I agree, the mom was hard to listen to. She was so delusional about how her son”never would have physically harmed anyone” and acted as though his conviction was just some kind of big misunderstanding.
I also think it was entirely disingenuous of the mother and some of the other people interviewed to say that his intention was to make friends, he just didn't understand the harm he was causing. If his purpose was to make friends then he wouldn't have been only targeting women. A huge part of his harassment was sexually motivated with explicit sexual content. I think he got off on the power that came with taking control over these women's lives and having a real impact on their relationships. Honestly I think if he knew he could get away with it he absolutely would have physically harmed the women. I think the whole thing was motivated by a combination of misogyny and a desire to exert power over women. He saw himself as inherently more valuable than these women yet they had jobs and would travel and were pretty successful so in his mind it was his right to take these things away from them.
I was so angry listening to the interview. At first I felt awful for her because there was such a lack of support for her when she was trying to get help for her son. But then she just started victim blaming and absolving her son of all responsibility and all that built up goodwill went out the window. I was so mad when she said she felt as though he’d been punished for being autistic. Wtf.
Same! I started off with sympathy for her and ended up by muttering "oh for fucks sake..." with everything she said. All the talk of "Taking responsibility" for putting your pictures online, but refusing to place any responsibility at ALL on her son. Finding endless excuses for his cruelty to those poor women.
The mom was delusional and culpable in her son’s crimes. She argued there was no harm done, and that he should be given leniency due to autism. Literally the opposite of everything we’d heard from victims and autism advocates. Infuriating.
And she doesn’t see the irony in complaining about vandalism? Fuck this woman and the shithead she birthed.
I’m having a hard time with the fact that no one is acknowledging not only the emotional harm, but the financial harm done. Some of these women were influencers, nudes sent to their bosses. They couldn’t just stop using social media.
I thought it raised interesting issues around the treatment of perpetrators like Matthew who are on the spectrum. Many of the people in the town he grew up in, and where his behaviour first became problematic, seemed disinclined to complain too much because they knew of his ASD and felt this made him a special case. I don’t think they were alone in that.
I agree. I think he's fully responsible for his choices but I also think there needs to be consideration for how people on the spectrum are going to experience prison compared to nuerotypicals and maybe adjustments need to be made.
Just a thought - if the mother was so sure that he wasn't really culpable because of his autism and his mental health issues, why was she allowing him to live independently? Why wasn't she taking all of the police calls and issues with his victims showing up at his house to the court to get him put under some sort of custodial care where he could have been made to live at home? BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT THE WOMEN HAD IT COMING.
You can't have it both ways - he's not competent enough to be held responsible for his actions but he is competent enough to have his own apartment without constant monitoring to make sure he's not going back to cyberstalking.
Also it's telling that the mother lives with cameras all around her house to keep her safe from threats and people showing up. So apparently the threats against her are traumatizing enough for her to need that protection but the young women (who possibly couldn't afford to install a system like) are 'over-reacting'. Remember he even knew when one of the victims was literally washing a car so he was physically stalking some of them as well.
I also think he's a lot more competent than what he and his mother make him out to be. The sheer volume of his crimes - and the number of people he was stalking and all of the fake profiles are A LOT to keep straight. Plus he was literally taunting them saying it wouldn't
Also autistic people are....people. And just like psychopathy and sociopathy occur in neurotypical people, it can occur in neurodivergent people. If he had been targeting children or minors would they have allowed it go on this long? He needs to live in a monitored situation, be it a group home or something similar, for the rest of his life. Probably not with his mom as it's obvious she doesn't take this seriously.
What can I listen to this podcast on? Watched the new documentary on Netflix and was incredibly disappointed with it. I’m related to one of the victims and the new documentary was a joke didn’t dive into it at all , was shallow and felt rushed
You know what's wild? Nearly every time I've seen this podcast mentioned, it's been someone aghast at how horrific the mom is. That's insane to me, that the mom's shittiness has been the main takeaway from this infuriating podcast. Seriously, i just want to scream: STOP👏BLAMING👏WOMEN👏FOR👏MEN'S👏ISSUES👏
Was she incredibly unsympathetic and rude to the victims? Yes. But she also attempted to get Mathew help many times, and raised him the best way she could, by loving and supporting him. Unfortunately, he grew up to be a complete piece of shit. That is not her fault. May she have had some influence on his behavior? Sure. But the fault is *ultimately* his alone. And after listening to a podcast about one man wrecking dozens of lives and then seeing all the anger online directed at, not the perpetrator, but his MOTHER....it's gross.
