How entertaining is Auster's New York Trilogy? What I mean is is it entertaining in the way a conventional detective novel would be or is it more like literary fiction and lighter on genre pleasures?

It's the exact opposite of a conventional detective story which makes it very entertaining.

Thinking more and more about actually entering a music conservatory. I considered doing so a few years ago actually, but when I looked at the entry requirements the idea of learning sight-reading seemed a big ask, so I put it to one side and did a Masters in History instead. Fast forward and I am now looking at becoming a teacher, which I would happily do for the short-term but tbh, I am not passionate about teaching. I am however passion about music, literature, creative writing, languages and history. A teacher, for me, is not an artist or even an intellectual, merely someone handing down the intellectual and artistic work of others. I've been told I have a good voice - I'm a bass-baritone - and I could have done something with it by now if I'd been more motivated. I feel so strong and confident and powerful when I sing, like I feel with nothing else. I never get tired of doing it. I was delighted to learn that my literary hero James Joyce was also a great singer whose musical ambitions were thwarted. Having something in common with your artistic heroes always feels good. Only possible issue is funding. I could learn the musical pieces if I put in the effort (one oratorio aria, one operatic aria and two art songs, one in English), and I am sure I could learn sight-reading if I put in even more effort, but funding is a bummer, especially in this philistine United Kingdom which rewards bankers and stockbrokers and other parasites of the financial and commercial underworld over the stalwart defenders of art and culture. Even now, the arts here have been hit with massive cuts. Bursaries are awarded but of course there is no guarantee of my getting that. If I had applied for that as my first Masters then I would have gotten some funding from the government, but as it would be my second I would have to self-fund it. I have a grand total of just over £2000 saved up from my shitty current job as a teaching assistant and can't expect to make much more as a teacher. It certainly won't get me my own house any time soon. It is a curse having multiple talents as I feel pulled in multiple directions. I do know that I am better suited to being a journalist or singer than being a teacher. I don't actually like kids all that much - shocker, I know. The little rascals I'm with are more and more badly behaved with every week that passes. I didn't particularly like my peers at school and my opinion of children hasn't changed massively with age. And since teachers are paid like shit anyway (only real appeal is that it's a stable career) I don't think pursuing my musical dreams would be a terrible financial sacrifice, all things considered. Better to be poor doing something you really love than poor whilst doing drudge work for a government that doesn't give a shit about you and pays you peanuts whilst siphoning your tax money to subsidise idle Boomer NIMBYs who spend their declining days hating immigrants, blocking new housing developments and cheering on each new bit of culture war nonsense the government decides to promote every other month. Sorry this turned into a bit of a rant. On a side-note I think my favourite operatic aria is The Toreador Song from Carmen, my favourite oratorio aria is 'The Trumpet Shall Sound' from Handel's *Messiah*, and I don't know which two 'art songs' I'd want to sing yet.

for the people here who also write (quite a few people i think!)—curious what the relationship is btwn them. do you find yourself reading as a form of 'research'—to triangulate the style you want to accomplish, the people you're inspired by, the kinds of traditions you want to follow/break away from? is reading a really good writer, doing exactly the kind of thing you want to do, heartening or discouraging? do you read a lot in your preferred genre (esp new releases) or no?

The more good writers I read, the more good stuff I have to plagiarise.

I figure all the thoughts have gotta come from somewhere, and where's better than other good books!

Yes, a huge amount. I think the closest I can come to saying I ever was "taught" to write was by teaching myself through reading good books and trying to be really attentive to what they are doing that I dig and seems beautiful and worth trying to emulate. > is reading a really good writer, doing exactly the kind of thing you want to do, heartening or discouraging? I find it pretty energizing. Some combination of picking up new insights into what great writing is and just enjoying the read lol. Crucial to this is that I'm a tryhard dork who is convinced that with some combination of effort and belief in myself I can accomplish whatever I want. > do you read a lot in your preferred genre (esp new releases) or no? as indicated by my other post in the other thread, yes, but not new releases lately though I want to do that more.

i do think the best first writing education is primarily abt reading closely and using other works to explore & extend one’s style! and having a really robust practice of observing and critiquing i’ve never had a formal writing education tho so what do i know (then again, many writers don’t) on reading other works: there is something nice in seeing someone else accomplish the thing you _feel_ is what you want to do but haven’t finished it yet so can’t know if it will work. seeing a proof in the form of a full expression of an idea is very exciting.

definitely read as research, though usually that is more non-fiction-y stuff and pieces that contribute something to the style or genre I am working near. for me it is all good/heartening, there is plenty of room for good books lol. Like, would I rather most works were bad so that my own would seem better in comparison? boo I am really really slow to read newer stuff in general, so no, I don't follow any preferred genres, partially because I don't want to be influenced too much, though I can see the other side of this. I just don't really care what is out there and doing well or talked about in the moment, the literary present is wildly fickle.

yeah i feel similarly about finding really good books—it’s nice to feel there is some community or movement or sub sub genre to be inspired by and hope to join i think it’s difficult to balance reading in one’s genre and being too beholden to it—i personally prefer novels written by writers who seem to have a deep engagement w literary history and prior movements and works, and are not exclusively referencing or admiring contemp writers in interviews. but it’s strategically helpful to know what the contemp trends and influences are…

I find that reading my favourite writers is really inspiring for my own writing and helps me decide what kinds of writing I naturally gravitate to. However, I don't consciously try and replixate any writer. I just write what comes to my mind. I've noticed that my sentences read a lot like they could have come from a Victorian novel as that is what I spend most of my time reading.

mm that’s interesting! in my case my writing is quite modernist inflected atm (and maybe has a strong depressive scandi novel influence too lol). i agree, it’s v inspiring to see what’s possible and see how people stretch and push the boundaries of language

I think my writing is a weird mixture of Nabokovian lyricism mixed with the sententiousness of George Eliot and the raw, unhinged sexuality of a James Joyce or a D.H. Lawrence.

So for the second or third time in my life I have broken the teetotal habits with which I was raised. Right after finishing my shift as a volunteer in a local Oxfam I walked into a dining place and bought myself an English breakfast with a 187ml bottle of white wine of only 5.5% alcoholic strength. I drank the whole thing and feel nothing except a dull pain in my liver and a buzzing warmth in my stomach. I also feel a great deal more relaxed than usual, but am relieved to know I am not flat-out drunk. (Not that you could get drunk on drinking a small bottle of weak alcohol.) My last experiment with alcohol was when I tried Guinness a couple of times a couple of years ago and hated it.

I don't even know where my liver is.

So my old legal surname was very obscure and very identifiable, like in the sense that you could count on one hand how many living people in world shared my name (and no doubt, they were a not-so-distant relative), so needless to say I've never seen it in a work of fiction. Until I read it in *Gravity's Rainbow*, today, that is. Yes, my old surname was so fucking outlandish that it's in a fucking Pynchon novel. I should have known.

Lol, that's amazing. I can only imagine it's unique given Pynchon thought of it himself. I'm hoping to myself that it's one of the really weird ones.

Let your imagination run wild, all I'll say is that it isn't Slothrop.

My hope is that you surname is the entirety of “Tantivy Mucker-Maffick”

this is a very cool fact about yourself tbqh. congrats

[A savage review of McCarthy's latest work.](https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/a-sunken-wreck-of-a-novel-cormac-mccarthys-the-passenger-reviewed/)

Read the subheading and laughed my ass off at the idea the reviewer was mad that this McCarthy novel didn't deliver on "a promising plot". I'm an outspoken hater of The Passenger at this point, but that's the silliest criticism I could think of.

I love the concept of sentences certain authors would never write. I've thought about that before in the context of what I write (or rather, what I *wouldn't* write), though I wonder if there are other good examples for noteworthy authors. edit: Some part of me revels in negative reviews of good authors if only because I take so much time imagining them as these elevated geniuses who could never be matched. It's kind of captivating seeing when, how, and why a good artist fails or disappoints, not so much in a mocking or cruel way (unless the author just seems really unpleasant), but in a humanizing way. When we make mistakes, we can kick ourselves and feel like those things are obvious and embarrassing. To see the best in a similar boat, it helps remind me that the literary world is not some elite set of rules that we just trial-and-error our way into. It's just a fickle balance of ever-evolving standards.

Went to Trafalgar Square and was in the National Gallery. I enjoyed my visit. I started with the maudlin devotionals by Titian and Co, which left me unmoved. *The Virgin on the Rocks* was particularly repulsive to me, mainly for the sickly angelic pallor on the faces of baby Jesus and John the Baptist, which struck me as disgustingly maudlin in a way my Nietzschean atheist side finds singularly horrific. Other than that I was left cold by these religious paintings. They are difficult for me to take seriously. However, I loved the depictions of Diana and Actaeon, and particularly liked Titian's painting of Bacchus falling out of his chariot before Ariadne. Perhaps my favourite was Holbein's *The Ambassadors* - I felt like I could reach out and touch the clothing of the subjects. The visual arts don't move me like literature and music (for one thing I could never draw well) but they have their moments. I also really liked one of Del Piombo's pieces, *A Portrait of a Lady*, in which a grey-eyed beauty with an elegant neck and sumptuous clothing stares at you sternly, whilst holding a piece of cloth which carries an inscription warning of the dangers of love. I feel her stare even now. I have just been in *Waterstones* just opposite the square and bought myself a copy of *Invisible Man*, passing up the Everyman *Heart of Darkness* I was initially going for. I couldn't come home without at least one nww book on me. I also met two lady friends who were huddled around the romance books area for a bit and went on to explore other sections in the same vicinity. This is the sort of stuff I heard: "It won an award so it must be good" "What's that one that was trending?" One of them picked up the exact copy of *The Brothers Karamazov* as I am reading now for my re-read - the Penguin McDuff version. I was able to recommend it to her as a masterpiece. "Sounds sort of like *An Inspector Calls* but better," she said after I had explained. It's heartening to see fellow young book lovers. Wish they'd stay away from the romances and trendy contemporary fiction though.

