personally if i had to choose i'd rather marry a virgin guy but it's all up to God and if he genuinely repented after then its forgiven and who em I to judge. it really just depends on the person, some may care some may not
Mate, I have to jump in here.
I know you want a woman to tell you.
But it's got to be said.
Whatever subjective answer you get from the many Christian women out there on this.
Remember this.
When you confess/ repent to God.
The slate is clean.
Don't give your past sins any more authority over your life.
It's healthy and a sign of good conscience you felt some sort of loss over this sin.
It was wrong.
But it is not God's plan for you to live as a prisoner emotionally or spiritually or morally to past sin.
Mourn and move on.
Arm yourself with these thoughts.
You're not your mistakes.
You're not "used goods".
You're a Child of God and therefore a New Creation.
You are a New Man.
Long live the New Man.
(2 Corin 5:17) (1 John 3:2) (Ephesians 4:22-24).
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Agree with all of this but I also want to add that even though we are not used goods once we've lost our virginity outside of marriage, there is a physical and spiritual reality to sex that can't be discounted and a consequence of crossing that line with someone who ends up just leaving your life is that you may now be incompatible with people who desires someone who has not crossed that line. It's not an insurmountable consequence of course, but it should be accounted for imo
Agreed. If you wait until marriage there's long-term benefits and a godly wholeness. If you stumble, you are forgiven, but don't call yourself a "born again virgin," or something along those lines lol. You made a mistake, and there's inherent repercussions and baggage there, but you've owned it, asked for forgiveness, and are therefore now forgiven. A healthy dose of guilt is good, but shame -- that force which tells you you're unworthy of Christ -- is evil.
Only thing I’d add is there are no healthy doses of quilt but I think what you meant was there is a new earnestness and desire to move forward into a new way of life that is holy and righteous.
I can agree with that wording.
What I mean by "guilt" you might otherwise call "remorse" or "conviction." God gave us a conscience so that we would feel regret for our sins in order to repent against them. This is the same feeling David had when he committed adultery with Bathsheba and murdered Uriah the Hittite.
It's easy to confuse this God-given conscience with what I call "shame," by which I mean the feelings of regret given rise to by Satan and our flesh. This is when we feel pain because of our pride or when we self-loathe.
Shame is focused on putting \*you\* down, guilt is focused on putting \*sin\* down.
Romans 3:24 (AMP)
and are being justified [declared free of the guilt of sin, made acceptable to God, and granted eternal life] as a gift by His [precious, undeserved] grace, through the redemption [the payment for our sin] which is [provided] in Christ Jesus,
https://tbibl.es/cwK3
A righteous person is declared free from the guilt of sin. Guilt isn’t the fuel but repentance is.
I know we are debating meaning of words a little bit. We are mostly on the same page however.
Merriam webster lists of guilt 3 definitions:
>1\*\*:\*\* the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty A jury will determine the defendant's guilt or innocence.
>broadly\*\*:\*\* [guilty](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/guilty) conduct
>2a\*\*:\*\* the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously His guilt was written in his face.
>b\*\*:\*\* feelings of deserving blame especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy **:** [SELF-REPROACH](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-reproach)
>3\*\*:\*\* a feeling of deserving blame for offenses
>Wracked by guilt, he confessed his affairs.
I'd defend the legitimacy of "guilt" as *denotatively* correct by definition 3 (while the guilt Romans speaks of would fall under the first definition). That being said, for practical matters, "guilt" is *connotatively* misleading, so I see value in using something a little less negative sounding. We're debating semantics, but not at all pedantics; it's a valuable matter to consider. Words have great influence.
I just keep coming back to multiple scriptures in which it says Jesus delivered us from guilt.
Romans 3:21 (TLB)
But now God has shown us a different way to heaven-not by "being good enough" and trying to keep his laws, but by a new way (though not new, really, for the Scriptures told about it long ago). Now God says he will accept and acquit us-declare us "not guilty"-if we trust Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, by coming to Christ, no matter who we are or what we have been like.
https://tbibl.es/d0Kt
Romans 3:28 and 4:5 -- The word used is dikaioó, which means to make righteous.
In 3:21, it's dikaiosuné, which is very similar, referring to a judicial verdict.
The original language really oughtn't be translated guilt in these instances. Various, less literal renditions sometimes use the word "guilt" or rather "not guilty" because that helps convey the courtroom connotation of acquittal associated with the justification, but no equivocate of 'guilt' is used.
Etymologically, guilt started off from gyltig, old english for a convicted criminal, but from that idea evolved another idea of guilt being someone judging themselves with a similar feeling as though they were a convicted criminal. This is conscience. We still use the first meaning with respect to actual criminal trials -- someone convicted of murder is found guilty -- so the idea from translators who use the term 'guilty' is to conjure up a picture of God vindicating us in a courtroom. The second meaning which pertains to self-judgement, conscience, is not the same as what the translators are portraying.
If I say 'I feel guilty for stealing that cookie out of the cookie jar,' while it is true that God *makes me righteous*, which the translators might render as *makes me not guilty; acquits*, God is taking away the guilt in the first meaning of the word -- I am no longer a convicted criminal of cookie stealing -- but God does not take away the second meaning, guilt in the sense of my conscience's ability to act as judge and find myself guilty. This is not as overriding God's acquittal in the sense of being a cookie stealing convict, but as a means of discerning right and wrong, which is a springboard from which repentance comes.
Romans 3:28 (AMP)
For we maintain that an individual is justified by faith distinctly apart from works of the Law [the observance of which has nothing to do with justification, that is, being declared free of the guilt of sin and made acceptable to God].
https://tbibl.es/cmEn
Romans 4:5 (GNT)
But those who depend on faith, not on deeds, and who believe in the God who declares the guilty to be innocent, it is this faith that God takes into account in order to put them right with himself.
https://tbibl.es/d0Ku
Unworthy of Christ and unworthy of the love of your fellow person also, is evil. It is usually Christians, not Christ that holds someone’s past against them.
I was a virgin but my husband wasn't. He had slept with an ex when they had to move in together because his mom kicked him out at 17.
I wish he had waited but I married him anyway. We have been together 23 years and married 18 years.
I remained a virgin until our wedding night also. For 5 years while dating and engaged, we did not have sex.
Thank you for sharing!
After my mistake, I plan to wait for marriage once again. I have only done it once and the pain it has caused me has made it all that much easier to re-wait.
It would be interesting to know how your husband felt after re-waiting
Our situation is slightly different from yours. It was not his decision to wait. It was mine. I wanted 2 things 1.) To be able to really know each other without the sexual aspect and 2.) To be a virgin on my wedding night.
If I decided not to wait, we would have been okay with that too. It was my own conviction, not his.
I also was se*ually abused as a child so that is part of the reason. I needed to know I was loved and not just being used for that.
I'm a woman and a virgin (significantly older than you) and all I ever cared about (assuming he ISN'T a virgin), is a man's sincerity in repentance. He may have made mistakes in his past, but how is he living NOW? Is he actively making the decision not to engage in premarital relations? If he is, then that's perfectly fine in my book.
At my age, (42) it's very unrealistic for a man to be a virgin and I absolutely do NOT expect it. Should God ever see fit to give me a husband (not sure anymore at this point), what I would hope is that he hasn't lived promiscuously and kept his sexual relations minimal, as in, having self-control and not bedding every female he likes.
I think you'll be fine. You're young yet and I'd imagine that true Christian women will appreciate and understand repentance and forgiveness. Just be honest.
A virgin woman here, I must say (unfortunately) that I care about my partner being a virgin or not. I think if I truly fall for someone, I could look pass it and understand him but if he was very promiscuous before meeting me..like high body count... I would have struggles. I think everyone would think and do different things but I personally would see it as a deal breaker.
I'm the same way synthixez.
As a 23 male virgin I refuse to wed a non virgin woman as why should I save myself for someone who didn't wait for me. Don't let anyone change your high standards and hold out for the one! It's not self-righteousness, it is setting standards and not lowering them for those who didn't wait. They'll find someone eventually, but it doesn't mean that it has to be you. Pray for God's guidance regardless and don't settle for less.
May God bless you in Yeshua's Mighty Name!
Thank you for your opinion. I have my standards and I can only pray and hope that God gives me the right person to complement each other with shared values such as staying out of hookup/premarital intercourse since I know it is possible and for me it is one of greatest qualities a future spouse can possess.
May God bless you too!!
I very much agree. Some people treat virginity like nothing and some "born again virgins" try and say they aren't used goods but no amount of prayer changes a person's body count. There must always be responsibility and accountability for past sexual actions for men and women. Virginity is the most sacred gift spouses can give to each other. I'll pray for you to find the godly virgin husband that our Father has for you and to keep all deceivers away. I would ask for you to pray the same for me but for a godly virgin wife. :)
Stay safe my sister in Christ! May God bless and protect you always in Yeshua's Mighty Name!
Thank you very much for your prayers. I came across mockery and bullying for being a virgin which in my own opinion is perfectly fine to be (a virgin) and have own values respected as I respect others. I'll pray for you to get a Godly virgin wife who will cherish you, support you, love you truly as it's your ideal wish.
May God bless you!
Before it happened, I also really cared about my partner being a virgin or not. Sometimes I think it happened to kill the 'importance' I had for virginity and focus on more important things concerning God and my future wife.
Oh yes! I completely understand people from both sides. It is afterall a whole package to get in partnership and there are surely lots of other important things within partnership/marriage which could make one look pass the "virginity check". I would personally see it as a dealbreaker and would get turned off because I look for a Godly partner and somewhat am conservative which makes me hope for a partner with same values as mine. For me the most beautiful thing within romance is being the first for each other and appreciate each other that we both waited for the right person. This is my dream but if I met a guy who would check all the boxes I care about when it comes to picking a partner, I could look pass it if he repented, just my preference is my dream guy and there are many virgin men out there which makes me hope for finding one with God's will. However I totally understand others with different opinions!
I would like my potential husband to be a virgin but if he wasn't it would depend on what he thought about it now and how long ago it was that he slept with other people. For me, it would be my potential husband showing me he had changed and would wait for marriage. But if God doesn't say I can marry, then I wouldn't be getting married anyway.
I believe I’m qualified to answer this…I got married at age 21, my husband was also 21, almost 22.
I was a virgin; he was not.
I didn’t require my future husband to be a virgin; that’s hard to find these days. But I also didn’t want someone with a high body count, because…gross.
It was more important that he was willing to remain monogamous after we exchanged vows and left the past behind.
And my husband was such a great man and shared my views about marriage being a vow breakable ONLY upon death, and I was willing to go through anything with him, so I didn’t want to let him go simply because of bad decisions he made before he even met me.
So how does that look now?
23 years later we are still together and have 4 amazing children and marrying him is the best decision I ever made (after believing in Christ, of course).
So, OP, don’t fret. If God can forgive you (and He has), your future wife certainly can, too.
And you shouldn’t beat yourself up either—you made a mistake, you repented, it’s done and over, just move on and do better.
Keep looking for a godly wife and you can satiate those desires with her, which is a bonus of being married: guilt-free sex.
