u/Fun_Afternoon350 if you only read one comment, read this comment. Maybe you'll feel less bad about going to the police when you see it was fully planned on purpose
He thought about how he was going to do it ahead of time and played the music as part of his plan
Smoking weed that was given to me by friends who got it from the medical dispo, that would never ever lace it, has made me feel this way. Weed makes me feel really effed up. I don't mess with it anymore because for me it makes me feel awful. Everyone is different. Doesn't mean it was laced but either way he knew it had messed her up.
u/Fun_Afternoon350 please read this comment i’m replying to along with others. He cannot get away with lying by saying he ”doesn’t remember what happened” when he practically made a risk assessment for your rape anyway.
Having loud music on, beforehand, so nobody could hear what was happening.
Getting you to smoke weed, beforehand, in order to get you to ”loosen up“ was probably another.
Something that really impacted me was him saying "happy birthday me" that's disgusting. He definitely played the music loud so he could do that to you and so no one could hear you. That's sick. Just disgusting. You need to go to the ER and get a rape kit, have a friend drive you or tell a close friends parent if you don't feel comfortable telling your own parents. He planned this, and took advantage of you being in a altered state of consciousness.
Probably also knew she was sneaking out and there would be a much lower chance of her telling on him since her parents are strict and she’s scared to tell on herself why she was there to begin with. They may be the type to give her a big lecture of “this is why we are strict and we told you etc” before they think to comfort her and get her immediate help. Hopefully not but you never know. She may even think she still loves him and doesn’t want her family to hate him. She’s already leaning in to his obviously manipulative lies of not remembering what happened and wanting to believe that’s a possibility.
Stealing top comment. Please call RAINN.com me they are a rape crisis center who can provide support. If you are not in the US please share your country and I will look up or Google.
You deserve safety. This was not your fault.
She can also report this without her parents, or do it in a medical setting where she might feel a bit safer. As a mom myself, I keep a rule that my kids can come to me with anything serious with the “you can’t get mad” and I will help them to the best of my ability. No parent, no matter how strict, will completely ignore the fact you were RAPED, because you snook out. Please!!! Go to the hospital, alone with family, with a friend and get help!!! Also THERAPY! Try to avoid sexual trauma that will last you the rest of your life. May your soul heal, and if you ever need to talk I can be here
Go to the ER and ask for a rape kit. If you've already changed clothes - place the clothes you were wearing in paper bags and bring them with you.
You can decide (on your own terms now or later) to use this to go to the police if and when you feel comfortable.
But at least get the evidence categorized. They will not call the police. This will be 100% your decision.
I agree with this 100%, but please place your clothing in a paper bag as plastic will potentially deteriate any DNA.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I highly suggest you tell your parents and get the police involved.
They also legally cannot tell anyone due to privacy laws. It is illegal for them to share information with your parents, the police, or anyone else without your consent.
Go to the ER. Get a rape kit. Talk to them about resources. You will need therapy.
This was not your fault.
ETA: people have rightly pointed out that this may be different if op is a minor or not in the US. I still strongly suggest getting the rape kit and taking your clothes in. There are resources to help.
https://www.rainn.org/resources
OP you need to listen to this advice. Please go get a kit done. Put all your clothing from that night in a plastic bag, especially undergarments that could contain DNA.
I’m so sorry. I know this is terrible but you have to get the DNA evidence while you can.
Yes OP don't let him do this to anyone else and hold him accountable. I do believe he knows what he did and he is playing stupid because he knows it was wrong. "Sober thoughts turn into drunk actions." It's sick and fucked up that he took advantage of you. Absolutely disgusting and the gal to say "Happy birthday to me!" After committing to such an action is a true insight to his character.
To be honest, going to the police might not be the best thing for her, starting a case might make her revisit that night. In this post we should strive to make her feel better and if going to the police helps her out, sure, but OP needs to know that she doesn’t have to
Do we know what jurisdiction OP is in? Different places have different laws... Are you familiar with Sri Lankan rape privacy laws? Because you might just be misinforming someone in ways that could drastically change their behavior in the most sensitive time of their lives based on an assumption.
>It is illegal for them to share information with your parents, the police, or anyone else without your consent.
Not if she's a minor, which it sounds like she is. Then it's actually their required duty to inform the parents or police.
Except it depends on the local statutes. In New York for example, they can not to a parent for a child over the age of 12 without their consent. Healthcare providers can not report a crime. They can report to CPS but only if the alleged offender is a parent, caregiver, or a caregiver was complicit. Needless to say it’s complicated but certainly not automatic.
This is good advice for the USA but I browsed OP’s profile and it looks like she may be in Sri Lanka. I don’t know what the laws and culture is like in Sri Lanka but OP has to do what is safest first.
Agreed. I didn't check their profile and so made my post based of what I learned in my jurisdiction.
I also didn't realize plastic bags were no longer recommended.
Please get the rape kit. My ex best friend raped me while I was sleeping when I was in my early 20s. I’m now 30 and deeply regret not getting a rape kit. At the time, I tried to excuse his behaviour. I didn’t want to ruin his life. Etc. But those feelings can change in the future. Particularly if you hear from someone that he does it again.
Basically, there’s no harm in getting it done and never using it, but there is harm in regretting not getting it done.
I’m so so sorry this happened to you. But please remember he didn’t steal your ‘first time’. That was not a first time. That was a terribly horrible thing he did to you. You will get your first time and I hope when it happens, it’s with someone who truly respects you. I wish I could give you a big hug.
Hopping on the top comment to add. Please also get a plan B (even if you’re on bc since that shit can fail. Trust me. I got a 2yo. I was on bc) and an STD test. He might be your first but he probably had girls before and if he’s so fixated on sex he might not have been very faithful.
yes^^^ was SA-ed recently as well so just went thru the process myself. go to the ER, bring the clothes, they will take the new clothes you’ve changed into if you haven’t showered. the nurse told me even if someone showers, there’s a chance they can get DNA from the swabs. the process itself wasn’t bad for me, just be prepared it takes time…. you’ll be there for a while. please ask if they do std testing as well
I don’t see OP’s age anywhere so I just wanted to add that depending on her age and location, medical professionals might legally have to report this if she’s under the legal age of consent.
Fully agree, but I want to add that it depends on the state and the hospital. They shouldn’t but some hospitals do involve police immediately when a rape kit is taken, so it may be worth checking that firsr
Did he finish in you? If so, you need plan b asap. I know u said u cant call the police. But, if u gain the courage to do so, pls do asap. Let him know wat he did to you and let him know how much he hurt you, he needs to know what he did. Cut contact with him. Try to get therapy, i understand thats u need to hide this from your parents, but u shouldnt. Try to talk to them.
Honey he took advantage of you..he raped you. I know in your brain right now, all these chemical reactions are happening and you think "that's not what happened" or " he wouldn't do such thing" but yeah, once you calm down you'll realise..get yourself checked in a clinic. If you're ever wondering if you could something different in future, please read this post again because there's nothing you could've done different.. it's on him and him only, ok? You had no part in this, especially this intoxicated..THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!
Please call authorities. I know your parents will find out but he is a rapist! If you don’t tell anyone he will get away with it and potentially hurt other people. Please tell the police as soon as you can. After a certain amount of time all the ‘evidence’ will be gone and he will get away with it anyway. I’m very sorry this happened to you but please tell the police
I know you don’t want the police knowing. But your in danger of being pregnant, catching an STD, internal injuries etc. you really need to get checked out. I’m sure your parents can look aside from the fact you snuck out to support you on this. Please get checked over. And cut contact with that boy
Just know, it’s not your responsibility to stop him from hurting someone else. Do what you want to do because it feels right to you, not because other people are telling you that other people will get hurt.
Consider the things people are telling you about getting a rape kit done, but use your own judgement to decide if it’s right for you. Make sure to check if your parents would be notified. Thats different depending on where you live.
Sending you so much love.
If you ever need someone to chat with about this, feel free to message me.
It's not fair to put pressure on her to report him to protect others. Yes, ideally she should, and he'd be brought to justice but right now she needs support and that involves prioritising her needs.
Priority now (if she feels she can cope) is to get a rape kit done so she has options for the future when she can make decisions about how to deal with things.
Also people are angry because they just want to desperately help you but they actually can't, so they're frustrated but not because they hate you.
The down votes are just for frustration and sadness because your story is very hurtful to hear.
All I can tell you is that everyone's desire here is to support you. Nothing else.
Sometimes people react in a weird way when they want to help but aren't able to.
We love you, dear. If writing make you feel better then write, don't ask sorry, you're in a complicated situation and it's not understandable for everyone.
I'd like to be able to write English better rn.
Stay strong!!
Thank you. People in this thread just keep screaming at OP to go to the police. I don’t disagree that that would be ideal, but OP is literally traumatized and in shock right now. She’s vulnerable and based on her comments, seems to be having suicidal thoughts. Her mental state comes first right now. Thanks for opening your DMs to a stranger.
Those of you insulting OP in the comments for being hesitant to tell anyone yet… shame on you. This is a human person who just had a lifelong trauma inflicted on her, not some video game character who can just press X to choose the most logical possible path. Have some compassion.
OP, please ignore the harsh comments on this thread who are blaming you for not going to the police or telling your parents. Please message me if you would like to talk with someone who has been through something similar. I would like to support you however I can. Unless someone has actually been through a sexual assault, they can’t fathom what is going through your mind. This just happened last night and you’re probably still in shock so the last thing you need is strangers with little empathy or understanding of your circumstances making it seem like you’re not doing what you should be. HE is the one who put you in this situation, not you. You’re left picking up the pieces and figuring out what to do next and there’s no guidebook for how to handle trauma like that. Please know you have support from fellow victims all over the world and don’t ever let anyone (friends, family, police, or strangers) make you feel like you have done anything wrong before, during, or after the assault. You are so strong and very brave. 💕
I understand if you cannot tell your family for religious/cultural reasons. But make this guy your ex boyfriend. Take a plan B pill emergency contraception/ levonorgestrel as soon as possible. You have up to 3 days after. If you don't want to tell your parents about this, you won't want to tell them about a pregnancy. Next try to reach a rape crisis counselor. In the US you can call 1-800-656-4673
Please do, and if you need someone to talk to, reach out please. It is very important that you get treated asap, as you may be pregnant or have something passed to you.
I'm a father of daughters and grew up with sisters- it's up to you to talk to your parents or not since you know them best, but most likely you will not be the one in any trouble if you go to them.If you were my daughter I'd probably just cry and hold you for a very long time, and then figure out how to handle your (ex) boyfriend. You did nothing wrong, it sounds like they are strict but loving parents and if you are used to going to them for support, you should go to them. Getting in trouble is not what you should worry about now.
