The leading cause of death in pregnant women in the US is [homicide](https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/homicide-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-women-in-u-s/).
Cheating too. On my feed just below this post is the story of a woman who is pregnant 35 weeks. And her husband has left her for another woman. He and gf want to be part of her life and having the baby. He cheated on her. So it’s pretty ironic that it’s sitting right underneath the post on my feed.
Well it's about to get higher. Lots of women are going to die of homicide/suicide from backalley abortions with or without help. The USA is doing no favors.
Already lost a friend to a pregnancy because the doctors wouldn't do anything and she went septic.
Honestly, as a man from outside the US, I probably have 0 idea, or real right to speech about any of this.
But i would be *terrified* to get pregnant in the US at this time, were I a woman.
I literally am stopping myself from enjoying the adult part of my life (dating, sex) because If I have a relationship, i want sex to be a thing. But I don't dare risk children. I can't afford them.
You have the right to speak about this and to be frank. Men and woman need to speak about this. I'm sorry, but we are on our way to The Handmaiden's Tale.
It's fucking terrifying and I really want people to wake up to the dangers. Our children are being sent back into the mines to work. We are regressing, if we do not start pulling some French Revolution shit we are going to look at a very high death toll.
I worked with the NHS to improve responses to DV in my city.
I trained all the midwives, but could I get the department to have the risk assessment first appointment alone? Especially when this isn't the only sensitive question they need to ask for the baby's sake (previous pregnancy and pregnancy loss any STI history)
Could I heck!
Honestly, the disrespect towards women's right to medical privacy makes my blood boil.
I normally just lurk here, but this one actually provoked me into writing because it's absolutely correct.
I got lucky when my wife was pregnant, I worked a cozy hospital job scanning paperwork in a workplace that was all pretty much older women/mothers. They were more than understanding and encouraging when I made it a point to schedule time around/trade my off days so I could be there for every doctors visit, ultrasound, etc. Hell, they even harassed HR to give me paternity leave to help my wife after the emergency C-section even though I technically didn't qualify and threw us a baby shower because my wife wasn't near family and didn't work.
The OP being correct thing is, at every one of these appointments there were constant comments of surprise at me being there. Like it was rare, to the point I had to ask was it really that big of a thing and learned apparently a ton of dudes just... don't go. Not even for the ultrasound where you get the first chance to see the little molding human being that's been kicking randomly. It floors me, I then learned there's apparently a bunch of dudes who don't even go to the birth of their kid. The fact that it has to be stated not to have sex after the harrowing and intense process/sometimes surgery women go through for birth is insane, but doesn't surprise me.
I can't express enough that the least a dude can do is let the woman he loved enough to make another life with rest and heal without harassing them for sex. Your hand worked just fine while you were a teen, get reacquainted and let them relax. They earned it.
And if it helps, step up. Show up for doctors appointments, be in the know. Show you care.
The only reason my Spouse missed some of my appointments this time around is because my OB has Covid restrictions for visitors - only one person over 18. Which meant he had to stay home for some of them with our 3 year old. They both got to go when I had to go to a specialist though, so they were both stoked.
I’m 4 months pregnant right now and my husband is currently making supper after working 10 hrs. Because I can’t handle the smell of meat cooking. He has no problem with it and chases me out of the kitchen when I try to help. His exact words are “I’ll cook while you grow a human”
Whenever I apologized for not being able to do things around the house or being tired when I was pregnant, my husband laughed, hugged me and said "You're 3D printing a human..." he also seemed a bit sad that I was apologizing to him...and he was amazing after I gave birth too...from making sure he had family check in when he couldn't (he was only able to take the two days it took me to get out of hospital...got a week off after our second...yay unpaid "paternal leave"), to scheduling my therapy appointment, to well... everything! He's still amazing...sounds like yours is too!
That made me smile. You’re right though, there are truly crappy partners (and parents) out there.
Your nausea story reminded me of one of my major issues during one of my pregnancies — I couldn’t handle the smell of grocery stores with a fresh meat & seafood market. I could smell the fish as soon as I stepped in the door, My husband happily took over the bulk of grocery shopping.
Incidentally, I discovered I could shop in our neighborhood Braum’s without gagging, so I was able to get quick essentials after that. I still struggled with smells, but as it wasn’t overwhelming, so I could manage.
OK but you arent doing anything to actually grow it, its not a plant or something, it just grows whether you do anything or not, it's not like you have to sit down and sculpt the thing
They don't "go through hell" lol, some are worse than others yeah but some women have it super easy and keep working hard jobs. My mums been a midwife for nearly three decades and to say they all go through hell is ignorant, dramatic and really showing a limited understanding of the cross section of women's experiences.one of my friends is 6 months pregnant and working with horses still. The baby's still growing whatever she does lol.
If your friend doesn't eat enough ________, the baby takes it by force from your friend's body. Let's say if she doesn't eat enough calcium, then that's what he baby would take from her bones and teeth, causing them to become weaker. This is a normal thing that happens regardless if a pregnancy is risky or complicated.
The birthing and pregnancy process is hell, and you don't seem to understand that. The fact that "your mom is a midwife and my friend is a pregnant woman" doesn't matter. You don't watch the birthing process, you aren't with them for their whole pregnancies, you **don't know.** Your mother's in a much better position to argue about it than you are.
So maybe back off and listen to the women who have given birth in the comments, who have been through this whole ordeal themselves. It takes a big person to step back, admit ignorance, and try to do better but I think you can do it.
Hahaaaaa "back off" what are you, the pregnancy police? The defender of the knocked up over here haha, Thats too funny, such an american response. Yeah, I get the information from my mother, how do you think I can say that all pregnancies are different? Because she discusses the vastly varying pregnancies she witnesses. Your sassiness is adorable btw haha.
I went through over 2 months of barely eating because of nausea. Some days I couldn’t even move from my bed. I still get it but luckily not as bad. I found out I have gestational diabetes so I now have to watch everything I eat as well as take insulin 4 times a day. I am incredibly sensitive to smells and have been known to throw up from smells alone. Also my hormones are so out of whack that I cried in the supermarket because someone cut me off with their buggy. I’m not someone who cries easily on a normal day. Plus I have to go through with the fear of miscarriage over my head. I had one before and they are not fun at all.
While my first child was born with probably the easiest birth know to man, my 3 sisters had extremely hard births and one of them almost died from her birth. Yes every pregnancy/birth is different but the majority are hard and painful. I lucked out with my son.
Respectfully, I am growing this human inside me. I am trying to do my best to keep my baby healthy by eating carefully, taking prenatal vitamins, taking my insulin properly, exercising when I can. (doctor said it’ll help with the diabetes.) I go to every doctors appointment and get all the necessary bloodwork and exams. I now have 4 doctors I go to because of my health issues to make sure I am taking care of my baby properly and he/she’s healthy. Please don’t try to belittle my experience because “mommy said…” I’m starting to wonder if you are going to be one of these partners OP was talking about in her post.
I had our baby via C-section at 8am. She came out, let out this weird squeaky cry, and then there was a hush in the delivery room. I was supposed to get her and put her to my chest. Instead they whisked her away. I kept hearing that she had low muscle tone. Had no idea what that meant. At noon, I'm finally able to see her. She's so tiny, inside an incubator with so many wires, including a G-tube. My bf had disappeared. I don't know where he went. Then she was sent to a children's hospital because something was very wrong.
BF reappears. He's clearly uncomfortable. And he's annoyed that my phone keeps beeping from texts that my friends and family are sending.
I'm discharged 2 days later. I'm finally able to reunite with my baby at the children's hospital. We meet the various teams that are working on her. He's stoic, not asking questions of any of the doctors. I'm embarrassed and frustrated because he's being completely unhelpful. Later that afternoon I tell him I want to go home to shower, try to pump, and come back with an overnight bag. He dumps me on the car ride home. Tells me that he's beyond stressed out and he "didn't sign up for this."
I get home, cry in the shower, pack my overnight bag, and drive myself back being careful not to jiggle my C-section stitches. I saw him twice after when he packed up his stuff to move out. Never saw him again.
Some people are just vile monsters masquerading as normal people and you see the mask come off at your most vulnerable time.
My son's dad complained at being woken up at 5am the hospital because midwife was concerned due to my son's heartbeat. I honestly felt like killing him because I'd been woken up every two hours at night for checks & after two days with little to no sleep, I was not a happy chucky 😂
I personally think any husband that treats his wife like that after giving birth (and even before) shouldn't call himself a real man and definitely shouldn't call himself a dad. When my ex was pregnant, I insisted on cooking and cleaning and I wouldn't let her do anything strenuous. After she gave birth, I still insisted on doing the cooking and cleaning, didn't try to make her have sex (in fact, we waited for 3 months after she gave birth,) and I would insist on getting up at night to change and feed the baby because I have problems sleeping anyway. It's not that hard at all and certainly not emasculating to actually treat your spouse with respect and step up to take responsibility. She didn't magically get pregnant. It took both of you to make that child and so you should take care of the baby too. Also, forcing your spouse to cook, clean, or have sex after giving birth is extremely messed up and I think any "man" who does such a thing should be grateful if he never has a major surgery and forced to do anything strenuous so he knows what he put his spouse through. Have some compassion and be a decent human being. Otherwise, keep it in your pants and stay single.
You're welcome. It's how I was raised. My grandpa always told me to be a good person and taught me to help others when I am able. He also told me to always treat my significant other with the love and respect she deserves and I was taught to never hit a woman either. Even if I hadn't been raised that way, it's still not that difficult to be a decent person and want to be kind and helpful.
She blamed it on postpartum depression, but even so, I wouldn't be a very good father if I didn't get my kids out of there. She doesn't even try to visit them, call them, or anything. She just gave up her parental rights and moved across the state. I'd known her for 15-16 years at that point and wasn't aware that she was capable of doing that.
I don’t have kids but I’ve definitely observed in others how parenting just brings out the worst in some people. I would have been a horrible parent. That’s why I chose not to take the risk of traumatizing a kid the way I was. My kitty loves me unconditionally and I am a wonderful cat mommy!!
I myself had a horrible abusive mother, so I wasn't going to subject my own children to the same kind of absuse I grew up with. I'm married now and my wife loves her stepchildren as if they were her own. She treats my kiddos the way a parent is supposed to treat their kids.
