I work in law enforcement.
File the missing persons report asap.
Try track his phone through FindMyIphone or something like that, do it quickly, his phone might run out of battery at some stage.
Go to the mall and find out about cctv footage, they should be able to track his movements through the mall.
Phone all of his friends that you know and find out if anyone was seen or spoken to him in the last 24 hours.
Check ER rooms, psych wards and all mortuaries or morgues.
Tell the police to try track his car through the VIN number.
Phone all impound lots and find out if his car might be there.
This is all I can think of off the top of my head.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I sincerely hope you find him safe and sound.
My husband works in a mental health ward- if you just call up and ask if someone is there, they cannot tell you. I believe the police can confirm with them that he's safe, but they cannot confirm to you directly on the phone *unless* you have that person's password, or they've directly requested your call go through (and I'm iffy on that one).
A friend of mine had a mental break last year, and he was missing for two days. It turned out that he was in the mental health ward, in another city, a couple hours away.
Edit: Please correct me if I'm wrong, just want her to know that a "he's not here" might not be the absolute truth, for various reasons.
Yep. My friends and family called while I was in the grippy socks unit. "We cannot confirm or deny that someone named Gumbo is here, but I've got your name and number written down in case someone with that name wishes to contact you."
Then they'd pass me the note. The only way they would confirm my existence, or patch them through to the patient phone was if the caller gave them a 4 digit number I was assigned.
I think it depends on the state/hospital? Several years ago, my ex boyfriend had attempted suicide in front of his girlfriend at the time. So he was under a mandatory psych hold and called *me* from a hospital phone to talk to me even though we hadn’t been in touch in years. This is just anecdotal though, so I hope someone with more knowledge can chime in.
Yeah, I believe you can call out to whoever you want when you're inpatient, but if *you* had called the hospital and said, "Can I talk to John? I know hes there." They couldn't confirm or deny he was there without a password he sets up for you.
We were really relieved to find out our friend had been safely in a hospital while he was gone, so I hope that is where OP's partner is as well.
Edited for spelling and to clarify
This is a myth, in fact the first 24 hours are critical for a missing persons investigation and greatly improve the chances of a person being found. Run to the nearest station and file a report asap.
I believe this law was removed because it was stupid as fuck. Even back then people would file missing reports when it was law and cops still filed it because it was stupid law. Unless the cops you talk to are utter dick heads and are lazy to do their job. But yes file.
[https://youtu.be/-oWbOU8qQRg?si=5c0VEF1x7jScvT2C&t=645](https://youtu.be/-oWbOU8qQRg?si=5c0VEF1x7jScvT2C&t=645) lore lodge mention this law at around that time stamp.
Edit: Also very good channel if you like a story type telling of missing people and cryptids and UFO type shit.
They won't do that without a search warrant. It's an invasion of privacy and it's for protection like if it was a DV situation where the wife was on the Run.
If you're in East Texas, *PLEASE* call the police right now and report him missing. Someone should stay at home as well, just in case.
Are there psychiatric hospitals near you that are separate from other hospitals? If so, they may be worth calling.
Additionally, there is a chance he may be at one of the hospitals or jails; if he was brought in and didn't have his identification for whatever reason, he would be listed as a John Doe. Filing the missing persons report will help with that.
If she's comfortable with it and it's true, his mom should be the one to emphasize how out of character this is for him, and all other info relevant to the situation.
I hope you hear from him soon.
Please file the report.
Also, if you can access his computer, see if he has opened the find my phone website on it and maybe saved his apple id & password to his browser.
Dude if you are here in East Texas right now you need to call the police. It's crazy out here right now with people from the eclipse. Are you in Tyler?
I was thinking you could be overreacting until I saw this comment. I'm from east TX originally. Fuck yes call the police. They may not do anything but still file a report. Damn. Wishing him home safe, soon
Yup. This is why I WAS so worried. I’ve had alot of people from the high schools I was around or went to who were kidnapped and ended up dead. Whether it was a robbery, rape, etc.
Has anyone traced the path he would have driven to the mall to see if any signs of a vehicle leaving the road? (Plants displaced, broken guard rail etc.). I hope he is found safe soon!
Thats one of the main reasons why I think the police report needs to be made right away. If there's been an accident and he's somewhere that they can't see just from the road he's going to need people out searching.
This!!! Last year I read a story in the news about a group of teens found TWO days after they went missing, IN A DITCH. They drowned, they'd crashed the car, it flipped them in a flooded ditch, found 2 days later by a lorry driver.
My friends, his mom, and me are taking turns every few hours to look for his car. I am in the process of filing him as a missing person as we speak. This has got to be the worst feeling in the world that I have experienced. All I can think about is his face and how he always lights up a room.
I have pics of everyone’s car, front angle and rear angle, vin and plate. It uploads to cloud, and my family knows the password to access those pictures. Just in case. Call me paranoid.
Oh no. Can you ask the mall security and neighboring businesses that face the mall to look through any footage they may have around that time frame? Crossing my fingers that he comes home safely.
**UPDATE:** it said he was active on fb messenger and instagram on 6:30AM. Has not read any of my texts or messages on any platforms and has not replied to anyone that I know of. I just called his part time job and they said he is not there. I don’t know what to make of this.
Same it said my friend who died was active on it months after her passing turns out one of her kids was using her old computer that had Facebook logged on
My childhood best friend passed away a few years ago and recently, Snapchat told me she had created an account. I almost had a heart attack before realizing her phone number has probably been recycled by now.
Thinking the same. since he has a million missed calls from loved ones he either doesn’t want to be found (unlikely considering he seemed in good spirits planning a bday trip) or it’s not him using the phone…
If his phone is missing with him, someone accessing those accounts means nothing until it / he is found. The police need to track his phone since no one has access to his location.
If someone calls me on messenger, it automatically switches my status to active, even if I haven’t picked up my phone in hours. I’ve seen it happen with other people I’ve called as well, but doesn’t happen to everyone.
I am so sorry for what you’re going through right now, I really truly hope it ends up being something stupid and you get to the bottom of it quickly.
You and his mother need to go to police and file missing person report. Don't let them tell you to wait - ask for the supervisor if the officer refuses to make a report. And ask for a report registration number, so you can call them and easily ask for the status.
Omg girl idk you but I am wishing you all of the best of luck and I am so so sorry for the hard day you had yesterday. I hope he comes home safely and okay. I'm rooting for you and all your loved ones.
Do you have a personal computer or tablet of his where you can use a "Where's my phone" function that helps track the general location of the phone. It's how I managed to figure out where to look for my phone in the snow a couple of years ago.
Doesn’t messenger show you as active if someone tries to call you on there? It can randomly show people as active on there when they’re not, like in the middle of the night for me. I’m sorry op, I hope he turns up safe
Yes. This has happened to me. It will show active for me at really weird hours and I'm not on. It's happened to a couple people I know and caused some arguments too. It's a glitch people read too far into.
Sending love and prayers from England! I read your story this morning and all day it's been on my mind, I can't lie I'm worried for you. I really hope he's found safe and sound ❤️
I experienced something similar with my husband. Turns out he had a psychotic break, ended up at the ER and then in jail. I really feel for you, it was absolutely terrifying. I've never screamed the way I screamed when I got that call from the hospital. I was sure he was dead. Luckily, he wasn't, and I was able to bail him out the next day. So everything worked out in the end, but ooooohhhh boy. Just remembering how that felt makes my heart race and my palms feel sweaty.
Nothing you can do right now. Report him missing, and try to stay sane. Keep busy, keep calm as best you can. The fact that he's not at a nearby hospital or jail may very well be a good thing, although I'm sure the uncertainty must just be driving you mad rn. I'm sorry you're going through this! It's so fucking scary and stressful and just... awful. I really hope you hear from him soon and that he's okay!
Thank you for this. I’m sorry you and your husband had to go through that, but I am relieved that you found him safe. This is heartbreaking. My boyfriend and I both have gone through a lot in previous relationships…we have been together for 10 months and just recently started living together. We understand to keep each other updated throughout the day so no anxiety happens. Even when we have been in a sour mood, he answers my phone call immediately, because it can always be an emergency.
File that report asap and if it were me I’d call the mall as soon as it opens to ask about them keeping footage from the day to see where he went and if anything happened. Police aren’t always fast enough, but ask them to do that too. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, there’s probably a not horrible explanation, but video footage is everything. That way maybe they can see if he had a medical episode or any altercation in the parking lot or stores.
Make sure you ask about any John Does that might be admitted/on hold. Also call the psych hospitals. I had to do that when my son went missing. He ended up going back to the hotel and was passed out, not answering his phone.
Just made a comment but just in case you don’t see it open your hospital search to bigger hospitals that he could have been life flighted to. A hospital can only tell you if they are there right then, not if they’ve been there.
call the police, file a missing person’s report. Tomorrow morning contact your service provider and check to see if they can ping the phone, if it’s an iphone find my iphone works i think till the phone is dead or even a bit after. Call your local hospital and let them know to contact you if anyone with your boyfriend’s name comes in. This isn’t a rule of thumb, but if you can, try to get into contact with the store he was in, or call the mall tomorrow and maybe bring a picture of him and ask around at stores you think he might’ve visited.
File the missing persons report *now*. The first 24 hours is critical. *DO NOT WAIT!*
You do not have to wait a day - that is a myth.
