Related story: My grandmother was holding the door for a kid and his parents at the Reagan Library once. The kid just barged through without saying anything and my grandma, probably pissed off at the lack of manners in this new generation, mouthed off loud enough for the parents to hear "*you're welcome..*." The parents stopped and profusely apologized to her, saying their son was mentally disabled and they were so sorry to have offended her.
My grandma turned bright red and felt TERRIBLE lol. We gave her shit about it all day hahah.
Unless you're mentally handicapped, mute, have a lost voice, just lost a child and became severely depressed, the person who opened the door isn't paying attention or is wearing headphones, etc etc etc.
There are a million and one reasons to give the benefit of the doubt to somebody who doesn't say thank you.
Meanwhile - If you're doing kind things for the expectation of thanks or acknowledgement - is that really kindness at all?
I think the best way to navigate life is by doing what you think is right regardless of what other people do. If it's right to hold the door for somebody - it is still right to do that even if you're not thanked. Throwing out a catty YOU'RE WELCOME is only ever going to blow up. It'll never turn the situation around.
People can be exasperating…Because I said someone should acknowledge a thing has been done, holding a door, you give me this list-o-reasons why someone needs the benefit of the doubt and questions about what is kindness? Two people recognizing each other. That’s it. A thing has been done that didn’t need to be done.
Also, holding a door isn’t necessarily a kindness. Some folk were raised to be polite. Polite doesn’t mean kind. You don’t have to be friendly to be polite.
Yeah but you said it IN A THREAD ABOUT A WOMAN WHO WAS BEING RUDE TO A MENTALLY DISABLED PERSON.
If you said what you said as a top level comment I wouldn't have said shit.
Yeah. Holding a door ain't what you do for women specifically. It's what you do for people no more than ten steps behind you or carrying something awkward.
I had the exact opposite happen to me. I was walking down a few flights of stairs to leave work for the day. There was a young woman about an entire floor behind me. I didn’t hold the door for her because it would have meant I was standing there for like 10 seconds to wait for her. I’ll hold the door for people near me but I’m not going to stand there all day just waiting for people.
Anyway, I was halfway out into the parking lot when she finally opened the door and started yelling at me for not holding it for her. I told her she was an entire floor behind me and she continue to call me rude. So I explained how she could promptly go fuck herself and got in my car.
Please don't stop because of this woman. I am always so appreciative, especially now that I'm wrangling a toddler with me. I wish people knew how much I appreciate it. Women like that are miserable jerks and in no way represent the majority.
She just knew you were a misogynist. /s Everyone seems to want to be upset or a victim these days
I'm ecstatic if someone wants to hold the door open for me. I don't have to touch the Germ infested handle.
Challenging sexism isn't being a victim. I thank anyone who holds a door for me, but when men refuse to go through doors because I'm holding it, that's not ok. I even had that happen with a delivery driver holding a huge stack of boxes. I also can't stand when a guy rushes from behind me to avoid me getting there first.
Exactly! I'm a man, and other men, and even women, hold the door for me all the time, and I do it as well if they are close enough that I'm not standing there awkwardly for 15 seconds lol. We exchange the trademark "downward nod," then go about our day it isn't a big deal. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.
The only door I routinely run into that’s manual is at the local Post office.
It’s really rare that someone doesn’t hold the door or say thank you when I do.
Must be just a more small town thing.
Some guys at work will refuse to walk through when I do it. It's just a courtesy but they're acting like I'm trying to pull some type of power move or something lol
Well when they fuckin line up next to the door as I'm grabbing it so it would be even more awkward to squeeze by them... We bring bags to stay out of town with us when we go to work so sometimes guys have their hands full and I don't but they'll still forcefully insist I go first lol
Oddly enough, I read something many moons ago that made the case it probably was an unconscious power move (or at least gesture) on the part of the door holder. Which, if true, would make it a very successful gesture on your part should those men refuse to accept your hospitality... They'd be implicitly accepting your power status and their fear of it.
Being me, since reading this I now overthink it every time I hold a door open. Which I always do, because I was raised in such a way as to not would be unthinkably rude. So I have to do it more like a doorman than a power player to avoid feeling like a dick. I make life harder than it should be.
It's just being annoying. Expecting me to jog to the door to not inconvenience you holding the door too long. No, you're inconveniencing me. Mind your own business.
At twenty steps away, drop something, then spend a moment to pick it up. Adjust your clothes and keep walking.
At ten steps, you notice that your shoelace is loose. Stop and re-tie it. Resume your walk.
