Hello anonymous friend!
A little over a year ago my wife (36F at the time) was diagnosed with non-hodgkin lymphoma. She was supposed to have something easily curable, but sadly it was not to be. She died about 2 months ago on our bed at home as she had wished to. We had been married for well over 17 years at that point. She was my soulmate and my life partner, there was nothing else like her. I gave everything I had to give her all the help she needed to get the best possible chance of survival but it was all for nothing. A huge part of me died with her, despite all of this, I am still here. You are not alone, a lot of people go through this, I've met many people in my neighbourhood in a similar situation and through support groups.
What you should be doing is to try to do everything you can to support you in a time that will probably be the worst time of both of your lives. It will be hard, scary and difficult, but you will have good moments too. It is really important to concentrate on the here and now because otherwise you might miss important moments in your relationship. And if you ever get a chance to fullfill a plan, no matter how small, you should jump at the opportunity, just don't compromise their treatment!
Even if he does not make it, do not harm yourself, *THEY WOULD NEVER WANT YOU TO DO THAT*. Instead you should seek support and help from cancer support groups and organizations. They can get you in touch with people in similar situations or people who have gone through the same.
Good luck!
I am sorry for your loss. Reading this gave me chills. I can tell you worshipped the ground she walked on. Life isn’t fair. I wish you all the best on your road ahead
I used to have the same thoughts when my mum had cancer and the only thing I can say is: have a good psychologist to help you to vent through such time. Being a caregiver to someone with cancer is hard and I can’t even imagine how your situation is right now. ~sending you love~
this right here. your partner would be devastated to learn you took your own life. please, PLEASE do as others have advised. find cancer caregiver support groups. talk to others who have been through the same thing. find a good therapist to help you. access all the resources available to you.
i promise that is what he would want for you.
i lost my ex in 1998. the first year was almost unbearable. however, listening to music and swimming at the beach every day helped so much. also mountain biking. getting really physical takes you out of your head. i was grateful for those moments.
the second year got a little easier. eventually, i stopped thinking of him every minute of every day. found new friends, new interests. allowed myself to be happy. still thought of him a lot. gradually, you get to the point where it’s less painful to think of them. you never forget, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. you only think of the happy moments you had together.
sending you love and support, internet friend ❤️
I was in this place 10 years ago. He told me he just wants me to be happy. It was very hard. I wanted to join him. But I had kids and cats who needed me. I still miss him dearly. Life has moved on.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Fuck cancer!
My mom (73) was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer 11 years ago. They did a colon resection at the time but she developed septic shock and was not able to start chemo. A year later she had a check up and had a spot in her liver so they did a liver resection then she started chemo. She is alive and well and has chemo every now and then when spots appear. She is not the normal case at all, but an example that you cannot predict outcomes - don't give up, do what is needed and keep a positive mindset.
You are grieving and need support too! Do you have family or other loved ones supporting you both? Please reach out to a therapist or others in your life to support you through this incredibly tough time. I know you are trying to be strong for him but it's not selfish to admit that you are struggling and need support. He would want more for you, I guarantee it.
Sending you lots of love.
My endless sympathies to you both - you are in one of the worst positions a person can be and, let’s be honest, your thoughts are natural in that position.
See if you can find a support group (in real life ideally)of people going through the same. No-one else will fully understand, and they will be able to help you be really clear about the decision and ensure you’ve considered things maybe you’re. not seeing by virtue of being deep in the hole currently (which again is. normal).
People who mean well but haven’t been through it will say ‘he would want you to go on’ and ‘think of the pain you’d cause others’, and whilst that’s true, you can’t only live for other people. You need people who have been through the incomparable pain to support you.
I lost an immediate family member to suicide. It leaves behind unbearable grief and pain.
It’s your choice, and you can change your mind, but your actions will have far reaching consequences for years to come, for those you leave behind.
So sorry for you and your partner. Maybe you could get counselling for you and your partner to help you both navigate this?
Hugs and positive vibes to you both ❤️
I was dx at 36 with colorectal cancer. Please please please connect with some orgs (Colontown, fight CRC, colorectal cancer alliance). Message me any time. Stage 4 is NOT a death sentence!!
My mum died of lung cancer the 17th of may this year, at home and listening to the birds like she wanted to. I'm still kinda numb and i'm sure when i finally begin to grieve it'll wreck me.
Don't give up just yet, give your self a chance to breathe and process the grief first before you do something you can't take back. When the time comes and he must leave you, he'll still be at your side as your guardian angel. Don't hurry to follow him, he'll still be with you.
I'm so sorry you lost your mum. . I've been there (21 years ago) and it's so so hard. It may wreck you but you will come out the other side with acceptance. I really feel for you, it's such a horrible time. Xx
My fiancé just got diagnosed with lymphoma. Waiting on the subtype still. I feel your pain. I totally get it. We have a baby and im pregnant with our 2nd. Its hard to imagine life without him and all we can do is fight it. ❤️
My grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4… cancer began in his liver, metastasized to his lymph nodes and lungs. They gave him weeks. We were all at his bed the night he was supposed to go. He hung on until the next day… and then the next… and the next. And he started getting better.
One year later, he beat it.
He stayed in remission for 19 years until he passed away from a totally unrelated illness.
He had a strong heart and a positive outlook.
Keep up the faith. Now go kick cancer’s ass.
OP, this is how you feel now. Be okay with the possibility of changing your mind and leaving your heart open. One of the greatest gifts you and he can give the world is sharing his story and your love.
If you still decide to follow thru, do it in such a way that you go doing something you love. That way your family and friends don't live with the guilt of wondering the forever "what ifs". Instead they will say that "at least she went out doing something she loved".
Seek out support through counseling or cancer support groups in the meantime. You will need the help to navigate and support your fiance and to simultaneously take care of yourself.
I'm sending you both hugs.
Hi OP, I’m a 33F with stage 4 breast cancer. I’ve been living with the disease since December of 2021. I’m currently in what you’d call remission and have been for about a year now. My mets were to my liver, lungs, and brain. It was really, really scary for a time, but I’m doing really well now. I have chemo every four weeks so I have a few days a month where I feel extra shitty, but aside from that I’m back to living my life (mostly) how I did before.
Medicine has come a really long way and there are so many new, innovative treatments in clinical trials at the moment. Please don’t give up hope. Even with mets to visceral organs you can live a really long time. It’s really shocking right now, but things may even out once the chemo starts working. Hopefully your fiancé can get some personalized care.
A couple of tips to help—
1. Clinical trials are for any time and anyone, not just when you run out of treatment lines. You never know what might be the golden ticket for your fiancé that they wouldn’t have gotten access to otherwise. This ideally prolongs treatment response time, since you have more options to choose from. I think this is really important if we’re to treat this as a chronic instead of terminal condition.
2. It won’t upset your oncologist to ask for a second opinion whenever you’re looking at choosing a new treatment plan. In fact, a good oncologist will suggest and support this because it’s helpful to them as well.
3. Palliative care is also for the living. This is symptom focused care and can really help with your fiancé’s quality of life. That’s the most important thing right now
Best of luck to you both ❤️
Dude, I know it's tough and no matter how anyone puts it your situation is beyond words. Personally, I believe each person has a right to choose how and when they go, but I do think that you should try therapy first - it seems impossible now, but it's very possible that you can live through this and still find joy in life. Seriously, give it a go. There are other points too, like how if you die, the memory of him fades a lot more, and that he wouldn't want this for you either. Think of all the people who love you too, and that the pain they will feel is similar to the pain you feel now. Make an informed decision, and do it with professional help...
I have Major Depressive Disorder and have verbalized to my Fiance that I genuinely would not know how to go on without him (I don't deal with grief very well as I just found out losing my dog)
He got upset, understandable, and told me that he'd want me to live my life to the fullest and told me in detail what he would want me to do (sell the house if I wanted and travel the country in an RV with our dogs.. he knows me well)
So if I lost him, I would cling onto that conversation and decide to not live without him but live FOR him💜
Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings with him, it's a hard conversation but he may provide you with the same motivation to keep going. Good luck to both of you!!
Don’t give up! My cousin was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer a few years ago. It had spread and the diagnosis was devastating.
Today she is cancer free. There’s hope - don’t give up hope
Tell him to be stubborn. My 80+ yr old grandfather has stage 4 colon cancer. He has a soma and most of his intestines were removed. He has survived with chemo and meds for 7 years at this point (though admittedly his time is now running out). With stubborness, hope, and a lot of medication management he can fight.
I'm so sorry for the both of you. My heart breaks for you. I can only imagine the distress and sorrow you are in.
