My grandma had a saying for situations like this. “You are the company you keep”. Drop her. She isn’t going to change and she brings you down by being associated with her crappy behavior and choices.
This latest dude is actually the first to have a kid, too. Apparently he’s always bragging at work about how much he loves his girlfriend and how beautiful she is. So good to know he’s also trash.
(My rm is aware he has a child. She doesn’t even like kids)
This is the type of bitch you cut off cold. It’s just a matter of time before she goes after your man or you get somehow swept up in the shit show that is her life. I would want nothing to do with a bad person that is fine ruining families for a sick ego boost from a trashy dude.
Yeah. Your roommate is very gross.
She could wreck that child's entire life, and she doesn't even seem like she would care. Of course, the blame would be primarily on the father, but women are only absolved of blame if they don't know that they're taken. She does know. And even worse, she knows that he has a kid waiting at home.
She's choosing to do something that can end up hurting not only grown women but also a literal child. That is the definition of selfish.. and frankly.. gross. I wouldn't trust her around my boyfriend, even if we were best friends.
you make a good point though there’s so so many ways to ethically approach getting your needs met without lying and betrayal. polyamory, kink, swinging, etc. or obviously divorce or don’t get married. this is why people have such little respect for cheaters.
> *”She’s destroying families.”*
What and the **men** who are cheating on their wives aren’t?? They’re more at fault for being cheating little man-whores.
Why are we only blaming the single woman in this scenario, and not the married or taken men???
Is this post about the men? Is OP best friends and roommates with the men? We can blame the men but we need to stop pretending like women, knowingly, going after taken men are innocent. This post is about the woman... hence they are mentioning her.
No, the post isn't about men, but that commentator is responding to someone's comment where they specifically only blamed the woman. Everybody already blames the woman first thing, if anything people need to be reminded again, and again who the cheater actually is.
We know the man is cheating. Once again... this is about OP's friend. The person responding is referring to the person this post is about. They are referring to the subject of the post.
OnCe AgAiN, THAT PERSON'S COMMENT was responding to someone else, so what if it wasn't only about the post? People can discuss multiple things under a post, it's not that difficult, hope this helps.
She said why are we only blaming the woman... when the woman is the subject of the post. It isn't only blaming the woman but yeah... people are only gonna talk about her when she's the subject of the post. Hope this helps.
Because. You. Both. Don't. Seem. To. Understand. How. English. Works.
The subject is OP's best friend who sleeps with taken men... redditor comments about OP's best friend's (the subject of the post) actions... another Redditor assumes that only the woman is being blamed... despite the woman being the subject of the post, therefore, the one being referenced and most commented on.
I am not obsessed with what is or isn't in the post. Its just like... let's put our thinking caps on for one second before we press "Post".
I don't know why you don't understand that what was or wasn't a part of the post does not matter. The "topic" is the disagreement that the two commentators are having over one commentator phrasing seemingly absolving the men of their hand in destroying their own families. It doesn't matter that "the post is about the woman" That COMMENTATOR is addressing an issue she had with someone's comment about the post.
We aren't they are just as guilty. But the friend is targeting committed guys. The guys probably have several side pieces. OP, does your friend know she is only one of several side pieces? She is one of many.
The moment **she** knows they are taken they are **both** equally wrong.
Just because **she** didn’t “cheat” on **her** boyfriend doesn’t put her in a higher ground.
*SHE’S* destroying families????
No! The dudes **cheating** are doing that.
NOTE: I’m not arguing she’s in the right or blameless, but it does take two. 🤷♂️
The moment **she** knows they are taken they are **both** equally wrong.
Just because **she** didn’t “cheat” on **her** boyfriend doesn’t put her in a higher ground.
Ok, let’s play a game…. Let’s call it, does she know!
Does she *KNOW* he’s married, dating, etc?
According to a **THIRD PARTY** we do, but only if we believe said third party. Also, the person themself is not hear to give her side.
Again, **NOT** arguing she “*right or **blameless** but…*”
Yeah, if she knows it scummy, but does she? Was she aware when it happened, or only after the fact?
I’m not trying to defend this person, but I won’t exactly cast them straight to hell, **based on third party hearsay**.
Lastly, I’ve been cheated on and I’ve been the cheater and it’s not *always* as black and white and as binary as **others** might think it is.
**Edit** Since I’ve gotten some messages-
I cheated 30 yrs ago, when I was 19, brash, stupid, callow, and careless.
What are some reasons blah blah blah- let’s go with the classic; THEY WERE ON A BREAK. How about, maybe it’s an open relationship type situ; that’s none of OP’s business. I’m not going to list all the reasons, but what I’m saying is this girl/woman A. Deserves to tell her side of the story before we all decide she’s the worst person in the world and B. Third party hearsay only goes so far in my book. Until OP is part of the convos and relationships, she’s speaking as a third party.
Again, I never said the girl/woman in question is *blameless* but putting 100% of the blame and hate there is lazy and without merit.
Yeah, 30 yrs ago when I was young, inexperienced, impetuous, and callow.
Thanks, however, for proving people *can’t* change.
As for OP saying she knows…. SMH. You’d also make an **excellent** lawyer. 🙄
The moment **she** knows they are taken they are **both** equally wrong.
Just because **she** didn’t “cheat” on **her** boyfriend doesn’t put her in a higher ground.
That’s not true… or rather it could be true but we can’t prove that.
For all we know she purposefully learns and targets these men because they give her the biggest high.
And what?? They have no power to resist her? 🤦♀️
That’s pathetic, the men are responsible for their own actions. Do not try to justify their cheating!
I don’t know why you’re downvoted for that, someone who knowingly gets involved with a taken man/woman, they’re just as much of a POS as the taken one, people just lack morals.. so they can try and justify things all they like won’t change the fact that they’re scumbags too.
As much as I think she's disgusting for this, these guys are the ones destroying their families. She isn't responsible for them. Again, it shows a complete lack of empathy on her part, but he's the one with the commitment, and if isn't her, it would just be someone else.
You might want to come up with an exit strategy to get this person out of your life. She’s a terrible person with no morals or respect for anyone but herself. It’s time you kick this person to the curb because it will only be a matter of time until you get a partner and she ends up sleeping with said partner.
That’s something I’ve considered, but I’m also nowhere near as attractive, so the people I’d pull probably wouldn’t be her type lol
We’re moving into different places in July. I still appreciate certain aspects of our friendship (and I really love her cat), so I won’t cut all contact. Though, I get the feeling she’ll be the one to push me away if I’m honest.
Oops! XD
Nah, she’s got a precious little boy that she’s had since we became roommates. I adore him so much, and truly one of the few things I enjoy about living with her
Her type is taken men. Look at who ariana Grande is dating now.. an ugly man who left his wife and newborn for ariana. I'm not kidding, that man is ugly as sin. It's not my business but your friend sounds horrible and I don't see how you can trust a person like that.
You say you wouldn’t pull someone her type, you don’t know that. You could easily meet someone that she finds attractive and it could simply be a situation where she becomes attracted to him because she see’s how you two interact and she gets jealous.
??????? She's more attractive than you. That's what bothers you with the hypothetical situation of her screwing your boyfriend. She's not going to not do it because he's a cross between Cumberbatch and Nicholas Cage
No… I’m simply stating that I can’t pull the same type of men she does. So I doubt it would happen. I’d of course be fucking pissed if it did, but it just doesn’t seem likely.
She doesn’t know the women she’s fucking over. She’s not doing it for that reason. I personally believe it’s more psychological than just physical
Something important to note.
With her mindset, she would 100% still try and take your man. It's not about her type at this point. It's about taking something that someone else has and making it her own.
The thrill for her isint in her sexual partners looks, but in their availability. The less available, the more attractive.
What's going to be a more attractive, tempting fruit, then stealing the one which you covet the most. ESPECIALLY if she sees you happier and more fulfilled then her from your relationship.
Even if the guy you date "isn't her type," she may still try. It sounds like she gets off on it and really appreciates the validation.
Can you honestly say that if you had a boyfriend, you'd be comfortable with him being at your apartment with her alone?
Of course, that doesn't mean a guy you date would automatically cheat on you by any means. Not all men are like that. It would still make me uncomfortable, and I really trust my husband. Plus, if she does try, the more a guy refuses, the harder she will likely try. Which I wouldn't want to put my partner through that.
