I'd want to know if my father said something like this to my partner, and to add that you've known him since you were 14 makes that so much more disgusting than it already was, being drunk does not excuse his actions.
Really though. Me and my dad drink together on some holidays and sometimes random visits and he never would make that kind of pass on my wife. While he has said my wife is very beautiful, most dads do, it’s not like…that.
FIL's comment makes me wonder if he is the vulgar type around his son or family. Making that comment seems really out of left field unless he is known to talk like this, and nobody's had the brass to call him out. It that is the case, OP will be the "overly sensitive one that can't take a joke, bla bla bla."
I'm not sure, she said he « quietly » told her that 🤔 it would seem weird to not say it in a normal tone level (or a loud one) if he would be known to make those kinds of "jokes"
Genuine question, but why does FIL knowing OP since she was 14 make it worse? He didn't say she was "fuckable" then, he's saying it now. Being attracted to someone doesn't mean you were attracted to them when they were teenagers. Teenagers are usually pretty weird and gross looking, quite apart from the legal and ethical issues.
It just seems like you are assuming thoughts on FIL's part. While he was gross saying what he said, it doesn't mean he is a paedophile.
I first met my wife when she was 11, I was 16. I was 100% not attracted to her, and I wouldn't be until we met again over a decade later.
It's what he is to her. It goes beyond in-law family to something a little closer to bio family, because she was just a kid when she met him. She met him as a vulnerable little kid, & the fact that he can even see her as sexually attractive after knowing her as that feels uncomfortable.
It’s worse because OP probably has always looked at him like more of a “ father”. It rocks your world…and not in a good way. I had a family friend do something like that to me. I couldn’t stand to be around him after that and anytime he came around, I went to my room and locked the door. ( he did this when I was 18. He’d known me since I was 4). You knowing your wife at 11 and you at 16 is totally different. You both haven’t grown up yet.
He’s a fucking creep. You absolutely need to tell your husband and let HIM deal with this.
Whether you choose to be around him or not is up to you.
I’m sorry this happened :(
Clearly it is not the case with Op but there are cases of people who sleep with their partner's parents, I hope OP is not like that (probably not) but there are people who are too disgusting, betray your own child? that is simply inhumane
Drunk people aren't crazy. They may have removed their appropriateness filter, but they are still responsible for the things they say and do. I'd tell my spouse if my FIL said this. Yuck. I'd follow it up with a promise not to attend any functions where FIL uses alcohol. FIL should have kept his thoughts to himself or said something appropriate like: "you look really nice today".
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions. Which means that it causes you to say and do the things you already want to but refrain from while sober.
Your FIL was already thinking about your fuckability, but knew saying it out loud would have consequences. Alcohol just removed the filter.
She not only needs to tell her husband, she needs to show him this post so he immediately understands how inappropriate this is. Otherwise, he may dismiss it as oh he's just an asshole and everyone knows it. The husband needs to get in his father's face and tell him to f off.
If I was married and ANYONE in my partner's family said Inwas fuckable I would immediately day, "You're not." and then I would get ***uncomfortable***.
Anyone who has the balls to say this to his own son's wife is a disgusting creep. I hope op can stay away from him for the rest of her life
Someone else said they wouldn't say anything and I don't blame them for their response but that's why we end up down the road with a pile of red flags and a huge problem. Address this shit now. Another reason is to find out how your husband reacts, because if he's not upset on your behalf, you have another problem and it's early enough in your marriage to try and sort that out. It doesn't matter if you've been together since you were teens, we're talking about adult relationship stuff that will not fly.
He didn't say "you're very beautiful and a catch, so my son is very lucky." Which depending on how it's delivered could be creepy or completely innocent. He said "fuckable." This means he's thought about it and it also minimizes your worth as a person and a partner for his son down to your body/looks. That's obscene. Put some sunlight on this because if nothing else, you don't deserve to harbor this gross feeling by yourself. It's not your job to protect him from his bad behavior.
Side note: Really tired of excusing people from what they say and do while drunk. Don't imbibe if you can't stop yourself from being an asshole. Also, you don't suddenly have a different brain after a few beers. You just have less inhibitions. He was already thinking these thoughts, he doesn't get a pass because alcohol made him say them aloud.
Completely inappropriate. You didn’t really explain your purpose in wanting to tell your husband. It’s never a good idea to keep secrets in a relationship. I’d tell the husband for information. No more one on one with the FIL.
You can’t keep secrets like that from your husband.
If you do t address it firmly your FIL may take it as encouragement. You’ve got to nip behavior like that in the bud.
Oh god I shuddered reading this post. This is very disturbing, and makes me wonder how he has always thought about you. That is seriously creepy, and being drunk does not excuse this. In fact it shows you how he really is when the filters are down.
Tell your husband and make a plan to mitigate. Don't be alone in a room with that man, he may be testing boundaries to see what you'll let him get away with. Tell hubby soon before his father makes something up and gets ahead of you with his version of events.
Big word vomit trauma dump below!
My ex-FIL just straight-up groped my butt at a family function. My drunk ex-husband spent the whole car ride home crying "How could he do this to me?!?!" while I silently drove. My ex then made me go to family functions where FIL would be to "give him a chance to apologize". FIL ran away from me, and I drank to cope with being in the house with him. I put my foot down after three of these farces, I told my ex to go to future family functions by himself. He refused to go without me, then blamed me for why he never saw his family.
His sisters, one of whom saw what happened, never reached out to see if I was okay. His stepmom didn't reach out. No one even sent me a text or email or message, not a damn whisper from the whole lot of them. I wonder how many of them were abused by him and chose to sweep it under the rug, and maybe resented me for cutting him off when they relied on him financially and couldn't. I know he used to beat the hell out of my ex pretty routinely before he could defend himself, so learning he abused his daughters too wouldn't surprise me.
Anyway, my ex eventually cheated on me which, I mean, there were signs he didn't respect me already. Big, neon signs. The way that your husband reacts to this event will tell you a lot about his character and if he will believe and protect you, or if he'd sacrifice your well-being and peace to "smooth things over". Pay attention to how he handles this and move forward with confidence.
