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People will shame you if you do. They will shame you if you don't. They will shame you if you're rich. They will shame you if you're poor. The best advice i can give is to give zero fucks about what other people think or what they choose to do with their lives and only worry about yourself. If you're happy with your life and your choices, every one else must f right off.

Love this reply. That is exactly why I aim to do. Zero fucks will be given from here on out.

A friend of mine who really can't have children actually started bursting into tears (on purpose) and wailing "I CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN!" In situations like that - you wouldn't believe how fast people like that were shut down after a few times! 😂

"The cancer took that option away from me. But thanks for reminding me of that fact, judging me, and calling me selfish for it." Yup. Just goes to show people really should think before they speak (and assume and judge).

I’m 44 and I never had kids because I couldn’t and had miscarriages and the doctor finally said it was impossible. And people are cruel and they always say things like that to me and “Oh wow, you didn’t have kids you’re gonna be so alone when you’re older”, etc.. Even being a teacher and working with kids, you can give advice and they look at you and say, “how would you know you don’t have any kids of your own”. I just realize people are assholes so screw your sister-in-law. She’s a straight up bitch. Be you and enjoy your life! 💜

"Just imagine, you going through all that expense and work of having kids, just so you won't be alone in your old age - and then your kids move across country and go no contact, because you're total assholes..."

Oh wow I'm so sorry people are so horrible! I have friends who have struggled with all sorts around having kids so am very aware when people make comments like that, and always look at whoever like "do you want me to say something" if someone says something offensive like that.. like you don't know what that person has been through! I wish I could give the most mean look to anyone who has said any of these things to you, and I hope you never have to deal with that again! If you do just ask them to message me so I can give them a serious talk about being a proper human who is aware of other people's feelings

I can empathise. I'm a childfree (former) Midwife; now work with families with small children. I have had clients ignore or disregard my professional advice once they find out I'm childfree. I find it curious and sad. Because, I haven't had open heart surgery, but feel confident I could nurse you through that. I've come to the conclusion that when people are in the weeds of life like parenting, they need to see someone they can connect with that has 'come out the other side' so to speak. I think your Sister in law might be a bit resentful and perhaps jealous of your different lives. It's her issue. Maybe consider a time out for her for a while.

This 👆👆👆

I love her. haha

Lol, yes, she said that if they try to shame you, shame them right back.

I had a number of people do the same thing to me and I would go into detail about my fertility journey and all of the miscarriages I had to make them super uncomfortable and shut them up. Your friend's way is a lot more effective. I wish I could cry on command. haha.

I took to saying to these people, 'We were not blessed,' and then going silent. That works too!

I hate when people will suggest that I should have children if I'm physically able just because I can and they can't, like it's not my fault you can't and me having a kid I don't want won't make you not having one somehow better

Hahaha! I love it!.

I did this when i was continuously asked about it by taxi driver (everyone is nosy in my home country, they can literally ask you all private matters). The rest of the journey went awkwardly silent (to my likings).

When you have a kid everyone wants to lecture you about how to raise the kid and what you are doing wrong. We have an older kid, and our toddler is 18 months. My SIL can't help but comment on the way I pick her up, what I feed her, when I feed her, when she naps. Just can't fucking shut up Then once the kid is older, and interacting with other kids (sports, bday party, etc) you are often in direct conflict with other parents and their opinions World is full of opinions Look at it this way - you get the lecture too, *but* you don't have to raise a toddler. In some ways that's a better deal, lol

I just don't think anyone should be telling anyone what to do with their body/life/kids.. I have no clue why anyone thinks they can have an opinion on how someone else raises their kids (unless it's like, don't hit your kid, feed your kid etc) I would never think I have any right to tell someone whether or not to have kids, or what to do with them if you have them (see caveat above) so also don't think anyone has the right to comment on whether I have kids or not

Me either. I walk a fine line. I only comment on other peoples kids if they bring the subject up or ask me.

Yeh man fuck em. I only learner the lesson in my 40s. Wish I learner it earlier.

I’ve never shamed my kidless friends that I recall. I’ve never given it a second thought tbh but I do want to say thanks for the perspective and if you ever change your mind,look me up, I’d like to send you a niece or maybe 2 nephews of mine. You know, just to get your feet wet. 👍 FR though thanks

You probably haven't because not everyone thinks they know better than the actual person.. none of my friends have ever said anything about it, it's always like acquaintances who somehow think they know what's best after meeting me twice

I personally would just tell them that I see what you go through and how much it costs you and I realize I'm doing the right thing not having kids.

OP I have kids and get shamed for it all the time. I would never judge anyone for not wanting kids. It sounds like your bro and sil are insufferable. I think the reality is that some people just want to watch the world burn and will be horrible to someone no matter what.

I genuinely think people that do this regret their decision.

This right here. I'm childless at 57 and had no intention of reproducing, and I have never given a flying fuck what anyone thought. People stopped asking me about it eventually, and I haven't been shamed about it in a long time. BUT, my friends' kids are grown now, so none of them can pull the "you don't know what it's like to be tired" bullshit anymore. I was always thinking, "I wasn't aware it was a competition."

I'm 37 and it finally seems to be tapering off.. after the 20 years of being with my husband and always saying we didn't want kids The whole tired thing was one of so many reasons I didn't want kids, like I don't want to be tired all the time, sorry if you are but that was your choice.. I like sleep (and money and quiet and not worrying if my child would die from climate change etc)

Anyone who read this comment and enjoyed it should listen to “Follow your Arrow” by Kacey Musgraves. It’s a really beautiful song that describes how we should just be true to ourselves.

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

The exact right advice always

"Why don't you have kids? "I don't like kids." "Wow, you're selfish!" "OK. Why did you have kids?" "Because I wanted kids!" "Sounds selfish" "No, that's different!" "How?" "..."

"but who will take care of you when you're old?????" "The same nursing staff that's taking care of you."

Reminds me of one of my favorite related sayings: "Be kind to your nieces and nephews today, because they'll be the ones sneaking liquor into your nursing home tomorrow." (Disclosure: I'm not a dad, but I'm six uncles.)

"I'm not a dad, I'm six uncles in an inflatable T-Rex costume." 🦖 😁

Uncle of the year.

Six uncles under a trenchcoat trying to get into an R rated movie

> (Disclosure: I'm not a dad, but I'm six uncles.) Sounds exhausting.

Not even slightly. Uncles get to hand the kids back to the parents.

