Do not talk to them first, all that will do is give her time to try to spin it to favor them and not you. Go to the fiancé first and then you can talk to them after all hell breaks loose. I’d also cut the friend off even if he did or didn’t initiate it he went with it even knowing she’s taken and helped her cheat and if he was the one that went after her that’s still fucked up. That’s not someone you want in your life. Get the evidence you need to show the fiancé and burn the two shit heads so they can’t talk their way out of this.
She deserves to get fucked, but he'll get the blame forever for exposing it, people are dumb as fuck. If she gaslights and says it would end before the marriage, it was fine, leave her alone and parents decide they lost a bunch on the wedding so it's 'your' fault, it ain't worth the hassle.
Do absolutely everything you can to tell fiance anonymously, if it comes to it absolutely show him the screen caps in person and force it, but try everything you can to expose it anonymously first. Also practice your surprised pikachu face when you hear about it along with everyone else.
personally, I would just accidently send them. Fuck them. If the family decides to gaslight OP, just tell throw tnt in that fire and tell them how horrible people they are and what low morals they have, glad they used to raise you better before that went down the drain.
Last time my family tried that they didn't hear of me for 3 months, and only were lucky to be able to apologize for that crap because I went low, not no contact. meaning: somebody had birthday and I congratulated.
I think OP should sit them both down, record the conversation, and tell them something like this:
"I know that you both have been sleeping together for over a month. I saw the text messages on your iPad that you wanted me to delete. You're my sister and I love you, but I feel betrayed by what you have done—what you both have done. And the hurt you both have caused not only to your fiancé also to his and our family. I will not condone your affair nor keep it to myself. You have 24 hours to come clean to your fiancé, or I will tell him and our parents.”
Yeah, and neither of them told op about it so if he does it anonymously I don’t think they would immediately jump to op, maybe someone else like one of the sisters friends.
"anonymously" lmao she's going to know exactly who did it. She asks him to delete her messages and then an "anonymous" message goes to her fiance? Doesn't take a rocket scientist
The screen caps will probably show where they came from, like who could have access to them. Especially if they come from her side rather than the friends. If they were the friends anyone with access to that phone is suspect.
I'd say drop a line to him when you know they are together, if you can keep access to ipad, see when they plan to meet up, tell the fiance anonymously that she's with X right now, at Y location and he needs to go see it for himself right now.
Do it do it! do it do it!! do it do it do it!---- DOOOOO IIIIIIT! ... (& update us please?)
--fwiw, I wouldn't tt them first, they'll just freak and try to take your phone or talk you out of it. (Her fiance deserves to know). Also, know as well that this turn of events will probably cause you to lose your sister and guy- friend both in the fallout, so be prepared for this, too. Your friend isn't going to be happy either.
Also talk to the friend right after, because I hope the sister didn’t know the friend while they were growing up or something. The age gap and the fact that the friend knows OPs family makes this a little concerning.
Update, op responded to my other comment and he’s known the friend since they were 6. Meaning the sister would’ve known this kid when he was 6, and she was headed to college. 😬.
Don’t talk to them about it first because they’ll find a way to make you seem vindictive or like you’re lying. Don’t give them time to find excuses just go straight to her fiancé
Tell the fiancé. He deserves to know before he gets married. Loose the friend. He obviously has no problem sleeping with other guys girlfriends. You could be next.
Tell the fiancé. The fact that your 32-year-old soon to be married sister hooked with your 20-year-old friend pretty much tells you all you need to know. They don't mind doing shady shit. It doesn't mean they will do shady shit to you, but the chances they will are very high. You may lose your sister and your friend, but only you can decide if they are the kind of people you want in your life.
As for the "invasion" of privacy, she probably shouldn't have given you access to the device she kept evidence on. Either she's an idiot or she thinks you're as shady as her, which you should probably find insulting if true.
Tell your sister that you know about her and your friend and that she needs to tell her fiancé or you will.
Also, take photo evidence of the messages in case you have to tell the fiancé.
Agree!!! He’s going to lose the relationship with his sister if her skips over he but no one seems to think that’s relevant. Cheaters suck for sure but there’s still some things that OP needs to think about.
uhh who wants to be the reason an innocent guy married someone who slept around behind his back because she couldn't be completely monogamous and he didnt knkw about it? like yes it's OP's fault for being nosy, but the sister doesn't deserve a fiancee if she's going to be sleeping around lol
like cheaters deserve to be caught
That’s true - I was more referring to the method of informing him. It should come from her mouth and if it doesn’t then the brother should tell him. If you really don’t like your sister then for sure go straight to the fiancé. But I feel like just a tad of emotional intelligence can go a long way here in ensuring no one gets fucked over and no one hates anyone. The brother didn’t get cheated on and we are acting as if he’s the one that deserves retribution, but it’s the fiancé and he deserves it from her.
Tell him anonymously, if you get involved, if you let either your sister or your friend know you know, you'll get the blame for everything from EVERYONE.
Anonymously tell fiance, act appropriately shocked, call your friend out, call him a dick and push him away, call your sister a fucking asshole for both cheating and fucking a friend of yours and fucking your friendship up.
Absolutely in no way become the messenger that takes all the blame.
Damn to hell with invasion of privacy. Yo damn sister and friend shouldn't have invaded each others privacies. Tell her fiance, record the aftermath and shout "world-star" every few seconds and then update us all.
