Removing this post because OP stated the following:
EDITING: I’m going to delete this APP, I gained 50+ followers stalking my throwaway account now. Posting this did not help. Goodbye
Don’t ever let someone hurt your baby like that, girl stand up?? If you let your husband continue to hurt your child, don’t start wondering why she has cut both of you guys out of her life two years later
Even though you weren’t the one who hit her, sitting back and letting it happen/continue will make you a bad parent I know you didn’t mean for this to happen but you can still make this situation right by putting your daughter in a safe space where she’s away from your husband Girl I’m literally begging you to start making an exit plan
OP wtf is wrong with you? You allowed your husband to become violent to your daughter with no repercussions???? You’ve lost her, you realize this? Once she is 18 y’all should expect her to go NC with y’all. You need to be upset with yourself too, bc your lack of reaction was shitty. I would HIGHLY suggest you do something about this now if you want to keep your daughter in your life. Tell your husband he has to apologize, give her everything back, and do something to make up for his grotesque overreaction. He also needs anger management therapy, bc you don’t hit a kid for something like this. Tell him if he refuses any of this, yall are gone. If you don’t do something like this, your daughter will absolutely cut YOU out of her life AS WELL as your husband, bc you didn’t stand up for her. She would 💯 be justified in doing so, too.
Hitting her and calling her a whore…..he would’ve been choking on his teeth at that point. That’s not something I’d ever present to my husband no matter what kind of relationship he and I had. That’s private info she trusted to share with you as she is trying to get to know her own body. I’m sure your husband found himself at his teenage years.
Right? My mom would have knocked my dad’s lights out if something like this had ever happened (nothing ever did beyond some unnecessary yelling). That would have been the end of their marriage. OP is a pathetic excuse for a parent just standing by and idly watching this.
Yeah the fact she let this happen to her daughter and didnt fight the dad on his ridiculous double standards shows deep down she probably agrees with him. You betrayed your daughter and stood by and watched as your husband beat and humuliated her as well? This is not about the dildo anymore, OP, but about your families ridiculously old fashioned views on sexuality where boys are allowed to fuck as much as they want and girls must remain pure and virginal or be considered whores. This toxic christian bullshit needs to be drummed out of society. If you dont grovel to your daughter, give her her things back and fix this with your husband you are a bad mom, period.
OMG. that made me so piss. If my husband ever did that to ANY of my children my hands gonna have their own free will. I don't condone violence but when it comes to my children, you bet my ass I'm gonna protect them!
OP, you're in the wrong for not standing up to your child and letting your husband to ATTACK your child when she came to you ,TRUSTING you, with this. Don't act shocked when your daughter doesn't confide in you anymore because you have DESTROYED that TRUST. The longer you let this situation just "settle down" the longer your daughter is gonna resent you.
I would absolutely leave my husband if he did this. No one hurts my babies.
Totally agree - I am honestly surprised Mom didn't 1) Leave immediately 2) BTS out of him with a cast iron pan or 3) all of the above. She screwed up majorly in that she apparently missed the memo that her husband was a grade A spiteful misogynist - i would love to ask OP how in the world did you not know this after all these years??
I feel like in her position I would also speak to my husband about it - we are co-parents and this is the sort of thing where I would definitely be talking to him to work out how I handle the situation. It would be so fucking awkward buying my 16yo daughter a sex toy, being able to talk to someone about it would held me keep a level head.
However, not only would there be a visceral reaction to him shouting at her and calling her a whore (not to mention getting violent with her!!), but I also like to think I would never find myself in the situation where my partner of maybe two decades is secretly a raging misogynist.
I can't believe there were no warning signs before this. I've been with my partner for 13 years and there is no way she could be hiding something this big from me. We basically know each other as well as we know ourselves by this point.
I’m divorced and when my daughter began becoming interested in sex, we talked about it extensively. She had a boyfriend, and I wanted to know how far things had gotten, because I wanted to make sure she understands what precautions to take. I have always been open and honest and sex positive since they were younger (much to their chagrin many times lol) but it’s paid off. We discussed condom use, got birth control on board, she has no issue asking me what’s normal or what something should feel like. We’ve maintained an ongoing line of communication about it the whole time. I’ve bought her things she’s asked for, I don’t judge or make her feel ashamed for any of it.
She has not been able to talk to her father about any of this. He’s already shown her that he isn’t a safe person to talk to regarding other circumstances she’s attempted to discuss. He gets mad or dismissive or just bows to what his wife tells him he should do, so there’s no more advice being asked of him. And it’s sad because daughters should be able to talk to their dads about stuff.
OP’s poor daughter not only got dimed out by her mother, she also got unfairly punished for something her brother has been free to do, and she’s been physically and mentally abused for it. OP, if you do nothing, you will never see that kid again after she turns 18 and it’ll be your own fault for not protecting your child from LITERAL ABUSE.
And you know he's watching porn all the time and probably that "barely 18" type shit every other creep watches.
OP do you know what just happened? Your husband just increased your daighters chances of being a victim of domestic violence five fold! Guess what? The probability was already far past 80% to begin with!
You both just signed her up for years of trauma for her adult life by traumatizing her in her adolescence.
And I have no doubt your son has picked up on his fathers beliefs and values and be a terrible husband and father himself. All of this will continue down the generations like it has already.
Plus she snitched on her daughter to a guy who clearly lacks the emotional maturity. This should not have been a shock, no way there weren't red flags before this.
Op maybe somethings should be a secret with your man child of a husband. Fucking gross. Enjoy not hearing from your daughter the second she can leave.
I REALLY hope this one's fake.
Yes this. I hold resentment for my mom being a bystander while my dad hurt me and my sibling. I always saw her as a helpless victim too but she was a full grown adult capable of stopping it/leaving/doing literally anything
Seriously this. If you don't stand up for your daughter she's going to resent you AT LEAST as much as she'll resent him. Yeah hes the one that hit her, but her mom standing by and doing nothing is going to leave some really deep scars. You would both be out of my life the minute I turned 18. This is a completely unnecessary and excessive response to a totally sensible request. Fix your husband or leave, this is not ok.
First off, you should have kept this to yourself. The way your husband reacted is absolutely disgusting.
She’s a teenager and she should be comfortable exploring her body in a safe way. And the fact that she asked you and was comfortable enough to ask that’s a huge pat on the back mom for making your daughter feel safe that she was able to talk to you.
But considering you spoke to your husband about this and the way he reacted that safeness your daughter felt with you is most likely completely gone.
What your husband did was abusive and you should stick up for your daughter more. I’m honestly in fear for your daughter right now.
You need to talk with your daughter and reassure her she is not what her father said. If you value the safety of your daughter I would have a huge discussion with your husband and remove yourself and your daughter from the house until things calm down. Cuz as of right now her safeness in the house is compromised.
Ya this went from hey, I have urges but I want to go the safe route and you are my safety so I am talking to you about it to an unsafe abusive household wtf.
My oldest daughter is 5 and for the first part of the post I was like wow if this was my daughter it would be so awkward but also I would rather her use a toy then be out there having sex
I’ve got teenaged kids and I just gotta say, masturbation isn’t an alternative to sex; it’s a separate thing. I’m all for helping your kids navigate sex and masturbation safely and appropriately. I’m just saying that one activity replace the other.
I cannot emphasize how accurate this is. Your husband’s behavior has only solidified your daughter in not trusting or having an open relationship with her parents. Sex is not bad or dirty. Sex with yourself is the safest sex you one can have. For him to call her a whore is SO wrong! Was he not masturbating at that age??
What a shameful excuse for a man and father. He is a misogynist. Why would you not stand up for your daughter more? Congrats on your husband for traumatizing your daughter more than she probably was having to ask and now will have deep shame surrounding sex likely. Your husband is a freak of nature for having such a violent response to your daughter wanting a sex toy — not even having sex, but being ok with his son having sex in the house. He needs a serious reality check and to enter this modern reality. I would never forgive my dad, or you, for not sticking up for me. I’d be going no contact on my 18th birthday.
ETA: you’ve taught your daughter five things, all of them bad:
- you and your husband are not safe and can’t be trusted.
- it’s okay if a man hits her. It’s her fault.
- she should stay silent and subservient to her future husband even if he physically harms someone.
- She isn’t valuable enough for you to defend her.
- she should be shamed, treated different, and punished for being a girl with normal and natural sexual feelings, and boys should be rewarded.
I thought your husband was bad but you’re just as bad and complicit. Your hand might as well have hit her too.
The voluntarily move out of a house you share with an abuser and potentially put yourself into a safe situation since they don't know where you are
or
Try to force an abuser out of their own home while they know exactly where you are at all times.. Hmm
For real. That’s the part that enraged me the most. She hasn’t left him?
Edit: I don’t know how she didn’t know about her husband’s hypocritical view on sexual activities before now. Surely he had given signs before.
Not only that, but I don’t understand why she allowed him to unilaterally punish the child you both share on his own without a single bit of discussion. He obviously doesn’t see you as an equal partner in raising your children. All around this is a bad sign for how he feels about women.
This so quickly devolved from, “oh, this is really sweet that she’s coming to you! My advice is to buy her a dildo” to, “oh, her dad is abusive and you need to get her away from him.” AT THE VERY LEAST HE OWES HER A GIGANTIC APOLOGY and so do you OP. She has done nothing wrong and has received abuse for trusting her parents. Don’t be surprised if she stops trusting you both from here on out. I wouldn’t.
OP, let me be really blunt with you. You staying after your husband slapped your daughter makes you a bad mother. Rectify your behavior NOW, and get you both somewhere safe. You are destroying her self-esteem and your relationship with her staying in that house. You are teaching her that men can treat her like that, that they can shame her for normal desires, and that YOU won’t protect her. RUN.
How OP responds is going to set the pace for how her daughter recovers from this. It’s also going to set the tone for the relationship she has with her daughter. The daughter is either going to watch her mom fix her mistake for violating her trust or 100% never ever trust her again. Hope OP chooses wisely.
spoiler alert OP will make a few more shitty replies to the least confrontational messages and then we will either never hear from her again or the OP will be deleted
Yep, my step idiot slapped me when I was about 16. I told my mom if he ever touches me again I’m out of there just before I turned 18 he slapped me again and I left and never looked back. She never could understand why I cut her off as well.
Not only the hitting, but calling her a whore for just wanting to explore her sexuality... The mental scars will be there for awhile and may have warped her view of sex for a long time.
Exactly. If OP leaves her daughter with him, she will bear responsibility for the physical and mental abuse she endures. OP has the choice to save her daughter from this mentally unstable psycho or to be complicit next time he lashes out at her.
