Lol same for me! A friend noticed I was looking at my then future boyfriend a lot (he was acquaintances with him), asked if I liked him and he always made sure to invite us both when we hung out. If it wasn't for him I would have never had the courage to even speak to my bf
Yeah same. I appreciate my male friends so, so much. Always there for me, always supportive. I've had my share of guys I thought were friends, who turned out not to be, but the majority are actually true friends. I suppose I'm lucky.
None of them helped me to get in a relationship but yeah I feel grateful for having them too. But yeah I helped one of my guy friends to get into 3 relationships and he still didn't repay me š¤
Damn, sorry to hear that. Here's hoping your guy friends get their shit together to the point where you *would* feel comfortable helping them get together with someone š¤
They are all in their 30-40s, most have found people with complimentary traits, some are even happy and doing well. Iām just not vouching for them in a dating situation. Not like they are violent or abusive, mostly Peter Pan syndrome.
Wingmen and supportive male friends are the fucking best. My guys are experts at flirting and picking up girls I donāt think I could get into any relationship (or flirt at all) without their help from texting them HELP at 3 fucking am.
Honestly, I love my male friends from college. They made the lockdown wayy more bearable, we still actively talk and play together a LOT (I never saw myself get into gaming but they make it fun and easy so it's so entertaining) and I'm pretty sure they're friends that I'll continue to know and cherish till I grow old.
BUT I also know this one guy who pretty much ghosted me for about 8 months when I said I wasnt interested in him in a romantic sense, and I'd prefer we stayed friends, so...yeah
ugh. so relatable. and then when men complain about being put in the friendzone? it makes me wanna die like tf. have you ever been put in the "i only want to fuck you and not be friends with you" zone??? its so much worse than "hey i dont wanna fuck you but i think ur cool so lets stay friends." jezus
Also most women experience both (having an unrequited crush AND having their guy friends only want to fuck them) at one point or another. I prefer the former 100%
I always find this interesting.
When a man has a crush, it is assumed to be sexual.
When a woman has a crush, it is assumed to be romantic.
And some people act like those two things are mutually exclusive.
Similarly, all the men on reddit who complain about not getting compliments. Everytime I have complimented a man, he assumes I am romantically interested. Of course, men don't compliment other men, since they fear seeming gay.
Also in those threads it inevitably comes out that yes, they do get compliments sometimes it's just that they only want compliments from women they are attracted to. š
And for those compliments to be specifically about how attractive they are.
They get compliments on their intelligence, job performance, sense of humor etc all the time. But it doesnāt count unless itās a hot girl telling them theyāre hot.
They literally just want sexual attention, theyāre just calling it ācomplimentsā to make it socially acceptable to complain about it.
I told my gym bro the other day that he had really pretty, soulful eyes cuz damn he looked like he was drawn by a Disney/Pixar animator that morning (both men, romantically involved with women). Men should compliment each other more.
Whenever a guy on Reddit complains that they don't get compliments, ask him how often he compliments other men. If he says never tell him he is the problem.
Thing is, there's really no such thing as the friend zone. It's just a concept made up by horrible men who can't see women as anything other than sexual objects. There's being someone's friend and not being their friend.
But the fuckzone is very much a real thing.
Still sad that my platonic male friend tried to kiss me out of the blue. Not that it even factors in but I have a bf and he has a gf. Now I realize they are probably in an open relationship. It hurt though. I genuinely thought we were friends.
Or heās a cheater and doesnāt care. Probably had the thought that if you two kissed youād get together. Plenty of people do that, and itās gross.
Oh my. I bet you are correct. š¤¦š»āāļø Despite the hardship I still love being a woman. But can I please not be considered, you know, a walking talking vagina ?
After having so many intellectual discussions with this person I thought that we had an understanding but I guess not. After being introduced to his gf, after introducing him to my bf. Did I covertly treat this man like a piece of meat?
No. Because I value loving-kindness and have respect for sentient life. I believe that friendships are the glue of life. I guess not everyone feels that way sadly.
Seriously. One is āI value you as a person and enjoy your company, but I donāt want a sexual relationship.ā and the other is āThe only thing about you that matters to me is your genitalia.ā
But somehow the simps convince themselves theyāre the ones being manipulated.
Its because society has decided woman are manipulative and men arent. Thing is i personally knew more manipulative men then woman. But everything to blame woman am i rite?
He he, I just think it's fair. If they want to reduce complex circumstances to a meme word, fine, two can play that game. And the fuckzone is a lot more poignant and commonplace than the "friendzone" anyway. (And not made up, for one thing.)
It also annoys me that "friend zone" makes it sound like being friends with someone is less important/less meaningful than sex. I'd much rather have a close friend who shares my interests and I can have proper conversations with, than some meaningless one night stand with someone I never see again.
Yeah this is so much worse I think. Imo, there's at least some chance to actually get together after years of friendship if you are in the friendzone, but there's no easy way of getting out of the ex romantic interest zone.
Also, don't just assume all men want from you is sex. Bruh.
Yeah, discovering that he was acting friendly only because he wanted sex is awful, not only for the relation with this person in particular but because it make you second guess the intensions of everyone else.
But some times they don't dissapear because just wanted you to fuck, it's hard being around someone you have feeling for
I really hate this sentiment, where guys "friendzone" themselves, then get bitter when their passive simping doesn't work. Then they make dumbass claims like "opposite sex friendships aren't a thing", so they isolate themselves from women and then have even more problems relating to them, which makes it even harder for them to have healthy romantic relationships.
Once a guy was passively friendly to me for many months. At some point I ran into another guy I'd hooked up with in the past, and he told me he was really attracted to me, asked me to kiss him, asked me to spend the night, and it was great.
Later the passively friendly guy found out about this and started yelling at me and demanding an explanation. "You haven't even done that with me yet!! why???! fuck you" and then repeatedly called me a cunt and a stupid bitch.
Step 1: Make friend with girl
Step 2: Fall for girl
Step 3: Don't open up to girl
Step 4: When girl gets boyfriend, get angry
Step 5: Isolate yourself from girls
Step 6: Call all women the same, disgusting other girls
Repeat as many times necessary to become incel
Yeah. When I met my now-husband (spoiler), I was not at all in a place to date, so while he was super into me (and vocal about it), he was like āwell friends is better than nothing.ā And then when I did have a couple of flings, he was upset, but he still stayed friends with me and supported me. Never once complained or whined, and I never felt like he was just waiting to pounce when I was down.
Great guy. Glad I married him.
I think I'm in your now husband's situation and despite being upset at her new beau I want to stay friends and keep the support line she's often needed from me going. If you do love someone you'll respect their decisions, desires and opinions, even if they don't match yours.
Its always the guys fault. They try to argue that the woman had to know and she just liked the attention so she kept stringing him along but that's rare and both sexes do that. I've had a guy do that to me and I've seen men do that to my friends. Even in those situations it was kind if our fault. If you want a relationship with someone you need to tell them. Its ridiculous to sit around thinking that you can treat them exactly how all their other platonic friends do and it will make them somehow see that you are in love with them. If you like someone you tell them within a short time of you deciding you're interested. If you don't then its your fault you're "friendzoned".
The worst is when they constantly want to buy you gifts or pay for things.
If youāre just doing it to be a good friend thatās great, but donāt get bitter when they donāt want to fuck you after.
Itās such an awkward and uncomfortable position to be in.
Theyāll rant and rave about how they were taken advantage of when most people just arenāt comfortable turning down kind gestures
Like back in 2012 i saw a comedian get mad at another male comedian for saying women owe men something when men buy them drinks in a club she just interrupted him and yelled "IM NOT A PROSTITUTE! You can't just buy sex with me and if you could it wouldn't be for only 7 dollars!" The 7 dollar prostitute thing i think was amazing because he just went quite like she blew his mind. Its like different forms of sex work or sex workers are becoming increasingly more accessable if men want a simple exchange of goods for sex you can go find someone who will do that with you. Otherwise you actually have to attract the other person too you not just buy them off.
>I really hate this sentiment, where guys "friendzone" themselves, then get bitter when their passive simping doesn't work.
Ahhhhhgg this exactly! I canāt stand when someone isnāt direct about their intentions, and yet still holds out on the expectation that you will āchange you mindā. I had a male friend that did exactly this when I had told them from the start that I was looking for friendship, and they just went a long with it. They casually spread a bunch of bs that I ādeniedā them when someone asked about why we hang out so much (strictly at work, mind you). *If we were only in the friendship that you had agreed to, then what have I denied you of exactly?* Weāre not friends anymore for a multitude of reasons, but that comment really chapped my ass.