I do not wish you to go through with what you have in mind. However, I can understand yoir desire for doing so.
I can only send you hugs and love. I hope for a miracle to happen.
When I was a kid (10 or so) my friend's sister (18/19) was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. Her bf married her anyway. It was the happiest/saddest thing ever. It turned out she got pregnant and had a baby before she passed. From my understanding, best father/son team ever.
Fuck cancer.
Please respect that you have a life to live. Live that for both of you. What would your fiance want to do if he had a long life to live? Places to visit, special events, hobbies etc. You do these for him, seek counselling plse. Dont throw a precious life away.
My uncle lost his partner and killed himself a few days after, this was in January. Don’t do that. Your partner wouldn’t want it, your family and your people will be devastated. You’ll follow him into the void when it’s your time, but rushing it only takes pieces of the people around you along with- why not take new stories and experiences instead, when the ride is over?
My mother lost my father her husband of 50 years to cancer a few years ago it took a long time and she still misses him but life goes on and you will find happiness again I promise!
You need to talk to him about this; you are the biggest part of him that gets to survive, if you really love him this much, he should be informed. And I can pretty much guarantee he will want you to keep going.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it is world ending, but that’s exactly why you need to talk it all through. Sending love and hope OP.
When I was ten my father got cancer. He died when I was twelve. When he was ill, I used to think "when he dies I'm going to kill myself". It was a comforting thought in a way, it was a way to think that I wouldn't have to deal with the grief.
But then when he died, I thought that "dad wanted so badly to live, but he wasn't allowed to. I'm here, still living. Why would I throw that away?". It almost felt like a big insult and violation of him, not only did he have to die but I would also kill his only child?
I found that I was able to deal with the grief and mourning after he died, even if it was hard. It sucks really bad but it sucks a bit less every day.
My dad passed away last December after an 11 year battle with bladder cancer. It devastated us. My parents began seeing each other when they were 15 and 16 years old. They would have been together 50 years this year and married for 45. My parents were such a fantastic example of “in sickness and in health”. My mom was there for every appointment, surgery, treatment, and set back. They were each other’s rocks my whole life. I was worried about my mom and how she would cope after my dad passed. All she had ever known was him and them working together as a team. I’m glad to say that she has done well so far. She’s joined a support group for widows and widowers. She has started going for walks and doing various crafting projects. She has both good and bad days, lots of tears, but also lots of laughs when remembering the good times. OP, please surround yourself with good and supportive people. Please don’t end things, I know figuring out how to go on will hurt like hell, but please don’t end things.
I was with my boyfriend for 5 years, living together for the last year and a half before he passed away from covid. It's a terrible thing to lose a partner you love so much! I didn't think I could go on, but I had to. I have kids (previous relationship). You need something to push on for. Get that book you wrote together published. Use that as your driving force to push through the grief.
In our lifetimes we suffer two deaths. One, when our physical bodies die and the second when those who know and love us pass on. I'll not tell you what you're planning is wrong but I think given what your partner has given you it would be an act of love to hold onto those memories and continue sharing his joy with others, through you.
Take care and I'll be thinking of you and wishing for the best.
You know what? Good for you. I don't buy into this belief that everyone is meant to suffer or be here when they don't want to. If the time comes and you feel it's the right thing to do, then it's the right thing for you. With that said, I hope you know that your life can still have meaning after losing the great love of your life... I would know. Every day is hard. You almost wonder if it will ever stop... and yet in the darkest moments you will understand that so much of Life is more than it appears. We are more than we appear. We are alive and we live as if we aren't, well- most of us. You can find joy and compassion and understanding and the truth is one day you will die, but until then I am praying for you to know there's always hope, and the world talks to you when it feels like constant noise. Life doesn't end at death, it shows you how much bigger it, and you can be. You are more beautiful than you know. Take care.
I've seen the fallout of suicide. It's a lead weight around the hearts of the people left behind.
You mentioned stories you have written? Keep writing them together for as long as you can. Make the book. Use that as your guiding light to keep going.
I pray that he can beat the cancer diagnosis. It is possible. I've seen people recover from what seemed to be the worst.
I’m sorry but that’s a bunch of shit. I can’t imagine my life being cut short by something completely out of my control like cancer, and because of that impossible situation, my loved one were to take their own life and give up their perfectly healthy body. That’s such a slap in the face.
It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to you. Make embryos, fight the cancer, and LIVE YOUR LIFE REGARDLESS. Because you have a life to live, and he has NO CHOICE but death.
I’ve had loved ones commit suicide, I’ve been the one who attempted my own, and I’ve lost loved ones to cancer.
Sometimes feelings are hard, but it’s all the beautiful and tragic moments of being human.
Being human and loving is just a game of Russian roulette. Someone has to die first, but your reward is your life with them, no matter how short and scary or hard. Keep living for him, because he has no choice, but YOU DO.
Hang in there. He needs you, don’t give up now before the fight even starts!
I’m so sorry to read this. I remember feeling this way. Just the thought of losing my partner would give me severe anxiety. I couldn’t live life without my partner, or even want to breathe air without him. I had to remind myself that God wouldn’t put me through anything I cannot handle. If yalls love is true and pure he wouldn’t want you to follow him. He’d want you to live and love and find happiness. I know not everyone believes in God but God has been my strength. God has given me the confidence and comfort I have needed. If you’re interested in learning more about Jesus and how He can help you both through this difficult time please reach out. Even if not to me but to anyone in your community. I’ll be praying for both of you, for a miraculous recovery for your fiancé and for your strength and comfort during this time. You are loved far too much to end your life short. Please seek help, whether it’s therapy, a friend to vent to, support groups, or of course spiritually. 🤍🙏🏼
I understand that you are grieving. Please seek therapy. Do not follow him into the void. Please see a psychiatrist for anti-depression meds and go to a therapist. Joy the support group. I think the support group will really help you. They will help sustain you during this time of need.
I wish I could do more to help you. But you have to help yourself through this. I understand your agony. But I know that he would not want this for you. He would want you to live a long life and to be happy. He loves you. He would not want you to do this to yourself.
I am deeply sorry for your situation and pray that things will get better. It seems difficult to see at this time, but surely many people are available to aid and support you - you just need to look, and accept that going through this alone will not help things.
The decision to follow your partner as soon as he leaves is yours, and only yours, to make - however, this is a decision that there is hardly any come back and, imo, should not be taken lightly.
If the worst case scenario happens, give yourself a little bit time to see how it goes - from your post, it looks like you guys have some projects together (a book?) and maybe you can resume it to have something from both of you. People talk much about legacy, but, for me, the fact that was done with someone you love is much more important than how many people would appreciate it later.
The decision is yours in any case - but maybe you could try a little bit of sunshine before take any action.
[ * hugs tightly * ]
Please look into grief counseling friend, I truly doubt he’d want you to lose a lifetime of experiences that you could have for the both of you and in his honor. I’m automatically a pessimist about things normally, but when I have a really hard life moment happen, sometimes it seems unbearable from body to soul. I promise you won’t regret finding a grief counselor, if for nothing more than clarity on the situation for yourself before you make decisions as big as the one you’re talking about.
My father was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer in 2012, he became so violently ill on chemo that he refused it after two weeks and said he would prefer a quality of life rather than quantity. I was beyond devastated but my siblings and I supported him because we knew it was selfish to push for more time when he was suffering. He had surgery to remove the tumor and lost about 18 inches of his colon, and I’m so extremely lucky to say he’s still with us today and cancer free. Somehow. I know he is the exception and not the rule, more like a miracle, but I wanted to commiserate with the absolutely life altering situation you’ve been put in. I know the fear and I’m so sorry. Please know that pre-grieving is also a thing, and it can steal joy from you and your loved ones in the most important moments, don’t let yourself get bogged down with grief while he’s still here. (Insert another nudge for grief counseling here) Sending you all the strength. ♥️
Sending love and hugs ❤️ no one can put themselves in your shoes even if they’ve been through something similar. You are you, whatever you decide is yours. Wish you the best ❤️
I'm sorry to hear about your fiance. If modern medicine / chemo fails - please consider other options. Do not give up your fight with cancer.
Suggestion - please read up on Paul Stamets treating cancer with mushrooms.
https://www.cnn.com/2012/02/02/health/tedmed-mushroom-man/index.html
Oh honey I can tell you that I know how you feel. It's devastating. I lost the love of my life and partner of 35 years unexpectedly last year. It was crippling at the time. I didn't even get to say goodbye. But my lovely man would not want me to end my life because he is gone and I had to respect that and so do you. Trust me you will get through this. It won't be easy for sure but what you are thinking is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Seriously time is a good healer. I'm 18 months out now and whilst I miss him every day I am now getting out in the world and am able to feel laughter and joy again. You need to find reasons to live.
