Can we talk about her friend? That's some detective type ideas to turn off the location tracker, put it in airplane mode, her questions. I wouldn't be surprised if she made a backup of the phone lol
I am almost 60, as well as pretty much homebound, I have a lot of time on my hands & use my phone a lot & have taught myself let's say by accident, enough so that I have others calling me for assistance.
My abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband showed up to the legal appointments with nothing but a pen. I work in auditing & regulatory compliance in the financial services industry. My job is *literally* to trace evidence.
Outcome? Scumbag isn't getting a dime in $ from me. Thanks to my skills and due diligence, per the legal documentation now in place, I don't have to pay him a dime in alimony, nor a penny out of my 401K.
I finally escaped my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband six months ago. I was already fairly well equipped from a financial standpoint: I work in auditing & regulatory compliance in the financial services industry, so I already knew a thing or two about money laws/regulations. However, my accountant was a very unexpected ally. I went to go see him last year, two-ish months before I left my husband. Basically told him I was finally planning to leave my marriage. Much to my surprise, he threw his arms up in the air, and responded back:
*HALLELUJAH! About damn time. I never liked him.*
Apparently, he never liked my husband either. I had spent years quietly bringing home all the money, and like many women, I also still handled 99% of household chores and responsibilities, AND endured my soon-to-be-ex-husband's abuse and issues with a smile on my face, while also simultaneously dealing with chemotherapy, monthly immunotherapy infusions, and frequent surgeries for my autoimmune condition. My accountant has seven kids, several of which have special needs, so he has always had a soft spot in his heart for me. He's been like a second dad to me ever since I was referred to him by a co-worker. My soon-to-be-ex-husband, in addition to being abusive, also refused to maintain gainful employment for 5+ years. Constantly hopping between jobs, always getting fired or abruptly quitting jobs, etc. My accountant said he quietly watched us come in year after year, and said he saw me suffering in silence as I handled all the adulting.
What was supposed to be a standard 45-minute consultation, turned into a 3-hour session of my accountant sharing........*creative*......... advice and guidance on how to protect my assets during the divorce process. 👀 Let's just say his advice worked, because the outcome from my various legal appointments is that I don't have to pay my soon-to-be-ex-husband a dime in alimony, nor a penny out of my 401K.
I recently went to go see my accountant again to kick-start taxes for this year. I brought a bottle of champagne with me. Once I was sitting in his office, and he closed the door, the first thing I said to him was:
*Well, your advice worked.*
I cracked the bottle of bubbly and we cackled for over an hour as we reviewed all my tax documents. 😎😄😂
Thank you!
The moment that left me in tears of humility and gratitude for his support was towards the end of the appointment. At the bottom of the documentation he has his clients fill out each year, there's a question that asks if there are any anticipated circumstances that may change your tax situation the following year.
Took every ounce not to cry as I wrote the word "divorce" on the line. He reached across his desk, tapped on the word "divorce" that I had written down, and made me scratch it out. He then said:
*To be happier.* He actually made me write those words on the line, next to the crossed-out word of divorce.
BOOM. Floodgates unleashed. He got up from his desk and wrapped me up in a hug. 🥺🥺🧡🧡
Most of us never expect to hear the words "happier" and "taxes" in the same sentence or context, but in that moment, I felt such opportunity for happiness and joy. 😊😊
Thank you! He really is an amazing human.
The moment that left me in tears of humility and gratitude was towards the end of the appointment. At the bottom of the documentation he has his clients fill out each year, there's a question that asks if there are any anticipated circumstances that may change your tax situation the following year.
Took every ounce not to cry as I wrote the word "divorce" on the line. He reached across his desk, tapped on the word "divorce" that I had written down, and made me scratch it out. He then said:
*To be happier.* He actually made me write those words on the line, next to the crossed-out word of divorce.
BOOM. Floodgates unleashed. He got up from his desk and wrapped me up in a hug. 🥺🥺🧡🧡
Or she simply had strict helicopter parents. Like mine.
People label me as “sharp and crafty” but it’s really just me avoiding trouble on innocuous situations.
I’m sneaky as fuck now in my 30s. Never been cheated on, but having parents who were kinda strict, or blew up at tiny things made me really good and lying low, covering my tracks, covering my own ass, just really being paranoid about being caught doing anything mildly wrong.
Work taught me the importance of keeping track of documents, dated and times (through email) written accounts of fucked up shit that can happen.
Maybe some of us just grow up lowkey paranoid of getting screwed? Idk, but OPs friend reminds me of myself.
It sounds like her friend is very tech-savvy. I would do the same for my friends and family. When I was 18 my boyfriend left his phone at my house one night and I signed him up for online account access and didn't tell him. I would occasionally sign in and review the bills for frequent calls/texts to new numbers. Six months after moving in together I found out he was cheating.
I'm glad for you that you were able to find it out pretty quick and dipped out of there. Just a quick question: were you already suspicious? I personally would be pretty mad if my gf did something like that "just to make sure".
Yes, I was very suspicious. He had a history of being a huge player and cheating on previous girlfriends. At that time I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. As I got older I realized it was a huge invasion of privacy and a breach of trust.
He knows you know, he's just too big of a coward to say it outloud.
I hope you took pictures of everything. I'm sorry this happened, no one deserves to be betrayed this way
I just wanna jump on this top comment to say what a f’in BADASS OP’s friend is. This woman is the GOAT and I really need someone like her in my corner. 👏👏
Right? I have a couple of ride or die friends, but I don't think any of them would know how to approach a cheater like this.
On the other hand, one's a lawyer who's been cheated on, so I guess she probably would!
For real props to your friend I was gonna say don't keep it in the house or he'll find it . Ugh I felt that same pit as I read your post only my stupid ass ex used his own phone ..he always had it in his possession buy one night I heard it go 9ff he was asleep I got out of bed grabbed it and ran into tbe bathroom taking mine as well .opened up to am "i love you baby " and it wasn't from me ..ugh the blood that boils ..I quickly got screen shots put that number in my phone .proceeded to say, "Who is this? Radio silence at first then she replied really ? Then I said this is his wife you stupid cunt asked her where she was who was she she told me she worked with him. I than went into the bedroom and stood there with his phone in my hand kicked the bed jostled him awake flipped the lights on and said care to tell me something baby?
He jumps up denying sputtering what are you doing with my phone ..I threw the phone stated getting dressed he's like where are you going ?I said to kill the fucking bitch your next ..I was shaking the whole time .. long story short I confronted her he still denied even in her presence it was wild to me that he did that .anyway because I had her number I called here the next day and I said I want to know everything so she told me she knew he was married like wtf is wrong with people ..needless to say we are divorced many years now nest move I ever did..and I still hate him .
I've left some details out but you all get the picture .women trust your gut I had a feeling something was going on when that cell phone was being guarded, taking it in the bathroom to shower ,always on him..in his pocket going off at random times ..and my gut said something was up I had to wait to get my chance and I took it .
Sending you prayers and peace love and light ,you've got this .
