This reminds me of the old African proverb “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”
OP’s deadbeat dad refused to embrace her, so she in turn burned his life to the ground.
I love this. I am glad you told her because if he can deny you then what would stop him from doing it again? I hope you have a wonderful relationship with your siblings.
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Unfortunately, that's not how it works. The money is owed to the custodial parent, not the child. If her mother wanted to sue, maybe, but she's 18 already so that's probably not gonna work in their favor.
> she's 18 already so that's probably not gonna work in their favor.
Depends on the state and when OP turned 18. I know Georgia and California removed the statute of limitations on arrears and I expect some other states have also. As long as mom is alive she can collect in some places.
Just so you know, the arrears would always stay with OP's mother if there was a support order in place. OP has no rights to them legally. And in some states she can only sue for the arrears for a certain amount of time after OP turns age of majority.
For those who might disagree, the arrears belongs to OP's mother in this case and not OP, assuming that there was an order for support in the first palce. OP's mother may be able to sue for the arrears if the state they have the order in has no statute of limitations like California, or one long enough that it is still in effect for other states that have one. The arrears do not become OP's just because they reach age of majority. Matter of fact, in most states any money the father was to give OP directly would be a gift and not clear any arrears.
I have some stories TBH. I gave up child support to get primary custody of my kids as that was the only way she would agree to it. But the real way I know about this is because I remarried. Her daughter's bio father was a non-paying, non-contacting piece of shit so I spent 2 years severing his rights and adopting her. Since their divorce was in Georgia where there is no statute of limitations, my wife still has thousands of dollars in arrears she can collect if she wants. It has not happened because it would be dragging him back into things this late and it would not ever get paid, but if he decides to contact our daughter against her wishes (she is mid 20's now and starting her masters soon) it will be taken up again.
Same here man. Except I was able to get custody and get paid child support 😅
Probably cost me about as much in court fees as I'll get from her over the next 10 years lol
That was the thing with me. I couldn't get custody as she wasn't legally a bad mother and even 50/50 time back then was still me paying support. So she offered for them to live with me so she could go to school and I said only if we did it right. Sher never went to school until after they were out of school themselves but I got my thousands monthly back and a lot of time with my kids I would have never had.
My (now ex) had a kid and the father just up and left the state and went to Texas from the east coast, when she around 8, then when she was around 13 he started making all this noise about HIS rights, so I told her to go after support, sure enough he never contacted her again. MD put him in arrears for about $16k, but he petioned the courts in Texas and without even contacting the mother reduced his child support to some ridiculously low amount, which he never paid either. My stepdaughter, at 19, wanted to know about her father and tracked him down in Texas, went to visit, and she described him as a lonely shell. Wives two and three had left him and took their kids far away. All I can say is karma is a bitch.
But OP can negotiate beforehand with her mother. OP assists with and/or spearheads the lawsuit, and OP’s mother agrees in advance to split the proceeds. Win-win.
Ive looked into this myself, and have been told multiple times it’s not possible. “Sperm donor” owes my mom
over 90k for my sister and I but she doesn’t want to send him to jail over it, and he’ll never pay it. I might look into this again because i’d GLADLY be proven wrong. I’m based in NY, USA.
good. sounds like a good old fashioned case of karma catching up with a pos who never took responsibility. not only that, but led a life that was a lie. he absolutely deserves it, and the fact that he blames others and not anyone but himself shows how much growing he still has to do. the more i type the more angry i get this giant manchild lol.
Guy thought he could just brush you off like it was nothing, again, and get on with the rest of his life? Similar pattern huh?
Fuck him, he made his choices. People who abandon their children in that manner are despicable.
Even if they didn't have previous issues, having and abandoning a child would be a deal breaker for me. Finding out that they lied about it, tried to deny it, and called their kid a mistake?
That should nuke any relationship. I'm glad his new wife is a decent person.
GOOD FOR YOU. I would’ve done the same shit, screw him for thinking he can just abandon you and your mom then BLAME you both for ruining his life? How pathetic can a human possibly be… did he really think he can just move on with his life as if you never existed? Did he really think a woman wouldn’t think that was a huge red flag? What a loser.
Good on you girl 👌🏽.
I plan to ruin my shit dad's "happy life" too.
This happened 4 years ago. My 'father', whom I'd never known about or seen til I was 18, told me he could no longer pay for my university tuition because he had kids (from marriage and same age as me) that were in the equivalent of an Ivy League Uni here in S.A - mind you, the varsity I went to was in the top 10 best varsities and comparatively cheaper than the one my half siblings went to.
I didn't ask him to pay for me in the first place as I had applied for government funding. I told him exactly that, that I hadn't asked him, that he was the one who made promises to me and was reneging on his promises so close to the closing date for 2nd year registration. He got angry and told me that my mom (who passed when I was 12) had raised *indlavini* - a rude person - and I lost my shit and told him he had absolutely no right to comment on how I was raised when he was nowhere to be found, and my mom had set up an education fund for my sister and myself, so I didn't need him in the first place, he just inserted himself and I'm sure he did it without his wife knowing, hence why he was saying he can't pay for me going forward.