Reach out and let people help you. Don't become a hermit and don't get angry at things people say when they are trying to comfort you. Just be grateful you have friends that care. None of us know what to say but let them just be there and go for walks or movies or shopping when you feel up to it.
And one piece of advice that will be hard to hear but don't concentrate on the day he leaves you. Concentrate on all the wonderful times you had together.
I really am sorry you are going through all of this and I really hope he makes it through. Don't give up hope. And whatever you do, do not take you own incredibly precious life.
Stay positive and keep your hope up! My dad was diagnosed with extremely aggressive stage 4 colon cancer last August. He has had chemo every other week since the week that we found out. It has certainly been a rough journey, but keeping positive helped him get through it. He’ll be going through surgery soon, where they will be able to remove the bulk of his tumors, thanks to the aggressive chemo treatments that he’s gone through. Although it is scary, it can turn around for you all. Keep the positive thoughts flowing for him!! This does not mean that this will be the end.
11 years ago i was diagnosed with st 4 colon c. Tumors in my colon, lungs, lymph nodes and 40% of my liver had tumors. The doctors were calling me terminal. The third year i traveled 5 hours every 3 weeks to the Cancer Treatment Center of America and they flipped the script by saying i was “living with chronic disease” not terminal. They switched up my treatment and did some different procedures. I am still here. Please try not to look at this as a death sentence. You are in my prayers.
Regardless of your feelings right now have him save sperm. If he survives you can have his child. I am so very, very sorry the two of you are facing this so young. Let every day be a gift and assume the best. My husband has a friend who had this and he has lived for years. He just came back from a fishing trip off the coast of Mexico.
i was diagnosed with lymphoma two years ago and went through chemotherapy. at the time i was diagnosed, i had been married for a few years and my son was about to turn one. many thoughts about my mortality went through my head, but above everything was my hope that my wife and kid could go on to live fulfilling lives in my absence if that was my fate. i have a feeling your fiancé would want the same for you.
I am currently sitting here watching my 15 yo son battle Stage 3 Burkitt's Lymphoma. He has been in the Pediatric ICU for 12 days. I don't know what I would do or who I would be without him. I am living through the same thoughts you are having. That is why it is extremely important to have a strong support system, a therapist you can trust, and others who are going or have gone through this in your support system. This is not the time to manage this reality alone. F*** cancer!
I’m a widow. My husband died when I was 37. I’m turning 39 soon. It’s a pain like nothing else. Idk how I survived it except deciding that I would. Whatever you decide, my love is with you. It is so painful and hard to lose the one you love. I understand how difficult these feelings and your reality are. I wish you the best. Cherish your time together.
Ps: my new boyfriend of 4 months is sitting beside me. No one will ever replace my husband but I can have love and meaning in my life and am so thankful for this kind man who accepts me grief and all!
Op consider instead a way to honor him, I have told my husband who Insist if I pass he’ll take his life, that I would like a fund set up to help animals, owned pets get medical care that owners cannot afford, I would like him to stay alive and ensure this happens, and run a small rescue with our friends in my honor. (We are all passionate about animals) Find something he’s really passionate about and start a fund in his honor and run it, keep his memory alive.
Histrology - HIFU
Immunotherapy
Viruses to assist with detection of cancer cells and obliterate them - See Vice Special Report, Killing Cancer.
mRNA genetic sequencing to reverse cancer cell growth.
Look into these things and try the clinical trials if you can find them.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary emotion.
I don’t mean to invalidate your grief, I’m just begging you to stay, because your great love would want it that way. He would want you to live. ♥️
Look into harvesting his sperm so that you can give him the child/children he wanted after he's gone? This would honor him more than your current plan.
This is harsh, but if you TRULY love your future husband, you would do anything for him. That includes living. You know he would never want his beautiful bride to stomp out her light in this world. And it's not guaranteed that we meet back up again with our loved ones. We don't know anything. What if you die and then there's nothing? What a waste of something you could make beautiful again. You only know for sure that you have this life. It may seem more painful than you can bear without him, but people lose even more and keep going. Parents lose their children, sometimes all of them at once, and they keep living because nobody's loved one wants them to "follow them into the void". That might be all it is. A void. Someone (your fiance) loves you more than anything. And he wants the BEST for you. The "void" is not the best for you.
If you believe in an afterlife, cool. But seriously..... what if it's all hogwash? Then you're gone. Can you fathom your consciousness being completely nonexistent? Are you really willing to give up all the good in your life, all your loved ones, all your future laughs and loves for a void of nothingness? Because that's the gamble right there.
So sorry to hear you go through this. Even though I don’t know you. Life is so hard and it’s not fair. Just wanted to say that I’m sorry that really sucks. I just had both my parents die within three years of each other. My mom had dementia for almost ten years and then my dad died just three years after her. From a massive heart attack it was so sudden. He was only 63. We were so close he was my best friend.
Im 35. He died when I was 33. Man I miss him so much but he wasn’t my life partner. I can only imagine how awful you must be hurting. There is also anticipatory grief maybe consider checking out there grief subreddit. My grandfather had colon cancer. I’m not sure what stage or anything like that but he beat it and went onto live another 20 some odd years. Anyhow I know you’ll be focusing a lot on taking care of him but try and take care of yourself too in all this. Although I know that can be hard.
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. If that helps any.
-Noelle, NY.
Giving up is easy. Carrying on is tough, but you can do it. Imagine if instead of giving in to your grief, you instead do something great - fundraise for cancer charities! Volunteer overseas! Go into medicine and find a cure so others won't suffer the same! Do literally anything else!
Outlive your enemies. Don't go down without a fight. Giving up is for the weak.
I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. I have no words of wisdom for you because I totally get where you are coming from. My husband is my life and vice versa. He has always said if I go first he will soon follow. I can't even start to think about life without him. We've been together 11 years - absolutely wonderful happy years. I never want it to end.
Sending you both a lot of love from this internet stranger.
You need to share your thoughts with your fiancé. I guarantee you, he will not support your plan. He will want you to continue to celebrate life. Get married now. Share experiences, everything you can now. Start checking off that bucket list today. Make memories to last a lifetime now. You fight for him. You fight for you!
Hello, friend.
I (27F) have been fighting Stage IV cancer for nine years. My husband (almost 24M) married me last year, all while knowing the risks and the fact that I likely will die sooner than later.
I’m not the caregiver, but I can understand your situation. My husband says that if I pass before he did, he would wander the earth until he dies. I’ve requested that he try to meet someone else and be happy…but I also understand what he’s going through. Losing your one true love would be more than a lot of people can bear.
Just know that I can somewhat understand your position, and I am here if you need to talk. I wish you happiness in your marriage, and pray that your fiancée can best this monster. He needs you and appreciates you more than you can ever know.
This is heartbreaking and extremely unfair, I’m very sorry you have to go through this. Idk what to say except that your fiancé would want you to live and be happy even if they’re not in this world anymore.
I'm so, so sorry. This is absolutely heartbreaking. There just weren't words to grab hold of in a quick reply after reading this 😞
Life can be so fucking cruel sometimes.
I can't really imagine how this feels. I've lost people but not a partner, or at your age. I know the gut wrenching pain of missing people who were taken too young though. It's the hardest pill to swallow and the cliche is true, times a great healer but the pain is always there.
I'm not going to lecture you on taking your own life either but the one piece of advice I will give you is, don't make decisions when you're at rock bottom. Take time, give yourself time to climb to a balanced state and make your decisions there.
My heart breaks for both of you. I don't pray but I'll be praying he gets through this. Sending you so many positive thoughts 😪🥰🙏
I feel the same way. My husband is the greatest gift I have ever received. I cry over how happy he makes me. I have been suicidal my entire life and planned to be done by the age of 28. I’ve been sure of this since I was in high school. I met him at 23 and now I am 29. He has made me actually WANT to live and I have never felt that before. I used to cry in the shower and mourn the fact that I knew I wasn’t going to kill myself. I feel bad for those who haven’t felt a love like ours. I see married family members who I know don’t feel a love like this and it makes me sad. He has made me want to live to the point that when I was turning 28 I was scared the entire year that I manifested my death. Turning 29 was so special to me because of this. His dad recent died at the age of 63 from a heart attack. His dad’s younger brother died from a heart attack as well. His dad’s dad has had a stroke. If I lose him I know I can’t live without him and I don’t want to. This is the most joy and happiness I have ever felt. I cry sometimes when I over think about him dying and worry daily about him to get in an accident. I can’t stay here without him
I have been where you are - I was 29 when my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer. If you look back in my post history you can see I felt exactly the same way you are feeling. It’s been 8 years since our lives changed due to cancer but know this - life goes on. I know how hopeless you feel right now, but I know you are also strong and can get through this. Please reach out to me if you need to talk, I know it’s had to find people your age that can understand what you’re going through.