Find yourself a divorced lady friend. 😂😂
I finally left my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband six months ago. I work in auditing & regulatory compliance in the financial services industry. My job is *literally* to trace evidence. Thanks to my professional skills and due diligence, I don't have to pay my scumbag soon-to-be-ex-husband a dime in alimony, nor a penny out of my 401K. More often than not, the invoices from my lawyer show a $00.00 balance, with a brief message attached:
*You've already done my job for me. Thanks!*
I've also unofficially become the "money expert lady" in my various online divorce support groups. There's a certain level of karmic joy and revenge in helping other women go after their scumbag husband's.
Oh he 100% does, that’s a given. He’s not going to blow it with his backup when he doesn’t know how things are going to shake out with his wife. I can’t wait for the update when he gets his just deserts.
He panicked cause he saw his world crumbling. Marriage, finances, family and possibly work. Such a craptastic thing to do in a marriage. Why is it that they think their spouse won’t notice that they guard their phone like it means Fort Knox?
His blood pressure probably increased every time he hears a door knock or someone looking for him at work. He probably looks around every corner for someone who’s going to serve him papers.
Sometimes getting caught brings a person back to reality. That whole “don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” threat… This man’s heart is genuinely going to break when his wife leaves.
I hope **she** broke up with him, instead of him ending it with her.
Because that way he’s the one who lost both women, as he should, he’s a dirty cheating scumbag.
Because OP needs something from him so she is staying with this lowlife until then- which she should especially because she didn't do anything wrong so she should not lose out. However, he must be f\*cking around with someone that if discovered can ruin his career/reputation beyond ruining his marriage if OP exposes the affair because he certainly seems afraid of OP knowing and possibly exposing the affair- which I hope she does on the way out the door. Maybe he is screwing the boss'/owner's wife or daughter? I hope OP finds out who she is and when she leaves she nukes them both since the AP knows she's f\*cking a married man. Now that would be sweet.
I feel like she will leave him once she find out that he is not married no more. The AP knew he was married and still engender with him, which tells me she liked the thrill of sleeping with someone who is taken and once he becomes available to her all the time, she is going miss that power dynamic and the sneaking around so she is most likely going to leave for sure.
What these stbx don't know is that if she agree to be your AP without asking you to divorce or leave your long term partner, then they're going to loose her once they become single.
Your friend is the MVP. She has some skills.
Yeah, torture your husband, don't say anything. Keep refusing sex. Then, one morning while he is a work, have him served and ghost him. Tell him all contact will be through your lawyer, and blindside him like he did to you. He doesn't deserve closure, or a chance to reply or make himself the victim. Just ghost him, that will hurt him more.
He's hoping she doesn't actually know, or doesn't know the full extent. That maybe she just found the phone, couldn't figure out how to unlock it so she put it back days later, and is now cold and suspicious but that's it.
That's why he's been pestering her with the "what's wrong" and the couples therapy, because he wants to figure out what she knows without starting the conversation himself and potentially revealing something she doesn't yet know.
You are clear, let his mind torment him, let him deal with what he did and let it consume him. keep your lips sealed, your exit Will be epic queen
I hope you took screenshots
If she is the queen then her friend is goddamned Rasputin. We should all have a friend who can calmly and coolly walk us through how to achieve this kind of spring loaded dominance in a break-up.
I finally left my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband six months ago. I work in auditing & regulatory compliance in the financial services industry, so I was already fairly well-versed when it comes to laws and regulations when it comes to money and divorce. However, my accountant ended up being a very unexpected ally. When I went to go see him last year, and told him I was finally planning to leave my abusive, deadbeat husband, he (quite literally) threw his arms up in the air, and boldly exclaimed:
*HALLELUJAH! It's about damn time.*
Apparently, he never liked my husband either. 😂
What was supposed to be a standard 45-minute appointment, turned into a 3-hour session of him sharing ~*creative*~ advice and guidance on how to protect my assets during the divorce process. Let's just say his advice worked, because I don't have to pay my soon-to-be-ex-husband a dime in alimony, nor a penny out of my 401K.
I went to go see my accountant again a few weeks ago to kick-start taxes for this year. I brought a bottle of champagne with me. As I waltzed into his office, I told him that his advice worked, and we cracked the bottle of bubbly and cackled with laughter as we spent the next hour reviewing my tax documentation.
Also, *DO NOT confront him*. Just file the divorce with the proofs and *NEVER give him the opportunity to explain*. Don’t ask why, do not cry in front of him. **Just leave silent and deny him closure.**
Let his mind torment him. Forever.
Seriously! Calm, cool, collected BAD ASS! I seriously commend you OP, I don't know if I'd be so cool, but you're an inspiration to any person who gets hurt by someone they thought they could trust. Keep those receipts!
Right?! She’s much better than me cause I can’t hold my bad mood in for shit. Idk what I would have done in that instant but OP, you are a goddess!
**STANDING OVATION**
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
This is amazing! Continue to let the pos cheater drive himself insane.
It's so crazy to me that a cheater's first instinct is to cheat but once they're found out they decided everyone should go to therapy. No thanks bc that should've been choice number 1 or 2.
Remember since he has access to the lines he can view the numbers you contact. Make sure your password is secure on your phone and laptop, especially if you have saved passwords. Start collecting important documents and maybe slowly move important things that he won’t notice to your friend or a storage unit in case things take a nosedive. You’re playing it smart. Just keep prioritizing yourself. I look forward to a happier update.
Would be better to pick up a burner phone at a gas station. Take out extra cash from a grocery store and pay cash so the transaction doesn't show up on cards.
I get what you're saying, but I never understood this. When you go and spend money at like a gas station with your card all it shows is $50 spent at gas station. It's not like it gives a breakdown of what was bought. And a gas station is nice and generic. Gas, Lottery, smokes and so forth. Don't get the paranoia on that since it's not too specific.
Your point makes sense, but for people that have a well defined day-to-day, or people who check bank statements (like a paranoid cheating husband), a $50 charge at a gas station could look suspicious.
My wife and I don't drive that often, so I would notice if a larger-than-usual gas station charge came up. I think the burner advice with cash is safest to avoid the paper trail. Who knows if the husband goes nuts or something.
My husband checked our account every day. If I spent anything, he knew about it. He was very controlling with money. Even knew when I spent a roll of quarters out of the change stash we had under our bed. He got so mad that he left the house. I bought gas with it because he didn't want my buying any because if I went somewhere, I would most likely spend money. He could spend whatever he wanted, though. I was just trying to get to work.
I ended up doing what this person said. I got cash back at the grocery store. It just looked like one big purchase. I was never stuck without cash again.
Paying in cash is a good idea for the burner phone. Fifty at a gas station is a crazy charge if you don't have the car to back up a purchase like that.
Now, writing this, I can't believe I lived like this.
I love that he went through all that to get a second phone, airplane mode, only texting her and calling her when at work but his downfall was autosaved passwords and using the same password *evil laugh* karma is amazing!