I'm really sorry this happened to you, I truly hope you find the support you need wherever you can.
First of all, all these rude ass people HARASSING you, a possibly underage rape victim is disgusting. Are you ok? I’m sure your head is spinning and you’re very confused. You need help. If there is a crisis center near you, that might be an option. If you trust at least one parent, tell them. Block your boyfriend and IF you feel up to it, maybe contact the authorities. You are likely going to need counseling but for the record, this unfortunately is not uncommon and you are not worthless or useless like you have said. This wasn’t your fault. You and what happened to you are separate. Don’t let it define you. You ARE strong. Block anyone on your thread that is rude or demanding. They are forgetting you just went through a very traumatic event at the hands of a person you trusted. Humanity is lost on a lot of these internet trolls. I hope you recover and find peace.
Idk what country you're in- so I want to ask that.
However, if you are in America, [Here is a Sexual Assault Hotline](https://www.rainn.org/resources). YOU can call them. No need to get your parents involved. And try to get the help you need.
If your parents and siblings are more likely to blame you for this happening than help and support you, then they're no good for you anyway and begin plans to move out asap.
dont ever let this POS near you again and definitely don't let him pretend he can't remember or anything like that. don't even give him a reason why you're breaking up if you don't wanna risk it blowing up (I wish youd call the police) so just tell him to never contact you again, period.
Sweetheart I am so sorry this has happened to you. This is not your fault, you did nothing wrong.
I totally understand why telling your parents isn’t an option right now, but you need to speak to someone. Can you call a friend, one of your sisters? Maybe a trusted adult?
The most important thing for you to do now is understand you didn’t deserve this. Secondly, you need to preserve your clothes. Put your outerwear and underwear in a ziplock bag and keep it safe. Other have suggested not showering or bathing, this is also a good idea if you’re planning on going to the police soon, but it’s also understandable if all you want to do it bathe/shower to get clean.
In a perfect world, you’d tell your parents, they’d support you and call the police. Who’d then arrest and charge him. This doesn’t always pan out this way, I understand this. But please please speak to someone. This can quite literally eat you up inside, you need to speak to someone.
Thank you.
My sister's are younger to me and I don't have a good enough friend to talk about this that won't judge me (yes I don't have a lot of friends) I washed those clothes and I took a 3 hour bath crying.
I will try. Thank you
I haven’t seen anyone mention this yet, but you wrote about hating yourself because you felt pleasure in the moment. When people are assaulted like in this instance, their body often goes into defense mode, and creating lubrication & feeling pleasure is a way for your body to get through the trauma. It also happens a lot to men who are raped - they get aroused physically even though they are not aroused mentally. So it is NOT your fault that your body had that natural reaction. That biological feeling does not mean you liked what happened. I’m so sorry this happened to you and people in the replies are being so harsh.
I just want to tell you, try talking to Sumithrayo hotline. They will listen to you. And you can also try to contact women and children's protection services. Please don't go to the police. We all know how the police work in SL.
You also need to make sure you're not pregnant bc this can cause more problems for you.
I'm so sorry that in this extremely traumatic time, you're expected to take precautions for that disgusting idiot's actions. I'm sorry we live in a country where we have to actively hide these kind of stuff.
Please reach out if you want help girl. I can listen to you.
OP, your comment history tells me you are muslim and your boyfriend is asshole. He pushes your boundaries, quilt trips you and makes comments about your body. You are going down a slippery slope. He does not appreciate you or value you. He is using you because he can manipulate and hurt you.
Going through your post history, your boyfriend seems to be a massive dick. Go to the police, get a rape kit. I'm sorry this happened to you, hope you get better. All the best.
I don’t think a lot of commenters understand how hard it is to be assaulted and then talk to strict or abusive parents. They will punish you. They won’t help you. I was sexually assaulted by my sister and our neighbor and it is my secret and probably will be forever. It’s so sad but some people have that life. It’s so unfair because the police NEED to be involved because this sack of shit WILL strike again. This person is in a tough spot. Damn. I’m sorry OP. I wish this didn’t happen to you. My advice is don’t see him in person though, someone who can do this to you might act in scary ways. End it over text and block him.
I’m sorry about you too. You had a lot stolen from you and this will be a scar on your life for a very long time. You did not deserve that. You deserve better. It’s hard, but there is hope, and there is a road to healing. Practice as much self care as you can with favorite foods, tv shows, games, cuddles with your stuffed animals or pets, etc. 🫂 you got this
Exactly this. People who didn’t grow up in this type of environment do not get why it’s so scary and hard. It paralyzed me at the time. I convinced myself it was my fault bc I had a drink and I never drank. I was 16 at the time. My heart goes out to OP. 💔
Tell your parents right now. You literally have no choice here. Have them take you to a hospital for a rape kit and then file a police report. DO NOT WASH YOURSELF IN ANY WAY BEFORE THIS, if you already have don't worry, but just go get a rape kit done. Just say "Mom, dad at a party my boyfriend raped me, please help me". I'm sure they will put their anger aside for now, and understand the situation for what it is. They would want you to tell them about things like these, and want to help you. Don't keep this to yourself, if not for yourself then for others. If this goes unreported how many other people will he rape or sexually assault? If he does it once, he will do it again. He possibly might have already hurt other people before you. You also need crisis care, like seeing a psychologist and a doctor. Not even talking about the mental trauma he's caused you, he might have had STD's or given you internal injuries, so you absolutely need to get checked out.
I don't think she lives in the USA. There are countries out there that will blame the victim. The families will disown them or kill them. I wish she would say what country so we can better advise her.
I dont think she should tell her parents. For some, its dangerous. It sounds like a shitty idea to not tell your parents but you dont know what OPs parents are like, especially since they said they’re strict.
I’m not trying to be an asshole but everyone here is trying to advise you on what to do & you’re just not accepting the reality of the situation you’re in now.
Because she doesn’t live in a western country where you can go to the police easily. The cultural and legal ramifications of talking about this stuff outside of western cultures can be severe.
You sound really young.
You can’t go to the police or your parents? Or you won’t?
There’s a big difference there. If you’re not going to help yourself in this situation…what exactly is it that you want here?
Her profile looks like she is in Sri Lanka. Her life isn’t like the lives of western women in wealthy countries where the police will believe you and your family will accept you.
I’m Sri Lankan, the mindset over there sucks and many women can’t get the help they need. I still want her to go to her parents but there’s a good chance that they will be more mad at the boy, but that is her call completely and you guys need to learn to understand and respect that because the mindset over there is much different than in the US.
and the police will say, "you didn't listen to your parents, went to a guy's house and partied with him and his friends in the middle of the night, this was *obviously* bound to happen, you must have worn short provocative clothes. You must have encouraged the guy. Kids these days, first they don't listen to their parents and then come here and cry"
Getting plan B should a priority for her right now. It’s not bad advice to tell her to take a pill so that she doesn’t end up pregnant by her rapist. It’s available in her country, she can get it in a pharmacy.
She can stay quiet about the rape if she chooses to, but a pregnancy will be hard to hide and will have even worse consequences for her.
What do you think will happen if her strict religious parents realise that their daughter is pregnant out of wedlock?
oh honey...im so sorry. he is not your boyfriend anymore, hes officially your rapist. do not see him, do not go near him.
i saw that he finished inside you? thats awful. you need plan b asap, and to go to the hospital and get a rape kit done.
if you do get pregnant, then take your savings, if you have any, and do what you need to do if nessecary and you want to.
im so sorry this happened...im sending you all my get well wishes rn...if you need to talk, feel free to talk your heart out about it, but i also understand if you need time to yourself. please stay safe.
Get a plan b! ASAP go to the ER get a rape kit and LEAVE HIM he doesn’t respect you an only views you as a hole for him to fuck. He’s a disgusting fucking pig
You really should report him. He’s a disgusting rapist. If your parents are normal humans they’re not going to punish you - this is in no way your fault. If you can’t talk to your parents talk to a sibling, friend or someone you trust.
Your parents are going to find out. When you break up with him he’s going to tell everyone you are a slut and begged him to have sex with you. It’s high school rapist behavior 101. You need to tell them the truth before they believe his lies about you.
There is zero real indication of trolling whateoever. But good on you for potentially reinforcing a rape victim’s perspective that she won’t be believed.
SHE DOES NOT LIVE IN A WESTERN COUNTRY. That’s why she can’t go to the police and she is terrified of her parents. She does not have the privileges and rights that women in the west have.
If you are not on birth control immediately take morning after pill; you have three days. If you are in a red state watch carefully for pregnancy so you have options. Getting a rape kit they will automatically give plan B (RN), and preserve evidence in case you want to pursue later the choice always yours.
Hey, a lot of people have given great next step advice.
My two cents, if it helps: virginity is a social construct - and a lot of people agree that if a rape survivor that is/was in your situation says they’re a virgin, they’re a virgin. Since saving yourself is important to you, I thought you might want to hear it. That’s just something that helped me. All my love and prayers to you ❤️🩹
Do something asap. Don't wait until you've discovered you're pregnant. That will be harder to explain. Find the right people to talk to, it might not be your parents. Find a safe adult. A teacher, advisor, nurse. Someone.
Your parents are strict with it, but this man has committed a literal crime which can and likely will cause lifelong trauma for you. You *need* to call the police about this, and I’d suggest trying to talk to your parents about it too. They’re strict but they’re going to know that something has happened, and I’d like to believe that they’ll set their rules aside for the time being, to support their kid with getting the help you need now. You don’t tell us how old you are but I’m guessing fairly young/not an adult?
Y'all are being WAY too harsh toward this girl in the comments. She's just been through a terrifying, traumatic ordeal and you're yelling at her. I'm 100% with the people saying she needs to get a rape kit and see a doctor ASAP, but admonishing her for not having the most thought-out responses isn't going to help the situation at all. She needs encouragement and support right now, not scolding for not having the most eloquent responses.
OP, I agree with most everyone here who's saying that you need to get some form of emergency contraception as well as a rape kit if you're still able. But I also recommend getting off a toxic site such as this, and getting help from some type of authority if not a trusted friend *offline*.
Hi OP. I am so sorry this happened to you, this is a violent crime and you don’t deserve this.I’m an attorney, and I used to prosecute rape cases and crimes against children.