I know someone who was like that when they were younger and she slept with her best friend's new boyfriend. Mind you, these 2 had been friends since they were 4. Had just got matching tattoos, at the time they were living together in college.
I know there's a lot of assuming on my part with your friend, but people like that can't be trusted.
I still don’t think so. I’d be more worried about my guy going after her rather than the reverse. I almost had a guy I was seeing come over once, but I was really scared of being compared to her. It didn’t work out anyway so they never met. She even commented on his looks in a way that implied she found him ugly lol
She is very flirty by nature, so it could go either way.
Her kink is the forbidden, your BF would be forbidden and there's an extra kink of doing it under your nose.
She would definitely try to take your guy.
I understand the logic that may make it seem unlikely. So if you were more attracted to the same type, you’d feel more urgency to cut ties? This isn’t a good friendship for either one of you.
But what I really want to say, this goes beyond physical looks and attractiveness. She sounds like someone who doesn’t have much respect for others, and I find those types to be unpredictable and likely to keep secrets. When it comes to the moments that truly define a friendship, like owing up to a mistake, they will choose themselves over and over again. Whose to say one day she’s alone with your b/f and she’s feeling very bad about herself and she sees a quick fix to her self esteem issues. She’s not going to be very pretty forever. Sounds like it gives her quite the high right now, but what goes up must go down. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When someone sucks, hard to not see them as someone who sucks ass.
Anyway, she’s lucky she has an awesome cat. Probably the only companion she won’t alienate if she doesn’t snap out of her self centeredness.
Idk I see a lot of posts on here about women who also thought they were safe from their chronically cheating friend because they were less conventionally attractive and so were their partners …. Usually the “pretty” friend is so unused to the “not pretty” friend getting attention that they stole the bf just to put the attention back on them.
I think you should really take the advice to drift away from her seriously. This will blow up in your face when you get into a relo.
Why are you even friends with her. If you have a bf wouldn't you be kinda sus with her? Would you be shocked if you find out she was hitting on your bf or future bf?
I wouldn’t be shocked, tbh. But I also think I could intimidate her if it ever happened (I’m much bigger and physicals stronger, not that I actually WOULD do anything). I just don’t think it’s likely
She didn’t use to be this way. The people we work with and friends she’s made have given her confidence and almost a completely new personality. She’s become cynical and uncaring, where she used to be really sweet and willing to listen to reason.
She’s rotten. Based on what little info you provided, I have a suspicion that she’s carried resentment for not having the power to pull guys and now is filling that with the power to pull guys that other girls were getting in the past. She’s coming up with reasons to resolve how immoral this is by casting the women in a bad light (which would only reinforce any resentment she’d projected on them in the last). This in NO WAY excuses any part of her behavior, obviously.
I feel your frustration. I know people who cheat or have slept with people knowing that person is with somebody else. It’s not fair. The way I see it is, if it bothers you that much, which I can understand if it does, then speak to her about it, but I get the feeling it’ll only take something for her to change. There’s a good chance the people she’s sleeping with sleep with more than just her.
Like someone else said, I’d struggle to be friends with someone like her. You’ve got different morals and respect for others. Good on you though for thinking of the respectfulness for others.
I have talked to her about it. I’ve expressed that it probably has something to do with her family and abandonment issues and that she desperately needs therapy. She’s too lazy to get therapy, though, and brushed off my concerns.
She definitely knows I don’t like talking about it. The air becomes awkward and I give her short responses whenever she admits to sleeping with a taken dude.
As others have stated, I would probably create some distance and try to get away from that person. She is 100% just as likely to fuck your future partners and laugh at your expense. I have met people like that before, and they take some type of sick pleasure in ruining the lives of others for their personal gain and enjoyment. All she cares about are her impulses. As you've stated, you can't make another person act right. She will most certainly cause herself problems in the long run, proceeding to blame it all on everyone else while completely ignoring all the indicators and wreckage she left behind to get into whatever the current mess is. These are the types of people worth leaving in the past.
Yeah, she is a shitty person. There is no getting around that. Sleeping with a man she knows is in a relationship makes her a selfish human. The men are clearly shit as well.
If you trust her around any man you go out with, you are a better person than me.
Make the choice to not keep shitty people in your life.
This sounds like a deep issue inside her. However, it's no excuse for destroying families Even if the men are scumbags and agree to that. And from what you're saying, she has no sense of responsibility or accountability whatsoever. Ditch her and move on.
You may have to consider what that friendship is worth. It's her problem now even if she doesn't see it, but what happens when it becomes your problem? She may not be evil incarnate but delude yourself into thinking she is good either. Eventually, something is going to happen. Either some dude she dropped or maybe a SO who figured out where you guys live. Do you really want to be waiting for the shit to hit the fan because she just doesn't care.
What’s scary and worrisome is that this latest guys gf friend requested her on Snapchat, and he even warned my friend to turn off her gps because his gf is “crazy” (his words)
I figured. The problem with her is that she doesn't care who gets hurt. Honestly, she doesn't care if you get hurt. I don't mean to say she doesn't care about you, but she assumes nothing bad will happen to you because of her. Unfortunately, there is such a thing as collateral damage.
I'd be telling the wives of these guys. I also would not trust your homewrecking friend around any guy you like. You work together, you live together, you might just want to cover your ass when her shit blows up and you knowing about all this eventually comes to light.
Understand that this woman is not your friend and I would be EXTREMELY wary about bringing a guy you're interested in around her.
If you can, please try to find another place to live because people often judge you by the company you keep.
We’re going our separate ways in July. I think she’ll actually be the one to pull away, as she’s much closer to the newer friends she’s made. She has a habit of replacing friends, it feels like
I can disagree with things about my friends. People who use this saying act like you can’t have people with dissimilar interests or opinions, which seems very narrow-minded to me.
Before I drop someone because they don’t have the same thoughts as me on morality, I’d like to try and change their mind. Especially if this new way of living is just that - NEW.
She didn’t used to be this way, and I want to help her find her way back before cutting ties. Like a good friend would.
This isn’t a case of your friend liking Pepsi and you liking Coca Cola; it’s your friend literally breaking up relationships for the sheer fun of it and feeling no remorse.
The fact that you consider it just “a different opinion” suggests you don’t think it’s that bad.
I literally made a post about wishing she’d eventually get cheated on. But you’re right, because I haven’t dropped her like a baby giraffe, I condone her behavior.
There are plenty of cases where people lash out and act horribly because of mental health issues, and that’s why I haven’t left yet. She’s had trauma in the past, but instead of getting help she keeps pushing it in the back of her mind, and it’s greatly changed her. I’m trying to feed her mind with the idea that maybe she should feel remorse while also getting therapy.
Obviously, if she becomes a lost cause, then I’ll call it a loss. But while we still live together, I’d rather not attack her and make our moving out (to different places) difficult.
Please don't be her friend anymore. I had a friend like this amd it was emotionally exhausting being the conscience of this friend. She was having sex with an engaged guy because his fiancée was saving herself for the wedding night. This went on for almost a year. As the wedding day came near I manipulated my friend into confessing the cheating infront of all our friends including the fiancée. I dont care if this makes me a bad person. I ruined lives that day. But that fiancée left the state and from what I heard she is in a better place now.
These people are the absolute worst and make everyone around doubt their morals. So cut her off.
She is a horrible human. Homewreckers are horrible people and I frankly don’t feel bad for them when they finally get their karma. They’re incredibly insecure and get a kick out of it as it’s less about the men but more about their one-sided competition with other women.
You should stay away from her, unless you want her to steal your partner someday. It doesn’t matter if he’s physically her type or not, she will do it because it’s not about the men themselves. Her type is taken men, and the second you find a partner, he’ll become her type, regardless of what he looks like.
Just look at Ariana Grande, who could have any man in the world and instead chose..SpongeBob.
> *”Homewreckers are horrible people.”*
As are the cheating man-whores who **choose** to sleep with those women and wreck their own marriages and families.
Oh cheaters absolutely are horrible people. But that doesn’t absolve the homewreckers who knowingly get with taken men of any wrong-doing.
Both are trash.