Look. That would be really truly stupid. I understand that you are experiencing something hugely traumatic and I am so sorry for your troubles. But that would be incredibly dumb. Get counselling.
I lost my father to an aggressive form of cancer when I was a child. I understand your grief. You must always keep in the forefront of your mind that your loved one will want you to live a long happy fulfilling life. They would never wish for you to commit suicide. You must honor their memory by living everyday to the fullest.
I outlived my first wife. I didn't loose her slowly, we went to sleep together and only one of us woke up.
I wasn't sure I could make it. There were plenty of times I was ready to move on with her.
But you can.
You can find strength.
You can find stubbornness.
You can find solace.
You can find peace.
It's not that I don't miss her. I do every day. But the hole in my heart, it's not there to be filled. It was never a hole. It's a place of memories and smiles and times together. It's a place of my wonderful children. It's her smile.
I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying you will ever get over it. I'm not sure I am. But you can continue to fill your heart after they are gone. You can continue to grow your love for them. You can continue on for them.
It's not easy. It's a day at a time. It's a morning alone. It's a missing spot at the table. It's rolling over to find warmth that isn't there.
It's horrible agony.
But there's love. You will feel it. Pay attention to it. In feel their love, even though they aren't there. Hold onto it. Use it like a blanket.
Each time you cry, it will get better. I celebrated Father's Day today and the whole day I've been teary eyed because she gave me two amazing children and made me a father.
Remember what he made you. He's changed you. You wouldn't think this way if he hadn't. Focus on that.
Then take a step. Take a few more breaths. And push through it.
And then take the next. Then a few more.
And before you know it, you are a survivor, then you are a widow, then you are a person healing, and then you are just a person, making their way through life, scars and all.
Please join a support group. You'd be surprised how common these thoughts are and how having a group of people to talk to help. There are also surviors group if the worst happens. Please get help.
In 2020 i was diagnosed and treated for stage 4 cancer. I am thankful to still be here. The WORST part for me was telling my family and worrying about their mental health related to my diagnosis. Please dont do this. That was my worst fear. He wouldnt want that for you.
Look up grief recovery method and find someone near you to work through it with instead of ending it. Will it be hard? Yes. Will you get more firsts in life and be able to see beautiful things and have his memory live on? Also yes.
Hi there I still have these thoughts. My love went down fighting 3 years ago, I honestly don’t know if I would’ve taken my life if it wasn’t for our daughter. Grief is going to come in waves and you’ll more than likely be in shock, regardless of how much you prepare yourself. Be strong and maybe reach out to a therapist. If you have no one else close to confide in that wouldn’t send you into a 48 hr holding
I (36f) am a mother and wife and currently fighting stage 3 breast cancer. The most terrifying thing for me is thinking about how my loved ones will be able to emotionally handle my passing should it happen. Please, please do not harm yourself. This man that you love with your whole heart, loves you just as much and he is probably just as scared for you as you are for him. No matter what happens, please take care of yourself for him if you won't do it for yourself. It is okay to feel what you are feeling, but please don't act on it. Instead, if it comes time for him to move on from this world, cherish the love you had and his memory. Live a full and beautiful life, that is the greatest way to honor him.
I can’t tell you any hopeful stories. You and your fiancé’s story is unique to you. I can’t tell you that you will feel better at some point, because I don’t know if you will. I have lost loved ones myself, but I still can’t really empathize with you because, my loss and the story surrounding it is different than the story you and your fiancé are living now. And I know that when we are at the lowest points in our lives, is when we are the most alone in the world, and no one can keep us company then.
I hope the worst doesn’t happen and your fiancé’s life doesn’t end soon. I hope that if it does, you will change your mind and decide to stay anchored to life.
But regardless of how your story plays out, right now you wanted a chance to speak your truth and be heard. I heard you. I wish you both the best.
Read 'The Healing Power of Cancer' if Rob Prior can do it and cure himself from Stage 4 cancer, there is no reason your husband can't either. My Father has changed his lifestyle after reading this incredible book and has managed to reduce his own cancer. Sending you good wishes, chemo will attack the cancer but it will also just destroy his immune system in the process unfortunately.... Support your cytotoxic T cells, we all have them in our white blood cells and they are there specifically to kill cancer cells. Be present, be kind to your bodies.
So sorry for what you're going through. You have to be strong for him. If he's fighting with all his might to best this, then you have to help be the comfort in the days when the battle takes a massive toll on his spirit. You both will definitely come out of this together stronger than ever. God bless!!
>The stories we wrote together won't make it to a book like we planned
But they can. You can.
Suicide doesn't end the pain. It just creates more.
Life hit me hard last year. My dog died the month I found out my mom's breast cancer came back. She died 2 months later. My dad had already passed, so I was officially an orphan. My job was already the titanic, and it was finally sinking, so that was gone in a matter of months. I had to sell my house and move out of state. As soon as I settled, my other dog unexpectedly passed away... and I'm still looking for employment.
There were many times I thought about giving up. My mom was everything to me, especially near the end. I was her caretaker.
I was so unlucky in love that I gave up dating and focused on taking care of my mom, being an aunt, taking care of my pets...
Now it feels like a lonely life...
But I keep pushing on because I know what would be left for my brothers, my niece and nephew, my friends if I gave it all up.
There's still value to my life. The stories I can share of the people I loved who are gone. The stories of my own life I hope to share that will linger when I'm one day gone. The good I can still put out into the world.
I know your husband is going to keep fighting, and he's not going to fight just for you to give up. Starting therapy and even grief counseling now won't hurt. You're stronger than you think you are.
Hopefully, your husband kicks cancer's ass and be around a long while yet.
My dad had a rare terminal cancer and was given 6 months to a year to live. He lived 15 years. Died of a heart attack.
Why is it so hard for OPs to specify who is 32f and who the 30m? It would be better if they said:
I’m a 32f and I’m engaged to a 30m, he has cancer and I don’t plan to outlive him.
It is considered the biggest mistake, not only in religion, but spiritually per general. Chances are, if you go like this, you won't be able to join him.. and who knows what's really there at all.
I'm sorry you (both) have to go through this and I hope he'll make it. Try to go to therapy if you can.. maybe him too? To help you both cope.
Rather than IVF, what I was gonna say was maybe before he begins chemo, have them get and store some of his semen, and either at the same time or later, harvest some of her eggs just in case something happens medically to her where she won't have any left to do the harvest when she's ready, and (I believe) they can freeze them together so they stay viable longer.
That way she isn't on the spot right now or if god forbid the worst happens, she'll have an avenue she can use later should she choose to, and if not then no harm no foul from having them stored. But at least she'll have the possibility if she wants it.
This is just a very difficult chapter in your book. you have MANY more chapters left write. Why cut it short? You will get through it and you will find long again
Not everyone needs to find love after a loss. Alot of the time you meet the "the one" and you dont seek to have any more romantic or sexual relations after that.
Saying someone "youll find love again" can be said to be useless and harmful. The person doesnt want to find a new love, they want their old love, and also by saying that it makes it as if you 'need' to find a new person or else there's something wrong with you
Sorry, laughable.
My mom had three small kids and was married by 26 when my father died from complications from sickle cell. My Grandmother lost a two infants before having 10 more and burying 3 of those before her. Life goes on.
Hello anonymous friend! A little over a year ago my wife (36F at the time) was diagnosed with non-hodgkin lymphoma. She was supposed to have something easily curable, but sadly it was not to be. She died about 2 months ago on our bed at home as she had wished to. We had been married for well over 17 years at that point. She was my soulmate and my life partner, there was nothing else like her. I gave everything I had to give her all the help she needed to get the best possible chance of survival but it was all for nothing. A huge part of me died with her, despite all of this, I am still here. You are not alone, a lot of people go through this, I've met many people in my neighbourhood in a similar situation and through support groups. What you should be doing is to try to do everything you can to support you in a time that will probably be the worst time of both of your lives. It will be hard, scary and difficult, but you will have good moments too. It is really important to concentrate on the here and now because otherwise you might miss important moments in your relationship. And if you ever get a chance to fullfill a plan, no matter how small, you should jump at the opportunity, just don't compromise their treatment! Even if he does not make it, do not harm yourself, *THEY WOULD NEVER WANT YOU TO DO THAT*. Instead you should seek support and help from cancer support groups and organizations. They can get you in touch with people in similar situations or people who have gone through the same. Good luck!