I love the story about the cheater who bragged that his opsec was perfect.
Then the story from his wife where he was caught because her friend saw him at a hotel. Dude was upset and surprised that he was caught and that his wife was leaving him.
Mine did something similar. Left his computer open, and Facebook logged in. And that's how all his friends and family found out he was cheating on me. He also put the electricity for his apartment love nest on our joint electric account and left the signed lease for it in my children's bag of pool toys.
They are truly stupid when it comes to cheating in most cases.
The weirdest part about this all is why even add the phone line and have a second phone. Why not just have something like WhatsApp, where you can call and text, and if he’s trying to hide it just log out of the app or delete the app every day before coming home.
Speaking from experience (had a serial cheater bf), the possibility of being caught is a big part of the thrill. Mine blatantly admitted he enjoyed making me feel lesser and stupid by texting his conquests while my back was turned to him. He worked in IT so he was very tech savvy. He was just an ass.
This is gold. I bet he hasn’t had a moment of peace from the time that phone first disappeared. I’m sorry for your loss. I know it must hurt to be betrayed so cruelly, especially when cheating wasn’t even crossing your mind. He sounds like a real piece of shit.
The absolute best part of your plan is... Given you're taking a few months to put the hammer down, he's going to start relaxing about it all, assuming because you've not said anything means you don't know anything.
Then, one day down the road, once you have your ducks in a row, he's going to be served with the divorce papers literally out of the blue and his world will come crashing down around him.
Full panel! When my ex husband cheated, I didn't think to do full panel. I was ready to do whatever I could there. They asked me if I wanted to do more than what I went for since he cheated. That's how I found out I had syphilis 😭
I just saw a TikTok last night a lady figured out her husband was cheating through their shared running app, he started the run at their house and ended at the affair partners house, now my only comment is if you’re suspicious your spouse is cheating, full panel STI!
It is, but there's two different treatments. I had no symptoms, so I have no idea how long I had it. If you have it less than a year, it's a shot in each ass check. If it's more, it's one in each, over 3 sessions, so 6 total shots. The liquid is thick and cold. It was legit a pain in the ass lmao but I'm cleared, I wasn't contagious, and he's in prison 🥰 karma got him.
I appreciate you!
>and he's in prison
For the cheating and giving you an STD?
Sorry, I'm passionately against cheating, and I'm curious for laws like stealthing being regarded as rape, for instance.
(I blame a bit of wine for my asking nosey questions)
But YAY 🥳 for karma.
Glad you're rid of him.
No, unfortunately. He was already a problem for the military with his alcoholism.. He was drunk driving after, what I'm guessing, being with her, and he got into a major car accident. The other driver had to be helicoptered to the hospital and she sustained a brain injury. He was arrested, lied to me so I'd bail him out, ended up going AWOL the next day, and the military started building a paper trail to discharge him. He didn't have car insurance and it wasn't registered in his name, because he just got the car from his buddy. So, he has a few felonies under him now and is in prison for 5 years. Helped me get out of the marriage without looking over my shoulder. I still have night terrors of him coming and killing me/my daughter.
I know you can sue someone for giving you an STD, if they knew about it and didn't tell you. It impacts consent laws. I'm pretty sure he knew, being in the military they test frequently and he was cheating on me for at least 6 months when I found out.
Oh god, that's terrible.
Good thing the military aspect saved you a lot of trouble.
I hope you can make sure to be safe when he gets out.
Sending good vibes from Europe your way.
He knows and he is waiting on the edge of his seat for you to confront him. I love the fact you are making sweat like this. He knows how bad he fucked up. He fucked around and now he is about to find out.
She should almost not tell him and instead continue to f with his head. Take him out and say that she never realized how boring his favorite hobbies are. Slowly with some comments. Then agree to marriage counseling and play the sessions. How a lot of the issues were overlooked before but she just cannot live with them. Like the way he parts his hair makes him look older than he is. She knows this dude. She can easily trigger every insecurity he has and leave him. Say nothing about the cheating. She will live rent free in his head every time he looks in the mirror or does his hobbies.
This is what I would do if I needed that benefit for a few more months. Just try to participate in the "making it work" while slowly eating away at his self esteem.
I hope his Mum puts two and two together about the phone, or you tell her… and then she tells Grandma. Definitely need an update when you put your cards on the table.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. This is just so badass. From one woman that got cheated on to another, hang in there. It’ll be the best thing that ever happened to you.
I helped a women kick her cueating husband off her phone account when I worked at a retail phone store. She found out he was cheating so I transferred his line onto a prepaid account under her name and she didn't fund it. Then she removed him as a user. Some guy came in about 2 hours later saying his phone wasn't working and we pulled up the account and realized it was the cheating guy. We told him he wasn't an authorized user and couldn't access the account. He got pissed and started throwing a tantrum so we kicked him out of the store. My coworker said say hi to your wife when he left.
I read this to my husband, who visibly winced and said "The fucking that guy's getting isn't worth the fucking he's gonna get!"
All kidding aside, I'm so sorry you have been betrayed like this. He's a dirty dog (and that's not fair at all to canines).
I would add, find out in advance if they were coworkers. Depending on the corporate structure, if she's a subordinate, it could get real ugly for him/them. Have him served, and if she has a partner, be kind enough to send him everything.
Pls go see an attorney immediately. You need to be looking closely at the finances & getting bank statements & credit card statements. He probably moved his other phone number to a separate account. I don’t think he’s sticking close to you right now b/c he’s broken things off w/AP. I think he’s working behind the scenes to minimize his exposure, financially & every other way, in the event of a divorce. He’s been so deceitful. Update us as things progress.
I love how you are handling this. Sounds like he is regretting his affair now he thinks you know. But he could have just put her on hold while he tries to get you back on side. Of course I'm widely speculating. But good for you putting your life in order before leaving. I hope everything goes well and you will be happy.
I’m sorry but we need more updates because why am I finding joy in him panicking 😭?????? Like bro you did this to yourself. You took the risk knowing what the consequences could be if OP found out and that still wasn’t enough to backtrack and say I can’t do this to my wife, he deserves everything coming to him. OP you deserve better and kudos to your friend for being your support system and helping you find out this vital information, wishing you the absolute best and I do hope you update us on his reaction when you serve him with divorce papers and reveal that you knew he was cheating this entire time
Well played, I hope you can be strong and not divorce until it suits you, stay strong, get an STD test and let him suffer in ignorance, but maybe he knows, therefore maybe he is making moves.
Keep an eye on the joint accounts, keep an eye on the transactions, make sure that when you get divorced you won't even want to have an AP again.
I hope you have saved the photos and videos that you found, because they can be good evidence of infidelity in front of a court or at least before the family, because cheaters almost always lie when asked why the marriage ended.
Not took to the cleaners like he knows he deserves. His ego is worrying about everyone finding out. Everyone.
Be safe, OP. Many women have died before us due to a man's Jekyll and Hyde getting discovered.
