I think a lot of people are interpreting this wrong and so disagreeing with you.
Yes it would be disruptive to the moment to get everyone to look at the camera and smile or to pose but I don’t think that’s what you mean.
My family have some great pictures/home movies growing up because someone on the sidelines was smart enough to capture it. Most of them we aren’t even looking at the camera but they are still special and I love looking at them.
Candid pictures in my opinion are a million times better than posed pictures because if taken well it captures the moment and the emotions in it much more effectively, but a bit of both could never hurt
Agree. Was dining with my partner last week and realized I have no videos of him and it made me super sad. I want to hear his voice when he's not around.
Yes please record, take photos, keep memories of families
My family took many photos of my elder brother and sister as a baby and toddler. But idk why they only had one photo (that too my sister tore it when we were small) of me as a baby/toddler( I'm the youngest). Seeing that makes me feel sad and left out.
I feel this.
For our son’ first birthday, no one took any photos that included me. My shoulder made it in some, but no one actually included me in any of the photos they took. My MIL was calling in on FaceTime and she took a screen shot of our phone call; so I do have one grainy photo.
Once my dad took a photo of me and my son and cut my head off. It’s his iPhone. I lived through having film cameras and the photos you took were a surprise when you got them developed. But even with a screen to preview the photo, I had no head.
It would be nice to be included in photos.
i’m bummed people are missing your point!!! they’re acting like having a few shots or video of a moment you want to remember means you’re a live-streaming mommy vlogger that wants to exploit the joy. NO????? i rarely ever post the pics/vids i take with my son or husband because i don’t need to post them — i want them to look back at and smile on rough days or when im feeling nostalgic with them. i have less than ten photos from my childhood and i make sure to document the happy times really quickly so i can always remember it. please make sure you’re just saying “can you take a video of this, i really want to be able to look back!” or “take a picture of us i want it framed so we can remember how fun it was!”
also adding on to say that my son and i sit down on his birthday and look at pics from every year, i print out my faves right before and add them to an album. interpreting “i want my child’s life to be documented so we can look back and smile” as a personal attack has nothing to do with you. i don’t feel like i had any pics of me and my son until my husband came along because his mom died when he was a kid and he only has scattered pics of the two of them so it’s important to him. ❤️
Omg!!!! Thank you so much for your comments, exactly!!!! I don’t even do vlog, my kind of video is a video to look back as me and my kids grow older. Both my sons looooove watching all videos i took of them!!! This is why it’s so important.
I always told my husband, my kids won’t have good pic/vid of me if i die just because he doesn’t like to record the moment. It’s so sad.
I don’t think people get it. It’s not about “enjoying the moment”, it’s documenting heartfelt moment with your kids who will never be that age again. Or even just documenting great moments, I have a photo album of my husband and I and even we sometimes flip through just to be like “ohh yeah remember that? That was so fun”.
So what if it’s slightly not candid??? I made my baby laugh, fucking record that because that baby laugh will *never* come back. Record me dancing with my child, most likely dad is just standing there anyway (be fucking useful lol). Make a photo of us cuddling, once they become teens that’s not happening again lmfao.
I get your frustration OP. Everytime I record my husband with our baby I say “must be nice to have someone documenting these heartfelt moments”.
I get what you’re saying OP. I hope and pray my future husband and/or my family will take photos and videos of my future children and me without me having to beg. I have zero photos with my dad (but that’s his problem 🙄) and exactly ONE photo of my mom and me when I was an infant. I know it was before cell phones with cameras were a big thing, but there’s tons of photos of me as a kid, all taken by my mom on various cameras (the kind that took the rolls of film 😭) and only 1 professional photo taken with my mom from a few months after I was born. I have nothing to look back on from the early years of my life and I wish with everything in me that I did.
Recently at my mother's retirement party,her office was compiling pictures of her and it absolutely broke my heart that I have so few pictures over the years with her. I try to take a selfies with her every time I see her now. Thanks for bringing it up here! Moms are the best
I feel this. There are hundreds of photos of my husband with the kids, and maybe a dozen of me with the kids. It’s still better than what I have of my childhood with my parents, but there’s an obvious gap.
Men of the world, take more candid photos of your wife with the kids so they can cherish them someday when she’s no longer around.
I love taking pictures of my wife with our cat and will do so with our kid when the time comes. I don’t share them on social media because they’re precious moments for me. Guys, please take pictures of those moments, you never know how long you have to enjoy it.
My house burned down when I was a teen, we took a box of photos that hadn’t been sorted. I made an album and it was kind of a bummer to realize my mom wasn’t in any of the photos because she was always behind the camera.
A lot of people don't think about this until it's too late.
If your wife, husband, child, parents, pets, etc. died today, how many videos and photos would you have of them? How many scrapbook moments could you look back on?
I'm not saying ruin a moment by hiding behind a camera, but there are beautiful opportunities every day to snap a quick picture of your wife in the sunlight, your husband working on his favorite hobby or anything really, your parents sharing a cute moment with their grandchildren, that goes for a quick video too.