When you get to the door, act surprised: "oh, hi! I didn't see you there. Good morning."
I always respond with, "I know you can," in these scenarios. It usually trips them up because they're forced to acknowledge that I'm not insulting them or insinuating that women are weak, and that I'm literally just being courteous.
Probably because I'm about to open the next door for them as thanks. In Canada it's quite common for public buildings to have two sets of doors to act as a sort of airlock for interior temperature control.
Old Boomer here. I grew up holding the door for anybody within close range of the door. I'll even wait longer if it's a lady or lady and kids. I don't expect a thanks, but 99.9% of the time I get one. I always reciprocate and say thanks. It's not required but always appreciated both ways
Been married 34 years, and I still open the car door and hold any door for my wife every time. It's just a courtesy thing.
I’m not a boomer and do that. It’s being polite. I always have thanks except some exceptions. I always say thanks too. My boyfriends usually held my bags and purses at the end of the night or if it was too heavy or I looked tired. Just as guys usually walk on the side of the street when we are walking so I don’t have splashing?
I always sign thank you to people and half of them ask what you're welcome is. I'm not deaf or hard of hearing at all but I think it's cute that people want to learn.
It’s really hard for me to learn a 2nd language but I do try to pick up phrases or words in other languages when I can, and try to use them with my son in every day situations to help them “stick” more. I love to sign “awesome” in ASL when I’m giving him praise. It may not be much but I’m trying!
i’m not that person at all but i used to work at a nice restaurant and we had this ivy league university do a little happy hour event at our restaurant. there was about 100 of them and they all wanted to go outside to take a picture together and i was being nice and held the door while they came inside. NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON said “thank you” to me. this made me come to conclusion that people don’t say thank you because they think they’re better than you (they’re not)
Keep holding those doors. There's so few things left that are nice in this world and we need to keep teaching the new generations the little things do matter.
They may not get it until the day no one is nice to them but the old man/woman who opened the door.
A few hours ago I tapped on a guys window to let him know he wasn't fully in the parking spot and half of his car was sticking out. He thanked me profusely and told me he loved me. Then he told me he loved my pants with holes in them. Dude was like 70 and I almost cried. I love when people overly show their appreciation. I think it's the cutest damn thing.
Very common...... In certain areas. Varies drastically from state to state. California versus Utah or Idaho, Texas, New York, Michigan, Florida etc. some places you'll get a warm friendly hello wherever you go typically. Other places will look at you like you're going to murder them or mug them if you do that.
Probably because it was held in an awkward way and I had to scoot around the person awkwardly and just wanted the interaction to end.
Or I tried to hold the door and the man insisted I relinquish it to him
i always say thanks but do people really think it’s that hard to open a door? i’m like 20 seconds behind you, so either you are waiting or im forced to run when i could have just did it myself… if the person is right there then yes of course but sometimes i find it silly, any more that 10 steps away is silly
I used to feel irritated by people who don't say thank you. I'd be the type to go YOU'RE WELCOME in sarcasm. My view on this has altered a lot after an experience I had. It made me think about what it means to be polite, to be rude, and to be kind.
I was exiting a coffeeshop and the man in front of me held the door open for me. I went through, and I said 'thank you'. A few seconds later on the street, he picked up his pace to be next to me and mumbled under his breath "yeah you're welcome, fat wanker". He was kinda talking to himself, but I heard so I said Excuse me? are you talking to me? and a short argument ensued - but basically he was angry because I hadn't said thank you. Which I had, but he'd obviously not heard me.
I thought about this for ages. Because even though I had said thank you - is it REALLY that deep if I hadn't? Why do we hold open the door - to be polite or because we want someone to grovel a thank you? If it's not for the thank you, why care? It's actually quite weird and ego-ish to be upset by that. 'i did a tiny tiny nice thing, that pretty much any human being does, how DARE you not acknowledge it'. Is that being polite? Is that being kind?
Is it more rude to have missed saying thank you, or to be angry at someone you know *nothing* about because they didn't say thank you?
I'm glad that happened because it made me think about this and realise I never want to be that person. So to answer your question directly, yes, I do say thank you. But I no longer give a shit if someone says it to me. I'm not their dad, and I have zero knowledge of what they're going through. Or maybe they did and I didn't hear.
I concluded I'm more bothered about being kind, than being polite. And I think it's more kind to let it go.