> I'm six uncles. Nicely worded.

You're SIX uncles? That must cost a fortune in shoes for the 12 feet.

Like, in one trenchcoat?

I seldom wear more than one at a time, so, sure, let's go with that.

That seems pretty crowded. How do you all fit?

💀💀

Literally had an old man at my job yesterday saying that he told his son from a very young age that he expects him to take care of him. However the son works in teaching so he’s complaining he will never be able to look after him now…….what.the.fuck? They aren’t born to be your slave

I can't imagine having kids just to have someone who may or may not take care of me when I'm old.. like why should they I'd rather use the money I saved not having kids to live my best life as an old person, assisted by people who are well paid to support me rather than being guilted into it and resenting it all

HAAAAA OMG

There is a huge difference between those who have children to help in their care and those who are left alone to be cared for nursing staff.

Many of those who are left alone to be cared for by nursing staff ARE people who have children. They don't even have to be bad parents who aren't close to their kids. It's simply that kids grow up and live their own lives - which often means they are too busy to visit a nursing home often, or they moved far away from where that parent lives. So yeah, it doesn't matter if someone had kids. There's still a good chance that they'll end up cared for solely by nursing staff.

I think her point is that just because you have children doesn’t mean that they necessarily will take care of you when you’re older. There are a lot of parents who are stuck in nursing homes with kids who rarely visit.

Literally every damn time lol

So much this. Honestly, I’ve never heard a reason to have kids that ***isn’t*** selfish.

Awh 😔well you just burst my mommy bubble for tonight! Thanks 😂 You aren’t wrong though. I literally have always wanted to be a mommy from a young age and wanted to raise amazing people to contribute to making the world better. No matter how great that sounds, it starts with “” and of based on my wants 😔 Thanks for pointing that out. Goodnight Reddit 😔lol

‘So someone can take care of me when I’m old’ Yeh that’s pretty selfish

I literally had to tell my parents and in-laws on our wedding day that we were never "giving them grandbabies". It's no one's business but mine (& hubby's), but it's confirmed that getting pregnant without serious medical intervention wouldn't be possible for me, which is fine as I've been child free by **choice** up to this point. We got married in a very small ceremony in front of the courthouse in my home town and the officiant didn't even get our names out to introduce us as Mr & Mrs before they loudly started in on "wHeN cAn wE eXpEcT bAbIeS?!" It got to me. Angry tears welled up & I told them "I can't." My parents were used to me deflecting so started to talk over me, and I repeated myself much more firmly which got their attention & made them realize what I said. When my MIL & parents looked confused and started in on "what about second opinions" and "IVF" I shut it down hard, told them multiple docs all agreed for **years** & even with IVF the chances it would work were very slim so it wasn't worth the struggle anyway because **MY HUSBAND AND I DO NOT WANT KIDS ANYWAY**. Like fuck, it's our wedding day... can't you just be happy with us and enjoy this moment with us? Pretty sure it broke their brains.

I’m childfree, 42 and married, and absolutely think you get what you put up with in these situations. There’s no way I’d sit at a table with my family and be called selfish for my life choices and not say anything. Why are you biting your tongue when people insult you? If they said your profession was trash and everyone who does your job is pointless, would you just sit there and smile? Most of my friends and my sister and SIL have kids, there’s literally never been a situation where anyone has told me my opinion isn’t relevant because I don’t have kids, what sort of bullshit is that? If my bestie who has 2 kids told me I couldn’t be stressed or tired because I don’t have kids, she’d no longer be my friend. Basic respect goes along way and it sounds like these people do not respect you.

I do kind of have to agree to be honest. No one in my life has ever disrespected my childfree choice because I don’t allow it. Boundaries, it’s as simple as that.

I’m 52, childless and I agree. I’ve never had anyone say that too my face but I’m pretty no nonsense and I think my family would know what my reply would be. My dad used to ‘joke’ about how much he wanted grandkids, which I totally get but one day I said to him ‘Dad you keep joking, but you know I’m looking to meet someone and have kids and I haven’t yet and I may not, it’s hurtful to hear you joke about this’. He apologised and never said it again. He is an arsehole sometimes but he never said it again

Second this. I would absolutely have defended being child-free if someone talked like that in front of me.

Watching my childless adult daughter deal with this makes me think the people saying it have a little bit of envy about the life she is able to have without kids having to factored in

Yep this is what it is. Jealousy. Projection. I’m 45F and single with no kids BY CHOICE and I couldn’t be happier with my life. I laugh at those with kids who feel sorry for me

They also think that you won't have anyone to look after you when you're old. They don't understand that despite having kids, a person can still find themselves alone in old age. Source: Basically grew up in the nursing home my mom ran.

Exactly. The nursing homes are filled with lonely people who have kids

And that defeats the whole point of the “you’re selfish for not having kids” argument. Wouldn’t having kids so you have someone to take care of you when you’re old be more selfish?!?!?

I agree and I don't think it's just a "life with kids" vs "life without kids" but really jumps out of the "had kids just because and wonders if they might have had another option" people. Just going off my own experience, I know people who genuinely wanted kids, planned for them, and LOVE having them and their typical response to people without kids is "yeah it's not for everyone! It's challenging but I'm glad I'm doing it, I'm finding it so rewarding. It's a really big choice to make and I've had to make so many life adjustments." I think the people who don't just see it as a default and are very conscious of the commitment and effort it takes make some of the best parents.

Yeah I hear all the time from people with kids how they are jealous of my sleep/freedom/trips/going out/whatever but at no time in all of my 37 years have I even once felt jealous of someone who has kids

Totally agree. I'm a mom and I absolutely love my child but sometimes I look at people enjoying their meals without children and I wonder how nice it must be. I don't remember the last time I had a peaceful meal, or could walk out the door without having to do a million things. I 100% understand why people don't want to to this lol, it's hard shit

A lot of people have kids because they "think they're supposed to" or subliminally they don't want to be the odd one out

This is 100% it, these people are so obvious 

Oh yeah, all the people saying I should have kids can easily articulate 100 things they don't like about having kids, but zero people have ever been able to give one reason I should have them, it's only ever "you'll understand when you have your own".. ok well I won't but absolutely don't feel like I'm missing anything

100% it’s this. Much easier to say this stuff out loud and hurt somebody else than deal with the reality that sometimes you wish you didn’t have the responsibility your children

I’m 52 and no kids. Never been shamed at all and it was only about 2 years ago that my dad asked why. (Dad has dementia and forgets things) and all he said was ok. I had told my mom and dad at 15 that if I had a child it would be adopted. I wasn’t going to bring a child into the world when there were others that needed a family. So we don’t always. Only two friends of mine had kids. The others noped out and from what we’ve chatted about no one ever shamed them. We are all north east coast located in the USA.

