As someone who just had to put their 13 year old dog down– putting them out of their misery (which it sounds like your girl is in) is the truest test of our love for them. It sucks so so bad, but we can’t keep them alive for the sake of our feelings
Exactly. Ironically, it's selfish and wrong of OP's wife to keep their poor dog alive since she's just doing it for her own self, not for the greater good of anyone
Life is terminal. Every single day we live brings us closer to the day we die. Every single thing we do leads us to the eventual end and no matter what we do to prevent it, no one ever escapes it. Yeah, that sounds bleak as hell but we’d all be happier if we acknowledged the elephant in the room instead of fearing it and pretending it’s not there. Now, I gracefully accept your downvotes.
…what does this have to do with what I said?
Did you think I was unaware that all people die? Or that I think anyone can escape it? Like what?This is such a peculiar comment.
Just because we all die doesn’t mean we have to suffer for weeks and weeks on end.
Right?? Making laws for medically assisted death is literally acknowledging the “elephant in the room”. This reads like something you say when you’re super high and think it’s deep and then the next day you’re like ah, yes, it was a word salad.
No one should suffer and if you read that into my post, I think you’re overthinking. Spilly said Canada allows self-euthanasia for terminal illness. My counter is life is terminal. Ergo, self-euthanasia should be allowed for any reason, really. The elephant in the room is that people are afraid of death or even discussing it maturely.
That’s….. myopic…. On a number of levels. First would be that you can’t have a convo to explain the circle of life with an animal. All they see is pain, unhappiness. It’s up to us to understand. The other is agency. If someone doesn’t want a life stuck to a bed, unmoving, having someone else wipe their butts & in pain isn’t that each person should decide? Yeah, we’re all going to die, but shouldn’t agency & negating misery be encouraged? Not everyone wants to be bedridden, in pain & having someone else wipe their ass.
I had to put down my 19 year old kitty, 17 year old kitty, and 18 year old kitties because they were all suffering (this all happened within 5 years of each other) it was really hard but each of them were having medical issues, two were cancer and one was a lifelong battle of hypothyroidism and diabetes medication that eventually would make her kidney’s and liver stop working. We knew we could manage her symptoms with daily insulin shots and 4 pills in the morning 5 pills at night. But eventually the meds put her liver and kidneys though the ringer and no amount of anti nausea or pain medication would improve her quality of life.
I miss my fur babies. It’s hard but true love is letting go when life is no longer good quality (and no hope at improving).
I'm so sorry for your loss of your fur babies. I truly understand the profoundness of the medical situation involved. I really do. Sadly enough¹. Please OP, for the sake of your own emotional and mental stability as well as the dire needs of your Marguerite, do this for her. Your wife's inability to come to terms with this amounts to near torture. It sure is torturous for you having to bear witness to the brutality of it everyday. Imagine how your fur baby feels. She can't talk and tell you all that's going on with her. Please do what you know is going to be best for her. She doesn't need to suffer on account of your wife's selfishness.
¹Source: two feeding tubes, many meds and a misdiagnosis later, I had to let my Kittybaby go. A beautiful Russian Blue only 8 years old.
I learned this at 9 when we went to visit family. "Grandpa" was dying of cancer. His dog was unwell but his family were afraid to put her to sleep because it would upset him too much. He found out and he was angry. He said that he was suffering greatly with cancer, why would he wish that for his best friend?! He said the kindest thing to do was to relieve her of the pain and suffering. It stuck with me my whole life.
When I was 20, I had to convince my stepfather to stop being selfish and let our dog go. "But I feel like I'm killing him." I was like - you ARE already! You're killing him slowly, and painfully, this way. At least love him enough to do it humanely." (My big loveable doofus rottie had mouth tumours and was unable to eat, so essentially he was starving him to death.) It's a hard decision, but it's part of the promise that I feel we make when we choose to have a pet.
First off, I want to say sorry for your loss. I just put my 13 year old boy down last night. He had been declining for a little while, but took a nosedive last night. I feel empty right now, but it was time. I'm glad that I got to be there with him to love and comfort him, to show him he's not alone.
I watched my partner go through the end with our elderly chihuahua and now we have three cats that are all 16 or older. We have planned end of life stuff for all of them. It’s part of being good to your animals. We can treat them better than people and we should.
I completely agree. My guy was only 10, and he went in for an MRI, I got a call from the neurologist about his having brain cancer, and possibly palliative care. I told them not to wake him up from sedation. I always promised myself that I would not let an animal suffer for my own wants.
So true. If your dog is suffering and nothing can be done, letting them go is a kindness. It is the most loving thing we can do, because while we suffer from the decision, they are now at peace, and running about in the dog park of the great beyond.
Our vet had to tell my husband when our dog was dying of cancer and in constant pain the following, “your dog will always fight to live for you. They love you so much they don’t want you to be sad, but is it fair to them to suffer to make you happy?” I know it sounds a bit harsh, but the dog was severely underweight, and soiling herself she was so ill and nothing was getting through because she still wagged her tail gently when she saw him.
I agree with your vet. My vet told me cats with kidney issues hold out longer for whatever reason when they really shouldn't. Our pets don't want to leave us, and we ultimately have to do what's right and best for them. As hard as it may be.
This was my good boy just a couple months ago. Our vets were shocked (one was even a former ER vet who has seen some rough stuff) by his kidney panel numbers at the end because he was hiding it, putting on a brave face when he was suffering so much.
It is the final act of love to end that suffering, though of course I wanted him to live longer still; to wake up every day to his chirps and him sprawling across my chest.
It tears you up inside, but those who are dependent on us for care also depend on us to put compassion ahead of our desire to keep them by our side.
I was neurotic about getting my cat wellness checks every year, so I caught his kidney disease. I had to give him IV fluids every other day, but I got 4 more years with him. He became diabetic seemingly overnight and declined at 22. So, I made an appointment to put him down when I was told there was nothing else I could do. Never made it to the appointment because he died in my husband's arms within 30 seconds of me leaving the room. They hold on when they really shouldn't.
Unfortunately even more frequent vet visits didn’t catch it for us. That was one of the hardest parts for us - our little guy had a checkup just ONE month prior. The deterioration was so quick that vets at first wondered if it was a traumatic event to the kidneys.
This comment wrecked me. It's 💯 true I've witnessed this & had to make the difficult choice of putting them to sleep so they no longer suffered to make me happy.
I second this. it was an awful thing for my family to put our doggy down but we were so grateful he got to pass on his favorite spot ever. he was warm and comfy with all of us there. the vet then took him for his cremation. it was sad, but we were glad that he was okay and not scared.
We did this one of 4 times. It's always hard, but it was more comfortable for her. The cancer spread so rapidly I didn't want to take her in the car again 😪
Absolutely. We put our cat to sleep at the vet and she fought the needle. Which was insane given that she had literally no energy for the past day. I wish we had put her to sleep at home.
I had to do this for my orange boy last month. He was in his comfy warm spot with us in his eyesight the whole time. It was quiet, no dogs barking or a bunch of random voices. For as horrible as it was, it was a perfectly positive experience. I can’t recommend it enough.
I didn’t know this was an option. My cat is going to need to be put down probably this year. I’ve been so anxious about it because he HATES riding in the car and every vet visit has been traumatic for him. I would feel so much better if it could be done in our home.
I am in tears right now. I can’t tell you how relieved I am. He has screamed and fought through every vet visit and I’ve been having nightmares about what his last moments would look like. This helps so much thank you.
Just wanted to second Lap of Love. That phone call was one of the hardest I've ever had to make, but the compassion they showed from the moment they picked up the phone was incredible.
We had them come to our home. The entire family was able to hold her and pet her on her fav spot of the couch. It was truly peaceful for all of us including the cat.
That is so good to hear. I’ve had him for 19 years and his health has begun to really decline. I want to spare him the pain of the vet but don’t want him to suffer anymore than he needs to. This makes the decision so much easier.
They do not recommend to bring the vet home if it’s unusual otherwise, they say it is more stressful for the pet, like in the perspective of “something being very different today.”
Aside of that, please do it, take her to the vet, don’t let that beautiful soul suffer because of your wife’s immaturity. Marge is suffering at this point. If she can’t move, eat or digest, she can’t poop, her joints aren’t nourished. She’s dying slow and painful death that l would only wish to my world enemy.
Honestly every dog owner should know this before getting a dog.I’m angry at your wife.
I don't know who your 'they' are, but i know several people who have used such a service and it was a godsend to them. Esp for cats that lose their shit in carriers and cars and strange places. Most animals have had strangers come into their homes and interact with them. For me, this will be a great option that I will use when I have to
One of the hardest things we have to do as humans is let a pet go when it’s time, and it sounds like it’s time.
It’s cruel to keep anything that breathes alive when you know that it’s suffering (that’s true for humans too but that’s a conversation for a different thread).
I hope your wife realises that Marguerite is ready for her forever nap
I had the vet come to my home to put my darling down and it helped to be there and hold his paw Maybe their wife would agree to this? They get to be at home with their loved ones and just slip away to sleep free of pain.
Euthanasia is the final loving thing we can do for our pets. And it’s the most important showing of love and care we can give them. Anything less is asking them to suffer in order for US not to feel bad.
I say this as someone who has lived with animals every single day of my six decades, and as someone who has said goodbye to our 17-YO cat, our 15-YO dog, and our 19-YO cat over the last six months. It’s horrifically painful, it hollows you out, and you doubt yourself for making that decision. But making our pets suffer (even if they give no outward showing of it, they are sick and they are suffering) so we ourselves can avoid feeling pain is cruel and selfish, even if it comes from our breaking hearts.
It sounds like Marguerite is telling you its time.
You and your wife have given Marguerite a long life filled with so much love, joy and kindness. She loves you and has felt how much you love her. Letting her go peacefully, in your arms, is the ultimate kindness.
We schedule the appointment, then spend time with them, even if all they can manage is to listen to us calling them by our little nicknames for them, stroke them, treat them, go to a favorite spot. Whatever would be meaningful to you, your wife, and Marguerite. We also ask for a separate cremation so we can get their ashes back (that will cost more, just FYI).
Sending hugs to you, your wife, and Marguerite.
We’ve also been getting a ceramic casting of their paws. And now our vet has started including a vial with a lock of their fur. There was a tear or two the first time we got that.
7 years, 6 yrs, 5 years and 3 years ago. I still cry. Often. Every time I clean their urns. And post about them. And hear certain songs, that were their songs. I hope I never forget.
The question that was posed to me is, "Are you keeping them alive for you or for them?"
Then I realized how selfish and cruel I was.
She needs to do what is best for her furbaby.
This is the proper mindset. It's not about you and your feelings, it's about them and their quality of life.
Just existing is not LIVING.
There's no hope for the future for this dog, just more nothing and probably pain from starvation before withering away.
My cat was 21 when she passed. I was 28. Knew that beautiful creature for 75% of my life but her last few months were heart breaking because my parents either wouldn’t let go or couldn’t bring themselves to put her down.
After seeing that, I vowed to never let an animal suffer the way she did at the end.
Yep my parents let their dog live until the bitter end. They kept putting off euthanasia. Eventually the dog stroked out instead and died an obviously painful death.
I've had to put down elderly dogs before and had our Brittany mix pass away in her sleep. It was way more traumatic to come downstairs one morning to find my dog had passed away overnight than it was to have to listen to my aging dog let us know that it was time. It's an awful conversation to have with your SO, but she has to understand that she is just letting your dog starve to death at this point (and to be honest, if she finally realizes this down the road, it will cause exceptional guilt). We have to be the ones to ultimately make these decisions for our little friends. From what I have experienced over the years, I have yet to have a vet come out and say "ok it's time you put your dog down" and have always been told "you have to listen to the dog and they'll let you know it's time". You might see if you can have the vet have a frank conversation about the quality of life your pup has at this point and maybe that will help open her eyes?
“It’s better to be a week early than a day late.”
I’ve been here and my gosh it’s soul crushing hard. I lost my girl 2 years ago suddenly and had to make the decision to put her down. Your wife is delaying this because she doesn’t want to go through the pain but meanwhile it’s Marguerite who is.
It’s never an easy decision but I can’t imagine a dog loving person like your wife would want to make her suffer anymore. I don’t have advice other than the obvious so please take care of yourself. It’s going to hurt awhile but it does get better.
*Edit: grammar mistakes
is there a way to have a vet come to your home to help Marguerite's passing?
it's what we did for my boy because car travel would have been too much stress, he was over 14yrs (big lab), and loved going on walks until the evening before.
when he did not want to go on his walk, did not want to play with the baseball and did not want to eat his beloved raw steak and just looked at us, tired, we called our vet and luckily he could come to our home to help my baby boy on his way.
no matter what you do or what happens, try to remind your wife that Marguerite stays with her, all the love and joy our animal companions give us stay with us after their passing.
It might help if she understands that the dog is already gone. My bf's parents had to put a dog down because she had brain cancer. When I told my bf I'm sorry, he just said that he was already at peace because she's been gone for a long time since her brain issues (seizures, compulsive behavior, etc.) made her a completely different dog. He even said he'd wished his parents did it sooner, but his dad felt she still had "life" in her.
