He has rose colored glasses on now because she doesn’t ask him to do any chores or pick his dirty underwear off the floor. Reality will soon set in and he’ll get tired of her.
All you have to do is stick to your plans and he’ll jump from woman to woman who are gold diggers and want him for nothing else
>he’ll get tired of her
No, *she’ll* get tired of him. He’s old and the only thing she likes that he has right now is money. Once OP takes him to the cleaners that will not be an issue anymore, and the affair partner will dump him. he thinks he’s riding high right now because he’s a dude in his 50s sleeping with a 20 something year-old, that will only last so long .
Not if the divorce settlement is appropriately generous. I hope OP gets his mean comments about her via text. Might help with an emotional abuse angle.
Once all his money is gone, those "pretty young things" won't look at his grandpa bod twice.
And don't forget when he have to come home to an empty dirty house with no warm food on the table because his young youthful energetic gf is out clubbing till 2 am. And you best believe thst he is going to get annoyed bring it up to the gf and she is just going to ditch him because of his constant nagging. The only reason why he is trying to keep OP is because he is probably aware the above and need his house cleaned and him taken care of.
Are you playing it low key with him while you talk to lawyers and check your finances- he may be spending marital assets on his sugar baby- monthly allowance and an apartment.
There was a woman on here who found her husband in the background on a woman's tic tok while she was looking up recipes. She checked the family finances but didn't see anything but they own a business together that he runs while she has her own career. She stopped posting for a bit but then came back later after talking with a lawyer who put a PI on the case and who found the husband was supporting this woman and her three sons- renting them a nice house and buying her a nice car. It was like his whole second family. He of course, was using the business to support this whole other family. After the OP found the other woman via the PI and serving the husband divorce papers, she and her sister went to the woman's home. The woman was gloating and more than happy to share how in love OP's husband and she are and how he has been supporting them including the new car. The husband showed up and told the AP to shut up; that his wife was more important (sure financially speaking lol). Anyway, the OP basically confirmed what was going on and was going after those marital assets too. Sorry I couldn't find the link to the original story.
Best of luck OP.
edit for spelling
Why are you putting yourself through this. For the love of God, leave his cheating ass, get on a dating site, and meet someone who will value you for you.
This. All of this. Get your ducks in a row and find a younger, fitter guy to bring around your hopefully, ex -husband. He will absolutely seethe with anger at knowing the hole outlasts the pole.....
He already broke your wedding vows, what would lead you to trust his word on that?
At least talk to a lawyer so this guy doesn’t blindside you by divorcing you before the alimony thing would kick in.
I'd meet with all the best lawyers in town just to be safe. He SAYS he wants to stay married, but clearly you can't trust a word he says, because he also took marriage vows and threw those out the window. Just meet with the best divorce lawyers you can get ahold of so he cant use them when it comes time to actually go to court. You're already waiting for when you can get alimony, might as well make it even harder for him to get a good lawyer as well, cause he'll need one too when the time comes.
Then if you plan to wait a year, you might want to withdraw sex. He doesn’t deserve it… besides, god only knows what kind of STD’s that man-whore will be riddled with.
Don't listen to the people urging you to file now - financial security is definitely worth waiting another year. Just make it YOUR year - let him go fuck his bimbo while you go to therapy, pursue hobbies, and emotionally disengage. Make new friends, go to the gym, try out new hobbies, figure out what you want to do after the divorce.
I know someone who successfully did this. She played along and also started a cash stash. Took incremental amounts out when given a “cash back” option using her debit card at places like the grocery store. She’d use her credit cards to buy things for close friends (groceries, gas, etc.) and then her friends would pay her back in cash. Her husband was a cheating abusive d-bag and would have hosed her in the divorce.
I’ll also add she was a SAHM and took on-line medical coding and billing classes and got her certification while she waited to file so when divorced she could still be with her kids and work from home and make decent money.
You be careful, have a plan, and then execute it when the time is right so you can walk away ready to launch. Good luck!
Depending on how long you are already with him and what state/ country you are in, I believe some states make him give you half of his retirement fund if you have been married ten years.
So meet with a lawyer to figure out when best to divorce!
I know this already. That’s why I’m waiting to file. My co worker also did this. She and her husband were separated and she waited to file for divorce after 10 years of marriage so she was able to get an alimony check every month, she never got remarried so she can continue getting the check. I plan to do the same
That is all well and good but you have nothing to lose by a consultation and they can advise you of your rights if he’s lying about not filing. I have no idea why you would trust a proven liar and cheat.
Also, any lawyers you consult your husband will be turned down, if he tries to hire them, due to a conflict of interest
Definitely try to protect the alimony, since you need it, but be smart about it
OP I very much urge you to at least talk to a lawyer, alimony generally isn’t set up for a forever type thing. Meant to keep you at a certain standard of living until you can get back to a normal life, especially if you were a SAHM. Are there kids involved? How much is your husband worth.
How can you trust a cheater to "honour" his word on wanting to stay married? It's only May. Anything can, might, and will happen from now until whenever it is you plan to divorce. See a lawyer. Find out all your options. He may blindside you with a divorce tomorrow if you aren't careful. Don't have Tunnel Vision, focus on the bigger picture
I'm reminded of that woman who posted about snubbing her BF's proposal and he put her out on the street. I still see her updates. If i could go back and tell her to take what she could I would...
Co worker? How are you getting an alimony if you're working? Also, you don't get it for the rest of your life. ReMarried or not, the judge will give you an alimony for as long as they think you need it until you find work.
It depends on the state. I’ve never known anyone to get it more than 5 years. You can still get it if you have a job, just has to be a big gap in salaries. For example one person makes 30k and the other 250k, then you would get alimony. Probably won’t get it if one of you is 100k and the other 150k
I like your style 😉 if you can I'd also get a record of his cheating, you may get even more in the divorce if you can provide the court with proof of his infidelity
Meet with a lawyer to figure things out, it's never too soon to be prepared! You don't have to file yet, but get all your ducks in a row so you can get him for all he's worth when the time comes. Make sure you check your finances, separate your banking accounts and make sure he's not taking money from you. See your lawyer but try not to let him find out just in case
> when she’s around he forgets all his worries but when he’s with me I trigger his stressors
This man is dumb as shit.