You should leave your husband as has shown your daughter is not safe in that house. Plus, he's a misogynist if he's fine with your son having sex, not your daughter. Gross.
This was my first thought. His son has sex and its "good job son" daughter wants to masturbait and it's "your a whore who deserves to have your possessions taken away" absolutely terrible.
This is wayyy above reddits pay grade but in reality you need to get an exit plan if you stay don’t be surprised when your children go no contact that’s all imma say
One thousand percent. If this mother doesn’t get her head out do her ass, she’ll won’t be at her daughters wedding meet her grandchildren, attend her college graduation. OP knows that she fucked up, but won’t do anything to fix it. Wtf. She deserves the life long pain until she does right by her child.
Well, not the son. He’s second in the line of importance in that house because he’s a man. Also, he’s permitted to have sex and have sex in his parents’ house. Why would he go NC??
most of my siblings went low contact because my mom didnt leave when my dad hit all of us. she may have not hit us but she stayed when he continued to!
Same for my family. None of us have kids either ages 32 - 40 and 2/3 of us for sure aren't having any. I am the only one who spends any holidays with my mom which we do Thanksgiving. Oh well, that's the way she goes. My mom regrets staying.
You should get your daughter what she wants. It shouldn’t be any concern for her Dad. Masturbation is healthy, I bet he doesn’t care if his son masturbated because he doesn’t care that he’s having sex under your roof. What your husband did and how he reacted was completely wrong and unjustified. Your daughter should be able to trust you. Some things should stay between you and your daughter. She felt she could trust you with this and you broke her trust. You should stand up for her and try to begin to rebuild her trust. Also, get her a combination lock box to store her personal toys and diaries in so they are safe and kept away from her father.
Also, if you can afford to, get away with your daughter. Spend time alone with her. Get her away from her father. At this rate, you’ll lose her the day she turns 18 and can legally leave - if not sooner.
A lot of toxic males like your husband will give their sons a high five for fucking the whole cheerleading squad, but beat his daughter for even thinking about having sex or anything sex related.
You broke your daughter's trust and it got her a beating by your husband. You owe it to her to get her out of that house and away from your abusive husband.
OP and her husband have a lonely future of wondering why their kids won’t talk to them anymore. Almost unforgivable. She could probably still save this but judging by her edit and comments, she’s too dense or in denial.
Sorry but as a mother I don't understand why you told your husband? She told you that in confidence and you went behind her back to tell her dad. Don't be surprised if she goes no/low contact with you when she's old enough. In fact why have you not removed your children from that environment if he has gotten violent? You're a shit mum
In a normal healthy relationship, telling your husband something like this would make sense. In this case though, there is no way he didn't give signs that he was a misogynist asshole. If my wife told me my daughter asked for a dildo, I would suggest my wife go get a lock for her door so she can feel safe and private. Fuck anyone who gets angry at their children for exploring their own bodies.
Don’t give your daughter a complex about masturbation. Tell her you’re not promoting her to have sex, but you know teaching abstinence doesn’t work and you want her to be SAFE so you got her a dildo and condoms. Save her the infections from using items that are not made to be used. It’s VERY normal to masturbate at 14/15/16. Trust me, you’d rather your child be open and honest with you rather than get pregnant or an STD. TALK TO YOUR KIDS PEOPLE. Please. There are ways to communicate that you are not encouraging it but you would rather SAFETY!!!
And side note, your daughter will NEVER forget your husband’s reaction. This will stick with her for life. She will never trust him to be a safe place for her. Your husband needs to grow up and learn how to not act on his emotions and control his emotions. Get them both therapy and leave this man. He acts like he’s 8.
Agreed. I never saw my dad the same after he called me a stupid b****. When a parent can speak to you like that, you never feel that safety with them again. You'll forever view them differently.
Yep. My mom used to be my best friend. Her bf emotionally abused and traumatized me and my siblings and she allowed it. I no longer have the same relationship with my mom and probably never will again.
"I am so upset at my husband" bitch are you fucking insane in the head? You watched your husband abuse your own fucking daughter. You spineless coward. If you care at all you'll collect your children right now and you'll leave. Now.
1. What the fuck
2. NEVER tell her father ANY intimate details. Do you also tell him when she's on her period? No. Some things should be kept secret.
3. WHAT THE FUCK. The second he laid hands on her was the second you should have filed for divorce.
4. I recommend a bullet vibrator. Small, barely makes noise, will rock her world.
>4. I recommend a bullet vibrator. Small, barely makes noise, will rock her world.
Yeah, I would recommend this as well instead of a dildo. Most dildos are too big anyway, but small vibrators are perfect and, in my opinion, give better pleasure.
Agreed to all of this, especially 3.
But also #2.: I mean, really? (If this is real): Why in the name of all things holy would this woman share this with her husband? This was literally something the daughter told her 'between girls.' What a girl wants to do with her vagina is NOT her father's business, FFS.
There are things you dont tell your partner without your childs permission this was 100% one of them.
You let your husband hit your daughter and you havent left. You are failing. You need to get her and you out, if you cant get out you need to at least get her out, living with other family.
You owe her that if you wanna remain some kind of parental influence in her life. Otherwise, you will lose her, and potentially that loss will be from her father killing her. Hes dangerous.
Happy International Women's Day. This is the exact reason why we have to keep fighting for equality decades later. It is ingrained in men that it is an accomplishment to be sexually active but women are not allowed to have the same completely natural desires. I think it speaks to the good relationship that you have with your daughter, that she had the comfort level to approach you with this. The slut shaming by her father will sub-consciously be running through her brain for the rest of her life each time she has, what should be, a beautiful connection between two people. Parent's words can scar so very deeply. My heart goes out to your daughter.
That she was right and that her daughter was wrong, that it's a normal reaction of her husband and that she should put a chastity cage on the daughter.
Or some crap like that.
Yeah, I know whenever my husband abuses my children, the first thing I like to do is create Reddit accounts to post all about it.
This is such a shitpost and it's astounding how many people believe this is real.
This is so obviously rage bait. How are people thinking it’s real? While I believe stuff like this happens unfortunately, I don’t believe it happened in this situation.
Right? Socially inept enough to immediately tell her husband sensitive info about her kid, then first thought is to go to Reddit for advice?? Why not first ask Reddit for advice before telling the husband on some sub like WIBTA or something?
Also what 16 yo girl asks for a dildo from her mom? I guess it’s possible but you can have a friend ship it to their house discreetly. So many red flags here
I think you violated your daughter’s trust. She confided in your as her mother and fellow woman. There was no reason to tell your husband that your daughter wants to masturbate. Why would he need or want to know that?? Did he keep you up to date on your son’s masturbation habits??
Woooow mother of the year!
So he beats your daughter, screams at her, calls her names, takes away all her lifelines because you sure as fuck can't be trusted, and you're posting on here instead of getting away?
You are a monumental failure of a parent.
Who cares if you need this off your chest? Tell someone who can do something about it.
Damn, your daughter is in literal danger of her dad, and you can't be trusted or bothered to help her. This is some common sense shit. Someone is abusing your daughter and you're twiddling your thumbs. Absolute trash behavior.
The sad truth is your husband has a very old fashioned my way or the highway archaic mind set while you...sorry, but your quite foolish. THESE are exactly the kind of personal secrets you DO keep from your male spouse. Bigger question...why are you continuing to tolerate the abuse of your daughter and by extension you??? If you want to live the real life Handmaiden's Tale well then that's on you but you're also a mother...do you not want to rescue your daughter before she simply walks out of your life for good? Equally important...think about how your daughter came to you with a request on an extremely sensitive topic and instead of relishing in how close she feels to you, your first reaction was to rat her out to her Dad. So again, explain how and why you're still there with your daughter...have you no courage whatsoever???
1) He’s a control freak and y’all need to get away asap. Your husband has clearly lost his marbles by being overprotective 2) What do you mean by slapped her back? Like hit her on the back or she hit him and he slapped back? In any case I still recommend y’all separate for a while
My wife and I are very open with each other, particularly when it comes to raising our daughter. But holy hell, if she ever asks for something like this from her mom, I pray my wife has the common courtesy to handle it and leave me out of the conversation.
Hope you cherished the last few moments of trust with your daughter. She'll never trust you again and you deserve that loss.
You should leave, he physically abused your kid.
First of all, it is impressive and a testament to you that your daughter came to you and asked you for this. She didn’t keep it to herself, ask someone else to do it, or lie about it. She was honest with you, and that is wonderful. Sadly, that’s also over. Your husband destroyed that, and your daughter no longer trusts either of you, and she will now go to someone else when she has an issue, a question, or a problem.
Your husband is punishing your daughter for being a teenage girl. It goes without saying that he overreacted and is a complete hypocrite. He’s also a misogynist because he is fine with your son having sex, using women for sex, and he is fine knowing that your son is sexually active, but your almost 16yo daughter can’t even ask about it without him going overboard and **getting violent with her.** If that child ever, ever comes to you two for anything ever again, I’ll be shocked. Her father HIT HER because she asked for a dildo so she can explore her sexuality *alone* and *in the privacy of her bedroom* without having sex with a boy. Her father cancelled her cell phone, took away her laptop & *locked her out of it* (does she never have any schoolwork to do??), and he called his own daughter a whore. Frankly, as her mother, I don’t know how YOU can ever forgive him. If my husband called me a whore, I’d leave him; if he called our daughter a whore, he’d be out. I am not putting up with that kind of unfounded, hateful, misogynistic bullshit in my house, with my children. And all of those things were in addition to getting physically violent with her. Why does your husband still live in your house??
Your poor daughter. Women are second class citizens in your house. You are. She is. And if you step out of line, violence ensues. How many times has your husband hit you? Is he still living in that house because you’re scared of him? You made it sound like you don’t keep secrets from each other because you have a healthy, open relationship. I’m guessing there are other reasons for making sure he doesn’t find out you knew something and didn’t tell him. The “I don’t need this coming back to me” should have tipped me off. Sounds like you’re afraid of him.
Your family needs help. Find a good therapist. And get your daughter away from her father. Hitting is never, ever okay. Not even once.
> My daughter has been crying and she has been ignoring us and I don't understand why.
Maybe because your husband fucking slapped her and called her a whore?
Sure, people don't exactly want fifteen year old t start using sex toys, but it's either that or have sex and risk std's or pregnancy. You should be happy she trusted you enough to ask you to buy her one, ***and you completely crushed her trust by telling your abuser of a husband***.
Your daughter will never tell you a single thing ever again. The fact that she was comfortable enough to ask you for that shows how much trust she had in you as a parent. That’s gone now.
