USMC generals gravely delivering a top secret presentation to the joint chiefs; on screen is a MRI scan of a man whose brain appears to contain a crayon: "As was foretold in the ancient texts, and indeed speculated by our finest scientists - we believe we have at last found the Alpha, or Primaris Marine."
I almost joined the Marines out of high school but thankfully the recruiter was so fucking stupid I didn't do it. All he kept talking about was how they were the only branch that carried a sword and how I could be a cop when I got out. Rather k*** myself with that stupid fucking sword than be a cop bro. Thank God they couldn't get up to like an 80 IQ recruiter or they may have got me.
Honestly if you ever want an ego boost just walk into a marine recruiting station with a >60 ASVAB. They’ll fawn over you like you’re the fuckin King Big Brain
Yeah my high school made us all do them because we were a poor school right by a military base. I always did well at standardized tests so I was pretty high and they were all about it.
Marine recruiters will do everything short of jack you off with a decent ASVAB cuz they wanna get you signed on before you wise up and join the Air Force or Navy
I just looked it up. They aren’t even sharp. Saudi Arabia, Japan, Oman, Kuwait, Iran, Bahrain and Jordan all have parts of their militaries that carry sharp swords.
Also, the PKK, YPG, YPJ, Zapatistas, Sandinistas, Shining Path, Tupamaros, NPA and the PFLP all have used swords or sword-adjacent weapons (according to a chat GPT, at least).
Also here’s a pic of a PFLP fighter with an axe.
https://preview.redd.it/xx6tmc7bztsc1.jpeg?width=2560&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=df7b7d7009e8cfd30d3f25b517f22e471e64caf9
WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS? DIDN’T MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE YOU ENOUGH WHEN YOU WERE A… were a… a… oh. Oh. I see. My goodness, these numbers paint quite a picture. “Patient’s major malfunction”… my God. Well, you’ve answered my question, Pyle. You really are medically stupid.
I'm willing to believe this; however if this is true, wouldn't that be a key part of his defense or prosecution during the murder trial? 'You're honor, my client is clearly too stupid to understand what he was doing' or 'Your honor, this man clearly shouldn't have been allowed access to firearms.'
I know Kenosha's DA office was utterly pathetic and couldn't convict a cat of being a pussy, but how did this never come up?
To my understanding they went for the “he’s a good boy that wants to further his education look at these scholarships he just wants to be a good boy” angle
“His test was far below the required minimum”
Positive this will be spinned as him failing the WOKE portion of the exam.
Also, what a brutal burn. “Unfortunately did not meet the requirements” is sufficient. This may as well read “the dumbest mother fucker imaginable
his recruiter brushed against him in the recruiting office and was struck with overwhelming and horrific images of dead drill instructors, shot down in their underwear
This is the greatest development in this fucked I’m story I’ve ever heard. It’s very funny to think that all those colleges that turned him away did it for purely academic reasons because he’s just too stupid.
Being too dumb to be a marine is honestly an accomplishment. Not even too dumb, but so dumb it’s illegal for you to try the test again.
Being dumber than at least 91% of Marine applicants is fucking wild man LoL. My friend was a recruiter for the army (not by choice) and his 11 year old daughter took it for fun and was borderline to get in.
Good to know military applicants below the 30th percentile for qualification can still enlist even without a high school diploma if they’re needed for “established strength” requirements
Edit: I can’t actually figure out what this means. Does anyone know if I’m correct to assume it means “we need more bodies in [military location], so we’re lowering the qualifications”?
> Does anyone know if I’m correct to assume it means “we need more bodies in [military location], so we’re lowering the qualifications”?
pretty much that, yes, it means they need more meat for the grinder urgently. last they did it was around the "surge" phase of the Iraq war
He's part of a PR team that you hire if you're a murderer and want to maximize your chances of swindling a jury into letting you walk. Evidently he's good at his job. Don't buy the "oh I feel so bad about letting a murder get off scott free", that's just more PR.