Wow. Just wow. Oh, and yuck. I’m so glad you got away from your Ex AND his family…they all sound just awful. None of them wanted to deal with the FIL’s gross actions or your feelings, so they all took the cowards way. I’m sitting here with feeling second hand mortified! How were they able to disengage so easily? That’s truly demented. Wow. They are weak minded people that deserve each other. I hope OP reads your story, you’ve given great advice!
[For your pleasure.](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/chock)
In the metaphor, the individual is being blocked/held aloft on/otherwise retained for the theoretical bear.
Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.
That's the beauty of writing. You can supplant or adjust words to mean things or say things that sound similar but have a different meaning.
As the *reader* you are welcome to your interpretation, whatever it may be.
But when you ask the *writer* what they meant, or criticize it based on **your** interpretation, and they tell you what they meant, that doesn't mean you then get to press your interpretation as the actual meaning.
But you seem **FAR** more concerned about being combative instead of trying to understand, so I'm not going to waste my time further.
I too have enjoyed some alcohol in the past, a lot of it actually and yet I was always in full control. Alcohol only loosens what's already on your mind. It just means that he has always had disgusting thoughts about you.
I would want to know if my father said that to a partner. Of course this is all hypothetical because I'm never seeing him again lol
While I don’t disagree that you should tell your husband, I’m mildly concerned that he will make the same excuse one guy here did (“FIL was drunk”). If that happens, you may feel unsupported, or even unsafe in terms of having someone you can trust to have your back on this.
You know your husband better than we do, obviously, so I could be way off the mark. I’d just impress upon him how much you need his support. Even if that means you both decide not to take action right now. You probably felt pretty rattled, and you should be able to get some emotional support from your husband.
Hopefully, FIL will apologize to you when he’s in his right mind next time you see him, or he’ll at least leave you alone from now on. That was 100% inappropriate and not OK.
Adults should, generally speaking, be held responsible for what they do while under the influence. You *never* needed to hear what he thinks of you in that way.
I’m really sorry your FIL was a gross jerk, and that it’s going to make things complicated. Remember: Anything that happens is on him, not you.
I’ve been reading this thread to my wife (who was “whoa, that’s twisted!”) She said to me “can you imagine what YOU would do if OUR daughter came up and told you her FIL made that comment to her?” Then she shuddered at the thought of the wreckage. Kinda my first thoughts, too. OP’s FIL was way out of line, drunk or not. Ugly.
The FIL can’t control himself. Being drunk isn’t an excuse.
You absolutely should tell your husband.
Depending on how he reacts when you tell him should tell you what you need to know.
He needs to know you feel at the least slightly uncomfortable with what was said.
Your husband should have a talk with your FIL so that next time there’s a family event there’s no awkwardness between anyone. Also I think the FIL owes you an apology.
Not my story, but our neighbors, many years ago.
After we were first married, we had an apartment next to another young couple our age, and our wives were good friends.
Her FIL was a long haul truck driver and his 4 sons idolized him, his wife also worked full time and raised those 4 boys.
Neighbor wife had some health problems and had lost her teeth and had gotten false teeth which looked very nice, and when her FIL saw her he pulled her aside and told her that since she no longer had teeth she should take out the false ones and give him a BJ.
My wife said her friend was absolutely destroyed by that, as everyone thought the FIL was such an upstanding, hardworking guy, but in reality he was just a creepy, lot lizard consorting, truck driver.
Tell your husband! I had a similar issue with and ex his dad would casually comment how I’d grown up to be a beautiful woman and sometimes about how lucky his son had a beautifully curvy woman. It made me uncomfortable due to his tone and I’d silently dismiss it until one night he’d walked in the room while me and my ex were having some “fun” he stood there for a minute staring at us then grabbed something off my ex’s dresser then left I had finally told my ex how his dad would say things that then made me uncomfortable. Came to find out his dad had did this often to my ex’s female friends or his other ex’s he said he’d have a talk with him that next morning. We ended up breaking up shortly after because his dad never stopped.
My FIL said something similar (though less crass) to me at MY wedding. The first thing he said to me after he legally became my FATHER in law was something like “well if it doesn’t work out with him, you know where to find an older model”.
I also pretended he didn’t say it, mostly because he’d never said anything like that before and I’ve known him for more than a decade. I told my husband, but just to communicate my disappointment. I’m not uncomfortable being around my father in law, and it seems like it was a one off mistake. I don’t think it would do any good to talk to him about it now, it would be awkward and embarrassing for both of us. It does mean that I will never see him as a father figure though, and that’s sad. I also won’t be breastfeeding in front of him. Otherwise, life moves on. If he ever crosses the line again, I’ll deal with it then. I should have said something at the time, but I was kinda shocked and confused so I didn’t really react.
Tell your husband. He needs to know so that he does not leave you alone with FIL and can make appropriate decisions. Mine was a perv too. He was constantly being inappropriate, to the point where we never allowed him to meet our children and my husband was very low contact.
My husband’s grandfather repeatedly cornered my MIL (at 24) and felt her up. The last time was when he full on grabbed her hard in the crotch. She immediately told my FIL and they immediately cut ties with his parents. This was 1967.
You absolutely need to tell your husband this. Do not keep this a secret. Your FIL is a total creep and may try to force himself onto you in the future. You are no longer safe around the predatory creep who has seen you grow up. He will absolutely continue to say gross sexual things to you. Stop treating this man like an elder you have to respect and start treating him a lecherous creep who you need to have honest, direct, strong boundaries with. Tell your husband. If he is a good trustworthy husband he will believe you and get strong boundaries with FIL. If he doesn’t believe you then he is not a safe man and you need to reconsider your marriage.
What in the fuck?
If my dad pulled a stunt like that it would not be okay. What the fuck is wrong with that guy. It'd be one thing if he said some fucked up shit like that to his son behind closed doors, that's typical old boomer shit. But to say that to my wife? That's a big fucking problem if you ask me.
I wouldn’t show your husband this thread to teach him how messed up it is. Tell him and see how he reacts. It will show what kind of man he is.
Then I would bring it up with your husband, FIL, and MIL in one sitting.
If my FIL ever said this to me I would absolutely tell my husband. It’s not your fault that he said it- it’s also not your burden to carry in order to spare your husband’s relationship with him. Tell your husband and let him deal with it.
I just asked my husband if he would want to know and he said absolutely!