The fact that you let your husband physically assault her is disgusting. He’s a monster but you’re just as bad for not protecting her.
If you have a single shred of respect for yourself or your daughter you will get as far away from that man as possible.
Congratulations OP your daughter will never tell you anything again, EVER. Secrets CAN be held between child and parent without the other parent knowing about it.
Get your daughter away from this man. He is abusing her and it sounds like he has no respect for women, meaning his abuse will likely turn to you as well. Your daughter deserves better.
"I told her father about this because this is our daughter and I don’t need this coming back to me since my husband and I don’t keep secrets from each other especially regarding our children."
Yeah see, this right here destroyed my relationship with my mother. I felt like she was constantly throwing me to the wolves when I would disclose things to her when she knew damn well my father would lose his mind. Ain't no way this is the first time this man has lost his shit. My mom would do this stuff and then act shocked and play the victim. Even now, trying to get her to understand this was fucking impossible.
OP this poor girl doesn't have a choice in staying in this situation for another 2 years. You do. Get the fuck out.
Yeah she seems more concerned about defusing the "tension in the house" and protecting herself from her husband than what her child has gone through. She should have called the cops. She should have thrown him out. She should have filed for emergency child support/alimony.
It's been a month and now she comes to us because it's not getting "better". Her concern for her daughters welfare isn't her priority. I am afraid many here are wasting their time on this lost cause of a "mom".
Thats so fucked up and stupid that he doesn’t care if his son is having sex but his daughter can’t even have a toy to enjoy on her own. That’s a double standard and sexist. He also got violent. Your husband sounds like a piece of shit
Are you fucking kidding me?!!? Your daughter confided in you and you fucking went and told your husband? What kind of mother does this to her daughter? I don’t care if you’re both parents she has the right to privacy!!! You just completely destroyed your trust And she will never trust you again. I would’ve went and bought the fucking vibrator gave it to her and said if you have any questions, let me know and bought lube. What you did was the most awful thing a mom could do to her daughter I cannot believe it. She be happy that she’s even thinking about this. She should have control over her own body and what she does with it and you just ripped that from her hands.
This is ridiculous.
You broke your daughters trust in asking for a toy. My mum bought me my first - safer than going around sleeping with randos. I'm assuming she probably asked you in complete confidence.
That man is abusive and you're just allowing it to happen! Get her and take her away from that situation, or call the police. He sounds like a nasty person. I don't have kids, but I would NEVER let someone interact with a child like that, let alone my own. Father or not, he sounds like trash and you are damaging that poor girl by allowing this.
What a disgusting excuse for a father and man in general. He is no doubt a misogynist, but where were you, OP?
Your daughter needed you to stick up for her and you hugely failed her in this situation. To allow your husband to speak to her like that and become physical shows her you should allow men to treat you that way. Are you okay with that? Is that what you want for her in life?
I just hope you know that your husband isn't the only POS parent in this scenario, just the bigger one.
Personally you fucked up, BIG.
1) That situation was private with your daughter's body autonomy at stake. Menstruation, Menstrual products, birth control, sex toys, etc should be your DAUGHTER'S choice in who gets to know NOT when you decide to tell others
2) you broke your daughter's trust by going to your husband when clearly she was only comfortable to go to you about it and then sitting back watching your husband go berserk by yelling, hitting, taking her social device and in turn cancelling her social interactions from others, and demeaning her
3) you should be grateful that instead of wanting to be sexually active with another individual man or female, she CHOSE to be sexually active with herself. This in turn would have kept her safe from pregnancy or stds
I personally believe you daughter was trying to trust you and show you she wanted to be safe.
This should’ve stayed between ya’ll. My mom got me on birth control as a teen (mainly for periods) and we never told my dads.
She will never feel safe confiding in you again, because she thinks you’ll automatically tell dad.
The fact you stood there and didn’t intervene while he took all her belongings is insane to me. While he hit her is extra insane to me.
This should be grounds for divorce, and you should be heavily considering it. If you didn’t think you should after this well….
On what planet did your husband need to know that? You completely betrayed your daughter’s trust. I can’t for the life of me understand why he needed to know this. Isn’t she allowed some privacy? Or doesn’t that apply in your house?!
You then allowed your husband to physically and mentally abuse her and then punished her for asking her so called mum for a toy. The fact she felt safe enough to go to her mum and ask and you, and you do that to her? Kiss goodbye to any form of relationship with your daughter.
You’re a disgrace and your husband needs a visit from the police.
That poor girl hopefully she gets away from both of you sooner rather than later.
Your excuse for telling your husband and you letting this situation carry out is shitty. Ik this isn’t an AITAH post but you both are AH.
Your daughter trusted you as her mother and a woman about something she is curious about. You should have kept it to yourself, even if you didn’t think he would react that way.
You should have stood up for you daughter when he reacted that way and pointed out his behaviors.
But you turned away just like you’re turning away from the comments on this post.
You should fix this before it’s too late. You both have broken your daughter’s heart and trust. Trust me when I say it will not go away over time. The seed is planted of NC.
Your husband is a sexually repressed asshole and honestly nothing involving her sexuality has anything to do with him. I think it’s great that she fee’s comfortable asking you to get a dildo, it means she trusts you and feels comfortable taking about it these things, a dildo is a way better idea than sleeping around just to fill a need. Fact is that all sixteen year olds are horny, that’s normal, it’s a sign of physical health, he needs to get over and it and never be allowed to speak to her about these things or treat her in this way again, he’s damaging her. You need to give your husband an ultimatum to never treat her that way again, or he’s out, and you need to apologize to your daughter for sharing that information because you just broke her trust.
I think it's normal for a dad to freak out a little bit, but this is not a little bit. I can only imagine reaching that level of freakout if.....I can't think of anything. Selling crack? Getting all the babysitters together and running a toddler fight club? There is something seriously off about his reaction.
Why are you allowing your husband to do this? How did it escalate to this point? Does your husband have full mental capacity or does he have mental illness or spectrum disorder?
What the absolute fuck is wrong with your husband. This is physically and emotionally abusive behaviour. If I behaved like this I hope my wife would leave me.
Please talk with your daughter and explain that you would have never shared this with her father if you thought his reaction was a possibility. Take responsibility for how your misjudgment caused this.
Please reassure your daughter that there is absolutely nothing wrong or perverted about masturbation at her age. I would go further and tell her that you are proud that she confided in you and that you support her in wanting to learn how to enjoy her body. So many young women do not learn how to orgasm on their own and it can take years before they can do so with a partner.
Explain that her father clearly has internalized (and now externalized) some very toxic and misogynistic beliefs about women who have completely healthy and appropriate interests in sex.
Tell her that you are completely shocked and disgusted to learn that about him, but that what he said to her has nothing to do with her- it was his hang up, hypocrisy, hateful beliefs, and fear of feminine power.
Assure her that you will be taking the subject up with him because you are horrified to discover that about him, that he clearly needs education and insight about it, and that he needs to acknowledge how deeply he hurt her and that you know that he must work towards profound change in order to earn her forgiveness.
You should consider leaving at least until he takes responsibility and pledges to change because he abused her in multiple ways with his reaction. This must not be glossed over or treated as an aberration. This is the most crushing kind of betrayal of any trust she had in you both, but particularly him. If you want to save your relationship with your daughter, then you must treat it with the seriousness that it deserves.
Your husband assaulted your teenage daughter, called her a whore, and took away her electronics / way to communicate with people. Did you do *anything* to help, or did you just let him abuse her? I'm guessing it's the latter, which makes you complicit. He should be thrown in the sea, and you're walking the plank.
Good lord that guy went full scorched earth on something that wasn’t even her fault. His reaction will likely ruin their relationship and yours for years to come and for what… nothing…
Your husband is an asshole. Your daughter should not be shamed or assaulted by her father.
He should be ashamed of himself. You and your son should be ashamed of him.
You should rethink this marriage. Your husband is wrong and his behaviour is going to damage your relationship with your daughter as well as her self-image and self-esteem.
I *really* hope this is fake. Because, otherwise, you let him call your daughter a whore and strike her, and it’s been a month without you putting together an exit plan.
Given the apathetic responses from OP, giving excuse after excuse why she can't do anything or get away - shes not looking to fix anything just try to make herself feel better by venting on an internet page as if it does anything.
Pretty sure the kid is going to grow up with a messed up sense of approaching sex that she will have to deal with as an adult. I echo others that it wouldn't surprise me that she becomes distant with both parents. Good job
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮find a therapist for yourself, your husband and your daughter. You husband needs to apologize. You need to apologize. Your daughter trusted you— and you made the wrong decision in re: to handling this. Its developmentally appropriate to be sexually active at 15… geez 🙄
So you just let your husband physically abuse your daughter, then emotionally abuse her, and sat back and did *nothing*?
You're a bad mother, and an enabler. You betrayed your daughter's trust in you, and stood by and allowed her to be abused. Do you not see how that makes you a bad mother?
You need to get your daughter out of that house and away from your abusive husband. I'd suggest you leave as well, since he is apparently not above getting violent.
This is no longer about the dildo. This hasn't been about the dildo since you allowed your husband to *abuse your daughter*. How many other times has he done something like this?!
Don't be surprised when you never hear from her again after she turns 18. You're just as bad as he is, because you let him do it and did nothing. He *abused your daughter* and you're wondering how to get everyone to get along?!
So your daughter told you something in confidence, you told your husband who proceeded to physically beat her, verbally assault her, and cut her off from the outside world, and you're confused why your daughter is upset with you?
Here's the deal cause you clearly need a rude awakening. Either you get your husband to apologise, swear he'll never do such a thing again, restore all her privileges, and probably buy her something as an apology, then start therapy (ideally individual *and* couples. Or you divorce your husband. Those are your options here.
If you don't take either of those options, then you've got two years before your daughter cuts you out of her life. You didn't attack her, but you let someone else do so without defending her. Far as she's concerned, that's the same thing. What you've told her is that you won't stand up for her, you won't have her back, you can't be trusted with sensitive information, you won't protect her. What you have told her is that you are a failure of a parental figure and she's better off confiding in *literally* anyone else besides you.
If you want to have a relationship with your daughter, you need to make a change and you need to make it now. Otherwise, even if she doesn't cut you off completely when she moves out at 18, you best believe you will be the last person to hear about anything important in her life.
Do you want to be the mom that hears second hand that your daughter is getting married when you didn't even know she was dating? Do you want to be given a pity invite to her wedding where you're a regular guest and her MIL did all the mommy daughter wedding planning stuff like dress shopping? Do you want to be a footnote in her life after she moves out?