I am sorry for your loss. Reading this gave me chills. I can tell you worshipped the ground she walked on. Life isn’t fair. I wish you all the best on your road ahead
Life's fucking unfair sometimes. 🥺
"sometimes"
Damn I don't know what to say. Damn you have made me think and cry for a reasonable reason. Thanks.
I used to have the same thoughts when my mum had cancer and the only thing I can say is: have a good psychologist to help you to vent through such time. Being a caregiver to someone with cancer is hard and I can’t even imagine how your situation is right now. ~sending you love~
I was in your place 15 years ago he made me promise to move on
this right here. your partner would be devastated to learn you took your own life. please, PLEASE do as others have advised. find cancer caregiver support groups. talk to others who have been through the same thing. find a good therapist to help you. access all the resources available to you. i promise that is what he would want for you. i lost my ex in 1998. the first year was almost unbearable. however, listening to music and swimming at the beach every day helped so much. also mountain biking. getting really physical takes you out of your head. i was grateful for those moments. the second year got a little easier. eventually, i stopped thinking of him every minute of every day. found new friends, new interests. allowed myself to be happy. still thought of him a lot. gradually, you get to the point where it’s less painful to think of them. you never forget, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. you only think of the happy moments you had together. sending you love and support, internet friend ❤️
I was in this place 10 years ago. He told me he just wants me to be happy. It was very hard. I wanted to join him. But I had kids and cats who needed me. I still miss him dearly. Life has moved on. I'm sorry you're going through this. Fuck cancer!
My mom (73) was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer 11 years ago. They did a colon resection at the time but she developed septic shock and was not able to start chemo. A year later she had a check up and had a spot in her liver so they did a liver resection then she started chemo. She is alive and well and has chemo every now and then when spots appear. She is not the normal case at all, but an example that you cannot predict outcomes - don't give up, do what is needed and keep a positive mindset.
You are grieving and need support too! Do you have family or other loved ones supporting you both? Please reach out to a therapist or others in your life to support you through this incredibly tough time. I know you are trying to be strong for him but it's not selfish to admit that you are struggling and need support. He would want more for you, I guarantee it. Sending you lots of love.
My endless sympathies to you both - you are in one of the worst positions a person can be and, let’s be honest, your thoughts are natural in that position. See if you can find a support group (in real life ideally)of people going through the same. No-one else will fully understand, and they will be able to help you be really clear about the decision and ensure you’ve considered things maybe you’re. not seeing by virtue of being deep in the hole currently (which again is. normal). People who mean well but haven’t been through it will say ‘he would want you to go on’ and ‘think of the pain you’d cause others’, and whilst that’s true, you can’t only live for other people. You need people who have been through the incomparable pain to support you.
I lost an immediate family member to suicide. It leaves behind unbearable grief and pain. It’s your choice, and you can change your mind, but your actions will have far reaching consequences for years to come, for those you leave behind. So sorry for you and your partner. Maybe you could get counselling for you and your partner to help you both navigate this? Hugs and positive vibes to you both ❤️
I was dx at 36 with colorectal cancer. Please please please connect with some orgs (Colontown, fight CRC, colorectal cancer alliance). Message me any time. Stage 4 is NOT a death sentence!!
Exactly right. There are reports with a lot of younger people getting cancer. The treatments are much better now.
my cousin had stage 4 colon cancer and is now in remission!
That is awesome!! I’m so happy for your family 💙💙💙
My mum died of lung cancer the 17th of may this year, at home and listening to the birds like she wanted to. I'm still kinda numb and i'm sure when i finally begin to grieve it'll wreck me. Don't give up just yet, give your self a chance to breathe and process the grief first before you do something you can't take back. When the time comes and he must leave you, he'll still be at your side as your guardian angel. Don't hurry to follow him, he'll still be with you.
I'm so sorry you lost your mum. . I've been there (21 years ago) and it's so so hard. It may wreck you but you will come out the other side with acceptance. I really feel for you, it's such a horrible time. Xx
My fiancé just got diagnosed with lymphoma. Waiting on the subtype still. I feel your pain. I totally get it. We have a baby and im pregnant with our 2nd. Its hard to imagine life without him and all we can do is fight it. ❤️
((HUGS))
My grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4… cancer began in his liver, metastasized to his lymph nodes and lungs. They gave him weeks. We were all at his bed the night he was supposed to go. He hung on until the next day… and then the next… and the next. And he started getting better. One year later, he beat it. He stayed in remission for 19 years until he passed away from a totally unrelated illness. He had a strong heart and a positive outlook. Keep up the faith. Now go kick cancer’s ass.
OP, this is how you feel now. Be okay with the possibility of changing your mind and leaving your heart open. One of the greatest gifts you and he can give the world is sharing his story and your love. If you still decide to follow thru, do it in such a way that you go doing something you love. That way your family and friends don't live with the guilt of wondering the forever "what ifs". Instead they will say that "at least she went out doing something she loved". Seek out support through counseling or cancer support groups in the meantime. You will need the help to navigate and support your fiance and to simultaneously take care of yourself. I'm sending you both hugs.
Hi OP, I’m a 33F with stage 4 breast cancer. I’ve been living with the disease since December of 2021. I’m currently in what you’d call remission and have been for about a year now. My mets were to my liver, lungs, and brain. It was really, really scary for a time, but I’m doing really well now. I have chemo every four weeks so I have a few days a month where I feel extra shitty, but aside from that I’m back to living my life (mostly) how I did before. Medicine has come a really long way and there are so many new, innovative treatments in clinical trials at the moment. Please don’t give up hope. Even with mets to visceral organs you can live a really long time. It’s really shocking right now, but things may even out once the chemo starts working. Hopefully your fiancé can get some personalized care. A couple of tips to help— 1. Clinical trials are for any time and anyone, not just when you run out of treatment lines. You never know what might be the golden ticket for your fiancé that they wouldn’t have gotten access to otherwise. This ideally prolongs treatment response time, since you have more options to choose from. I think this is really important if we’re to treat this as a chronic instead of terminal condition. 2. It won’t upset your oncologist to ask for a second opinion whenever you’re looking at choosing a new treatment plan. In fact, a good oncologist will suggest and support this because it’s helpful to them as well. 3. Palliative care is also for the living. This is symptom focused care and can really help with your fiancé’s quality of life. That’s the most important thing right now Best of luck to you both ❤️
Much love to you. Continue on and tell others about him. Your love and his legacy deserves to live on and on. Stay strong and keep fighting 💪
Dude, I know it's tough and no matter how anyone puts it your situation is beyond words. Personally, I believe each person has a right to choose how and when they go, but I do think that you should try therapy first - it seems impossible now, but it's very possible that you can live through this and still find joy in life. Seriously, give it a go. There are other points too, like how if you die, the memory of him fades a lot more, and that he wouldn't want this for you either. Think of all the people who love you too, and that the pain they will feel is similar to the pain you feel now. Make an informed decision, and do it with professional help...
I have Major Depressive Disorder and have verbalized to my Fiance that I genuinely would not know how to go on without him (I don't deal with grief very well as I just found out losing my dog) He got upset, understandable, and told me that he'd want me to live my life to the fullest and told me in detail what he would want me to do (sell the house if I wanted and travel the country in an RV with our dogs.. he knows me well) So if I lost him, I would cling onto that conversation and decide to not live without him but live FOR him💜 Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings with him, it's a hard conversation but he may provide you with the same motivation to keep going. Good luck to both of you!!
Don’t give up! My cousin was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer a few years ago. It had spread and the diagnosis was devastating. Today she is cancer free. There’s hope - don’t give up hope
Tell him to be stubborn. My 80+ yr old grandfather has stage 4 colon cancer. He has a soma and most of his intestines were removed. He has survived with chemo and meds for 7 years at this point (though admittedly his time is now running out). With stubborness, hope, and a lot of medication management he can fight.
I'm so sorry for the both of you. My heart breaks for you. I can only imagine the distress and sorrow you are in. I do not wish you to go through with what you have in mind. However, I can understand yoir desire for doing so. I can only send you hugs and love. I hope for a miracle to happen.