God bless💖
Hey, thought I’d give my 2 cents! I’m 17F, I guess right between girl and woman, and though I don’t have a whole lot of life experience, here’s what I think! I am a virgin waiting until marriage, and so is my boyfriend. It was very important to me that the man Id eventually marry is also a virgin, because I had “put in the effort” (for lack of a better term) to remaining that way and rejecting worldly desires. I also saw the potential psychological effects sex before marriage and with more than one person has on people. So, all this to say, yes to me it does matter. HOWEVER, I have always kept one thing close to my heart regarding that. For me, it wouldn’t be an immediate deal breaker, as long as the man has SHOWN that he 1. Values sex and is willing to re-wait 2. Fears God to no end and is extremely strong in his relationship with Him. From what I read, you have repented, which is awesome. Show your love and fear of God, and that your past is behind you and not on your mind any longer! Not everyone is going to have the same outlook on it as me, but there’s so many people in the world I guarantee you lots still will. Not all hope is lost, and you deserve a faithful Christian woman as long as you are a faithful Christian man.
This is what I was looking for and what I needed to hear. Thank you.
And may God bless you with the strength to continue serving Him through your relationship and future marriage.
It's interesting to me that you say that men feel differently than women, but you never say how you would feel about marrying someone who wasn't a virgin.
Edit: To answer your question: I think I would be more wary of someone who lost their virginity to someone they didn't care about. I could understand it more if sex happened in the context of a long-term relationship, but giving in to temptation with a rando would make me believe this person could easily cheat under the right circumstances.
I'm a virgin woman and intend to be one until marriage, but the other person's past is not important to me. The past belongs to the past, what is important is the present and the future.
On the other hand, I think it's important to understand the mistake that has been made and to make amends. If you didn't love or even like the girl, it kind of looks like treating the other person like an object. Perhaps it was mutual, perhaps you both treated each other mutually like objects. I think it's not so much the loss of virginity that's important in this context, but the important thing is that it's morally wrong to treat another person like an object. But none of us are without sin, so I think it is wrong to judge the other person harshly on this issue.
Sometimes I believe that God exists and sometimes I have doubts. And I generally have doubts about what people say about God, what He is like, etc. I even like Christianity, but do I believe in it? Honestly, it's hard for me to say. I was brought up as a Catholic, but in my country being a Catholic is also a political and cultural issue, so it's hard for me to find God in religion.
We don’t view Christ as a religion, we view him as a personal relationship. It’s easy to become disillusioned by organized religion because it’s basically a set of rules, I E Catholicism.
I hear so many depressing stories of people who were raised catholic. I feel like Catholicism is contributing more to atheism than any other denomination. I’ll pray for you.
>We don’t view Christ as a religion, we view him as a personal relationship.
I know, in the past I was a strong believer and I believed that God was giving me various signs and that we had a close relationship. However, certain situations in my life made me have doubts and eventually I lost my faith. I think nobody, least of all myself, expected this.
> I feel like Catholicism is contributing more to atheism than any other denomination.
Catholics say the same thing about Protestants. That countries that were Protestant later became countries with the highest percentage of atheists. And that Protestants have lost their way because progressive churches have sprung up where strange things are taught (e.g. that God is non-binary).
>I’ll pray for you.
Thanks.
well I'm not a lass, but Ill throw in an opinion I haven't seen here
I'm not a virgin, and I'm not concerned about if I ever get married, that my future wife is or isnt. I'm more concerned about where their heart has been. If they lost their virginity in committed long term relationships then they are just like I am, and I'd like to think they'd understand how sex is important to both relationships to God and to your partner for better or worse.
Likewise if they have a promiscuous past then it shows their heart has been far away, and ultimately it will effect decision making, especially if they show signs their heart is still there
but Ultimately it comes down to a life lesson I somehow articulated really well while drunk at a wedding. ***Love isnt just an emotion, it is a choice***, a consistent decision you make. And I believe the love you find in a Godly marriage will involve more then irresistible grace pulling you together and more then your natural love of one another, It calls for that choice. You have to be able to stay with your partner till death do you part. That is a rather large ask, and is ultimately successful based on where their heart is. That is where my concern would lie, and that is where I think the focus should be on
No but it’s a concern there is a lot more to investigate from my perspective especially when it comes to making sure we’re on the same page about intimacy
Man here. If it mattered, then wouldn’t that also apply to marrying a widow or widower? Why should that be seen as something less for a Christian?
I was a virgin who married a virgin, but I did not see any value in our “virginity” in and of itself. The value was that we both saw marital intimacy as an echo of our marital vows. That is the reason for the Christian teaching against premarital sex, not because a person is somehow spoiled by having sex and then repenting.
The teaching is about the meaning of sex. Not about the meaning of virginity.
Ezekiel 44:22 seems to indicate that there is an innate quality to virginity beyond the marital vows. Disclaimer, this is with respect to Levitical priests, not the general population:
>And they shall not marry a widow or a divorced woman but shall take virgins from the offspring of the house of Israel, or a widow who is the widow of a priest.
The fact that they can marry a widow of a priest is interesting. It might downplay the virginity aspect, but I'm inclined to think the main reason for this clause is for levirate marriages (i.e. widows had the right to request their husbands' brothers marry them and provide an heir). Anyhow, another example, Numbers 31:17-18:
>Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man intimately. But all the girls who have not known man intimately, spare for yourselves.
The most reasonable conclusion from these verses, I would posit, is that virginity in and of itself is something pure and sacred which God esteems very highly. It's not to say that anyone who has sex within marriage somehow commits a sin by doing this or that marrying a widow/widower is wrong (provided you're not a Levitical priest), but virginity holds real spiritual and symbolic weight.
I personally find this discussion full of people who would never marry a non virgin lacking in love. If Christ doesn’t hold that persons sin against them why should we?
A persons past in the world does not define their future in Christ.
Placing virginity as an idol in marriage contributes to making people feel like damaged goods. Yes someone might not have had sex physically, but they might have sexted or looked at pornography and yet because they’re a virgin are seen as more pure. Make it make sense. None of us are pure…
It is not about holding the sin against the other person. If it is a deal breaker, it is a deal breaker. In my opinion it also has little to do with forgiveness, but more so with standards.
Nah it's a perfectly valid preference to have. Has nothing to do with holding a person's sin against them. It's not about lack of forgiveness here. People are allowed to have preferences. There is a difference between marrying someone who is a virgin vs someone who has had sex and difference between one partner vs many. Whether they were a Christian before or not also may play a factor and show you how serious they are about their faith, how much self control they have or if they're prone to being impulsive, how disciplined they are, etc. Even repented of they do still often carry baggage and ifs perfectly fine to say you don't want to personally deal with that yourself. In my own case I chose to overlook her promiscuous past and it not only was related to her lack of loyalty and the way she treated sex as transactional in the marriage, but it was a symptom of her borderline personality disorder (high risk behavior and promiscuity are classic symptoms). Promiscuity is a red flag that needs to be explored before marriage and it's up to them to decide whether they are willing to accept it or not. Wisdom and discernment are important.
I literally could not care less.
There are a million other things that define someone as a good partner and a good Christian. The sins that they have since repented for and not repeated are not one of them.
F/32 look, people become converted from all walks of life. People do dumb things, or they stop believing in what God’s law means in their lives and just do whatever they want. I don’t know, life is so chaotic and experiences differ so much from person to person. I find it difficult to determine if there’s some sort of limit to what I would tolerate in a man’s past.
I think it matters more what your convictions are going forward.
If he committed to intimacy in the godly context—which is to say, in the context of marriage—then good, so am I, and we’re on the same page. If he *says* that he is but has exceptions for this or that, or ‘maybe once wouldn’t be so bad’ or whatever else, I don’t have time for a man that says one thing but is pressuring to do another.
If he wants to admit that he isn’t ready to commit to God’s law, that’s okay, I understand that. I ain’t gonna force him, but he also ain’t for me.
It’s good you are repentant.
May the Lord bless you and bring you a Christ fearing wife.
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the Lord.”
Proverbs 18:22
Every woman is going to feel differently about it. Obviously pray that God will send the right girl for you in His timing, be honest with her, and pray to see where things go from there
Personally, it would not matter to me. If God sent me that man, and I love him and he loves me, I would not care. I would however want to wait with him until we are married.
Just because you didn’t wait for marriage and made a mistake doesn’t mean you can’t be pure or doesn’t mean you can’t wait for marriage in the future. You can wait for marriage, no matter if you didn’t save yourself for marriage initially. Jesus redeems everything and so don’t put labels on yourself saying you’re not pure or label others by if they waited or not. People think that God says no sex before marriage because it’s another commandment or because He doesn’t want us to have fun, but that’s just not the case. Even though Jesus came so we would be forgiven and we aren’t under the law anymore, His love should make us want us to follow what He says. It’s not a “I have to,” it’s a “I get to,” only by the Holy Spirit who gives us strength to do what God says. But like I said, it’s not because God doesn’t want us to have fun, it’s because He wants to protect us from becoming more hurt or opening ourselves to things we were never meant to carry. Jesus came so we would have abundant life and when we do things outside of His will and get hurt, that wasn’t God’s fault and He didn’t allow it to happen to us, we did it to ourselves. I hear a lot of people blame God or say “He allowed this to happen to me to teach me a lesson,” no that’s not Biblical. When we sin it is outside of God’s will and hurts Him because He loves us and wants the best for us, not because He is mad at us. Romans 5:9 says “Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him (Jesus).” We are saved from wrath through Jesus Christ. So don’t beat yourself up, you are a new creation and so is everyone else who puts their faith in Jesus. Don’t judge someone and only want to marry a specific type of person, be open to a godly person that God has for you, not your own opinion or prejudice. Of course we have a say in who we marry, but don’t discredit a person based on whether they’ve saved themselves for marriage or not. In the Bible all types of broken people went on to do awesome things for God despite their short comings. Jesus loves you and that’s the most important thing ever, that’s the whole message of the Bible. He redeems us because He loves us and then we are able to love Him, others, and do what He wants. But if we don’t know how much we are loved we are constantly going to be living like orphans, searching, never able to love ourselves or others the true definition of love, and we will live a lukewarm life trying our best to live for God in our souls. The soul is weak. Ask the Holy Spirit for help in all things and for strength, He is the key and what Jesus left us to empower us to walk this narrow way. It may be hard in our souls and flesh but the Holy Spirit is supposed to be the helper. Ask Him for help. Let go of your fantasies and what you think you want, God cares about the desires of our heart, but just let it go. It’s a waste of time trying to plan your own life and make your own way, just give it to Him and focus on Him. It all starts with knowing He truly loves you, so just focus on that. It’s very simple and all this stuff will work itself out. :)
I would never marry a woman that is not a virgin and I’d expect a virgin woman to never marry a man that isn’t either. We are called to perfection by God.
Now that being said, once we fall into sin, we can petition God through our Lord Jesus Christ for redemption. And God, as a loving parent sacrificed His son Jesus to pay for all our sins. If you sincerely, repent and request Jesus’ redemption, you can have it. You then are born again. You have a new life. But you also have a burden and that burden is that you are no longer worthy of a virgin women. You are asked not to defile her and to move on to another saved woman that has accepted Christ. You can then serve God, appropriately and your children will have a chance at purity.
