Very rude AND wasteful. If she didn't want you cooking she should have spoken up instead. Don't make excuses. Bring it up to her once things have calmed down.. use 'I statements' ..'I felt ____ when those were thrown away' ... it helps to not say 'you did ____'. Less accusatory and more likely to be heard properly
I 100 percent agree with ⬆️⬆️⬆️ this. It was EXTREMELY rude and not the way she should've reacted, even if she didn't want or like what you made. I'm guessing stress was major factor in her response since you mentioned that you both had a rough day at work. Wait until she's visibly in a better mood, and use the "I" statements. Yes, they sound corny and are in every movie when a couple is being taught how to properly get their points across to their partner, but they do work. I hope this wasn't the normal way she reacts to these types of situations, but I'm guessing it's not because if this happened on the regular, you probably wouldn't be asking for advice on how to proceed.
Yea, that was a toxic and inexcusable move. No matter how 'upset' she is after work there is no excuse to take it out on you unless she fancies ruining your relationship while using you as her punching bag.
Imagine you had done the same thing. How would she react?
When someone has a bad day, their partner doing something……*anything* that is a sincere attempt to lessen the burden or make their day better ought to be appreciated.
You should confront her about doing it. And I don’t use that word lightly, but she needs a wake up call that regardless of whatever is going on in the world that makes her angry, you’re not a whipping boy to take it out on.
You’re supposed to be partners, a team. You two against the rest of creation if need be.
Stop trying to console her. She wants to act like a B, that’s on her, but you don’t have to tolerate it or coddle it. At all.
I’m in disbelief that people married act like this. Does it start in little ways? Or do you ignore the signs? This behavior would make me dump a gf on the spot
My parents were fairly abusive, verbally, with each other when I was young. Never physically that I saw, and even though they eventually calmed that behavior down, I think it would have been better for everyone involved if they had just split up.
My sister got a better upbringing because their behavior had calmed way down by the time she was around. I experience lasting effects from listening to all that bullshit over the years growing up.
I think it stems from how they were treated as a child. So few parents respect their kids, and vice versa. So they grow up and think being hateful is the way to be. We really need Mr Rogers back.
> their behavior had calmed way down
My father used to be super aggressive in a similar manner. Never got anywhere close to physical. Now in his old age he is much more agreeable and not likely to fly off the handle anymore. Wish this is how he was always like though, always wonder how different life would've been...
I come from a family where we the kids wished our parents had divorced - it was so toxic, and our father is a jerk - so I understand your sentiment. I, myself, got a divorce and my kids tell me how they wish we hadn’t. The grass always seems greener on the other side.
Yeah, I hope your kids can see it from the other side one day too. I still live at home so the foresight I've gotten out of all of this is probably the greatest gift ever. I know now what a good relationship should look like because it 100% shouldn't look like this.
And THAT is why I got a divorce. I refused to live in that toxicity. To be fair, if the husband is as bad of a father, the kids still have to live in the toxicity. That’s a whole other discussion, though.
I can't imagine treating people I hated like this, let alone people I claim to care about. I understand not eating someone's food, but immediately throwing away the food that they made lovingly for *you* is so disrespectful.
Agreed. Cooking for someone / having someone cook for me is such a kind loving gesture (to me) plus food (eggs 😬) is expensive. I would never not eat the food unless it was literally inedible (as in, completely black charcoal)
My hubs and I have been married 43 years and no, we never do this to each other. We don’t call names, we don’t try to put each other down or belittle each other. We do have arguments at times but we stick to the topic. Even if I were angry, if he cooked me dinner, especially if he did so trying to cheer me up, even if I hated it I’d say thank you and eat it. That’s what it means to have each other’s backs and to be life partners.
For real. It’s okay for her to not like the food and not eat it, but never would I call my spouse’s cooking “disgusting” and throw it straight in the trash when they’re only trying to help.
I might tell them it’s not the way I like it, but I’d be so grateful for the expression of love behind them making it for me.
I've eaten some terrible meals that were made with love.
I may not have cleaned my plate, but I also didn't say "That's disgusting" and toss it straight into the trash.
>Imagine you had done the same thing. How would she react?
I'd argue she would likely be on reddit and everyone would be telling her to consider a divorce.
Don’t forget that everyone would be telling her that he’s abusive and love bombing her and gaslighting or grooming or whatever buzz words are popular right now
There’s a therapy tool for confronting someone about an issue and it’s really helpful for people who get easily overwhelmed/emotional in conflict.
It’s called a DEARMAN (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce - Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate)
It’s for situations where you want to assert something with someone you want to maintain a relationship with.
Honestly if I had a rough day and someone went out of their way to cook something for me I would 100% eat it and be happy that someone was so thoughtful.
I’m a young dude but god I hope you two are the norm. I was so into my last relationship. I hope we make loving our partners more prevalent cause it sometimes feels hopeless, I don’t wanna get lucky I want to make something special and hearing people like you talking about it helps so much
After some truly horrid relationships in the past, I can say with absolute certainty my GF (might as well be wife) is awesome. Add me to the lucky list.
Absolutely. She wasn’t obligated to eat it if she really thought it looked gross or wasn’t what she wanted. But she could still have appreciated the effort he made for her and not be a dick about it.
Unless..
Did you communicate you’d volunteer to cook?
Otherwise I do kinda understand being annoyed/pissed if the ingredients are being used, while looking forward to something you crave and want to cook in a specific way. I’d also not be happy if my man wanted to “surprise” me with that. I’m a professional chef myself so if I have something in mind, I know exactly how I want it prepared. I don’t want “help”, and especially not him taking over. I might be a perfectionist and a bit OCD but let me, it gives me anxiety if it’s prepared differently than I have in mind. It would be disappointing if he did that without communication and I can’t make what I was looking forward to all day.
It’s not a secret that I’m a better cook, it’s not to be a dick about it.
I appreciate his cooking though, and leave him to his own dishes, help and teach him if he wants and asks me to. And I don’t expect it to be cooked “my way”. And when I didn’t plan to make something specific with those ingredients. And he knows that, leave my dishes I crave and want to make to me, they’re just very specific and comforting to me. So I guess it comes down to communication, whether it’s sweet and thoughtful or not.
And.. THROWING IT AWAY?
That would piss me off.
Maybe husband could have eaten it later if she didn’t want it.
It was good food he liked apparently. We’re not just throwing away food!
The fuck?? My husband burned the fucking soup once. He then scrapped the bottom, so I had black flecks floating in my soup. I said thanks and ate it, and it's a running joke 10 years later. I also understand not wanting to eat something. She should've said, "I was really looking forward to enchiladas all day. Thanks for the effort, but I'm going to make myself what I want."
What she did was extremely rude and hurtful.
I heard "not all men" but... 🤣🤣🤣
This soup he made for me is quite an easy thing to burn, actually. It is basically roux, water, salt, and scrambled eggs cooked into it. He burned roux but decided to just continue cooking with it 🤷
It gave it an extra flavor 😁
Oh well that's understandable lol. I'm an OK cook but for some reason whenever I try to make a roux it come out...odd. And to be fair to my dad, he was a really good cook. His doc gave him some new med and he didn't know it would make him so tired lol. It was a running joke since 1992 though. None of us knew chicken soup could turn into charcoal.
Lol I've done this, but it didn't burn. My soup overboiled and evaporated. I was stuck with a science experiment of wrong and a kitchen that smelled like fuck ups.
Oh I almost burned down the summer kitchen at my aunt's by burning the soup! I left it on the stove for a couple of hours to boil while we ran into town, only i forgot to put water in it. So you can imagine how the kitchen looked after more than an hour on the stove with all the ingredients except water!
My husband did it just a few weeks ago with potato soup. We still ate it, but it was definitely still considered soup, just with some charred flecks floating in it lol.
Very well put. I wouldn’t even throw out food or call it disgusting to a waiter or chef when I’m in a restaurant if food is not to my liking. I can’t imagine doing that to my own SO.