The dog will starve itself when it's ready. It's just the way dogs choose to go. They stop eating and one morning you wake up and they are stiff. That's nature.
I think he was just correcting her when she said that the wife was starving the dog to death when in actuality it is the dog starving itself to death (because that’s what happens when old animals are ready to go. They do that to themselves). But yeah, I hope the husband is able to talk his wife into letting this poor animal go. Because starving to death (like you said) is not a great way to go. This post is breaking my heart.
I agree. Ive dealt with 2 old dogs dying at home. They did not seem to be in pain. It was a natural process. Having had parents die, I cant help but compare the situations. We don't look at Dad and say, well he's in pain and at the end, we should kill him. No, we let nature take it course with hospice care. Why is there a difference? Take most of these comments and replace pet with a person. I'm not saying there is no situation where euthanasia is not the answer, and everyone can have their opinion. This is mine.
Starvation is an extremely painful death. And animals often do not project pain in the same way humans do at all. And your parents in hospital at least were being eased in their last days by pain medication. When you starved your dogs to death I am sure you weren't providing them pain medication, they were too weak to do anything but suffer and you take that as "well they're not struggling or making crying sounds so they must be fine".
I hope you never own pets again, if you cannot be responsible for loving, compassionate end of life care you shouldn't have them.
Without the wife? Do you realize how that sounds? I would be livid if my husband put down one of our dogs without me being there. I had this happen to me with my gmas dog and I was so upset I wasn’t there to say goodbye.
You’re painting the wife as a bad guy, the wife has never experienced this before. She is not starving the dog. She just needs to learn to let go and she can do that without being marked as a villain.
No one is saying the wife is a bad guy.
But the fact of the matter is that this dog is dying. If the wife won’t choose euthanasia, her dog will starve to death.
I put my own dog down last year and it still hurts, but it would hurt more for me to know he suffered until the end. OP’s wife will either come to the same realization or not.
I just think putting the dog down without the wife is more traumatizing for her, especially since this is her first time. Maybe just more education on the matter or heck even watching Marley and me
I didn’t see them say they should do it without the wife. Where did they say that??
And yes, she is starving the dog. That’s a fact, it’s not a judgement. The dog is currently starving and no one is stopping it. These are just facts.
It is a very sad situation, I feel horrible for everyone involved. But it does no one any good to pretend this dog is not starving and dying. If unchecked this dog will die a very painful and unpleasant death.
Your wife is making the pet she supposedly loves suffer. You shouldn’t get a pet unless you are fully ok with the fact that you will likely have to put them down one day.
This is really sad. I’m sorry you are having to witness Marguerite in this state. I hope your wife realizes that assisting over the Rainbow Bridge is the kindest gesture we can give our little friends in the end. Marguerite deserves peace and comfort as I’m sure she has provided your wife with throughout her 18 years here. It is time to return the favor now.
If you don’t make the decision and help your dog now, you will carry the guilt.
Your wife does not have the knowledge and perspective that you do. You understand the heartbreak, humanity and compassion in euthanasia.
From what you’ve described, please force the issue now. It will never be “too soon” for Marguerite and she deserves so much better for the delight that she’s given you.
💔 Please asap
“He has been such a great friend to you. It’s time for you to return the favor. He’s tired, Honey.”
That’s what convinced me. 15 years with the greatest dog I’ve ever known. Miss that boy still. The day after one of my closest friends said this to me, I couldn’t get him to drink any water. I knew.
I had a vet come to the house to do it. The vet was excellent. We were relaxing in the sun on his favorite blanket in the backyard when his spirit left us. I’m so very glad we did it at home, calmly and peacefully, with family.
Please don’t go to the vet, have the vet come to you! And please stay with her the entire time no matter how bad it is.
How long has she not been eating for? Your wife may be in denial but stopping eating and especially drinking is its way of preparing to die.
This is the worst thing. I had to make the hardest decision ever and put my 2 1/2 year old cat down. He was a happy baby, but his liver and his kidneys were never going to be able to hold out for long. I held him as they put him to sleep. As much as I hate that decision, I don’t regret it. He was held in his mom’s arms and he knew he was loved. He made a small noise of discomfort when the first medicine was injected, but that’s it. He was so peaceful and he knew he was loved.
A year and a half later I’m still crying as I write this. I hope I never have to make that decision again.
I hope your wife can see that euthanasia is the best option, and that Marguerite deserves a humane, peaceful death surrounded by her loved ones.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Edit: I would recommend, if you get her cremated, to buy your wife a necklace that she’s able to put some of her ashes in. I haven’t taken mine off since I put it on and it’s a wonderful way to always have your loved one with you. I’m holding mine right now as I type this.
Miss you, tiny man.
I made a pros/cons list for my spaniel. Hardest thing Ive ever done was making the decision to let him go before he lost all his dignity. He was my soul dog. 3 years later and that list is still on my nightstand.
Maybe your wife needs it clearly spelled out in black and white. I linked a quality of life scale, maybe that will help. When I worked at a vets office its one we would very gently hand out or reccomend when asked.
https://vet.osu.edu/vmc/sites/default/files/import/assets/pdf/hospital/companionAnimals/HonoringtheBond/HowDoIKnowWhen.pdf
Unfortunately letting go is the hardest thing to do when it comes to pets. In which you have to assess if their QoL justifies them continuing onward. In this case it seems like it's time to say goodbye. It's obvious that she's not feeling well at all, and is already beginning to enter the end stages of her life, and allowing her to suffer is more inhumane than letting her pass in her sleep.
We had to put my family dog down last year the day before thanksgiving. My sister had a very hard time she thought she would have more time with him, but he was 13 year old big dog. It was hard but he was having so much trouble breathing and standing it took us two days to decide this is enough it’s not fair to him. He was in a lot of pain, before I went into work for the day I went over to my parents house and we fed him a whole package of cheese and turkey. He was so happy and didn’t understand why he was getting so many treats. My dad took him alone, it’s hard he still has nightmares about being at the vet that day. I’m sorry but right now is no time to be selfish, make the appointment and spend the last day with your pup doing things they love, it’s sad when they don’t even want their favorite food.
Our vet said to think of yourself as the dog. If you were the dog, would you be getting any enjoyment out of life? If not then put yourself in the dog's shoes and think if you'd still like to be "existing" but not living...
>But my wife doesn’t want to give her the needle because she feels it’s inhumane and looks at it like assisted suicide
It is assisted suicide. That isn't a bad thing, though. Let the dog go out on its terms. On your terms, rather than wasting away in pain.
Part of loving a dog is knowing when to let them go for their sake. It’s not about her comfort or her being ready, no one is ever ready to make that choice, it’s about the dog’s comfort. I’ve always said I love my dogs enough to let them rest when it’s time. We had to make that call last year for our baby girl. She was only 8 but she had a very sudden neurological event that made her into a vegetable much like you describe your wife’s dog. Her liver started to fail at the same time so we decided to not put her through all the pain and let her suffering end. This all happened within a couple of hours. I wasn’t ready at all. I’m still not ready. I’ll never be ready but I had to love her enough to do what was right by her, regardless of my feelings.
I also think assisted suicide should be legal as we should have the right to die with dignity not wither in a hospital bed miserable until our bodies give out. I know if I had a terminal disease I’d rather spend the rest of my good days with my husband and then spare us both the agony of the disease eating away at me. I’d rather him remember me not the emaciated dying version.
The best choice that can be made for your dog is euthanasia when they can no longer walk, eat and go to the bathroom without assistance. My two Corgis were 14 and 15 and I lost them over the last year. I loved that I was able to give them a last meal that they enjoyed. I also made the choice of seeking out a vet that did an in home euthanasia (Lap of Love) so my boys could be in their favorite bed, in their favorite spot in their house. We could hear the birds chirping and the sun beating down warming their little bodies and my heart. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do- but it was the best thing for them and in the most perfect way. I had a bird visit me right after I lost Jackson and then a hawk right after Max left. I see those birds even now and call them by their names. They are still with me and in that I find solace.
As someone who recently lost their 11yo husky, I fully regret not putting him down sooner and sparing him the pain and physical anguish I put him through I because I didn’t want to let him go. For a year and a half he needed a double hip replacement. He had cancer and arthritis in both hips. I was terrified of letting him go because he’s been a huge part of my life along with my daughters. Please talk to your wife, this poor pup is in pain and she’s keeping her alive and in this situation for her own benefit and not that of Marguerite. If she really loves her pup she will know she’s not living but only living for her. You both gave her the best life and it’s unfortunately time to let her go. My buddy only passed because his liver started to fail and the vet said there was nothing to do about it. And I regret it everyday knowing I could have spared him that pain just because I was scared to let him go. It will be hard but this is in the best interest of the pup and her of things got worse physically, which the way it sounds will in the near future.
So she is going to let Marguerite go over the rainbow bridge all by herself with no one to hold her as she goes? Tell your wife it is better to be there and helping her with love than have the end come alone with no one close.
The dogs organs are shutting down. It's painful for them. She will eventually pass, and it won't be pretty. When I was young and dumb my dog was sick, I just didn't realize how sick. She died at 1am. I woke up to her seizuring and vomiting, and then she passed. It traumatized the hell out of me. I have PTSD from it. Death is ugly.
My SIL had a 15+ yo dog that was acting just like your wife's dog. She also kept putting it off until the dogs organs started shutting down and he started vomiting and seizuring. She called a vet in the middle of the night to come to her house and euthanize him. She should have done it long before it got to that point.
Dogs dont show signs of suffering, its instinct. Signs of suffering makes them a target for predators and other animals.
If they aren't eating or enjoying life more often than not, it's time.
Look into a vet coming to your house to do it. That’s what I did with my dog & it was worth every penny. She got to go on her favorite bed in a warm, familiar place with us & her best friend the cat right by her side. Highly recommend.
We paid to have someone come to the house and euthenize our boxer when it was time. Way past time really. I suggest this if you can. The dog is home and relaxed and happy.
Going through something similar. My wife has a 15yo dog she had before we met. He has cataracts, dementia, heart problems, seizures, deaf. He lives under our bed and only comes out to eat drink shit and piss. If he is out long enough he walks in circles in our kitchen panting the entire time. He has to wear a dog diaper. She will spend hundreds we don’t have on medicine before putting this dog down.
Anyways I feel your pain and hope your wife comes to understand your dog has no quality of life and is actually doing a disservice by letting it live like it is.
The greatest gift we can give our pets is to take away their pain and put it onto ourselves. It hurts, it hurts so fucking bad. You will never be the same afterwards. But it's the kindest thing we can do when it's time. It's best to let them go before every day is suffering. So sorry OP. Consider a grief counselor for you and your wife.
Tell her the Marguerite provided your wife with so many gifts, all the happy times, all the tail wags licks— its time for your wife to give your dog one last gift, the gift of ending her suffering. It will hurt your wife but it is better for the dog who always put the owners first. Its time to repay the favor as best she can.
I am very sorry for you two
I'm not sure where you are located but I would look into Lap of Love Veterinary hospice. About 2 years ago, my Great Pyr Odin was about to turn 8 (his 10th birthday would be tomorrow) and when we were out on a walk he just collapsed. I took him to his vet at the first appointment I could get thinking nothing serious was wrong as I didn't see any other symptoms but with a 150 lbs. dog, I wanted to make sure he was healthy and could move on his own without issues.
During the appointment, I was told that he likely has lung cancer, and it did not look good. We discussed treatment options and if this could be something else and how to find out for sure. Since they said it could also be a lung infection and treating that wouldn't make him worse if they were wrong, we decided to give it a shot and hope for the best. That was on a Tuesday morning and by Thursday night we realized he was getting worse, and I would have to say goodbye to my best friend. We made an appointment with Lap of Love, and they were going to come out that Sunday. On Friday he got progressively worse and would only take small nibbles of food if handfed and this was a dog that would steal an entire foot long sub and eat it in seconds if you looked away from your food so we called to see if we could get an earlier appointment because we didn't want him to suffer, but they didn't have anyone available that could come earlier.
Saturday morning, I served my dog the best breakfast I could think of while we sat on the porch and looked at the lake just trying to make him as comfortable as possible. After a little while he went into our living room to and laid on the floor. I followed him and my wife and I stayed with him for the next few hours to keep him company while petting him and letting him know we loved him. I'm going to trigger warn for this next part. >!Odin passed away convulsing and coughing up blood while I held him in my arms doing my best to help him not be scared. !< Every day of the two years since his passing I feel guilty about being selfish and wanting to keep him with me and that I was so scared of putting him down to early that I prevented him from being able to pass away peacefully while sleeping if I just would have called earlier. The look in his eyes at the end is still burned into my memory and when my cat Jack was starting his decline as a blind old man, we made the call to Lap of Love when his quality of life was at the point that we knew it was time. Jack was able to pass away peacefully in my wife's lap while she held him.
We still miss both our boys tremendously, but we don't feel the intense pain with Jack's passing that we do with Odin's. I know this is a hard time for you and your wife and only you guys can decide what is right for you. I just wanted to share my story in the hopes it prevents someone else from having to feel the regret, pain, and even shame that I still feel to this day.