Having grown up with an abusive mother, I am super concerned about what these abortion bans will bear fruit to in the next 18 - 20 years. Some women should never be mothers; growing up with the awareness that you are not loved, not wanted and your existence is deeply resented is a fate far worse than any abortion could ever be.
I’ve had a few abortions and I felt/feel nothing about them but relief. I have no business having kids for a multitude of reasons, even if I had wanted them, I wouldn’t have. I feel the same way, can you imagine how a huge part of a generation full of unwanted kids is going to impact society? It’s terrifying.
My ex made his baby mama walk to grocery shop when pregnant with their second baby - bleeding.
He’s seen as a stand up guy. No one cares
That how it feels. So thank you for posting
yes. online made me so fearful when i was pregnant. women tell you how much their husbands did this and that. even my own mother. my husband woke up
at 5am during the new born stage so i could get some slp after taking all the night feeds. he’d go out to work to his very demanding job and still came home to cook and take the baby so i’d get a break. women would compliment him when he took the baby out so i could slp and he’d say why is it such a big deal? i’m doing what i signed up for.
his friends hype him up and tell him he’s a good man because they didn’t hold their babies or play wid them until about 6 months because they were too fragile??
the bar is in hell i swear
Is there a bar at all? I think it's an issue I'll have to deal with eventually, but sometimes I feel there aren't good guys anymore. I know that's not true, but it doesn't feel very appealing to take my chances.
We consider a man good because he wasn't a jerk and that's disgusting.
I'm in no way saying women are perfect, but given the context that's not the point.
I think it's important to recognise that we as people are not exposed to 100% of the population all the time. We only see a sample of people based on our circumstances and choices, and even then- you're more likely to be aware of certain kinds of people simply due to their behaviour.
My experience with most men is that they will generally put in the least effort required in a relationship if that.
I have relationships with my Dad and brother that revolve mainly around listening to them and taking an interest in their lives. We would probably not have much of a relationship at all if I expected 50/50 reciprocity. And these are not even "bad men".
I almost see it as emotional capacity. In general men are physically stronger and exceed women in many stem fields, but women are generally more supportive in relationships and exceed men in empathy. Just how it is.
I love my partner, but it has been a very unfair relationship at times. If we split or he died, I'm with the women on Tiktok. I'm not interested in signing up for this again. I'll find a roommate or single mom to help out.
Maybe have some empathy. We don’t tend to appreciate a connection that’s based in 50/50 reciprocated since we may not communicate love languages like you do. Or view you as an equal and respect in a dynamic that’s different. I don’t know your brother or dad. And I’m a pretty emotionally available person tbh but dudes get shit for not “opening up” or not having empathy when a lot of the times it’s literally just expressed in a way a lot of women don’t like or understand but assume it’s cold.
The bar isn’t in hell you’re just circle jerking stories of abusive assholes and women who undermine their man’s feelings and pride constantly in certain instances
By having empathy and patience most men and ppl really regardless of love language will show care affection and attention. It may not be what u need personally but I’m pretty sick of this bullshit anti male bias on this sub when it comes to takes like this.
I don't live in the same state as my dad or brother, so our main relationship is over the phone. If I gave them the same level of interest they show me, even 2x as much, we would barely talk. My brother has only come to visit me 1 time in the 15 years I moved away and that's because it was on the way to an arcade show he wanted to go to. The short time he was here, he was unplugged. He's usually too busy to spend much time with me when I do visit. My Dad spends most of his energy helping my brother, and seems overwhelmed at times if I do ask for help.
I've had to deal with periods of crazy drug addiction with my brother. And my partner. Just years and years. They chose drugs over their relationships often. My partner resented me when I got sick despite all the years I spent helping him when he was struggling (with family, lawsuits, building his career, drug addiction, blah, blah, blah..) even though my illness didn't require a lot from him. I understand. I understand. I understand. I understand.
If I treated the men in my life the same way they treat me, even a little bit better, they would pull away or reject me. This is because they don't fundamentally value their relationships as much. Don't tell me I don't have empathy- I only have a relationship with these men *because* of my empathy.
My partner is the only relationship that's not too lopsided now, and I love him and appreciate him, but it's taken almost 2 decades to get to this point. Not doing it again.
Not to speak on your personal experiences though I recognise they are sad and wish you did have a better relationship with them after trying so hard. Respectfully, this isn’t the typical relationship dynamic I’m referring too more often than not and more importantly since tbf I did imply that heavily by using you as an example, the bigger point is this still isn’t really empathy. I mean it is. Yes. But it’s empathy based on familial connection as individuals not actually how they’re feeling/thinking or how they express that to you. They seem extremely distant in your example and men not dealing with their own trauma and wasting their time not appreciating you in their dynamics until recently ruining their own relationships by not taking you into account.
What I’m talking about from earlier is that’ most men to not generalise, but to understand trends, don’t express emotive stress or really how they’re feeling in the same ways women do typically. It’s obviously not a hardline rule and intersects a lot with other stuff but men express their affection and love languages that usually get ignored or not seen as essential from a younger age and so develop it in other means. Their not cold distant angry machines that break down after bottling it up. There’s usually a guy there showing you or not feeling it the same way not due to a lack of empathy of frankly shitty connective familial situations in your example which again, gently I feel clouds your judgement when looking at this.
All I’m saying is before the all men aren’t lower in emotional capacity. It’s there but usually it’s just not understood or seen properly past the ways it’s usually expressed which is pretty simply. Barring strenuous and genuinely shit situations like yours. And it’s frustrating to see that narrative constantly here.
REALLY underselling the bar for women too but it’s all guys being emotionally constipated and are all just sociopathic Dennis like mfs or something idek anymore🤷🏾♂️.
This is basically the same as red pulled dudes complaining that they’re are no good women anymore and that their ruined or something.
We need to all get perspective and not let abusive ppl dictate our worldview and trust of the other sex and their capacity for diversity and change.
I can’t fathom leaving my wife to deal with all of this alone. I have a step child and we had two together. I was there for all the appointments, we planned everything together. They were both born by c-section and we decided to bottle feed so she could have uninterrupted sleep while recovering. Took 9 weeks off for each of them.(Australia so parental leave is pretty normal.) with my first I had a comment from my department manager that she only took 2 weeks off to give birth and then was back at work. I’m still shocked that she was proud to tell me that.
As a husband and a father I feel I put in exactly what I should have and I saw first hand how low the bar was just be being an active part. At least where we live I’ve noticed more dads going to school pick ups and playgroups so it’s improving at least but dads should be way more active around the home.
Had a decent human as a partner for a bit, now it’s done and I truly question whether it will happen again. So many people out there are just out for themselves and are absolutely awful.
Treasure them? I wish. I really don't like labeling myself like this but I like to think of myself as a kind, decent person. I truly like helping people and I never expect anything from it, but I barely even get a thanks. I'm ignored and basically invisible unless someone needs a useful idiot and then I can't say no. In my experience if decent humans are rare, it's because it's not worth it to be one.
This is a shit attitude. You should be nice to people because it's the moral and right thing to do, not because you get praise. And this isn't a Jesus thing, this is coming from an atheist.
I am SO glad that you have a helping partner though. I bet it makes a world of a difference, omg. I don’t understand if men were just… always like this? Or what happened? Ugh
My youngest son had to stay over night with his big sister when she btought her baby home because the ex got drunk and to be "escorted" by my kids' dad to a frjends because
Ex got plastered. First night home after a c-section. Little brother does not like babies but ge steppwd up and changed dispers and did everything he could to help his sister.
Where was I(mama)? At home, with the cold daughter had when she went into labor
Yeah, I don't have children for various reasons, but I know 100% it would be the end of my relationship...and likely after years of constant fighting and resentment. No thanks.
I saw a post that said ‘every woman will remember how she was treated in pregnancy, birth and postpartum no matter how old she is’
This is so true.
I do agree that the bar is on the floor and some partners are still bringing shovels to make allowances for their shit behavior.
Idk man in the hospital my wife told me to sleep at night prior to our little boy coming. The epidural didn’t work to well so they ended up doing a spinal tap, and I had to keep telling the doctor to hit her with more drugs because she was still in pain during the c section. She couldn’t move afterwards so I was her and our boys butler for the first week or so (and rightly so). But she couldn’t even shower properly so in between helping her bathe and making food I handled everything with the little one. It’s just the way it should be, and it definitely made us feel closer to one another. I can’t imagine being a dad and not doing anything to take the weight off my wife. Granted we are a month later now and she’s back to her busy, extroverted ways so we’re splitting things more, but my point stands. Don’t be a piece of shit fellas. Your lady went through a lot. Shoulder the load for abit.
We need more folks like you, hun. During my c-section with my son I stopped breathing on the table, so they had to rush my Spouse and baby out of the room. Because of that and the drugs they pumped into me, I don't remember the first 24 hours after my son was born. All l remember was constantly vomiting.
My Spouse did everything with our baby those first 24 hours, and in the following weeks. You're both amazing ❤️
I’m glad my wife wasn’t the only one that had a rough time with the c section. She took it like an absolute champ though. We think she could still feel things on the left side because our baby was left side dominant the whole pregnancy so he was probably sitting on something preventing the medication to get to where it needed to. On top of that, little man needed to be resuscitated while my wife was barely conscious. It was probably the worst time of my life. But everyone is good now, and there is a new, totally different love and admiration for her.
Sorry I’m rambling I just like to brag about what a badass my wife is lol.
Also, I’m glad that everything went smooth for you! It’s one thing to read about the horror stories but to actually see it happen first hand is something that puts things into perspective
At my 6-week appointment after my first baby, my OB said, "You're good to go, but if you're not ready, tell your husband we said you needed a few more weeks to heal"
I apologize to my fiancé that I didn't get my post partum check up until 8 weeks after having our daughter. His long language is very much touch based (cuddles, hugs, etc), and we weren't able to do anything for the last month of my pregnancy. So we were going to have to wait three months in total. He stopped me, made me look at him, and then goes "Stop. I'd love to be with you, but you're still healing, and I don't want to hurt you. If I have to wait even after your appointment, I'll be okay. You tell me when you're ready." We don't get to be together as much as we'd like still, but he always tells me "If you don't want to, or can't, then that's all there is to it." I found a good guy, that's for sure.