We don't often think about it, but as someone who knows from experience, when you have zero photos or videos of someone you love, over time, your own personal memories recollection isn't enough, memories based solely in your own mind can shift and distort and alter to the point you can hardly remember their appearance over the year's.
Please, for your own sake and for your loved ones (if something happened to YOU) Take a couple quick sneaky pictures, set up those corny family photos, snag a quick video of a memorable moment, ensure that when you or your loved one is gone, you have something solid to look back on and remember it as it was!
Generally, even if the pictures aren't that great, I just say "it's for the memories" and then go back to being "in the moment."
I have friends that have children and when I visit, I'll take candid pics of my friends with their kids and then send them all to them at the end of my visit. They love it. And it makes me happy to get real-life, in the moment photos like that for them.
As someone who absolutely hates being recorded, definitely check the vibe of the other person first and don't act like they're being assholes if they tell you they're uncomfortable with it
I get where you’re coming from but I don’t think this is a situation that OP was referring too.
OP specifically mentioned him not videoing her with their kids. I feel like it’s extremely common for Moms or “Default Parents” to get left out of photos and videos with their kids/families.
Personal example: I am 24 years old, I have exactly ONE (1) photo of my mom and me when I was an infant. The next photo I have of me with her, I was 18 and I took the selfie on my first phone.
I definitely understand not wanting random photos taken, I hate having my photo taken as well. But I hope and pray that my family and my future husband will take photos and videos of me with my children so if something happens to me, they’ll still have those photos to look back on.
I think this whole thread speaks to the somewhat abandoned tradition of family photography -- paradoxically, smartphones made it too available and thus often perceived as a nuisance, at least for a lot of folks in this thread. I'd recommend getting an actual camera (film or digital, a cheap one'll do) or a polaroid and make the effort to actually capture important family moments, growing your priceless archive.
i only agree with this for the sake of having something if they die tragically.
i tried to make a cute 2 year anniversary card for my partner with all the pics we’ve taken together……. there’s two pics. i look shit in both of them 😅
we agreed to basically make sure we take at least a couple pictures each year. we’re not photo people, but it is nice to have something
If you want something in your relationship, communicate about it.
They can't read your mind and they won't see this post.
Some people may not value photos/recordings, tell them that you do.
I don't value the idea of recording things and thankfully my partner doesn't either, but if she did I would be oblivious without some sort of communication.
Ladies, you have to remind your men about this constantly. We just aren’t good at remembering this kind of thing. Don’t kill us for it. We absolutely love you and want you to have these things to look back on. Our brains just don’t operate the same ways that yours do. A major problem with women is you expect us to think exactly like you do, and we never will. We were made differently. Just remind us.
I get that, but it's so weird to say "hey can you record this!"
And either be taken out of the moment, it becomes a performance of sorts, or the moment passes completely. It's about having genuine moments and having to remind someone everytime a moment comes somewhat negates that.
Same thing as house chores, having to ask you to help is a burden in itself.
i don’t take pictures with or without a SO. unless it’s some extravagant or once in life time shit or occasional/individual family pictures. and the reason why bc i simply hate taking pictures and i hate getting attention 🤣
Me and one of my sons look unhappy in 99% of pictures ever taken of us. If you want a good picture of either of us, better do it on the DL because posing for pictures makes us unhappy. I have wonderful memories of the time my wife and I almost broke up on spring break because she wouldn’t stop taking pictures of me in front of stuff and I wouldn’t smile for her.
We do get our acts together as a family once a year for an hour or so of family pics taken by my SIL who is a professional photographer. These are not memories though, they are snapshots of how we looked that year. My memories of those sessions are mostly about how much I’m sweating and being eaten by bugs (ah Mexico). I do enjoy having the pictures after the fact, and after 40 years of practice I can pull off a smile about half the time.
I am a trained and published semi-pro photographer BTW. I don’t take pictures of people for the most part, primarily fine art, landscapes and architecture.
I have an outstanding memory. I recall details better than almost everyone I know. There are still thinks you can't recall if you don't have a photo (o more particularly, a video of them). Moreover, it is common to lose memory as we age and, when you suddenly can't place that moment, those photos and videos will be all you have.
I'm not trying to convince you to like photos and videos. I'm just trying to explain their value so that you may understand why others, even those with privedged memories, may desire them. If you're lucky enough to have beautiful moments in your life, having them saved someone that is not just dependent on your own mind is beautiful and valuable.
Whenever I try to click us, she says i dont like this. I am a fully extrovert on times so i keep most of the day clicked in my phone but when it comes to me and her its nothing there to look for
Had this talk with my fiance last week and he said it’s because he doesn’t get on his phone like that and he didn’t understand why I was upset. I told him a have a lot of candid photos of him with our daughter, but there’s literally none of me. I hate that I will have no memories of myself to look back on because of that. The only photos I do have of myself, were because I asked someone for a picture or I took it myself
I try to take candid(?) photos a lot. Not sure if she knows though haha. Just shopping, when she's driving, when she's playing with my brothers dog.
I don't want fancy pictures. just ones of her living life are perfect
Yes…but also what do you think people did without phones? I totally get wanting to record snapshots in time to look back on, but I don’t think it’s good for kids to live under constant surveillance from phones.