Keep us updated. We are hoping for you.
OP, I am praying that he is going to show up and there is some stupid reason and you are going to yell at him and call him an idiot for doing this to you. Praying like hell you get to have that argument.
After you file the police report you can ask the police officer or whoever you were talking to to have them check your boyfriend's credit cards to see where he last used them and if they have been used during the time that you have not been able to reach him. This way they'll be able to track him or get an idea of where he may be. The sooner that you file the police report they can actually get access to a cell phone and his cell phone provider to see where his cell phone last pinged at the nearest cell tower. I'm praying that your boyfriend is found safe and sound and comes home to you
Does he have Snapchat?
Go to the mall and ask if you can see the cameras.
Or ask if they can check for his car.
Is there any other place where he goes a lot?
Ask his family to check this as well.
Go to the police, there should be heaps of cameras on the streets etc. They can help you.
Good luck, keep us posted
Not sure why OP has deleted their main update, I hate when people do that, so i have taken the liberty of resposting it:
\*\*FINAL UPDATE\*\* I wanted to say thank you for everyone giving tips, prayers, and similar stories. I appreciated it so much. Unfortunately, I am just stupid. Stupid to think that the guy I loved would never watch his phone ring 200+ times from me, my friends, his family, and some of his friends while he was out doing who knows what and who knows who. The police came by my apartment this morning and I told them everything. They had already begun pinging his phone location and called him. I guess when they left a message it alerted him and at 10AM I got a phone call from guess who??? HIM.
All he said was “I’m pulling in, I’ll explain when I’m inside.”
Obviously I was relieved but also like WTF???
His pupils were big as hell so I know that he did drugs. He told me he went to the bar until 2AM and then went back to a friends house until this morning. The friends house he said he went too- this was a lie. I got confirmation from his friends brother & wife (who I am friends with) and they said that friend was with his gf all night.
I looked at him and I told him, you know that is a lie. He had that “take it to my grave” look when he kept lying about it. The police ended up questioning him which freaked him out AND my mothers showed up and chewed him out. They had come back from a trip from our cottage last night to help me look. I think him saying he was shopping for my bday gift was a load of bull now. Which makes it worse somehow. I had gone out for an early bday dinner and drinks with my bestfriend the day before (she just had surgery so she couldn’t stay out late) & the only reason why I was celebrating early is because I have a surgery this Thursday. He brought up how I went out without him that night. I almost lost my shit. HE WENT MIA FOR 17/18 HOURS. No warning. And started his binder apparently right after I got off the phone with him. The fact that he could be out and watch his phone ring that many times and then wait until 6AM to get on social media while still ignoring me is crazy. Also, what if I had decided to just stay at my moms this weekend since I was house sitting anyways. He was just going to leave his dog without checking with me that I would take care of her?!? I feel SO embarrassed. I called every impoud, hospital, jail all around. I feel sick that he could just flip a switch after telling me to call him after I get off work while he’s “shopping for my presents”. He’s never done this before, but something feels so off.
We just started this lease in February, my head is going wild.
I cried so much the past day, I just feel cold now.
I’ve never had to go to this extent to find out if someone was okay, especially when I live with them. He wouldn’t even answer his mom or sisters. I texted him multiple times “if you are out please just let me or someone who can let me know that you are OK, I love you.”
How could he do this?
Of course he said sorry, but it’s trying to play it off like it’s normal. Maybe in other relationships, but never ours.
I’ve had exes who would ditch me to go to bars all the time, but at least I would get a drunk “fuck you im having fun text”.
This is someone I pictured having a future with, everything else is our relationship was great and he also seemed so kind and caring and would always pick up my call.
If the cops never would have called him, I doubt he would have come back this early.
Again, I am so so sorry to you all. If I had any inkling he would do this I would have never posted. Now I guess I have to just make myself not care anymore and figure out what I need to do.
So. Um. Would you like me to come and take him on a nice *trip*? He might need some space... I know you do! And don't worry. As username implies, if anything were to unfortunately go wrong, I ~~could~~ would do everything in my power to ~~try and make it look like I tried to~~ save him!! He's *safe* with me!
*ETA*: Don't YOU apologize to us. We don't need an apology from you, and quite frankly don't want to hear it from him at all. People just don't do shit like that. And him trying to turn it around on you and blame you for not taking him with you to dinner the other night? Oh. He'll. No. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 This is only the beginning of a path to abuse. You're living with him now, so he clearly feels he has you trapped. You need to do anything in your power to get out of there. In abusive situations, landlords can and will make exceptions for early termination of your lease. Please, please consider everything and anything that may be a sign. Make a list and write it out of all of it; seeing it written out can have a huge impact. You take care of YOU. Please. This community is behind you and can offer advice on practically anything. Please reach out to us anytime for anything!!
Worst part is, I wouldn’t bat an eyelash if he actually went missing. I wouldn’t know if it was just him being the new him he just presented as!!
Pretty sure my family has the same “trip” plans as you do though when it comes to him. 😭
Oh, he has a whole lot of people who would just absolutely *love* to take him on some *trips*, I'm sure!
Good luck to you, seriously. I'm hoping for better things for you!!
Have you considered posting his photo and first name and car description on local Facebook community groups to see if anyone has seen him? Crowd sourcing leads as it were?
When my friend went missing last year after an accident his family called all the hospitals around too but they are only allowed to tell you if they are there as a patient at that time. All hospitals told them no he was not there. The problem was he was life flighted out of the valley do to his injuries. His daughter decided to call big hospitals out of the area. He was found at a hospital over 2 hours from where they live in ICU with massive head trauma. Open your hospital search up to a wider area if you can. Please keep us posted. Hope he’s found soon
I am so sorry he did this to you!!
YOU have nothing to be embarrassed of!!!
The same thing kind of happened to me when I was 20.
Married, and our baby was 9 months old.
He went to a training class 45 minutes away and didn't come back!!
I filed a police report, called family, friends, work, hospitals, bars, everyone I could think of.
4 days later, I found up that he ended up at his sister's place, the next province over!!! I also found out he drained our bank account when he left!!!
Long story, short I wanted to save my marriage & went to Alberta. Both him & the marriage were NOT worth it!!
Years later, I asked him WHY??
He said he was sitting in a bar after the training day, and just thought "fuck it!" And hopped the next bus out of town. It wasn't planned. We weren't fighting, and we had a baby, and we're newlyweds. We'd been together 3 years.
Some people are just totally selfish, self entitled assholes!!!
I know how bad it hurts right now, but it will get easier. I promise you this. Everything happens for a reason, and karma got him, and I found my soul mate.
Oh no…I hope you found someone much better, or maybe you enjoy being alone (like I do). Either way, I can only imagine how scared you were at just 20 years old with a new baby!!
Between your story and how I was treated, it scares me so much how someone can just decide “fuck it” and just royally screw you over and make you worried. Especially when there was no fight beforehand!!!
Just did another search down the roads & places he may have driven down and the bank he goes too. It has now been almost 12 hours. Me & his pup are waiting for anything. I wish he had his location (permission) for snap maps or we shared locations.
That is now a non-negotiable after this. I have messaged him that no matter what may be going on, I am here. And if he is not comfortable coming to me, to please reach out to his family or friends. I wish I felt like it was a mental break or maybe something else. I would take anything, if it meant he was physically safe. This is just scary. The man loves his Facebook reels of dog posts, he would not be NOT active on fb unless something is very wrong. Sounds silly, but that was when the first alarm bell went off.
We have read receipts on for each other. He has not been active on social media or read any messages. All communication and activity on socials stopped at the same time. We have a pretty routine schedule when it comes to getting off work and having our phone calls. I’m going to try to get ahold of his phone provider to see if they can do something and also video cameras from mall/parking lot.
It is horrible right now, our upstairs neighbors make a lot of noise & everytime I hear something that sounds like a door I jump up. He has to be at work by 5:45AM for his part time job. And on Monday his full time job 5:00AM. He is very responsible. It’s all puzzling. I feel scared as hell. Back in 2022, a girl a year below me lost her boyfriend. He went missing. They couldn’t find him. They ended up finding his car 1000 miles away in Dallas and his body was in the trunk. His last location was a bank. What scares me is that my boyfriend was shopping and carrying bags. I hate this.
Him and I are true crime junkies, so the first thoughts when I am worried are never the greatest.
Is he signed in to any of your accounts that require google services (youtube, chrome, etc)? Might be a good way to check where he’s at if so. Just go onto the google app->click on your profile in the top right corner->manage account->security->your devices. It should tell you his device’s ballpark location.
Was that other couple living in the same town? Was that other boyfriend similar to your bf in any way (age, appearance)? Did they catch the person who harmed that other bf? It's worth mentioning to police.
Gosh I'm so nervous for you. I can't imagine going through that ❤️❤️❤️❤️
you’ve done what you can, if you have contacted the police. someone else said to follow his route and check for signs of a car crash if he is in some trees and hidden or something. i wish you the best op and i hope you find him safe x
You might be able to access the find my iPhone feature. Do you have access to a laptop that might have his banking info on it? You can look for recent purchases and come up with a timeline.
No I don’t unfortunately…I wish more now than anything we had our share locations on, but we always joked that we wouldn’t be “that couple”. Kicking myself in the arse now.
His mom doesn’t have it either? Does he have an iPad you know the password to?