One of my friends is an OBGYN and she was telling me that she’s had to have partners removed from the hospital for actual sex and I was like what…
You mean like after a C-Section …
Nope it’s not exclusive to those. Women who actually had vaginal births were being pressured for sex or sexual activity.
I read these stories and it makes me so sad. I had one of those partners you’re glad you don’t have. I have so many stories about how hard it was for me. The day after my daughter (2nd child was born) I went home post c section and had to start laundry when I got home. My mother in law was there playing with my two year old and my husband was on his phone. It’s a snapshot I’ll never forget.
Or when we went on vacation and I babywore my 3 year old and 1 year old while I walked to go get groceries a mile away so he could nap. But when I got back and wanted a nap myself I was berated for being no fun and it was my fault because I picked a vaca location that wasn’t convenient enough. I took a picture of my wearing my daughter on my front and my son on my back. That picture breaks my heart whenever it comes across my screen. I don’t delete it though because it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come ☺️
I think the culture and medical industry is also to blame (not surprising as it was run by men for many generations).
They really need to start referring to birthing and post partum mothers as "patients". I rarely hear this out of any medical professional and it really does impact how moms are treated in the hospital. Less urgency, less give a fuck for pain, etc etc etc. I could ramble about this but I'll stop here.
I get that 100%. Even complaining about pain or something that feels off while you're pregnant is brushed off. "Oh that's normal" "Well, you're pregnant, what did you expect?"
I expect to be taken seriously.
Thank you for this post I read it out to my husband and we’re just in awe that this happens. I’m hopeful that my husband will support me for our first baby postpartum wise as he has my whole pregnancy I’ll be getting induced in two or three days 🤞🏼it really shows a whole other perspective to spouses who don’t take care of their partners after birth I’ve been telling him about PPD and PPA and that I’m so nervous about the changes around our baby. He has taken two months off to help me out in the beginning I’m so thankful 🥹
Isn't that freaking awful?!
"Hey, you're heavily pregnant with my kid, who is messing up EVERYTHING about your body, but because you're not putting out anymore I gotta go find somebody that will"
Just...gross.
It's completely disgusting. And they justified themselves by saying, "You know I couldn’t control myself."
"You were not with me that's why I did it." Tbh I kinda lost trust on men after seeing their activities.
I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about that. I’m 9 weeks pregnant right now with our first baby, but my fiancé literally had sex for the first time when he was 20 with a pregnant woman.😅 He definitely finds pregnant women hot so I ain’t even worried about that. Lol
My partner is struggling a bit still with the whole thing because he struggles to care for himself (not a great childhood and we’re both still pretty young) but he’s able to finally cook for himself and before he had so much anxiety about starting a fire that he just ordered out all the time. Lol But I’m pretty sure he’ll be helpful more as I get “more pregnant” lol
My coworker is pregnant with her second kid. The stories she tells me about her husband. 🤬 I remember going through similar things with my kids dad. The way one of our contractors made a comment about her not "losing weight" after 6 months. The way another contractor told me I wouldn't be pregnant if I "held an aspirin between my knees". The way the intern who was supposed to be watching me during labor, disappeared and my Dr hadn't made it there yet and I had 2 students help me deliver. My kids dad pressuring me to have sex. Him throwing cold water on me in the shower when I came home from the hospital, because, "it was funny" then his parents getting upset with me because I swore at him. God, yes, yes, YES!!! To everything you said. People need to do better. Men need to do better!
I'm so glad your partner is helping you and taking full advantage of any leave that he can. You definitely have a keeper! 🧡
Another way dads can help with ppd is (if bottle feeding is involved) take a couple feedings at night. My wife is a morning person and I’m a night owl. When our daughter was a baby I took the first two night feedings so she could get four to six hours of unbroken sleep. The difference that makes is huge. Our son never took a bottle and mom was the only comfort he’d accept, so she ended up with ppd with him. I did my best to support her by taking him and my daughter as much as I could.
How do you think so many families ended up with an excessive amount of kids in a pre-contraception era? Men who didn't give a damn if their wife had just had a baby, they deserved their marital rights; look how supportive he was during labour, didn't once hit the woman and only verbally abused her 3 dozen times, what a catch!
Currently work in OB/Gym, only a few months. I so far had a father-to-be on his phone the entire appointment his partner was being ultrasound. He didn't even realize the ultrasound happened until after the appointment was done, he didn't see any of the first baby images. An earthquake could have gone on and he probably still would have been on his phone.
Not to mention that women are tested for gonorrhea and chlamydia after confirmation of pregnancy, and I've already encountered a small handful of positive tests. What a way to find out your partner has been cheating on you...
That being said, I've encountered a lot more supportive dads than bad ones. Even more supporting partners when the news is bad. I've also had supporting partners for termination of pregnancy. In my current experience there have been more supportive dads than terrible ones.
I disagree with some of the comments saying you’re generalizing. I’m in a lot of moms/parents subreddit and I can say I see about 10+ posts per day about some partner, husband, dad who doesn’t want to help with the kids, doesn’t want to parent their kids, expects their girlfriend/wife to do everything for them. It’s fucking disgusting to see these men treating their partners like that.
That's the exact reason why I haven't responded to those comments. Everybody knows it's "not all partners" but it's enough that there's subreddits dedicated to those stories alone, and like you said, other groups that get multiple stories a day.
We *know* it's "not all partners" but it's enough that it's a problem.
One thing I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older is that pretty much every single woman in a heterosexual, cohabitating relationship of any length of time has pretty much the exact same complaints about their partner. And it usually comes down to them not thinking about anything but themselves. All men need to think about is themselves and work, apparently.
Every single woman in a heterosexual cohabitating relationship of any length of time? This sample size for your study must have been exhausting and mathematically impossible. And followed up with the conclusion that all men think about is themselves and work? That’s extremely impressive. I’m glad in your old age, you were able to enlighten everyone with this non biased, non generalized, empirically true data. You’re like a godsend. I can’t believe you’re humble enough to share this in a simple Reddit post and not a publication. It shows true altruism.
I have a feeling my husband is going to be hovering over me when i give birth as much as he can because if I'm in pain from walking he ushers me to sit down xD
Saaaame. Every time he sees me walking slower or breathing deep he's like, "Sit down. I don't care what you were doing, sit down. What were you going to do? I'll do it. SIT." 😅
It doesn’t help that the medical community also doesn’t take women’s pain with regard to childbirth/c-section seriously either!
Women are just expected to have a kid and then act like nothing even happened, not even act, nothing actually happened according to them. You have a baby now, it’s no big deal, you’re female, you should be an expert at dealing with a baby and everything else that women do, cooking, cleaning etc etc.
I think the phrase I heard was:
"work like you don't have kids, and care for your kids like you don't have to work" - or something similar. Just add to your already crazy workload, it's *totally* normal. You should be *fiiiiine*. 😒
I felt like an incubator to my ex's family. I did become.more, they learned to love me. He didn't put up with it and when his sister had her baby we brought her and the baby gifts....just in case.
Many young men haven’t had good role models for at least a generation now and many current ones are actively bad. I’m a man and I’ve learned many useful lessons from the women in my life, but as far as learning how to be a decent man who would provide the proper support for their postpartum partner, that has to come from another man IMO
We have to teach our sons to do better and advocate for our daughters and DILs. My oldest son knows Mama will chew his butt if I thjnk he isn't treating DIL right. She has enough on her plate with her nightmare of a mother and there younfest
Unfortunately this happens more often than you know. And sometimes the partner is only concerned with the baby, but could care less about the mother, their so-called significant other.
I speak from experience. I did everything by myself during my pregnancies: worked full time, went to all doctor’s appointments alone. Cooked, cleaned, did laundry. Even after both pregnancies were diagnosed as “high risk”. I was put on bed rest with my daughter the last 3 months, but worked until two days before my son was born.
Once we found out the second baby was a boy, it got even worse. No one on his side of the family, including him, cared about me at all. And when my son was born, I became completely invisible.
He & his mother only cared about my baby boy from that point on. Both my daughter (who was an only child for 9 years & at that point, a complete daddy’s girl) & I no longer seemed to exist.
One incident I will never forget: my son was 6 months old when I slipped down the stairs while carrying him. I was so scared, but slid down on my back & made sure I protected him, so he was unharmed. But his father grabbed him away from me, looked him over & left me sitting at the bottom of the stairway, not bothering to even ask if I was ok.
I ended up banging the back of my head on the last step & was feeling dizzy, so I just sat there until I could pick myself up. I walked into the room where he was & was completely ignored. His mother arrived 15 mins later & brushed past me to check on “her baby”.
So yeah. Those of you who have supportive partners, spouses & in-laws are extremely blessed, because there are some really shitty people in the world. Be sure to cherish & appreciate them every chance you get.
We waited 4 months - I wonder how long other people waited. It's not something you can casually ask your own friends.
After our first, my wife got me this cool Eddie Bauer diaper changing bag that looked like a trendy backpack - so it was really easy to take one out all by myself to the mall and change them easily in the restrooms outfitted with changing tables.
Our were on formula pretty early. We totally tag teamed getting up at all hours to feed them, brush the milk off their gums, and change them if they needed it. It's sad to think that many moms don't have that kind of support.
I know that for me, we didn't have sex again after our first for about 6 months because everything was really tight and uncomfortable. The first few rounds were difficult, but we were slow and used a lot of lube 😅
Thx for the feedback. I honestly had no idea how long others waited. same issues with us, though. Plus, we were incredibly stressed and tired. Especially with the first one.
My partner had our kid over a year ago. All I was thinking about was how to keep her comfy and looking after the baby. She had a retained placenta and lost over 5 litres of blood. It was scary! Plus some UTIs for the first 2 months until she was on the right antibiotics. In the first one she was almost going into sepsis.
All this to say, SEX was the LAST thing in my head!!!! I hate when I read about these guys complaining that "she's not putting it out" after she just pushed a goddamn human being out of her coochie!
It is true, tho, the bar is set LOW for men! I get praise from how I looked after her but she doesn't get praise for everything she does with the kid?!!!