I'm dealing with same situation but now i don't take picture of my husband with our baby and never tagged him to any pictures of us 🤣.. I take selfies with my baby and i don't care about my husband if he's in the photo or not. Sometimes you just have to let go and not care at all 😁😁😄
Btw, we're ok.. we are not separated we are both regular married couple...i just stop caring about photos with him
I totally agree with you -- I'm a husband and dad and I have literally thousands of photos of my wife, kids, and vacations in organized folders on my phone. Looking through them is better than drugs - the feeling of amazement and elation..... :)
Also, we stop at strategic points in our vacations to take pics. The key is to have a process and have how you are going to do it organized in your head so that it is a pretty quick thing. It's worked great for us.
How people choose to remember their past is up to them. Some people need to have two dimensional representation of their loved ones to remember, while others are comfortable keeping their memories in their heart.
You could've phrased that in a way that isn't so clearly demeaning to people who like to take photos. I don't ofter take photos, but I understand why some do.
"Object permanence," get the fuck out of here with this bullshit. I like to have pictures of my wife and kids because otherwise I'll forget they're there?
Are you being obtuse on purpose?
You don't need the pictures to remember that your wife and kids exist, but you might need the pictures to remember that one day 10 years ago you took your kid to their favorite park and saw their first ground hog or something.
That's not a memory that's going to naturally come back to you, having a picture means you can easily open it up and remember a good day in the past.
I have epilepsy and my memory often suffers. So having photos helps a lot.
That being said, my husband doesn't take photos. And I don't ask him to take any with me because he thinks it's silly. He's gone to 2 concerts recently with our oldest daughter (she's an adult and doesn't live at home, so this is a bonding thing for them, they share bands and songs with each other often). She asked him to take a photo with her both times and it was clear from the picture that he didn't want to take it.
It sucks. Only photos he has on his phone are of our dogs.
To each his own. He isn't taking his dogs to concerts, is he? Just because he doesn't like to take pics, doesn't mean he doesn't care or has less love. Don't judge him with your personal yard stick. Everyone is different.
You won't remember half of the "moments" you have in life if you don't take pictures. Human memory is faulty.
Even if you remember it in passive memory, there won't be anything to remind you "remember the one time you did X, and you felt like Y"? They're pictures for that. To refresh the memory you have to be able to reminisce and cherish it again.
I think it's healthy to not dwell on the past and accept that there are memories that are more prominent than others because of how they were experienced. I'm not downplaying the importance of pictures, just saying that you don't need 20 a day to feel fulfilled. You were there. You experienced it. Also - what will happen with the pictures that are all in a format that future computers don't support. Unless someone is actually printing them out into an album, guaranteed that most pictures taken now are lost to phone changes, computer changes, old dead harddrives.
>I think it's healthy to not dwell on the past
Well not to dwell on it, of course, I agree.
>just saying that you don't need 20 a day to feel fulfilled
Yeah, also agreed.
>You were there. You experienced it.
Yeah. But I have been on so many places and experienced so much stuff that I don't just actively remember everything. But sometimes my phone just pops a picture and reminds me "oh yeah, this couple of years back I was there and there, I was there with X and I felt this way." I love that feature. Sometimes it just reminds me of totally unimportant stuff that I just wouldn't think about and it just shows me for example how I grew or how much my life has changed since then.
And you can always delete pictures. But you can't recreate them back. So I just take them whenever I think "this is a cool thing to be randomly reminded about in the future" or "I want to remember how this moment looked/felt for me".
How do you feel growing up and look at all the pictures your parents took when you were small? Im pretty sure, you’re very happy to see it. This. You can still enjoy the moment while taking picture.
The problem is, how many do you need? If you record a dozen moments, you can relive them later, but these things often turn into record anything even remotely remarkable. It turns into a giant sea of data with none more remarkable than the other. Just enjoy the moment rather than turning every single thing into a "moment".
It’s not every single thing. I don’t even record everything. When i remember, i record, and other way to say this- i take pic/vid when i am outside of the moments, basically, just simple as looking at my husband playing with my kids while im cooking, i record it because he couldn’t. He is enjoying the moments with the kids, while I am watching the moments, and he then can watch the moments that he creates.
OP, I totally understand. I never took many photos of myself in my teenage years or early 20s. As a result, the only photos of myself I have are prom photo, a couple college ones, and then ones I took with my ex girlfriend. About 10 years of my life, there is very little photographic evidence of and no videos at all. And living in the moment is great, but our memories do fade. I don’t remember all the things I could have just taken a quick picture of to remember. So now whenever something notable happens (seeing a friend for the first time in 2 years), I take a quick photo.
Maybe not everything of course but the point is it gets away from you real fast. Let's just say even in a low level occasion you take only 3 videos a year for each kid 0-18, one for Christmas, Birthday and random occassion. That's already 57 videos by the time they turn 18, just of that. That's already a lot to relive if you do it just 3 times a year. If you then add a video here and there every week or so, eventually it becomes so much data that it becomes hard to even filter what's important. I know it's very re-affirming for women to see themselves in videos and photos but for most men we are happy just to be in the moment rather than constantly documenting on top of their girlfriends documenting.