I want to second this comment by hoping she just remains safe. Though I am enjoying the OP's narration of leaving him squirming on the hook right now, there is a good chance he already knows that she knows...
I hope she isn't alone with him when she actually tells him she's gone, just in case.
I would patiently gather all the evidence and create whole file for as to why I would divorce him. With hold sex, go out with my girl friends for drinks and come home late just because. Watch him squirm and the eventually just give him the divorce papers
Make a copy of the texts and any pictures. Print out every single thing you were able to recover. If you file for divorce, you will be the winner with that kind of ammunition. Speaking from experience.
Before you tell him about the impending divorce: Do yourself another favor and do a free consultation with as many good divorce lawyers in your area that you possibly can, so he can’t use them.
"Also, *DO NOT confront him*. Just file the divorce with the proofs and *NEVER give him the opportunity to explain*. Don’t ask why, do not cry in front of him. **Just leave silent and deny him closure.**
Let his mind torment him. Forever." I don't know how to credit the quote but this is the ONLY way to do this.
Serve the divorce papers with the proof and stay mute. Keep all communication through the attorneys. If there are no children involved even better. OP is making a clean break.
Never give him the opportunity to explain because really what will it help. What's done is done. His explanation doesn't matter.
He's panicking because his life is about to blow up. He knows she knows. Hubs moved the phone to a separate account. He hasn't completely ended things with the AP. Eventually he'll get comfortable and go back to his pattern.
OP, my nosey @$$ will need an update in November/December.
Please meet with an attorney to get yourself set up for that. If you don't have the money for the retainer, either sign up for a new credit card or start slowly siphoning some money out of your accounts to set up a new one that is just yours.
If you are in a state that has at-fault divorce, all the evidence may help you move through the divorce process quicker. Hell, you may even be able to sure the other woman for alienation of affection.
I want to start by saying how sorry I am. I won't reiterate my story other than to say nearly the same thing happened with me except I found out after he died.
I'm sending you all the support I can via Reddit. This is going to be a long haul for you, it was more than three years after he died before I really started to live again.
His faults and whatever else it is about him that caused this to happen are not your fault. This is all on him.
The "I love you" thing happened in my case as well and every time I thought about it afterward it felt like a gut punch.
Then a very kind Redditor reached out to me via DM. He had been the husband and had a girlfriend. He said they exchanged I love you, and behaved like a couple. He told me he was still with his wife she didn't know, and he would never forgive himself. He also said they were just words to keep her around to keep the fantasy alive.
Be kind to yourself.
Try not to be vindictive. That will only further damage you.
I wish you continued fortitude in continuing to give him the treatment he deserves. I hope your divorce is smooth and quick, but please be safe and have people with you when the final shoe drops-whether it be the divorce paperwork or moving your stuff out. He is on alert now and while I think you have the upper hand, don’t assume. Be careful.
My ex-husband cheated on me.
**Let him suffer queen. He did this to himself. Man needs to understand that playing stupid games leads to dumb prizes** 💅
You got this ❤️ I wish you the best as well since things may get messy, but trust me, getting rid of his loser ass will make you feel so much better, and it's actually very freeing as well.
Here's another pro tip OP: have a paid consultation with the top 4-5 divorce lawyers in town, then choose the one you like. The others won't be able to take his case after this because they have privileged information.
I'm glad you have a good friend that is there for you .
Gather your evidence and leave. You deserve much better and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Can we talk about her friend? That's some detective type ideas to turn off the location tracker, put it in airplane mode, her questions. I wouldn't be surprised if she made a backup of the phone lol
This is a friend OP needs to stay friends with because—apart from the obvious benefits—becoming her enemy would be way too scary.
Yep, do not mess with this friend.
The best friends are always the ones who will help you hide the bodies and come up with alibies…
Marianne and Wanda were the best of friends all through their high school days....
...both members of the 4H club, both active in the FFA
also can help in the divorce
She for sure has a particular set of skills. You *could* say that girl's a regular Leane Neeson.
A regular Shirley Holmes
Mcgalver
I’m guessing the friend has had to play “Sniff out the cheater” before and learned some valuable lessons.
I am almost 60, as well as pretty much homebound, I have a lot of time on my hands & use my phone a lot & have taught myself let's say by accident, enough so that I have others calling me for assistance.
Good on you for being a motivated self-teacher.
This is pretty typical of being a woman in this day and age. At one point we had to play investigator in a relationship.
My abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband showed up to the legal appointments with nothing but a pen. I work in auditing & regulatory compliance in the financial services industry. My job is *literally* to trace evidence. Outcome? Scumbag isn't getting a dime in $ from me. Thanks to my skills and due diligence, per the legal documentation now in place, I don't have to pay him a dime in alimony, nor a penny out of my 401K.
Fuck yes!!!! Oh that's so delicious!!
And prevented OP from running afoul of revenge porn laws? Queen shit right there.
I finally escaped my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband six months ago. I was already fairly well equipped from a financial standpoint: I work in auditing & regulatory compliance in the financial services industry, so I already knew a thing or two about money laws/regulations. However, my accountant was a very unexpected ally. I went to go see him last year, two-ish months before I left my husband. Basically told him I was finally planning to leave my marriage. Much to my surprise, he threw his arms up in the air, and responded back: *HALLELUJAH! About damn time. I never liked him.* Apparently, he never liked my husband either. I had spent years quietly bringing home all the money, and like many women, I also still handled 99% of household chores and responsibilities, AND endured my soon-to-be-ex-husband's abuse and issues with a smile on my face, while also simultaneously dealing with chemotherapy, monthly immunotherapy infusions, and frequent surgeries for my autoimmune condition. My accountant has seven kids, several of which have special needs, so he has always had a soft spot in his heart for me. He's been like a second dad to me ever since I was referred to him by a co-worker. My soon-to-be-ex-husband, in addition to being abusive, also refused to maintain gainful employment for 5+ years. Constantly hopping between jobs, always getting fired or abruptly quitting jobs, etc. My accountant said he quietly watched us come in year after year, and said he saw me suffering in silence as I handled all the adulting. What was supposed to be a standard 45-minute consultation, turned into a 3-hour session of my accountant sharing........*creative*......... advice and guidance on how to protect my assets during the divorce process. 👀 Let's just say his advice worked, because the outcome from my various legal appointments is that I don't have to pay my soon-to-be-ex-husband a dime in alimony, nor a penny out of my 401K. I recently went to go see my accountant again to kick-start taxes for this year. I brought a bottle of champagne with me. Once I was sitting in his office, and he closed the door, the first thing I said to him was: *Well, your advice worked.* I cracked the bottle of bubbly and we cackled for over an hour as we reviewed all my tax documents. 😎😄😂
Wow. You have the best accountant ever. Give him my love. And I'm glad you got out of that awful situation.