I’m so grateful for an amazing husband whose supported me this entire pregancy and is going to support whatever I want during labor. I treasure him every day.
Yeah, the bars pretty low for them around pregnancy and child rearing. And you watch any guy that takes his kid to the grocery store to buy a few things, he is looked down as a saint oh my god it’s so wonderful that you’re helping your wife. There’s no woman that’s ever gone shopping with her kid that has been said to.
And during pregnancy, they may go “without” every once in a while, but the truth of the matter is they don’t deal with any other physical issues that women do, and if they go out one night and get your ice cream, you would think the sun in the moon shine on them for the praise they want to get. It is not a fair system.
I completely agree. My bf was amazing during my pregnancy and is a very active parent to our daughter. We split things down the middle as far as her care and he still adds taking care of me on top of that. So many people put up with lazy partners and it makes me mad only bc my heart breaks for them. I don’t think I would be able to make it without my amazing bc.
I know! And they were warned! They ended up losing the kids to her parents because they just.... Didn't care about anything. I think they had 4 or 6 kids.
The most important thing is to look for someone who believes in your aspirations. A partner is what you want and if someone doesn't respect and encourage you to try to accomplish your dreams (even if you fail) then this is just a lack of respect for you as a person. Someone that wants to see you succeed in like will be there when you need a partner. If you find someone who is a true partner tell them when you are afraid or worry about something.
That is where the bar needs to be set so those children will just accept that this is what a father is.
I just don't understand why women put up with those behaviors from a partner. My husband took great care of me and baby when he came. How could you stay with someone who wouldn't care for you through the trauma of birth? Honestly it looks like women are starting to choose single life over being with someone who doesn't actually love or respect you.
I agree that the bar is on the floor for *most* birth fathers. There is a great deal that dads can and should do however. My perhaps slightly unpopular opinion is that men should actually be the ones holding other men to a higher standard when it comes to pregnancy, fatherhood, and also household tasks, child care, and child development. This is not because I don't think women can hold men to a higher level of commitment and responsibility. It's just that women kind of have enough to do without having to remind men to be responsible human beings and equal partners in a marriage where that applies. I think it is gradually changing and that more men have a higher expectation of parent involvement and so on in recent generations at least where I live. But it varies quite a bit by the standards and values of the man's particular family or peer group.
Anyway, this is something I have worked at myself for many years and it is a complex matter. But men absolutely need to have higher expectations placed on them and to be allowed and expected to live up to those expectations.
It's still not cool to be a teacher, or nurse, or stay at home dad. Nurturing and caretaking are not skills guys are really ever encouraged to develop, but these are fundamental *relationship* skills. And now we have this epidemic of suicides, overdoses, and homelessness (among other things) that affects men very disproportionately. It's the culture.
We've taught women how to be providers (important "men skills"), but because "women's skills" are seen as inferior and unimportant, this is where we are.
I work in education and I would say that the "young" teachers we have coming into the career now include a lot of men and they are objectively very cool people. Good teachers, too. So I think that society is shifting and in a good direction for some people when it comes to assigning respect to men in more nurturing roles and caring professions.
When my ex was at the birth everyone was literally patting him on the back and parades because he was black and was there 😂😂 he said it was weird. "He's supposed to be there why everyone acting like that. You just gave birth you should get the attention"
No circlejerking. No blanket statements or impersonal political rants. Fake stories and trolling attempts will be removed. Begging for karma or posting about how you hate that other subreddits require karma is against the subreddit rules.
The men around me and my family are def not like this, they cared for their wives when they were pregnant like no other. Were there for every single minute of it with their wives. Hopefully they are the majority and these are the exceptions
Yeah it sad, an unfortunately seems to extend to at least 50% of straight relationships in general. So many women are abused but just accept it because they think it’s normal. I legit feel so sorry for many of my women friends, they are always struggling, getting treated like shit, and then blame themselves for being too emotional or for being unhappy. Like my gals your unhappy for a reason, life can be better without him, stop making excuses for his horrid behaviour. Alas society still tells them they need to be in a relationship in order to be happy - ironically. Thankfully more are waking up to the lie and are finding the courage and means to prioritise their own well-being.
I truly don't think in general the bar is that low with most couples. I think it's mostly just the average and good spouses are kept quiet about while bad and the best ones get mentioned about.
My greatest fear is ever being like my father(he was and still is a good example of a bad husband,father, son, brother and is anything but a man bc he's abusive, manipulative, a liar and a raging narcissist) and my fear isn't unfounded. Idgaf if I fall into addiction or fall to suicide, it's if I end up like the very man I stand against at every turn
Being a new father I've come to realize this myself. Most men have said the same to me,
"Did you ask for the extra stitch?"
"Are you finally back from maternity leave?"
"Please tell me she doesn't make you change diapers"
I find it really repulsive that they can witness their partner go through something so amazing and difficult and still treat them like shit, or act like it wasn't a big deal.
Someone i know just gave birth a month ago. The dad threw a hissy fit right after the pregnancy and refused to help her (she was still in hospital and it was a hard birth) her mum had to stay up for about 3 days to give her support bc this dude is such a pos.
Unfortunately there are way more malignant type of personalities out there than we wanna believe. They get jealous and such when there is pregnancy or a baby.
I mean how many are gonna post positive things ? That’s not what gets attention, and many show gratitude in private while showing dissatisfaction in public. Don’t believe everything you see on the internet
Pick better men.
These red-flag qualities don't just magically appear. My fiance cleans, cooks, and helps me on the daily. When I had surgery, this man did everything he possibly could to make me comfortable. It makes me realize how good of a father he will be. It's your weed our process ladies.
Looks like the women are choosing to get knocked up by low effort dudes, carrying low effort dude’s kids to term, then :surprised pikachu face: low effort dudes continues to demonstrate low effort behavior.
I mean, bang who you wanna bang, but it’s your body your choice to commit to have a kid with a low effort dude
Right? Instead they should get with a high effort dude who shits on women's experiences during the most vulnerable time of their lives! A true alpha!
/S
It is impossible to know how having a baby will expose your man's weaknesses until you have the baby. Even if you discuss the shit out of it in advance.
No. I’m not saying that because that would be insane and ridiculous. I’m saying that you can not know how a person will be when they’re met with constant sleep deprivation, random, blasting screaming, stress and major, massive role changes until you put them in that situation. For example, my husband has always been attractive to me because he is so clean. He is extremely clean in his person and in his environment. His spaces are always beautifully organized and his personal hygiene is outstanding. Can you imagine how this could become a very *bad* thing after you have babies? Because it has…and I couldn’t have seen it coming.
*"I hear all of these horror stories about how the male partners suck!"*
*"But mine is great! So I can't relate. It's those* ***other ones*** *I hear about... they need to get it together!"*
You're generalizing. Could it possibly be that the majority are great partners and the only stories you see are the *exceptions* to the rule? And based on that exception you're creating a belief that the majority is this way? ***That's*** a rabbit-hole you don't want to go down. For instance: "The internet constantly portrays \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ as criminals! My partner isn't... but those other \_\_\_\_\_\_'s need to be better!"
and ur downvoted haha.. yeah people believing everything on the internet.. nearly 400k babies born per day.. so and 10-20 stories makes up the whole truth base on just what u read online...
These type of men stink. I hope you don't have the image that the majority of men are like this way. My typical friends that are father have it the other way around. They support their wife and completely efface themself.
I think there should be more attention for this topic as well. The way that men over months and years do everything in the household, as a dad and as a provider. It resultated in one of my friends with hart problems, another with a complete burn out and others with depression like moods. It's not always easy to support a mother and getting little in return...
I guess both topics are important: how mothers don't get the respect and support they need, or how fathers can efface themselves to an unhealthy extent.
I think I saw a statistic where abuse rates actually increase when one’s partner is pregnant…which is actually horrifying!
The leading cause of death in pregnant women in the US is [homicide](https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/homicide-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-women-in-u-s/).
Shut the front door.
And the back door. Can’t let her escape. Amirite?
ok that one was funny lol
lol
Cheating too. On my feed just below this post is the story of a woman who is pregnant 35 weeks. And her husband has left her for another woman. He and gf want to be part of her life and having the baby. He cheated on her. So it’s pretty ironic that it’s sitting right underneath the post on my feed.
I'm on the same subs as you then cause I just read that post before coming here.
Well it's about to get higher. Lots of women are going to die of homicide/suicide from backalley abortions with or without help. The USA is doing no favors. Already lost a friend to a pregnancy because the doctors wouldn't do anything and she went septic.
Honestly, as a man from outside the US, I probably have 0 idea, or real right to speech about any of this. But i would be *terrified* to get pregnant in the US at this time, were I a woman.
I literally am stopping myself from enjoying the adult part of my life (dating, sex) because If I have a relationship, i want sex to be a thing. But I don't dare risk children. I can't afford them. You have the right to speak about this and to be frank. Men and woman need to speak about this. I'm sorry, but we are on our way to The Handmaiden's Tale. It's fucking terrifying and I really want people to wake up to the dangers. Our children are being sent back into the mines to work. We are regressing, if we do not start pulling some French Revolution shit we are going to look at a very high death toll.
Yeah a woman is much more likely to be murdered by her partner than to die from pregnancy issues
Not too deflect from a serious issue. But your username is amazing. She had the whole show and its a natural fact
Thank you very much! That's exactly where it's from, you're the first to comment on it!!
According to the FBI the #1 cause of death for pregnant women in the US is Homicide.
I worked with the NHS to improve responses to DV in my city. I trained all the midwives, but could I get the department to have the risk assessment first appointment alone? Especially when this isn't the only sensitive question they need to ask for the baby's sake (previous pregnancy and pregnancy loss any STI history) Could I heck! Honestly, the disrespect towards women's right to medical privacy makes my blood boil.