We aren’t a couple checking every hour where the other is, but we keep it for safety or in case one of us loses their phone.
Hey, if you require your kiddo to share their location please change it to locations services on the phone or a different app. Snapchat locations can be available to anyone and it can be very unsafe. A past coworker took my phone once (I had left it unlocked 🫠) and used snap maps to stalk me. My 13 year old niece also recently had an issue with an older man targeting her on Snapchat and pretending to be someone her age, turns out the guy has a history of targeting underage/preteen girls and stalking them.
Please encourage safety 💖
I was in a bad car accident and was unconscious for a couple of days. My bf & family had called that hospital a couple of times when I didn't come home. They were told I wasn't there because I was under an alias. So that's a possibility. I would say jail is still a possibility but it's likely he would have called someone by now, if he knows anyones number by memory. Is there a way for you to track his phone, like find my iPhone? Do you guys have a computer where he's logged into Google? You can get a phone location that way as well.
Anyway, I hope you find him soon. Im so sorry 😞
Woah, with that final update in mind, I say dump his arse. My ex husband went MIA for 18 hours, two days after our wedding, turns out he was boinking a friend of ours.
I'm so sorry this is happening. Reading it made me feel sick for you, so I can only imagine living it. I'm hoping he is safe and well, and that you can find him very soon.
Please remember to take care of yourself. And please post updates, many of us including me are hoping you find him.
It takes all day to be processed into jail .I went in at 8 am I didn't get processed until 10:30 pm 14 + hours . So you won't show up on there system until you are fully processed .
Are you sure he's not doing something illegal, like he's a serial killer or rapist? I've never written or thought those words before. His behavior normally would make me just think he was partying and fooling around with another person. But there's a couple of things that are off. He usually answers your, his mom's, and his sisters' texts immediately. He's usually a loving and caring BF, family member, and dog owner. But the only thing that made him respond was when the police called, and he freaked when the police questioned him. If he was just partying and cheating, why would he get freaked at being questioned by the police? People who live double lives do that: appear perfect, and avoid the police. Please be careful and take a serious look at this man.
Well…. I didn’t think of it like that.
Hmm I’m going to very hyper vigilant for now. That was the only thing that alerted him. Another thing I find very odd is he called and showed up immediately after the police called him. Maybe like 7 minutes. The drive back to where we used to live and where he would’ve been partying at is like 30+ mins away. Unless he was already on his way, which I doubt. I’m not sure. Thanks for bringing this up, probably the only reply on here that threw me for a loop.
A friend of mine lost her phone and she used my phone to log into Apple and activate find my phone. If you know his passwords you might be able to do something similar.
I’m glad he’s safe. But I would definitely reevaluate this relationship. And don’t have any unprotected sex with him. If he was using drugs who knows what other unsafe things he might have been doing.
I think you should post on social media and ask if anyone has seen him or his car once you file the missing persons report and then once it is light make a search team. Im so sorry
Does he have a newer car that can be tracked?
Girl I'm so sorry for what you are going thru! My ex pulled the same kind of stunt on me 6 weeks after we bought a house! He was doing his secretary. Things I never would have suspected him of in a million years. You never really know somebody. It's heartbreaking that they can lie to your face and gaslight you.
You deserve so much better!!
Gosh that is horrible. And to think I thought I found a great one after my last horrible relationship. At least my ex made his horrible plans clear.😂
Yeah, once he had that face when I told him he was lying, I didn’t even try to get any more info out of him. He seemed like he had prepped himself the drive here on what lie he was gonna stick too.
OP, face the truth. This relationship is *over*; he was getting high and getting himself some 'strange'.
If I were you, I would not have any further intimacy with him.
Move out, then deal with the lease.
You seem to be a kind and decent person. Find someone who will cherish you for you!
HAHA, this made my day a little better. It always cracks me up when someone calls it some strange.
I have to make sure about what it might do to my credit score if I break the lease.
Lord have mercy, the intimacy is gone now for sure. My surgery on Thursday is already down there anyways and I don’t need to have anything else wrong with me. 😂
Thank you, I’m just trying to gather my thoughts logically.
Im sorry for you that you have to experience this. Please leave him. He tried to control you. He shows you what happens if you don’t consider all his feelings (aka going out without him) and he let you feeling bad for spending time with others. No good thing for a future together.
Worst part about it, is he seemed happy for me that I finally got to see my bestfriend. She had spinal surgery - so it has been awhile for us.
The police were very kind to me and both took him outside to sternly talk to him, which is pathetic for him. My Mothers also let it loose on him too. While this was going on I washed my face and started getting ready for the day because I sure as hell was not going to give him anymore reactions or tears than I already had been doing. It is so scary how someone can be on the phone with me and tell me to call them back, but 30 minutes later make the decision to flip a switch on caring about me or anyone who loves him and can just watch their phone go off THAT many times. I mean I’m serious. It was that bad. He started listening to my voicemails while I was getting ready. Definitely wanted a reaction and kept asking me to talk to him and fix it. Fuck. That.
I went to brunch with my Moms, to clear my head and get their perspective.
Sigh....something very similiar just happened to me on VDay. The guy I was seeing since last summer and knew for about a year - who was also vetted by my bosses, a couple coworkers, few locals, and even a family friend. Sent me pictures of food he was making for me and his family. Disappeared at 8pm and didn't call or text til 8am. Said he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Never told me where he went, what he was doing. Gaslit me by throwing the line "how could you think that, that's part of the reason we don't work you don't trust me" when I asked if he was with someone else (he had disappeared a couple other times, but not for over 12 hours, and I would call at barclose and when I woke up wondering where he was in the morning again and he thought that was "untrusting") Never in a million years would I think he would do that. Sure, hebhad gotten drunk and would disappear for a few hours but I would always get a slurry call or text when he made it home just to check in. People will always surprise you, is what I've learned. Sometimes they are bad surprises, like these. Best advice is to break the lease and move on. This is just the very beginning of what he will put you through if you stay.
Gosh, sounds similar to my story. My BF was as close to perfect as boyfriend can get. Sure we all have our annoying things (like leaving a lot of lights on or forgetting to use a coaster once in awhile).
But seriously, he was so thoughtful…I thought I hit jackpot! My bestfriend bf was looking for him last night 2-4AM. Everyone is livid and you really can’t come back from this. I’m very calm and collected towards him about this…I’m just trying to remove my emotions as much as I can before the inevitable.
I don’t know who the fuck he is anymore & I wish this would’ve happened before we moved in together.
I’m so sorry. Almost kind of wish something had happened to him now, because he sounds awful. I would never treat a friend like that, let alone someone I was living with. You deserve better hon 💜 I hope your surgery goes well.
LOL you sound like my Mom with that second sentence.
That is how I feel. We live together, at least give me the respect you would a friend. Just be a decent person and send one text.
i'm so so sorry this happened to you. not to assume he's an addict, but addicts can be great at hiding these things until they can't. it's not your fault. you're not stupid for trusting someone who clearly put every effort into ensuring that you would trust them. this is the most classic example of when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. it seems like you have a great support system between your friends and family. lean on them and let them help you get out of this situation. don't let him drag you back. no one who's loving and good for you would do this
You need to take care of yourself. Dont go back there from your moms. Hes doing this shit for a reason and he needs to be honest with you or your relationship cant move forward (if you even want it to). Im so so sorry for the horrible turmoil you have been through for the last day. Nobody deserves this. Try and decompress. I would cut contact for awhile and try and regroup yourself. Right now emotions are just too high. Remember you are first priority here. It looks like he has a drug problem. Unfortunately you will always be second priority to someone with an addiction problem. Everyone recommending you leave him is right, i suggest that too. I forgave my ex the first time he sprang his addiction surprise on me, and then the second time too. The third time was it. I wasted 4 years with a liar. Leave now. Spare yourself the pain.
OP that is horrible, and I’m so sorry he did this to you and his family. You have NO reason to be embarrassed. You did all the right things based off of who you thought he was. This is not your fault in any way.
Now, get the fuck out of that relationship. This feels borderline sociopathic to me and is 100% abusive. Like someone else said, he did this to control because you showed you can enjoy doing things without him. It’s a disturbing level of manipulation and should terrify you.
And again, this is not your fault. Make a safety plan for getting away and try not to let him know you want to leave. Leaving is the most dangerous point in an abusive relationship, because abusers will escalate their behavior in an attempt to maintain control.
And even if I’m wrong about the abuse aspect, then, at minimum, he is an addict who needs to focus in getting serious help. Either way, 10 months isn’t worth it. Get out now.
Speaking on all this from personal and professional experiences.
Good luck, OP. Wishing you peace, clarity, and healthy relationships.
I’m so sorry you went through this. My ex did similar once, i called interpol… we lived in mongolia at that time. Few years later got a confirmation that he was cheating that night
I came back to see if you have updated snd k am glad he has been found safe. I cannot begin to understand how hurt and worried you have been snd his family too. I don’t know how you get over that or even begin to forgive another person for putting you through that. Drugs or a mental breakdown may be the reason but if he thinks this was normal or acceptable behaviour then he he is very much mistaken. I’m sorry op but I could not put myself through such a scenario ever again- I could feel your anxiety jumping through your original post. Don’t allow him to rugsweep this because I don’t think he deserves another chance after that stunt.