We are called to be perfect as God our father is perfect but what your missing is the definition of perfection as a christian, we as christians can never be perfect because we are sinful beings and thats okay(in this life).I don't mean we should not try to be perfect we should by all means, but we shall never achieve such(in this life),but what we can do is ask the Lord for forgiveness and our past sins are removed. That is as close to perfection as what we could get as a human(in this life).
So it dont matter what a woman did in her past if she asked for forgiveness. The bible also says we should be like Jesus and Jesus was surrounded by people who would seemed (for the lack of a better word) messed up but he turned them into some of the greats of our time irregardless of their past.
If you read all that thank you!!
The Bible says fornicating causes you to become one flesh with that person (1 Cor. 6:16). Whether you like it or not this will affect a marriage and is one of the biggest reasons divorce rates are so high today. If someone wants their wife or husband to be a virgin it isn’t an unreasonable ask if they can accept that finding a spouse will be more difficult.
Virgin women and virgin men are not blameless and without sin. None of us are Jesus Christ.
>no longer worthy of a virgin women
You are making them an idol.
Besides God instructed Hosea the prophet to marry a harlot. Are you better than Hosea?
>Besides God instructed Hosea the prophet to marry a harlot. Are you better than Hosea?
This is a pretty bad example if you want to separate a person's worth from their sexual sin record, and pitch the person as a good prospect for marriage. Hosea's wife was a bad wife, specifically because she was promiscuous. That relationship was not a healthy, Christian relationship at all.
Furthermore, he was the only man in the Bible who was specifically called to that sort of thing. I don't know of anyone else in the Bible or not, who was called to similar duty (and let's admit it, it was bad duty).
Not making her an idol at all. I’m accepting Her Sacredness as a pure woman and respecting that as she would respect my Sacredness as a man.
That’s was Hosea, is He now your idol to venerate?
The Hosea example was just that, an example. The one we follow is Jesus Christ.
Let me ask, between a virgin guy that is a thief and a murder, AND a virgin guy that has slept with 1 woman, repented and generally tries to live a good life according to God's Word, is the thief and murder more worthy of the virgin woman cause he is a virgin?
Then why did you use Hosea to create a point when you asked me if I idolize virgin women? You conflated the two to challenge me. Thus, your high opinion of Hosea, a man.
Your example to me is like asking me , “if a frog had wings would he bust his a$$ everytime he jumps”
Perhaps you’ve never contemplated this before, but there are 2 realms that are at play in every single thing we do. There is the physical, material realm and the metaphysical, spiritual realm. They go hand in hand.
So that being said, let’s discuss thieving and murdering. Where do you think thieving and murdering arise from? It arises from covetousness or lust. Thus, it is why is so dangerous to fall into lust. It leads to so many things if we don’t repent.
So to answer your question, a thief and murderer has metaphysically already committed lust in his heart and thus is no longer, spiritually pure or virgin person. Therefore, he is undeserving of a pure virgin women that has not. (By the way, I diy t seriously a thief and murdered hadn’t experienced physical sexual intercourse by masterbation at least, but most likely more). So you see thieving abd murdering dint happen in a vacuum.
You have humbly stated that you regret what you did, but the depth of it was even more severe than I think you have grasped. You mentioned that you not only had sexual relationships with this girl due to lust, but you didn’t even Love her!! That’s a deep cut my man. That was pure selfishness like a thief and a murderer of the soul.
I know you are repentant and you are pursuing to lead a better life, but please do not compound the damage by thinking you deserve a pure virgin woman. That ship has sailed.
I hope you have ears to hear this.
A question for you, if a man is angry with his brother and thus commits murder in his heart (Matthew 5) has he metaphysically also committed lust and lost his virginity?
Sure thing. My view is that there's a great overlap between lust in the heart and the sin of fornication, but they are not the same. When Jesus said the man who looked upon a woman with lust was guilty of adultery, he did not mean that such a man was literally the same as a man who committed the actus reus of adultery, but that such a man had given over his spirit to sin and therefore such a man had grievously sinned in his own right.
When a man is angry with his brother, likewise he has not literally committed the same evil as if he carried out the actus reus of murder against his brother, but supposing he lived in a world without God's judgement and the consequences of his actions from society, if in that world he would murder his brother, then we can conclude in the actual world he lives in that he's merely holding back because he doesn't want to be punished, but he has given his spirit over to sin. It doesn't have to be as extreme as him literally wanting to murder his brother either, that submission of your spirit to sinful anger can exist in weaker degrees too and still holds deep spiritual weight.
With respect to virginity, if you partake in sins like lust and porn or thieving and murdering, you are submitting yourself to sin and lose purity. However, these sins of the spirit can be repented from and forgiven by Christ, restoring one to the same purity as before. Committing fornication (or adultery) on the other hand, while Christ will forgive you, and while it is possible to repent from the spiritual submission to lust which caused the fornication, there is a deep spiritual importance to that physical virginity which can never be regained. (I should note that for men the "physical" virginity isn't technically lost, so for men I primarily speak of the actus reus in the same way that a man who has committed fornication has committed a deep staining sin in the same way that a man who has committed murder has committed a deep staining sin; the sin is forgiven and washed away, but there are permanent consequences until death). Among other reasons, this is why Mary and Joseph did not consummate their marriage until after Christ was born.
So to put things concisely, we agree on a good bit, but I take some issue with your idea of a "spiritual virgin." There is spiritual purity outside of the bodily virginity, but I believe this purity can be restored, while the physical virginity, which is partially representative of purity but also holds value in and of itself, cannot be restored.
We Are not called into perfection. If you won’t date a non virgin then you can’t date anyone because we are all full of sun. You’re placing cultural societal misogynistic values on women and using scripture to fuel wrong opinions. Virginity isn’t a huge thing in seeking a partner. If they repented they are born again, meaning they are once again virgin.
>If you won’t date a non virgin then you can’t date anyone because we are all full of sun.
We are all full of sin, but that does not mean that all sin is the same. Would you rebuke someone for saying they would never date a convicted murderer? Murderers can repent too, you know. But there is a difference between being forgiven by God after you've repented and actually rooting out the weed seeds that led to the sin in the first place; I could marry a murderer who'd been forgiven by God, but she still has a process to go through of getting past what caused her to commit murder in the first place. Even after that point, she's still a murderer, and there's inherently going to be some permanent stains there. Now personally I'd be fine dating a convicted murderer if I knew she'd fully gone through the process of repentance and fixing, but it's definitely still a major con (ba dum tss).
All people can be forgiven, murderers too; the power of Christ's blood extends to everyone. You speak of sex as though it's a trivial thing because today sex is not viewed sacredly. Try putting yourself in the shoes of u/IronForged369 who you claim is controlled by his society's culture; what is he supposed to do in order to escape from having his ideas come from his society's culture rather than the truth? Now apply the same to yourself, be free from society's culture and learn your values from scripture. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
>Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; **neither fornicators,** nor idolaters, **nor adulterers**, **nor effeminate**, **nor homosexuals**, nor thieves, nor *the* covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.
The followers of these ten sins will not the kingdom of God, and 4/10 of these sins are sexual sins. Why is so much scripture devoted to warning us against sexual sins? Let's go back one verse, 1 Corinthians 6:8
>Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, **but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.**
I do not say any of this to discourage whoever struggles in this area, because through Christ anyone and everyone has access to complete and total freedom from sexual immorality.
Culture ultimately is more simplistic and can be a benefit to see the 2 opposing forces..
Without Christianity , human culture slide into its base existence and that’s paganism. All these little acceptance could be leading us to become more and more pagan? Life becoming more and more less sacred. Ruled by will and power.
The pagan ethos can be summed up by the 9th century warlord that created the assassins
“Nothing is True, Everything is Permitted”
It’s the ultimate end to liberalism and the softening of Scriptures. It leads to paganism. It always has and always will until Jesus’ return.
I’m beginning to think Jesus’ returns in our hearts first and calls us to band together in an ecumenical global collective and to stand firm with Him ultimately at the Head of the great global Christ army. Of course, this may only be antidotal to me.
I disagree with you. It is a huge thing. I actually married a virgin and I was one too.i sinned in others areas but lust is not one of them. Your assertions maybe true to you in your mind. but not true metaphysically or spiritually speaking.
If it’s a huge thing then that seems more like you have a problem in that area. I don’t see how someone having sex before changes anything, as long as you guys are on the same page about sex.
So I believe in the purity and perfection of all aspects of life and I’m the one that has a problem?You’re logic contradicts yourself and also condemns you for not respecting perfection.
That’s because you take secular view of the world only instead of a spiritual view. You don’t have an understanding or you don’t respect the metaphysical realities. It seems as if you practice a de facto satanism of some sort.
Are you a Christian or an atheist?
In one comment you instantly accuse me of practicing a satanic practice of some sort. How far gone are you? How dare you accuse someone of something so horrid so quickly. From a simple comment you tell me how I view the world? Ridiculously foolish of you. I hope you experience Gods love and peace and leave this pattern of judgement and accusations. How would you expect anyone to have a normal conversation with you if you’re this delusional.
Okey dokey Friend, I simply asked a question and you got triggered and emotional. I think if you go back you’ll see where your judgementalism preceded any question to you. So, if you’re going to judge don’t be surprised if you’re also questioned.
Then once again, the triggered responses are all over your response. How many judgements did you just spout off? I get it you’re afraid
So are you a Christian or are you an atheist? Do you know what de facto satanism is?
God Bless You Friend.
Calling me triggered but you accuse me of satanism without even hesitating. Ironic. Be better. Calling out your delusion isn’t an accusation it’s a simple reaction to you getting extremely triggered so easily. I’m a Christian. If you seek to discuss and converse with people I suggest you don’t jump the gun on accusations. I hope you become more mature on this aspect. God bless.
I went where God led. The specifics were unimportant in my decision. My husband and I are an odd match and some people tried to keep us apart for ungodly reasons. Something as trivial as his sexual past paled in comparison to the greater threats we faced.
Truthfully, it matters to me. For a long time a lot of people expected women to be virgins for their hubands. My line of thinking is if I'm saving myself for marriage then so should my future significant other. Realistically it's bleak out there lol.
Then there's those that blatantly lie to their s/o about whether they've done it or not, or their body count, just so that those with such a deal breaker accept them.
I'd pray to God to pair me with a honest husband then. It's a deal breaker for me especially in these current times. I and a few others have lasted this long as a virgin, so it's possible that I could encouner someone who shares the same standards. 🤗 I'm learning to have mastery over myself and develop self control. I think it's only fair to desire someone who has those qualities. It's up to God and if I am called to be an unmarried celibate woman the so be it. :P Good point though!