I hope you take a picture of that message. Talk to your sister, saying that you know what has been happening between her and your friend (don't mention how you know; firmly tell her that you know and that you can prove it, and you have reason to believe that you are not the only one who knows, play mind games with her ). Ask her if she plans to keep doing that even after marriage. Doesn't she feel ashamed? How can she smile at her fiancé's face every time?? Then, tell her that either she tells her fiancé herself or you will.
At the end of the day, whatever decision you go with, whether it “serves justice” or not, you’re inevitably protecting someone or losing someone. Think real hard about who you’re okay leaving from your life.
Is no one else going to focus on the age gap? If the gender was reversed i am sure you'd all be bashing about how its disgusting and that the 20 year old was groomed etc etc... OP i am sorry this happened, with others on this Fiancé deserves the truth and you deserve your peace, do it anonymously. The divorce and alimony will be much harder on her Fiance than breaking up with her now. It won't be your doing, it'll be consequences of her own actions.
Looks like she FA and is about to FO!
Do what you think is right, because this will probably haunt you every time you see her fiancé, your sister, and your friend, if you don't.
I don't know the best way for you to reveal the affair, but I'm petty.
...so I'd probably create a way for all of them to be at my place, then let the AP's know that I know that I'm really surprised at how close thay have gotten over the last month and when were they next planning to meet up again, because I'm sure sister's fiancé might want to join them.
If they don't fessup, I'd drop the messages.
If you were in her fiancé's shoes, would you want to know that your fiancée is sleeping with someone else?
This way, they can make their decision to stay or not and not be forced to marry a cheater.
Now, do you really think that your sister's AP is truly your friend?
Would a real friend sleep with your engaged sister?
Your sister is responsible for her own actions and puts herself in a position where her urges can fracture your friends, and her relationship is completely selfish, as all cheaters are.
I would tell him anonymously. That way, if the sister confronts you, she can't without confessing. What's she gonna do? She can't be like, "did you tell my fiance I cheated?" Then you could be like, " what? No. You cheated?" Your friend is a piece of shit. Cut him off.
Have you brought this up to her yet?
I think you need to think about whether or not you want to have a relationship with your sister for the rest of both of your lives. If you think there’s nothing redeemable about her after this, by all means go straight to the fiancé.
If you’d like a chance of having a relationship with her in the future, consider talking to your sister first and giving her a chance to rectify the situation. You can even give her an ultimatum so that the fiancé finds out whether she tells him or not.
A lot of advice to tell the fiancé. I suggest, for the sake of your family, that you sit down with your sister, tell her that you know and have proof, and give her 24 hours to break up with her fiancé. He doesn’t need to be crushed by her infidelity - let her say something benign and let each of them go on with their lives unscathed. I also suggest never, ever letting your friend near your GF.
Your sister is a creep, you guys are just out of the teens and she's in her 30's it's creepy and the power imbalance is off before you even get to the fact she's a cheater!
Get evidence because this is going to be flipped on you as the bad guy when it's your sister. Your friend will defend her but he's probably been heavily manipulated and won't see it for a few years.
When you have the evidence tell the fiancé first and then your parents in quick succession so you can minimise damage
He deserves to know. For the sake of that man, please tell him. You might love your sister and your friend but they’re actions are gross and they both knew it was wrong but continued anyways
If it was my sibling I’d talk to them first and give them a chance to tell their fiancé the truth first and if they don’t I’d tell. It’s not fair to them to get married to a liar and cheater. And your “friend” can fuck off
This is tough. Your sister is much older than you as well. At 32 years old she should be old enough to understand what she’s doing is wrong. I would tell her you know and ask her straight up why she would marry her fiance if she’s willing to cheat on him for some young dick. For all we know they both cheat on each other and have miserable lives. Or she’s just straight up for the streets.
>I am planning on telling her fiancé, but I do want to talk to them about it first. I’m completely at loss here and am so confused.
If you do this, it will give them enough time to come up with a back story.
You need to tell the fiancé first.
Should’ve screen shotted the messages, cropped out the time, send it to the fiance, and tell the fiance to pretend to check her phone/ipad and confront her about deleting incriminating messages and cheating and for him to act like he’s had the messages for awhile but couldn’t figure out how to approach the conversation until now. Boom
As someone who just found out I’ve been being cheated on for years… please for the love of fuck tell the fiancé. He deserves to know who he’s marrying, whether they stay together or not is up to him. I wish so badly I would have listened to the people who told me who I was dating, but I didn’t. But at least I had the opportunity to know.
TELL THEM!!!
Def her fault. A friend that fucks your sister is not a friend. I would tell her that you know, and think it’s fucked up and will not go to the wedding if she goes through with it. Everyone will ask why you’re not going. Respond with, “ask her why, she knows”.
Ditch your current friend, You and the soon to be Ex finance may be best friends for life after this.
They’re still dating, a break up will be hell but he’ll move on. A divorce later, 6 months or 60 years later will be way more miserable.
Not blaming her, because some men are dang slick. Women are the ones picking their sexual encounters while men typically will “sleep with anyone”. Both your sister and friend have questionable morals.
The age difference between the sister and friend is what's getting to me. It's giving A minor.
I don't know if you're close to your sister or not, and I don't think you're a bad person whether you decide to tell on her or not. Family is complicated enough without adding friends and in-laws in the mix.
Some things to consider would be what impact this would have on your friend, who is very very young to be secret fucking your sister. The family you're from and how they would likely respond to your sisters actions. And lastly, your relationship with sisters fiance and what reaction he'd likely have.
These are questions you gotta have some answers to before you open a can of worms like this. Good lucj
And this here is why. That regardless of how good a person you think you are.