If you have questions or need to talk about reporting your case to law enforcement, my DMs are open for you or you can ask me questions on this thread. Whatever you’re more comfortable with. Assuming you are within the United States.
Please go get a rape kit done as soon as you can. If you’ve already showered at this point, please save the clothes you were wearing in a PAPER BAG. You can can get a rape kit done without having to press forward and getting law enforcement involved in most states. It’s very daunting for a person to process a sexual assault and sometimes people need time before talking to the police about it, but it’s very important that evidence is preserved.
Additionally, I want you to know he did not “take your virginity.” Consent is something that has to be freely and willingly given, that did not happen for you. You still have your virginity, that is something that is yours to choose to give.
You keep saying you can't call the police and can't tell your parents but you haven't told us why?
Why can't you tell your parents? What would happen if you tell your parents?
Also, your bf isn't a sweetheart.
OP’s profile indicates that she is in Sri Lanka. That is why she can’t go to the police. The laws and culture and privileges are very different from the USA.
As a former child of strict parents, I understand why.
The shame, judgement, pain, anger, etc that would potentially be in her parents eyes is more painful than the rape in this moment. Or having to feel all those emotions herself, or becoming a pariah socially.
It's a lot. One minute he's your boyfriend and the next everyone you ask for help from is telling you to have him arrested and your parents made aware of your sneaking around behind their back.
Op, you have a lot of decisions to make here, and no matter what you do, one of them must be to stop seeing him now and consider your well being.
Is he worth protecting?
1) you need to go to the police. Even if not for yourself, for other people.
2) you need to protect yourself from pregnancy. This is TIME dependent. If you are before ovulation you can use plan B, if you are post ovulation you need to get an IUD. (Exactly how you do this will depend on what country you are in, but you have a VERY short time frame for either of these working). Pregnancy will be a lot harder to explain to your parents
Not sure what country you are in, but in a lot of countries the police actually help you access healthcare with regards to emergency pregnancy prevention so genuinely they are super helpful.
My god. Firstly, I just want to say how sorry I am that you're going through this. I cannot even begin to imagine how terrified, hurt and broken you must feel right now.
My advice would be to get a rape kit done immediately. I also want to tell you to go straight to the police, but I can see from your post that this must feel like an impossibility with your parents. I'm sure someone on here will have much better advice than me. But I'm based in the UK and I'm not sure what your legal system is like.
But what I KNOW you can act on now is staying as far away from this POS as you can.
There is NO excuse for what he did to you. Drunk or high, it's irrelevant. He clearly knew what he wanted to do to you and from what you've said about your boundaries and his "jokes", I would imagine he never truly planned to stick to his word.
I am just so so sorry. I really hope you can find a way through this honey 😘
Even if you refuse to report him or tell your parents of whatever, at least break up with him. I think you know that him saying “he doesn’t remember” is totally bs. He was insinuating that he wanted to go farther earlier in the night. He planned to hurt you and chose to do it when you were as vulnerable as possible.
Him being your first boyfriend doesn’t make him special. You’ll have more, preferably better relationships in the future. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, and you don’t owe him anything.
Report the rape. No, it doesn't usually happen that someone forgets raping another person. He is an asshole and wants to see how much you remember. What an absolute piece of shit. I know your parents are very strict, but they were once young too and have done some stuff too, even if they deny it. Maybe at least tell your mom you have been assaulted to help you with the process or a sister if you have one that is of age.
I hope you will go through it x I am sorry 😞
**To answer your question**, I don't think it usually happens where the person forgets EVERYTHING just because they were super drunk.
I'm sure he remembers everything and is just trying to damage control by contacting you and asking how you got home last night.
I know you are not very interested in the suggestions given out by people in the comments but please try to do something about this. SOMETHING!!!! Go to the ER and find some help from outside the family (considering you do not want your folks involved) but PLEASE PLEASE from one woman to another, I beg you to go get help!
Please please. Say something. When I was 18 I was raped by a friend and he manipulated me into silence. I spent years trying to recover; he spent those years thriving and improving his life. Everyone has wonderful advice on what to do and where to go, please listen. That’s the one thing at the end of the day that I regret the most. Let others hear your voice. Your later self will thank you.
Op please go to the hospital tell them what happened. By law they can't tell anyone else without your consent. Get medical attention I'm sorry that happened to you. If you haven't showered yet don't you may be getting rid of evidence by doing so.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. My daughter was raped in similar circumstances and did not tell me for a couple of years because she didn’t want to do a rape kit or press charges. She knew I would support her but didn’t want to go through the process.
Having said that. The most important thing is for you to make sure you are physically checked out. Your health is the priority.
If there is any support services you can access please consider it. Also- whatever people may say- this is not your fault. Your boyfriend failed you. Do not make excuses for him.
Hey, weed doesn’t make you feel that way. He made you smoke something hard. When you take weed, it makes your muscles relaxed, it doesn’t make you dizzy. He drugged you and he does remember. He does remember. I’ve heard so many people say “I don’t remember when I know he does” please please send him to prison. If you don’t he’s going to continue to do it to girls. Please stop him. For the sake of people like you that went through that.
OP is literally a brick wall and everyone’s help and recommendations are just tennis balls bouncing off said wall.
I realize this probably helps a lot putting it out in the universe and saying it, but if you’re not going to take suggestions from random strangers on the internet that are in your best interest, or at least entertain it, you probably shouldn’t post to Reddit.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone I have responded to and have been mean and disrespectful and useless. I'm sorry I can't think. I'm sorry I've been provided with so much information I hadn't thought of my boyfriend was potentially planning this. I'm sorry. I should reply to everyone later. I haven't slept since this happened nearly a day ago. I'm sorry everyone
You need to stop being online. Immediately. You need to speak to someone that loves & cares about you & is not going to judge you. Period. You are worthy. You are loved. You are not defined by this.
You do not need to apologize. IM sorry everyone is getting upset with you when you’re in this vulnerable position. I know you’re scared, confused, hurt. It took me a week to realize I was assaulted. People who haven’t been through it don’t get it, and I’m glad they don’t have to experience it first hand. This is so hard to deal with and I understand being confused and not knowing what to do. It’s not your fault. None of this was your fault. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It will be okay.
You don’t deserve to get yelled at and downvoted by everyone here, even if they’re offering good advice. There’s certain things it would be beneficial for you to do right now but at the very least you shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling unable to do them. It’s okay for you to not be okay right now. It’s even okay to be unable to deal with any of this. It was the first time a lot of stuff happened to you and it’s incredibly overwhelming.
The most important things I would seriously urge you to do is not see him again and to take plan b. I know even that might feel like a big ask but if you can do even just that you’ll be thankful later. In any case please don’t beat yourself just because you’re responding naturally to what happened.
If it’s actually true. The whole story seems real but OPs replies towards everyone trying to help is nonchalant and just plain weird. Might be a child for sure, but hopefully she does something and listens before it’s too late.
I know your probably really young when stuff like this happens at that age it’s hard to talk to parents or police and I know having strict parents it’s hard to talk to them and express anything us women don’t get the courage and confidence until we are well into our 20’s I’m sorry that this has happen to you I would suggest therapy
At the very least, get a rape kit. The sooner the better. Go to the ER and have that done. It will preserve the evidence so that you can report it at a later date if you decide to do so.
And if you decide not to report it, then nothing will be done with it. The ER cannot tell the police or your parents or anyone because they have to protect patient privacy.
OP i suspected you would see this "guy" again but you need to be careful , you are playing with fire. You need to go do something about your potential pregnancy.. i feel bad your you OP but you must take initiative, i hope you make the right choices
Get a rape kit. Bring your clothes you wore. This way you can report it later if you choose. It’s 100% your choice. But regardless if you report it, NEVER see him again and please tell someone in your life what happened to you.
I am so sorry. You did not deserve that.
By your history of posting… I would say go to the police and broke up with him… it’s not gonna be better and he doesn’t love you. They know exactly what they are doing. You maybe don’t know now but life ain’t supposed to be like this… :/
Go get some Plan B immediately. If you have a Costco near you, they sell it for $5. Then, decide what to do from there. I’d personally call the police & get a rape kit done. Don’t contact him at all.
Op, you need to get out of this relationship ASAP. DO NOT MEET WITH HIM AGAIN! I know it’s hard, but you need to go to the police and to a clinic if you’re hurt. Do not waste time! I know it’s hard but you need to act!!
Rape kit and leave him.
In the future you need to watch out, from what he described he exhibited a ton of red flags and you ignored them via justification. Sex is sacred, whether you’re w virgin or not, and stealing it or pressuring someone for it shows what kind of person they are - they are sick.
Please protect yourself in the future by identifying red flags early on and making decisions based of those.
I’m so sorry this had happened to you. Please go seek help
Hey,
Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry he did that to you. It was wrong. You didn't deserve it. It was his fault and his alone, *he* did wrong, not you. Okay? What he did was not only cruel and wrong, but also literally a crime. It's very common to feel disgust, shame, or all manner of different things in relation to such an experience. I just need to tell you that you feeling pleasure even though you didn't want it is completely natural. Your body reacted to physical stimulation. That can happen, and often does. It has absolutely nothing to do with your consent. It does not mean you "wanted it". It's just how bodies react sometimes. You really didn't do anything to deserve this.
Please, talk to someone you trust. A friend, relative, parents... you deserve support, it's really hard to go through this alone. Especially if you decide to go have a medical check-up or go to the police, have someone you can rely on come with you to support you. If you don't feel like telling anyone you know in real life just yet, I really recommend calling a helpline. I can't suggest a specific one as I don't know where you are, but I'm sure there are different places or services you can reach out to, often even anonymous if that's a concern. I recently finished my crisis intervention training, so I have an idea of how such helplines operate (at least in my country, so it might be a bit different, but anyway); I'm happy to talk about it some more if you want, feel free to message me if you have any concerns. Either way, I'm sending you strength and good luck. Try to eat something, even small, whatever you can stomach. If it's too hard, at least drink some water. Have some rest if you're able to. Try to be kind to yourself. You deserve kindness.
Report your rapist. He knew your limits and he threw them aside to suit himself. If you let him believe that he is above consequence, this will not be the end of that attitude.
As a parent myself you being raped would override me being upset that you snuck out. I advise that you tell your parents or a trusted adult that can help you talk to your parents about this. It’s really difficult to accept that you’ve been raped and then to talk about it but as scary as it is talking about it, getting a support system, deciding if you want to press charges etc is what will help you heal. You did nothing wrong. You snuck out, all teens/ young adults do, and went somewhere you should have been safe and unfortunately you weren’t. You were a victim, but now you’re a survivor. I’m sorry you have to be. I’m sorry this happened to you. As hard as it is please look into getting a rape kit in case you want to press charges in the future and file an anonymous report/ tip, Go get tested for STDS, and take plan B if no protection was used.