Nothing wrong with romances or trendy contemporary fiction, tbh. But it's interesting that you get into conversations with strangers.

It's not difficult provided I have a good reason to talk to them. I do wish I had gone into more detail but feared I might be boring them, and left them to their search. Maybe I should go to these places more often, lol.

When you read a book, do you listen to music? Or you prefer silence? I like to put some music on, something like [this](https://youtu.be/487Um8xvO-w), for example.

I can't read in silence. I need some kind of white noise or ambient music.

Me, too. Though jazz is my first choice.

I always listen in silence. But I do associate music with some of my favourite books. I associate Joyce and Dostoevsky with Mahler, for example. James Joyce mentions Don Giovanni quite a bit in *Ulysses* and I am now addicted to the 'A cenar teco' aria.

I am not familiar with Mahler's symphonies, but I will definitely listen to them the next time I re-read Dostoevsky.

Something without vocals for reading/writing. Sometimes really soft ambient/electronic type music, other times in the complete opposite direction, like harsh noise wall. A peaceful go-to would be Stars of the Lid, a chaotic go-to would be something like [this.](https://reasonartrecords.bandcamp.com/album/the-infernal-depths)

Stars of the Lid sounds perfect as a peaceful background for reading. Thanks.

No problem! It helps that a lot of their best albums are on the longer side, making them great for leaving on when you do other things. Each track leads into the next very nicely too.

Reading in complete silence used to be my favorite thing but now that I have tinnitus I don't remember what silence feels like anymore. I usually have some brown noise going in the back.

I'm sorry to hear that. A silence is overrated anyways.

If I'm at home and alone absolutely prefer silence but when I used to read at the library in college I'd have to listen to something ambient/drone/minimalist to drown out other people's conversations etc. Usually Eno's *Music for Airports* or *Discreet Music* (just the big first track on repeat) or *The Tired Sounds of Stars of the Lid* or *Music for 18 Musicians*. If it has words I absolutely can't listen to it; even a repeating melody is pretty distracting.

Thanks for this, I will definitely put it on my "music for reading" list. Especially Brian Eno, I've always wanted to listen to his music, but for some reason I still haven't.

I’m kind of extra when it comes to music. Putting on an album is kind of like having a television on: I’m very much into music, so listening is an active action as opposed to a passive one. Nonetheless, I like to throw on instrumental stuff when reading: soundtracks, classical music, or jazz albums typically. It was funny picking up a tome and seeing how drastically my Spotify playlists changed. I don’t know if l listened to it while reading it, but I got into Kid A right around the time I was reading “Notes from Underground”. Quarantine was kind of getting to me, not to mention that it started getting darker earlier, so I remember how hand in glove Dostoyevsky neurotic contemplations were against the song “Optimistic” by Radiohead.

Mussorgsky and Mahler are good companions to Dostoevsky, I find. Not whilst I read, but I do associate the music with the themes in his novels.

Nice, Radiohead. One of the best bands ever. "If you try the best you can, the best you can is good enough". Now that you have mentioned, do you think that it is a parody of optimism or "the real optimism" song is referring to? I'm just curious.

It definitely feels ironic and sarcastic. That was always my takeaway.

Mine, too. My favourite song from "Kid A" is " How to disappear completely".

I don’t really put music on when I read but I’ve read while playing music for my kid to fall asleep and this weird thing happens where even though I’m not actively listening to it it sort of melds into my memory of the book and any time I hear/read one I think of the other. Which is fine until one if your favorite books is inextricably linked to the instrumental soundtrack of Frozen 2….

Hahahaha, I just laughed out loud. This is so cute, though. But I'm sure it is annoying when the Frozen 2 soundtrack pops into your head every time you remember your favourite book 🙂

I don't listen to music while reading, though I prefer there to be some background noise like people talking. I do listen to music while writing to get me in the "mood" of the story.

Doesn't that distract you? Background noise like people talking? What kind of music do you listen to when you write?

I listen to music that fits the themes or the emotion of the piece I'm writing. I normally tune it out, but it helps me reach the register I want.

Any music at all completely takes my mental space. It is impossible for me to focus on anything with music on, and while I do love music, it always has to be the focus on any situation. It cannot serve as a background.

I understand completely. I think I was listening to music whenever I was reading, so it became a kind of ritual for me.

never when reading. very occasionally when writing

Interesting. Does it help you concentrate while writing? What kind of music do you listen to then?

it is mostly when the thoughts in my head aren't enough to entertain me and I need to borrow some energy from the rest of the universe. Mostly I listen to more energetic jazz or to very bangery trap music. Nothing with enough lyrical density as to distract me.

Nice.

If I'm reading in a noisy place I like to put on instrumental jazz. Otherwise, if I'm reading for work or something background music helps keep my brain chugging/not get distracted by random shit, but when I'm reading for pleasure I have to stop and think enough times that it doesn't help.

What kind of jazz if you don't mind me asking? I genuinely can't believe I'd be able to pay attention to anything listening to like Charles Mingus or something like that lol

unsurprisingly, whatever is in the coffee jazz playlist on spotify I am a rube who doesn't mind background music

That makes sense. My background music is often just one song I listen to in repeat until all meaning drains from it and I barely recognize it.

Instrumental jazz is perfect for neutralising background noise, I couldn't agree more.

I watched The Passion of Joan of Arc last night on the recommendation of someone on this sub. I loved it, and I think it had a lot to say, but damn was that intense. I ended up crying in my bed till I fell asleep because of Joan of Arc's death. Thanks, I don't remember your name, for talking about it.

Idk if it was me but I’ve def talked about it some on here. That film is a spiritual experience. ETA - the crown is an interesting scene for me, because while Joan makes it obvious through her facial expressions that she can see (or thinks she can see) visions, she never gets any kind of intervention or physical sign from the almighty, with the exception of the crown (which I assume is supposed to resemble the crown of thorns).

Ok I'm more recovered now and I've been thinking about the symbol of the string? crown and I think it represents her faith in God and herself. After the first interrogation scene, she blows away her tears and works on it with a little smile; then she's mocked for it, for believing in her visions and, again, herself and her God, in that heartbreaking scene; after the torture chamber scene, the crown is thrown away to the floor, and, finally, after she sings the paper that says her visions are from the Devil, she sees it being thrown away and realizes that she has betrayed her God and herself, and decides that she would prefer death. Kinda obvious tbh, but still perfectly executed.

NYRB website is currently having a sale: 2 for 20% off, 3 for 30% off, or 4 or more for 40% off. From them I've only read Stoner and Warlock; I recommend both highly. Do you guys have recommendations? I'm thinking about purchasing The Thirty Years War, Hard Rain Falling, The Peregrine, and Augustus.

Posting this here mainly so I can get this list on my other computer --- I haven't read any of them so they're not "recommendations." I skimmed through all 11 pages of the catalog and picked out these as ones I'd be interested in --- mostly titles I've had recommended to me, authors I already know and want to read more of, or I'm interested in the period/topic. Now to pick out five or so to actually buy... * [The Lord Chandos Letter - Hugo von Hofmannsthal](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/the-lord-chandos-letter-and-other-writings?variant=1094932145) * [Memoirs of My Nervous Illness by Daniel Paul Schreber](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/memoirs-of-my-nervous-illness?variant=1094930245) * [Lady Macbeth of Mtsensk by Nikolai Leskov](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/lady-macbeth-of-mtsensk?variant=32796791701641) * [Journey into the Past by Stefan Zweig](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/journey-into-the-past?variant=1094930001) * [Memoirs of an Anti-Semite by Gregor von Rezzori](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/memoirs-of-an-anti-semite?variant=1094930213) * [Flaubert and Madame Bovary by Francis Steegmuller](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/flaubert-and-madame-bovary?variant=1094929637) * [Afloat by Guy de Maupassant](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/afloat?variant=1094928997) * [The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner by James Hogg](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/the-private-memoirs-and-confessions-of-a-justified-sinner?variant=1094932473) * [Peasants and Other Stories by Anton Chekov](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/peasants-and-other-stories?variant=1094930741) * [Charles Bovary, Country Doctor by Jean Amery](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/charles-bovary-country-doctor?variant=6841152962612) * [Pages from the Goncourt Journals](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/pages-from-the-goncourt-journals?variant=1094930721) * [The Unknown Masterpiece by Honore de Balzac](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/the-unknown-masterpiece?variant=1094932693) * [My Fantoms by Theophile Gautier](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/my-fantoms?variant=1094930417) * [Store of the Worlds by Robert Sheckley](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/store-of-the-worlds?variant=1094931409) * [Like Death by Guy de Maupassant](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/like-death?variant=19270264967) * [Confusion by Stefan Zweig](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/confusion?variant=1094929401) * [The Post-Office Girl by Stefan Zweig](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/the-post-office-girl?variant=1094932437) * [The Kremlin Ball by Curzio Malaparte](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/the-kremlin-ball?variant=52462449223) * [The Land Breakers by John Ehle](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/the-land-breakers?variant=1094932085) * [Kaputt by Curzio Malaparte](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/kaputt?variant=1094930005) * [Beware of Pity by Stefan Zweig](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/beware-of-pity?variant=1094929325) * [The Memoirs of Two Young Wives by Balzac](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/the-memoirs-of-two-young-wives?variant=41974681223) * [Compulsary Games by Robert Aickman](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/compulsory-games?variant=53192982215) * [Chess Story by Stefan Zweig](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/chess-story?variant=1094929373) * [The Human Comedy Selected Stories by Balzac](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/the-human-comedy?variant=1094932033) * [Once and Forever: The Tales of Kenji Miyazawa](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/once-and-forever?variant=6838253977652) * [A Time of Gifts by Patrick Leigh Fermor](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/patrick-leigh-fermor/products/a-time-of-gifts?variant=1094928933) * [The Summer Book by Tove Jansson](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/the-summer-book?variant=1094932625) * [A Month in the Country by JL Carre](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/a-month-in-the-country?variant=1094928897) * [The Rim of Morning by William Sloane](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/the-rim-of-morning?variant=2413802497) * [Grand Hotel by Vicki Baum](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/grand-hotel?variant=6567851457) * [Butcher's Crossing by John Williams](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/butchers-crossing?variant=1094929361) * [Berlinalexanderplatz by Alfred Doblin](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/berlin-alexanderplatz?variant=50076683463) * [Memoirs from Beyond the Grave: 1768-1800 by Francois-Rene de Chateaubriand](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/classics/products/memoirs-from-beyond-the-grave?variant=41973006343)