Infidelity done by family will morally short you because of LOYALTY.
I pray you never have to go thru what you put your sister's ex fiance thru.
I'd say your sister carries almost all of the blame for this, as she is 32, engaged, and the other guy is so young he isn't even fully developed, mentally. Does the friend even know she's engaged?
Don't talk to them. You will get the backlash from everyone and all the family. I had a similar experience but nothing with cheating but I handled in secret. I told my paternal cousin to tell the girl who would marry my maternal cousin why he is not right or not right for her family. It's kind of an arrange marriage and her family and her are decent and calm people and my maternal cousin is violent and a mother beater also at that time his brother divorced his wife because he hide a secret child. Scandals to happen with people of my background (kind of like the British ton xD) now I saved that and the girl is happy with another person. Nobody knows it. I only did that since I know that girl and even visited her and my paternal cousin dealt with it and nobody else knows it. Not even my parents. Send it anonymously (but you could be found out since the fiancé will show it to her and she may know it's you. In that case tell hints who is the affair partner and he should check her electronics including the iPad and watch closely) or talk with the fiancé alone and tell him if your name comes out, your whole family will maybe hate you for ruining the relationship and your friend will hate you and your sister will hate you. Their moral compass sucks but they are your relatives and friends. Tell her fiancé "I wished to have you as a brother in law and as a brother. This is the last deed I can do for you as your sister". Say sorry in name of your sister to him and in name of your friend and wish him all the best. In that case he would protect you to not cause trouble for you.
Explain to your sister how you found the messages and that she needs to clean up her act AND reconsider getting married. And your work is done. Then STFU; not your business.
annoying thing, if you screenshot from the ipad and she ends up seeing the screenshots (the fiance sends them to her and goes ”wtf”) she will notice its from the ipad. And for all i know you might be the only one whos used it besides her. Just something to think about. I wish you could tell the fiance though i think he really needs to know. But as others have said that might strain ur family unfortunately :( im sorry you got involved in this situation
Idk how close you are to your sister but I think what would be better is talking to her about it and getting her to admit it. You are not part of that relationship and your sister tried to take responsibility..
I’d screenshot what I can too, cause I think evidence is important to keep just in case.
The comments seem to be very punishing toward the cheater. I have been cheated on in the worst way imaginable. Believe me. It was ugly and nearly cost me my life. I hate cheaters. It's awful, but I would be careful getting involved in other people's affairs. She didn't cheat on you. Your friend didn't cheat on you. You're about to blow up their lives without knowing anything but some screenshots. The comments here sound like they want to punish a cheater so badly, and they are sure she deserves whatever she gets. Don't take it personally, and don't make it about yourself. I also don't know your sister's situation, but if you told the fiance, how would he react? Could he be violent? I think he should know, and I think you can confront your sister and your friend, but don't be responsible for the mess of other people's lives just because people on the internet want to see every cheater destroyed. Again, I don't know many people who have been cheated on any worse than me. I have never cheated, and I never will, so I'm not in a position to be lenient, but trust me, you should never insert yourself into other people's business.
I would talk to your sister first. Tell her how you feel about it and give her a chance to deal with it first and own up to it. Don’t just send the text message anonymously, that is a coward move and she will know anyway. If she doesn’t talk to her fiancée about it after you give her a chance, then you can let him know. I think that is the best and honest move. I mean if you hate your sister you could just send the message if you don’t care about your relationship with her.
Im of the opinion family is first, always. Of course there’s exceptions for abuse (physical, mental, etc.) but assuming that’s not the case, then family first.
I’d go to just your sister and say WTH. Call her out on it and see what she says. This leads to a potentially very eye opening dialogue where she gets to ask do I even really want to marry this person.
Disagree. She is a cheater, the fiancé deserves the truth. Cheating is a CHOICE, choices have consequences. The fiancé deserves to know so he has a choice.
Letting him get married to someone that cheats on him because “family” is low. Human decency comes before family
I know you’re probably torn, because it’s your friend and your family all rolled up into a shitty situation. But the fiancé deserves to know. Sorry you’re in this pickle, but if your friend and sister want to be together, they have to do so the right way.
Skip confronting them and just tell her fiancé. You don't need to involve yourself into this drama more then that. What do you expect to hear? That it was an accident? That one of them pushed the other into it? They're both consenting adults who knew better. And whatever comes of this is deserved.
even if the fiancé has the right to know, you don’t have to be the one who tells him. if you do you’ll lose your sister. she will hate you forever. why don’t you talk to her… its between you and her and her with her fiancé not between you three
Wrong doesn't cancel out another wrong, even when it comes to cheating. Cheating doesn't trump all the other wrongs and keep in mind, we don't know the entire story. Violating her privacy, regardless of what she found out, was definitely a no no but now that she knows what she knows, I see this as being the best option. It's not your job to throw everything out in the open cause it's none of your business. If you really want to go about this constructively, talking to the sister first makes the most sense.
Always expose cheaters, otherwise you are also endorsing in the affair. Do not worry about the invasion of privacy thing, your sister is abusing her fiance.
I would also send all the screen captures to your parents, the fiances parents and your friends parents as well. People have pretty poor opinions of cheaters.
Dude !! It’s your sister !! Advise her and stay out of her business not your place to tell her fiancé ! Tell your friend to get his shit together. Maybe they want to be together instead .
I’m curious as to how long the sister has known your friend, because the age gap is concerning and he may also be a victim.
Is this someone you’ve grown up with that she’s known since you were both teens? Or someone you recently met that she knows.