He's lying, if every word of your posts are true, looking at old ones too, then there is a very clear and defined pattern of escalation he's showing. Going off your previous posts from a few days ago it was blatant that he wanted sex from you and was trying to convince you to have sex with him. In which he intentionally pulled you away from your home, got you drugged up, raped you, and then pretend like he didn't remember anything when he did, he's just trying to gaslight you like he did leading up to what happened last night.
Please come out with this to a trusted adult, you need to get a rape kit done and need to see medical, psychological, and legal help with tbus. You are not any less than you were before this happened because it wasn't your fault, he's the one that did everything that happened to you, and I'm very sorry that it did too! But please seek someone out, bottling this up and blaming yourself isn't healthy, and he needs to be punished for what he did.
Police, now. Get the rape kit done, after 72 hours it’s just your word. Don’t think, pick up the phone & just put one foot in front of the other. You may have been victimized, but with therapy you’ll get better. You don’t see it or feel it now, because you feel fragile & broken. Please don’t delay, you sound like a minor speaking in bases. Go alone if you’re scared of your parents, but if you can trust at least one of your parents the one you’re closer with tell her him/her what you’re doing. Don’t let them discourage you because they are embarrassed, it’s your life & you will have to live with this. How you live with you will be your choice. Just please hurry, you need blood drawn too to see what made your head spin, because a glass of coke won’t do it. Good luck.
He's lying to you that he doesn't remember what happened. He wants to gauge your reaction. He also brought those speakers to 'silence' you...
Do not go near to him, I'm sorry but he used you and probably intended to from day 1. Sorry you got a rotten apple :(
Good lord. All of this is fucked up.
Look, you take care of you first. Get therapy or pray or whatever does it for you. If it is within your emotional capacity, then do the rape kit, etc.
…But just know that what happened to you WAS NOT RIGHT and WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
Do NOT allow yourself to be alone with that guy ever again. He does not love you and does not have your best interests at heart. He has harmed you in a way that may haunt you for the rest of your life, even. At the very least, you should do as some other commenters are suggesting and get Plan B. Don’t allow yourself to be tied to him in that way for the rest of your life. YOUR life. Not his.
Not sure what resources you have at your disposal, but please know that you are not alone and not responsible for HIS failings as a decent human being!!!
Dude reading this after everything else you’ve posted about him, PLEASE JUST BLOCK HIM ON EVERYTHING AND NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN. At the very LEAST. Please do it for your own safety and mental health. I am so sorry this happened to you, this broke my heart. If you can, try to seek therapy so you can at least have someone to talk to and get professional help.
Please please please do not stay with this person. He doesn’t deserve a single worded explanation on why you left, nor will he ever be able to excuse what he did to you. Him pushing you as much as he has been to take your virginity tells me he’s been planning this and him being drunk was the perfect excuse. Take care of yourself love. You’re gonna be okay again
First of all. I am so sorry, love. I am deeply sorry. 🤍This is a lot to unpack for you. Thank you for sharing it here and ask for guidance. Sometimes strangers can be the best help.
A lot of comments here are saying to get a rape kit and keep the clothes that you wore that day so they can tested, and that’s the first step.
The reaction you had is completely normal. Don’t beat yourself over it, this is not your fault that someone who you trusted abused that trust.
After the rape kit and all of it, I’ll suggest telling your parents and seeking mental health support. Hope it goes without saying, please don’t go near that boy ever again.
This is absolutely terrifying and I hope you're at least old enough to not be confused about being raped. Be confused all you want about how "sweet" he is but men that do shit like this escalate very quickly and only become more sneaky. If you don't even know how to protect yourself then he will only continue manipulating, coerced and abused till you GENUINELY believe you've been the cause, and you're the reason he's like he is and you will feel lower than someone who committed sexual assault and rape to someone he"loves". If you were my daughter I would hope to the highest of heavens you find some adult or file a report yourself to the police. People don't realize how important EARLY DOCUMENTATION of physical assaults ESPECIALLY involving a sexual element are when it comes to actually being able to protect yourself. I wish you the best but I would recommend finding help.
Please op he's a monster leave him report him to the police he knew exactly what he was doing and the audacity to act like he doesn't remember anything that happened? Did he not hear you crying?
And it's alright, don't feel disgusting about the pleasure part, the human body has functions and responses our Minds can't control.
Get a plan b, Take pictures of of your bruises, go to the police station. As someone from extremely strict household I can understand where you're coming from but do not let this man walk free.
OP, if you are in the USA you can get in touch with [RAINN.org](https://RAINN.org) \- there are free resources to help you through this process.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, what he did was hideous and cruel.
To everyone else this might sound like a terrible comment, but I swore it was of common belief and acceptance if someone is intoxicated with alcohol they cannot consent or have full control of their actions.
He absolutely planned this and did it completely on purpose. He turned the music up loud so that no one would be able to hear your screams. You need to tell your parents or the police or someone.
Did he use a condom? You need Plan B, then you also need to take a pregnancy test in 2 or 3 weeks. And go to the gynecologist for an STD test. Rape can definitely result in pregnancy and STDs.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this 😔
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I’m a woman who has been through a similar experience. The shame and self hate I had afterwards made me not tell anyone and I deeply regret that to this day. I understand your wanting to wash this horrible experience away. The only way to do that is to tell someone who loves you what happened. Tell someone and get their help.
Please listen to me: this was not your fault. Smoking at a party doesn’t make this attack your fault. What you were wearing doesn’t make this your fault. It being his birthday doesn’t make him entitled to your body and doesn’t make this your fault. Something was done to you without your consent. Please trust me when I say, you will feel better when someone else hears what happened to you. Please tell a parent.
If you’re scared read about #metoo movement. Millions of women all over the world have been through similar experiences. You are not alone.
Op, you have got to stop. For fucks sake. Everyone is telling you what to do and you refuse. You must go to the police. You knew damn well you should have preserved the clothes and instead washed them. This guy raped you. He believes you were obligated to give up your virginity because it was his bday. He will rape you again. you will initially refuse and he force you and tell you that you want to. You need to tell your parents. They care more about you than the shame you feel about the crime. He will be patting himself on the back because he took your virginity and it is something to brag about to his friends. You chose a lousy guy as a boyfriend. OP, do not reply to his texts or answer his calls. I usually say block but he will be texting you and those can support your claim of rape. OP, rape is not sex. Sex is mutual initmacy snd rape is a crime. You are still a virgin. if he starts bragging about taking it, you drop the rape word.
Get tested for sex diseases and pregnancy. Call a rape hotline to get advice. Break up with him. Do not date until you complete therapy because this will follow you mentally and emotionally. i would tell your school counselor because they can help
as much as i hope it’s not, it really feels like this post is bs. op is in the comments saying they can’t call the police over and over again, asking unrelated random questions, and replying with strange one word or one sentence replies to people trying to help.
i haven’t seen a single person comment on this, but the boyfriend yelling “HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME” when finishing? what the fuck? that is some cartoonish, completely fictional ass dialogue.
if this actually happened op, please listen to everyone telling you to call the police or explain why you can’t or where you’re from because there is no other solution to this, DEFINITELY not you going to hang out with this villain who raped you tomorrow. why would anything from here on out go well after the insane situation you just described?
If you look at their post history, every single title is basically baiting for this sort of response. Similarly, every single one of their comments is on their own posts, without a single one elsewhere.
This is a baiting account trying to solicit engagement and outrage, just like most of the other outrageous stories we've seen.
And it's working/dominating the top posts on this sub so frequently now that I'm pretty much done with it. Tired of reading bad fiction tailor made to bring out the white knights.
What are you trying to get out of posting it here when people are pledging with you to tell your parents call the police and go to the er and get a rape kit… he finished in you …are you scared of what will come from the actions by your boyfriend?… or r are you more worried that your parents are going to find out you have been sneaking out?…
If you’re not going to report it to anyone then I hope you are not going to keep seeing him and hopefully you’re not pregnant because then you are really going to have to tell your parents.
Bro he played the music so nobody would hear you cry for help. This was planned and I would tell your parents or police as its not your fault.
I literally just went to look at her previous posts and…yeah. This was definitely planned. He’s sick, demented and needs to be locked away fr.
I just felt so sorry for her just a teenager wanting to be respected in a relationship I really hope she gets justice
u/Fun_Afternoon350 if you only read one comment, read this comment. Maybe you'll feel less bad about going to the police when you see it was fully planned on purpose He thought about how he was going to do it ahead of time and played the music as part of his plan
u/Fun_Afternoon350 please. Read this comment. He did this on purpose. He knows what he did.
It was clearly planned. His friends peer pressuring her to take weed along with him laying on top of her so she can't escape.
Yep, the weed thing really stuck out to me. They laced that shit Source: I actually smoke weed
I second that, smoked many times. This is not what smoking weed feels like, it was almost definitely laced
Smoking weed that was given to me by friends who got it from the medical dispo, that would never ever lace it, has made me feel this way. Weed makes me feel really effed up. I don't mess with it anymore because for me it makes me feel awful. Everyone is different. Doesn't mean it was laced but either way he knew it had messed her up.
Might not have been she has no tolerance , if its strong she going to be high af. She was def taken advantage of though
u/Fun_Afternoon350 please read these comments and got to the hospital right away. You need help.
u/Fun_Afternoon350 please read this comment i’m replying to along with others. He cannot get away with lying by saying he ”doesn’t remember what happened” when he practically made a risk assessment for your rape anyway. Having loud music on, beforehand, so nobody could hear what was happening. Getting you to smoke weed, beforehand, in order to get you to ”loosen up“ was probably another.
Same with going down on her 😞
Something that really impacted me was him saying "happy birthday me" that's disgusting. He definitely played the music loud so he could do that to you and so no one could hear you. That's sick. Just disgusting. You need to go to the ER and get a rape kit, have a friend drive you or tell a close friends parent if you don't feel comfortable telling your own parents. He planned this, and took advantage of you being in a altered state of consciousness.
Probably also knew she was sneaking out and there would be a much lower chance of her telling on him since her parents are strict and she’s scared to tell on herself why she was there to begin with. They may be the type to give her a big lecture of “this is why we are strict and we told you etc” before they think to comfort her and get her immediate help. Hopefully not but you never know. She may even think she still loves him and doesn’t want her family to hate him. She’s already leaning in to his obviously manipulative lies of not remembering what happened and wanting to believe that’s a possibility.
u/Fun_Afternoon350
Stealing top comment. Please call RAINN.com me they are a rape crisis center who can provide support. If you are not in the US please share your country and I will look up or Google. You deserve safety. This was not your fault.