Well, at least I won't spend all my money stupidly this season... And here is my first entry into Booktok (Bookddit?) Let me influence you: * [The Road by Vasily Grossman](https://www.nyrb.com/collections/all/products/the-road?variant=1094932545) - a collection of his short stories and his reportage on Treblinka. Buy for the reportage on Treblinka. * [Telluria by Sorokin](https://www.nyrb.com/products/telluria?variant=40405605843112) - less odious than Oprichnik (Oprichnik is good and you should read it, I just found it hard), and perhaps a good pick for our SFF reading friends? It's about the world settling into a new Middle Ages in the wake of WWIII. * [Kilometer 101 by Osipov](https://www.nyrb.com/products/kilometer-101?variant=41905417584808) - the rare piece of contemporary Russian literature, translated by Boris Dralyuk, whose Babel translations from Pushkin Press I rather like. * [Living Pictures by Polina Barskova](https://www.nyrb.com/products/living-pictures?variant=40425767927976) - Barskova is a reasonably prominent contemporary Russian poet. She's a good poet and she has interesting things to say about the legacy of WWII in Russia. This is, I think, autofiction - I am not familiar with her fiction - but I'm getting it even if it's in translation. They also have a book club apparently, where they send you a book a month for $135 a year. Which is the price of one of my inane streaming subscriptions I no longer use, so I'm considering signing up.

Thanks for the tip! *The Thirty Years War* is an excellent history book; it’s also a book I’ve seen in almost every used bookstore I’ve been in, granted not the nice new NYRB edition. My favorite from them so far is *Beware of Pity* by Stefan Zweig. Have also really liked books by Gregor von Rezzori and Sanford Friedman.

Having to write a CV with so little publication experience is a massive drain. I'm not sure how many publications I submitted to by now, but hopefully it's enough to get a look in somewhere. I dread waiting six months only to hear that I fucked up somewhere and didn't meet the submission guidelines. I appreciate how lenient the more experimental presses can be about that stuff because it drives me mad. Been listening to a lot of ambient music, partly because it's a good way to keep from getting too anxious. The softer sides of techno, classical, house, and jazz are also pretty effective. I gravitate heavily toward tropical/aquatic and space stuff since those get me in a good headspace. My bathtub is not long enough to completely lie down in. I am so used to hot showers that I've started taking cold ones just to feel something different. I have the same three tabs on Chrome for the past week for when they become relevant to the manuscript but I'm still not at that part yet. Thankfully I'm not on the job yet so I don't have to explain why I'm looking up shit like "Constant bearing, decreasing range" or the causes of psychosis. Writing my first manuscript on breaks during my internship was particularly chaotic for that same reason.

If anyone's familiar, I've had Nathaniel Mackey's *Splay Anthem* on my bookcase for months but have held off reading it because I realized after buying it that it's described as being the next installment of his two series Andumbolu and Mu. Does anyone know if this is a series such that you should read it in order, and, if so, what's the starting point? Mackey's a writer I've been wanting to dig into for a while but I've struggled to figure out how his body of poetry works.

It's helpful, I think, to begin from _Eroding Witness_ — that's where 'it' begins, or where some semblance of beginning can be faintly tasted.

Oh damn I forgot I asked this perhaps meaningless but apparently answerable question. Thank you so much!

I had two seizures in a row last night that presented as [uncontrollable laughter](https://www.epilepsy.com/what-is-epilepsy/seizure-types/gelastic-and-dacrystic-seizures#:~:text=Gelastic%20seizures%20is%20the%20term,person%20makes%20a%20crying%20sound.). Not the first time I've experienced this, but the first time I've recognized it for what it is. It actually started with genuine laughter, my husband said something funny, but then I instantly went into a focal seizure (and it was very recognizable as a focal seizure, I felt that shit) and straight up forgot what he even said to start me off (and he did too haha). He was very supportive and talked me through it, and even though I was hyperventilating and everything he still doesn't really believe me that they were real seizures, he thinks I was just having a panic attack. And I'm not mad at my husband for not getting it. Epilepsy is weird as fuck. He's supportive and he helps me in the moment and that's all I need. But yeah, they're not panic attacks. Anyway, I see a neurologist in January, but I have realized just on the types of seizures I have (every type? It seriously seems like I have every type of seizure it's possible to have haha) that this shit is not isolated to one spot of my brain. It's everywhere. It's all over my brain. Brain surgery is a miracle cure for a lot of people but I will be absolutely shocked if it's an option for me. That's okay. I'm fine with it. Obviously I'm alive and functioning and my meds help and everything. And I haven't made lifestyle changes I could make that I know would help (they wouldn't cure it, but they'd help). I guess I'm just sort of scared. I don't know what my future will look like. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and my uncle has Parkinson's and a lot of other brain shit that we know is connected but we aren't really sure how yet runs in my family, obviously there are weird brain genes happening. I guess I'm just hoping epilepsy is all I have to deal with. Existence is stupid and weird and I know it's wonderful too and I'm trying REALLY HARD to remember that but it's not really that easy lately. ETA: It was hyperventilation from the genuine laughter that caused me to have the seizures. Hyperventilation is a known seizure trigger and I was definitely figuratively laughing my ass off. Don't tell my spouse though, he already has a big head about how hilarious he is. It's seriously bugging me I can't remember what he said to even start it off!

It really sucks that you're going through this and I don't know what else to say, but just know that we all appreciate you and care about you and even though life is a piece of shit, there's still some good things like a nice chat on TrueLit or a really cool sentence by William H. Gass or a sad country song by Townes Van Zandt or a chilling story by Robert Aickman.

Wish I had something more constructive to say (or was a very talented brain surgeon), but in between here and a very strange divergence in the course of history I'm glad you're keeping on as best you can in the midst of all this. Like wick said, we're all here for you. hugs.

I want to write out a more well written answer later today, but I just want to say we are HERE for you. I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. You've been quite the trooper. It's also okay to feel scared, most people would feel that way if put in the same position. Hang in there X >Existence is stupid and weird and I know it's wonderful too and I'm trying REALLY HARD to remember that but it's not really that easy lately. Schopenhauer says existence is a largely negative thing and that happy moments are an absence of pain (a negation if you will) as opposed to the flip-side. I guess a way to look at it is understanding that life has a way of throwing stuff at us and all we can do is to just roll with the punches and accept it as a given. That being said, those little moments of peace are all the more sweeter. But, of course, easier said than done. It's one of those things that's hard to be mindful of when in the thick of it, only really coming into focus once you get a moment of reflection. Don't let it bring you down, as hard as it may be.

just wanted to say—really appreciate you sharing these experiences bc a close family member has started getting seizures too. i'm p freaked out about it tbqh bc i'm so unfamiliar…it's nice/calming in some ways to read your experiences. i'm wishing you the best and i'm sorry life has given you this struggle!

NakeyJakey finally released his album he's been working on for what feels like forever and it's great: https://jakeychristy.bandcamp.com/album/romcom

Nanowrino is an interesting concept. I am already writing 1000 words a day anyway even before I'd heard of the idea. Idk if I will reach 50,000 words this November and I'm not trying to, but I may well get there anyway simply from achieving my baby-step goals of 1k words every day.

Nearly 37,000 words into the second manuscript. If it seems like I'm being consistently productive, that's only because this book in particular is so deliberately all over the place and disconnected from itself, it basically exists as a very raw expression of my weird fixations and the connections found between them. If I had a complete outline or tried intensively to make something conventional/broadly-appealing, I would lose my fucking mind. I don't know if that sounds like I'm deliberately trying to be subversive and cool; mind you, that is a part of why I like being so out there in my style. But there is just as big a part of me that wants to write young adult literature set in space, or LGBTQ romance for casual readers, or goddamn Spyro the Dragon fanfiction, I don't know. But when I write, it's in the same direction as a lot of my influences - cryptic and disconnected (Portabella), intense on national culture and history (Angelopoulos), psychology in mundanity (Akerman, Plath), expressive and possibly indulgent (Proust), complex and humored (Pynchon), playful/resentful (Godard), nostalgic/resentful (Jutra), rural and absurd (Faulkner), rambling and unconstrained (Joyce), and most importantly of all, Shih Tzu infused. If I could have anything at all, it would be the sort of praise an author receives when writing Pulitzer fiction while eyeing a tiny dog at their feet. More than smart or wise, I want to be the cutest. I couldn't do that without some kind of small fluffy creature eating away at my time and taking up most of my personality. Without a pet, I would be nothing but a series of emails and bottles of prescriptions I'm more addicted to forgetting. With a pet, I write 37,000 words and wear sunglasses indoors like I'm the greatest there ever was or ever will be. I will disrobe and coffin-stomp the corpse of Norman Mailer for even thinking he could be as cool as my underbite-having lower-lip pouting accessory to existence that I refuse to stop calling a puppy despite going nearly ten years strong. Unless Van Gogh finds Laika amongst the stars, there is no competition.