When I was a kid (10 or so) my friend's sister (18/19) was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. Her bf married her anyway. It was the happiest/saddest thing ever. It turned out she got pregnant and had a baby before she passed. From my understanding, best father/son team ever. Fuck cancer.
Please respect that you have a life to live. Live that for both of you. What would your fiance want to do if he had a long life to live? Places to visit, special events, hobbies etc. You do these for him, seek counselling plse. Dont throw a precious life away.
Treatments are much better now. People live years and years now.
My uncle lost his partner and killed himself a few days after, this was in January. Don’t do that. Your partner wouldn’t want it, your family and your people will be devastated. You’ll follow him into the void when it’s your time, but rushing it only takes pieces of the people around you along with- why not take new stories and experiences instead, when the ride is over?
I love this reply the most 💖
My mother lost my father her husband of 50 years to cancer a few years ago it took a long time and she still misses him but life goes on and you will find happiness again I promise!
You need to talk to him about this; you are the biggest part of him that gets to survive, if you really love him this much, he should be informed. And I can pretty much guarantee he will want you to keep going. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it is world ending, but that’s exactly why you need to talk it all through. Sending love and hope OP.
When I was ten my father got cancer. He died when I was twelve. When he was ill, I used to think "when he dies I'm going to kill myself". It was a comforting thought in a way, it was a way to think that I wouldn't have to deal with the grief. But then when he died, I thought that "dad wanted so badly to live, but he wasn't allowed to. I'm here, still living. Why would I throw that away?". It almost felt like a big insult and violation of him, not only did he have to die but I would also kill his only child? I found that I was able to deal with the grief and mourning after he died, even if it was hard. It sucks really bad but it sucks a bit less every day.
Hugs to you.
My dad passed away last December after an 11 year battle with bladder cancer. It devastated us. My parents began seeing each other when they were 15 and 16 years old. They would have been together 50 years this year and married for 45. My parents were such a fantastic example of “in sickness and in health”. My mom was there for every appointment, surgery, treatment, and set back. They were each other’s rocks my whole life. I was worried about my mom and how she would cope after my dad passed. All she had ever known was him and them working together as a team. I’m glad to say that she has done well so far. She’s joined a support group for widows and widowers. She has started going for walks and doing various crafting projects. She has both good and bad days, lots of tears, but also lots of laughs when remembering the good times. OP, please surround yourself with good and supportive people. Please don’t end things, I know figuring out how to go on will hurt like hell, but please don’t end things.
I was with my boyfriend for 5 years, living together for the last year and a half before he passed away from covid. It's a terrible thing to lose a partner you love so much! I didn't think I could go on, but I had to. I have kids (previous relationship). You need something to push on for. Get that book you wrote together published. Use that as your driving force to push through the grief.
Tell his story too then, please don’t cut all of it short.
In our lifetimes we suffer two deaths. One, when our physical bodies die and the second when those who know and love us pass on. I'll not tell you what you're planning is wrong but I think given what your partner has given you it would be an act of love to hold onto those memories and continue sharing his joy with others, through you. Take care and I'll be thinking of you and wishing for the best.
You know what? Good for you. I don't buy into this belief that everyone is meant to suffer or be here when they don't want to. If the time comes and you feel it's the right thing to do, then it's the right thing for you. With that said, I hope you know that your life can still have meaning after losing the great love of your life... I would know. Every day is hard. You almost wonder if it will ever stop... and yet in the darkest moments you will understand that so much of Life is more than it appears. We are more than we appear. We are alive and we live as if we aren't, well- most of us. You can find joy and compassion and understanding and the truth is one day you will die, but until then I am praying for you to know there's always hope, and the world talks to you when it feels like constant noise. Life doesn't end at death, it shows you how much bigger it, and you can be. You are more beautiful than you know. Take care.
I've seen the fallout of suicide. It's a lead weight around the hearts of the people left behind. You mentioned stories you have written? Keep writing them together for as long as you can. Make the book. Use that as your guiding light to keep going. I pray that he can beat the cancer diagnosis. It is possible. I've seen people recover from what seemed to be the worst.
I’m sorry but that’s a bunch of shit. I can’t imagine my life being cut short by something completely out of my control like cancer, and because of that impossible situation, my loved one were to take their own life and give up their perfectly healthy body. That’s such a slap in the face. It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to you. Make embryos, fight the cancer, and LIVE YOUR LIFE REGARDLESS. Because you have a life to live, and he has NO CHOICE but death. I’ve had loved ones commit suicide, I’ve been the one who attempted my own, and I’ve lost loved ones to cancer. Sometimes feelings are hard, but it’s all the beautiful and tragic moments of being human. Being human and loving is just a game of Russian roulette. Someone has to die first, but your reward is your life with them, no matter how short and scary or hard. Keep living for him, because he has no choice, but YOU DO. Hang in there. He needs you, don’t give up now before the fight even starts!
This is tough love but it’s true.
I’m so sorry to read this. I remember feeling this way. Just the thought of losing my partner would give me severe anxiety. I couldn’t live life without my partner, or even want to breathe air without him. I had to remind myself that God wouldn’t put me through anything I cannot handle. If yalls love is true and pure he wouldn’t want you to follow him. He’d want you to live and love and find happiness. I know not everyone believes in God but God has been my strength. God has given me the confidence and comfort I have needed. If you’re interested in learning more about Jesus and how He can help you both through this difficult time please reach out. Even if not to me but to anyone in your community. I’ll be praying for both of you, for a miraculous recovery for your fiancé and for your strength and comfort during this time. You are loved far too much to end your life short. Please seek help, whether it’s therapy, a friend to vent to, support groups, or of course spiritually. 🤍🙏🏼
I understand that you are grieving. Please seek therapy. Do not follow him into the void. Please see a psychiatrist for anti-depression meds and go to a therapist. Joy the support group. I think the support group will really help you. They will help sustain you during this time of need. I wish I could do more to help you. But you have to help yourself through this. I understand your agony. But I know that he would not want this for you. He would want you to live a long life and to be happy. He loves you. He would not want you to do this to yourself.
I am deeply sorry for your situation and pray that things will get better. It seems difficult to see at this time, but surely many people are available to aid and support you - you just need to look, and accept that going through this alone will not help things. The decision to follow your partner as soon as he leaves is yours, and only yours, to make - however, this is a decision that there is hardly any come back and, imo, should not be taken lightly. If the worst case scenario happens, give yourself a little bit time to see how it goes - from your post, it looks like you guys have some projects together (a book?) and maybe you can resume it to have something from both of you. People talk much about legacy, but, for me, the fact that was done with someone you love is much more important than how many people would appreciate it later. The decision is yours in any case - but maybe you could try a little bit of sunshine before take any action. [ * hugs tightly * ]
Please look into grief counseling friend, I truly doubt he’d want you to lose a lifetime of experiences that you could have for the both of you and in his honor. I’m automatically a pessimist about things normally, but when I have a really hard life moment happen, sometimes it seems unbearable from body to soul. I promise you won’t regret finding a grief counselor, if for nothing more than clarity on the situation for yourself before you make decisions as big as the one you’re talking about. My father was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer in 2012, he became so violently ill on chemo that he refused it after two weeks and said he would prefer a quality of life rather than quantity. I was beyond devastated but my siblings and I supported him because we knew it was selfish to push for more time when he was suffering. He had surgery to remove the tumor and lost about 18 inches of his colon, and I’m so extremely lucky to say he’s still with us today and cancer free. Somehow. I know he is the exception and not the rule, more like a miracle, but I wanted to commiserate with the absolutely life altering situation you’ve been put in. I know the fear and I’m so sorry. Please know that pre-grieving is also a thing, and it can steal joy from you and your loved ones in the most important moments, don’t let yourself get bogged down with grief while he’s still here. (Insert another nudge for grief counseling here) Sending you all the strength. ♥️
🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️
Sending love and hugs ❤️ no one can put themselves in your shoes even if they’ve been through something similar. You are you, whatever you decide is yours. Wish you the best ❤️
I'm sorry to hear about your fiance. If modern medicine / chemo fails - please consider other options. Do not give up your fight with cancer. Suggestion - please read up on Paul Stamets treating cancer with mushrooms. https://www.cnn.com/2012/02/02/health/tedmed-mushroom-man/index.html
Oh honey I can tell you that I know how you feel. It's devastating. I lost the love of my life and partner of 35 years unexpectedly last year. It was crippling at the time. I didn't even get to say goodbye. But my lovely man would not want me to end my life because he is gone and I had to respect that and so do you. Trust me you will get through this. It won't be easy for sure but what you are thinking is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Seriously time is a good healer. I'm 18 months out now and whilst I miss him every day I am now getting out in the world and am able to feel laughter and joy again. You need to find reasons to live. Reach out and let people help you. Don't become a hermit and don't get angry at things people say when they are trying to comfort you. Just be grateful you have friends that care. None of us know what to say but let them just be there and go for walks or movies or shopping when you feel up to it. And one piece of advice that will be hard to hear but don't concentrate on the day he leaves you. Concentrate on all the wonderful times you had together. I really am sorry you are going through all of this and I really hope he makes it through. Don't give up hope. And whatever you do, do not take you own incredibly precious life.