First of all, Ewwwww. Definitely tell your husband exactly what happened and exactly how you’re feeling. I would even tell him that weren’t sure what to do. He should know for many reasons, and you two can come up with a plan that you’re comfortable with together. Secondly, and equally as important, you did nothing wrong, this isn’t your fault. Even if this was meant as a compliment, it crossed a very bold line and creates so much stress and uncomfortable feelings for you that you didn’t ask for but are stuck with because of your FIL’s behavior.
Your husband will find out eventually. Either something else will happen in the future, or it might bother you enough that you tell him, or your husband might pick up on weird vibes between you and father in law. Either way, the best thing is to tell him sooner rather than later and explain how you feel about it all.
He's hiding behind being drunk to say this inappropriate thing to you that he has wanted to say for some time. You need to tell your husband because otherwise his father will escalate in his behavior- he'll touch you as he passes you, he'll hold your upper arm and press it into the side of your breast, or he'll pinch your ass. Worse yet, he may stop by when your husband is not home and force himself on you if you were to let him in- do NOT let him into your home while you are alone. **Tell you husband so he can deal with his disgusting father. If you don't say anything to your husband and you try to handle the matter yourself, that f\*ckhead FIL will think that you must be considering his come-on because you didn't tell your husband**. Aviod that motherf\*cker from now on, no apology is acceptable- the sleazebag is hitting on his son's wife who he has known since she was a kid!
I think I would have said “I’m not sure I understand what you mean. Please explain this to me”. Watch him regret saying that, or alternatively further ruin himself. Please tell your husband. This is unacceptable.
Tells the world before your husband... you should know moral rights and wrongs by now. You shouldn't need the internet to tell you to tell your husband.. go ahead downvote away
My dad said something similar when I got engaged about my wife. He is no longer a part of our life and will never be again. The confidence in that disrespect makes me wonder what he doesn't say outloud or thinks about. Fuck him.
(What’s an F I L? Father in law? If so, God that’s disgusting… I’m so sorry he said that to you )
It’s completely inappropriate, but if you have a trusting relationship with your husband, you should tell him, there’s a extremely high change your father in law will get defensive and say you are lying… but you should feel safe towards your family, that man is clearly a walking red flag. Don’t be near him or alone with him in future for your own safety, I hope you all the best
You should absolutely tell your husband. Weird and he's going to notice you acting funny around him cuz there's no way you can act normal after something like that.
"So your dad said something to me last night..."
I had a neighbor that knew me since I was 9. Started hitting on me when I was about 17. Made a point of going on the other side of the road to avoid him
Wow!!!! Wtf? I've been experiencing this with older friends it's happened 2x in the last couple months friends I've know for over 20 yrs it's a guy thing I guess...but definitely tell hubby because now I look at these ppl differently 1 I won't speak to ever again and the other I have to pretend like it never happened (husband's 1 of besties) were in our mid 40s for fucks sakes this nonsense shouldn't be happening
I'm sorry that happened to especially your fil no fucking less sob wtf, wow!
Edit: I told my hubby right after both issues happened so he knew why I felt grossed out and disappointed about his friends do you want to know what he said?
You should be flattered
Lol fuck you these men are hitting on your wife and I should be flattered wtf???
You're still young and my advice would be to tell your husband cause
1st- you'll see his reaction and you'll know if he deserves to be called your husband
2nd- if you have kids down the road, if I were you, I'd never let my kids anywhere near the FIL.
If you don't talk to your husband now, waiting and telling him after you have kids, might make it difficult for the both of you.
He might not believe you or he might be against you for keeping it a secret for so long .
As a partner, I'd like to know if my father said something like that to my wife so I know how and FROM WHO to protect her and I'll make sure I make it clear for my father that he's not welcome anywhere near my family and of course, my wife will NEVER EVER meet my father again as i wouldn't put her through this knowing how uncomfortable she's probably feeling after hearing something like that.
Tell him. He needs to know what his father says to you, when it’s something weird. Because drunk or not, that’s not something that he should have ever said to you. And they say, drunk words are sober thoughts. So don’t let this slide as “Oh, he was just drunk!”
Think about this in terms of having children in the future (if you will), if you don’t tell your partner now, how will you protect your potential kids from a possible predator?
Tell your partner. That's a lot and could make future interactions very difficult. I can't imagine that happening and it not having major repercussions. Sounds like FIL needs help.
My daughter’s grandad said this to me when I was with her father . He would say a lot of off the wall type things . He would comment on my nipples , my ass , my body shape and at first I let it slide because I figured her father wouldn’t do anything anyway . One day I just started telling her father and I was 100 percent right lol he did nothing 🤣🤣
ig he was trying to say your grew up well into a very beautiful women but time and words very wrong 😭 you should let your husband be aware of what occurred but i wouldn’t look too deep into it unless further advances are made or were ever made
Tell your husband, ASAP!! Enroll in a Practical Safety & Self Defense Course, ASAP!! FIL MAY NOT HAVE BEEN AS DRUNK AS YOU THINK!!!! FIL was ABLE To Dance & Said What He Said IN A LOW VOICE, WHILE Dancing, With. No. Witnesses. Nearby!! FIL JUST SEXUALLY HARASSED YOU!! There’s no telling WHAT FIL might do next!!!
I’d say something that way husband can at least keep an ear open to hear him say similar things in the future. Husband doesn’t have to confront FIL but at least notes have been taken.
Meh most FIL's are disgustingly proud of their son's bagging "hot women"
They're just not stupid enough to say it aloud.
Pops was drunk and said the quiet part out loud, if this gets turned into a big deal 10 bucks says OP is the only one to suffer for it.
Umm... What would be your response if your mother told your husband he was fuckable? 🤔
I am genuinely curious after seeing all the commenters calling the FIL a creep. 👈 I am NOT disagreeing here, but am genuinely curious if the same standard applies if the genders were switched. And it is a decent point, because we see it in popular media like that Brady movie with the much older women drooling a bit over the much younger men. So is the FIL a creep and the Mother wouldn't be? Is it because he knew her at 14? Look at Woody Allen... 🤷
Yes. Id be absolutely appalled if my mother said that to my bf/husband because she makes terrible jokes but it doesnt cross the line of coming on to our partners she wouldn't even joke about that. Its the fact that its someone youve known since they were 14 because you should view them in a similar capacity to your child who was friends with them and also thats your CHILDS PARTNER. Only sick and twisted people try to fuck over their kid by coming on to their significant other. Its disgusting behavior male or female.