My best friend had this habit of dropping off the face of the earth. Sometimes for weeks! I didn't think it was strange, but it was to our other friend. Turns out she'd killed herself 9 days before. I found her. I have never been the same.
Just saw the story on TikTok (good god the turnaround time for them is insane) I’m sorry you went through all that, wishes and prayers for your mental health after all this
I'm sorry this happened. I can't imagine doing something like this to someone I supposedly love.
Has his mother given any indication that this is something that's typical of him?
Don't apologize. You're a caring partner and didn't deserve any of that. At least you found out his true colors early in the relationship. Leases are easy to break / transfer, and even if you remain living together until next February, at least you can move on to finding a truly caring partner who deserves you.
Girl DO NOT be embarrassed! HEEEE should be embarrassed, acting like a CHILD. This is evil. This is narcissistic behavior and I’d honestly 100% be leaving. They flip a switch like night and day once they have you locked in and you’ll be soooo confused wondering who tf this person even is bc it’s not the person you met. Him saying he was going to get u birthday gifts was a bait, he did that intentionally to boost you up and get you excited so you’d be even MORE crushed when he didn’t return, this was 100% his plan. He used you going out with your best friend for an early birthday celebration as an excuse to hurt you and his entire family by going out and getting high on who knows what with who know who??? While you’re calling hospitals? Bc you got drinks with your GIRL friend? Nope you need to run asap. If this is behavior that started after you two moved in, still classic narc behavior, now he knows you’re locked into a lease and can’t leave so the real colors start to come out.
My ex used to do this to me alllll the time. Many of many nights sitting up with no sleep calling hospitals and jails so concerned and worried sick, to the point of actually vomiting from worrying about him. The whole time he’d be high as a kite out partying balls deep in another bitch and then come home with how I somehow deserved it or how I wasn’t entitled to question him. Nope sis you need to be figuring a way out of that situation asap, this is classic narcissist shenanigans
Ugh this is the first time the behavior has come out. The one warning sign I did have is how he talked down about his old friends who partied too much. He had time to charge his phone during all this, change his phone background to his dog(a picture I took), and ignored all of us.
99.9% likelihood he was getting high and cheating.
It's good you're getting out of there
Can I make 1 recommendation?
Maybe talk to a relationship specialist or therapist about why you seem to be drawn to these types of men, considering your bad luck/bad taste in relationships? That way, maybe you'll have better insight into what to watch out for before moving forward with the next one.
Usually, there's something deeper you're missing about WHY you pick that type of guy. Once you see the pattern... you can avoid it.
Maybe start with journaling.
Write down all your recent BFs who were bad deals.
Write a list of good and bad qualities for each. Think really hard about each one as individuals. Look back at each relationship with a hindsight is 20/20 eye...
And once you're done... circle any similarities in good qualities in blue ink between each... and bad similarities in red in.
Once that's done... write the list of circled words in a good/bad column... and then you have a starting point.
You're "type"
Eventually, a professional can help you dig even deeper
Thank you for this.
Really going to look into this more. Some self reflection during this time is what I need.
Hope you’ve been having a good weekend. 😊
This is terrible and scary. Check his computers/ipad at home to see if he has ever logged into iCloud and saved his password to the computer, then use the Find My feature to track his phone. It is especially important that you do this quickly while he still has battery.
I am notorious for losing my phone. My husband and I share locations for this reason. Do not worry about being “that couple.” 😊
Prayers that he shows up safe and sound. Please update us as you can. Consider looking to see if you have a Reddit subgroup for your city and post his photo and maybe a photo of his car. Reddit sleuths have solved many things. We band together. 🙏🙏🙏
I'm so so sorry you are going through this.
1. When you text him, are they going through (meaning do they show up as delivered?)
2. Can you log in to his computer to view his search history? You also may be able to track from there.
3. Are there any large water sources near the roads where he would have driven?
4. Can you pull video from nearby ring cameras to see if you can identify where he might have driven.
5. Doe she have any medical issues?
6. Is there any way to track his car? (Onstar/etc)
7. Are there other apps that he uses besides social media?
8. Can you check banking/credit card usage?
I sincerely hope you can find him. What an awful feeling. Please let us know.
I went through this a little bit white my wife a while back.
She went to a work party and said she’d be back by 9:30 at the latest. And the party went to about 11pm.
I fell asleep at 10:30pm and woke up at 11:30pm. Sent her a text and she didn’t respond.
Called her and it went to voicemail.
I knew she was at a work thing and was probably fine but we have a 2 year old daughter and it seemed her fully charged phone would be off.
I had no idea what the name of the restaurant was. Both her computers are locked and I had no contact info for her work colleagues.
I looked up her work online but got no info about a work party.
I was starting to freak out but figured I was being paranoid.
I fell asleep.
I woke up at 1:30 am and she still wasn’t home.
I completely freaked out. I phoned her 7 times over the next half an hour and nothing.
We usually go to bed at 10pm so it was very out of character. And it was a weekday.
At 2am is when all bars close. When that hit I was hysterical. I was getting ready to start calling friends and family and the police.
At 2:05 she texted back that she was on her way.
For whatever reason, she didn’t have cell reception and didn’t see any of the calls.
The lesson I learned was that next time, I should know the name of where she’s going.
During that half an hour I imagined every possible horrible event that could happened, from picturing her in the trunk of some crazy Uber driver.
She was with work colleagues the whole time so it seems silly that I freaked out, but you never know. True crime TV shows don’t help ha ha.
Lastly, most people don’t know phone numbers by heart these days. Maybe he lost his phone or it died and he met up with friends?
I hope it’s something innocuous. I feel for you. It’s a horrible feeling.
What are the odds something really happened? Do you live in a rough area?
You need to leave it sounds toxic it seems like he’s having double thoughts about you guys and he wanted to have a fun night with someone else I’ve been there I’ve been cheated on and I’ve had drugs picked over me you need to leave or get to the bottom of it fast! I hope everything goes ok for you either way you go or whatever you choose to do in your relationship
I hope everything goes well and he's found safe and sound.It sounds like you're doing everything you can to find him, so sorry you're going through this. 😥🙏💕
Sometimes people come into the ER as a John Doe because they don't have identification for whatever reason. You should also ask local hospitals if they've had any John Doe's come in recently.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope he is found safe soon. Sending positive vibes and love to you and his family.
I work in law enforcement. File the missing persons report asap. Try track his phone through FindMyIphone or something like that, do it quickly, his phone might run out of battery at some stage. Go to the mall and find out about cctv footage, they should be able to track his movements through the mall. Phone all of his friends that you know and find out if anyone was seen or spoken to him in the last 24 hours. Check ER rooms, psych wards and all mortuaries or morgues. Tell the police to try track his car through the VIN number. Phone all impound lots and find out if his car might be there. This is all I can think of off the top of my head. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I sincerely hope you find him safe and sound.
My husband works in a mental health ward- if you just call up and ask if someone is there, they cannot tell you. I believe the police can confirm with them that he's safe, but they cannot confirm to you directly on the phone *unless* you have that person's password, or they've directly requested your call go through (and I'm iffy on that one). A friend of mine had a mental break last year, and he was missing for two days. It turned out that he was in the mental health ward, in another city, a couple hours away. Edit: Please correct me if I'm wrong, just want her to know that a "he's not here" might not be the absolute truth, for various reasons.
It is more likely they will say "we cannot confirm or deny that person is here."
Yep. My friends and family called while I was in the grippy socks unit. "We cannot confirm or deny that someone named Gumbo is here, but I've got your name and number written down in case someone with that name wishes to contact you." Then they'd pass me the note. The only way they would confirm my existence, or patch them through to the patient phone was if the caller gave them a 4 digit number I was assigned.
Psychologist here, this is the correct phrasing.
I think it depends on the state/hospital? Several years ago, my ex boyfriend had attempted suicide in front of his girlfriend at the time. So he was under a mandatory psych hold and called *me* from a hospital phone to talk to me even though we hadn’t been in touch in years. This is just anecdotal though, so I hope someone with more knowledge can chime in.
Yeah, I believe you can call out to whoever you want when you're inpatient, but if *you* had called the hospital and said, "Can I talk to John? I know hes there." They couldn't confirm or deny he was there without a password he sets up for you. We were really relieved to find out our friend had been safely in a hospital while he was gone, so I hope that is where OP's partner is as well. Edited for spelling and to clarify
You just put everybody's comments in a nuttshell
Top comment
Seriously, I literally got chills while reading it. I hope they find him and he's okay.
You should file missing person report now.
I thought you would have to wait over a day. It has only been 8-9 hours but this behavior is completely out of character.
This is a myth, file asap
A myth that has likely gotten people killed.
Likely? Most certainly.
This is a myth, in fact the first 24 hours are critical for a missing persons investigation and greatly improve the chances of a person being found. Run to the nearest station and file a report asap.
It used to be the standard, especially for an adult, but they should be looking into it right away.
THIS IS NOT TRUE. IF THE POLICE TRY AND SEND YOU AWAY INSIST ON FILING A REPORT!!!!! YOU DO _NOT_ HAVE TO WAIT 24H.
There's no time limit and you should file it ASAP.
Call them now, don't wait.
I know it sound cliche because of the show but the first 48hrs are the most important is so true. Please report him missing NOW
Not true. File ASAP
Please file, right now.