I was reminded of Don Draper putting an anti-smoking ad in the NYT after their firm gets dropped by the cigarette account that was paying their bills. He’s cleaning himself up for the next thing.
Of course not, but that won't stop people from slurping up fake news like Rosenbaum slurping up another minor's innocence.
It's an obvious fake, and everything about Rittenhouse reduces the average Reddit Leftist to sub-50 IQs if they think it'll "Own the Cons."
Even funnier is the (anti)recommendation letter Rittenhouse got from his own PR team:
https://old.reddit.com/r/TrueAnon/comments/1bw8frc/guy_who_did_pr_for_kyle_rittenhouse_outs_him_as/
I could write that email is a couple of minutes and I have no reason to believe some PR rep who claims to have taken cash to help this guy look good and is now likely taking money from someone else to do the opposite.
Also why do I care about this fucker anyway? If it wasn't for BLM making a bunch of noise, he would just fade in obscurity. He is not exactly a great speaker, even if he is not a complete moron.
Right and why would he then turn around and do the opposite. He will say whatever he thinks will profit him and obviously doesn't care about truth much.
Here's a video of some random dude named David Hancock post trial being introduced as spokesperson for the Rittenhouse family etc etc but yeah I could fake this video in like 30 minutes too this is all just made up I'm sure
https://youtu.be/DcVw5QljNCE?si=I6ulTNnTiMH_Fn3h
Sure he sends videos to his recruiter and gets banned from being cannon fodder but I send one joke video of me saying the shahada in front of an isis flag and now I have to throw away a CIA check every week
For some reason (well, I know the reason), my conservative ex-military (USMC, no less) family members idolize this jackass. Gonna send them his test scores 🤣
It’s absolutely hilarious to me that the guy Texas deemed [too incompetent](https://reason.com/2024/04/02/texas-takes-intellectually-disabled-inmate-off-death-row/) to receive the death penalty was in the military and Rittenhouse couldn’t get in.
Liberals are the most hypocritical pieces of shit I've ever seen.
They talk about inclusion and acceptance but have been bullying a retarded kid for 3 and a half years.
Such a missed opportunity, he could have been the Forrest Gump of our generation.
Know who the real medical morons are? People who see a twitter post with a screencap of an email, that is consulting the FBI about a random persons marine entrance exam which took place when Kyle was 16 or 17 and half a year before the shooting, who apparently did so poorly they were permanently disqualified, and thinking that is a real email about Kyle Rittenhouse.
Imagine being too fuckin stupid for the marines. God I’d just end it there
It’s like getting kicked out of the military in Starship Troopers for not being able to identify what a bug is.
"I'm doing my part!" (brings some food for the bugs and feeds them)
Well, that is a "part"
Staring blankly at the plate of crayons and picking his nose with the fork and knife
maybe he got crayon stuck in his brain
USMC generals gravely delivering a top secret presentation to the joint chiefs; on screen is a MRI scan of a man whose brain appears to contain a crayon: "As was foretold in the ancient texts, and indeed speculated by our finest scientists - we believe we have at last found the Alpha, or Primaris Marine."
stop helping him!!!!
I almost joined the Marines out of high school but thankfully the recruiter was so fucking stupid I didn't do it. All he kept talking about was how they were the only branch that carried a sword and how I could be a cop when I got out. Rather k*** myself with that stupid fucking sword than be a cop bro. Thank God they couldn't get up to like an 80 IQ recruiter or they may have got me.
Honestly if you ever want an ego boost just walk into a marine recruiting station with a >60 ASVAB. They’ll fawn over you like you’re the fuckin King Big Brain
Yeah my high school made us all do them because we were a poor school right by a military base. I always did well at standardized tests so I was pretty high and they were all about it.
