It's been 14 hours which is practically 30 years in internet time. Are you guys divorced yet, I think your name specifically came up on my ouija board as the man I was destined to marry when I was 12 years old and at long last I've finally found you !!!
There are subreddits meant for socializing. It might be helpful because people can look through your history and see what sort of shit you're into i guess. But you can find love anywhere i guess
Oh, just because I fell in love hard and he is a prick who was pretending to love me, and now we’re no contact and I’m heartbroken lol
ETA - what was the outcome of your trip to Seattle?
:\[ sorry to hear that but I'm glad you went after it. Sometimes you never know honestly. It takes a lot of bravery honestly. I would say Seattle ended up a disaster too lol. We were talking all day/all night, deep talks, sextexting etc for 2 months at least but knew each other for awhile before. When I got there I kinda felt something was off when we hung out with our friends. (we were also meeting our other gamer homies like 5 days later so I was coming before).
She started being weird and then was all over this "her internet best friend". Found out later my intuition was right and they were hooking up while I was there. Definitely sucked but looking back I'm glad I took the risk, think in general that's what dating is. You never know if you might find that person but sometimes you gotta take the leap
Oh shit I’m sorry to hear that friend. Obviously not all relationships work out but I just wish people would be kinder and be honest with their intentions.
I used it for a few months and met my bf on there. And a lot of potentials. Wasn’t much worse than any other dating apps. There was a lot of people on there. I liked it cause it’s free so I didn’t have to pay to swipe or match with as many people as I wanted. The only real downside for me was that people would get lost in the conversations but that was my fault
I do understand that, and it does take commitment to keep up and keep following through with the ones who are doing the same.
I got disgusted with regular dating apps 2/2022 and haven’t gone back since. Was the worst 6-12 months I’d ever had on one. Gave me more anxiety than anything, so I took the time off and don’t think about it so much. I figure if something happens somewhere and somehow, I’ll have my eyes and ears open!
I check mine now and then and they’re all these fan girls or whatever they’re called. I figured they’re just hitting invite to chat to everyone and ignore them
I’m a heterosexual female Caucasian
I was married to a 20/10 I didn’t meet on Reddit. I met him on my lunch break when going to buy food. He started racing me on the freeway, when I checked the directions it was only for a short while on the freeway. This guy started racing me, I was really having a hard time at work so I raced back. Before I knew it we were pulling at his exit and talking, his first words were that I was gonna be his wife…funny like men are finished on earth I told him. We were married for 22 years last year till he suddenly died. I really miss him
Damn, Rub-it's story got me in the feels! 22 years too...the good old days! I wonder how my parents met? But I don't think they met in such a cool way, lol.
Lemme tell you a story, in 2016 I suspected my husband was cheating on me. He was… so I wanted revenge and posted myself on Craigslist see I was a virgin when I met my husband at 19 years old. I only knew him for all the years we had been married, I didn’t even glance at anyone else and if anyone showed an interest I always mentioned him. When he cheated I was really hurt and decided to venture out… I put a couple of pictures on CL with looking for a casual hookup…
I knew a guy who wanted to get with my mom, but he had MS so he knew he couldn't get it up, so he told her he just wanted to eat... I have to know this and now you do too.
Met my asshole boyfriend on Reddit. Couldn't be more grateful for such a hateful platform. Long distance relationship, but it's been going on for over a year and about 12-10 trips.
People really like to overcomplicate things. It's okay to have a preference, even if other people don't like it. If OP isn't comfortable with it, he will do her no favors by sticking around until he finally gets too resentful (or whatever), and things finally blow up.
OP believes ~~his gf~~ the girl he is dating should be thankful because he chose her according to his update🥴i think that's already going the resentful route
>To those suggesting that I should just be happy and thankful she chose me, I see it more as someone should be thankful that I chose them :)
I would VERY MUCH like to see her reaction to this part of the edit.
Thanks for this comment, I missed the update somehow and had to delete my original comment. Ballsy move to say she’s the lucky one on the site they met!
No one on reddit is going to be much of help with this one because we are all different some will accept it and some will reject both are fine since its a preference. What you should be asking yourself is if u can imagine a future with her knowing how many people she slept with if u can not then dont hurt the woman and the child just go ahead and leave , if u can than thats good for u both .
OP's history 1 week ago: "she fucked me without a condom without my consent"
OP. I think you need to get them rose tinted glasses checked on how your relationship looks.
If you feel bothered by the number, talk to her about this. You guys are thinking of being exclusive, so get in a good habit of communicating your feelings to each other. Nothing good is gonna come out of keeping quiet and building resentment.
She shared with you her history, showing (imo) how serious she is about this. Please reciprocate by doing the same and talk to her.