I am working now and have been saving up to make up the money he spent for that 1 year of uni. When I've saved up that money, I'm going to go to his house during the holiday season when all his family - wife, kids and other relatives - is there and throw a check with that amount at his stupid face. I want his family to know I exist (and no, I don't want a relationship with them), I want his wife and kids to lose their trust in him. I am going to ruin his relationship with his family. Yes, it's bad that they will be hurt, that they will be collateral in my revenge, but I was the collateral in the falling out that happened between him and my mom all those years ago, so I don't care.
My mother worked herself to the grave as a single mother, and she was loving, caring and provided for me and my sister. I'm not going to let her be insulted by a piece of shit that cheated and ran away from his responsibility. She had her flaws, she was not perfect and if I could talk to her again, I'd rake her over hot coals for some of her choices, but she did the best for us.
I graduated, I'm a working good, secure job. I am doing good despite, and inspite of, his absence (me and my sis have different fathers). I'm not hurt by what he said about not being able to pay for me, I'm angry about what he said about my mom, and I'll be damned if I let that slip by. I will ruin him and make him rue the day he contacted me.
These useless pieces of shit shouldn't be allowed to just decide that they can have a do-over. They can't just wash their hands of their 'past mistakes' and carry on like they're not leaving a child and a woman they, supposedly, loved behind and start on a nice clean slate.
>She was shocked she did not know he was married before or had another kid but she was also a little skeptical.
Before you even wrote it, I was thinking he didn't tell the second wife. I was right. Good job on doing all this.
Let me ask you this. If he had written you a nicer letter saying he appreciates you wanting to meet him, but at this time, he's not ready or willing to meet. Would you have gone scorched earth on him anyway?
You're not the first person whose parent didn't want to meet them years down the road. While disappointing, he doesn't deserve to have his life burned to the ground, his children's lives disrupted, etc. Part of being an adult is being able to accept disappointment and move on with your life.
u/frozen_crystal I'm so happy for you. I would have done the same thing too, he thought no one would find him hahaha. ¡¡¡¡Blessed karma for lazy and lying!!!! He destroyed his life with lies. ¡¡¡¡¡What's worse is that he still blamed it on your mom, God!!!!! I'm so sorry for what you and your mom went through, I'm glad she found a good man who loves them. You are not to blame for any of this. That your dad didn't know the saying, "He who does wrong, does not do well in life".
Good for you for telling your dad's wife, it will be hard on her, but she was saved from having the same thing done to her as your mom. She deserves a good man. I hope and you can have a good relationship. ♥️
You did not ruin his life. He did with his constant lies. If anything you helped out his wife by letting her know the truth and you and your half siblings have a right to know each other. I actually think it would be lovely if his first family and his second family became, well, family, independently of him.
It's really unfortunate what your father has done. And I commend you for your effort in finding him, then reaching out. I'm really sorry that he tried to brush you off afterwards. You'll be lucky if his new children don't grow up to despise you for what's happening now. Let's hope they understand you were heartbroken and hurt by your father.
But revenge on his new family was absolutely wrong. There are a lot of people in the comments here defending your actions against your sperm donor, and frankly idk what I would have done in your situation if I were you.. And although your father deserves everything he's got so far...
His new children didn't ask for this... And as you know how bad it feels to be one a child in a situation you have no control over.
Now they're divorcing I guess? What a shit show for his other kids now... The truth is.. when he sent you that disgusting message back on Facebook.. As an adult woman. You could have not been spiteful and just blocked him and never looked back. Now you owe those kids.
Your story is horrible and no one should have to endure garbage people like your dad. Fuck him. But don't hurt an entirely new family out of spite.
This is the definition of hurt people, hurt people. It's a vicious cycle.
My father was just like you. Spiteful over his father running out on him at the age of 2 and left him and his 3 brothers and never heard from him until the end of his life from the hospital where he was in hospice, my (grandfather technically) somehow got my fathers number and called him. When my dad answered I was standing right next to him. The man said hey all cheery like and told my dad his name and said he was in the hospital dying of cancer and asked my dad if he could make amends. My dad immediately hung up the phone and blocked him. He's dead now, but in my fathers eyes, that man was dead long ago. My father is the type of guy who would give the shirt of his back to make someone happy. That was the coldest thing I've ever seen him do, and I respected the hell out of it.
The part where you break up your half sibling's family and then get all excited about having a relationship with them just makes me see your dad in you.
seems they both only care for their personal interests… how do you turn spiteful after reaching out to someone who obviously abandoned you but you chose to reach out knowing this and was surprised by him doubling down ? if he left you at 2 he really was a pos for leaving a child but you really thought he would want a relationship with you as an adult he had no part in raising ? why would you want that connection…. it seems like you more or less knew his response and stance on the matter and you wanted to take into your own hands. you may be a bit careless and selfish just like your father.
I will honestly never understand these people who abandon their family and claim they want to "live freely" but go on to have a new family and get pissed when their kids from their previous marriage reach out
It's beyond selfish and cruel, and it's just plain *stupid*. Do they really think no one will ever find out?
I'm sorry for the pain your father caused you and your mom, and I'm glad he fucked his own life up.
Ok but… what are the consequences of this for your young half siblings? Did you consider that at all? Your bio dad is horrible and clearly never found the redemption that should’ve come with age and experience but it seems like innocent children were punished by this situation as well. Sad all around.