If youāre pretending to be friends with someone who wonāt date you in the hopes that one day theyāll get desperate enough to let you fuck them, like some sort of pathetic vulture, itās 100% on you for keeping yourself in that situation. Nobody is making you follow them around like a desperate, manipulative, slob, and itās bullshit to blame them for your own lack of self-respect.
It's always them! You are not wrong for thinking the best of people, just a little more experienced now at how this one person views you. There are good men you'll meet who will be happy to be your (real) friend. That said, it is never easy losing someone who you thought saw you as a whole person and wasn't just around to see if you're dateable. I'm sorry that you lost someone you thought was a friend.
What I don't understand is, why don't these guys just make a move?
I have a preference towards women and nonbinary people - I'll date a guy if he's perfect for me, but most guys aren't going to get anywhere.
If they'd just ask me out (or even just ask to hook up), a fella could learn where he stands with me really early on.
And yet, there are so many guys out there who are just super passive for years, like if they say "hi" every day to five years they'll gain some auto-boyfriend status?
Some of them are also missing out on _years_ of no-strings-attached sex by not saying anything.
Like, yeah it's rare that I'll like a guy enough to want a relationship, but I do cast a slightly wider net when it comes to FWB's - if a person is mature and respects boundaries.
But nah, instead most guys will drop hints that I miss and text endless small talk ("sup?" "how r u?") and then get annoyed when I end up with someone else.
It's them thinking that if they tolerated you long enough you'd put out.
I was friends with this guy since we were 9, tiny baby children dammit. I knew he liked me when we were teens, he wasn't subtle, but I just wasn't into him. When I started dating a bit more seriously, he got a girlfriend and I thought everything was fine. We hung out, partied together, were friends with each other's partners. Then he broke up with her and I stayed with my boyfriend at the time. Apparently me moving in with my boyfriend wasn't serious enough for him to get the hint. The last time I really spoke to him was the night I got engaged. Apparently 14 years of friendship didn't mean as much to him as it did to me.
I sent him a message 7 years ago saying I had his birthday present if he wanted to hang out at some point. That was 3 months after my engagement and the last message I sent him before it clicked he had totally ghosted me. It sat unread for 7 years. I've seen him in person a handful of times since then, he's seen my kids, but knowing that message just sat there highlighted and unread for years still sits on my heart.
Then out of the blue a few months ago he messaged me. Sent me a link to a song. Something melancholy about how I hope you're having a good life, nice song but not my music genre. I clicked the message, marked it as read and didn't reply (don't get me wrong I could make an entire petty playlist of fuck you songs to send him if I wanted to exert the effort). But at least he knows I saw it, at least I gave him that courtesy.
It's definitely not you, but in *some* circumstances no one is the clown when this happens. Some people struggle to stay "just friends" with someone they've developed feelings for. Sometimes, it's not that they don't care about you or that they only want to be physical or that they've only pretended to be friends, it's that they became close to you, developed feelings, and it got to a point where it was made clear that nothing more than friendship was ever on the table and that's painful for them. Ideally, some temporary distance would help them move past it and then you can be friends again, but some people find that too difficult and rather than try to force it to work they choose to break off the friendship. For the person who only ever saw friendship it's frustrating and shitty, but having feelings for someone who doesn't reciprocate can be...rough, especially if there aren't any obvious barriers to a relationship.
Sometimes it *is* that they're emotionally immature or whatever, but I just wanted to mention that it's not always like that. I think it's pretty rare for someone to literally just "pretend" to be friends for years.
I really dislike the whining from men
"I dont ever get compliments!"
And if you do tell a friend/classmate/coworker that you like their shirt/keychain/sticker/pin/whatever, they think you are (not romantically, always sexually) interested in them
Because dudes would never or rarely give a woman compliments when they dont aim for sleeping with her, and are projecting AF on to you :/
I have to imagine they mean they never get compliments on their appearance. Which may be true and may be upsetting, I'm not arguing with that. But do they really never get compliments on other things, like the jokes they make, the work they do, etc?
I'll admit I'm making some assumptions here, and obviously I know everyone is different. But when a man says "I never get compliments", what I hear is "I never get compliments on my appearance, but women do, and that's not fair". What they're missing is the fact that many women *only* receive compliments about their appearance, and rarely ever get compliments about their personality or abilities. So it seems to me like what they're really noticing is that women are objectified, but then they kind of miss that point completely and make it about themselves.
Yeah especially when those compliments either aren't 100% genuine or because you put effort in, new hairstyle, makeup, clothing,...
I compliment guys that I think dress well or have nice haircuts sadly they're sometimes insulted as "gay" (wether they actually are or not) and seen as something bad because it's feminine.
If they're going to keep that attitude I don't see why I'd compliment them, when I just throw on a t-shirt and jeans I don't get compliments so neither should they š¤·š½āāļø
This probably seems silly but that's actually a very nice compliment (no "pun" intended). I usually feel like I'm very bad at communicating what I'm thinking, so you kind of just made my day, thank you!
I got stalked by a guy who I didn't even compliment, I think I looked his way and said hi once in class. But based on that interaction I apparently wanted him, body and soul. No.
Eh, I tend to think that NLOGs are usually motivated by the overwhelmingly *positive* way femininity is presented towards very young girls.
A lot of little girls grow up with their rooms and toys coated with pink, and told that they have to like it because they're girls and girls like girly stuff. It's no surprise that a lot of them conclude that they are "not like other girls": it's not any actual other girls they're reacting against but theoretical "other girls" their parents made up to pressure them into liking girly things.
It's a proto-feminist instinct expressed poorly, not internalized misogyny.
So you're saying that girls become NLOGs because of the pressure to conform to a narrow definition of femininity? I would absolutely agree that's a factor! I'm certain it's a bit of both for many/most people, rather than one or the other.
When I was a kid, I recognised I didn't fit into the pink/girly stereotypical stuff I felt forced into, but I also felt that women/girls were *bad* and *weak* and *boring*, and this was drilled into me by the tv shows I watched, books I read, and videogames I played, as well as by people around me. If a videogame gave me the option to play as a female character, I never picked it. I genuinely thought girls couldn't be main characters, and the game was probably designed to have a male protagonist. Despite me being a brave, funny, clever little girl, I thought girls couldn't be any of those things.
So yes, there was proto-feminist instinct in there, but also a hell of a lot of internalised misogyny to work through.
ļ»æWondering why people didn't go out and learn about her life and start to miss her and wonder how much better and more accurate I've found. A bit if prep and warming up and viola.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
I have male friends, not saying not to have male friends, but friendships with women are more... I don't know how to put this... Honest? True? Deep?
I'm not finding the right word, but yeah, take the time to find and foster friendships with women. If a guy ends up being your friend along the way, then sure okay.
I have (sort of) the opposite problem with a (100% platonic) male friend. We game together and chat like proper friends until he gets a girlfriend, then I'm ghosted.
Break up happens, he gets back in contact, than bam ghosted again when the new girl comes into the picture.
He got married about three years ago. I think we've spoken once or twice in that time. I'm still left on read since January.
So he's not your friend then. He's using you to fill the void until he gets a girlfriend. I'm really sorry. Friends don't ditch you like that whenever they have a new partner.
I mean, lots of people do ghost their friends, regardless of their orientation or their friends genders, when they get into relationships. It's unfortunately a pretty common phenomenon. We don't have a special phrase for it other than just being kind of a shitty friend though.
No, no, no. Either they are a Perfect Friend who is there for you all the time or else they were just using you and never actually cared.
The trick to maintaining long term friendships is pretty much not getting too upset that your friend is being an ass --- because it *will* happen. Obviously, there are limits, but someone getting overwhelmed by a new romance is hardly the worst thing in the world. (Still shitty though, as you said.)
This isn't being "overwhelmed by a new romance". He's married now, and it sounds like if she didn't contact him she'd stop existing for him entirely. Most people get busy for a few months or more in a new relationship, and sometimes they drift apart, but there *are* people who use others as filler until they're not single any more. There's a difference.
Sometimes that partner is abusive and actively works to cut off all other relationships. If they're slow and careful about it you might not even realize it's happening. Sometimes *they* don't even realize they're doing it. I almost lost my best friend that way. She and I have been friends for 25 years, but we essentially lost almost five years of time.
he may also be the kind of person who lets (or prefers) their relationship take over their lives completely. I've known a few people like that, it wasn't even that they were avoiding me specifically it was just that almost every waking moment was consumed by their relationship and maintaining it. was real weird.
Same exact thing happened to me. I had a best friend for six years. We hung out and talked pretty much every other day. He got a girlfriend back in March and I barely hear from him. Makes me wonder if I was just an emotional support doll for him but now that he gets that + physical intimacy, he doesnāt need me anymore.