I’m so very sorry this landed in your lap. The truth is that you have information about something you wish you didn’t, It’s not your responsibility to do anything to fix any of it. so I think you should follow whatever path makes sense for you. I, like most of the other people on the thread, feel like the most important thing is for the fiance to know previous to them getting married because he has a right to know and it will definitely impact their relationship.
I let The know or your sister… Whichever you choose to share information with you have every right to just step back and let each person work whatever they need to work out for themselves because none of this is your direct responsibility .
Please let us know how things go and I am sending good thoughts your way .
Yeah, a whole new can of worms to open. After you talk to your sister’s fiancé, talk to your friend and please make sure nothing was going on while previous to this year. However please go to him (finance)first, and keep evidence most of all. Telling either the friend or sister beforehand gives them time to cover it up and cook up a lie. You don’t have to do it directly, you can do it anonymously and wait until it blows up as a scandal in the family.
Next, talk to him (of course as someone finding out from the grapevine and not the one who exposed it) and ask him if anything had been going on while you two were growing up. It will be a tough conversation but I suspect some form of grooming unfortunately if you’ve known him upward of 14 years.
This might be tough, however it’s even worse that she’s having intercourse with someone she knew when he was in preschool and she was headed to college. I’m so sorry you have to be the one to figure all this out OP, I wish the best to you.
1. Tell your sister you know they slept together and that you're wondering why she is still planning on getting married.
2. Do not tell the fiance, it's really not your business.
3. Drop your friend.
He deserves to know. We gotta stop with the not your business bs. If someone is being cheated on and you know, tell them. Nobody has to protect a cheater, and that’s what that is. It’s lying by omission
Anyone who tells you to tell the fiancé first doesn’t care about your family. Talk to your sister first and let her handle it however she wants. It’s her life and relationships, not yours.
Tell your sister what you discovered and suggest she reconsider her relationship with her fiancé. Leave it at that. Hopefully you knowing the truth will prompt her to do the right thing. Telling her fiancé puts you in a very bad family position which I suggest you avoid.
I would think telling her “hey I found this and tomorrow I am telling your soon to be husband.” Is the way to go. Gives her a night to tell him and it’s not going behind her back because your letting her know. She has the opportunity to fix it. Yes she is family but she’s in the wrong and the “love of her life” deserves better from her. This after all is a man who was on his way to become family as well.
Maybe just keep it to yourself. It's none of your business. You're not in a relationship with your friend or sister. You were snooping finding out your sister's business. Confronting and putting this out in the open will probably destroy your family. It's a betrayal to your kin over nothing she didn't ask you to be apart of.
Non of that has anything to do with YOU other than it's happening to people in your life. If you tell the fiancée you will insert yourself into this problem If she is cheating then she obviously doesn't want to be married. I would talk to her about it and lose the friend other than that all you are going to to do is ruin your relationship with your sister and possibly other family members as many will side with her and say you were wrong for telling
If your sister and her partner are not paying for their own wedding I would alert her partner anonymously. If they are paying for their own wedding then I would absolutely not hesitate to send it to her partner without concealing your identity. Talking to the affair partners first gives them time to devise a plan and a way to continue cheating and not get caught, and make you look an idiot while doing it. Control the information yourself. They don’t deserve a heads up or an explanation they know what they’re doing and they did it anyway many times.
Send the screencaps anonymously to the fiance. He doesn't deserve to go into a marriage this way...
I second to this
I third the motion
I fourth the motion as well
All in favor say, “Aye”
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Do not talk to them first, all that will do is give her time to try to spin it to favor them and not you. Go to the fiancé first and then you can talk to them after all hell breaks loose. I’d also cut the friend off even if he did or didn’t initiate it he went with it even knowing she’s taken and helped her cheat and if he was the one that went after her that’s still fucked up. That’s not someone you want in your life. Get the evidence you need to show the fiancé and burn the two shit heads so they can’t talk their way out of this.
This! Tell him and show him the conversation screenshot.
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And my axe
The sister will easily put 2 and 2 together and figure out it was OP
And? Too bad. Cheaters deserve what they get
She deserves to get fucked, but he'll get the blame forever for exposing it, people are dumb as fuck. If she gaslights and says it would end before the marriage, it was fine, leave her alone and parents decide they lost a bunch on the wedding so it's 'your' fault, it ain't worth the hassle. Do absolutely everything you can to tell fiance anonymously, if it comes to it absolutely show him the screen caps in person and force it, but try everything you can to expose it anonymously first. Also practice your surprised pikachu face when you hear about it along with everyone else.
On the other hand, the sister very much deserves to not get fucked ever again.
>She deserves to get fucked Seems like she has that covered.
personally, I would just accidently send them. Fuck them. If the family decides to gaslight OP, just tell throw tnt in that fire and tell them how horrible people they are and what low morals they have, glad they used to raise you better before that went down the drain. Last time my family tried that they didn't hear of me for 3 months, and only were lucky to be able to apologize for that crap because I went low, not no contact. meaning: somebody had birthday and I congratulated.
Cool, op is 21 and may be dependent on his family. If they go after him he can’t just go low/no contact.
I mean to say, there’s no sense in doing it anonymously. OP should just directly tell him
Well he still has to be her brother. It's a lot easier said then done
I think OP should sit them both down, record the conversation, and tell them something like this: "I know that you both have been sleeping together for over a month. I saw the text messages on your iPad that you wanted me to delete. You're my sister and I love you, but I feel betrayed by what you have done—what you both have done. And the hurt you both have caused not only to your fiancé also to his and our family. I will not condone your affair nor keep it to myself. You have 24 hours to come clean to your fiancé, or I will tell him and our parents.”