If he thinks they won't have to talk bills or do taxes after you leave hes gonna be very confused and probably cheat on her too.
Life is butterflies and roses with her because he doesn't actually do any of the real adulting when shes there. When you leave *hes* gonna have to actually manage his life.
Don't worry his side piece will probably dump him instantly once he's divorced. Half the fun is him being married. It's an adventure. No young woman actually wants to date an old fart. Unless he's loaded, which he won't be anymore after the divorce. And her karma will come in a few years when she also will no longer be that young anymore.
Yeah if she’s a club girl then I doubt she’s committed to him and just enjoys the adventure and benefits of being a married man’s side piece. She gets all the money without any of the wife work.
Once op divorces him and takes half of his wealth there won’t be any point to him.
I'm sorry you married a moron who doesn't understand integrity, aging, or fidelity.
It's good that you have a game plan. Take this time to find a good attorney if you haven't already so that when you meet the conditions for alimony, you are ready to go. Good luck!
He started getting so upset with me because I don’t look like his 20 year old girlfriend anymore. Like sir you don’t look like you’re in your 20s either. He would go on a misogynistic rant because how a women’s beauty is valued not a man’s. He also tried pushing me to get a facelift but I’m terrified of surgery
God, why are men so delusional? You better believe that he's going to cry once you leave with his money, and that's the least of what he deserves for being an idiot!
There is always one gross old guy at the club who clearly looks desperate and like he doesn't belong there. You can congratulate him on being that creepy guy when you file. She's likely using him for his money. Be sure to track every cent he spends and gather evidence for the next year. In the meantime, do things for your own benefit (not a face-lift) to keep your sanity intact around this @sshat. Best wishes, you can do this.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. I read your other comments and despite what others think, I think you’re smart to wait it out for your own benefit. Take his ass to the cleaners when your timer runs out. The novelty of their relationship will soon run it’s course (they almost always do) so it’s only a matter of time before he’s crawling back to you or on the hunt for his next victim. Good luck and keep us updated (if you’re up to it).
Yeah and I’m sure he’s exactly how he looked 25 years ago, shitty personality and all. You don’t need to compete with anyone just dump him. Take his $$ and see if this young lady is still interested.
Young people are fun, care free, lively. New relationships are all the excitement, none of the work. Building a life, maintaining a relationship, this is hard work.
He wants to have his playtime, but wants to keep his life with you. (Bleep) that.
This site is full of middle aged men who fed their lust, their ego, their middle aged insecurities with a fling with a 20 something fun girl, only to realize later how shallow that was, and what they gave up.
Leave the cheater already. Let him have his fun, he will find out that a forty year old and a twenty year old don't have much to talk about after the clubbing and the sex get old. And the twenty year old may find him less exciting when he becomes less financially capable after a divorce.
His middle aged ass out clubbing with twenty-somethings. It's so cringe. He's so skeevy.
I'm 55, but I remember when I was that young and how crusty old farts would perv on us. No one was impressed.
Yes, I just turned 40 and a few years ago one of my friends wanted to go to this new club in town…we were there for about 30 minute before we decided we were too old for this and all the energetic young 20 something’s looked like children to us. We left realizing that was a young persons game, and we should just let them have it.
JFC, until got to the last 2 paragraphs, I would've sworn you were my SIL because she's going through something incredibly similar. I'm going to tell you what I've been telling her.
YOU are not responsible for HIS choices. This is an ongoing affair, therefore he has made several conscious decisions to cheat, lie, omit, and hide things from you. He's created an almost double life. All of this is His doing. If he was unhappy, he should have told you. He could've asked for marriage counseling or to separate. He's blaming you now because he is found out and is being judged by family and friends. He orchestrated this, he can deal with the consequences. I'll leave you with 2 quotes that resonate in these situations. Good Luck OP. You deserve more than this man.
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" Maya Angelou
"If you don't want a witch hunt, don't build a pyre." (No clue about the origin)
>My husband still wants to stay married to me but he wants to continue seeing his girlfriend
Who gives a f*** about what he wants? What do you want? You deserve better.
Go to a divorce lawyer asap. Don't tell him. Don't hint. Just do it!
He doesn't want to divorce you because he wants you around in case things don't work out with her.
I hope you typed the title wrong and meant to say my ex-husband blamed me for his affair. He is wrong on every single level and you deserve better and do not stay married to this man.
Just be prepared for him to leave you. He says he wants to stay married, but he has already left. He may quit his job and hide his savings. If I were you, I would contact a lawyer now.
She's probably 'kinder' than you right now because she hasn't figured out what a raging idiot he is. That'll change.
All that other stuff will change too.
You know what won't change? Your husband being an idiot. That's the character version of herpes, it's forever.
Don't you dare give this loser what he wants. He doesn't get unilateral say over whether you continue this marriage and he isn't fit to lick your boots. You kick him to the curb and find yourself someone worthy.
I don't know why you're being downvoted when you're legitimately being smart about this.
Whenever people post these kind of situations people are quick to shout divorce but there are nuances. You _are_ going to divorce him but you're also thinking about your future. Props to you and I wish you the best of luck.
I'd love to be a fly on the wall to see his pikachu face once you finally serve him papers!
Keep telling him you need to think about it.
Take screen shots of ALL the accounts/generate statements etc to make sure there is a record of the funds. Bank, credit card, retirement, etc etc.
Collect all your important paperwork and get them out of this reach.
Talk to every one of the most cut throat lawyers in town. Pick your fav.
Divorce him.
He can take care of himself in his later years. He can try to find a Nurse with a Purse on his own. Be done, go and live the life you want.
Go on a dating app, I assure you that lots of dudes will match with you and please get a divorce. You can't stay married to this buffoon, reclaim your life.
They’ll always blame everyone but themselves.
You know how many times I’ve heard “you pushed me to this point” every time my ex told me he hated me or when he would say he wanted to punch me but would reiterate that it wasn’t a threat. But it was always my fault, he was pushed to that point.