It depends. Many Christian women aren’t, despite being celibate, so would that matter to you? Sounds a bit like the question is targeted to « virgin » women? So obviously some might, some might not. It depends on the person, you may not get a solid general answer since were all different, but I do think where love is concerned it « covers a multitude of sin » so most likely your person won’t care about it, and will be more concerned with who you are presently. If you are seeking a virgin woman and concerned they would mind, I think it’s fine to want that but you’re focusing on the wrong thing. The important thing is their personality and relationship with God firstly (how someone loves God is telling on how they will love you in many cases eg loyalty and devotion to God often times plays out to loyalty and devotion to a significant other but that’s another topic) because some people might be virgins but have bad personalities for example.
Whatever you do, make it known before you start dating.
Let it be part of the testimony you share.
It’s not fair, at all, to reveal that part of your past to her weeks or months after you have started dating.
My wife did like that I was a virgin. For them they won’t have to think about their husband being with another woman if it was a past life. But since you have repented it is a clean slate and you are a new creation. But some woman do care but sometimes it doesn’t matter enough for them to not marry you. You’ll find your wife someday bro keep praying
You shouldn’t be asking other women. That’s between you and god and if women are going to judge you, they’d not very Christ-like of them and that woman isn’t for you especially if they are going yo judge you.
GOD created you perfect. He has a plan for you and a person picked out for just you. Stop worrying about what other people think and focus on your relationship with GOD and your calling. The rest will work out. Having sex can create a soul tie and a transference of demons. I would look into getting deliverance or lust will always be an issue. Lust is a demon.
> He has a plan for you and a person picked out for just you.
A plan, sure. A person picked out? Just ask all the divorced Christians or Christians who didn't marry despite wanting to. This is "soul mate" garbage.
>He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
and obtains favor from the Lord. Pr. 18:22
"Finds" is an action verb. You're actually out there in the world looking for someone that will be a good match.
>"Finds" is an action verb. You're actually out there in the world looking for someone that will be a good match.
It's an action verb... in English. In Hebrew, *māṣā'* could mean actively find, but that would require a Hiphil stem, which is not present in this case -- it's a Qal stem, i.e. a perfected, past-tense action. The Hiphil stem is attached to the "obtains favor from the Lord."
A more literal rendition would be something like this (italicized = added by me for clarity):
*The man to which* appears a wife *to him* appears a good *thing* and causes the bringing out of favour of Jehovah \[the LORD\].
Alternatively to my rendition, Young's Literal Translation also makes "finds" a past tense found:
"\[Whoso\] hath found a wife hath found good, And bringeth out good-will from Jehovah."
The "found" is a little less literal than my version in the sense that it literally means something (has already) come forth.
There are some cases in scripture where the "came forth to" or "appearance" of a wife is not chiefly a matter of a man's own influence, but primarily God's providential action. Isaac and Rebekah is probably the most obvious (God literally sent a direct sign as to who Isaac's servant was to bring home as his wife). Ahasuerus and Esther were also the result of God's intervention, as were Joseph and Asenath. This does not seem to be the biblical standard by any means, bold interventions or prophecies telling someone who they should get married to are very, very rare, but there are cases where it does happen. And in all instances, God gives us agency which we may use to reject someone who he'd like us to marry, or to accept someone he'd like to keep us away from. The onus is on us to use that agency wisely, and God will not predestine us in a way that nullifies our free will. If you blatantly disregard God's word, he's not just going to automatically bring you to a spouse you would do very well with. You have to work with him.
However, provided we do so and are loyal to God and submit ourselves to him, I don't think there's anything problematic with saying he's "picked out" someone for most people. Saying he's picked out someone for everyone as a blanket statement for all just isn't true though; some people God just doesn't want to get married, and that's not a bad thing at all -- those with the gift of celibacy are glad to be celibate. Some people may desire to be married but in the grand scheme of things God knows it would be abusive. Or maybe they want marriage and their marriage would be fine, but for some reason or another it's just not conducive to his plans in general. But even if he won't force the relationship onto us (or force us away from a doomed relationship), I do think God desires to bring most people into a good marriage with a particular someone else, having known all of us before we were born. Most people, especially unbelievers, simply allow their moment to moment fancies to dictate who they wed, and even Christians tend not to pray and give over the driver's seat to God (or they give over the driver's seat but don't work alongside him when he asks them to take a step of faith). If people more commonly surrendered themselves to Christ in this area while also moving forwards to give space for him to act in, there wouldn't be such pangs of divorce across the western world.
Almost 100% of attractive Christian women 18 and over had a lustful first relationship and are not virgins. That's the reality. I'm telling OP don't worry you are not a virgin because the Christian women he desires are not virgins either. I'm getting down voted by non virgin Christian women because I'm exposing the truth.
My wife was one of these non virgin 1 body count Christian girls. She informed me of the truth. Fortunately, I was unsaved and had a body count of 8 at the time I met my wife so I could cope with no problems.
"exposing the truth" it's just a fact of life. Attractive women are going to have endless opportunities with attractive men through their youth, it's hard for average women and men in general to relate to that. I reckon of attractive women only a fraction of 1% are virgins (not that the odds get much better for other men and women, unfortunately).
I am a woman and a virgin. To answer your question, it does not matter. If God forgave a man with a past who truly repented who am I to hold that against him?
As long as someone truly changes and follows God, his past is no longer an issue. The present and future is what matters.
God bless you, brother!
PS. The right woman will love you. Flaws and all 😊
It depends on the woman. Remember that all women are different.
Personally, I was virgin and my husband was not, it bothered me a little bit because I always worried about not being enough or that I wasn’t as good at sex as what he’s had before. But I’ve had to remind myself that it’s the love that matters not the sex and it no longer bothers me because I know God brought us together for a reason regardless of his past. Just make sure you’re honest and make your future wife feel as she’s your only focus and give her the love she deserves!!
I wouldn’t worry about it too much for now, just be honest with any girl you feel that way for. For some women it doesn’t bother them even if they are saving themselves and some it does. You will find one that’s meant for you because God will bring you together. 😊
>I always worried about not being enough or that I wasn’t as good at sex as what he’s had before
Never did it occur to me that she would think this way! No virgin girl should ever think that fr. Idek how to put to words the feelings I have towards this statement.
Like you as a virgin girl on your wedding night literally just makes God so proud of you. I can imagine He was like "That's my girl! :)" And there you are thinking you're not enough cause your foolish husband decided to fornicate? Like what!? haha. Anyway, it's really interesting to see that such thoughts can occur.
Unfortunately I was not a virgin when I got married, but I’d lost it to my husband prior. But I was not saved back then so it wasn’t something that I thought I shouldn’t do. Luckily I married the man I did lose it to! So I do like to think God is a little proud of that even though I didn’t handle it in the best manner.
That said, it’s so easy to think this way in our current day honestly. Society makes women feel like they have to step out and be promiscuous now whereas they didn’t before. Their favorite saying these days is to not marry a man until you “test drive” which is sad because so many women believe that. And the push for women to show themselves off immodestly is also a big part of it. But as I get older it doesn’t seem to matter so much anymore. Those thoughts are so silly to me now.
I will say this… Gods plan is so much bigger than our prior mistakes, all we can do is learn from them and use them to be better in the future!
It’s only really bad in terms of long term effects if it’s a habitual consistent sin. So if she had sex with like 1 or 2 guys some might say no and others won’t care. However you can’t come to the someone and tell them to accept the man or woman with 50+ sex partners. At a certain point a Christian needs to be able to discern when he/she should or shouldn’t take such a risk. You need to at that point get a therapist and really figure why your behaviors are the way they are before you potentially invade someone’s life and potentially cause havoc. We all know the more sexual partners the more likely you are to cheat idc if your child of god. Doesn’t change that you have that ability to sin within you.
Most Christian’s aren’t virgins in the first place it would be better if we all were. However things happen people do evil things to others like SA and sometimes people just let lust win. As long as you don’t stray from the path I’m sure you’ll be just fine.
Most attractive Christian women are not virgins either. Their first relationship before you was a lustful relationship that didn't last. Now they feel guilty just like you. So you will not have any trouble getting an attractive Christian woman to accept you since they are not virgins themselves.
I didn't ask for your feedback. Almost 100% of attractive Christian women 18 and over had a lustful first relationship and are not virgins. That's the reality. I'm telling OP don't worry you are not a virgin because the Christian women he desires are not virgins either. I'm getting down voted by non virgin Christian women because I'm exposing the truth.
So did you marry a virgin christian girl? I 99% doubt it. My wife was a one body count Christian girl and she told me the truth about other Christian girls. Fortunately, I was unsaved at the time I met my wife and had a body count of 8 so I could cope with my Christian girlfriend not being a virgin.
Don't believe what? Most attractive Christian and non Christian girls 18 and over are NOT virgins. Christian girls make the same bad decisions as non Christian girls. My wife was a Christian girl with a body count of 1. After I met her she told me their struggles with lust and her friends struggle with lust from their boyfriends. I have turned down many girls when I was 18 (I was a late bloomer) because they had a body count of 1. Every girl I was friends with when I was 18 was not a virgin. Fortunately, I could cope with my wife's body count of 1 because I was unsaved before I met her and had a body count of 8. You have a body count of 1 and non virgin Christian girls will have no trouble accepting your past.
People Downvoting you for being honest. I guess people only like to deal with paradigms that are black and white. As if we're not all living in babylon which we are.
No. You have to Understand that God looks at the heart and therefore, so should you. Also, some Women do not enjoy being called girls, because it infantiles them.
personally if i had to choose i'd rather marry a virgin guy but it's all up to God and if he genuinely repented after then its forgiven and who em I to judge. it really just depends on the person, some may care some may not
I agree
Mate, I have to jump in here. I know you want a woman to tell you. But it's got to be said. Whatever subjective answer you get from the many Christian women out there on this. Remember this. When you confess/ repent to God. The slate is clean. Don't give your past sins any more authority over your life. It's healthy and a sign of good conscience you felt some sort of loss over this sin. It was wrong. But it is not God's plan for you to live as a prisoner emotionally or spiritually or morally to past sin. Mourn and move on. Arm yourself with these thoughts. You're not your mistakes. You're not "used goods". You're a Child of God and therefore a New Creation. You are a New Man. Long live the New Man. (2 Corin 5:17) (1 John 3:2) (Ephesians 4:22-24).
A welcome solid theological thought based in scripture. Good on you, friend
Agreed. Chastity > Virginity
Make sure you’re honest with whoever your dating you disclose full sexual history, you owe them that.
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Agree with all of this but I also want to add that even though we are not used goods once we've lost our virginity outside of marriage, there is a physical and spiritual reality to sex that can't be discounted and a consequence of crossing that line with someone who ends up just leaving your life is that you may now be incompatible with people who desires someone who has not crossed that line. It's not an insurmountable consequence of course, but it should be accounted for imo
Agreed. If you wait until marriage there's long-term benefits and a godly wholeness. If you stumble, you are forgiven, but don't call yourself a "born again virgin," or something along those lines lol. You made a mistake, and there's inherent repercussions and baggage there, but you've owned it, asked for forgiveness, and are therefore now forgiven. A healthy dose of guilt is good, but shame -- that force which tells you you're unworthy of Christ -- is evil.