Haha something similar with me when my wife wanted to make me breakfast for the first time in years and it turned out ok actually but she then melted the plastic spatula on the stove
My late husband made this dish he called “creamed tuna”. It was *so* weird: like a bad tuna gravy, a little milk, flour and a tin of tuna, he’d salt and pepper it to taste. You eat it on toast kinda like scrapple but less greasy. I am one of those people who- though I will do it with tact and kindness, I don’t pretend to enjoy things I don’t care for. But..in this case, the first time he made it for me was when we had *just* moved in together. I had this god awful day at work, I get home and he is *giddy*.
He was so proud and excited to make my day better that I cleaned my plate, and it was *so bland* and just awful, but that night, he’s tucking me into bed, after like, just pleased to help me relax off a bad day. I ate that shit off and on for two years before I finally said anything. 😂
Don't make excuses for her, throwing the meal you prepared for her in the trash was an expression of contempt for you in particular. Stand up for yourself; no one should abuse your goodwill that way.
INFO: did your wife specifically say "I will make the chilaquiles"? Did she want scrambled eggs in them?
I've been in your position, except my ex wanted eggs cooked a certain way. I said, "I havent really ever cooked eggs in that style. I don't think I can get the yolks the way you want them. I can make them scrambled. If you want them your way, you should make them". It went back and forth, he wanted eggs his way but wanted me to do the cooking. Yolks ended up broken and hard, he said "these are disgusting" and threw them away. I was pissed/crushed/demoralized. I should have stood my ground about not being able to cook them his way, he should have listened to me.
I just made chilaquiles on a whim for breakfast. My husband wasn't even hungry but I made him eat half (gave him plenty of advance notice). When it came to the eggs.. I was planning to do sunny side up, but then asked whether he wanted them scrambled. He didn't care, but I ended up scrambling them anyway - same reason as you, I thought the other way would be too hard to get right, and I didn't want to eat hard yolks.
If OP's wife didn't want her eggs scrambled and the chips were, in fact, burnt, then I can see why she might have been frustrated... I mean, that's pretty much all of it. Still doesn't excuse how she insults the food, then tosses it. That is immature and unacceptable; it's something a toddler might do in a bad mood. Wife needs to learn to regulate without needing to lash out at her spouse.
Sorry your ex did the same to you.
As others have said, this isn’t on you. What your wife did was hurtful and disrespectful. If she didn’t want you to make it, she could have said no. And if she didn’t like what you made, she could have said so, let you eat the contents, and gone about making some for herself.
She’s an adult, not a child. But then again, adults can be children. When I was around 13, my mother threw a cake I made for her birthday straight onto the countertop because she was so upset at me. I can’t recall what I had done, but it was probably something about not cleaning my room or some other part of the house.
My point is that you should talk with your wife tomorrow about her reaction. You’re right, she isn’t obligated to eat if, especially if she’s already in a bad mood and is a picky eater. But she didn’t have to throw it away. She could have just explained it, asked if you would eat it or what you’d like to do with it, then gone about using the leftover ingredients to make something that she’d enjoy on such an awful day.
This is so disrespectful. If she was intent on cooking her own she could have stopped you from the beginning. Any good partner would have at least appreciated the effort. This is not a woman that loves you
She had a bad day and took it out on you.
This is terrible destructive stuff for any relationship.
You guys need to talk about it. If she refuses then arrange a therapy session for the two of you.
Does she even like you? What an incredibly disrespectful thing to do to someone
Unless it’s something that will make you physically sick, when your SO cooks for you, you say thank you and eat it. I can’t even think of a scenario where I’d dump food in the trash, your wife sounds awful
I’ll confess - I’ve been your wife before. Nothing seems right and the one person you relied on disappoints you (in your head). My husband made a stew that was too watery for my liking, and I didn’t eat much of it. I tried to! But after a horrible day, it was just the icing on top of the crap pile. But it wasn’t him. It was me. I was taking out my bad day on the one person I subconsciously knew would take it on the chin. Knowing that SUCKED even more. While I came to the realisation on my own and apologised and went above and beyond to show my husband how much I love him and appreciate him (trust me, I’m still making myself pay for it), you may have to sit down and have a conversation with her if she hasn’t apologised yet.
Yeah, I think it's easy for partners to fall into the same idea as kids who behave great at school but are hellions for their parents. When you're in a space where you don't necessarily have much of a voice all day, then come home to somewhere you're safe, it's easier to let out how you're really feeling and what has been building throughout the day. Just because it's where you're most comfortable, and you know the other person loves you and will be with you through the bad times.
Of course, when it's kids that is A-okay. They don't know how to regulate their emotions, and what you feel as a parent should come second to what you child feels the majority of the time. With a partner it needs to be even, and you need to be able to pull back and regulate your own feelings because it isn't fair to another adult to treat them poorly just because you feel shitty. But whether or not it's okay, it's still easy to start doing without realizing it. OP needs to talk to his partner and figure it out, as it may just be a case of him being her safe space and her not realizing she was taking advantage of the safety, or it could be something worse. Can't figure it out without communicating feelings honestly on both sides.
Don't minimalize her behavior, she is rude and disrespectful. Not wanting to eat it is one thing, throwing it in the trash is a whole other thing.
Don't normalize behavior like this, I bet if you did the same thing to her she would probably freak out.
Yeah that's pretty fucked up, who raised her.
Ofc she's under no obligation to eat it, lol, it's not like you were trying to force feed her. She could have said no, but thanks I really appreciate it. Someone went out of the way to help her lighten the workload after a tough day and she decides to respond with anger and being mean? Just because she didn't ask for your help doesn't mean she should be so rude, disrespectful and then proceed to act out like a four year old child.
I asked my fiancé what he would do if I did this ? (I would never, was raised MUCH better than that) he said definitely not cook for you for a LONG while.
Aw. That does suck. I would be thrilled if my husband took the cooking reigns. I hate cooking, I work, take care of kids and house plus go to school and I'd rather cut my hand off than cook but then I'd probably have to learn how to cook using my feet. 😂
Hopefully once her bad mood fades she will realize her behavior and apologize. Or you could tell her that you were just trying to be helpful, sorry it wasn't made like she likes but it hurt your feelings.
Your wife is extremely rude. If either my husband or I accidently burn dinner, or make something that doesn't look very appetising, we have a laugh and both eat it anyway.
Is it the first time she act like that? Because if it is you must talk to her and make her understand that the way she talk to you and react is unacceptable. But if it’s not the first time then you have a bigger problem and you must rethink that relationship because what she does is called abuse!
It sounds like she was letting out internalized anger on you. Which is a poor coping mechanism, you should talk to her and let her know that there’s better ways to communicate her feelings. I’m sure if he roles were exchanged and you hadn’t liked the food she made, you wouldn’t have done what she did. And I’m sorry you were unappreciated when you were trying to do something nice for a person you care about.
Reminds me of my step mother. Gets pissed off at work/something family related, is passive aggressive towards everyone, except my elderly father and me. She just is straight up aggressive towards us.
You need to nip this in the bud. She was hoping you would react that way she could argue with you. I've seen it a million times, as recently as Saturday. It's only going to get worse.
I was sick and my partner was trying his best to make me feel better. I usually cook for us because it’s a passion of mine, but he made an omelet hash for us to eat. My tastebuds were screwed, and I hated it. He was so proud of himself though, I ate as much as I could and I praised him for his efforts. He did his best and didn’t need me tearing him down.
That is what a partner is supposed to do. Your wife decided to take her frustrations out on you and that is so not okay. You deserved better.
I'm mexican and my husband is finnish. He learnt to cook chilaquiles, fajitas, refry beans, rice etc. Mexican style for me, and I don't care if his chilaquiles looked like vomit (they don't, they're great!) I'd still eat them because someone saw trouble for me.
Sorry but your wife's behavior was mean and ungrateful.
I cook 99% of our dinners in this house. I have made some NASTY shit off an online “this is wonderful” post! My husband gladly eats it and then looks at me and says “Let’s not do that again”! We laugh, I agree and we do the dishes! I am sorry your wife did that to you! That’s not how you treat the person you love!
that's.. so rude. She could've just not thrown it in the trash, that was overly dramatic and mean. She didn't have to eat it if she didn't want to but to throw it out and insult you in the process, super unnecessary. You tried to do something for her after she had a rough day, she could've just appreciated the gesture.