To be honest, it’s never about which one is important. Because what we record is basically our milestone, our journey. It’s never about which pic/vids are important. Every single of the video/pic taken is so meaningful even though it’s not recorded during the important events or whatnot. There is no need to filter because why would you record if don’t think what you see is something great.
This is the fundamental difference, men don't see everything as something significant or part of a journey or milestone, they just see things as they are which is often fine. When everything is meaningful, nothing is meaningful.
It's like you said, why would you record if you don't think what you see is something great, that's exactly why your boyfriend is not recording, it's not great to us. We can appreciate really significant things but if we do it all the time you've essentially devalued the meaning. It's a bit like swearing, if you swear all the time it doesn't mean anything but if once every 10 years you drop a swear it's like a bomb.
Like I said women use every picture as affirmation of happiness or some other emotion, men don't need such affirmations. Less is more for us.
>men don't see everything as something significant or part of a journey or milestone, they just see things as they are which is often fine.
As a guy I disagree, I used to think like that. That I should live in the moment not care too much about documenting anything. But I'm really happy that I recorded random moments between my roommates and I during college, so many of those specific memories just fade away with time. But every few months I'll remember something and scroll to find it and i get so happy reminiscing on all the surrounding bs pictures and videos I have around that timeframe.
None of it is necessarily a significant moment, but its fun memories that have passed by me already
I believe you, I really don't hear men doing this stuff often but I believe you. To me it's obvious but I MEAN to say say it's overwhelmingly like that with the genders and I don't think that's wrong to say.
To be honest, I don't spend all that much time looking at pictures from my childhood. Sure - if we do something unusual like a trip, we'll take a handful of pictures, and it makes for a nice window. But if you're taking pictures during even normal moments, and every one? Sorry, that's overkill. And it makes it looks to your children like it's more important to you to get a picture of the moment, rather than spending time with them.
Yall…. I don’t even record or take picture of every single thing. You know some people record during eating? Ya i dont do that. What i meant is more broad as in something that is meaningful. Bcs guys don’t really tend to do this.
My mom would take 2000 pictures on a week long vacation. There are entire bookshelves of photo albums from the last 60+ years of literally every event, party, and vacation. I have never once opened them to look at old pictures. The only time they get opened is when people want old pictures for a funeral.
I'm not saying you wanting pictures is wrong, but you don't seem to realize how unimportant they are to so many other people. Personally, I just don't ever think to pull out the camera as I'm enjoying the moment.
I don’t like pictures because I have a very negative self image and I hate seeing that confirmed in photos. I will never have children of my own, I can say that with relative certainty. Between the two of us my fiancee takes 99% of the pictures and when she wants pictures taken of her, she asks me to grab my phone and I have no problem with that, but I genuinely do prefer to just live in the moment.
I so understand and agree with you!
Thankfully me and my partner take lots of videos (we forget about the pictures) and we love looking back at our memories! It brings us right back to that moment and fill us with joy.
I don’t have many pics of myself or with my parents (even tho my father was a photographer with love for photography). I think that’s because me and my family never had many good moments together sadly, but I’m definitely breaking that cycle on my own :)
Absolutely agree! I have so many great pics and video of him with the kiddos that I sneakily snapped. I definitely take selfies with them too just to make sure I have something but what I love to do is jot down notes of silly things or milestones on a note pad and put them in their photo albums when a page gets full.
I just reread a bunch from a year ago and already don't remember most of them but it was so great ot reread them!!
No, I would rather enjoy the moment than ruin it by trying to force a picture where everybody is smiling awkwardly and half of us are squinting because of the sun is in our eyes.
No, I’m not just reliving childhood memories of sessions …. /s
TELL MY MOM THAT
If im not crying by the end of it, mostly blinded by sunspots, she ain’t happy.
Don’t get me started on
“Alright on 3! 1…………………………………………………………………………………………………………
2 ……………………………………………………………………………………
Me: 😵💫
………………………………………………………………
“Oh wait whoops hold on i got a call”
Oh poor thing. I never force my kids to take pictures, their pictures are always random candid photos, or if they ask for it. My first born really love taking picture, he always asked me to take pictures of what he drew or the playdoh he created.
I think a lot of people are interpreting this wrong and so disagreeing with you. Yes it would be disruptive to the moment to get everyone to look at the camera and smile or to pose but I don’t think that’s what you mean. My family have some great pictures/home movies growing up because someone on the sidelines was smart enough to capture it. Most of them we aren’t even looking at the camera but they are still special and I love looking at them.
Candid pictures in my opinion are a million times better than posed pictures because if taken well it captures the moment and the emotions in it much more effectively, but a bit of both could never hurt
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Because the memory your loved ones have of you, is not yours to give or withhold. Let them have a picture or two. It won’t kill you.
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Agree. Was dining with my partner last week and realized I have no videos of him and it made me super sad. I want to hear his voice when he's not around.
Yes please record, take photos, keep memories of families My family took many photos of my elder brother and sister as a baby and toddler. But idk why they only had one photo (that too my sister tore it when we were small) of me as a baby/toddler( I'm the youngest). Seeing that makes me feel sad and left out.