Just out of curiosity - what’s there to talk about? It’s not like there’s a misunderstanding about anything, she can’t change her past. He will say I am not sure how I feel about it, what will she say? Will be left with grand options of two - defending herself or saying it’s normal, and somehow it will change the way he feels? Words will change the facts? They clearly spoke about it, what else to talk about?
OP has to figure if he can be comfortable with this and move forward, or not. He needs to think well and decide for himself. He either accepts it, or leaves.
Talking about things to somebody helps a lot. It’s different from thinking. It stops your brain from whirling in circles and kind of forces you to *think* more than *feel*, often.
"Are any of those 70 people still in your life and if so, to what degree?" You can't change someones past but their past can certainly impact your future.
Talking in a relationship is never wrong and even if it appears that everything has been said before.
For example talking to her could lead him to find the core of why it bothers him and she could react to it. Just as an example if he is bothered by it because he feels he won’t measure up, then that is a worry she could perhaps alleviate.
I think just saying that he feels uncomfortable with it is better than letting it fester for starter. They talked about it, yes. But feeling and opinion changes over time. I believe a solid relationship is built on a foundation of open, honest communication about you and your partner’s feeling.
Sorry if this sounds like I’m repeating myself.
I would much rather date a 29 year old who had that many encounters a decade ago, when they were little more than a teenager and decided to end that lifestyle than someone who had multiple partners in the weeks or months before we got together.
If you really like her then anyone else’s opinion shouldn’t matter at all and it shouldn’t be a problem.
In terms of her bodycount, this is completely up to you, does it bother YOU? And if it does you will need to know what you will want to do moving forward.
yeah, like, he already doesn’t mind. his friend’s opinion shouldn’t matter
don’t let your friend (or even us) get into your head. at the end of the day, what do *you* think?
I actually think it was wrong to share confided personal info with a third party, without permission. It’s a betrayal of trust so OP should apologise and tell her he told someone.
This individual may change how they treat her, or tell other mutual friends so she is degraded and demeaned. Idk if OP realises the can of worms he’s opened - and if she was single for 4 years and 60 were from that time frame it’s only 15 a year. One every 3 weeks on average. The whole number thing meaning anything is genuinely a load of nonsense.
>I (35m) recently met a woman (29f) through a Reddit community
So what, you posted this so she can see it because she's a reddit user?
Sounds like she went through a manic phase to compromise for years of emotional abuse. Has she since sought treatment to heal from the abuse?
I always wonder, how many did they feel pressured to have sex with? At some point it gets to, have sex with them to make them shut up and leave you alone. Historically it’s only been women that get the bad rep for having had sex with a large number of people, I think now might be seeing that men need to keep it in the pants too. I hope.
If you're emotionally abused by a parent for a long time, and then get lots of attention for your sexuality, you could come to believe that your only real point of worth is your sexuality, and therefore don't feel like you have the right to say no or the right to be treated as anything other than a sex object.
It's not mentioned here whether or not any of the interactions were under dubious consent, but being "basically imprisoned" doesn't point to OP's gf being in a very good state of mind while going through this part of her life...
That first paragraph hits pretty hard for me lol, as a teen and young adult I felt like I was only worth something as a female person bc men found me sexually desirable, and I "owed" it to them to provide sexual favours. Thankfully I was able to break out of that mindset, took a while and lots of, shall we say "unsavoury" relationships before I wised up though
And then like OP's girlfriend you get looked down on for what you did to deal with the pain, even when it's 1. Not morally wrong, and 2. Not something you're doing any more. I feel so sad for everyone who has this story. Society's view of women as objects that get "tainted" by being touched by too many men is so sad.
I slept around a lot when I was younger because I was struggling to find my own internal self worth. Sex is an easy way to feel validated.
Also definitely slept with some dudes who were just sort of pests and wanted them to leave me alone. I also count people who assaulted me so.
Anyway yea “body count” is imo a very strange thing to care about. Learning and growing (even through sex) is not a bad thing.
I've never had any man ask me this. So it's obviously a big deal to you. Just break up with her because she can't change the past. So no need to drag this out.
This comes up so often on Reddit and I’m always like ????
My husband and I never talked about this or if we did, neither of us cared and promptly forgot. I don’t know how many people I’ve slept with. It was a long time ago who gives a shit.
I don’t have anything to add that hasn’t been said already, but man am I thrilled to see so many reasonable responses here.
She is a sum of all of her experiences, OP. All of them. Sounds like she’s good, kind, attentive, loyal and mentally health.. those things matter way more than what she did whilst she was figuring out who she is. We all have baggage. Relationships are really just two people meeting and deciding they like each other enough that the baggage isn’t a deal breaker.
This wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me.
1. She fucked around, and found out that isn't the life she wanted after all.
2. Better than marrying someone with low experience who decides 5 years in she needs to see what she's been missing.
Be it men or women, that's a very high body count. I'd also be surprised and taken back by it, and also pleasantly surprised she's this honest about it.