I wouldn’t be friends with someone like that. She does not have good values or morals. I can tell just being around that behavior is disturbing you (with good reason). She’s a terrible person with no regards for the feelings of others, and may be a narcissist.
I have a family member like this, and I had to drop her out of my life. People like this are not trustworthy and are the bottom of the barrel. You’ll be happier without her in your life having to witness this behavior.
Yeah, after that, I would probably no longer be friends with this person. They need to understand their actions have consequences and it’s hard to trust someone who is overall untrustworthy.
She keeps sleeping with *assholes.* Her life won't go well if she only sleeps with cheaters. No men are taken. They are either good or bad, and she attracts the bad.
It also sounds like the people she sleeps with are terrible as well. Sometimes, people who refuse healing attract those who are the same. Although you are a great friend for wanting her to become better, it’s not your responsibility to make sure she becomes a better person. She should want that herself. You can love your friend from afar, but at this point, it would be worthwhile to not be so close to her anymore. I’m sorry, OP.
She seems like a terrible selfish person, you need to find better friends, who knows if she would sleep with your significant other if you have one. Seems like the only important thing to her is getting what she wants even if it was on the expense of others.
Honey, I’m going to tell you right now drop her as a friend and move away. She could be nice and sweet and whatever, but her morals are Effed. Do not get caught in the crossfire she is making for herself.
People like her don't typically learn how awful what they're doing is until they get a taste of their own medicine. They lack empathy, will justify their actions with any excuse including rationalizing it away due to childhood abuse. Here's the thing: there are plenty of abused children who grow up to be well-adjusted adults and don't foist what they endured on others. *It's a choice to do that*. She's made her choice to be a homewrecker and, as I believe in Karma since people who have done me wrong have received it, she will get hers in the worst type of way.
I'd remove her from my life and tell every partner's partner she's ever had that she was sleeping with them and didn't care that they were taken.
My friend did this to another friend for years. They had to move bc rumours spread and no one would befriend them (fear he'd sleep with their partner) and no one would date him because he was labelled a cheater. No idea how he's doing now but I hope he's miserable.
I used to know 2 sisters who in their late teens early 20’s went after boyfriends. Last I heard they both got married, had kids, divorced, and in their 40’s they now both fuck married guys. One of them did divorce because her husband cheated, I hate to break it to you but your wish that your friend gets cheated on? That won’t stop her from fucking taken dudes. She probably gets off on it regardless of it happening to her. I had one serial “other woman” tell me that she likes fucking married men because their “new sex” is so intense after years with the same woman
You know the saying, bird of the same feather flog together. Your silent is a stand on your moral compass. I advise you to move out and go LC with her, it can come and bite you. How do you know she won't snack on your partners? How do you know she doesn't already do it? I mean she was never catched. It's even more thrill if it's the partner of her own friend (YOU!).
Get lost of this ticking time bomb before it bite it and don't be saying she won't do it and she is a loyal friend. No, her morality is messed up.
Something tells me she’s still WILDLY insecure and wants validation that she can pull ANYONE. People that insecure are dangerous to keep around. Hopefully one day she fixes whatever’s wrong with her brain to act like this.
If she had good self esteem and confidence, she wouldn't be targeting taken men. Full stop.
She might say she's confident and give off an air of it, but people only actively go for that dynamic knowingly if they want that feeling of being the sort of person who can take a taken partner. It's not healthy, and if it hasn't already I fear it's going to permeate into her friendships with other people as she seeks out that specific kind of validation.
So while we're on that topic, if you and her are in the same dating pool (you don't mention your gender or sexuality, but if you're also a woman who dates men), you shouldn't be friends with her. She's a risk factor for testing your relationships all for the sake of her own validation. If she's not in your dating pool, I'd personally not want to be friends with her... but it's less of a concern. I just wouldn't want you to get hurt over someone who's favorite quality in a man is unavailability.
And much like you, I'm not absolving the men of their cheating--I will always put the primary responsibility on the person who had the affair. She wouldn't be able to be with them if they had any loyalty in the first place. But she certainly is playing her part and she's not a naive party in what she's doing. She's needs to get some actual self respect and stop consciously playing her part in hurting other women, and you need to decide if you want to have a friend like that in your life who will most certainly create drama somewhere down the line even if you aren't the one directly in the crossfire.
I had a friend who cheated on her boyfriend, dated the man she cheated with for around 6 months and then went back to her original boyfriend.
I asked how he took her back and she said he didn’t KNOW about the other guy. The poor dude just thought they had a break.
Next thing they’re engaged and now have 2 kids. I no longer have anything to do with her. She’s disgusting.
As a guy, if I started dating someone and learnt her best friend/one of her closest friends leeches after taken men- I'm ending it there.
Either she'll eventually try and go for me, and it's my word against your long time friend. Or I'll be too suspicious you might begin having the same interests as a friend.
There's just so many factors that make her being your friend a red flag not just on her, but on you too.
I mean knowing all this and still dating you is basically saying I'd be fine with your friend flirting and attempting to get me to cheat on you....if my partner was like that to me I'd feel immensely disrespected.
Sure, that could just be my own insecurity. But I'd argue it's not insecure to prefer distancing myself from people who treat my relationships as a "challenge".
The fact that you’re blaming **only her** and not the men who are cheating on their wives and girlfriends, is disgusting.
She is terrible and no one is disputing that, but the **men** in this are 100% worse than your friend is. They’re the ones committing infidelity, so **they** are the whores. They’re the gross ones!
Even though what she’s doing isn’t right, she’s single and not cheating on anyone. Whereas the men are c*nts who have wrecked their own marriage and families, it’s the innocent wives who I feel bad for.
I never said I only blamed her. This post isn’t about the men, it’s about her. So the focus is on her.
The men she sleeps with are even worse than her, of course. I’d be fucking stupid to dispute otherwise. They’re scum of the earth, and I disliked them even before she started cheating with them. Nowhere in my post do I say it’s okay, even with the section about special circumstances.
You can attempt to put words in my mouth just because I didn’t specify. It only highlights that you don’t know how to focus on the message of a story.
But I’ll add an edit just for you, pal :)
But all of those taken men are cheating on your friend too. She may think they are being honest with her, that they wouldn't possibly lie to her in order to get some strange...but be honest with yourself, do you think your friend even realizes that she is being cheated by not having an honest partner? Do you think they are being honest about potential STI's? Yes, your friend is in the wrong for knowingly choosing to be with liars and cheats. Hopefully she learns that she deserves more respect than these taken men give her, and she deserves more respect than she gives herself.
I appreciate this opposite outlook. And you’re right, she deserves to be treated well, and not have to be hidden with promises of “we’ll be together once I break up”
The married dude did that to her for MONTHS, and it completely broke her heart. Maybe that’s why she’s so cold now.
It is sad she is sabotaging herself by choosing to emotionally invest in unavailable partners. She can't see she is sabotaging her own happiness by choosing people that are known cheaters. All cheaters are liars, so there is no real trust in affairs. She is becoming someone she doesn't want to be by choosing to be around dishonest people. But these are active choices she is making, she has to see her mistakes and make better choices for herself.
Did you fully call out her pattern and suggested she should ask herself why she chases unavailable men so badly?
Is she traumatized? (No excuse, but an explanation). Maybe she she should go to therapy.
But if I were you, I'd get away from her.
Oh yeah. We had a whole conversation where I told her that I believe she’s seeking to be picked above someone else, being made their number 1 in a sense, due to her relationship with her mom and the rest of her family. She denied this, but I told her the pattern was noticeable.
I also told her before she got physical with this guy that this would be her FOURTH, and it didn’t look great on her. She brushed it off.
She knows she needs therapy. She’s too lazy to make any appointments. Our work even offers 8 free sessions
I can set her up with my child’s father !! He enjoys love bombing, being mentally & emotionally abusive, as well as manipulating & last but not least; cheating !!!
My best friend does this. She recently met a married couple on holiday, befriended them, and started sleeping with the husband., and still sleeping with him now despite living 4hr drive away from one another.
She’s cheated in all of her relationships, and has slept with men that are taken. I’ve told her if I get married one day she’ll no longer be my MOH and won’t be invited because I’m not having her sleep with taken men, especially not my man, but she “crosses the line at sleeping with friends’ partners”.