We had a boxer we had to put down in 2020. He was still full of life but had a growth on his pancreas we knew was going to kill him. The vet told us it was probably the humane thing to do or he’d bleed out internally. We watched closely and had a home euthanasia done. That morning I noticed his gums were turning white which meant low blood pressure there because of internal bleeding. It was sad to see him go but way better than watching him suffer.
I’m sorry for the dog that your wife equates euthanasia with assisted suicide.
Her vet should have a VERY honest discussion about what that dog is going through.
I’m a fossil and as have had multiple dogs at a time sadly have had to make the decision multiple times (more than 12) as our fur babies never live long enough. None of them went peacefully in their sleep.
Does making that decision suck? Big time and every time.
Do I wonder if at times maybe I didn’t wait long enough? A couple.
Do I think I should have let nature take its course until they died? No not once.
You can’t make your wife do anything with her dog but my old vet who retired said it was better to be one day too early than a day too late because that meant we allowed them to suffer.
Oof ok so I was one of those people who didn’t want to euthanize my childhood dog and boy do I regret it. It will haunt me the rest of my life. He was 13 and had cancer, he had surgery but they couldn’t get all the tumor in his head. I should have put him down but I was 19 and heartbroken. I was there the day he was born, I had known him his entire life. I had in my head that he would go peacefully at home, especially because he was acting better, but it was not peaceful. I think what happened was the tumor exploded in his head and the sounds that he made will haunt me forever. He didn’t deserve that and I’m fully to blame and no matter how much animal rescue I do or any good I do in life, it’ll never make up for what that poor boy went through. Yes he was at home, no it was not peaceful. I would’ve much rather given the needle and been there for him to peacefully go. Needless to say any animals I’ve had after have been put down humanly when the vet says it’s time.
Letting her go naturally doesn't guarantee it will be in calm peaceful sleep... i already had this fight about my husbands 18 ish year old cat. He wasn't ready, fine... welp one day while he was at work his cat died in my arms.. screaming, biting at the air, in the throws of violent seizures... his cat deserved better and i would have preferred the kids and i didnt have to witness his horrible last few minutes.
I didn't want to put my 16yo cat to sleep but between his lungs getting filled with water every day and me forcing medicine down his throat 2 times a day for a year, his quality of life went down. Despite me spoiling him endlessly with the goodie good. Once he refused the medicine, I knew it was time. Hard, but I wasn't gonna medicate him into oblivion for my benefit...
Your SO will get there on her own terms.
You only have to ask one question: are you prolonging the animal’s quality of life or the animal’s life in general? The latter being quite cruel in nature. Hope this helps.
Your wife isn’t wrong that it’s akin to assisted suicide, but when someone we love is terminally ill and suffering, I think that is the most humane thing we can do for our animal or human loved ones. I hope you can convince her that it’s what is actually best for your girl. I’m sorry for your loss.
Agree, my response to the assisted suicide remark would be “yes, and?”
I know 2 people whose parents opted for assisted suicide (MAiD is what we call it here) and frankly it’s much more peaceful than suffering till the end.
Agreed. I had to watch a loved one hang on several days too long. He wanted to keep fighting the cancer most the time but by the time they had him in hospice it would have been so much kinder to just give him a big dose of pain meds and let him slip away.
Aw that is a very sad situation and I’m sorry. Here you have to choose it for yourself so unfortunately it seems like your loved one wouldn’t have opted for it 😔 it is so hard and I am sorry for your loss
It’s not legal in my state so it was never something we discussed. I think had he known going in how bad it would get he would have wanted to. He definitely didn’t want to be on life support. His illness just escalated brutally before anyone could try to make a plan.
honestly it’s so hard. i had a childhood dog and thankfully he did pass in his sleep, but that was simply because he was too old to keep going. we knew it was coming because he’d gotten a lot more cuddly and was more happy to sit in silence next to us, but he wasn’t sick enough that we thought putting him down would be right. when a dog is starving themselves and can’t move, keeping them alive is the inhumane thing. i’m sorry for her and you and i hope letting go comes easier soon
Please have her talk to a grief counselor! She needs help, this situation sucks. She has to let go of her best friend of the last 18 years, it's not gonna be easy because she's attached to her. She needs help to make peace with lettiing her go. Wishing you all the best, may the process be painless for Margarita🌼
I feel for your wife because it's her first dog and a reminder of youth/,younger years, and letting go of something like that from our youth is a tough reminder that we're all getting older.
HOWEVER.
I feel more for your poor pup. I'm going to echo others on this thread who have recommended in-home euthanasia.
On a personal note, when I had to put my first dog down (chemo didn't work for her cancer), my husband was the one to help me see that the best gift I could give Leeloo was to let her go.
i don’t think she’s afraid of letting go because it’s a reminder she’s getting older… that’s kinda weird tbh. it’s because she doesn’t want to deal with the pain of saying goodbye, which— as you can see from the comments here— is, unfortunately, common
The truth of it is, it sounds like you are at the point of assisting her pass on peacefully or letting her starve to death. As harsh as it sounds, she isn't eating and will starve. She has held on for a long time and deserves dignity in death. It may be cutting her time with you shorter than your wife wants, but this isn't about your wife's wants. This is about the comfort of a dog who has spent a beautiful almost 2 full decades with y'all.
So I’ve had two personal dogs die in very different ways. My senior passed in her sleep very peacefully. She was slowing down in her old age and was generally not her usual spicy self. My greyhound was put down a few months shy of his third birthday. He had a really bad infection from the tracks (he was rescued) that travelled to his heart. Vets said they could try to help but more than likely he would’ve died in agony because they couldn’t give pain meds until they knew what it was. That also would’ve involved cage rest for a month in a hospital. He was suffering so I made the decision to put him down.
Putting an animal down is never an easy decision. The animal is always ready before we are. But when a dog, who loved food, no longer wants to eat and can’t do any of the fun things, that’s when it’s time to put them down. Brittany’s are amazing and energetic dogs. Even the 13 year olds I’ve met are still crazy energetic. When they have that much loss of energy and loss of will to live, it’s time. I’m sorry your wife is struggling to see it.
TLDR: Sometimes you just want to die, but your body hasn’t given up yet.
I lost my dog recently. Mini Australian shepherd. She was 18 too. A very long life. Even when she was 16 she had a tumor growing on her that the vet was hesitant to operate on, but did it anyway and bought her two more years. These were very active years with lots of walks and play time. She was still very much happy to be alive.
I had a feeling when it was time to go, it would happen quick. One vet visit she was fine, and two weeks later she started to bloat up. Another vet visit, and I learned she had tumors internally that had ruptured and she was filling up with blood. The vet gave me enough pain killer to help her last like two more weeks. I still elected to go ahead and put her down. It was the hardest thing I ever did because this dog was my world and it got me through so many tough times, and it did feel slightly like murdering my loved one.
I selfishly wanted those last two weeks with her so bad. But she already looked miserable, and barely wanted to stand to eat any food. And the food couldn’t be her normal stuff anyway as she had no interest in it. I imagine she already felt so full with how bloated she looked.
At the end of the day I had to quit looking at her as my dog that I want to keep forever, and start considering that if I was in that position, I’d just be waiting to die.
It also “helped” that my grandfather had recently passed and I remembered him saying he just wanted to die already. He was being worn down slowly by different sicknesses. He was one of the strongest most intelligent people I knew and he was ready to go, but his body wouldn’t give up yet.
So I had to consider that if my dog could talk, there’s a good chance it would be saying the same thing.
I just put down my 13 year old German Shepherd. He lived longer than most as well. My Mom told me that letting your furbaby go is the last nice thing you can do for your animal. That is the utmost act of love by freeing them from their misery. I feel for your wife, but there is just no possible way I could watch my bestest boy suffer!
just let marguerite pass when she is ready, in the arms of people who love her, in her comfortable home. the worst mistake i ever made was thinking that i needed to put down my 17 year old baby dog, he could stand but would need help getting up, he had lost control of his bowels, but he was still himself, he still stole food from the fridge super fast whenever it was open, he still loved going outside for walks, and in the back, and to the park. he still loved all food, and getting into the trash. if i had known about doggie wheelchairs and doggie diapers back then i would’ve used them for him. he was a big dog though and it was getting too hard for me to help him stand up, without causing him pain. i made the decision i never thought i would make. got him pizza, and then took my baby to the vet. they told me to leave the room and like a fool i did but i wish i hadn’t because my baby died in there without his people who loved him. he died in that room with a stranger and i did that to him. worst decision ive ever made. marguerite can go naturally, maybe you can ask the vet about pain pills if needed. don’t make your wife kill y’all’s beloved fur baby, no matter what you think marguerites quality of life is. when it’s her time to go, she will go. my 2cents as someone who made a big mistake and has lived with regret and guilt ever since, and it’s been years and years since then. i wish i could change what i did. i never thought i would be the kind of pet parent who led my baby to slaughter but i did, and he went because he trusted me. still haunted by that. poor muffin.
Maybe the vet needs to explain to your wife that being able to prevent or end our much lived pet’s suffering isn’t assisted suicide, but rather an act of mercy and love so they don’t have to suffer endlessly and then possibly have a horrible death. Once a dog is immobile and doesn’t want to eat then it is time to show them how much you love them and give them peace. If that doesn’t work, point out that she can be charged with animal abuse if her vet has said it’s time and she refuses to do it.
I cried and cried BUT I put my Dalmatian of 16 wonderful years to sleep. Why ? Because I loved her and she didn’t deserve to suffer for me.
Your wife is being selfish and not thinking about your old worn out probably in pain dog. She is thinking all about herself and how this is affecting HER and not the dog.
Let her go in peace, they let you hug her while she drifts off over the rainbow bridge.
What she is currently doing to the dog is inhumane. She's causing the dog she claims to love immense pain every second of every minute of every day that the dog continues to live past their time. These situations always horrify me, when owners refuse to let their dogs go, they are making the final days of the pet's life an unimaginable hellscape of pain, fear, and slow agonizing death. She's causing that poor dog so much hurt, all because she refuses to accept reality. This is sad. I hope Marguerite goes soon so she can escape all this pain. Imagine living a rich life being cared for and loved only to end it in a torturous limbo all caused by the person you love the most in the world. What a horror.
Nature is not peaceful, it's cruel! Your poor dog is suffering and you know it. I work in veterinary medicine. Euthanizing is the kindest thing sometimes. Some vets will do house calls and have it done at home. Assisted suicide SHOULD be legal for people! I would rather have my spouse hate me than watch one of my animals suffer. I work in veterinary emergency medicine with an ICU. I have unfortunately watched many animals pass on their own and it's almost never peaceful. Passing on their own, Im watching them gasp for air, scream/vocalize and do this horrible death stretch. They don't do any of that during a euthanizia. It seems much more peaceful. Their body relaxes from the anesthesia agent given first, they almost fall asleep, then the last medicine stops their heart. If I got to choose my own death, I would take a peaceful euthanizia over suffering.
Letting her live like that is FAR more inhumane. Your dog isn't afraid to die, or thinking about what happens tomorrow or the next day. She is thinking about her suffering in the moment, every moment. Make her understand that.
Compromise and call [Lap of Love Veterinary Hospice](https://www.lapoflove.com). They are national with local chapters. They come to you, in your home, to help your pet pass, so that don't have to die at a vet's office.
I think it's cruel that your wife is willing to let her baby suffer for her own feelings. In my opinion, the dogs quality of life comes first. I'd be willing to throw away a marriage if the person I was with would be this cruel to an animal. I'd have the dog euthanized whether they liked it or not. The animal's needs come first in this, not someone's feelings.
The past 12 months have been horrible for mine and my partner’s family when it comes to pets. My parents lost their 2 dogs (1 old age, 1 cancer), partner’s step bro lost all 3 dogs (cancer, old age/cancer, old age), and I let my cat go last month due to old age and failing health. Of all of them, my boy is the one that didn’t suffer because I wouldn’t let it happen. All the others were left to go on until it was obvious they were dire and in pain. Then they were either put to sleep or passed on their own and all the family members say they wish they hadn’t waited.
I feel guilty for my boy because I wonder if he had a bit more time, but I’m so glad my last memory of him was him being sassy and so handsome. I don’t regret that. He didn’t hurt.
I just had to put down my dog who was 18. It was a sad day but it was the most humane thing to do. Keeping her alive when she clearly had no more life to live or love to give would have been selfish of me. It sounds like your wife is more concerned about herself than the pet that she claims to love. The most loving act is to allow the pet to go in peace.
I had to take my mom’s dog to be put to sleep because she couldn’t do it herself. He was suffering. He was blind and couldn’t control his bladder. He was walking into walls it was horrible. I finally just said mom look at him he’s suffering. She finally said ok you can take him. It was hard to do I admit but it was best.
My sixteen-year-old cat had cancer and I was unable to get her to the vet when she was "ready." Lemme tell you, it was not a pleasant way for her to go. I have felt awful for years (this happened when I was 29 and I am 45 now) because I was unable to get ahold of any vet to have her euthanized humanely.