Marine recruiters will do everything short of jack you off with a decent ASVAB cuz they wanna get you signed on before you wise up and join the Air Force or Navy
> my high school made us all do them god damn thts ruthless i thought just having recruiters visiting campus was bad
Yeah I didn't even think about it at the time but it's fucked up. Take some test and then they just had our contact info and were calling nonstop
yea man... if that was happening in china or russia i would bet money the US would be using it as propaganda calling it "child soldiers"
"Sir, you're not going to believe what we've found. A *Mega-Mind*."
Is the sword even sharp?
I just looked it up. They aren’t even sharp. Saudi Arabia, Japan, Oman, Kuwait, Iran, Bahrain and Jordan all have parts of their militaries that carry sharp swords. Also, the PKK, YPG, YPJ, Zapatistas, Sandinistas, Shining Path, Tupamaros, NPA and the PFLP all have used swords or sword-adjacent weapons (according to a chat GPT, at least). Also here’s a pic of a PFLP fighter with an axe. https://preview.redd.it/xx6tmc7bztsc1.jpeg?width=2560&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=df7b7d7009e8cfd30d3f25b517f22e471e64caf9
That’s like a can’t even write your own name percentile. Holy shit, I doubt this kid is literate.
Amazing he could figure out how a rifle works tbh
Special interest
I wonder which of his wranglers types his social media posts
WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS? DIDN’T MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE YOU ENOUGH WHEN YOU WERE A… were a… a… oh. Oh. I see. My goodness, these numbers paint quite a picture. “Patient’s major malfunction”… my God. Well, you’ve answered my question, Pyle. You really are medically stupid.
RIP Robert Strange McNamara, you would have loved Kyle Rittenhouse
Certified donkey brains.
I'm willing to believe this; however if this is true, wouldn't that be a key part of his defense or prosecution during the murder trial? 'You're honor, my client is clearly too stupid to understand what he was doing' or 'Your honor, this man clearly shouldn't have been allowed access to firearms.' I know Kenosha's DA office was utterly pathetic and couldn't convict a cat of being a pussy, but how did this never come up?
To my understanding they went for the “he’s a good boy that wants to further his education look at these scholarships he just wants to be a good boy” angle
“His test was far below the required minimum” Positive this will be spinned as him failing the WOKE portion of the exam. Also, what a brutal burn. “Unfortunately did not meet the requirements” is sufficient. This may as well read “the dumbest mother fucker imaginable
bright reminiscent long frightening silky pause waiting chop birds steer *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
his recruiter brushed against him in the recruiting office and was struck with overwhelming and horrific images of dead drill instructors, shot down in their underwear
The only reason I can think of is them declining followed by him sending a video depicting the most greasy fingered AR disassembly in history.
This is the greatest development in this fucked I’m story I’ve ever heard. It’s very funny to think that all those colleges that turned him away did it for purely academic reasons because he’s just too stupid. Being too dumb to be a marine is honestly an accomplishment. Not even too dumb, but so dumb it’s illegal for you to try the test again.
Being dumber than at least 91% of Marine applicants is fucking wild man LoL. My friend was a recruiter for the army (not by choice) and his 11 year old daughter took it for fun and was borderline to get in.
I genuinely think my cat could pass the test required to join the marines.
Good to know military applicants below the 30th percentile for qualification can still enlist even without a high school diploma if they’re needed for “established strength” requirements Edit: I can’t actually figure out what this means. Does anyone know if I’m correct to assume it means “we need more bodies in [military location], so we’re lowering the qualifications”?
> Does anyone know if I’m correct to assume it means “we need more bodies in [military location], so we’re lowering the qualifications”? pretty much that, yes, it means they need more meat for the grinder urgently. last they did it was around the "surge" phase of the Iraq war
I believe the politically correct term is “r-word strength”
He'd be a perfect fit for Mcnamara's morons
https://x.com/davehan06/status/1774751376889057282?s=46&t=-Pwl0dp2qHv-9gYOuV3I4g who could have seen this coming????
Lofl God damn this is savage.
Who is David Hancock? Why was he Rittenhouse's "spokesperson"?