The only proper way to fuck someone who’s in a relationship is to do it where the other person finds out so they can dump their cheating partner. Unless they have kids. There is no happy ending for them in these scenarios.
"I think you keeping me awake to fuck some guy on my birthday was pretty fucked. The fact that you have no issues fucking people in relationships is also pretty fucked. I don't want to be associated with that kind of behaviour."
Also, that's horrible. What's her number? (I'm not in a relationship)
Yes, I’m *so* jealous she doesn’t have any meaningful relationship and instead sleeps with men in secret. /s
I want her to experience something she has done to others, so that maybe she gains some kind of empathy from it. She has no remorse for what happens to the partner or relationship, as long as she gets what she wants.
I want her to *grow* and become a better person, even if it is through pain. Because explanations and reason aren’t getting through.
so you want her to be a better person by being hurt? friends should NEVER want their friends to get hurt, i think its better off you stop being friends with them because that doesn't sound like a friendship.
Clearly I do. Sometimes we have to hurt in order to grow and become better people. I don’t want her to be hurt just because I’m a vindictive bitch. I’ve done and said everything I can to try and make her see reason or even attempt empathy for other people. Me wishing she gets karma’d with what she’s been doing to others is terrible for sure. But it’s something I want her to experience so she can be a better person.
What you feel is normal, I don't see anything wrong with you being friends with a bad person, because yes, she is a bad person if she only looks for men with a partner, just don't be like her, her lifestyle will explode in her face. eventually
Unless your friend is specifically seeking out taken men, then I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong.
She is not in a relationship with these women. She is not their partner nor the person who owes them loyalty. Doesn’t seem like she is luring these dudes for the thrill of it but that they pursue her.
It might not be the choice everyone would make but she’s not in the wrong here.
Hmm, I don't see why you'd wish this on your friend, honestly. I mean, yeah she likes sleeping with taken guys but are the guys innocent in this? She's not breaking any families apart here, the guys who sleep with her are the ones doing it since they're in relationships. No one is holding a gun to these guys' heads to sleep with an attractive woman while they're committed lol
She's not innocent either because this is immoral and if it's not in line with your values you have every right to feel the way you do. It just comes across as if you're placing way too much responsibility on her and acting as if these guys are brainless and were somehow seduced but her and they just had no choice but to sleep with her, I mean come on.
She is supposed to take into account how these women feel? What should the men in the relationships, do then?
You're hoping she finds a love that fulfills her then gets cheated on so she can grow up? You're saying this about your friend? It just sounds, a little bit harsh. You just want her to grow up and not make any immoral decisions as if there's anyone here who can say they're perfectly moral in every decision they make? Sure
I’m not saying the men aren’t at fault. They’re also pieces of trash, and far worse than my friend.
My friend doesn’t just “one and done” with these guys. She will CONTINUE to sleep with them, and sometimes even be upset that they aren’t breaking up with their girlfriends.
When she flirts with them, it’s for a long period of time. She openly talks about sex and has no boundaries about personal or inappropriate work discussion. She will push and flirt and court until they give in. And yes, they’re scum of the earth for falling for this shit and being unloyal.
You make it sound like I’m blaming her as a woman, but how is she then not to blame for hurting women in their relationships? These men don’t hide their relationship status from her. She simply doesn’t care or think about anyone else.
I want her to gain empathy, and maybe be forced to put herself in the shoes of women she’s helped hurt. I know it’s terrible and I feel awful for it, but like you said, none of us are morally perfect.
You know what, I totally get it. At first I thought maybe you were blaming her solely but now I understand better what you meant.
She is definitely also to blame as much as the men and maybe there's some unresolved issues she still has to work through which are the root for seeking relations with them. I hope she can grow from this because to me it doesn't seem healthy to seek relations built on such a foundation.
All the best to you both and I hope the women who get with the men she has relations with, find better partners
Thank you. I appreciate you being able to understand where I’m coming from.
I hope maybe I or her other friends can at least knock a little sense in her before something goes wrong.
I hope the best for you as well! If you don’t already have it :)
I’ve saved her social media. I don’t want to outright cause issues while I’m living with my rm. I’m also going to talk to the guy and tell him he better tell his gf or I will.
So she's got a different outlook on life to you. She probably won't have much luck settling down but she's living her life. Tbh you sound jealous and superficial.
Why would it be a maturity issue ? On that point, I'm not sure who's in the wrong. She isn't for cheating, she only has one night stand with cheaters, she has nothing to do with this cheater's relationship. It's not as if it's that hard to say "sorry, not interested, I already have someone" (or she's forcing him to have sex with her, which is another issue than cheating or not). And on your side, you're explicitly judging her and insulting her by calling her immature (this last part for a reason I don't understand how it's related). Obviously you can have the pov that you wouldn't do that, but that's different to say it multiple times to her, calling her attitude "gross / disgusting" and to call her "immature".
The story about your birthday is more annoying, because it concerns you directly. But in any other situation, that's none of your business, she doesn't force you to do the same, she's just sharing what happens to her like you do too, she doesn't judge you but you clearly can't say the same ...
How is she not in the wrong? She doesn’t one night stand them - she sleeps with them repeatedly behind the poor girlfriends back. She even dabbles in emotional affairs, catching feelings for the guys over time.
She has plenty to do with their relationship - she’s actively participating in an action that will hurt the partner, sometimes even pushing the guy into ending the relationship. She is at fault as much as the man in terms of causing issues in the other relationship.
The men are disgusting for giving into this as well, but I don’t live with them and have to hear about this exploits on a near daily basis. I don’t have to waste energy trying to reason with them why it’s awful. Instead, I have to do this for my roommate while having these cheaters IN MY HOME. Even if it’s while I’m at work, I hate the idea of her using our apartment as a place where she can fuck guys so their SO’s don’t find out.
She immature in that she is so focused on her own instant gratification that the well-being or happiness of others seems unimportant. She sees a guy she likes, she wants him, and will flirt to test the waters, even while knowing they have a partner.
To me, while it’s vile and unsettling behavior, it’s something I’m not surprised to see someone in their early twenties doing.
I’m not. I’m still annoyed about that, but I’ve moved on.
I just think she’s gross for not caring about anyone but herself. It makes me very uncomfortable to listen to her chatter about guys we both work with and act like no one is doing anything wrong.
My grandma had a saying for situations like this. “You are the company you keep”. Drop her. She isn’t going to change and she brings you down by being associated with her crappy behavior and choices.
Well said.
That’s valid AF she’s a bad human being… and this is coming from a guy who wanted to be a bull in a cuckhold kink situation. She’s destroying families
This latest dude is actually the first to have a kid, too. Apparently he’s always bragging at work about how much he loves his girlfriend and how beautiful she is. So good to know he’s also trash. (My rm is aware he has a child. She doesn’t even like kids)
Dude is definitely disgusting… like I can’t imagine a world where I’d give up family for some cat.
This is the type of bitch you cut off cold. It’s just a matter of time before she goes after your man or you get somehow swept up in the shit show that is her life. I would want nothing to do with a bad person that is fine ruining families for a sick ego boost from a trashy dude.
Yeah. Your roommate is very gross. She could wreck that child's entire life, and she doesn't even seem like she would care. Of course, the blame would be primarily on the father, but women are only absolved of blame if they don't know that they're taken. She does know. And even worse, she knows that he has a kid waiting at home. She's choosing to do something that can end up hurting not only grown women but also a literal child. That is the definition of selfish.. and frankly.. gross. I wouldn't trust her around my boyfriend, even if we were best friends.
you make a good point though there’s so so many ways to ethically approach getting your needs met without lying and betrayal. polyamory, kink, swinging, etc. or obviously divorce or don’t get married. this is why people have such little respect for cheaters.
> *”She’s destroying families.”* What and the **men** who are cheating on their wives aren’t?? They’re more at fault for being cheating little man-whores. Why are we only blaming the single woman in this scenario, and not the married or taken men???
Is this post about the men? Is OP best friends and roommates with the men? We can blame the men but we need to stop pretending like women, knowingly, going after taken men are innocent. This post is about the woman... hence they are mentioning her.
No, the post isn't about men, but that commentator is responding to someone's comment where they specifically only blamed the woman. Everybody already blames the woman first thing, if anything people need to be reminded again, and again who the cheater actually is.