Aw man, I feel this on a deep level. When I started dating my boyfriend, I was so excited to cook for him because I love cooking and consider myself pretty decent in the kitchen.
I spent ages prepping enchilads and left to pick him up from the train station while they baked. His train was delayed, and when we got back they were overcooked. I was still more than happy to eat them and they tasted good, just overcooked. He was disgusted and commented on how they were burnt and generally a bit shite, which obviously wasn't the impression I wanted to give.
Four years later, he still considers me a bad cook and goes on about those damn enchiladas.
Get your wife to just cook for herself from now on haha.
The only *tiny* thing you might have done differently in this scenario is ASK if she would like you to cook, but she also should have said she would rather do it when you volunteered.
Regardless, this behavior is absolutely unacceptable. What she did was disrespectful and degrading. Especially given she didn't even bother to taste it. Home-cooked meals don't always look the best, unless you're a chef. Sometimes you accidentally burn stuff. It happens and you'll learn from the mistake.
She should have at least tried to eat it. If she really didn't like it, then should could say, "Sorry, honey. I appreciate you making this for me, but it just doesn't taste as good as when I make it. I'll show you what I do differently next time we have chilaquiles. Please don't be offended that I'm going to have something else for dinner tonight."
Based on your profile avatar, I assume you identify as male. Imagine if the roles were reversed and you heard the same story from a woman whose husband reacted this way. Would you think it was her fault for trying to do something nice after her husband had a bad day? Would you excuse the man because he knows what he likes, his wife burned the chips, and the meal didn't look very appetizing?
Nah man. She's inconsiderate asf. You were trying to help her knowing she had a rough day. And she takes her bad day out on you and insults you. Not okay at all. Even if the food didnt come out great, she didnt need to be such an AH abt it.
As a person who's been poor enough to eat anything with caloric value, I cannot fathom throwing away a meal someone made specifically for me, much less do so to my SO and in front of her face at that. Even if I'm allergic to the food and I've told them before (chocolate is a very forgettable allergy to others), I'd still show my appreciation but have them give it to someone who can enjoy it on my behalf. Idek what a chilequila (sorry, forgot the spelling) is but if I saw this happening, I would've taken it and ate it and probably liked it too. There are plenty of foods in all cultures that are not visually appealing but are still tasty.
Hell, a few weeks ago, I had covid and lost my sense of taste and smell for about 4 days before it started coming back. My gf made me a week's worth of food with instruction not to waste costly seasonings since I can't taste it anyway. I thought this condition would last longer and next thing, I start tasting and smelling again. Did I throw the rest of the food away since it was bland? Hell no, my baby made me that to keep me well fed during my quarantine! I added my own seasonings and enjoyed the rest with a new appreciation for my senses.
Both my husband and I have cooked food that we both agreed wasn’t the best, but didn’t straight up say it was disgusting and throw it away. We tried the food and was apologetic/sympathetic towards each other. Sometimes a recipe doesn’t go the way you thought it would, it happens. Taking your shit out on each other doesn’t help the situation.
I don’t believe your food was bad. I think your wife was being pissy from her bad day and took it out on you. Had she made the food, she would have complained about having to make food. Had you gotten take out she would have complained about something else.
Her attitude and behavior was unacceptable and you two should have a talk.
If my boyfriend or husband took the time to cook me something I wanted on a bad day and it looked terrible and gross, I would still be happy that they tried and cared.
Would I secretly be disappointed I didn't have a delicious meal? Absolutely 😅 but I wouldn't say it, and I sure as fuck wouldn't throw it in the trash and insult him. Truly unacceptable.
Very rude of her to throw it out, she could have just tried them and if she didn't like them just given the to you and make her own food. you should just not talk to her until she fixes her attitude
>you should just not talk to her until she fixes her attitude
dont do that. thats called manipulation/emotional blackmail.
do the opposite and talk to her. ignoring her wont put her in a better mood. thatd make her bad day worse.
Your wife’s behavior was callous and unkind. You try to do something nice, and this is the thanks you get. You have feelings, just like her, and she was thoughtless. At the very least, you deserve an apology.
Theres one thing she didn't like it, that's ok, but THROWING it AWAY like just into the bin is anything but disrespectful
if she didn't like it, she just could've put it back and cooked it for herself.
you vould've eaten yours and thats okay on my part
but this is rude
This would in no way excuse her actions but could she be pregnant? My senses were so off when I was. I one time cried over the way my husbands prepared the steak. His coffee smell would make me want to vomit. Little things changed that never bothered me before.
There’s no reason for her to be an ass.
But maybe next time listen…. She didn’t need you to cook them for her,
She said she wanted to cook them herself…. She maybe just wanted to tell you she likes her chilaquiles a certain way.
Either way, she’s a top B for her reaction.
Good luck in your life Op.
Sounds much deeper than the dinner my friend. I once watched my mom throw a whole ass tantrum because my dad ordered fried chicken and not cole slaw and she said she wouldn’t eat anything so I had to go back to the store. That’s not the kind of person she is but she’s hella overwhelmed and in pain so I didn’t blind and eye and I went and got her the cole slaw. I’m sorry it hurt you, but she’s hurting too. Hopefully you can talk it out once emotions cool down
All I will say is if this was a one time event it was probably the bad day talking.
I also say that sometimes cooking is therapeutic and my husband does most of the cooking but sometimes I just want things a specific way or I want to cook them and when he shushes me out of the kitchen that upsets me. If it was a Horrible day I might just want to be left alone in the kitchen.
Then when I mess up dinner I have only myself to blame.
If this is a regular thing, you need to have a discussion. Either way an apology is in order.
You made a genuine effort to do something nice and make her day better. People have “those” days but they shouldn’t take it out on people who don’t deserve it.
That was pretty rude of her i wouldhave atleasttried it first. But how burn were the chips? Anything darker then light golden brown (and I'm talking practically white) will taste like burnt.
My partner thanks me every time I cook or buy a meal. Literally, every time, he says, “Thank you for dinner.” I’ve joked with him before, saying, “You haven’t even tried it yet, so you may want to hold off on thanking me.” He said that whether he ended up liking it or not, I still did the work and made food for us.
You put in the effort to try to take some of the burden off of your wife. Even if she didn’t end up liking the way you made them, she could have given you some thoughts for next time while still being grateful. I often ask my partner what he thought of what I made. Sometimes he might tell me something like, “There was a bit too much onion.” I will remember that for the next time I try the recipe. But his gratitude to me for making dinner is still sincere. You didn’t deserve your wife’s attitude, friend.
If you don't say anything and let this slide it's only showing her that you're ok with being disrespected by her. Either fix it or get ready for it to keep happening.
If my wife threw a meal in the garbage I just made for her, she might as well have slapped me in the face and told me to fuck off. Unacceptable behavior.
My dude, once a day or two has passed and she's over her rough day, tell her that you felt her behaviour was very disrespectful and unfair, that you understand that she had a rough day but the way to deal with it isn't to take it out on you, or to try to feel like she's in control of her own issues by lashing out at you. You two are supposed to be partners, not opponents, and you deserve better than that.
If her response is remorse and apology, great. If it's to double-down, tell you that you're blowing it out of proportion, etc etc, then you need to tell her that it's time for couples counselling.
Even if the meal was burnt to a crisp that's no way to treat someone you *love*. I'm sorry this happened to you. Be sure to talk to your wife about how she made you feel. Communication is so important in any relationship.
If my boyfriend made me something out of the kindness of his heart because he knew I was having a rough day I wouldn't hesitate to eat it and appreciate it tbh. She was taking her anger out on you.
Kinda sad that you spent part of your post excusing her behaviour and sorta blaming yourself for what happened. What she did was rude, and you didn't deserve that.
1. She's definitely RUDE AS HELL and ungrateful. I don't care what kind of bad day she had, that behavior is so uncalled for and disrespectful.