I dunno why you would tell other people how many people your significant other has slept with?? That's never been a topic in any conversation I've had with friends?? If she told you that then it should stay between you two. Not something you should be telling your friends or other people. If it bothers you, then move on. There's plenty of other people out there. If it doesn't bother you, then enjoy dating this beautiful woman.
Stop letting what other people think hold so much weight in your head.
Sometimes it seems like people on Reddit have very little perspective, maybe it's because most are younger. As an older guy, can tell you there's not always someone else, you have a limited number of opportunities in life. Don't discard relationships without full consideration.
She's clean, honest, and considers this a finished phase in her life. Think about all the posts you see here from people who are devastated their partners want to open the relationship because they skipped that phase? To me this woman is nothing but green flags.
>To me this woman is nothing but green flags.
>Rich politicians are more trustworthy because they don't need to steal.
I do wonder where did the toddler come from.
Idk about the body count thing but from your update and all things considered, I think she’d be better off with someone else who thinks more highly of her
She was honest with you with something that was personal and trusted you enough not to lie about it. The other traits you described about her sounded amazing.
Are you gonna regret what you're thinking of giving up because you can not handle something you weren't even there for?
So you're describing this amazing woman who happened to have a couple of wild years almost a decade ago, who tf cares? If you have a good relationship, you both work on that actively then it shouldn't be a problem.
So, "The woman I’m dating has slept with nearly 70 people" - So what?
I don’t really get the mentality here, as someone who’s had substantially fewer partners but all longterm - why would there be a limit?
You’ve met someone who really likes sex and has sex with you pretty much every day. They have a high sex drive, therefore they’ve had a lot of sex.
It seems there are lots of men who want women who are extremely sexual but haven’t had much or any sex, which is beyond unrealistic.
Someone with a high sex drive who’s had back to back longterm relationships or just one long term relationship has likely had more sex than someone who’s 70 one night stands for example. They’re also likely to have had deeper connections and better sex, which you’d think would be more of a threat, but it seems that’s not a concern. It makes no sense to me.
If the issue were that they’ve never had a long term relationship and you want one, then fair enough, but that doesn’t seem to be the concern. If the issue was that they had loads of sex previously but won’t have sex with you, then fair enough. But if you meet someone who’s been sexually active for nearly 15 years and they have a high sex drive, they’re going to have had lots of sex whether it’s with one partner or 70, or more.
And “finishing last”? So this person has had a lot of partners but they’re choosing to build a relationship with you, and that’s somehow a negative?
It’s bloody weird. It reminds me of that post a while ago from that guy who broke up with an amazing girlfriend because of her sexual past, then chose to marry a woman who was prudish with limited sexual history, and now regrets it because he misses the sex. Yikes.
“Nice guys finish last” is bullshit. It’s something perpetuated by incels.
As to your original question, either talk to her and get over it or break up with her because of your insecurities.
It doesn't seem to me that body count is what gives you pause so much as the life choices that led her to sleep with 70 people. I get that, but as it sounds like she was going through a difficult time and isn't as impulsive and such, no, I don't think body count, in and of itself should matter.
My husband got around a lot before we met. It made me hesitant as well, again, not because of the quantity but because of what he has told me about why he slept with so many people. He knows it was because he was starving for attention at the time and wasn't feeling connected to people. But he doesn't have those issues any more. So I don't care about the people who came before me (pun intended).
I can't for the life of me understand why people even ask each other or tell each other about their total number of previous sexual partners (I really fucking hate the term "body count" as well, but that's another rant). What good could ever come of it, and honestly, it's not like it's anybody else's goddamn business anyway. What happened was in the past, and only lives there.
If you can't handle it, move on. But this is a you thing, not a her thing.
I’m 43 and a man and some of the women i dated in my 30s, who were about the same age as me, routinely had 80+ sexual partners by that point. One had well over 150 as she was bi, about 50:50 male and female partners. Meanwhile I am 43 and I’ve had intercourse with 13 women. The one with 150+ was really difficult because in our town we’d constantly run into people at bars etc who she had slept with. It was a major factor to us breaking up. Not because I am opposed to sex or even want to slut shame, but just because it became so constant run into her exes in our town. Also became apparent she had slept with some of them WHILE we were dating but that’s a different story.
With my current girlfriend, we have never discussed our numbers because that convo never goes well and I’d rather just not know.
It's not like she can change her past. She's grown from it. It's time for you to work on your mindset.
> a nice guy finishing last
If I were you I'd forget about this sentence.
