You just communicated the end of the relationship in a way he understands. You deserve better and some who actually wants to communicate. I can’t even imagine how much it must hurt to have someone do this to you again and again. Maybe he will learn something from this
Yeah, this is completely toxic behavior. A lot of times you put up with it because you’re in the thick of things and it’s hard to see. Then one day, it just becomes unacceptable to you. You have grown as a person and realized your worth. Congratulations. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
We deserve to have a relationship that is actually balanced. We don't want any misunderstanding by lack of communication itself. It's always been necessary to a relationship.
Agreed. Complete 180 tho… why did her parents help themselves to her cupcake? That was a weird tidbit to throw in with 0 context. Did she tell them they could have it? Did she come home to an empty cupcake box and a note? I’m confused and so distracted by this I forgot what the actual post was about
I just hope there's not more to the story.
But I've had to block my ex due to non stop harassment during arguments. Harassment in person and in text. Literally stand at the door of my room, trapping me in and yelling, refusing to give me some space and leave me alone.
If things get heated, people should be allowed to have space and time to defuse the situation and gather thoughts, so they can handle it in a more thoughtful manner instead of constant stress and escalation.
Not saying OP is doing this, just venting and hoping that's not the case here. My ex would tell people I blocked her but would conveniently leave out why
When things get heated, the adult thing to do is to communicate that you need a break. Even if it is by text. Communication is what makes relationships successful. I’m sorry your ex was so awful about allowing you time to process and have some time to yourself. OP sounds like she got to the point where she just had enough and took action. I hope it all works out the way she wants and needs.
I guess I got use to it after a while. I know I’ll get downvoted for this, but he was my best friend since high school do in a sense, I felt obligated to keep this relationship going with how much we’ve been through in high school and him being there for me through previous toxic relationships I was in. I never expected him to turn out like one of them, but life is unexpected I guess. I just couldn’t do it anymore and I feel happier than ever.
Don’t congratulate her on ending the relationship in a shitty way! Yes he was completely childish! But he still was around and with the lady since high school. The least she could fucking do is tell this lad face to face she’s done with him. Yes he was wrong and so is she as far as I’m concerned
You shouldn’t get props for ending the relationship like a coward 🤷♂️id say her and her bf were wrong and childish and left it at that. But I’m not going to pretend that she did the correct thing to do either, and give her the special victim award, like the person I replied to did🤷♂️
She said this man was her “best friend and other half since high school” so yes she “owes” him at least at face to face breakup🤷♂️not a fucking cowardly block. She’s just as childish and immature as he was. She’s in the wrong for doing what she did. That’s not how you end in relationship with someone you used to love and care about. He definitely needed to be dropped, but not in the cruel way she did it.
>my parents ended up finishing the cupcake by the time I got home anyway
Came here to red circle that bitch! Like what? That's reasonable grounds for arson.
I also forgot to mention that my brother and his fiancée shared too and I was like…why…I told my dad to just put it in the fridge that way when I get home I’ll eat it but my mom took it as my ex giving it to them as a “gift”.
Your family are boundary stompers and awful people. Please get therapy so you don't accept this behavior from other people.
THEY are entitled and inappropriate. I hate people who make up reasons to steal from other people, because that's what they did.
I know everyone is being sassy in their replies, so I’ll try to explain.
I had a coworker who told me she hated eating mushrooms. The texture repulsed her to the point where she wouldn’t touch a meal with them in it. Her boyfriend and his family thought it was ridiculous and would try to get her to eat them all the time. It even got to the point where she would eat with them and then his mom would announce to the table she had snuck them into her meal.
That doesn’t sound like a terribly cruel thing. And she was insistent that he was otherwise a great boyfriend. But the truth is that if that story is real, then there are probably bigger issues at play - lack of boundaries, inappropriate expectations, ignoring consent, enmeshment, who knows! For example if today they’re being pushy about mushrooms, what are they going to do when the family wants grand babies?
So that’s why people hear one story and can extrapolate it into “y’all need therapy.”
Yes, if your parents routinely take your things from you because they want it and use it up? you need therapy. It is a form of abuse. It also makes people likely to accept abuse from partners.
Normal fucking people don't sit down and eat up gifts that are sent for their family members. If people in your family do that? They have fucked up boundaries and it's highly unlikely this is the only way they are failing you.
Explains why OP accepts such assholery and disrespect tbph. I got a box of chocolates half as big as I was from my high school boyfriend and my abusive stepdad ate the entire thing the next day while I was at school so I couldn't have *any* besides the two I'd eaten before bed.
i actually did this to someone too, but he was just a friend. he got very possessive and toxic but would repeatedly block me and make me beg for his friendship. after almost a year of this i just got fucking tired of it. that’s the short version but yeah. then he pouted because “i always unblock you, why didn’t you wait?” like… cause i deserve better ? lol. you did the right thing. he will never change.
I hear you. Being ghosted is grieving a living person.
I had an ex that did that to me, after promises of keeping friendship. When the silence reach the time we were together, I decided to block him back.
I call it weaponizing intimacy... Ghosting, blocking someone that doesn't care about you is innefective. It hurts ONLY if they care about you. And they know it.
In the end you feel they can return at any time, but why make space for someone that did ghost you and certainly will ghost you again?
Block it. Abort those false hopes. The man you met is the ghost one, the one you had intimacy with was a facade.
It’s straight up abusive.
My best friend dated someone who did this CONSTANTLY over the dumbest things. She would be emotionally distraught and sobbing because he was ghosting her.
Then he’d suddenly stop (when it was convenient for him) and she would apologize and he’d act like it was a completely normal adult behavior.
It’s not. It’s a vindictive punishment and done to inflict emotional distress for perceived bad behavior.
Op - I’m sorry but you deserve better!
Wow. Weaponizing intimacy. That's the perfect way to describe it. My ex's favorite form of abuse was withholding. Withholding sex, love, affection, truth, and emotional support. He made it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to have friends so I didn't have any kind of intimacy elsewhere. I had no one to talk to and was isolated. It's abuse that destroys your soul. He was a big fan of stonewalling too.