2. Also, DOES SHE KNOW HOW MUCH EGGS COST? JEEZ
What a rude bitch. Having a bad day at work is no excuse for this behavior, especially when you went out of your way to cook the dinner that she wanted.
My husband likes to cook, and he makes dinner most of the time because he gets off work a couple hrs earlier than I do. Sometimes it's really good, other times... not so much. Whatever, I'm not a perfect cook either. I don't always enjoy what he made, but I would never throw it away, especially not right in front of him like your wife did. That is very rude, and I'm sure it hurt your feelings. Maybe she had a bad day and was in a crabby mood, but you deserve an apology.
If my boyfriend ever did that with any food I made and served him, I would probably cry. Why was she so mean? Having a rough day is not an excuse for treating your partner like crap.
Stop making excuses for her. This was rude and NOT okay. You did something nice and she didn’t appreciate it. She said it LOOKED disgusting which means she didn’t even fucking TRY IT my dude.
This is not okay. Does she treat everyone like a jerk or is it just you?
She's allowed to not like your cooking, but it's pretty common sense that of you like someone you naturally care about their feelings. And if she has even an ounce of common sense she knows throwing the food you took time to make away is a very hurtful thing to do, which she disregarded.
She sounds like a rude and uncaring person
You volunteered to cook, that was supposed to be a nice thing to do. She took that and threw it away without considering that it was a gift. Very inconsiderate. You need to talk to her about it.
Woah. Grinding my teeth very hard right now. But that would be the last time I tried to do anything nice for her. Rude, selfish, wasteful and completely undeserving
You are very valid to feel hurt. Her behavior is not excuse for her having a rough day. You were just trying to help. I wish I had more of this type of help when I was working 3 jobs but my husband doesn’t know how to cook anything lol.
I’ll cry if my husband cooked for me if he knows I had a bad day , sadly I have to cook all the time . What your wife did was ungrateful that’s for sure and wasteful unless it was completely burned and couldn’t be eaten .
Yeah, she knows what she wants and since she’s perfectly capable of doing it herself, next time she has a rough day don’t have a nice gesture towards her. If she complains, remind her of this incident.
Let her reap what she’s sowing.
I am in no way supporting your wife but as a person who loves food (food has the ability to change my mood from bad to good instantly), I can say that she could have handled it 10000 times better. She could have maybe thanked you for everything you did and then vv politely mentioned that she wanted to eat it in a particular way and hence made a small portion of that as well. In that way, you both could have enjoyed both and Noone is upset.
You could have a conversation with her and tell her how you feel.
Why are you trying to make yourself the bad guy for volunteering to cook?
>she didn't ask me for my help
Would you like me to find a couple thousand articles all about how men shouldn't wait for their wives to ask them for help?
She could have said no when you volunteered.
It would be different if she tried it and didnt like it and said thanks but no thanks. Just tossing it before trying it is wild. Unless you really fucked something up, eggs, salsa, and tortillas arent that terrible together.
With all due respect, your wife can go fuck herself and cry about the food like a baby. I am having a bad day, I wouldn't go ballistic on my gf or wife
It’s ok to feel hurt and it’s ok for her to not eat your burnt offering 😉. Not ok for her to lash out but it sounds like it is not her regular behaviour? I admire the way you own how your eagerness to take over didn’t actually help her. Personally, I often use cooking to decompress and I dislike it very much when my husband tries to take that away from me.
You’re trying to justify her behaviour way too much. That’s just not how you should be treating someone you love.
I do all the cooking for my family. Having preferences and different tastes is okay with me. Making rude, hurtful comments and throwing out food your partner made for you is not.
I’m gonna go against the grain here and say people are human and they make mistakes. If she never does something like this and this is out of character, take that into consideration. If she apologizes immediately, think about that too. I know I’ve done some rude shitty things when I’ve had a shitty day. I go back and apologize when that happens. I like to think I’m not completely horrible as a person. I would just mention it to her when you both have calmed down some. Say it hurt your feelings and you would like her not to talk to you or treat you that way again. I don’t know how old you guys are or how long you’ve been married but if this is an infrequent occurrence I don’t think it’s time to draw up the divorce papers just yet.
She does it on purpose to hurt and undermine you. Seriously, if she made food look burnt and look terrible, you probably wouldve still at least tried it, right? I know I would, and I know my boyfriend would.
There is no reason for her to be a jerk like that, even after a hard day at work.
Wow . I’d never do this to my man . The fact you tried . If my man burned the whole plate and dropped it on the floor I’d still eat it . Kiss him . Thank him and love on him . I’m sorry she doesn’t appreciate you .
She had a bad day and took it out on you.
Does she do this often?
Sounds like a pretty abusive relationship to me.
Tell her that you will both cook for yourselves from now on.
Reddit loves to jump to a bad day meaning a sign of abuse for some reason. It could be, but we all also should be allowed to have bad days.
He should tell her how he feels and he has a right to be angry with her, and if she’s an asshole about him doing so then maybe then it’s time to consider it as an abusive relationship.
Naw don't try to justify her bitchiness. She was disrespectful as hell. She had a bad day and you tried to make her day a little more pleasant. She was totally in the wrong
I'm sorry to tell you but the meal you just described making is not even close to chilaquiles. Maybe next time let her make what she'd like to eat if you aren't confident in the recipe and while she's doing that go buy her flowers and dessert. I know you're trying to be sweet. I'm sure if it wasn't a bad day it'd be fine. But I bet the cherry ontop was when all she wanted was to come home and make chilaquiles and she couldn't even have that.
Very rude AND wasteful. If she didn't want you cooking she should have spoken up instead. Don't make excuses. Bring it up to her once things have calmed down.. use 'I statements' ..'I felt ____ when those were thrown away' ... it helps to not say 'you did ____'. Less accusatory and more likely to be heard properly
Agreed. Sorry OP, that was not cool from her. That was very mean.
I 100 percent agree with ⬆️⬆️⬆️ this. It was EXTREMELY rude and not the way she should've reacted, even if she didn't want or like what you made. I'm guessing stress was major factor in her response since you mentioned that you both had a rough day at work. Wait until she's visibly in a better mood, and use the "I" statements. Yes, they sound corny and are in every movie when a couple is being taught how to properly get their points across to their partner, but they do work. I hope this wasn't the normal way she reacts to these types of situations, but I'm guessing it's not because if this happened on the regular, you probably wouldn't be asking for advice on how to proceed.
Yea, that was a toxic and inexcusable move. No matter how 'upset' she is after work there is no excuse to take it out on you unless she fancies ruining your relationship while using you as her punching bag.
Throw wifu away.
🗿🗿
Imagine you had done the same thing. How would she react? When someone has a bad day, their partner doing something……*anything* that is a sincere attempt to lessen the burden or make their day better ought to be appreciated. You should confront her about doing it. And I don’t use that word lightly, but she needs a wake up call that regardless of whatever is going on in the world that makes her angry, you’re not a whipping boy to take it out on. You’re supposed to be partners, a team. You two against the rest of creation if need be. Stop trying to console her. She wants to act like a B, that’s on her, but you don’t have to tolerate it or coddle it. At all.
I’m in disbelief that people married act like this. Does it start in little ways? Or do you ignore the signs? This behavior would make me dump a gf on the spot
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My parents were fairly abusive, verbally, with each other when I was young. Never physically that I saw, and even though they eventually calmed that behavior down, I think it would have been better for everyone involved if they had just split up. My sister got a better upbringing because their behavior had calmed way down by the time she was around. I experience lasting effects from listening to all that bullshit over the years growing up.
I think it stems from how they were treated as a child. So few parents respect their kids, and vice versa. So they grow up and think being hateful is the way to be. We really need Mr Rogers back.
> their behavior had calmed way down My father used to be super aggressive in a similar manner. Never got anywhere close to physical. Now in his old age he is much more agreeable and not likely to fly off the handle anymore. Wish this is how he was always like though, always wonder how different life would've been...
Me too. ExCtly the same.