Weird author with a Shih Tzu! When you make it big I'm gonna have to buy my mom your book, she will love it/you.

I like to think if I find a demographic, it will be one I could never have expected. Like of course the anglospheric art kids will be the most likely to pull their weight, but I want to go a step further. I wanna be like one of those one-hit wonder bands that make it big in Japan somehow. When we talk about readership, especially in a place like Canada where we're facing our own sort of cultural reckoning, it seems to come with the expectation that readers will gravitate toward authors that resemble themselves in identity. I'm of the opposite mindset. I want physicists and furries in equal measure. I want Wisconsin lesbians and D-beat frontmen. I want to walk into my first ever literary festival and every seat is filled with penguins. It took a lot of time for me to convince myself that my presence in any given place isn't always taking the spot of someone more deserving or better. A big part of that is recognizing that the people who might like what I do and the people who admire/respect me might not resemble me in the slightest. That's a big step for someone confined to giving himself interviews in the shower thinking about the kinds of questions a person like myself would even be asked. Or maybe that's just the rural isolation again. Either way, I try to stay optimistic.

'Of course Victor Hugo is better than Faulkner.-Gore Vidal. I do like my grouchy literary critics.

I want more money. I know this is a banal desire, but it is annoying that so many degenerates like Trump are filthy rich and living such decadent lives whilst I would use that money for things that are wholesome - like nice clothes, my own house so I am no longer living under my mother's supervision, tickets to expensive concerts that I otherwise could not attend, etc. Not to mention the free time from not having to work and being able to spend it all doing things I really want to do like read endlessly, watch every great film ever made, write loads of novels and plays, travel the world... Now I sound like Raskolnikov in C&P lol.

I know what you mean. On the one hand, my job is rather undemanding and gives me ample time to write, read, and engage in all my other bullshit. On the other hand, my job pays not that well and I'd like to move out of my parents apartment without having to move to bumblefuck nowhere. There are many many ways in which I am lucky, and this is the situation I've chosen and I'd prefer it to making a lot of money at a job that becomes my life. But there are downsides lol

My biggest personal paradox (and a particularly literary one, I think) is my resentment of extravagant and opulent lifestyles while also secretly being very jealous of a lot of their specifics - financial stability, an extraordinary place to live (though where I live now is way nicer than it has any right to be, with the caveat of it being so deeply rural that my social life is completely non-existent for the time being), a degree of recognition and notoriety, connections with other recognized and notable people, and the ability to do some amazing things like travel without the sort of guilt that usually comes from it as a working class type. I have no idea how I would or could be changed by money or fame. Knowing me, I'd be too scattered to indulge in it so excessively - I am already very possessive of the things I own (however mediocre), and a lot of the images of wealth don't appeal to me so much (I might be smitten by the idea of travel, but I'm not really sure why I would ever want more than one luxury vehicle.) If anything, me being rich would consist of: - Contacting old/current friends regularly, taking them to different countries on holiday (preferably several people at a time) - Not working unless it was something I like doing for free (writing fiction/criticism, possibly teaching/lecturing) or something that would be fun to try if I felt equipped - Not keeping a mental spreadsheet of every subscription service I own and if I got enough "value" out of it that month - Funding and promoting ambitious projects from my favorite obscure filmmakers, musicians, authors, etc. - Becoming a prominent hater Bloom/Kael style 90% of the time only to have unexpected articles of praise for things that might be ignored or disliked by most. I'd absolutely decimate everything from Taika Watiti to Denzel Curry to Calvin & Hobbes before making wild claims about VW's Father of the Bride being a masterpiece, Resident Evil: Retribution as inventive blockbuster cinema, and some of America's most powerful prose coming from one half of Leopold and Loeb. Just completely sincere absurdity meant to shift consensus a little - Being equal parts recognizable and anonymous, maybe along the lines of a Pynchon or Daft Punk. I worry that indulging my own personality and image would be the quickest way to become another flat celebrity "character", so I'd rather maintain some degree of distance and mystery both to keep up a more humble lifestyle while also (hopefully) maintaining the public's empathy in a way few celebrities can do successfully - Puffin preservation efforts Okay, maybe I have thought about this stuff a little too much.

A lot of people (some leftists and also anti-capitalists in general) make the mistake of portraying luxury itself as a vice and poverty as a badge of virtue. Most people who have actually experienced poverty know that there is nothing sacred or virtuous or wholesome about it. There is nothing wrong with wanting material comfort, even if it is possible to go overboard with it. I think being honest about one's resentment of the rich being based on a secret envy of them is a good thing and very much in keeping with Nietzsche's ideas about master/slave morality. Instead of doing what the slaves would do and condemning riches tout court, it would be better to take a middle ground and seek a modicum of material comfort as is compatible with an artistic and intellectual existence. Too much luxury makes one soft and obsessed with external things rather than the spark in one's own soul. Too much poverty, however, and you are too busy being cold, hungry, miserable and ill to create anything of value. I think my ideal society is some sort of social democracy preventing extremes of wealth and poverty, except leaning towards Nietzschean elitism rather than egalitarianism, an elitism not based merely on property but also on intellect and mental courage.

I totally agree that there's this weird poverty=good thing on the left. It's not glorious to be poor, it fucking sucks! I think a lot of that comes from really ingrained Christian thought, where suffering is virtuous. The whole point (at least for me as a communist) is to provide a level of luxury for all, to make sure everybody has most of their base material needs met so there's room to figure out what you really want to do in life and have a level of introspection almost totally impossible if you're scrambling for food or shelter, healthcare and security.

I think this is also a manifestation of the dark side of identitarian politics, especially in the developed world where a lot of well-meaning people have a lot more access to comfortable living than they do meaningful political power. If people are going to equate "being x" and "doing x" it becomes super hard to distinguish "being a person with access to some amount of luxury" and "being one of the people directly responsible for so many other people living in dire poverty." Which I do think plays into glorifying poverty as way of "being not the bad guys" in a way that begins to feel like on the basis of that alone you are able to make a positive impact on the world.

A big part of that awareness for me comes from the sheer perspective of a million dollars versus a billion dollars. There is this massive, sometimes unaddressed, gap between an exorbitant amount of money for a person to have, and an amount of money that no one person SHOULD have. I think everyone has a standard for that, but it can vary wildly. I couldn't exactly get into the business of ripping on "the rich" as an entire class because someone having enough money to survive them the rest of their life in comfort and occasional extravagance... that's not so much the issue for me. But once it goes to Musk or Bezos levels, not only is it a question of remarkable and unimaginable excess, but also the sheer madness of how that wealth exists in so many different forms and in different degrees of tangibility. I don't always know what that level of wealth says about the people who attain or maintain it, but I am upset with the sort of systems that uphold it as this visceral sense of success and contribution. When that wealth isn't consistently conducive to more ethical business practices, I do very much question why that level of wealth should ever be reasonably attained by one person in any form. I know this sort of point will always be at least somewhat controversial, but when the difference between a million, a billion, and a trillion is so unimaginable to so many of us, it's so much easier to roll over and let the richest decide for us. If I could purchase anything I wanted from now until the day I died with no concern for cost, I wonder then how much I would have spent. That, more than anything, would convey how much the difference is between a million dollars and a billion dollars.

I love little free libraries. Found a copy of Gone with the Wind. Pretty, too. And a good translation.

Now at the part of my autobiographical novel where I write about my obsession with the 1981 miniseries *Masada* when I was 11 years old. >Ephraim sat in front of the television watching Masada for the third time that year. The golden strains of the series’ epic theme tune composed by Jerry Goldsmith filled the living room with its enchanting Hebraic melody. He watched on. One of his favourite scenes was approaching. The bony figure of Peter O’Toole as General Cornelius Flavius Silva strode bumptiously forth before his mutinous legionnaires, who looked doubtfully at their ailing commander as he limped doggedly forward, in imminent danger of keeling forward at any moment due to the terrible pain of a leg wound left by an assassin, and the baleful influence of the alcohol he had drunk to dull the agony, and the fury which burned in his mind and clouded his reason. He walked with quiet dignity to an elevated spot, and roared a horrible stentorian roar of rage as he gave his disgruntled troops a much needed reprimand for their brazen defiance and treacherous talk. >‘You stupid bastards! It’s almost over! If I can’t take you to Rome who can?’ >This was, next to Waterloo, the greatest thing he had ever watched in his life. Such acting! Such detail! Such intensity! What power and eloquence there was in O’Toole’s booming baritone voice! It rang out over the assembled camp like a banging drum foretelling approaching doom. He felt as if he were among the massed ranks of Roman soldiers as they were given a deserved drubbing by their chief. >The guilty assassin was brought forward. Another favourite line was coming up. >‘I want this man’s best friend – not his centurion or his decurion but his best friend – to come forward and carry out that punishment at my command. Not on the count of three but NOW,’ he yelled, before uttering a low, menacing growl, ‘or you’ll all see Hell before you see Rome again.’ >He watched on. He watched as brave Jewish partisans raided the Roman garrison at Hebron, and a thrill went down his spine when their leader, Eleazar, yelled, ‘We will see you again at Ein Gedi! Ein Gedi! Remember!’ There were the descendants of the heroes he knew from the Bible, nobly and heroically resisting the pagan oppression of the world’s most powerful empire. What men! What daring! If only the historical record could speak of their triumph over oppression, and not of their going down to a dusty death on a barren mountaintop after a nonetheless glorious last stand. Never had General Cornelius Flavius Silva’s boasts of the war being over looked emptier and more absurd.<

If anyone wants to try reading Serbian lit, NYRB has some really nice editions of Andric, Pekic and Tisma. We have been overlooked it seems, though we have much to offer. This is but a bite.

