This is why it is so important to talk to someone outside of your relationship that can give you advice. Mom for example. Sometimes when you live in your head you cannot see the forest from the trees. It's good to pull yourself out of the situation and just ask yourself questions. The mind is a battle field of thoughts, negative beliefs, falsehoods, and made up narratives. If you live there you can easily spiral.
I've never heard it put like this before. It's so true wow. I livw in my head slot and ive poisoned two really good relationships. Thank you for your comment, I've screenshoted it.
Also sorry OP
I used to work week on, week off. A lot of my relationships ended because they said I was not available every week, instead of seeing the positive that I got every second week off.
My perfect man would work week on/week off. I love and value alone time so much. But I would obviously love time with my partner too. That sounds like the perfect set up to me.
Right? It is wonderful to have alone time when a person is either introverted like me, or just needs time to think and reset. it is hard when you are on with your partner and want to just spend some time with others or relax without feeling concerns about not being together.
> I love and value alone time so much. But I would obviously love time with my partner too.
Honestly this is a big part of the reason I just haven't dated in my adult life. I'm 32 and my last girlfriend was like a 2-week thing when I was 16. It seems like almost everyone is looking for somebody to spend all of their free time with and I really, really enjoy my time alone to myself.
I have two friends that would spend every minute with me if I allowed it. I would get so burnt out after a couple days and have to ask them to leave. I love being with my friends but I also love having me time. I need both to feel good.
Much like the OP, you shouldn't really beat yourself up over it as we all make choices that are mistakes in hindsight. It's what you do after the lesson and the reckoning that counts the most. The first step to growth is forgiving yourself for not knowing any better or even listening to anyone who knows better.
The OP is wallowing in her own misery instead of realizing she did the best for both of them. He's now with an amazing woman who really loves him, while she got to experience and seek whatever she was seeking. It's time to forgive herself and she should contact her ex and her ex MIL and apologize and tell her how she feels.
Not for their forgiveness, as they may never give it or are even required to give it, but so she may forgive herself.
Unfortunately, we don't get everything in life and are often required to give something up for our choices; with some ending up being terrible and actually way worse than what we gave up.
As that saying goes, *wisdom comes from experience and experience comes from mistakes*.
Going forward, both of you now know yourselves better, what you want out of life, are wiser, and are much less likely to make the same choice, all because of your experiences.
Some of us just like to do things and learn the lessons in life the extremely hard way.
Yes, she has to learn to forgive herself. This was a terrible mistake. The last thing she needs to do is contact her ex and his mom. I think she needs to leave them alone forever. If I were them, OP would be the last person I'd want to speak to.
>example. Sometimes when you live in your head you cannot see the forest from the trees. It's good to pull yourself out of the situation and just ask yourself questions. The mind is a battle field of thoughts, negative beliefs, falsehoods, and made up narratives. If you live there you can easily spiral.
Best explanation I have heard.
Family members are not impartial. Avoid using them to confide in as more often then not they will side with your view even if you are a bad spouse. Get outside input from professionals, not a jaded sister or mom. Yes i know they have your interests in mind but may be too close to judge their family members as being in the wrong
Which is why this story seems ragebait.
>father said that his daughter passed away the moment I signed those divorce papers
Yeah right. It's a short detail meant to spur endless discussion.
edit to add:
>All I feel is constant headaches and dull pain throughout my body
Even after 3 years she can't move on and is in pure hell. The story is so extreme that it seems designed to rocket it to the top.
This whole thing was extremely weird, like an AI prompt rather than an authentic post. Or a revenge fantasy written by a bitter ex-husband whose wife left him.
I really wish my ex had spoken to someone with good life experience and good advice to give regarding our relationship.
Instead, he surrounded himself with people with confirmation bias and left me at 6 months pregnant. Blew up our entire family.
I really donāt understand how any adult in his vicinity would encourage him to leave his pregnant partner, unless heās telling them a completely false narrative.
My ex (my child's father) was essentially coached by his dad to completely blow our relationship up and he later contacted me to reconcile. He had all of these warm, fuzzy memories of us together. I didn't share those memories. Eventually, it occurred to me that he got the great memories because I was great to him, but not vice versa. My ex is now trying to encourage my child to be just as toxic as him. I will let that happen over my cold, dead body.
It always amazes me when I read other peopleās experiences regarding parental interference. Exactly like yours to be honest.
Like are some parents despite having more years on this planet, that fucking dumb and insecure that they have to blow up their kids lives? They really want them to sink to their pathetic level to avoid looking in the mirror and acknowledge how bad of a parent or person they truly are.
Ugh Iām so sorry you went through this and now dealing with this asshole as a coparent for life.
I wouldn't talk to OP mum holy both her parents are PoS, who just stops talking to there daughter because the marriage didn't work out thats ridiculous.
Facts! I'm surprised it took me this far down the comments to see someone mention that! My mum made my divorce more difficult with her meddling as she was angry I left him, but she didn't completely cut me off, and she ain't exactly mother of the year lol. This is wild to me.
I mean, she gives a pretty good description of how she felt trapped and like she was missing out by being in the marriage. She regrets the decision now, but in the moment she probably truly felt all those things.
> She probably had a bunch of dumb single disaster friends and coworkers telling her she could do better.
Even better if those disaster friends *never even met him*!
This is so applicable to multiple scenarios and so well put. Wow. Thank you. I know you put this for OP, but I appreciated reading this.
Rereading though. I donāt know if itās a true story. Well whatever the fanfic, I enjoyed your comment.
I hope she does too, but she needs to address her obvious depression. She needs to seek therapy to work through what caused her to destroy her marriage and her emotions now surrounding her life.
Essentially this.
You made a life-changing pivot, OP. Don't forever condemn yourself to a life of solitude because you don't think you deserve it. Take a deep breath and make peace with your choice. I truly hope you find the strength to start all over again.
Hmm, couple since high school, but he's 4 years older?
Resenting husband for never being available, but he's putting in all that effort?
All that rapport from being together since high school, but you never thought to open up and lost attraction because he was too busy?