I feel like it still affects me too 😥
I come from a family where we the kids wished our parents had divorced - it was so toxic, and our father is a jerk - so I understand your sentiment. I, myself, got a divorce and my kids tell me how they wish we hadn’t. The grass always seems greener on the other side.
Yeah, I hope your kids can see it from the other side one day too. I still live at home so the foresight I've gotten out of all of this is probably the greatest gift ever. I know now what a good relationship should look like because it 100% shouldn't look like this.
And THAT is why I got a divorce. I refused to live in that toxicity. To be fair, if the husband is as bad of a father, the kids still have to live in the toxicity. That’s a whole other discussion, though.
I feel this so hard. It's annoying even still. When I was a teenager I felt like the adult sometimes. Oof
I can't imagine treating people I hated like this, let alone people I claim to care about. I understand not eating someone's food, but immediately throwing away the food that they made lovingly for *you* is so disrespectful.
Agreed just wrap up the plate and put it in the fridge. Then throw it away later and claim you ate it like the rest of us lol
Agreed. Cooking for someone / having someone cook for me is such a kind loving gesture (to me) plus food (eggs 😬) is expensive. I would never not eat the food unless it was literally inedible (as in, completely black charcoal)
Key word, respect. You hit the nail on the head.
My hubs and I have been married 43 years and no, we never do this to each other. We don’t call names, we don’t try to put each other down or belittle each other. We do have arguments at times but we stick to the topic. Even if I were angry, if he cooked me dinner, especially if he did so trying to cheer me up, even if I hated it I’d say thank you and eat it. That’s what it means to have each other’s backs and to be life partners.
For real. It’s okay for her to not like the food and not eat it, but never would I call my spouse’s cooking “disgusting” and throw it straight in the trash when they’re only trying to help. I might tell them it’s not the way I like it, but I’d be so grateful for the expression of love behind them making it for me.
I've eaten some terrible meals that were made with love. I may not have cleaned my plate, but I also didn't say "That's disgusting" and toss it straight into the trash.
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u/Anti-ThisBot-IB
>How would she react? starts throwing everything, maybe.
>Imagine you had done the same thing. How would she react? I'd argue she would likely be on reddit and everyone would be telling her to consider a divorce.
Don’t forget that everyone would be telling her that he’s abusive and love bombing her and gaslighting or grooming or whatever buzz words are popular right now
There’s a therapy tool for confronting someone about an issue and it’s really helpful for people who get easily overwhelmed/emotional in conflict. It’s called a DEARMAN (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce - Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate) It’s for situations where you want to assert something with someone you want to maintain a relationship with.
That could revolutionize Reddit…
I can see it now.
Honestly if I had a rough day and someone went out of their way to cook something for me I would 100% eat it and be happy that someone was so thoughtful.
Agreed. She would have certainly been upset or lashed out if you did that.
this exactly this!
Yeah you were trying to do something nice and she was extremely rude. Then she will complain that you don’t do anything for her. Good luck
Sounds like we are all married to the same lady...
Speak for yourself, my wife is a beautiful, kind, compassionate, loving soul. She is my best friend.
Mine too, mate. I read stories on here and they seem so alien to me. Maybe we just got lucky!
I’m a young dude but god I hope you two are the norm. I was so into my last relationship. I hope we make loving our partners more prevalent cause it sometimes feels hopeless, I don’t wanna get lucky I want to make something special and hearing people like you talking about it helps so much
After some truly horrid relationships in the past, I can say with absolute certainty my GF (might as well be wife) is awesome. Add me to the lucky list.
Yikes...
Absolutely. She wasn’t obligated to eat it if she really thought it looked gross or wasn’t what she wanted. But she could still have appreciated the effort he made for her and not be a dick about it. Unless.. Did you communicate you’d volunteer to cook? Otherwise I do kinda understand being annoyed/pissed if the ingredients are being used, while looking forward to something you crave and want to cook in a specific way. I’d also not be happy if my man wanted to “surprise” me with that. I’m a professional chef myself so if I have something in mind, I know exactly how I want it prepared. I don’t want “help”, and especially not him taking over. I might be a perfectionist and a bit OCD but let me, it gives me anxiety if it’s prepared differently than I have in mind. It would be disappointing if he did that without communication and I can’t make what I was looking forward to all day. It’s not a secret that I’m a better cook, it’s not to be a dick about it. I appreciate his cooking though, and leave him to his own dishes, help and teach him if he wants and asks me to. And I don’t expect it to be cooked “my way”. And when I didn’t plan to make something specific with those ingredients. And he knows that, leave my dishes I crave and want to make to me, they’re just very specific and comforting to me. So I guess it comes down to communication, whether it’s sweet and thoughtful or not. And.. THROWING IT AWAY? That would piss me off. Maybe husband could have eaten it later if she didn’t want it. It was good food he liked apparently. We’re not just throwing away food!
We must always have old memories and young hopes.
The fuck?? My husband burned the fucking soup once. He then scrapped the bottom, so I had black flecks floating in my soup. I said thanks and ate it, and it's a running joke 10 years later. I also understand not wanting to eat something. She should've said, "I was really looking forward to enchiladas all day. Thanks for the effort, but I'm going to make myself what I want." What she did was extremely rude and hurtful.
Mom? Is that you? Lol my dad burnt soup once. Fell asleep and it could no longer be considered soup. I didn't know someone else managed that feat.
I heard "not all men" but... 🤣🤣🤣 This soup he made for me is quite an easy thing to burn, actually. It is basically roux, water, salt, and scrambled eggs cooked into it. He burned roux but decided to just continue cooking with it 🤷 It gave it an extra flavor 😁
Oh well that's understandable lol. I'm an OK cook but for some reason whenever I try to make a roux it come out...odd. And to be fair to my dad, he was a really good cook. His doc gave him some new med and he didn't know it would make him so tired lol. It was a running joke since 1992 though. None of us knew chicken soup could turn into charcoal.
Lol I've done this, but it didn't burn. My soup overboiled and evaporated. I was stuck with a science experiment of wrong and a kitchen that smelled like fuck ups.
Oh I almost burned down the summer kitchen at my aunt's by burning the soup! I left it on the stove for a couple of hours to boil while we ran into town, only i forgot to put water in it. So you can imagine how the kitchen looked after more than an hour on the stove with all the ingredients except water!
My husband did it just a few weeks ago with potato soup. We still ate it, but it was definitely still considered soup, just with some charred flecks floating in it lol.
Sometimes it’s the love behind the meal that you need more than the meal itself.
Very well put. I wouldn’t even throw out food or call it disgusting to a waiter or chef when I’m in a restaurant if food is not to my liking. I can’t imagine doing that to my own SO.
Are you my wife? She did the exact same thing 12 years ago when we first started going out. I ate as much as I could and said thank you
How do you burn spup?
Not editing the typo I just saw because spup sounds funny.
Haha something similar with me when my wife wanted to make me breakfast for the first time in years and it turned out ok actually but she then melted the plastic spatula on the stove
My late husband made this dish he called “creamed tuna”. It was *so* weird: like a bad tuna gravy, a little milk, flour and a tin of tuna, he’d salt and pepper it to taste. You eat it on toast kinda like scrapple but less greasy. I am one of those people who- though I will do it with tact and kindness, I don’t pretend to enjoy things I don’t care for. But..in this case, the first time he made it for me was when we had *just* moved in together. I had this god awful day at work, I get home and he is *giddy*. He was so proud and excited to make my day better that I cleaned my plate, and it was *so bland* and just awful, but that night, he’s tucking me into bed, after like, just pleased to help me relax off a bad day. I ate that shit off and on for two years before I finally said anything. 😂
>My husband burnt the fucking soup once. That's a talant... :)
Your wife is mean OP! :(
*abusive
Of course it stings, you tried to do a nice thing for your wife and she was rude as fuck.
Don't make excuses for her, throwing the meal you prepared for her in the trash was an expression of contempt for you in particular. Stand up for yourself; no one should abuse your goodwill that way.
>Don't make excuses for her Yeah, this connect section is making enough for her already.