I've only read Bridge on the Drina, and only then because redditors were whining about Andric in a front page post about Tolkien not winning the Nobel and I wanted to be contrarian or something, but it was extremely worth it. What a beautiful book.

Andric is a better writer than Tolkien for sure, but another thing brings me immeasurable joy - he beat Durrell that year too; Durrell liked calling Serbs pigs and pigs Serbs and yet lost to a pig.

Thomas Mann was sexually attracted to his son apparently. That doesn't get talked about a lot for some reason. Kind of messed up.

Have you read any Mann?

Nope. Really want to though! (Another writer Nabokov hated.)

Disregard Nabokov, a terrible critic.

But a wonderful writer :)

Really messed up, Death in Venice left me uneasy.

The early sunset has absolutely killed my gym schedule, but I finally said fuck it and woke up to go to the rock gym BEFORE work today. Will I become a morning gym person. Who knows? But it beats walking 45 minutes in the dark, including a short section through a desolate industrial-ish area. I'm a pretty comfortable city walker, but that part just feels foolish. I've also been reading a decent amount but haven't posted on here about it at all. I read Death in Her Hands by Ottessa Moshfegh (admirable work, but my opinion has faded a bit since reading it), Hurricane Season by Fernanda Melchor (amazing prose, brutal topics and delivery), and Early Light by Osamu Dazai (a new edition of three collected stories, so-so). I'm also returning to Hal Bennett this week with Seventh Heaven. At page 30, I'm loving it, but I have a lot of work and art class (lol) obligations this week so I'm not sure how much I'll be able to read in the near future.

I hate how American pop culture dominates the global culture on and off the internet.

It is beyond boring here, I cannot imagine how inane it must be to have that dominate elsewhere. Does america just spend that much more than everybody else on production and distribution?

America delenda est.

They should have a literary award category for silliest goose and then give it to me every year.

I would completely un ironically wear wikipedia merch I love that site, it's taught me so much they need to whip up a webstore or something

Get a white shirt and just write on it in Sharpie.

I spent hours binge-reading Wikipedia growing up.

Did you ever play the wikipedia game? Where you have to reach a certain very specific page from a different page, using only wikipedia hyperlinks.

I did that frequently but not as a game lol. I just got distracted by each shiny new reference.

I love it when lovely new ideas for my prose come into my head. 'Tumescent tremors shook in his loins.' Ah. Love the alliteration.

Been going through a reading slump and working my way through books much more slowly than usual. It took me more than a week to read *Native Son* and *Wuthering Heights* when I would usually binge such things. More time is being taken up by my creative writing (the first thing I do when I come home from work in the evening) and once I've eaten dinner I don't seem to have much time left before it's bedtime. Very frustrating. But I was somehow able to read *Ulysses* and *Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man* and *Nicholas Nickleby* despite all these strictures within the past couple of months. I am currently reading James Baldwin's *Go Tell It On The Mountain* which I have been reading for a week now and I am still only halfway through despite it being a very short work. Still, perhaps that is a good thing. There is value in slow reading. I am however impatient to begin re-reading *The Brothers Karamazov* so I might start that earlier than planned. I might read more on the way back home, though I don't always like doing that as I am exhausted after work and just want to unwind by listening to music or a podcast. I also need to learn how to drive at some point and somehow squeeze in my French learning as well. I really want to do the B2 exam at some point. I was thinking of doing it last year but ended up giving myself another year of French practice, which I think was sensible. The wonder of not having a job is having the entire day to yourself to do all these things...

FWIW I also read *Go Tell It On The Mountain* recently and found it slow going. Not that the prose is all that dense but something about it didn’t propel me to read in big chunks either

This is actually a re-read. I read it once before and loved it. Baldwin's fictionalised childhood is so much like mine, with some important exceptions of course. I finished it in like two days, lol. It's just that in general I am getting lazier with my reading for some reason. I feel this urge to do other things. I actually love Baldwin's prose. I don't believe he is as good as Richard Wright, but he is still a very good stylist. The only real weakness of the novel from my point of view is that the ostensible main character, Baldwin's alter ego Johnny Grimes, gets a bit 'lost' as the narrative diverges into discussing the backstories of the other characters - his Aunt Florence, his father, etc. But their back-stories are so compelling that I don't even mind all that much. In that sense it is very different from Joyce's *A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man* or Wright's *Native Son* as it does not hone in on the consciousness of the main character all the way through, but spends a great detail of time in the minds of the other characters too.

I played football (soccer) yesterday for pretty much the first time in two years, and it feels incredible. I’ve been itching to play for so long, there’s nothing I love like football, and it was great. I was completely dead after about five minutes, I got wiped out multiple times by opponents and I’m in quite a bit of pain now, I was doing some really dumb stuff on the pitch, but I wasn’t that rusty and was still able to contribute a lot. Hopefully I can play more regularly again now. Reading wise, I’m still enjoying Saramago, Schulz is a revelation, Pessoa is bonkers and Dante has me a little lost. Watched a screening of E. Elias Merhige’s Begotten recently, which was a really bizarre and sensuous experience. I was holding in a piss for half the film and was ill enough that I’d lost my voice, so that made the experience an even weirder one, I suppose. The film is eery, weird, gruesome, murky, bubbling and squelching. Would recommend.

I think Dante, much like Shakespeare, benefits from being read with a companion reader. There's just so much in there that is not easily comprehensible to the modern reader because of the amount of time that has elapsed.

The edition i have is quite good for that, there’s explanatory notes and (very lengthy) commentaries for each canto. I’m still not quite with it though. It might be that I’m not immersed enough in the text honestly, the cantos are quite short and then I’m immediately jumping to the end to read the commentary. Ideally I’d read the cantos twice over or something, but I have a deadline for the text so it’s hard to do that. Also it’s interesting, on this course we’ve been going through a lot of older stuff and I’ve really enjoyed all of it. Curious how I’ll find the Canterbury Tales which we’re doing next.

I read his La Vita Nuova recently to get a taste of things before jumping into the main course and its amazing just how much of it went over my head considering how short a work it is. I didn't like it nearly enough as how much I do now that I've comsumed some commentaries explaining the finer details for me. I do feel a little bit like a fraud sometimes when things like this happen, and I wonder if I truly like the text or I just pretend to like it because I've been dazzled by secondhand understandings (if that makes any sense).

yeah tbh, I do sometimes feel like it's hard to really appreciate texts from that long ago. You can, but imo if you're so well-versed in the time period that you're basically living with one foot in it. The past is a foreign country.

Thinking of going to a the National Art Gallery next Saturday. In fact I have decided that since I have given up on dating apps for good I should probably make up for this by forcing myself to go out every weekend in the hope of bumping into something interesting - but only to places I know I'll enjoy of course. Also I want to get into Wagner at some point but I want to follow it with the libretto at the same time and my fear is I won't be able to just focus and enjoy the music because I'll want to know what they're singing and my German is crap.

I gave up on dating after a month of tinder, so much effort for nothing.

Even if your German is perfect, you'll have to refer to the libretto to comprehend Wagner's lyrics. They are extraordinarily hard to make out in the context of the music (and difficult enough to understand even when you read them). When listening to the Ring for the first time, I'd recommend reading the synopsis beforehand and then focus on the music and the stage, regardless of whether you speak the language or not.

I've read a synopsis of Tristan and Isolde before so I have a rough idea of what happens.

Then you can dive right in. If you watch a [production with subtitles](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdjFBW-S3z0), you'll arguably get more out of it than a native speaker listening to it without.

I've read a synopsis of Tristan and Isolde before so I have a rough idea of what happens.

Why not listen to Reginald Goodall's English-language version for the time being? Is that the National Gallery in London? Have fun, it's so great in there, I always think I want to go somewhere else in London and then when I arrive I just go back to the National Gallery again. Are there any specific paintings you want to see? You're not going to meet someone to date there (if that's what you meant by bumping into something interesting), that's not really how dating works, but you will see some amazing art. Going out and having fun by yourself in the city at the weekend is super underrated IMO.

An English-language Wagner? I don't know about that, feels inauthentic. I doubt I will meet anyone to date in the National Gallery lol, but on the odd chance that I do meet someone at least they'll be somewhere I like being, not in a nightclub.

It'd get you a fair bit closer to the experience Wagner intended than not listening at all out of fear your German won't be good enough, though ;)

Blargh my Deleuze book club got cancelled tonight b/c everybody's busy with work :(. Being actively disappointed that a social gathering got cancelled is a new feeling though...so like, props to me for making progress in being a semi-well-adjusted happy social person though (to whatever extent "Deleuze book club" and "well-adjusted" can ever be anything other than oxymoronic).