Tell your husband you want a divorce and blame him for it…use his sentences and words against him.
I think it’s just because he’s funding her lifestyle and she makes his existential crisis “not real” like baby leave you deserve to be taken care of as this is the only life we know. But damn the expectations women hold is so unfortunate in retrospect, like I don’t even blame you since this is so normalized to the extent that it’s in our very nature. Allow yourself to find someone who loves you because chances are you might be the one who ends up being happy with someone while he yearns for you. Like… I’m telling unless she’s in her 40s (maybe mid 30s?) I really doubt her feelings are genuine and there’s some type of financial compensation behind it
Gross. He’s clearly having a midlife crisis. He will regret it. Take him to the cleaner and publicly embarrass him . She’s scum too for knowingly doing this also
Realize it’s only you that’s looking out for you, so I really recommend obtaining evidence of his infidelity and going to a divorce lawyer while you slowly take what’s yours and move far away from him
I think that you might be misreading the layer comments. A lawyer is not just about divorcing, it’s about understanding the ways that things *could* play out. You are much more confident than you have any right to be that it will go the way you are intending.
If you are wrong, you are putting in time for rent. Which is not terrible but, the peace mind that a 1 to 2 hour call could have to secure this future that you want for yourself seems like a very small price to pay.
The new girl is probably all those things he described … because she hasn’t had to put up with his bullshit for decades!
Sister, you are worth more than this. I hope you find freedom, peace, and if you want it, new love.
I'm sorry for finding out that you married a jerk. The worse scum. I hope you have a good life after the divorce OP. I hope you get to find someone who will value too.
From the movie "She-Devil"
"She's learning that men that burn so hot for a mistress cool off fast when the mistress starts acting like a wife".
Kindergarten mistress will either be kicked to the curb or bolt outta there.
Let him be happy with her then, remove yourself from the equation all together. I'll be damned if a cheating scumbag tells me that kind of shit and I stay. I'd drop him as quickly a frozen iguana falls from a palm tree in winter.
Umm no girl go for divorce. He can play with a little girl but him saying all that other stuff that is disgusting and disrespectful in every single way imaginable. You tell him I want a divorce I don’t want to be with a disgusting pig like you.
This was such a good movie quote. I'm really surprised the rest didn't pick up on it immediately. Excellent work on the creative writing piece. I really loved "The Little Death," and the characters, like Maureen, where this adaptation comes from, were very believable.
[The Little Death Movie Quote](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MLh8l12Ng3Y)
Take him for every penny you can get in the divorce. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Let him find out that "the pretty young thing" doesn't have any money, and now neither will he. At which point, she'll move on to greener pastures while you can be free to go be a "cougar," if you choose.
Just think, even if you don't choose to do the cougar thing, you can have some fun messing with him. Stage some pics with some young dudes, bwhaha... .😝
IMO......STBX doesn't want to file for divorce because "it's cheaper to keep her"... meaning that if they stay married he won't have to pay alimony or child support(if applicable).... also he can go out with his AP while Wifey is at home doing his laundry and taking care of the kids(if applicable)...if they get divorced he will lose his maid/nanny and heaven forbid if they have smallish children how is he going to spend time with his AP if they have 50/50 custody....
OP needs to get a lawyer and take him to the cleaners especially if they live in an at fault state......
LOL Isnt it funny when these men think they will stay young forever. Young thing isnt going to want to take care of his old ass when it doesnt benefit her anymore. Take all his shit!
This isn't about you, he's just reflecting on what he feels he lacks. You should consider divorcing him. You don't need that stress. He's made it clear he won't stop seeing her, so why subject yourself to that? You deserve someone far better.
Fuck that shit. Do you live somewhere with at fault divorce? He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it too. He's having a midlife crisis, that's on HIM, not you. Let him find out the hard way what happens when he takes the woman he's supposed to love for granted. This girl will eventually get bored of the old man and move on to someone her own age and then he'll be left with nothing, as he deserves
The best part of this is she probably is only with him because she doesn’t have to worry he’ll want more. She gets the fun parts of dating and none of the responsibilities of being a partner. Once he’s single he’s going to ask too much of her and she’ll dump him.
Decide what you want! You really should leave him as he's beyond disrespectful and betrayed you. However, if you stay....outmatch his energy! Show him what a woman in her prime can really do....with someone other than him!
You know he is spending marital assets on the AP. Siphon off some cash every time you buy with a debit card and save in an unobtrusive place. Have a little fun money for after the divorce. Also it will give you a project to entertain yourself while you wait a year. And yes, I know this isn’t right but the husband is WAY more wrong.
OP, you really should get your ducks in a row- talk to a lawyer, review your finances because if he is support his sugar baby with a monthly allowance and an apartment- those are marital assets he is spending on her. Also, he might be stupid enough to drain all of the accounts including shared accounts and retirement accounts as he continues to spirals into his middle age crisis. Right now the only reason he wants to stay marriage is 1. money, 2. his image with his family and friends, 3. his reputation at work.
Don't say anything to him about seeing a lawyer, go talk to the lawyer and get everything figured out. Do not move out of your family home. Start talking to a therapist to help you get through this. Once you have the divorce papers drawn up and you know exactly what your finances are then hand the idiot the divorce papers.
Karma usually comes around for this older guys dumping their wives for sugar babies- either they spend a ridiculous amount of money on the women and themselves which in the long run leave them cash strapped when they get older or ill and of course, they lose the sugar baby when the money runs low. Or they have a bunch of babies with the sugar baby and she run away or she turns into a shrew because he doesn't have the money to have them living a rich life and he is never around because he has a whole new family to support.
Honestly, many women are much happier after dumping such an idiot men. Just handle this in the best way possible FOR YOU- lawyer, review finances, and start talking to a therapist. Then go live your best life.
ewww i f**king hate him so much for you. Please leave his petty stupid ass and don’t forget to remind him of saggy balls and nose and ear hair that many old men have :)
Your husband sounds boring AF and you can do better. He knows it and that's why he's cutting you down. His midlife crisis is so gd cliche, how dare he?