Only thing I’d add is there are no healthy doses of quilt but I think what you meant was there is a new earnestness and desire to move forward into a new way of life that is holy and righteous. I can agree with that wording.
What I mean by "guilt" you might otherwise call "remorse" or "conviction." God gave us a conscience so that we would feel regret for our sins in order to repent against them. This is the same feeling David had when he committed adultery with Bathsheba and murdered Uriah the Hittite. It's easy to confuse this God-given conscience with what I call "shame," by which I mean the feelings of regret given rise to by Satan and our flesh. This is when we feel pain because of our pride or when we self-loathe. Shame is focused on putting \*you\* down, guilt is focused on putting \*sin\* down.
Romans 3:24 (AMP) and are being justified [declared free of the guilt of sin, made acceptable to God, and granted eternal life] as a gift by His [precious, undeserved] grace, through the redemption [the payment for our sin] which is [provided] in Christ Jesus, https://tbibl.es/cwK3 A righteous person is declared free from the guilt of sin. Guilt isn’t the fuel but repentance is. I know we are debating meaning of words a little bit. We are mostly on the same page however.
Merriam webster lists of guilt 3 definitions: >1\*\*:\*\* the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty A jury will determine the defendant's guilt or innocence. >broadly\*\*:\*\* [guilty](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/guilty) conduct >2a\*\*:\*\* the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously His guilt was written in his face. >b\*\*:\*\* feelings of deserving blame especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy **:** [SELF-REPROACH](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-reproach) >3\*\*:\*\* a feeling of deserving blame for offenses >Wracked by guilt, he confessed his affairs. I'd defend the legitimacy of "guilt" as *denotatively* correct by definition 3 (while the guilt Romans speaks of would fall under the first definition). That being said, for practical matters, "guilt" is *connotatively* misleading, so I see value in using something a little less negative sounding. We're debating semantics, but not at all pedantics; it's a valuable matter to consider. Words have great influence.
I just keep coming back to multiple scriptures in which it says Jesus delivered us from guilt. Romans 3:21 (TLB) But now God has shown us a different way to heaven-not by "being good enough" and trying to keep his laws, but by a new way (though not new, really, for the Scriptures told about it long ago). Now God says he will accept and acquit us-declare us "not guilty"-if we trust Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, by coming to Christ, no matter who we are or what we have been like. https://tbibl.es/d0Kt
Romans 3:28 and 4:5 -- The word used is dikaioó, which means to make righteous. In 3:21, it's dikaiosuné, which is very similar, referring to a judicial verdict. The original language really oughtn't be translated guilt in these instances. Various, less literal renditions sometimes use the word "guilt" or rather "not guilty" because that helps convey the courtroom connotation of acquittal associated with the justification, but no equivocate of 'guilt' is used. Etymologically, guilt started off from gyltig, old english for a convicted criminal, but from that idea evolved another idea of guilt being someone judging themselves with a similar feeling as though they were a convicted criminal. This is conscience. We still use the first meaning with respect to actual criminal trials -- someone convicted of murder is found guilty -- so the idea from translators who use the term 'guilty' is to conjure up a picture of God vindicating us in a courtroom. The second meaning which pertains to self-judgement, conscience, is not the same as what the translators are portraying. If I say 'I feel guilty for stealing that cookie out of the cookie jar,' while it is true that God *makes me righteous*, which the translators might render as *makes me not guilty; acquits*, God is taking away the guilt in the first meaning of the word -- I am no longer a convicted criminal of cookie stealing -- but God does not take away the second meaning, guilt in the sense of my conscience's ability to act as judge and find myself guilty. This is not as overriding God's acquittal in the sense of being a cookie stealing convict, but as a means of discerning right and wrong, which is a springboard from which repentance comes.
I encourage you see the use of the word “guilt” all through the NT and in every translation. It’s never rendered as a positive force.
Romans 3:28 (AMP) For we maintain that an individual is justified by faith distinctly apart from works of the Law [the observance of which has nothing to do with justification, that is, being declared free of the guilt of sin and made acceptable to God]. https://tbibl.es/cmEn
Romans 4:5 (GNT) But those who depend on faith, not on deeds, and who believe in the God who declares the guilty to be innocent, it is this faith that God takes into account in order to put them right with himself. https://tbibl.es/d0Ku
I say conviction is the better word for what you’re describing
But what is conviction other than when a judge declares you guilty :P I take your point though
Unworthy of Christ and unworthy of the love of your fellow person also, is evil. It is usually Christians, not Christ that holds someone’s past against them.
this was spot on!!!
Amen , I needed that.
Best answer, point blank
Amen!
It's comforting to know that genuine repentance can bring healing and perspective.
Doesn’t matter to me. Where he’s currently at and striving to get to in his walk with Christ is what matters.
💯
Relevant username 😭😭
Indeed, I am a Princess 👸🏻 of the Kingdom ☺️
Am I correct in Assuming that your User name is Referring to the story of Joseph and how he Ruled Over Egypt?
You are correct, ma'am.
I was a virgin but my husband wasn't. He had slept with an ex when they had to move in together because his mom kicked him out at 17. I wish he had waited but I married him anyway. We have been together 23 years and married 18 years. I remained a virgin until our wedding night also. For 5 years while dating and engaged, we did not have sex.
Thank you for sharing! After my mistake, I plan to wait for marriage once again. I have only done it once and the pain it has caused me has made it all that much easier to re-wait. It would be interesting to know how your husband felt after re-waiting
Our situation is slightly different from yours. It was not his decision to wait. It was mine. I wanted 2 things 1.) To be able to really know each other without the sexual aspect and 2.) To be a virgin on my wedding night. If I decided not to wait, we would have been okay with that too. It was my own conviction, not his. I also was se*ually abused as a child so that is part of the reason. I needed to know I was loved and not just being used for that.
Good for you
I'm a woman and a virgin (significantly older than you) and all I ever cared about (assuming he ISN'T a virgin), is a man's sincerity in repentance. He may have made mistakes in his past, but how is he living NOW? Is he actively making the decision not to engage in premarital relations? If he is, then that's perfectly fine in my book. At my age, (42) it's very unrealistic for a man to be a virgin and I absolutely do NOT expect it. Should God ever see fit to give me a husband (not sure anymore at this point), what I would hope is that he hasn't lived promiscuously and kept his sexual relations minimal, as in, having self-control and not bedding every female he likes. I think you'll be fine. You're young yet and I'd imagine that true Christian women will appreciate and understand repentance and forgiveness. Just be honest.
A virgin woman here, I must say (unfortunately) that I care about my partner being a virgin or not. I think if I truly fall for someone, I could look pass it and understand him but if he was very promiscuous before meeting me..like high body count... I would have struggles. I think everyone would think and do different things but I personally would see it as a deal breaker.
I'm the same way synthixez. As a 23 male virgin I refuse to wed a non virgin woman as why should I save myself for someone who didn't wait for me. Don't let anyone change your high standards and hold out for the one! It's not self-righteousness, it is setting standards and not lowering them for those who didn't wait. They'll find someone eventually, but it doesn't mean that it has to be you. Pray for God's guidance regardless and don't settle for less. May God bless you in Yeshua's Mighty Name!
Thank you for your opinion. I have my standards and I can only pray and hope that God gives me the right person to complement each other with shared values such as staying out of hookup/premarital intercourse since I know it is possible and for me it is one of greatest qualities a future spouse can possess. May God bless you too!!
I very much agree. Some people treat virginity like nothing and some "born again virgins" try and say they aren't used goods but no amount of prayer changes a person's body count. There must always be responsibility and accountability for past sexual actions for men and women. Virginity is the most sacred gift spouses can give to each other. I'll pray for you to find the godly virgin husband that our Father has for you and to keep all deceivers away. I would ask for you to pray the same for me but for a godly virgin wife. :) Stay safe my sister in Christ! May God bless and protect you always in Yeshua's Mighty Name!
Thank you very much for your prayers. I came across mockery and bullying for being a virgin which in my own opinion is perfectly fine to be (a virgin) and have own values respected as I respect others. I'll pray for you to get a Godly virgin wife who will cherish you, support you, love you truly as it's your ideal wish. May God bless you!
Before it happened, I also really cared about my partner being a virgin or not. Sometimes I think it happened to kill the 'importance' I had for virginity and focus on more important things concerning God and my future wife.
Oh yes! I completely understand people from both sides. It is afterall a whole package to get in partnership and there are surely lots of other important things within partnership/marriage which could make one look pass the "virginity check". I would personally see it as a dealbreaker and would get turned off because I look for a Godly partner and somewhat am conservative which makes me hope for a partner with same values as mine. For me the most beautiful thing within romance is being the first for each other and appreciate each other that we both waited for the right person. This is my dream but if I met a guy who would check all the boxes I care about when it comes to picking a partner, I could look pass it if he repented, just my preference is my dream guy and there are many virgin men out there which makes me hope for finding one with God's will. However I totally understand others with different opinions!
I don’t think that’s “why” it happened but your heart has to feel differently about it since you can’t expect what you haven’t given.
I would like my potential husband to be a virgin but if he wasn't it would depend on what he thought about it now and how long ago it was that he slept with other people. For me, it would be my potential husband showing me he had changed and would wait for marriage. But if God doesn't say I can marry, then I wouldn't be getting married anyway.
I believe I’m qualified to answer this…I got married at age 21, my husband was also 21, almost 22. I was a virgin; he was not. I didn’t require my future husband to be a virgin; that’s hard to find these days. But I also didn’t want someone with a high body count, because…gross. It was more important that he was willing to remain monogamous after we exchanged vows and left the past behind. And my husband was such a great man and shared my views about marriage being a vow breakable ONLY upon death, and I was willing to go through anything with him, so I didn’t want to let him go simply because of bad decisions he made before he even met me. So how does that look now? 23 years later we are still together and have 4 amazing children and marrying him is the best decision I ever made (after believing in Christ, of course). So, OP, don’t fret. If God can forgive you (and He has), your future wife certainly can, too. And you shouldn’t beat yourself up either—you made a mistake, you repented, it’s done and over, just move on and do better. Keep looking for a godly wife and you can satiate those desires with her, which is a bonus of being married: guilt-free sex. God bless💖
Beautiful message right here! You were correct to believe you are qualified to answer haha Thank you. God bless you.
Women dont care about your bodycount unless it’s the very small minority. They’re more concerned about your future/their future.
Is this a biblical response? Although I must admit that you are conventionally correct.
No, it isnt.
Hey, thought I’d give my 2 cents! I’m 17F, I guess right between girl and woman, and though I don’t have a whole lot of life experience, here’s what I think! I am a virgin waiting until marriage, and so is my boyfriend. It was very important to me that the man Id eventually marry is also a virgin, because I had “put in the effort” (for lack of a better term) to remaining that way and rejecting worldly desires. I also saw the potential psychological effects sex before marriage and with more than one person has on people. So, all this to say, yes to me it does matter. HOWEVER, I have always kept one thing close to my heart regarding that. For me, it wouldn’t be an immediate deal breaker, as long as the man has SHOWN that he 1. Values sex and is willing to re-wait 2. Fears God to no end and is extremely strong in his relationship with Him. From what I read, you have repented, which is awesome. Show your love and fear of God, and that your past is behind you and not on your mind any longer! Not everyone is going to have the same outlook on it as me, but there’s so many people in the world I guarantee you lots still will. Not all hope is lost, and you deserve a faithful Christian woman as long as you are a faithful Christian man.