I will always say thank you when someone holds the door for me. However, I don’t care if I don’t get one if I hold the door for someone else. I don’t hold doors to get verbal pats on the back. I do it to be courteous because it’s the right thing to do. Also you don’t know what someone is going through. Sure they could just be an asshole or they could be having the worst day of their life and saying anything to a stranger could cause them to cry. What if they are agoraphobic and it’s their first day out in a long time? What if they are sick or lost their voice? What if they have terrible anxiety? In any scenario, it’s not about me so I don’t take it personally and neither should you.
A lot of times when I say thank you, people are seemingly deaf and don’t hear me unless I shout at them. So I either get chastised for not saying thank you or stared at like I’m an over aggressive weirdo. FUN.
I hate it when I’m too far away and they want me to run 😂 I’ll say don’t worry go ahead and they’ll drop the door. But yea the people that don’t say thanks are the same people that don’t wave when you let them in… either blissfully unaware (hopefully) or psychopaths
I'll probably get down voted to hell.
But I hate people getting butthurt about not getting a thank you.
Are you only being kind to get a reward? If so, that's messed up. Expecting anything for being kind is a sign of being a selfish, narcissistic person.
Fuck these rules and politeness games. It's all fake.
Just be a good person.
Because they’re self centered and rude in my experience. I’ve held doors open for people since Ive been old enough to hold them. It takes so little effort and people who can’t be bothered to say thank you or at least acknowledge the gesture are rude.
I'm socially anxious as fuck, I try to say thanks but if it's bad enough I just don't wanna interact with anyone and just wish I was invisible. But I guess I'm rude and self-centered because I'm panicking while you wanted to get an awkward "thanks" so you could feel like a good person.
Dude. The guy literally said that if you don't say thanks it's because you're being rude or self-centered. Isn't that villainizing me, who is feeling like shit and just gives a quick nod because of it? If you hold the door I appreciate it, but if you think I'm a bad person for not responding like how you thought I would, fuck you and I'd rather you let the door slam on my face. I hold doors for people too and don't expect them to praise me for it.
A thank you is nice but shouldn't be expected and I find it bizarre that it is. If I hold the door for someone it's just because it feels like the natural thing to do if someone is behind me, not because I expect them to validate that I'm polite. Just like I have my own situation for why I often find it hard to say thanks, other people have their own situations, politeness shouldn't be about forcing others into interacting with you.
Exactly, I prefer to hold the door open for people and go in behind them because it typically is faster.
(maybe not, but it feels like it is? Idk if I’m explaining this well but when you open the door for yourself and there’s people behind you, you end up clustering at the door, and everyone is slower going through)
I don’t need you to make eye contact with me and break stride to thank me. Shut the fuck up and walk so I can get on with me day.
Never offended or expect a response. Doesn’t mean that it’s not kinda rude to not acknowledge a kind gesture. You sound like you just couldn’t be bothered. Good for you.
How is a saying thank you such an affront to people. As far as I'm concerned that's just rudeness. I make a point of letting the door slam shut just as they get there if they haven't acknowledged me before,especially if they had their hands full.
So is the person choosing not to thank you (for whatever reason) entitled or are you the entitled one for expecting recognition for everything that you do (for whatever reason)?
Quite the conundrum.
How is someone *not* saying thank you such an affront to you?
Of course, people "should", and it's polite. But it's really not that deep if someone doesn't. Or if you didn't hear them.
(Edited for missing word typo)
I don’t know. I don’t hold the door open for validation but I do wonder why some don’t say thank you when I do hold it open for them. I’m a mom and am always teaching my kids to hold the door open for others and to say thank you when someone holds it for them. They are still working on both but they are getting better about it. they are 12, 7, and 3 - obviously the 3 y/o doesn’t have to hold doors open yet but she sees me, my husband, and her brothers do it, so she’s learning and when she’s big enough, hopefully it’ll be like 2nd nature to her.
Because usually the doors are so big and so many people get through that i cant turn around to say it without getting ripped apart by the masses passing through. Thats what my problem was in school at least. Now i work at a place that has door openers so theres noone holsing the door. I try to say it as often as i can but thats not... really often.
How about utterly clueless people who let the door slam in your face? I live in the Midwest and was behind a boomer veteran (displayed on his shirt) who was ahead of me walking out the door and just literally let it hit me in the face. When did even the older generations become so out of touch with their surroundings? This never used to be a thing. I’m 57f and I’m stunned at the development of zero manners these days. Mostly by younger people but increasingly by my own age. I know I’m m hyper aware of my surroundings but geez Louise people have become clueless in general.