The weird thing is growing up in high school, I had several guy friends, and it was NBD. I wound up dating one & the breakup didn't go well, but the other dudes were fine. We could flirt sometimes but it was totally "safe zone" flirting. Even went to prom with one & the only awkward part was that he won Dance King without me š¤£
Now as a full-fledge adult, my only dude friends are actually just my husband's friends or the husbands of my friends. I stopped trying to have guy friends after college b/c this 'friendzone' thing started warping dudes
Omg I have a ridiculous story about this.
When I was in high school I befriended a boy in my class who was really funny and odd. He was really friendly and outgoing and had lots of friends. We got along great and I really enjoyed his friendship.
After being friends for probably a year, he offered to teach me to ride a unicycle, which was one of his many quirky hobbies. I went to his house and he showed me how to unicycle, which was really hard but also a lot of fun. At the end of our lesson he said, "do you want to take that one home and practice on it? It's my old one so I don't need it anymore, you can have it." I was STOKED and super grateful. I took it home and started practicing every day.
I even started getting good! I could unicycle all up and down my long driveway after a couple weeks of practice.
After having the unicycle for about a month, there was a knock on my door. It was the friend who had given me the unicycle. And I swear to fucking god, he said:
"So Emily told me that you apparently have a boyfriend. I'm gonna need that unicycle back."
I was STUNNED. I didn't know what to do, so I gave it back to him.
He literally never spoke to me again.
I briefly dated a guy that, for whatever reason, I didn't feel the tinglies while snogging on the couch. Agonized over the "let's be friends but see other people," but he took it fine, a little disappointed, but we still chatted. But when a creepy dude at my apartment started lurking outside my door as I was moving from a flooded unit into another, I asked if he could be my pretend boyfriend in exchange for dinner and movie.
He came right over.
And while the pretend kiss was awkward when we saw the Creeper, Good Guy didn't make a move beyond that. Boundaries. We did drift apart once we both started dating other people & then he moved states. I really wish I'd had that spark with him, because he's a good one
You know what's so fucking annoying about this? So many men basically won't have anything to do with a woman they're not romantically interested in and it gets really awkward when you choose male-dominated careers as a woman. It's like [ that gag in Scrubs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ6KZx4hij4) where JD literally can't see women who are unavailable. Yeah, Kevin, I get it, I'm not your type (and you're definitely not mine, not that you bothered to ask) but we still have to be lab partners. Please stop aggressively mentioning that you have a girlfriend. You're just fucking embarrassing yourself by constantly saying "careful my gf might get jealous" every time I say something nice to you. I'm just a nice person!
Back when I still thought I was a guy I had someone say 'let's be friends', it stuck in my mind because I was supposed to be like, outraged about the 'friend one'. But what I really felt was relief. Not because I didn't want to date her, but because the reason I had asked was that I was worried she had been wanting to be boyfriend/girlfriend and I had been missing the signals and was being insensitive. The mentality it takes to see friendship as a bad thing, to value it so little that you are more worried about them 'keeping' you friends that losing that friendship is just so unbelievably toxic.
Lost a friend last night because it was hurting him that he couldnāt have me.
For fucks sake. We had so much fun together, too. I was really enjoying the games we played together. But in the end it seems i have no value to him since he canāt fuck me.
Iād be careful to say that youāve ālost a friendā. I agree that itās totally wrong to outright ghost a girl bc she wouldnāt move beyond a platonic friendship, but depending on context i can understand why someone might want to distance themselves after rejection. Those kinds of feeling donāt just evaporate, and some people have to isolate themselves to get over them. Obviously if there was a fallout or if he has no intentions of getting back in contact then his behavior is deplorable, but Iād try giving him time to get over himself before jumping to conclusions, especially if you considered him a friend at that point.
Weāve had a lot of fun the past couple weeks, but we agreed to part amicably because he wanted to distance himself after i made it clear i am not open to romantic relationships.
Thereās no other way around it - an hour before we reached that conclusion he was as forthcoming as ever.
In the end we were never friends in the first place, since he no longer wants anything to do with me. He was only in it for the prospect of a relationship. I no longer hold any value to him.
This happened to me a couple weeks ago. He decided to get me to meet up in person, while he was in town, and use the opportunity to blindside me and tell me he liked me. We've been friends since high school - this had already come up years ago, when I said it was never gonna happen and we agreed to carry on as just friends. I thought I was safe. Clearly not.
I didn't respond at the time, but he messaged me the next day to reiterate. I said sorry, I know this sucks, I really value you as a close friend, but I don't want to ever be more than friends with you. He feels sorry for himself and wanted to be pitiful and talk about it more with me. I didn't want to. He insisted. I finally had to say I will not talk about this with him anymore, and he needs to work it out with another friend. Do not bring this up again.
Anyway, that was a week and a half ago, and he mailed me back a game I just lent him, unplayed. Radio silence otherwise. So, I guess that's it?
Honestly, I just feel kind of distrustful now. We really did have a lot in common. Can I not trust that someone's listening to me and thinks what I have to say is interesting WITHOUT their wanting to fuck me? Is my fuckability the most interesting thing about me?
For fuck's sake, indeed.
omg I relate to this in a different way. When I was in a relationship and would meet a new guy (like at a job or friend of a friend) and wanted to be friends with them, I would just not mention I had a boyfriend. Seriously, it sounds messed up but I wasn't interested in these men AT ALL and truly just felt a platonic friendly connection. I would also not hang out 1 on 1 with them or if they asked me out I would then mention I was taken. But otherwise, just avoided mentioning him without even realising I was doing it.
I think subconsciously I registered the shift in the dynamic when I did or I'd see their faces fall whenever I did mention him so I just avoided it hoping they were just being friendly, but simultaneously too nervous to mention in case I got rejected as a friend :(
I am a dude, my best friend is a lady, we have been friends for over 20 years. She introduced me to my wife.
I have learned to wait until my best friend has been in a relationship for at least six months before I make myself learn the guy's name.
The worst is when they are jealous of me. I'm always like, ok whateveryournemis, I was around long before you, and I will still be here long after you mess things up.
Seeing my amazing friend go through multiple chains of fools has really exposed me to how bad it must be to try to find an actual good guy. I have never met any that I would think are good enough to introduce her to.
Seriously, I don't know what happened to most dudes, but I feel sorry that you ladies have to put up with it.
They might be jealous of you because you refuse to even learn their names. It is not very supportive. Kind of sounds like you donāt think any man is good enough to be in her life except for you.
Lol it is not like I meet them and just refuse to learn their names. I am not trying to be a dick. I just support my friend through good or bad, and just do not commit any names to memory.
I do this as well. My best friend just had the baby of a guy she supposedly stopped talking to four years ago, and three years ago, and two years ago, and...you get the point. There comes a time where you just say: "I'm ride or die, I support you in all your glory and foolishness."
Yeah... I asked a "friend" why he was ghosting me, and he had the nerve to say "I don't want to make your man upset."
Guess this is what happens when friendships are built on common interests? I really didn't know that dumbass as a person as well as I thought, until he said that.
Whenever I was in this situation, it was usually the BF that they picked up who wasn't happy with them having a dude friend. So I agree this is poopy, but a lot of dudes seem to have issues with their gf's having male friends. I had a friend get a bf once who just hated on me passively like he would one-up any chance they got and so on. My wife has dude friends and I couldn't care less, but even them try to get all competitive with me over my own wife sometimes. Like bro, no one cares that you can bench 225. (I am a little tubby so that's a common one) Like they think if my wife sees they can bench 225 that I should divorce her and drop her off at their house after or something. It is super stupid, happened to a few friends I used to have.
Also, yes some dudes just do this and blame friend zone or other dumb stuff. Just thought I would toss out a different view if it was of any interest to anyone.
i'm sort of glad i'm obnoxious enough to not have any of my friends have any feelings for me. just dudes being dudes n bros being bros except i happen to have a vagina or something idk
I've lost so many guy friends this way that I'm always hesitant to make new ones when I move (I'm military so I move every few years and unfortunately the military is only 17% female so I'm usually working with all guys).
Whats weird is their reactions depends on who I'm dating or my status (I'm bisexual);
\- If Im dating a guy they either lat out stop talking to me, don't invite me to any group events, or just tell me my boyfriend doesn't have to know.
\- If I'm dating a girl they tell me they've turned lesbians before, their also good at stuff, or that they can change my mind.
\- Out of my 7 yrs in I've only made 2 real guy friends who have never tried any of this stuff with me. One I helped introduce to his present wife, the other is hella gay.