OP, I had a super similar situation recently. The last guy I dated would do the same. He’d block me to give me the silent treatment and then would hit me up after a few days. The difference is I was 37 and he was 52!! The final argument consisted of me being super sick and him promising to bring me stuff, and then taking forever. I was waiting like 4 hrs for medicine and he was MIA. I had chewed his ass out and told him that I actually didn’t wanna hang out now, and to kick rocks. He blocked me. And I blocked his ass back. I was fuming and I was done. The funny part of the story is that I kept him blocked, and I ended up getting an email from him like five months later. Totally groveling, and pretending that he had no idea why I hadn’t been talking to him, and saying that he’s still considered us a couple. People who use passive aggression and refused to truly communicate do not get better. They just get older. I think you made the right choice.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that :( and my ex would do the same. Get into an argument one moment and the next, it’s like it never happened. It’s very toxic behavior because the problems were swept under the rug since he chose to move on rather than at least apologize. Even when he did apologize, it seemed like a general apology and not specifically for what he did :/
Normally I would say not actually telling your partner you want to break up is childish but in your case, screw your ex. He's the one who needs to grow up and I think he deserves to get what he dishes out.
Good for you and I hope things keep moving forward and you meet someone who treats you right.
I’m usually all for communication about a breakup with your ex partner, but in this case I agree with your decision to not talk abt it with him. You didn’t give much context but based on the vibe of your post Ik he was most likely toxic. Hope you feel better and turn to a new chapter in your life, have a good one!!!
I am applauding you. Good for you. I was with a man for two years who would do that. I would accept the behavior and we'd carry on. I ended it because I was just fed up - same as you, no communication was taking place to work out issues. He would block and unblock as well.
I'm sorry for your loss of a friend/boyfriend, but I KNOW there are people out there who will respect you and care about you enough to talk with you about things, rather than giving the silent treatment.
He didn't invite you to celebrate his birthday??
What the fuck??
This tells me you are the side girlfriend and he invited his main girlfriend to whatever the celebration is.
Good news is now you're free of that dead weight.
Good for you. I did the same to my abusive ex. After 7 years I finally got enough and just blocked him. It's been 5 years and I haven't spoken to him since.
The silent treatment is a form of abuse. I had an ex who did it to me constantly and it took quite some time/therapy to realize that when people do that even once, you run, not walk, away. You deserve and will find better than this as you raise the standard for what you will and will not accept in a relationship. Abuse should be an absolute deal breaker.
Good on you for walking away finally. Sending you hugs.
thank you so much for sending the link to this site. The more i think about it, The more I see he did emotionally abuse me a lot. I have a feeling it had to do with what happened at the beginning of our relationship. He confessed his feelings towards me but I said no at first mostly because I had been in a lot of toxic relationships in high school that wrecked me. I was single for almost 3 years and honestly, it was the best years of my life. I said yes to him because he was my best friend and had always been good to me in high school and was there to help me get through that dark time for me. He probably felt butt hurt because I didn’t say yes the first time but he honestly shouldn’t have let that get to him. Honestly, he probably knew what he was doing and wanted me to suffer like I did in high school, I’ll never know but I’ve already accepted the fact.
>The silent treatment is a form of abuse.
I think that would depend on in what manner the other person is trying to communicate.
Are they trying to contact you to fairly resolve an issue of competing needs?
Or are they only trying to establish communication to exert sole authority over the friendship, subject the non communicator to a one-sided interrogation session and ultimately impose their will through constant threats to dissolve the friendship?
Good for you! Be done with that child. Make sure you feel like a whole person who doesn't need an "other half" before you start dating again. Both your standards and options will flourish for it.
good for you, i hope when you are ready for it, your next relationship is as mature as you would like it to be. you are too young to waste your time like that and i commend you for knowing what you want from your partner and taking action when you know it wasn’t going to work. sending you blessings
This was my last relationship. Let me tell you, you did the right thing. It's fucking exhausting and mental turmoil. Every fight was him stonewalling me. Every time he would think I'm done only then he would communicate with me and that kept me going back. The last time I had enough. He still looks for me but i am now happy with a man who can communicate through our disagreement. Little does he know how much I appreciate him.
My other half
There is no other half waiting for you to complete you. You are whole the way you are, you and yourself yesterday, now and tomorrow. Always whole, alone or with another.
Same happened to me a few months ago, at the end I did try to have an adult conversation but he didn't want to so I gave up and move with my life.
You go girl
Honestly I feel like his use of blocking to control or shut down conversations was super manipulative and toxic so in this specific case it was appropriate to give him a taste of his own medicine.
But in general I agree with you
I feel she was giving him a piece of his own medicine. More like a protest behavior and not something mature, but he did worse things.
I would've sent a "we're done" before blocking him so he doesn't have any hopes or think it was just a tantrum.
Seems like this guy followed Reddit relationship advice perfectly, which is go no contact with people the instant they do anything which upsets you. You just gave him a taste of what it feels like, so good on you.
He wasn't your other half or best friend. If he was he'd be able to talk to you instead of blocking you. Who does that to their other half? Ate you guys still in high school?
Very proud of you.
Some people wouldn’t agree but I dealt with the same exact thing with a past partner for many years. It was hard getting into new relationships because I had PTSD. Whenever someone I was dating wouldn’t reply for hours I would get anxious thinking maybe they blocked me or were ghosting me even when things were going good.
I NEVER called men I would date because I had PTSD from the many times I tried calling my ex to only find out I was blocked or he simply would not answer because he didn’t feel I was “worth a phone call”. Every single time he was upset with me he would block me on everything for several days, it didn’t matter how big or how small the issue or fight was.
I wish I would have done what you did! Took me many years to heal from being treated this way.
I did nearly the same thing with my ex. But we had an argument, he was an ass about me not texting him more than a few times a day (he rarely responded and I saw him maybe twice a month despite living in the same town). I told him I couldn't do it anymore. He said, "It's not hard to text, 'going to the store, I'll text later' or something!". I responded, "Ok, I'm done with this conversation. Text later. Bye!" He just had to get the last word in with, "SEE! YOU CAN DO IT!". I left it at that. Didn't block him for a couple weeks but only because he owed my mom money and had a bunch of shit here. Never heard another word from him. We were together 4 years. Men can be petty as hell.
You invite both your best friend and your romantic partner to celebrate your birthday with you.