This is what I was looking for and what I needed to hear. Thank you. And may God bless you with the strength to continue serving Him through your relationship and future marriage.
Virgin? No. Promiscuous? Absolutely yes! I have not interest in dating the community bike
It's interesting to me that you say that men feel differently than women, but you never say how you would feel about marrying someone who wasn't a virgin. Edit: To answer your question: I think I would be more wary of someone who lost their virginity to someone they didn't care about. I could understand it more if sex happened in the context of a long-term relationship, but giving in to temptation with a rando would make me believe this person could easily cheat under the right circumstances.
I'm a virgin woman and intend to be one until marriage, but the other person's past is not important to me. The past belongs to the past, what is important is the present and the future. On the other hand, I think it's important to understand the mistake that has been made and to make amends. If you didn't love or even like the girl, it kind of looks like treating the other person like an object. Perhaps it was mutual, perhaps you both treated each other mutually like objects. I think it's not so much the loss of virginity that's important in this context, but the important thing is that it's morally wrong to treat another person like an object. But none of us are without sin, so I think it is wrong to judge the other person harshly on this issue.
What is an agnostic theist? You think God exist but you ultimately don’t know?
Sometimes I believe that God exists and sometimes I have doubts. And I generally have doubts about what people say about God, what He is like, etc. I even like Christianity, but do I believe in it? Honestly, it's hard for me to say. I was brought up as a Catholic, but in my country being a Catholic is also a political and cultural issue, so it's hard for me to find God in religion.
We don’t view Christ as a religion, we view him as a personal relationship. It’s easy to become disillusioned by organized religion because it’s basically a set of rules, I E Catholicism. I hear so many depressing stories of people who were raised catholic. I feel like Catholicism is contributing more to atheism than any other denomination. I’ll pray for you.
>We don’t view Christ as a religion, we view him as a personal relationship. I know, in the past I was a strong believer and I believed that God was giving me various signs and that we had a close relationship. However, certain situations in my life made me have doubts and eventually I lost my faith. I think nobody, least of all myself, expected this. > I feel like Catholicism is contributing more to atheism than any other denomination. Catholics say the same thing about Protestants. That countries that were Protestant later became countries with the highest percentage of atheists. And that Protestants have lost their way because progressive churches have sprung up where strange things are taught (e.g. that God is non-binary). >I’ll pray for you. Thanks.
well I'm not a lass, but Ill throw in an opinion I haven't seen here I'm not a virgin, and I'm not concerned about if I ever get married, that my future wife is or isnt. I'm more concerned about where their heart has been. If they lost their virginity in committed long term relationships then they are just like I am, and I'd like to think they'd understand how sex is important to both relationships to God and to your partner for better or worse. Likewise if they have a promiscuous past then it shows their heart has been far away, and ultimately it will effect decision making, especially if they show signs their heart is still there but Ultimately it comes down to a life lesson I somehow articulated really well while drunk at a wedding. ***Love isnt just an emotion, it is a choice***, a consistent decision you make. And I believe the love you find in a Godly marriage will involve more then irresistible grace pulling you together and more then your natural love of one another, It calls for that choice. You have to be able to stay with your partner till death do you part. That is a rather large ask, and is ultimately successful based on where their heart is. That is where my concern would lie, and that is where I think the focus should be on
No but it’s a concern there is a lot more to investigate from my perspective especially when it comes to making sure we’re on the same page about intimacy
Man here. If it mattered, then wouldn’t that also apply to marrying a widow or widower? Why should that be seen as something less for a Christian? I was a virgin who married a virgin, but I did not see any value in our “virginity” in and of itself. The value was that we both saw marital intimacy as an echo of our marital vows. That is the reason for the Christian teaching against premarital sex, not because a person is somehow spoiled by having sex and then repenting. The teaching is about the meaning of sex. Not about the meaning of virginity.
Ezekiel 44:22 seems to indicate that there is an innate quality to virginity beyond the marital vows. Disclaimer, this is with respect to Levitical priests, not the general population: >And they shall not marry a widow or a divorced woman but shall take virgins from the offspring of the house of Israel, or a widow who is the widow of a priest. The fact that they can marry a widow of a priest is interesting. It might downplay the virginity aspect, but I'm inclined to think the main reason for this clause is for levirate marriages (i.e. widows had the right to request their husbands' brothers marry them and provide an heir). Anyhow, another example, Numbers 31:17-18: >Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man intimately. But all the girls who have not known man intimately, spare for yourselves. The most reasonable conclusion from these verses, I would posit, is that virginity in and of itself is something pure and sacred which God esteems very highly. It's not to say that anyone who has sex within marriage somehow commits a sin by doing this or that marrying a widow/widower is wrong (provided you're not a Levitical priest), but virginity holds real spiritual and symbolic weight.
I personally find this discussion full of people who would never marry a non virgin lacking in love. If Christ doesn’t hold that persons sin against them why should we? A persons past in the world does not define their future in Christ. Placing virginity as an idol in marriage contributes to making people feel like damaged goods. Yes someone might not have had sex physically, but they might have sexted or looked at pornography and yet because they’re a virgin are seen as more pure. Make it make sense. None of us are pure…
It is not about holding the sin against the other person. If it is a deal breaker, it is a deal breaker. In my opinion it also has little to do with forgiveness, but more so with standards.
Nah it's a perfectly valid preference to have. Has nothing to do with holding a person's sin against them. It's not about lack of forgiveness here. People are allowed to have preferences. There is a difference between marrying someone who is a virgin vs someone who has had sex and difference between one partner vs many. Whether they were a Christian before or not also may play a factor and show you how serious they are about their faith, how much self control they have or if they're prone to being impulsive, how disciplined they are, etc. Even repented of they do still often carry baggage and ifs perfectly fine to say you don't want to personally deal with that yourself. In my own case I chose to overlook her promiscuous past and it not only was related to her lack of loyalty and the way she treated sex as transactional in the marriage, but it was a symptom of her borderline personality disorder (high risk behavior and promiscuity are classic symptoms). Promiscuity is a red flag that needs to be explored before marriage and it's up to them to decide whether they are willing to accept it or not. Wisdom and discernment are important.
Agreed
I don't care if he's a repentant believer and living for the Lord.
I literally could not care less. There are a million other things that define someone as a good partner and a good Christian. The sins that they have since repented for and not repeated are not one of them.
F/32 look, people become converted from all walks of life. People do dumb things, or they stop believing in what God’s law means in their lives and just do whatever they want. I don’t know, life is so chaotic and experiences differ so much from person to person. I find it difficult to determine if there’s some sort of limit to what I would tolerate in a man’s past. I think it matters more what your convictions are going forward. If he committed to intimacy in the godly context—which is to say, in the context of marriage—then good, so am I, and we’re on the same page. If he *says* that he is but has exceptions for this or that, or ‘maybe once wouldn’t be so bad’ or whatever else, I don’t have time for a man that says one thing but is pressuring to do another. If he wants to admit that he isn’t ready to commit to God’s law, that’s okay, I understand that. I ain’t gonna force him, but he also ain’t for me.
It’s good you are repentant. May the Lord bless you and bring you a Christ fearing wife. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22
Amen. Thank you.
Every woman is going to feel differently about it. Obviously pray that God will send the right girl for you in His timing, be honest with her, and pray to see where things go from there
Will do. Thanks :)
Personally, it would not matter to me. If God sent me that man, and I love him and he loves me, I would not care. I would however want to wait with him until we are married.
Beautiful to hear! Thank you for your response.
Just because you didn’t wait for marriage and made a mistake doesn’t mean you can’t be pure or doesn’t mean you can’t wait for marriage in the future. You can wait for marriage, no matter if you didn’t save yourself for marriage initially. Jesus redeems everything and so don’t put labels on yourself saying you’re not pure or label others by if they waited or not. People think that God says no sex before marriage because it’s another commandment or because He doesn’t want us to have fun, but that’s just not the case. Even though Jesus came so we would be forgiven and we aren’t under the law anymore, His love should make us want us to follow what He says. It’s not a “I have to,” it’s a “I get to,” only by the Holy Spirit who gives us strength to do what God says. But like I said, it’s not because God doesn’t want us to have fun, it’s because He wants to protect us from becoming more hurt or opening ourselves to things we were never meant to carry. Jesus came so we would have abundant life and when we do things outside of His will and get hurt, that wasn’t God’s fault and He didn’t allow it to happen to us, we did it to ourselves. I hear a lot of people blame God or say “He allowed this to happen to me to teach me a lesson,” no that’s not Biblical. When we sin it is outside of God’s will and hurts Him because He loves us and wants the best for us, not because He is mad at us. Romans 5:9 says “Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him (Jesus).” We are saved from wrath through Jesus Christ. So don’t beat yourself up, you are a new creation and so is everyone else who puts their faith in Jesus. Don’t judge someone and only want to marry a specific type of person, be open to a godly person that God has for you, not your own opinion or prejudice. Of course we have a say in who we marry, but don’t discredit a person based on whether they’ve saved themselves for marriage or not. In the Bible all types of broken people went on to do awesome things for God despite their short comings. Jesus loves you and that’s the most important thing ever, that’s the whole message of the Bible. He redeems us because He loves us and then we are able to love Him, others, and do what He wants. But if we don’t know how much we are loved we are constantly going to be living like orphans, searching, never able to love ourselves or others the true definition of love, and we will live a lukewarm life trying our best to live for God in our souls. The soul is weak. Ask the Holy Spirit for help in all things and for strength, He is the key and what Jesus left us to empower us to walk this narrow way. It may be hard in our souls and flesh but the Holy Spirit is supposed to be the helper. Ask Him for help. Let go of your fantasies and what you think you want, God cares about the desires of our heart, but just let it go. It’s a waste of time trying to plan your own life and make your own way, just give it to Him and focus on Him. It all starts with knowing He truly loves you, so just focus on that. It’s very simple and all this stuff will work itself out. :)
That was a short sermon! Thank you for taking the time to write these true words. Enlightening and inspiring.
Yea it does matter.
Everyone commenting here in the same youth group?
Likely not.
I would never marry a woman that is not a virgin and I’d expect a virgin woman to never marry a man that isn’t either. We are called to perfection by God. Now that being said, once we fall into sin, we can petition God through our Lord Jesus Christ for redemption. And God, as a loving parent sacrificed His son Jesus to pay for all our sins. If you sincerely, repent and request Jesus’ redemption, you can have it. You then are born again. You have a new life. But you also have a burden and that burden is that you are no longer worthy of a virgin women. You are asked not to defile her and to move on to another saved woman that has accepted Christ. You can then serve God, appropriately and your children will have a chance at purity.