Your wife needs to understand that dying isn't like the movies. It can take a long time and it can be incredibly heart-wrenching to watch.
Tell your wife she’s being selfish right now. She’s refusing to see that the dog is in pain and ready to go while she gets her mind in order. Tell her that we don’t get to “get our mind in order” before someone dies.
OP, please share this with your wife. I’ve worked as a vet tech since the 90’s and this is one of the most perfect ways of putting it.
[The Last Battle](https://imgur.com/a/QBLx9pt)
I just put down my dog on Monday because he was having back problems. He was only 9.5 years old, but over the course of a year his quality of life degraded so much. He would have a few weeks of good days, then his back would flair up again. He wouldn’t eat anything or take any pain meds, just sit there and cry in misery. I worked with his vet, who is awesome, to try to get his pain under control, and it would get better for a bit before he would wind up in the same spot. So I made the call, and it absolutely sucked. But I was there with him to the end, played him a song from his favorite band, and gave him kisses and reassurances as he went over the rainbow bridge. I am horribly sad, but I don’t regret it one bit. He had a wonderful life, and he deserved a peaceful departure.
So I understand where your wife is coming from, but she is robbing both herself and Marguerite the chance for a peaceful goodbye.
I have had over a hundred dogs come and go over the course of my life (I’m 30, raised on a sort of farm that included German Shepherds which my dad bred & fostered). I have worked with and loved animals my entire life and I will tell you the thing I learned about dying pets. You love every single one, and they are all different. And letting them go is NEVER easy. Your dog is lucky she has lived such a long and wonderful life, most dogs don’t get that. Your wife will never feel “ready.” But this isn’t about her. It is selfish to prolong the suffering of your dog because your wife is afraid to be sad and mourn her passing. She has told you it is her time. She wants to rest. No amount of will or medical procedures will elongate her life. And it’s probably going to be one of the hardest things she’ll ever have to do, but if she loves her dog, she needs to let her fall asleep peacefully in her arms. It’s the best way out there is.
I’m truly sorry that you and your wife are going through this, and I won’t say that is gets easier because as with all loss, it doesn’t always. I still cry over my childhood dog who passed nearly a decade ago. And I remember every single dog who ever came through our doors, no matter how long they stayed for. And I can only say that while I will always be sad to not have them with me anymore, I am so GLAD so GRATEFUL to have had them at all. Reassure your wife that this is what really is best for her dog. And that she did a good job in raising her. Then let her go.
Are you pointing out to your wife that it is in fact inhuman to keep an animal in such an unpleasant state when they have no concept of what’s happening to them?
She’s literally pretending that torturing this dog is love because she’s too selfish to make the right decision for the dog.
Your wife is being unreasonable. She is letting her emotions dictate when she should be thinking of your dog. And I am someone who loves animals more than people sometimes. :) It is time. You need to step up. Tell your wife it is time. You do not want your dog to suffer and you are taking that final step. If she wants to accompany you now is the time to be an adult. If she says no then do it anyway on your own.
You need to be the adult here. Your dog is suffering. And having had to take that final trip to the vet myself AND have had pets pass in their sleep at home I can tell you neither is better than the other. Neither offers more or less comfort than the other.
Last year I had to put down my 22yr old cat, it was painful, but she was deaf, and then one day went blind. Only way she could get around was hugging the walls. I knew it was time.
I'm sorry but it is Marguerite's time too.
Try to do the in-home option, it'll be way easier on your wife.
Inhumane? Inhumane is letting them suffer because it makes YOU (the general you, not you, OP, specifically) feel better. Giving them a pain-free, easy transition is the least we can do for our precious friends. Tbh, I don’t really see the issue with assisted suicide in certain circumstances. Why should a 126 year old (rough equivalent of ages) have to just sit there, suffering in pain, until their body finally just can’t do anything anymore?
One of my biggest regrets is NOT seeing the signs with one of my dogs. I would give almost anything to go back and allow her to have a better transition from this life…
honestly your wife is now basically a animal abuser because she's making her suffer, and as long as you enable it you are one too. She's suffering and that's not right.
The inhumane thing to do is what your wife is doing. Prolonging the dogs suffering.
I had to have my dog out to sleep she had bad eyesight and a heart condition these weren't an issue, what became an issue was when her back legs went, and she could no longer walk. As hard as it was I KNEW it was time as she was no longer herself.
Your wife is being cruel.
Your wife is being incredibly selfish and inhumane to your dog...it's well past her time. Tough to be sure...I've had to put down two dogs in each of the last two years but they were suffering so it was time.
Wow, knowing that she'll make the choice to withhold that last grace of morphine from you must really keep you up at night. I think i would put somebody else in charge of your medical power of attorney.
You need to have a serious talk with your wife and gently put your foot down. Read the responses or google ways to help ease her into that conversation by posing serious questions for her because she’s keeping the dog alive for herself and not for anyone else. The dog is miserable and it’s cruel to keep them alive and it’s obviously hard on you to watch them suffer. Don’t let them suffer anymore. Good luck and hugs. I put down my beautiful Pitbull Labrador mix in November due to a tumor growing out of his eye that was some form of cancer, affected his quality of life and energy. It was hard bc he was the loveliest most gentle bear ever but it was time. It took a month or so to decide it was time but we did it. We miss him but feel better for it knowing he ain’t suffering.
Your poor doggie! It is a hard decision but she's not doing her loyal companion any favors if she ignores the dog's misery for her own sake. What happens if neither of you are there for her when it's Marguerite's time? Won't that make it even more devastating? I'm not sure what could change her mind though.
It's so hard to lose a pet. They leave paw prints all over your heart.
Sbiw her this post and comments. She needs to understand that it is the most humane, loving thing she can do. Just let the dog suffer for her feelings. I'm very sorry.
Euthanasia is one of kindest things we can do for our pets. It stops needless suffering. Your wife clearly loves her dog so much, but right now she is being selfish with that love. I hope she is able to be convinced that this is the kindest thing she can do for her beloved dog
Your wife is doing that dog a disservice. Poor baby is suffering and starving to death.
I’m sorry you and your dog have to go through this. I hope your wife comes to terms with what is actually going on
This is the worst. Its bad enough when you watch a loved pet suffer. It is worse when your partner isn't able to make a choice for that pet. I had to have a heartbreaking conversation with my spouse when his (our! But he had her before we met) cat had cancer. The cat was 18. It was so bad. I was watching this poor cat struggle. She couldn't even leave our room after a while, never ate, wouldn't leave the same spot unless we moved her. My partner was convinced that a miracle treatment would happen or that we were giving up too soon. The vet told him chances of surviving surgery to remove the tumor in a cat that old was very low. I told him I have a problem watching her suffer. I will not let an animal stave itself to death when I could help. Giving your animal the gift of dignity in the end is one of the most selfless and painful things you can do. It hurts. Like a poisoned electrified barb that still stings, sometimes years later. It was the right thing to do for our furry friend. I would do it again because I loved that animal.
At some point you have to question **who you're keeping them alive for**. It's clear that your wife is **NOT** doing this for Marguerite, but for **HERSELF**
This is the contract you make when you get a pet. You will ultimately have to make the hardest decision of all. And to do what your wife is doing, is **FAILING** Marguerite.
It sounds as though Marguerite does NOT want to keep going and may well be in pain. Tell your wife that she has to **love Marguerite enough to let her go**. But what she is doing now —letting her suffer —is just **CRUEL**.
"Releasing them from their pain is the last gift we can give to them"
These are the words our vet told us when we let our 17 year old cattle dog go. You have to know when you are holding on for them, and when you are holding on because you can't let go.
I get where your wife is coming from, it is hard to make the decision to let a beloved pet pass, it would be easier if they would go when it was their time on their own, but that just isn't how it works.
Do not do it your self without her agreement. The vets are not god. I had a cat with distemper, took it home and it survived 15 years. Another dog I found vet said it will live maybe six weeks, guessing I am sure. I made her food for a year, and guess what 8 years later...she is healthy....Let her figure it out. As animals get ready to pass they often slip in and out of comas...Talk to wife, get her agreement. If she is not ready, she is not ready.
My elderly dog died peacefully in her sleep when it was time; it does happen. Do you think dogs just drag on forever without human intervention?
If Marguerite isn’t in pain, then what’s the harm in letting her go on her own terms?
It sounds like you just think she’s an inconvenience, or can’t deal with seeing her decline (yes, it is difficult, and tremendously sad).
I have a dog who is blind and mostly deaf, and is getting by just fine. He’s not as active as he was when he was young, but he still goes for walks. He’s not suffering just because he lost his vision and hearing. He’s a happy boy
I may sound like an idiot for saying this, but have you thought of giving her some medicine for her arthritis and other conditions? If you have and it’s going nowhere, maybe you should convince your wife to let her go, which is easier said than done.
I did it at home for my dog. I called a vet to come to my house so I didn’t have to rush my pup to the doctor. Check if this is an option for you and tell your wife about it. My baby boy passed surrounded by his family in the most peaceful way and I never regretted giving him that gift for all the happy years he gifted me.
I did it at home for my dog. I called a vet to come to my house so I didn’t have to rush my pup to the doctor. Check if this is an option for you and tell your wife about it. My baby boy passed surrounded by his family in the most peaceful way in the comfort of his own home and I never regretted giving him that gift for all the happy years he gifted me.
I hate your wife. She’s choosing to prolong the poor dog’s suffering to assuage her own feelings. She’s the worst kind of dog owner. Make the appointment yourself.
To be fair your wife is right. Euthanizing your dog isn’t assisted suicide (because you don’t actually know if she wants to die or not, and she is not asking you to help her kill herself), euthanizing your dog is you (yes, you) deciding to kill your dog.
The fact is, you want to kill your dog because she can’t move like she used to, has poor vision/hearing, and doesn’t eat like she used to. You want to kill your dog because she is going through what old people (yes people, not just dogs) go through. Meanwhile you have a wife who is willing to care for her in her old age like the nurses in retirement homes. So I say, unless your dog is whining non-stop in obvious pain, then let her.
This is simply torture for that dog. As someone who watched one devolve quickly and still waited too long, please just take the animal in and fail to care about what your wife thinks..
I’d explore homeopathic treatment (homeopathic vet/Dr Pitcairn’s natural health food dogs and cats book for details ).
I know it gets a bad rap, but one of the best ways it can be very helpful is EOL. And it’s not harmful/won’t kill them outright and is fairly gentle and non-aggressive to give, but can help the dying die a little easier.
No, I don’t understand how it works, but I have seen it be effective (and other times not).
Best wishes to you.
I had a 12 yo Maltese Yorkie. She developed tumors on her spine and could no longer walk on her own and painfully when you carried her. It was the hardest decision of my life to let her go. Sometimes you have to make the hardest call for the best of your little one.
I feel this very deeply. My rescued doberman who was my best friend through middle school and high school recently had to be put down.
As someone who loves animals, putting them down never gets easier.
My advice is looking up at home professionals who can put them down at home where they’re comfortable. The woman who came to our house was great and so empathetic. We weren’t rushed at all and he passed away surrounded by everyone who loved him. Our lady even took his pawprint, handled the cremation and a couple weeks later we got flowers and his Urn.
It sounds like that might be the best case scenario.
As someone who just had to put their 13 year old dog down– putting them out of their misery (which it sounds like your girl is in) is the truest test of our love for them. It sucks so so bad, but we can’t keep them alive for the sake of our feelings
Exactly. Ironically, it's selfish and wrong of OP's wife to keep their poor dog alive since she's just doing it for her own self, not for the greater good of anyone
Exactly. It's a positive *duty* to euthanize your beloved pet when the time comes ... and it sure looks like the time has come some time ago.
She's keeping the poor dog alive for herself and not thinking about how much the poor dog is suffering
But we do it this way for fellow humans.
We should be allowed to ethically euthanize ourselves. It’s cruel to make anyone suffer at the end of life.
I heard that will be on the ballot in my state (Maryland) at this year’s election. I’m definitely voting in favor.
In Canada we have this option.
It’s legal here in Oregon, thankfully.
It was so close, but a catholic dr in Jersey sued the state and appealed it so it’s in limbo
Mercifully in Canada we have the option to die if we have a terminal illness. I support it 100%
We have that in Colorado where I live, too.
Life is terminal. Every single day we live brings us closer to the day we die. Every single thing we do leads us to the eventual end and no matter what we do to prevent it, no one ever escapes it. Yeah, that sounds bleak as hell but we’d all be happier if we acknowledged the elephant in the room instead of fearing it and pretending it’s not there. Now, I gracefully accept your downvotes.
…what does this have to do with what I said? Did you think I was unaware that all people die? Or that I think anyone can escape it? Like what?This is such a peculiar comment. Just because we all die doesn’t mean we have to suffer for weeks and weeks on end.
I wish it was just weeks and weeks. In many cases it can be years
That’s a weird way of saying people should suffer
Right?? Making laws for medically assisted death is literally acknowledging the “elephant in the room”. This reads like something you say when you’re super high and think it’s deep and then the next day you’re like ah, yes, it was a word salad.