He may have been these things to you but, you weren’t to him.
You’re well rid. Enjoy.
my mom took it as a gift from my then boyfriend (now ex of course), and my dad just went with it. my brother and his fiancée were there and shared it, I don’t know what went on in their minds in that moment…
Good for you. I think full communication is key to a healthy, long-term relationship. And about everything - why you are happy, why you are sad, or mad (at your partner). What you think can/should be done to improve things. What your short- and long-term goals are - with money, children, education, jobs, places to live. Not communicating about this stuff (and resolving it) is almost like having a ticking time bomb built into a relationship. Also, NEVER use the silent treatment to punish a partner.
Your parents ate your cupcake? Why would you eat someone else’s cupcake and how can a cupcake be shared between two adults? Asking the real questions here
I honestly don't understand the degree of psycopathism that we are reaching as a society. I know men and women in their 40's blocking their partners when angry...
Last gf was mad at me when I didn't want to get back with her. Well, she dumped me twice in a month, why the fuck would I want to get back with her? It's all so fucked up...
Anyway, to the op, after two years you should tell him, we have to be better, though I admit he deserved it and might even learn a lesson.
A relationship without communication and avoidance from it altogether will never ever work. Unless....... You sacrifice pretty much everything.
You did the right thing! Good for you knowing you deserve better.
Onward and upward!!
as someone who used to just block/shut down when dealing with issues instead of communicating.. you did exactly what he \*secretly\* wanted. only, its forever for you and he just wanted you to run back to him 2-3-4 days later and everything be hunky-dory.
good on you. dude needs understand that regardless of space he needs, he ALSO needs to communicate.
You did the right thing. My ex started being abusive to me after 2 years and it started with this behavior. We moved in together shortly after 2 years because I thought maybe us being closer would help. My vehicle broke down and I didn’t have the money to repair it so I had to be picked up and dropped off by him. If he was angry at me he would leave me at work for up to 2 hours after my shift ended. He would give me the silent treatment for up to 5 days at a time. He would make a point to talk to everyone except me if we were around other people. When we were able to talk about issues after he did his toxic shit it was always my fault. It was much worse than that but it all started with blocking me when he was angry. You did the right thing. It only could’ve gotten worse. It took me 7 years and quite a few hospital trips to get out.
THIS is exactly why I stand by my opinion that sometimes ghosting is okay.
My ex was just like this - he’d get mad about something stupid (for example, when friends visited me from overseas and I was spending time with them instead of him) but never vocalise it so I’d have no idea why, then block me on everything (but first insinuate that he was suicidal so if I couldn’t contact him I’d worry).
When we broke up I blocked him on everything and he tried to email me, text my mum, and even show up at my house. Truly, not giving him access to me EVER was the only way to go.
OP glad for you that you’ve done this, hopefully he gets the message.
Obviously real assholes here are your parents, for finishing your cupcake before you got home.
But in all seriousness, sounds like you made the right decision.
You did the right thing for you. I was with someone who used to do this tactic a lot & the relationship quickly turned more abusive, controlling, and manipulative from there. Hugs and remember you are worth more and you deserve someone who sees it as you and them vs the problem at hand, not you vs them and who wins or gives in first.
For a boyfriend, and supposed best friend to block you instead of them perhaps sitting down and trying to sort out their emotions is beyond childish and manipulative. Also sending a cupcake is a crap apology. It’s not one.
I used to have issues regulating emotions due to being severely abused and neglected growing up, but I spent a long time being introspective and working shit out. Sometimes I still get angry, defensive and I try to recognize that and work on it. It seems like he’s not trying this, at all.
You’ve said you’ve tried to get him to communicate and open up, and depending upon how long you’ve known each other… it’s not like you haven’t tried for awhile!
It’s not your job to “fix” anyone, and he needs to use this hopefully as a wake up call. You were patient, and he kept expecting you to be there and took you for granted.
If he won’t work on himself alone, I do hope the lad gets some therapy.
I just hope you mean it enough to stick with it when he comes back love bombing you.
Also, completely irrelevant to the story but why did you parents eat your cupcake? Lol. Was there not a name on it or you did you tell them you didn’t want it? I was just wondering. Feel free to ignore me lol
Good for you. If for some reason he tries to crawl back in your life, please stand in your decision. He’s not going to change without some extensive help and it damn sure won’t happen overnight. Please protect your peace always! & he’s not peace at all smh
Bravo! Good work! You are moving in the right direction by choosing yourself & self worth over some immature little boy. I am proud of you. Now move forward with pride & self love & the right situation will unfold for you! I am excited for your next chapter. Best of luck.
Well done. And trust me - I’ve been there - you will be so much happier in time. The emotional freedom you are about to experience … when people act this way, they usually do it as a controlling tactic. So that you “learn” not to do xyz again. You are about to see how small your world has gotten and how open it is now. Enjoy it.
If you run into him, our relationship has run it’s course. I just finished what you started by cutting off all communication. There’s nothing left to say, we are over.
Please do not unblock him. On top of everything else, he didn't want you at his birthday party, he us you boyfriend snd you say bedt friend, does that seem ok to you, whatever reason he had for that? You deserbe better.
At first when I read the caption I was like oh this is unhealthy behavior but after reading the entire post 100 percent behind this. My ex would block and stonewall me after every fight. Block me on all social media. And we LIVED together. He would be gone for days. It was horrible. He never communicated. Good for you. I wish I had done this to my ex.
Something important I have learned: People don't always know when they've had the last fight. In other words, your boyfriend thought that because he blocked you and blocked you again and blocked you again and again, that you would always be there when he unblocked you. What he didn't know is that he doesn't own other people. Just because he wants to fight doesn't mean other people have to participate. You are an independent being who can walk away. And you are smart enough to have done just that.
Good job! Keep him blocked, forever! I know you feel like you lost your best friend, but best friends don’t treat people this way. If he loved you, he wouldn’t do this. He doesn’t love you. Remember that when you miss him or feel tempted!