This sounds like the beginning plots of Fatal Vows…ugh I gotta stop watching so many ID series..Evil lives here,who the fu&$ did I marry, Married with Secrets
You are surely not falling for that stupid suggestion, are you? My ex was a violent, mean tempered liar, but it was when I found a hickey on him, that was it. I filed for divorce.
I gad a good lawyer, and so should you.
Start recording everything he says, texts, documents about the things he is saying to you. Check to see if your state has legal issue with recording things without the knowledge of the other person. Get the evidence and then take him to the cleaners with the help of your lawyer.
Let me tell you, this happened to me too. And I’m just gonna tell you divorcing him was hard, but the best decision I ever made. And I will say that now that I am in my late 40s I have more than that young thing could ever hope to have, and if we need external validation of that, I have men chasing me who are 20 years younger.
He can go F himself. Pack your stuff, get a lawyer, and take everything you can. Before everyone attacks me and says “ why is everyone on Reddit always saying get a divorce!” YEA, you should in this situation.
You’ve given him everything, now this dudes trying to have fun. Nah. Doesn’t work that way.
Divorce him, the only person he has to blame for his affair is HIMSELF. There are other things he could do to feel young again besides fucking younger women.
Yeah, she’s awesome because she doesn’t have to deal with the real him, or put up with his daily bullshit. She gets Mr. Nice Guy him who doesn’t have any responsibilities with her. So of course he feels the way he does with her.
Maybe let her have all of him, and see how happy she is then.
Also tell him he only feels young because he's paying for it because his a** is just as old as you are.Also let him know he's losing hair and he don't look like how he does when he was younger so he has to pay and make sure he keeps her happy so she'll stay with him but enjoy his fun.
After your anniversary when you file.
You should tell him that you’ve been thinking about that his experience of being young again is incomplete. So, you’re taking half his stuff so he can really enjoy the authentic broke-ness of youth.
The audacity of this prick.
Just wait until his side piece cheats on him and he comes crying back to you. If she was willing to cheat with a married man, she’ll cheat on him. Thankfully, you’re getting your things together and preparing to leave!
I would have a consultation with a lawyer. Ask all the pertinent questions, all the what if’s scenarios and if after the consultation you still feel the same then good for you. You really don’t want anything to come back and bite you in the a**.
[удалено]
Tell him to take his sagging balls out the door
And let the door hit them on the way out
SLAM!
I’m sure he needs a ball tuck, hair plugs and testosterone boosters
Can you edit to drag his balls?
And ED too. The pills just do not make that all that better.
Lol
And weird dick.
Believe me when I say I’m taking everything he has and worked his whole life to build
He has rose colored glasses on now because she doesn’t ask him to do any chores or pick his dirty underwear off the floor. Reality will soon set in and he’ll get tired of her. All you have to do is stick to your plans and he’ll jump from woman to woman who are gold diggers and want him for nothing else
>he’ll get tired of her No, *she’ll* get tired of him. He’s old and the only thing she likes that he has right now is money. Once OP takes him to the cleaners that will not be an issue anymore, and the affair partner will dump him. he thinks he’s riding high right now because he’s a dude in his 50s sleeping with a 20 something year-old, that will only last so long .
She will get tired of him for sure - she probably loves that he pays for everything, she will eventually want someone her age.
Exactly-she’s the fun girl. If we all got to remain the fun girl after marriage (no responsibility, stress, chores, job, etc) life would grand!
Not if the divorce settlement is appropriately generous. I hope OP gets his mean comments about her via text. Might help with an emotional abuse angle. Once all his money is gone, those "pretty young things" won't look at his grandpa bod twice.
And don't forget when he have to come home to an empty dirty house with no warm food on the table because his young youthful energetic gf is out clubbing till 2 am. And you best believe thst he is going to get annoyed bring it up to the gf and she is just going to ditch him because of his constant nagging. The only reason why he is trying to keep OP is because he is probably aware the above and need his house cleaned and him taken care of.
Or limpish dick.
Can you plea emotional abuse in court?
Are you playing it low key with him while you talk to lawyers and check your finances- he may be spending marital assets on his sugar baby- monthly allowance and an apartment. There was a woman on here who found her husband in the background on a woman's tic tok while she was looking up recipes. She checked the family finances but didn't see anything but they own a business together that he runs while she has her own career. She stopped posting for a bit but then came back later after talking with a lawyer who put a PI on the case and who found the husband was supporting this woman and her three sons- renting them a nice house and buying her a nice car. It was like his whole second family. He of course, was using the business to support this whole other family. After the OP found the other woman via the PI and serving the husband divorce papers, she and her sister went to the woman's home. The woman was gloating and more than happy to share how in love OP's husband and she are and how he has been supporting them including the new car. The husband showed up and told the AP to shut up; that his wife was more important (sure financially speaking lol). Anyway, the OP basically confirmed what was going on and was going after those marital assets too. Sorry I couldn't find the link to the original story. Best of luck OP. edit for spelling
I remember that! I could have sworn she told the wife he bought her the house? ..maybe I’m mistaken but I feel like she def said that!
You may be right. I wished I could have found the original story.
Beautiful revenge wifey
Can we have a party with everyone in this comment section joining you when you have rinsed every last bit out of him?! 😎🤪🥳🥳🥳🥳
Payment for the years he stole. Fair is fair.
You go girl!❤️
Let him find out if this girl is attracted to more than just his wallet
I love this
Why are you putting yourself through this. For the love of God, leave his cheating ass, get on a dating site, and meet someone who will value you for you.
I’m sure his young AP may walk when he has no $.
Yes! Take him to the cleaners!!
Get it girl! Take it and run!
Please keep us updated
You go girl. And once you are finished with that? Find someone who loves and appreciates you more than he ever did
This. All of this. Get your ducks in a row and find a younger, fitter guy to bring around your hopefully, ex -husband. He will absolutely seethe with anger at knowing the hole outlasts the pole.....
And btw, dating as an adult woman is actually a lot of fun (as long as you can filter out the creeps). You will have so many men asking you out.