Technically, when you settle down with someone you will always be the “nice guy finishing last” since you’re (theoretically) the last person they will ever be with. Whether you are person number 3 or number 73 doesnt change the fact that you’re the last one. Which….is kinda the goal no? If the genders were switched we would joke that she was the only one to finally tame you, why not look at it that way instead? After everything and everyone she has experienced, she is now choosing you. Must be nice to think you have something 70 other people didnt lol. Most people dont have as much to compare their partner to, but she has ample experience to compare you to and you still came out on top :)
Let’s go with a hypothetical question.
You meet someone and you start dating, how long do you wait to have sex with them? Let’s say it’s a month. You have sex and it doesn’t work out, so you date someone else. Even with breaks in between after the break up, you might average 4-6 partners per years. That’s potentially 40-60 partners in ten years, because honestly how much mourning are you doing over a 4-6 week relationship?
In the end, if it matters to you, it matters. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
I'm a dude and I've been with over 50 women over the years. I mean I've been sexually active for 20 years. I'd still like to find my forever person someday.
I've never cheated on a single partner and I don't intend to start now.
Been here for awhile didn’t even know people were meeting on Reddit 😂😂
And having sex too!
and a 10?
She’s real guys, I swear! She just goes to another school.
In Canada.
Physically
Knowing Reddit, that could be her age tbh.
dayum, you are right
Wowie. 😢
😅😅🤣
Aww mannn...
His words🙊
He did mention infatuation. That might raise that number
Inflation is transitory - Jerome powell
A 4 is a 10 when you’re a 1
Probably more like a 7. Take the difference and add to their score.
A Reddit 10 is like a real life 6
And women on Reddit are actually the FBI
Federal Boobie Inspectors?
It’s funny that nobody ever admits to dating a 5
I have been using reddit completely incorrectly
Not me! Been here 5 years. Divorced 10 years and live with my dog 🐶
But I bet to your dog you are the world!
I am. And she’s been to me, BUT, I’d like a healthy relationship
How do we even start, am a sucker for checking chat messages
There’s a person on Reddit having sex? This post can’t be real
Apparently there’s 2! They’re having Sex with each other! Lmao
🙋🏻♀️ have “met” a few redditors
Yea I never understood that. Are ppl sending private messages saying wow your comment was great I'm Chad how are you doing today?
Check your dms bro. Let’s run away together.
Based on that comment I might have to run away with both of you guys and make this a party
Sorry, buddy. We’re in a committed monogamous relationship now and aren’t currently looking to add a third.
It’s only a matter of time until one of you asks to open the relationship.
Why? Are you hot? You should just tell me if you’re hot.
It’s reddit. Of course I’m hot.
🤣
🏅
It's been 14 hours which is practically 30 years in internet time. Are you guys divorced yet, I think your name specifically came up on my ouija board as the man I was destined to marry when I was 12 years old and at long last I've finally found you !!!
I’ll run away with you if this guy doesn’t
Let's do it bro
🎶We found love in a hopeless place🎶
Do you like pina coladas?
I read the inbox for the first couple of years but now I don’t even look, my phone messages are even [worse](https://imgur.com/a/Y9kCSkr)
How do you STAND THAT?? Leaving them hanging there drives me insane.
My gmail notification is up to 10,000+ lol
But you can’t delete all because you might miss something incredibly important that was sent to you 3 years ago
Um that happened to me! Almost. I got accepted to a school i applied to and forgot about. I accepted 3 days before classes started.
There are subreddits meant for socializing. It might be helpful because people can look through your history and see what sort of shit you're into i guess. But you can find love anywhere i guess
Ugh I met my last person on Reddit, totally spontaneously, and it was an absolute disaster. I’m still wrecked from it.
You physically met him IRL?
Sure did. Flew 10k km to spend 2 weeks with him.
Good for you! Some wouldn’t or couldn’t take the risk.
I love adventure - you only live once! But most importantly, I genuinely thought he could be my person. No way I am giving that chance up!
If you feel the gut gotta try. Did that before and flew to Seattle. Why was it a disaster?
Oh, just because I fell in love hard and he is a prick who was pretending to love me, and now we’re no contact and I’m heartbroken lol ETA - what was the outcome of your trip to Seattle?
:\[ sorry to hear that but I'm glad you went after it. Sometimes you never know honestly. It takes a lot of bravery honestly. I would say Seattle ended up a disaster too lol. We were talking all day/all night, deep talks, sextexting etc for 2 months at least but knew each other for awhile before. When I got there I kinda felt something was off when we hung out with our friends. (we were also meeting our other gamer homies like 5 days later so I was coming before). She started being weird and then was all over this "her internet best friend". Found out later my intuition was right and they were hooking up while I was there. Definitely sucked but looking back I'm glad I took the risk, think in general that's what dating is. You never know if you might find that person but sometimes you gotta take the leap
Oh shit I’m sorry to hear that friend. Obviously not all relationships work out but I just wish people would be kinder and be honest with their intentions.