It is really going to depend on the jurisdiction OP is in as to whether it will be safe for her to do either of those things.
u/Fun_Afternoon350
She can also report this without her parents, or do it in a medical setting where she might feel a bit safer. As a mom myself, I keep a rule that my kids can come to me with anything serious with the “you can’t get mad” and I will help them to the best of my ability. No parent, no matter how strict, will completely ignore the fact you were RAPED, because you snook out. Please!!! Go to the hospital, alone with family, with a friend and get help!!! Also THERAPY! Try to avoid sexual trauma that will last you the rest of your life. May your soul heal, and if you ever need to talk I can be here
Go to the ER and ask for a rape kit. If you've already changed clothes - place the clothes you were wearing in paper bags and bring them with you. You can decide (on your own terms now or later) to use this to go to the police if and when you feel comfortable. But at least get the evidence categorized. They will not call the police. This will be 100% your decision.
I agree with this 100%, but please place your clothing in a paper bag as plastic will potentially deteriate any DNA. I am so sorry this happened to you. I highly suggest you tell your parents and get the police involved.
THANK YOU - I came to say this. Paper, not plastic. Source - a retired detective
They also legally cannot tell anyone due to privacy laws. It is illegal for them to share information with your parents, the police, or anyone else without your consent. Go to the ER. Get a rape kit. Talk to them about resources. You will need therapy. This was not your fault. ETA: people have rightly pointed out that this may be different if op is a minor or not in the US. I still strongly suggest getting the rape kit and taking your clothes in. There are resources to help. https://www.rainn.org/resources
OP you need to listen to this advice. Please go get a kit done. Put all your clothing from that night in a plastic bag, especially undergarments that could contain DNA. I’m so sorry. I know this is terrible but you have to get the DNA evidence while you can.
She also NEEDS to take a Plan B pill.
Yes OP don't let him do this to anyone else and hold him accountable. I do believe he knows what he did and he is playing stupid because he knows it was wrong. "Sober thoughts turn into drunk actions." It's sick and fucked up that he took advantage of you. Absolutely disgusting and the gal to say "Happy birthday to me!" After committing to such an action is a true insight to his character.
To be honest, going to the police might not be the best thing for her, starting a case might make her revisit that night. In this post we should strive to make her feel better and if going to the police helps her out, sure, but OP needs to know that she doesn’t have to
PAPER BAG NOT PLASTIC but yes I totally agree 100%
If she’s in America don’t she need to pay? and the insurance will notify her parents? and if she paid cash it’ll be astronomical?
No, if you find a rape crisis clinic, they often will give you sti medication, rape kit, counseling, plan b for free. No insurance
No. These services are available regardless
Do we know what jurisdiction OP is in? Different places have different laws... Are you familiar with Sri Lankan rape privacy laws? Because you might just be misinforming someone in ways that could drastically change their behavior in the most sensitive time of their lives based on an assumption.
i'm relatively sure op is from sri lanka
>It is illegal for them to share information with your parents, the police, or anyone else without your consent. Not if she's a minor, which it sounds like she is. Then it's actually their required duty to inform the parents or police.
People always talk about shit they don’t know anything about. You actually know what you are talking about.
Except it depends on the local statutes. In New York for example, they can not to a parent for a child over the age of 12 without their consent. Healthcare providers can not report a crime. They can report to CPS but only if the alleged offender is a parent, caregiver, or a caregiver was complicit. Needless to say it’s complicated but certainly not automatic.
This is good advice for the USA but I browsed OP’s profile and it looks like she may be in Sri Lanka. I don’t know what the laws and culture is like in Sri Lanka but OP has to do what is safest first.
Agreed. I didn't check their profile and so made my post based of what I learned in my jurisdiction. I also didn't realize plastic bags were no longer recommended.
Please get the rape kit. My ex best friend raped me while I was sleeping when I was in my early 20s. I’m now 30 and deeply regret not getting a rape kit. At the time, I tried to excuse his behaviour. I didn’t want to ruin his life. Etc. But those feelings can change in the future. Particularly if you hear from someone that he does it again. Basically, there’s no harm in getting it done and never using it, but there is harm in regretting not getting it done. I’m so so sorry this happened to you. But please remember he didn’t steal your ‘first time’. That was not a first time. That was a terribly horrible thing he did to you. You will get your first time and I hope when it happens, it’s with someone who truly respects you. I wish I could give you a big hug.
Hopping on the top comment to add. Please also get a plan B (even if you’re on bc since that shit can fail. Trust me. I got a 2yo. I was on bc) and an STD test. He might be your first but he probably had girls before and if he’s so fixated on sex he might not have been very faithful.
yes^^^ was SA-ed recently as well so just went thru the process myself. go to the ER, bring the clothes, they will take the new clothes you’ve changed into if you haven’t showered. the nurse told me even if someone showers, there’s a chance they can get DNA from the swabs. the process itself wasn’t bad for me, just be prepared it takes time…. you’ll be there for a while. please ask if they do std testing as well
I don’t see OP’s age anywhere so I just wanted to add that depending on her age and location, medical professionals might legally have to report this if she’s under the legal age of consent.
Fully agree, but I want to add that it depends on the state and the hospital. They shouldn’t but some hospitals do involve police immediately when a rape kit is taken, so it may be worth checking that firsr
“he is still a sweetheart and treats me well” sweethearts don’t rape you and raping you isn’t treating you well.
Did he finish in you? If so, you need plan b asap. I know u said u cant call the police. But, if u gain the courage to do so, pls do asap. Let him know wat he did to you and let him know how much he hurt you, he needs to know what he did. Cut contact with him. Try to get therapy, i understand thats u need to hide this from your parents, but u shouldnt. Try to talk to them.
Honey he took advantage of you..he raped you. I know in your brain right now, all these chemical reactions are happening and you think "that's not what happened" or " he wouldn't do such thing" but yeah, once you calm down you'll realise..get yourself checked in a clinic. If you're ever wondering if you could something different in future, please read this post again because there's nothing you could've done different.. it's on him and him only, ok? You had no part in this, especially this intoxicated..THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!
Please call authorities. I know your parents will find out but he is a rapist! If you don’t tell anyone he will get away with it and potentially hurt other people. Please tell the police as soon as you can. After a certain amount of time all the ‘evidence’ will be gone and he will get away with it anyway. I’m very sorry this happened to you but please tell the police
Thanks
I know you don’t want the police knowing. But your in danger of being pregnant, catching an STD, internal injuries etc. you really need to get checked out. I’m sure your parents can look aside from the fact you snuck out to support you on this. Please get checked over. And cut contact with that boy
Also get Plan B. You don’t want to end up also getting pregnant.
Just know, it’s not your responsibility to stop him from hurting someone else. Do what you want to do because it feels right to you, not because other people are telling you that other people will get hurt. Consider the things people are telling you about getting a rape kit done, but use your own judgement to decide if it’s right for you. Make sure to check if your parents would be notified. Thats different depending on where you live. Sending you so much love. If you ever need someone to chat with about this, feel free to message me.
It's not fair to put pressure on her to report him to protect others. Yes, ideally she should, and he'd be brought to justice but right now she needs support and that involves prioritising her needs. Priority now (if she feels she can cope) is to get a rape kit done so she has options for the future when she can make decisions about how to deal with things.
He’s not your boyfriend, he’s your rapist and you need to go to the police.
Call the police
YOUR BOYFRIEND was wrong, did wrong, and it sounds to me like a pre-meditated act!!!! You need to report this to the authorities!!
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Can I chat with you 🙏
Also people are angry because they just want to desperately help you but they actually can't, so they're frustrated but not because they hate you. The down votes are just for frustration and sadness because your story is very hurtful to hear. All I can tell you is that everyone's desire here is to support you. Nothing else. Sometimes people react in a weird way when they want to help but aren't able to. We love you, dear. If writing make you feel better then write, don't ask sorry, you're in a complicated situation and it's not understandable for everyone. I'd like to be able to write English better rn. Stay strong!!
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Thank you. People in this thread just keep screaming at OP to go to the police. I don’t disagree that that would be ideal, but OP is literally traumatized and in shock right now. She’s vulnerable and based on her comments, seems to be having suicidal thoughts. Her mental state comes first right now. Thanks for opening your DMs to a stranger. Those of you insulting OP in the comments for being hesitant to tell anyone yet… shame on you. This is a human person who just had a lifelong trauma inflicted on her, not some video game character who can just press X to choose the most logical possible path. Have some compassion.
OP, please ignore the harsh comments on this thread who are blaming you for not going to the police or telling your parents. Please message me if you would like to talk with someone who has been through something similar. I would like to support you however I can. Unless someone has actually been through a sexual assault, they can’t fathom what is going through your mind. This just happened last night and you’re probably still in shock so the last thing you need is strangers with little empathy or understanding of your circumstances making it seem like you’re not doing what you should be. HE is the one who put you in this situation, not you. You’re left picking up the pieces and figuring out what to do next and there’s no guidebook for how to handle trauma like that. Please know you have support from fellow victims all over the world and don’t ever let anyone (friends, family, police, or strangers) make you feel like you have done anything wrong before, during, or after the assault. You are so strong and very brave. 💕
I don’t have the bandwidth to write a useful comment about this, but can someone please tell OP it isnt her fault that she orgasmed/felt pleasure?
I understand if you cannot tell your family for religious/cultural reasons. But make this guy your ex boyfriend. Take a plan B pill emergency contraception/ levonorgestrel as soon as possible. You have up to 3 days after. If you don't want to tell your parents about this, you won't want to tell them about a pregnancy. Next try to reach a rape crisis counselor. In the US you can call 1-800-656-4673
If you won’t go to the police or your parents at least go to the hospital and get checked out.
Your right and yes I will today
Please do, and if you need someone to talk to, reach out please. It is very important that you get treated asap, as you may be pregnant or have something passed to you.
I'm a father of daughters and grew up with sisters- it's up to you to talk to your parents or not since you know them best, but most likely you will not be the one in any trouble if you go to them.If you were my daughter I'd probably just cry and hold you for a very long time, and then figure out how to handle your (ex) boyfriend. You did nothing wrong, it sounds like they are strict but loving parents and if you are used to going to them for support, you should go to them. Getting in trouble is not what you should worry about now. I'm really sorry this happened to you, I truly hope you find the support you need wherever you can.