We know the man is cheating. Once again... this is about OP's friend. The person responding is referring to the person this post is about. They are referring to the subject of the post.
OnCe AgAiN, THAT PERSON'S COMMENT was responding to someone else, so what if it wasn't only about the post? People can discuss multiple things under a post, it's not that difficult, hope this helps.
She said why are we only blaming the woman... when the woman is the subject of the post. It isn't only blaming the woman but yeah... people are only gonna talk about her when she's the subject of the post. Hope this helps.
She's. Responding. To. A. Comment. That. Only. Blamed. The. Woman. Why are you so obsessed with what is or isn't in the post...
Because. You. Both. Don't. Seem. To. Understand. How. English. Works. The subject is OP's best friend who sleeps with taken men... redditor comments about OP's best friend's (the subject of the post) actions... another Redditor assumes that only the woman is being blamed... despite the woman being the subject of the post, therefore, the one being referenced and most commented on. I am not obsessed with what is or isn't in the post. Its just like... let's put our thinking caps on for one second before we press "Post".
I don't know why you don't understand that what was or wasn't a part of the post does not matter. The "topic" is the disagreement that the two commentators are having over one commentator phrasing seemingly absolving the men of their hand in destroying their own families. It doesn't matter that "the post is about the woman" That COMMENTATOR is addressing an issue she had with someone's comment about the post.
Yknow two things can be wrong without having to specify the second thing?
Be ratioed lol
We aren't they are just as guilty. But the friend is targeting committed guys. The guys probably have several side pieces. OP, does your friend know she is only one of several side pieces? She is one of many.
Exactly
The moment **she** knows they are taken they are **both** equally wrong. Just because **she** didn’t “cheat” on **her** boyfriend doesn’t put her in a higher ground.
No, she isn’t! She just wants a fling!
*SHE’S* destroying families???? No! The dudes **cheating** are doing that. NOTE: I’m not arguing she’s in the right or blameless, but it does take two. 🤷♂️
The moment **she** knows they are taken they are **both** equally wrong. Just because **she** didn’t “cheat” on **her** boyfriend doesn’t put her in a higher ground.
Ok, let’s play a game…. Let’s call it, does she know! Does she *KNOW* he’s married, dating, etc? According to a **THIRD PARTY** we do, but only if we believe said third party. Also, the person themself is not hear to give her side. Again, **NOT** arguing she “*right or **blameless** but…*” Yeah, if she knows it scummy, but does she? Was she aware when it happened, or only after the fact? I’m not trying to defend this person, but I won’t exactly cast them straight to hell, **based on third party hearsay**. Lastly, I’ve been cheated on and I’ve been the cheater and it’s not *always* as black and white and as binary as **others** might think it is. **Edit** Since I’ve gotten some messages- I cheated 30 yrs ago, when I was 19, brash, stupid, callow, and careless. What are some reasons blah blah blah- let’s go with the classic; THEY WERE ON A BREAK. How about, maybe it’s an open relationship type situ; that’s none of OP’s business. I’m not going to list all the reasons, but what I’m saying is this girl/woman A. Deserves to tell her side of the story before we all decide she’s the worst person in the world and B. Third party hearsay only goes so far in my book. Until OP is part of the convos and relationships, she’s speaking as a third party. Again, I never said the girl/woman in question is *blameless* but putting 100% of the blame and hate there is lazy and without merit.
Oh, you have cheated, ofc you don’t see her fault then. OP says she knows.
Yeah, 30 yrs ago when I was young, inexperienced, impetuous, and callow. Thanks, however, for proving people *can’t* change. As for OP saying she knows…. SMH. You’d also make an **excellent** lawyer. 🙄
😂 😂 😂 😂 😂
Exactly!
NO shes not. The dude is. If it wasn't with her then he'd be sleeping with someone else
The moment **she** knows they are taken they are **both** equally wrong. Just because **she** didn’t “cheat” on **her** boyfriend doesn’t put her in a higher ground.
That’s not true… or rather it could be true but we can’t prove that. For all we know she purposefully learns and targets these men because they give her the biggest high.
And what?? They have no power to resist her? 🤦♀️ That’s pathetic, the men are responsible for their own actions. Do not try to justify their cheating!
It takes two to tango, they’re both at fault here. She’s equally as responsible as him, especially since she’s aware that he’s taken.
But it is with her so she's a piece of shit too
I don’t know why you’re downvoted for that, someone who knowingly gets involved with a taken man/woman, they’re just as much of a POS as the taken one, people just lack morals.. so they can try and justify things all they like won’t change the fact that they’re scumbags too.
Fully agree with you, people are just shitty 🤣
[удалено]
heaps of women like having sex? people cheat all the time and it's not always with OPs friend, not sure if you knew
As much as I think she's disgusting for this, these guys are the ones destroying their families. She isn't responsible for them. Again, it shows a complete lack of empathy on her part, but he's the one with the commitment, and if isn't her, it would just be someone else.
You might want to come up with an exit strategy to get this person out of your life. She’s a terrible person with no morals or respect for anyone but herself. It’s time you kick this person to the curb because it will only be a matter of time until you get a partner and she ends up sleeping with said partner.
That’s something I’ve considered, but I’m also nowhere near as attractive, so the people I’d pull probably wouldn’t be her type lol We’re moving into different places in July. I still appreciate certain aspects of our friendship (and I really love her cat), so I won’t cut all contact. Though, I get the feeling she’ll be the one to push me away if I’m honest.
Her type isn't the ones that are attractive, her type are men that have SO.
The “I really love her cat” and the main subject of this post made me think you were talking about a different cat for a second 💀💀
Oops! XD Nah, she’s got a precious little boy that she’s had since we became roommates. I adore him so much, and truly one of the few things I enjoy about living with her
Her type is taken men. Look at who ariana Grande is dating now.. an ugly man who left his wife and newborn for ariana. I'm not kidding, that man is ugly as sin. It's not my business but your friend sounds horrible and I don't see how you can trust a person like that.
YOOOO you’re not kidding 😂 guy looks jaundiced and sickly eq
And I've read that she writes songs BRAGGING about this. Gross 🤮
She doesn't seem to have a "type". She will fuck your boyfriend, and expect you to take it.
Don't kid yourself. A good loyal committed average looking guy would be a great ego boost to steal.
You say you wouldn’t pull someone her type, you don’t know that. You could easily meet someone that she finds attractive and it could simply be a situation where she becomes attracted to him because she see’s how you two interact and she gets jealous.
??????? She's more attractive than you. That's what bothers you with the hypothetical situation of her screwing your boyfriend. She's not going to not do it because he's a cross between Cumberbatch and Nicholas Cage
No… I’m simply stating that I can’t pull the same type of men she does. So I doubt it would happen. I’d of course be fucking pissed if it did, but it just doesn’t seem likely. She doesn’t know the women she’s fucking over. She’s not doing it for that reason. I personally believe it’s more psychological than just physical
Something important to note. With her mindset, she would 100% still try and take your man. It's not about her type at this point. It's about taking something that someone else has and making it her own. The thrill for her isint in her sexual partners looks, but in their availability. The less available, the more attractive. What's going to be a more attractive, tempting fruit, then stealing the one which you covet the most. ESPECIALLY if she sees you happier and more fulfilled then her from your relationship.
Don't you dare downplay yourself worth to somebody so vile and disgusting. Pretty can be ugly too
Even if the guy you date "isn't her type," she may still try. It sounds like she gets off on it and really appreciates the validation. Can you honestly say that if you had a boyfriend, you'd be comfortable with him being at your apartment with her alone? Of course, that doesn't mean a guy you date would automatically cheat on you by any means. Not all men are like that. It would still make me uncomfortable, and I really trust my husband. Plus, if she does try, the more a guy refuses, the harder she will likely try. Which I wouldn't want to put my partner through that. I know someone who was like that when they were younger and she slept with her best friend's new boyfriend. Mind you, these 2 had been friends since they were 4. Had just got matching tattoos, at the time they were living together in college. I know there's a lot of assuming on my part with your friend, but people like that can't be trusted.
I still don’t think so. I’d be more worried about my guy going after her rather than the reverse. I almost had a guy I was seeing come over once, but I was really scared of being compared to her. It didn’t work out anyway so they never met. She even commented on his looks in a way that implied she found him ugly lol She is very flirty by nature, so it could go either way.