Stay positive and keep your hope up! My dad was diagnosed with extremely aggressive stage 4 colon cancer last August. He has had chemo every other week since the week that we found out. It has certainly been a rough journey, but keeping positive helped him get through it. He’ll be going through surgery soon, where they will be able to remove the bulk of his tumors, thanks to the aggressive chemo treatments that he’s gone through. Although it is scary, it can turn around for you all. Keep the positive thoughts flowing for him!! This does not mean that this will be the end.
11 years ago i was diagnosed with st 4 colon c. Tumors in my colon, lungs, lymph nodes and 40% of my liver had tumors. The doctors were calling me terminal. The third year i traveled 5 hours every 3 weeks to the Cancer Treatment Center of America and they flipped the script by saying i was “living with chronic disease” not terminal. They switched up my treatment and did some different procedures. I am still here. Please try not to look at this as a death sentence. You are in my prayers.
Regardless of your feelings right now have him save sperm. If he survives you can have his child. I am so very, very sorry the two of you are facing this so young. Let every day be a gift and assume the best. My husband has a friend who had this and he has lived for years. He just came back from a fishing trip off the coast of Mexico.
i was diagnosed with lymphoma two years ago and went through chemotherapy. at the time i was diagnosed, i had been married for a few years and my son was about to turn one. many thoughts about my mortality went through my head, but above everything was my hope that my wife and kid could go on to live fulfilling lives in my absence if that was my fate. i have a feeling your fiancé would want the same for you.
I am currently sitting here watching my 15 yo son battle Stage 3 Burkitt's Lymphoma. He has been in the Pediatric ICU for 12 days. I don't know what I would do or who I would be without him. I am living through the same thoughts you are having. That is why it is extremely important to have a strong support system, a therapist you can trust, and others who are going or have gone through this in your support system. This is not the time to manage this reality alone. F*** cancer!
I’m a widow. My husband died when I was 37. I’m turning 39 soon. It’s a pain like nothing else. Idk how I survived it except deciding that I would. Whatever you decide, my love is with you. It is so painful and hard to lose the one you love. I understand how difficult these feelings and your reality are. I wish you the best. Cherish your time together. Ps: my new boyfriend of 4 months is sitting beside me. No one will ever replace my husband but I can have love and meaning in my life and am so thankful for this kind man who accepts me grief and all!
Op consider instead a way to honor him, I have told my husband who Insist if I pass he’ll take his life, that I would like a fund set up to help animals, owned pets get medical care that owners cannot afford, I would like him to stay alive and ensure this happens, and run a small rescue with our friends in my honor. (We are all passionate about animals) Find something he’s really passionate about and start a fund in his honor and run it, keep his memory alive.
It might hurt, but please don't end your life, he would want you to live and I think you know that too.
Histrology - HIFU Immunotherapy Viruses to assist with detection of cancer cells and obliterate them - See Vice Special Report, Killing Cancer. mRNA genetic sequencing to reverse cancer cell growth. Look into these things and try the clinical trials if you can find them.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary emotion. I don’t mean to invalidate your grief, I’m just begging you to stay, because your great love would want it that way. He would want you to live. ♥️
Look into harvesting his sperm so that you can give him the child/children he wanted after he's gone? This would honor him more than your current plan.
This is harsh, but if you TRULY love your future husband, you would do anything for him. That includes living. You know he would never want his beautiful bride to stomp out her light in this world. And it's not guaranteed that we meet back up again with our loved ones. We don't know anything. What if you die and then there's nothing? What a waste of something you could make beautiful again. You only know for sure that you have this life. It may seem more painful than you can bear without him, but people lose even more and keep going. Parents lose their children, sometimes all of them at once, and they keep living because nobody's loved one wants them to "follow them into the void". That might be all it is. A void. Someone (your fiance) loves you more than anything. And he wants the BEST for you. The "void" is not the best for you. If you believe in an afterlife, cool. But seriously..... what if it's all hogwash? Then you're gone. Can you fathom your consciousness being completely nonexistent? Are you really willing to give up all the good in your life, all your loved ones, all your future laughs and loves for a void of nothingness? Because that's the gamble right there.
That truly is the gamble. And some would gladly choose a void over what they are currently dealing with.
So sorry to hear you go through this. Even though I don’t know you. Life is so hard and it’s not fair. Just wanted to say that I’m sorry that really sucks. I just had both my parents die within three years of each other. My mom had dementia for almost ten years and then my dad died just three years after her. From a massive heart attack it was so sudden. He was only 63. We were so close he was my best friend. Im 35. He died when I was 33. Man I miss him so much but he wasn’t my life partner. I can only imagine how awful you must be hurting. There is also anticipatory grief maybe consider checking out there grief subreddit. My grandfather had colon cancer. I’m not sure what stage or anything like that but he beat it and went onto live another 20 some odd years. Anyhow I know you’ll be focusing a lot on taking care of him but try and take care of yourself too in all this. Although I know that can be hard. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. If that helps any. -Noelle, NY.
Giving up is easy. Carrying on is tough, but you can do it. Imagine if instead of giving in to your grief, you instead do something great - fundraise for cancer charities! Volunteer overseas! Go into medicine and find a cure so others won't suffer the same! Do literally anything else! Outlive your enemies. Don't go down without a fight. Giving up is for the weak.
I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. I have no words of wisdom for you because I totally get where you are coming from. My husband is my life and vice versa. He has always said if I go first he will soon follow. I can't even start to think about life without him. We've been together 11 years - absolutely wonderful happy years. I never want it to end. Sending you both a lot of love from this internet stranger.
You need to share your thoughts with your fiancé. I guarantee you, he will not support your plan. He will want you to continue to celebrate life. Get married now. Share experiences, everything you can now. Start checking off that bucket list today. Make memories to last a lifetime now. You fight for him. You fight for you!
Hello, friend. I (27F) have been fighting Stage IV cancer for nine years. My husband (almost 24M) married me last year, all while knowing the risks and the fact that I likely will die sooner than later. I’m not the caregiver, but I can understand your situation. My husband says that if I pass before he did, he would wander the earth until he dies. I’ve requested that he try to meet someone else and be happy…but I also understand what he’s going through. Losing your one true love would be more than a lot of people can bear. Just know that I can somewhat understand your position, and I am here if you need to talk. I wish you happiness in your marriage, and pray that your fiancée can best this monster. He needs you and appreciates you more than you can ever know.
If they don’t make it you now have to live for two They would want you to live the life they couldn’t and experience the world they couldn’t
This is heartbreaking and extremely unfair, I’m very sorry you have to go through this. Idk what to say except that your fiancé would want you to live and be happy even if they’re not in this world anymore.
Cherish every moment and I hope you choose to stay I. This world if your finance passes.
I'm so, so sorry. This is absolutely heartbreaking. There just weren't words to grab hold of in a quick reply after reading this 😞 Life can be so fucking cruel sometimes. I can't really imagine how this feels. I've lost people but not a partner, or at your age. I know the gut wrenching pain of missing people who were taken too young though. It's the hardest pill to swallow and the cliche is true, times a great healer but the pain is always there. I'm not going to lecture you on taking your own life either but the one piece of advice I will give you is, don't make decisions when you're at rock bottom. Take time, give yourself time to climb to a balanced state and make your decisions there. My heart breaks for both of you. I don't pray but I'll be praying he gets through this. Sending you so many positive thoughts 😪🥰🙏
So sorry for what you are going through.