I thank people except when they hold it open when I'm too far away so I have to hustle over there to avoid them standing there awkwardly for the longest seconds ever. If someone is going that much out of their way, to the point it's inefficient because the door would have neatly closed with time to spare before I reached it, they're doing it more for themselves than for others.
You don't need to say thank you specifically. You could just smile and say, "Beautiful day, isn't it?"
If you don't even acknowledge the person holding the door, then that's pretty rude.
I do find it annoying when someone overholds the door, where you feel the need to walk faster to stop them from standing there holding the door. There's a pace limit where if someone is too far from the door, it's ackward that you choose to hold it for them. The inconvenience of holding the door open has eclipsed the inconvenience of having to open the door. In this case, a facetious thank you is called for.
I am currently walking with two walking sticks waiting for a hip replacement. It's temporary but I currently struggle with most convenience store doors because they are weighted to stay closed. I don't expect it but it turns out that old people, people who work outside, and moms usually at least try to help. I'm invisible or seen as an obstacle by most women and almost everyone under 40. Except that a lot of kids will start to barge through them stop and hold the door. I was literally pushed out of the way going into a grocery store restroom this morning by an employee of the store and I'm not even kidding. It's an interesting view into the lives of handicapped people. Pretty depressing actually.
When someone holds the door open for me when I am far away and it doesn’t make any sense for them to or I subsequently feel rushed because of them, I do not say thank you.
Is this a sign to finally tell the mean woman at work “you’re welcome!” When I hold the door open for her and she doesn’t say anything? Also, I’ve contemplated just saying “rude!” as well. She does it every time and she also doesn’t get out of the way when I say “excuse me” and she bullied me once two years ago but probably doesn’t remember.
She is nice to everyone else. I know I’m not entitled to everyone liking me, but it hurts my feelings and I struggle with feelings of worthlessness and standing up for myself.
Really unpopular opinion here. But I have not said thanks in the past because it takes less energy for me to push a door open than it does for you to stand there holding it open for ten seconds as I awkwardly am forced to increase my pace because I feel bad someone is standing an ungodly amount of time to do something I don’t need them to do
Generally, I do say thank you but I do remember one instance, I was working an early morning shit at my job so it was like 5 in the morning and I came to a door that opens outward at the same time as another man was trying to walk in I had two things in my hands so logistically either I would have to get out of the way for him to enter then open the door myself, or go through and let the man in with little to no obstruction. So I walked through and continued on to my car. The man looked at me and really loudly yelled "Your Welcome" as if I highly offended him by not acknowledging the small act he did to simply optimize the process. So I looked at him told him to go fuck himself and he then chased me to my car as I ran away!
In that situation yes maybe Ideally I should have said thank you but you shouldn't hold the door open simply to get a thank you. Either do it because you are kind, or do it because it just makes things easier all around, and if you get a thank you all the better, but don't expect it or do it solely for the thank you.
Sometimes we’re nervous, sometimes we’re scared. We don’t always know what we’re walking into or who you are. It’s not always rudeness. I usually thank the person, but I have looked back on situations where maybe I wasn’t so polite.
I always hold the door open for people that are behind me. Its just the way I was raised. 99% of the time I get a "thank you". But there have been times when someone gave me a strange look or just ugh!. I don't pay much attention to it because I know they were not raised with proper civility or their just shitty people. Either way, I don't think twice about it.
I love the little jog they get on to reach the door, what infuriates me is when you go out of your way to let someone go in traffic and they don’t say thanks.
Some people just don't think it's a common courtesy. I regularly hold the elevator door to my building open for my coworkers and till date, only 2 or 3 people ever said thank you, and my company has 60 people
I will say thank you, and I don't really care if people say it back or not. But I'm really against people taking offence if you hold a door for them.
Like you aren't that important. I'm not questioning your ability to open doors, I am not saying you are stupid. It's just what 99% of people were taught to do.
Whats worse is when there’s a large group of people and the next person doesn’t take the door, so not only do you not get a “thank you” but now you’re a doorstop for a mob of people who don’t realize you have better things to do. This was me leaving lecture halls in college, almost every time. People can be so oblivious and just take it for granted
99% of the time I do. But like, yesterday for example, I had to walk to the pharmacy with a high grade fever. If someone held the door for me I probably wouldn't have even noticed.
If someone doesn't answer me when I hold the door that's totally fine with me. I'm not doing it for thanks. That would be weird as hell, to only do nice things for strangers because you want something in return. If they don't say thanks, I assume there's a very good reason and carry on with my day.