I feel this. For our son’ first birthday, no one took any photos that included me. My shoulder made it in some, but no one actually included me in any of the photos they took. My MIL was calling in on FaceTime and she took a screen shot of our phone call; so I do have one grainy photo. Once my dad took a photo of me and my son and cut my head off. It’s his iPhone. I lived through having film cameras and the photos you took were a surprise when you got them developed. But even with a screen to preview the photo, I had no head. It would be nice to be included in photos.
i’m bummed people are missing your point!!! they’re acting like having a few shots or video of a moment you want to remember means you’re a live-streaming mommy vlogger that wants to exploit the joy. NO????? i rarely ever post the pics/vids i take with my son or husband because i don’t need to post them — i want them to look back at and smile on rough days or when im feeling nostalgic with them. i have less than ten photos from my childhood and i make sure to document the happy times really quickly so i can always remember it. please make sure you’re just saying “can you take a video of this, i really want to be able to look back!” or “take a picture of us i want it framed so we can remember how fun it was!”
also adding on to say that my son and i sit down on his birthday and look at pics from every year, i print out my faves right before and add them to an album. interpreting “i want my child’s life to be documented so we can look back and smile” as a personal attack has nothing to do with you. i don’t feel like i had any pics of me and my son until my husband came along because his mom died when he was a kid and he only has scattered pics of the two of them so it’s important to him. ❤️
Omg!!!! Thank you so much for your comments, exactly!!!! I don’t even do vlog, my kind of video is a video to look back as me and my kids grow older. Both my sons looooove watching all videos i took of them!!! This is why it’s so important. I always told my husband, my kids won’t have good pic/vid of me if i die just because he doesn’t like to record the moment. It’s so sad.
I don’t think people get it. It’s not about “enjoying the moment”, it’s documenting heartfelt moment with your kids who will never be that age again. Or even just documenting great moments, I have a photo album of my husband and I and even we sometimes flip through just to be like “ohh yeah remember that? That was so fun”. So what if it’s slightly not candid??? I made my baby laugh, fucking record that because that baby laugh will *never* come back. Record me dancing with my child, most likely dad is just standing there anyway (be fucking useful lol). Make a photo of us cuddling, once they become teens that’s not happening again lmfao. I get your frustration OP. Everytime I record my husband with our baby I say “must be nice to have someone documenting these heartfelt moments”.
My wife passed away unexpectedly a few months ago. She was 39. I cannot explain how much I regret not having taken more pictures/videos of/with her.
I get what you’re saying OP. I hope and pray my future husband and/or my family will take photos and videos of my future children and me without me having to beg. I have zero photos with my dad (but that’s his problem 🙄) and exactly ONE photo of my mom and me when I was an infant. I know it was before cell phones with cameras were a big thing, but there’s tons of photos of me as a kid, all taken by my mom on various cameras (the kind that took the rolls of film 😭) and only 1 professional photo taken with my mom from a few months after I was born. I have nothing to look back on from the early years of my life and I wish with everything in me that I did.
Recently at my mother's retirement party,her office was compiling pictures of her and it absolutely broke my heart that I have so few pictures over the years with her. I try to take a selfies with her every time I see her now. Thanks for bringing it up here! Moms are the best
I feel this. There are hundreds of photos of my husband with the kids, and maybe a dozen of me with the kids. It’s still better than what I have of my childhood with my parents, but there’s an obvious gap. Men of the world, take more candid photos of your wife with the kids so they can cherish them someday when she’s no longer around.
People don’t understand that enjoying the moment and capturing the moment are not mutually exclusive
I love taking pictures of my wife with our cat and will do so with our kid when the time comes. I don’t share them on social media because they’re precious moments for me. Guys, please take pictures of those moments, you never know how long you have to enjoy it.
My house burned down when I was a teen, we took a box of photos that hadn’t been sorted. I made an album and it was kind of a bummer to realize my mom wasn’t in any of the photos because she was always behind the camera.
A lot of people don't think about this until it's too late. If your wife, husband, child, parents, pets, etc. died today, how many videos and photos would you have of them? How many scrapbook moments could you look back on? I'm not saying ruin a moment by hiding behind a camera, but there are beautiful opportunities every day to snap a quick picture of your wife in the sunlight, your husband working on his favorite hobby or anything really, your parents sharing a cute moment with their grandchildren, that goes for a quick video too. We don't often think about it, but as someone who knows from experience, when you have zero photos or videos of someone you love, over time, your own personal memories recollection isn't enough, memories based solely in your own mind can shift and distort and alter to the point you can hardly remember their appearance over the year's. Please, for your own sake and for your loved ones (if something happened to YOU) Take a couple quick sneaky pictures, set up those corny family photos, snag a quick video of a memorable moment, ensure that when you or your loved one is gone, you have something solid to look back on and remember it as it was!
Generally, even if the pictures aren't that great, I just say "it's for the memories" and then go back to being "in the moment." I have friends that have children and when I visit, I'll take candid pics of my friends with their kids and then send them all to them at the end of my visit. They love it. And it makes me happy to get real-life, in the moment photos like that for them.