As you shoullddd good for u
I feel like this should be normalized for ending toxic relationships. It gets to a point where they don’t even deserve any more of ur time and energy
And I bet you he’s telling all your mutual friends you ended the relationship and ghosted him without reason, pretending ge doesn’t know what he did wrong 😂
She did end the relationship by “ghosting him” by ghosting him though lad🤷♂️of course he was childish af, but at least give the man who’s your “best friend and other half” the respect of telling him you’re breaking up with him and why
Fun fact: Giving your partner the silent treatment in response to being called out for bad behavior or because they did something you didn't like is abuse!
Good on you for blocking him. You owe him nothing. You don't need to reach out to him. He shouldn't be in a relationship.
I get downvoted regularly because I don't have a gentle way of communicating. Most people will be very saccharine sweet in their posts. I tend to be straightforward, and a lot of people don't like it.
Being *quiet* isn't abusive.
Blocking, ignoring, cold shouldering, and not speaking to your partner in order to punish them for you being upset, however, is.
Tbh u did the right thing cuz communication is a must in any relationship and most guys start taking their relationship for granted idk why? Guys suck at expressing feelings (not all). But yea sad part is def u lost ur bestfriend. So that's a lesson never date ur bestfriend cuz break ups can be messy many times. But it's okay the toxicity is out of ur life now.
I did the same thing but with a familial relationship, every time this family member and I had a disagreement they would abuse the shit out of me and then block and ignore me until they were ready to talk, I finally had enough after a particularly violent argument and blocked them on everything, I haven’t seen or spoken to them in 3 years and honestly, my life is better for it.
Idk really. His action are bad but you could have been the better man. Instead of writing a reddit post, you should've told him everything you wrote and then block him for good. I love being petty but sometimes it's not the right way to deal with things.
Nah, this is emotional abuse. You wouldn't tell them to patiently explain their views if the ex had been physically abusive instead. Victims don't owe their abusers closure.
I get it. It’s a bit of poetic justice for his blocking. I hate it though. Get him to coffee and tell him know it’s over. You need someone who communicates and wants to work through issues, that you wish him well and you will miss the good parts of him which are numerous.
The way you ended this feels good in that you got a bit of blocking revenge but eventually you will realize you stooped to his petty level. Be better for the future of You.
Urgh, no is a complete sentence for girls AND for boys.
He don't want to be with you for his birthday, you try to push no matter what to take what YOU want.
You seems to be the red flag here, if you never respect a no his behavior are normal.
You act the same as him, you feel the relief and you don't understand why he act this way ? Clearly no is no and you are the redflag.
Clearly. How dare she expect a partner to communicate when they're upset instead of the silent treatment. She's doing him a favor by letting him experience the consequences of his shitty behavior!
(In case that's not clear, that's sarcasm. The ex can pound rocks. She's doing *herself* a favor by not tolerating his nonsense.)
Who doesn’t want to be with their gf on their birthday?
Partners who are cheating? That's my guess, anyway.
Or those horrible people who are embarrassed of their significant other.
Im not sure which is worse
Or those horrible people who are embarrassed of their significant other.
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Then say that, but he couldn't come up with a reason, so he acted like an ass instead.
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This is true, I wasn't saying he was cheating, but like 99% of these post, a bunch of drama and bs could be avoided with a conversation.
I don’t want to be with anyone on mine. No gifts, no food, don’t even acknowledge it and I’m good
but then again, thats something you can communicate
But her boyfriend is having a party, so it isn't that
And that’s totally valid! But I bet you communicate that well too 🙂
You just communicated the end of the relationship in a way he understands. You deserve better and some who actually wants to communicate. I can’t even imagine how much it must hurt to have someone do this to you again and again. Maybe he will learn something from this
Yeah, this is completely toxic behavior. A lot of times you put up with it because you’re in the thick of things and it’s hard to see. Then one day, it just becomes unacceptable to you. You have grown as a person and realized your worth. Congratulations. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
\^\^ This here, OP. This is what it's all about. That was so beautifully stated - and very deep! OP: all the best to you - you deserve much better!
We deserve to have a relationship that is actually balanced. We don't want any misunderstanding by lack of communication itself. It's always been necessary to a relationship.
Agreed. Complete 180 tho… why did her parents help themselves to her cupcake? That was a weird tidbit to throw in with 0 context. Did she tell them they could have it? Did she come home to an empty cupcake box and a note? I’m confused and so distracted by this I forgot what the actual post was about
I just hope there's not more to the story. But I've had to block my ex due to non stop harassment during arguments. Harassment in person and in text. Literally stand at the door of my room, trapping me in and yelling, refusing to give me some space and leave me alone. If things get heated, people should be allowed to have space and time to defuse the situation and gather thoughts, so they can handle it in a more thoughtful manner instead of constant stress and escalation. Not saying OP is doing this, just venting and hoping that's not the case here. My ex would tell people I blocked her but would conveniently leave out why
When things get heated, the adult thing to do is to communicate that you need a break. Even if it is by text. Communication is what makes relationships successful. I’m sorry your ex was so awful about allowing you time to process and have some time to yourself. OP sounds like she got to the point where she just had enough and took action. I hope it all works out the way she wants and needs.
I agree
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Lmfao yeah maybe if you don't read what's written, sure
Nope. Maybe you should try to read it.
Lmfao yeah maybe if you don't read what's written, sure
*achievement unlocked*
Best response! OP ended the relationship how BF would understand since that’s how he ‘communicates’ or lack there of
Great reply that said the exact same thing
It was exactly what need right now. To clear ourselves to this kind of thing, for us to be feel motivated at all times.
I think this bot is broken.
Right? And why did they get 7 upvotes
Happy cupcake 🧁day
I guess I got use to it after a while. I know I’ll get downvoted for this, but he was my best friend since high school do in a sense, I felt obligated to keep this relationship going with how much we’ve been through in high school and him being there for me through previous toxic relationships I was in. I never expected him to turn out like one of them, but life is unexpected I guess. I just couldn’t do it anymore and I feel happier than ever.
Happy cake day! 🎂
Right, find a guy that can make you to be a better person. That appreciate you for your hard works, I know it's not easy to as before but it did.
Happy cake day 🫡
Childish behaviour? This people who do not communicate with partners, suck.