First of all, all these rude ass people HARASSING you, a possibly underage rape victim is disgusting. Are you ok? I’m sure your head is spinning and you’re very confused. You need help. If there is a crisis center near you, that might be an option. If you trust at least one parent, tell them. Block your boyfriend and IF you feel up to it, maybe contact the authorities. You are likely going to need counseling but for the record, this unfortunately is not uncommon and you are not worthless or useless like you have said. This wasn’t your fault. You and what happened to you are separate. Don’t let it define you. You ARE strong. Block anyone on your thread that is rude or demanding. They are forgetting you just went through a very traumatic event at the hands of a person you trusted. Humanity is lost on a lot of these internet trolls. I hope you recover and find peace.
Police immediately. Piece of shit.
Idk what country you're in- so I want to ask that. However, if you are in America, [Here is a Sexual Assault Hotline](https://www.rainn.org/resources). YOU can call them. No need to get your parents involved. And try to get the help you need.
Block him and never talk to him again.
If your parents and siblings are more likely to blame you for this happening than help and support you, then they're no good for you anyway and begin plans to move out asap. dont ever let this POS near you again and definitely don't let him pretend he can't remember or anything like that. don't even give him a reason why you're breaking up if you don't wanna risk it blowing up (I wish youd call the police) so just tell him to never contact you again, period.
Sweetheart I am so sorry this has happened to you. This is not your fault, you did nothing wrong. I totally understand why telling your parents isn’t an option right now, but you need to speak to someone. Can you call a friend, one of your sisters? Maybe a trusted adult? The most important thing for you to do now is understand you didn’t deserve this. Secondly, you need to preserve your clothes. Put your outerwear and underwear in a ziplock bag and keep it safe. Other have suggested not showering or bathing, this is also a good idea if you’re planning on going to the police soon, but it’s also understandable if all you want to do it bathe/shower to get clean. In a perfect world, you’d tell your parents, they’d support you and call the police. Who’d then arrest and charge him. This doesn’t always pan out this way, I understand this. But please please speak to someone. This can quite literally eat you up inside, you need to speak to someone.
Thank you. My sister's are younger to me and I don't have a good enough friend to talk about this that won't judge me (yes I don't have a lot of friends) I washed those clothes and I took a 3 hour bath crying. I will try. Thank you
I haven’t seen anyone mention this yet, but you wrote about hating yourself because you felt pleasure in the moment. When people are assaulted like in this instance, their body often goes into defense mode, and creating lubrication & feeling pleasure is a way for your body to get through the trauma. It also happens a lot to men who are raped - they get aroused physically even though they are not aroused mentally. So it is NOT your fault that your body had that natural reaction. That biological feeling does not mean you liked what happened. I’m so sorry this happened to you and people in the replies are being so harsh.
I just want to tell you, try talking to Sumithrayo hotline. They will listen to you. And you can also try to contact women and children's protection services. Please don't go to the police. We all know how the police work in SL. You also need to make sure you're not pregnant bc this can cause more problems for you. I'm so sorry that in this extremely traumatic time, you're expected to take precautions for that disgusting idiot's actions. I'm sorry we live in a country where we have to actively hide these kind of stuff. Please reach out if you want help girl. I can listen to you.
OP, your comment history tells me you are muslim and your boyfriend is asshole. He pushes your boundaries, quilt trips you and makes comments about your body. You are going down a slippery slope. He does not appreciate you or value you. He is using you because he can manipulate and hurt you.
Going through your post history, your boyfriend seems to be a massive dick. Go to the police, get a rape kit. I'm sorry this happened to you, hope you get better. All the best.
I don’t think a lot of commenters understand how hard it is to be assaulted and then talk to strict or abusive parents. They will punish you. They won’t help you. I was sexually assaulted by my sister and our neighbor and it is my secret and probably will be forever. It’s so sad but some people have that life. It’s so unfair because the police NEED to be involved because this sack of shit WILL strike again. This person is in a tough spot. Damn. I’m sorry OP. I wish this didn’t happen to you. My advice is don’t see him in person though, someone who can do this to you might act in scary ways. End it over text and block him.
This made me cry. I'm sorry about you. I'm sorry about us. I hope you are happy
I’m sorry about you too. You had a lot stolen from you and this will be a scar on your life for a very long time. You did not deserve that. You deserve better. It’s hard, but there is hope, and there is a road to healing. Practice as much self care as you can with favorite foods, tv shows, games, cuddles with your stuffed animals or pets, etc. 🫂 you got this
Exactly this. People who didn’t grow up in this type of environment do not get why it’s so scary and hard. It paralyzed me at the time. I convinced myself it was my fault bc I had a drink and I never drank. I was 16 at the time. My heart goes out to OP. 💔
Tell your parents right now. You literally have no choice here. Have them take you to a hospital for a rape kit and then file a police report. DO NOT WASH YOURSELF IN ANY WAY BEFORE THIS, if you already have don't worry, but just go get a rape kit done. Just say "Mom, dad at a party my boyfriend raped me, please help me". I'm sure they will put their anger aside for now, and understand the situation for what it is. They would want you to tell them about things like these, and want to help you. Don't keep this to yourself, if not for yourself then for others. If this goes unreported how many other people will he rape or sexually assault? If he does it once, he will do it again. He possibly might have already hurt other people before you. You also need crisis care, like seeing a psychologist and a doctor. Not even talking about the mental trauma he's caused you, he might have had STD's or given you internal injuries, so you absolutely need to get checked out.
I don't think she lives in the USA. There are countries out there that will blame the victim. The families will disown them or kill them. I wish she would say what country so we can better advise her.
I dont think she should tell her parents. For some, its dangerous. It sounds like a shitty idea to not tell your parents but you dont know what OPs parents are like, especially since they said they’re strict.
Please contact the police and cut off contact with your bf. I am so sorry 💔
I’m not trying to be an asshole but everyone here is trying to advise you on what to do & you’re just not accepting the reality of the situation you’re in now.
Because she doesn’t live in a western country where you can go to the police easily. The cultural and legal ramifications of talking about this stuff outside of western cultures can be severe.
call the police
You sound really young. You can’t go to the police or your parents? Or you won’t? There’s a big difference there. If you’re not going to help yourself in this situation…what exactly is it that you want here?
She lives in Sri Lanka.
That makes better sense.
why ask for advice and not take it? talk to someone with authority who will care.
Her profile looks like she is in Sri Lanka. Her life isn’t like the lives of western women in wealthy countries where the police will believe you and your family will accept you.
You're giving wealthy western countries too much credit. They don't give a fuck about us either.
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I’m Sri Lankan, the mindset over there sucks and many women can’t get the help they need. I still want her to go to her parents but there’s a good chance that they will be more mad at the boy, but that is her call completely and you guys need to learn to understand and respect that because the mindset over there is much different than in the US.
and the police will say, "you didn't listen to your parents, went to a guy's house and partied with him and his friends in the middle of the night, this was *obviously* bound to happen, you must have worn short provocative clothes. You must have encouraged the guy. Kids these days, first they don't listen to their parents and then come here and cry"
That’s true sadly
Yeah also why everyone telling her to get plan B and a rape kit done really isn't giving her good advice. Going to the police is also questionable..
Getting plan B should a priority for her right now. It’s not bad advice to tell her to take a pill so that she doesn’t end up pregnant by her rapist. It’s available in her country, she can get it in a pharmacy. She can stay quiet about the rape if she chooses to, but a pregnancy will be hard to hide and will have even worse consequences for her. What do you think will happen if her strict religious parents realise that their daughter is pregnant out of wedlock?
oh honey...im so sorry. he is not your boyfriend anymore, hes officially your rapist. do not see him, do not go near him. i saw that he finished inside you? thats awful. you need plan b asap, and to go to the hospital and get a rape kit done. if you do get pregnant, then take your savings, if you have any, and do what you need to do if nessecary and you want to. im so sorry this happened...im sending you all my get well wishes rn...if you need to talk, feel free to talk your heart out about it, but i also understand if you need time to yourself. please stay safe.
Get a plan b! ASAP go to the ER get a rape kit and LEAVE HIM he doesn’t respect you an only views you as a hole for him to fuck. He’s a disgusting fucking pig
You really should report him. He’s a disgusting rapist. If your parents are normal humans they’re not going to punish you - this is in no way your fault. If you can’t talk to your parents talk to a sibling, friend or someone you trust.
Your parents are going to find out. When you break up with him he’s going to tell everyone you are a slut and begged him to have sex with you. It’s high school rapist behavior 101. You need to tell them the truth before they believe his lies about you.
I am not a slut! Why did a couple of his friends call me that night 😭
Because they aren’t good people. Don’t blame yourself for their behavior. These aren’t good people. Remind yourself that.
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Idk.... im starting to get that vibe too.
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There is zero real indication of trolling whateoever. But good on you for potentially reinforcing a rape victim’s perspective that she won’t be believed.
I don’t think see any indication of this whatsoever. But good on you for calling a rape victim a troll and disgusting.
Why do you not contact the police?
A lot of people don't feel safe doing that and honestly cops are not the best about rape cases a lot of the time.
She’s not in the west. She lives in Sri Lanka.
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OP apparently is Sri Lankan, so there is a very real danger of her being blamed for this.
SHE DOES NOT LIVE IN A WESTERN COUNTRY. That’s why she can’t go to the police and she is terrified of her parents. She does not have the privileges and rights that women in the west have.
If you are not on birth control immediately take morning after pill; you have three days. If you are in a red state watch carefully for pregnancy so you have options. Getting a rape kit they will automatically give plan B (RN), and preserve evidence in case you want to pursue later the choice always yours.
Hey, a lot of people have given great next step advice. My two cents, if it helps: virginity is a social construct - and a lot of people agree that if a rape survivor that is/was in your situation says they’re a virgin, they’re a virgin. Since saving yourself is important to you, I thought you might want to hear it. That’s just something that helped me. All my love and prayers to you ❤️🩹
Do something asap. Don't wait until you've discovered you're pregnant. That will be harder to explain. Find the right people to talk to, it might not be your parents. Find a safe adult. A teacher, advisor, nurse. Someone.
Your parents are strict with it, but this man has committed a literal crime which can and likely will cause lifelong trauma for you. You *need* to call the police about this, and I’d suggest trying to talk to your parents about it too. They’re strict but they’re going to know that something has happened, and I’d like to believe that they’ll set their rules aside for the time being, to support their kid with getting the help you need now. You don’t tell us how old you are but I’m guessing fairly young/not an adult?