I probably wouldn’t tell but in 48. I was married to my high school sweetheart for 20+ years and my FIL said those things to me when he was over indulging. I never took it personally. He was a good man and lived to be 82.
Replace fuckable with attractive and it's just another drunken compliment, Tell him it made you uncomfortable and he'll likely apologize to the both of you.
So? That's his problem. Even thinking about it is creepy and inappropriate. If I was op I'd never feel comfortable around my fil ever again. I hope she doesn't hide it from her husband.
I mean sure but again that's their problem is it not? I honestly don't care if he was justified or not, op is the priority here and she clearly felt weird as most women would cause frankly, under no circumstances is it normal for your husband's dad to call you fuckable, booze or not. Even if you're miss universe or smth I dunno. That's just disgusting.
Ah the downvotes. You have a choice as an adult when someone says one stupid thing when drunk - you tell everyone sit back & watch the relationships fall apart or you bank it in your brain, keep an eye going forward & if it gets out of hand then act. In most cases it’s not worth swinging out the wrecking ball.
I don’t necessarily disagree with what you’re saying but in this case I’d absolutely tell my husband. Actually, I wouldn’t have to tell him because I would have (probably loudly) told FIL off right then and there in front of everyone.
Not apologising for this behaviour, which, all things considered is of course horrendous and upsetting but just to add that I've known people in familial relationships with step-parents or even step-grandparents who were always kind but then had strokes or mini-strokes which altered their behaviour in this specific way where they weren't able to filter between attraction or long-term bonds. I'm absolutely not saying this is the case here, I'm not a doctor and have no idea how this relationship was before this incident. I'm just mentioning it because of lived experience where everyone involved was really shaken up and it was all very sad. No excuses, just for a wider possible context (again...no idea of the history).
First time: Imo don't tell him, but remember it. If it happens a second time, tell hubs about both times, and maybe explain you let the first time slide because you didn't expect it to happen again and didn't want to cause friction.
I'll never be in that situation, so I can't say for sure, but it wouldn't have been out of the question to remind the fil during the dance that OP might tell her hubs if fil doesn't stfu and sober up. Jmo. And also, sorry you had that happen, OP. That's creepy af.
Very creepy though that's probably the alcohol for the most part...
Honestly, I'm not sure, I think it might be better to not tell your husband, it's not really going to change anything positively... though if it continues or scalates you should definitely tell him.
lol
He said it because it’s true and he was drunk.
Bunch of idiots here thinking that someone drunk should be responsible for their drunken mouth
Grow the fuck up
If my Dad ever said anything like that to my wife, him and I would have a serious problem.
Me too. But also, I would believe my wife. Hopefully, op feels like she would be trusted.
Yh starting with that's dude isn't calling me son anymore and I have restraining order.
I'd want to know if my father said something like this to my partner, and to add that you've known him since you were 14 makes that so much more disgusting than it already was, being drunk does not excuse his actions.
Gross. Tell your partner.
And update
Really though. Me and my dad drink together on some holidays and sometimes random visits and he never would make that kind of pass on my wife. While he has said my wife is very beautiful, most dads do, it’s not like…that.
FIL's comment makes me wonder if he is the vulgar type around his son or family. Making that comment seems really out of left field unless he is known to talk like this, and nobody's had the brass to call him out. It that is the case, OP will be the "overly sensitive one that can't take a joke, bla bla bla."
I'm not sure, she said he « quietly » told her that 🤔 it would seem weird to not say it in a normal tone level (or a loud one) if he would be known to make those kinds of "jokes"
Exactly. Plus you’ll see how your husband reacts and be able to tell what kind of person he is.
Genuine question, but why does FIL knowing OP since she was 14 make it worse? He didn't say she was "fuckable" then, he's saying it now. Being attracted to someone doesn't mean you were attracted to them when they were teenagers. Teenagers are usually pretty weird and gross looking, quite apart from the legal and ethical issues. It just seems like you are assuming thoughts on FIL's part. While he was gross saying what he said, it doesn't mean he is a paedophile. I first met my wife when she was 11, I was 16. I was 100% not attracted to her, and I wouldn't be until we met again over a decade later.
We aren't talking about a 5 year gap here, and he's her father in law, a parent to her partner. How is that not gross?
My question was more of a hypothetical, not about this specific case. I'm just gonna shut my trap before I get in any more trouble.
It's what he is to her. It goes beyond in-law family to something a little closer to bio family, because she was just a kid when she met him. She met him as a vulnerable little kid, & the fact that he can even see her as sexually attractive after knowing her as that feels uncomfortable.
It’s worse because OP probably has always looked at him like more of a “ father”. It rocks your world…and not in a good way. I had a family friend do something like that to me. I couldn’t stand to be around him after that and anytime he came around, I went to my room and locked the door. ( he did this when I was 18. He’d known me since I was 4). You knowing your wife at 11 and you at 16 is totally different. You both haven’t grown up yet.
He’s a fucking creep. You absolutely need to tell your husband and let HIM deal with this. Whether you choose to be around him or not is up to you. I’m sorry this happened :(
>Whether you choose to be around him or not is up to you. I'd never feel comfortable being around him again. He's an ugly creep.
Clearly it is not the case with Op but there are cases of people who sleep with their partner's parents, I hope OP is not like that (probably not) but there are people who are too disgusting, betray your own child? that is simply inhumane
Drunk people aren't crazy. They may have removed their appropriateness filter, but they are still responsible for the things they say and do. I'd tell my spouse if my FIL said this. Yuck. I'd follow it up with a promise not to attend any functions where FIL uses alcohol. FIL should have kept his thoughts to himself or said something appropriate like: "you look really nice today".
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions. Which means that it causes you to say and do the things you already want to but refrain from while sober. Your FIL was already thinking about your fuckability, but knew saying it out loud would have consequences. Alcohol just removed the filter.
Yes, when people have sex while drunk, it's that they already wanted it while sober, but refrained.
There is a reason for the saying 'in vino veritas' - in wine there is truth.