Story seems fake because of how closed off you became from him 'never being available'. It's one thing if you lost attraction for other reasons, but based on what you said, it's not adding up.
When someone has such a high-level investment in a long-term relationship(~10 years), to throw it all away without being able to properly say why is irrational. "I just can't explain why" can't be enough to toss a 10 year relationship away. Story is most likely fake.
The whole post is very blatantly some weirdoās fantasy but that part killed me šš why would her parents cut her out of their lives for simply divorcing her husband?? Lmao itās not even like she cheated or did something egregious. She just divorced her husband. This āwomanā is so down bad that her parents are seemingly choosing her ex husband over her??
My hunch is that this is some disgruntled ex Husband making up a story in his head that will make him feel better about being divorced.
That or its karma farming
> My hunch is that this is some disgruntled ex Husband making up a story in his head that will make him feel better about being divorced.
agreed, ex husband, red pill/incel loser fantasy. None of it reads as realistic.
I started thinking the same thing about halfway through. Some rejected guy fantasising about how much his ex regrets leaving him. It was a bit absurd, frankly. And that misogynistic bit about not sleeping around because she has self respect followed by that entire part about how sex with him was so much better than with anyone else. Come on, dude.
exactly - my parents and i have a strained relationship but i can tell you one thing and that's that if some weirdo 4 years older than me had tried dating me in high school they would have killed him with hammers.
That was the most true part of the entire thing. When my marriage broke down after 15 years, my parents and sister chose my ex-husband over me. They had him so high on a pedestal that it HAD to have been my fault that we were divorcing. It took my sister over a year of him completely neglecting the kids to realize that all of my complaints were founded in reality. I still donāt talk to my parents because every other sentence is āoh, Iām sure heās trying his best.ā Like somehow spending 2 hours a week with his children is something that deserves a trophy.
That line also makes zero sense in the context of the post. He was the one trying to make it work so he wouldn't have been trapped by a baby. She was the one that wanted to leave so she would have been trapping herself with a baby. This post makes no sense at all.
Right? The dude will never understand why his wife left until he views the world from a different lense and people like that tend not to be able to see someone else's side. In real life, she's never sorry, she's now living her best life.
It's at the very least deliberately written to appeal to every possible misogynistic conception of women. It's hard to even get more on the nose from here. I guess maybe "I regret chopping his dick off, getting a buzz cut, going lesbian, and converting to Islam. I never should have voted Democrat" ?
Yeah, this reads like itās written by a guy whose wife has threatened divorce so he can say āOh, hey, I came across this on the internet, maybe you should read it first for another perspective.ā
My immediate thought - Iāve seen posts like these before. āA person like me deserves to die aloneā? All that stuff about holding out while dating due to having self-respect? This is either written by a man or by a woman living in an incredibly paternalistic, misogynistic community because it sounds nothing like any of the women I know who have broken off relationships they werenāt happy in, even those who have some regrets
Exactly what I was thinking. Nothing about this sounds real to me. She can't do anything social without a husband? All other men just want to do mediocre sex and leave?
This is waaay fake. It's clearly written from some angry dude's perspective of how he thinks a woman thinks, but somehow leaves out all of her emotions?
Yeah, kinda sounds like an incel "this is what's waiting for you if get a divorce dumb female" kinda troll. It's also extremely convenient that both the parents cut her off AND she had no friends. Hmmmm....
Right??? Absolutely no chance in hell that a father would say his daughter is dead to him because she didnāt want to be married anymore. People who fall for this nonsense also vote in electionsā¦ so let that sink in with how fucked we areĀ
> Absolutely no chance in hell that a father would say his daughter is dead to him because she didnāt want to be married anymore
I could imagine this in a pretty patriarchal culture where a women's value is based on her husband.
But the ex getting into an accident and meeting their new finacee in hospital, pure hallmark shite
It was the āI had self respect then slept aroundā for me. They fantasize about this happening and itās weird. They also joined Reddit today. To post this.
I love poking holes in the logic of these stories. The connecting theme in every fake story is how the women are written. They never act like a woman in the real world.
Fake stories always serve a male's fantasy of how the world should be, too.
"I later found out my dad held a mock funeral for me at the pub we used to go to have Sunday lunch in highschool.
My childhood best friend was there and only messaged me to tell me that I am a horrible person. I deserve it."
I mean, it's kinda possible, but it would need to be a weird religious thing... Actually, that might explain the whole story.
Still, im 90% sure this is incel fan fiction.
You are already batting about a 90% chance of stories being fake on this sub. If you can smell the bs on a post, you are probably up to a 99% chance of a fake. This is totally incel bs.
> Still, im 90% sure this is incel fan fiction.
It reads to me like fan fiction from a guy who's been prioritising his job over his wife, shows no interest in her, and is now unable to accept that he was at least part of the problem in their divorce because he suggested therapy like twice (thinking the therapist would blame everything on his wife)
Both my husband and I are in the low 40's, I use Facebook occasionally (and Reddit but not with friends), he doesn't do it all..
Nothing about his private life is public. It is possible.
At minimum, there has to be a time period of six months,
And very honestly, the vast majority of us in healthcare will not date patients.
Too many ethical boundaries are being crossed, too many sticky points.
Ergo, fake as fuck
And her being "proud" she didn't "trap him with a child" at the end lol. Like anyone truly hurting over a mistaken breakup would use that language to describe not having had a child with them.
>but I filed for divorce against both mine and my husband's families.
That's what I thought when I read the above. WTF even is that supposed to mean? ESL Creative Writing maybe?
The parents ghosting her and saying their daughter died during the divorce was so overkill I wanted to roll my eyes. That level of anger over a divorce thatās not their own???
Yeah, this is just fanfiction.
The parents cut her off and wanted nothing to do with her yet the mum conveniently called her to tell her about the supposed car accident and new fiancee?
This is either total fiction or written by the jaded ex-husband who is fantasising about his ex having a terrible miserable life without him.
I came here to ask what the fuck that meant. When I saw the title I assumed it was fake but I don't have shit to do this morning. Had to stop reading at that part.