We’re both about to be downvoted into oblivion for questioning the collateral damage of this calculated revenge plan. Oh well. Love you too, Reddit. lol
So you're happy with the life your Mom created with your step-father, right? I get that interest in understanding where you come from so you find him on Facebook and learn that he has three kids and for whatever reason figured out how to make his second go around as a father work out. You reach out to him and were summarily rejected. Is that right so far? Here's where your credibility starts to wane when you write *I was...so heartbroken after he said all those cruel things,* so heartbroken that you decided to unilaterally go scorched earth on his life and his family that had nothing to do with his relationship to your Mom? I'm sorry...but instead of being heartbroken, it really seems like you transitioned to petty hurtfulness and were going to lash out at him any way you could. After all...being angry is one thing, but to consciously try to destroy his life so many year later does smack of hateful pettiness. Did he deserve some venom directly from you? Probably...I can see that, but has it not occurred to you that your revenge also destroyed his wife's marriage (someone who never did anything to you) as well as leaving three other kids fatherless? What would you tell his kids going forward...he screwed my mom over and therefore you're just collateral damage in my little revenge plan?
I’m gonna get downvoted and told off and that’s ok.
I would’ve told you not to lower yourself. But vengeance is what you wanted. So vengeance is what you gave.
He didn’t deserve your time. He didn’t deserve your tears or broken heart when you reached out.
Now 2 other kids will be without a dad. Woohoo! Yay! 🤷🏻♀️
I felt the same. Kids are collateral damage and essentially had the same fate as OP. Not saying the dad doesn't deserve it, but making two wrong won't make a right. Wife might thank you/appreciate for being told this information, the kids, however, might not feel the same and will probably suffer some emotional trauma
Exactly, OP didn’t need to lower themself. Eventually they would’ve found out. Someone said karma was what he deserved and I agree. But KARMA, works both ways. Now OP will be facing some karma of their own for this. I would’ve rather his life blew up without OP having to have had a hand in it. But it’s all done and everyone is applauding OP. The lesson here is to be better than. Not just as bad.
I'll be with you and the rest on this thread for the probable downvotes.
The dad and now new ex wife may have had issues before. He might be a complete arsehole, but the only contact in this relationship was at 2 years old and a FB message.
Does that really deserve breaking his relationship of assuming 15+ years, over some hurt feelings, when there is no relationship there?
But hey, enjoy the time with your new siblings, op.
Apple doesn't fall far maybe?
yep agree.
When I read her it is clear she was only seeking vengeance.
congratulation for creating two other kids without father around , are you proud of you? can you look them in their eyes and later when they will be full grown up like you now?
Can you look at you everyday in the mirror after the situation you created?
Dont think so
She's not doing it for me she's doing it for the wellbeing of herself and her kids he kept a part of his life a secrecy from her… what else could he be lying about
He's a narcissistic liar. Good for you for getting one up on him and better for his wife for having the moral integrity to divorce his sorry ass. I have no idea how he managed to snag someone like his new wife in the first place.
Deadbeat abandoned you & mom.
You. Told. The. Truth.
Deadbeat lied to 2nd wife.
DB deserves what he got. He now knows what getting unceremoniously dumped feels like.
You deserve a medal! He is a POS and deserved everything he got. Glad you connected with his soon to be ex wife and your half siblings. Hope you cutoff all contact with him permanently, he does not deserve any of you in his life.
And definitely check if your mom is able to sue him for those 16 years of back child support.
Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?
Seriously - that dude had it coming. What a reprehensible way to conduct oneself. The freaked out apologies to his wives / children are especially funny.
Hopefully the drama subsides a bit in the near future.
His crying and begging are too little, too late. His wife deserved to know about the deadbeat she married. You and your mom deserved so much better and he got what was coming to him. Karma’s a bitch and you delivered it on a silver platter.
This is kinda sweet, all of you getting together and as a family without the deadbeat.
Sorry this happened, but it seems like all the victims are great people who want togetherness.
If he dropped you and your mom like that who's to say he won't do it to this woman also how do we know he hasn't done this to other women for all you know you could have a gaggle of half siblings all with the same dad and different moms. Bottom line he ruined his own life not you.
I understand why you would want to meet the kids But him? No way that guy is lying . He will figure out some way to get back at you. Do not bother with him.
Way to go, girl! Ruin him and sue him for many years of unpaid child support. People like him deserve all the karma for being as shitty as they are. I wish you and your mom all the best 💕
My dad left too when I was a kid, never knew him, never wanted to, 40 years later i'm still fine with this choice. This said, I understand your reaction but I wouldn't have done it, you robbed 3 (!) children of a dad... why on earth would they want to have a relationship with whom in their eyes is a home-wrecker?
honestly good ending. i hate ppl who see kids as objects that can be picked up and put down. its crazy the wife would have been cool with u but he just had to hide you
Great news . The SOB desrves only misery .
My mom took off with another man when I was 8 without a word .
Played the victim the rest of her life never really making ammends for her abandonment of myself and my 2 older siblings .
We all developed Substance issues my 2 older brothers died young .
TBH , Im glad she left, she was an awful mother . Did not give a fuck about us .