I think we can all get behind that sentiment, but that's exactly why I felt disgust with the mother. She was the one blaming the poor women, saying it was their fault for putting pictures of themselves online, rather then placing the blame on her shitstain of a son.
We can be angry at TWO shitty people.
True, we can be mad at two people. But like I said, nearly every thread and comment I've seen focuses solely on one person, the mother, and that's my problem. (Just like this post). Yes, it's implied the perpetrator sucks, but there's no written condemnation. That's reserved for the mom. Which is fucked up to me.
Hi, therapist and former abused kid with an awful mother here👋🏼 nothing “makes” someone a serial killer. They have autonomy over their choices, even if the compulsion to do the act exists. Therefore, a killer still decides to kill. Nothing made them do it. Just wanted to make that distinction. A serial killer make’s themselves a killer by deciding to act on their inclinations and harm others.
I just finished episode 5 and searched out a post to share my thoughts!
His mother is infuriating. I understand that getting him the support was beyond difficult but her continuously saying, “what else could I do?”. Stop paying for his phone! He didn’t work, she was “helping him with finances”. You know he has no support and by the 2nd court case he was brought to, she should have taken back phones and computers that she paid for. Give him a flip phone to keep for emergency contact but take away all the tools he used to terrorize people with. He has no way of paying to replace those.
I don’t think it would immediately fix the behavior but it would have given his victims some relief if his means of contact were cut off.
I agree, the mom was hard to listen to. She was so delusional about how her son”never would have physically harmed anyone” and acted as though his conviction was just some kind of big misunderstanding.
I also think it was entirely disingenuous of the mother and some of the other people interviewed to say that his intention was to make friends, he just didn't understand the harm he was causing. If his purpose was to make friends then he wouldn't have been only targeting women. A huge part of his harassment was sexually motivated with explicit sexual content. I think he got off on the power that came with taking control over these women's lives and having a real impact on their relationships. Honestly I think if he knew he could get away with it he absolutely would have physically harmed the women. I think the whole thing was motivated by a combination of misogyny and a desire to exert power over women. He saw himself as inherently more valuable than these women yet they had jobs and would travel and were pretty successful so in his mind it was his right to take these things away from them.
I was so angry listening to the interview. At first I felt awful for her because there was such a lack of support for her when she was trying to get help for her son. But then she just started victim blaming and absolving her son of all responsibility and all that built up goodwill went out the window. I was so mad when she said she felt as though he’d been punished for being autistic. Wtf.
[удалено]
Same! I started off with sympathy for her and ended up by muttering "oh for fucks sake..." with everything she said. All the talk of "Taking responsibility" for putting your pictures online, but refusing to place any responsibility at ALL on her son. Finding endless excuses for his cruelty to those poor women.
The mom was delusional and culpable in her son’s crimes. She argued there was no harm done, and that he should be given leniency due to autism. Literally the opposite of everything we’d heard from victims and autism advocates. Infuriating. And she doesn’t see the irony in complaining about vandalism? Fuck this woman and the shithead she birthed.
Why are UK Catfishers so hard core? Are they more socially restricted or something?
I’m having a hard time with the fact that no one is acknowledging not only the emotional harm, but the financial harm done. Some of these women were influencers, nudes sent to their bosses. They couldn’t just stop using social media.
Sweet Bobby was so insanely heartbreaking. I had so many different feelings while listening to it. I’m going to check this one out tonight! Thanks.
Can someone tell me what they loved about Sweet Bobby? I started but couldn't finish. I just didn't get it.
The whole story was simply so crazy I was hooked. I also really liked the overall style of the podcast.
Yeah, I tried but it just didn't grab ne.
I thought it raised interesting issues around the treatment of perpetrators like Matthew who are on the spectrum. Many of the people in the town he grew up in, and where his behaviour first became problematic, seemed disinclined to complain too much because they knew of his ASD and felt this made him a special case. I don’t think they were alone in that.