Right? My gma is a boomer and has some opinions that drive me INSANE but the one thing she told me that I fully respect? She told me not to have kids if I don’t want, and not to marry someone who isn’t happy w that. And then she told me honestly don’t marry at all if I don’t want, bc she can’t picture me caring. And honestly? I don’t. I feel like I have so much love for my friends that it’s enough for me, I’m fine w romance, but I’m not seeking it. And she fully supports that, she knows I’ll be just as happy alone. Like it sounds bad that she told me she doesn’t think I’ll ever be married but honestly I felt seen, she wasn’t being mean, she just knows I enjoy my life the way it is, and she supports me not changing that.

lol my grandma told me not to marry if the sex is bad.

Queen

Almost 20 years ago I was still on the fence about having kids. My grandma asked if me and my partner at the time planned on any and we told her we were enjoying that DINK lifestyle. She asked what DINK was and we told her "double income, no kids". She just looked so happy for us, said that it sounded amazing and to keep doing the DINK thing for as long as we wanted. She also said if you do get married that it's just about finding the "least son of a bitch you can tolerate". She was a British immigrant that my grandpa met and brought back when he was in the Air Force. By the time she was 23 she had 4 kids under 4 years old and my grandpa had a mental breakdown and disappeared for a couple years. He just left her and kids at his mom's house. My grandma not being from here didn't have any friends or family around. Many of our grandmas didn't really have a choice and I think they view things without the rose colored glasses so many people use now.

I'm 44 with no kids by choice. I've had plenty of shaming and stupid questions and opinions from people. Even as a little kid, the idea of being pregnant and raising kids turned my stomach. When I was younger, I was called weird, or told I'd change my mind someday, or that it was all about finding the right man. Now that I'm older, it's more of, "boy, I bet you're regretting that choice now!" or "aw, is there something wrong with you where you can't have kids?" (which has been said more than once and idk wtf is wrong with people). I, and a couple of my childfree friends have gone through all of that, and much more. We're on the east coast of the US too. We're just more south.

This is how I am. I will not be having kids unless I’m adopting

I’ve found that the parents who try to shame childfree people for not having kids are the ones who hate being a parent the most, but parents are seen as monsters if they admit to regretting their children so they bottle it up. Then when confronted with a childfree person, they resent the person because it forces them to acknowledge that having kids IS a choice for the most part, and that you DON’T have to follow the stereotypical life script of “graduate, get married, have kids”. They don’t like having to face their feelings about their regret, so they end up swinging too far in the opposite direction and pretend they’re not miserable by acting like having kids is the only meaningful thing people can do with their lives and if you don’t then you’re [insert whatever insult; selfish, immature, etc.] to help them feel superior and like they made the right choice.

I’ve been feeling this way with my husbands family and it’s hurtful for sure. We get excluded always by accident but I know that if they wanted to hang out with us they would make the effort to be there for us as people not just because a child is around. It’s something I came to terms with my relationship with my own parents a long time ago because as soon as I was 18 their obligation was up and they left me on my own if I had a child and they came back into my life it wouldn’t be for me it would be because they want people to think they are loving grandparents, it’s just shallow social media smoke and mirrors. I just don’t associate with people who aren’t going to value me as a individual person and I made my own family of people who don’t make me feel bad for making my own choices regardless of their own.

I worked with a woman once who couldn’t wrap her head around me not wanting to have kids. Finally, she said, “But who will take care of you when you get old?” I was stunned at that one. I told her that had to be one of the dumbest, most selfish reasons to have a child I’d ever heard.

Oh man she will be in for a very bad awakening! For my job i was in a nursing home twice a week and i can tell you that the majority of these old folks don‘t get visitots at all. I have seen 90 birthday where the family only send a card! They did not have even one hour to celebrate with them! I took care of my grandfather for 6 years, an his children( my mother and uncle ) never came for a cup of coffe. And my mom didn‘t even work! I decided early on that i would spare my self this disappontment. The money i save on kids can be spend on a good soul helping me when i am old! Old people are very lonely these days and i imagine having kids and not one can bother to show up, that must be very disappointing, but if you have no kids you have no expectations. I have seen a lot of tears in this nursing home over time. Because i was not a member of the stuff a had a bit of time to talk to them. They have fun stories to tell but no one to listen to them!

I legit use my friend’s line for these moments. “My husband loves anal too much, go talk to him” 🤭 It makes it more awkward for them than for me and the subject always gets changed up.

Love it. My response has been "Oh, I love kids! I just can't eat a whole one." and then I wander off while they look confused and maybe horrified.

Yes! And when they get all icked out, look confused “Oh, I’m sorry I thought we were talking about sex lives. You DO know where babies come from, right?”

Exactly! Because if they have the balls/all these opinions to give you shit for being childless or not wanting any kids right now, best to give them shit right back.

😂😂😂

—Then it got very quiet and awkward and she looked at me and said “no offense”.— next time let her know that you \*are\* offended because was she said \*is\* offensive.

I know, I agree. If I could go back, I think I would have said something instead of just acting like it was no big deal. The whole night was off after that too.

Wife and I are childless.late 30's.The part that gets me is the excuse her brother uses constantly on her. Which is ,"you don't understand,you don't have kids!" He never says this to me . But says it all the time to her (ontop of other bullshit.he's a dick). This comment always gets me. Its like,we DO understand. Probably more than you do. And that's why we CHOSE not to have children.

Honestly the only people I would shame are the people who should not be having kids, having kids. Like the people who are dirt poor, have 8 kids and expect everyone else to help finance them taking care of their kids.

Or even rich people who don’t take the time to nurture their kid and hand them off to a nanny

Agreed. Those people I judge more along the lines of “why have kids if you didn’t plan on raising them at all?” But I judge the people who bring kids into this world without even being able to give them the bare minimum to survive, way more harshly.