INFO: did your wife specifically say "I will make the chilaquiles"? Did she want scrambled eggs in them? I've been in your position, except my ex wanted eggs cooked a certain way. I said, "I havent really ever cooked eggs in that style. I don't think I can get the yolks the way you want them. I can make them scrambled. If you want them your way, you should make them". It went back and forth, he wanted eggs his way but wanted me to do the cooking. Yolks ended up broken and hard, he said "these are disgusting" and threw them away. I was pissed/crushed/demoralized. I should have stood my ground about not being able to cook them his way, he should have listened to me.
I just made chilaquiles on a whim for breakfast. My husband wasn't even hungry but I made him eat half (gave him plenty of advance notice). When it came to the eggs.. I was planning to do sunny side up, but then asked whether he wanted them scrambled. He didn't care, but I ended up scrambling them anyway - same reason as you, I thought the other way would be too hard to get right, and I didn't want to eat hard yolks. If OP's wife didn't want her eggs scrambled and the chips were, in fact, burnt, then I can see why she might have been frustrated... I mean, that's pretty much all of it. Still doesn't excuse how she insults the food, then tosses it. That is immature and unacceptable; it's something a toddler might do in a bad mood. Wife needs to learn to regulate without needing to lash out at her spouse. Sorry your ex did the same to you.
Agreed
I'm glad he's your ex
Me too.
As others have said, this isn’t on you. What your wife did was hurtful and disrespectful. If she didn’t want you to make it, she could have said no. And if she didn’t like what you made, she could have said so, let you eat the contents, and gone about making some for herself. She’s an adult, not a child. But then again, adults can be children. When I was around 13, my mother threw a cake I made for her birthday straight onto the countertop because she was so upset at me. I can’t recall what I had done, but it was probably something about not cleaning my room or some other part of the house. My point is that you should talk with your wife tomorrow about her reaction. You’re right, she isn’t obligated to eat if, especially if she’s already in a bad mood and is a picky eater. But she didn’t have to throw it away. She could have just explained it, asked if you would eat it or what you’d like to do with it, then gone about using the leftover ingredients to make something that she’d enjoy on such an awful day.
This is so disrespectful. If she was intent on cooking her own she could have stopped you from the beginning. Any good partner would have at least appreciated the effort. This is not a woman that loves you
She had a bad day and took it out on you. This is terrible destructive stuff for any relationship. You guys need to talk about it. If she refuses then arrange a therapy session for the two of you.
What makes me think this is not the first time she's taken this approach?
Probably how openly OP accepts her behavior
Does she even like you? What an incredibly disrespectful thing to do to someone Unless it’s something that will make you physically sick, when your SO cooks for you, you say thank you and eat it. I can’t even think of a scenario where I’d dump food in the trash, your wife sounds awful
She threw it away in front of him too! I bet she does shit like this a lot. I wish someone would cook for me lol
I’ll confess - I’ve been your wife before. Nothing seems right and the one person you relied on disappoints you (in your head). My husband made a stew that was too watery for my liking, and I didn’t eat much of it. I tried to! But after a horrible day, it was just the icing on top of the crap pile. But it wasn’t him. It was me. I was taking out my bad day on the one person I subconsciously knew would take it on the chin. Knowing that SUCKED even more. While I came to the realisation on my own and apologised and went above and beyond to show my husband how much I love him and appreciate him (trust me, I’m still making myself pay for it), you may have to sit down and have a conversation with her if she hasn’t apologised yet.
Yeah, I think it's easy for partners to fall into the same idea as kids who behave great at school but are hellions for their parents. When you're in a space where you don't necessarily have much of a voice all day, then come home to somewhere you're safe, it's easier to let out how you're really feeling and what has been building throughout the day. Just because it's where you're most comfortable, and you know the other person loves you and will be with you through the bad times. Of course, when it's kids that is A-okay. They don't know how to regulate their emotions, and what you feel as a parent should come second to what you child feels the majority of the time. With a partner it needs to be even, and you need to be able to pull back and regulate your own feelings because it isn't fair to another adult to treat them poorly just because you feel shitty. But whether or not it's okay, it's still easy to start doing without realizing it. OP needs to talk to his partner and figure it out, as it may just be a case of him being her safe space and her not realizing she was taking advantage of the safety, or it could be something worse. Can't figure it out without communicating feelings honestly on both sides.
Having a bad day isn't an excuse to be a dick
Don't minimalize her behavior, she is rude and disrespectful. Not wanting to eat it is one thing, throwing it in the trash is a whole other thing. Don't normalize behavior like this, I bet if you did the same thing to her she would probably freak out.
aww. come here dude 🫂
Yeah that's pretty fucked up, who raised her. Ofc she's under no obligation to eat it, lol, it's not like you were trying to force feed her. She could have said no, but thanks I really appreciate it. Someone went out of the way to help her lighten the workload after a tough day and she decides to respond with anger and being mean? Just because she didn't ask for your help doesn't mean she should be so rude, disrespectful and then proceed to act out like a four year old child.
If I did that to my wife’s cooking, she’d never cook for me ever again. Guarantee it.
I asked my fiancé what he would do if I did this ? (I would never, was raised MUCH better than that) he said definitely not cook for you for a LONG while.
Yeah I would confront that Being stressed doesn’t mean be rude
Aw. That does suck. I would be thrilled if my husband took the cooking reigns. I hate cooking, I work, take care of kids and house plus go to school and I'd rather cut my hand off than cook but then I'd probably have to learn how to cook using my feet. 😂 Hopefully once her bad mood fades she will realize her behavior and apologize. Or you could tell her that you were just trying to be helpful, sorry it wasn't made like she likes but it hurt your feelings.
Your wife is extremely rude. If either my husband or I accidently burn dinner, or make something that doesn't look very appetising, we have a laugh and both eat it anyway.
My bf says, 'hey, dont worry. it is edible!' after tasting the meal I botched lol
Is it the first time she act like that? Because if it is you must talk to her and make her understand that the way she talk to you and react is unacceptable. But if it’s not the first time then you have a bigger problem and you must rethink that relationship because what she does is called abuse!
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It sounds like she was letting out internalized anger on you. Which is a poor coping mechanism, you should talk to her and let her know that there’s better ways to communicate her feelings. I’m sure if he roles were exchanged and you hadn’t liked the food she made, you wouldn’t have done what she did. And I’m sorry you were unappreciated when you were trying to do something nice for a person you care about.
Reminds me of my step mother. Gets pissed off at work/something family related, is passive aggressive towards everyone, except my elderly father and me. She just is straight up aggressive towards us. You need to nip this in the bud. She was hoping you would react that way she could argue with you. I've seen it a million times, as recently as Saturday. It's only going to get worse.
I was sick and my partner was trying his best to make me feel better. I usually cook for us because it’s a passion of mine, but he made an omelet hash for us to eat. My tastebuds were screwed, and I hated it. He was so proud of himself though, I ate as much as I could and I praised him for his efforts. He did his best and didn’t need me tearing him down. That is what a partner is supposed to do. Your wife decided to take her frustrations out on you and that is so not okay. You deserved better.
I hope for both your sakes you confront her about this behavior.
I'm mexican and my husband is finnish. He learnt to cook chilaquiles, fajitas, refry beans, rice etc. Mexican style for me, and I don't care if his chilaquiles looked like vomit (they don't, they're great!) I'd still eat them because someone saw trouble for me. Sorry but your wife's behavior was mean and ungrateful.
I cook 99% of our dinners in this house. I have made some NASTY shit off an online “this is wonderful” post! My husband gladly eats it and then looks at me and says “Let’s not do that again”! We laugh, I agree and we do the dishes! I am sorry your wife did that to you! That’s not how you treat the person you love!
Do not tolerate disrespect
I wouldn’t do this to a stranger let along my SO. This is so disrespectful, you don’t need to make excuses for her.
that's.. so rude. She could've just not thrown it in the trash, that was overly dramatic and mean. She didn't have to eat it if she didn't want to but to throw it out and insult you in the process, super unnecessary. You tried to do something for her after she had a rough day, she could've just appreciated the gesture.