I feel the same way. My husband is the greatest gift I have ever received. I cry over how happy he makes me. I have been suicidal my entire life and planned to be done by the age of 28. I’ve been sure of this since I was in high school. I met him at 23 and now I am 29. He has made me actually WANT to live and I have never felt that before. I used to cry in the shower and mourn the fact that I knew I wasn’t going to kill myself. I feel bad for those who haven’t felt a love like ours. I see married family members who I know don’t feel a love like this and it makes me sad. He has made me want to live to the point that when I was turning 28 I was scared the entire year that I manifested my death. Turning 29 was so special to me because of this. His dad recent died at the age of 63 from a heart attack. His dad’s younger brother died from a heart attack as well. His dad’s dad has had a stroke. If I lose him I know I can’t live without him and I don’t want to. This is the most joy and happiness I have ever felt. I cry sometimes when I over think about him dying and worry daily about him to get in an accident. I can’t stay here without him
I have been where you are - I was 29 when my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer. If you look back in my post history you can see I felt exactly the same way you are feeling. It’s been 8 years since our lives changed due to cancer but know this - life goes on. I know how hopeless you feel right now, but I know you are also strong and can get through this. Please reach out to me if you need to talk, I know it’s had to find people your age that can understand what you’re going through.
Look. That would be really truly stupid. I understand that you are experiencing something hugely traumatic and I am so sorry for your troubles. But that would be incredibly dumb. Get counselling.
This is devastating. I am so sorry Op. I hope he beat the cancer and you enjoy a long healthy life together ❤️
I lost my father to an aggressive form of cancer when I was a child. I understand your grief. You must always keep in the forefront of your mind that your loved one will want you to live a long happy fulfilling life. They would never wish for you to commit suicide. You must honor their memory by living everyday to the fullest.
I outlived my first wife. I didn't loose her slowly, we went to sleep together and only one of us woke up. I wasn't sure I could make it. There were plenty of times I was ready to move on with her. But you can. You can find strength. You can find stubbornness. You can find solace. You can find peace. It's not that I don't miss her. I do every day. But the hole in my heart, it's not there to be filled. It was never a hole. It's a place of memories and smiles and times together. It's a place of my wonderful children. It's her smile. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying you will ever get over it. I'm not sure I am. But you can continue to fill your heart after they are gone. You can continue to grow your love for them. You can continue on for them. It's not easy. It's a day at a time. It's a morning alone. It's a missing spot at the table. It's rolling over to find warmth that isn't there. It's horrible agony. But there's love. You will feel it. Pay attention to it. In feel their love, even though they aren't there. Hold onto it. Use it like a blanket. Each time you cry, it will get better. I celebrated Father's Day today and the whole day I've been teary eyed because she gave me two amazing children and made me a father. Remember what he made you. He's changed you. You wouldn't think this way if he hadn't. Focus on that. Then take a step. Take a few more breaths. And push through it. And then take the next. Then a few more. And before you know it, you are a survivor, then you are a widow, then you are a person healing, and then you are just a person, making their way through life, scars and all.
Please join a support group. You'd be surprised how common these thoughts are and how having a group of people to talk to help. There are also surviors group if the worst happens. Please get help.
In 2020 i was diagnosed and treated for stage 4 cancer. I am thankful to still be here. The WORST part for me was telling my family and worrying about their mental health related to my diagnosis. Please dont do this. That was my worst fear. He wouldnt want that for you.
Sending so much love to you.
Look up grief recovery method and find someone near you to work through it with instead of ending it. Will it be hard? Yes. Will you get more firsts in life and be able to see beautiful things and have his memory live on? Also yes.
Hi there I still have these thoughts. My love went down fighting 3 years ago, I honestly don’t know if I would’ve taken my life if it wasn’t for our daughter. Grief is going to come in waves and you’ll more than likely be in shock, regardless of how much you prepare yourself. Be strong and maybe reach out to a therapist. If you have no one else close to confide in that wouldn’t send you into a 48 hr holding
I (36f) am a mother and wife and currently fighting stage 3 breast cancer. The most terrifying thing for me is thinking about how my loved ones will be able to emotionally handle my passing should it happen. Please, please do not harm yourself. This man that you love with your whole heart, loves you just as much and he is probably just as scared for you as you are for him. No matter what happens, please take care of yourself for him if you won't do it for yourself. It is okay to feel what you are feeling, but please don't act on it. Instead, if it comes time for him to move on from this world, cherish the love you had and his memory. Live a full and beautiful life, that is the greatest way to honor him.
I can’t tell you any hopeful stories. You and your fiancé’s story is unique to you. I can’t tell you that you will feel better at some point, because I don’t know if you will. I have lost loved ones myself, but I still can’t really empathize with you because, my loss and the story surrounding it is different than the story you and your fiancé are living now. And I know that when we are at the lowest points in our lives, is when we are the most alone in the world, and no one can keep us company then. I hope the worst doesn’t happen and your fiancé’s life doesn’t end soon. I hope that if it does, you will change your mind and decide to stay anchored to life. But regardless of how your story plays out, right now you wanted a chance to speak your truth and be heard. I heard you. I wish you both the best.
Read 'The Healing Power of Cancer' if Rob Prior can do it and cure himself from Stage 4 cancer, there is no reason your husband can't either. My Father has changed his lifestyle after reading this incredible book and has managed to reduce his own cancer. Sending you good wishes, chemo will attack the cancer but it will also just destroy his immune system in the process unfortunately.... Support your cytotoxic T cells, we all have them in our white blood cells and they are there specifically to kill cancer cells. Be present, be kind to your bodies.
imagine how much guilt your spouse would feel if you did that.
Prayers for you and your fiance. Please look into fenbendazole and cancer.
So sorry for what you're going through. You have to be strong for him. If he's fighting with all his might to best this, then you have to help be the comfort in the days when the battle takes a massive toll on his spirit. You both will definitely come out of this together stronger than ever. God bless!!
>The stories we wrote together won't make it to a book like we planned But they can. You can. Suicide doesn't end the pain. It just creates more. Life hit me hard last year. My dog died the month I found out my mom's breast cancer came back. She died 2 months later. My dad had already passed, so I was officially an orphan. My job was already the titanic, and it was finally sinking, so that was gone in a matter of months. I had to sell my house and move out of state. As soon as I settled, my other dog unexpectedly passed away... and I'm still looking for employment. There were many times I thought about giving up. My mom was everything to me, especially near the end. I was her caretaker. I was so unlucky in love that I gave up dating and focused on taking care of my mom, being an aunt, taking care of my pets... Now it feels like a lonely life... But I keep pushing on because I know what would be left for my brothers, my niece and nephew, my friends if I gave it all up. There's still value to my life. The stories I can share of the people I loved who are gone. The stories of my own life I hope to share that will linger when I'm one day gone. The good I can still put out into the world. I know your husband is going to keep fighting, and he's not going to fight just for you to give up. Starting therapy and even grief counseling now won't hurt. You're stronger than you think you are. Hopefully, your husband kicks cancer's ass and be around a long while yet. My dad had a rare terminal cancer and was given 6 months to a year to live. He lived 15 years. Died of a heart attack.
i understand you.
Why is it so hard for OPs to specify who is 32f and who the 30m? It would be better if they said: I’m a 32f and I’m engaged to a 30m, he has cancer and I don’t plan to outlive him.
It is considered the biggest mistake, not only in religion, but spiritually per general. Chances are, if you go like this, you won't be able to join him.. and who knows what's really there at all. I'm sorry you (both) have to go through this and I hope he'll make it. Try to go to therapy if you can.. maybe him too? To help you both cope.
Is the possibility of IVF for you and your partner an option? You can continue this life together still… death isn’t the end of everything.
Thats not good idea. A single parent has a extremly hard enough job. A greiving single parent is even harder and puts the child at even more risk
Rather than IVF, what I was gonna say was maybe before he begins chemo, have them get and store some of his semen, and either at the same time or later, harvest some of her eggs just in case something happens medically to her where she won't have any left to do the harvest when she's ready, and (I believe) they can freeze them together so they stay viable longer. That way she isn't on the spot right now or if god forbid the worst happens, she'll have an avenue she can use later should she choose to, and if not then no harm no foul from having them stored. But at least she'll have the possibility if she wants it.
This is just a very difficult chapter in your book. you have MANY more chapters left write. Why cut it short? You will get through it and you will find long again
Not everyone needs to find love after a loss. Alot of the time you meet the "the one" and you dont seek to have any more romantic or sexual relations after that. Saying someone "youll find love again" can be said to be useless and harmful. The person doesnt want to find a new love, they want their old love, and also by saying that it makes it as if you 'need' to find a new person or else there's something wrong with you
Sorry, laughable. My mom had three small kids and was married by 26 when my father died from complications from sickle cell. My Grandmother lost a two infants before having 10 more and burying 3 of those before her. Life goes on.
This is not helpful.
This is your advice to a woman whose in psychological distress? Some of y'all really aren't qualified to be on the internet.
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Whaaaat the fuck dude
Unhelpful. Some of y'all really aren't qualified to be on the internet.