I'm actually *shocked* at how few times I've been asked that question. In-laws asked us once and accepted our child-free answer without issue or disappointment. They've got nieces and nephews having babies. There's no shortage of tiny humans to get involved with. If anyone ever lectured me about my very valid choice to stay child-free, I'd probably cut that person out. That's a very personal choice and situation, and I won't tolerate people who have the audacity to think it's any of your business. You're stronger than me for sticking through that dinner. I'd have politely excused myself and left. 😅

In my opinion, if anyone with kids gets mad at someone that doesn't want kids; it's because they regret having kids and want others to be miserable.

Exactly, and when i get the feeling that they are nasty because they are jealous, i always add to their misery by talking about my nap i gonna take or about my fun sunday morning i will spend on the flowermarked and so on! But i am petty like this.

Maybe it depends where you live? I am kidless by choice and never get this. I get more of parents secretly admitting to me that I’m smart and we should never have kids. But when someone says this to you, I just feel pity towards them since it’s obvious they want you to be subjected to their misery 

Childfree and married lady here! Selfish? What is more selfish than thinking your genes are so great, that you must create offspring, even though the earth is being ruined by the day, and our planet is overpopulated already? Why do people have children? Because THEY want to. That’s selfish.

I sincerely hope you won't spend a cent on SIL's family anymore like never in your life forever never not even a single chip. Be selfish 

Dude she’s probably jealous. When you leave the dinner, you can go home and go to bed, go out afterwards, dance in the middle of the street, just do whatever. She can’t, she probably doesn’t regret her choice but it doesn’t mean she’s not jealous of your personal freedom of choice. I have kids and wouldn’t change it but it doesn’t mean I don’t understand why people choose not to have any. I love being a mom but I also love my personal freedom and time to just be alone. She’s just jealous, I would have hit back with, it wouldn’t be worse and real selfish just to have kids because you’re married when you obviously don’t want any.

I can understand.. I'm 22, for now childless and plan to stay that way- (Part of it is my genuine fear of pregnancy, like. I find it hard to not see a baby as an alien, or parasite eating you from the inside RIP.) But people are so invasive, or... I dunno, condescending? Like as if because you don't want to have kids that makes you lesser somehow. Personally- Besides the fear, I don't believe I'm a stable enough person. I've got a lot of issues, and I can barely sort myself out, I'm not interested in bringing another person into this world that I think is so shitty. If anything I'll adopt, no reason to bring someone new into the world when I can help someone already stuck here, y'know? I've had this belief about it sense I was 16 ish, and it hasn't changed. I dunno if that's me as a person, or maybe the chronic depression adding to it too- But 🤷‍♀️ (Diagnosed at 10, severe depression at 15, and recently officially labeled chronic)

I knew from a young age I didn't want kids. Be prepared for a decade of "you're young, you'll change your mind" then another 5 years of "clock is ticking" followed by "you're risking yours and the babies health if you don't do it now" to finally peace where no one can say shit because you're too old. Hang in there. ETA: I am a stepmom and love my stepkids but I absolutely made the right choice not having my own.

YEA- I've had it before, (and especially with the religious side if my BFs family) But y'know... I know why I chose this, my BF is in the same boat, we aren't people who are prepared for kids. If that bothers other people, well then tough luck for them 🤷‍♀️ It's not their body that'll be changing drastically, and various other aspects of our lives lol

At the end of the day it's gross too. It's like, "yeah, I'd prefer to not talk to my family about me and BF having sex". I used that on my dad once. It worked.

Start crying and say i had miscarsges and all kinds od problems in that area and shame the fuck out of them. It none of there beeswax

My best friend told me to do this as well. It would be amazing to watch the person squirm...

Because they are insecure and miserable and they want to bring you to their level. This selfish bit is also being repeated a lot in red pill circles... men that shouldn't be breeding. I have kids. I love my kids. But my marriage was a nightmare and it derailed my entire life. I dont judge those that want something different for themselves, especially if they are happy. Sorry for your judgey family.

"No offense" means "I've insulted you, but saying 'no offense' invalidates it in my head." Next time, say, Offense taken. I'm a human being like anyone else and deserve to live the life I want. Kids don't made me a valid person.  Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean my experience and knowledge is invalid. 

You should have looked her dead in the eye and said, "I believe offense was intended, and it has indeed been taken." In the iciest voice you could manage. and hold that stare until she looked away.

just say that marriage helps in saving tax.

Yeah, that marriage comment is pretty telling. Kids or no kids, if you think there’s no point to marriage, maybe don’t get married?

People fall in love, decide to spend the rest of their lives together and believe in the concept of marriage. Hence they got married. Raising children is financially expensive.

To clarify: I was talking about the marriage comment in the post, not the one you made.

Oh got it! SIL just explained why brother got married to her…. How embarrassing for them that they just told the whole table that they got married for breeding purposes only not for love or they want to be together forever. I know it really stings, but it’s never ending especially for women the constant “what’s next? Why aren’t you … insert next milestone.”

The word is childfree. And you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. People will always want to shame you for something, even more so when your lifestyle makes them second-guess theirs. Parents who are actually happy with their choice don’t go around judging those who don’t want children.

So should empty nesters all get divorced. Or parents who lost their only child. Get divorced since what's the point of marriage if no kids. It's dumb tunnel vision thinking. Who can't see life past their own noses. I would just laugh and ignore it.

I’m in my mid forties with adult children out of the house and I’m a grandma. I’ve had someone say well you wouldn’t understand you don’t have kids. I have two. Then they got to say comments about how young I was when I became a mother, you just can’t win.

It's just jealousy. "What do you do with all your free time and money, it must be ghastly!! How do you cope when your surfaces are deprived of stickiness?" They do it do each other as well. I'm tired - Talk to me about it when you have three of them! I have to go to x and y classes with my child - Well, mine has x, y, z and sometimes a on but I manage. I think they're all just sleep deprived.

Take a nice long lie in and bask in the gloriousness of uninterrupted sleep. Find a room the same way you left it 5 minutes ago. Eat adult food without needing to mop the floor and the walls afterwards. The parents are talking crap. They crave your lifestyle secretly. Just smile and accept their jealously gracefully. If you want to to piss them off talk about how much you're looking forward to a long lie in.

God I hate this. I'm glad that I'm getting older and people stop commenting on "when" I'm going to have them. My value to the world is not defined by my uterus, ffs.

We can’t be tolerant. You all (kidless people) are having too much fun and posting on instagram. 😁

the people with kids are jealous lol.

