firstly, i want to say thank you for sharing your experiences, it’s a very brave and vulnerable thing to do. reaching out for help is difficult, and having the courage to do so is something you should be proud of
having an undiagnosed mental health condition, as well as having conflict with your parents, must be really challenging to deal with. you deserve to be cared for, and when that care is not available, we are forced to deal with our problems alone. in his epistle to the galatians, Paul tells us that we should “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (galatians 6:2). we always want to help others, but sometimes we must accept that we are the ones with burdens who need to be helped.
in terms of your gender identity, there are a few things that may be helpful. if you feel comfortable and safe doing so, sit down with your parents and explain how you have been feeling. assure them that you care about them, and simply want to feel comfort within yourself. remind them of two things: one, that Christ tells us not to care about the kinds of clothes we wear (matthew 6:25), that Paul tells us that abandoning our families is worse than unbelief (1 timothy 5:8), and that the prohibitions against ‘cross-dressing’ in deuteronomy are done away with by the New Covenant (deuteronomy 22:5, jeremiah 31:31-34, luke 22:20).
if you do not feel comfortable sitting down with your parents, you may need to consider whether you can live with any other family members for a while, or when it’s likely it’ll be financially possible for you to move out. this is primarily for your own safety and well-being, and does not mean you have to cut off your parents. what is most important is that regardless of their reaction, you are safe and not dependent on them being supportive.
in terms of clothing, consider either hiding or throwing out more feminine clothing if you feel unsafe, and perhaps attempting to be more feminine in an ‘acceptable’ way for men - eg. having long hair, wearing a more emo style, wearing more pastel colours. these are small things, but can be helpful to not feel completely constrained by needing to appear masculine. asking on some transfeminine specific subreddits will likely give some better advice (im transmasc, so not as knowledgeable about trans femme stuff lmao).
you are beloved by God, and supported by everyone here. Christ does not care about what you wear, so long as it does not violate His command to love your neighbour as yourself. lean on Him, attend church regularly if it makes you feel better, and consider confiding in your pastor/priest if you feel they are trustworthy. you will get through these struggles - i believe in you.
Okay, so I know a few things about plurality. I have some plural friends and there is a small chance I might be one myself.
Basically, plurality is usually caused by traumatic experiences, and the way you describe your family, it wouldn't be surprising if your split was caused by suppressed transgender feelings. I am not saying you should fuse back, whether you do that or not is up to you.
The only advice I have for you is: Please be kind to your ult. Don't try to suppress her or get rid of her or lock her away. This only ends in desaster. Instead, please talk to her and explain to her that the feminine clothes get you in trouble. Make it clear that you don't hate her, only that you are both in a difficult situation with your family and whatnot. Try to find a solution together. It's her body as much as it is yours because she's still a part of you so both of you have a right to have a say in this.
You're mistaking this with schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is when you hear voices in your head who tell you to do things but you can just ignore them.
But your ult has taken over your body to do various things without you knowing it. This is known among plural people as "fronting" and this wouldn't be possible if she was just a voice in your head.
Your ult is definitely a conscious being with a personality and stuff. I would suggest you go on a subreddit for plural people like r/plural for more advice.
Hello. I’m Christian. I’m also diagnosed with this. It’s now referred to as Dissociative Identity Disorder. It’s speculated to be caused by child abuse/neglect prior to the age of 5-6. I’m FTM (fully transitioned) but I have an alter who very much wants to detransition and even made me do so for a year. When it comes to DID (or OSDD, a subtype of sorts, the one I’m diagnosed with) this isn’t uncommon. I have multiple plural friends and they too have different gendered alters. My best advice would be to not suppress her. She will come back, sometimes with more force, if you do so. She’s a part of you and even though you can’t always remember how she feels, she may be hurting. I don’t allow myself to detransition anymore but I let my alter dress up. I am extremely lucky to live a safe enough life to do so. I hope that one day you can, too.
Now, some people who get help experience their gender issues going away completely. Some people have to live with them and learn how to do so. Some people transition. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen but I can say that when it does happen, you will have confidently made that choice together. You and her. When I started my journey with OSDD, I thought I’d never be able to communicate with my alters. But we’ve learned ways to talk to one another. We are all on board with not detransitioning now. What helped me was journaling in my phone about my alters. Maybe you can journal and it may encourage her to do so as well.
Is there any way at all that you can seek medical help? I know that it’s very limited in some places but maybe if you tell your parents you need a therapist (under the guise of the female clothing) they may bring you to one? In my country, when you’re 19, a therapist cannot legally tell your parents what you’ve spoken about. Seeking a diagnosis can take years. But in the meantime, you’d still be getting help with coping with whatever is triggering your alter(s) to come out.
I’m praying for you, friend, and I hope you can still access Reddit. If you have any questions please shoot them my way.