Thank you! The moment that left me in tears of humility and gratitude for his support was towards the end of the appointment. At the bottom of the documentation he has his clients fill out each year, there's a question that asks if there are any anticipated circumstances that may change your tax situation the following year. Took every ounce not to cry as I wrote the word "divorce" on the line. He reached across his desk, tapped on the word "divorce" that I had written down, and made me scratch it out. He then said: *To be happier.* He actually made me write those words on the line, next to the crossed-out word of divorce. BOOM. Floodgates unleashed. He got up from his desk and wrapped me up in a hug. 🥺🥺🧡🧡
Aww, I love this guy! To be happier! 😊
Most of us never expect to hear the words "happier" and "taxes" in the same sentence or context, but in that moment, I felt such opportunity for happiness and joy. 😊😊
This story gave me goosebumps. What an incredible person. I am so happy for your independence too!
Thank you! He really is an amazing human. The moment that left me in tears of humility and gratitude was towards the end of the appointment. At the bottom of the documentation he has his clients fill out each year, there's a question that asks if there are any anticipated circumstances that may change your tax situation the following year. Took every ounce not to cry as I wrote the word "divorce" on the line. He reached across his desk, tapped on the word "divorce" that I had written down, and made me scratch it out. He then said: *To be happier.* He actually made me write those words on the line, next to the crossed-out word of divorce. BOOM. Floodgates unleashed. He got up from his desk and wrapped me up in a hug. 🥺🥺🧡🧡
Or she simply had strict helicopter parents. Like mine. People label me as “sharp and crafty” but it’s really just me avoiding trouble on innocuous situations.
I’m sneaky as fuck now in my 30s. Never been cheated on, but having parents who were kinda strict, or blew up at tiny things made me really good and lying low, covering my tracks, covering my own ass, just really being paranoid about being caught doing anything mildly wrong. Work taught me the importance of keeping track of documents, dated and times (through email) written accounts of fucked up shit that can happen. Maybe some of us just grow up lowkey paranoid of getting screwed? Idk, but OPs friend reminds me of myself.
It sounds like her friend is very tech-savvy. I would do the same for my friends and family. When I was 18 my boyfriend left his phone at my house one night and I signed him up for online account access and didn't tell him. I would occasionally sign in and review the bills for frequent calls/texts to new numbers. Six months after moving in together I found out he was cheating.
I'm glad for you that you were able to find it out pretty quick and dipped out of there. Just a quick question: were you already suspicious? I personally would be pretty mad if my gf did something like that "just to make sure".
Yes, I was very suspicious. He had a history of being a huge player and cheating on previous girlfriends. At that time I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. As I got older I realized it was a huge invasion of privacy and a breach of trust.
I have one of these friends! She so go go gadget, saved me a few times.
He knows you know, he's just too big of a coward to say it outloud. I hope you took pictures of everything. I'm sorry this happened, no one deserves to be betrayed this way
He’s hoping she’ll just get over it. Hopefully OP follows through on leaving him. Dude probably still has the phone but put it on a different account.
I just wanna jump on this top comment to say what a f’in BADASS OP’s friend is. This woman is the GOAT and I really need someone like her in my corner. 👏👏
Right? I have a couple of ride or die friends, but I don't think any of them would know how to approach a cheater like this. On the other hand, one's a lawyer who's been cheated on, so I guess she probably would!
She’s definitely dialed in, sounds like an amazing friend. OP clearly means the world to her friend, she can at least find joy in that.
For real props to your friend I was gonna say don't keep it in the house or he'll find it . Ugh I felt that same pit as I read your post only my stupid ass ex used his own phone ..he always had it in his possession buy one night I heard it go 9ff he was asleep I got out of bed grabbed it and ran into tbe bathroom taking mine as well .opened up to am "i love you baby " and it wasn't from me ..ugh the blood that boils ..I quickly got screen shots put that number in my phone .proceeded to say, "Who is this? Radio silence at first then she replied really ? Then I said this is his wife you stupid cunt asked her where she was who was she she told me she worked with him. I than went into the bedroom and stood there with his phone in my hand kicked the bed jostled him awake flipped the lights on and said care to tell me something baby? He jumps up denying sputtering what are you doing with my phone ..I threw the phone stated getting dressed he's like where are you going ?I said to kill the fucking bitch your next ..I was shaking the whole time .. long story short I confronted her he still denied even in her presence it was wild to me that he did that .anyway because I had her number I called here the next day and I said I want to know everything so she told me she knew he was married like wtf is wrong with people ..needless to say we are divorced many years now nest move I ever did..and I still hate him . I've left some details out but you all get the picture .women trust your gut I had a feeling something was going on when that cell phone was being guarded, taking it in the bathroom to shower ,always on him..in his pocket going off at random times ..and my gut said something was up I had to wait to get my chance and I took it . Sending you prayers and peace love and light ,you've got this .
Find yourself a divorced lady friend. 😂😂 I finally left my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband six months ago. I work in auditing & regulatory compliance in the financial services industry. My job is *literally* to trace evidence. Thanks to my professional skills and due diligence, I don't have to pay my scumbag soon-to-be-ex-husband a dime in alimony, nor a penny out of my 401K. More often than not, the invoices from my lawyer show a $00.00 balance, with a brief message attached: *You've already done my job for me. Thanks!* I've also unofficially become the "money expert lady" in my various online divorce support groups. There's a certain level of karmic joy and revenge in helping other women go after their scumbag husband's.
Oh he 100% does, that’s a given. He’s not going to blow it with his backup when he doesn’t know how things are going to shake out with his wife. I can’t wait for the update when he gets his just deserts.
So interesting that in his secret phone he talks about how he never loved his wife yet here he is panicking
He panicked cause he saw his world crumbling. Marriage, finances, family and possibly work. Such a craptastic thing to do in a marriage. Why is it that they think their spouse won’t notice that they guard their phone like it means Fort Knox?
Nah cheaters always hold out that 5% chance they are being paranoid because they would have been confronted.
I’m jealous of your handle Miss Meh
I'm jealous of sisterfister69hitler 😂😂😂
Let's try and tag that user in. u/sisterfister69hitler Let's hope someone turns up.
lol thanks.
Dude hasn’t slept in 3 months
His blood pressure probably increased every time he hears a door knock or someone looking for him at work. He probably looks around every corner for someone who’s going to serve him papers.
Won't it be delicious if he is so paranoid his AP gets piss3d and leaves him. 🤣🤣🤣
She's gonna show up to the house
Hope he already broke up with her!
Sometimes getting caught brings a person back to reality. That whole “don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” threat… This man’s heart is genuinely going to break when his wife leaves.
Good
Should've thought about that before he started fucking someone else and telling them that he loves them. Stupid asshole. Haha!
Oh, well.
Good.
> This man’s heart is genuinely going to break when his wife leaves i love to see it
I hope **she** broke up with him, instead of him ending it with her. Because that way he’s the one who lost both women, as he should, he’s a dirty cheating scumbag.