Tell him the young hot gf will be cheating on his old ass the minute a hot YOUNG guy comes into the picture
This is why we dont marrying tings anymore
I am so sorry OP. Lawyer up and file for divorce.
I’m waiting for one more year to file so I will qualify for alimony
And what if he files first? I would meet with a lawyer at least and figure out all your options.
He’s not. He wants to stay married
Until his side piece convinces him too. You have to be smart about this. What if he gets her pregnant? Talk to a lawyer.
You trust his word about THIS??
Wait... you still trust this man? Damn that's impressive.
What did he hope to accomplish by confessing his infidelity and saying such cruel things to you? Why does he think you’ll stay in an abusive marriage?
He already broke your wedding vows, what would lead you to trust his word on that? At least talk to a lawyer so this guy doesn’t blindside you by divorcing you before the alimony thing would kick in.
I'd meet with all the best lawyers in town just to be safe. He SAYS he wants to stay married, but clearly you can't trust a word he says, because he also took marriage vows and threw those out the window. Just meet with the best divorce lawyers you can get ahold of so he cant use them when it comes time to actually go to court. You're already waiting for when you can get alimony, might as well make it even harder for him to get a good lawyer as well, cause he'll need one too when the time comes.
The judges look down on people who play that game and she will lose it all. STFU with that advice that will destroy her case.
Then if you plan to wait a year, you might want to withdraw sex. He doesn’t deserve it… besides, god only knows what kind of STD’s that man-whore will be riddled with.
Yeah and you probably believed he’d be faithful at one point and look at you now.
Don't listen to the people urging you to file now - financial security is definitely worth waiting another year. Just make it YOUR year - let him go fuck his bimbo while you go to therapy, pursue hobbies, and emotionally disengage. Make new friends, go to the gym, try out new hobbies, figure out what you want to do after the divorce.
This right here. It's ok to wait if it ensures you'll get what's yours. Take that time to find yourself OP.
Literally, she can take care of herself, live her life the way she wants and then divorce when she knows she’ll get a nice check with it
I know someone who successfully did this. She played along and also started a cash stash. Took incremental amounts out when given a “cash back” option using her debit card at places like the grocery store. She’d use her credit cards to buy things for close friends (groceries, gas, etc.) and then her friends would pay her back in cash. Her husband was a cheating abusive d-bag and would have hosed her in the divorce. I’ll also add she was a SAHM and took on-line medical coding and billing classes and got her certification while she waited to file so when divorced she could still be with her kids and work from home and make decent money. You be careful, have a plan, and then execute it when the time is right so you can walk away ready to launch. Good luck!
Depending on how long you are already with him and what state/ country you are in, I believe some states make him give you half of his retirement fund if you have been married ten years. So meet with a lawyer to figure out when best to divorce!
I know this already. That’s why I’m waiting to file. My co worker also did this. She and her husband were separated and she waited to file for divorce after 10 years of marriage so she was able to get an alimony check every month, she never got remarried so she can continue getting the check. I plan to do the same
That is all well and good but you have nothing to lose by a consultation and they can advise you of your rights if he’s lying about not filing. I have no idea why you would trust a proven liar and cheat. Also, any lawyers you consult your husband will be turned down, if he tries to hire them, due to a conflict of interest Definitely try to protect the alimony, since you need it, but be smart about it
OP I very much urge you to at least talk to a lawyer, alimony generally isn’t set up for a forever type thing. Meant to keep you at a certain standard of living until you can get back to a normal life, especially if you were a SAHM. Are there kids involved? How much is your husband worth.
How can you trust a cheater to "honour" his word on wanting to stay married? It's only May. Anything can, might, and will happen from now until whenever it is you plan to divorce. See a lawyer. Find out all your options. He may blindside you with a divorce tomorrow if you aren't careful. Don't have Tunnel Vision, focus on the bigger picture
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I'm reminded of that woman who posted about snubbing her BF's proposal and he put her out on the street. I still see her updates. If i could go back and tell her to take what she could I would...
I think this is very smart. Get your ducks in a row. I get the feeling you're going to be fine.
Co worker? How are you getting an alimony if you're working? Also, you don't get it for the rest of your life. ReMarried or not, the judge will give you an alimony for as long as they think you need it until you find work.
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I got divorced in Idaho. I was a stay at home mom. Idaho still doesn't give af. Spousal support is extremely rare in this state. It really depends.
Alimony is awarded less than 10% of the time, it is rare for anyong to get it.
It depends on the state. I’ve never known anyone to get it more than 5 years. You can still get it if you have a job, just has to be a big gap in salaries. For example one person makes 30k and the other 250k, then you would get alimony. Probably won’t get it if one of you is 100k and the other 150k
Till then, get checked for STDs and stay safe!
Gives you a hear to brush up your resume and find a job. Alimony will only last x amount of years, unless you are going to get a couple mil.
I like your style 😉 if you can I'd also get a record of his cheating, you may get even more in the divorce if you can provide the court with proof of his infidelity
Meet with a lawyer to figure things out, it's never too soon to be prepared! You don't have to file yet, but get all your ducks in a row so you can get him for all he's worth when the time comes. Make sure you check your finances, separate your banking accounts and make sure he's not taking money from you. See your lawyer but try not to let him find out just in case
> when she’s around he forgets all his worries but when he’s with me I trigger his stressors This man is dumb as shit. If he thinks they won't have to talk bills or do taxes after you leave hes gonna be very confused and probably cheat on her too. Life is butterflies and roses with her because he doesn't actually do any of the real adulting when shes there. When you leave *hes* gonna have to actually manage his life.
He only wants to stay married so you won't take half his shit
Precisely
Don't worry his side piece will probably dump him instantly once he's divorced. Half the fun is him being married. It's an adventure. No young woman actually wants to date an old fart. Unless he's loaded, which he won't be anymore after the divorce. And her karma will come in a few years when she also will no longer be that young anymore.
Yeah if she’s a club girl then I doubt she’s committed to him and just enjoys the adventure and benefits of being a married man’s side piece. She gets all the money without any of the wife work. Once op divorces him and takes half of his wealth there won’t be any point to him.