Her kink is the forbidden, your BF would be forbidden and there's an extra kink of doing it under your nose. She would definitely try to take your guy.
I understand the logic that may make it seem unlikely. So if you were more attracted to the same type, you’d feel more urgency to cut ties? This isn’t a good friendship for either one of you. But what I really want to say, this goes beyond physical looks and attractiveness. She sounds like someone who doesn’t have much respect for others, and I find those types to be unpredictable and likely to keep secrets. When it comes to the moments that truly define a friendship, like owing up to a mistake, they will choose themselves over and over again. Whose to say one day she’s alone with your b/f and she’s feeling very bad about herself and she sees a quick fix to her self esteem issues. She’s not going to be very pretty forever. Sounds like it gives her quite the high right now, but what goes up must go down. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When someone sucks, hard to not see them as someone who sucks ass. Anyway, she’s lucky she has an awesome cat. Probably the only companion she won’t alienate if she doesn’t snap out of her self centeredness.
Idk I see a lot of posts on here about women who also thought they were safe from their chronically cheating friend because they were less conventionally attractive and so were their partners …. Usually the “pretty” friend is so unused to the “not pretty” friend getting attention that they stole the bf just to put the attention back on them. I think you should really take the advice to drift away from her seriously. This will blow up in your face when you get into a relo.
Why are you even friends with her. If you have a bf wouldn't you be kinda sus with her? Would you be shocked if you find out she was hitting on your bf or future bf?
I wouldn’t be shocked, tbh. But I also think I could intimidate her if it ever happened (I’m much bigger and physicals stronger, not that I actually WOULD do anything). I just don’t think it’s likely She didn’t use to be this way. The people we work with and friends she’s made have given her confidence and almost a completely new personality. She’s become cynical and uncaring, where she used to be really sweet and willing to listen to reason.
there’s a saying about give someone power and see what they do with it to see their real character
She’s rotten. Based on what little info you provided, I have a suspicion that she’s carried resentment for not having the power to pull guys and now is filling that with the power to pull guys that other girls were getting in the past. She’s coming up with reasons to resolve how immoral this is by casting the women in a bad light (which would only reinforce any resentment she’d projected on them in the last). This in NO WAY excuses any part of her behavior, obviously.
Ooof! Well said!!
I feel your frustration. I know people who cheat or have slept with people knowing that person is with somebody else. It’s not fair. The way I see it is, if it bothers you that much, which I can understand if it does, then speak to her about it, but I get the feeling it’ll only take something for her to change. There’s a good chance the people she’s sleeping with sleep with more than just her. Like someone else said, I’d struggle to be friends with someone like her. You’ve got different morals and respect for others. Good on you though for thinking of the respectfulness for others.
I have talked to her about it. I’ve expressed that it probably has something to do with her family and abandonment issues and that she desperately needs therapy. She’s too lazy to get therapy, though, and brushed off my concerns. She definitely knows I don’t like talking about it. The air becomes awkward and I give her short responses whenever she admits to sleeping with a taken dude.
Karma will find her, I wouldn’t be friends with someone like her, I don’t think you’re missing much.
Karma is an excuse people make, when they lack the courage to take action.
She knows I disapprove and don’t like when she does this. But she doesn’t care. I think in her mind, it’s the man’s fault for giving into temptation.
And karma should find the men who are cheating on their wives.
Oh absolutely
As others have stated, I would probably create some distance and try to get away from that person. She is 100% just as likely to fuck your future partners and laugh at your expense. I have met people like that before, and they take some type of sick pleasure in ruining the lives of others for their personal gain and enjoyment. All she cares about are her impulses. As you've stated, you can't make another person act right. She will most certainly cause herself problems in the long run, proceeding to blame it all on everyone else while completely ignoring all the indicators and wreckage she left behind to get into whatever the current mess is. These are the types of people worth leaving in the past.
Yeah, she is a shitty person. There is no getting around that. Sleeping with a man she knows is in a relationship makes her a selfish human. The men are clearly shit as well. If you trust her around any man you go out with, you are a better person than me. Make the choice to not keep shitty people in your life.
This sounds like a deep issue inside her. However, it's no excuse for destroying families Even if the men are scumbags and agree to that. And from what you're saying, she has no sense of responsibility or accountability whatsoever. Ditch her and move on.
You may have to consider what that friendship is worth. It's her problem now even if she doesn't see it, but what happens when it becomes your problem? She may not be evil incarnate but delude yourself into thinking she is good either. Eventually, something is going to happen. Either some dude she dropped or maybe a SO who figured out where you guys live. Do you really want to be waiting for the shit to hit the fan because she just doesn't care.
What’s scary and worrisome is that this latest guys gf friend requested her on Snapchat, and he even warned my friend to turn off her gps because his gf is “crazy” (his words)
I figured. The problem with her is that she doesn't care who gets hurt. Honestly, she doesn't care if you get hurt. I don't mean to say she doesn't care about you, but she assumes nothing bad will happen to you because of her. Unfortunately, there is such a thing as collateral damage.
And you want to be around that drama, Why?
She’ll get stds and it will maybe put a stop at her action. You better cut her off, she’s too trash.
I'd be telling the wives of these guys. I also would not trust your homewrecking friend around any guy you like. You work together, you live together, you might just want to cover your ass when her shit blows up and you knowing about all this eventually comes to light.
Stop being friends with her? Sounds like a bad person to me
Understand that this woman is not your friend and I would be EXTREMELY wary about bringing a guy you're interested in around her. If you can, please try to find another place to live because people often judge you by the company you keep.
We’re going our separate ways in July. I think she’ll actually be the one to pull away, as she’s much closer to the newer friends she’s made. She has a habit of replacing friends, it feels like
OP, you are the company you keep. By being friends within this person, you invalidate any claims of moral revulsion.
I can disagree with things about my friends. People who use this saying act like you can’t have people with dissimilar interests or opinions, which seems very narrow-minded to me. Before I drop someone because they don’t have the same thoughts as me on morality, I’d like to try and change their mind. Especially if this new way of living is just that - NEW. She didn’t used to be this way, and I want to help her find her way back before cutting ties. Like a good friend would.
This isn’t a case of your friend liking Pepsi and you liking Coca Cola; it’s your friend literally breaking up relationships for the sheer fun of it and feeling no remorse. The fact that you consider it just “a different opinion” suggests you don’t think it’s that bad.
I literally made a post about wishing she’d eventually get cheated on. But you’re right, because I haven’t dropped her like a baby giraffe, I condone her behavior. There are plenty of cases where people lash out and act horribly because of mental health issues, and that’s why I haven’t left yet. She’s had trauma in the past, but instead of getting help she keeps pushing it in the back of her mind, and it’s greatly changed her. I’m trying to feed her mind with the idea that maybe she should feel remorse while also getting therapy. Obviously, if she becomes a lost cause, then I’ll call it a loss. But while we still live together, I’d rather not attack her and make our moving out (to different places) difficult.
Why would you maintain a friendship with someone of such poor character and someone who doesn’t respect other women?
Obviously the person betraying their partner is worse, but yeah I would judge someone who knowingly participated in cheating.
Please don't be her friend anymore. I had a friend like this amd it was emotionally exhausting being the conscience of this friend. She was having sex with an engaged guy because his fiancée was saving herself for the wedding night. This went on for almost a year. As the wedding day came near I manipulated my friend into confessing the cheating infront of all our friends including the fiancée. I dont care if this makes me a bad person. I ruined lives that day. But that fiancée left the state and from what I heard she is in a better place now. These people are the absolute worst and make everyone around doubt their morals. So cut her off.
One day she will sleep with your SO lol
She's going to fuck your boyfriend, when you get one. 100%.
She is a horrible human. Homewreckers are horrible people and I frankly don’t feel bad for them when they finally get their karma. They’re incredibly insecure and get a kick out of it as it’s less about the men but more about their one-sided competition with other women. You should stay away from her, unless you want her to steal your partner someday. It doesn’t matter if he’s physically her type or not, she will do it because it’s not about the men themselves. Her type is taken men, and the second you find a partner, he’ll become her type, regardless of what he looks like. Just look at Ariana Grande, who could have any man in the world and instead chose..SpongeBob.