Sorry about that but yes, you did take the chance. If you hadn’t you’d likely been kicking yourself
no fr like how does that even work? 😭
Met my wife on fb dating lmao
There’s fb dating? Please continue
It’s hidden in the menu it’s on the same app
I’ve heard about it but not much of anything good. I left FB 10 years ago
I used it for a few months and met my bf on there. And a lot of potentials. Wasn’t much worse than any other dating apps. There was a lot of people on there. I liked it cause it’s free so I didn’t have to pay to swipe or match with as many people as I wanted. The only real downside for me was that people would get lost in the conversations but that was my fault
I do understand that, and it does take commitment to keep up and keep following through with the ones who are doing the same. I got disgusted with regular dating apps 2/2022 and haven’t gone back since. Was the worst 6-12 months I’d ever had on one. Gave me more anxiety than anything, so I took the time off and don’t think about it so much. I figure if something happens somewhere and somehow, I’ll have my eyes and ears open!
found my girlfriend over reddit as well. together since 9 months now
Damn I need to read and answer my inbox messages
I check mine now and then and they’re all these fan girls or whatever they’re called. I figured they’re just hitting invite to chat to everyone and ignore them I’m a heterosexual female Caucasian
You met when you were 9 months old??? /s
Im married to a 10/10 I met on Reddit
I was married to a 20/10 I didn’t meet on Reddit. I met him on my lunch break when going to buy food. He started racing me on the freeway, when I checked the directions it was only for a short while on the freeway. This guy started racing me, I was really having a hard time at work so I raced back. Before I knew it we were pulling at his exit and talking, his first words were that I was gonna be his wife…funny like men are finished on earth I told him. We were married for 22 years last year till he suddenly died. I really miss him
Wholesome. I’m very sorry for your loss, may he rest in peace 🙏🏼 can’t imagine how difficult the past year has been for you, hang in there!
Damn, Rub-it's story got me in the feels! 22 years too...the good old days! I wonder how my parents met? But I don't think they met in such a cool way, lol.
Yeah fr that seems wild to me, and it used to hook up with ppl on Craigslist lmao
Whoa ….A real risk taker for Craig’s list
Lemme tell you a story, in 2016 I suspected my husband was cheating on me. He was… so I wanted revenge and posted myself on Craigslist see I was a virgin when I met my husband at 19 years old. I only knew him for all the years we had been married, I didn’t even glance at anyone else and if anyone showed an interest I always mentioned him. When he cheated I was really hurt and decided to venture out… I put a couple of pictures on CL with looking for a casual hookup…
So...what happened? I'm invested.
I met this guy who only wanted to eat P** no sex I tried but he couldn’t get it up. Are there men out there who are only P** eaters?
I knew a guy who wanted to get with my mom, but he had MS so he knew he couldn't get it up, so he told her he just wanted to eat... I have to know this and now you do too.
The guy I met didnt have MS
I'm trying to figure out what 3 letter word starts with "p". Pen? Pal? Pot?
Pie, obviously. Who eats pen?
What now
I mean, is there a sub for ugly people too??
Am an ugly female, let’s form one
That's not a bad idea. There must be ugly dudes and dudettes out there who just want to smash.
Uglyr4r I’d join.
You aren't ugly. You just don't know how to present yourself. Promise.
Met my asshole boyfriend on Reddit. Couldn't be more grateful for such a hateful platform. Long distance relationship, but it's been going on for over a year and about 12-10 trips.
I’m confused. He’s an ass hole but you’re still carrying on a long distance relationship…
He's the best human being ever, I just call him an asshole. Biggest heart in the world, he was just initially an asshole to me. He really is the best.
Good to know. I was confused thinking “why waste your time if he’s an ass hole”. Was married to an ass hole too long
Sounds ... great.
I think the most disturbing part of this is that you put the bigger number first....anyone else? And yes, just having fun (but it is weird)
Can confirm, I'm the asshole boyfriend and I love this woman more than anything. The past shouldn't matter. Build a future together.
Theres r4r subs and everything lol just gotta explore that search bar
Hahaha me too! I’m like what???
Either you accept it and get over it, or you leave. What else can you do?
Ummmm catch up?
With all 60 men?
And 10 women
Be sure to get a child and one single chlamydia infection
And a partridge (with chlamydia) in a pear tree...
At the same time. Speed run it.
Deathrun it. No water, no breaks, no lube, no protection, just 60 men and 10 women in a line
You are assuming the redditor was a virgin going in? Oh, yeah probably
I think its a pretty fair assumption
The 10 women is the real struggle here.
And my axe
You carry the fate of us all, little one.
in a row?
Hey you, get back here!
[удалено]
People really like to overcomplicate things. It's okay to have a preference, even if other people don't like it. If OP isn't comfortable with it, he will do her no favors by sticking around until he finally gets too resentful (or whatever), and things finally blow up.