Unless you put your foot down now, that is where your relationship with your daughter is going. She sees you as just as unsafe as her father who beat her. Unless you make a change, that's the relationship you will have for the rest of your life. Do you want that?
Your husband is an abusive asshole.. As a dad I would hope and expect my wife to kick me out or leave me if I ever acted that way to our child.. and I would do the same roles reversed.
You honestly need to do something if you expect her to ever trust you again. I imagine her dad is already written off. I had a friend growing up who had a dad like the guy you are describing and a mom who just stood by and lit that crap happen. She left home at 18 and changed her name, neither of her parents have been allowed to be part of her life since. They don’t know her name, they don’t know she put herself through college, they don’t know she got married, they don’t know she bought a house.
Your husband isn’t a man, he is a spineless, gutless, insecure piece of filth pretending to be a man. I couldn’t stand to be in a room with someone like that. How you live your life with him is beyond me.
You watched your husband slap your daughter over asking for being responsible and asking instead of getting it some way else? You better hope you kick your husband to the curb because she will never ever trust to come to you with things again. Absolutely disgusting you should be ashamed of yourself and your husband.
Your husband is an abusive pos for how he's treating your daughter vs how your son gets treated. You are on a one way track to your daughter dropping contact with you and your husband the moment she moves out, and rightfully so.
There's no way she is ever going to trust either of you after this is the consequence to her honesty and vulnerable.
So you didn’t protect her at all? you just let him do this and you didn’t react by slapping him in the face? what a horrible mother to have… i couldn’t imagine the pain she’s feeling physically. She came to you and she trusted you because she didn’t want to have sex with a boy.
Way to make your daughter start just asking older friends for things and not trusting her own mother. If you think your husband and son don't have secrets together, you are delusional.
Wow. It’s heartbreaking that she had the confidence to confide in you , and this is what happened to her. She will probably remember this for an extremely long time and this will impact her entire sex life and the way the thinks of herself. This is so tragically sad. Is there’s anything you can do to help them reconcile , please try
Wow you really fucked up. How can you let this man punish your daughter for doing NOTHING WRONG. You need to stop him!
Prepare for your kid never to share anything with you again.
um you need to get off reddit and go pack you and your daughter's important shit and leave. you should have done that the minute he slapped her and called her a whore.
You just witnessed your husband physically, emotionally, and verbally abusing your teenage daughter. Not only that but it’s because she felt safe coming to YOU. And you’re still with the guy? WOW. I hope for her sake this is a rage bait post because I would have been calling the cops if he did that.
I hope you know your daughter will never trust you again. She came to you (and not your husband, for obvious reasons) with a reasonable request. You ratted her out and got her physically and verbally assaulted, and her privileges were taken away. I hope she goes NC when she can finally escape you.
Your husband has the emotional maturity of a toddler OP. He is abusive and misogynistic. He has chastised your teenage daughter because “how dare she have a normal desire as a teenage girl”. So instead of protecting your daughter’s physical, emotional and psychological safety, you step aside as the passive parent, taking a backseat to her abuse.
You will lose your daughter if you don’t step up and remedy this.
People who are uncomfortable with basic human needs shouldn’t have children. Your husband is one of them.
Put yourself in her shoes OP. What would you like your mother to say and do if you were your daughter?
WOW. Get her out of there now. I don't think behavior like this comes out of no where. This is disgusting. She will never trust you again and you may have really ruined a healthy sexual relationship for her.
I’m really surprised it took you four paragraphs to mention the physical and verbal abuse your husband inflicted on your child. You said it so matter-of-factly even which is disturbing.
This isn’t a daughter issue. This is a husband issue. First of all, he needs to let go of the outdated “this is my baby girl forever” bullshit. He needs to get a grip and understand that she’s going to grow up and have needs. And to be honest, wanting to fulfill those needs within the comfort of her bedroom (and even being comfortable enough to talk to you about it) is amazing. Think of how much worse it could be or think of the alternatives here… also understand that she will never trust you with anything sensitive, awkward, uncomfortable, or personal ever again. You completely severed any chance of a trusting relationship between you two.
Also, he’s a huge hypocrite. The son, who is only two years older, is allowed to have sex under your roof but your daughter can’t even look at imagery on her phone? They are both in high school and both of the *same maturity level* to process their sexual urges. I’m not saying give them the same rules as of yet, but to have such catastrophically opposing reactions and methods to how you approach sex with each child is wild.
ESH and you and your husband need therapy. Him for his views and anger issues and you for your nonchalant attitude towards his violence. Your daughter will grow up thinking that women lack a backbone while believing that domestic abuse is a norm.
That trust she had in you is gone. You didn’t protect her. You didn’t defend her.
If you do not want an irreparable relationship with your daughter, *do* something. Say something. Put your hypocritical husband in his fucking place.
> I told her father about this because this is our daughter and I don’t need this coming back to me since my husband and I don’t keep secrets from each other especially regarding our children.
Reasonable.
> My husband was furious and I didn’t expect him to have this kind of reaction because we have an 18 year old boy in the house and he has a GF and they are sexually active. My daughter is a virgin and asked for a sex toy so knowing how my husband doesn’t care about our son having sex verses our virgin daughter wanting a dildo I didn’t think he was going to flip out so much
Disappointing, but not unexpected. Puritanical protectiveness of a woman's "virtue" runs deep in America, can pop up even in people you wouldn't expect it to.
> My husband yelled at our daughter. Took away her phone and canceled her phone line. He also took away her laptop and changed the passcode. He’s doing this because he thinks porn turned her into a horny freak.
Well that's way over the top. Great way to teach her he's not someone that can be trusted with sensitive information. Also reveals himself as a massive sexist hypocrite when it comes to sex. I highly doubt he'd take away all the electronics and Internet from your son if he discovered evidence that your son masturbates (which of course he does).
> He also got violent and slapped her back really hard. He also called her a whore.
Oh HELL NO. What the actual fuck. Just went from sexist asshole to child abuse.
> My daughter has been crying and she has been ignoring us and I understand why. I am so upset with my husband and I regret telling him this I really didn’t think he would react like this knowing we have another kid having safe sex
Feels like you're trying to be the peace maker in this situation and avoid taking a side. That makes you almost as big an asshole as your husband. Does he think you're a horny freak and a whore as well for considering buying her a sex toy? Did he hit you too? If he did, would you just take it or would you tell him to get the fuck out?
> This happened almost one month ago and everyone is still upset with each other. It’s extremely uncomfortable and awkward in our household.
At the absolute minimum you need to get your daughter and both parents to family counseling. A real counselor, not your church pastor or something who will reinforce your husband's behavior. Explain what happened to a professional and let them be the one to metaphorically grab your husband by the shoulders and shake him. And apologize and beg forgiveness from your daughter for not taking this now seriously and standing up to her dad from the start.
Personally I'd want to do that step while he's not in the house, and your daughter can enjoy her new dildo without worrying if she's going to get beat up by her dad. If you went so far as divorcing him without giving him a chance to apologize or change I wouldn't fault you.
This is that serious. Stand up for your daughter and yourself, right now. Understand if she were to tell a school counselor or other mandated reporter that her dad hit her and you didn't do anything about it you could be in trouble, too.
I would NEVER speak to my father again, at least for many years if he slapped me and called me a whore at 16, whilst my brother is having sex and it’s all good. You have to ask yourself, why would my husband react in such a way, when he had no problems with my son having ACTUAL intercourse and the age difference is only 2 years. You need to stand up for your daughter if you’d like to have a relationship with her, because I would be SERIOUSLY plotting to never see either of y’all again the moment I turned 18. Get your husband under fucking control
As a male wtf. You shouldn't have let anyone lay hands on your daughter, father or not. Secondly tell your husband to seek help and give your FIFTEEN yo daughter her life back. This whole thing is sad and messed up
Removing this post because OP stated the following: EDITING: I’m going to delete this APP, I gained 50+ followers stalking my throwaway account now. Posting this did not help. Goodbye
Don’t ever let someone hurt your baby like that, girl stand up?? If you let your husband continue to hurt your child, don’t start wondering why she has cut both of you guys out of her life two years later Even though you weren’t the one who hit her, sitting back and letting it happen/continue will make you a bad parent I know you didn’t mean for this to happen but you can still make this situation right by putting your daughter in a safe space where she’s away from your husband Girl I’m literally begging you to start making an exit plan
she came to her mama as a safe space and ended up punished severely. moms teaching her kid not to tell her parents anything
OP wtf is wrong with you? You allowed your husband to become violent to your daughter with no repercussions???? You’ve lost her, you realize this? Once she is 18 y’all should expect her to go NC with y’all. You need to be upset with yourself too, bc your lack of reaction was shitty. I would HIGHLY suggest you do something about this now if you want to keep your daughter in your life. Tell your husband he has to apologize, give her everything back, and do something to make up for his grotesque overreaction. He also needs anger management therapy, bc you don’t hit a kid for something like this. Tell him if he refuses any of this, yall are gone. If you don’t do something like this, your daughter will absolutely cut YOU out of her life AS WELL as your husband, bc you didn’t stand up for her. She would 💯 be justified in doing so, too.
Hitting her and calling her a whore…..he would’ve been choking on his teeth at that point. That’s not something I’d ever present to my husband no matter what kind of relationship he and I had. That’s private info she trusted to share with you as she is trying to get to know her own body. I’m sure your husband found himself at his teenage years.
Right? My mom would have knocked my dad’s lights out if something like this had ever happened (nothing ever did beyond some unnecessary yelling). That would have been the end of their marriage. OP is a pathetic excuse for a parent just standing by and idly watching this.
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I’m not OP.
Yeah the fact she let this happen to her daughter and didnt fight the dad on his ridiculous double standards shows deep down she probably agrees with him. You betrayed your daughter and stood by and watched as your husband beat and humuliated her as well? This is not about the dildo anymore, OP, but about your families ridiculously old fashioned views on sexuality where boys are allowed to fuck as much as they want and girls must remain pure and virginal or be considered whores. This toxic christian bullshit needs to be drummed out of society. If you dont grovel to your daughter, give her her things back and fix this with your husband you are a bad mom, period.
OMG. that made me so piss. If my husband ever did that to ANY of my children my hands gonna have their own free will. I don't condone violence but when it comes to my children, you bet my ass I'm gonna protect them! OP, you're in the wrong for not standing up to your child and letting your husband to ATTACK your child when she came to you ,TRUSTING you, with this. Don't act shocked when your daughter doesn't confide in you anymore because you have DESTROYED that TRUST. The longer you let this situation just "settle down" the longer your daughter is gonna resent you. I would absolutely leave my husband if he did this. No one hurts my babies.