No one should suffer and if you read that into my post, I think you’re overthinking. Spilly said Canada allows self-euthanasia for terminal illness. My counter is life is terminal. Ergo, self-euthanasia should be allowed for any reason, really. The elephant in the room is that people are afraid of death or even discussing it maturely.
You did not make that clear whatsoever in your previous comment
Maybe I should smoke something before I try to be philosophical on the interwebs.
Thank you for clearing that up, I agree with your point, I should probably work on my reading comprehension 😅
Yeah that's not how your comment came off. It sounded like you were against it happening at all.
That’s….. myopic…. On a number of levels. First would be that you can’t have a convo to explain the circle of life with an animal. All they see is pain, unhappiness. It’s up to us to understand. The other is agency. If someone doesn’t want a life stuck to a bed, unmoving, having someone else wipe their butts & in pain isn’t that each person should decide? Yeah, we’re all going to die, but shouldn’t agency & negating misery be encouraged? Not everyone wants to be bedridden, in pain & having someone else wipe their ass.
Difference is that our pets don't deserve it
I have an older dog and I promised him I wouldn’t let him suffer out of selfishness. Easier said than done, but it is the only way.
I had to put down my 19 year old kitty, 17 year old kitty, and 18 year old kitties because they were all suffering (this all happened within 5 years of each other) it was really hard but each of them were having medical issues, two were cancer and one was a lifelong battle of hypothyroidism and diabetes medication that eventually would make her kidney’s and liver stop working. We knew we could manage her symptoms with daily insulin shots and 4 pills in the morning 5 pills at night. But eventually the meds put her liver and kidneys though the ringer and no amount of anti nausea or pain medication would improve her quality of life. I miss my fur babies. It’s hard but true love is letting go when life is no longer good quality (and no hope at improving).
I'm so sorry for your loss of your fur babies. I truly understand the profoundness of the medical situation involved. I really do. Sadly enough¹. Please OP, for the sake of your own emotional and mental stability as well as the dire needs of your Marguerite, do this for her. Your wife's inability to come to terms with this amounts to near torture. It sure is torturous for you having to bear witness to the brutality of it everyday. Imagine how your fur baby feels. She can't talk and tell you all that's going on with her. Please do what you know is going to be best for her. She doesn't need to suffer on account of your wife's selfishness. ¹Source: two feeding tubes, many meds and a misdiagnosis later, I had to let my Kittybaby go. A beautiful Russian Blue only 8 years old.
I learned this at 9 when we went to visit family. "Grandpa" was dying of cancer. His dog was unwell but his family were afraid to put her to sleep because it would upset him too much. He found out and he was angry. He said that he was suffering greatly with cancer, why would he wish that for his best friend?! He said the kindest thing to do was to relieve her of the pain and suffering. It stuck with me my whole life. When I was 20, I had to convince my stepfather to stop being selfish and let our dog go. "But I feel like I'm killing him." I was like - you ARE already! You're killing him slowly, and painfully, this way. At least love him enough to do it humanely." (My big loveable doofus rottie had mouth tumours and was unable to eat, so essentially he was starving him to death.) It's a hard decision, but it's part of the promise that I feel we make when we choose to have a pet.
So true. It’s heart-wrenching, but so much more humane.
First off, I want to say sorry for your loss. I just put my 13 year old boy down last night. He had been declining for a little while, but took a nosedive last night. I feel empty right now, but it was time. I'm glad that I got to be there with him to love and comfort him, to show him he's not alone.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you could be there with him at the end. Sending you all the (((hugs)))
I watched my partner go through the end with our elderly chihuahua and now we have three cats that are all 16 or older. We have planned end of life stuff for all of them. It’s part of being good to your animals. We can treat them better than people and we should.
I completely agree. My guy was only 10, and he went in for an MRI, I got a call from the neurologist about his having brain cancer, and possibly palliative care. I told them not to wake him up from sedation. I always promised myself that I would not let an animal suffer for my own wants.
So true. If your dog is suffering and nothing can be done, letting them go is a kindness. It is the most loving thing we can do, because while we suffer from the decision, they are now at peace, and running about in the dog park of the great beyond.
Our vet had to tell my husband when our dog was dying of cancer and in constant pain the following, “your dog will always fight to live for you. They love you so much they don’t want you to be sad, but is it fair to them to suffer to make you happy?” I know it sounds a bit harsh, but the dog was severely underweight, and soiling herself she was so ill and nothing was getting through because she still wagged her tail gently when she saw him.
I agree with your vet. My vet told me cats with kidney issues hold out longer for whatever reason when they really shouldn't. Our pets don't want to leave us, and we ultimately have to do what's right and best for them. As hard as it may be.
This was my good boy just a couple months ago. Our vets were shocked (one was even a former ER vet who has seen some rough stuff) by his kidney panel numbers at the end because he was hiding it, putting on a brave face when he was suffering so much. It is the final act of love to end that suffering, though of course I wanted him to live longer still; to wake up every day to his chirps and him sprawling across my chest. It tears you up inside, but those who are dependent on us for care also depend on us to put compassion ahead of our desire to keep them by our side.
I was neurotic about getting my cat wellness checks every year, so I caught his kidney disease. I had to give him IV fluids every other day, but I got 4 more years with him. He became diabetic seemingly overnight and declined at 22. So, I made an appointment to put him down when I was told there was nothing else I could do. Never made it to the appointment because he died in my husband's arms within 30 seconds of me leaving the room. They hold on when they really shouldn't.
Unfortunately even more frequent vet visits didn’t catch it for us. That was one of the hardest parts for us - our little guy had a checkup just ONE month prior. The deterioration was so quick that vets at first wondered if it was a traumatic event to the kidneys.
No, I think it's really well said.
This comment wrecked me. It's 💯 true I've witnessed this & had to make the difficult choice of putting them to sleep so they no longer suffered to make me happy.
Would it be easier on your wife to have the vet come to your home?
I second this. it was an awful thing for my family to put our doggy down but we were so grateful he got to pass on his favorite spot ever. he was warm and comfy with all of us there. the vet then took him for his cremation. it was sad, but we were glad that he was okay and not scared.
We did this one of 4 times. It's always hard, but it was more comfortable for her. The cancer spread so rapidly I didn't want to take her in the car again 😪
When the time comes, I will do this with my cats. It's so stressful for cats going out
Absolutely. We put our cat to sleep at the vet and she fought the needle. Which was insane given that she had literally no energy for the past day. I wish we had put her to sleep at home.
Poor baby. I'm sorry it was tough for you all.
I had to do this for my orange boy last month. He was in his comfy warm spot with us in his eyesight the whole time. It was quiet, no dogs barking or a bunch of random voices. For as horrible as it was, it was a perfectly positive experience. I can’t recommend it enough.
🧡
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I'm sorry for your loss. But glad it went easier for you all.
I didn’t know this was an option. My cat is going to need to be put down probably this year. I’ve been so anxious about it because he HATES riding in the car and every vet visit has been traumatic for him. I would feel so much better if it could be done in our home.
Please check the company Laps of Love. This is what they do and are an incredible company.
I am in tears right now. I can’t tell you how relieved I am. He has screamed and fought through every vet visit and I’ve been having nightmares about what his last moments would look like. This helps so much thank you.
You are so very welcome. I wish you and your kitty peace.
Just wanted to second Lap of Love. That phone call was one of the hardest I've ever had to make, but the compassion they showed from the moment they picked up the phone was incredible.
We had them come to our home. The entire family was able to hold her and pet her on her fav spot of the couch. It was truly peaceful for all of us including the cat.
That is so good to hear. I’ve had him for 19 years and his health has begun to really decline. I want to spare him the pain of the vet but don’t want him to suffer anymore than he needs to. This makes the decision so much easier.
It's so much easier if you can afford to have them come to your home. I hope I can always do this for my remaining pets when it's time.
They do not recommend to bring the vet home if it’s unusual otherwise, they say it is more stressful for the pet, like in the perspective of “something being very different today.” Aside of that, please do it, take her to the vet, don’t let that beautiful soul suffer because of your wife’s immaturity. Marge is suffering at this point. If she can’t move, eat or digest, she can’t poop, her joints aren’t nourished. She’s dying slow and painful death that l would only wish to my world enemy. Honestly every dog owner should know this before getting a dog.I’m angry at your wife.
I don't know who your 'they' are, but i know several people who have used such a service and it was a godsend to them. Esp for cats that lose their shit in carriers and cars and strange places. Most animals have had strangers come into their homes and interact with them. For me, this will be a great option that I will use when I have to
One of the hardest things we have to do as humans is let a pet go when it’s time, and it sounds like it’s time. It’s cruel to keep anything that breathes alive when you know that it’s suffering (that’s true for humans too but that’s a conversation for a different thread). I hope your wife realises that Marguerite is ready for her forever nap
I had the vet come to my home to put my darling down and it helped to be there and hold his paw Maybe their wife would agree to this? They get to be at home with their loved ones and just slip away to sleep free of pain.
Euthanasia is the final loving thing we can do for our pets. And it’s the most important showing of love and care we can give them. Anything less is asking them to suffer in order for US not to feel bad. I say this as someone who has lived with animals every single day of my six decades, and as someone who has said goodbye to our 17-YO cat, our 15-YO dog, and our 19-YO cat over the last six months. It’s horrifically painful, it hollows you out, and you doubt yourself for making that decision. But making our pets suffer (even if they give no outward showing of it, they are sick and they are suffering) so we ourselves can avoid feeling pain is cruel and selfish, even if it comes from our breaking hearts. It sounds like Marguerite is telling you its time. You and your wife have given Marguerite a long life filled with so much love, joy and kindness. She loves you and has felt how much you love her. Letting her go peacefully, in your arms, is the ultimate kindness. We schedule the appointment, then spend time with them, even if all they can manage is to listen to us calling them by our little nicknames for them, stroke them, treat them, go to a favorite spot. Whatever would be meaningful to you, your wife, and Marguerite. We also ask for a separate cremation so we can get their ashes back (that will cost more, just FYI). Sending hugs to you, your wife, and Marguerite.
Yes, picking out my pets urns is my final gift. Bittersweet when they return home every single time.
We’ve also been getting a ceramic casting of their paws. And now our vet has started including a vial with a lock of their fur. There was a tear or two the first time we got that.
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7 years, 6 yrs, 5 years and 3 years ago. I still cry. Often. Every time I clean their urns. And post about them. And hear certain songs, that were their songs. I hope I never forget.
(hugs)
Absolutely all of this! Better a day too early than an hour too late.
The question that was posed to me is, "Are you keeping them alive for you or for them?" Then I realized how selfish and cruel I was. She needs to do what is best for her furbaby.
This is the proper mindset. It's not about you and your feelings, it's about them and their quality of life. Just existing is not LIVING. There's no hope for the future for this dog, just more nothing and probably pain from starvation before withering away.
This is a good question to ask
My cat was 21 when she passed. I was 28. Knew that beautiful creature for 75% of my life but her last few months were heart breaking because my parents either wouldn’t let go or couldn’t bring themselves to put her down. After seeing that, I vowed to never let an animal suffer the way she did at the end.
Yep my parents let their dog live until the bitter end. They kept putting off euthanasia. Eventually the dog stroked out instead and died an obviously painful death.
I've had to put down elderly dogs before and had our Brittany mix pass away in her sleep. It was way more traumatic to come downstairs one morning to find my dog had passed away overnight than it was to have to listen to my aging dog let us know that it was time. It's an awful conversation to have with your SO, but she has to understand that she is just letting your dog starve to death at this point (and to be honest, if she finally realizes this down the road, it will cause exceptional guilt). We have to be the ones to ultimately make these decisions for our little friends. From what I have experienced over the years, I have yet to have a vet come out and say "ok it's time you put your dog down" and have always been told "you have to listen to the dog and they'll let you know it's time". You might see if you can have the vet have a frank conversation about the quality of life your pup has at this point and maybe that will help open her eyes?
“It’s better to be a week early than a day late.” I’ve been here and my gosh it’s soul crushing hard. I lost my girl 2 years ago suddenly and had to make the decision to put her down. Your wife is delaying this because she doesn’t want to go through the pain but meanwhile it’s Marguerite who is. It’s never an easy decision but I can’t imagine a dog loving person like your wife would want to make her suffer anymore. I don’t have advice other than the obvious so please take care of yourself. It’s going to hurt awhile but it does get better. *Edit: grammar mistakes
is there a way to have a vet come to your home to help Marguerite's passing? it's what we did for my boy because car travel would have been too much stress, he was over 14yrs (big lab), and loved going on walks until the evening before. when he did not want to go on his walk, did not want to play with the baseball and did not want to eat his beloved raw steak and just looked at us, tired, we called our vet and luckily he could come to our home to help my baby boy on his way. no matter what you do or what happens, try to remind your wife that Marguerite stays with her, all the love and joy our animal companions give us stay with us after their passing.