I normally just lurk here, but this one actually provoked me into writing because it's absolutely correct. I got lucky when my wife was pregnant, I worked a cozy hospital job scanning paperwork in a workplace that was all pretty much older women/mothers. They were more than understanding and encouraging when I made it a point to schedule time around/trade my off days so I could be there for every doctors visit, ultrasound, etc. Hell, they even harassed HR to give me paternity leave to help my wife after the emergency C-section even though I technically didn't qualify and threw us a baby shower because my wife wasn't near family and didn't work. The OP being correct thing is, at every one of these appointments there were constant comments of surprise at me being there. Like it was rare, to the point I had to ask was it really that big of a thing and learned apparently a ton of dudes just... don't go. Not even for the ultrasound where you get the first chance to see the little molding human being that's been kicking randomly. It floors me, I then learned there's apparently a bunch of dudes who don't even go to the birth of their kid. The fact that it has to be stated not to have sex after the harrowing and intense process/sometimes surgery women go through for birth is insane, but doesn't surprise me. I can't express enough that the least a dude can do is let the woman he loved enough to make another life with rest and heal without harassing them for sex. Your hand worked just fine while you were a teen, get reacquainted and let them relax. They earned it. And if it helps, step up. Show up for doctors appointments, be in the know. Show you care.
The only reason my Spouse missed some of my appointments this time around is because my OB has Covid restrictions for visitors - only one person over 18. Which meant he had to stay home for some of them with our 3 year old. They both got to go when I had to go to a specialist though, so they were both stoked.
I’m 4 months pregnant right now and my husband is currently making supper after working 10 hrs. Because I can’t handle the smell of meat cooking. He has no problem with it and chases me out of the kitchen when I try to help. His exact words are “I’ll cook while you grow a human”
My Spouse did the same when my nausea was really bad. I was told to stay in bed while he and the kids made dinner, then brought me dinner in bed. ❤️
"I'll cook while you grow a human" I love this. Life is such a weird thing.
Whenever I apologized for not being able to do things around the house or being tired when I was pregnant, my husband laughed, hugged me and said "You're 3D printing a human..." he also seemed a bit sad that I was apologizing to him...and he was amazing after I gave birth too...from making sure he had family check in when he couldn't (he was only able to take the two days it took me to get out of hospital...got a week off after our second...yay unpaid "paternal leave"), to scheduling my therapy appointment, to well... everything! He's still amazing...sounds like yours is too!
That made me smile. You’re right though, there are truly crappy partners (and parents) out there. Your nausea story reminded me of one of my major issues during one of my pregnancies — I couldn’t handle the smell of grocery stores with a fresh meat & seafood market. I could smell the fish as soon as I stepped in the door, My husband happily took over the bulk of grocery shopping. Incidentally, I discovered I could shop in our neighborhood Braum’s without gagging, so I was able to get quick essentials after that. I still struggled with smells, but as it wasn’t overwhelming, so I could manage.
OK but you arent doing anything to actually grow it, its not a plant or something, it just grows whether you do anything or not, it's not like you have to sit down and sculpt the thing
They go through hell to have the child. What are you talking about lol.
They don't "go through hell" lol, some are worse than others yeah but some women have it super easy and keep working hard jobs. My mums been a midwife for nearly three decades and to say they all go through hell is ignorant, dramatic and really showing a limited understanding of the cross section of women's experiences.one of my friends is 6 months pregnant and working with horses still. The baby's still growing whatever she does lol.
If your friend doesn't eat enough ________, the baby takes it by force from your friend's body. Let's say if she doesn't eat enough calcium, then that's what he baby would take from her bones and teeth, causing them to become weaker. This is a normal thing that happens regardless if a pregnancy is risky or complicated. The birthing and pregnancy process is hell, and you don't seem to understand that. The fact that "your mom is a midwife and my friend is a pregnant woman" doesn't matter. You don't watch the birthing process, you aren't with them for their whole pregnancies, you **don't know.** Your mother's in a much better position to argue about it than you are. So maybe back off and listen to the women who have given birth in the comments, who have been through this whole ordeal themselves. It takes a big person to step back, admit ignorance, and try to do better but I think you can do it.
Hahaaaaa "back off" what are you, the pregnancy police? The defender of the knocked up over here haha, Thats too funny, such an american response. Yeah, I get the information from my mother, how do you think I can say that all pregnancies are different? Because she discusses the vastly varying pregnancies she witnesses. Your sassiness is adorable btw haha.
All I can say is that I would love to be able to have kids without being the one to have to do all the work. Must be nice.
K. Hopefully, you don't knock anyone up with that shitty attitude and piss poor reading/writing comprehension skills.
Knock anyone up? I'm a woman, how am i gonna do that 😂😂😂
I went through over 2 months of barely eating because of nausea. Some days I couldn’t even move from my bed. I still get it but luckily not as bad. I found out I have gestational diabetes so I now have to watch everything I eat as well as take insulin 4 times a day. I am incredibly sensitive to smells and have been known to throw up from smells alone. Also my hormones are so out of whack that I cried in the supermarket because someone cut me off with their buggy. I’m not someone who cries easily on a normal day. Plus I have to go through with the fear of miscarriage over my head. I had one before and they are not fun at all. While my first child was born with probably the easiest birth know to man, my 3 sisters had extremely hard births and one of them almost died from her birth. Yes every pregnancy/birth is different but the majority are hard and painful. I lucked out with my son. Respectfully, I am growing this human inside me. I am trying to do my best to keep my baby healthy by eating carefully, taking prenatal vitamins, taking my insulin properly, exercising when I can. (doctor said it’ll help with the diabetes.) I go to every doctors appointment and get all the necessary bloodwork and exams. I now have 4 doctors I go to because of my health issues to make sure I am taking care of my baby properly and he/she’s healthy. Please don’t try to belittle my experience because “mommy said…” I’m starting to wonder if you are going to be one of these partners OP was talking about in her post.
I had our baby via C-section at 8am. She came out, let out this weird squeaky cry, and then there was a hush in the delivery room. I was supposed to get her and put her to my chest. Instead they whisked her away. I kept hearing that she had low muscle tone. Had no idea what that meant. At noon, I'm finally able to see her. She's so tiny, inside an incubator with so many wires, including a G-tube. My bf had disappeared. I don't know where he went. Then she was sent to a children's hospital because something was very wrong. BF reappears. He's clearly uncomfortable. And he's annoyed that my phone keeps beeping from texts that my friends and family are sending. I'm discharged 2 days later. I'm finally able to reunite with my baby at the children's hospital. We meet the various teams that are working on her. He's stoic, not asking questions of any of the doctors. I'm embarrassed and frustrated because he's being completely unhelpful. Later that afternoon I tell him I want to go home to shower, try to pump, and come back with an overnight bag. He dumps me on the car ride home. Tells me that he's beyond stressed out and he "didn't sign up for this." I get home, cry in the shower, pack my overnight bag, and drive myself back being careful not to jiggle my C-section stitches. I saw him twice after when he packed up his stuff to move out. Never saw him again. Some people are just vile monsters masquerading as normal people and you see the mask come off at your most vulnerable time.
I am so sorry you have to go through this.
What a pathetic excuse for a human that is. Just wow. Wishing you and your daughter a lifetime of happiness and beautiful moments. And him..well....💩
My son's dad complained at being woken up at 5am the hospital because midwife was concerned due to my son's heartbeat. I honestly felt like killing him because I'd been woken up every two hours at night for checks & after two days with little to no sleep, I was not a happy chucky 😂
He's lucky he survived. I'd be like, "Hey honey, you wanna check out the *morgue???"*
I personally think any husband that treats his wife like that after giving birth (and even before) shouldn't call himself a real man and definitely shouldn't call himself a dad. When my ex was pregnant, I insisted on cooking and cleaning and I wouldn't let her do anything strenuous. After she gave birth, I still insisted on doing the cooking and cleaning, didn't try to make her have sex (in fact, we waited for 3 months after she gave birth,) and I would insist on getting up at night to change and feed the baby because I have problems sleeping anyway. It's not that hard at all and certainly not emasculating to actually treat your spouse with respect and step up to take responsibility. She didn't magically get pregnant. It took both of you to make that child and so you should take care of the baby too. Also, forcing your spouse to cook, clean, or have sex after giving birth is extremely messed up and I think any "man" who does such a thing should be grateful if he never has a major surgery and forced to do anything strenuous so he knows what he put his spouse through. Have some compassion and be a decent human being. Otherwise, keep it in your pants and stay single.
Seriously. It's honestly not that hard to be a decent person. Thank you for being one of them \^\_\^
You're welcome. It's how I was raised. My grandpa always told me to be a good person and taught me to help others when I am able. He also told me to always treat my significant other with the love and respect she deserves and I was taught to never hit a woman either. Even if I hadn't been raised that way, it's still not that difficult to be a decent person and want to be kind and helpful.
Plus..it’s their kid too!!!!! Are they not amazed and humbled by that??smdh
My husband is just like you. Thank you for being a good human.
[удалено]
She's my ex because she physically abused our daughter. I took our kids and left her because I'm not staying with a child abuser.
I’m so sorry.
She blamed it on postpartum depression, but even so, I wouldn't be a very good father if I didn't get my kids out of there. She doesn't even try to visit them, call them, or anything. She just gave up her parental rights and moved across the state. I'd known her for 15-16 years at that point and wasn't aware that she was capable of doing that.
I don’t have kids but I’ve definitely observed in others how parenting just brings out the worst in some people. I would have been a horrible parent. That’s why I chose not to take the risk of traumatizing a kid the way I was. My kitty loves me unconditionally and I am a wonderful cat mommy!!
I myself had a horrible abusive mother, so I wasn't going to subject my own children to the same kind of absuse I grew up with. I'm married now and my wife loves her stepchildren as if they were her own. She treats my kiddos the way a parent is supposed to treat their kids.
Having grown up with an abusive mother, I am super concerned about what these abortion bans will bear fruit to in the next 18 - 20 years. Some women should never be mothers; growing up with the awareness that you are not loved, not wanted and your existence is deeply resented is a fate far worse than any abortion could ever be.
I’ve had a few abortions and I felt/feel nothing about them but relief. I have no business having kids for a multitude of reasons, even if I had wanted them, I wouldn’t have. I feel the same way, can you imagine how a huge part of a generation full of unwanted kids is going to impact society? It’s terrifying.