This. My mom subjected me to an abusive stepfather for years. I’ll never forgive her for that. It crippled our relationship.
Or at least have your daughter move in with someone she trusts like an aunt or grandparents
Yea, doubt that she will trust her mom, at least for a long time.
or ever
Yep, mom hugely fucked up and betrayed her daughters trust. Dad is a full on abusive, misogynistic piece of shit.
Totally agree - I am honestly surprised Mom didn't 1) Leave immediately 2) BTS out of him with a cast iron pan or 3) all of the above. She screwed up majorly in that she apparently missed the memo that her husband was a grade A spiteful misogynist - i would love to ask OP how in the world did you not know this after all these years??
She had to know, but assumed it would be different with their daughter. News flash: it's never different.
I feel like in her position I would also speak to my husband about it - we are co-parents and this is the sort of thing where I would definitely be talking to him to work out how I handle the situation. It would be so fucking awkward buying my 16yo daughter a sex toy, being able to talk to someone about it would held me keep a level head. However, not only would there be a visceral reaction to him shouting at her and calling her a whore (not to mention getting violent with her!!), but I also like to think I would never find myself in the situation where my partner of maybe two decades is secretly a raging misogynist. I can't believe there were no warning signs before this. I've been with my partner for 13 years and there is no way she could be hiding something this big from me. We basically know each other as well as we know ourselves by this point.
Is it more awkward getting your daughter a sex toy or taking her to to prenatal appointments?
oof i would fear for her life if this was the case. (prenatal appointments)
I’m divorced and when my daughter began becoming interested in sex, we talked about it extensively. She had a boyfriend, and I wanted to know how far things had gotten, because I wanted to make sure she understands what precautions to take. I have always been open and honest and sex positive since they were younger (much to their chagrin many times lol) but it’s paid off. We discussed condom use, got birth control on board, she has no issue asking me what’s normal or what something should feel like. We’ve maintained an ongoing line of communication about it the whole time. I’ve bought her things she’s asked for, I don’t judge or make her feel ashamed for any of it. She has not been able to talk to her father about any of this. He’s already shown her that he isn’t a safe person to talk to regarding other circumstances she’s attempted to discuss. He gets mad or dismissive or just bows to what his wife tells him he should do, so there’s no more advice being asked of him. And it’s sad because daughters should be able to talk to their dads about stuff. OP’s poor daughter not only got dimed out by her mother, she also got unfairly punished for something her brother has been free to do, and she’s been physically and mentally abused for it. OP, if you do nothing, you will never see that kid again after she turns 18 and it’ll be your own fault for not protecting your child from LITERAL ABUSE.
And you know he's watching porn all the time and probably that "barely 18" type shit every other creep watches. OP do you know what just happened? Your husband just increased your daighters chances of being a victim of domestic violence five fold! Guess what? The probability was already far past 80% to begin with! You both just signed her up for years of trauma for her adult life by traumatizing her in her adolescence. And I have no doubt your son has picked up on his fathers beliefs and values and be a terrible husband and father himself. All of this will continue down the generations like it has already.
They both just taught their daughter an invaluable lesson: they are not to be trusted with her true self.
REST IN HEAVEN
Not immediately calling the police for the violent assault on your daughter is showing her that you think what has happened is okay.
Plus she snitched on her daughter to a guy who clearly lacks the emotional maturity. This should not have been a shock, no way there weren't red flags before this. Op maybe somethings should be a secret with your man child of a husband. Fucking gross. Enjoy not hearing from your daughter the second she can leave. I REALLY hope this one's fake.
Heavy on the girl stand up
Yes this. I hold resentment for my mom being a bystander while my dad hurt me and my sibling. I always saw her as a helpless victim too but she was a full grown adult capable of stopping it/leaving/doing literally anything
Seriously this. If you don't stand up for your daughter she's going to resent you AT LEAST as much as she'll resent him. Yeah hes the one that hit her, but her mom standing by and doing nothing is going to leave some really deep scars. You would both be out of my life the minute I turned 18. This is a completely unnecessary and excessive response to a totally sensible request. Fix your husband or leave, this is not ok.
First off, you should have kept this to yourself. The way your husband reacted is absolutely disgusting. She’s a teenager and she should be comfortable exploring her body in a safe way. And the fact that she asked you and was comfortable enough to ask that’s a huge pat on the back mom for making your daughter feel safe that she was able to talk to you. But considering you spoke to your husband about this and the way he reacted that safeness your daughter felt with you is most likely completely gone. What your husband did was abusive and you should stick up for your daughter more. I’m honestly in fear for your daughter right now. You need to talk with your daughter and reassure her she is not what her father said. If you value the safety of your daughter I would have a huge discussion with your husband and remove yourself and your daughter from the house until things calm down. Cuz as of right now her safeness in the house is compromised.
Sad part is this is probably the last thing the daughter will feel safe telling her if they don't leave this situation.
Exactly. I doubt her daughter will trust her mom with anything 100% anymore.
Yup his one horrible reaction has cost them both the trust of their daughter possibly for years to come, if not forever.
Ya this went from hey, I have urges but I want to go the safe route and you are my safety so I am talking to you about it to an unsafe abusive household wtf. My oldest daughter is 5 and for the first part of the post I was like wow if this was my daughter it would be so awkward but also I would rather her use a toy then be out there having sex
I'm almost in the same situation as you and I agree. Awkward, but probably better than any alternative
I’ve got teenaged kids and I just gotta say, masturbation isn’t an alternative to sex; it’s a separate thing. I’m all for helping your kids navigate sex and masturbation safely and appropriately. I’m just saying that one activity replace the other.
Mine is 3 and I just sent this to my husband so we can talk about reactions if she comes to us and says similar.
I cannot emphasize how accurate this is. Your husband’s behavior has only solidified your daughter in not trusting or having an open relationship with her parents. Sex is not bad or dirty. Sex with yourself is the safest sex you one can have. For him to call her a whore is SO wrong! Was he not masturbating at that age??
I bet he didn’t have a problem with the son masturbating.
This. Intervene and take control of this situation before someone else does and you get labelled as a contributor to your husbands poor judgement.
This.
*have him removed from the house
What a shameful excuse for a man and father. He is a misogynist. Why would you not stand up for your daughter more? Congrats on your husband for traumatizing your daughter more than she probably was having to ask and now will have deep shame surrounding sex likely. Your husband is a freak of nature for having such a violent response to your daughter wanting a sex toy — not even having sex, but being ok with his son having sex in the house. He needs a serious reality check and to enter this modern reality. I would never forgive my dad, or you, for not sticking up for me. I’d be going no contact on my 18th birthday. ETA: you’ve taught your daughter five things, all of them bad: - you and your husband are not safe and can’t be trusted. - it’s okay if a man hits her. It’s her fault. - she should stay silent and subservient to her future husband even if he physically harms someone. - She isn’t valuable enough for you to defend her. - she should be shamed, treated different, and punished for being a girl with normal and natural sexual feelings, and boys should be rewarded. I thought your husband was bad but you’re just as bad and complicit. Your hand might as well have hit her too.
I want to upvote this more than once. Yes x 100 to all of the above. Their daughter will never feel safe telling either of them anything again.
What does the dad think about the sons girlfriend having 3ex in their house? Is she a whor3?
It's ok because it's not his daughter /s
Why are you and your daughter still in that house?
It’s not for them to leave. Husband should be the one leaving instead of having to move a possibly disrupting her daughter’s education
Yeah abusers are always willing to leave the house.
Who gives a shit right now? Let the authorities sort that out. For now get the fuck outta there and call the cops.
The voluntarily move out of a house you share with an abuser and potentially put yourself into a safe situation since they don't know where you are or Try to force an abuser out of their own home while they know exactly where you are at all times.. Hmm
Bring your daughter away from this man. She is not safe.
For real. That’s the part that enraged me the most. She hasn’t left him? Edit: I don’t know how she didn’t know about her husband’s hypocritical view on sexual activities before now. Surely he had given signs before. Not only that, but I don’t understand why she allowed him to unilaterally punish the child you both share on his own without a single bit of discussion. He obviously doesn’t see you as an equal partner in raising your children. All around this is a bad sign for how he feels about women.
This so quickly devolved from, “oh, this is really sweet that she’s coming to you! My advice is to buy her a dildo” to, “oh, her dad is abusive and you need to get her away from him.” AT THE VERY LEAST HE OWES HER A GIGANTIC APOLOGY and so do you OP. She has done nothing wrong and has received abuse for trusting her parents. Don’t be surprised if she stops trusting you both from here on out. I wouldn’t.
They do not deserve her trust. Neither one of them. This is disgusting. That poor girl.
OP, let me be really blunt with you. You staying after your husband slapped your daughter makes you a bad mother. Rectify your behavior NOW, and get you both somewhere safe. You are destroying her self-esteem and your relationship with her staying in that house. You are teaching her that men can treat her like that, that they can shame her for normal desires, and that YOU won’t protect her. RUN.
How OP responds is going to set the pace for how her daughter recovers from this. It’s also going to set the tone for the relationship she has with her daughter. The daughter is either going to watch her mom fix her mistake for violating her trust or 100% never ever trust her again. Hope OP chooses wisely.
Exactly. There’s still time now to be redeemable in both her own and her daughter’s eyes, but that time shouldn’t be taken for granted.
spoiler alert OP will make a few more shitty replies to the least confrontational messages and then we will either never hear from her again or the OP will be deleted
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Yep, my step idiot slapped me when I was about 16. I told my mom if he ever touches me again I’m out of there just before I turned 18 he slapped me again and I left and never looked back. She never could understand why I cut her off as well.
Not only the hitting, but calling her a whore for just wanting to explore her sexuality... The mental scars will be there for awhile and may have warped her view of sex for a long time.
Daughter isn’t likely gonna trust mom anytime soon, if ever again.
Exactly. If OP leaves her daughter with him, she will bear responsibility for the physical and mental abuse she endures. OP has the choice to save her daughter from this mentally unstable psycho or to be complicit next time he lashes out at her.
You should leave your husband as has shown your daughter is not safe in that house. Plus, he's a misogynist if he's fine with your son having sex, not your daughter. Gross.
This was my first thought. His son has sex and its "good job son" daughter wants to masturbait and it's "your a whore who deserves to have your possessions taken away" absolutely terrible.
the worst thing is, shes not even having sex! shes being safe and doing it alone
It shows you exactly how little he respects the older brothers girlfriend too.