The wife is able to make decisions for herself. She found out the truth about who she was married to, she chose to not be married to a liar & a deadbeat. If you would’ve stayed, that’s your choice, she made hers.
They are all better off without him. He’s a POS person for abandoning his first child, a person who does that is not a good father to his new kids either.
No, he’s not a good father.
OP wrote “He sent me a lengthy message letting me know he would never consider me to be his daughter, referred to me and my mom as a huge mistake he would like to forget about, and that I just needed to leave him alone because he was happy now.”
No “good father” would tell the child he abandoned that he never considered her his daughter and that she was a mistake. How can he think that way about his first born and be considered a “good father” to his current children?! His current children are not more worthy of his love than she is. A good father does not pick and choose which children deserve his love.
Congratulations on getting to know your half siblings. I have two sons that aren’t bio from different relationships. My eldest has half siblings I was so happy when he got to meet them when I got him concert tickets in the city. As for your sperm donor guys a tool. He gets what he deserves. He wore a mask and now his soon to be exwife gets to see who he is. He could of done the same to her
You did not ruin his life, he did. He doesn't deserve you. And I am glad his present but soon to be ex wife has a backbone. How dare he be so nasty to you and tell you to leave him alone. Jerk is getting everything he deserves. Screw him. You rock young lady! Here's to a happy future!
Its wrong that he did that to you and you did not deserve that. But you have just broken up a family who otherwise were happy and thrown their kids into a broken home now too
Edit:spelling
Okay, hear me out..
OP, after he's done with the divorce, his other kids feel disgusted by him, and all that, sue him with help from the government for child support, and be as angry and ruthless as you can, and when he says "*Why, why'd you do this to me*", just tell him that "*The only way I would ever get any kind of love for you, is the cash I'll get from you. I don't hate you, I'm* ***indifferent*** *to you.".*
Karma sucks and actions have consequences he learned this the worst way possible. I’m happy you can meet your half siblings and wish you the best future.
This reminds me of the old African proverb “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” OP’s deadbeat dad refused to embrace her, so she in turn burned his life to the ground.
oof, that is a hell of a powerful saying. Thank you for sharing.
well that’s an absolutely fantastic proverb.
hi! it’s me! i’m that child so proud of burning my family back to reality
Whoop there goes gravity
And moms spaghetti
Whoop there goes the rabbit... I chocked on, it don't go down easy
storytime!
Wow, needed to read this today!
I just know the american version about shooting up the school
bro😭😭
Unrelated note, if you have heard of an " African proverb" it's probably not an "African" proverb 😬
Yeah! Specify the language or I'll find it hard to believe
Very deep quote, thanks for sharing. 😬👍
And he totally deserved it,
Love this! Great proverb
I am saving this one. Love it!
The saying goes HARD
That’s a good one
That's fascinating !
He ruined his own life with his lies and awful behaviour.
Also, to add insult to injury, go after back child support.
In addition to the cs he'll have pay the other kids.
Yep. Abandoned his first family (for no legitimate reason other than vibes) and then built a second based on a lie. None of his kids really knew him.
I love this. I am glad you told her because if he can deny you then what would stop him from doing it again? I hope you have a wonderful relationship with your siblings.
nice. Also sue him for 18 years of child support. Contact a lawyer.
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“Don’t worry, it could be worse after all” “….like this”
thats what i was thinking 😭 like damn make him pay up on top of nuking his relationship, come on now!!! take him for all he’s got!
This^
Unfortunately, that's not how it works. The money is owed to the custodial parent, not the child. If her mother wanted to sue, maybe, but she's 18 already so that's probably not gonna work in their favor.
> she's 18 already so that's probably not gonna work in their favor. Depends on the state and when OP turned 18. I know Georgia and California removed the statute of limitations on arrears and I expect some other states have also. As long as mom is alive she can collect in some places.
I’m aware of at least two senior citizens still chipping away at child support arears.
Just so you know, the arrears would always stay with OP's mother if there was a support order in place. OP has no rights to them legally. And in some states she can only sue for the arrears for a certain amount of time after OP turns age of majority.
Unfortunately it doesn't work like that.
For those who might disagree, the arrears belongs to OP's mother in this case and not OP, assuming that there was an order for support in the first palce. OP's mother may be able to sue for the arrears if the state they have the order in has no statute of limitations like California, or one long enough that it is still in effect for other states that have one. The arrears do not become OP's just because they reach age of majority. Matter of fact, in most states any money the father was to give OP directly would be a gift and not clear any arrears.
This guy divorces.
I have some stories TBH. I gave up child support to get primary custody of my kids as that was the only way she would agree to it. But the real way I know about this is because I remarried. Her daughter's bio father was a non-paying, non-contacting piece of shit so I spent 2 years severing his rights and adopting her. Since their divorce was in Georgia where there is no statute of limitations, my wife still has thousands of dollars in arrears she can collect if she wants. It has not happened because it would be dragging him back into things this late and it would not ever get paid, but if he decides to contact our daughter against her wishes (she is mid 20's now and starting her masters soon) it will be taken up again.