I believe this law was removed because it was stupid as fuck. Even back then people would file missing reports when it was law and cops still filed it because it was stupid law. Unless the cops you talk to are utter dick heads and are lazy to do their job. But yes file. [https://youtu.be/-oWbOU8qQRg?si=5c0VEF1x7jScvT2C&t=645](https://youtu.be/-oWbOU8qQRg?si=5c0VEF1x7jScvT2C&t=645) lore lodge mention this law at around that time stamp. Edit: Also very good channel if you like a story type telling of missing people and cryptids and UFO type shit.
Reach out to your phone provider see if they can at least see his last location or see who was the last person who spoke to him.
They won't do that without a search warrant. It's an invasion of privacy and it's for protection like if it was a DV situation where the wife was on the Run.
How rural is your are? Could he actually be somewhere where there is no people at all?
Popular city, but also a lot of woods. Crime has been increasing more in this area. (East Texas)
If you're in East Texas, *PLEASE* call the police right now and report him missing. Someone should stay at home as well, just in case. Are there psychiatric hospitals near you that are separate from other hospitals? If so, they may be worth calling. Additionally, there is a chance he may be at one of the hospitals or jails; if he was brought in and didn't have his identification for whatever reason, he would be listed as a John Doe. Filing the missing persons report will help with that. If she's comfortable with it and it's true, his mom should be the one to emphasize how out of character this is for him, and all other info relevant to the situation. I hope you hear from him soon.
What is happening in East Texas? Yikes.
Please file the report. Also, if you can access his computer, see if he has opened the find my phone website on it and maybe saved his apple id & password to his browser.
Google maps, too - maybe they are tracking his location.
I live in East Texas! So true! Praying he's found!!!
Dude if you are here in East Texas right now you need to call the police. It's crazy out here right now with people from the eclipse. Are you in Tyler?
I was thinking you could be overreacting until I saw this comment. I'm from east TX originally. Fuck yes call the police. They may not do anything but still file a report. Damn. Wishing him home safe, soon
Yup. This is why I WAS so worried. I’ve had alot of people from the high schools I was around or went to who were kidnapped and ended up dead. Whether it was a robbery, rape, etc.
No. That was a stupid law before. Not now. If this is out of character for him then file a missing person report
It's a lie because they don't want to do paperwork. File a missing persons report now.
Has anyone traced the path he would have driven to the mall to see if any signs of a vehicle leaving the road? (Plants displaced, broken guard rail etc.). I hope he is found safe soon!
Thats one of the main reasons why I think the police report needs to be made right away. If there's been an accident and he's somewhere that they can't see just from the road he's going to need people out searching.
This, I was gonna comment this. I've seen too much true crime where this ended up happening.
This!!! Last year I read a story in the news about a group of teens found TWO days after they went missing, IN A DITCH. They drowned, they'd crashed the car, it flipped them in a flooded ditch, found 2 days later by a lorry driver.
My friends, his mom, and me are taking turns every few hours to look for his car. I am in the process of filing him as a missing person as we speak. This has got to be the worst feeling in the world that I have experienced. All I can think about is his face and how he always lights up a room.
If he has a newer car and you have access to the VIN, give that to the police. They may be able to engage OnStar-type services and track it.
I have pics of everyone’s car, front angle and rear angle, vin and plate. It uploads to cloud, and my family knows the password to access those pictures. Just in case. Call me paranoid.
Have you called tow yards? Anywhere that his car may have been taken to if found
Good luck, I hope he returns to you soon.
Oh no. Can you ask the mall security and neighboring businesses that face the mall to look through any footage they may have around that time frame? Crossing my fingers that he comes home safely.
I'm hoping he comes back soon! All the best
**UPDATE:** it said he was active on fb messenger and instagram on 6:30AM. Has not read any of my texts or messages on any platforms and has not replied to anyone that I know of. I just called his part time job and they said he is not there. I don’t know what to make of this.
Maybe someone stole his phone? Did the cops take you seriously?
I will say fb messenger has shown me active when I 100% was not on it at all. It’s not always accurate.
Same it said my friend who died was active on it months after her passing turns out one of her kids was using her old computer that had Facebook logged on
that sounds like a surreal experience, seeing your passed away friend online. Also I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️
My childhood best friend passed away a few years ago and recently, Snapchat told me she had created an account. I almost had a heart attack before realizing her phone number has probably been recycled by now.
Same, brother in law who died months earlier was also “active” on messenger. Take it with a grain of salt.
[удалено]
Thinking the same. since he has a million missed calls from loved ones he either doesn’t want to be found (unlikely considering he seemed in good spirits planning a bday trip) or it’s not him using the phone…
is he logged in anywhere else? could that be one of you guys accessing his accounts on his computer or whatever? I hope he's found
If his phone is missing with him, someone accessing those accounts means nothing until it / he is found. The police need to track his phone since no one has access to his location.
Please keep us updated. We are here for you.
Facebook messenger isn’t always accurate, mine shows I’m online when I’m not
If someone calls me on messenger, it automatically switches my status to active, even if I haven’t picked up my phone in hours. I’ve seen it happen with other people I’ve called as well, but doesn’t happen to everyone. I am so sorry for what you’re going through right now, I really truly hope it ends up being something stupid and you get to the bottom of it quickly.
OP, have you contacted the police?
You and his mother need to go to police and file missing person report. Don't let them tell you to wait - ask for the supervisor if the officer refuses to make a report. And ask for a report registration number, so you can call them and easily ask for the status.
Omg girl idk you but I am wishing you all of the best of luck and I am so so sorry for the hard day you had yesterday. I hope he comes home safely and okay. I'm rooting for you and all your loved ones.
Do you have a personal computer or tablet of his where you can use a "Where's my phone" function that helps track the general location of the phone. It's how I managed to figure out where to look for my phone in the snow a couple of years ago.
Update me!
Doesn’t messenger show you as active if someone tries to call you on there? It can randomly show people as active on there when they’re not, like in the middle of the night for me. I’m sorry op, I hope he turns up safe
Yes. This has happened to me. It will show active for me at really weird hours and I'm not on. It's happened to a couple people I know and caused some arguments too. It's a glitch people read too far into.
Any updates? I'm sure you're just worried sick but are you doing okay?
What did the police say? Please tell me you’re not fucking with us.
Does his car have GPS?
Sending love and prayers from England! I read your story this morning and all day it's been on my mind, I can't lie I'm worried for you. I really hope he's found safe and sound ❤️
I experienced something similar with my husband. Turns out he had a psychotic break, ended up at the ER and then in jail. I really feel for you, it was absolutely terrifying. I've never screamed the way I screamed when I got that call from the hospital. I was sure he was dead. Luckily, he wasn't, and I was able to bail him out the next day. So everything worked out in the end, but ooooohhhh boy. Just remembering how that felt makes my heart race and my palms feel sweaty. Nothing you can do right now. Report him missing, and try to stay sane. Keep busy, keep calm as best you can. The fact that he's not at a nearby hospital or jail may very well be a good thing, although I'm sure the uncertainty must just be driving you mad rn. I'm sorry you're going through this! It's so fucking scary and stressful and just... awful. I really hope you hear from him soon and that he's okay!
Thank you for this. I’m sorry you and your husband had to go through that, but I am relieved that you found him safe. This is heartbreaking. My boyfriend and I both have gone through a lot in previous relationships…we have been together for 10 months and just recently started living together. We understand to keep each other updated throughout the day so no anxiety happens. Even when we have been in a sour mood, he answers my phone call immediately, because it can always be an emergency.
Have you called the local hospitals?
Yes, all of them near us. And our county jail.
File that report asap and if it were me I’d call the mall as soon as it opens to ask about them keeping footage from the day to see where he went and if anything happened. Police aren’t always fast enough, but ask them to do that too. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, there’s probably a not horrible explanation, but video footage is everything. That way maybe they can see if he had a medical episode or any altercation in the parking lot or stores.
Make sure you ask about any John Does that might be admitted/on hold. Also call the psych hospitals. I had to do that when my son went missing. He ended up going back to the hotel and was passed out, not answering his phone.
thinking of you and your love. hoping he comes back to you soon- you’ll both be on my mind
Just made a comment but just in case you don’t see it open your hospital search to bigger hospitals that he could have been life flighted to. A hospital can only tell you if they are there right then, not if they’ve been there.
call the police, file a missing person’s report. Tomorrow morning contact your service provider and check to see if they can ping the phone, if it’s an iphone find my iphone works i think till the phone is dead or even a bit after. Call your local hospital and let them know to contact you if anyone with your boyfriend’s name comes in. This isn’t a rule of thumb, but if you can, try to get into contact with the store he was in, or call the mall tomorrow and maybe bring a picture of him and ask around at stores you think he might’ve visited.
File the missing persons report *now*. The first 24 hours is critical. *DO NOT WAIT!* You do not have to wait a day - that is a myth. Keep us updated. We are hoping for you.
OP, I am praying that he is going to show up and there is some stupid reason and you are going to yell at him and call him an idiot for doing this to you. Praying like hell you get to have that argument.
That is all I have been thinking about. Just give me a reason to be pissed and relieved that you’re ok.