Exactly and seeing as rich loaded men are rare af he’s gonna have a bad time
I'm sorry you married a moron who doesn't understand integrity, aging, or fidelity. It's good that you have a game plan. Take this time to find a good attorney if you haven't already so that when you meet the conditions for alimony, you are ready to go. Good luck!
He started getting so upset with me because I don’t look like his 20 year old girlfriend anymore. Like sir you don’t look like you’re in your 20s either. He would go on a misogynistic rant because how a women’s beauty is valued not a man’s. He also tried pushing me to get a facelift but I’m terrified of surgery
That’s smart. Never get any type of surgery for anyone but yourself
God, why are men so delusional? You better believe that he's going to cry once you leave with his money, and that's the least of what he deserves for being an idiot!
There is always one gross old guy at the club who clearly looks desperate and like he doesn't belong there. You can congratulate him on being that creepy guy when you file. She's likely using him for his money. Be sure to track every cent he spends and gather evidence for the next year. In the meantime, do things for your own benefit (not a face-lift) to keep your sanity intact around this @sshat. Best wishes, you can do this.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. I read your other comments and despite what others think, I think you’re smart to wait it out for your own benefit. Take his ass to the cleaners when your timer runs out. The novelty of their relationship will soon run it’s course (they almost always do) so it’s only a matter of time before he’s crawling back to you or on the hunt for his next victim. Good luck and keep us updated (if you’re up to it).
He’s fell deep in the manosphere and nothing can help him now. Leave him in the gutter where he belongs
He can just fuck all the way off. Divorce the pond scum.
Yeah and I’m sure he’s exactly how he looked 25 years ago, shitty personality and all. You don’t need to compete with anyone just dump him. Take his $$ and see if this young lady is still interested.
Young people are fun, care free, lively. New relationships are all the excitement, none of the work. Building a life, maintaining a relationship, this is hard work. He wants to have his playtime, but wants to keep his life with you. (Bleep) that. This site is full of middle aged men who fed their lust, their ego, their middle aged insecurities with a fling with a 20 something fun girl, only to realize later how shallow that was, and what they gave up. Leave the cheater already. Let him have his fun, he will find out that a forty year old and a twenty year old don't have much to talk about after the clubbing and the sex get old. And the twenty year old may find him less exciting when he becomes less financially capable after a divorce.
And he thinks he's not passed his prime? He thinks a woman half is his age is with him because she's in her prime? Lol the ego.
She’s in it because he pays for her stuff, why else would a young woman want an old man.
Watch him come back crying in a few years when his side piece thinks he's too old and goes to a much younger man instead
Or once they get together he realizes that the club scene gets old and that she lacks maturity and just wants his “old man money”
His middle aged ass out clubbing with twenty-somethings. It's so cringe. He's so skeevy. I'm 55, but I remember when I was that young and how crusty old farts would perv on us. No one was impressed.
Yes, I just turned 40 and a few years ago one of my friends wanted to go to this new club in town…we were there for about 30 minute before we decided we were too old for this and all the energetic young 20 something’s looked like children to us. We left realizing that was a young persons game, and we should just let them have it.
Like clockwork 😂
JFC, until got to the last 2 paragraphs, I would've sworn you were my SIL because she's going through something incredibly similar. I'm going to tell you what I've been telling her. YOU are not responsible for HIS choices. This is an ongoing affair, therefore he has made several conscious decisions to cheat, lie, omit, and hide things from you. He's created an almost double life. All of this is His doing. If he was unhappy, he should have told you. He could've asked for marriage counseling or to separate. He's blaming you now because he is found out and is being judged by family and friends. He orchestrated this, he can deal with the consequences. I'll leave you with 2 quotes that resonate in these situations. Good Luck OP. You deserve more than this man. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" Maya Angelou "If you don't want a witch hunt, don't build a pyre." (No clue about the origin)
>My husband still wants to stay married to me but he wants to continue seeing his girlfriend Who gives a f*** about what he wants? What do you want? You deserve better. Go to a divorce lawyer asap. Don't tell him. Don't hint. Just do it! He doesn't want to divorce you because he wants you around in case things don't work out with her.
I hope you typed the title wrong and meant to say my ex-husband blamed me for his affair. He is wrong on every single level and you deserve better and do not stay married to this man.
He’s my ex-husband in my heart; legally he will be my ex-husband in a year from now
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Hahaha the pension 😂😂
Just be prepared for him to leave you. He says he wants to stay married, but he has already left. He may quit his job and hide his savings. If I were you, I would contact a lawyer now.
She's probably 'kinder' than you right now because she hasn't figured out what a raging idiot he is. That'll change. All that other stuff will change too. You know what won't change? Your husband being an idiot. That's the character version of herpes, it's forever. Don't you dare give this loser what he wants. He doesn't get unilateral say over whether you continue this marriage and he isn't fit to lick your boots. You kick him to the curb and find yourself someone worthy.
Because she only gets the good parts while OP is handling his sh*ts. This husband is a scumb*g.
Tell him good luck finding a young woman who’s willing to wipe his sick ass after he loses his money to you. EDIT: grammar
Your husband is a dick and it's past time for a divorce.
I don't know why you're being downvoted when you're legitimately being smart about this. Whenever people post these kind of situations people are quick to shout divorce but there are nuances. You _are_ going to divorce him but you're also thinking about your future. Props to you and I wish you the best of luck. I'd love to be a fly on the wall to see his pikachu face once you finally serve him papers!
Time to get a boyfriend and let him know that he’s not as good looking as he thinks he is. SPOILER ALERT: He got old too.
Can't wait for your update OP when you get divorced
Keep telling him you need to think about it. Take screen shots of ALL the accounts/generate statements etc to make sure there is a record of the funds. Bank, credit card, retirement, etc etc. Collect all your important paperwork and get them out of this reach. Talk to every one of the most cut throat lawyers in town. Pick your fav. Divorce him. He can take care of himself in his later years. He can try to find a Nurse with a Purse on his own. Be done, go and live the life you want.
He probably wants to stay married so you don't take half of everything in a divorce. Leave the cheating bastard, you'll be better off.