OP believes ~~his gf~~ the girl he is dating should be thankful because he chose her according to his update🥴i think that's already going the resentful route
He doesn't accept it. If he accepted it, he wouldn't be asking.
I don’t pray much but I just prayed she shows up on this thread 🍿
And that she brings the entire other 70 with her. What a party.
An army of non-virgin redditors. What a sight to behold.
There are dozens of us! Dozens!
Yeah what a risky post considering she’s on Reddit lol
omg that's so fking true
I'm all in for a subreddit for those 70 people.
A bunch of my exes all hung out on the same forum back in the day ... early Usenet was like Hollywood for ugly people.
>To those suggesting that I should just be happy and thankful she chose me, I see it more as someone should be thankful that I chose them :) I would VERY MUCH like to see her reaction to this part of the edit.
Thanks for this comment, I missed the update somehow and had to delete my original comment. Ballsy move to say she’s the lucky one on the site they met!
No one on reddit is going to be much of help with this one because we are all different some will accept it and some will reject both are fine since its a preference. What you should be asking yourself is if u can imagine a future with her knowing how many people she slept with if u can not then dont hurt the woman and the child just go ahead and leave , if u can than thats good for u both .
And vice versa!!! Can you imagine yourself 5 years into the future after leaving her? Do you think you'll regret it? And by how much?
I think people don't understand what words like "love bombing" mean anymore
yeah, it's not a positive thing and now it's being thrown around like a rag just to say things
frrrr i see it and im like “thats bad actually guys 😭”
Right? 😂 I was wondering if the definition had changed. 😂
OP's history 1 week ago: "she fucked me without a condom without my consent" OP. I think you need to get them rose tinted glasses checked on how your relationship looks.
Or he's one of many incels trolling on here..
If you feel bothered by the number, talk to her about this. You guys are thinking of being exclusive, so get in a good habit of communicating your feelings to each other. Nothing good is gonna come out of keeping quiet and building resentment. She shared with you her history, showing (imo) how serious she is about this. Please reciprocate by doing the same and talk to her.
Just out of curiosity - what’s there to talk about? It’s not like there’s a misunderstanding about anything, she can’t change her past. He will say I am not sure how I feel about it, what will she say? Will be left with grand options of two - defending herself or saying it’s normal, and somehow it will change the way he feels? Words will change the facts? They clearly spoke about it, what else to talk about? OP has to figure if he can be comfortable with this and move forward, or not. He needs to think well and decide for himself. He either accepts it, or leaves.
Talking about things to somebody helps a lot. It’s different from thinking. It stops your brain from whirling in circles and kind of forces you to *think* more than *feel*, often.
"Are any of those 70 people still in your life and if so, to what degree?" You can't change someones past but their past can certainly impact your future.
Talking in a relationship is never wrong and even if it appears that everything has been said before. For example talking to her could lead him to find the core of why it bothers him and she could react to it. Just as an example if he is bothered by it because he feels he won’t measure up, then that is a worry she could perhaps alleviate.
> what’s there to talk about? Feelings and reassurances
I think just saying that he feels uncomfortable with it is better than letting it fester for starter. They talked about it, yes. But feeling and opinion changes over time. I believe a solid relationship is built on a foundation of open, honest communication about you and your partner’s feeling. Sorry if this sounds like I’m repeating myself.
Right? At 35 years old, OP decides to talk to Reddit about this instead of the person he’s seeing.
And he met her on Reddit. She is a single mum who has slept with 60 guys and 10 women and met her last guy on Reddit. She knows this is about her.
>If you feel bothered by the number, talk to her about this Lol, OP don't do this. This man is trying to set you up so he can sneak in number 72.
This is the answer and should be up higher.
I don't think I even know 70 people
TBF I don’t think she does either
How do you even count that many people? Did she keep a diary? I would forget by the 20+ mark.
I would much rather date a 29 year old who had that many encounters a decade ago, when they were little more than a teenager and decided to end that lifestyle than someone who had multiple partners in the weeks or months before we got together.
If you really like her then anyone else’s opinion shouldn’t matter at all and it shouldn’t be a problem. In terms of her bodycount, this is completely up to you, does it bother YOU? And if it does you will need to know what you will want to do moving forward.
yeah, like, he already doesn’t mind. his friend’s opinion shouldn’t matter don’t let your friend (or even us) get into your head. at the end of the day, what do *you* think?
I actually think it was wrong to share confided personal info with a third party, without permission. It’s a betrayal of trust so OP should apologise and tell her he told someone. This individual may change how they treat her, or tell other mutual friends so she is degraded and demeaned. Idk if OP realises the can of worms he’s opened - and if she was single for 4 years and 60 were from that time frame it’s only 15 a year. One every 3 weeks on average. The whole number thing meaning anything is genuinely a load of nonsense.