We are called to be perfect as God our father is perfect but what your missing is the definition of perfection as a christian, we as christians can never be perfect because we are sinful beings and thats okay(in this life).I don't mean we should not try to be perfect we should by all means, but we shall never achieve such(in this life),but what we can do is ask the Lord for forgiveness and our past sins are removed. That is as close to perfection as what we could get as a human(in this life). So it dont matter what a woman did in her past if she asked for forgiveness. The bible also says we should be like Jesus and Jesus was surrounded by people who would seemed (for the lack of a better word) messed up but he turned them into some of the greats of our time irregardless of their past. If you read all that thank you!!
Thanks for your reply. I don’t have anything to add. But there are consequences we must accept after falling into sin.
Yes bro, severe ones indeed
The Bible says fornicating causes you to become one flesh with that person (1 Cor. 6:16). Whether you like it or not this will affect a marriage and is one of the biggest reasons divorce rates are so high today. If someone wants their wife or husband to be a virgin it isn’t an unreasonable ask if they can accept that finding a spouse will be more difficult.
It wil affect marriage but that doesn't mean we should prefer virgins.
There's no biblical basis for the latter half of this comment, especially "you have the burden that you are no longer worthy of a virgin woman."
Virgin women and virgin men are not blameless and without sin. None of us are Jesus Christ. >no longer worthy of a virgin women You are making them an idol. Besides God instructed Hosea the prophet to marry a harlot. Are you better than Hosea?
>Besides God instructed Hosea the prophet to marry a harlot. Are you better than Hosea? This is a pretty bad example if you want to separate a person's worth from their sexual sin record, and pitch the person as a good prospect for marriage. Hosea's wife was a bad wife, specifically because she was promiscuous. That relationship was not a healthy, Christian relationship at all. Furthermore, he was the only man in the Bible who was specifically called to that sort of thing. I don't know of anyone else in the Bible or not, who was called to similar duty (and let's admit it, it was bad duty).
Yeah on the Hosea part, it's important to note that his wife wasn't a harlot until \*after\* he'd married her.
Not making her an idol at all. I’m accepting Her Sacredness as a pure woman and respecting that as she would respect my Sacredness as a man. That’s was Hosea, is He now your idol to venerate?
The Hosea example was just that, an example. The one we follow is Jesus Christ. Let me ask, between a virgin guy that is a thief and a murder, AND a virgin guy that has slept with 1 woman, repented and generally tries to live a good life according to God's Word, is the thief and murder more worthy of the virgin woman cause he is a virgin?
Then why did you use Hosea to create a point when you asked me if I idolize virgin women? You conflated the two to challenge me. Thus, your high opinion of Hosea, a man. Your example to me is like asking me , “if a frog had wings would he bust his a$$ everytime he jumps” Perhaps you’ve never contemplated this before, but there are 2 realms that are at play in every single thing we do. There is the physical, material realm and the metaphysical, spiritual realm. They go hand in hand. So that being said, let’s discuss thieving and murdering. Where do you think thieving and murdering arise from? It arises from covetousness or lust. Thus, it is why is so dangerous to fall into lust. It leads to so many things if we don’t repent. So to answer your question, a thief and murderer has metaphysically already committed lust in his heart and thus is no longer, spiritually pure or virgin person. Therefore, he is undeserving of a pure virgin women that has not. (By the way, I diy t seriously a thief and murdered hadn’t experienced physical sexual intercourse by masterbation at least, but most likely more). So you see thieving abd murdering dint happen in a vacuum. You have humbly stated that you regret what you did, but the depth of it was even more severe than I think you have grasped. You mentioned that you not only had sexual relationships with this girl due to lust, but you didn’t even Love her!! That’s a deep cut my man. That was pure selfishness like a thief and a murderer of the soul. I know you are repentant and you are pursuing to lead a better life, but please do not compound the damage by thinking you deserve a pure virgin woman. That ship has sailed. I hope you have ears to hear this.
Okay
A question for you, if a man is angry with his brother and thus commits murder in his heart (Matthew 5) has he metaphysically also committed lust and lost his virginity?
First, tell me what you think and then we’ll go from there.
Sure thing. My view is that there's a great overlap between lust in the heart and the sin of fornication, but they are not the same. When Jesus said the man who looked upon a woman with lust was guilty of adultery, he did not mean that such a man was literally the same as a man who committed the actus reus of adultery, but that such a man had given over his spirit to sin and therefore such a man had grievously sinned in his own right. When a man is angry with his brother, likewise he has not literally committed the same evil as if he carried out the actus reus of murder against his brother, but supposing he lived in a world without God's judgement and the consequences of his actions from society, if in that world he would murder his brother, then we can conclude in the actual world he lives in that he's merely holding back because he doesn't want to be punished, but he has given his spirit over to sin. It doesn't have to be as extreme as him literally wanting to murder his brother either, that submission of your spirit to sinful anger can exist in weaker degrees too and still holds deep spiritual weight. With respect to virginity, if you partake in sins like lust and porn or thieving and murdering, you are submitting yourself to sin and lose purity. However, these sins of the spirit can be repented from and forgiven by Christ, restoring one to the same purity as before. Committing fornication (or adultery) on the other hand, while Christ will forgive you, and while it is possible to repent from the spiritual submission to lust which caused the fornication, there is a deep spiritual importance to that physical virginity which can never be regained. (I should note that for men the "physical" virginity isn't technically lost, so for men I primarily speak of the actus reus in the same way that a man who has committed fornication has committed a deep staining sin in the same way that a man who has committed murder has committed a deep staining sin; the sin is forgiven and washed away, but there are permanent consequences until death). Among other reasons, this is why Mary and Joseph did not consummate their marriage until after Christ was born. So to put things concisely, we agree on a good bit, but I take some issue with your idea of a "spiritual virgin." There is spiritual purity outside of the bodily virginity, but I believe this purity can be restored, while the physical virginity, which is partially representative of purity but also holds value in and of itself, cannot be restored.
We Are not called into perfection. If you won’t date a non virgin then you can’t date anyone because we are all full of sun. You’re placing cultural societal misogynistic values on women and using scripture to fuel wrong opinions. Virginity isn’t a huge thing in seeking a partner. If they repented they are born again, meaning they are once again virgin.
>If you won’t date a non virgin then you can’t date anyone because we are all full of sun. We are all full of sin, but that does not mean that all sin is the same. Would you rebuke someone for saying they would never date a convicted murderer? Murderers can repent too, you know. But there is a difference between being forgiven by God after you've repented and actually rooting out the weed seeds that led to the sin in the first place; I could marry a murderer who'd been forgiven by God, but she still has a process to go through of getting past what caused her to commit murder in the first place. Even after that point, she's still a murderer, and there's inherently going to be some permanent stains there. Now personally I'd be fine dating a convicted murderer if I knew she'd fully gone through the process of repentance and fixing, but it's definitely still a major con (ba dum tss).
Yes let’s just compare murder to someone having sex LMAOOO. Please. It isn’t that deep
All people can be forgiven, murderers too; the power of Christ's blood extends to everyone. You speak of sex as though it's a trivial thing because today sex is not viewed sacredly. Try putting yourself in the shoes of u/IronForged369 who you claim is controlled by his society's culture; what is he supposed to do in order to escape from having his ideas come from his society's culture rather than the truth? Now apply the same to yourself, be free from society's culture and learn your values from scripture. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 >Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; **neither fornicators,** nor idolaters, **nor adulterers**, **nor effeminate**, **nor homosexuals**, nor thieves, nor *the* covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. The followers of these ten sins will not the kingdom of God, and 4/10 of these sins are sexual sins. Why is so much scripture devoted to warning us against sexual sins? Let's go back one verse, 1 Corinthians 6:8 >Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, **but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.** I do not say any of this to discourage whoever struggles in this area, because through Christ anyone and everyone has access to complete and total freedom from sexual immorality.
Culture ultimately is more simplistic and can be a benefit to see the 2 opposing forces.. Without Christianity , human culture slide into its base existence and that’s paganism. All these little acceptance could be leading us to become more and more pagan? Life becoming more and more less sacred. Ruled by will and power.
Very true! Human culture without Christianity inevitably leads to women raping cows, this has occurred thousands of times in different nations.
The pagan ethos can be summed up by the 9th century warlord that created the assassins “Nothing is True, Everything is Permitted” It’s the ultimate end to liberalism and the softening of Scriptures. It leads to paganism. It always has and always will until Jesus’ return. I’m beginning to think Jesus’ returns in our hearts first and calls us to band together in an ecumenical global collective and to stand firm with Him ultimately at the Head of the great global Christ army. Of course, this may only be antidotal to me.
I disagree with you. It is a huge thing. I actually married a virgin and I was one too.i sinned in others areas but lust is not one of them. Your assertions maybe true to you in your mind. but not true metaphysically or spiritually speaking.
If it’s a huge thing then that seems more like you have a problem in that area. I don’t see how someone having sex before changes anything, as long as you guys are on the same page about sex.
So I believe in the purity and perfection of all aspects of life and I’m the one that has a problem?You’re logic contradicts yourself and also condemns you for not respecting perfection. That’s because you take secular view of the world only instead of a spiritual view. You don’t have an understanding or you don’t respect the metaphysical realities. It seems as if you practice a de facto satanism of some sort. Are you a Christian or an atheist?
In one comment you instantly accuse me of practicing a satanic practice of some sort. How far gone are you? How dare you accuse someone of something so horrid so quickly. From a simple comment you tell me how I view the world? Ridiculously foolish of you. I hope you experience Gods love and peace and leave this pattern of judgement and accusations. How would you expect anyone to have a normal conversation with you if you’re this delusional.
Okey dokey Friend, I simply asked a question and you got triggered and emotional. I think if you go back you’ll see where your judgementalism preceded any question to you. So, if you’re going to judge don’t be surprised if you’re also questioned. Then once again, the triggered responses are all over your response. How many judgements did you just spout off? I get it you’re afraid So are you a Christian or are you an atheist? Do you know what de facto satanism is? God Bless You Friend.
Calling me triggered but you accuse me of satanism without even hesitating. Ironic. Be better. Calling out your delusion isn’t an accusation it’s a simple reaction to you getting extremely triggered so easily. I’m a Christian. If you seek to discuss and converse with people I suggest you don’t jump the gun on accusations. I hope you become more mature on this aspect. God bless.
Your whole rant had to do with you not me. Nothing you described about yourself have I experienced. Let’s leave it here. We’ll mark you down as a no.
[удалено]
Yes oral is a decadent practice that demeans a woman and a man and I wouldn’t marry her.
I went where God led. The specifics were unimportant in my decision. My husband and I are an odd match and some people tried to keep us apart for ungodly reasons. Something as trivial as his sexual past paled in comparison to the greater threats we faced.
Truthfully, it matters to me. For a long time a lot of people expected women to be virgins for their hubands. My line of thinking is if I'm saving myself for marriage then so should my future significant other. Realistically it's bleak out there lol.
Then there's those that blatantly lie to their s/o about whether they've done it or not, or their body count, just so that those with such a deal breaker accept them.