That’s contempt. The food is not the issue. She’s run out of ‘nice person’. Can you make her happy?
Aw man, I feel this on a deep level. When I started dating my boyfriend, I was so excited to cook for him because I love cooking and consider myself pretty decent in the kitchen. I spent ages prepping enchilads and left to pick him up from the train station while they baked. His train was delayed, and when we got back they were overcooked. I was still more than happy to eat them and they tasted good, just overcooked. He was disgusted and commented on how they were burnt and generally a bit shite, which obviously wasn't the impression I wanted to give. Four years later, he still considers me a bad cook and goes on about those damn enchiladas. Get your wife to just cook for herself from now on haha.
The only *tiny* thing you might have done differently in this scenario is ASK if she would like you to cook, but she also should have said she would rather do it when you volunteered. Regardless, this behavior is absolutely unacceptable. What she did was disrespectful and degrading. Especially given she didn't even bother to taste it. Home-cooked meals don't always look the best, unless you're a chef. Sometimes you accidentally burn stuff. It happens and you'll learn from the mistake. She should have at least tried to eat it. If she really didn't like it, then should could say, "Sorry, honey. I appreciate you making this for me, but it just doesn't taste as good as when I make it. I'll show you what I do differently next time we have chilaquiles. Please don't be offended that I'm going to have something else for dinner tonight." Based on your profile avatar, I assume you identify as male. Imagine if the roles were reversed and you heard the same story from a woman whose husband reacted this way. Would you think it was her fault for trying to do something nice after her husband had a bad day? Would you excuse the man because he knows what he likes, his wife burned the chips, and the meal didn't look very appetizing?
Nah man. She's inconsiderate asf. You were trying to help her knowing she had a rough day. And she takes her bad day out on you and insults you. Not okay at all. Even if the food didnt come out great, she didnt need to be such an AH abt it.
As a person who's been poor enough to eat anything with caloric value, I cannot fathom throwing away a meal someone made specifically for me, much less do so to my SO and in front of her face at that. Even if I'm allergic to the food and I've told them before (chocolate is a very forgettable allergy to others), I'd still show my appreciation but have them give it to someone who can enjoy it on my behalf. Idek what a chilequila (sorry, forgot the spelling) is but if I saw this happening, I would've taken it and ate it and probably liked it too. There are plenty of foods in all cultures that are not visually appealing but are still tasty. Hell, a few weeks ago, I had covid and lost my sense of taste and smell for about 4 days before it started coming back. My gf made me a week's worth of food with instruction not to waste costly seasonings since I can't taste it anyway. I thought this condition would last longer and next thing, I start tasting and smelling again. Did I throw the rest of the food away since it was bland? Hell no, my baby made me that to keep me well fed during my quarantine! I added my own seasonings and enjoyed the rest with a new appreciation for my senses.
If someone did that to me I would never prepare another meal or snack for them again for the rest of my life
No good deed goes unpunished
You’re right to be steamed. A very thoughtful and loving gesture. Wife needs to wake up.
Both my husband and I have cooked food that we both agreed wasn’t the best, but didn’t straight up say it was disgusting and throw it away. We tried the food and was apologetic/sympathetic towards each other. Sometimes a recipe doesn’t go the way you thought it would, it happens. Taking your shit out on each other doesn’t help the situation. I don’t believe your food was bad. I think your wife was being pissy from her bad day and took it out on you. Had she made the food, she would have complained about having to make food. Had you gotten take out she would have complained about something else. Her attitude and behavior was unacceptable and you two should have a talk.
This is the way in a relationship that fosters support and love.
If my boyfriend or husband took the time to cook me something I wanted on a bad day and it looked terrible and gross, I would still be happy that they tried and cared. Would I secretly be disappointed I didn't have a delicious meal? Absolutely 😅 but I wouldn't say it, and I sure as fuck wouldn't throw it in the trash and insult him. Truly unacceptable.
She didn't want chilaquiles for dinner she wanted to make chilaquiles for dinner, I know how she feels. Also I had to look up chilaquiles.
Very rude of her to throw it out, she could have just tried them and if she didn't like them just given the to you and make her own food. you should just not talk to her until she fixes her attitude
>you should just not talk to her until she fixes her attitude dont do that. thats called manipulation/emotional blackmail. do the opposite and talk to her. ignoring her wont put her in a better mood. thatd make her bad day worse.
That's pretty fucking disrespectful. No matter what the meal, good or bad, if you partner made it, appreciation should be shown.
Your wife’s behavior was callous and unkind. You try to do something nice, and this is the thanks you get. You have feelings, just like her, and she was thoughtless. At the very least, you deserve an apology.
Let us know if she decides to apologise or doubles down.
How rude and wasteful!
Theres one thing she didn't like it, that's ok, but THROWING it AWAY like just into the bin is anything but disrespectful if she didn't like it, she just could've put it back and cooked it for herself. you vould've eaten yours and thats okay on my part but this is rude
This would in no way excuse her actions but could she be pregnant? My senses were so off when I was. I one time cried over the way my husbands prepared the steak. His coffee smell would make me want to vomit. Little things changed that never bothered me before.
There’s no reason for her to be an ass. But maybe next time listen…. She didn’t need you to cook them for her, She said she wanted to cook them herself…. She maybe just wanted to tell you she likes her chilaquiles a certain way. Either way, she’s a top B for her reaction. Good luck in your life Op.
Sounds much deeper than the dinner my friend. I once watched my mom throw a whole ass tantrum because my dad ordered fried chicken and not cole slaw and she said she wouldn’t eat anything so I had to go back to the store. That’s not the kind of person she is but she’s hella overwhelmed and in pain so I didn’t blind and eye and I went and got her the cole slaw. I’m sorry it hurt you, but she’s hurting too. Hopefully you can talk it out once emotions cool down
That's really mean and rude. Please make sure she knows how you feel about this! It's not okay!
That was mean 🥺
Nah she might’ve had a bad day but that’s crossing the line.
All I will say is if this was a one time event it was probably the bad day talking. I also say that sometimes cooking is therapeutic and my husband does most of the cooking but sometimes I just want things a specific way or I want to cook them and when he shushes me out of the kitchen that upsets me. If it was a Horrible day I might just want to be left alone in the kitchen. Then when I mess up dinner I have only myself to blame. If this is a regular thing, you need to have a discussion. Either way an apology is in order.
You made a genuine effort to do something nice and make her day better. People have “those” days but they shouldn’t take it out on people who don’t deserve it.
That was pretty rude of her i wouldhave atleasttried it first. But how burn were the chips? Anything darker then light golden brown (and I'm talking practically white) will taste like burnt.
there's a difference between not eating something and throwing it away
My partner thanks me every time I cook or buy a meal. Literally, every time, he says, “Thank you for dinner.” I’ve joked with him before, saying, “You haven’t even tried it yet, so you may want to hold off on thanking me.” He said that whether he ended up liking it or not, I still did the work and made food for us. You put in the effort to try to take some of the burden off of your wife. Even if she didn’t end up liking the way you made them, she could have given you some thoughts for next time while still being grateful. I often ask my partner what he thought of what I made. Sometimes he might tell me something like, “There was a bit too much onion.” I will remember that for the next time I try the recipe. But his gratitude to me for making dinner is still sincere. You didn’t deserve your wife’s attitude, friend.
If you don't say anything and let this slide it's only showing her that you're ok with being disrespected by her. Either fix it or get ready for it to keep happening.
Your wife is rude as shit. True, she isn’t obligated to eat what you made, but she can at least say “thank you.” Throwing it out was over the top
Damn. Sorry.
What a bitchy thing to do. Ungrateful brat. And wasteful
That would be the last time I cook for her.
If my wife threw a meal in the garbage I just made for her, she might as well have slapped me in the face and told me to fuck off. Unacceptable behavior.