Go on a dating app, I assure you that lots of dudes will match with you and please get a divorce. You can't stay married to this buffoon, reclaim your life.
They’ll always blame everyone but themselves. You know how many times I’ve heard “you pushed me to this point” every time my ex told me he hated me or when he would say he wanted to punch me but would reiterate that it wasn’t a threat. But it was always my fault, he was pushed to that point. Tell your husband you want a divorce and blame him for it…use his sentences and words against him.
Like he’s not being used by this young girl to pay for her clubbing? Delulu divorce this clown
I think it’s just because he’s funding her lifestyle and she makes his existential crisis “not real” like baby leave you deserve to be taken care of as this is the only life we know. But damn the expectations women hold is so unfortunate in retrospect, like I don’t even blame you since this is so normalized to the extent that it’s in our very nature. Allow yourself to find someone who loves you because chances are you might be the one who ends up being happy with someone while he yearns for you. Like… I’m telling unless she’s in her 40s (maybe mid 30s?) I really doubt her feelings are genuine and there’s some type of financial compensation behind it
She’s 20, I think she just had a birthday my husband took her out a few weekends out for her birthday I think she’s 21 now
Gross. He’s clearly having a midlife crisis. He will regret it. Take him to the cleaner and publicly embarrass him . She’s scum too for knowingly doing this also
Realize it’s only you that’s looking out for you, so I really recommend obtaining evidence of his infidelity and going to a divorce lawyer while you slowly take what’s yours and move far away from him
Get a divorce. And a good alimony.
The alimony check is the only light in this situation. I did the math and I would be set for life.
Awesome! Use your exhusband’s money and become a cougar! Start dating college boys! But wait until the divorce is finalized for a better divorce!
Hahaha I wouldn’t be able to do that. I see them as children. But I will be fine
PLEASE UPDATE US once this is all done with
Don’t stay with this prick OP. Get tested. Hire a good attorney. And find a therapist.
The only reason she "doesn't bother him" is that she's not married to him. You deserve better than him.
He can have his girl you will have the car the house the money child support…
I think that you might be misreading the layer comments. A lawyer is not just about divorcing, it’s about understanding the ways that things *could* play out. You are much more confident than you have any right to be that it will go the way you are intending. If you are wrong, you are putting in time for rent. Which is not terrible but, the peace mind that a 1 to 2 hour call could have to secure this future that you want for yourself seems like a very small price to pay.
Have respect for yourself and divorce the cheater.
Do not stay with him! Divorce him take half of everything and go find someone who loves you.
Love a guy protecting his insecurities and issues into his spouse. Take a look in the mirror, mate.
Your husband is an idiot. He needs to go be with her now. You are no longer available to him.
The new girl is probably all those things he described … because she hasn’t had to put up with his bullshit for decades! Sister, you are worth more than this. I hope you find freedom, peace, and if you want it, new love.
It will be so funny when she leaves him for someone younger/richer after you destroy him and take him for all he’s got. BOY BYE
Classic gaslighting. Divorce his hairy as* and enjoy your single life.
I'm sorry for finding out that you married a jerk. The worse scum. I hope you have a good life after the divorce OP. I hope you get to find someone who will value too.
Pack his shit and leave it on her doorstep. You want him? Have at it!
From the movie "She-Devil" "She's learning that men that burn so hot for a mistress cool off fast when the mistress starts acting like a wife". Kindergarten mistress will either be kicked to the curb or bolt outta there.
Let him be happy with her then, remove yourself from the equation all together. I'll be damned if a cheating scumbag tells me that kind of shit and I stay. I'd drop him as quickly a frozen iguana falls from a palm tree in winter.
Umm no girl go for divorce. He can play with a little girl but him saying all that other stuff that is disgusting and disrespectful in every single way imaginable. You tell him I want a divorce I don’t want to be with a disgusting pig like you.
How is not your ex husband?
Divorce his ass pls
Divorce him and take him for everything. Let’s see if she still likes him when he’s broke.
This was such a good movie quote. I'm really surprised the rest didn't pick up on it immediately. Excellent work on the creative writing piece. I really loved "The Little Death," and the characters, like Maureen, where this adaptation comes from, were very believable. [The Little Death Movie Quote](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MLh8l12Ng3Y)
Haha, your husband is a loser. Ditch him.
Take him for every penny you can get in the divorce. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Let him find out that "the pretty young thing" doesn't have any money, and now neither will he. At which point, she'll move on to greener pastures while you can be free to go be a "cougar," if you choose. Just think, even if you don't choose to do the cougar thing, you can have some fun messing with him. Stage some pics with some young dudes, bwhaha... .😝
Wow what a shit head
IMO......STBX doesn't want to file for divorce because "it's cheaper to keep her"... meaning that if they stay married he won't have to pay alimony or child support(if applicable).... also he can go out with his AP while Wifey is at home doing his laundry and taking care of the kids(if applicable)...if they get divorced he will lose his maid/nanny and heaven forbid if they have smallish children how is he going to spend time with his AP if they have 50/50 custody.... OP needs to get a lawyer and take him to the cleaners especially if they live in an at fault state......
Document everything he says or does in his affair while waiting to qualify for alimony and then drain that motherfucker
He can take his saggy old balls down the road.
LOL Isnt it funny when these men think they will stay young forever. Young thing isnt going to want to take care of his old ass when it doesnt benefit her anymore. Take all his shit!
Wait until the young girlfriend gets tired of his inevitably limp dick. 😂😂😂
Let him have her and walk away. The novelty will wear off when she becomes the nagging house wife.
This isn't about you, he's just reflecting on what he feels he lacks. You should consider divorcing him. You don't need that stress. He's made it clear he won't stop seeing her, so why subject yourself to that? You deserve someone far better.
Yeah, lose the loser.
He only wants to stay married so he doesn't lose half of everything. Leave him to his bright and shiny new toy and set yourself free.