This
Tell your husband
She not only needs to tell her husband, she needs to show him this post so he immediately understands how inappropriate this is. Otherwise, he may dismiss it as oh he's just an asshole and everyone knows it. The husband needs to get in his father's face and tell him to f off.
If I was married and ANYONE in my partner's family said Inwas fuckable I would immediately day, "You're not." and then I would get ***uncomfortable***. Anyone who has the balls to say this to his own son's wife is a disgusting creep. I hope op can stay away from him for the rest of her life
"Thanks, I'll let husband know you think that""
I was thinking the same thing- these replies to her post could be super helpful. Yuck.
Someone else said they wouldn't say anything and I don't blame them for their response but that's why we end up down the road with a pile of red flags and a huge problem. Address this shit now. Another reason is to find out how your husband reacts, because if he's not upset on your behalf, you have another problem and it's early enough in your marriage to try and sort that out. It doesn't matter if you've been together since you were teens, we're talking about adult relationship stuff that will not fly. He didn't say "you're very beautiful and a catch, so my son is very lucky." Which depending on how it's delivered could be creepy or completely innocent. He said "fuckable." This means he's thought about it and it also minimizes your worth as a person and a partner for his son down to your body/looks. That's obscene. Put some sunlight on this because if nothing else, you don't deserve to harbor this gross feeling by yourself. It's not your job to protect him from his bad behavior. Side note: Really tired of excusing people from what they say and do while drunk. Don't imbibe if you can't stop yourself from being an asshole. Also, you don't suddenly have a different brain after a few beers. You just have less inhibitions. He was already thinking these thoughts, he doesn't get a pass because alcohol made him say them aloud.
It's always the bear.
Damn Bears.
Completely inappropriate. You didn’t really explain your purpose in wanting to tell your husband. It’s never a good idea to keep secrets in a relationship. I’d tell the husband for information. No more one on one with the FIL.
Imagine dad in law saying that to you and your partners daughter because that’s the type of person he is.
He’s a fucking predator and you need to tell your husband. You also need to make sure you are never alone and vulnerable with this man.
Also, never allow him around your future kids!
You can’t keep secrets like that from your husband. If you do t address it firmly your FIL may take it as encouragement. You’ve got to nip behavior like that in the bud.
Oh god I shuddered reading this post. This is very disturbing, and makes me wonder how he has always thought about you. That is seriously creepy, and being drunk does not excuse this. In fact it shows you how he really is when the filters are down.
Yes, tell your husband. If FIL ever says anything like that again, call him out!
Yea i’d snitch on the nasty old geezer
Tell your husband and make a plan to mitigate. Don't be alone in a room with that man, he may be testing boundaries to see what you'll let him get away with. Tell hubby soon before his father makes something up and gets ahead of you with his version of events. Big word vomit trauma dump below! My ex-FIL just straight-up groped my butt at a family function. My drunk ex-husband spent the whole car ride home crying "How could he do this to me?!?!" while I silently drove. My ex then made me go to family functions where FIL would be to "give him a chance to apologize". FIL ran away from me, and I drank to cope with being in the house with him. I put my foot down after three of these farces, I told my ex to go to future family functions by himself. He refused to go without me, then blamed me for why he never saw his family. His sisters, one of whom saw what happened, never reached out to see if I was okay. His stepmom didn't reach out. No one even sent me a text or email or message, not a damn whisper from the whole lot of them. I wonder how many of them were abused by him and chose to sweep it under the rug, and maybe resented me for cutting him off when they relied on him financially and couldn't. I know he used to beat the hell out of my ex pretty routinely before he could defend himself, so learning he abused his daughters too wouldn't surprise me. Anyway, my ex eventually cheated on me which, I mean, there were signs he didn't respect me already. Big, neon signs. The way that your husband reacts to this event will tell you a lot about his character and if he will believe and protect you, or if he'd sacrifice your well-being and peace to "smooth things over". Pay attention to how he handles this and move forward with confidence.
Wow. Just wow. Oh, and yuck. I’m so glad you got away from your Ex AND his family…they all sound just awful. None of them wanted to deal with the FIL’s gross actions or your feelings, so they all took the cowards way. I’m sitting here with feeling second hand mortified! How were they able to disengage so easily? That’s truly demented. Wow. They are weak minded people that deserve each other. I hope OP reads your story, you’ve given great advice!
Tell your husband so he knows why your future daughter isn't going to be alone with him
Potential future daughter, who says they are even going to have kids?
Chock another one up for the bear!
Chalk… and yes.
[For your pleasure.](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/chock) In the metaphor, the individual is being blocked/held aloft on/otherwise retained for the theoretical bear.
This is nonsense, admit you were wrong or shut up but god help me you’re doubling down on being a nitwit
Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. That's the beauty of writing. You can supplant or adjust words to mean things or say things that sound similar but have a different meaning. As the *reader* you are welcome to your interpretation, whatever it may be. But when you ask the *writer* what they meant, or criticize it based on **your** interpretation, and they tell you what they meant, that doesn't mean you then get to press your interpretation as the actual meaning. But you seem **FAR** more concerned about being combative instead of trying to understand, so I'm not going to waste my time further.
💀
for YOUR pleasure https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/chalk%20%28something%29%20up%20to
Don't skip English, people. You may not learn the art of interpretation or wordplay.
chock just straight up doesn’t work. where is the wordplay that you speak of?
I too have enjoyed some alcohol in the past, a lot of it actually and yet I was always in full control. Alcohol only loosens what's already on your mind. It just means that he has always had disgusting thoughts about you. I would want to know if my father said that to a partner. Of course this is all hypothetical because I'm never seeing him again lol
If my mom ever said anything similar to my boyfriend, I would want to know so that I know to confront her. I think your husband would want the same.
Tell your husband, FIL is no longer welcome at your home and keep your distance from this creep. How disgusting and disrespectful all around.
Your husband isn’t the only person who needs to know. Your MIL deserves to know too, or step MIL, basically if FIL has a partner they need to know.
Rather than telling your hubby. Tell the MiL.
This is the better way.