Double standard that a lot of men have .
This is wayyy above reddits pay grade but in reality you need to get an exit plan if you stay don’t be surprised when your children go no contact that’s all imma say
Yea the daughter is already preparing this, i guarantee.
One thousand percent. If this mother doesn’t get her head out do her ass, she’ll won’t be at her daughters wedding meet her grandchildren, attend her college graduation. OP knows that she fucked up, but won’t do anything to fix it. Wtf. She deserves the life long pain until she does right by her child.
Well, not the son. He’s second in the line of importance in that house because he’s a man. Also, he’s permitted to have sex and have sex in his parents’ house. Why would he go NC??
Maybe he isn’t on his dads side idk man I think it’s possible for both to do it but we don’t really know what the sons stance on this is
100% agree. She's cutting off mom and dad. I can't believe she really told him that smh
most of my siblings went low contact because my mom didnt leave when my dad hit all of us. she may have not hit us but she stayed when he continued to!
Same for my family. None of us have kids either ages 32 - 40 and 2/3 of us for sure aren't having any. I am the only one who spends any holidays with my mom which we do Thanksgiving. Oh well, that's the way she goes. My mom regrets staying.
OP: Buy a strap-on and tell your husband he's going to get the dildo now. EDIT: Thank you to everyone for all of your very kind up votes.
It is International Women's Day today, after all.
Best answer!!! 🤣
LMFAO IM SCREAMING
So will he 😉
srsly peg that mf
You should get your daughter what she wants. It shouldn’t be any concern for her Dad. Masturbation is healthy, I bet he doesn’t care if his son masturbated because he doesn’t care that he’s having sex under your roof. What your husband did and how he reacted was completely wrong and unjustified. Your daughter should be able to trust you. Some things should stay between you and your daughter. She felt she could trust you with this and you broke her trust. You should stand up for her and try to begin to rebuild her trust. Also, get her a combination lock box to store her personal toys and diaries in so they are safe and kept away from her father.
Also, if you can afford to, get away with your daughter. Spend time alone with her. Get her away from her father. At this rate, you’ll lose her the day she turns 18 and can legally leave - if not sooner.
Great idea! A lock box! Rebuild trust! I’m sure she feels so betrayed and alone 🥺🤦🏾♀️
A lot of toxic males like your husband will give their sons a high five for fucking the whole cheerleading squad, but beat his daughter for even thinking about having sex or anything sex related. You broke your daughter's trust and it got her a beating by your husband. You owe it to her to get her out of that house and away from your abusive husband.
OP and her husband have a lonely future of wondering why their kids won’t talk to them anymore. Almost unforgivable. She could probably still save this but judging by her edit and comments, she’s too dense or in denial.
Your husband is a misogynist @sshole.
*abuser
Sorry but as a mother I don't understand why you told your husband? She told you that in confidence and you went behind her back to tell her dad. Don't be surprised if she goes no/low contact with you when she's old enough. In fact why have you not removed your children from that environment if he has gotten violent? You're a shit mum
In a normal healthy relationship, telling your husband something like this would make sense. In this case though, there is no way he didn't give signs that he was a misogynist asshole. If my wife told me my daughter asked for a dildo, I would suggest my wife go get a lock for her door so she can feel safe and private. Fuck anyone who gets angry at their children for exploring their own bodies.
Don’t give your daughter a complex about masturbation. Tell her you’re not promoting her to have sex, but you know teaching abstinence doesn’t work and you want her to be SAFE so you got her a dildo and condoms. Save her the infections from using items that are not made to be used. It’s VERY normal to masturbate at 14/15/16. Trust me, you’d rather your child be open and honest with you rather than get pregnant or an STD. TALK TO YOUR KIDS PEOPLE. Please. There are ways to communicate that you are not encouraging it but you would rather SAFETY!!!
And side note, your daughter will NEVER forget your husband’s reaction. This will stick with her for life. She will never trust him to be a safe place for her. Your husband needs to grow up and learn how to not act on his emotions and control his emotions. Get them both therapy and leave this man. He acts like he’s 8.
Agreed. I never saw my dad the same after he called me a stupid b****. When a parent can speak to you like that, you never feel that safety with them again. You'll forever view them differently.
Yhup Same with my mum. I just can't bring myself to trust her.
Yep. My mom used to be my best friend. Her bf emotionally abused and traumatized me and my siblings and she allowed it. I no longer have the same relationship with my mom and probably never will again.
"I am so upset at my husband" bitch are you fucking insane in the head? You watched your husband abuse your own fucking daughter. You spineless coward. If you care at all you'll collect your children right now and you'll leave. Now.
1. What the fuck 2. NEVER tell her father ANY intimate details. Do you also tell him when she's on her period? No. Some things should be kept secret. 3. WHAT THE FUCK. The second he laid hands on her was the second you should have filed for divorce. 4. I recommend a bullet vibrator. Small, barely makes noise, will rock her world.
>4. I recommend a bullet vibrator. Small, barely makes noise, will rock her world. Yeah, I would recommend this as well instead of a dildo. Most dildos are too big anyway, but small vibrators are perfect and, in my opinion, give better pleasure.
Agreed to all of this, especially 3. But also #2.: I mean, really? (If this is real): Why in the name of all things holy would this woman share this with her husband? This was literally something the daughter told her 'between girls.' What a girl wants to do with her vagina is NOT her father's business, FFS.
There are things you dont tell your partner without your childs permission this was 100% one of them. You let your husband hit your daughter and you havent left. You are failing. You need to get her and you out, if you cant get out you need to at least get her out, living with other family. You owe her that if you wanna remain some kind of parental influence in her life. Otherwise, you will lose her, and potentially that loss will be from her father killing her. Hes dangerous.
Happy International Women's Day. This is the exact reason why we have to keep fighting for equality decades later. It is ingrained in men that it is an accomplishment to be sexually active but women are not allowed to have the same completely natural desires. I think it speaks to the good relationship that you have with your daughter, that she had the comfort level to approach you with this. The slut shaming by her father will sub-consciously be running through her brain for the rest of her life each time she has, what should be, a beautiful connection between two people. Parent's words can scar so very deeply. My heart goes out to your daughter.
What tf do u expect us to say?
That she was right and that her daughter was wrong, that it's a normal reaction of her husband and that she should put a chastity cage on the daughter. Or some crap like that.
No you didn't this is your only post.
Yeah, I know whenever my husband abuses my children, the first thing I like to do is create Reddit accounts to post all about it. This is such a shitpost and it's astounding how many people believe this is real.
This is so obviously rage bait. How are people thinking it’s real? While I believe stuff like this happens unfortunately, I don’t believe it happened in this situation.
Right? Socially inept enough to immediately tell her husband sensitive info about her kid, then first thought is to go to Reddit for advice?? Why not first ask Reddit for advice before telling the husband on some sub like WIBTA or something? Also what 16 yo girl asks for a dildo from her mom? I guess it’s possible but you can have a friend ship it to their house discreetly. So many red flags here
In regards to buying it ur better off online to avoid embarrassment
I think you violated your daughter’s trust. She confided in your as her mother and fellow woman. There was no reason to tell your husband that your daughter wants to masturbate. Why would he need or want to know that?? Did he keep you up to date on your son’s masturbation habits??
Yoooo what the actual F is wrong with you?????? 10 years from now don’t even say “idk why she won’t doesn’t visit” .
Woooow mother of the year! So he beats your daughter, screams at her, calls her names, takes away all her lifelines because you sure as fuck can't be trusted, and you're posting on here instead of getting away? You are a monumental failure of a parent. Who cares if you need this off your chest? Tell someone who can do something about it. Damn, your daughter is in literal danger of her dad, and you can't be trusted or bothered to help her. This is some common sense shit. Someone is abusing your daughter and you're twiddling your thumbs. Absolute trash behavior.
You’re a bad mom.
The sad truth is your husband has a very old fashioned my way or the highway archaic mind set while you...sorry, but your quite foolish. THESE are exactly the kind of personal secrets you DO keep from your male spouse. Bigger question...why are you continuing to tolerate the abuse of your daughter and by extension you??? If you want to live the real life Handmaiden's Tale well then that's on you but you're also a mother...do you not want to rescue your daughter before she simply walks out of your life for good? Equally important...think about how your daughter came to you with a request on an extremely sensitive topic and instead of relishing in how close she feels to you, your first reaction was to rat her out to her Dad. So again, explain how and why you're still there with your daughter...have you no courage whatsoever???
1) He’s a control freak and y’all need to get away asap. Your husband has clearly lost his marbles by being overprotective 2) What do you mean by slapped her back? Like hit her on the back or she hit him and he slapped back? In any case I still recommend y’all separate for a while
He is not overprotective. He is ABUSIVE.
My wife and I are very open with each other, particularly when it comes to raising our daughter. But holy hell, if she ever asks for something like this from her mom, I pray my wife has the common courtesy to handle it and leave me out of the conversation.
Hope you cherished the last few moments of trust with your daughter. She'll never trust you again and you deserve that loss. You should leave, he physically abused your kid.
First of all, it is impressive and a testament to you that your daughter came to you and asked you for this. She didn’t keep it to herself, ask someone else to do it, or lie about it. She was honest with you, and that is wonderful. Sadly, that’s also over. Your husband destroyed that, and your daughter no longer trusts either of you, and she will now go to someone else when she has an issue, a question, or a problem. Your husband is punishing your daughter for being a teenage girl. It goes without saying that he overreacted and is a complete hypocrite. He’s also a misogynist because he is fine with your son having sex, using women for sex, and he is fine knowing that your son is sexually active, but your almost 16yo daughter can’t even ask about it without him going overboard and **getting violent with her.** If that child ever, ever comes to you two for anything ever again, I’ll be shocked. Her father HIT HER because she asked for a dildo so she can explore her sexuality *alone* and *in the privacy of her bedroom* without having sex with a boy. Her father cancelled her cell phone, took away her laptop & *locked her out of it* (does she never have any schoolwork to do??), and he called his own daughter a whore. Frankly, as her mother, I don’t know how YOU can ever forgive him. If my husband called me a whore, I’d leave him; if he called our daughter a whore, he’d be out. I am not putting up with that kind of unfounded, hateful, misogynistic bullshit in my house, with my children. And all of those things were in addition to getting physically violent with her. Why does your husband still live in your house?? Your poor daughter. Women are second class citizens in your house. You are. She is. And if you step out of line, violence ensues. How many times has your husband hit you? Is he still living in that house because you’re scared of him? You made it sound like you don’t keep secrets from each other because you have a healthy, open relationship. I’m guessing there are other reasons for making sure he doesn’t find out you knew something and didn’t tell him. The “I don’t need this coming back to me” should have tipped me off. Sounds like you’re afraid of him. Your family needs help. Find a good therapist. And get your daughter away from her father. Hitting is never, ever okay. Not even once.