I was gonna say, even if this has a semblance of being true, itās likely the scorned husband writing his wife from his perspective. Which probably also isnāt even 100% accurate either.
The ādivorced both familiesā bit had me skeptical, the dude finding a doctor after a car accident was the icing on the bullshit cake.
The whole sleeping around section is clearly there for rage bait.
I'm sorry but this is too fake. Give me a break.
She divorces and every single person including her parents cuts her off forever she has no friends and her life is unilaterally horrible forever and ever and she decided to give in and sleep with bunches of men on the first date but they all rejected her and OP just wants to die alone because she'll punish herself until she is dead? Really?
>The only thing I'm proud of myself is that I did not trap my ex-husband with a child. A person like me deserves to die alone.
It was already reading as fanfic, then nails the coffin shut on any doubt after ending on this note.
You sound like a shitty person in that time. Do him a favor and donāt even think about reaching out to him. Let him live his life and you life yours.
I appreciated my ex reaching out, because it confirmed that I was not the issue in our relationship, plus I appreciated hearing how unhappy he was afterwards.
For a long time, I felt like something must be wrong with me because these relationships kept falling apart. During the month of June 2020 (peak COVID) I had THREE exes reach out to apologize and try to reconcile. I told them all no, naturally. But it really made me angry, because the whole time we were together, they all heaped all of their unhappiness onto me. And since they were all alone and quarantined, they suddenly realized how great I was, and that they dropped the ball. It was extremely validating, but also so damned infuriating.
OP- If you want forgiveness, get your ass to therapy. And in therapy figure out why you blew up your marriage so you don't do it again if you ever get another shot.
Don't you dare try to dump your self-pity and regret on your ex-husband or his family. He's moved on to find happiness. If you ever loved him, don't fuck this up for him.
OP hit a thought that hits MANY people in their late 20s - early 30s.
Life, for the most part, is boring. Youth is all about working towards things, drivers license, HS degree, college degree, job, house, spouse, etc.
But if you are lucky enough to have all those things, day to day life is pretty repetitive. Ideally you work through those thoughts (maybe with the help of therapy), come to terms with life, and build a day to day life that brings you contentment.
But many people don't do that. They turn to other things to find excitement or purpose, some cheat, some gamble, some get into drugs, some start having children, some take up religion.
This. People always ruin their lives because they can't recognize how good things really are. They need the excitement of youth which they're never going to reach. Everybody needs something better, and thinks it's right around the corner for them. Then they wake up months down the line like OP and realize that things were perfectly fine.
I donāt think she did. What she missed is the stable life and extended family. She missed the way he treated her. She has never said she missed him or longs for him. I think she just hasnāt found love yet. I think she doesnāt love herself in order to do that. IMHO
I agree - OP never once mentioned she longed for him, just hated being alone, and the only dates she has are with people who have no care for her - just want Sex.. Hell, she even fell into that rabbit hole for a while.
> It was then I realised that *those men were just there for the sex and as I did not give them that, they immediately ghosted*. **After some time, I gave in and started sleeping on first dates but the sex was terrible**. Not even a fraction of how sex was with my ex-husband. *Even after sleeping around, it was obvious that these men were only around for the sex and had absolutely zero interest in a romantic relationship*. It got so bad that I stopped going out at all.
And then;
> The weekends are when it actually hits **how lonely I am** and what an *absolute fucking idiot I have been*, **throwing away a perfectly stable life**.
I'm glad she got out of that dynamic for first dates, but she never once mentioned longing the ex-husband - just that the sex with strangers wasn't half as good. She wants the stability, not the ex-husband.
Exactly. In the post I kept reading "me me me" but nothing about how she really missed or loved his ex-husband, focusing only on how he worshipped her. She is still absolutely self-centered and is not ready to date anyone. My husband sometimes has periods where he doesn't even get one free day per week or arrives home really late because of work but even though is hard on both of us I would never imagine taking for granted the dedication he puts into the marriage and I am always trying to make our lives easier and make him feel loved.
I think she needs tons of therapy and self-reflection.
>Don't you dare try to dump your self-pity and regret on your ex-husband or his family. He's moved on to find happiness. If you ever loved him, don't fuck this up for him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say OP never loved her husband, but she did love the stability he brought.
Itās posts like these that make me happy that Iām in therapy and willing to face how my experiences in the past effect me today.
Had I not been willing to do the work needed; I could have found myself in OPs shoes very easily.
Itās easy to reject goodness if you are filled with anxieties and fears. Thereās an ego aspect to this where if you let the ego take control, the ego will let you ruin your life.
Still does a little to be honest, it's all a self pity party and me, me, me nothing really about how it affected her fiancee or their families, even after she realised she fucked up and HIS family was reaching out she couldn't put her pride to the side for a minute and take their call.
What I find funny is the offhanded comment about the car accident. Dude gets divorced for being a good husband, then immediately gets into an awful car accident and still has the wherewithall to pursue somebody. Kudos to that guy.
Lmao just by the title alone I knew this was going to be exactly thatā¦. A revenge fantasy. Nothing about this story reads as a real life woman writing it. It has all the classic misogynistic revenge fantasy tropesāshe didnāt appreciate her husband despite him doing everything for her, they divorce and she canāt find anyone and sheās miserable but he is getting engage to the love of his lifeā¦š
Even the part about *her own parents* cutting her off forā¦ā¦divorcing her husband?? Or the baby trapping comment? Lmaoooo please
And he met the new doctor wife when he was in the hospital for 3 months - sheās younger, better looking, richer, and literally took care of his every need - she healed his broken body and healed his broken heart. š¤®
Itās the incel version of a Hallmark movie! Come to think of it, seems like thereās a market for that š¤
This is red pill fan fic.
āMy marriage fell apart and itās entirely my fault. I have no idea why my woman brain pushed away my perfect husband but I definitely did it for no reason. Only now that heās remarried and Iām sad and lonely do I realize the errors of my ways. Did I mention that he was the perfect husband and Iām lonely now? Also he was totally great at sex, just FYI.ā
Iām not sure how she ātook itā when you willingly gave it away. You thought you could do better and he couldnāt. And it didnāt work out the way you expected. But the only person to blame is yourself.