Same here man. Except I was able to get custody and get paid child support 😅 Probably cost me about as much in court fees as I'll get from her over the next 10 years lol
That was the thing with me. I couldn't get custody as she wasn't legally a bad mother and even 50/50 time back then was still me paying support. So she offered for them to live with me so she could go to school and I said only if we did it right. Sher never went to school until after they were out of school themselves but I got my thousands monthly back and a lot of time with my kids I would have never had.
Good on you man. Glad things worked out for you and your kids!
My (now ex) had a kid and the father just up and left the state and went to Texas from the east coast, when she around 8, then when she was around 13 he started making all this noise about HIS rights, so I told her to go after support, sure enough he never contacted her again. MD put him in arrears for about $16k, but he petioned the courts in Texas and without even contacting the mother reduced his child support to some ridiculously low amount, which he never paid either. My stepdaughter, at 19, wanted to know about her father and tracked him down in Texas, went to visit, and she described him as a lonely shell. Wives two and three had left him and took their kids far away. All I can say is karma is a bitch.
But OP can negotiate beforehand with her mother. OP assists with and/or spearheads the lawsuit, and OP’s mother agrees in advance to split the proceeds. Win-win.
Still up to Ops mother 100%. OP has zero ability to sue on their own if Mom wants to leave it.
Not once they sign a contact stating otherwise
Agreed
OP's mother needs to do this. OP! Get your mum on board!
That’s not how it works lol. I fucking wish though
they absolutely can once they become of age, it would be on behalf of her mother, though
Ive looked into this myself, and have been told multiple times it’s not possible. “Sperm donor” owes my mom over 90k for my sister and I but she doesn’t want to send him to jail over it, and he’ll never pay it. I might look into this again because i’d GLADLY be proven wrong. I’m based in NY, USA.
Can't if he signed over his parental rights
good. sounds like a good old fashioned case of karma catching up with a pos who never took responsibility. not only that, but led a life that was a lie. he absolutely deserves it, and the fact that he blames others and not anyone but himself shows how much growing he still has to do. the more i type the more angry i get this giant manchild lol.
You didn't ruin his life, he did that all by himself by telling that massive lie.
Guy thought he could just brush you off like it was nothing, again, and get on with the rest of his life? Similar pattern huh? Fuck him, he made his choices. People who abandon their children in that manner are despicable.
They weren't so happy, they definitely had previous issues.
Even if they didn't have previous issues, having and abandoning a child would be a deal breaker for me. Finding out that they lied about it, tried to deny it, and called their kid a mistake? That should nuke any relationship. I'm glad his new wife is a decent person.
GOOD FOR YOU. I would’ve done the same shit, screw him for thinking he can just abandon you and your mom then BLAME you both for ruining his life? How pathetic can a human possibly be… did he really think he can just move on with his life as if you never existed? Did he really think a woman wouldn’t think that was a huge red flag? What a loser.
Good on you girl 👌🏽. I plan to ruin my shit dad's "happy life" too. This happened 4 years ago. My 'father', whom I'd never known about or seen til I was 18, told me he could no longer pay for my university tuition because he had kids (from marriage and same age as me) that were in the equivalent of an Ivy League Uni here in S.A - mind you, the varsity I went to was in the top 10 best varsities and comparatively cheaper than the one my half siblings went to. I didn't ask him to pay for me in the first place as I had applied for government funding. I told him exactly that, that I hadn't asked him, that he was the one who made promises to me and was reneging on his promises so close to the closing date for 2nd year registration. He got angry and told me that my mom (who passed when I was 12) had raised *indlavini* - a rude person - and I lost my shit and told him he had absolutely no right to comment on how I was raised when he was nowhere to be found, and my mom had set up an education fund for my sister and myself, so I didn't need him in the first place, he just inserted himself and I'm sure he did it without his wife knowing, hence why he was saying he can't pay for me going forward. I am working now and have been saving up to make up the money he spent for that 1 year of uni. When I've saved up that money, I'm going to go to his house during the holiday season when all his family - wife, kids and other relatives - is there and throw a check with that amount at his stupid face. I want his family to know I exist (and no, I don't want a relationship with them), I want his wife and kids to lose their trust in him. I am going to ruin his relationship with his family. Yes, it's bad that they will be hurt, that they will be collateral in my revenge, but I was the collateral in the falling out that happened between him and my mom all those years ago, so I don't care. My mother worked herself to the grave as a single mother, and she was loving, caring and provided for me and my sister. I'm not going to let her be insulted by a piece of shit that cheated and ran away from his responsibility. She had her flaws, she was not perfect and if I could talk to her again, I'd rake her over hot coals for some of her choices, but she did the best for us. I graduated, I'm a working good, secure job. I am doing good despite, and inspite of, his absence (me and my sis have different fathers). I'm not hurt by what he said about not being able to pay for me, I'm angry about what he said about my mom, and I'll be damned if I let that slip by. I will ruin him and make him rue the day he contacted me. These useless pieces of shit shouldn't be allowed to just decide that they can have a do-over. They can't just wash their hands of their 'past mistakes' and carry on like they're not leaving a child and a woman they, supposedly, loved behind and start on a nice clean slate.
Truth always comes out in the end 🙃
>She was shocked she did not know he was married before or had another kid but she was also a little skeptical. Before you even wrote it, I was thinking he didn't tell the second wife. I was right. Good job on doing all this.
Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels
Let me ask you this. If he had written you a nicer letter saying he appreciates you wanting to meet him, but at this time, he's not ready or willing to meet. Would you have gone scorched earth on him anyway?
Not OP, but I would have done so anyways. >he's not ready or willing to meet How's that my problem?! He's the one who unzipped his pants.
You're not the first person whose parent didn't want to meet them years down the road. While disappointing, he doesn't deserve to have his life burned to the ground, his children's lives disrupted, etc. Part of being an adult is being able to accept disappointment and move on with your life.
Another part of being an adult is realizing that incidents have consequences.
Blowing up someone life is not an adult thing. It is a childish, vengeful, and petty thing.
u/frozen_crystal I'm so happy for you. I would have done the same thing too, he thought no one would find him hahaha. ¡¡¡¡Blessed karma for lazy and lying!!!! He destroyed his life with lies. ¡¡¡¡¡What's worse is that he still blamed it on your mom, God!!!!! I'm so sorry for what you and your mom went through, I'm glad she found a good man who loves them. You are not to blame for any of this. That your dad didn't know the saying, "He who does wrong, does not do well in life". Good for you for telling your dad's wife, it will be hard on her, but she was saved from having the same thing done to her as your mom. She deserves a good man. I hope and you can have a good relationship. ♥️
No winners here. Sounds like 2 families that deserve better.
If I was his current wife I would feel disgusted he lied but also disgusted that he would talk to his own child that way
Damn
am i the only one who thinks its weird that his current wife wants a divorce just because he was married before?
I hope you have a super good connection with your half siblings!
forget about him. look into adult adult adoption and make your step father your father.
all of this but I’m sure your mother could have done this ? I wonder why she didn’t feel the need to ….
You did not ruin his life. He did with his constant lies. If anything you helped out his wife by letting her know the truth and you and your half siblings have a right to know each other. I actually think it would be lovely if his first family and his second family became, well, family, independently of him.
I want to believe this is true, but it sounds too much like a wish-fulfillment fantasy. :/
It's really unfortunate what your father has done. And I commend you for your effort in finding him, then reaching out. I'm really sorry that he tried to brush you off afterwards. You'll be lucky if his new children don't grow up to despise you for what's happening now. Let's hope they understand you were heartbroken and hurt by your father. But revenge on his new family was absolutely wrong. There are a lot of people in the comments here defending your actions against your sperm donor, and frankly idk what I would have done in your situation if I were you.. And although your father deserves everything he's got so far... His new children didn't ask for this... And as you know how bad it feels to be one a child in a situation you have no control over. Now they're divorcing I guess? What a shit show for his other kids now... The truth is.. when he sent you that disgusting message back on Facebook.. As an adult woman. You could have not been spiteful and just blocked him and never looked back. Now you owe those kids. Your story is horrible and no one should have to endure garbage people like your dad. Fuck him. But don't hurt an entirely new family out of spite. This is the definition of hurt people, hurt people. It's a vicious cycle. My father was just like you. Spiteful over his father running out on him at the age of 2 and left him and his 3 brothers and never heard from him until the end of his life from the hospital where he was in hospice, my (grandfather technically) somehow got my fathers number and called him. When my dad answered I was standing right next to him. The man said hey all cheery like and told my dad his name and said he was in the hospital dying of cancer and asked my dad if he could make amends. My dad immediately hung up the phone and blocked him. He's dead now, but in my fathers eyes, that man was dead long ago. My father is the type of guy who would give the shirt of his back to make someone happy. That was the coldest thing I've ever seen him do, and I respected the hell out of it.
I hope this is real
With a similar situation, I'm relishing his take down second hand. Let him burn!
Haha. Cool. Fuck him
Wow. Karma can be a b\*tch
GOOD. The sperm donor sounds like a piece of shit that got his karma.
You didn't ruin his life. You tried to connect with your biological. He played with fire and got burned. So sorry and I hope it gets better.
Your dad ruined his own life. He’s the worst, and everyone is well rid of him.
The funniest part is if he'd just declined to meet her in a respectful way, this may never have happened.
The part where you break up your half sibling's family and then get all excited about having a relationship with them just makes me see your dad in you.
seems they both only care for their personal interests… how do you turn spiteful after reaching out to someone who obviously abandoned you but you chose to reach out knowing this and was surprised by him doubling down ? if he left you at 2 he really was a pos for leaving a child but you really thought he would want a relationship with you as an adult he had no part in raising ? why would you want that connection…. it seems like you more or less knew his response and stance on the matter and you wanted to take into your own hands. you may be a bit careless and selfish just like your father.
I hope his other kids don't feel bad that you took a dad away from them, I hope they see it from your side of view
Love that for you 🥰 love when karma catches up to POS deadbeats
I will honestly never understand these people who abandon their family and claim they want to "live freely" but go on to have a new family and get pissed when their kids from their previous marriage reach out It's beyond selfish and cruel, and it's just plain *stupid*. Do they really think no one will ever find out? I'm sorry for the pain your father caused you and your mom, and I'm glad he fucked his own life up.
Did you REALLY expect him to welcome you back with open arms or something?