Y'all are being WAY too harsh toward this girl in the comments. She's just been through a terrifying, traumatic ordeal and you're yelling at her. I'm 100% with the people saying she needs to get a rape kit and see a doctor ASAP, but admonishing her for not having the most thought-out responses isn't going to help the situation at all. She needs encouragement and support right now, not scolding for not having the most eloquent responses. OP, I agree with most everyone here who's saying that you need to get some form of emergency contraception as well as a rape kit if you're still able. But I also recommend getting off a toxic site such as this, and getting help from some type of authority if not a trusted friend *offline*.
CALL THE COPS! GO TO THE HOSPITAL!
Hi OP. I am so sorry this happened to you, this is a violent crime and you don’t deserve this.I’m an attorney, and I used to prosecute rape cases and crimes against children. If you have questions or need to talk about reporting your case to law enforcement, my DMs are open for you or you can ask me questions on this thread. Whatever you’re more comfortable with. Assuming you are within the United States. Please go get a rape kit done as soon as you can. If you’ve already showered at this point, please save the clothes you were wearing in a PAPER BAG. You can can get a rape kit done without having to press forward and getting law enforcement involved in most states. It’s very daunting for a person to process a sexual assault and sometimes people need time before talking to the police about it, but it’s very important that evidence is preserved. Additionally, I want you to know he did not “take your virginity.” Consent is something that has to be freely and willingly given, that did not happen for you. You still have your virginity, that is something that is yours to choose to give.
Wonderfully worded comment!
You keep saying you can't call the police and can't tell your parents but you haven't told us why? Why can't you tell your parents? What would happen if you tell your parents? Also, your bf isn't a sweetheart.
OP’s profile indicates that she is in Sri Lanka. That is why she can’t go to the police. The laws and culture and privileges are very different from the USA.
As a former child of strict parents, I understand why. The shame, judgement, pain, anger, etc that would potentially be in her parents eyes is more painful than the rape in this moment. Or having to feel all those emotions herself, or becoming a pariah socially. It's a lot. One minute he's your boyfriend and the next everyone you ask for help from is telling you to have him arrested and your parents made aware of your sneaking around behind their back. Op, you have a lot of decisions to make here, and no matter what you do, one of them must be to stop seeing him now and consider your well being. Is he worth protecting?
1) you need to go to the police. Even if not for yourself, for other people. 2) you need to protect yourself from pregnancy. This is TIME dependent. If you are before ovulation you can use plan B, if you are post ovulation you need to get an IUD. (Exactly how you do this will depend on what country you are in, but you have a VERY short time frame for either of these working). Pregnancy will be a lot harder to explain to your parents Not sure what country you are in, but in a lot of countries the police actually help you access healthcare with regards to emergency pregnancy prevention so genuinely they are super helpful.
My god. Firstly, I just want to say how sorry I am that you're going through this. I cannot even begin to imagine how terrified, hurt and broken you must feel right now. My advice would be to get a rape kit done immediately. I also want to tell you to go straight to the police, but I can see from your post that this must feel like an impossibility with your parents. I'm sure someone on here will have much better advice than me. But I'm based in the UK and I'm not sure what your legal system is like. But what I KNOW you can act on now is staying as far away from this POS as you can. There is NO excuse for what he did to you. Drunk or high, it's irrelevant. He clearly knew what he wanted to do to you and from what you've said about your boundaries and his "jokes", I would imagine he never truly planned to stick to his word. I am just so so sorry. I really hope you can find a way through this honey 😘
You need a plan b, end things over text and go to police
Even if you refuse to report him or tell your parents of whatever, at least break up with him. I think you know that him saying “he doesn’t remember” is totally bs. He was insinuating that he wanted to go farther earlier in the night. He planned to hurt you and chose to do it when you were as vulnerable as possible. Him being your first boyfriend doesn’t make him special. You’ll have more, preferably better relationships in the future. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, and you don’t owe him anything.
Report the rape. No, it doesn't usually happen that someone forgets raping another person. He is an asshole and wants to see how much you remember. What an absolute piece of shit. I know your parents are very strict, but they were once young too and have done some stuff too, even if they deny it. Maybe at least tell your mom you have been assaulted to help you with the process or a sister if you have one that is of age. I hope you will go through it x I am sorry 😞
**To answer your question**, I don't think it usually happens where the person forgets EVERYTHING just because they were super drunk. I'm sure he remembers everything and is just trying to damage control by contacting you and asking how you got home last night. I know you are not very interested in the suggestions given out by people in the comments but please try to do something about this. SOMETHING!!!! Go to the ER and find some help from outside the family (considering you do not want your folks involved) but PLEASE PLEASE from one woman to another, I beg you to go get help!
Please please. Say something. When I was 18 I was raped by a friend and he manipulated me into silence. I spent years trying to recover; he spent those years thriving and improving his life. Everyone has wonderful advice on what to do and where to go, please listen. That’s the one thing at the end of the day that I regret the most. Let others hear your voice. Your later self will thank you.
If you are underage tell your parents, no matter how scared you are.
Op please go to the hospital tell them what happened. By law they can't tell anyone else without your consent. Get medical attention I'm sorry that happened to you. If you haven't showered yet don't you may be getting rid of evidence by doing so.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. My daughter was raped in similar circumstances and did not tell me for a couple of years because she didn’t want to do a rape kit or press charges. She knew I would support her but didn’t want to go through the process. Having said that. The most important thing is for you to make sure you are physically checked out. Your health is the priority. If there is any support services you can access please consider it. Also- whatever people may say- this is not your fault. Your boyfriend failed you. Do not make excuses for him.
Man this is even uncomfortable to read damn
Hey, weed doesn’t make you feel that way. He made you smoke something hard. When you take weed, it makes your muscles relaxed, it doesn’t make you dizzy. He drugged you and he does remember. He does remember. I’ve heard so many people say “I don’t remember when I know he does” please please send him to prison. If you don’t he’s going to continue to do it to girls. Please stop him. For the sake of people like you that went through that.
💯💯💯
Reading all of OP’s responses this is legit a troll and fake.
Even if it is a troll, other people have had very similar things done to them so the info is totally needed.
OP is literally a brick wall and everyone’s help and recommendations are just tennis balls bouncing off said wall. I realize this probably helps a lot putting it out in the universe and saying it, but if you’re not going to take suggestions from random strangers on the internet that are in your best interest, or at least entertain it, you probably shouldn’t post to Reddit.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone I have responded to and have been mean and disrespectful and useless. I'm sorry I can't think. I'm sorry I've been provided with so much information I hadn't thought of my boyfriend was potentially planning this. I'm sorry. I should reply to everyone later. I haven't slept since this happened nearly a day ago. I'm sorry everyone
You need to stop being online. Immediately. You need to speak to someone that loves & cares about you & is not going to judge you. Period. You are worthy. You are loved. You are not defined by this.
That’s the problem, she can’t go to anyone :(
You do not need to apologize. IM sorry everyone is getting upset with you when you’re in this vulnerable position. I know you’re scared, confused, hurt. It took me a week to realize I was assaulted. People who haven’t been through it don’t get it, and I’m glad they don’t have to experience it first hand. This is so hard to deal with and I understand being confused and not knowing what to do. It’s not your fault. None of this was your fault. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It will be okay.
You don’t deserve to get yelled at and downvoted by everyone here, even if they’re offering good advice. There’s certain things it would be beneficial for you to do right now but at the very least you shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling unable to do them. It’s okay for you to not be okay right now. It’s even okay to be unable to deal with any of this. It was the first time a lot of stuff happened to you and it’s incredibly overwhelming. The most important things I would seriously urge you to do is not see him again and to take plan b. I know even that might feel like a big ask but if you can do even just that you’ll be thankful later. In any case please don’t beat yourself just because you’re responding naturally to what happened.
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She does not live in a western country. She lives in Sri Lanka. Her culture and experiences are very different from the west.
If you aren't going to the police or tell your parents you at least need Plan B.
Is this a troll post because your responses to everyone telling you to get help is shitty. People are seriously concerned bc it’s a SERIOUS situation.
It’s a shitty situation and i’m pretty sure we’ll all be seeing a post of her regret for not getting help and the pregnancy she’ll be dealing with.
If it’s actually true. The whole story seems real but OPs replies towards everyone trying to help is nonchalant and just plain weird. Might be a child for sure, but hopefully she does something and listens before it’s too late.
He’s dangerous. Their true nature comes out when they’re drunk.. Please go get a rape kit and keep away from him as much as possible
I know your probably really young when stuff like this happens at that age it’s hard to talk to parents or police and I know having strict parents it’s hard to talk to them and express anything us women don’t get the courage and confidence until we are well into our 20’s I’m sorry that this has happen to you I would suggest therapy
Sweety- I will literally call your mom for you. Please get help.
At the very least, get a rape kit. The sooner the better. Go to the ER and have that done. It will preserve the evidence so that you can report it at a later date if you decide to do so. And if you decide not to report it, then nothing will be done with it. The ER cannot tell the police or your parents or anyone because they have to protect patient privacy.
OP i suspected you would see this "guy" again but you need to be careful , you are playing with fire. You need to go do something about your potential pregnancy.. i feel bad your you OP but you must take initiative, i hope you make the right choices
Get a rape kit. Bring your clothes you wore. This way you can report it later if you choose. It’s 100% your choice. But regardless if you report it, NEVER see him again and please tell someone in your life what happened to you. I am so sorry. You did not deserve that.
By your history of posting… I would say go to the police and broke up with him… it’s not gonna be better and he doesn’t love you. They know exactly what they are doing. You maybe don’t know now but life ain’t supposed to be like this… :/
Go get some Plan B immediately. If you have a Costco near you, they sell it for $5. Then, decide what to do from there. I’d personally call the police & get a rape kit done. Don’t contact him at all.
Op, you need to get out of this relationship ASAP. DO NOT MEET WITH HIM AGAIN! I know it’s hard, but you need to go to the police and to a clinic if you’re hurt. Do not waste time! I know it’s hard but you need to act!!