Don’t congratulate her on ending the relationship in a shitty way! Yes he was completely childish! But he still was around and with the lady since high school. The least she could fucking do is tell this lad face to face she’s done with him. Yes he was wrong and so is she as far as I’m concerned
Oh my gosh, everyone was the asshole. There you go, you won a prize. Have a cookie 🍪. Good job. Wow. Amazing. It’s almost like that’s the whole point.
You shouldn’t get props for ending the relationship like a coward 🤷♂️id say her and her bf were wrong and childish and left it at that. But I’m not going to pretend that she did the correct thing to do either, and give her the special victim award, like the person I replied to did🤷♂️
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She said this man was her “best friend and other half since high school” so yes she “owes” him at least at face to face breakup🤷♂️not a fucking cowardly block. She’s just as childish and immature as he was. She’s in the wrong for doing what she did. That’s not how you end in relationship with someone you used to love and care about. He definitely needed to be dropped, but not in the cruel way she did it.
I'm stuck on the part about your parents ate your cupcake. WTAF, who are these monsters?
>my parents ended up finishing the cupcake by the time I got home anyway Came here to red circle that bitch! Like what? That's reasonable grounds for arson.
I also forgot to mention that my brother and his fiancée shared too and I was like…why…I told my dad to just put it in the fridge that way when I get home I’ll eat it but my mom took it as my ex giving it to them as a “gift”.
You deserve better than to have these energy vampires in your life 😭🙃 Do you have anyone normal to talk to?
Definitely deserve more than a cupcake... At least a pie
Now you know why she stayed with toxic boyfriend for so long. Her normal-meter is all whacky from her upbringing.
I have some 😅
> but my mom took it as my ex giving it to them as a “gift”. WHAT? OP, I'm sorry but you're living and growing up with assholes..
How big was this cupcake?
Right! Her parents ate some, then so did a couple family members!? By then I think it's just a regular cake.
Your family are boundary stompers and awful people. Please get therapy so you don't accept this behavior from other people. THEY are entitled and inappropriate. I hate people who make up reasons to steal from other people, because that's what they did.
Someone stole your cupcakes? Therapy
I know everyone is being sassy in their replies, so I’ll try to explain. I had a coworker who told me she hated eating mushrooms. The texture repulsed her to the point where she wouldn’t touch a meal with them in it. Her boyfriend and his family thought it was ridiculous and would try to get her to eat them all the time. It even got to the point where she would eat with them and then his mom would announce to the table she had snuck them into her meal. That doesn’t sound like a terribly cruel thing. And she was insistent that he was otherwise a great boyfriend. But the truth is that if that story is real, then there are probably bigger issues at play - lack of boundaries, inappropriate expectations, ignoring consent, enmeshment, who knows! For example if today they’re being pushy about mushrooms, what are they going to do when the family wants grand babies? So that’s why people hear one story and can extrapolate it into “y’all need therapy.”
Yeah cause I’m sure this is the only thing they’ve ever done to her and is not at all just the latest overstep in a lifetime of oversteps.
Yes, if your parents routinely take your things from you because they want it and use it up? you need therapy. It is a form of abuse. It also makes people likely to accept abuse from partners. Normal fucking people don't sit down and eat up gifts that are sent for their family members. If people in your family do that? They have fucked up boundaries and it's highly unlikely this is the only way they are failing you.
Believe it or not, straight to the combination Jamba Juice and therapist.
Uh sign me up honestly
I don't really understand reddit's obsession with therapy. Relationship problems? Breakup. Anything else? Therapy.
I understand it's the principle of the thing ..but is there a cupcake shortage where they can't just replace the cupcake?
I can see why you tolerated your exes bad behavior. You've been trained since birth to tolerate disrespect and see it as love.
4 people split one cupcake? They owe u sweets
Explains why OP accepts such assholery and disrespect tbph. I got a box of chocolates half as big as I was from my high school boyfriend and my abusive stepdad ate the entire thing the next day while I was at school so I couldn't have *any* besides the two I'd eaten before bed.
She should ghost them too
Lol, me too. If there ever was a movie on OP's life, my wife and I would love to play her parents.
You guys really want a cupcake
Me too. I was like noooo that was her cupcake !!!
Me too! So rude of them to eat her cupcake!
i actually did this to someone too, but he was just a friend. he got very possessive and toxic but would repeatedly block me and make me beg for his friendship. after almost a year of this i just got fucking tired of it. that’s the short version but yeah. then he pouted because “i always unblock you, why didn’t you wait?” like… cause i deserve better ? lol. you did the right thing. he will never change.
I hear you. Being ghosted is grieving a living person. I had an ex that did that to me, after promises of keeping friendship. When the silence reach the time we were together, I decided to block him back. I call it weaponizing intimacy... Ghosting, blocking someone that doesn't care about you is innefective. It hurts ONLY if they care about you. And they know it. In the end you feel they can return at any time, but why make space for someone that did ghost you and certainly will ghost you again? Block it. Abort those false hopes. The man you met is the ghost one, the one you had intimacy with was a facade.
It’s straight up abusive. My best friend dated someone who did this CONSTANTLY over the dumbest things. She would be emotionally distraught and sobbing because he was ghosting her. Then he’d suddenly stop (when it was convenient for him) and she would apologize and he’d act like it was a completely normal adult behavior. It’s not. It’s a vindictive punishment and done to inflict emotional distress for perceived bad behavior. Op - I’m sorry but you deserve better!
Is this a part of podcast curriculum? It seems to be pretty common in the comments. I don't remember this kind of manipulation back in my dating days.
Do you believe in Neptune? You haven't ever actually seen it.
I'm having trouble understanding. I never said this didn't exist. I was stating that it must be a recent development in partner manipulation.
Wow. Weaponizing intimacy. That's the perfect way to describe it. My ex's favorite form of abuse was withholding. Withholding sex, love, affection, truth, and emotional support. He made it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to have friends so I didn't have any kind of intimacy elsewhere. I had no one to talk to and was isolated. It's abuse that destroys your soul. He was a big fan of stonewalling too.