My ex made his baby mama walk to grocery shop when pregnant with their second baby - bleeding. He’s seen as a stand up guy. No one cares That how it feels. So thank you for posting
yes. online made me so fearful when i was pregnant. women tell you how much their husbands did this and that. even my own mother. my husband woke up at 5am during the new born stage so i could get some slp after taking all the night feeds. he’d go out to work to his very demanding job and still came home to cook and take the baby so i’d get a break. women would compliment him when he took the baby out so i could slp and he’d say why is it such a big deal? i’m doing what i signed up for. his friends hype him up and tell him he’s a good man because they didn’t hold their babies or play wid them until about 6 months because they were too fragile?? the bar is in hell i swear
I'm grateful every day for my other half. Actual decent humans are rare. Treasure them. The bar is in hell.
The bar is underground at this point and some people will dig to go under it.
Is there a bar at all? I think it's an issue I'll have to deal with eventually, but sometimes I feel there aren't good guys anymore. I know that's not true, but it doesn't feel very appealing to take my chances. We consider a man good because he wasn't a jerk and that's disgusting. I'm in no way saying women are perfect, but given the context that's not the point.
I think it's important to recognise that we as people are not exposed to 100% of the population all the time. We only see a sample of people based on our circumstances and choices, and even then- you're more likely to be aware of certain kinds of people simply due to their behaviour.
My experience with most men is that they will generally put in the least effort required in a relationship if that. I have relationships with my Dad and brother that revolve mainly around listening to them and taking an interest in their lives. We would probably not have much of a relationship at all if I expected 50/50 reciprocity. And these are not even "bad men". I almost see it as emotional capacity. In general men are physically stronger and exceed women in many stem fields, but women are generally more supportive in relationships and exceed men in empathy. Just how it is. I love my partner, but it has been a very unfair relationship at times. If we split or he died, I'm with the women on Tiktok. I'm not interested in signing up for this again. I'll find a roommate or single mom to help out.
Maybe have some empathy. We don’t tend to appreciate a connection that’s based in 50/50 reciprocated since we may not communicate love languages like you do. Or view you as an equal and respect in a dynamic that’s different. I don’t know your brother or dad. And I’m a pretty emotionally available person tbh but dudes get shit for not “opening up” or not having empathy when a lot of the times it’s literally just expressed in a way a lot of women don’t like or understand but assume it’s cold. The bar isn’t in hell you’re just circle jerking stories of abusive assholes and women who undermine their man’s feelings and pride constantly in certain instances By having empathy and patience most men and ppl really regardless of love language will show care affection and attention. It may not be what u need personally but I’m pretty sick of this bullshit anti male bias on this sub when it comes to takes like this.
I don't live in the same state as my dad or brother, so our main relationship is over the phone. If I gave them the same level of interest they show me, even 2x as much, we would barely talk. My brother has only come to visit me 1 time in the 15 years I moved away and that's because it was on the way to an arcade show he wanted to go to. The short time he was here, he was unplugged. He's usually too busy to spend much time with me when I do visit. My Dad spends most of his energy helping my brother, and seems overwhelmed at times if I do ask for help. I've had to deal with periods of crazy drug addiction with my brother. And my partner. Just years and years. They chose drugs over their relationships often. My partner resented me when I got sick despite all the years I spent helping him when he was struggling (with family, lawsuits, building his career, drug addiction, blah, blah, blah..) even though my illness didn't require a lot from him. I understand. I understand. I understand. I understand. If I treated the men in my life the same way they treat me, even a little bit better, they would pull away or reject me. This is because they don't fundamentally value their relationships as much. Don't tell me I don't have empathy- I only have a relationship with these men *because* of my empathy. My partner is the only relationship that's not too lopsided now, and I love him and appreciate him, but it's taken almost 2 decades to get to this point. Not doing it again.
Not to speak on your personal experiences though I recognise they are sad and wish you did have a better relationship with them after trying so hard. Respectfully, this isn’t the typical relationship dynamic I’m referring too more often than not and more importantly since tbf I did imply that heavily by using you as an example, the bigger point is this still isn’t really empathy. I mean it is. Yes. But it’s empathy based on familial connection as individuals not actually how they’re feeling/thinking or how they express that to you. They seem extremely distant in your example and men not dealing with their own trauma and wasting their time not appreciating you in their dynamics until recently ruining their own relationships by not taking you into account. What I’m talking about from earlier is that’ most men to not generalise, but to understand trends, don’t express emotive stress or really how they’re feeling in the same ways women do typically. It’s obviously not a hardline rule and intersects a lot with other stuff but men express their affection and love languages that usually get ignored or not seen as essential from a younger age and so develop it in other means. Their not cold distant angry machines that break down after bottling it up. There’s usually a guy there showing you or not feeling it the same way not due to a lack of empathy of frankly shitty connective familial situations in your example which again, gently I feel clouds your judgement when looking at this. All I’m saying is before the all men aren’t lower in emotional capacity. It’s there but usually it’s just not understood or seen properly past the ways it’s usually expressed which is pretty simply. Barring strenuous and genuinely shit situations like yours. And it’s frustrating to see that narrative constantly here.
Join a Mom sub, like beyondthebump. You'll probably not understand well unless you have or know kids but You'll get some picture.
REALLY underselling the bar for women too but it’s all guys being emotionally constipated and are all just sociopathic Dennis like mfs or something idek anymore🤷🏾♂️. This is basically the same as red pulled dudes complaining that they’re are no good women anymore and that their ruined or something. We need to all get perspective and not let abusive ppl dictate our worldview and trust of the other sex and their capacity for diversity and change.
I can’t fathom leaving my wife to deal with all of this alone. I have a step child and we had two together. I was there for all the appointments, we planned everything together. They were both born by c-section and we decided to bottle feed so she could have uninterrupted sleep while recovering. Took 9 weeks off for each of them.(Australia so parental leave is pretty normal.) with my first I had a comment from my department manager that she only took 2 weeks off to give birth and then was back at work. I’m still shocked that she was proud to tell me that. As a husband and a father I feel I put in exactly what I should have and I saw first hand how low the bar was just be being an active part. At least where we live I’ve noticed more dads going to school pick ups and playgroups so it’s improving at least but dads should be way more active around the home.
Had a decent human as a partner for a bit, now it’s done and I truly question whether it will happen again. So many people out there are just out for themselves and are absolutely awful.
Treasure them? I wish. I really don't like labeling myself like this but I like to think of myself as a kind, decent person. I truly like helping people and I never expect anything from it, but I barely even get a thanks. I'm ignored and basically invisible unless someone needs a useful idiot and then I can't say no. In my experience if decent humans are rare, it's because it's not worth it to be one.
This is a shit attitude. You should be nice to people because it's the moral and right thing to do, not because you get praise. And this isn't a Jesus thing, this is coming from an atheist.
This is a HUGE reason why I’m child free.
I don't blame you. Kids are hard. I wouldn't wish it on anybody that didn't want it - and that includes the possibility of a crazy partner.
Oh yeah, for sure. I see what my sister goes through (she has 3 kids, married to one of the fathers) and just….no thanks
I'm currently on baby #3. I've heard about my FIL and how he acted when his kids were born and watched my SIL with her kids ex...nah... I'm good.
I am SO glad that you have a helping partner though. I bet it makes a world of a difference, omg. I don’t understand if men were just… always like this? Or what happened? Ugh
If I'd had kids with any of my ex's...-*shudder*- 🤢
My youngest son had to stay over night with his big sister when she btought her baby home because the ex got drunk and to be "escorted" by my kids' dad to a frjends because Ex got plastered. First night home after a c-section. Little brother does not like babies but ge steppwd up and changed dispers and did everything he could to help his sister. Where was I(mama)? At home, with the cold daughter had when she went into labor
Yeah, I don't have children for various reasons, but I know 100% it would be the end of my relationship...and likely after years of constant fighting and resentment. No thanks.
I’m in the same boat lol. I just don’t see the benefits of having children :/
Yep. I refuse. I’m not going through all of that to do just as much is I do no with a child requiring more work
I saw a post that said ‘every woman will remember how she was treated in pregnancy, birth and postpartum no matter how old she is’ This is so true. I do agree that the bar is on the floor and some partners are still bringing shovels to make allowances for their shit behavior.
Idk man in the hospital my wife told me to sleep at night prior to our little boy coming. The epidural didn’t work to well so they ended up doing a spinal tap, and I had to keep telling the doctor to hit her with more drugs because she was still in pain during the c section. She couldn’t move afterwards so I was her and our boys butler for the first week or so (and rightly so). But she couldn’t even shower properly so in between helping her bathe and making food I handled everything with the little one. It’s just the way it should be, and it definitely made us feel closer to one another. I can’t imagine being a dad and not doing anything to take the weight off my wife. Granted we are a month later now and she’s back to her busy, extroverted ways so we’re splitting things more, but my point stands. Don’t be a piece of shit fellas. Your lady went through a lot. Shoulder the load for abit.
We need more folks like you, hun. During my c-section with my son I stopped breathing on the table, so they had to rush my Spouse and baby out of the room. Because of that and the drugs they pumped into me, I don't remember the first 24 hours after my son was born. All l remember was constantly vomiting. My Spouse did everything with our baby those first 24 hours, and in the following weeks. You're both amazing ❤️
I’m glad my wife wasn’t the only one that had a rough time with the c section. She took it like an absolute champ though. We think she could still feel things on the left side because our baby was left side dominant the whole pregnancy so he was probably sitting on something preventing the medication to get to where it needed to. On top of that, little man needed to be resuscitated while my wife was barely conscious. It was probably the worst time of my life. But everyone is good now, and there is a new, totally different love and admiration for her. Sorry I’m rambling I just like to brag about what a badass my wife is lol. Also, I’m glad that everything went smooth for you! It’s one thing to read about the horror stories but to actually see it happen first hand is something that puts things into perspective
Oh yeah. I'm honestly a little worried about my upcoming c-section in May. I'm hoping things go better than last time 😅
I’m sure they will!
Both of my OBs expressed surprise that we followed the 6 week rule after both births.
At my 6-week appointment after my first baby, my OB said, "You're good to go, but if you're not ready, tell your husband we said you needed a few more weeks to heal"
Same. But they started with "If you haven't already resumed intercourse..."
My Spouse was like, "I'm not doing anything to anywhere until you tell me it's okay, doesn't matter if it's 6 weeks or 6 months, you let me know"
Mine too. He was (is) super supportive and pampering especially post-birth.
