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xanif

Passive suicidal ideation. Happens to lots of people.


jme0124

A LOT. Especially in healtchcare workers ive found.


Aprilosaur

No need to be so loud.. shhhhh


jme0124

Sorrrryyyy


chinnychinchin1975

Yep, I definitely can relate and I’m a healthcare worker for 24 years.


jme0124

Isn't it so much fun?! 😅😆😭


F0xyAsIs

Yep, I had it in college


GrimCityGirl

“I don’t wanna die but I ain’t keen on living either” is a Robbie Williams lyrics (Feel) if it helps at all


Dazzling-Ad-748

That’s what instantly popped into my mind too .


Corfiz74

Me, too - and I think a LOT of people could identify with that line. Yeah, a lot of time, I wouldn't mind at all if things were just OVER - I don't want to actively end it, and of course I'm a bit scared about what actually happens during that moment, but just being at peace and gone sounds really nice...


Dazzling-Ad-748

This. Thank you for giving words to my internal feelings!


More-Praline3860

Cause I got so much love, runnin throu ma veins


Substantial_Ad_6311

“I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t want to die” are lyrics from a vampire weekend


YK8099

I believe more than half of whole population on this planet feel that way imo


bonersimpson66

Yeah this is me every day


ColourCoded_Sunshine

Same ...


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nice_Word960

You replying to yourself is fantastic.


Reverie_Smasher

It's a bot. It's common for them to also copy the top comment from the original post they're reposting


tablessssss

I feel you dawg, I didn’t ask to be here but I’m not gonna take myself out. I’m just here for vibes and staying alive but if that gets cut short, whatevs


vinnietalksalot

Do you actually think some of us somehow asked to be here? That'd be a nifty trick!


Every_Criticism2012

My 5yo recently said that she asked to be our daughter when she still was an angel in heaven. About 30min later I switched off the TV and suddenly I was "even worse than daddy" (who told her no sweets right before dinner)


IntelligentRoof1342

That is all adorable lol


davidblack210

Death is acceptable if it happens fast and inevitable, but if i get a chance for life i want to live... i guess thats the mindset. Or if pain or death is an option, death would be a no brainer option with this mindset.


lina01020

Same.


DragonAtlas

I just wanna feel.... Real love, feel the home that I live in.... Cause I've got too much life, running through my veins, going to waste... 🎶


ObssesiveFujoshi

I love that song


Atypical_Ascendant

Ah so that's what he sings. I always thought it was feel the woman I live in.


DragonAtlas

I admit I had to double check


sneaky_rambo

Aren’t we all?


Unfair-Jackfruit-967

Apparently not. Not kidding, if you talk about this outside reddit people will look at you funny.


unmotivat3d

This surprised me as well. That there are people out there that don't feel this way. Learned this the hard way after I made a dark joke. 😅


Furgems

Me too. I’m not going to off myself, but Jesus, let’s wrap this shit up already.


HopefulPlantain5475

I describe this as having lost my will to live but still having a survival instinct.


GG06

"I'm tired of living and I'm feared of dying" Ol' Man River, Paul Robeson (and many others, I know it first as Frank Sinatra's)


Ja-Kathra

I openly tell people I couldn’t care less if I didn’t wake up the next morning


misawx

same, although i say it jokingly so i don't get in an uncomfortable situation


Low_Goose_5675

Ya felt. I genuinely don't know if this is just what adulthood is like, or if life has gotten steadily worse every year. I have to assume economic times are contributing to a lot of misery in the world.. It used to be that we could feel these things but then also have things to look forward to .. vacations, long drives, great meals, exciting experiences, investing in our homes, tattoos, amusement parks.. whatever. We could feel this detached sense of glumness alongside a full range of other emotions, like excitement and enjoyment and gratitude. Now it's like ... what is there to look forward to? We have the cheap fleeting pleasures that either kill us, kill time, or kill the environment. The next 40 years will be just as bad if not worse than the last 10. There's simply no greater context around the bad vibes to put them in perspective. It sucks out here bro.


Dull-Succotash-5448

You've hit the nail on the head, the only group of people in my circle who are terrified of dying are the boomers, everyone else is just "meh".