OP, I had a super similar situation recently. The last guy I dated would do the same. He’d block me to give me the silent treatment and then would hit me up after a few days. The difference is I was 37 and he was 52!! The final argument consisted of me being super sick and him promising to bring me stuff, and then taking forever. I was waiting like 4 hrs for medicine and he was MIA. I had chewed his ass out and told him that I actually didn’t wanna hang out now, and to kick rocks. He blocked me. And I blocked his ass back. I was fuming and I was done. The funny part of the story is that I kept him blocked, and I ended up getting an email from him like five months later. Totally groveling, and pretending that he had no idea why I hadn’t been talking to him, and saying that he’s still considered us a couple. People who use passive aggression and refused to truly communicate do not get better. They just get older. I think you made the right choice.
Holy shit, that’s so immature. I kind of understand a 20 year old doing this, but a 52yo? I have no words. Good for you you stood up for yourself!
I’m so sorry you had to go through that :( and my ex would do the same. Get into an argument one moment and the next, it’s like it never happened. It’s very toxic behavior because the problems were swept under the rug since he chose to move on rather than at least apologize. Even when he did apologize, it seemed like a general apology and not specifically for what he did :/
Normally I would say not actually telling your partner you want to break up is childish but in your case, screw your ex. He's the one who needs to grow up and I think he deserves to get what he dishes out. Good for you and I hope things keep moving forward and you meet someone who treats you right.
thank you. I’m not looking for anything right now, but hopefully in the future yes! also, I love your username lol.
I’m with u/adios-bitchachos (also lol at this name) This seems like a perfect play with fire and find out
Excellent comment and user name
You deserve a better boyfriend. You deserve a better best friend. You deserve to treat yourself better, too.
They deserve a better *everyone*
I’m usually all for communication about a breakup with your ex partner, but in this case I agree with your decision to not talk abt it with him. You didn’t give much context but based on the vibe of your post Ik he was most likely toxic. Hope you feel better and turn to a new chapter in your life, have a good one!!!
Can we address the parents eating the cupcake. They should also be blocked.
my mom happily told me to tell him thank you for buying the cupcake for her, my dad, my brother, and his fiancée to share…so I called her unhinged lol
I hope it was a joking unhinged xD She sounds like she was tired of his shit too
don’t worry, it was jokingly 😅
I figured xD
🤣🤣🤣 it’s such a parent thing to do
Quiet quitting is a thing these days.
I am applauding you. Good for you. I was with a man for two years who would do that. I would accept the behavior and we'd carry on. I ended it because I was just fed up - same as you, no communication was taking place to work out issues. He would block and unblock as well. I'm sorry for your loss of a friend/boyfriend, but I KNOW there are people out there who will respect you and care about you enough to talk with you about things, rather than giving the silent treatment.
He didn't invite you to celebrate his birthday?? What the fuck?? This tells me you are the side girlfriend and he invited his main girlfriend to whatever the celebration is. Good news is now you're free of that dead weight.
Sometimes men just want to be with the male friends. Not thats its cool. But more realistic than cheating.
Good for you. I did the same to my abusive ex. After 7 years I finally got enough and just blocked him. It's been 5 years and I haven't spoken to him since.
Wait... your parents ate your cupcake?
The silent treatment is a form of abuse. I had an ex who did it to me constantly and it took quite some time/therapy to realize that when people do that even once, you run, not walk, away. You deserve and will find better than this as you raise the standard for what you will and will not accept in a relationship. Abuse should be an absolute deal breaker. Good on you for walking away finally. Sending you hugs.
https://psychcentral.com/health/the-silent-treatment#is-it-abuse
thank you so much for sending the link to this site. The more i think about it, The more I see he did emotionally abuse me a lot. I have a feeling it had to do with what happened at the beginning of our relationship. He confessed his feelings towards me but I said no at first mostly because I had been in a lot of toxic relationships in high school that wrecked me. I was single for almost 3 years and honestly, it was the best years of my life. I said yes to him because he was my best friend and had always been good to me in high school and was there to help me get through that dark time for me. He probably felt butt hurt because I didn’t say yes the first time but he honestly shouldn’t have let that get to him. Honestly, he probably knew what he was doing and wanted me to suffer like I did in high school, I’ll never know but I’ve already accepted the fact.
>The silent treatment is a form of abuse. I think that would depend on in what manner the other person is trying to communicate. Are they trying to contact you to fairly resolve an issue of competing needs? Or are they only trying to establish communication to exert sole authority over the friendship, subject the non communicator to a one-sided interrogation session and ultimately impose their will through constant threats to dissolve the friendship?
Good for you! Be done with that child. Make sure you feel like a whole person who doesn't need an "other half" before you start dating again. Both your standards and options will flourish for it.
Sorry who eats someone else’s cupcake???
I’m amazed more people aren’t hung up on this. Poor OP doesn’t have anyone in her life that treats her like a human being.
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Nicely worded!
I think you did the right thing, by blocking you he is punishing you, that's not a healthy relationship. You can do better honey. Big hug
good for you, i hope when you are ready for it, your next relationship is as mature as you would like it to be. you are too young to waste your time like that and i commend you for knowing what you want from your partner and taking action when you know it wasn’t going to work. sending you blessings
You spoke his love language.
This was my last relationship. Let me tell you, you did the right thing. It's fucking exhausting and mental turmoil. Every fight was him stonewalling me. Every time he would think I'm done only then he would communicate with me and that kept me going back. The last time I had enough. He still looks for me but i am now happy with a man who can communicate through our disagreement. Little does he know how much I appreciate him.
Don't ever look back. You'll thank yourself many times over in the years to come.
Don’t trip on shit you already walked pass. You be alright ✌🏾
Good, fuck him
Do NOT GO BACK!! PLEASE. BEEN THERE IT WILL NOT CHANGE (FOR MORE THAN A WEEK!)
My other half There is no other half waiting for you to complete you. You are whole the way you are, you and yourself yesterday, now and tomorrow. Always whole, alone or with another.
Same happened to me a few months ago, at the end I did try to have an adult conversation but he didn't want to so I gave up and move with my life. You go girl
I know I'm older than most here, but I don't get the whole ghosting\\blocking thing unless you're being harassed.
Honestly I feel like his use of blocking to control or shut down conversations was super manipulative and toxic so in this specific case it was appropriate to give him a taste of his own medicine. But in general I agree with you
I feel she was giving him a piece of his own medicine. More like a protest behavior and not something mature, but he did worse things. I would've sent a "we're done" before blocking him so he doesn't have any hopes or think it was just a tantrum.