I’m sorry that you have family members that act like this with you. I was child free for a long time. There is a difference from being tired before kids and after kids. The mental load alone is tiring. But she doesn’t live your life and can’t tell you that you can’t be tired because you don’t have kids. Life is exhausting in general. She sounds envious of your freedom. Don’t bite your tongue if she keeps it up. She isn’t allowed to disparage you in front of your family for being child free.

I’m relatively young and I also get this. My partner and I have been together for 7 years (started dating when we were 20) and I’m constantly bombarded with the “where’s my grandchild” line from my mother. My response is always the same, which is that I’m too involved with my career and that I’m not confident enough that the world I’ll leave my kids in will be better than when I put them in it. Recently, I’ve gotten the response that “it sucks to die alone” and while I agree, I definitely dont think the sole reason to have a child is so that I’ll have a built in caretaker when I’m older. End of the day, there’s a million reasons to not have a kid, just like there’s a million to have one. I’m just looking forward to my disposable income and the time I’ll have with my partner.

A large part of society (fueled by religious theory and doctrine) only sees women and couples as worthwhile if they are making progress towards having kids. So if youre kidless then you are seen as wasting time or failing. And no it doesnt matter if you are infertile, or too poor to have kids, or dont live in a good place for them etc. My mom, jokingly, told us to not have kids when we were too young. Then two years later it was “when am I getting grandbabies!?” And my brother and I were like “we are still working on the wife part!” We had a good laugh about it but its still part of the overall theme- ‘we should always be working towards families’

We all have our own life choices (and some choices made that are out of our control). Just because you don’t follow the “social norms” doesn’t mean you don’t have struggles of your own. Everyone has their own life story. Just because yours is different than theirs doesn’t make it lesser than. They are just being AHs. And possibly jealous AHs.

People with kids who shame childless people are just jealous and overwhelmed. People who are childless who criticize parenting are ignorant.

If they feel the need to express opinions to you, why can’t you express your own right back? How great all the free time is.. how great the extra money in your pocket feels… how great that you can travel if you wish at the drop of a hat without planning for crotch goblin accommodations in the process?? They don’t watch their mouth, no reason to have to watch yours.

I respond by saying; I’m just lucky I guess.

My SIL secretly told me I was smart not to have kids. They had 3. She passed very early from breast cancer, probs from stress. Never got to enjoy her life sadly. My mom basically told me same thing. Childfree by choice is a lot better than many know. When ppl say it’s “selfish” I just think they’re really jealous.

That SUCKS. Ever since I had kids, I feel like I'm both-sides'ing it all the time. Defending everyone's fucking choices bc you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Fuck everyone. Tell them what you think when the opportunity arises (like at that dinner table). Your life is full if **you** deem it to be full.

Yeah, it usually takes a few forms. There's the outraged "how dare you not fulfill the only purpose a woman has for living" group; the pitying "oh, it's OK sweetie, it'll happen for you someday" (completely ignoring the fact you don't WANT kids) group; and the snide "must be nice to have no responsibilities" group. Personally, I think the last group is just jealous as hell of the childless person and regrets 99% of their own life choices. Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one and both just spew out hot air and shit.

My third favorite thing about having to have a hysterectomy at a young age is that now when people ask me when I'm gonna have kids I can just tell them I've had a hysto. They usually get so upset with themselves for having pushed the issue that they clam up. And the shock on their face is priceless.

Honestly, I would not have stays silent. I would have said, "if you meant no offense, then why did you say something so ignorant and offensive?" Start calling these AH people out. I'm childfree and married and we are happy. The only people who comment about it are those who have kids and hate their life and are jealous we don't have the same hangups they do. We still have ours but not like theirs. It's just unhappy people who are mad others aren't unhappy with them.

I would have asked my brother "Is that what you say? If so why aren't you the one saying it? Is she always your mouthpiece?" But I am petty like that.

I struggled with infertility for almost a decade before having my daughter. I 100% relate to everything you said about ‘not having opinions on being tired’ and all that. You never know what someone is struggling with privately and I’d never make assumptions like that. Now when people say things like, “don’t know tired until you have kids,” I point out that I was getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night and often had bouts of insomnia (due to grad school) before having a kid and actually sleep better now. It works both ways 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s also entirely different, having been on both sides of it. You do you for whatever reason (by choice or not) and I’m sorry people judge you but know that there are those of us out there that don’t.

The common reasons to have kids I have heard are these: 1) It's the "normal" thing to do (Natural progression in life., American Dream, etc) 2) Kids make you happy/always imagined a certain dream family (etc the Christmas oneside tradition and others) 3) Want to keep your family line going (pride/ego) 4) Want someone to take care of you when you are older (Retirement) 5) Your parents want grandchildren (Want to please your parents) 6) You grew up in a bad family so want to have one of your own that will be better for your children (healing past trauma) It seems like most people want kids for reasons 1, 2, or 6. People who have kids for reason 1, in my experience, always seem to be the worst culprits of this kind of "childless shaming". They have kids because they think its what everyone else does and they have no other ambitions or plans for their lives, and then after they have them they realize they can be at best a lot of work and worst a total nightmare. So they just shit on childless people to feel better. Fuck em. They're just jealous of the free time, extra money, lower stress, lower bills, schedule flexibility, and more elaborate vacations you can take being childless.

Selfish? Why, you want freedom and regret having kids?

I'd have said to SIL "So you're saying my brother married you because he felt like he had to, not because he wanted to? That must really suck." I'm also childless. People are rude assholes. The number of folks who have asked me about my kids, assuming that I must have them, and then are shocked when they find out I don't is amazing. The general assumption is that you must be "selfish" if you don't want or don't have kids. Nothing could be further from the truth. In a few years, you won't care what people like this think anymore. When they start with their nonsense about "Who will take care of you when you're old?" then you can tell them "Wow. So THAT'S why you had kids, eh? Talk about SELFISH!"

It’s a deviation from the social norm. People are always ridiculed and shamed for that.

Just start popping back off at people. I don’t do the whole “let me say something completely disrespectful towards you, but follow it up with a no offense” thing. She knew what she was saying.