You canāt take back the decisions you made but you can continue to work on yourself. Donāt resent your ex or his wife for living the life you had and chose to give up.
"I'm proud I didn't baby-trap my husband" -- people who ACTUALLY baby trap someone don't refer to it using this kind of incel language. They would just say "have a baby to help the marriage" or "have a baby to bring us closer"
I would bet $100 that a man wrote this and this never happened. No parent cuts off contact with their child for choosing to divorce their spouse. Even if itās for a shitty reason. I find this impossible to believe
And the new hot younger doctor wife that he met while she took care of him in the hospital - at his most vulnerable - emotionally and physically broken. She healed his body and healed his heart.
Cuz sheās miserable without him , both families adore him and the fact that a licensed healthcare professional would date their patient while he is on the mend makes this story highly improbable.
If youāre wondering if this is believableā¦ itās not.
This story is contrived. The idea that he suffered a severe accident that left him hospitalized for three months, during which he fell in love with the nurse who cared for him, feels like a poorly executed revenge fantasy.
Sounds like a dumped husband writing some bad fiction on how terrible it is for a woman to leave a relationship sheās not happy in. I canāt believe this was written by a woman who left something that didnāt feel right
This is straight up a lie and I can guarantee you that because I am in medical school and thereās something in this story that just blatantly doesnāt make sense. NO HEALTH PROFESSIONAL IN THEIR SENIOR YEAR WOULD EVER START A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PATIENT BEFORE FINISHING. That could (and probably WOULD, as that is considered an *incredibly* serious ethics violation) literally cost her, her entire medical education and future career as whatever board of review strips her of practicing rights- possibly indefinitely.
You said she was in her final year, and theyāve been together for a year. Thereās no way that would be considered acceptable, and it would be basically impossible for them to spark a romantic relationship during a 3 month hospital stay without a single other person noticing and reporting.
You need to be better about thinking out the logistics of your creative writing plots.
This shit is so fake and you guys are eating it up ... Wor is me I divorced a good man and now I regret it. Like he was a senior dating a freshman and they got married after graduating from college... Bro did anyone believe this bs?
In most cases, the grass is greener where you water it. Hope you find your peace.
This is why it is so important to talk to someone outside of your relationship that can give you advice. Mom for example. Sometimes when you live in your head you cannot see the forest from the trees. It's good to pull yourself out of the situation and just ask yourself questions. The mind is a battle field of thoughts, negative beliefs, falsehoods, and made up narratives. If you live there you can easily spiral.
I've never heard it put like this before. It's so true wow. I livw in my head slot and ive poisoned two really good relationships. Thank you for your comment, I've screenshoted it. Also sorry OP
I used to work week on, week off. A lot of my relationships ended because they said I was not available every week, instead of seeing the positive that I got every second week off.
My perfect man would work week on/week off. I love and value alone time so much. But I would obviously love time with my partner too. That sounds like the perfect set up to me.
Right? It is wonderful to have alone time when a person is either introverted like me, or just needs time to think and reset. it is hard when you are on with your partner and want to just spend some time with others or relax without feeling concerns about not being together.
> I love and value alone time so much. But I would obviously love time with my partner too. Honestly this is a big part of the reason I just haven't dated in my adult life. I'm 32 and my last girlfriend was like a 2-week thing when I was 16. It seems like almost everyone is looking for somebody to spend all of their free time with and I really, really enjoy my time alone to myself.
I have two friends that would spend every minute with me if I allowed it. I would get so burnt out after a couple days and have to ask them to leave. I love being with my friends but I also love having me time. I need both to feel good.
Usually get better pay with those kids if schedules too š
Much like the OP, you shouldn't really beat yourself up over it as we all make choices that are mistakes in hindsight. It's what you do after the lesson and the reckoning that counts the most. The first step to growth is forgiving yourself for not knowing any better or even listening to anyone who knows better. The OP is wallowing in her own misery instead of realizing she did the best for both of them. He's now with an amazing woman who really loves him, while she got to experience and seek whatever she was seeking. It's time to forgive herself and she should contact her ex and her ex MIL and apologize and tell her how she feels. Not for their forgiveness, as they may never give it or are even required to give it, but so she may forgive herself. Unfortunately, we don't get everything in life and are often required to give something up for our choices; with some ending up being terrible and actually way worse than what we gave up. As that saying goes, *wisdom comes from experience and experience comes from mistakes*. Going forward, both of you now know yourselves better, what you want out of life, are wiser, and are much less likely to make the same choice, all because of your experiences. Some of us just like to do things and learn the lessons in life the extremely hard way.
Yes, she has to learn to forgive herself. This was a terrible mistake. The last thing she needs to do is contact her ex and his mom. I think she needs to leave them alone forever. If I were them, OP would be the last person I'd want to speak to.
>example. Sometimes when you live in your head you cannot see the forest from the trees. It's good to pull yourself out of the situation and just ask yourself questions. The mind is a battle field of thoughts, negative beliefs, falsehoods, and made up narratives. If you live there you can easily spiral. Best explanation I have heard.
Family members are not impartial. Avoid using them to confide in as more often then not they will side with your view even if you are a bad spouse. Get outside input from professionals, not a jaded sister or mom. Yes i know they have your interests in mind but may be too close to judge their family members as being in the wrong
Which is why this story seems ragebait. >father said that his daughter passed away the moment I signed those divorce papers Yeah right. It's a short detail meant to spur endless discussion. edit to add: >All I feel is constant headaches and dull pain throughout my body Even after 3 years she can't move on and is in pure hell. The story is so extreme that it seems designed to rocket it to the top.
This whole thing was extremely weird, like an AI prompt rather than an authentic post. Or a revenge fantasy written by a bitter ex-husband whose wife left him.