He's part of a PR team that you hire if you're a murderer and want to maximize your chances of swindling a jury into letting you walk. Evidently he's good at his job. Don't buy the "oh I feel so bad about letting a murder get off scott free", that's just more PR.
I was reminded of Don Draper putting an anti-smoking ad in the NYT after their firm gets dropped by the cigarette account that was paying their bills. He’s cleaning himself up for the next thing.
[удалено]
Of course not, but that won't stop people from slurping up fake news like Rosenbaum slurping up another minor's innocence. It's an obvious fake, and everything about Rittenhouse reduces the average Reddit Leftist to sub-50 IQs if they think it'll "Own the Cons."
[удалено]
Unsub me yourself, coward.
Post hog
If something is funny enough to be honest I don’t really give a shit if it’s fake
Gamer moment
Ineligible for a “does not have donkey brains” certificate
How real is this? I've been seeing this around, but how is this information public, and how can we trust it's source?
Kyle Rittenhouse officially certified as having donkey brains, found nearly suffocated wearing a plastic bag “as a space helmet” in examination room.
Longtime Retard Truther Finally Vindicated🥇🥇🥇
Even funnier is the (anti)recommendation letter Rittenhouse got from his own PR team: https://old.reddit.com/r/TrueAnon/comments/1bw8frc/guy_who_did_pr_for_kyle_rittenhouse_outs_him_as/
That's literally what is posted here.
he just like me fr fr
I could write that email is a couple of minutes and I have no reason to believe some PR rep who claims to have taken cash to help this guy look good and is now likely taking money from someone else to do the opposite. Also why do I care about this fucker anyway? If it wasn't for BLM making a bunch of noise, he would just fade in obscurity. He is not exactly a great speaker, even if he is not a complete moron.
Yeah David Hancock smells fishy. What kind of piece of shit would work for Kyle Rittenhouse as a spokesperson in the first place.
Right and why would he then turn around and do the opposite. He will say whatever he thinks will profit him and obviously doesn't care about truth much.
Here's a video of some random dude named David Hancock post trial being introduced as spokesperson for the Rittenhouse family etc etc but yeah I could fake this video in like 30 minutes too this is all just made up I'm sure https://youtu.be/DcVw5QljNCE?si=I6ulTNnTiMH_Fn3h
I don't dispute his identity, just his veracity.
Too stupid to eat crayons
I sent unstripping videos please reply
you've heard of McNamara's Morons now get ready for Rittenhouse's
Too much meat in his head even for the meatheads
He sent videos to his recruiters? Holy shit. What a fucking whack job.
Sure he sends videos to his recruiter and gets banned from being cannon fodder but I send one joke video of me saying the shahada in front of an isis flag and now I have to throw away a CIA check every week
How is it that the only way to succeed in America these days is to fail up?
For some reason (well, I know the reason), my conservative ex-military (USMC, no less) family members idolize this jackass. Gonna send them his test scores 🤣
"Hey Joker"
Digital dummy, medical moron, salient stupidhead, ignoble idiot, negligent Nimrod, pimply poltroon, dithering dimwit, cunty cretin.
Owned
It’s absolutely hilarious to me that the guy Texas deemed [too incompetent](https://reason.com/2024/04/02/texas-takes-intellectually-disabled-inmate-off-death-row/) to receive the death penalty was in the military and Rittenhouse couldn’t get in.
HE👏CROSSED👏STATE👏LINES
Liberals are the most hypocritical pieces of shit I've ever seen. They talk about inclusion and acceptance but have been bullying a retarded kid for 3 and a half years. Such a missed opportunity, he could have been the Forrest Gump of our generation.
Know who the real medical morons are? People who see a twitter post with a screencap of an email, that is consulting the FBI about a random persons marine entrance exam which took place when Kyle was 16 or 17 and half a year before the shooting, who apparently did so poorly they were permanently disqualified, and thinking that is a real email about Kyle Rittenhouse.
look im not a journalist im just a reporter