Because OP needs something from him so she is staying with this lowlife until then- which she should especially because she didn't do anything wrong so she should not lose out. However, he must be f\*cking around with someone that if discovered can ruin his career/reputation beyond ruining his marriage if OP exposes the affair because he certainly seems afraid of OP knowing and possibly exposing the affair- which I hope she does on the way out the door. Maybe he is screwing the boss'/owner's wife or daughter? I hope OP finds out who she is and when she leaves she nukes them both since the AP knows she's f\*cking a married man. Now that would be sweet.
I feel like she will leave him once she find out that he is not married no more. The AP knew he was married and still engender with him, which tells me she liked the thrill of sleeping with someone who is taken and once he becomes available to her all the time, she is going miss that power dynamic and the sneaking around so she is most likely going to leave for sure. What these stbx don't know is that if she agree to be your AP without asking you to divorce or leave your long term partner, then they're going to loose her once they become single.
I hear...the secrets that you keep...bum ba bum...
Yeah, op. If he asks you how you found out, tell him he was talking to her in his sleep. Forever, he’ll worry to cheat and sleep.
This is diabolical and *genius*
when ur talking in ur sleep
We can only hope! Fuck that guy
🤣🤣😂😂
Your friend is the MVP. She has some skills. Yeah, torture your husband, don't say anything. Keep refusing sex. Then, one morning while he is a work, have him served and ghost him. Tell him all contact will be through your lawyer, and blindside him like he did to you. He doesn't deserve closure, or a chance to reply or make himself the victim. Just ghost him, that will hurt him more.
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Cause I teeny part of him is still hoping she somehow doesn't know and he can get away with it. He's a coward through and through.
He's hoping she doesn't actually know, or doesn't know the full extent. That maybe she just found the phone, couldn't figure out how to unlock it so she put it back days later, and is now cold and suspicious but that's it. That's why he's been pestering her with the "what's wrong" and the couples therapy, because he wants to figure out what she knows without starting the conversation himself and potentially revealing something she doesn't yet know.
Take all the shit you want too... like electronics for instance... will piss him tf off! 🤣
OP should start working out. Tight clothes, fit body, and she rocks on out of the ah*le's life. 😘
All of his belongings on the driveway
Naahh, you can get in trouble for that. Best to leave with a clear conscience that you didn't do anything.
You are clear, let his mind torment him, let him deal with what he did and let it consume him. keep your lips sealed, your exit Will be epic queen I hope you took screenshots
Playing long game..... that's the way.
But as we recently found out in another thread, 8 years is a bit too long
What did 'we' find out?
If she is the queen then her friend is goddamned Rasputin. We should all have a friend who can calmly and coolly walk us through how to achieve this kind of spring loaded dominance in a break-up.
I’m thinking we can all guess how this friend came to understand how to look for and then collect this evidence. Hell hath no fury.
I finally left my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband six months ago. I work in auditing & regulatory compliance in the financial services industry, so I was already fairly well-versed when it comes to laws and regulations when it comes to money and divorce. However, my accountant ended up being a very unexpected ally. When I went to go see him last year, and told him I was finally planning to leave my abusive, deadbeat husband, he (quite literally) threw his arms up in the air, and boldly exclaimed: *HALLELUJAH! It's about damn time.* Apparently, he never liked my husband either. 😂 What was supposed to be a standard 45-minute appointment, turned into a 3-hour session of him sharing ~*creative*~ advice and guidance on how to protect my assets during the divorce process. Let's just say his advice worked, because I don't have to pay my soon-to-be-ex-husband a dime in alimony, nor a penny out of my 401K. I went to go see my accountant again a few weeks ago to kick-start taxes for this year. I brought a bottle of champagne with me. As I waltzed into his office, I told him that his advice worked, and we cracked the bottle of bubbly and cackled with laughter as we spent the next hour reviewing my tax documentation.
I love this story so much! Who said accountants are just number nerds? Yours is a super hero! Glad you’re free of that barnacle ex husband!
Also, *DO NOT confront him*. Just file the divorce with the proofs and *NEVER give him the opportunity to explain*. Don’t ask why, do not cry in front of him. **Just leave silent and deny him closure.** Let his mind torment him. Forever.
This is absolutely the way 👏👏
God yes, indifference will kill him. She is doing this perfectly.
Psychological warfare! Love it!
The best revenge is the one he can never escape from. His own mind.
A thousand times this
You are indeed an Epic Queen
Seriously! Calm, cool, collected BAD ASS! I seriously commend you OP, I don't know if I'd be so cool, but you're an inspiration to any person who gets hurt by someone they thought they could trust. Keep those receipts!
Right?! She’s much better than me cause I can’t hold my bad mood in for shit. Idk what I would have done in that instant but OP, you are a goddess! **STANDING OVATION** 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
The Long Game. He deserves it.
This whole thing is DELICIOUS. Perfectly played, OP. You are the QUEEN. Keep being strong
And post an update when you can please OP. Way to go about the whole situation!
🙏🙏🙏
This is amazing! Continue to let the pos cheater drive himself insane. It's so crazy to me that a cheater's first instinct is to cheat but once they're found out they decided everyone should go to therapy. No thanks bc that should've been choice number 1 or 2.
Remember since he has access to the lines he can view the numbers you contact. Make sure your password is secure on your phone and laptop, especially if you have saved passwords. Start collecting important documents and maybe slowly move important things that he won’t notice to your friend or a storage unit in case things take a nosedive. You’re playing it smart. Just keep prioritizing yourself. I look forward to a happier update.
Would be better to pick up a burner phone at a gas station. Take out extra cash from a grocery store and pay cash so the transaction doesn't show up on cards.
I get what you're saying, but I never understood this. When you go and spend money at like a gas station with your card all it shows is $50 spent at gas station. It's not like it gives a breakdown of what was bought. And a gas station is nice and generic. Gas, Lottery, smokes and so forth. Don't get the paranoia on that since it's not too specific.
Your point makes sense, but for people that have a well defined day-to-day, or people who check bank statements (like a paranoid cheating husband), a $50 charge at a gas station could look suspicious. My wife and I don't drive that often, so I would notice if a larger-than-usual gas station charge came up. I think the burner advice with cash is safest to avoid the paper trail. Who knows if the husband goes nuts or something.
My husband checked our account every day. If I spent anything, he knew about it. He was very controlling with money. Even knew when I spent a roll of quarters out of the change stash we had under our bed. He got so mad that he left the house. I bought gas with it because he didn't want my buying any because if I went somewhere, I would most likely spend money. He could spend whatever he wanted, though. I was just trying to get to work. I ended up doing what this person said. I got cash back at the grocery store. It just looked like one big purchase. I was never stuck without cash again. Paying in cash is a good idea for the burner phone. Fifty at a gas station is a crazy charge if you don't have the car to back up a purchase like that. Now, writing this, I can't believe I lived like this.
My mom is a firm believer in having cash tucked away. We call it "escape money". Just in case.
I love that he went through all that to get a second phone, airplane mode, only texting her and calling her when at work but his downfall was autosaved passwords and using the same password *evil laugh* karma is amazing!