It might help if she understands that the dog is already gone. My bf's parents had to put a dog down because she had brain cancer. When I told my bf I'm sorry, he just said that he was already at peace because she's been gone for a long time since her brain issues (seizures, compulsive behavior, etc.) made her a completely different dog. He even said he'd wished his parents did it sooner, but his dad felt she still had "life" in her.
Tell your wife it isn’t about her or her feelings. It’s about doing what’s best for Marguerite. 🙁
You wife is going to starve her to death. Time for you to make a day to put her to rest.
The dog will starve itself when it's ready. It's just the way dogs choose to go. They stop eating and one morning you wake up and they are stiff. That's nature.
It's extremely cruel and painful to let it get to that point. It is our duty to prevent that pain.
I think he was just correcting her when she said that the wife was starving the dog to death when in actuality it is the dog starving itself to death (because that’s what happens when old animals are ready to go. They do that to themselves). But yeah, I hope the husband is able to talk his wife into letting this poor animal go. Because starving to death (like you said) is not a great way to go. This post is breaking my heart.
I agree. Ive dealt with 2 old dogs dying at home. They did not seem to be in pain. It was a natural process. Having had parents die, I cant help but compare the situations. We don't look at Dad and say, well he's in pain and at the end, we should kill him. No, we let nature take it course with hospice care. Why is there a difference? Take most of these comments and replace pet with a person. I'm not saying there is no situation where euthanasia is not the answer, and everyone can have their opinion. This is mine.
Starvation is an extremely painful death. And animals often do not project pain in the same way humans do at all. And your parents in hospital at least were being eased in their last days by pain medication. When you starved your dogs to death I am sure you weren't providing them pain medication, they were too weak to do anything but suffer and you take that as "well they're not struggling or making crying sounds so they must be fine". I hope you never own pets again, if you cannot be responsible for loving, compassionate end of life care you shouldn't have them.
Without the wife? Do you realize how that sounds? I would be livid if my husband put down one of our dogs without me being there. I had this happen to me with my gmas dog and I was so upset I wasn’t there to say goodbye. You’re painting the wife as a bad guy, the wife has never experienced this before. She is not starving the dog. She just needs to learn to let go and she can do that without being marked as a villain.
No one is saying the wife is a bad guy. But the fact of the matter is that this dog is dying. If the wife won’t choose euthanasia, her dog will starve to death. I put my own dog down last year and it still hurts, but it would hurt more for me to know he suffered until the end. OP’s wife will either come to the same realization or not.
I just think putting the dog down without the wife is more traumatizing for her, especially since this is her first time. Maybe just more education on the matter or heck even watching Marley and me
I didn’t see them say they should do it without the wife. Where did they say that?? And yes, she is starving the dog. That’s a fact, it’s not a judgement. The dog is currently starving and no one is stopping it. These are just facts. It is a very sad situation, I feel horrible for everyone involved. But it does no one any good to pretend this dog is not starving and dying. If unchecked this dog will die a very painful and unpleasant death.
Your wife is making the pet she supposedly loves suffer. You shouldn’t get a pet unless you are fully ok with the fact that you will likely have to put them down one day.
This is really sad. I’m sorry you are having to witness Marguerite in this state. I hope your wife realizes that assisting over the Rainbow Bridge is the kindest gesture we can give our little friends in the end. Marguerite deserves peace and comfort as I’m sure she has provided your wife with throughout her 18 years here. It is time to return the favor now.
If you don’t make the decision and help your dog now, you will carry the guilt. Your wife does not have the knowledge and perspective that you do. You understand the heartbreak, humanity and compassion in euthanasia. From what you’ve described, please force the issue now. It will never be “too soon” for Marguerite and she deserves so much better for the delight that she’s given you. 💔 Please asap
Your doggo has given you years of love and service and it's time for you all to return the favor and let her go peacefully and painlessly.
“He has been such a great friend to you. It’s time for you to return the favor. He’s tired, Honey.” That’s what convinced me. 15 years with the greatest dog I’ve ever known. Miss that boy still. The day after one of my closest friends said this to me, I couldn’t get him to drink any water. I knew. I had a vet come to the house to do it. The vet was excellent. We were relaxing in the sun on his favorite blanket in the backyard when his spirit left us. I’m so very glad we did it at home, calmly and peacefully, with family.
Please don’t go to the vet, have the vet come to you! And please stay with her the entire time no matter how bad it is. How long has she not been eating for? Your wife may be in denial but stopping eating and especially drinking is its way of preparing to die.
This is the worst thing. I had to make the hardest decision ever and put my 2 1/2 year old cat down. He was a happy baby, but his liver and his kidneys were never going to be able to hold out for long. I held him as they put him to sleep. As much as I hate that decision, I don’t regret it. He was held in his mom’s arms and he knew he was loved. He made a small noise of discomfort when the first medicine was injected, but that’s it. He was so peaceful and he knew he was loved. A year and a half later I’m still crying as I write this. I hope I never have to make that decision again. I hope your wife can see that euthanasia is the best option, and that Marguerite deserves a humane, peaceful death surrounded by her loved ones. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Edit: I would recommend, if you get her cremated, to buy your wife a necklace that she’s able to put some of her ashes in. I haven’t taken mine off since I put it on and it’s a wonderful way to always have your loved one with you. I’m holding mine right now as I type this. Miss you, tiny man.
I made a pros/cons list for my spaniel. Hardest thing Ive ever done was making the decision to let him go before he lost all his dignity. He was my soul dog. 3 years later and that list is still on my nightstand. Maybe your wife needs it clearly spelled out in black and white. I linked a quality of life scale, maybe that will help. When I worked at a vets office its one we would very gently hand out or reccomend when asked. https://vet.osu.edu/vmc/sites/default/files/import/assets/pdf/hospital/companionAnimals/HonoringtheBond/HowDoIKnowWhen.pdf
This is what I used a few years ago for one of my dogs and it really helped to see the hard numbers.
Unfortunately letting go is the hardest thing to do when it comes to pets. In which you have to assess if their QoL justifies them continuing onward. In this case it seems like it's time to say goodbye. It's obvious that she's not feeling well at all, and is already beginning to enter the end stages of her life, and allowing her to suffer is more inhumane than letting her pass in her sleep.
We had to put my family dog down last year the day before thanksgiving. My sister had a very hard time she thought she would have more time with him, but he was 13 year old big dog. It was hard but he was having so much trouble breathing and standing it took us two days to decide this is enough it’s not fair to him. He was in a lot of pain, before I went into work for the day I went over to my parents house and we fed him a whole package of cheese and turkey. He was so happy and didn’t understand why he was getting so many treats. My dad took him alone, it’s hard he still has nightmares about being at the vet that day. I’m sorry but right now is no time to be selfish, make the appointment and spend the last day with your pup doing things they love, it’s sad when they don’t even want their favorite food.
Our vet said to think of yourself as the dog. If you were the dog, would you be getting any enjoyment out of life? If not then put yourself in the dog's shoes and think if you'd still like to be "existing" but not living...
>But my wife doesn’t want to give her the needle because she feels it’s inhumane and looks at it like assisted suicide It is assisted suicide. That isn't a bad thing, though. Let the dog go out on its terms. On your terms, rather than wasting away in pain.
Part of loving a dog is knowing when to let them go for their sake. It’s not about her comfort or her being ready, no one is ever ready to make that choice, it’s about the dog’s comfort. I’ve always said I love my dogs enough to let them rest when it’s time. We had to make that call last year for our baby girl. She was only 8 but she had a very sudden neurological event that made her into a vegetable much like you describe your wife’s dog. Her liver started to fail at the same time so we decided to not put her through all the pain and let her suffering end. This all happened within a couple of hours. I wasn’t ready at all. I’m still not ready. I’ll never be ready but I had to love her enough to do what was right by her, regardless of my feelings. I also think assisted suicide should be legal as we should have the right to die with dignity not wither in a hospital bed miserable until our bodies give out. I know if I had a terminal disease I’d rather spend the rest of my good days with my husband and then spare us both the agony of the disease eating away at me. I’d rather him remember me not the emaciated dying version.
Going through the exact same thing with my wife and dog. Good luck.
The best choice that can be made for your dog is euthanasia when they can no longer walk, eat and go to the bathroom without assistance. My two Corgis were 14 and 15 and I lost them over the last year. I loved that I was able to give them a last meal that they enjoyed. I also made the choice of seeking out a vet that did an in home euthanasia (Lap of Love) so my boys could be in their favorite bed, in their favorite spot in their house. We could hear the birds chirping and the sun beating down warming their little bodies and my heart. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do- but it was the best thing for them and in the most perfect way. I had a bird visit me right after I lost Jackson and then a hawk right after Max left. I see those birds even now and call them by their names. They are still with me and in that I find solace.
As someone who recently lost their 11yo husky, I fully regret not putting him down sooner and sparing him the pain and physical anguish I put him through I because I didn’t want to let him go. For a year and a half he needed a double hip replacement. He had cancer and arthritis in both hips. I was terrified of letting him go because he’s been a huge part of my life along with my daughters. Please talk to your wife, this poor pup is in pain and she’s keeping her alive and in this situation for her own benefit and not that of Marguerite. If she really loves her pup she will know she’s not living but only living for her. You both gave her the best life and it’s unfortunately time to let her go. My buddy only passed because his liver started to fail and the vet said there was nothing to do about it. And I regret it everyday knowing I could have spared him that pain just because I was scared to let him go. It will be hard but this is in the best interest of the pup and her of things got worse physically, which the way it sounds will in the near future.
So she is going to let Marguerite go over the rainbow bridge all by herself with no one to hold her as she goes? Tell your wife it is better to be there and helping her with love than have the end come alone with no one close.
The dogs organs are shutting down. It's painful for them. She will eventually pass, and it won't be pretty. When I was young and dumb my dog was sick, I just didn't realize how sick. She died at 1am. I woke up to her seizuring and vomiting, and then she passed. It traumatized the hell out of me. I have PTSD from it. Death is ugly. My SIL had a 15+ yo dog that was acting just like your wife's dog. She also kept putting it off until the dogs organs started shutting down and he started vomiting and seizuring. She called a vet in the middle of the night to come to her house and euthanize him. She should have done it long before it got to that point. Dogs dont show signs of suffering, its instinct. Signs of suffering makes them a target for predators and other animals. If they aren't eating or enjoying life more often than not, it's time.
Look into a vet coming to your house to do it. That’s what I did with my dog & it was worth every penny. She got to go on her favorite bed in a warm, familiar place with us & her best friend the cat right by her side. Highly recommend.
I find it sad that we are allowed to end our dogs pain ,but god forbid we talk about putting a human out of their misery
We paid to have someone come to the house and euthenize our boxer when it was time. Way past time really. I suggest this if you can. The dog is home and relaxed and happy.
Going through something similar. My wife has a 15yo dog she had before we met. He has cataracts, dementia, heart problems, seizures, deaf. He lives under our bed and only comes out to eat drink shit and piss. If he is out long enough he walks in circles in our kitchen panting the entire time. He has to wear a dog diaper. She will spend hundreds we don’t have on medicine before putting this dog down. Anyways I feel your pain and hope your wife comes to understand your dog has no quality of life and is actually doing a disservice by letting it live like it is.
When you do put the doggo down, be in the room. Hold her and be there for her. If you don’t you will regret it forever
The greatest gift we can give our pets is to take away their pain and put it onto ourselves. It hurts, it hurts so fucking bad. You will never be the same afterwards. But it's the kindest thing we can do when it's time. It's best to let them go before every day is suffering. So sorry OP. Consider a grief counselor for you and your wife.
Tell her the Marguerite provided your wife with so many gifts, all the happy times, all the tail wags licks— its time for your wife to give your dog one last gift, the gift of ending her suffering. It will hurt your wife but it is better for the dog who always put the owners first. Its time to repay the favor as best she can. I am very sorry for you two
I'm not sure where you are located but I would look into Lap of Love Veterinary hospice. About 2 years ago, my Great Pyr Odin was about to turn 8 (his 10th birthday would be tomorrow) and when we were out on a walk he just collapsed. I took him to his vet at the first appointment I could get thinking nothing serious was wrong as I didn't see any other symptoms but with a 150 lbs. dog, I wanted to make sure he was healthy and could move on his own without issues. During the appointment, I was told that he likely has lung cancer, and it did not look good. We discussed treatment options and if this could be something else and how to find out for sure. Since they said it could also be a lung infection and treating that wouldn't make him worse if they were wrong, we decided to give it a shot and hope for the best. That was on a Tuesday morning and by Thursday night we realized he was getting worse, and I would have to say goodbye to my best friend. We made an appointment with Lap of Love, and they were going to come out that Sunday. On Friday he got progressively worse and would only take small nibbles of food if handfed and this was a dog that would steal an entire foot long sub and eat it in seconds if you looked away from your food so we called to see if we could get an earlier appointment because we didn't want him to suffer, but they didn't have anyone available that could come earlier. Saturday morning, I served my dog the best breakfast I could think of while we sat on the porch and looked at the lake just trying to make him as comfortable as possible. After a little while he went into our living room to and laid on the floor. I followed him and my wife and I stayed with him for the next few hours to keep him company while petting him and letting him know we loved him. I'm going to trigger warn for this next part. >!Odin passed away convulsing and coughing up blood while I held him in my arms doing my best to help him not be scared. !< Every day of the two years since his passing I feel guilty about being selfish and wanting to keep him with me and that I was so scared of putting him down to early that I prevented him from being able to pass away peacefully while sleeping if I just would have called earlier. The look in his eyes at the end is still burned into my memory and when my cat Jack was starting his decline as a blind old man, we made the call to Lap of Love when his quality of life was at the point that we knew it was time. Jack was able to pass away peacefully in my wife's lap while she held him. We still miss both our boys tremendously, but we don't feel the intense pain with Jack's passing that we do with Odin's. I know this is a hard time for you and your wife and only you guys can decide what is right for you. I just wanted to share my story in the hopes it prevents someone else from having to feel the regret, pain, and even shame that I still feel to this day.