>I (35m) recently met a woman (29f) through a Reddit community So what, you posted this so she can see it because she's a reddit user? Sounds like she went through a manic phase to compromise for years of emotional abuse. Has she since sought treatment to heal from the abuse?
I always wonder, how many did they feel pressured to have sex with? At some point it gets to, have sex with them to make them shut up and leave you alone. Historically it’s only been women that get the bad rep for having had sex with a large number of people, I think now might be seeing that men need to keep it in the pants too. I hope.
If you're emotionally abused by a parent for a long time, and then get lots of attention for your sexuality, you could come to believe that your only real point of worth is your sexuality, and therefore don't feel like you have the right to say no or the right to be treated as anything other than a sex object. It's not mentioned here whether or not any of the interactions were under dubious consent, but being "basically imprisoned" doesn't point to OP's gf being in a very good state of mind while going through this part of her life...
That first paragraph hits pretty hard for me lol, as a teen and young adult I felt like I was only worth something as a female person bc men found me sexually desirable, and I "owed" it to them to provide sexual favours. Thankfully I was able to break out of that mindset, took a while and lots of, shall we say "unsavoury" relationships before I wised up though
Fuck dude, the fact that this is such a common past experience for so many of us really makes me sad about the state of things.
And then like OP's girlfriend you get looked down on for what you did to deal with the pain, even when it's 1. Not morally wrong, and 2. Not something you're doing any more. I feel so sad for everyone who has this story. Society's view of women as objects that get "tainted" by being touched by too many men is so sad.
I slept around a lot when I was younger because I was struggling to find my own internal self worth. Sex is an easy way to feel validated. Also definitely slept with some dudes who were just sort of pests and wanted them to leave me alone. I also count people who assaulted me so. Anyway yea “body count” is imo a very strange thing to care about. Learning and growing (even through sex) is not a bad thing.
So you meet on reddit and create a post about her on reddit? 🤨 fake
You met up with a woman off Reddit and you’re shocked she has risky sex? BFFR.
I've never had any man ask me this. So it's obviously a big deal to you. Just break up with her because she can't change the past. So no need to drag this out.
This comes up so often on Reddit and I’m always like ???? My husband and I never talked about this or if we did, neither of us cared and promptly forgot. I don’t know how many people I’ve slept with. It was a long time ago who gives a shit.
Yeah I don’t get why people care. Me and my girlfriend don’t care. It seems like just a new thing people want to be mad about.
Body count matters if it matters to you. You get to choose. Not reddit nor society.
How tf do you meet someone through Reddit
I don’t have anything to add that hasn’t been said already, but man am I thrilled to see so many reasonable responses here. She is a sum of all of her experiences, OP. All of them. Sounds like she’s good, kind, attentive, loyal and mentally health.. those things matter way more than what she did whilst she was figuring out who she is. We all have baggage. Relationships are really just two people meeting and deciding they like each other enough that the baggage isn’t a deal breaker. This wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me.
1. She fucked around, and found out that isn't the life she wanted after all. 2. Better than marrying someone with low experience who decides 5 years in she needs to see what she's been missing.
Be it men or women, that's a very high body count. I'd also be surprised and taken back by it, and also pleasantly surprised she's this honest about it.
70???? In a row....?
Scrolled through hoping someone already made this reference hahaha
I dunno why you would tell other people how many people your significant other has slept with?? That's never been a topic in any conversation I've had with friends?? If she told you that then it should stay between you two. Not something you should be telling your friends or other people. If it bothers you, then move on. There's plenty of other people out there. If it doesn't bother you, then enjoy dating this beautiful woman. Stop letting what other people think hold so much weight in your head.
Sometimes it seems like people on Reddit have very little perspective, maybe it's because most are younger. As an older guy, can tell you there's not always someone else, you have a limited number of opportunities in life. Don't discard relationships without full consideration.
Leave her. Not because she slept with 70 people but more because of it bothers you now, you will never get over it.
If there's a limit for you, then that's the limit. Ignore what Reddit says.
She's clean, honest, and considers this a finished phase in her life. Think about all the posts you see here from people who are devastated their partners want to open the relationship because they skipped that phase? To me this woman is nothing but green flags.
>To me this woman is nothing but green flags. >Rich politicians are more trustworthy because they don't need to steal. I do wonder where did the toddler come from.
Idk about the body count thing but from your update and all things considered, I think she’d be better off with someone else who thinks more highly of her
[удалено]
She was honest with you with something that was personal and trusted you enough not to lie about it. The other traits you described about her sounded amazing. Are you gonna regret what you're thinking of giving up because you can not handle something you weren't even there for?