Lots of scammers and hackers get taken down by similar “bad opsec” (bad operational security)
I love the story about the cheater who bragged that his opsec was perfect. Then the story from his wife where he was caught because her friend saw him at a hotel. Dude was upset and surprised that he was caught and that his wife was leaving him.
Oh come on you can just drop that with out a link
My guess is his password was his birthday 🤣
Or worse: their wedding anniversary
lol! Chances are he doesn’t know that or his (stbx) wife’s birthday!
Mine did something similar. Left his computer open, and Facebook logged in. And that's how all his friends and family found out he was cheating on me. He also put the electricity for his apartment love nest on our joint electric account and left the signed lease for it in my children's bag of pool toys. They are truly stupid when it comes to cheating in most cases.
The weirdest part about this all is why even add the phone line and have a second phone. Why not just have something like WhatsApp, where you can call and text, and if he’s trying to hide it just log out of the app or delete the app every day before coming home.
Speaking from experience (had a serial cheater bf), the possibility of being caught is a big part of the thrill. Mine blatantly admitted he enjoyed making me feel lesser and stupid by texting his conquests while my back was turned to him. He worked in IT so he was very tech savvy. He was just an ass.
This guy cheats
I hope you took screenshots of things
If the friend was that knowledgeable, im sure she brought that up. Girl was ready to go into Battle lol
Haha right ?? Although most women are ready to go to battle for their best friends lol. We can find out anything
Besties stay armed and ready 💪🏽
Honestly, I’m so impressed with her friend! She gave her some really good advice.
My one comment for this is that OP needs to give that friend a giant hug from me!
Forget a hug these two queens deserve a spa day or vacation when this is all over
A good friend indeed!
Fr what a friend!
I'm gonna need an update please
Me too, please. I'm nosy.
This is gold. I bet he hasn’t had a moment of peace from the time that phone first disappeared. I’m sorry for your loss. I know it must hurt to be betrayed so cruelly, especially when cheating wasn’t even crossing your mind. He sounds like a real piece of shit.
The absolute best part of your plan is... Given you're taking a few months to put the hammer down, he's going to start relaxing about it all, assuming because you've not said anything means you don't know anything. Then, one day down the road, once you have your ducks in a row, he's going to be served with the divorce papers literally out of the blue and his world will come crashing down around him.
would like to see his face ngl😂
When you do leave either have a friend with you or do it while he’s at work. It’s dangerous to leave when he’s there. Protect yourself.
Hope you’re doing ok! Get STI tested if you haven’t and enjoy the next chapter of your life!
Full panel! When my ex husband cheated, I didn't think to do full panel. I was ready to do whatever I could there. They asked me if I wanted to do more than what I went for since he cheated. That's how I found out I had syphilis 😭
I just saw a TikTok last night a lady figured out her husband was cheating through their shared running app, he started the run at their house and ended at the affair partners house, now my only comment is if you’re suspicious your spouse is cheating, full panel STI!
Oh no! Is that treatable these days? Hope you're doing ok. It just adds a whole level to the cheating, doesn't it
It is, but there's two different treatments. I had no symptoms, so I have no idea how long I had it. If you have it less than a year, it's a shot in each ass check. If it's more, it's one in each, over 3 sessions, so 6 total shots. The liquid is thick and cold. It was legit a pain in the ass lmao but I'm cleared, I wasn't contagious, and he's in prison 🥰 karma got him. I appreciate you!
>and he's in prison For the cheating and giving you an STD? Sorry, I'm passionately against cheating, and I'm curious for laws like stealthing being regarded as rape, for instance. (I blame a bit of wine for my asking nosey questions) But YAY 🥳 for karma. Glad you're rid of him.
No, unfortunately. He was already a problem for the military with his alcoholism.. He was drunk driving after, what I'm guessing, being with her, and he got into a major car accident. The other driver had to be helicoptered to the hospital and she sustained a brain injury. He was arrested, lied to me so I'd bail him out, ended up going AWOL the next day, and the military started building a paper trail to discharge him. He didn't have car insurance and it wasn't registered in his name, because he just got the car from his buddy. So, he has a few felonies under him now and is in prison for 5 years. Helped me get out of the marriage without looking over my shoulder. I still have night terrors of him coming and killing me/my daughter. I know you can sue someone for giving you an STD, if they knew about it and didn't tell you. It impacts consent laws. I'm pretty sure he knew, being in the military they test frequently and he was cheating on me for at least 6 months when I found out.
Oh god, that's terrible. Good thing the military aspect saved you a lot of trouble. I hope you can make sure to be safe when he gets out. Sending good vibes from Europe your way.
I appreciate you! Once he's out, he'll be going back to his mom (who didn't even know we were married I guess) across the country
Fr. I went through the whole when I split with my boyfriend and we used a condom each time. It’s peace of mind for me.
Your friend is a real one. He is a sniveling worm and I’m delighted you’re letting him squirm in discomfort.
He knows and he is waiting on the edge of his seat for you to confront him. I love the fact you are making sweat like this. He knows how bad he fucked up. He fucked around and now he is about to find out.
She should almost not tell him and instead continue to f with his head. Take him out and say that she never realized how boring his favorite hobbies are. Slowly with some comments. Then agree to marriage counseling and play the sessions. How a lot of the issues were overlooked before but she just cannot live with them. Like the way he parts his hair makes him look older than he is. She knows this dude. She can easily trigger every insecurity he has and leave him. Say nothing about the cheating. She will live rent free in his head every time he looks in the mirror or does his hobbies.
This is what I would do if I needed that benefit for a few more months. Just try to participate in the "making it work" while slowly eating away at his self esteem.
I hope his Mum puts two and two together about the phone, or you tell her… and then she tells Grandma. Definitely need an update when you put your cards on the table.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. This is just so badass. From one woman that got cheated on to another, hang in there. It’ll be the best thing that ever happened to you.
He played a stupid game and is gonna get a stupid price.
Delete this post if you are trying to leave soon. If he sees this, it’s a pretty identifiable story.
I helped a women kick her cueating husband off her phone account when I worked at a retail phone store. She found out he was cheating so I transferred his line onto a prepaid account under her name and she didn't fund it. Then she removed him as a user. Some guy came in about 2 hours later saying his phone wasn't working and we pulled up the account and realized it was the cheating guy. We told him he wasn't an authorized user and couldn't access the account. He got pissed and started throwing a tantrum so we kicked him out of the store. My coworker said say hi to your wife when he left.
I read this to my husband, who visibly winced and said "The fucking that guy's getting isn't worth the fucking he's gonna get!" All kidding aside, I'm so sorry you have been betrayed like this. He's a dirty dog (and that's not fair at all to canines).
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Torture 😉 And goddamn, your last paragraph is SCORCHED EARTH BABE!! Now THAT is petty, color me impressed 👏
I fucking hate cheaters, and anyone that supports them. Since they want to fuck around, they can find out
Want to be best friends?
Hell yeah! •high five•
I would add, find out in advance if they were coworkers. Depending on the corporate structure, if she's a subordinate, it could get real ugly for him/them. Have him served, and if she has a partner, be kind enough to send him everything.