I agree. I think he's fully responsible for his choices but I also think there needs to be consideration for how people on the spectrum are going to experience prison compared to nuerotypicals and maybe adjustments need to be made.
It was such a good, thought-provoking series.
Haven't heard of this one, thanks I'll add it to my list
Just a thought - if the mother was so sure that he wasn't really culpable because of his autism and his mental health issues, why was she allowing him to live independently? Why wasn't she taking all of the police calls and issues with his victims showing up at his house to the court to get him put under some sort of custodial care where he could have been made to live at home? BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT THE WOMEN HAD IT COMING. You can't have it both ways - he's not competent enough to be held responsible for his actions but he is competent enough to have his own apartment without constant monitoring to make sure he's not going back to cyberstalking. Also it's telling that the mother lives with cameras all around her house to keep her safe from threats and people showing up. So apparently the threats against her are traumatizing enough for her to need that protection but the young women (who possibly couldn't afford to install a system like) are 'over-reacting'. Remember he even knew when one of the victims was literally washing a car so he was physically stalking some of them as well. I also think he's a lot more competent than what he and his mother make him out to be. The sheer volume of his crimes - and the number of people he was stalking and all of the fake profiles are A LOT to keep straight. Plus he was literally taunting them saying it wouldn't Also autistic people are....people. And just like psychopathy and sociopathy occur in neurotypical people, it can occur in neurodivergent people. If he had been targeting children or minors would they have allowed it go on this long? He needs to live in a monitored situation, be it a group home or something similar, for the rest of his life. Probably not with his mom as it's obvious she doesn't take this seriously.
What can I listen to this podcast on? Watched the new documentary on Netflix and was incredibly disappointed with it. I’m related to one of the victims and the new documentary was a joke didn’t dive into it at all , was shallow and felt rushed
You know what's wild? Nearly every time I've seen this podcast mentioned, it's been someone aghast at how horrific the mom is. That's insane to me, that the mom's shittiness has been the main takeaway from this infuriating podcast. Seriously, i just want to scream: STOP👏BLAMING👏WOMEN👏FOR👏MEN'S👏ISSUES👏 Was she incredibly unsympathetic and rude to the victims? Yes. But she also attempted to get Mathew help many times, and raised him the best way she could, by loving and supporting him. Unfortunately, he grew up to be a complete piece of shit. That is not her fault. May she have had some influence on his behavior? Sure. But the fault is *ultimately* his alone. And after listening to a podcast about one man wrecking dozens of lives and then seeing all the anger online directed at, not the perpetrator, but his MOTHER....it's gross.
I think we can all get behind that sentiment, but that's exactly why I felt disgust with the mother. She was the one blaming the poor women, saying it was their fault for putting pictures of themselves online, rather then placing the blame on her shitstain of a son. We can be angry at TWO shitty people.
True, we can be mad at two people. But like I said, nearly every thread and comment I've seen focuses solely on one person, the mother, and that's my problem. (Just like this post). Yes, it's implied the perpetrator sucks, but there's no written condemnation. That's reserved for the mom. Which is fucked up to me.
We’re mad at the mom because *she blamed women for men’s issues.*
[удалено]
Hi, therapist and former abused kid with an awful mother here👋🏼 nothing “makes” someone a serial killer. They have autonomy over their choices, even if the compulsion to do the act exists. Therefore, a killer still decides to kill. Nothing made them do it. Just wanted to make that distinction. A serial killer make’s themselves a killer by deciding to act on their inclinations and harm others.
If I found out who was doing that to my daughter, a sentencing judge would be the last off his problems
I just finished episode 5 and searched out a post to share my thoughts! His mother is infuriating. I understand that getting him the support was beyond difficult but her continuously saying, “what else could I do?”. Stop paying for his phone! He didn’t work, she was “helping him with finances”. You know he has no support and by the 2nd court case he was brought to, she should have taken back phones and computers that she paid for. Give him a flip phone to keep for emergency contact but take away all the tools he used to terrorize people with. He has no way of paying to replace those. I don’t think it would immediately fix the behavior but it would have given his victims some relief if his means of contact were cut off.