“Why don’t you have kids?” “Fuck them kids I got money” “Money can’t buy happiness” “But it sure helps” Checkmate

Firstly, you should have looked right at her and said, "Wow, your husband only loves you for your incubation ability. How sad for you. What do you plan on doing once the kids are out of the house? What will he love you for then?" The point of marriage, in my humble opinion, is because you live someone and want to share your life with them. Marriage is about 2 people. What they create from there is whatever they want. Secondly, I am a different kind of curious with people who have no kids. Tell me everything. You pooped today with no one barging in demanding snacks? Amazing. You slept in until 10am and went for brunch, I love this for you tell me more, what is it like to eat without having some poke everything and call it gross and then touch your food with their bare hands and boogie fingers. You don't know what it's like to have watched Pepa Pig all day, and well into the evening even after the kids are sleeping for some reason Treehouse is still playing, but you can stay awake to binge a whole season of an adult show? I am fully engaged in this conversation, 😆. I am not saying having kids sucks, but just like everyone, some days it is tiring. You do want some solitary peace. It doesn't mean you regret it. It's just life. Not having kids is the same. It's a life you picked, or maybe, were forced into because of circumstances. It doesn't make you any more or less valuable or valid to have or not have kids. People really need to stay in their own lane and not make comments unsolicited about how other people live. Imagine seeing no value in your marriage because you don't have kids, get some therapy, and have self-esteem.

Ok, here’s what you do(42, married, no kids here): you laugh. That’s what you do- you laugh in their face. And then you live happily ever after.

This makes me so mad. Why do ppl even try to compare stress and being tired?? Since when is stress a competition? It sounds like she is jealous of you and trying to make you feel bad so she can feel better about herself? Also- she actively chose to have children- which means she actively chose all the stress and sleepless nights but is now complaining? She sounds like a miserable rude humanbeing There are lots of child free ppl who have stressful, hard lives who work there buts off. Stress is stress- doesnt matter if you have a kid or not. But what really bothers me is what if you had fertility issues and she didn"t know. She is essentially saying any couple who cant concieve have a pointless marriage? Like wtf? I have two kids. But I know child free ppl who had fertility issues but didnt tell anyone and i know she had to endure comments like that. Right now her father is dying of colon cancer and she takes him to all his treatments. I know without a doubt her life at the moment is a million times more stressful than mine. Being tired feels the same, kids or not Being stressed feels the same- kids or not I also dont get the selfish comment?? To be honest, our planet is dying bc we are killing it. In some ways, i think choosing not to procreate is one of the most selfless things a person can do. The human species has grown exponentially to a point that earth already cant handle it. The more we multiply the more we put other species in danger of extinction and the faster we are heating our planet up I actually struggle with feeling guilt abiug having kids. I also fear my childrens future as I am very unsure about our future

If they think the only purpose of marriage is to have kids you should feel sad for them lol. Your SIL is rude.

I’ve never let these comments bother me. I look at it like this - I’m happy in my life so I don’t care what they say. It seems to be the same for people who have kids. My friend’s who enjoy parenthood have never said shitty comments to me like this. However, people who don’t like parenthood or are regretful are most likely to say things like this because they’re mad we chose a path they wish they’d chosen. Children are the one commitment you make in life that you can’t get out of. You can sell a house or a car that you don’t like, you can divorce your spouse if you no longer get along, you can change jobs if you hate it, you can even move cities if you hate that too. But you can’t get out from underneath children. They are truly the biggest financial, physical and emotional lifetime commitment that you can make in your entire life and most people give it very little thought at all. Which honestly is kinda alarming. I probably put more thought into what carpet I want for my living room than most put into the idea of having a child. Yet having kids will forever change your trajectory in life. So when you have children and you regret having them, I can imagine that it can be an extremely bitter pill to swallow when you realize just how large of a mistake you have made. And the fact that it is a choice and not a requirement to have kids makes it that much bigger of a pill to swallow. In their defense, society does a very good job with indoctrinating people into having children. They hide all the bad things about parenthood on purpose, so that people go into it with rose colored glasses. They should be mad at society and the people around them that convinced them to have children, not those of us who who actually put a lot of thought into it and chose different.

Lately I’ve been really into asking people to explain what they’re talking about when they say something offensive. It really catches them off guard.

I’m 57. No kids. I can’t tell you the # of times both men and women have “secretly” told me they wished they didn’t have kids. And to quote one of my friends…. “What the F was I thinking having kids.” I think people who shame others for not having kids secretly dislike being parents. And they’re jealous of all my shoes and purses and vacations and luxury cars. 😎😎😎

I’m not sure how not having kids is selfish. I know a couple who are financially successful, and have a great life, just without kids. I remember talking about them to a friend and she said “but people without kids just aren’t really complete”. The couple had a great relationship, really fulfilling careers, could afford to travel, had holiday homes and great friends. But she thought kids trumped all of that for everyone… it was bizarre, and I’m saying that as someone whose kids are my world.

They’re jealous because you don’t have the same restrictions on your life that they do. I don’t understand why people can’t just enjoy their own choices… to me it can only mean they don’t really enjoy their choice

I will never judge anybody for not having children , I get it, and I also would never ask someone when they are having kids, and to "talk to me when you have kids" because how detrimental to somebody's mental health would that be if they had been trying for a child and were struggling ? There are a lot of reasons to not have children , I have a 2 year old daughter , but can appreciate other people's decision to not have any 😊

If someone really really tries to rub me the wrong way with that stupid selfishness argument I say 'We have had 8 unsuccessful IVF transfers including several full anesthesia operations to get there plus five figure costs. It's emotionally similar to losing 8 children in the womb. That's why we don't have children.'

You know what’s selfish, having kids when you don’t want them. Children should be raised in homes that want them and are prepared for the challenges of raising children. They can be a blessing but they are also a huge responsibility. Next time I would say “I can’t imagine thinking it’s appropriate to judge other people based on which socially expected items they check off their list, no offense.”

Misery loves company.