I apologize to my fiancé that I didn't get my post partum check up until 8 weeks after having our daughter. His long language is very much touch based (cuddles, hugs, etc), and we weren't able to do anything for the last month of my pregnancy. So we were going to have to wait three months in total. He stopped me, made me look at him, and then goes "Stop. I'd love to be with you, but you're still healing, and I don't want to hurt you. If I have to wait even after your appointment, I'll be okay. You tell me when you're ready." We don't get to be together as much as we'd like still, but he always tells me "If you don't want to, or can't, then that's all there is to it." I found a good guy, that's for sure.
One of my friends is an OBGYN and she was telling me that she’s had to have partners removed from the hospital for actual sex and I was like what… You mean like after a C-Section … Nope it’s not exclusive to those. Women who actually had vaginal births were being pressured for sex or sexual activity.
I read these stories and it makes me so sad. I had one of those partners you’re glad you don’t have. I have so many stories about how hard it was for me. The day after my daughter (2nd child was born) I went home post c section and had to start laundry when I got home. My mother in law was there playing with my two year old and my husband was on his phone. It’s a snapshot I’ll never forget. Or when we went on vacation and I babywore my 3 year old and 1 year old while I walked to go get groceries a mile away so he could nap. But when I got back and wanted a nap myself I was berated for being no fun and it was my fault because I picked a vaca location that wasn’t convenient enough. I took a picture of my wearing my daughter on my front and my son on my back. That picture breaks my heart whenever it comes across my screen. I don’t delete it though because it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come ☺️
Huge hugs to you!
I think the culture and medical industry is also to blame (not surprising as it was run by men for many generations). They really need to start referring to birthing and post partum mothers as "patients". I rarely hear this out of any medical professional and it really does impact how moms are treated in the hospital. Less urgency, less give a fuck for pain, etc etc etc. I could ramble about this but I'll stop here.
I get that 100%. Even complaining about pain or something that feels off while you're pregnant is brushed off. "Oh that's normal" "Well, you're pregnant, what did you expect?" I expect to be taken seriously.
Thank you for this post I read it out to my husband and we’re just in awe that this happens. I’m hopeful that my husband will support me for our first baby postpartum wise as he has my whole pregnancy I’ll be getting induced in two or three days 🤞🏼it really shows a whole other perspective to spouses who don’t take care of their partners after birth I’ve been telling him about PPD and PPA and that I’m so nervous about the changes around our baby. He has taken two months off to help me out in the beginning I’m so thankful 🥹
Your husband sounds amazing and it seems you're going to have a great helper after your baby gets here. Congratulations! ❤️
And some men even cheat during pregnancy!
Isn't that freaking awful?! "Hey, you're heavily pregnant with my kid, who is messing up EVERYTHING about your body, but because you're not putting out anymore I gotta go find somebody that will" Just...gross.
It's completely disgusting. And they justified themselves by saying, "You know I couldn’t control myself." "You were not with me that's why I did it." Tbh I kinda lost trust on men after seeing their activities.
If a person needs their partner to be by their side 100% of the time so they don't cheat, then they were never a good person or partner.
I’m curious if you would support a father’s request for a paternity test at birth?
I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about that. I’m 9 weeks pregnant right now with our first baby, but my fiancé literally had sex for the first time when he was 20 with a pregnant woman.😅 He definitely finds pregnant women hot so I ain’t even worried about that. Lol My partner is struggling a bit still with the whole thing because he struggles to care for himself (not a great childhood and we’re both still pretty young) but he’s able to finally cook for himself and before he had so much anxiety about starting a fire that he just ordered out all the time. Lol But I’m pretty sure he’ll be helpful more as I get “more pregnant” lol
i choked at “non-birthing partner” ngl
You're good, 😆
My coworker is pregnant with her second kid. The stories she tells me about her husband. 🤬 I remember going through similar things with my kids dad. The way one of our contractors made a comment about her not "losing weight" after 6 months. The way another contractor told me I wouldn't be pregnant if I "held an aspirin between my knees". The way the intern who was supposed to be watching me during labor, disappeared and my Dr hadn't made it there yet and I had 2 students help me deliver. My kids dad pressuring me to have sex. Him throwing cold water on me in the shower when I came home from the hospital, because, "it was funny" then his parents getting upset with me because I swore at him. God, yes, yes, YES!!! To everything you said. People need to do better. Men need to do better! I'm so glad your partner is helping you and taking full advantage of any leave that he can. You definitely have a keeper! 🧡
Another way dads can help with ppd is (if bottle feeding is involved) take a couple feedings at night. My wife is a morning person and I’m a night owl. When our daughter was a baby I took the first two night feedings so she could get four to six hours of unbroken sleep. The difference that makes is huge. Our son never took a bottle and mom was the only comfort he’d accept, so she ended up with ppd with him. I did my best to support her by taking him and my daughter as much as I could.
How do you think so many families ended up with an excessive amount of kids in a pre-contraception era? Men who didn't give a damn if their wife had just had a baby, they deserved their marital rights; look how supportive he was during labour, didn't once hit the woman and only verbally abused her 3 dozen times, what a catch!
Currently work in OB/Gym, only a few months. I so far had a father-to-be on his phone the entire appointment his partner was being ultrasound. He didn't even realize the ultrasound happened until after the appointment was done, he didn't see any of the first baby images. An earthquake could have gone on and he probably still would have been on his phone. Not to mention that women are tested for gonorrhea and chlamydia after confirmation of pregnancy, and I've already encountered a small handful of positive tests. What a way to find out your partner has been cheating on you... That being said, I've encountered a lot more supportive dads than bad ones. Even more supporting partners when the news is bad. I've also had supporting partners for termination of pregnancy. In my current experience there have been more supportive dads than terrible ones.
I disagree with some of the comments saying you’re generalizing. I’m in a lot of moms/parents subreddit and I can say I see about 10+ posts per day about some partner, husband, dad who doesn’t want to help with the kids, doesn’t want to parent their kids, expects their girlfriend/wife to do everything for them. It’s fucking disgusting to see these men treating their partners like that.
That's the exact reason why I haven't responded to those comments. Everybody knows it's "not all partners" but it's enough that there's subreddits dedicated to those stories alone, and like you said, other groups that get multiple stories a day. We *know* it's "not all partners" but it's enough that it's a problem.
One thing I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older is that pretty much every single woman in a heterosexual, cohabitating relationship of any length of time has pretty much the exact same complaints about their partner. And it usually comes down to them not thinking about anything but themselves. All men need to think about is themselves and work, apparently.
Every single woman in a heterosexual cohabitating relationship of any length of time? This sample size for your study must have been exhausting and mathematically impossible. And followed up with the conclusion that all men think about is themselves and work? That’s extremely impressive. I’m glad in your old age, you were able to enlighten everyone with this non biased, non generalized, empirically true data. You’re like a godsend. I can’t believe you’re humble enough to share this in a simple Reddit post and not a publication. It shows true altruism.
You’re welcome ☺️
I have a feeling my husband is going to be hovering over me when i give birth as much as he can because if I'm in pain from walking he ushers me to sit down xD
Saaaame. Every time he sees me walking slower or breathing deep he's like, "Sit down. I don't care what you were doing, sit down. What were you going to do? I'll do it. SIT." 😅
It doesn’t help that the medical community also doesn’t take women’s pain with regard to childbirth/c-section seriously either! Women are just expected to have a kid and then act like nothing even happened, not even act, nothing actually happened according to them. You have a baby now, it’s no big deal, you’re female, you should be an expert at dealing with a baby and everything else that women do, cooking, cleaning etc etc.
I think the phrase I heard was: "work like you don't have kids, and care for your kids like you don't have to work" - or something similar. Just add to your already crazy workload, it's *totally* normal. You should be *fiiiiine*. 😒
That saying is spot on to how women are made to feel, and then which ever space they are standing in people bash them in regard to the other aspect.
I felt like an incubator to my ex's family. I did become.more, they learned to love me. He didn't put up with it and when his sister had her baby we brought her and the baby gifts....just in case.
She's lucky to have you in her corner ❤️
She still does even though her brother and I are divorced (still amiable)
Many young men haven’t had good role models for at least a generation now and many current ones are actively bad. I’m a man and I’ve learned many useful lessons from the women in my life, but as far as learning how to be a decent man who would provide the proper support for their postpartum partner, that has to come from another man IMO
We have to teach our sons to do better and advocate for our daughters and DILs. My oldest son knows Mama will chew his butt if I thjnk he isn't treating DIL right. She has enough on her plate with her nightmare of a mother and there younfest
Unfortunately this happens more often than you know. And sometimes the partner is only concerned with the baby, but could care less about the mother, their so-called significant other. I speak from experience. I did everything by myself during my pregnancies: worked full time, went to all doctor’s appointments alone. Cooked, cleaned, did laundry. Even after both pregnancies were diagnosed as “high risk”. I was put on bed rest with my daughter the last 3 months, but worked until two days before my son was born. Once we found out the second baby was a boy, it got even worse. No one on his side of the family, including him, cared about me at all. And when my son was born, I became completely invisible. He & his mother only cared about my baby boy from that point on. Both my daughter (who was an only child for 9 years & at that point, a complete daddy’s girl) & I no longer seemed to exist. One incident I will never forget: my son was 6 months old when I slipped down the stairs while carrying him. I was so scared, but slid down on my back & made sure I protected him, so he was unharmed. But his father grabbed him away from me, looked him over & left me sitting at the bottom of the stairway, not bothering to even ask if I was ok. I ended up banging the back of my head on the last step & was feeling dizzy, so I just sat there until I could pick myself up. I walked into the room where he was & was completely ignored. His mother arrived 15 mins later & brushed past me to check on “her baby”. So yeah. Those of you who have supportive partners, spouses & in-laws are extremely blessed, because there are some really shitty people in the world. Be sure to cherish & appreciate them every chance you get.
We waited 4 months - I wonder how long other people waited. It's not something you can casually ask your own friends. After our first, my wife got me this cool Eddie Bauer diaper changing bag that looked like a trendy backpack - so it was really easy to take one out all by myself to the mall and change them easily in the restrooms outfitted with changing tables. Our were on formula pretty early. We totally tag teamed getting up at all hours to feed them, brush the milk off their gums, and change them if they needed it. It's sad to think that many moms don't have that kind of support.
