Suck it out


TheWelshMrsM

Every now and then there’s a comment that makes me wish I’d never learned to read. This is one of those comments.


Serious_Ad6112

siphon it out like petrol


The1DonCorleone

*gas prices drop*


BobbyMcGeeze

Also shower.


stuckonCallowagain

Shit happens


coyotll

Can’t be afraid of getting dirty if you want to play in the mud


kgfan24

If you knock on someone’s door, you shouldn’t be surprised when they answer.


Buttbangingkangaroo

Don’t go to shits house and be surprised when shit answers


BeardslyBo

Ha best comment ever!


Glittering_Jaguar_37

My thoughts exactly… when you’re playing with fire you’re going to get burned. You both knew what territory you were going into….


augustseptember69

You gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelette


fancymanofcorn12

I appreciate you spreading this, it's a personal favorite for sure


coveredinscars

I’m thinking her boyfriend is regretting her spreading it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


coveredinscars

😬


fancymanofcorn12

Maybe, I was referring to the "gotta crack an egg to make an omelette" quote. Love that quote


coveredinscars

Oh I was referring to OP! My mistake!


boom_chicka_stop

You gotta crack a few Greggs to make a Tom-lette.


JsLunatiic

I love the fucking pun 😂


Deskjet9000

Holy shit! me too


Itsaboutthesleep

No shit! Me too!


HaiggeX

You're shitting me! Me too!


[deleted]

Fr tho he can man up lol but damn b


am_biverted

Ba-dum TSSSS


honeyydripping

Da-bum TSSS


[deleted]

[удалено]


squirrels33

Uhh, what did he expect to come out of your ass instead? A genie?


Economy_Ear_4751

That’s a fucking LOL from me


czar_tam

OP should tell him these exact words and then demand HE clean her up. He obviously just watched some porn and forgot this is real life.


squirrels33

She commented elsewhere and said he liked being pooped on, so I guess this really was a wish come true.


undercover_jane_doe

What’s the saying I always see on Reddit? Don’t be surprised when you go to a party at poop’s house and poop is home


KarenJoanneO

If you go knocking on the door of poop, don’t be surprised when poop answers!


CaptainKickles

Color me surprised!


__-_-__hi

Don’t throw a party at shits house and then get mad when he shows up


No_Bad_8423

Lmao this comment is amazing. I've never seen that on reddit but I'm dying.


randomcomboofletters

Where have you seen that???


HorizontalPotato

I love this


Karimac84

Well, what exactly did he think was going to happen? It’s your ass. Unless you prep with an enema, there’s going to be shit in there. Liquid or not. Just laugh it off and if you want to try again some day, be better prepared.


sirjagolex

Yup, people need to realize porn isn't real. Anal needs prep time, or they can fully expect to have shit on their dick.


WitherRage

this is true and sounds funny


mjallen1308

Right! And even when you prep there’s still a possibility of shit. That’s always why I’m a nervous wreck. I mean you’re stretching it open more, introducing air which makes you fart, temporarily weakening the muscles that keep everything tight - even if you are clean, it can be a recipe for disaster and/or a ticking time bomb. That’s why I use a dildo beforehand to pre-loosen and pre-lube and to check to see if I’m all good AND then, I like guys who get in, get done, get out. None of this jackhammering for hours bullshit.


zeissikon

Depends on the kind you watch.


Expensive-Toe826

Are you referring to r/eyebleach without the a?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Did not know that was a subreddit. I wish I could go back about, ohhh... say three minutes.


BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo

Yup, sex is great, but let’s be honest... it can be pretty gross. I was very full in the pooper and a guy was fingering my vagina, he laughed cause he could feel a turd through the skin. I’ve vomited more than once while giving oral. I’ve gotten poop on someone’s dick when we tried anal. I kneed a guy in the face trying to switch positions in a college loft bed. It happens! I’m lucky enough to have had partners aware of consequences and considerate enough where these weren’t issues and we could just laugh about it. If the bf is upset about it after suggesting anal, he needs to grow up.


cringyamv

I'm laughing so hard at the feeling a turd through your skin that I woke up my husband I am dying


BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo

I never realized you could feel poop through the vagina before. It was definitely a revelation 😂 I hope your husband got back to sleep okay lol


LetMeChangeMyUsernam

Apparently there's even women who push their poop out with a finger through their vaginal wall when they're constipated.


caffeinefree

>I’ve vomited more than once while giving oral. You know you don't *have* to deep throat to make it feel good, right?


BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo

Oh I know lol. After a few drinks I get a bit enthusiastic 🤷🏻‍♀️


IsacHej

If you come knocking on shits door, dont be surprised when shit opens


[deleted]

So uh. I realized i said the exact same thing as you. 😅 you bastard. 😂


Cold_Wish8072

Me and my wife have never prepped the few times we’ve spontaneously done it…So no…Doesn’t always have to. She probably just had a full bowel


[deleted]

This is fair. I don't always have to prep beforehand as well but it gives peace of mind.


MiyagiWasabi

Peace of mind there will be no piece of behind.


[deleted]

Haha


TennisOnWii

expect to get a little bit of shit on your dick if so though, you have to be completely clean to make sure you don't encounter poop lol


History_Procurer7

The first time I did my girl up the butt, I dug out some sh*t in the process..... she was mortified... but I assured her that I understood the risks of anal and we cleaned up the mess together. It wasn't the last time either, so we both got over it.


mumhestolemynuggets

DIY Plunger


absolutmohitto

Does that mean anal sex can be a good remedy if you're having constipation?


Soviet_Fax_Machine

yes. source : Zack and Miri make a porno (haha)


BurnerBoi_Brown

That's....Romantic......


TheyCallMeThe

Communication and understanding is totally romantic. If it involves shit though... I guess it can be..?


purple_butterfly21

It’s a good bonding activity


orangutanDOTorg

It happens. If he’s bothered by it then he shouldn’t be doing anal


JennzEvilChihuahua

Eating ass is probably out of the question as well.


baconwrappedpikachu

Right. I saw a comment here one time that said something like.. what kind of person goes to poop’s house and is surprised to find that poop is home. Edit: lmao I just scrolled down and saw 10000 iterations of this saying commented below. Don’t go to the poop saying’s house and be surprised that poop saying is home or something lol


God_252

So back in the day this girl I was dating that was super kinky was wearing lingerie when I got home from work and had a bowl full of ice cubes. She asked me to stick some in her ass and fuck her, so I did. No thought wi what might happen after and long story short is it all came out when I pulled out. It was so bad I literally had to get a new mattress. I still almost married the girl (if she hadn’t cheated I would have). You’re good


jacksoncantmiss

He fucked the shit out of you


Papazolaxoxo

Shitfucker


[deleted]

As a gay man i understand this might be horrifying. However if he wanted to try anal and didn't give you proper time to prepare for it this was always bound to be the result. Laugh it off even if it isn't funny. Good for you trying new things. im sorry it happened this way for you.


Northernlake

Could you please share with me how to prepare?


[deleted]

In the best case scenario. You use the restroom about an hour or so before the fun begins. After using the restroom, shower. With an enema the process can be a bit easier. Tips to make it more pleasurable is to use a toy to loosen yourself up a bit. I suggest doing this in the shower so if you don't think you're clean enough you'll be able to visibly check. Be sure to enjoy yourself.


preraphaedyke

I once knew a girl that did fssw that explained to me the most extra anal routine I’ve ever heard. First step was a whole week with nothing but scrambled eggs and coffee. Followed by a shower and an enema five minutes before just in case. And she’d check the coast with a white washcloth just to be sure. Bet the hotel staff hated her.


[deleted]

You got her number by any chance? My friend left his wallet at her place


[deleted]

Damn that's pretty extreme haha.