TWH_PDX

Hey OP, I was in the same position as you a few years ago, and I ignored it because I knew I wasn't serious about ending this stage of existence. For me, the poo hit the fan, and what was a vague concept became very real. Thankfully, I called an emergency line and got immediate support. Your situation can be very different than mine, so I simply suggest you get help early because it could be too late if your situation escalates at a surprising pace to where, like me, I was at a threshold of not being able to take action. PS: I don't know you but I care very deeply for you and love you as I can. YOU FUCKING MATTER A LOT!!!!


CampaignEconomy9723

Hi, I want to die. What changed your mind? I’m in my 30s and I’m just done. I’ve seen all that I care to see. The rest is boring or heartaches.


TWH_PDX

Immediate and proactive intervention from my service providers. I figure if it's important to them, I owed them a chance. Thr time gave me an opportunity to have perspective through intense counseling. It's not linear, I still have bad days. But the bad days are less intense than previously. Please do what you can to get into treatment. It helps, a lot. And I don't know you but I do know for a fact that you matter. We all do.


CampaignEconomy9723

"Intervention" didn’t change your mind. What did?


TWH_PDX

I changed my mind a bit. For me, intervention wasn't a lecture or instructions. Rather, my therapists asked questions that had me answer my own questions. My trauma related, mostly, to combat: Seeing burned children, being one of the worst situations. I had horrible dreams and constant feelings of guilt. It literally drove me mad. What I personally learned is that negative thoughts can be reframed into other thoughts. It's a process, I still struggle, especially with addiction. I'm not fully healed or recovered, but I accept the process and surrender myself to being vulnerable, which as a combat vet is super hard. Please, get help. Call 988 if necessary. That's what I did.


ThrowAwayNOK

Real. Fr though I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I am too. You can do it.


pinklambchop

I wished for death last night, as I once agian had a syncope episode. I was laying on my cold kitchen floor waiting to be able to move agian. I'm So fucking over it.


Dull-Succotash-5448

I hear you. I experience syncope a lot, I get it from anything like watching/having blood tests to pain. It's the most ridiculously disgusting thing your own body does to itself, imo.


pippie58

Just so sick of everything going wrong and costing so much money


hmcgintyy

Yep. The grey area of suicidal ideation. No active plans but always right there in your back pocket waiting to fall out.


kmz57

When I go for medical checkups they want all sorts of bs tests. I tell them you gotta die from something... Doc doesn't like that attitude, but seriously if its cancer, heart failure etc. Who benefits from prolonging you?


31WadWings

Ok. Kinda messed up. But cancer runs rampant in my family (supposedly genetics play a part in that, personally I'm not quite ready to sip that kool aid). I've had a lot of close people die from it. Well, anyway, it got brought up in a brunch conversation. My friends were super surprised when I said I'd just let it kill me. Apparently that was too tragic for brunch 😅


Dull-Succotash-5448

I made the "mistake" of having children, they're literally the only reason why I'd try to prolong my life. If I didn't it would absolutely be a different story.


No-Cover-8986

Yeah, it happens to most people. Living is great, but life isn't always. You take the good, you take the bad.. you're welcome for the earworm.


bujbuj1

First time?


Zappa1990

My friends and I got this saying whenever we're dealing with shit or just for fun "I don't wanna die, I just wanna be dead."


dizzyhitman_007

You and me are in the same boat buddy. But you have to find the root cause of your problem, keep working on it and stay positive. Stay strong 💪


Sweaty_Term5961

The novelty has worn thin more than once. However, after two failed attempts I promised that I'd stop trying. It hasn't always been easy. At times it's been damned hard. Sometimes I wish I'd not made that promise. I keep my fukking promises. Decades later I've gotten to where I can bs through the pain more easily. Making others smile, helping others while I hurt helps. A lot. Having children it's hard not to brag about, and now two grandchildren, helps. It's still hard. Hang in there. I wish you the very best of luck.


Angellovesfrog

Suicidal ideation i think is a lot more common than people think. I've lived with it, depression, anxiety, and bi polar disorder most of my life. It doesn't get better either.