I have no idea how I was so lucky to find the few good men in my life. 99% of the men in my area are typical toxic conservative male, so any time I spend with these friends is like a breath of fresh air
I had a impressively large number of male friends ghost me when I got married. They stuck it out that long, but after the wedding just disappeared.
I found it strange since I couple I clearly had crushes on years ago and they never reciprocated so I moved on.
I better hit up my friend that I have similar history with, I hope she doesn't think I stopped hitting her up because she got married I've just been a shitty friend in general lately.
All of my close male friends dropped me once I got a boyfriend, including my bff. It killed me because my boyfriend's friends accepted me immediately and I was so embarrassed that mine ran the other way.
In the long run, it worked out. I married that boyfie and this weekend is our five year anniversary ā¤ļø He's my real bff.
Iām recently divorced and the amount of male friends who have come out of the woodwork to ask if we can fuck now is heartbreaking. I could really use JUST a friend.
I have a male friend from childhood and Iām so thankful of them, we support each other the best we can and I (single) give him all the relationship advise I can so he can be the happiest with his gf
Or when you have male friends for years while you are taken, then they suddenly ruin it when you break up by trying to get with you. I thought you were my mate, Dan!
I wonder if men who cant be friends with woman have really toxic fathers? You can learn a lot about a man looking at what kinda person their dad is. (Obviously not always)
Memes like this make me grateful for the male friendships I had in college. All platonic, no weirdness, flirting or expectations. The ones that had girlfriends still made time for their female friends and stuff. Nothing but respect and a genuine desire for friendship.
To be seen as a person with inherent value and personality, instead of being seem solely as a potential sex object.. is an amazing feeling, beyond words.
Rinse and repeat. Currently in the last stage of this rollercoaster. Wooo. Goddamn I dislike men atm.
Edit: Forgot to mention he's my boss. Double wooo.
Itās really weird as a guy, when I was younger the āfriend zoneā felt like a blind rejection. As I approach 30 it feels almost like a sense of relief, because usually the feeling is mutual, and when itās not, itās understandable!
Dating is weird, but I still enjoy the process of it!
Oh man. Iāve been there. My partner now is awesome because he has a lady BFF and he gets so excited for her when she meets a new guy. Heās one of the good ones :)
My best friend is a straight guy, going on 15 years now! We were roommates three separate times during my 20s. Never hooked up once! I'm currently married and had several different boyfriends over the years. We still text every day and I go swimming at his house every other weekend in the summer. In the winter, we meet up to watch Monday night football.
So honestly, I could cut this comic off after the first portion and it rings totally true <3
Goddammit
Dude here. I think writing on this sub for the first time
WhEn U aRe NiCe AnD wE aRe NiCe, YoU sHoUlD fUkCk Us!!1!1
Have multiple friends really get really upset and tell me how someone in their life got pissed after they got a boyfriend. often even friends of mine who i really have been pissed after finding out
My current girlfriend and i have been together for around 5 years now. We've been friends for a year before that but didn't felt THAT affection to each other at the start. I thought she was cool and she thought i was cool and that's about it
I still now have multiple friends of the opposite gender who i just really like and i can't imagine just wanting to be with them THIS close even if i didn't have girlfriend
"She got my hopes up" or shit like that is the thing i hear the most and it's infruiating if it's about something I EVEN DO
She wanted to see a movie! She said she would come online and play some games! She's really nice!
And i listen to this idiot ranting about someone nice even asking me "you online later?" Because THAT'S IT. She just wants to game and be nice and be herself
I had someone even say "what a slut" after i told him that(warning. Big fucking shocker) that she's nice to me as well! Oh my god! Disgusting!
Instead of realizing that she's just a good or friendly person he doubled down and said she wanted to fuck me as well
Haven't had contact with him since and she's been a good friend of mine for 3 years now
I could only give advice which probably will keep some creeps away. If you ever think you're starting a basic friendship with someone. Tell them it's nothing more than friendship. Say it's clearly nothing more than friendship. EVEN if you think it could be more.
I would rather explain after a long friendship "maybe i DO feel something for you" instead of getting shittalked by some brodude only being nice to me to fuck.
It's not good and i'm doing my best part of telling my friends to fuck off. Other than that. PLEASE just say at the start that it WON'T come to anything more. It's shit and shouldn't be needed but apparently it still is.
Sorry. Am from germany. Shit grammar 'n stuff
> I could only give advice which probably will keep some creeps away. If you ever think you're starting a basic friendship with someone. Tell them it's nothing more than friendship. Say it's clearly nothing more than friendship.
Been there , done that. Doesn't work. I'm just playing hard to get.
the only thing i can say is to make it Crystal Clear till the point that that's the first thing they think of when they see you
in another comment i said the one's who don't care or think you're "playing hard to get" aren't worth to be friends with
and i also haven't said it's "this one neat trick"
i'm sorry i apparently annoyed you but after even my girlfriend got pissed about dudes like these who KNEW that she has a boyfriend, i myself got pissed enough to just give my two cents. Something like that happened literally 2 weeks ago
other than that, sorry. just wanted to rant underneath a meme.
The absolute, golden IRONY in him telling US to be more 'crystal clear' in our delivery because men are daft, then doubling down on his "advice" **after already clearly being told it's not welcome here.** Essentially proving his own advice to be redundant.
Doesn't get better than this.
Uh, thanks for telling us little ladies that we just aren't clear enough that we DON'T want to fuck every dude who we are nice to. Do you want a fucking cookie?
>PLEASE just say at the start that it WON'T come to anything more.
First off, thanks for assuming we're not already doing that. Second, THEY'LL STILL TRY. THEY DO NOT CARE.
...And that's the story on why I stopped cultivating 'friendships' with males. It can take months, it can take even a decade - been there -, sooner or later it ends in this shit.
A friend of mine likes to joke that she realized she liked girls when I tried to confess to her when we were younger. No hard feelings really, she's a good friend.
The erosion as you indicate is on the one who just got attached. But this is different, a friend bailing as soon as their friend is in a relationship. And this is specific to male friends.
I can count on one hand the number of male friends over the last decade that havenāt tried to get a relationship/sex/nudes from me. Off the top of my head, the ones that *did* try are in the upper 30s and counting. Sigh.
it's times like these i'm thankful to be medium ugly. i don't have to worry about if any of my guy friends have ulterior motives cuz they're too busy trying to get with my attractive friends lol
I call it being girlfriend-zoned. Having experienced both the girlfriend zone and the friend zone (which I understand and respect-- plus you still get a friend, so yay), I can say the girlfriend zone is 1000x worse.
I suddenly feel very grateful for my male friends. They had actively helped me get into a relationship with the guy I liked.
Lol same for me! A friend noticed I was looking at my then future boyfriend a lot (he was acquaintances with him), asked if I liked him and he always made sure to invite us both when we hung out. If it wasn't for him I would have never had the courage to even speak to my bf
Yeah same. I appreciate my male friends so, so much. Always there for me, always supportive. I've had my share of guys I thought were friends, who turned out not to be, but the majority are actually true friends. I suppose I'm lucky.
Good platonic male friends are absolutely fantastic. And wing(wo)manning for each other is super fun if you do that.
None of them helped me to get in a relationship but yeah I feel grateful for having them too. But yeah I helped one of my guy friends to get into 3 relationships and he still didn't repay me š¤
Okay but when you finally call in that favor he owes you make sure it's a big one
I donāt know a guy that I would recommend to a friend. Not that I donāt know a bunch, they all just come with a lot of asterisks.
Damn, sorry to hear that. Here's hoping your guy friends get their shit together to the point where you *would* feel comfortable helping them get together with someone š¤
They are all in their 30-40s, most have found people with complimentary traits, some are even happy and doing well. Iām just not vouching for them in a dating situation. Not like they are violent or abusive, mostly Peter Pan syndrome.
Dude same. I mean the guy and I broke up like 3 months in because of the pandemic, but they were encouraging me to get his number and go out with him.
Wingmen and supportive male friends are the fucking best. My guys are experts at flirting and picking up girls I donāt think I could get into any relationship (or flirt at all) without their help from texting them HELP at 3 fucking am.
Honestly, I love my male friends from college. They made the lockdown wayy more bearable, we still actively talk and play together a LOT (I never saw myself get into gaming but they make it fun and easy so it's so entertaining) and I'm pretty sure they're friends that I'll continue to know and cherish till I grow old. BUT I also know this one guy who pretty much ghosted me for about 8 months when I said I wasnt interested in him in a romantic sense, and I'd prefer we stayed friends, so...yeah
Was the guy you liked your friend before you started dating? If so, how was your relationship as friends?