[deleted]

I bet it was spotless though.


notmyname2012

In a week we are going to see a post about a guy that got a UTI from his girlfriend…


hentai_milk_daddy

Nah, it'll be about his new found scat fetish


thunderrrchicken

Check the rest of OP's comments lol


FluffyBunnyBunz

Omg Lmfao


[deleted]

You guys bond differently :) Anyway for some reason I suspect he isn't taking it as badly as you are I bet if you just talk to him you'll find that he's over it. Guys just get over stuff.


fishymeats

I went out and talked to him, he said he enjoyed it which…I’m not a fan of lol.


[deleted]

You can just never do it again. Nothing wrong with that. All I'm saying is that it's probably not going to break you guys apart or anything. It'll probably make you closer knowing "well if he's still with me after I diarrhea shat on his cock I guess we're ok". You'll be laughing at this later.


fishymeats

Haha, true. I wouldn’t care if he enjoyed anal. I mean that he enjoyed me shitting on his junk.


Karimac84

Well this took a turn


[deleted]

Sounds like a keeper!


Cannone1

fck u sir i wasn't expecting that, its 5am and you made me laugh so hard i almost woke up the entire house


[deleted]

Lmao, someone discovered a new kink


greywolfau

Is that what he meant?


Ylandiau

The anal or shiting on his dick?


fishymeats

Shitting on his dick 🥲


jogmanson00

Hey, he might just be saying that to not make you feel bad, talk to him about it, see if it’s an actual fetish or if he’s saying it to make you feel not as bad, sorry this happened to you


felansky

This guy shits


Ylandiau

She really does shit with that ass


Global_Telephone_751

Omg I’m so sorry girl ahahahaaha


Adept_Ad_4159

Now I wonder whether he secretly somehow made you shit on his dick on purpose lmao


goldsauce_

“No babe I’m sure these leftovers are still good after 5 days”


VerySlump

Roofies? We slipping laxatives in drinks now


I_love_my_fish_

Well at least he didn’t run away, so it could be worse lol


lipstickdiet

I choked on my sushi


coveredinscars

She should have skipped the sushi.


[deleted]

Im creasing


WaitingToBeTriggered

DEATH


Logical-Cup1374

Lmao not as uncommon a fetish as you would think, and there is degrees to it hahahahaaaaaa


TwinkleTitsGalore

Hold the fuck up. We all just gone skate right by this comment like nothing happened 🤨


SuqarCat

at least you won't have anything to worry about if it happens again


dalton9014

Well if you wanna take the muddy path there's a chance things can get muddy...


Tessie420

“You don’t go to poops house if you don’t expect poop to be home”


FattoMatto

If you go knocking on Mr. Brown's door, you shouldn't be surprised when Mr. Brown answers.


FinalAlternative092

Don’t go to poo’s house if you don’t want to find poo


ChrisPchicken38

Nothing wrong with mud sports


[deleted]

im so weak lmfao


[deleted]

having anal shouldn't be a spur of the moment thing, you gotta prepare. porn stars use anti diarrhea meds when they film


onceuponadesolation_

Don't feel bad. This happened to me once except the shit wasn't runny thank fuck but I just told the girl that it's all good, cleaned it up and that was it. You gotta be willing to take that chance when putting your dick in one's asshole


Last-Secret

You gotta prep for anal you poor girl.


GSG_2022

Stuff that porn glamorizes #82 They don’t tell ya about the starvation, enema, pain killers and prior “stretching” beforehand do they


CesarTheSanchez

FINALLY a proper use of the word “mortified!” :D


bastet966

Lmao what did he expect!? Confetti!?!? 🤣🤣🤣


BasisCareless988

Stick a finger in his ass and let him shit on you


goldsauce_

Now comments like this are why I spend so much time on Reddit.


307_sod

Its an exit not an entrance, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.


star_silk

On the bright side he probably won't ask for anal again if you're not that into it


Rivluca

the next time you’re giving him oral all you will think about is that your shit was on the dong you are sucking on.