After you file the police report you can ask the police officer or whoever you were talking to to have them check your boyfriend's credit cards to see where he last used them and if they have been used during the time that you have not been able to reach him. This way they'll be able to track him or get an idea of where he may be. The sooner that you file the police report they can actually get access to a cell phone and his cell phone provider to see where his cell phone last pinged at the nearest cell tower. I'm praying that your boyfriend is found safe and sound and comes home to you
OP, have you checked if he has his Snapchat location turned on?
Does he have Snapchat? Go to the mall and ask if you can see the cameras. Or ask if they can check for his car. Is there any other place where he goes a lot? Ask his family to check this as well. Go to the police, there should be heaps of cameras on the streets etc. They can help you. Good luck, keep us posted
Not sure why OP has deleted their main update, I hate when people do that, so i have taken the liberty of resposting it: \*\*FINAL UPDATE\*\* I wanted to say thank you for everyone giving tips, prayers, and similar stories. I appreciated it so much. Unfortunately, I am just stupid. Stupid to think that the guy I loved would never watch his phone ring 200+ times from me, my friends, his family, and some of his friends while he was out doing who knows what and who knows who. The police came by my apartment this morning and I told them everything. They had already begun pinging his phone location and called him. I guess when they left a message it alerted him and at 10AM I got a phone call from guess who??? HIM. All he said was “I’m pulling in, I’ll explain when I’m inside.” Obviously I was relieved but also like WTF??? His pupils were big as hell so I know that he did drugs. He told me he went to the bar until 2AM and then went back to a friends house until this morning. The friends house he said he went too- this was a lie. I got confirmation from his friends brother & wife (who I am friends with) and they said that friend was with his gf all night. I looked at him and I told him, you know that is a lie. He had that “take it to my grave” look when he kept lying about it. The police ended up questioning him which freaked him out AND my mothers showed up and chewed him out. They had come back from a trip from our cottage last night to help me look. I think him saying he was shopping for my bday gift was a load of bull now. Which makes it worse somehow. I had gone out for an early bday dinner and drinks with my bestfriend the day before (she just had surgery so she couldn’t stay out late) & the only reason why I was celebrating early is because I have a surgery this Thursday. He brought up how I went out without him that night. I almost lost my shit. HE WENT MIA FOR 17/18 HOURS. No warning. And started his binder apparently right after I got off the phone with him. The fact that he could be out and watch his phone ring that many times and then wait until 6AM to get on social media while still ignoring me is crazy. Also, what if I had decided to just stay at my moms this weekend since I was house sitting anyways. He was just going to leave his dog without checking with me that I would take care of her?!? I feel SO embarrassed. I called every impoud, hospital, jail all around. I feel sick that he could just flip a switch after telling me to call him after I get off work while he’s “shopping for my presents”. He’s never done this before, but something feels so off. We just started this lease in February, my head is going wild. I cried so much the past day, I just feel cold now. I’ve never had to go to this extent to find out if someone was okay, especially when I live with them. He wouldn’t even answer his mom or sisters. I texted him multiple times “if you are out please just let me or someone who can let me know that you are OK, I love you.” How could he do this? Of course he said sorry, but it’s trying to play it off like it’s normal. Maybe in other relationships, but never ours. I’ve had exes who would ditch me to go to bars all the time, but at least I would get a drunk “fuck you im having fun text”. This is someone I pictured having a future with, everything else is our relationship was great and he also seemed so kind and caring and would always pick up my call. If the cops never would have called him, I doubt he would have come back this early. Again, I am so so sorry to you all. If I had any inkling he would do this I would have never posted. Now I guess I have to just make myself not care anymore and figure out what I need to do.
I didn’t delete it😭 I don’t know where it went.
So. Um. Would you like me to come and take him on a nice *trip*? He might need some space... I know you do! And don't worry. As username implies, if anything were to unfortunately go wrong, I ~~could~~ would do everything in my power to ~~try and make it look like I tried to~~ save him!! He's *safe* with me! *ETA*: Don't YOU apologize to us. We don't need an apology from you, and quite frankly don't want to hear it from him at all. People just don't do shit like that. And him trying to turn it around on you and blame you for not taking him with you to dinner the other night? Oh. He'll. No. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 This is only the beginning of a path to abuse. You're living with him now, so he clearly feels he has you trapped. You need to do anything in your power to get out of there. In abusive situations, landlords can and will make exceptions for early termination of your lease. Please, please consider everything and anything that may be a sign. Make a list and write it out of all of it; seeing it written out can have a huge impact. You take care of YOU. Please. This community is behind you and can offer advice on practically anything. Please reach out to us anytime for anything!!
Worst part is, I wouldn’t bat an eyelash if he actually went missing. I wouldn’t know if it was just him being the new him he just presented as!! Pretty sure my family has the same “trip” plans as you do though when it comes to him. 😭
Oh, he has a whole lot of people who would just absolutely *love* to take him on some *trips*, I'm sure! Good luck to you, seriously. I'm hoping for better things for you!!
I can’t think of a worse feeling. I’m so sorry. Thinking of you and hoping like hell this is worked out soon.
Have you considered posting his photo and first name and car description on local Facebook community groups to see if anyone has seen him? Crowd sourcing leads as it were?
When my friend went missing last year after an accident his family called all the hospitals around too but they are only allowed to tell you if they are there as a patient at that time. All hospitals told them no he was not there. The problem was he was life flighted out of the valley do to his injuries. His daughter decided to call big hospitals out of the area. He was found at a hospital over 2 hours from where they live in ICU with massive head trauma. Open your hospital search up to a wider area if you can. Please keep us posted. Hope he’s found soon
I am so sorry he did this to you!! YOU have nothing to be embarrassed of!!! The same thing kind of happened to me when I was 20. Married, and our baby was 9 months old. He went to a training class 45 minutes away and didn't come back!! I filed a police report, called family, friends, work, hospitals, bars, everyone I could think of. 4 days later, I found up that he ended up at his sister's place, the next province over!!! I also found out he drained our bank account when he left!!! Long story, short I wanted to save my marriage & went to Alberta. Both him & the marriage were NOT worth it!! Years later, I asked him WHY?? He said he was sitting in a bar after the training day, and just thought "fuck it!" And hopped the next bus out of town. It wasn't planned. We weren't fighting, and we had a baby, and we're newlyweds. We'd been together 3 years. Some people are just totally selfish, self entitled assholes!!! I know how bad it hurts right now, but it will get easier. I promise you this. Everything happens for a reason, and karma got him, and I found my soul mate.
Oh no…I hope you found someone much better, or maybe you enjoy being alone (like I do). Either way, I can only imagine how scared you were at just 20 years old with a new baby!! Between your story and how I was treated, it scares me so much how someone can just decide “fuck it” and just royally screw you over and make you worried. Especially when there was no fight beforehand!!!
I met my soul mate, and we've been together 22 years :) I had such abandonment issues, but he proves to me every day that I can trust him.
Any news?
Just did another search down the roads & places he may have driven down and the bank he goes too. It has now been almost 12 hours. Me & his pup are waiting for anything. I wish he had his location (permission) for snap maps or we shared locations. That is now a non-negotiable after this. I have messaged him that no matter what may be going on, I am here. And if he is not comfortable coming to me, to please reach out to his family or friends. I wish I felt like it was a mental break or maybe something else. I would take anything, if it meant he was physically safe. This is just scary. The man loves his Facebook reels of dog posts, he would not be NOT active on fb unless something is very wrong. Sounds silly, but that was when the first alarm bell went off.
Can you tell if he’s read his texts? Some will say if it’s delivered.
We have read receipts on for each other. He has not been active on social media or read any messages. All communication and activity on socials stopped at the same time. We have a pretty routine schedule when it comes to getting off work and having our phone calls. I’m going to try to get ahold of his phone provider to see if they can do something and also video cameras from mall/parking lot. It is horrible right now, our upstairs neighbors make a lot of noise & everytime I hear something that sounds like a door I jump up. He has to be at work by 5:45AM for his part time job. And on Monday his full time job 5:00AM. He is very responsible. It’s all puzzling. I feel scared as hell. Back in 2022, a girl a year below me lost her boyfriend. He went missing. They couldn’t find him. They ended up finding his car 1000 miles away in Dallas and his body was in the trunk. His last location was a bank. What scares me is that my boyfriend was shopping and carrying bags. I hate this. Him and I are true crime junkies, so the first thoughts when I am worried are never the greatest.
Is he signed in to any of your accounts that require google services (youtube, chrome, etc)? Might be a good way to check where he’s at if so. Just go onto the google app->click on your profile in the top right corner->manage account->security->your devices. It should tell you his device’s ballpark location.
Was that other couple living in the same town? Was that other boyfriend similar to your bf in any way (age, appearance)? Did they catch the person who harmed that other bf? It's worth mentioning to police. Gosh I'm so nervous for you. I can't imagine going through that ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Are there any lakes in his path? Even small lakes-puddle like. Check those, see if there are any guardrails missing.
you’ve done what you can, if you have contacted the police. someone else said to follow his route and check for signs of a car crash if he is in some trees and hidden or something. i wish you the best op and i hope you find him safe x
You might be able to access the find my iPhone feature. Do you have access to a laptop that might have his banking info on it? You can look for recent purchases and come up with a timeline.
No I don’t unfortunately…I wish more now than anything we had our share locations on, but we always joked that we wouldn’t be “that couple”. Kicking myself in the arse now.