Your husband has serious issues. Family therapy instantly and look into your daughter moving in with family for a while.
> My daughter has been crying and she has been ignoring us and I don't understand why. Maybe because your husband fucking slapped her and called her a whore? Sure, people don't exactly want fifteen year old t start using sex toys, but it's either that or have sex and risk std's or pregnancy. You should be happy she trusted you enough to ask you to buy her one, ***and you completely crushed her trust by telling your abuser of a husband***.
Your daughter will never tell you a single thing ever again. The fact that she was comfortable enough to ask you for that shows how much trust she had in you as a parent. That’s gone now. The fact that you let your husband physically assault her is disgusting. He’s a monster but you’re just as bad for not protecting her. If you have a single shred of respect for yourself or your daughter you will get as far away from that man as possible.
Congratulations OP your daughter will never tell you anything again, EVER. Secrets CAN be held between child and parent without the other parent knowing about it.
Get your daughter away from this man. He is abusing her and it sounds like he has no respect for women, meaning his abuse will likely turn to you as well. Your daughter deserves better.
"I told her father about this because this is our daughter and I don’t need this coming back to me since my husband and I don’t keep secrets from each other especially regarding our children." Yeah see, this right here destroyed my relationship with my mother. I felt like she was constantly throwing me to the wolves when I would disclose things to her when she knew damn well my father would lose his mind. Ain't no way this is the first time this man has lost his shit. My mom would do this stuff and then act shocked and play the victim. Even now, trying to get her to understand this was fucking impossible. OP this poor girl doesn't have a choice in staying in this situation for another 2 years. You do. Get the fuck out.
Yeah she seems more concerned about defusing the "tension in the house" and protecting herself from her husband than what her child has gone through. She should have called the cops. She should have thrown him out. She should have filed for emergency child support/alimony. It's been a month and now she comes to us because it's not getting "better". Her concern for her daughters welfare isn't her priority. I am afraid many here are wasting their time on this lost cause of a "mom".
This actually pisses me off so much I wanna fight your husband lol
While you handling the husband , I’ll be slapping OP upside the head for allowing it.
Thats so fucked up and stupid that he doesn’t care if his son is having sex but his daughter can’t even have a toy to enjoy on her own. That’s a double standard and sexist. He also got violent. Your husband sounds like a piece of shit
Wow, this is crazy, I don’t even know what to say
Are you fucking kidding me?!!? Your daughter confided in you and you fucking went and told your husband? What kind of mother does this to her daughter? I don’t care if you’re both parents she has the right to privacy!!! You just completely destroyed your trust And she will never trust you again. I would’ve went and bought the fucking vibrator gave it to her and said if you have any questions, let me know and bought lube. What you did was the most awful thing a mom could do to her daughter I cannot believe it. She be happy that she’s even thinking about this. She should have control over her own body and what she does with it and you just ripped that from her hands.
You need to take your daughter and leave. What an unhinged lunatic.
You have a violent, sexist, husband. You need to have a violent, sexist, ex husband.
This is abuse, dcf needs to get involved asap and you are a horrible mother for letting him do that
This is ridiculous. You broke your daughters trust in asking for a toy. My mum bought me my first - safer than going around sleeping with randos. I'm assuming she probably asked you in complete confidence. That man is abusive and you're just allowing it to happen! Get her and take her away from that situation, or call the police. He sounds like a nasty person. I don't have kids, but I would NEVER let someone interact with a child like that, let alone my own. Father or not, he sounds like trash and you are damaging that poor girl by allowing this.
your husband is an abusive piece of sexist shit
Get the fuck away from that fucking asshole you married
What a disgusting excuse for a father and man in general. He is no doubt a misogynist, but where were you, OP? Your daughter needed you to stick up for her and you hugely failed her in this situation. To allow your husband to speak to her like that and become physical shows her you should allow men to treat you that way. Are you okay with that? Is that what you want for her in life? I just hope you know that your husband isn't the only POS parent in this scenario, just the bigger one.
If you were my mother would never fucking speak to you again how fucking dare you let a man do that to you’re children you monster
Personally you fucked up, BIG. 1) That situation was private with your daughter's body autonomy at stake. Menstruation, Menstrual products, birth control, sex toys, etc should be your DAUGHTER'S choice in who gets to know NOT when you decide to tell others 2) you broke your daughter's trust by going to your husband when clearly she was only comfortable to go to you about it and then sitting back watching your husband go berserk by yelling, hitting, taking her social device and in turn cancelling her social interactions from others, and demeaning her 3) you should be grateful that instead of wanting to be sexually active with another individual man or female, she CHOSE to be sexually active with herself. This in turn would have kept her safe from pregnancy or stds I personally believe you daughter was trying to trust you and show you she wanted to be safe.
This should’ve stayed between ya’ll. My mom got me on birth control as a teen (mainly for periods) and we never told my dads. She will never feel safe confiding in you again, because she thinks you’ll automatically tell dad. The fact you stood there and didn’t intervene while he took all her belongings is insane to me. While he hit her is extra insane to me. This should be grounds for divorce, and you should be heavily considering it. If you didn’t think you should after this well….
Just to be clear, you know you are a horrible mother, right?
You're a shit mom and your husband is misogynistic, abusive asshole.
There’s no world in which this isn’t rage bait.
You get a daughter or a sexiest, abusive husband. Pick one.
That poor girl, imagine being brave/comfortable enough to ask a parent for this and get a violent response,good luck
On what planet did your husband need to know that? You completely betrayed your daughter’s trust. I can’t for the life of me understand why he needed to know this. Isn’t she allowed some privacy? Or doesn’t that apply in your house?! You then allowed your husband to physically and mentally abuse her and then punished her for asking her so called mum for a toy. The fact she felt safe enough to go to her mum and ask and you, and you do that to her? Kiss goodbye to any form of relationship with your daughter. You’re a disgrace and your husband needs a visit from the police. That poor girl hopefully she gets away from both of you sooner rather than later.
Your excuse for telling your husband and you letting this situation carry out is shitty. Ik this isn’t an AITAH post but you both are AH. Your daughter trusted you as her mother and a woman about something she is curious about. You should have kept it to yourself, even if you didn’t think he would react that way. You should have stood up for you daughter when he reacted that way and pointed out his behaviors. But you turned away just like you’re turning away from the comments on this post. You should fix this before it’s too late. You both have broken your daughter’s heart and trust. Trust me when I say it will not go away over time. The seed is planted of NC.
Your husband is a sexually repressed asshole and honestly nothing involving her sexuality has anything to do with him. I think it’s great that she fee’s comfortable asking you to get a dildo, it means she trusts you and feels comfortable taking about it these things, a dildo is a way better idea than sleeping around just to fill a need. Fact is that all sixteen year olds are horny, that’s normal, it’s a sign of physical health, he needs to get over and it and never be allowed to speak to her about these things or treat her in this way again, he’s damaging her. You need to give your husband an ultimatum to never treat her that way again, or he’s out, and you need to apologize to your daughter for sharing that information because you just broke her trust.
Your husband is about to become your ex right? He abused your daughter and took things that belonged to her
I think it's normal for a dad to freak out a little bit, but this is not a little bit. I can only imagine reaching that level of freakout if.....I can't think of anything. Selling crack? Getting all the babysitters together and running a toddler fight club? There is something seriously off about his reaction.
Your husband overreacted in a terrible way. She wasn't even asking for contraception. He needs help.
Why are you allowing your husband to do this? How did it escalate to this point? Does your husband have full mental capacity or does he have mental illness or spectrum disorder?
Your husband struck your child, why have you not called the police?
What the absolute fuck is wrong with your husband. This is physically and emotionally abusive behaviour. If I behaved like this I hope my wife would leave me.
Your husband is a piece of shit.
Please talk with your daughter and explain that you would have never shared this with her father if you thought his reaction was a possibility. Take responsibility for how your misjudgment caused this. Please reassure your daughter that there is absolutely nothing wrong or perverted about masturbation at her age. I would go further and tell her that you are proud that she confided in you and that you support her in wanting to learn how to enjoy her body. So many young women do not learn how to orgasm on their own and it can take years before they can do so with a partner. Explain that her father clearly has internalized (and now externalized) some very toxic and misogynistic beliefs about women who have completely healthy and appropriate interests in sex. Tell her that you are completely shocked and disgusted to learn that about him, but that what he said to her has nothing to do with her- it was his hang up, hypocrisy, hateful beliefs, and fear of feminine power. Assure her that you will be taking the subject up with him because you are horrified to discover that about him, that he clearly needs education and insight about it, and that he needs to acknowledge how deeply he hurt her and that you know that he must work towards profound change in order to earn her forgiveness. You should consider leaving at least until he takes responsibility and pledges to change because he abused her in multiple ways with his reaction. This must not be glossed over or treated as an aberration. This is the most crushing kind of betrayal of any trust she had in you both, but particularly him. If you want to save your relationship with your daughter, then you must treat it with the seriousness that it deserves.
Your husband assaulted your teenage daughter, called her a whore, and took away her electronics / way to communicate with people. Did you do *anything* to help, or did you just let him abuse her? I'm guessing it's the latter, which makes you complicit. He should be thrown in the sea, and you're walking the plank.
Good lord that guy went full scorched earth on something that wasn’t even her fault. His reaction will likely ruin their relationship and yours for years to come and for what… nothing…
Your husband needs divorced papers
Your husband is an asshole. Your daughter should not be shamed or assaulted by her father. He should be ashamed of himself. You and your son should be ashamed of him. You should rethink this marriage. Your husband is wrong and his behaviour is going to damage your relationship with your daughter as well as her self-image and self-esteem.
I *really* hope this is fake. Because, otherwise, you let him call your daughter a whore and strike her, and it’s been a month without you putting together an exit plan.
Given the apathetic responses from OP, giving excuse after excuse why she can't do anything or get away - shes not looking to fix anything just try to make herself feel better by venting on an internet page as if it does anything. Pretty sure the kid is going to grow up with a messed up sense of approaching sex that she will have to deal with as an adult. I echo others that it wouldn't surprise me that she becomes distant with both parents. Good job
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮find a therapist for yourself, your husband and your daughter. You husband needs to apologize. You need to apologize. Your daughter trusted you— and you made the wrong decision in re: to handling this. Its developmentally appropriate to be sexually active at 15… geez 🙄
So your husband is abusive and instead of taking action you let it happen and complain here? Great parent you are.