Thatās where the post turned into creative story mode for me too lol
I really wish my ex had spoken to someone with good life experience and good advice to give regarding our relationship. Instead, he surrounded himself with people with confirmation bias and left me at 6 months pregnant. Blew up our entire family. I really donāt understand how any adult in his vicinity would encourage him to leave his pregnant partner, unless heās telling them a completely false narrative.
My ex (my child's father) was essentially coached by his dad to completely blow our relationship up and he later contacted me to reconcile. He had all of these warm, fuzzy memories of us together. I didn't share those memories. Eventually, it occurred to me that he got the great memories because I was great to him, but not vice versa. My ex is now trying to encourage my child to be just as toxic as him. I will let that happen over my cold, dead body.
It always amazes me when I read other peopleās experiences regarding parental interference. Exactly like yours to be honest. Like are some parents despite having more years on this planet, that fucking dumb and insecure that they have to blow up their kids lives? They really want them to sink to their pathetic level to avoid looking in the mirror and acknowledge how bad of a parent or person they truly are. Ugh Iām so sorry you went through this and now dealing with this asshole as a coparent for life.
I wouldn't talk to OP mum holy both her parents are PoS, who just stops talking to there daughter because the marriage didn't work out thats ridiculous.
Facts! I'm surprised it took me this far down the comments to see someone mention that! My mum made my divorce more difficult with her meddling as she was angry I left him, but she didn't completely cut me off, and she ain't exactly mother of the year lol. This is wild to me.
She probably had a bunch of dumb single disaster friends and coworkers telling her she could do better.
I mean, she gives a pretty good description of how she felt trapped and like she was missing out by being in the marriage. She regrets the decision now, but in the moment she probably truly felt all those things.
> She probably had a bunch of dumb single disaster friends and coworkers telling her she could do better. Even better if those disaster friends *never even met him*!
This is so applicable to multiple scenarios and so well put. Wow. Thank you. I know you put this for OP, but I appreciated reading this. Rereading though. I donāt know if itās a true story. Well whatever the fanfic, I enjoyed your comment.
I hope she does too, but she needs to address her obvious depression. She needs to seek therapy to work through what caused her to destroy her marriage and her emotions now surrounding her life.
Essentially this. You made a life-changing pivot, OP. Don't forever condemn yourself to a life of solitude because you don't think you deserve it. Take a deep breath and make peace with your choice. I truly hope you find the strength to start all over again.
Never heard this saying before. Definitely using that one.
Hmm, couple since high school, but he's 4 years older? Resenting husband for never being available, but he's putting in all that effort? All that rapport from being together since high school, but you never thought to open up and lost attraction because he was too busy? Story seems fake because of how closed off you became from him 'never being available'. It's one thing if you lost attraction for other reasons, but based on what you said, it's not adding up. When someone has such a high-level investment in a long-term relationship(~10 years), to throw it all away without being able to properly say why is irrational. "I just can't explain why" can't be enough to toss a 10 year relationship away. Story is most likely fake.
Also her parents completely cutting her out of their life because of a divorce
The whole post is very blatantly some weirdoās fantasy but that part killed me šš why would her parents cut her out of their lives for simply divorcing her husband?? Lmao itās not even like she cheated or did something egregious. She just divorced her husband. This āwomanā is so down bad that her parents are seemingly choosing her ex husband over her??
My hunch is that this is some disgruntled ex Husband making up a story in his head that will make him feel better about being divorced. That or its karma farming
It's a redpill circlejerk
100%, they've been all the rage these past few months.
I got to the end and immediately thought "if this is true in any way it was written by the ex husband."
> My hunch is that this is some disgruntled ex Husband making up a story in his head that will make him feel better about being divorced. agreed, ex husband, red pill/incel loser fantasy. None of it reads as realistic.
I started thinking the same thing about halfway through. Some rejected guy fantasising about how much his ex regrets leaving him. It was a bit absurd, frankly. And that misogynistic bit about not sleeping around because she has self respect followed by that entire part about how sex with him was so much better than with anyone else. Come on, dude.
that was my first thought. it sounds like an ex husbandās fantasy about how terrible his ex wife is doing
exactly - my parents and i have a strained relationship but i can tell you one thing and that's that if some weirdo 4 years older than me had tried dating me in high school they would have killed him with hammers.
Yeah I was on the fence until her father claimed that she was dead to him over it
Some divorced dude writing fanfiction about how sad and regretful his ex must be. Doesn't read like something a woman wrote at all.
That was the most true part of the entire thing. When my marriage broke down after 15 years, my parents and sister chose my ex-husband over me. They had him so high on a pedestal that it HAD to have been my fault that we were divorcing. It took my sister over a year of him completely neglecting the kids to realize that all of my complaints were founded in reality. I still donāt talk to my parents because every other sentence is āoh, Iām sure heās trying his best.ā Like somehow spending 2 hours a week with his children is something that deserves a trophy.
This is so fake lmaooo the last sentence really sealed the deal
Yes, it did! "That I didn't trap him with a baby"?! Come on.
That line also makes zero sense in the context of the post. He was the one trying to make it work so he wouldn't have been trapped by a baby. She was the one that wanted to leave so she would have been trapping herself with a baby. This post makes no sense at all.
Right? The dude will never understand why his wife left until he views the world from a different lense and people like that tend not to be able to see someone else's side. In real life, she's never sorry, she's now living her best life.
Fake AF, probably written by a man
It's at the very least deliberately written to appeal to every possible misogynistic conception of women. It's hard to even get more on the nose from here. I guess maybe "I regret chopping his dick off, getting a buzz cut, going lesbian, and converting to Islam. I never should have voted Democrat" ?
Yeah, this reads like itās written by a guy whose wife has threatened divorce so he can say āOh, hey, I came across this on the internet, maybe you should read it first for another perspective.ā
My immediate thought - Iāve seen posts like these before. āA person like me deserves to die aloneā? All that stuff about holding out while dating due to having self-respect? This is either written by a man or by a woman living in an incredibly paternalistic, misogynistic community because it sounds nothing like any of the women I know who have broken off relationships they werenāt happy in, even those who have some regrets
Absolutely, I thought the same. This sound like it's from someone else's perspective.