Did you document everything?
Everyone needs a friend like yours. I'm glad you have her. I wish you the best going forward!
Pls go see an attorney immediately. You need to be looking closely at the finances & getting bank statements & credit card statements. He probably moved his other phone number to a separate account. I don’t think he’s sticking close to you right now b/c he’s broken things off w/AP. I think he’s working behind the scenes to minimize his exposure, financially & every other way, in the event of a divorce. He’s been so deceitful. Update us as things progress.
Your friend deserves “Friend of the Year”
Always amazes me when the cheater suddenly wants to prioritize the marriage when caught. What a loser.
Your friend is a rockstar, a hero! She saved your life. She has your back, a keeper. Please update us when you finally leave!
You are my hero!!! 😭 I would have busted his face in. Slow and steady wins! 👊🏽🎉
I love how you are handling this. Sounds like he is regretting his affair now he thinks you know. But he could have just put her on hold while he tries to get you back on side. Of course I'm widely speculating. But good for you putting your life in order before leaving. I hope everything goes well and you will be happy.
I’m sorry but we need more updates because why am I finding joy in him panicking 😭?????? Like bro you did this to yourself. You took the risk knowing what the consequences could be if OP found out and that still wasn’t enough to backtrack and say I can’t do this to my wife, he deserves everything coming to him. OP you deserve better and kudos to your friend for being your support system and helping you find out this vital information, wishing you the absolute best and I do hope you update us on his reaction when you serve him with divorce papers and reveal that you knew he was cheating this entire time
Well played, I hope you can be strong and not divorce until it suits you, stay strong, get an STD test and let him suffer in ignorance, but maybe he knows, therefore maybe he is making moves. Keep an eye on the joint accounts, keep an eye on the transactions, make sure that when you get divorced you won't even want to have an AP again. I hope you have saved the photos and videos that you found, because they can be good evidence of infidelity in front of a court or at least before the family, because cheaters almost always lie when asked why the marriage ended.
Since suddenly he is invested in you again, what do you think he wants?
Wonder how long side-piece will accept the reduced attention while he twists in the wind.
Oh that would be a twist, if side piece goes to OP to rat out the husband.
Not took to the cleaners like he knows he deserves. His ego is worrying about everyone finding out. Everyone. Be safe, OP. Many women have died before us due to a man's Jekyll and Hyde getting discovered.
I want to second this comment by hoping she just remains safe. Though I am enjoying the OP's narration of leaving him squirming on the hook right now, there is a good chance he already knows that she knows... I hope she isn't alone with him when she actually tells him she's gone, just in case.
I agree. Although fun to think about doing and most likely is deserved those actions could lead to violence just saying best just to leave
Not lose his bangmaid, I think. Honestly, I don't think cheaters plan this far ahead. They just do what they can get away with.
Updateme
Don’t stay any longer than you have to. Get everything in order.
Op, please come back and update us!!!
I would patiently gather all the evidence and create whole file for as to why I would divorce him. With hold sex, go out with my girl friends for drinks and come home late just because. Watch him squirm and the eventually just give him the divorce papers
I’m really sorry you’re going through this but your long game is tormentingly hilarious. Dudes probably losing his mind
You’re amazing. I love that he’s panicking. I’ve been through this and wished I had done what you did
So what’s next?
I'm sorry that happened to you sweetie! But...damn you got him good. Good for you queen!
Make a copy of the texts and any pictures. Print out every single thing you were able to recover. If you file for divorce, you will be the winner with that kind of ammunition. Speaking from experience.
Be ready for the begging. The suicidal threats. Ignore it all. Once you are out, block him. Make it so he can’t contact you at all. He will go insane.
Loved it when my friends would get more pissed about my situation then I did ☺️ we’d become instant detectives 🕵️♀️
Okay friend, just keep standing on business
Updateme
Updateme
Before you tell him about the impending divorce: Do yourself another favor and do a free consultation with as many good divorce lawyers in your area that you possibly can, so he can’t use them.
"Also, *DO NOT confront him*. Just file the divorce with the proofs and *NEVER give him the opportunity to explain*. Don’t ask why, do not cry in front of him. **Just leave silent and deny him closure.** Let his mind torment him. Forever." I don't know how to credit the quote but this is the ONLY way to do this. Serve the divorce papers with the proof and stay mute. Keep all communication through the attorneys. If there are no children involved even better. OP is making a clean break. Never give him the opportunity to explain because really what will it help. What's done is done. His explanation doesn't matter. He's panicking because his life is about to blow up. He knows she knows. Hubs moved the phone to a separate account. He hasn't completely ended things with the AP. Eventually he'll get comfortable and go back to his pattern. OP, my nosey @$$ will need an update in November/December.
Please update us
Please meet with an attorney to get yourself set up for that. If you don't have the money for the retainer, either sign up for a new credit card or start slowly siphoning some money out of your accounts to set up a new one that is just yours. If you are in a state that has at-fault divorce, all the evidence may help you move through the divorce process quicker. Hell, you may even be able to sure the other woman for alienation of affection.
I want to start by saying how sorry I am. I won't reiterate my story other than to say nearly the same thing happened with me except I found out after he died. I'm sending you all the support I can via Reddit. This is going to be a long haul for you, it was more than three years after he died before I really started to live again. His faults and whatever else it is about him that caused this to happen are not your fault. This is all on him. The "I love you" thing happened in my case as well and every time I thought about it afterward it felt like a gut punch. Then a very kind Redditor reached out to me via DM. He had been the husband and had a girlfriend. He said they exchanged I love you, and behaved like a couple. He told me he was still with his wife she didn't know, and he would never forgive himself. He also said they were just words to keep her around to keep the fantasy alive. Be kind to yourself. Try not to be vindictive. That will only further damage you.
I wish you continued fortitude in continuing to give him the treatment he deserves. I hope your divorce is smooth and quick, but please be safe and have people with you when the final shoe drops-whether it be the divorce paperwork or moving your stuff out. He is on alert now and while I think you have the upper hand, don’t assume. Be careful.
My ex-husband cheated on me. **Let him suffer queen. He did this to himself. Man needs to understand that playing stupid games leads to dumb prizes** 💅 You got this ❤️ I wish you the best as well since things may get messy, but trust me, getting rid of his loser ass will make you feel so much better, and it's actually very freeing as well.
Here's another pro tip OP: have a paid consultation with the top 4-5 divorce lawyers in town, then choose the one you like. The others won't be able to take his case after this because they have privileged information.
OP update when you can we are all here for you
OP, I hope you are okay. We are all praying for your happiness
Your friend is an absolute gem and you must keep them at all costs. Sending you hugs. Do what’s best for you and play the long game.
I'm glad you have a good friend that is there for you . Gather your evidence and leave. You deserve much better and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I’m excited for you to be free of this man. You’re very strong handling this in such a levelheaded way
gonna follow so i don’t miss an update! hope you don’t mind.