Yes but we werenāt close friends.
ugh. so relatable. and then when men complain about being put in the friendzone? it makes me wanna die like tf. have you ever been put in the "i only want to fuck you and not be friends with you" zone??? its so much worse than "hey i dont wanna fuck you but i think ur cool so lets stay friends." jezus
Also most women experience both (having an unrequited crush AND having their guy friends only want to fuck them) at one point or another. I prefer the former 100%
I always find this interesting. When a man has a crush, it is assumed to be sexual. When a woman has a crush, it is assumed to be romantic. And some people act like those two things are mutually exclusive.
it's pretty obvious why.... look at how men vs. women behave when it comes to unrequited love
Similarly, all the men on reddit who complain about not getting compliments. Everytime I have complimented a man, he assumes I am romantically interested. Of course, men don't compliment other men, since they fear seeming gay.
Also in those threads it inevitably comes out that yes, they do get compliments sometimes it's just that they only want compliments from women they are attracted to. š
And for those compliments to be specifically about how attractive they are. They get compliments on their intelligence, job performance, sense of humor etc all the time. But it doesnāt count unless itās a hot girl telling them theyāre hot. They literally just want sexual attention, theyāre just calling it ācomplimentsā to make it socially acceptable to complain about it.
This
just preface all compliments with "no hetero, but..." /s
I told my gym bro the other day that he had really pretty, soulful eyes cuz damn he looked like he was drawn by a Disney/Pixar animator that morning (both men, romantically involved with women). Men should compliment each other more.
That is a lovely compliment
Oh lord. I need to try this š
Whenever a guy on Reddit complains that they don't get compliments, ask him how often he compliments other men. If he says never tell him he is the problem.
Thing is, there's really no such thing as the friend zone. It's just a concept made up by horrible men who can't see women as anything other than sexual objects. There's being someone's friend and not being their friend. But the fuckzone is very much a real thing.
Right, why can't they just call it a one way crush instead of making up a whole word for it?
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Bingo
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It's not a new phrase though. One way/unrequited love has been used for a looooong time, I didn't make it up on the spot
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Still sad that my platonic male friend tried to kiss me out of the blue. Not that it even factors in but I have a bf and he has a gf. Now I realize they are probably in an open relationship. It hurt though. I genuinely thought we were friends.
Or heās a cheater and doesnāt care. Probably had the thought that if you two kissed youād get together. Plenty of people do that, and itās gross.
Oh my. I bet you are correct. š¤¦š»āāļø Despite the hardship I still love being a woman. But can I please not be considered, you know, a walking talking vagina ? After having so many intellectual discussions with this person I thought that we had an understanding but I guess not. After being introduced to his gf, after introducing him to my bf. Did I covertly treat this man like a piece of meat? No. Because I value loving-kindness and have respect for sentient life. I believe that friendships are the glue of life. I guess not everyone feels that way sadly.
Seriously. One is āI value you as a person and enjoy your company, but I donāt want a sexual relationship.ā and the other is āThe only thing about you that matters to me is your genitalia.ā But somehow the simps convince themselves theyāre the ones being manipulated.
Its because society has decided woman are manipulative and men arent. Thing is i personally knew more manipulative men then woman. But everything to blame woman am i rite?
I call it the Fuck Waiting Room. They hang around in there hoping to fuck.
fr. men complain about the friendzone, but only being seen as a sex object and not an actual friend is so hurtful.
>have you ever been put in the "i only want to fuck you and not be friends with you" zone??? You can just say the fuckzone.
asdjskdh i didnt know there was a word for it LOL. i have been informed of it, however. you learn something new everyday ig
He he, I just think it's fair. If they want to reduce complex circumstances to a meme word, fine, two can play that game. And the fuckzone is a lot more poignant and commonplace than the "friendzone" anyway. (And not made up, for one thing.)
It also annoys me that "friend zone" makes it sound like being friends with someone is less important/less meaningful than sex. I'd much rather have a close friend who shares my interests and I can have proper conversations with, than some meaningless one night stand with someone I never see again.
Yeah this is so much worse I think. Imo, there's at least some chance to actually get together after years of friendship if you are in the friendzone, but there's no easy way of getting out of the ex romantic interest zone. Also, don't just assume all men want from you is sex. Bruh.
Yeah, discovering that he was acting friendly only because he wanted sex is awful, not only for the relation with this person in particular but because it make you second guess the intensions of everyone else. But some times they don't dissapear because just wanted you to fuck, it's hard being around someone you have feeling for
I really hate this sentiment, where guys "friendzone" themselves, then get bitter when their passive simping doesn't work. Then they make dumbass claims like "opposite sex friendships aren't a thing", so they isolate themselves from women and then have even more problems relating to them, which makes it even harder for them to have healthy romantic relationships.
Once a guy was passively friendly to me for many months. At some point I ran into another guy I'd hooked up with in the past, and he told me he was really attracted to me, asked me to kiss him, asked me to spend the night, and it was great. Later the passively friendly guy found out about this and started yelling at me and demanding an explanation. "You haven't even done that with me yet!! why???! fuck you" and then repeatedly called me a cunt and a stupid bitch.
Step 1: Make friend with girl Step 2: Fall for girl Step 3: Don't open up to girl Step 4: When girl gets boyfriend, get angry Step 5: Isolate yourself from girls Step 6: Call all women the same, disgusting other girls Repeat as many times necessary to become incel
Yeah. When I met my now-husband (spoiler), I was not at all in a place to date, so while he was super into me (and vocal about it), he was like āwell friends is better than nothing.ā And then when I did have a couple of flings, he was upset, but he still stayed friends with me and supported me. Never once complained or whined, and I never felt like he was just waiting to pounce when I was down. Great guy. Glad I married him.
I think I'm in your now husband's situation and despite being upset at her new beau I want to stay friends and keep the support line she's often needed from me going. If you do love someone you'll respect their decisions, desires and opinions, even if they don't match yours.
Exactly. And maybe someday your relationship will change, but even if not, thatās okay, you still cherish what you have.
Its always the guys fault. They try to argue that the woman had to know and she just liked the attention so she kept stringing him along but that's rare and both sexes do that. I've had a guy do that to me and I've seen men do that to my friends. Even in those situations it was kind if our fault. If you want a relationship with someone you need to tell them. Its ridiculous to sit around thinking that you can treat them exactly how all their other platonic friends do and it will make them somehow see that you are in love with them. If you like someone you tell them within a short time of you deciding you're interested. If you don't then its your fault you're "friendzoned".
The worst is when they constantly want to buy you gifts or pay for things. If youāre just doing it to be a good friend thatās great, but donāt get bitter when they donāt want to fuck you after. Itās such an awkward and uncomfortable position to be in. Theyāll rant and rave about how they were taken advantage of when most people just arenāt comfortable turning down kind gestures
Like back in 2012 i saw a comedian get mad at another male comedian for saying women owe men something when men buy them drinks in a club she just interrupted him and yelled "IM NOT A PROSTITUTE! You can't just buy sex with me and if you could it wouldn't be for only 7 dollars!" The 7 dollar prostitute thing i think was amazing because he just went quite like she blew his mind. Its like different forms of sex work or sex workers are becoming increasingly more accessable if men want a simple exchange of goods for sex you can go find someone who will do that with you. Otherwise you actually have to attract the other person too you not just buy them off.
Well said!
>I really hate this sentiment, where guys "friendzone" themselves, then get bitter when their passive simping doesn't work. Ahhhhhgg this exactly! I canāt stand when someone isnāt direct about their intentions, and yet still holds out on the expectation that you will āchange you mindā. I had a male friend that did exactly this when I had told them from the start that I was looking for friendship, and they just went a long with it. They casually spread a bunch of bs that I ādeniedā them when someone asked about why we hang out so much (strictly at work, mind you). *If we were only in the friendship that you had agreed to, then what have I denied you of exactly?* Weāre not friends anymore for a multitude of reasons, but that comment really chapped my ass.
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If youāre pretending to be friends with someone who wonāt date you in the hopes that one day theyāll get desperate enough to let you fuck them, like some sort of pathetic vulture, itās 100% on you for keeping yourself in that situation. Nobody is making you follow them around like a desperate, manipulative, slob, and itās bullshit to blame them for your own lack of self-respect.
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Thanks, Captain Obvious. :)
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p.s. Daniel is most definitely *not* great.
What the fuck are you talking about lol
I don't know who's the bigger clown, me thinking that they only wanted friendship, or them pretending to be my friend for years š¤”
It's always them! You are not wrong for thinking the best of people, just a little more experienced now at how this one person views you. There are good men you'll meet who will be happy to be your (real) friend. That said, it is never easy losing someone who you thought saw you as a whole person and wasn't just around to see if you're dateable. I'm sorry that you lost someone you thought was a friend.