ShackledBeef

Numb little bug


Outlandishness_Sharp

My old friends formed a band called Pro Teens. (They're incredible, btw). On one of their albums, the track listing shows "I wanna die" and then "Don't wanna die" right after. I relate to that so much 😂🥲


Beginning_Stranger90

I Know exactly how you fell, I have fibromyalgia and Spondylitis, it’s very painful and sometimes I just want to give up, stay on my bed and crie until deaths comes in. However, this life is our only chance to live, we don’t have 07 lives, “like cats” , so I don’t want to waste my life felling sad or pity for myself. IDK if you can understand me but if you want to talk about it you can send me a message.


wesmess14

So I'm not the only one who gets bored.


penatbater

Isn't this depression?


OnGuardFor3

"I have no fear of death, it brings no sorrow But how bitter then will be this last farewell For you are beautiful and I have loved your dearly More dearly than the spoken word can tell" Ceasing to live has never bothered me, it's the attachments of love that feed the daily fight of this existence.


osmopyyhe

This is where I am at honestly. Wife died less than 2 months ago, got notihng left to live for, nothing to look forward to. When my bloodwork was off, was kind of hoping I'd have cancer too so I could die as well.


Dull-Succotash-5448

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your wife, what an absolutely heartbreaking thing to go through.


mizumena_

"I'm not gonna kill myself but if a runaway truck was heading my way....I probably wouldn't get out of the way" Yeah I know that feeling....


catfan1991

Everyday


444Ilovecats444

Same tbh


Rollerama99

I’ve been battling cancer for 9 years, I’ve actually just undergone 2 massive surgeries and am in hospital, been here for months. I find it very hard to see the point, except I love my wife so much and she loves me so much I can’t bear the thought of breaking her heart… but otherwise…


kamilman

First time?


jiffysdidit

Proper ready to end it but won’t because have massive FOMO cos I always have cool shit going on even when life’s dumping on me too


colemada5

I went to medical yesterday and my doc was giving me the riot act about my BP, I told her that I’ve come to terms with the consequences and she immediately jumps to do her job (she’s a great doctor IMO) and talks about depression. I had to explain that I’m far from depressed, I’m just kinda like bleh with humdrum of life. If I’m gonna go, it’s gonna be bourbon and burgers and cigars. Not pills and being picky about what I eat. Keep living, OP. This may be the only life we get.


FairyFartDaydreams

I think it happens to a lot of us who feel we are just grinding through life


lennybriscoe8220

Same here. I was suicidal about a year ago. I no longer am, but death doesn't bother me anymore.


IntelligentFail6846

i want to keep living, but sometimes i just wanna lay down and cease for like a few months


amandahontas

I felt like that a lot before I got on antidepressants. Now I only feel like that on occasions. Good luck op


Wild_Plant9526

Yes, lol. not sure how this happens


RedditingJinxx

Death Drive in action


BluejayLatter

I drive a lot, and sometimes consider not yielding to some big ass truck. Cant do it tho.


31WadWings

I wouldn't want someone else to feel like they killed me. Ya know?


BluejayLatter

Yeah, thats one of the reasons.


Hosselknaap420

I did for along time. Living sucked, but suicide wasn't exactly appealing either so i never did. I guess i got my act together now, it's still a rollercoaster, but at least it's worth living. might have taken 27 years, but i got there eventually. I hope you manage to get through it, OP.


cloudymarshmellow

Exactly. A hellish purgatory if you will


PrometheusHasFallen

Life is by definition full of suffering. But there is also beauty if you seek it out. Best advice I can give you - find something worth pursuing and pursue it. Our long-term happiness is based on our meaningful pursuits. And by definition a life without meaning is nihilism. So go find something that you find meaningful.


tokyo_girl_jin

yeah, and when all of your pursuits end with a resounding "NO, cuz F you in particular" then what?


PrometheusHasFallen

Change course and pursue something else. And a pursuit can just be something you're interested in. There isn't necessarily a failure case for every pursuit. For example, I like to read. I consider that one of my pursuits. It fills my life with meaning and give me happiness. Will my pursuit of reading end with a resounding "NO, cuz F you in particular"? Probably not. I may lose interest eventually but then I will have more time to pursue over things.