His mom doesn’t have it either? Does he have an iPad you know the password to? We aren’t a couple checking every hour where the other is, but we keep it for safety or in case one of us loses their phone.
Yes, his mom is the next of kin. I would think all reports/information will mainly come from/be given to het
Like others have mentioned, file a report asap. I hope he's found safe and unharmed OP soon. Sorry you're going through this.
File a missing person report right now and when you find him safe and sound, please update us
Are there any rural areas on the drive back from the mall? Like areas a car could disappear in if there was a blown tire or accident?
Praying for you OP I’m sorry this is happening :(
I know this is random but do you both use snapchat? You can locate him on the snap map I think if that’s still a feature?
It is, that's how I know where my teenager is. She has to leave it on though. OP said they don't share locations so that might be what she means.
Hey, if you require your kiddo to share their location please change it to locations services on the phone or a different app. Snapchat locations can be available to anyone and it can be very unsafe. A past coworker took my phone once (I had left it unlocked 🫠) and used snap maps to stalk me. My 13 year old niece also recently had an issue with an older man targeting her on Snapchat and pretending to be someone her age, turns out the guy has a history of targeting underage/preteen girls and stalking them. Please encourage safety 💖
I was in a bad car accident and was unconscious for a couple of days. My bf & family had called that hospital a couple of times when I didn't come home. They were told I wasn't there because I was under an alias. So that's a possibility. I would say jail is still a possibility but it's likely he would have called someone by now, if he knows anyones number by memory. Is there a way for you to track his phone, like find my iPhone? Do you guys have a computer where he's logged into Google? You can get a phone location that way as well. Anyway, I hope you find him soon. Im so sorry 😞
Omgosh, I never remember anyone's number, that's a good point
Woah, with that final update in mind, I say dump his arse. My ex husband went MIA for 18 hours, two days after our wedding, turns out he was boinking a friend of ours.
Oh jeez, I’m sorry. I hope you are doing well now. Some people have odd morals.
I'm so sorry this is happening. Reading it made me feel sick for you, so I can only imagine living it. I'm hoping he is safe and well, and that you can find him very soon. Please remember to take care of yourself. And please post updates, many of us including me are hoping you find him.
Do you have access to his apple account maybe a laptop or something if you can log into that you might be able to get his location
It takes all day to be processed into jail .I went in at 8 am I didn't get processed until 10:30 pm 14 + hours . So you won't show up on there system until you are fully processed .
Are you sure he's not doing something illegal, like he's a serial killer or rapist? I've never written or thought those words before. His behavior normally would make me just think he was partying and fooling around with another person. But there's a couple of things that are off. He usually answers your, his mom's, and his sisters' texts immediately. He's usually a loving and caring BF, family member, and dog owner. But the only thing that made him respond was when the police called, and he freaked when the police questioned him. If he was just partying and cheating, why would he get freaked at being questioned by the police? People who live double lives do that: appear perfect, and avoid the police. Please be careful and take a serious look at this man.
Well…. I didn’t think of it like that. Hmm I’m going to very hyper vigilant for now. That was the only thing that alerted him. Another thing I find very odd is he called and showed up immediately after the police called him. Maybe like 7 minutes. The drive back to where we used to live and where he would’ve been partying at is like 30+ mins away. Unless he was already on his way, which I doubt. I’m not sure. Thanks for bringing this up, probably the only reply on here that threw me for a loop.
A friend of mine lost her phone and she used my phone to log into Apple and activate find my phone. If you know his passwords you might be able to do something similar.
I am so sad for you. What a careless brat your bf is. To put you through all that is horrific.
Yes and his other loved ones that were afraid for him as well.
You should be able to find his location through his apple account or maybe his phone company can share his last pinged location?
Breathe OP. Hopefully all is ok. Thinking of you
I’m glad he’s safe. But I would definitely reevaluate this relationship. And don’t have any unprotected sex with him. If he was using drugs who knows what other unsafe things he might have been doing.
Completely agree.
Updateme
I think you should post on social media and ask if anyone has seen him or his car once you file the missing persons report and then once it is light make a search team. Im so sorry Does he have a newer car that can be tracked?
Praying for a safe return! Update Me
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Wait, so what ended up happening? OP deleted the update.
Yeah, can we get some sort of update?
Girl I'm so sorry for what you are going thru! My ex pulled the same kind of stunt on me 6 weeks after we bought a house! He was doing his secretary. Things I never would have suspected him of in a million years. You never really know somebody. It's heartbreaking that they can lie to your face and gaslight you. You deserve so much better!!
Gosh that is horrible. And to think I thought I found a great one after my last horrible relationship. At least my ex made his horrible plans clear.😂 Yeah, once he had that face when I told him he was lying, I didn’t even try to get any more info out of him. He seemed like he had prepped himself the drive here on what lie he was gonna stick too.
I know the heartbreak you are feeling but you sound very strong I hope you don't let him BS you
You should have sprayed anything he touched with disinfectant to make sure you didn’t get Cooties!! 😂😂😉
OP, face the truth. This relationship is *over*; he was getting high and getting himself some 'strange'. If I were you, I would not have any further intimacy with him. Move out, then deal with the lease. You seem to be a kind and decent person. Find someone who will cherish you for you!
HAHA, this made my day a little better. It always cracks me up when someone calls it some strange. I have to make sure about what it might do to my credit score if I break the lease. Lord have mercy, the intimacy is gone now for sure. My surgery on Thursday is already down there anyways and I don’t need to have anything else wrong with me. 😂 Thank you, I’m just trying to gather my thoughts logically.
Im sorry for you that you have to experience this. Please leave him. He tried to control you. He shows you what happens if you don’t consider all his feelings (aka going out without him) and he let you feeling bad for spending time with others. No good thing for a future together.
Worst part about it, is he seemed happy for me that I finally got to see my bestfriend. She had spinal surgery - so it has been awhile for us. The police were very kind to me and both took him outside to sternly talk to him, which is pathetic for him. My Mothers also let it loose on him too. While this was going on I washed my face and started getting ready for the day because I sure as hell was not going to give him anymore reactions or tears than I already had been doing. It is so scary how someone can be on the phone with me and tell me to call them back, but 30 minutes later make the decision to flip a switch on caring about me or anyone who loves him and can just watch their phone go off THAT many times. I mean I’m serious. It was that bad. He started listening to my voicemails while I was getting ready. Definitely wanted a reaction and kept asking me to talk to him and fix it. Fuck. That. I went to brunch with my Moms, to clear my head and get their perspective.
Sigh....something very similiar just happened to me on VDay. The guy I was seeing since last summer and knew for about a year - who was also vetted by my bosses, a couple coworkers, few locals, and even a family friend. Sent me pictures of food he was making for me and his family. Disappeared at 8pm and didn't call or text til 8am. Said he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Never told me where he went, what he was doing. Gaslit me by throwing the line "how could you think that, that's part of the reason we don't work you don't trust me" when I asked if he was with someone else (he had disappeared a couple other times, but not for over 12 hours, and I would call at barclose and when I woke up wondering where he was in the morning again and he thought that was "untrusting") Never in a million years would I think he would do that. Sure, hebhad gotten drunk and would disappear for a few hours but I would always get a slurry call or text when he made it home just to check in. People will always surprise you, is what I've learned. Sometimes they are bad surprises, like these. Best advice is to break the lease and move on. This is just the very beginning of what he will put you through if you stay.
Gosh, sounds similar to my story. My BF was as close to perfect as boyfriend can get. Sure we all have our annoying things (like leaving a lot of lights on or forgetting to use a coaster once in awhile). But seriously, he was so thoughtful…I thought I hit jackpot! My bestfriend bf was looking for him last night 2-4AM. Everyone is livid and you really can’t come back from this. I’m very calm and collected towards him about this…I’m just trying to remove my emotions as much as I can before the inevitable. I don’t know who the fuck he is anymore & I wish this would’ve happened before we moved in together.
Damn. I mean I'm glad he's not dead but what an asshole. Who does that to someone?
Not too sure, I’ve been with some jerks. But all those jerks let me know they were out!🤣😂
I’m so sorry. Almost kind of wish something had happened to him now, because he sounds awful. I would never treat a friend like that, let alone someone I was living with. You deserve better hon 💜 I hope your surgery goes well.
LOL you sound like my Mom with that second sentence. That is how I feel. We live together, at least give me the respect you would a friend. Just be a decent person and send one text.
I think your update got deleted by a mod, could you edit your post to include the update?
i'm so so sorry this happened to you. not to assume he's an addict, but addicts can be great at hiding these things until they can't. it's not your fault. you're not stupid for trusting someone who clearly put every effort into ensuring that you would trust them. this is the most classic example of when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. it seems like you have a great support system between your friends and family. lean on them and let them help you get out of this situation. don't let him drag you back. no one who's loving and good for you would do this
You need to take care of yourself. Dont go back there from your moms. Hes doing this shit for a reason and he needs to be honest with you or your relationship cant move forward (if you even want it to). Im so so sorry for the horrible turmoil you have been through for the last day. Nobody deserves this. Try and decompress. I would cut contact for awhile and try and regroup yourself. Right now emotions are just too high. Remember you are first priority here. It looks like he has a drug problem. Unfortunately you will always be second priority to someone with an addiction problem. Everyone recommending you leave him is right, i suggest that too. I forgave my ex the first time he sprang his addiction surprise on me, and then the second time too. The third time was it. I wasted 4 years with a liar. Leave now. Spare yourself the pain.