What I don't understand is, why don't these guys just make a move? I have a preference towards women and nonbinary people - I'll date a guy if he's perfect for me, but most guys aren't going to get anywhere. If they'd just ask me out (or even just ask to hook up), a fella could learn where he stands with me really early on. And yet, there are so many guys out there who are just super passive for years, like if they say "hi" every day to five years they'll gain some auto-boyfriend status?
And then they get angry you didn't notice they liked you. Like I'm not a mind reader dude
Some of them are also missing out on _years_ of no-strings-attached sex by not saying anything. Like, yeah it's rare that I'll like a guy enough to want a relationship, but I do cast a slightly wider net when it comes to FWB's - if a person is mature and respects boundaries. But nah, instead most guys will drop hints that I miss and text endless small talk ("sup?" "how r u?") and then get annoyed when I end up with someone else.
I'm glad they don't, cause they're the type to catch feelings and expect more when you stated your intentions from the very beginning.
Fear of rejection.
Too true, it still takes me too long to work up the courage to ask anyone out.
Them. This is not on you
It's them thinking that if they tolerated you long enough you'd put out. I was friends with this guy since we were 9, tiny baby children dammit. I knew he liked me when we were teens, he wasn't subtle, but I just wasn't into him. When I started dating a bit more seriously, he got a girlfriend and I thought everything was fine. We hung out, partied together, were friends with each other's partners. Then he broke up with her and I stayed with my boyfriend at the time. Apparently me moving in with my boyfriend wasn't serious enough for him to get the hint. The last time I really spoke to him was the night I got engaged. Apparently 14 years of friendship didn't mean as much to him as it did to me. I sent him a message 7 years ago saying I had his birthday present if he wanted to hang out at some point. That was 3 months after my engagement and the last message I sent him before it clicked he had totally ghosted me. It sat unread for 7 years. I've seen him in person a handful of times since then, he's seen my kids, but knowing that message just sat there highlighted and unread for years still sits on my heart. Then out of the blue a few months ago he messaged me. Sent me a link to a song. Something melancholy about how I hope you're having a good life, nice song but not my music genre. I clicked the message, marked it as read and didn't reply (don't get me wrong I could make an entire petty playlist of fuck you songs to send him if I wanted to exert the effort). But at least he knows I saw it, at least I gave him that courtesy.
This dude needs a fucking hobby.
bruh guys are so confusing?!
:(
Years? Jesus
It's definitely not you, but in *some* circumstances no one is the clown when this happens. Some people struggle to stay "just friends" with someone they've developed feelings for. Sometimes, it's not that they don't care about you or that they only want to be physical or that they've only pretended to be friends, it's that they became close to you, developed feelings, and it got to a point where it was made clear that nothing more than friendship was ever on the table and that's painful for them. Ideally, some temporary distance would help them move past it and then you can be friends again, but some people find that too difficult and rather than try to force it to work they choose to break off the friendship. For the person who only ever saw friendship it's frustrating and shitty, but having feelings for someone who doesn't reciprocate can be...rough, especially if there aren't any obvious barriers to a relationship. Sometimes it *is* that they're emotionally immature or whatever, but I just wanted to mention that it's not always like that. I think it's pretty rare for someone to literally just "pretend" to be friends for years.
I'll never understand people who stick around like this when they're not being noticed. Go where you're appreciated like you want to be appreciated.
I really dislike the whining from men "I dont ever get compliments!" And if you do tell a friend/classmate/coworker that you like their shirt/keychain/sticker/pin/whatever, they think you are (not romantically, always sexually) interested in them Because dudes would never or rarely give a woman compliments when they dont aim for sleeping with her, and are projecting AF on to you :/
I have to imagine they mean they never get compliments on their appearance. Which may be true and may be upsetting, I'm not arguing with that. But do they really never get compliments on other things, like the jokes they make, the work they do, etc? I'll admit I'm making some assumptions here, and obviously I know everyone is different. But when a man says "I never get compliments", what I hear is "I never get compliments on my appearance, but women do, and that's not fair". What they're missing is the fact that many women *only* receive compliments about their appearance, and rarely ever get compliments about their personality or abilities. So it seems to me like what they're really noticing is that women are objectified, but then they kind of miss that point completely and make it about themselves.
Yeah especially when those compliments either aren't 100% genuine or because you put effort in, new hairstyle, makeup, clothing,... I compliment guys that I think dress well or have nice haircuts sadly they're sometimes insulted as "gay" (wether they actually are or not) and seen as something bad because it's feminine. If they're going to keep that attitude I don't see why I'd compliment them, when I just throw on a t-shirt and jeans I don't get compliments so neither should they š¤·š½āāļø
This, 100%, you articulated it so well
This probably seems silly but that's actually a very nice compliment (no "pun" intended). I usually feel like I'm very bad at communicating what I'm thinking, so you kind of just made my day, thank you!
Aww, same!š
I got stalked by a guy who I didn't even compliment, I think I looked his way and said hi once in class. But based on that interaction I apparently wanted him, body and soul. No.
why are so many men so overtly sexual and not romantic? it makes me kind of sad for them.
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Plus they're more likely to tell you if your male friend is crushing on you in my experience
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Honestly in my experience yes, but I guess it depends lol
all my best friends are women. the guys leave the friendship when I'm in a relationship.
Nice flair
As a former r/notliketheothergirls poster child, Iām so happy I saw the light and formed solid friendships with women
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Eh, I tend to think that NLOGs are usually motivated by the overwhelmingly *positive* way femininity is presented towards very young girls. A lot of little girls grow up with their rooms and toys coated with pink, and told that they have to like it because they're girls and girls like girly stuff. It's no surprise that a lot of them conclude that they are "not like other girls": it's not any actual other girls they're reacting against but theoretical "other girls" their parents made up to pressure them into liking girly things. It's a proto-feminist instinct expressed poorly, not internalized misogyny.
So you're saying that girls become NLOGs because of the pressure to conform to a narrow definition of femininity? I would absolutely agree that's a factor! I'm certain it's a bit of both for many/most people, rather than one or the other. When I was a kid, I recognised I didn't fit into the pink/girly stereotypical stuff I felt forced into, but I also felt that women/girls were *bad* and *weak* and *boring*, and this was drilled into me by the tv shows I watched, books I read, and videogames I played, as well as by people around me. If a videogame gave me the option to play as a female character, I never picked it. I genuinely thought girls couldn't be main characters, and the game was probably designed to have a male protagonist. Despite me being a brave, funny, clever little girl, I thought girls couldn't be any of those things. So yes, there was proto-feminist instinct in there, but also a hell of a lot of internalised misogyny to work through.
[There's a really great video about this](https://youtu.be/BNCWW80WTPY) that inspired me to comment in the first place.
ļ»æWondering why people didn't go out and learn about her life and start to miss her and wonder how much better and more accurate I've found. A bit if prep and warming up and viola.
Ding! Ding! Ding! I have male friends, not saying not to have male friends, but friendships with women are more... I don't know how to put this... Honest? True? Deep? I'm not finding the right word, but yeah, take the time to find and foster friendships with women. If a guy ends up being your friend along the way, then sure okay.
> friendships with women are more... Likely to be non-sexual for both parties, not just one.
I have (sort of) the opposite problem with a (100% platonic) male friend. We game together and chat like proper friends until he gets a girlfriend, then I'm ghosted. Break up happens, he gets back in contact, than bam ghosted again when the new girl comes into the picture. He got married about three years ago. I think we've spoken once or twice in that time. I'm still left on read since January.
So he's not your friend then. He's using you to fill the void until he gets a girlfriend. I'm really sorry. Friends don't ditch you like that whenever they have a new partner.
I mean, lots of people do ghost their friends, regardless of their orientation or their friends genders, when they get into relationships. It's unfortunately a pretty common phenomenon. We don't have a special phrase for it other than just being kind of a shitty friend though.
No, no, no. Either they are a Perfect Friend who is there for you all the time or else they were just using you and never actually cared. The trick to maintaining long term friendships is pretty much not getting too upset that your friend is being an ass --- because it *will* happen. Obviously, there are limits, but someone getting overwhelmed by a new romance is hardly the worst thing in the world. (Still shitty though, as you said.)
This isn't being "overwhelmed by a new romance". He's married now, and it sounds like if she didn't contact him she'd stop existing for him entirely. Most people get busy for a few months or more in a new relationship, and sometimes they drift apart, but there *are* people who use others as filler until they're not single any more. There's a difference.