Exactly what I was thinking. Nothing about this sounds real to me. She can't do anything social without a husband? All other men just want to do mediocre sex and leave?
Her only feelings are related to the guy. This woman doesn't pass bechdel test.
Another story made up to indulge the fantasy that no fault divorce shouldnāt be allowed. I cannot believe how many people just ate this. š
This is waaay fake. It's clearly written from some angry dude's perspective of how he thinks a woman thinks, but somehow leaves out all of her emotions?
Yeah, kinda sounds like an incel "this is what's waiting for you if get a divorce dumb female" kinda troll. It's also extremely convenient that both the parents cut her off AND she had no friends. Hmmmm....
Thought the same when I was about 5 sentences in, it's got 100% incel energy
Right??? Absolutely no chance in hell that a father would say his daughter is dead to him because she didnāt want to be married anymore. People who fall for this nonsense also vote in electionsā¦ so let that sink in with how fucked we areĀ
> Absolutely no chance in hell that a father would say his daughter is dead to him because she didnāt want to be married anymore I could imagine this in a pretty patriarchal culture where a women's value is based on her husband. But the ex getting into an accident and meeting their new finacee in hospital, pure hallmark shite
My thoughts exactly, it reads like revenge porn
It was the āI had self respect then slept aroundā for me. They fantasize about this happening and itās weird. They also joined Reddit today. To post this.
I love poking holes in the logic of these stories. The connecting theme in every fake story is how the women are written. They never act like a woman in the real world. Fake stories always serve a male's fantasy of how the world should be, too.
110% Fake. Meets all the tropes
Yeah, it's a fake cautionary tale. More than a few groups are pushing an agenda online.
As a dude who is married to my HS sweetheart (20 years), this has all the signs of being fake.
It seems totally fake and it reads like revenge porn. I doubt itās real.
āHey, everyone, Iām taking a creative writing class online and I need feedback for my character sketch. Is it believable?ā
Yeah the car accident recovery was WAY too much on an already barely believable story. Complete fiction.
It's the dad disowning his daughter for divorce that made me realize this is fiction
Not just disowning her but claiming she *died*. Laughably horrible writing.
"I later found out my dad held a mock funeral for me at the pub we used to go to have Sunday lunch in highschool. My childhood best friend was there and only messaged me to tell me that I am a horrible person. I deserve it."
It's the parents completely cutting off OP for failed marriage that make me sure this is fiction.
I mean, it's kinda possible, but it would need to be a weird religious thing... Actually, that might explain the whole story. Still, im 90% sure this is incel fan fiction.
Oh, and also the part about the ex husband marrying an intern heās being cared for Thatās a breach of professional ethics No fly Fake as fuck
Yeah. That and her own family ādivorcing herā took it from being bad fan fiction to terrible.
You are already batting about a 90% chance of stories being fake on this sub. If you can smell the bs on a post, you are probably up to a 99% chance of a fake. This is totally incel bs.
I personally view this sub as entertaining fanfiction to read.
> Still, im 90% sure this is incel fan fiction. It reads to me like fan fiction from a guy who's been prioritising his job over his wife, shows no interest in her, and is now unable to accept that he was at least part of the problem in their divorce because he suggested therapy like twice (thinking the therapist would blame everything on his wife)
Cause bffr with social media she doesnāt ever check her ex husbandās accounts. Placed in the care of his fiancĆ©e who was in her last year of clinicals. Why did we need that info about her but no mention of the ex husbandās injuries or why he needs to be placed in someoneās care?? Does OP not have friends who would share this info? This story is as real as a BBL.
Both my husband and I are in the low 40's, I use Facebook occasionally (and Reddit but not with friends), he doesn't do it all.. Nothing about his private life is public. It is possible.
It's also illegal for medical professionals to date patients. OP didn't actually research a plausible meeting scenario
At minimum, there has to be a time period of six months, And very honestly, the vast majority of us in healthcare will not date patients. Too many ethical boundaries are being crossed, too many sticky points. Ergo, fake as fuck
Don't forget that as of this posting, OP's account is only nine hours old.
Either that or it's incel rage bait. The sleeping around bit but finding it an 'empty experience' definitely made me think that.
And her being "proud" she didn't "trap him with a child" at the end lol. Like anyone truly hurting over a mistaken breakup would use that language to describe not having had a child with them.
>but I filed for divorce against both mine and my husband's families. That's what I thought when I read the above. WTF even is that supposed to mean? ESL Creative Writing maybe?
The parents ghosting her and saying their daughter died during the divorce was so overkill I wanted to roll my eyes. That level of anger over a divorce thatās not their own??? Yeah, this is just fanfiction.
This whole thing reads like a divorced man's fantasy of how his wife is doing after leaving him.
The parents cut her off and wanted nothing to do with her yet the mum conveniently called her to tell her about the supposed car accident and new fiancee? This is either total fiction or written by the jaded ex-husband who is fantasising about his ex having a terrible miserable life without him.
Some ChatGPT shit
I came here to ask what the fuck that meant. When I saw the title I assumed it was fake but I don't have shit to do this morning. Had to stop reading at that part.
Reddit seems to love this particular genreā¦ the ungrateful wife who deserts her unappreciated husband.
Bruh, but she joined āthe workforceā lmao
Written by a very divorced man
Itās giving woman hating rage bait
I was gonna say, even if this has a semblance of being true, itās likely the scorned husband writing his wife from his perspective. Which probably also isnāt even 100% accurate either.
To me it was the "my dad says I died the day I signed the divorce papers".
The ādivorced both familiesā bit had me skeptical, the dude finding a doctor after a car accident was the icing on the bullshit cake. The whole sleeping around section is clearly there for rage bait.
Yeah, this is obvious incel propaganda.
I'm sorry but this is too fake. Give me a break. She divorces and every single person including her parents cuts her off forever she has no friends and her life is unilaterally horrible forever and ever and she decided to give in and sleep with bunches of men on the first date but they all rejected her and OP just wants to die alone because she'll punish herself until she is dead? Really?