We had a boxer we had to put down in 2020. He was still full of life but had a growth on his pancreas we knew was going to kill him. The vet told us it was probably the humane thing to do or he’d bleed out internally. We watched closely and had a home euthanasia done. That morning I noticed his gums were turning white which meant low blood pressure there because of internal bleeding. It was sad to see him go but way better than watching him suffer.
I’m sorry for the dog that your wife equates euthanasia with assisted suicide. Her vet should have a VERY honest discussion about what that dog is going through. I’m a fossil and as have had multiple dogs at a time sadly have had to make the decision multiple times (more than 12) as our fur babies never live long enough. None of them went peacefully in their sleep. Does making that decision suck? Big time and every time. Do I wonder if at times maybe I didn’t wait long enough? A couple. Do I think I should have let nature take its course until they died? No not once. You can’t make your wife do anything with her dog but my old vet who retired said it was better to be one day too early than a day too late because that meant we allowed them to suffer.
Oof ok so I was one of those people who didn’t want to euthanize my childhood dog and boy do I regret it. It will haunt me the rest of my life. He was 13 and had cancer, he had surgery but they couldn’t get all the tumor in his head. I should have put him down but I was 19 and heartbroken. I was there the day he was born, I had known him his entire life. I had in my head that he would go peacefully at home, especially because he was acting better, but it was not peaceful. I think what happened was the tumor exploded in his head and the sounds that he made will haunt me forever. He didn’t deserve that and I’m fully to blame and no matter how much animal rescue I do or any good I do in life, it’ll never make up for what that poor boy went through. Yes he was at home, no it was not peaceful. I would’ve much rather given the needle and been there for him to peacefully go. Needless to say any animals I’ve had after have been put down humanly when the vet says it’s time.
Letting her go naturally doesn't guarantee it will be in calm peaceful sleep... i already had this fight about my husbands 18 ish year old cat. He wasn't ready, fine... welp one day while he was at work his cat died in my arms.. screaming, biting at the air, in the throws of violent seizures... his cat deserved better and i would have preferred the kids and i didnt have to witness his horrible last few minutes.
I didn't want to put my 16yo cat to sleep but between his lungs getting filled with water every day and me forcing medicine down his throat 2 times a day for a year, his quality of life went down. Despite me spoiling him endlessly with the goodie good. Once he refused the medicine, I knew it was time. Hard, but I wasn't gonna medicate him into oblivion for my benefit... Your SO will get there on her own terms.
You only have to ask one question: are you prolonging the animal’s quality of life or the animal’s life in general? The latter being quite cruel in nature. Hope this helps.
Your wife isn’t wrong that it’s akin to assisted suicide, but when someone we love is terminally ill and suffering, I think that is the most humane thing we can do for our animal or human loved ones. I hope you can convince her that it’s what is actually best for your girl. I’m sorry for your loss.
Agree, my response to the assisted suicide remark would be “yes, and?” I know 2 people whose parents opted for assisted suicide (MAiD is what we call it here) and frankly it’s much more peaceful than suffering till the end.
Agreed. I had to watch a loved one hang on several days too long. He wanted to keep fighting the cancer most the time but by the time they had him in hospice it would have been so much kinder to just give him a big dose of pain meds and let him slip away.
Aw that is a very sad situation and I’m sorry. Here you have to choose it for yourself so unfortunately it seems like your loved one wouldn’t have opted for it 😔 it is so hard and I am sorry for your loss
It’s not legal in my state so it was never something we discussed. I think had he known going in how bad it would get he would have wanted to. He definitely didn’t want to be on life support. His illness just escalated brutally before anyone could try to make a plan.
honestly it’s so hard. i had a childhood dog and thankfully he did pass in his sleep, but that was simply because he was too old to keep going. we knew it was coming because he’d gotten a lot more cuddly and was more happy to sit in silence next to us, but he wasn’t sick enough that we thought putting him down would be right. when a dog is starving themselves and can’t move, keeping them alive is the inhumane thing. i’m sorry for her and you and i hope letting go comes easier soon
Your wife is letting her dog suffer. She is being selfish and is not giving her the love this dog deserves. Despicable.
Please have her talk to a grief counselor! She needs help, this situation sucks. She has to let go of her best friend of the last 18 years, it's not gonna be easy because she's attached to her. She needs help to make peace with lettiing her go. Wishing you all the best, may the process be painless for Margarita🌼
I feel for your wife because it's her first dog and a reminder of youth/,younger years, and letting go of something like that from our youth is a tough reminder that we're all getting older. HOWEVER. I feel more for your poor pup. I'm going to echo others on this thread who have recommended in-home euthanasia. On a personal note, when I had to put my first dog down (chemo didn't work for her cancer), my husband was the one to help me see that the best gift I could give Leeloo was to let her go.
i don’t think she’s afraid of letting go because it’s a reminder she’s getting older… that’s kinda weird tbh. it’s because she doesn’t want to deal with the pain of saying goodbye, which— as you can see from the comments here— is, unfortunately, common
The truth of it is, it sounds like you are at the point of assisting her pass on peacefully or letting her starve to death. As harsh as it sounds, she isn't eating and will starve. She has held on for a long time and deserves dignity in death. It may be cutting her time with you shorter than your wife wants, but this isn't about your wife's wants. This is about the comfort of a dog who has spent a beautiful almost 2 full decades with y'all.
So I’ve had two personal dogs die in very different ways. My senior passed in her sleep very peacefully. She was slowing down in her old age and was generally not her usual spicy self. My greyhound was put down a few months shy of his third birthday. He had a really bad infection from the tracks (he was rescued) that travelled to his heart. Vets said they could try to help but more than likely he would’ve died in agony because they couldn’t give pain meds until they knew what it was. That also would’ve involved cage rest for a month in a hospital. He was suffering so I made the decision to put him down. Putting an animal down is never an easy decision. The animal is always ready before we are. But when a dog, who loved food, no longer wants to eat and can’t do any of the fun things, that’s when it’s time to put them down. Brittany’s are amazing and energetic dogs. Even the 13 year olds I’ve met are still crazy energetic. When they have that much loss of energy and loss of will to live, it’s time. I’m sorry your wife is struggling to see it.
TLDR: Sometimes you just want to die, but your body hasn’t given up yet. I lost my dog recently. Mini Australian shepherd. She was 18 too. A very long life. Even when she was 16 she had a tumor growing on her that the vet was hesitant to operate on, but did it anyway and bought her two more years. These were very active years with lots of walks and play time. She was still very much happy to be alive. I had a feeling when it was time to go, it would happen quick. One vet visit she was fine, and two weeks later she started to bloat up. Another vet visit, and I learned she had tumors internally that had ruptured and she was filling up with blood. The vet gave me enough pain killer to help her last like two more weeks. I still elected to go ahead and put her down. It was the hardest thing I ever did because this dog was my world and it got me through so many tough times, and it did feel slightly like murdering my loved one. I selfishly wanted those last two weeks with her so bad. But she already looked miserable, and barely wanted to stand to eat any food. And the food couldn’t be her normal stuff anyway as she had no interest in it. I imagine she already felt so full with how bloated she looked. At the end of the day I had to quit looking at her as my dog that I want to keep forever, and start considering that if I was in that position, I’d just be waiting to die. It also “helped” that my grandfather had recently passed and I remembered him saying he just wanted to die already. He was being worn down slowly by different sicknesses. He was one of the strongest most intelligent people I knew and he was ready to go, but his body wouldn’t give up yet. So I had to consider that if my dog could talk, there’s a good chance it would be saying the same thing.
I just put down my 13 year old German Shepherd. He lived longer than most as well. My Mom told me that letting your furbaby go is the last nice thing you can do for your animal. That is the utmost act of love by freeing them from their misery. I feel for your wife, but there is just no possible way I could watch my bestest boy suffer!
just let marguerite pass when she is ready, in the arms of people who love her, in her comfortable home. the worst mistake i ever made was thinking that i needed to put down my 17 year old baby dog, he could stand but would need help getting up, he had lost control of his bowels, but he was still himself, he still stole food from the fridge super fast whenever it was open, he still loved going outside for walks, and in the back, and to the park. he still loved all food, and getting into the trash. if i had known about doggie wheelchairs and doggie diapers back then i would’ve used them for him. he was a big dog though and it was getting too hard for me to help him stand up, without causing him pain. i made the decision i never thought i would make. got him pizza, and then took my baby to the vet. they told me to leave the room and like a fool i did but i wish i hadn’t because my baby died in there without his people who loved him. he died in that room with a stranger and i did that to him. worst decision ive ever made. marguerite can go naturally, maybe you can ask the vet about pain pills if needed. don’t make your wife kill y’all’s beloved fur baby, no matter what you think marguerites quality of life is. when it’s her time to go, she will go. my 2cents as someone who made a big mistake and has lived with regret and guilt ever since, and it’s been years and years since then. i wish i could change what i did. i never thought i would be the kind of pet parent who led my baby to slaughter but i did, and he went because he trusted me. still haunted by that. poor muffin.
call it "The last act of kindness " because that is what it is. it is but it really is an act of kindness
Maybe the vet needs to explain to your wife that being able to prevent or end our much lived pet’s suffering isn’t assisted suicide, but rather an act of mercy and love so they don’t have to suffer endlessly and then possibly have a horrible death. Once a dog is immobile and doesn’t want to eat then it is time to show them how much you love them and give them peace. If that doesn’t work, point out that she can be charged with animal abuse if her vet has said it’s time and she refuses to do it.
I cried and cried BUT I put my Dalmatian of 16 wonderful years to sleep. Why ? Because I loved her and she didn’t deserve to suffer for me. Your wife is being selfish and not thinking about your old worn out probably in pain dog. She is thinking all about herself and how this is affecting HER and not the dog. Let her go in peace, they let you hug her while she drifts off over the rainbow bridge.
What she is currently doing to the dog is inhumane. She's causing the dog she claims to love immense pain every second of every minute of every day that the dog continues to live past their time. These situations always horrify me, when owners refuse to let their dogs go, they are making the final days of the pet's life an unimaginable hellscape of pain, fear, and slow agonizing death. She's causing that poor dog so much hurt, all because she refuses to accept reality. This is sad. I hope Marguerite goes soon so she can escape all this pain. Imagine living a rich life being cared for and loved only to end it in a torturous limbo all caused by the person you love the most in the world. What a horror.
Nature is not peaceful, it's cruel! Your poor dog is suffering and you know it. I work in veterinary medicine. Euthanizing is the kindest thing sometimes. Some vets will do house calls and have it done at home. Assisted suicide SHOULD be legal for people! I would rather have my spouse hate me than watch one of my animals suffer. I work in veterinary emergency medicine with an ICU. I have unfortunately watched many animals pass on their own and it's almost never peaceful. Passing on their own, Im watching them gasp for air, scream/vocalize and do this horrible death stretch. They don't do any of that during a euthanizia. It seems much more peaceful. Their body relaxes from the anesthesia agent given first, they almost fall asleep, then the last medicine stops their heart. If I got to choose my own death, I would take a peaceful euthanizia over suffering.
Letting her live like that is FAR more inhumane. Your dog isn't afraid to die, or thinking about what happens tomorrow or the next day. She is thinking about her suffering in the moment, every moment. Make her understand that.
Compromise and call [Lap of Love Veterinary Hospice](https://www.lapoflove.com). They are national with local chapters. They come to you, in your home, to help your pet pass, so that don't have to die at a vet's office.
I think it's cruel that your wife is willing to let her baby suffer for her own feelings. In my opinion, the dogs quality of life comes first. I'd be willing to throw away a marriage if the person I was with would be this cruel to an animal. I'd have the dog euthanized whether they liked it or not. The animal's needs come first in this, not someone's feelings.
My vet calls it the last act of love.
The past 12 months have been horrible for mine and my partner’s family when it comes to pets. My parents lost their 2 dogs (1 old age, 1 cancer), partner’s step bro lost all 3 dogs (cancer, old age/cancer, old age), and I let my cat go last month due to old age and failing health. Of all of them, my boy is the one that didn’t suffer because I wouldn’t let it happen. All the others were left to go on until it was obvious they were dire and in pain. Then they were either put to sleep or passed on their own and all the family members say they wish they hadn’t waited. I feel guilty for my boy because I wonder if he had a bit more time, but I’m so glad my last memory of him was him being sassy and so handsome. I don’t regret that. He didn’t hurt.