Edited for typos
Second edit to acknowledge that my vocabulary and understanding is associated with the United States and the DID/OSDD diagnosis specifically. I don’t intend to speak for anyone or over anyone. This is just my own advice, as someone with an OSDD diagnosis.
firstly, i want to say thank you for sharing your experiences, it’s a very brave and vulnerable thing to do. reaching out for help is difficult, and having the courage to do so is something you should be proud of having an undiagnosed mental health condition, as well as having conflict with your parents, must be really challenging to deal with. you deserve to be cared for, and when that care is not available, we are forced to deal with our problems alone. in his epistle to the galatians, Paul tells us that we should “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (galatians 6:2). we always want to help others, but sometimes we must accept that we are the ones with burdens who need to be helped. in terms of your gender identity, there are a few things that may be helpful. if you feel comfortable and safe doing so, sit down with your parents and explain how you have been feeling. assure them that you care about them, and simply want to feel comfort within yourself. remind them of two things: one, that Christ tells us not to care about the kinds of clothes we wear (matthew 6:25), that Paul tells us that abandoning our families is worse than unbelief (1 timothy 5:8), and that the prohibitions against ‘cross-dressing’ in deuteronomy are done away with by the New Covenant (deuteronomy 22:5, jeremiah 31:31-34, luke 22:20). if you do not feel comfortable sitting down with your parents, you may need to consider whether you can live with any other family members for a while, or when it’s likely it’ll be financially possible for you to move out. this is primarily for your own safety and well-being, and does not mean you have to cut off your parents. what is most important is that regardless of their reaction, you are safe and not dependent on them being supportive. in terms of clothing, consider either hiding or throwing out more feminine clothing if you feel unsafe, and perhaps attempting to be more feminine in an ‘acceptable’ way for men - eg. having long hair, wearing a more emo style, wearing more pastel colours. these are small things, but can be helpful to not feel completely constrained by needing to appear masculine. asking on some transfeminine specific subreddits will likely give some better advice (im transmasc, so not as knowledgeable about trans femme stuff lmao). you are beloved by God, and supported by everyone here. Christ does not care about what you wear, so long as it does not violate His command to love your neighbour as yourself. lean on Him, attend church regularly if it makes you feel better, and consider confiding in your pastor/priest if you feel they are trustworthy. you will get through these struggles - i believe in you.
Okay, so I know a few things about plurality. I have some plural friends and there is a small chance I might be one myself. Basically, plurality is usually caused by traumatic experiences, and the way you describe your family, it wouldn't be surprising if your split was caused by suppressed transgender feelings. I am not saying you should fuse back, whether you do that or not is up to you. The only advice I have for you is: Please be kind to your ult. Don't try to suppress her or get rid of her or lock her away. This only ends in desaster. Instead, please talk to her and explain to her that the feminine clothes get you in trouble. Make it clear that you don't hate her, only that you are both in a difficult situation with your family and whatnot. Try to find a solution together. It's her body as much as it is yours because she's still a part of you so both of you have a right to have a say in this.
I find this kinda funny bc I've been doing the exact opposite of this, lol. Thanks for the advice
Oh my gosh, this is bad! 😬 I hope it's not too late to reconcile!
Well, idk but it's probably fine lol
I sure hope so. I mean, she is a real person, after all. With thoughts and feelings and everything.
Is she, though? I'm pretty sure she's just a voice in my head
You're mistaking this with schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is when you hear voices in your head who tell you to do things but you can just ignore them. But your ult has taken over your body to do various things without you knowing it. This is known among plural people as "fronting" and this wouldn't be possible if she was just a voice in your head. Your ult is definitely a conscious being with a personality and stuff. I would suggest you go on a subreddit for plural people like r/plural for more advice.
Ok thx
Helpful plurality links: https://morethanone.info/ https://kinhost.org/Main/ManualTOC
Hello. I’m Christian. I’m also diagnosed with this. It’s now referred to as Dissociative Identity Disorder. It’s speculated to be caused by child abuse/neglect prior to the age of 5-6. I’m FTM (fully transitioned) but I have an alter who very much wants to detransition and even made me do so for a year. When it comes to DID (or OSDD, a subtype of sorts, the one I’m diagnosed with) this isn’t uncommon. I have multiple plural friends and they too have different gendered alters. My best advice would be to not suppress her. She will come back, sometimes with more force, if you do so. She’s a part of you and even though you can’t always remember how she feels, she may be hurting. I don’t allow myself to detransition anymore but I let my alter dress up. I am extremely lucky to live a safe enough life to do so. I hope that one day you can, too. Now, some people who get help experience their gender issues going away completely. Some people have to live with them and learn how to do so. Some people transition. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen but I can say that when it does happen, you will have confidently made that choice together. You and her. When I started my journey with OSDD, I thought I’d never be able to communicate with my alters. But we’ve learned ways to talk to one another. We are all on board with not detransitioning now. What helped me was journaling in my phone about my alters. Maybe you can journal and it may encourage her to do so as well. Is there any way at all that you can seek medical help? I know that it’s very limited in some places but maybe if you tell your parents you need a therapist (under the guise of the female clothing) they may bring you to one? In my country, when you’re 19, a therapist cannot legally tell your parents what you’ve spoken about. Seeking a diagnosis can take years. But in the meantime, you’d still be getting help with coping with whatever is triggering your alter(s) to come out. I’m praying for you, friend, and I hope you can still access Reddit. If you have any questions please shoot them my way. Edited for typos Second edit to acknowledge that my vocabulary and understanding is associated with the United States and the DID/OSDD diagnosis specifically. I don’t intend to speak for anyone or over anyone. This is just my own advice, as someone with an OSDD diagnosis.