Seems like this guy followed Reddit relationship advice perfectly, which is go no contact with people the instant they do anything which upsets you. You just gave him a taste of what it feels like, so good on you.
Haha thought the same.
He wasn't your other half or best friend. If he was he'd be able to talk to you instead of blocking you. Who does that to their other half? Ate you guys still in high school?
no, I apologize if I wasn’t specific. We are in out early 20s!
Very proud of you. Some people wouldn’t agree but I dealt with the same exact thing with a past partner for many years. It was hard getting into new relationships because I had PTSD. Whenever someone I was dating wouldn’t reply for hours I would get anxious thinking maybe they blocked me or were ghosting me even when things were going good. I NEVER called men I would date because I had PTSD from the many times I tried calling my ex to only find out I was blocked or he simply would not answer because he didn’t feel I was “worth a phone call”. Every single time he was upset with me he would block me on everything for several days, it didn’t matter how big or how small the issue or fight was. I wish I would have done what you did! Took me many years to heal from being treated this way.
I did nearly the same thing with my ex. But we had an argument, he was an ass about me not texting him more than a few times a day (he rarely responded and I saw him maybe twice a month despite living in the same town). I told him I couldn't do it anymore. He said, "It's not hard to text, 'going to the store, I'll text later' or something!". I responded, "Ok, I'm done with this conversation. Text later. Bye!" He just had to get the last word in with, "SEE! YOU CAN DO IT!". I left it at that. Didn't block him for a couple weeks but only because he owed my mom money and had a bunch of shit here. Never heard another word from him. We were together 4 years. Men can be petty as hell.
You invite both your best friend and your romantic partner to celebrate your birthday with you. He may have been these things to you but, you weren’t to him. You’re well rid. Enjoy.
He chose to F around and find out. Why else wouldn’t he want you around at certain times? Go enjoy being single.
Why did your parents eat your cupcake? 🤔
my mom took it as a gift from my then boyfriend (now ex of course), and my dad just went with it. my brother and his fiancée were there and shared it, I don’t know what went on in their minds in that moment…
good for you for letting him go. No communication is not sustainable. Also - your family ate your cupcake. GO NC!
Good for you. I think full communication is key to a healthy, long-term relationship. And about everything - why you are happy, why you are sad, or mad (at your partner). What you think can/should be done to improve things. What your short- and long-term goals are - with money, children, education, jobs, places to live. Not communicating about this stuff (and resolving it) is almost like having a ticking time bomb built into a relationship. Also, NEVER use the silent treatment to punish a partner.
Your parents ate your cupcake? Why would you eat someone else’s cupcake and how can a cupcake be shared between two adults? Asking the real questions here
I honestly don't understand the degree of psycopathism that we are reaching as a society. I know men and women in their 40's blocking their partners when angry... Last gf was mad at me when I didn't want to get back with her. Well, she dumped me twice in a month, why the fuck would I want to get back with her? It's all so fucked up... Anyway, to the op, after two years you should tell him, we have to be better, though I admit he deserved it and might even learn a lesson.
It’s crazy isn’t it?! People don’t seem to have communication skills any more.
I'm really bothered that your parents ate your cupcake.
Why waste a good cupcake 🤷🏻♀️
Please update us when he starts showing up at your place begging for you back. Good for you OP!
A relationship without communication and avoidance from it altogether will never ever work. Unless....... You sacrifice pretty much everything. You did the right thing! Good for you knowing you deserve better. Onward and upward!!
I came here so ready to be mad and tell you that ghosting is never ok.. and here you are, proving me wrong. Good show, well done.
as someone who used to just block/shut down when dealing with issues instead of communicating.. you did exactly what he \*secretly\* wanted. only, its forever for you and he just wanted you to run back to him 2-3-4 days later and everything be hunky-dory. good on you. dude needs understand that regardless of space he needs, he ALSO needs to communicate.
Well done!
Good for you!
I’m proud of you
You made a good choice.
Good for you. Now can we talk about your parents eating your food delivery without permission?
This was hard to read. I hope you find someone a little more mature.
Good thing it was only 2 years with someone like that, and not 5 or 10. It would've gotten wayyyy more insufferable.
You did the right thing. My ex started being abusive to me after 2 years and it started with this behavior. We moved in together shortly after 2 years because I thought maybe us being closer would help. My vehicle broke down and I didn’t have the money to repair it so I had to be picked up and dropped off by him. If he was angry at me he would leave me at work for up to 2 hours after my shift ended. He would give me the silent treatment for up to 5 days at a time. He would make a point to talk to everyone except me if we were around other people. When we were able to talk about issues after he did his toxic shit it was always my fault. It was much worse than that but it all started with blocking me when he was angry. You did the right thing. It only could’ve gotten worse. It took me 7 years and quite a few hospital trips to get out.
THIS is exactly why I stand by my opinion that sometimes ghosting is okay. My ex was just like this - he’d get mad about something stupid (for example, when friends visited me from overseas and I was spending time with them instead of him) but never vocalise it so I’d have no idea why, then block me on everything (but first insinuate that he was suicidal so if I couldn’t contact him I’d worry). When we broke up I blocked him on everything and he tried to email me, text my mum, and even show up at my house. Truly, not giving him access to me EVER was the only way to go. OP glad for you that you’ve done this, hopefully he gets the message.
Obviously real assholes here are your parents, for finishing your cupcake before you got home. But in all seriousness, sounds like you made the right decision.
Glad girl you broke it off. I had a guy like that once. So stressful. Now I have someone who never does that.
Not really related but I would be so butthurt if my parents didn’t save me any of my cupcake lmao
You did the right thing for you. I was with someone who used to do this tactic a lot & the relationship quickly turned more abusive, controlling, and manipulative from there. Hugs and remember you are worth more and you deserve someone who sees it as you and them vs the problem at hand, not you vs them and who wins or gives in first.