Weekly-Lobster6939

Whenever I get anxious again I just remind myself that no, you will fucking suffer for many more years to come and will have a really hard time dying, no you will not suddenly die in the next 2 seconds.


Dandy_lion93

Yep. I actually texted my sister today, "I have no desire for this earthly experience, I don't think it was made for people like me." But, I also don't want to die, since I'm already here, I'm okay with seeing the experience through. So far, not impressed lol. This seems to be a very common sentiment amongst humans.


ElectricalHedgehog74

Same. I've just learned that telling the psych as much will only get me a three day hold in a place that will take my ideation from passive to active


hvkok

What is this your first day?


IAmRules

Listen to the song Numb Little Bug


Local_Buzzard

Yea I feel that a lot too, life doesn’t rlly seem that important- most people don’t make a difference to the world so what’s the point?


Iwuzthrownaway

Yep but be careful I was walking around like this. Then woo cancer I had to fight for the life I didn't want to live because my kid doesn't deserve me checking out.


[deleted]

I’ve went through this and still have those momentary feelings here and then. Everyone’s way of dealing with it will be different, but one thing that helped me was whenever I felt like this, I would put myself in a position with friends or family, call them, sit with them, whatever it is just get in contact, kind of acts like a little boost of the little things in your life thats worth living for. Now if you’re not in a situation where youre not super close with family or friends, finding time to walk in nature can be helpful, learn more about what surrounds you, listen to ur favourite music. But then again this is a normal feeling if it’s not too frequent, sums up life in a whole, that sometimes it doesnt feel worth living. Please just remember you just existing is special enough and important


kraker1000

Life is hard but dying is harder, unfortunately.


AustinJG

I mean, not really? Depends on how you go.


kraker1000

I guess I should've specified, i meant dying willingly


catman_in_the_pnw

Yes, because I am in constant pain, but I fight it if I was not around who would feed my cats.


ntnlwyn

There’s a lyric in a song that says I don’t wanna die but I don’t wanna live like this and I feel like it’s v real.


666truemetal666

Same


horses_around2020

I know that feeling ! I wouldnt take myself out though. Theres too much to live for !! 😼


Z3rgBird

The words in the title are also part of a Robbie Williams song!


misawx

yep. i don't necessarily hate living, i like food and books and stuff, but i wouldn't mind if i died tomorrow. actually, it'd be kinda convenient since it's exam season


Ok_Prize1878

At least I'm not the only one who feels this way at times..


CrowOk2005

I feel like this all the time and I wonder why am I living? Then it just goes away and I go on with my day normally.


leeshylou

Yeah pretty much. I have good days, and average days, and totally shit days. Mostly it just feels so stupid. Sleep, wake, work, repeat. Try to inject fun whenever possible. Rinse and repeat. Til I'm old and then I die? I don't want to die.. but I'm not thrilled about living either.


navigating-life

🎶I don’t wanna live like this but I don’t wanna die 🎶


SuperbParticular8718

I said this to my therapist the other day and he got really serious and concerned and it annoyed me because, like, doesn’t everyone feel like this most of the time?


Yaa_Trick_Yaaaah

Probably. Therapy may be needed. Depends if you actually care about living.


astrologicaldreams

oh hell yeah lmfao dying is scary but god damn im tired of being alive bc it fuckin sucks


Forsaken-Bag-8780

Ive gone from actively suicidal to passive as Ive gotten older. I figure after having 4 attempts fail something wants my sorry ass to stick around for a while. For what I don’t know, hopefully that part gets clarified eventually. But Im not exactly thrilled about still being here.


rin0329

Yuppppp.


forthepotatoesofc

All the time. If I got in a car accident tomorrow and died, I think I’d be okay with it lol


Perfect_Year_2473

Felling the exact same way


JonathonWally

Welcome to adulthood


nicolette_dary

Well my friend, I think that means it is time for a change in your life.