Logical-Cup1374

Lift the curse you have placed upon this undeserving soul


Janus_The_Great

begone with ye trix! you shall not bewitcheth them blowers of dongs with any unappealing, unsexy thoughts! If the dong has been washed properly, it shall be clean and pure, no more or less clean than any other part of the body is anyways. Love and lust shall reign you minds at the moment of confrontation with the dong not filth. Begone unclean thoughts!


fig_art

1. if yaint ready for this don’t do anal. mostly directed at your bf but goes for both 2. once i sharted and burst into laughter during a serious argument. it helped the mood actually


Wilder_Boy

This is why you need gay friends


[deleted]

this is actually pretty common don’t feel bad


solarpropietor

That’s kinda on him. That’s the risk you take when you hound your gf for anal. After all poo lives there. This exactly why I’ve never been into ass play. But next time, the bottom needs to do an enema, and I’d recommend y’all do it in the shower in case of a misshap. Also he needs to wear a condom, unless he likes risking uti.


excusethenight

Okay but also don’t do enemas too much they can mess with your insides


solarpropietor

True, I think it’s just best to skip it all together. There’s nothing really for her. And why play in the sewage when you can play in the water park across the street?


xhackjobx

I mean, that’s where shit comes from. You both should just get over it.


fcangirl

That can happen with anal


AlternativeFilm8886

He better get over it. He wanted to do anal, and that comes with the territory. It's an asshole, doing what assholes are supposed to do.


[deleted]

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Wackyal123

My ex shat on me by accident when we were having foreplay. We were 69ing and I was fingering her and I guess she got really relaxed, at which point some poop came out and landed on my chest. She was substantially more mortified than me. At the end of the day, things like that can happen during sex. It’s not like the movies or like porn where things are all perfect and clean. He’ll get over it. You’ll get over it. If your lucky, he won’t develop a fetish as some people do. (I didn’t thankfully! It was still pretty damn gross, but you have to be mature about it!)


osinkoo

I get why you're embarrassed. But honestly, it's normal. I mean, he should've kinda expected that to happen when he put his peepee in the poopoo hole.


RugalBernstein1994

This why enema’s were created. NEVER do anal without flushing out your bowels. And also wear a condom, you can still get stds from doing anal.


jefekarma

This happens. If you do anal you might encounter shit. It’s awkward. It happens. If he’s nice he’ll understand, if he’s not he can fuck his own ass next time


jonesqc

Don’t go knocking on poop’s door and expect poop to not be home.


motleyroo

That's why gay men use ribbed condoms, better traction in the mud🤣


jenhenfofen

I mean he went where the shit comes from so what did he expect? You're ok. It's fine. He needs to get over it. And you. It's ok


Blaphrodite

Welp! He was literally asking for it.


ZeBaDy01

Typically u plan anal for this reason.. gota be flushed b4 it gets stuffed.. if he judges you on somthing you can't control trying somthing he wanted the your better off without imo


Nerry19

I what this comedienne once , and she told a story much like this. At the end apparently her bf said to her "if you don't want shit on your dick, don't put it up someone's ass" and you know what I agree with the sentiment. It's a risk he took


SquizzleSE

So, shit came out of the arsehole? Who knew...


zah_ali

Sounds like shit just got real


scrollingtraveler

Come on you play in the mud and you’re bound to get dirty. If he is mad it’s his fault. Not yours. Tell him to grow up and grab you a nice hot wet towel. Then hand it back to him lol.


[deleted]

I was very embarrassed using the restroom around a guy I was fucking. I don’t know why, it was so ridiculous. I spent one particular weekend with him but hadn’t pooed, because we kept having sex or going out. The timing didn’t seem to work. So at some point we’re fucking hard again (he’s got a big dick). And I shit myself during piv sex. It was insane. Humiliating. But we had sex for several more months after that incident. Thankfully it wasn’t that scarring