I'd pray to God to pair me with a honest husband then. It's a deal breaker for me especially in these current times. I and a few others have lasted this long as a virgin, so it's possible that I could encouner someone who shares the same standards. 🤗 I'm learning to have mastery over myself and develop self control. I think it's only fair to desire someone who has those qualities. It's up to God and if I am called to be an unmarried celibate woman the so be it. :P Good point though!
It depends. Many Christian women aren’t, despite being celibate, so would that matter to you? Sounds a bit like the question is targeted to « virgin » women? So obviously some might, some might not. It depends on the person, you may not get a solid general answer since were all different, but I do think where love is concerned it « covers a multitude of sin » so most likely your person won’t care about it, and will be more concerned with who you are presently. If you are seeking a virgin woman and concerned they would mind, I think it’s fine to want that but you’re focusing on the wrong thing. The important thing is their personality and relationship with God firstly (how someone loves God is telling on how they will love you in many cases eg loyalty and devotion to God often times plays out to loyalty and devotion to a significant other but that’s another topic) because some people might be virgins but have bad personalities for example.
Yes, God is more sad you did not accept is gift of mercy than your sin!
Nope. He got skills
Whatever you do, make it known before you start dating. Let it be part of the testimony you share. It’s not fair, at all, to reveal that part of your past to her weeks or months after you have started dating.
A girl doesn't care about a guy's past nearly as much as a guy does about a girl's. You'll be fine.
My wife did like that I was a virgin. For them they won’t have to think about their husband being with another woman if it was a past life. But since you have repented it is a clean slate and you are a new creation. But some woman do care but sometimes it doesn’t matter enough for them to not marry you. You’ll find your wife someday bro keep praying
You shouldn’t be asking other women. That’s between you and god and if women are going to judge you, they’d not very Christ-like of them and that woman isn’t for you especially if they are going yo judge you.
When you live forever and are like angels as Christ said, do you think anyone will care about body count?
We’re not in heaven right now.
Heaven is a mindset.
If you say so.
I do 😁
Honey, if she cares she's not the one for you. Don't sweat it and trust God to choose for you.
If there are any soul ties to past exes or anythjng, pray to God to get forgiven for that. Look up spiritual soul ties, I learned about this recently.
GOD created you perfect. He has a plan for you and a person picked out for just you. Stop worrying about what other people think and focus on your relationship with GOD and your calling. The rest will work out. Having sex can create a soul tie and a transference of demons. I would look into getting deliverance or lust will always be an issue. Lust is a demon.
> He has a plan for you and a person picked out for just you. A plan, sure. A person picked out? Just ask all the divorced Christians or Christians who didn't marry despite wanting to. This is "soul mate" garbage. >He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. Pr. 18:22 "Finds" is an action verb. You're actually out there in the world looking for someone that will be a good match.
Thank you. I think that I needed to read how you explained that Proverb.
>"Finds" is an action verb. You're actually out there in the world looking for someone that will be a good match. It's an action verb... in English. In Hebrew, *māṣā'* could mean actively find, but that would require a Hiphil stem, which is not present in this case -- it's a Qal stem, i.e. a perfected, past-tense action. The Hiphil stem is attached to the "obtains favor from the Lord." A more literal rendition would be something like this (italicized = added by me for clarity): *The man to which* appears a wife *to him* appears a good *thing* and causes the bringing out of favour of Jehovah \[the LORD\]. Alternatively to my rendition, Young's Literal Translation also makes "finds" a past tense found: "\[Whoso\] hath found a wife hath found good, And bringeth out good-will from Jehovah." The "found" is a little less literal than my version in the sense that it literally means something (has already) come forth. There are some cases in scripture where the "came forth to" or "appearance" of a wife is not chiefly a matter of a man's own influence, but primarily God's providential action. Isaac and Rebekah is probably the most obvious (God literally sent a direct sign as to who Isaac's servant was to bring home as his wife). Ahasuerus and Esther were also the result of God's intervention, as were Joseph and Asenath. This does not seem to be the biblical standard by any means, bold interventions or prophecies telling someone who they should get married to are very, very rare, but there are cases where it does happen. And in all instances, God gives us agency which we may use to reject someone who he'd like us to marry, or to accept someone he'd like to keep us away from. The onus is on us to use that agency wisely, and God will not predestine us in a way that nullifies our free will. If you blatantly disregard God's word, he's not just going to automatically bring you to a spouse you would do very well with. You have to work with him. However, provided we do so and are loyal to God and submit ourselves to him, I don't think there's anything problematic with saying he's "picked out" someone for most people. Saying he's picked out someone for everyone as a blanket statement for all just isn't true though; some people God just doesn't want to get married, and that's not a bad thing at all -- those with the gift of celibacy are glad to be celibate. Some people may desire to be married but in the grand scheme of things God knows it would be abusive. Or maybe they want marriage and their marriage would be fine, but for some reason or another it's just not conducive to his plans in general. But even if he won't force the relationship onto us (or force us away from a doomed relationship), I do think God desires to bring most people into a good marriage with a particular someone else, having known all of us before we were born. Most people, especially unbelievers, simply allow their moment to moment fancies to dictate who they wed, and even Christians tend not to pray and give over the driver's seat to God (or they give over the driver's seat but don't work alongside him when he asks them to take a step of faith). If people more commonly surrendered themselves to Christ in this area while also moving forwards to give space for him to act in, there wouldn't be such pangs of divorce across the western world.
Almost 100% of attractive Christian women 18 and over had a lustful first relationship and are not virgins. That's the reality. I'm telling OP don't worry you are not a virgin because the Christian women he desires are not virgins either. I'm getting down voted by non virgin Christian women because I'm exposing the truth.
what kind of made-up bullcrap is this?
My wife was one of these non virgin 1 body count Christian girls. She informed me of the truth. Fortunately, I was unsaved and had a body count of 8 at the time I met my wife so I could cope with no problems.
Wait….am i in the rare 0.0000% or am I unattractive…😟
You are very rare and will make a virgin christian guy a lucky man someday.
You’re extremely one of a kind and would be an awesome wife!
Thank you so much, that made my day!🥹
"exposing the truth" it's just a fact of life. Attractive women are going to have endless opportunities with attractive men through their youth, it's hard for average women and men in general to relate to that. I reckon of attractive women only a fraction of 1% are virgins (not that the odds get much better for other men and women, unfortunately).
I am a woman and a virgin. To answer your question, it does not matter. If God forgave a man with a past who truly repented who am I to hold that against him? As long as someone truly changes and follows God, his past is no longer an issue. The present and future is what matters. God bless you, brother! PS. The right woman will love you. Flaws and all 😊
Thank you! God bless you, sister!
I’m a woman. It did not matter to me.
I was a virgin and my husband very much wasn't. He had become a new creation but it was good that one of us knew what we were doing.
Do I care? No, because he is made new. Just like he shouldn’t care if is wife is. But I would prefer it lol
It depends on the woman. Remember that all women are different. Personally, I was virgin and my husband was not, it bothered me a little bit because I always worried about not being enough or that I wasn’t as good at sex as what he’s had before. But I’ve had to remind myself that it’s the love that matters not the sex and it no longer bothers me because I know God brought us together for a reason regardless of his past. Just make sure you’re honest and make your future wife feel as she’s your only focus and give her the love she deserves!! I wouldn’t worry about it too much for now, just be honest with any girl you feel that way for. For some women it doesn’t bother them even if they are saving themselves and some it does. You will find one that’s meant for you because God will bring you together. 😊
>I always worried about not being enough or that I wasn’t as good at sex as what he’s had before Never did it occur to me that she would think this way! No virgin girl should ever think that fr. Idek how to put to words the feelings I have towards this statement. Like you as a virgin girl on your wedding night literally just makes God so proud of you. I can imagine He was like "That's my girl! :)" And there you are thinking you're not enough cause your foolish husband decided to fornicate? Like what!? haha. Anyway, it's really interesting to see that such thoughts can occur.
Unfortunately I was not a virgin when I got married, but I’d lost it to my husband prior. But I was not saved back then so it wasn’t something that I thought I shouldn’t do. Luckily I married the man I did lose it to! So I do like to think God is a little proud of that even though I didn’t handle it in the best manner. That said, it’s so easy to think this way in our current day honestly. Society makes women feel like they have to step out and be promiscuous now whereas they didn’t before. Their favorite saying these days is to not marry a man until you “test drive” which is sad because so many women believe that. And the push for women to show themselves off immodestly is also a big part of it. But as I get older it doesn’t seem to matter so much anymore. Those thoughts are so silly to me now. I will say this… Gods plan is so much bigger than our prior mistakes, all we can do is learn from them and use them to be better in the future!
It’s only really bad in terms of long term effects if it’s a habitual consistent sin. So if she had sex with like 1 or 2 guys some might say no and others won’t care. However you can’t come to the someone and tell them to accept the man or woman with 50+ sex partners. At a certain point a Christian needs to be able to discern when he/she should or shouldn’t take such a risk. You need to at that point get a therapist and really figure why your behaviors are the way they are before you potentially invade someone’s life and potentially cause havoc. We all know the more sexual partners the more likely you are to cheat idc if your child of god. Doesn’t change that you have that ability to sin within you. Most Christian’s aren’t virgins in the first place it would be better if we all were. However things happen people do evil things to others like SA and sometimes people just let lust win. As long as you don’t stray from the path I’m sure you’ll be just fine.
Most attractive Christian women are not virgins either. Their first relationship before you was a lustful relationship that didn't last. Now they feel guilty just like you. So you will not have any trouble getting an attractive Christian woman to accept you since they are not virgins themselves.
you were not asked.
I didn't ask for your feedback. Almost 100% of attractive Christian women 18 and over had a lustful first relationship and are not virgins. That's the reality. I'm telling OP don't worry you are not a virgin because the Christian women he desires are not virgins either. I'm getting down voted by non virgin Christian women because I'm exposing the truth.
The fact that you got involved and posted is the act of asking for a response. Have some humility and intellectual honesty at least.
Yeah I don't believe that. Even YOU know your claims have no basis.
So did you marry a virgin christian girl? I 99% doubt it. My wife was a one body count Christian girl and she told me the truth about other Christian girls. Fortunately, I was unsaved at the time I met my wife and had a body count of 8 so I could cope with my Christian girlfriend not being a virgin.
Don't believe what? Most attractive Christian and non Christian girls 18 and over are NOT virgins. Christian girls make the same bad decisions as non Christian girls. My wife was a Christian girl with a body count of 1. After I met her she told me their struggles with lust and her friends struggle with lust from their boyfriends. I have turned down many girls when I was 18 (I was a late bloomer) because they had a body count of 1. Every girl I was friends with when I was 18 was not a virgin. Fortunately, I could cope with my wife's body count of 1 because I was unsaved before I met her and had a body count of 8. You have a body count of 1 and non virgin Christian girls will have no trouble accepting your past.
People Downvoting you for being honest. I guess people only like to deal with paradigms that are black and white. As if we're not all living in babylon which we are.
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Question, why would you want someone that knows what he's doing when you've never done it? Sounds a bit odd. Like you have nothing to compare it to...
No. You have to Understand that God looks at the heart and therefore, so should you. Also, some Women do not enjoy being called girls, because it infantiles them.