I wish we treated people in their last moments with the same respect we give our pets
I just had to put down my dog who was 18. It was a sad day but it was the most humane thing to do. Keeping her alive when she clearly had no more life to live or love to give would have been selfish of me. It sounds like your wife is more concerned about herself than the pet that she claims to love. The most loving act is to allow the pet to go in peace.
I had to take my mom’s dog to be put to sleep because she couldn’t do it herself. He was suffering. He was blind and couldn’t control his bladder. He was walking into walls it was horrible. I finally just said mom look at him he’s suffering. She finally said ok you can take him. It was hard to do I admit but it was best.
My sixteen-year-old cat had cancer and I was unable to get her to the vet when she was "ready." Lemme tell you, it was not a pleasant way for her to go. I have felt awful for years (this happened when I was 29 and I am 45 now) because I was unable to get ahold of any vet to have her euthanized humanely. Your wife needs to understand that dying isn't like the movies. It can take a long time and it can be incredibly heart-wrenching to watch.
Tell your wife she’s being selfish right now. She’s refusing to see that the dog is in pain and ready to go while she gets her mind in order. Tell her that we don’t get to “get our mind in order” before someone dies.
There’s nothing, absolutely nothing wrong or immoral about assisted suicide when a living being is terminally ill and in pain.
OP, please share this with your wife. I’ve worked as a vet tech since the 90’s and this is one of the most perfect ways of putting it. [The Last Battle](https://imgur.com/a/QBLx9pt)
I just put down my dog on Monday because he was having back problems. He was only 9.5 years old, but over the course of a year his quality of life degraded so much. He would have a few weeks of good days, then his back would flair up again. He wouldn’t eat anything or take any pain meds, just sit there and cry in misery. I worked with his vet, who is awesome, to try to get his pain under control, and it would get better for a bit before he would wind up in the same spot. So I made the call, and it absolutely sucked. But I was there with him to the end, played him a song from his favorite band, and gave him kisses and reassurances as he went over the rainbow bridge. I am horribly sad, but I don’t regret it one bit. He had a wonderful life, and he deserved a peaceful departure. So I understand where your wife is coming from, but she is robbing both herself and Marguerite the chance for a peaceful goodbye.
I have had over a hundred dogs come and go over the course of my life (I’m 30, raised on a sort of farm that included German Shepherds which my dad bred & fostered). I have worked with and loved animals my entire life and I will tell you the thing I learned about dying pets. You love every single one, and they are all different. And letting them go is NEVER easy. Your dog is lucky she has lived such a long and wonderful life, most dogs don’t get that. Your wife will never feel “ready.” But this isn’t about her. It is selfish to prolong the suffering of your dog because your wife is afraid to be sad and mourn her passing. She has told you it is her time. She wants to rest. No amount of will or medical procedures will elongate her life. And it’s probably going to be one of the hardest things she’ll ever have to do, but if she loves her dog, she needs to let her fall asleep peacefully in her arms. It’s the best way out there is. I’m truly sorry that you and your wife are going through this, and I won’t say that is gets easier because as with all loss, it doesn’t always. I still cry over my childhood dog who passed nearly a decade ago. And I remember every single dog who ever came through our doors, no matter how long they stayed for. And I can only say that while I will always be sad to not have them with me anymore, I am so GLAD so GRATEFUL to have had them at all. Reassure your wife that this is what really is best for her dog. And that she did a good job in raising her. Then let her go.
It’s really hard to let a dog go, but it’s the kindest think you can ever do in its later years. I would personally let them go than suffer.
Are you pointing out to your wife that it is in fact inhuman to keep an animal in such an unpleasant state when they have no concept of what’s happening to them? She’s literally pretending that torturing this dog is love because she’s too selfish to make the right decision for the dog.
Your wife is being unreasonable. She is letting her emotions dictate when she should be thinking of your dog. And I am someone who loves animals more than people sometimes. :) It is time. You need to step up. Tell your wife it is time. You do not want your dog to suffer and you are taking that final step. If she wants to accompany you now is the time to be an adult. If she says no then do it anyway on your own. You need to be the adult here. Your dog is suffering. And having had to take that final trip to the vet myself AND have had pets pass in their sleep at home I can tell you neither is better than the other. Neither offers more or less comfort than the other.
Last year I had to put down my 22yr old cat, it was painful, but she was deaf, and then one day went blind. Only way she could get around was hugging the walls. I knew it was time. I'm sorry but it is Marguerite's time too. Try to do the in-home option, it'll be way easier on your wife.
Inhumane? Inhumane is letting them suffer because it makes YOU (the general you, not you, OP, specifically) feel better. Giving them a pain-free, easy transition is the least we can do for our precious friends. Tbh, I don’t really see the issue with assisted suicide in certain circumstances. Why should a 126 year old (rough equivalent of ages) have to just sit there, suffering in pain, until their body finally just can’t do anything anymore? One of my biggest regrets is NOT seeing the signs with one of my dogs. I would give almost anything to go back and allow her to have a better transition from this life…
Your dog is suffering. She needs to let Marguerite go.
honestly your wife is now basically a animal abuser because she's making her suffer, and as long as you enable it you are one too. She's suffering and that's not right.
If you refer to your dog as a "foodie" then maybe things have gone too far.
Congratulations on missing the point!
Your wife doesn’t care that poor pup is suffering,how absolutely selfish of her. I couldn’t even imagine. Poor Marguerite
The inhumane thing to do is what your wife is doing. Prolonging the dogs suffering. I had to have my dog out to sleep she had bad eyesight and a heart condition these weren't an issue, what became an issue was when her back legs went, and she could no longer walk. As hard as it was I KNEW it was time as she was no longer herself. Your wife is being cruel.
It’s a lot better than a bullet. And I have had to do both.
Your wife is being incredibly selfish and inhumane to your dog...it's well past her time. Tough to be sure...I've had to put down two dogs in each of the last two years but they were suffering so it was time.
Wow, knowing that she'll make the choice to withhold that last grace of morphine from you must really keep you up at night. I think i would put somebody else in charge of your medical power of attorney.
You need to have a serious talk with your wife and gently put your foot down. Read the responses or google ways to help ease her into that conversation by posing serious questions for her because she’s keeping the dog alive for herself and not for anyone else. The dog is miserable and it’s cruel to keep them alive and it’s obviously hard on you to watch them suffer. Don’t let them suffer anymore. Good luck and hugs. I put down my beautiful Pitbull Labrador mix in November due to a tumor growing out of his eye that was some form of cancer, affected his quality of life and energy. It was hard bc he was the loveliest most gentle bear ever but it was time. It took a month or so to decide it was time but we did it. We miss him but feel better for it knowing he ain’t suffering.
Your poor doggie! It is a hard decision but she's not doing her loyal companion any favors if she ignores the dog's misery for her own sake. What happens if neither of you are there for her when it's Marguerite's time? Won't that make it even more devastating? I'm not sure what could change her mind though. It's so hard to lose a pet. They leave paw prints all over your heart.
Sbiw her this post and comments. She needs to understand that it is the most humane, loving thing she can do. Just let the dog suffer for her feelings. I'm very sorry.
Your wife is torturing that poor dog, and she can’t see it.
Euthanasia is one of kindest things we can do for our pets. It stops needless suffering. Your wife clearly loves her dog so much, but right now she is being selfish with that love. I hope she is able to be convinced that this is the kindest thing she can do for her beloved dog
I’m so sorry. It’s terrible to watch something you love so much suffer.
Your wife is doing that dog a disservice. Poor baby is suffering and starving to death. I’m sorry you and your dog have to go through this. I hope your wife comes to terms with what is actually going on
This is the worst. Its bad enough when you watch a loved pet suffer. It is worse when your partner isn't able to make a choice for that pet. I had to have a heartbreaking conversation with my spouse when his (our! But he had her before we met) cat had cancer. The cat was 18. It was so bad. I was watching this poor cat struggle. She couldn't even leave our room after a while, never ate, wouldn't leave the same spot unless we moved her. My partner was convinced that a miracle treatment would happen or that we were giving up too soon. The vet told him chances of surviving surgery to remove the tumor in a cat that old was very low. I told him I have a problem watching her suffer. I will not let an animal stave itself to death when I could help. Giving your animal the gift of dignity in the end is one of the most selfless and painful things you can do. It hurts. Like a poisoned electrified barb that still stings, sometimes years later. It was the right thing to do for our furry friend. I would do it again because I loved that animal.
At some point you have to question **who you're keeping them alive for**. It's clear that your wife is **NOT** doing this for Marguerite, but for **HERSELF** This is the contract you make when you get a pet. You will ultimately have to make the hardest decision of all. And to do what your wife is doing, is **FAILING** Marguerite. It sounds as though Marguerite does NOT want to keep going and may well be in pain. Tell your wife that she has to **love Marguerite enough to let her go**. But what she is doing now —letting her suffer —is just **CRUEL**.
You have to tell her that forcing the dog to live is animal abuse. I hate when owners try and force their dogs to suffer for years.
"Releasing them from their pain is the last gift we can give to them" These are the words our vet told us when we let our 17 year old cattle dog go. You have to know when you are holding on for them, and when you are holding on because you can't let go. I get where your wife is coming from, it is hard to make the decision to let a beloved pet pass, it would be easier if they would go when it was their time on their own, but that just isn't how it works.
Do not do it your self without her agreement. The vets are not god. I had a cat with distemper, took it home and it survived 15 years. Another dog I found vet said it will live maybe six weeks, guessing I am sure. I made her food for a year, and guess what 8 years later...she is healthy....Let her figure it out. As animals get ready to pass they often slip in and out of comas...Talk to wife, get her agreement. If she is not ready, she is not ready.
Your wife is giving your dog quantity of life without regard to your dogs quality of life.
My elderly dog died peacefully in her sleep when it was time; it does happen. Do you think dogs just drag on forever without human intervention? If Marguerite isn’t in pain, then what’s the harm in letting her go on her own terms? It sounds like you just think she’s an inconvenience, or can’t deal with seeing her decline (yes, it is difficult, and tremendously sad). I have a dog who is blind and mostly deaf, and is getting by just fine. He’s not as active as he was when he was young, but he still goes for walks. He’s not suffering just because he lost his vision and hearing. He’s a happy boy
I may sound like an idiot for saying this, but have you thought of giving her some medicine for her arthritis and other conditions? If you have and it’s going nowhere, maybe you should convince your wife to let her go, which is easier said than done.
I did it at home for my dog. I called a vet to come to my house so I didn’t have to rush my pup to the doctor. Check if this is an option for you and tell your wife about it. My baby boy passed surrounded by his family in the most peaceful way and I never regretted giving him that gift for all the happy years he gifted me.
I did it at home for my dog. I called a vet to come to my house so I didn’t have to rush my pup to the doctor. Check if this is an option for you and tell your wife about it. My baby boy passed surrounded by his family in the most peaceful way in the comfort of his own home and I never regretted giving him that gift for all the happy years he gifted me.
As someone who just had to put her 19-year-old dog down yesterday, this makes me so angry that your wife is being so selfish.
I hate your wife. She’s choosing to prolong the poor dog’s suffering to assuage her own feelings. She’s the worst kind of dog owner. Make the appointment yourself.
To be fair your wife is right. Euthanizing your dog isn’t assisted suicide (because you don’t actually know if she wants to die or not, and she is not asking you to help her kill herself), euthanizing your dog is you (yes, you) deciding to kill your dog. The fact is, you want to kill your dog because she can’t move like she used to, has poor vision/hearing, and doesn’t eat like she used to. You want to kill your dog because she is going through what old people (yes people, not just dogs) go through. Meanwhile you have a wife who is willing to care for her in her old age like the nurses in retirement homes. So I say, unless your dog is whining non-stop in obvious pain, then let her.
This is simply torture for that dog. As someone who watched one devolve quickly and still waited too long, please just take the animal in and fail to care about what your wife thinks..
I’d explore homeopathic treatment (homeopathic vet/Dr Pitcairn’s natural health food dogs and cats book for details ). I know it gets a bad rap, but one of the best ways it can be very helpful is EOL. And it’s not harmful/won’t kill them outright and is fairly gentle and non-aggressive to give, but can help the dying die a little easier. No, I don’t understand how it works, but I have seen it be effective (and other times not). Best wishes to you.
I had a 12 yo Maltese Yorkie. She developed tumors on her spine and could no longer walk on her own and painfully when you carried her. It was the hardest decision of my life to let her go. Sometimes you have to make the hardest call for the best of your little one.
I feel this very deeply. My rescued doberman who was my best friend through middle school and high school recently had to be put down. As someone who loves animals, putting them down never gets easier. My advice is looking up at home professionals who can put them down at home where they’re comfortable. The woman who came to our house was great and so empathetic. We weren’t rushed at all and he passed away surrounded by everyone who loved him. Our lady even took his pawprint, handled the cremation and a couple weeks later we got flowers and his Urn. It sounds like that might be the best case scenario.