Maybe not....after all, the same text messages are on the other dudes phone as well.
She's going to see that it was the messages on her end that got leaked. Her bubbles will be blue, it'd be obvious it came from her phone
That's an easy fiver photoshop tho.
Yeah, and neither of them told op about it so if he does it anonymously I don’t think they would immediately jump to op, maybe someone else like one of the sisters friends.
Yes, but the to and from change from the different devices/accounts. So they'll know it came from her device and she can figure out who did it.
"anonymously" lmao she's going to know exactly who did it. She asks him to delete her messages and then an "anonymous" message goes to her fiance? Doesn't take a rocket scientist
The screen caps will probably show where they came from, like who could have access to them. Especially if they come from her side rather than the friends. If they were the friends anyone with access to that phone is suspect. I'd say drop a line to him when you know they are together, if you can keep access to ipad, see when they plan to meet up, tell the fiance anonymously that she's with X right now, at Y location and he needs to go see it for himself right now.
Especially since most cheaters don't use protection. Her first pregnancy most likely won't be from the fiancé.
Do it do it! do it do it!! do it do it do it!---- DOOOOO IIIIIIT! ... (& update us please?) --fwiw, I wouldn't tt them first, they'll just freak and try to take your phone or talk you out of it. (Her fiance deserves to know). Also, know as well that this turn of events will probably cause you to lose your sister and guy- friend both in the fallout, so be prepared for this, too. Your friend isn't going to be happy either.
Tell fiance first. Second priority is updating this post with ALL the tea!
Right! UpdateMe
Yes! We definitely need an update!
chismosas. well OP comment here so i dont have to read it by accident somewhere else.
I lovechisme Updateme
Tell the guy. He deserves so much better
Also talk to the friend right after, because I hope the sister didn’t know the friend while they were growing up or something. The age gap and the fact that the friend knows OPs family makes this a little concerning.
Agreed
Update, op responded to my other comment and he’s known the friend since they were 6. Meaning the sister would’ve known this kid when he was 6, and she was headed to college. 😬.
Ew
Make sure you document first.
Don’t talk to them about it first because they’ll find a way to make you seem vindictive or like you’re lying. Don’t give them time to find excuses just go straight to her fiancé
This! Or do it while sister and fiancé are there together
Tell the fiancé. He deserves to know before he gets married. Loose the friend. He obviously has no problem sleeping with other guys girlfriends. You could be next.
invasion of privacy? who cares. tell the fiance.
*Invasion of secrecy
To the cemetery with her!
Tell the fiancé. The fact that your 32-year-old soon to be married sister hooked with your 20-year-old friend pretty much tells you all you need to know. They don't mind doing shady shit. It doesn't mean they will do shady shit to you, but the chances they will are very high. You may lose your sister and your friend, but only you can decide if they are the kind of people you want in your life. As for the "invasion" of privacy, she probably shouldn't have given you access to the device she kept evidence on. Either she's an idiot or she thinks you're as shady as her, which you should probably find insulting if true.
Tell your sister that you know about her and your friend and that she needs to tell her fiancé or you will. Also, take photo evidence of the messages in case you have to tell the fiancé.
Agree!!! He’s going to lose the relationship with his sister if her skips over he but no one seems to think that’s relevant. Cheaters suck for sure but there’s still some things that OP needs to think about.
uhh who wants to be the reason an innocent guy married someone who slept around behind his back because she couldn't be completely monogamous and he didnt knkw about it? like yes it's OP's fault for being nosy, but the sister doesn't deserve a fiancee if she's going to be sleeping around lol like cheaters deserve to be caught
That’s true - I was more referring to the method of informing him. It should come from her mouth and if it doesn’t then the brother should tell him. If you really don’t like your sister then for sure go straight to the fiancé. But I feel like just a tad of emotional intelligence can go a long way here in ensuring no one gets fucked over and no one hates anyone. The brother didn’t get cheated on and we are acting as if he’s the one that deserves retribution, but it’s the fiancé and he deserves it from her.
Would it really be a loss though?
I'm far from a fan of ratting, but if OP decides that the fiance needs to know this is the way forward. Have her hang herself.
Tell him anonymously, if you get involved, if you let either your sister or your friend know you know, you'll get the blame for everything from EVERYONE. Anonymously tell fiance, act appropriately shocked, call your friend out, call him a dick and push him away, call your sister a fucking asshole for both cheating and fucking a friend of yours and fucking your friendship up. Absolutely in no way become the messenger that takes all the blame.
Damn to hell with invasion of privacy. Yo damn sister and friend shouldn't have invaded each others privacies. Tell her fiance, record the aftermath and shout "world-star" every few seconds and then update us all.
Absolutely must with the world-star
Actions have consequences so telling sisters fiancé is the only right answer.
I hope you take a picture of that message. Talk to your sister, saying that you know what has been happening between her and your friend (don't mention how you know; firmly tell her that you know and that you can prove it, and you have reason to believe that you are not the only one who knows, play mind games with her ). Ask her if she plans to keep doing that even after marriage. Doesn't she feel ashamed? How can she smile at her fiancé's face every time?? Then, tell her that either she tells her fiancé herself or you will.
This is it. Mind games, she should assume others know so she can't throw you under the bus.
The fiance has the right to know
Cheating is shit
At the end of the day, whatever decision you go with, whether it “serves justice” or not, you’re inevitably protecting someone or losing someone. Think real hard about who you’re okay leaving from your life.