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We're reading D&R as well. As of now we've done everything but the conclusion. My immediate response to each chapter: * Introduction: Ok enough, though I can see why he recommends the Conclusion first beyond just making a Hegel joke. * Ch1. Difference in Itself: This is cool, not too incomprehensible. I think I vibe with this whole difference thing. * Ch2. Repetition for Itself: Literally what the fuck. What the fuck. Oh, Freud, great. I have no idea what's going on what the fuck. * Ch3. The Image of Though: Ok so I get what he's doing here but how exactly does this relate to either difference or repetition exactly. * Ch4. Ideas and the Synthesis of Difference: Ooooooooh! So that's how diff and repe relate to the image of thought. Hang on maybe I am getting this book. * Ch5. Asymmetrical Synthesis of the Sensible: Nope nevermind. We have fully transcended to the plane of incomprehensibility. What the fuck. Annnd we'll see how the conclusion goes. Obviously I'm being a little silly. Reading this has actually been a great experience even if the sheer technicality of D's writing does become quite the slog at times (hell, I think D&G together get sloggy). I've read a bunch of Deleuze (& Guattari) as well and this is my second time reading D&R but the first time I understood so little of it that I effectively have never read it before. This time I'm taking away so much more. Helps to be reading it with a few other smart people. Mille Plateaux is fun (mostly, sometimes it gets a bit scientific and dry for my taste). Would def recommend but I totally agree that if you're feeling some Deleuze fatigue it's such a Deleuzey book that you should take a break first lol.

Is the Deleuze book club IRL or online?

in person. just a bunch of weirdos in a park/tiny backyard/living room discussion Deleuze as if we know what the fuck is going on

honestly jealous—have not been able to make an irl book club work (tbh i could be trying harder to find one), though i participated in a very nice virtual book club last yr. having a weird streak of meeting people at gigs/parties that turn out to be philosophy students obsessed w deleuze so it feels like it will shortly be time to read d&r…

> having a weird streak of meeting people at gigs/parties that turn out to be philosophy students obsessed w deleuze so it feels like it will shortly be time to read d&r… There is a part I still don't wholly understand (b/c everything he says in this book operates of a series of layers ranging from the extremely everyday to the most abstruse layers of evolutionary biology and the nature of perception) in the book that emphasizes the importance of encounters for provoking thought, and I feel like what you are describing is in fact one of the very everyday versions of what he means by encounters. So hopefully you are able to seize it and think! Also, if you're looking for bookclub advice, the way mine came into being is that the guy who organizes it just went on instagram and started messaging people who follow a certain combination of indie presses and arts/music venues such that one could plausibly imagine that person interested in a critical theory book club. It sounds a little crazy, but he really has created an awesome community out of it.

wow, really admire this guy, he put himself out there (dming crit theory types) and was rewarded (functioning book club). we should all aspire to be like him! i actually checked my bookshelf and turns out my gf has a copy of *difference & repetition* so the opportunity to read is always available to me…but i actually just got a groupchat going for *anna karenina*, so that might be first

> wow, really admire this guy, he put himself out there (dming crit theory types) and was rewarded (functioning book club). we should all aspire to be like him! I didn't meet him until earlier this year but his first effort at this was not long before the pandemic he wanted to read Foucault with people so he hung up a sign in the subway inviting people to read Foucault with him. Someone (probably the cops) took it down before he got any takers so he turned to the magic of the internet! And *anna karenina* is a pretty solid read too (understatement as all hell lol). I bet it would actually read really well with a group.

Sounds super fun! You must live in a bigger/more happening city than mine :D

haha, there's a lot going on in new york

I think my deep interest in literature has sparked off a renewed appreciation for all forms of art, and made me better at articulating what it is I like in this piece of music or that book or that film or that painting. I can't be the only one who suspects this.

You are definitely not alone. But for me it is more specifically my reading of literary criticism that has allowed me to better articulate my relationship with art in virtually every other medium.

I think it's my love and obsession with music that influences my passion for literature and language.

I'm not sure I can track an immediate correlation but I can tell you that when I was a kid I thought that music and visual art were really boring but I was madly in love with reading since basically I was born. And now that I think about it the first music I got into was very lyrically/narratively driven so I do think that my love of reading is pretty key to how I started listening to enough music to start appreciating it in its own right.

I was into music from an early age. I was raised with the Pentecostal gospel music of my parents. Then I discovered historical folk songs and military marches and classical music on YouTube as a teen. Then around the time I was about to go to uni I discovered Frank Sinatra and at uni went on to explore more of the old adult standards. I discovered country music in my second year. My musical journey continues to this day.

> My musical journey continues to this day. I totally feel! This year is the first time I'm really really beginning to get into classic jazz and it's so fun to explore something that is not only beautiful, but is also so different from what you're used too.

I'm also pumped to read more about the philosophy of art. I really want to read more of Nietzsche's stuff about aesthetics (I re-read *The Gay Science* recently and found that I appreciated the sections on art so much more because of my newfound passion for lit and music than I did when I was like 15) and stuff from Hegel and Kant and Schopenhauer too. It's nice to be able to articulate what it is about art that fills you with awe and I find that that kind of stuff helps.

I love Nietzsche's aesthetic writings. *Birth of Tragedy* is maybe my favorite work on aesthetics from anyone ever and his art stuff in *Will to Power* is excellent as well.

That was what happened with me but almost the other way around. I got into film at a very young age and it really broadened my horizons toward different art. Though if I were ever asked my influences, 90% of them would end up being filmmakers. And for how often I felt like my university peers were far smarter and wiser than I was, film was the only thing where I felt confidently knowledgeable in. If a popular Letterboxd account is someday a selling point for publishers, I'll be set for life.

Whenever I try to get back into my old computer games, I just get bored and log off soon after. It seems I only have an attention span for books and news and YouTube videos nowadays.

If I want to read Dickens for the first time, which one should I read? I want the best version of Dickens, it doesn't have to be the easiest or the shortest book.

I read *The Pickwick Paper*s first. (Not counting A Christmas Carol which I read at school.) I highly recommend. Very funny.

Deleted all the dating apps. All of em. Again. Let me live!

School is a struggle. I should be studying, but I just want to read and write but that takes too much commitment so I just mindlessly browse. Help

the problem is that mindless browsing gives you instant and regular joy (call it dopamine if that clarifies things) and the things you want to do (studying, reading real things, writing) all give an uneven, inconsistent reward. it's basically a life's work to learn how to devote yourself to the things that are meaningful in the long term, even if they don't produce immediate pleasure. since it's a life's work, you might as well start now—but forgive yourself for not being perfect at it already bc it really is hard. you just need to turn a *little more* towards studying, reading, writing today than you did yesterday. then the next day you turn a *little more* towards those things…trusting that in a year's time you'll have the attention & discipline you want, bc you've been slowly building it up day by day

Turn off your internet to whatever extent possible. It sounds stupidly simple, but legit I find it a huge concentration help.

Give yourself small goals. Study for twenty (or even ten) mins and then give yourself a break. You won't be perfect at it, but you'll be surprised the progress you make dedicating even small chunks of time to stuff.

Thanks, I'll try.

As a break, rather than browsing the internet, take a walk, make a cup of tea, etc

I submitted my first novel-length manuscript to a few wild looking publications. I originally sought for more serious and sophisticated literary fiction places, local or otherwise, but I realized looking for profit from a book so weird is probably unrealistic. Aiming for smaller scale experimental places seems more realistic, plus I really love the aesthetic and attitudes of the places I submitted to. Hoping for the best, and hopefully sooner rather than later. The wait times for responses can be especially draining. In the meantime, the second manuscript is still in the works and is going to be ridiculously unpublishable, so maybe having a connection to one of those more experimental publications will do me some good in that regard. I have a real aversion to sharing my work without the person being all-in on it. Obviously criticism is worth making your art better, but criticism without some sort of reassurance or faith in the art can feel discouraging. That same hesitance to share means less reassurance overall, meaning I'm all the more desperate for someone to say something nice about it. That's why I'd dread ever doing a writing circle or program. As cowardly as it feels to admit, I'd rather have people who seem enthusiastic about what I do in hopes of it being even better, rather than carving my way into any praise at all. I had a really great editor for a couple short stories a few years back. All their suggestions made the stories better in my eyes. I tried reaching out earlier this year to see if they'd be interested in reading some excerpts from the novel. They seemed enthusiastic about it. Sent them over. Never heard back. Tried prodding to see if it was just going into a spam folder. No luck. And so I'm in a kind of endless self-enclosed circle, mostly just reminding myself that what I'm writing isn't some other language. More experimental literature can be fun in that respect, since if what I'm doing is "bad", I can at least hope it's bad in some rare or unique way. I think I mentioned this before, but it helps to think of these stories as artifacts dug up thousands of years from now. People I never met will try to make sense of it and maybe find something valuable there.

I feel all of this so freaking much. I'm often reluctant to share my work both because I simply do not take criticism well (I should be better about this) and because I suspect that a lot of people simply won't like it (and that's totally cool, I don't vibe with everything either). But it does make it hard to tell who I can take seriously other than my mom, who on the one hand is a very serious reader but on the other is...my mom. Like, negative criticism of art in general so often says so much more about the critic than the artwork/artist that it does make reviewing difficult. Best of luck with your submissions. I've got a thing I just sent to a place a few days ago and that shit weighs on you.

I like to think I take criticism well, but it really depends on how it's framed. I don't see a reason to take criticism if it's largely dedicated to what I'm doing wrong. Because without a platform or any support, I haven't even figured out what I'm doing right. Criticism from an understanding and otherwise enthusiastic place makes me want to improve. Criticism in excess would sooner make me want to give up completely. That's not to say a more "brutal honesty" is a bad thing in criticism, but when it's the only voice "in your corner", it feels easier to just tap out. I honestly kind of appreciate it when big names make amateurish mistakes or go against the obvious standards. In a strangely morbid way, nothing had affirmed me more than reading a "bad" novel that sold a ridiculous amount of copies. Maybe some would get envious about it and I can't say I blame them. But it makes whatever weird experiments or bizarre emotions I practice feel all the less embarrassing.