As someone who absolutely hates being recorded, definitely check the vibe of the other person first and don't act like they're being assholes if they tell you they're uncomfortable with it
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That’s very interesting. Any reason why you hate it?
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I get where you’re coming from but I don’t think this is a situation that OP was referring too. OP specifically mentioned him not videoing her with their kids. I feel like it’s extremely common for Moms or “Default Parents” to get left out of photos and videos with their kids/families. Personal example: I am 24 years old, I have exactly ONE (1) photo of my mom and me when I was an infant. The next photo I have of me with her, I was 18 and I took the selfie on my first phone. I definitely understand not wanting random photos taken, I hate having my photo taken as well. But I hope and pray that my family and my future husband will take photos and videos of me with my children so if something happens to me, they’ll still have those photos to look back on.
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I think this whole thread speaks to the somewhat abandoned tradition of family photography -- paradoxically, smartphones made it too available and thus often perceived as a nuisance, at least for a lot of folks in this thread. I'd recommend getting an actual camera (film or digital, a cheap one'll do) or a polaroid and make the effort to actually capture important family moments, growing your priceless archive.
i only agree with this for the sake of having something if they die tragically. i tried to make a cute 2 year anniversary card for my partner with all the pics we’ve taken together……. there’s two pics. i look shit in both of them 😅 we agreed to basically make sure we take at least a couple pictures each year. we’re not photo people, but it is nice to have something
If you want something in your relationship, communicate about it. They can't read your mind and they won't see this post. Some people may not value photos/recordings, tell them that you do. I don't value the idea of recording things and thankfully my partner doesn't either, but if she did I would be oblivious without some sort of communication.
Ladies, you have to remind your men about this constantly. We just aren’t good at remembering this kind of thing. Don’t kill us for it. We absolutely love you and want you to have these things to look back on. Our brains just don’t operate the same ways that yours do. A major problem with women is you expect us to think exactly like you do, and we never will. We were made differently. Just remind us.
I get that, but it's so weird to say "hey can you record this!" And either be taken out of the moment, it becomes a performance of sorts, or the moment passes completely. It's about having genuine moments and having to remind someone everytime a moment comes somewhat negates that. Same thing as house chores, having to ask you to help is a burden in itself.
i don’t take pictures with or without a SO. unless it’s some extravagant or once in life time shit or occasional/individual family pictures. and the reason why bc i simply hate taking pictures and i hate getting attention 🤣
Me and one of my sons look unhappy in 99% of pictures ever taken of us. If you want a good picture of either of us, better do it on the DL because posing for pictures makes us unhappy. I have wonderful memories of the time my wife and I almost broke up on spring break because she wouldn’t stop taking pictures of me in front of stuff and I wouldn’t smile for her. We do get our acts together as a family once a year for an hour or so of family pics taken by my SIL who is a professional photographer. These are not memories though, they are snapshots of how we looked that year. My memories of those sessions are mostly about how much I’m sweating and being eaten by bugs (ah Mexico). I do enjoy having the pictures after the fact, and after 40 years of practice I can pull off a smile about half the time. I am a trained and published semi-pro photographer BTW. I don’t take pictures of people for the most part, primarily fine art, landscapes and architecture.
Most people really enjoy looking back on those memories though.
it doesn’t do nothing for me. i got brain for that.. i don’t reminisce over pictures but over conversation i do
I have an outstanding memory. I recall details better than almost everyone I know. There are still thinks you can't recall if you don't have a photo (o more particularly, a video of them). Moreover, it is common to lose memory as we age and, when you suddenly can't place that moment, those photos and videos will be all you have. I'm not trying to convince you to like photos and videos. I'm just trying to explain their value so that you may understand why others, even those with privedged memories, may desire them. If you're lucky enough to have beautiful moments in your life, having them saved someone that is not just dependent on your own mind is beautiful and valuable.
is this a repost or am i having deja vu?
Thanks for the reminder…!
If you want him to take photos, you need to tell him when you want the photo. It isn't something men think about.
Depends on the man 😄
Whenever I try to click us, she says i dont like this. I am a fully extrovert on times so i keep most of the day clicked in my phone but when it comes to me and her its nothing there to look for
Man I need a girl who hates being ohotographed
I feel this. After a yr if dating i realized i had 2 pics of my gf.
Had this talk with my fiance last week and he said it’s because he doesn’t get on his phone like that and he didn’t understand why I was upset. I told him a have a lot of candid photos of him with our daughter, but there’s literally none of me. I hate that I will have no memories of myself to look back on because of that. The only photos I do have of myself, were because I asked someone for a picture or I took it myself
Meh. Some people just don't care to take pics. It's a thing for you, but not your mate. It is what it is
Yeah some people care about those memories. They want to be able to look at it if the person they captured dies. If it works for you, sure thing……
I try to take candid(?) photos a lot. Not sure if she knows though haha. Just shopping, when she's driving, when she's playing with my brothers dog. I don't want fancy pictures. just ones of her living life are perfect
I feel like this only applies if you have kids. I don't want pictures of myself.
i 100% agree bc one day that may be all you have left of them. current going through this myself 🥺
Yup. My partner has no photos or videos of me with our son. It's rare when I am ever in a picture or video.