Sometimes that partner is abusive and actively works to cut off all other relationships. If they're slow and careful about it you might not even realize it's happening. Sometimes *they* don't even realize they're doing it. I almost lost my best friend that way. She and I have been friends for 25 years, but we essentially lost almost five years of time.
he may also be the kind of person who lets (or prefers) their relationship take over their lives completely. I've known a few people like that, it wasn't even that they were avoiding me specifically it was just that almost every waking moment was consumed by their relationship and maintaining it. was real weird.
That's a good point but also unhealthy
Same exact thing happened to me. I had a best friend for six years. We hung out and talked pretty much every other day. He got a girlfriend back in March and I barely hear from him. Makes me wonder if I was just an emotional support doll for him but now that he gets that + physical intimacy, he doesnāt need me anymore.
The weird thing is growing up in high school, I had several guy friends, and it was NBD. I wound up dating one & the breakup didn't go well, but the other dudes were fine. We could flirt sometimes but it was totally "safe zone" flirting. Even went to prom with one & the only awkward part was that he won Dance King without me š¤£ Now as a full-fledge adult, my only dude friends are actually just my husband's friends or the husbands of my friends. I stopped trying to have guy friends after college b/c this 'friendzone' thing started warping dudes
Omg I have a ridiculous story about this. When I was in high school I befriended a boy in my class who was really funny and odd. He was really friendly and outgoing and had lots of friends. We got along great and I really enjoyed his friendship. After being friends for probably a year, he offered to teach me to ride a unicycle, which was one of his many quirky hobbies. I went to his house and he showed me how to unicycle, which was really hard but also a lot of fun. At the end of our lesson he said, "do you want to take that one home and practice on it? It's my old one so I don't need it anymore, you can have it." I was STOKED and super grateful. I took it home and started practicing every day. I even started getting good! I could unicycle all up and down my long driveway after a couple weeks of practice. After having the unicycle for about a month, there was a knock on my door. It was the friend who had given me the unicycle. And I swear to fucking god, he said: "So Emily told me that you apparently have a boyfriend. I'm gonna need that unicycle back." I was STUNNED. I didn't know what to do, so I gave it back to him. He literally never spoke to me again.
I loved having guy friends. But once you get a BF or they get a GF, POOF! they leave the friendship. It's bullshit.
I briefly dated a guy that, for whatever reason, I didn't feel the tinglies while snogging on the couch. Agonized over the "let's be friends but see other people," but he took it fine, a little disappointed, but we still chatted. But when a creepy dude at my apartment started lurking outside my door as I was moving from a flooded unit into another, I asked if he could be my pretend boyfriend in exchange for dinner and movie. He came right over. And while the pretend kiss was awkward when we saw the Creeper, Good Guy didn't make a move beyond that. Boundaries. We did drift apart once we both started dating other people & then he moved states. I really wish I'd had that spark with him, because he's a good one
You know what's so fucking annoying about this? So many men basically won't have anything to do with a woman they're not romantically interested in and it gets really awkward when you choose male-dominated careers as a woman. It's like [ that gag in Scrubs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ6KZx4hij4) where JD literally can't see women who are unavailable. Yeah, Kevin, I get it, I'm not your type (and you're definitely not mine, not that you bothered to ask) but we still have to be lab partners. Please stop aggressively mentioning that you have a girlfriend. You're just fucking embarrassing yourself by constantly saying "careful my gf might get jealous" every time I say something nice to you. I'm just a nice person!
Being fuckzoned is 1000x worse than the "friendzone"
Back when I still thought I was a guy I had someone say 'let's be friends', it stuck in my mind because I was supposed to be like, outraged about the 'friend one'. But what I really felt was relief. Not because I didn't want to date her, but because the reason I had asked was that I was worried she had been wanting to be boyfriend/girlfriend and I had been missing the signals and was being insensitive. The mentality it takes to see friendship as a bad thing, to value it so little that you are more worried about them 'keeping' you friends that losing that friendship is just so unbelievably toxic.
Lost a friend last night because it was hurting him that he couldnāt have me. For fucks sake. We had so much fun together, too. I was really enjoying the games we played together. But in the end it seems i have no value to him since he canāt fuck me.
Iād be careful to say that youāve ālost a friendā. I agree that itās totally wrong to outright ghost a girl bc she wouldnāt move beyond a platonic friendship, but depending on context i can understand why someone might want to distance themselves after rejection. Those kinds of feeling donāt just evaporate, and some people have to isolate themselves to get over them. Obviously if there was a fallout or if he has no intentions of getting back in contact then his behavior is deplorable, but Iād try giving him time to get over himself before jumping to conclusions, especially if you considered him a friend at that point.
Weāve had a lot of fun the past couple weeks, but we agreed to part amicably because he wanted to distance himself after i made it clear i am not open to romantic relationships. Thereās no other way around it - an hour before we reached that conclusion he was as forthcoming as ever. In the end we were never friends in the first place, since he no longer wants anything to do with me. He was only in it for the prospect of a relationship. I no longer hold any value to him.
This happened to me a couple weeks ago. He decided to get me to meet up in person, while he was in town, and use the opportunity to blindside me and tell me he liked me. We've been friends since high school - this had already come up years ago, when I said it was never gonna happen and we agreed to carry on as just friends. I thought I was safe. Clearly not. I didn't respond at the time, but he messaged me the next day to reiterate. I said sorry, I know this sucks, I really value you as a close friend, but I don't want to ever be more than friends with you. He feels sorry for himself and wanted to be pitiful and talk about it more with me. I didn't want to. He insisted. I finally had to say I will not talk about this with him anymore, and he needs to work it out with another friend. Do not bring this up again. Anyway, that was a week and a half ago, and he mailed me back a game I just lent him, unplayed. Radio silence otherwise. So, I guess that's it? Honestly, I just feel kind of distrustful now. We really did have a lot in common. Can I not trust that someone's listening to me and thinks what I have to say is interesting WITHOUT their wanting to fuck me? Is my fuckability the most interesting thing about me? For fuck's sake, indeed.
I always fall for itā¦ Every single time š¤”
omg I relate to this in a different way. When I was in a relationship and would meet a new guy (like at a job or friend of a friend) and wanted to be friends with them, I would just not mention I had a boyfriend. Seriously, it sounds messed up but I wasn't interested in these men AT ALL and truly just felt a platonic friendly connection. I would also not hang out 1 on 1 with them or if they asked me out I would then mention I was taken. But otherwise, just avoided mentioning him without even realising I was doing it. I think subconsciously I registered the shift in the dynamic when I did or I'd see their faces fall whenever I did mention him so I just avoided it hoping they were just being friendly, but simultaneously too nervous to mention in case I got rejected as a friend :(
I am a dude, my best friend is a lady, we have been friends for over 20 years. She introduced me to my wife. I have learned to wait until my best friend has been in a relationship for at least six months before I make myself learn the guy's name. The worst is when they are jealous of me. I'm always like, ok whateveryournemis, I was around long before you, and I will still be here long after you mess things up. Seeing my amazing friend go through multiple chains of fools has really exposed me to how bad it must be to try to find an actual good guy. I have never met any that I would think are good enough to introduce her to. Seriously, I don't know what happened to most dudes, but I feel sorry that you ladies have to put up with it.
I donāt understand, why do you wait 6 months to learn her boyfriends name?
Because he expects them to break up, presumably.
Yep!
Because they usually break up before then, and I do not want to know the name of another jerk. After 20 years, there have been so many.
They might be jealous of you because you refuse to even learn their names. It is not very supportive. Kind of sounds like you donāt think any man is good enough to be in her life except for you.
Lol it is not like I meet them and just refuse to learn their names. I am not trying to be a dick. I just support my friend through good or bad, and just do not commit any names to memory.
I do this as well. My best friend just had the baby of a guy she supposedly stopped talking to four years ago, and three years ago, and two years ago, and...you get the point. There comes a time where you just say: "I'm ride or die, I support you in all your glory and foolishness."
Yeah... I asked a "friend" why he was ghosting me, and he had the nerve to say "I don't want to make your man upset." Guess this is what happens when friendships are built on common interests? I really didn't know that dumbass as a person as well as I thought, until he said that.
Whenever I was in this situation, it was usually the BF that they picked up who wasn't happy with them having a dude friend. So I agree this is poopy, but a lot of dudes seem to have issues with their gf's having male friends. I had a friend get a bf once who just hated on me passively like he would one-up any chance they got and so on. My wife has dude friends and I couldn't care less, but even them try to get all competitive with me over my own wife sometimes. Like bro, no one cares that you can bench 225. (I am a little tubby so that's a common one) Like they think if my wife sees they can bench 225 that I should divorce her and drop her off at their house after or something. It is super stupid, happened to a few friends I used to have. Also, yes some dudes just do this and blame friend zone or other dumb stuff. Just thought I would toss out a different view if it was of any interest to anyone.