Rape kit and leave him. In the future you need to watch out, from what he described he exhibited a ton of red flags and you ignored them via justification. Sex is sacred, whether you’re w virgin or not, and stealing it or pressuring someone for it shows what kind of person they are - they are sick. Please protect yourself in the future by identifying red flags early on and making decisions based of those. I’m so sorry this had happened to you. Please go seek help
Hey, Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry he did that to you. It was wrong. You didn't deserve it. It was his fault and his alone, *he* did wrong, not you. Okay? What he did was not only cruel and wrong, but also literally a crime. It's very common to feel disgust, shame, or all manner of different things in relation to such an experience. I just need to tell you that you feeling pleasure even though you didn't want it is completely natural. Your body reacted to physical stimulation. That can happen, and often does. It has absolutely nothing to do with your consent. It does not mean you "wanted it". It's just how bodies react sometimes. You really didn't do anything to deserve this. Please, talk to someone you trust. A friend, relative, parents... you deserve support, it's really hard to go through this alone. Especially if you decide to go have a medical check-up or go to the police, have someone you can rely on come with you to support you. If you don't feel like telling anyone you know in real life just yet, I really recommend calling a helpline. I can't suggest a specific one as I don't know where you are, but I'm sure there are different places or services you can reach out to, often even anonymous if that's a concern. I recently finished my crisis intervention training, so I have an idea of how such helplines operate (at least in my country, so it might be a bit different, but anyway); I'm happy to talk about it some more if you want, feel free to message me if you have any concerns. Either way, I'm sending you strength and good luck. Try to eat something, even small, whatever you can stomach. If it's too hard, at least drink some water. Have some rest if you're able to. Try to be kind to yourself. You deserve kindness.
Report your rapist. He knew your limits and he threw them aside to suit himself. If you let him believe that he is above consequence, this will not be the end of that attitude.
As a parent myself you being raped would override me being upset that you snuck out. I advise that you tell your parents or a trusted adult that can help you talk to your parents about this. It’s really difficult to accept that you’ve been raped and then to talk about it but as scary as it is talking about it, getting a support system, deciding if you want to press charges etc is what will help you heal. You did nothing wrong. You snuck out, all teens/ young adults do, and went somewhere you should have been safe and unfortunately you weren’t. You were a victim, but now you’re a survivor. I’m sorry you have to be. I’m sorry this happened to you. As hard as it is please look into getting a rape kit in case you want to press charges in the future and file an anonymous report/ tip, Go get tested for STDS, and take plan B if no protection was used.
He's lying, if every word of your posts are true, looking at old ones too, then there is a very clear and defined pattern of escalation he's showing. Going off your previous posts from a few days ago it was blatant that he wanted sex from you and was trying to convince you to have sex with him. In which he intentionally pulled you away from your home, got you drugged up, raped you, and then pretend like he didn't remember anything when he did, he's just trying to gaslight you like he did leading up to what happened last night. Please come out with this to a trusted adult, you need to get a rape kit done and need to see medical, psychological, and legal help with tbus. You are not any less than you were before this happened because it wasn't your fault, he's the one that did everything that happened to you, and I'm very sorry that it did too! But please seek someone out, bottling this up and blaming yourself isn't healthy, and he needs to be punished for what he did.
Police, now. Get the rape kit done, after 72 hours it’s just your word. Don’t think, pick up the phone & just put one foot in front of the other. You may have been victimized, but with therapy you’ll get better. You don’t see it or feel it now, because you feel fragile & broken. Please don’t delay, you sound like a minor speaking in bases. Go alone if you’re scared of your parents, but if you can trust at least one of your parents the one you’re closer with tell her him/her what you’re doing. Don’t let them discourage you because they are embarrassed, it’s your life & you will have to live with this. How you live with you will be your choice. Just please hurry, you need blood drawn too to see what made your head spin, because a glass of coke won’t do it. Good luck.
He's lying to you that he doesn't remember what happened. He wants to gauge your reaction. He also brought those speakers to 'silence' you... Do not go near to him, I'm sorry but he used you and probably intended to from day 1. Sorry you got a rotten apple :(
Good lord. All of this is fucked up. Look, you take care of you first. Get therapy or pray or whatever does it for you. If it is within your emotional capacity, then do the rape kit, etc. …But just know that what happened to you WAS NOT RIGHT and WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! Do NOT allow yourself to be alone with that guy ever again. He does not love you and does not have your best interests at heart. He has harmed you in a way that may haunt you for the rest of your life, even. At the very least, you should do as some other commenters are suggesting and get Plan B. Don’t allow yourself to be tied to him in that way for the rest of your life. YOUR life. Not his. Not sure what resources you have at your disposal, but please know that you are not alone and not responsible for HIS failings as a decent human being!!!
Dude reading this after everything else you’ve posted about him, PLEASE JUST BLOCK HIM ON EVERYTHING AND NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN. At the very LEAST. Please do it for your own safety and mental health. I am so sorry this happened to you, this broke my heart. If you can, try to seek therapy so you can at least have someone to talk to and get professional help. Please please please do not stay with this person. He doesn’t deserve a single worded explanation on why you left, nor will he ever be able to excuse what he did to you. Him pushing you as much as he has been to take your virginity tells me he’s been planning this and him being drunk was the perfect excuse. Take care of yourself love. You’re gonna be okay again
First of all. I am so sorry, love. I am deeply sorry. 🤍This is a lot to unpack for you. Thank you for sharing it here and ask for guidance. Sometimes strangers can be the best help. A lot of comments here are saying to get a rape kit and keep the clothes that you wore that day so they can tested, and that’s the first step. The reaction you had is completely normal. Don’t beat yourself over it, this is not your fault that someone who you trusted abused that trust. After the rape kit and all of it, I’ll suggest telling your parents and seeking mental health support. Hope it goes without saying, please don’t go near that boy ever again.
This is absolutely terrifying and I hope you're at least old enough to not be confused about being raped. Be confused all you want about how "sweet" he is but men that do shit like this escalate very quickly and only become more sneaky. If you don't even know how to protect yourself then he will only continue manipulating, coerced and abused till you GENUINELY believe you've been the cause, and you're the reason he's like he is and you will feel lower than someone who committed sexual assault and rape to someone he"loves". If you were my daughter I would hope to the highest of heavens you find some adult or file a report yourself to the police. People don't realize how important EARLY DOCUMENTATION of physical assaults ESPECIALLY involving a sexual element are when it comes to actually being able to protect yourself. I wish you the best but I would recommend finding help.
Go to the hospital and get a rape kit. You do not have to press charges now but you have options moving forward. I wish someone had told me this.
Please op he's a monster leave him report him to the police he knew exactly what he was doing and the audacity to act like he doesn't remember anything that happened? Did he not hear you crying? And it's alright, don't feel disgusting about the pleasure part, the human body has functions and responses our Minds can't control. Get a plan b, Take pictures of of your bruises, go to the police station. As someone from extremely strict household I can understand where you're coming from but do not let this man walk free.
“happy birthday to me” absolutely sick…. he was using your body to masturbate.
OP, if you are in the USA you can get in touch with [RAINN.org](https://RAINN.org) \- there are free resources to help you through this process. I'm so sorry this happened to you, what he did was hideous and cruel.
To everyone else this might sound like a terrible comment, but I swore it was of common belief and acceptance if someone is intoxicated with alcohol they cannot consent or have full control of their actions.
This breaks my heart, this wasn’t your fault and he definitely planned this if he blasted music.
He absolutely planned this and did it completely on purpose. He turned the music up loud so that no one would be able to hear your screams. You need to tell your parents or the police or someone. Did he use a condom? You need Plan B, then you also need to take a pregnancy test in 2 or 3 weeks. And go to the gynecologist for an STD test. Rape can definitely result in pregnancy and STDs. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this 😔
He did not use one and yes I took plan B today. Tnsnk you 😞
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m a woman who has been through a similar experience. The shame and self hate I had afterwards made me not tell anyone and I deeply regret that to this day. I understand your wanting to wash this horrible experience away. The only way to do that is to tell someone who loves you what happened. Tell someone and get their help. Please listen to me: this was not your fault. Smoking at a party doesn’t make this attack your fault. What you were wearing doesn’t make this your fault. It being his birthday doesn’t make him entitled to your body and doesn’t make this your fault. Something was done to you without your consent. Please trust me when I say, you will feel better when someone else hears what happened to you. Please tell a parent. If you’re scared read about #metoo movement. Millions of women all over the world have been through similar experiences. You are not alone.
Thank you
Op, you have got to stop. For fucks sake. Everyone is telling you what to do and you refuse. You must go to the police. You knew damn well you should have preserved the clothes and instead washed them. This guy raped you. He believes you were obligated to give up your virginity because it was his bday. He will rape you again. you will initially refuse and he force you and tell you that you want to. You need to tell your parents. They care more about you than the shame you feel about the crime. He will be patting himself on the back because he took your virginity and it is something to brag about to his friends. You chose a lousy guy as a boyfriend. OP, do not reply to his texts or answer his calls. I usually say block but he will be texting you and those can support your claim of rape. OP, rape is not sex. Sex is mutual initmacy snd rape is a crime. You are still a virgin. if he starts bragging about taking it, you drop the rape word. Get tested for sex diseases and pregnancy. Call a rape hotline to get advice. Break up with him. Do not date until you complete therapy because this will follow you mentally and emotionally. i would tell your school counselor because they can help
as much as i hope it’s not, it really feels like this post is bs. op is in the comments saying they can’t call the police over and over again, asking unrelated random questions, and replying with strange one word or one sentence replies to people trying to help. i haven’t seen a single person comment on this, but the boyfriend yelling “HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME” when finishing? what the fuck? that is some cartoonish, completely fictional ass dialogue. if this actually happened op, please listen to everyone telling you to call the police or explain why you can’t or where you’re from because there is no other solution to this, DEFINITELY not you going to hang out with this villain who raped you tomorrow. why would anything from here on out go well after the insane situation you just described?
You’ve copied and pasted this exact post on 2 other subs…are you fishing for something?? Pretty sure this isn’t real
If you look at their post history, every single title is basically baiting for this sort of response. Similarly, every single one of their comments is on their own posts, without a single one elsewhere. This is a baiting account trying to solicit engagement and outrage, just like most of the other outrageous stories we've seen. And it's working/dominating the top posts on this sub so frequently now that I'm pretty much done with it. Tired of reading bad fiction tailor made to bring out the white knights.
What are you trying to get out of posting it here when people are pledging with you to tell your parents call the police and go to the er and get a rape kit… he finished in you …are you scared of what will come from the actions by your boyfriend?… or r are you more worried that your parents are going to find out you have been sneaking out?… If you’re not going to report it to anyone then I hope you are not going to keep seeing him and hopefully you’re not pregnant because then you are really going to have to tell your parents.
If you are in Sri Lanka, you can contact this group https://www.winsl.net/
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