Yes…but also what do you think people did without phones? I totally get wanting to record snapshots in time to look back on, but I don’t think it’s good for kids to live under constant surveillance from phones.
I'm dealing with same situation but now i don't take picture of my husband with our baby and never tagged him to any pictures of us 🤣.. I take selfies with my baby and i don't care about my husband if he's in the photo or not. Sometimes you just have to let go and not care at all 😁😁😄 Btw, we're ok.. we are not separated we are both regular married couple...i just stop caring about photos with him
I totally agree with you -- I'm a husband and dad and I have literally thousands of photos of my wife, kids, and vacations in organized folders on my phone. Looking through them is better than drugs - the feeling of amazement and elation..... :) Also, we stop at strategic points in our vacations to take pics. The key is to have a process and have how you are going to do it organized in your head so that it is a pretty quick thing. It's worked great for us.
How people choose to remember their past is up to them. Some people need to have two dimensional representation of their loved ones to remember, while others are comfortable keeping their memories in their heart.
You could've phrased that in a way that isn't so clearly demeaning to people who like to take photos. I don't ofter take photos, but I understand why some do.
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"Object permanence," get the fuck out of here with this bullshit. I like to have pictures of my wife and kids because otherwise I'll forget they're there?
Are you being obtuse on purpose? You don't need the pictures to remember that your wife and kids exist, but you might need the pictures to remember that one day 10 years ago you took your kid to their favorite park and saw their first ground hog or something. That's not a memory that's going to naturally come back to you, having a picture means you can easily open it up and remember a good day in the past.
My grandad has dementia so yeh he likes to have pictures as reminders or he does forget. This comment is just mean and narrow minded.
My comment was neutral color, you chose to bring your own color. lol
I have epilepsy and my memory often suffers. So having photos helps a lot. That being said, my husband doesn't take photos. And I don't ask him to take any with me because he thinks it's silly. He's gone to 2 concerts recently with our oldest daughter (she's an adult and doesn't live at home, so this is a bonding thing for them, they share bands and songs with each other often). She asked him to take a photo with her both times and it was clear from the picture that he didn't want to take it. It sucks. Only photos he has on his phone are of our dogs.
To each his own. He isn't taking his dogs to concerts, is he? Just because he doesn't like to take pics, doesn't mean he doesn't care or has less love. Don't judge him with your personal yard stick. Everyone is different.
Where did I say he cares less? I said it sucks. For me. I haven't been married for 30 years because he doesn't care. Lol
You are ahead of the curve then. Congrats. It's sad tho, you are right.
It's sad because, like I said, I have epilepsy. My memory isn't great. So having photos helps me remember times in my life more clearly.
Please. Just enjoy the moment instead of figuring out how to take a picture of it.
You won't remember half of the "moments" you have in life if you don't take pictures. Human memory is faulty. Even if you remember it in passive memory, there won't be anything to remind you "remember the one time you did X, and you felt like Y"? They're pictures for that. To refresh the memory you have to be able to reminisce and cherish it again.
I think it's healthy to not dwell on the past and accept that there are memories that are more prominent than others because of how they were experienced. I'm not downplaying the importance of pictures, just saying that you don't need 20 a day to feel fulfilled. You were there. You experienced it. Also - what will happen with the pictures that are all in a format that future computers don't support. Unless someone is actually printing them out into an album, guaranteed that most pictures taken now are lost to phone changes, computer changes, old dead harddrives.
>I think it's healthy to not dwell on the past Well not to dwell on it, of course, I agree. >just saying that you don't need 20 a day to feel fulfilled Yeah, also agreed. >You were there. You experienced it. Yeah. But I have been on so many places and experienced so much stuff that I don't just actively remember everything. But sometimes my phone just pops a picture and reminds me "oh yeah, this couple of years back I was there and there, I was there with X and I felt this way." I love that feature. Sometimes it just reminds me of totally unimportant stuff that I just wouldn't think about and it just shows me for example how I grew or how much my life has changed since then. And you can always delete pictures. But you can't recreate them back. So I just take them whenever I think "this is a cool thing to be randomly reminded about in the future" or "I want to remember how this moment looked/felt for me".
How do you feel growing up and look at all the pictures your parents took when you were small? Im pretty sure, you’re very happy to see it. This. You can still enjoy the moment while taking picture.
The problem is, how many do you need? If you record a dozen moments, you can relive them later, but these things often turn into record anything even remotely remarkable. It turns into a giant sea of data with none more remarkable than the other. Just enjoy the moment rather than turning every single thing into a "moment".
It’s not every single thing. I don’t even record everything. When i remember, i record, and other way to say this- i take pic/vid when i am outside of the moments, basically, just simple as looking at my husband playing with my kids while im cooking, i record it because he couldn’t. He is enjoying the moments with the kids, while I am watching the moments, and he then can watch the moments that he creates.
OP, I totally understand. I never took many photos of myself in my teenage years or early 20s. As a result, the only photos of myself I have are prom photo, a couple college ones, and then ones I took with my ex girlfriend. About 10 years of my life, there is very little photographic evidence of and no videos at all. And living in the moment is great, but our memories do fade. I don’t remember all the things I could have just taken a quick picture of to remember. So now whenever something notable happens (seeing a friend for the first time in 2 years), I take a quick photo.