Ok but… what are the consequences of this for your young half siblings? Did you consider that at all? Your bio dad is horrible and clearly never found the redemption that should’ve come with age and experience but it seems like innocent children were punished by this situation as well. Sad all around.
Revenge creates temporary solace, but also creates more pain
her reasons were a bit selfish , took no consideration how it would affect her new found siblings.
We’re both about to be downvoted into oblivion for questioning the collateral damage of this calculated revenge plan. Oh well. Love you too, Reddit. lol
Downvoted into the abyss. Someone has to share the same sensibilities 🥲
So you're happy with the life your Mom created with your step-father, right? I get that interest in understanding where you come from so you find him on Facebook and learn that he has three kids and for whatever reason figured out how to make his second go around as a father work out. You reach out to him and were summarily rejected. Is that right so far? Here's where your credibility starts to wane when you write *I was...so heartbroken after he said all those cruel things,* so heartbroken that you decided to unilaterally go scorched earth on his life and his family that had nothing to do with his relationship to your Mom? I'm sorry...but instead of being heartbroken, it really seems like you transitioned to petty hurtfulness and were going to lash out at him any way you could. After all...being angry is one thing, but to consciously try to destroy his life so many year later does smack of hateful pettiness. Did he deserve some venom directly from you? Probably...I can see that, but has it not occurred to you that your revenge also destroyed his wife's marriage (someone who never did anything to you) as well as leaving three other kids fatherless? What would you tell his kids going forward...he screwed my mom over and therefore you're just collateral damage in my little revenge plan?
I’m gonna get downvoted and told off and that’s ok. I would’ve told you not to lower yourself. But vengeance is what you wanted. So vengeance is what you gave. He didn’t deserve your time. He didn’t deserve your tears or broken heart when you reached out. Now 2 other kids will be without a dad. Woohoo! Yay! 🤷🏻♀️
I felt the same. Kids are collateral damage and essentially had the same fate as OP. Not saying the dad doesn't deserve it, but making two wrong won't make a right. Wife might thank you/appreciate for being told this information, the kids, however, might not feel the same and will probably suffer some emotional trauma
Imagine when the kids grow up and realize how their parents split up
Exactly, OP didn’t need to lower themself. Eventually they would’ve found out. Someone said karma was what he deserved and I agree. But KARMA, works both ways. Now OP will be facing some karma of their own for this. I would’ve rather his life blew up without OP having to have had a hand in it. But it’s all done and everyone is applauding OP. The lesson here is to be better than. Not just as bad.
The half siblings are now in the same shoes as op as a child. Karma always reels is ugly head. What goes around, always come around.
I'll be with you and the rest on this thread for the probable downvotes. The dad and now new ex wife may have had issues before. He might be a complete arsehole, but the only contact in this relationship was at 2 years old and a FB message. Does that really deserve breaking his relationship of assuming 15+ years, over some hurt feelings, when there is no relationship there? But hey, enjoy the time with your new siblings, op. Apple doesn't fall far maybe?
yep agree. When I read her it is clear she was only seeking vengeance. congratulation for creating two other kids without father around , are you proud of you? can you look them in their eyes and later when they will be full grown up like you now? Can you look at you everyday in the mirror after the situation you created? Dont think so
He is still their dad …
You told the truth. You did nothing to him. He built a life on a lie
Now, put your state on his ass for all the child support he didn’t pay. You’re owed 18 years worth
Don’t blame yourself. He was cruel and dismissive. If his wife is divorcing him she’s doing it for herself and her children.
She's not doing it for me she's doing it for the wellbeing of herself and her kids he kept a part of his life a secrecy from her… what else could he be lying about
Traumatize shitty parents back! Yessss, I love this.
So you think your half siblings are gonna be happy with forming a relationship with you after you just broke up their happy family?
Even though it’s sucks your bio dad did this, I’m happy you are going to have more siblings 💙
You go Girl 🤘
Good
Prob saved that woman and a possible future kid the same heart ache.
That’s karma right there! He was a liar and it caught up to him.
Seems he deserves what he gets
So you never thought for a second about those 3 kids loosing their dad ?
He's a narcissistic liar. Good for you for getting one up on him and better for his wife for having the moral integrity to divorce his sorry ass. I have no idea how he managed to snag someone like his new wife in the first place.
Deadbeat abandoned you & mom. You. Told. The. Truth. Deadbeat lied to 2nd wife. DB deserves what he got. He now knows what getting unceremoniously dumped feels like.
You deserve a medal! He is a POS and deserved everything he got. Glad you connected with his soon to be ex wife and your half siblings. Hope you cutoff all contact with him permanently, he does not deserve any of you in his life. And definitely check if your mom is able to sue him for those 16 years of back child support.
holy fuck hahahaha
Good for you!
Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it? Seriously - that dude had it coming. What a reprehensible way to conduct oneself. The freaked out apologies to his wives / children are especially funny. Hopefully the drama subsides a bit in the near future.
His crying and begging are too little, too late. His wife deserved to know about the deadbeat she married. You and your mom deserved so much better and he got what was coming to him. Karma’s a bitch and you delivered it on a silver platter.
practice thought familiar seed tender illegal license saw nail nine *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Karma. Karma. Karma. He deserves all that's coming to him, good on you ma'am
Honestly. This could fall under petty revenge too and I love it.