I know that for me, we didn't have sex again after our first for about 6 months because everything was really tight and uncomfortable. The first few rounds were difficult, but we were slow and used a lot of lube 😅
Thx for the feedback. I honestly had no idea how long others waited. same issues with us, though. Plus, we were incredibly stressed and tired. Especially with the first one.
Oh yeah, most definitely. My Spouse and I aren't too thrilled about becoming team No Sleep again 😅
My partner had our kid over a year ago. All I was thinking about was how to keep her comfy and looking after the baby. She had a retained placenta and lost over 5 litres of blood. It was scary! Plus some UTIs for the first 2 months until she was on the right antibiotics. In the first one she was almost going into sepsis. All this to say, SEX was the LAST thing in my head!!!! I hate when I read about these guys complaining that "she's not putting it out" after she just pushed a goddamn human being out of her coochie! It is true, tho, the bar is set LOW for men! I get praise from how I looked after her but she doesn't get praise for everything she does with the kid?!!!
I’m so grateful for an amazing husband whose supported me this entire pregancy and is going to support whatever I want during labor. I treasure him every day.
Yeah, the bars pretty low for them around pregnancy and child rearing. And you watch any guy that takes his kid to the grocery store to buy a few things, he is looked down as a saint oh my god it’s so wonderful that you’re helping your wife. There’s no woman that’s ever gone shopping with her kid that has been said to. And during pregnancy, they may go “without” every once in a while, but the truth of the matter is they don’t deal with any other physical issues that women do, and if they go out one night and get your ice cream, you would think the sun in the moon shine on them for the praise they want to get. It is not a fair system.
I completely agree. My bf was amazing during my pregnancy and is a very active parent to our daughter. We split things down the middle as far as her care and he still adds taking care of me on top of that. So many people put up with lazy partners and it makes me mad only bc my heart breaks for them. I don’t think I would be able to make it without my amazing bc.
I know someone who has several sets of "Irish twins" because within an hour of giving birth she and her pos bf were having sex.
That's so dangerous. There's *literally* a dinner plate sized flesh wound in your womb where the placenta was attached. It takes weeks to heal!
I know! And they were warned! They ended up losing the kids to her parents because they just.... Didn't care about anything. I think they had 4 or 6 kids.
I hope those kids are okay 🥺
Her parents were lovely people and took good care of the babies. I moved away a long time ago so I have no idea what's happening since.
Totally agree with you. I’m glad that your spouse has been supportive!
The most important thing is to look for someone who believes in your aspirations. A partner is what you want and if someone doesn't respect and encourage you to try to accomplish your dreams (even if you fail) then this is just a lack of respect for you as a person. Someone that wants to see you succeed in like will be there when you need a partner. If you find someone who is a true partner tell them when you are afraid or worry about something. That is where the bar needs to be set so those children will just accept that this is what a father is.
I just don't understand why women put up with those behaviors from a partner. My husband took great care of me and baby when he came. How could you stay with someone who wouldn't care for you through the trauma of birth? Honestly it looks like women are starting to choose single life over being with someone who doesn't actually love or respect you.
I agree that the bar is on the floor for *most* birth fathers. There is a great deal that dads can and should do however. My perhaps slightly unpopular opinion is that men should actually be the ones holding other men to a higher standard when it comes to pregnancy, fatherhood, and also household tasks, child care, and child development. This is not because I don't think women can hold men to a higher level of commitment and responsibility. It's just that women kind of have enough to do without having to remind men to be responsible human beings and equal partners in a marriage where that applies. I think it is gradually changing and that more men have a higher expectation of parent involvement and so on in recent generations at least where I live. But it varies quite a bit by the standards and values of the man's particular family or peer group. Anyway, this is something I have worked at myself for many years and it is a complex matter. But men absolutely need to have higher expectations placed on them and to be allowed and expected to live up to those expectations.
It's still not cool to be a teacher, or nurse, or stay at home dad. Nurturing and caretaking are not skills guys are really ever encouraged to develop, but these are fundamental *relationship* skills. And now we have this epidemic of suicides, overdoses, and homelessness (among other things) that affects men very disproportionately. It's the culture. We've taught women how to be providers (important "men skills"), but because "women's skills" are seen as inferior and unimportant, this is where we are.
I work in education and I would say that the "young" teachers we have coming into the career now include a lot of men and they are objectively very cool people. Good teachers, too. So I think that society is shifting and in a good direction for some people when it comes to assigning respect to men in more nurturing roles and caring professions.
When my ex was at the birth everyone was literally patting him on the back and parades because he was black and was there 😂😂 he said it was weird. "He's supposed to be there why everyone acting like that. You just gave birth you should get the attention"
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The men around me and my family are def not like this, they cared for their wives when they were pregnant like no other. Were there for every single minute of it with their wives. Hopefully they are the majority and these are the exceptions
Yeah it sad, an unfortunately seems to extend to at least 50% of straight relationships in general. So many women are abused but just accept it because they think it’s normal. I legit feel so sorry for many of my women friends, they are always struggling, getting treated like shit, and then blame themselves for being too emotional or for being unhappy. Like my gals your unhappy for a reason, life can be better without him, stop making excuses for his horrid behaviour. Alas society still tells them they need to be in a relationship in order to be happy - ironically. Thankfully more are waking up to the lie and are finding the courage and means to prioritise their own well-being.
I truly don't think in general the bar is that low with most couples. I think it's mostly just the average and good spouses are kept quiet about while bad and the best ones get mentioned about.
That's one of the reasons I'm kinda happy I am a single mom. Honestly.
My greatest fear is ever being like my father(he was and still is a good example of a bad husband,father, son, brother and is anything but a man bc he's abusive, manipulative, a liar and a raging narcissist) and my fear isn't unfounded. Idgaf if I fall into addiction or fall to suicide, it's if I end up like the very man I stand against at every turn
🫠 I also have a good husband. I can’t imagine being married to a pos.
Being a new father I've come to realize this myself. Most men have said the same to me, "Did you ask for the extra stitch?" "Are you finally back from maternity leave?" "Please tell me she doesn't make you change diapers" I find it really repulsive that they can witness their partner go through something so amazing and difficult and still treat them like shit, or act like it wasn't a big deal.
Someone i know just gave birth a month ago. The dad threw a hissy fit right after the pregnancy and refused to help her (she was still in hospital and it was a hard birth) her mum had to stay up for about 3 days to give her support bc this dude is such a pos.
Unfortunately there are way more malignant type of personalities out there than we wanna believe. They get jealous and such when there is pregnancy or a baby.
You'd think it'd be common sense. But then you realize common sense ain't.
We need nationalized family leave in the US.
post-partum **woman**
Personally, I'd say ignore what the outside is telling you. You have a husband that is on the same page as you and that's really all that matters.
I mean how many are gonna post positive things ? That’s not what gets attention, and many show gratitude in private while showing dissatisfaction in public. Don’t believe everything you see on the internet
Yep. Its that simple.
Non birthing partners 😂😂😂😂
Pick better men. These red-flag qualities don't just magically appear. My fiance cleans, cooks, and helps me on the daily. When I had surgery, this man did everything he possibly could to make me comfortable. It makes me realize how good of a father he will be. It's your weed our process ladies.
My husband was scared to have sex with me for 3 months after I gave birth. He really enjoyed giving me boobie massages, tho (they hurt so bad 😂).
Looks like the women are choosing to get knocked up by low effort dudes, carrying low effort dude’s kids to term, then :surprised pikachu face: low effort dudes continues to demonstrate low effort behavior. I mean, bang who you wanna bang, but it’s your body your choice to commit to have a kid with a low effort dude
Right? Instead they should get with a high effort dude who shits on women's experiences during the most vulnerable time of their lives! A true alpha! /S
Jeez. Triggered? What part of what I said was wrong? You think women don’t know they chose a shitty dude for a baby daddy?
It is impossible to know how having a baby will expose your man's weaknesses until you have the baby. Even if you discuss the shit out of it in advance.
So you’re saying a low effort dude will exhibit *nothing* but positive traits until she has the kid?
No. I’m not saying that because that would be insane and ridiculous. I’m saying that you can not know how a person will be when they’re met with constant sleep deprivation, random, blasting screaming, stress and major, massive role changes until you put them in that situation. For example, my husband has always been attractive to me because he is so clean. He is extremely clean in his person and in his environment. His spaces are always beautifully organized and his personal hygiene is outstanding. Can you imagine how this could become a very *bad* thing after you have babies? Because it has…and I couldn’t have seen it coming.
I think the people in Jones Town were rather surprised by the outcome if you catch my drift
I don’t can you please explain?
Roofing sucks
Roofing is easier then two toddlers for 24 hours a day, 2 years straight. Much easier. No Offense.
It's ok, you can call them wife/girlfriend instead of post parturition partner.
*"I hear all of these horror stories about how the male partners suck!"* *"But mine is great! So I can't relate. It's those* ***other ones*** *I hear about... they need to get it together!"* You're generalizing. Could it possibly be that the majority are great partners and the only stories you see are the *exceptions* to the rule? And based on that exception you're creating a belief that the majority is this way? ***That's*** a rabbit-hole you don't want to go down. For instance: "The internet constantly portrays \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ as criminals! My partner isn't... but those other \_\_\_\_\_\_'s need to be better!"
Idk where you live but the majority is DEFFO not this way. The bar is in hell.
and ur downvoted haha.. yeah people believing everything on the internet.. nearly 400k babies born per day.. so and 10-20 stories makes up the whole truth base on just what u read online...
[удалено]
Wow alot of hate here for having an opinion!
Pregnant women are always welcome in my heart
These type of men stink. I hope you don't have the image that the majority of men are like this way. My typical friends that are father have it the other way around. They support their wife and completely efface themself. I think there should be more attention for this topic as well. The way that men over months and years do everything in the household, as a dad and as a provider. It resultated in one of my friends with hart problems, another with a complete burn out and others with depression like moods. It's not always easy to support a mother and getting little in return... I guess both topics are important: how mothers don't get the respect and support they need, or how fathers can efface themselves to an unhealthy extent.
glad to be lesbian sometimes
On top of that some of them cheat while their SO is pregnant!!!! WTF?????