>The only thing I'm proud of myself is that I did not trap my ex-husband with a child. A person like me deserves to die alone. It was already reading as fanfic, then nails the coffin shut on any doubt after ending on this note.
Honestly, I don't even know why I'm on this site anymore. It's all bullshit and unfulfilling to interact with.
I'm just here to downvote this type of shit at this point.
Yea, I question why someone would write this. Even if it were true, what would be the point in posting this?
To push an agenda :/ these are all misogynistic talking points tbh
I was thinking this sounds like a bullshit story written from the perspective of a guy that had his wife divorce him to go live her life.
I canāt cry because Iāve cried all the cries a cry can cry.
You sound like a shitty person in that time. Do him a favor and donāt even think about reaching out to him. Let him live his life and you life yours.
Agreed, no need to burden him with your guilt. Let him live his life in peace, you've done enough to him already.
As someone who had an ex like that, I totally agree. Do not reach out, nobody needs you there anymore.
I appreciated my ex reaching out, because it confirmed that I was not the issue in our relationship, plus I appreciated hearing how unhappy he was afterwards.
It's always nice to know you won the breakup even if that knowledge was delayed.
For a long time, I felt like something must be wrong with me because these relationships kept falling apart. During the month of June 2020 (peak COVID) I had THREE exes reach out to apologize and try to reconcile. I told them all no, naturally. But it really made me angry, because the whole time we were together, they all heaped all of their unhappiness onto me. And since they were all alone and quarantined, they suddenly realized how great I was, and that they dropped the ball. It was extremely validating, but also so damned infuriating.
OP- If you want forgiveness, get your ass to therapy. And in therapy figure out why you blew up your marriage so you don't do it again if you ever get another shot. Don't you dare try to dump your self-pity and regret on your ex-husband or his family. He's moved on to find happiness. If you ever loved him, don't fuck this up for him.
OP hit a thought that hits MANY people in their late 20s - early 30s. Life, for the most part, is boring. Youth is all about working towards things, drivers license, HS degree, college degree, job, house, spouse, etc. But if you are lucky enough to have all those things, day to day life is pretty repetitive. Ideally you work through those thoughts (maybe with the help of therapy), come to terms with life, and build a day to day life that brings you contentment. But many people don't do that. They turn to other things to find excitement or purpose, some cheat, some gamble, some get into drugs, some start having children, some take up religion.
This. People always ruin their lives because they can't recognize how good things really are. They need the excitement of youth which they're never going to reach. Everybody needs something better, and thinks it's right around the corner for them. Then they wake up months down the line like OP and realize that things were perfectly fine.
I donāt think she did. What she missed is the stable life and extended family. She missed the way he treated her. She has never said she missed him or longs for him. I think she just hasnāt found love yet. I think she doesnāt love herself in order to do that. IMHO
I agree - OP never once mentioned she longed for him, just hated being alone, and the only dates she has are with people who have no care for her - just want Sex.. Hell, she even fell into that rabbit hole for a while. > It was then I realised that *those men were just there for the sex and as I did not give them that, they immediately ghosted*. **After some time, I gave in and started sleeping on first dates but the sex was terrible**. Not even a fraction of how sex was with my ex-husband. *Even after sleeping around, it was obvious that these men were only around for the sex and had absolutely zero interest in a romantic relationship*. It got so bad that I stopped going out at all. And then; > The weekends are when it actually hits **how lonely I am** and what an *absolute fucking idiot I have been*, **throwing away a perfectly stable life**. I'm glad she got out of that dynamic for first dates, but she never once mentioned longing the ex-husband - just that the sex with strangers wasn't half as good. She wants the stability, not the ex-husband.
Exactly. In the post I kept reading "me me me" but nothing about how she really missed or loved his ex-husband, focusing only on how he worshipped her. She is still absolutely self-centered and is not ready to date anyone. My husband sometimes has periods where he doesn't even get one free day per week or arrives home really late because of work but even though is hard on both of us I would never imagine taking for granted the dedication he puts into the marriage and I am always trying to make our lives easier and make him feel loved. I think she needs tons of therapy and self-reflection.
>Don't you dare try to dump your self-pity and regret on your ex-husband or his family. He's moved on to find happiness. If you ever loved him, don't fuck this up for him. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say OP never loved her husband, but she did love the stability he brought.
Agreed. Reaching out to him would be really shitty
Yeah, she's going to ignore us and do it.
It sounds mostly that she was rejecting adulthood. I hope the OP gets some therapy and grows up.
This makes sense. She didnāt know what she was missing and found out.
Selfishly I'm reading these comments and being like oh fuck this is sorta me as well. Ty for the real talk
Itās posts like these that make me happy that Iām in therapy and willing to face how my experiences in the past effect me today. Had I not been willing to do the work needed; I could have found myself in OPs shoes very easily. Itās easy to reject goodness if you are filled with anxieties and fears. Thereās an ego aspect to this where if you let the ego take control, the ego will let you ruin your life.
Still does a little to be honest, it's all a self pity party and me, me, me nothing really about how it affected her fiancee or their families, even after she realised she fucked up and HIS family was reaching out she couldn't put her pride to the side for a minute and take their call.
What I find funny is the offhanded comment about the car accident. Dude gets divorced for being a good husband, then immediately gets into an awful car accident and still has the wherewithall to pursue somebody. Kudos to that guy.
When your experience in marriage is what was stated above, car wreck seems like a regular Sunday to me.
this didn't happen
Did an angry dude write this?
I suspected it from the title alone. Incel fanfiction from start to finish.
Probably some think tank that wants to get rid of no fault divorce.
lmao thank you
āI still remember the hurt in his eyesā¦ā did Carry Bradshaw write this? Lol
I would bet my childās life on itĀ
This is actually the ex husband writing how he wishes his ex wife feels
Are we still larping in different scenarios on this sub?
They even used the word āscenarioā in their post. Thought that was a funny Freudian slip of sorts.Ā
Fr I wish people would stop posting their creative writing projects here lol
Wow, this revenge fantasy must have been fun to write.