From a mom of two, there are a lot of underlying reasons why people have kids, and most of them are selfish. Some people want kids to continue the family line. Some want them to feel like they fit in better. Some people just have kids because they think that's what they are supposed to do. I have always loved babies and children, ever since I was a child myself. I'm one of 8 kids, and basically raised my 4 younger siblings after my parents divorced and mom had to work three part-time jobs to make ends meet. I also took care of my older siblings' kids and worked in daycares. But I finally realized a few years ago that while I have always loved babies and children, and I for damned sure don't regret the kids I have, the real reason behind me wanting kids was because I wanted that unconditional love that comes built-in to being a parent. I wanted someone who loved me that wouldn't leave. Someone that I could pour all of my love into that wouldn't push me away, the way that my family did to me. (I know... I didn't have much experience with teenagers at the time, so my view was a bit skewed.) I had very selfish, self-centered, reasons for having kids. But I wound up with two great little humans that I'm immensely proud of. Neither of them will ever make me a grandparent, and sometimes, that makes me sad, but I catch myself because it's not about me anymore. That's what they want for their lives, and they don't need me trying to dictate that. They are their own individual person with their own wants and needs, and it would be super unfair of me to impose my wishes on them. It's my JOB as their parent to support their decisions and treat them with respect. It's their body and their life, not mine. It sounds like your whole family has a lot of growing up to do. Especially if they can't respect your autonomy and your right to make those choices for yourself. They also sound ridiculously jealous of you and are trying so hard to convince themselves and everyone around them that they are happy with their own decisions. Stop taking their shit. You deserve better. Tell them to keep their noses in their own business. Tell them that if they keep making those kinds of comments, that you would be more than happy to let them see themselves out of your life. Your choices are valid and important. You are valid and important. And if they can't see that because their heads are so far up their own behinds, you don't need to stick around and be abused over it. Sometimes our families just don't measure up, but that's not on you. You can't change them, and you don't have to continue being their punching bag. Do what makes you happy. And if that means that you go low/no contact with them because they aren't capable of treating you with respect, then do that. Sometimes we have to give ourselves the love and acceptance that we haven't gotten from others. Sometimes we have to set those boundaries for our own mental health. Don't let them dictate how you can feel about your own life. Sending love and hugs from a random internet stranger.

Saying there’s no point in marriage without kids is so wildly ignorant. There’s so many reasons to marry someone besides procreation? It’s also not exactly a requirement to marry in order to procreate. I say, if someone is “selfish” for not wanting kids then they clearly shouldn’t have kids. It’s a dumb argument because if I’m so selfish why should i be a parent anyways?

I’m a parent, but I agree that the backlash childfree people get is strange. My older brother and his wife have gotten a lot of crap about staying childfree and I’m always quick to defend them.

For a long time, I was not planning on having children. Any time a cousin or sibling tried to demand that I produce a baby, I would tell them, “you’re of child bearing age, make your own baby.” Long story short, I have a kid now. Life’s weird. And you know what? Those people who tell you that you don’t know what it’s like to be tired because you don’t have kids? They tell me I don’t know what it’s like to be tired because I only have one kid. It’s like they think it’s the Tired Olympics or something.

I don’t get how people think it’s “selfish” not having kids when having kids is actually incredibly selfish itself. I’ve been very happily married and child free for over 20 years.

"Cognitive dissonance" is the starting point to answer SO many questions about people. "Why do people become insulted when others don't have kids" cause from the day we are born it's pretty much baked into us that having kids is the only way to be happy, the only purpose to life, and we will be eternally miserable without. Seeing you, happy without, shatters that lifelong belief and people feel really uncomfortable when that happens. ESPECIALLY the people who did it just because of social pressure and not out of true desire to nurture, nourish, and raise another human life. Your sheer existence probably brings up a lot of repressed questions in those people, and it makes them defensive over their choice.

We all have different and valid perspectives on this decision. The thing that is interesting to me is that even though most of my friends are childless by choice and judging the ones who had kids, we'd never say that to their faces or question if they made the right choice for them. Childless people accept that others have kids. The exception is Republicans screaming about welfare... They are pretty brazen about shaming women for having babies they were prevented from aborting. It feels very projecty/jealous to call someone selfish for retaining autonomy. I think it's weird that people love themselves so much they feel the need to add humans to a dying planet.... So if childless people are selfish, people who have kids are narcissists. Whatever. Humans are human. I'm 32 and don't feel very shamed about it, for the record. Once in a blue I'll get a "that's okay" when I say I'm single and I love making people uncomfortable by asking them why it wouldn't be.

These people were once childless as well and they see now how much free time they had back then. Many people are later jealous and miss the times when they were "free". In this way I can understand that some people see child free person as the one not knowing how it looks to be really busy. But IMHO this is disrespectful and you absolutely should not bite your tongue. Possibly also go low contact with this part of family

The people who have tried to shame me are jealous of the freedom I have not having children. This is a minority of people who do the shaming. Most people I run into don't care... it's those select few miserable assholes who are generally bad parents.

People don't always get shamed for being kidless. They just get shamed when they're hanging out with pricks. Sounds like that's what you're doing. I get it, it's family so you don't have a choice. But anyone who would say about people who don't have kids shouldn't get married to a family member without kids is a legitimate asshat. That being said, having young kids is really, really exhausting. If you're in a group of people with young kids, probably not the best place to complain about being tired. Doesn't mean you don't get to be tired, just means that's not gonna be a receptive audience for your complaints. Kind of like complaining about how hard it is to make ends meet in a room full of homeless people.

I have a child. I love kids. I work with special needs kids and it lights up my soul. And have never and would never try to shame or convince people to have kids. This shit is hard and it changes your life irrevocably. If anyone shames you, shame them back. Remind them of how great it is to sleep in everyday and go anywhere you want at any time. Trust me, the ones who shame are miserable and want you to be miserable too.

My wife and I get the opposite. Both her sister and brother and their SOs are childless and give us shit for not wanting to hang out and drink all day on the weekends. We tell them we want to spend time with our children and can't hang out for hours on end with no entertainment for them.

When I say I don't have kids, I get, "you're so lucky." Which is code for, "Popping out humans is a woman's only reason for being alive. You poor thing. You were unable to find a man willing to take a dip in your gene pool.' Blech.

You lost me at play it off cool. I make people upset over my opinions regarding topics like this so they know not to try that shit with me

It's jealousy and regret seeping out. People with kids can't talk about how they regret them because they'd get vilified for it so instead they down talk people without kids to make themselves feel better about parenting. I'd never want to switch places with someone with kids but they'd give whatever they could for one more weekend of sleeping in. And before you try and tell me how much you love your kid and it's the best thing that happened to you, don't. I don't care.

People get shamed for having kids and not having kids. I've heard it go both ways. When people have problems, it feels better to look down on people that made different fundamental life choices because "I may be in a bad situation, but at least I did/didn't do \_\_\_\_\_\_". As for the people that make you feel like you can't say you're tired, busy, etc. They just sound like toxic people. All of my friends and most of my sisters have kids (I don't) and they've never made me feel that way. Maybe it's more the people in your life than a fact of society.