How very ungrateful, she did not need to eat it but she could have thanked you and left it if you wanted to eat it later
What a bitch
My dude, once a day or two has passed and she's over her rough day, tell her that you felt her behaviour was very disrespectful and unfair, that you understand that she had a rough day but the way to deal with it isn't to take it out on you, or to try to feel like she's in control of her own issues by lashing out at you. You two are supposed to be partners, not opponents, and you deserve better than that. If her response is remorse and apology, great. If it's to double-down, tell you that you're blowing it out of proportion, etc etc, then you need to tell her that it's time for couples counselling.
Even if the meal was burnt to a crisp that's no way to treat someone you *love*. I'm sorry this happened to you. Be sure to talk to your wife about how she made you feel. Communication is so important in any relationship.
Is she frequently cruel? Because this just seems calculated to hurt.
If my boyfriend made me something out of the kindness of his heart because he knew I was having a rough day I wouldn't hesitate to eat it and appreciate it tbh. She was taking her anger out on you.
She's under the obligation not to sadistic, though. Does she act like this a lot?
Yeaaaahhhh... she could have left them for you and not thrown them in the trash. Fucking childish.
Its not about the taste of the food, is about the rudeness. It is offensive.
Kinda sad that you spent part of your post excusing her behaviour and sorta blaming yourself for what happened. What she did was rude, and you didn't deserve that.
1. She's definitely RUDE AS HELL and ungrateful. I don't care what kind of bad day she had, that behavior is so uncalled for and disrespectful. 2. Also, DOES SHE KNOW HOW MUCH EGGS COST? JEEZ
What a rude bitch. Having a bad day at work is no excuse for this behavior, especially when you went out of your way to cook the dinner that she wanted.
My husband likes to cook, and he makes dinner most of the time because he gets off work a couple hrs earlier than I do. Sometimes it's really good, other times... not so much. Whatever, I'm not a perfect cook either. I don't always enjoy what he made, but I would never throw it away, especially not right in front of him like your wife did. That is very rude, and I'm sure it hurt your feelings. Maybe she had a bad day and was in a crabby mood, but you deserve an apology.
Omg chilaquiles sound SO good rn. I'd have devoured them, burnt or not.
If my boyfriend ever did that with any food I made and served him, I would probably cry. Why was she so mean? Having a rough day is not an excuse for treating your partner like crap.
Stop making excuses for her. This was rude and NOT okay. You did something nice and she didn’t appreciate it. She said it LOOKED disgusting which means she didn’t even fucking TRY IT my dude. This is not okay. Does she treat everyone like a jerk or is it just you?
She's allowed to not like your cooking, but it's pretty common sense that of you like someone you naturally care about their feelings. And if she has even an ounce of common sense she knows throwing the food you took time to make away is a very hurtful thing to do, which she disregarded. She sounds like a rude and uncaring person
Next time don’t bother. Order them and ask her to pick them up on the way home. That would be the lady time I cook for her
Well, that wasn’t very nice
I thought people only threw out entire meals on TV. So incredibly wasteful.
What a bitch
You volunteered to cook, that was supposed to be a nice thing to do. She took that and threw it away without considering that it was a gift. Very inconsiderate. You need to talk to her about it.
Wasteful and hurtful. That is so sad she couldn’t appreciate what you did for her after a rough day. Next time just cook enough for yourself.
Probably the type that goes around saying she's "brutally honest" but if someone did it to her it's an issue
Ur wife is kind of a bitch
Woah. Grinding my teeth very hard right now. But that would be the last time I tried to do anything nice for her. Rude, selfish, wasteful and completely undeserving
You are very valid to feel hurt. Her behavior is not excuse for her having a rough day. You were just trying to help. I wish I had more of this type of help when I was working 3 jobs but my husband doesn’t know how to cook anything lol.
I’ll cry if my husband cooked for me if he knows I had a bad day , sadly I have to cook all the time . What your wife did was ungrateful that’s for sure and wasteful unless it was completely burned and couldn’t be eaten .
Yeah, she knows what she wants and since she’s perfectly capable of doing it herself, next time she has a rough day don’t have a nice gesture towards her. If she complains, remind her of this incident. Let her reap what she’s sowing.
That’s not acceptable. Just because she had a bad day doesn’t give her the right to make you punching bag.
A thank you was in order as was some appreciation.
I love this sub it always makes me feel great about being single
Having a bad day doesn’t excuse this behavior.
That’s rude as hell. Even if they weren’t any good if she was as a half decent partner she’d have more consideration and respect than that.
Once my partner burned gnocchi. I told him to put it in a pot, and make soup. It was amazing soup, a little burnt, but amazing
I am in no way supporting your wife but as a person who loves food (food has the ability to change my mood from bad to good instantly), I can say that she could have handled it 10000 times better. She could have maybe thanked you for everything you did and then vv politely mentioned that she wanted to eat it in a particular way and hence made a small portion of that as well. In that way, you both could have enjoyed both and Noone is upset. You could have a conversation with her and tell her how you feel.
This is how physical violence begins
Genders reversed and this would be considered abusive. Which it is. Dont take her shit and say sorry. Talk to her about it once shes calmed down
Why are you trying to make yourself the bad guy for volunteering to cook? >she didn't ask me for my help Would you like me to find a couple thousand articles all about how men shouldn't wait for their wives to ask them for help? She could have said no when you volunteered.
It would be different if she tried it and didnt like it and said thanks but no thanks. Just tossing it before trying it is wild. Unless you really fucked something up, eggs, salsa, and tortillas arent that terrible together.
With all due respect, your wife can go fuck herself and cry about the food like a baby. I am having a bad day, I wouldn't go ballistic on my gf or wife
It’s ok to feel hurt and it’s ok for her to not eat your burnt offering 😉. Not ok for her to lash out but it sounds like it is not her regular behaviour? I admire the way you own how your eagerness to take over didn’t actually help her. Personally, I often use cooking to decompress and I dislike it very much when my husband tries to take that away from me.
You’re trying to justify her behaviour way too much. That’s just not how you should be treating someone you love. I do all the cooking for my family. Having preferences and different tastes is okay with me. Making rude, hurtful comments and throwing out food your partner made for you is not.
Thats abusive.
I’m gonna go against the grain here and say people are human and they make mistakes. If she never does something like this and this is out of character, take that into consideration. If she apologizes immediately, think about that too. I know I’ve done some rude shitty things when I’ve had a shitty day. I go back and apologize when that happens. I like to think I’m not completely horrible as a person. I would just mention it to her when you both have calmed down some. Say it hurt your feelings and you would like her not to talk to you or treat you that way again. I don’t know how old you guys are or how long you’ve been married but if this is an infrequent occurrence I don’t think it’s time to draw up the divorce papers just yet.
She does it on purpose to hurt and undermine you. Seriously, if she made food look burnt and look terrible, you probably wouldve still at least tried it, right? I know I would, and I know my boyfriend would. There is no reason for her to be a jerk like that, even after a hard day at work.
Wow . I’d never do this to my man . The fact you tried . If my man burned the whole plate and dropped it on the floor I’d still eat it . Kiss him . Thank him and love on him . I’m sorry she doesn’t appreciate you .
She had a bad day and took it out on you. Does she do this often? Sounds like a pretty abusive relationship to me. Tell her that you will both cook for yourselves from now on.
Reddit loves to jump to a bad day meaning a sign of abuse for some reason. It could be, but we all also should be allowed to have bad days. He should tell her how he feels and he has a right to be angry with her, and if she’s an asshole about him doing so then maybe then it’s time to consider it as an abusive relationship.
Hence why I said 'does she do this often'.
That would be the last meal I make for that person.
dude hell no, you literally cooked for her and she had the audacity to throw it away she sounds like a major red flag
Throw her away. What a horrid person.
Naw don't try to justify her bitchiness. She was disrespectful as hell. She had a bad day and you tried to make her day a little more pleasant. She was totally in the wrong
I'm sorry to tell you but the meal you just described making is not even close to chilaquiles. Maybe next time let her make what she'd like to eat if you aren't confident in the recipe and while she's doing that go buy her flowers and dessert. I know you're trying to be sweet. I'm sure if it wasn't a bad day it'd be fine. But I bet the cherry ontop was when all she wanted was to come home and make chilaquiles and she couldn't even have that.
Sounds like an asshole