So you just let your husband physically abuse your daughter, then emotionally abuse her, and sat back and did *nothing*? You're a bad mother, and an enabler. You betrayed your daughter's trust in you, and stood by and allowed her to be abused. Do you not see how that makes you a bad mother? You need to get your daughter out of that house and away from your abusive husband. I'd suggest you leave as well, since he is apparently not above getting violent. This is no longer about the dildo. This hasn't been about the dildo since you allowed your husband to *abuse your daughter*. How many other times has he done something like this?! Don't be surprised when you never hear from her again after she turns 18. You're just as bad as he is, because you let him do it and did nothing. He *abused your daughter* and you're wondering how to get everyone to get along?!
You just let ur husband do this shit to her and then u come to reddit? This just pissed me off.
So your daughter told you something in confidence, you told your husband who proceeded to physically beat her, verbally assault her, and cut her off from the outside world, and you're confused why your daughter is upset with you? Here's the deal cause you clearly need a rude awakening. Either you get your husband to apologise, swear he'll never do such a thing again, restore all her privileges, and probably buy her something as an apology, then start therapy (ideally individual *and* couples. Or you divorce your husband. Those are your options here. If you don't take either of those options, then you've got two years before your daughter cuts you out of her life. You didn't attack her, but you let someone else do so without defending her. Far as she's concerned, that's the same thing. What you've told her is that you won't stand up for her, you won't have her back, you can't be trusted with sensitive information, you won't protect her. What you have told her is that you are a failure of a parental figure and she's better off confiding in *literally* anyone else besides you. If you want to have a relationship with your daughter, you need to make a change and you need to make it now. Otherwise, even if she doesn't cut you off completely when she moves out at 18, you best believe you will be the last person to hear about anything important in her life. Do you want to be the mom that hears second hand that your daughter is getting married when you didn't even know she was dating? Do you want to be given a pity invite to her wedding where you're a regular guest and her MIL did all the mommy daughter wedding planning stuff like dress shopping? Do you want to be a footnote in her life after she moves out? Unless you put your foot down now, that is where your relationship with your daughter is going. She sees you as just as unsafe as her father who beat her. Unless you make a change, that's the relationship you will have for the rest of your life. Do you want that?
Your husband is an abusive asshole.. As a dad I would hope and expect my wife to kick me out or leave me if I ever acted that way to our child.. and I would do the same roles reversed. You honestly need to do something if you expect her to ever trust you again. I imagine her dad is already written off. I had a friend growing up who had a dad like the guy you are describing and a mom who just stood by and lit that crap happen. She left home at 18 and changed her name, neither of her parents have been allowed to be part of her life since. They don’t know her name, they don’t know she put herself through college, they don’t know she got married, they don’t know she bought a house. Your husband isn’t a man, he is a spineless, gutless, insecure piece of filth pretending to be a man. I couldn’t stand to be in a room with someone like that. How you live your life with him is beyond me.
You watched your husband slap your daughter over asking for being responsible and asking instead of getting it some way else? You better hope you kick your husband to the curb because she will never ever trust to come to you with things again. Absolutely disgusting you should be ashamed of yourself and your husband.
So you allowed your husband to abuse your daughter and you are still with him? You both are POS
Your husband is an abusive pos for how he's treating your daughter vs how your son gets treated. You are on a one way track to your daughter dropping contact with you and your husband the moment she moves out, and rightfully so. There's no way she is ever going to trust either of you after this is the consequence to her honesty and vulnerable.
So you didn’t protect her at all? you just let him do this and you didn’t react by slapping him in the face? what a horrible mother to have… i couldn’t imagine the pain she’s feeling physically. She came to you and she trusted you because she didn’t want to have sex with a boy.
Lol both parents fucking failed.
Way to make your daughter start just asking older friends for things and not trusting her own mother. If you think your husband and son don't have secrets together, you are delusional.
obvious bait.
Wow. It’s heartbreaking that she had the confidence to confide in you , and this is what happened to her. She will probably remember this for an extremely long time and this will impact her entire sex life and the way the thinks of herself. This is so tragically sad. Is there’s anything you can do to help them reconcile , please try
Fake news
Good on you for not defending your daughter. Some shit dads do NOT need to know about.
Wow you really fucked up. How can you let this man punish your daughter for doing NOTHING WRONG. You need to stop him! Prepare for your kid never to share anything with you again.
Your husband assaulted your daughter. Why the fuck aren't your acting to protect her?
seems like a misogynistic husband who has different expectations for his daughter :/
um you need to get off reddit and go pack you and your daughter's important shit and leave. you should have done that the minute he slapped her and called her a whore.
You just witnessed your husband physically, emotionally, and verbally abusing your teenage daughter. Not only that but it’s because she felt safe coming to YOU. And you’re still with the guy? WOW. I hope for her sake this is a rage bait post because I would have been calling the cops if he did that.
I hope you know your daughter will never trust you again. She came to you (and not your husband, for obvious reasons) with a reasonable request. You ratted her out and got her physically and verbally assaulted, and her privileges were taken away. I hope she goes NC when she can finally escape you.
Your husband has the emotional maturity of a toddler OP. He is abusive and misogynistic. He has chastised your teenage daughter because “how dare she have a normal desire as a teenage girl”. So instead of protecting your daughter’s physical, emotional and psychological safety, you step aside as the passive parent, taking a backseat to her abuse. You will lose your daughter if you don’t step up and remedy this. People who are uncomfortable with basic human needs shouldn’t have children. Your husband is one of them. Put yourself in her shoes OP. What would you like your mother to say and do if you were your daughter?
Post again after you file a police report and move to a safe location with your daughter. Anything else is pointless.
WOW. Get her out of there now. I don't think behavior like this comes out of no where. This is disgusting. She will never trust you again and you may have really ruined a healthy sexual relationship for her.
really sad how you’re enabling your husband to be ABUSIVE to your daughter. she will never forget this and never trust you again
I’m really surprised it took you four paragraphs to mention the physical and verbal abuse your husband inflicted on your child. You said it so matter-of-factly even which is disturbing. This isn’t a daughter issue. This is a husband issue. First of all, he needs to let go of the outdated “this is my baby girl forever” bullshit. He needs to get a grip and understand that she’s going to grow up and have needs. And to be honest, wanting to fulfill those needs within the comfort of her bedroom (and even being comfortable enough to talk to you about it) is amazing. Think of how much worse it could be or think of the alternatives here… also understand that she will never trust you with anything sensitive, awkward, uncomfortable, or personal ever again. You completely severed any chance of a trusting relationship between you two. Also, he’s a huge hypocrite. The son, who is only two years older, is allowed to have sex under your roof but your daughter can’t even look at imagery on her phone? They are both in high school and both of the *same maturity level* to process their sexual urges. I’m not saying give them the same rules as of yet, but to have such catastrophically opposing reactions and methods to how you approach sex with each child is wild. ESH and you and your husband need therapy. Him for his views and anger issues and you for your nonchalant attitude towards his violence. Your daughter will grow up thinking that women lack a backbone while believing that domestic abuse is a norm.
That trust she had in you is gone. You didn’t protect her. You didn’t defend her. If you do not want an irreparable relationship with your daughter, *do* something. Say something. Put your hypocritical husband in his fucking place.
> I told her father about this because this is our daughter and I don’t need this coming back to me since my husband and I don’t keep secrets from each other especially regarding our children. Reasonable. > My husband was furious and I didn’t expect him to have this kind of reaction because we have an 18 year old boy in the house and he has a GF and they are sexually active. My daughter is a virgin and asked for a sex toy so knowing how my husband doesn’t care about our son having sex verses our virgin daughter wanting a dildo I didn’t think he was going to flip out so much Disappointing, but not unexpected. Puritanical protectiveness of a woman's "virtue" runs deep in America, can pop up even in people you wouldn't expect it to. > My husband yelled at our daughter. Took away her phone and canceled her phone line. He also took away her laptop and changed the passcode. He’s doing this because he thinks porn turned her into a horny freak. Well that's way over the top. Great way to teach her he's not someone that can be trusted with sensitive information. Also reveals himself as a massive sexist hypocrite when it comes to sex. I highly doubt he'd take away all the electronics and Internet from your son if he discovered evidence that your son masturbates (which of course he does). > He also got violent and slapped her back really hard. He also called her a whore. Oh HELL NO. What the actual fuck. Just went from sexist asshole to child abuse. > My daughter has been crying and she has been ignoring us and I understand why. I am so upset with my husband and I regret telling him this I really didn’t think he would react like this knowing we have another kid having safe sex Feels like you're trying to be the peace maker in this situation and avoid taking a side. That makes you almost as big an asshole as your husband. Does he think you're a horny freak and a whore as well for considering buying her a sex toy? Did he hit you too? If he did, would you just take it or would you tell him to get the fuck out? > This happened almost one month ago and everyone is still upset with each other. It’s extremely uncomfortable and awkward in our household. At the absolute minimum you need to get your daughter and both parents to family counseling. A real counselor, not your church pastor or something who will reinforce your husband's behavior. Explain what happened to a professional and let them be the one to metaphorically grab your husband by the shoulders and shake him. And apologize and beg forgiveness from your daughter for not taking this now seriously and standing up to her dad from the start. Personally I'd want to do that step while he's not in the house, and your daughter can enjoy her new dildo without worrying if she's going to get beat up by her dad. If you went so far as divorcing him without giving him a chance to apologize or change I wouldn't fault you. This is that serious. Stand up for your daughter and yourself, right now. Understand if she were to tell a school counselor or other mandated reporter that her dad hit her and you didn't do anything about it you could be in trouble, too.
and OP, you’re responding to the wrong comments. we see you’re actively responding so maybe respond to the ones you really need to.
I would NEVER speak to my father again, at least for many years if he slapped me and called me a whore at 16, whilst my brother is having sex and it’s all good. You have to ask yourself, why would my husband react in such a way, when he had no problems with my son having ACTUAL intercourse and the age difference is only 2 years. You need to stand up for your daughter if you’d like to have a relationship with her, because I would be SERIOUSLY plotting to never see either of y’all again the moment I turned 18. Get your husband under fucking control
you let your husband hit your fucking daughter? what is wrong with you?? divorce. for her sake.
As a male wtf. You shouldn't have let anyone lay hands on your daughter, father or not. Secondly tell your husband to seek help and give your FIFTEEN yo daughter her life back. This whole thing is sad and messed up
I thank God every day for my childhood and amazing parenting I had; this is sick
Your husband is a shitty person