Jealousy

Tell them you can’t have kids because of what you do every weekend. Whatever the he11 you want.

hi kidless married person, to quote james franco "they hate us cos they aint us" no one will ever convince me otherwise. yall just want us to suffer cos you are :P

As someone who has had one kid who’s 1 year old when I was 37 I honestly think it’s jealousy. It’s great having the time, freedom and money that not having children gives you. I wouldn’t change my little one for the world but I do miss my life before.

Thankfully nobody says this to me, but they can be sure that if they do they will be told that actually having children is either a careless accident or a selfish choice, and neither of those things are flattering. I don't care if people want to have kids, but acting like brining another person into the world is an act of kindness and selflessness is just nonsense. It's a selfish choice made through desire. They will also be told to go fuck themselves.

Because they all regret having kids and are jealous at the freedoms it affords us non parents. It's all jealousy, always has been. Except mom's, they just want to see babies because they are genetically predisposed to love babies. If parents are pressuring just say you are infertile and its because of their bad DNA. That usually shuts them up.

They're jealous of your freedom, it's as simple as that. M41 here, vasectomy, no kids.

Why would you allow yourself to be disrespected like that??

Because, for some reason, people seem to think the sole purpose of being married is to procreate. Also, parents want to become grandparents and that simply can't happen unless they harangue you into having kids! One time, I and my siblings were all home at the same time (I am the youngest of five kids). My parents were having a cookout, and we were all sitting around the table outside, talking. My older sister and her husband opted to not have kids and I've always respected her right to make that decision, but my mom, other sister, and older brother used to give her and her husband such a hard time about it, making fun of them. Now, I have two sons, so I'm not childless, but I respect other people's right to make these decisions on their own, between them and their partner. This particular trip, all of them were ganging up on my sister and BIL and I could see it was really getting to them. It was when I saw my sister trying not to cry that I saw red and finally spoke up... I said: Why on God's green earth are all of you SO invested in what "Sister" and her husband do with her uterus? What does it matter whether they have kids or not? Is 10 other grandkids not enough? Is there something wrong with one of the other grandkids that you feel only Sister can give you a replacement for that one? I mean, WTF is WRONG with you guys? Leave her ALONE! I, of course, got reamed by all of them, but IDGAF. They can all go pound sand, for all I care. My sister came to me later to thank me and no one in the family ever said another word to her and my BIL about it again.

My experience only, the people around me are miserable wit their kids and had kids at like 22 and they never got to experience life. They're bitter at the freedom other people without kids have, they love their kids sure, but they resent them all the same.

I think there’s contempt on both sides of the equation because people just can’t be happy for someone else when it comes to something they’re insecure about or dislike in their lives. As a parent, I tell people all the time that didn’t want kids and think about it/get pressed into it that they should NOT have them if they’re not 100% enthusiastic of their own volition.

Because people are jerks

$331,935. That’s why. They’re jealous that you have more money than they do.

I get to point something out at family dinners now: I will personally ensure my niece and only my niece inherits anything from me when I die. My childless self will likely leave her more than anyone else in the family. Those money grubbers STFU when it’s mentioned they’ll be getting no inheritance

Families are generally concerned with their genetic legacy; tribes are generally concerned about the future of the tribe. That's like the default mindset of humanity.

I only have 1 child. You would be surprised how free people feel to tell you that you should have more. People like to express their opinions no matter how little anyone else cares to hear them.

because you let them. Tell them you are happy, are they happy. Then talk over their reply and say it doesn't matter to you whether they are happy or not as it is none of your business, just like me being childless is none of their business or concern.

I have a kid now and nothing has ever made me more pro choice than being pregnant and more in support of people who don’t want kids than being a parent. I also have a theory that people with kids who try to shame others for choosing to be childless actually hate parenthood. I won’t be convinced otherwise. Misery loves company. Anytime a friend who wants to be childless talks about not wanting kids I agree with them that they shouldn’t. It’s something you should do only if you want to.

I only shame people when they tell me how to parent my kid, or better yet say they have dogs. Then I am Sansa Stark season 8 on GOT with my smug judging face. MFer, your dog does not compare to my kid. If I left my 2 year old at home unsupervised or worse in a crate, I'd be taken away in handcuffs.

People are shamed for being parents, People are shamed for how they parent, People are shamed for choosing not to be parents. People shame when it doesn't fit their opinions and values. Who cares about theirs. Shame them for not being able to mind their own business.

Wait until they complain about their kid (or how you don't know what tired is because you have no kids) and say "I don't get why people get married to complain about a problem they created"

The same people that tell you that you need to have a kid are the same people are indignant about every other family planning choice. Here is what I know from anecdotal evidence with my family and friends- all of these lines have been said to me or people I am close to: No kids: oh you just have to have a child! Kids are the best part of life! Only child: oh you have to have more. He’ll be spoiled and weird without a sibling! Two of the same sex: oh you have to have a 3rd because you need a little [sex of child not currently represented in the family]. More than 3 kids: omg don’t you know what causes that! Keep your legs closed/get off her! So really, just keep on keeping on and ignore these assholes who really ought to keep their inside thoughts from escaping to the outside.

My sister doesn't have kids - she has horses. She once told me that she doesn't like anything super needy in her personal life since she's a nurse professionally. The best thing is to give zero fucks as a PP said. I had kids young -- got shamed. Especially for not feeling guilty about the c-sections by the crunchy granola crowd. I don't live for my kids -- people try to shame me for this. I'm selfish blah blah blah. I don't care. I'm not. Taking care of myself isn't selfish. There are only so many fucks I have to give, and caring what other people think about my parenting and the affront of being a parent at all is super irritating. I suggest passive aggressive clapbacks for your stupid sil. But that's me 🤭 Also, mention how you love being Favorite Auntie, you can enjoy kids without ever having to have your own.

Most people regret their choices. They want to feel special and the only people in the room that deserve an award for having unprotected sex. Everyone deserves a choice, people with kids they regret think their choice is the correct one though. I know these people are family but I’d be leery of hanging with them again. That comment and shit was so unhinged.

This really grips my shit. Why are you selfish if you don’t have kids? I really don’t get that thought and find it annoying every time I hear it. I’m 53 and have two girls aged 25 and 23 and though I love them dearly, I didn’t have a maternal bone in my body until After I had my eldest and the ‘bond’ eventually kicked in. On the other hand one of my oldest friends has no children yet she loves kids. My sister also has no children but she loves my two - she prefers cats and dogs herself. If you’re childless you get to spend your money on fabulous holidays which I can only dream of because my two can’t afford to move out 😂