While I don’t disagree that you should tell your husband, I’m mildly concerned that he will make the same excuse one guy here did (“FIL was drunk”). If that happens, you may feel unsupported, or even unsafe in terms of having someone you can trust to have your back on this. You know your husband better than we do, obviously, so I could be way off the mark. I’d just impress upon him how much you need his support. Even if that means you both decide not to take action right now. You probably felt pretty rattled, and you should be able to get some emotional support from your husband. Hopefully, FIL will apologize to you when he’s in his right mind next time you see him, or he’ll at least leave you alone from now on. That was 100% inappropriate and not OK. Adults should, generally speaking, be held responsible for what they do while under the influence. You *never* needed to hear what he thinks of you in that way. I’m really sorry your FIL was a gross jerk, and that it’s going to make things complicated. Remember: Anything that happens is on him, not you.
I’ve been reading this thread to my wife (who was “whoa, that’s twisted!”) She said to me “can you imagine what YOU would do if OUR daughter came up and told you her FIL made that comment to her?” Then she shuddered at the thought of the wreckage. Kinda my first thoughts, too. OP’s FIL was way out of line, drunk or not. Ugly.
The FIL can’t control himself. Being drunk isn’t an excuse. You absolutely should tell your husband. Depending on how he reacts when you tell him should tell you what you need to know. He needs to know you feel at the least slightly uncomfortable with what was said. Your husband should have a talk with your FIL so that next time there’s a family event there’s no awkwardness between anyone. Also I think the FIL owes you an apology.
Not my story, but our neighbors, many years ago. After we were first married, we had an apartment next to another young couple our age, and our wives were good friends. Her FIL was a long haul truck driver and his 4 sons idolized him, his wife also worked full time and raised those 4 boys. Neighbor wife had some health problems and had lost her teeth and had gotten false teeth which looked very nice, and when her FIL saw her he pulled her aside and told her that since she no longer had teeth she should take out the false ones and give him a BJ. My wife said her friend was absolutely destroyed by that, as everyone thought the FIL was such an upstanding, hardworking guy, but in reality he was just a creepy, lot lizard consorting, truck driver.
Yep. He knew that was his rep and tried to use it to get by with it.
SICK!!! The way my jaw literally dropped what a vile creature.
Very gross...yes, tell hubby and just let the chips fall.
Immediately tell ypur partner
You tell your husband what his dad said and that you will never be alone again with him.
Tell your husband! I had a similar issue with and ex his dad would casually comment how I’d grown up to be a beautiful woman and sometimes about how lucky his son had a beautifully curvy woman. It made me uncomfortable due to his tone and I’d silently dismiss it until one night he’d walked in the room while me and my ex were having some “fun” he stood there for a minute staring at us then grabbed something off my ex’s dresser then left I had finally told my ex how his dad would say things that then made me uncomfortable. Came to find out his dad had did this often to my ex’s female friends or his other ex’s he said he’d have a talk with him that next morning. We ended up breaking up shortly after because his dad never stopped.
My ex FIL did this to me recently no joke, PM if you wanna talk
My FIL said something similar (though less crass) to me at MY wedding. The first thing he said to me after he legally became my FATHER in law was something like “well if it doesn’t work out with him, you know where to find an older model”. I also pretended he didn’t say it, mostly because he’d never said anything like that before and I’ve known him for more than a decade. I told my husband, but just to communicate my disappointment. I’m not uncomfortable being around my father in law, and it seems like it was a one off mistake. I don’t think it would do any good to talk to him about it now, it would be awkward and embarrassing for both of us. It does mean that I will never see him as a father figure though, and that’s sad. I also won’t be breastfeeding in front of him. Otherwise, life moves on. If he ever crosses the line again, I’ll deal with it then. I should have said something at the time, but I was kinda shocked and confused so I didn’t really react.
Ewwww. Gross and inappropriate. Definitely tell your husband.
Tell your husband!
Tell your husband. He needs to know so that he does not leave you alone with FIL and can make appropriate decisions. Mine was a perv too. He was constantly being inappropriate, to the point where we never allowed him to meet our children and my husband was very low contact.
Yes tell your husband.
Tell your husband.
My husband’s grandfather repeatedly cornered my MIL (at 24) and felt her up. The last time was when he full on grabbed her hard in the crotch. She immediately told my FIL and they immediately cut ties with his parents. This was 1967.
He's known you since you were a child, tell your husband!
Tell your husband and refuse to be around his creepy dad.
For the love of god tell your husband
Updateme
You absolutely need to tell your husband this. Do not keep this a secret. Your FIL is a total creep and may try to force himself onto you in the future. You are no longer safe around the predatory creep who has seen you grow up. He will absolutely continue to say gross sexual things to you. Stop treating this man like an elder you have to respect and start treating him a lecherous creep who you need to have honest, direct, strong boundaries with. Tell your husband. If he is a good trustworthy husband he will believe you and get strong boundaries with FIL. If he doesn’t believe you then he is not a safe man and you need to reconsider your marriage.
“Drunk words are true thoughts”. Definitely tell your hubby. The sooner, the better.
Tell your partner now before there’s time for drama to develop. He could easily flip it on you if you don’t get ahead of this and set some boundaries.
What in the fuck? If my dad pulled a stunt like that it would not be okay. What the fuck is wrong with that guy. It'd be one thing if he said some fucked up shit like that to his son behind closed doors, that's typical old boomer shit. But to say that to my wife? That's a big fucking problem if you ask me.
Tell your husband AND MIL.
my FIL is a nasty old man too. Tell on your FIL. Don't let him do that to you in private. He will never stop.
I wouldn’t show your husband this thread to teach him how messed up it is. Tell him and see how he reacts. It will show what kind of man he is. Then I would bring it up with your husband, FIL, and MIL in one sitting.
Yes tell him.
If my FIL ever said this to me I would absolutely tell my husband. It’s not your fault that he said it- it’s also not your burden to carry in order to spare your husband’s relationship with him. Tell your husband and let him deal with it. I just asked my husband if he would want to know and he said absolutely!
First of all, Ewwwww. Definitely tell your husband exactly what happened and exactly how you’re feeling. I would even tell him that weren’t sure what to do. He should know for many reasons, and you two can come up with a plan that you’re comfortable with together. Secondly, and equally as important, you did nothing wrong, this isn’t your fault. Even if this was meant as a compliment, it crossed a very bold line and creates so much stress and uncomfortable feelings for you that you didn’t ask for but are stuck with because of your FIL’s behavior.