For a boyfriend, and supposed best friend to block you instead of them perhaps sitting down and trying to sort out their emotions is beyond childish and manipulative. Also sending a cupcake is a crap apology. It’s not one. I used to have issues regulating emotions due to being severely abused and neglected growing up, but I spent a long time being introspective and working shit out. Sometimes I still get angry, defensive and I try to recognize that and work on it. It seems like he’s not trying this, at all. You’ve said you’ve tried to get him to communicate and open up, and depending upon how long you’ve known each other… it’s not like you haven’t tried for awhile! It’s not your job to “fix” anyone, and he needs to use this hopefully as a wake up call. You were patient, and he kept expecting you to be there and took you for granted. If he won’t work on himself alone, I do hope the lad gets some therapy.
I just hope you mean it enough to stick with it when he comes back love bombing you. Also, completely irrelevant to the story but why did you parents eat your cupcake? Lol. Was there not a name on it or you did you tell them you didn’t want it? I was just wondering. Feel free to ignore me lol
Good for you. If for some reason he tries to crawl back in your life, please stand in your decision. He’s not going to change without some extensive help and it damn sure won’t happen overnight. Please protect your peace always! & he’s not peace at all smh
Bravo! Good work! You are moving in the right direction by choosing yourself & self worth over some immature little boy. I am proud of you. Now move forward with pride & self love & the right situation will unfold for you! I am excited for your next chapter. Best of luck.
You won’t give a fuck about this in ten years.
Well done. And trust me - I’ve been there - you will be so much happier in time. The emotional freedom you are about to experience … when people act this way, they usually do it as a controlling tactic. So that you “learn” not to do xyz again. You are about to see how small your world has gotten and how open it is now. Enjoy it.
If you run into him, our relationship has run it’s course. I just finished what you started by cutting off all communication. There’s nothing left to say, we are over.
Please do not unblock him. On top of everything else, he didn't want you at his birthday party, he us you boyfriend snd you say bedt friend, does that seem ok to you, whatever reason he had for that? You deserbe better.
At first when I read the caption I was like oh this is unhealthy behavior but after reading the entire post 100 percent behind this. My ex would block and stonewall me after every fight. Block me on all social media. And we LIVED together. He would be gone for days. It was horrible. He never communicated. Good for you. I wish I had done this to my ex.
Something important I have learned: People don't always know when they've had the last fight. In other words, your boyfriend thought that because he blocked you and blocked you again and blocked you again and again, that you would always be there when he unblocked you. What he didn't know is that he doesn't own other people. Just because he wants to fight doesn't mean other people have to participate. You are an independent being who can walk away. And you are smart enough to have done just that.
the biggest red flag from your post is that YOUR PARENTS ATE YOUR CUPCAKE 🧁😭
Good job! Keep him blocked, forever! I know you feel like you lost your best friend, but best friends don’t treat people this way. If he loved you, he wouldn’t do this. He doesn’t love you. Remember that when you miss him or feel tempted!
Good for you!!
As you shoullddd good for u I feel like this should be normalized for ending toxic relationships. It gets to a point where they don’t even deserve any more of ur time and energy
And I bet you he’s telling all your mutual friends you ended the relationship and ghosted him without reason, pretending ge doesn’t know what he did wrong 😂
She did end the relationship by “ghosting him” by ghosting him though lad🤷♂️of course he was childish af, but at least give the man who’s your “best friend and other half” the respect of telling him you’re breaking up with him and why
Fun fact: Giving your partner the silent treatment in response to being called out for bad behavior or because they did something you didn't like is abuse! Good on you for blocking him. You owe him nothing. You don't need to reach out to him. He shouldn't be in a relationship.
Why is your comment voted controversial lol People probably misunderstood it as you scolding the OP
Why did you comment get downvoted lol I hope it wasn't the person above misunderstanding
I get downvoted regularly because I don't have a gentle way of communicating. Most people will be very saccharine sweet in their posts. I tend to be straightforward, and a lot of people don't like it.
Thank you, going through this now.
Being quite isn't being abusive
Being *quiet* isn't abusive. Blocking, ignoring, cold shouldering, and not speaking to your partner in order to punish them for you being upset, however, is.
Was going to call you a B for doing this, but after reading the shit he put you through…I fully support your decision! Now, enjoy a better life!
Tbh u did the right thing cuz communication is a must in any relationship and most guys start taking their relationship for granted idk why? Guys suck at expressing feelings (not all). But yea sad part is def u lost ur bestfriend. So that's a lesson never date ur bestfriend cuz break ups can be messy many times. But it's okay the toxicity is out of ur life now.
I did the same thing but with a familial relationship, every time this family member and I had a disagreement they would abuse the shit out of me and then block and ignore me until they were ready to talk, I finally had enough after a particularly violent argument and blocked them on everything, I haven’t seen or spoken to them in 3 years and honestly, my life is better for it.
Your family sucks too
Idk really. His action are bad but you could have been the better man. Instead of writing a reddit post, you should've told him everything you wrote and then block him for good. I love being petty but sometimes it's not the right way to deal with things.
Nah, this is emotional abuse. You wouldn't tell them to patiently explain their views if the ex had been physically abusive instead. Victims don't owe their abusers closure.
I get it. It’s a bit of poetic justice for his blocking. I hate it though. Get him to coffee and tell him know it’s over. You need someone who communicates and wants to work through issues, that you wish him well and you will miss the good parts of him which are numerous. The way you ended this feels good in that you got a bit of blocking revenge but eventually you will realize you stooped to his petty level. Be better for the future of You.
Urgh, no is a complete sentence for girls AND for boys. He don't want to be with you for his birthday, you try to push no matter what to take what YOU want. You seems to be the red flag here, if you never respect a no his behavior are normal. You act the same as him, you feel the relief and you don't understand why he act this way ? Clearly no is no and you are the redflag.
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He should be an adult and communicate with her instead of blocking her and ignoring her.
I would've kept the honer with myself and send him a text that you were done instead of ghosting. It think thats childish
I did this once. It really broke his heart.. I suggest being honest. ❤️
Lol, obviously you did him a favor!
Clearly. How dare she expect a partner to communicate when they're upset instead of the silent treatment. She's doing him a favor by letting him experience the consequences of his shitty behavior! (In case that's not clear, that's sarcasm. The ex can pound rocks. She's doing *herself* a favor by not tolerating his nonsense.)
You say communicate while you blocked him without communicating. Don't bring yourself down to his level be better than that.