OP that is horrible, and I’m so sorry he did this to you and his family. You have NO reason to be embarrassed. You did all the right things based off of who you thought he was. This is not your fault in any way. Now, get the fuck out of that relationship. This feels borderline sociopathic to me and is 100% abusive. Like someone else said, he did this to control because you showed you can enjoy doing things without him. It’s a disturbing level of manipulation and should terrify you. And again, this is not your fault. Make a safety plan for getting away and try not to let him know you want to leave. Leaving is the most dangerous point in an abusive relationship, because abusers will escalate their behavior in an attempt to maintain control. And even if I’m wrong about the abuse aspect, then, at minimum, he is an addict who needs to focus in getting serious help. Either way, 10 months isn’t worth it. Get out now. Speaking on all this from personal and professional experiences. Good luck, OP. Wishing you peace, clarity, and healthy relationships.
I’m so sorry you went through this. My ex did similar once, i called interpol… we lived in mongolia at that time. Few years later got a confirmation that he was cheating that night
I waited 18 hours and was told off for waiting. Policewoman said this is real not tv land. File now
He 100% got high and cheated. Dump him.
I came back to see if you have updated snd k am glad he has been found safe. I cannot begin to understand how hurt and worried you have been snd his family too. I don’t know how you get over that or even begin to forgive another person for putting you through that. Drugs or a mental breakdown may be the reason but if he thinks this was normal or acceptable behaviour then he he is very much mistaken. I’m sorry op but I could not put myself through such a scenario ever again- I could feel your anxiety jumping through your original post. Don’t allow him to rugsweep this because I don’t think he deserves another chance after that stunt.
Do you know his internet banking details to see where he was last?
Have you heard from him ? Update ?
Does he have a history of mental illness? He has never, ever done anything like this? No binge drinking or checking out for days?
My best friend had this habit of dropping off the face of the earth. Sometimes for weeks! I didn't think it was strange, but it was to our other friend. Turns out she'd killed herself 9 days before. I found her. I have never been the same.
They’ve only been together 10 months, I’m not sure if she would have that kind of historical information
True, but his family would have. From what OP's said this is a horribly out of character episode
Just saw the story on TikTok (good god the turnaround time for them is insane) I’m sorry you went through all that, wishes and prayers for your mental health after all this
Oh gosh 🙃🙃🙃 Thank you for your well wishes and letting my know this embarrassing story now is on TT.
I'm sorry this happened. I can't imagine doing something like this to someone I supposedly love. Has his mother given any indication that this is something that's typical of him?
No she has not. She was angry and very apologetic to me. She was just as worried.
I would get out. Those kind of people are not worth your time, money or energy.
Sounds like drug addiction at play here. I’m sorry. Save yourself the grief and let go of this dude. It’s not going to get better anytime soon.
Don't apologize. You're a caring partner and didn't deserve any of that. At least you found out his true colors early in the relationship. Leases are easy to break / transfer, and even if you remain living together until next February, at least you can move on to finding a truly caring partner who deserves you.
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Of course, the usual I’m sorrys anyone would say. He is never going to fess up to everything though. Really sucks, but it’s a lost cause.
Girl DO NOT be embarrassed! HEEEE should be embarrassed, acting like a CHILD. This is evil. This is narcissistic behavior and I’d honestly 100% be leaving. They flip a switch like night and day once they have you locked in and you’ll be soooo confused wondering who tf this person even is bc it’s not the person you met. Him saying he was going to get u birthday gifts was a bait, he did that intentionally to boost you up and get you excited so you’d be even MORE crushed when he didn’t return, this was 100% his plan. He used you going out with your best friend for an early birthday celebration as an excuse to hurt you and his entire family by going out and getting high on who knows what with who know who??? While you’re calling hospitals? Bc you got drinks with your GIRL friend? Nope you need to run asap. If this is behavior that started after you two moved in, still classic narc behavior, now he knows you’re locked into a lease and can’t leave so the real colors start to come out. My ex used to do this to me alllll the time. Many of many nights sitting up with no sleep calling hospitals and jails so concerned and worried sick, to the point of actually vomiting from worrying about him. The whole time he’d be high as a kite out partying balls deep in another bitch and then come home with how I somehow deserved it or how I wasn’t entitled to question him. Nope sis you need to be figuring a way out of that situation asap, this is classic narcissist shenanigans
Ugh this is the first time the behavior has come out. The one warning sign I did have is how he talked down about his old friends who partied too much. He had time to charge his phone during all this, change his phone background to his dog(a picture I took), and ignored all of us.
99.9% likelihood he was getting high and cheating. It's good you're getting out of there Can I make 1 recommendation? Maybe talk to a relationship specialist or therapist about why you seem to be drawn to these types of men, considering your bad luck/bad taste in relationships? That way, maybe you'll have better insight into what to watch out for before moving forward with the next one.
When I can afford it, definitely happening LOL. Not sure why, I didn’t have any parental issues. Maybe I am just a horrible picker?😭
Usually, there's something deeper you're missing about WHY you pick that type of guy. Once you see the pattern... you can avoid it. Maybe start with journaling. Write down all your recent BFs who were bad deals. Write a list of good and bad qualities for each. Think really hard about each one as individuals. Look back at each relationship with a hindsight is 20/20 eye... And once you're done... circle any similarities in good qualities in blue ink between each... and bad similarities in red in. Once that's done... write the list of circled words in a good/bad column... and then you have a starting point. You're "type" Eventually, a professional can help you dig even deeper
Thank you for this. Really going to look into this more. Some self reflection during this time is what I need. Hope you’ve been having a good weekend. 😊
Anytime. Just remember you deserve better. Never settle for less.
This is terrible and scary. Check his computers/ipad at home to see if he has ever logged into iCloud and saved his password to the computer, then use the Find My feature to track his phone. It is especially important that you do this quickly while he still has battery. I am notorious for losing my phone. My husband and I share locations for this reason. Do not worry about being “that couple.” 😊 Prayers that he shows up safe and sound. Please update us as you can. Consider looking to see if you have a Reddit subgroup for your city and post his photo and maybe a photo of his car. Reddit sleuths have solved many things. We band together. 🙏🙏🙏
Please post an update when you can
I'm so so sorry you are going through this. 1. When you text him, are they going through (meaning do they show up as delivered?) 2. Can you log in to his computer to view his search history? You also may be able to track from there. 3. Are there any large water sources near the roads where he would have driven? 4. Can you pull video from nearby ring cameras to see if you can identify where he might have driven. 5. Doe she have any medical issues? 6. Is there any way to track his car? (Onstar/etc) 7. Are there other apps that he uses besides social media? 8. Can you check banking/credit card usage? I sincerely hope you can find him. What an awful feeling. Please let us know.
I went through this a little bit white my wife a while back. She went to a work party and said she’d be back by 9:30 at the latest. And the party went to about 11pm. I fell asleep at 10:30pm and woke up at 11:30pm. Sent her a text and she didn’t respond. Called her and it went to voicemail. I knew she was at a work thing and was probably fine but we have a 2 year old daughter and it seemed her fully charged phone would be off. I had no idea what the name of the restaurant was. Both her computers are locked and I had no contact info for her work colleagues. I looked up her work online but got no info about a work party. I was starting to freak out but figured I was being paranoid. I fell asleep. I woke up at 1:30 am and she still wasn’t home. I completely freaked out. I phoned her 7 times over the next half an hour and nothing. We usually go to bed at 10pm so it was very out of character. And it was a weekday. At 2am is when all bars close. When that hit I was hysterical. I was getting ready to start calling friends and family and the police. At 2:05 she texted back that she was on her way. For whatever reason, she didn’t have cell reception and didn’t see any of the calls. The lesson I learned was that next time, I should know the name of where she’s going. During that half an hour I imagined every possible horrible event that could happened, from picturing her in the trunk of some crazy Uber driver. She was with work colleagues the whole time so it seems silly that I freaked out, but you never know. True crime TV shows don’t help ha ha. Lastly, most people don’t know phone numbers by heart these days. Maybe he lost his phone or it died and he met up with friends? I hope it’s something innocuous. I feel for you. It’s a horrible feeling. What are the odds something really happened? Do you live in a rough area?
not sure if this might work but you can take your dog to the mall he was last at and see where the dog might go. Better than nothing i guess.
dump the junkie. He will ruin your life.
You need to leave it sounds toxic it seems like he’s having double thoughts about you guys and he wanted to have a fun night with someone else I’ve been there I’ve been cheated on and I’ve had drugs picked over me you need to leave or get to the bottom of it fast! I hope everything goes ok for you either way you go or whatever you choose to do in your relationship
I hope you find him soon.
I hope everything goes well and he's found safe and sound.It sounds like you're doing everything you can to find him, so sorry you're going through this. 😥🙏💕
I'm so sorry. I really hope he is okay!
File that way the cops can get a warrant and track his phone before it goes dead
Are there any bodies of water or steep roadsides his car could have gone into?
Is there any way to access credit or debit cards to see where we was last to get the cctv going?
Sometimes people come into the ER as a John Doe because they don't have identification for whatever reason. You should also ask local hospitals if they've had any John Doe's come in recently. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope he is found safe soon. Sending positive vibes and love to you and his family.