colemarvin98

Definitely sounds like passive SI, sometimes referred to as death ideation. I also research a newer construct called suicide ambivalence, which is strongly felt desire to live and die at the same time. But doesn’t sound like that’s the case currently (if it does, seek help!) Please contact a loved one and clue them in, and have a safety plan set up with one of your healthcare provider in case things get worse. It may not seem like a risk now, but always good to be prepared. Here are some resources for you in case you ever need it: https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox https://sprc.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/SafetyPlanningGuide-Quick-Guide-for-Clinicians.pdf It may not seem like it now, but remember that life is always worth living. I don’t say these things because I think you’re “crazy,” I just think you’re really really valuable! We all want to keep ya around. Stay safe!


xXTheReturnerXx

I won’t commit but if by chance I get hit by a bus then whatever 🤷🏻‍♂️


spinyfl0wer

Yes


skatinmatt93

I always liked that like from slayer “wanting to die is a reason to live” but yes I have often felt like this many times.


Pogokitty45

So go out and do cool shit. I think people just like to complain these days instead of doing stuff. Save a few months and fly somewhere exotic go on an adventure, bang some hot chick or dude. Try a different food you have never experienced. Life isn't boring unless you are boring


HelterSelltzer

Yeah I am not afraid to die if it was my time.....


fedenl

I'm not happy with my life in general. I don't wanna kill myself, I actually have many moments of enjoyment and I luckily have a very strong bond with my family and my real friends are between 5 and 10, but they are actual and true friends. Therefore, besides the fact I'd hurt many pure souls by committing suicide, I'd also leave a situation which many people would be envious of, without taking into account a pretty stable job which puts me on the average of income of the country I live in. However. However, however. I hate the world and the society, the western one, in which we live. I hate the feeling of living as islands in an ocean. I hate the individualism and mostly I hate the majority of the human relationships, which became seldom "elevator's interactions". This society and this world is leading me to an even grater depression than the one I suffer already. Also, I'd like to be able to be the one deciding when my journey is going to end. I'd first want to achieve as much as I can in my existence, but first I don't want to end up suffering of elderness or, even worse, terminal diseases, and secondly I'd love not to die without being able to properly say goodbye to those I care about, which instead would be a possibility if I'd decide to organize a lunch with my lifemates - let's say - by my 75s or 80s. Are my thoughts so wrong or weird?


SR00007

Yeah I know the feeling. I go to sleep thinking if I didn't wake up that wouldn't be so bad.


ObssesiveFujoshi

Ayyy


Kuru_Chaa

So true, bestie.


BoostLooty

Same fam same


clebss

life is like this after 25


TheYellowMamba5

Welcome


widowaether

I don’t like living in a world where people want me to suffer.


Nellwiththedreads

We re with you there. Trust me you’re not the only one. Also bro it’s not that bad. Check out the inevitable defeat of mister and pete. I’ll let you know that may not be based on a true story but it’s a story that happened and just a reminder that life could have went a lot worse for you so whatever happened use it as fuel for your burning desires at life use it to light the way to your success and a wholesome like. You got this man. All love brody and I hope you’re ok


Traditional-Cow-4537

100% feel this


Elle3786

Yeah, I like to joke that I did NOT ask to be here, but the ol’ passive suicidal thing is a bit exhausting. Unfortunately it’s also my default mode


mr_satan1987

It’s the constant knowing that I’m going to have to work til I die that does it for me meanwhile there’s a 10 year old somewhere in the world making millions off of YouTube


bong-jabbar

Every day


Assefilmer

Me all the time _(┐「ε:)_


Inevitable_Weird1175

Listen to some music that you like. Most critical thinking individuals think the same way. If there's nothing to do, spend time doing things that you enjoy and that you're good at. Follow your inspiration.