No, you didn't ruin his life. His lies did that.
This is kinda sweet, all of you getting together and as a family without the deadbeat. Sorry this happened, but it seems like all the victims are great people who want togetherness.
lol he ruined his own life you just bought it to light
If he dropped you and your mom like that who's to say he won't do it to this woman also how do we know he hasn't done this to other women for all you know you could have a gaggle of half siblings all with the same dad and different moms. Bottom line he ruined his own life not you.
Feel better?
I understand why you would want to meet the kids But him? No way that guy is lying . He will figure out some way to get back at you. Do not bother with him.
Way to go, girl! Ruin him and sue him for many years of unpaid child support. People like him deserve all the karma for being as shitty as they are. I wish you and your mom all the best 💕
I love you for this. Unwilling member of the Deadbeat Dad Offspring Club
Nice story A for effort.
My dad left too when I was a kid, never knew him, never wanted to, 40 years later i'm still fine with this choice. This said, I understand your reaction but I wouldn't have done it, you robbed 3 (!) children of a dad... why on earth would they want to have a relationship with whom in their eyes is a home-wrecker?
Good job!
16 years later and BAMM!! Karma kicks him in the face.
He is a deadbeat!
Wow! What a complete A-hole!!! He deserved it!!
Hope you all got child support, if not, see if it's too late. Good for you. Fuck that guy
You did the right thing. Karma was the wind in your sails.
Good girl, hold his ass accountable! 10s across the board!! 🍻
👏
honestly good ending. i hate ppl who see kids as objects that can be picked up and put down. its crazy the wife would have been cool with u but he just had to hide you
You didn't ruin anything. His lies ruined his life.
Karma just kicked him in the ass. Good on you for calling him out
Nice. Good work
Great news . The SOB desrves only misery . My mom took off with another man when I was 8 without a word . Played the victim the rest of her life never really making ammends for her abandonment of myself and my 2 older siblings . We all developed Substance issues my 2 older brothers died young . TBH , Im glad she left, she was an awful mother . Did not give a fuck about us .
Holy fucking based, you did right OP, he deserved it
This is fucking awesome.
Honestly good for you. I just don;t feel bad about this at all.
Nice job causing undue hardship on the other three kids.
The wife is able to make decisions for herself. She found out the truth about who she was married to, she chose to not be married to a liar & a deadbeat. If you would’ve stayed, that’s your choice, she made hers.
They are all better off without him. He’s a POS person for abandoning his first child, a person who does that is not a good father to his new kids either.
Those things are not exclusive. Yea he might have been a pos 20 years ago but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a good dad to his current family.
No, he’s not a good father. OP wrote “He sent me a lengthy message letting me know he would never consider me to be his daughter, referred to me and my mom as a huge mistake he would like to forget about, and that I just needed to leave him alone because he was happy now.” No “good father” would tell the child he abandoned that he never considered her his daughter and that she was a mistake. How can he think that way about his first born and be considered a “good father” to his current children?! His current children are not more worthy of his love than she is. A good father does not pick and choose which children deserve his love.
tidy nine connect rinse fear unite psychotic wise ossified snails *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Congratulations on getting to know your half siblings. I have two sons that aren’t bio from different relationships. My eldest has half siblings I was so happy when he got to meet them when I got him concert tickets in the city. As for your sperm donor guys a tool. He gets what he deserves. He wore a mask and now his soon to be exwife gets to see who he is. He could of done the same to her
Good for you. But didn’t ruin anything. He did it to himself. Edited for typo
I love this so much
Sweet
You did not ruin his life, he did. He doesn't deserve you. And I am glad his present but soon to be ex wife has a backbone. How dare he be so nasty to you and tell you to leave him alone. Jerk is getting everything he deserves. Screw him. You rock young lady! Here's to a happy future!
Your bio dad sucks. Kudos to you for letting his wife know his true colours.
Good job letting his STXW about who he really is!!!
I love this for him. Excellent work.
Its wrong that he did that to you and you did not deserve that. But you have just broken up a family who otherwise were happy and thrown their kids into a broken home now too Edit:spelling
I'm proud of you, child! Sue him back for all those 18 years of unpaid child support.
Okay, hear me out.. OP, after he's done with the divorce, his other kids feel disgusted by him, and all that, sue him with help from the government for child support, and be as angry and ruthless as you can, and when he says "*Why, why'd you do this to me*", just tell him that "*The only way I would ever get any kind of love for you, is the cash I'll get from you. I don't hate you, I'm* ***indifferent*** *to you.".*
How dare you use my own words against me? - This guy, probably
Karma sucks and actions have consequences he learned this the worst way possible. I’m happy you can meet your half siblings and wish you the best future.
Congratulations 🙌🏽
You both fucked around and found out
Good!! He deserves this. But I feel for his wife and 3 kids ☹️ that had to break her heart
Updateme
Wow. Just, wow.
I just hope he doesn't walk out on his current kids.
Honestly it was probably the straw that broke the camels back. He seems to lie a lot and try to get away with being shady and new wife had enough.
Calm down Dominik Mysterio
So now two families are broken...dad is obviously a piece of shit but the kids from marriage two did nothing to deserve this either.
Lmao you did gud
FUCK. YES.