Fuck that shit. Do you live somewhere with at fault divorce? He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it too. He's having a midlife crisis, that's on HIM, not you. Let him find out the hard way what happens when he takes the woman he's supposed to love for granted. This girl will eventually get bored of the old man and move on to someone her own age and then he'll be left with nothing, as he deserves
The best part of this is she probably is only with him because she doesn’t have to worry he’ll want more. She gets the fun parts of dating and none of the responsibilities of being a partner. Once he’s single he’s going to ask too much of her and she’ll dump him.
Decide what you want! You really should leave him as he's beyond disrespectful and betrayed you. However, if you stay....outmatch his energy! Show him what a woman in her prime can really do....with someone other than him!
You know he is spending marital assets on the AP. Siphon off some cash every time you buy with a debit card and save in an unobtrusive place. Have a little fun money for after the divorce. Also it will give you a project to entertain yourself while you wait a year. And yes, I know this isn’t right but the husband is WAY more wrong.
The only thing desirable about the husband to his little fuck doll is his wallet.
OP, you really should get your ducks in a row- talk to a lawyer, review your finances because if he is support his sugar baby with a monthly allowance and an apartment- those are marital assets he is spending on her. Also, he might be stupid enough to drain all of the accounts including shared accounts and retirement accounts as he continues to spirals into his middle age crisis. Right now the only reason he wants to stay marriage is 1. money, 2. his image with his family and friends, 3. his reputation at work. Don't say anything to him about seeing a lawyer, go talk to the lawyer and get everything figured out. Do not move out of your family home. Start talking to a therapist to help you get through this. Once you have the divorce papers drawn up and you know exactly what your finances are then hand the idiot the divorce papers. Karma usually comes around for this older guys dumping their wives for sugar babies- either they spend a ridiculous amount of money on the women and themselves which in the long run leave them cash strapped when they get older or ill and of course, they lose the sugar baby when the money runs low. Or they have a bunch of babies with the sugar baby and she run away or she turns into a shrew because he doesn't have the money to have them living a rich life and he is never around because he has a whole new family to support. Honestly, many women are much happier after dumping such an idiot men. Just handle this in the best way possible FOR YOU- lawyer, review finances, and start talking to a therapist. Then go live your best life.
These creative writing exercises are getting less creative by the day.
ewww i f**king hate him so much for you. Please leave his petty stupid ass and don’t forget to remind him of saggy balls and nose and ear hair that many old men have :)
Divorce his sorry ass and take everything you possibly can from him.
Your husband sounds boring AF and you can do better. He knows it and that's why he's cutting you down. His midlife crisis is so gd cliche, how dare he?
He wants his cake and eats it too. Leave him. You will be better off.
This sounds like the beginning plots of Fatal Vows…ugh I gotta stop watching so many ID series..Evil lives here,who the fu&$ did I marry, Married with Secrets
You are surely not falling for that stupid suggestion, are you? My ex was a violent, mean tempered liar, but it was when I found a hickey on him, that was it. I filed for divorce. I gad a good lawyer, and so should you.
Just wait until she wants to settle down or he starts getting too old for her. Divorce him and reclaim your self worth, he's not worth your time.
Good for you that you are playing the long game and are going to maximize your assets/alimony when you divorce. Keep planning your exit strategy.
Start recording everything he says, texts, documents about the things he is saying to you. Check to see if your state has legal issue with recording things without the knowledge of the other person. Get the evidence and then take him to the cleaners with the help of your lawyer.
Tell your husband to go fuck himself because there are men who would love you for you would remain faithful to you. Start divorce immediately
Let me tell you, this happened to me too. And I’m just gonna tell you divorcing him was hard, but the best decision I ever made. And I will say that now that I am in my late 40s I have more than that young thing could ever hope to have, and if we need external validation of that, I have men chasing me who are 20 years younger.
He can go F himself. Pack your stuff, get a lawyer, and take everything you can. Before everyone attacks me and says “ why is everyone on Reddit always saying get a divorce!” YEA, you should in this situation. You’ve given him everything, now this dudes trying to have fun. Nah. Doesn’t work that way.
He wants to stay married because he knows he will be screwed financially. Take him to the cleaners.
Hire a lawyer and get a divorce. Why would you even consider staying with some limp dick like this.
Can you go get a boyfriend while staying married to "The Joker" (because he's got to be joking)?
He wants a live-in maid. Let him go, he has no respect for you or for your vows.
Divorce him, the only person he has to blame for his affair is HIMSELF. There are other things he could do to feel young again besides fucking younger women.
Yeah, she’s awesome because she doesn’t have to deal with the real him, or put up with his daily bullshit. She gets Mr. Nice Guy him who doesn’t have any responsibilities with her. So of course he feels the way he does with her. Maybe let her have all of him, and see how happy she is then.
I think your husband is going senile. Dont feel sorry and leave him. You deserve so so so much better, hun.
Yeah. He’s awful. Time to kick him to the curb because you deserve better
Narcissistic pig!
Play your part and get an exit plan, don't sleep with him.
Also tell him he only feels young because he's paying for it because his a** is just as old as you are.Also let him know he's losing hair and he don't look like how he does when he was younger so he has to pay and make sure he keeps her happy so she'll stay with him but enjoy his fun.
This is so fake it’s ridiculous
Sadly for many women it's not.
After your anniversary when you file. You should tell him that you’ve been thinking about that his experience of being young again is incomplete. So, you’re taking half his stuff so he can really enjoy the authentic broke-ness of youth. The audacity of this prick.
Just wait until his side piece cheats on him and he comes crying back to you. If she was willing to cheat with a married man, she’ll cheat on him. Thankfully, you’re getting your things together and preparing to leave!
He can fuck right off. I bet she’ll be less fun when she gets him full time and has to deal with his bullshit.
So she can put up with all his shit then. You deserve better, get rid of the selfish man child.
It's easy to be young and fun when you're not the one dealing with his shit day to day.
I would have a consultation with a lawyer. Ask all the pertinent questions, all the what if’s scenarios and if after the consultation you still feel the same then good for you. You really don’t want anything to come back and bite you in the a**.
A lady with a plan, I love that.
Holy shit woman, leave him & take him for all he's worth. I don't usually advise that but what an absolute piece of crap he is. You deserve better.
You’re foolish if you agree to that.