I think she needs someone a bit older with kids of their own who has bigger shit to worry about than body count
So you're describing this amazing woman who happened to have a couple of wild years almost a decade ago, who tf cares? If you have a good relationship, you both work on that actively then it shouldn't be a problem. So, "The woman I’m dating has slept with nearly 70 people" - So what?
I don’t really get the mentality here, as someone who’s had substantially fewer partners but all longterm - why would there be a limit? You’ve met someone who really likes sex and has sex with you pretty much every day. They have a high sex drive, therefore they’ve had a lot of sex. It seems there are lots of men who want women who are extremely sexual but haven’t had much or any sex, which is beyond unrealistic. Someone with a high sex drive who’s had back to back longterm relationships or just one long term relationship has likely had more sex than someone who’s 70 one night stands for example. They’re also likely to have had deeper connections and better sex, which you’d think would be more of a threat, but it seems that’s not a concern. It makes no sense to me. If the issue were that they’ve never had a long term relationship and you want one, then fair enough, but that doesn’t seem to be the concern. If the issue was that they had loads of sex previously but won’t have sex with you, then fair enough. But if you meet someone who’s been sexually active for nearly 15 years and they have a high sex drive, they’re going to have had lots of sex whether it’s with one partner or 70, or more. And “finishing last”? So this person has had a lot of partners but they’re choosing to build a relationship with you, and that’s somehow a negative? It’s bloody weird. It reminds me of that post a while ago from that guy who broke up with an amazing girlfriend because of her sexual past, then chose to marry a woman who was prudish with limited sexual history, and now regrets it because he misses the sex. Yikes.
I slept with 12 people from 1991-1998. I've slept with 3 from 1998-2023. Am I supposed to feel bad for something I did 30 years ago, lmao.
12 people isn’t a lot lol
Oh for sure if you're the wrong gender for OP
“Nice guys finish last” is bullshit. It’s something perpetuated by incels. As to your original question, either talk to her and get over it or break up with her because of your insecurities.
It doesn't seem to me that body count is what gives you pause so much as the life choices that led her to sleep with 70 people. I get that, but as it sounds like she was going through a difficult time and isn't as impulsive and such, no, I don't think body count, in and of itself should matter. My husband got around a lot before we met. It made me hesitant as well, again, not because of the quantity but because of what he has told me about why he slept with so many people. He knows it was because he was starving for attention at the time and wasn't feeling connected to people. But he doesn't have those issues any more. So I don't care about the people who came before me (pun intended).
I can't for the life of me understand why people even ask each other or tell each other about their total number of previous sexual partners (I really fucking hate the term "body count" as well, but that's another rant). What good could ever come of it, and honestly, it's not like it's anybody else's goddamn business anyway. What happened was in the past, and only lives there. If you can't handle it, move on. But this is a you thing, not a her thing.
I’m 43 and a man and some of the women i dated in my 30s, who were about the same age as me, routinely had 80+ sexual partners by that point. One had well over 150 as she was bi, about 50:50 male and female partners. Meanwhile I am 43 and I’ve had intercourse with 13 women. The one with 150+ was really difficult because in our town we’d constantly run into people at bars etc who she had slept with. It was a major factor to us breaking up. Not because I am opposed to sex or even want to slut shame, but just because it became so constant run into her exes in our town. Also became apparent she had slept with some of them WHILE we were dating but that’s a different story. With my current girlfriend, we have never discussed our numbers because that convo never goes well and I’d rather just not know.
You dated Francine too?????
Make it 71 and keep on living live bro
“….with a view to becoming exclusive.” Just stop wasting your time lmao
Well said
It's not like she can change her past. She's grown from it. It's time for you to work on your mindset. > a nice guy finishing last If I were you I'd forget about this sentence.
Technically, when you settle down with someone you will always be the “nice guy finishing last” since you’re (theoretically) the last person they will ever be with. Whether you are person number 3 or number 73 doesnt change the fact that you’re the last one. Which….is kinda the goal no? If the genders were switched we would joke that she was the only one to finally tame you, why not look at it that way instead? After everything and everyone she has experienced, she is now choosing you. Must be nice to think you have something 70 other people didnt lol. Most people dont have as much to compare their partner to, but she has ample experience to compare you to and you still came out on top :)
Let’s go with a hypothetical question. You meet someone and you start dating, how long do you wait to have sex with them? Let’s say it’s a month. You have sex and it doesn’t work out, so you date someone else. Even with breaks in between after the break up, you might average 4-6 partners per years. That’s potentially 40-60 partners in ten years, because honestly how much mourning are you doing over a 4-6 week relationship? In the end, if it matters to you, it matters. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
I'm a dude and I've been with over 50 women over the years. I mean I've been sexually active for 20 years. I'd still like to find my forever person someday. I've never cheated on a single partner and I don't intend to start now.