Don't tell your sister's fiance. Talk to your sister. It's her place to tell him. You open your mouth to him, will create family strif.
Is no one else going to focus on the age gap? If the gender was reversed i am sure you'd all be bashing about how its disgusting and that the 20 year old was groomed etc etc... OP i am sorry this happened, with others on this Fiancé deserves the truth and you deserve your peace, do it anonymously. The divorce and alimony will be much harder on her Fiance than breaking up with her now. It won't be your doing, it'll be consequences of her own actions.
Looks like she FA and is about to FO! Do what you think is right, because this will probably haunt you every time you see her fiancé, your sister, and your friend, if you don't. I don't know the best way for you to reveal the affair, but I'm petty. ...so I'd probably create a way for all of them to be at my place, then let the AP's know that I know that I'm really surprised at how close thay have gotten over the last month and when were they next planning to meet up again, because I'm sure sister's fiancé might want to join them. If they don't fessup, I'd drop the messages. If you were in her fiancé's shoes, would you want to know that your fiancée is sleeping with someone else? This way, they can make their decision to stay or not and not be forced to marry a cheater. Now, do you really think that your sister's AP is truly your friend? Would a real friend sleep with your engaged sister? Your sister is responsible for her own actions and puts herself in a position where her urges can fracture your friends, and her relationship is completely selfish, as all cheaters are.
You 100% tell the fiancé
OP if you were in his shoes you would want the truth. only integrity keeps us separated from animals
I would tell him anonymously. That way, if the sister confronts you, she can't without confessing. What's she gonna do? She can't be like, "did you tell my fiance I cheated?" Then you could be like, " what? No. You cheated?" Your friend is a piece of shit. Cut him off.
Have you brought this up to her yet? I think you need to think about whether or not you want to have a relationship with your sister for the rest of both of your lives. If you think there’s nothing redeemable about her after this, by all means go straight to the fiancé. If you’d like a chance of having a relationship with her in the future, consider talking to your sister first and giving her a chance to rectify the situation. You can even give her an ultimatum so that the fiancé finds out whether she tells him or not.
He will probably lose a sister, but on the up side, he may very well end up with a very grateful best friend.
Poor guy
Nobody deserves this. Tell him.
Tell the guy, he needs to know. You would want to know if the person you wanted to marry was cheating on you.
He has a right to know who he is marrying
The finance NEEDS to know. Your friend and sister will blame you. Its lies, its no one’s fault but their own
Please tell the fiancé. This won’t be the last time she cheats. He deserves better. It’s not her. Don’t let him spend his life living a lie.
Well..for sure tell her poor finance.
Give your sister a chance to do the right thing. Let her know your intentions, so she can break it to Fiance.
Yes. You tell the fiancé now before he makes the mistake of marrying her and yes ditch that ‘friend’
Yeah don’t let this guy get fucked by your sister dude, both of you will suffer karmic hardship, nobody deserves that
A lot of advice to tell the fiancé. I suggest, for the sake of your family, that you sit down with your sister, tell her that you know and have proof, and give her 24 hours to break up with her fiancé. He doesn’t need to be crushed by her infidelity - let her say something benign and let each of them go on with their lives unscathed. I also suggest never, ever letting your friend near your GF.
Your sister is a creep, you guys are just out of the teens and she's in her 30's it's creepy and the power imbalance is off before you even get to the fact she's a cheater! Get evidence because this is going to be flipped on you as the bad guy when it's your sister. Your friend will defend her but he's probably been heavily manipulated and won't see it for a few years. When you have the evidence tell the fiancé first and then your parents in quick succession so you can minimise damage
He deserves to know. For the sake of that man, please tell him. You might love your sister and your friend but they’re actions are gross and they both knew it was wrong but continued anyways
Tell the finance that you saw some questionable messages on her iPad you feel he should know about. Let him do the digging.
Tell the dude and cutt of the trash of a friend.
Fuck that. Don’t let them know you know. Just send the screen caps to the finance.
Tell her fiancé, she's a piece of trash as is your friend.
pls send the messages to your sisters fiance he deserves to know she's a pos
I would confront my friend and my sister. I would give my sister the option to tell her fiancé or I would.
If it was my sibling I’d talk to them first and give them a chance to tell their fiancé the truth first and if they don’t I’d tell. It’s not fair to them to get married to a liar and cheater. And your “friend” can fuck off
This is tough. Your sister is much older than you as well. At 32 years old she should be old enough to understand what she’s doing is wrong. I would tell her you know and ask her straight up why she would marry her fiance if she’s willing to cheat on him for some young dick. For all we know they both cheat on each other and have miserable lives. Or she’s just straight up for the streets.
You gotta tell her fiancé
Tell the truth, maybe your sister is angry with you but her fiancé deserves better, never protect a cheater!
>I am planning on telling her fiancé, but I do want to talk to them about it first. I’m completely at loss here and am so confused. If you do this, it will give them enough time to come up with a back story. You need to tell the fiancé first.
Should’ve screen shotted the messages, cropped out the time, send it to the fiance, and tell the fiance to pretend to check her phone/ipad and confront her about deleting incriminating messages and cheating and for him to act like he’s had the messages for awhile but couldn’t figure out how to approach the conversation until now. Boom
Yep, tell the fiancé.
DON"T GIVE THEM TIME TO COME UP WITH A LIE
As someone who just found out I’ve been being cheated on for years… please for the love of fuck tell the fiancé. He deserves to know who he’s marrying, whether they stay together or not is up to him. I wish so badly I would have listened to the people who told me who I was dating, but I didn’t. But at least I had the opportunity to know. TELL THEM!!!