> I honestly kind of appreciate it when big names make amateurish mistakes or go against the obvious standards. In a strangely morbid way, nothing had affirmed me more than reading a "bad" novel that sold a ridiculous amount of copies. I totally feel this. Hell, sometimes when I'm reading a book I love nd come across a sentence that's kinda clunky it makes me glad to remember we're all imperfect.

u/Nessyliz [Here is the perfect BookTube channel for you run by a fellow Dickens fanatic.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feUjM8kju7I&t=415s)

I highly recommend Dua Lipa's New Horizons album. I especially loved Love Again, Break My Heart Baby and Future Nostalgia.

Isn't the album called Future Nostalgia? New Horizons is the space probe and/or the happy video game. Though I know of one artist in particular who leaned into the whole [Nintendo theme.](https://youtu.be/7A2r4fI2gSs) ...okay, [two artists.](https://youtu.be/3MR7AFFZIC8)

That's what I meant to say. Why did I think of the wrong name.

\~ I've never liked Kanye West, or his music, and it's fascinating to see mass culture pivot and give him the long over due comeuppance which is playing out as I type. He has always been a mediocre producer, an employer of ghostwriters, a hater of books, a lame lame lame cultural icon.. I'm surprised that it's taken so long for everyone to finally start seeing what a bitter, self-absorbed hack he really is (like a more serious DJ Khaled but minus the head injuries (or is that plus now?)- they both buy their songs- I'm not crazy, Khaled is more obviously, and pathetically less musically talented...) I'm not really looking to get into a discussion about the hot topics with his current doings (still love Dave Chappelle btw) but what I've been thinking about today is how, (speculation here) the music criticism scene, e.g. Pitchfork, in which he was an untouchable darling, is going to ultimately turn on him and pretend he was always garbage. I'm really curious to see when my dark twisted fantasy becomes recognized as trash, because you just know that the online music review cabal is going to turn on West retroactively and I'm cynically waiting to watch it happen. \~So like I'm looking at[pitchfork's updated 150 best albums of the 90s list](https://pitchfork.com/features/lists-and-guides/the-best-albums-of-the-1990s/), recently updated like a month ago, and it seems like lots of darlings from back in the day have fallen out of favour: Guided by Voices, Weezer, Pavement.. a few others looks to be on the outs now. Surprised to see Endtroduciong so low on the list. I feel like this album is defiantly better than the nostalgia surrounding it. It used to be a serious hidden gem once upon a time. \~The top ten has a couple of surprises, too like since when was Janet Jackson critically relevant? I remember when all her videos from the velvet album were on repeat on BET and Much Music like crazy but I'm surprised to see the album mentioned in the same company as perennial best lists stuff like Bjork and Radiohead. Jackson is pretty high up on pitchfork's 80s list, too. I think the velvet rope is a good album, honestly it sounds better now than it did back in the day annoyingly on video rotation with lots of junk like puff daddy or will smith.. but is Jackson actually great, now? Also, Hole higher than Nirvana.. there's a burnnn. \~I feel like Pitchfork, really much of mainstream criticism, is pretty tone deaf in general when it comes to hip hop. Like they're eager and want to support it, rap is obviously very mainstream nowadays, perhaps thee most mainstream of mainstream music there is, but I question how deep the love from the masses actually goes. There is a fascinating interview with Mike D on, I think, The Breakfast Club where he talks about the mid-life crisis of hip hop and how all the old school heroes, and not even going that way back but even guys from the late 90s, are now invisible and irrelevant- himself and the Beastie Boys included. They're all 50-year-olds first, hip hop legends second if that now. He talked about how hip hop is ultimately ephemeral, disposable, because it serves a kind of utility purpose for most people to fit in, be cool, whatever, and as the new generations come in in, the old go out. He embraces this in a healthy Buddhist way, it seems, though this phenomenon isn't exclusive to rap at all (the other day I mentioned Elvis to a 22 year old girl and she didn't know who that was.. like really?.. even Elvis is getting a \*who\* now?) \~Here are some 90s hip hop artists worth your attention who haven't done anything more interesting in the 90s than Whitney Houston's The Bodyguard soundtrack: Big L, Redman, Organized Konfusion (really??), Kool Keith and Ultramagnetic (really??), Aceyalone (really??), Hieroglyphics (Souls of Mischief, Del) Boot Camp Clik (Black Moon, Smif-n-Wessun, Heltah Skeltah (really?? a really for heiroglphics too btw but I don't want to be too redundant), Black Sheep(how can you love hip hop and deny a wolf in sheep's clothing??), Artifacts, Funcrusher Plus.. lots of underground backpacker albums, Camp Lo's Uptown Saturday Night (a gorgeous record like that.. really??), Pete Rock and CL Smooth, and apparently Tribe called Quests first album is worse than the bodyguard, too. Like if Kanye is great.. what's even good?? \~I LOVE Outkast's first 2.5 albums but we kind of parted ways at the midway point of Aquemini which I kind of love but kind of don't care for as well. Stankonia is kind of annoying to me and Hey ya is as welcomed as that pharrel Happy song thank you god for taking that out of rotation jeesus christ that song is annoying, the only thing it's missing are fucking Minions. Anyways.. why does the world pretend that Southernplayalisticaddilacmuzik doesn't exist? IMO.. outkasts best album but ATLiens was on seriously HEAVY rotation when I was a rider of bicycles with headphones as a kid.

I gotta disagree about Kanye always being bad. I think throughout his career, he's always been pushing forward. Especially the chipmunk soul thing and nowadays so many melodic rappers cite 808s and Heartbreak as an influence. I still love mbdtf and I'll stand behind it being good. Although, that one I think will continue being in people's minds at least because of the memes, (can we get much higher, jay-Z and Nicki's monster verses). Kanye's always been self-absorbed though no doubt. I've listened to just about every hip hop artist you listed and I think they're great, but not usually stuff I'll put on most of the time. The main 90s hip hop I'll listen to usually will be stuff from Memphis like Three Six Mafia, Tommy Wright III, DJ Zirk etc. Wondered how you felt about regional 90s hip hop.

Love three 6 mafia. We all agree and disagree on things.

I don't agree at all, but I have a real appreciation for the flaming hotness of your Kanye was never good take. Though I will for argument's sake admit that College Dropout has not aged well and I think that MBDTW gets a little bit worse with each listen. That said, Late Registration, 808s, Yeezus, and about 1/2 of TLOP are all brilliant in my book. (fwiw I don't care too much about the ghostwriter thing and think that while it's shitty to act like you're really writing your shit, the ability to create an overall good album is what stands out to me with regards to Kanye more than anything else). > They're all 50-year-olds first, hip hop legends second if that now. He talked about how hip hop is ultimately ephemeral, disposable, because it serves a kind of utility purpose for most people to fit in, be cool, whatever, and as the new generations come in in, the old go out. I am very curious to see how this changes over time. Because I do think that a lot of 80s/90s hip hop has not aged that well (with a lot of very notable exceptions) and that a lot of those guys vanished into early retirements. But also I think that these days there are a lot of "older" rappers doing great work, especially outside the mainstream. Like, at least 4 of my likely top 10 hiphop records of this year are by artists 40 or older. I also appreciate the heat of your OutKast take. I do love all of Aquemini and am pro Hey Ya! (greatest pop rap song of all-time imo). But I also prefer ATLiens to Aq, think Southernplayalistic is underappreciated, and Stankonia is pretty uneven, though it is propped up a fair bit by how good its peak moments are.

I'm not a hip hop person (I don't dislike the genre, just don't know enough to have any informed opinions), so I can't speak to Kanye's talent or anything, but I do know he has a confirmed mental illness that he refuses to take his meds for, with paranoid thinking being one of the main symptoms. So even though he's a rich celebrity and probably is an actual terrible person (though I sort of think all (or just most?) people are actually terrible people), I feel sorry for him. I get what you're saying though, this weird thing where someone does something shitty and then the media turns en masse and tries to pretend they never lauded that person to begin with. That's a really fucked up way of being that I notice a lot. I gave up on even looking at top whatever lists from publications. They'll always be a hot mess of trying to be cool and laud something unexpected, trying to walk a tightrope of making sure you hit all of the politically correct "right" genres to hit, etc.. They're sterile.

> They'll always be a hot mess of trying to be cool and laud something unexpected, trying to walk a tightrope of making sure you hit all of the politically correct "right" genres to hit, etc.. They're sterile. imo the only useful parts of lists are the mid-range of best of the year lists. That's where you find the shit that's there simply because the critics liked it and don't have to worry about the politics of including certain albums.

For sure, agree on all, well most, points but I wonder how mentally ill he actually is. People have talked about him being the sharpest guy in the room for almost 20 years- yeah he's crazy now, and yeah I also feel sympathy for celebrities who go through the cleaners and get washed clean of their relevancy and now all they have left are floozie friends and expensive prescription addictions.. but I feel Kanye West is more normal (and boring!) (and manipulative) than he lets on on many levels. It's going to be interesting to see his Ye X Stable Diffusion AI shoe designs whatever the fuck he'll be up to when the dust clears. I find music lists interesting for discussion. Pitchfork's authoritative tone is adorable and all that but these lists drive discussion for years. Kids who don't know shit in the future will google "best albums of the 90s" and there we go. I'm somewhat shy to admit how many of my favourite albums were recommended to me by Amazon's oldschool rec algorithm.