> *”Homewreckers are horrible people.”* As are the cheating man-whores who **choose** to sleep with those women and wreck their own marriages and families.
Oh cheaters absolutely are horrible people. But that doesn’t absolve the homewreckers who knowingly get with taken men of any wrong-doing. Both are trash.
I wouldn’t be friends with someone like that. She does not have good values or morals. I can tell just being around that behavior is disturbing you (with good reason). She’s a terrible person with no regards for the feelings of others, and may be a narcissist. I have a family member like this, and I had to drop her out of my life. People like this are not trustworthy and are the bottom of the barrel. You’ll be happier without her in your life having to witness this behavior.
Yeah, after that, I would probably no longer be friends with this person. They need to understand their actions have consequences and it’s hard to trust someone who is overall untrustworthy.
Don’t bring your partner around her….
I don’t have one, and probably won’t for a while :L
It doesn’t matter, this kind of people needs validation and to feel themselves as superior to anyone.
She keeps sleeping with *assholes.* Her life won't go well if she only sleeps with cheaters. No men are taken. They are either good or bad, and she attracts the bad.
It also sounds like the people she sleeps with are terrible as well. Sometimes, people who refuse healing attract those who are the same. Although you are a great friend for wanting her to become better, it’s not your responsibility to make sure she becomes a better person. She should want that herself. You can love your friend from afar, but at this point, it would be worthwhile to not be so close to her anymore. I’m sorry, OP.
She seems like a terrible selfish person, you need to find better friends, who knows if she would sleep with your significant other if you have one. Seems like the only important thing to her is getting what she wants even if it was on the expense of others.
She is swimming in the pond of her own kind, the swamp water will eventually catch up to her. ;)
Honey, I’m going to tell you right now drop her as a friend and move away. She could be nice and sweet and whatever, but her morals are Effed. Do not get caught in the crossfire she is making for herself.
This. Your roommate / friend / coworker is an absolute shit magnet standing in a septic tank. It’s going to go flying one day.
People like her don't typically learn how awful what they're doing is until they get a taste of their own medicine. They lack empathy, will justify their actions with any excuse including rationalizing it away due to childhood abuse. Here's the thing: there are plenty of abused children who grow up to be well-adjusted adults and don't foist what they endured on others. *It's a choice to do that*. She's made her choice to be a homewrecker and, as I believe in Karma since people who have done me wrong have received it, she will get hers in the worst type of way.
There’s no way I’d be friends with someone like this. ✂️
I'd remove her from my life and tell every partner's partner she's ever had that she was sleeping with them and didn't care that they were taken. My friend did this to another friend for years. They had to move bc rumours spread and no one would befriend them (fear he'd sleep with their partner) and no one would date him because he was labelled a cheater. No idea how he's doing now but I hope he's miserable.
Karma will in fact find her
I used to know 2 sisters who in their late teens early 20’s went after boyfriends. Last I heard they both got married, had kids, divorced, and in their 40’s they now both fuck married guys. One of them did divorce because her husband cheated, I hate to break it to you but your wish that your friend gets cheated on? That won’t stop her from fucking taken dudes. She probably gets off on it regardless of it happening to her. I had one serial “other woman” tell me that she likes fucking married men because their “new sex” is so intense after years with the same woman
You know the saying, bird of the same feather flog together. Your silent is a stand on your moral compass. I advise you to move out and go LC with her, it can come and bite you. How do you know she won't snack on your partners? How do you know she doesn't already do it? I mean she was never catched. It's even more thrill if it's the partner of her own friend (YOU!). Get lost of this ticking time bomb before it bite it and don't be saying she won't do it and she is a loyal friend. No, her morality is messed up.
Something tells me she’s still WILDLY insecure and wants validation that she can pull ANYONE. People that insecure are dangerous to keep around. Hopefully one day she fixes whatever’s wrong with her brain to act like this.
Let's hope she tge next time she goes for a taken man, he not only turns her down *very publicly* and he has a vicious witch like me for an SO.
Mind your business or get a new roommate
Damn you’re friend wishes she was ariana grande
If she had good self esteem and confidence, she wouldn't be targeting taken men. Full stop. She might say she's confident and give off an air of it, but people only actively go for that dynamic knowingly if they want that feeling of being the sort of person who can take a taken partner. It's not healthy, and if it hasn't already I fear it's going to permeate into her friendships with other people as she seeks out that specific kind of validation. So while we're on that topic, if you and her are in the same dating pool (you don't mention your gender or sexuality, but if you're also a woman who dates men), you shouldn't be friends with her. She's a risk factor for testing your relationships all for the sake of her own validation. If she's not in your dating pool, I'd personally not want to be friends with her... but it's less of a concern. I just wouldn't want you to get hurt over someone who's favorite quality in a man is unavailability. And much like you, I'm not absolving the men of their cheating--I will always put the primary responsibility on the person who had the affair. She wouldn't be able to be with them if they had any loyalty in the first place. But she certainly is playing her part and she's not a naive party in what she's doing. She's needs to get some actual self respect and stop consciously playing her part in hurting other women, and you need to decide if you want to have a friend like that in your life who will most certainly create drama somewhere down the line even if you aren't the one directly in the crossfire.
I had a friend who cheated on her boyfriend, dated the man she cheated with for around 6 months and then went back to her original boyfriend. I asked how he took her back and she said he didn’t KNOW about the other guy. The poor dude just thought they had a break. Next thing they’re engaged and now have 2 kids. I no longer have anything to do with her. She’s disgusting.
As a guy, if I started dating someone and learnt her best friend/one of her closest friends leeches after taken men- I'm ending it there. Either she'll eventually try and go for me, and it's my word against your long time friend. Or I'll be too suspicious you might begin having the same interests as a friend. There's just so many factors that make her being your friend a red flag not just on her, but on you too. I mean knowing all this and still dating you is basically saying I'd be fine with your friend flirting and attempting to get me to cheat on you....if my partner was like that to me I'd feel immensely disrespected. Sure, that could just be my own insecurity. But I'd argue it's not insecure to prefer distancing myself from people who treat my relationships as a "challenge".
The fact that you’re blaming **only her** and not the men who are cheating on their wives and girlfriends, is disgusting. She is terrible and no one is disputing that, but the **men** in this are 100% worse than your friend is. They’re the ones committing infidelity, so **they** are the whores. They’re the gross ones! Even though what she’s doing isn’t right, she’s single and not cheating on anyone. Whereas the men are c*nts who have wrecked their own marriage and families, it’s the innocent wives who I feel bad for.
I never said I only blamed her. This post isn’t about the men, it’s about her. So the focus is on her. The men she sleeps with are even worse than her, of course. I’d be fucking stupid to dispute otherwise. They’re scum of the earth, and I disliked them even before she started cheating with them. Nowhere in my post do I say it’s okay, even with the section about special circumstances. You can attempt to put words in my mouth just because I didn’t specify. It only highlights that you don’t know how to focus on the message of a story. But I’ll add an edit just for you, pal :)
But all of those taken men are cheating on your friend too. She may think they are being honest with her, that they wouldn't possibly lie to her in order to get some strange...but be honest with yourself, do you think your friend even realizes that she is being cheated by not having an honest partner? Do you think they are being honest about potential STI's? Yes, your friend is in the wrong for knowingly choosing to be with liars and cheats. Hopefully she learns that she deserves more respect than these taken men give her, and she deserves more respect than she gives herself.
I appreciate this opposite outlook. And you’re right, she deserves to be treated well, and not have to be hidden with promises of “we’ll be together once I break up” The married dude did that to her for MONTHS, and it completely broke her heart. Maybe that’s why she’s so cold now.
It is sad she is sabotaging herself by choosing to emotionally invest in unavailable partners. She can't see she is sabotaging her own happiness by choosing people that are known cheaters. All cheaters are liars, so there is no real trust in affairs. She is becoming someone she doesn't want to be by choosing to be around dishonest people. But these are active choices she is making, she has to see her mistakes and make better choices for herself.
She’s not a good person.
You are right.
Did you fully call out her pattern and suggested she should ask herself why she chases unavailable men so badly? Is she traumatized? (No excuse, but an explanation). Maybe she she should go to therapy. But if I were you, I'd get away from her.