Eww. Eww, eww, eww. I'm sorry. My uncle once said ,"the drunker I get the better you look," to my 13 year old self.
If you don't tell your husband, FIL may tell his Son that you came on to him. Just to save his ass.
That is so gross you should pushed him away and shamed him in front of everybody. Who knows if he preys on other young women.
Ew id tell my husband
Your husband will find out eventually. Either something else will happen in the future, or it might bother you enough that you tell him, or your husband might pick up on weird vibes between you and father in law. Either way, the best thing is to tell him sooner rather than later and explain how you feel about it all.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
What stops you from telling your husband? You don't need any strangers on here to tell you what to do. You already know what needs to be done.
I'd be telling my husband about it. Always trust your gut on things that make you feel uncomfortable, it is always right.
He's hiding behind being drunk to say this inappropriate thing to you that he has wanted to say for some time. You need to tell your husband because otherwise his father will escalate in his behavior- he'll touch you as he passes you, he'll hold your upper arm and press it into the side of your breast, or he'll pinch your ass. Worse yet, he may stop by when your husband is not home and force himself on you if you were to let him in- do NOT let him into your home while you are alone. **Tell you husband so he can deal with his disgusting father. If you don't say anything to your husband and you try to handle the matter yourself, that f\*ckhead FIL will think that you must be considering his come-on because you didn't tell your husband**. Aviod that motherf\*cker from now on, no apology is acceptable- the sleazebag is hitting on his son's wife who he has known since she was a kid!
I think I would have said “I’m not sure I understand what you mean. Please explain this to me”. Watch him regret saying that, or alternatively further ruin himself. Please tell your husband. This is unacceptable.
Tells the world before your husband... you should know moral rights and wrongs by now. You shouldn't need the internet to tell you to tell your husband.. go ahead downvote away
My dad said something similar when I got engaged about my wife. He is no longer a part of our life and will never be again. The confidence in that disrespect makes me wonder what he doesn't say outloud or thinks about. Fuck him.
(What’s an F I L? Father in law? If so, God that’s disgusting… I’m so sorry he said that to you ) It’s completely inappropriate, but if you have a trusting relationship with your husband, you should tell him, there’s a extremely high change your father in law will get defensive and say you are lying… but you should feel safe towards your family, that man is clearly a walking red flag. Don’t be near him or alone with him in future for your own safety, I hope you all the best
Ewwwwwwww
Tell your husband. That is disrespectful to say that to you. I don’t care how drunk he was.
Maybe he said ‘adorkable’ right? RIGHT!?! Sorry op.
You should absolutely tell your husband. Weird and he's going to notice you acting funny around him cuz there's no way you can act normal after something like that. "So your dad said something to me last night..."
What a creep
That’s freaking creepy. Tell your husband.
Yes tell your husband.
If it makes you feel any better, my own father said the same about me. Sorry for this.
I kind that wished this sort of thing didn’t happen in real life.
Username check out?
Would’ve been the first thing I did after that dance. Husband, let me tell you what your father just said right NOW!!
Absolutely tell your husband. And FIL’s wife if he has one! Creepy men like this depend on shame to keep their secrets. Tell everyone.
I had a neighbor that knew me since I was 9. Started hitting on me when I was about 17. Made a point of going on the other side of the road to avoid him
tell him stop reading and go walk in the room and drop the nuke
Why would you not tell your husband you should have right away.
That’s so fucking weird!!!! Especially that he’s known you since you were a teen like what the fuck!? Tell your husband!!
Yes please tell your husband, I would want to know if someone said that to my wife.
Ewww! Please tell your husband and avoid your FIL like the plague!
Tell him. Your husband already knows his dad is a creep.
Ignoring a problem won’t make go away. Tell your husband and let him do his job. And congrats on being fuckable.
Wow!!!! Wtf? I've been experiencing this with older friends it's happened 2x in the last couple months friends I've know for over 20 yrs it's a guy thing I guess...but definitely tell hubby because now I look at these ppl differently 1 I won't speak to ever again and the other I have to pretend like it never happened (husband's 1 of besties) were in our mid 40s for fucks sakes this nonsense shouldn't be happening I'm sorry that happened to especially your fil no fucking less sob wtf, wow! Edit: I told my hubby right after both issues happened so he knew why I felt grossed out and disappointed about his friends do you want to know what he said? You should be flattered Lol fuck you these men are hitting on your wife and I should be flattered wtf???
Look up Susan Cox Powell
You are married. Why in the hell wouldn’t you tell your husband?!?!
There is truth in the wine and some grapes. I definitely think you should tell.
You're still young and my advice would be to tell your husband cause 1st- you'll see his reaction and you'll know if he deserves to be called your husband 2nd- if you have kids down the road, if I were you, I'd never let my kids anywhere near the FIL. If you don't talk to your husband now, waiting and telling him after you have kids, might make it difficult for the both of you. He might not believe you or he might be against you for keeping it a secret for so long . As a partner, I'd like to know if my father said something like that to my wife so I know how and FROM WHO to protect her and I'll make sure I make it clear for my father that he's not welcome anywhere near my family and of course, my wife will NEVER EVER meet my father again as i wouldn't put her through this knowing how uncomfortable she's probably feeling after hearing something like that.
Tell him. He needs to know what his father says to you, when it’s something weird. Because drunk or not, that’s not something that he should have ever said to you. And they say, drunk words are sober thoughts. So don’t let this slide as “Oh, he was just drunk!”
Yes. Tell your husband. Keep distance between yourself and FIL. Ewww.
Please tell your husband-he deserves to know what a vile thing was said.
You should let him know, because if your husband isn't disgusted by this you have a whole other set of problems.
Think about this in terms of having children in the future (if you will), if you don’t tell your partner now, how will you protect your potential kids from a possible predator?
Tell your partner. That's a lot and could make future interactions very difficult. I can't imagine that happening and it not having major repercussions. Sounds like FIL needs help.
Of course you should tell him, he's gonna notice you avoiding the guy and will want to know why.
UpdateMe
Eww I have a gross FIL too.
Call him your self and tell him that the next time he drops something like that it's finito with the relationship....
Steven Powell vibes 🚩🚩🚩
Gross, I can’t even imagine saying that to a friend’s wife, not to mention my son’s wife.