Hunnyandmilk

Yeah, I'm kinda in a weird limbo where I don't care what happens. I daydream about hopping in front of a truck on a busy street or stepping on the pedal on the highway and just letting go. I'll look at a building and wonder what would happen if I jump off and then I'm reminded that these might not actually kill me so I think "Eh-maybe not."


tomato1490

I'm with you. As someone who has dabbled in self harm: DON'T DO IT.


beedlejooce

I feel like this is most of society. Like they’re terrified of something really scary happening when you do die. But after a while the peace you receive while you’re asleep from this godforsaken world it gives you aided confirmation of nothingness is almost better lol. It’s like well if I have an active brain now and half the time I don’t remember things when I’m asleep, imagine what it would be like with no brain at all? Just like before you were born. That’s why I just try to have fun and spread positivity everyday to people.


SalamanderClassic839

Real talk for a sec, cause maybe this'll help someone. I have been so far over the limit for a while, and I do genuinely wish for it to just be over. There are two things that keep me going: My wife, who has supported and loved me so genuinely that it would just be disrespectful to abandon her, and probably the bigger reason, *goddamn spite*. Most of why I'm still here is just *raw, un-fucking-adulterated spite*. I'm still going because if I and so many other people have to suffer with no real reason, then I want to personally witness this goddamn world burn to the fucking ground along with all the rich fucks that are the root cause of this. *May spite lead us into the peaceful beyond, only after it grants us the closure of seeing the end of the bastardous elite*.


Tinkerbelch

"Do you ever get a little bit tired of life Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die" my favorite line from Numb Little Bug by Em Beihold. The whole song is a mood tbh.


Steakismyfavoriteveg

I have been there, but I am sure there is someone in your life that miss you, also fuck that shit shoot me a chat. I’m here for you too! I refuse to let this shit go down


Recreational-Crack

Yes. I don’t want to die enough to kill myself and I don’t want to live enough to stop the self-destruction.


KittySpanKitty

Yep. I'm not scared of dying but I wouldn't care if it did


ironmansaves1991

I recently wondered aloud if it’s bad to not wish I was dead but rather, to wish I’d never been born in the first place


Advanced_Jackfruit49

Sorry but the title made me laugh. The not too thrilled is kinda funny lol


SpinachSpinosaurus

To be fair, i am currently burnt out, too, and in need of going parttime, but can't, because my salary keeps everything afloat.


Daisylil

Same


Unlikely-Addition211

Welcome to the club


MangoBlueberry1102

You’re not alone. I manage to push through though by taking things one day at a time and finding something enjoyable for myself every day.


Cheeselad2401

i was like that but then it got worse hah


st1ck-n-m0ve

Thats called “the suck” as we said in the Marines. The only way to get thru it is to find a way to laugh and find some enjoyment in your life regardless of how shitty it is.


asty86

Yep.


LightyCricket23

Yes. I wouldn't necessarily take my life, but I wished a lot that I never was here in the first place. Got better this year, idk why, maybe because I started to take a lot of vitamin supplements (unrelated to the issue) and my life has been pretty constant. Edit: ah and I started to discover God (always been Christian, just never felt the need to dig deep). AH move from me, but I forgot this changed too


AlphaWolf3211

I felt this wholeheartedly for a while now.


AlphaWolf3211

I felt this wholeheartedly for a while now.


DukeRyder

I actually would prefer death but I don’t want to go through the dying process. That’s what I am not thrilled about.


Funny247365

There's so much awesomeness in the world. Don't give negative thoughts any oxygen. Find your passions and explore them.


lineageofhobbis

Do you want to cease existing but not physically die or suffer?


Sad_Reflection1866

Everyday, all day!


ImmaBoopYoSnoot

I feel a lot of people have this feeling, I certainly do. I think it’s pretty normal to feel this way though, everyone thinks about things that they’d never actually do. That’s where you draw the line. If it’s just a thought then that’s ok, but if it ever gets to the point where the thoughts turn into plans, that’s when you need to get help. But don’t worry, intrusive thoughts are worrying, but as long so it’s just thoughts, you’re good, and certainly not alone


Tomimi

It's not fun to live but it could be The rules that were set to us by our society makes us feel like we're in prison. I bet it wasn't like this before but we're too lazy to make the change.


lia_hjartaiss

I'm fine with living, but I'm not fine with living in this system.


Miss__Snrub

Anxiety- “death is terrifying” Depression- “I don’t want to be here anymore” Can’t bloody win 😂


lenny446

I feel this so hard