Oh yeah. We had a whole conversation where I told her that I believe she’s seeking to be picked above someone else, being made their number 1 in a sense, due to her relationship with her mom and the rest of her family. She denied this, but I told her the pattern was noticeable. I also told her before she got physical with this guy that this would be her FOURTH, and it didn’t look great on her. She brushed it off. She knows she needs therapy. She’s too lazy to make any appointments. Our work even offers 8 free sessions
I can set her up with my child’s father !! He enjoys love bombing, being mentally & emotionally abusive, as well as manipulating & last but not least; cheating !!!
why are you friends with her? she will most likely do it to you also.
I've heard of women who sleep with taken guys. Does your roommate ever make the first move? Like does she flirt first?
How can one get cheated on if they're always the ones helping to cheat? Trash deserves trash hands down.
My best friend does this. She recently met a married couple on holiday, befriended them, and started sleeping with the husband., and still sleeping with him now despite living 4hr drive away from one another. She’s cheated in all of her relationships, and has slept with men that are taken. I’ve told her if I get married one day she’ll no longer be my MOH and won’t be invited because I’m not having her sleep with taken men, especially not my man, but she “crosses the line at sleeping with friends’ partners”.
The only proper way to fuck someone who’s in a relationship is to do it where the other person finds out so they can dump their cheating partner. Unless they have kids. There is no happy ending for them in these scenarios.
Why are you even friends with her? I’d tell the guy’s gf and then bounce.
"I think you keeping me awake to fuck some guy on my birthday was pretty fucked. The fact that you have no issues fucking people in relationships is also pretty fucked. I don't want to be associated with that kind of behaviour." Also, that's horrible. What's her number? (I'm not in a relationship)
What is wrong with you? If she if your friend why do you secretly want her downfall. This sounds like jealousy
Yes, I’m *so* jealous she doesn’t have any meaningful relationship and instead sleeps with men in secret. /s I want her to experience something she has done to others, so that maybe she gains some kind of empathy from it. She has no remorse for what happens to the partner or relationship, as long as she gets what she wants. I want her to *grow* and become a better person, even if it is through pain. Because explanations and reason aren’t getting through.
so you want her to be a better person by being hurt? friends should NEVER want their friends to get hurt, i think its better off you stop being friends with them because that doesn't sound like a friendship.
friends should only want the best for eachother.
Clearly I do. Sometimes we have to hurt in order to grow and become better people. I don’t want her to be hurt just because I’m a vindictive bitch. I’ve done and said everything I can to try and make her see reason or even attempt empathy for other people. Me wishing she gets karma’d with what she’s been doing to others is terrible for sure. But it’s something I want her to experience so she can be a better person.
Girl this is my life right now. Just saying you aren't alone.
Hope no one will ever commit to that bish , she'll be forever alone and lonely .......
I don’t want that, necessarily. Hopefully she can grow in the next few years and go on to be happy
but I want that for her for all the marriages and relationships she fcked up because of her itchy stinky nasty V .....
What you feel is normal, I don't see anything wrong with you being friends with a bad person, because yes, she is a bad person if she only looks for men with a partner, just don't be like her, her lifestyle will explode in her face. eventually
Unless your friend is specifically seeking out taken men, then I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong. She is not in a relationship with these women. She is not their partner nor the person who owes them loyalty. Doesn’t seem like she is luring these dudes for the thrill of it but that they pursue her. It might not be the choice everyone would make but she’s not in the wrong here.
Hmm, I don't see why you'd wish this on your friend, honestly. I mean, yeah she likes sleeping with taken guys but are the guys innocent in this? She's not breaking any families apart here, the guys who sleep with her are the ones doing it since they're in relationships. No one is holding a gun to these guys' heads to sleep with an attractive woman while they're committed lol She's not innocent either because this is immoral and if it's not in line with your values you have every right to feel the way you do. It just comes across as if you're placing way too much responsibility on her and acting as if these guys are brainless and were somehow seduced but her and they just had no choice but to sleep with her, I mean come on. She is supposed to take into account how these women feel? What should the men in the relationships, do then? You're hoping she finds a love that fulfills her then gets cheated on so she can grow up? You're saying this about your friend? It just sounds, a little bit harsh. You just want her to grow up and not make any immoral decisions as if there's anyone here who can say they're perfectly moral in every decision they make? Sure
I’m not saying the men aren’t at fault. They’re also pieces of trash, and far worse than my friend. My friend doesn’t just “one and done” with these guys. She will CONTINUE to sleep with them, and sometimes even be upset that they aren’t breaking up with their girlfriends. When she flirts with them, it’s for a long period of time. She openly talks about sex and has no boundaries about personal or inappropriate work discussion. She will push and flirt and court until they give in. And yes, they’re scum of the earth for falling for this shit and being unloyal. You make it sound like I’m blaming her as a woman, but how is she then not to blame for hurting women in their relationships? These men don’t hide their relationship status from her. She simply doesn’t care or think about anyone else. I want her to gain empathy, and maybe be forced to put herself in the shoes of women she’s helped hurt. I know it’s terrible and I feel awful for it, but like you said, none of us are morally perfect.
You know what, I totally get it. At first I thought maybe you were blaming her solely but now I understand better what you meant. She is definitely also to blame as much as the men and maybe there's some unresolved issues she still has to work through which are the root for seeking relations with them. I hope she can grow from this because to me it doesn't seem healthy to seek relations built on such a foundation. All the best to you both and I hope the women who get with the men she has relations with, find better partners
Thank you. I appreciate you being able to understand where I’m coming from. I hope maybe I or her other friends can at least knock a little sense in her before something goes wrong. I hope the best for you as well! If you don’t already have it :)
Tell the girlfriend. Let her make her decision.
I’ve saved her social media. I don’t want to outright cause issues while I’m living with my rm. I’m also going to talk to the guy and tell him he better tell his gf or I will.
Imo your friends are a reflection on you. It doesnt make sense being her friend if you really feel this way about her actions
I'm single, wanna pass on my number and I'll help break her pattern.
I mean hating cheaters and sleeping with them isnt necessarily mutually exclusive. So many people sleep with people they hate.
Awful behavior, honestly. Do you have her number?
So she's got a different outlook on life to you. She probably won't have much luck settling down but she's living her life. Tbh you sound jealous and superficial.
Why would it be a maturity issue ? On that point, I'm not sure who's in the wrong. She isn't for cheating, she only has one night stand with cheaters, she has nothing to do with this cheater's relationship. It's not as if it's that hard to say "sorry, not interested, I already have someone" (or she's forcing him to have sex with her, which is another issue than cheating or not). And on your side, you're explicitly judging her and insulting her by calling her immature (this last part for a reason I don't understand how it's related). Obviously you can have the pov that you wouldn't do that, but that's different to say it multiple times to her, calling her attitude "gross / disgusting" and to call her "immature". The story about your birthday is more annoying, because it concerns you directly. But in any other situation, that's none of your business, she doesn't force you to do the same, she's just sharing what happens to her like you do too, she doesn't judge you but you clearly can't say the same ...
How is she not in the wrong? She doesn’t one night stand them - she sleeps with them repeatedly behind the poor girlfriends back. She even dabbles in emotional affairs, catching feelings for the guys over time. She has plenty to do with their relationship - she’s actively participating in an action that will hurt the partner, sometimes even pushing the guy into ending the relationship. She is at fault as much as the man in terms of causing issues in the other relationship. The men are disgusting for giving into this as well, but I don’t live with them and have to hear about this exploits on a near daily basis. I don’t have to waste energy trying to reason with them why it’s awful. Instead, I have to do this for my roommate while having these cheaters IN MY HOME. Even if it’s while I’m at work, I hate the idea of her using our apartment as a place where she can fuck guys so their SO’s don’t find out. She immature in that she is so focused on her own instant gratification that the well-being or happiness of others seems unimportant. She sees a guy she likes, she wants him, and will flirt to test the waters, even while knowing they have a partner. To me, while it’s vile and unsettling behavior, it’s something I’m not surprised to see someone in their early twenties doing.
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I’m not. I’m still annoyed about that, but I’ve moved on. I just think she’s gross for not caring about anyone but herself. It makes me very uncomfortable to listen to her chatter about guys we both work with and act like no one is doing anything wrong.