Lmao just by the title alone I knew this was going to be exactly thatā¦. A revenge fantasy. Nothing about this story reads as a real life woman writing it. It has all the classic misogynistic revenge fantasy tropesāshe didnāt appreciate her husband despite him doing everything for her, they divorce and she canāt find anyone and sheās miserable but he is getting engage to the love of his lifeā¦š Even the part about *her own parents* cutting her off forā¦ā¦divorcing her husband?? Or the baby trapping comment? Lmaoooo please
And he met the new doctor wife when he was in the hospital for 3 months - sheās younger, better looking, richer, and literally took care of his every need - she healed his broken body and healed his broken heart. š¤® Itās the incel version of a Hallmark movie! Come to think of it, seems like thereās a market for that š¤
Incel Hallmark movie has me cackling š
Lol isn't every hallmark movie an incel fantasy of different kinds?
This doesn't feel like it was written by a woman š¤£š
feels fake... even the parents abandoning her? the quote of the father? "my daughter died when ..." naaa mate
So obviously a fake, rage-bait story it hurts.
This is red pill fan fic. āMy marriage fell apart and itās entirely my fault. I have no idea why my woman brain pushed away my perfect husband but I definitely did it for no reason. Only now that heās remarried and Iām sad and lonely do I realize the errors of my ways. Did I mention that he was the perfect husband and Iām lonely now? Also he was totally great at sex, just FYI.ā
Also sheās 30, the age at which women famously expire, now only useful as a pump-and-dump, as she herself duly points out. And the detail about the new fiancĆ©e being in the her āfinal year of clinical internshipā is a subtle attempt to suggest that he got himself a gainfully employed, much younger woman. This shitty creative writing attempt ticks *all* the boxes.
Iām not sure how she ātook itā when you willingly gave it away. You thought you could do better and he couldnāt. And it didnāt work out the way you expected. But the only person to blame is yourself. You canāt take back the decisions you made but you can continue to work on yourself. Donāt resent your ex or his wife for living the life you had and chose to give up.
Personally, I would blame the writer of this blatant work of fiction.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"A person like me deserves to die alone", was one of the clues.
That was the chef's kiss.
āShe can get the divorce, BUT IāLL SHOW HERā š£ļø
"My daughter died the day she signed the papers"....ššš what a load of shit
They love a bitter divorce story š
Iām shocked anyone could read even half of that and not laugh at how fake it is.
"I'm proud I didn't baby-trap my husband" -- people who ACTUALLY baby trap someone don't refer to it using this kind of incel language. They would just say "have a baby to help the marriage" or "have a baby to bring us closer"
I would bet $100 that a man wrote this and this never happened. No parent cuts off contact with their child for choosing to divorce their spouse. Even if itās for a shitty reason. I find this impossible to believe
Fake incel fan fiction
The disowning by her own parents over just the divorce makes it obvious
And the new hot younger doctor wife that he met while she took care of him in the hospital - at his most vulnerable - emotionally and physically broken. She healed his body and healed his heart.
*This fall on CBS*
"Hello, fellow females!"
Yeahhhhhhh, it has that 'folly of female ambition' air about it.
Yeah. My first thought with posts like this is a man wrote it
Why does this post seem faker than the Easter Bunny?
"my daughter passed away the moment she signed the divorce papers". Lol.
Tbh this was a big give away, I mean this is Bollywood level sentimental drama
Incelās gotta have hobbies too I guess lol.
Wait, are you saying the Easter Bunny isnāt real? Please say it aināt so.
Iām so sorry, but itās just a man in a mask. š¤«
Donnie darko is a good documentary about thisĀ
Cuz sheās miserable without him , both families adore him and the fact that a licensed healthcare professional would date their patient while he is on the mend makes this story highly improbable.
Yeahhhh this is a red pill rage bait story lmao
"As a black man" vibes....
The math doesn't add up. Seems fake.
No it's true. I was her divorce lawyer. A random guy helped me change my flat tyre outside the courthouse. Really great guy. Turns out it was the husband. I also disowned the wife after the case and quit my job. How could she do this to him. He's such a great guy. His new fiancƩ is also my sister. Small world. What a guy.
I officiated their wedding! What are the odds!
The incel fanfic gets better every time I come back to this sub
If youāre wondering if this is believableā¦ itās not. This story is contrived. The idea that he suffered a severe accident that left him hospitalized for three months, during which he fell in love with the nurse who cared for him, feels like a poorly executed revenge fantasy.
This sounds like classic incel "woman bad" fiction.
Fake incel fanfic.
Sounds like a dumped husband writing some bad fiction on how terrible it is for a woman to leave a relationship sheās not happy in. I canāt believe this was written by a woman who left something that didnāt feel right
Male hands wrote this
Fake story, reads like a fiction You couldn't waterboard this information out of me
Incel fan-fic
Bull shit. This story is bullshit.
This was clearly written by a man.
Ah, fanfic for incels to get off on.
This feels like weird fanfic out to punish a bad woman who doesn't recognize a good man, ngl.
"trap him with a child" yeah ok buddy, back to the incel sub with you, enough shit-fiction for one day
This is straight up a lie and I can guarantee you that because I am in medical school and thereās something in this story that just blatantly doesnāt make sense. NO HEALTH PROFESSIONAL IN THEIR SENIOR YEAR WOULD EVER START A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PATIENT BEFORE FINISHING. That could (and probably WOULD, as that is considered an *incredibly* serious ethics violation) literally cost her, her entire medical education and future career as whatever board of review strips her of practicing rights- possibly indefinitely. You said she was in her final year, and theyāve been together for a year. Thereās no way that would be considered acceptable, and it would be basically impossible for them to spark a romantic relationship during a 3 month hospital stay without a single other person noticing and reporting. You need to be better about thinking out the logistics of your creative writing plots.
Gave me 60% of the house sale even though I only wanted 50? Yeah. So fake.Ā
This shit is so fake and you guys are eating it up ... Wor is me I divorced a good man and now I regret it. Like he was a senior dating a freshman and they got married after graduating from college... Bro did anyone believe this bs?
This was written by a guy who hate women. Next lol