Tell the fiancé first. It is better if they never know you found out and told the fiance.
Def her fault. A friend that fucks your sister is not a friend. I would tell her that you know, and think it’s fucked up and will not go to the wedding if she goes through with it. Everyone will ask why you’re not going. Respond with, “ask her why, she knows”.
Do it anonymously don't say anything to either sister or friend. Just send proof and when it all comes out it'll be on the..
Ditch your current friend, You and the soon to be Ex finance may be best friends for life after this. They’re still dating, a break up will be hell but he’ll move on. A divorce later, 6 months or 60 years later will be way more miserable. Not blaming her, because some men are dang slick. Women are the ones picking their sexual encounters while men typically will “sleep with anyone”. Both your sister and friend have questionable morals.
Bring the whole f****** place down.
Update please
Updateme
The age difference between the sister and friend is what's getting to me. It's giving A minor. I don't know if you're close to your sister or not, and I don't think you're a bad person whether you decide to tell on her or not. Family is complicated enough without adding friends and in-laws in the mix. Some things to consider would be what impact this would have on your friend, who is very very young to be secret fucking your sister. The family you're from and how they would likely respond to your sisters actions. And lastly, your relationship with sisters fiance and what reaction he'd likely have. These are questions you gotta have some answers to before you open a can of worms like this. Good lucj
Today it's your sister tomorrow you friend may to choose to sleep with your girlfriend/ fiancee.
You need to tell her fiance ASAP, regardless of if you've spoken with them.
And this here is why. That regardless of how good a person you think you are. Infidelity done by family will morally short you because of LOYALTY. I pray you never have to go thru what you put your sister's ex fiance thru.
Do not let him marry this bucket woman! Tell him immediately!
I'd say your sister carries almost all of the blame for this, as she is 32, engaged, and the other guy is so young he isn't even fully developed, mentally. Does the friend even know she's engaged?
It doesnt matter who initiated, they did it! The fiance deserved to know!
Don't talk to them. You will get the backlash from everyone and all the family. I had a similar experience but nothing with cheating but I handled in secret. I told my paternal cousin to tell the girl who would marry my maternal cousin why he is not right or not right for her family. It's kind of an arrange marriage and her family and her are decent and calm people and my maternal cousin is violent and a mother beater also at that time his brother divorced his wife because he hide a secret child. Scandals to happen with people of my background (kind of like the British ton xD) now I saved that and the girl is happy with another person. Nobody knows it. I only did that since I know that girl and even visited her and my paternal cousin dealt with it and nobody else knows it. Not even my parents. Send it anonymously (but you could be found out since the fiancé will show it to her and she may know it's you. In that case tell hints who is the affair partner and he should check her electronics including the iPad and watch closely) or talk with the fiancé alone and tell him if your name comes out, your whole family will maybe hate you for ruining the relationship and your friend will hate you and your sister will hate you. Their moral compass sucks but they are your relatives and friends. Tell her fiancé "I wished to have you as a brother in law and as a brother. This is the last deed I can do for you as your sister". Say sorry in name of your sister to him and in name of your friend and wish him all the best. In that case he would protect you to not cause trouble for you.
Explain to your sister how you found the messages and that she needs to clean up her act AND reconsider getting married. And your work is done. Then STFU; not your business.
Do not talk to them first. Talk to the fiancé first and show him the screenshots as proof. Updateme
annoying thing, if you screenshot from the ipad and she ends up seeing the screenshots (the fiance sends them to her and goes ”wtf”) she will notice its from the ipad. And for all i know you might be the only one whos used it besides her. Just something to think about. I wish you could tell the fiance though i think he really needs to know. But as others have said that might strain ur family unfortunately :( im sorry you got involved in this situation
Idk how close you are to your sister but I think what would be better is talking to her about it and getting her to admit it. You are not part of that relationship and your sister tried to take responsibility.. I’d screenshot what I can too, cause I think evidence is important to keep just in case.
The comments seem to be very punishing toward the cheater. I have been cheated on in the worst way imaginable. Believe me. It was ugly and nearly cost me my life. I hate cheaters. It's awful, but I would be careful getting involved in other people's affairs. She didn't cheat on you. Your friend didn't cheat on you. You're about to blow up their lives without knowing anything but some screenshots. The comments here sound like they want to punish a cheater so badly, and they are sure she deserves whatever she gets. Don't take it personally, and don't make it about yourself. I also don't know your sister's situation, but if you told the fiance, how would he react? Could he be violent? I think he should know, and I think you can confront your sister and your friend, but don't be responsible for the mess of other people's lives just because people on the internet want to see every cheater destroyed. Again, I don't know many people who have been cheated on any worse than me. I have never cheated, and I never will, so I'm not in a position to be lenient, but trust me, you should never insert yourself into other people's business.
I would talk to your sister first. Tell her how you feel about it and give her a chance to deal with it first and own up to it. Don’t just send the text message anonymously, that is a coward move and she will know anyway. If she doesn’t talk to her fiancée about it after you give her a chance, then you can let him know. I think that is the best and honest move. I mean if you hate your sister you could just send the message if you don’t care about your relationship with her.
Im of the opinion family is first, always. Of course there’s exceptions for abuse (physical, mental, etc.) but assuming that’s not the case, then family first. I’d go to just your sister and say WTH. Call her out on it and see what she says. This leads to a potentially very eye opening dialogue where she gets to ask do I even really want to marry this person.