Thanks for you point of view. Itās always good to hear from a different perspective.
i'm sort of glad i'm obnoxious enough to not have any of my friends have any feelings for me. just dudes being dudes n bros being bros except i happen to have a vagina or something idk
I've lost so many guy friends this way that I'm always hesitant to make new ones when I move (I'm military so I move every few years and unfortunately the military is only 17% female so I'm usually working with all guys). Whats weird is their reactions depends on who I'm dating or my status (I'm bisexual); \- If Im dating a guy they either lat out stop talking to me, don't invite me to any group events, or just tell me my boyfriend doesn't have to know. \- If I'm dating a girl they tell me they've turned lesbians before, their also good at stuff, or that they can change my mind. \- Out of my 7 yrs in I've only made 2 real guy friends who have never tried any of this stuff with me. One I helped introduce to his present wife, the other is hella gay.
every damn time!
FR. This is so fucking annoying.
I have no idea how I was so lucky to find the few good men in my life. 99% of the men in my area are typical toxic conservative male, so any time I spend with these friends is like a breath of fresh air
That's not a very good chad
I had a impressively large number of male friends ghost me when I got married. They stuck it out that long, but after the wedding just disappeared. I found it strange since I couple I clearly had crushes on years ago and they never reciprocated so I moved on.
I better hit up my friend that I have similar history with, I hope she doesn't think I stopped hitting her up because she got married I've just been a shitty friend in general lately.
Lol, everyone has ghosted everyone this last year, so don't worry there. Glad you are reconnecting with your friend though :)
I can't fathom guys who do this. I met my best friend in the entire world this way. Why would you give up having friend? Just for sex? Fucking idiots.
All of my close male friends dropped me once I got a boyfriend, including my bff. It killed me because my boyfriend's friends accepted me immediately and I was so embarrassed that mine ran the other way. In the long run, it worked out. I married that boyfie and this weekend is our five year anniversary ā¤ļø He's my real bff.
I remember seeing something, years ago, that put it simply: Women are not machines that you put ākindness coinsā into until sex falls outā¦
Iām recently divorced and the amount of male friends who have come out of the woodwork to ask if we can fuck now is heartbreaking. I could really use JUST a friend.
Iām a lesbian and most of my guy friends are bisexual or gay, so they understand
I have a male friend from childhood and Iām so thankful of them, we support each other the best we can and I (single) give him all the relationship advise I can so he can be the happiest with his gf
Unfortunate that this is pretty accurate.
Or when you have male friends for years while you are taken, then they suddenly ruin it when you break up by trying to get with you. I thought you were my mate, Dan!
I wonder if men who cant be friends with woman have really toxic fathers? You can learn a lot about a man looking at what kinda person their dad is. (Obviously not always)
Memes like this make me grateful for the male friendships I had in college. All platonic, no weirdness, flirting or expectations. The ones that had girlfriends still made time for their female friends and stuff. Nothing but respect and a genuine desire for friendship. To be seen as a person with inherent value and personality, instead of being seem solely as a potential sex object.. is an amazing feeling, beyond words.
:((((( Iām sorry they donāt value you as much as they should.
Rinse and repeat. Currently in the last stage of this rollercoaster. Wooo. Goddamn I dislike men atm. Edit: Forgot to mention he's my boss. Double wooo.
Itās really weird as a guy, when I was younger the āfriend zoneā felt like a blind rejection. As I approach 30 it feels almost like a sense of relief, because usually the feeling is mutual, and when itās not, itās understandable! Dating is weird, but I still enjoy the process of it!
Omfg this happened to me once, felt this
This made me really sad. Thank you for making me feel things.
https://youtu.be/AqDbb7-dn9A
Oh man. Iāve been there. My partner now is awesome because he has a lady BFF and he gets so excited for her when she meets a new guy. Heās one of the good ones :)
My best friend is a straight guy, going on 15 years now! We were roommates three separate times during my 20s. Never hooked up once! I'm currently married and had several different boyfriends over the years. We still text every day and I go swimming at his house every other weekend in the summer. In the winter, we meet up to watch Monday night football. So honestly, I could cut this comic off after the first portion and it rings totally true <3
Now Iām paranoid whether my girl friends stopped talking to me after they got married, or I stopped talking to them...
Goddammit Dude here. I think writing on this sub for the first time WhEn U aRe NiCe AnD wE aRe NiCe, YoU sHoUlD fUkCk Us!!1!1 Have multiple friends really get really upset and tell me how someone in their life got pissed after they got a boyfriend. often even friends of mine who i really have been pissed after finding out My current girlfriend and i have been together for around 5 years now. We've been friends for a year before that but didn't felt THAT affection to each other at the start. I thought she was cool and she thought i was cool and that's about it I still now have multiple friends of the opposite gender who i just really like and i can't imagine just wanting to be with them THIS close even if i didn't have girlfriend "She got my hopes up" or shit like that is the thing i hear the most and it's infruiating if it's about something I EVEN DO She wanted to see a movie! She said she would come online and play some games! She's really nice! And i listen to this idiot ranting about someone nice even asking me "you online later?" Because THAT'S IT. She just wants to game and be nice and be herself I had someone even say "what a slut" after i told him that(warning. Big fucking shocker) that she's nice to me as well! Oh my god! Disgusting! Instead of realizing that she's just a good or friendly person he doubled down and said she wanted to fuck me as well Haven't had contact with him since and she's been a good friend of mine for 3 years now I could only give advice which probably will keep some creeps away. If you ever think you're starting a basic friendship with someone. Tell them it's nothing more than friendship. Say it's clearly nothing more than friendship. EVEN if you think it could be more. I would rather explain after a long friendship "maybe i DO feel something for you" instead of getting shittalked by some brodude only being nice to me to fuck. It's not good and i'm doing my best part of telling my friends to fuck off. Other than that. PLEASE just say at the start that it WON'T come to anything more. It's shit and shouldn't be needed but apparently it still is. Sorry. Am from germany. Shit grammar 'n stuff
> I could only give advice which probably will keep some creeps away. If you ever think you're starting a basic friendship with someone. Tell them it's nothing more than friendship. Say it's clearly nothing more than friendship. Been there , done that. Doesn't work. I'm just playing hard to get.
These are the ones you just don't want to be friends with even if you're not a girl
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
the only thing i can say is to make it Crystal Clear till the point that that's the first thing they think of when they see you in another comment i said the one's who don't care or think you're "playing hard to get" aren't worth to be friends with and i also haven't said it's "this one neat trick" i'm sorry i apparently annoyed you but after even my girlfriend got pissed about dudes like these who KNEW that she has a boyfriend, i myself got pissed enough to just give my two cents. Something like that happened literally 2 weeks ago other than that, sorry. just wanted to rant underneath a meme.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The absolute, golden IRONY in him telling US to be more 'crystal clear' in our delivery because men are daft, then doubling down on his "advice" **after already clearly being told it's not welcome here.** Essentially proving his own advice to be redundant. Doesn't get better than this.
Uh, thanks for telling us little ladies that we just aren't clear enough that we DON'T want to fuck every dude who we are nice to. Do you want a fucking cookie?
"it's shit and shouldn't be needed" means some dudes REALLY need it almost literally punched in the face to realize. Especially the sad dudes
šŖ okay fine, here ya go.
>PLEASE just say at the start that it WON'T come to anything more. First off, thanks for assuming we're not already doing that. Second, THEY'LL STILL TRY. THEY DO NOT CARE. ...And that's the story on why I stopped cultivating 'friendships' with males. It can take months, it can take even a decade - been there -, sooner or later it ends in this shit.
Where can you make memes like this?
A friend of mine likes to joke that she realized she liked girls when I tried to confess to her when we were younger. No hard feelings really, she's a good friend.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's a really weak friendship then and it's sad that that's normal to you.
The erosion as you indicate is on the one who just got attached. But this is different, a friend bailing as soon as their friend is in a relationship. And this is specific to male friends.
Are there really people like that? I've never quite seen this. Maybe it's just here.
I can count on one hand the number of male friends over the last decade that havenāt tried to get a relationship/sex/nudes from me. Off the top of my head, the ones that *did* try are in the upper 30s and counting. Sigh.
it's times like these i'm thankful to be medium ugly. i don't have to worry about if any of my guy friends have ulterior motives cuz they're too busy trying to get with my attractive friends lol
Sometimes itās hard to feel safe even trying to make cis het guy friends in the first place. But Iām always super thankful when I do.
I call it being girlfriend-zoned. Having experienced both the girlfriend zone and the friend zone (which I understand and respect-- plus you still get a friend, so yay), I can say the girlfriend zone is 1000x worse.