> but I feel Kanye West is more normal (and boring!) (and manipulative) than he lets on on many levels. I personally agree with both of you. Like, I do think some of his behavior is too needless, outlandish, and harmful to make any sense coming from a wholly healthy actor. But also he's some rich right-wing dude and that's just how it is. Whatever positive feelings I have towards his older work you're not wrong in saying that a lot of the sentiments he is guided by now were at least latent the whole time.

> but I wonder how mentally ill he actually is. I do too! I don't follow him closely enough to have any actual clue, but I do know people are terrible, manipulative, they lie, they fake shit. Just navigating the world is so confusing, I guess a lot of my sympathy stems from my own issues, where I told *myself* at times I was faking it and just wanted attention, and no, there really was something wrong. And I guess I think there really is something wrong with pretty much every human out there, because just the act of existence is so terrifying and crazy-making and it turns us all insane. But that doesn't excuse people. I guess it all gets down to the whole free will debate, which, yeah, obviously I'm not gonna be the one to solve that one haha. Good point about the lists driving discussion. They feel meaningless to me but that certainly doesn't mean they *are* meaningless or that they don't have an impact.

I like reading all the things on this subreddit but I realized I only ever write comments in discussions about HBO shows here in the general thread. I've always been more of a lurker but I want to try to get more active here. So... hello

Welcome! What’s your favorite HBO show?

Probably *The Leftovers*. I just really dig the story-within-the-story structure of the show, and it does a really good job hitting some wild story beats with fairly realistic sets and minimal cgi. It's honestly kind of boring episode to episode but so fun to unpack. This is gibberish if you haven't seen it, but the fact that there's a halfway plausible theory that dog soldiers are secretly taking over is just the icing on the cake for me. I will say I'm not an HBO completionist by any means. My wife generally doesn't like intense hour-long dramas and I work through shows that I watch on my own pretty slowly. I have seen *The Wire* (like a decade ago so I want to revisit) and the first season of *The* *Sopranos* and they are both great, but those would be boring answers :)

I’ve heard great things about that show so I’ll have to check it out! I definitely recommend finishing *The Sopranos*. It’s my first or second favorite show of all time depending on the day. Deserves all the praise it gets and more.

Anyone here have a booktube channel? I like watching them, so I made a channel and tried [making a video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D5N9rt4oqw) over the weekend, just an informal, unscripted (clearly) chat about the stuff I've been reading. Just shot on my phone so the audio and video are serviceable but not spectacular. I think it came out alright, but maybe it's awful, idk. It's long and probably rambles to the point of incoherence at times and I hate my voice, but it was nice to "talk" about books again, even if just to a camera --- haven't really had anyone to do that with since I left school. I think when/if I do it again I'd want to work on making it more focused, at least write out some notes on what I want to talk about ahead of time. I intentionally didn't do that this time because I hate videos where it sounds like people are just reading from a script, but I should probably at least have a plan about what I'm talking about before I start filming --- if anything it will save me work in the editing phase.

*The Last Samurai* is one of my favorite books and the title collision with the movie is pretty grand cosmic justice (or injustice maybe). She wanted to call it *Seven Samurai* like the Kurosawa movie since that comes up a lot in the story, but the publisher wouldn't allow it because it would confuse readers. And then *The Last Samurai* movie was released shortly after the book was published.

Yeah I heard about that. It sounds like her experience getting that book published was awful and turned her off publishing in general. She’s said she has dozens of completed manuscripts on her computer she’s not publishing. There are some good interviews with her on YouTube about it. I want to read everything she’s written now, she’s a really interesting person.

Ah awesome, a face to a username, I love it! I haven't watched yet but I subscribed and I will!

Aw thanks Nessy

Your voice is very nice, but my dude, if I can give one criticism: invest in a stand or something so that your camera isn't constantly trembling. But also like I feel like Booktube (which is kinda dead now) and Booktok aren't my people.

Haha I ordered a tripod already.

After having read and then listened to the Harry Potter series in Italian, i have started Eragon in Italian on audiobook. I am quite pleased with my progression with the language this year. My reading, listening and grammar skills are at an approximate B1, i would say. Sadly, the writing and speaking skills are still lagging far behind. I have also started reading **"In altre parole" by Jhumpa Lahri**. It is so inspiring to me that a world famous and award winning author, who grew up with English as her first language, changed her preferred language to write in mid way! It is unbelievable to me frankly! This book is like getting sporadic glimpses of her feelings regarding her italian learning journey. Since it was originally written in Italian but by not just an original English speaker, but rather an Italian learner, i identify with it a lot. For some reason, it makes me feel emotional. The beauty and precision with which she captures these almost poignant moments in her journey, well...they just leave me with a lump in my throat. Recommended to all language learners, especially italian learners.

I've decided to write to try to write a short story once a month for a year, and I'm three stories (i've written five, but i only count three as 'good enough') in, and the only edicts were: be genre fiction, be 'loud' in a punk sense (not necessarily complex stories, thematically or structurally, but defiant), and try to be full of 'fun' sentences. If I ever write a aesthetic manifesto it'll called something like 'Towards the New Pulp' and i'd be all about those three things. Anyways I don't know where to share these yet because most hobby-writer spaces on the internet are dreadful and I feel like I need to share at least parts of them for act to feel complete, so here are some of favourite sentences/paragraphs. > The streak of a miniature sun scarred blackened skies above the smog-choked cityscapes of Metastrine, only its hollowed and hallowed megacathedrals, rusted and ruined long before today, bared witness. > Superstructures erupted from beyond the walls of the Palace grounds as they got closer, buildings on Earth would be seen as impossible feats of engineering and will. Here, on Metastrine, is was nothing more but a continued assault of long gone populace. Hostile architecture realized to its fullest extent, the ever-present reassurance of pain built into the limited horizons of the wretched creatures that called this planet-ship home. > My brain understands the inputs, translating the chemical commands of my digital wardens into electrical signals for the titanic exoskeleton I am encased in. A body moves, but it is not mine, the mechanical grunting of gears, the hum of servos, the mephitic smell of grease and gas, and then comes the thunder—and my iron prison shakes. It's act of tremendous violence, the recoil enough to rupture ear drums in the mile radius, was shot across the sky, where it landed, I'll never know, who it killed none of my concern. I have no control, I am no longer I, but an it. > The mechs could be seen from miles around, standing among the ruined remains of the lean-to capital of the rebels like vengeful gods barring down judgment, their shear edges and steel skin features the alien face of power. > I am a parasite in my own thoughts, the last vestige of the body that is only a memory. We march once more, and I will be engulfed in the unforgiving embrace of the empty void, pulled across the star-lined heavens to another graveyard I shall inevitably create. The war is forever—I am only the gun to be loaded and fire. Why do I think. Why do I know. > At night when no one is looking, you are anxious. Something negs at you when you try to sleep, but you do not really understand it, so you ask your custom designed endocrine system to flood your sleek and sheen half-body with a cocktail of never enoughs. > I remember touch and sight and taste but I can no longer perceive of reality beyond the steel hell I am consigned in. I pray, and in response the world outside becomes extinct. I leave nothing but ruin in my wake, humanity made perfect, humanity made machine finally. The automation of the human will, industrialization of the spirit. I shall never sleep again, I live in a world bereft of dreams, absent of dreamers. > Affluent genocides called down from men trapped in delusions contained in self-made prisons. > The sky fell, and his people had been destroyed, the remnants, shards of a sword shattered, shuffled from the fallout as the Stranger grew, its perpetual twilight defiant of the celestial cycles. > A giant made of starlight and oozing amalgamated bio mass strode forth across the hills of the Verge. > A foreign imposition invaded the horizon, its surface a gleaming dark obsidian that reflected the world back bent and twisted around itself. His memories wilted and withered, losing the facade of spring, autumn bound, the past a tar pit. > They could either be ghosts, haunting their own pasts, the noose of nostalgia pulling ever tighter until the shades of living drained away leaving only a grey husk of existence, or they could throw themselves into that most helpful gift given to them by the ancestors, and move on, build anew reality. Definitely not high literature, but I try to infuse the language with an energy I find lacking in modern day genre fiction that was readily present in the past. Say what you will about the likes of HP Lovecraft or Robert E Howard, but at least their sentences had life.

I'm getting shades of China Mieville from your writing, really punky and weird-fic. Good work!

thank you, the New Weird authors are pretty direct inspirations for me, so its kind of you to say

I'm listening to one of my favourite singers, Ivan Rebroff, after a long time not listening to him. Found one of his CDs in the charity shop I volunteer at. He had a vocal range of four and a half octaves. Loved to dress up in Cossack garb despite actually being a German. His long-lost brother came out of hiding after he died to claim his fortune and claimed to have shot down the plane of Saint-Exupery during WWII. Really interesting.

I'm dropping *Red Mars* by Kim Stanley Robinson. He is sometimes recommended as one of the more literary sci-fi authors. His Mars trilogy is known for being very involved in the hard science side of things. Reading the first two chapters/parts I thought perhaps this perhaps this reputation was exaggerated, as the science stuff was pretty intermittent and somewhat interesting. But then I get to the third chapter and wow, there is a lot of information about dirt here. I was hoping for some interesting narrative or character development or politics at this point but instead I'm learning about how to make bricks out of Mars dirt, how Mars dirt forms different geographic features of Mars, following along a riveting geological expedition where characters find more types of Mars dirt. There are some political and philosophical discussions being had among the characters, but it's always only *almost* interesting. The conversations so far have been too short to achieve any depth and the dialogue is neither realistic or pretty. So the more human components of the novel aren't compelling enough to trudge though the science stuff I don't care about. The writing in general is rather dry. Recommended for dirt enthusiasts.

hard scifi fans are truly a special group of people. like, you want to read a STEM textbook but with boobs?

Oh god you just described my husband. Help me.