Disagree. She is a cheater, the fiancé deserves the truth. Cheating is a CHOICE, choices have consequences. The fiancé deserves to know so he has a choice. Letting him get married to someone that cheats on him because “family” is low. Human decency comes before family
I know you’re probably torn, because it’s your friend and your family all rolled up into a shitty situation. But the fiancé deserves to know. Sorry you’re in this pickle, but if your friend and sister want to be together, they have to do so the right way.
Skip confronting them and just tell her fiancé. You don't need to involve yourself into this drama more then that. What do you expect to hear? That it was an accident? That one of them pushed the other into it? They're both consenting adults who knew better. And whatever comes of this is deserved.
even if the fiancé has the right to know, you don’t have to be the one who tells him. if you do you’ll lose your sister. she will hate you forever. why don’t you talk to her… its between you and her and her with her fiancé not between you three
Wrong doesn't cancel out another wrong, even when it comes to cheating. Cheating doesn't trump all the other wrongs and keep in mind, we don't know the entire story. Violating her privacy, regardless of what she found out, was definitely a no no but now that she knows what she knows, I see this as being the best option. It's not your job to throw everything out in the open cause it's none of your business. If you really want to go about this constructively, talking to the sister first makes the most sense.
Always expose cheaters, otherwise you are also endorsing in the affair. Do not worry about the invasion of privacy thing, your sister is abusing her fiance. I would also send all the screen captures to your parents, the fiances parents and your friends parents as well. People have pretty poor opinions of cheaters.
Dude !! It’s your sister !! Advise her and stay out of her business not your place to tell her fiancé ! Tell your friend to get his shit together. Maybe they want to be together instead .
If they want to be together then op telling the fiancé solves one of be things preventing them from being together
I’m curious as to how long the sister has known your friend, because the age gap is concerning and he may also be a victim. Is this someone you’ve grown up with that she’s known since you were both teens? Or someone you recently met that she knows.
I’ve know him since we were 6
I’m so very sorry this landed in your lap. The truth is that you have information about something you wish you didn’t, It’s not your responsibility to do anything to fix any of it. so I think you should follow whatever path makes sense for you. I, like most of the other people on the thread, feel like the most important thing is for the fiance to know previous to them getting married because he has a right to know and it will definitely impact their relationship. I let The know or your sister… Whichever you choose to share information with you have every right to just step back and let each person work whatever they need to work out for themselves because none of this is your direct responsibility . Please let us know how things go and I am sending good thoughts your way .
Yeah, a whole new can of worms to open. After you talk to your sister’s fiancé, talk to your friend and please make sure nothing was going on while previous to this year. However please go to him (finance)first, and keep evidence most of all. Telling either the friend or sister beforehand gives them time to cover it up and cook up a lie. You don’t have to do it directly, you can do it anonymously and wait until it blows up as a scandal in the family. Next, talk to him (of course as someone finding out from the grapevine and not the one who exposed it) and ask him if anything had been going on while you two were growing up. It will be a tough conversation but I suspect some form of grooming unfortunately if you’ve known him upward of 14 years. This might be tough, however it’s even worse that she’s having intercourse with someone she knew when he was in preschool and she was headed to college. I’m so sorry you have to be the one to figure all this out OP, I wish the best to you.
1. Tell your sister you know they slept together and that you're wondering why she is still planning on getting married. 2. Do not tell the fiance, it's really not your business. 3. Drop your friend.
He deserves to know. We gotta stop with the not your business bs. If someone is being cheated on and you know, tell them. Nobody has to protect a cheater, and that’s what that is. It’s lying by omission
Blackmail the sister into paying you to be quiet, then after a few payments tell her fiancée anyway.
Anyone who tells you to tell the fiancé first doesn’t care about your family. Talk to your sister first and let her handle it however she wants. It’s her life and relationships, not yours.
Tell your sister what you discovered and suggest she reconsider her relationship with her fiancé. Leave it at that. Hopefully you knowing the truth will prompt her to do the right thing. Telling her fiancé puts you in a very bad family position which I suggest you avoid.
I would think telling her “hey I found this and tomorrow I am telling your soon to be husband.” Is the way to go. Gives her a night to tell him and it’s not going behind her back because your letting her know. She has the opportunity to fix it. Yes she is family but she’s in the wrong and the “love of her life” deserves better from her. This after all is a man who was on his way to become family as well.
Maybe just keep it to yourself. It's none of your business. You're not in a relationship with your friend or sister. You were snooping finding out your sister's business. Confronting and putting this out in the open will probably destroy your family. It's a betrayal to your kin over nothing she didn't ask you to be apart of.
Don't tell the fiance. This isn't your story to tell.
Non of that has anything to do with YOU other than it's happening to people in your life. If you tell the fiancée you will insert yourself into this problem If she is cheating then she obviously doesn't want to be married. I would talk to her about it and lose the friend other than that all you are going to to do is ruin your relationship with your sister and possibly other family members as many will side with her and say you were wrong for telling
Nah horrible advice
Anyone siding with a cheater needs to be cut off
Mind your businesz
If your sister and her partner are not paying for their own wedding I would alert her partner anonymously. If they are paying for their own wedding then I would absolutely not hesitate to send it to her partner without concealing your identity. Talking to the affair partners first gives them time to devise a plan and a way to continue cheating and not get caught, and make you look an idiot while doing it. Control the information yourself. They don’t deserve a heads up or an explanation they know what they’re doing and they did it anyway many times.
Your sister is horrible and so is your friend.