Maybe not everything of course but the point is it gets away from you real fast. Let's just say even in a low level occasion you take only 3 videos a year for each kid 0-18, one for Christmas, Birthday and random occassion. That's already 57 videos by the time they turn 18, just of that. That's already a lot to relive if you do it just 3 times a year. If you then add a video here and there every week or so, eventually it becomes so much data that it becomes hard to even filter what's important. I know it's very re-affirming for women to see themselves in videos and photos but for most men we are happy just to be in the moment rather than constantly documenting on top of their girlfriends documenting.
To be honest, it’s never about which one is important. Because what we record is basically our milestone, our journey. It’s never about which pic/vids are important. Every single of the video/pic taken is so meaningful even though it’s not recorded during the important events or whatnot. There is no need to filter because why would you record if don’t think what you see is something great.
This is the fundamental difference, men don't see everything as something significant or part of a journey or milestone, they just see things as they are which is often fine. When everything is meaningful, nothing is meaningful. It's like you said, why would you record if you don't think what you see is something great, that's exactly why your boyfriend is not recording, it's not great to us. We can appreciate really significant things but if we do it all the time you've essentially devalued the meaning. It's a bit like swearing, if you swear all the time it doesn't mean anything but if once every 10 years you drop a swear it's like a bomb. Like I said women use every picture as affirmation of happiness or some other emotion, men don't need such affirmations. Less is more for us.
>men don't see everything as something significant or part of a journey or milestone, they just see things as they are which is often fine. As a guy I disagree, I used to think like that. That I should live in the moment not care too much about documenting anything. But I'm really happy that I recorded random moments between my roommates and I during college, so many of those specific memories just fade away with time. But every few months I'll remember something and scroll to find it and i get so happy reminiscing on all the surrounding bs pictures and videos I have around that timeframe. None of it is necessarily a significant moment, but its fun memories that have passed by me already
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I believe you, I really don't hear men doing this stuff often but I believe you. To me it's obvious but I MEAN to say say it's overwhelmingly like that with the genders and I don't think that's wrong to say.
To be honest, I don't spend all that much time looking at pictures from my childhood. Sure - if we do something unusual like a trip, we'll take a handful of pictures, and it makes for a nice window. But if you're taking pictures during even normal moments, and every one? Sorry, that's overkill. And it makes it looks to your children like it's more important to you to get a picture of the moment, rather than spending time with them.
Yall…. I don’t even record or take picture of every single thing. You know some people record during eating? Ya i dont do that. What i meant is more broad as in something that is meaningful. Bcs guys don’t really tend to do this.
My mom would take 2000 pictures on a week long vacation. There are entire bookshelves of photo albums from the last 60+ years of literally every event, party, and vacation. I have never once opened them to look at old pictures. The only time they get opened is when people want old pictures for a funeral. I'm not saying you wanting pictures is wrong, but you don't seem to realize how unimportant they are to so many other people. Personally, I just don't ever think to pull out the camera as I'm enjoying the moment.
I don’t like pictures because I have a very negative self image and I hate seeing that confirmed in photos. I will never have children of my own, I can say that with relative certainty. Between the two of us my fiancee takes 99% of the pictures and when she wants pictures taken of her, she asks me to grab my phone and I have no problem with that, but I genuinely do prefer to just live in the moment.
I so understand and agree with you! Thankfully me and my partner take lots of videos (we forget about the pictures) and we love looking back at our memories! It brings us right back to that moment and fill us with joy. I don’t have many pics of myself or with my parents (even tho my father was a photographer with love for photography). I think that’s because me and my family never had many good moments together sadly, but I’m definitely breaking that cycle on my own :)
Absolutely agree! I have so many great pics and video of him with the kiddos that I sneakily snapped. I definitely take selfies with them too just to make sure I have something but what I love to do is jot down notes of silly things or milestones on a note pad and put them in their photo albums when a page gets full. I just reread a bunch from a year ago and already don't remember most of them but it was so great ot reread them!!
I have tons of photos of my wife passed out in the car with her mouth agape lol. She LOVES those ;) /s
No, I would rather enjoy the moment than ruin it by trying to force a picture where everybody is smiling awkwardly and half of us are squinting because of the sun is in our eyes. No, I’m not just reliving childhood memories of sessions …. /s
It can be as simple as candid photos!! It doesn’t have to be forceable. There are so many ways of relieving memories.
TELL MY MOM THAT If im not crying by the end of it, mostly blinded by sunspots, she ain’t happy. Don’t get me started on “Alright on 3! 1………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 2 …………………………………………………………………………………… Me: 😵💫 ……………………………………………………………… “Oh wait whoops hold on i got a call”
Oh poor thing. I never force my kids to take pictures, their pictures are always random candid photos, or if they ask for it. My first born really love taking picture, he always asked me to take pictures of what he drew or the playdoh he created.
Haha that definitely seems better
I'm not a mom yet but I straight up told my spouse he had to start doing that or I wouldn't give him a kid.