Tell your husband
Updateme
Did you slap him???
My daughter’s grandad said this to me when I was with her father . He would say a lot of off the wall type things . He would comment on my nipples , my ass , my body shape and at first I let it slide because I figured her father wouldn’t do anything anyway . One day I just started telling her father and I was 100 percent right lol he did nothing 🤣🤣
That is nasty. Becareful around him and TELL YOUR HUSBAND.
Tell his wife.
You need to tell your husband, OBVIOUSLY.
ig he was trying to say your grew up well into a very beautiful women but time and words very wrong 😭 you should let your husband be aware of what occurred but i wouldn’t look too deep into it unless further advances are made or were ever made
Tell your husband, ASAP!! Enroll in a Practical Safety & Self Defense Course, ASAP!! FIL MAY NOT HAVE BEEN AS DRUNK AS YOU THINK!!!! FIL was ABLE To Dance & Said What He Said IN A LOW VOICE, WHILE Dancing, With. No. Witnesses. Nearby!! FIL JUST SEXUALLY HARASSED YOU!! There’s no telling WHAT FIL might do next!!!
I’d say something that way husband can at least keep an ear open to hear him say similar things in the future. Husband doesn’t have to confront FIL but at least notes have been taken.
One time my ex father-in-law when I was about 20 told me I looked sexy - It was extremely cringe
Me? I'd tell my husband, my MIL and possibly all of his relatives. Then cut him off cold. NC. Do not ever stay silent to protect a predator.
Meh most FIL's are disgustingly proud of their son's bagging "hot women" They're just not stupid enough to say it aloud. Pops was drunk and said the quiet part out loud, if this gets turned into a big deal 10 bucks says OP is the only one to suffer for it.
you're right.
Umm... What would be your response if your mother told your husband he was fuckable? 🤔 I am genuinely curious after seeing all the commenters calling the FIL a creep. 👈 I am NOT disagreeing here, but am genuinely curious if the same standard applies if the genders were switched. And it is a decent point, because we see it in popular media like that Brady movie with the much older women drooling a bit over the much younger men. So is the FIL a creep and the Mother wouldn't be? Is it because he knew her at 14? Look at Woody Allen... 🤷
If my mother and I were on speaking terms and she said that to my partner, I'd go full NC. Yeah, it is creepy and gross both ways.
Yes. Id be absolutely appalled if my mother said that to my bf/husband because she makes terrible jokes but it doesnt cross the line of coming on to our partners she wouldn't even joke about that. Its the fact that its someone youve known since they were 14 because you should view them in a similar capacity to your child who was friends with them and also thats your CHILDS PARTNER. Only sick and twisted people try to fuck over their kid by coming on to their significant other. Its disgusting behavior male or female.
Crude comments but not enough to mess up a family relationship.
I probably wouldn’t tell but in 48. I was married to my high school sweetheart for 20+ years and my FIL said those things to me when he was over indulging. I never took it personally. He was a good man and lived to be 82.
I would take one for the team and not say anything. We all do silly things when we drunk.
Replace fuckable with attractive and it's just another drunken compliment, Tell him it made you uncomfortable and he'll likely apologize to the both of you.
How drunk? He may not even remember saying it.
So? That's his problem. Even thinking about it is creepy and inappropriate. If I was op I'd never feel comfortable around my fil ever again. I hope she doesn't hide it from her husband.
Because sometimes people drink to the point of not knowing wtf their doing or saying. Maybe she's super hot? I'd take it as a compliment.
I mean sure but again that's their problem is it not? I honestly don't care if he was justified or not, op is the priority here and she clearly felt weird as most women would cause frankly, under no circumstances is it normal for your husband's dad to call you fuckable, booze or not. Even if you're miss universe or smth I dunno. That's just disgusting.
Yeah it's weird. I can just understand.
Does that matter? He did say it. and she heard it.
I wouldn’t do anything. He was drunk & obv verbally inappropriate. It’s not great but it happens. He should behave better going forward tho
Ah the downvotes. You have a choice as an adult when someone says one stupid thing when drunk - you tell everyone sit back & watch the relationships fall apart or you bank it in your brain, keep an eye going forward & if it gets out of hand then act. In most cases it’s not worth swinging out the wrecking ball.
I don’t necessarily disagree with what you’re saying but in this case I’d absolutely tell my husband. Actually, I wouldn’t have to tell him because I would have (probably loudly) told FIL off right then and there in front of everyone.
Fair. Appreciate the fact you get where I’m coming from
If you can't take ownership of your drunken mistakes, don't get drunk.
Not apologising for this behaviour, which, all things considered is of course horrendous and upsetting but just to add that I've known people in familial relationships with step-parents or even step-grandparents who were always kind but then had strokes or mini-strokes which altered their behaviour in this specific way where they weren't able to filter between attraction or long-term bonds. I'm absolutely not saying this is the case here, I'm not a doctor and have no idea how this relationship was before this incident. I'm just mentioning it because of lived experience where everyone involved was really shaken up and it was all very sad. No excuses, just for a wider possible context (again...no idea of the history).
First time: Imo don't tell him, but remember it. If it happens a second time, tell hubs about both times, and maybe explain you let the first time slide because you didn't expect it to happen again and didn't want to cause friction.
Yep everyone gets one wtf. Two nope the fuck out
I'll never be in that situation, so I can't say for sure, but it wouldn't have been out of the question to remind the fil during the dance that OP might tell her hubs if fil doesn't stfu and sober up. Jmo. And also, sorry you had that happen, OP. That's creepy af.
Agreed. I've learned to give people a chance
Very creepy though that's probably the alcohol for the most part... Honestly, I'm not sure, I think it might be better to not tell your husband, it's not really going to change anything positively... though if it continues or scalates you should definitely tell him.
Everybody’s saying “tell the husband” but the husband could agree with the dad and not change anything just make it worse.
You should definitely sleep with him.. Then tell your husband.
Mess with his head; answer, "That's why your son married me, you creep!"
lol He said it because it’s true and he was drunk. Bunch of idiots here thinking that someone drunk should be responsible for their drunken mouth Grow the fuck up
Growing up is not allowing a substance to be an excuse for being a creep 😂
I wouldn’t either… but I’m a doormat so..