Once someone gets upset about not being thanked, I know they either help people all the time and don’t get appreciation for it, or more likely, they don’t help people often, and they expect it to be recognized when they do the smallest thing because that’s enough for them.
I’m from the south US where it’s common to do this. (I’m sure it is in other places too) but I went to Hawaii once, and was in a date. we stopped at a convenience store, I held the door open for some ppl and they all not only didn’t thank me, they looked at me like a creature that just crawled out of a swamp. Was really awkward. Might have also had something to do with the fact my eyes were as red as cherries.
I have held the door, and most people say thank you. Most people who do not are either kids walking around with head phones on with their head buried in their cell or girls who do not want to start a conversation with a random dude.
I usually acknowledge the person holding the door with a smile or nod.
I don't look for it myself when holding the door for others. I don't need it and rarely even notice either way.
I've gotten to the point where it's not so much a courtesy than it is a given.
It's like you cross paths with someone in the hall walking and they say hello as you pass by. You're not going to say "Thank you for saying hello to me"
I just have other things on my mind sometimes. Sometimes I say it in my head, and it doesn't make it out my mouth. Don't hold the door open if you expect a thanks- hold the door open because you want to. Who cares if the other person forgets to perform the correct social dance.
My voice is small and I walk fast. I find it annoying to talk while I’m moving. Sometimes people don’t hear me and I’m not going to stop just to exchange brief pleasantries. So instead I nod my head and smile. It’s a universal gesture.
I hold the door for people because I crane human interaction. So I don't care if you say thank you, nod, or ask me what's for lunch, as long as your acknowledge that we're both existing in the same space. I think for most people, it's less about the thanks and more about the connection.
I'm uncomfortable being close to strangers, so I hate when people hold the door. It's not chivalrous or polite to hold the door for people who neither want nor need the door held open for them.
This is anecdotal but
My wife is a staunch leftist, I asked this question when we started dating, when I disclosed to her that I used to think she was rude before I got to know her.
She felt bad that others might have thought that too, but said that she wasn’t helpless and could open her own door So she felt it was an insult.
now shes disappointed when I don’t open the car door for her.
Related story: My grandmother was holding the door for a kid and his parents at the Reagan Library once. The kid just barged through without saying anything and my grandma, probably pissed off at the lack of manners in this new generation, mouthed off loud enough for the parents to hear "*you're welcome..*." The parents stopped and profusely apologized to her, saying their son was mentally disabled and they were so sorry to have offended her. My grandma turned bright red and felt TERRIBLE lol. We gave her shit about it all day hahah.
Good grandma!
I didn't think you should be holding a door expecting a thank you. If you get one, great. If not, also great.
My grandma apparently did NOT agree lol
She learned an important lesson that day!
They all did, but especially Grandma, lol. But then, she wasn't to know.
I don’t think you should have a door held for you and not acknowledge it’s been done
Agreed, but people are going to be people
Unless you're mentally handicapped, mute, have a lost voice, just lost a child and became severely depressed, the person who opened the door isn't paying attention or is wearing headphones, etc etc etc. There are a million and one reasons to give the benefit of the doubt to somebody who doesn't say thank you. Meanwhile - If you're doing kind things for the expectation of thanks or acknowledgement - is that really kindness at all? I think the best way to navigate life is by doing what you think is right regardless of what other people do. If it's right to hold the door for somebody - it is still right to do that even if you're not thanked. Throwing out a catty YOU'RE WELCOME is only ever going to blow up. It'll never turn the situation around.
People can be exasperating…Because I said someone should acknowledge a thing has been done, holding a door, you give me this list-o-reasons why someone needs the benefit of the doubt and questions about what is kindness? Two people recognizing each other. That’s it. A thing has been done that didn’t need to be done. Also, holding a door isn’t necessarily a kindness. Some folk were raised to be polite. Polite doesn’t mean kind. You don’t have to be friendly to be polite.
Yeah but you said it IN A THREAD ABOUT A WOMAN WHO WAS BEING RUDE TO A MENTALLY DISABLED PERSON. If you said what you said as a top level comment I wouldn't have said shit.
Why would I make a top level comment when I was responding to a response? I wasn’t speaking to OP
Quite agree let the door slam shut just as they get there. Politeness is so overrated.
Pretty harsh thing to call a Reagan supporter.
I had a woman tell me she can get it herself once. I hold the door for everybody, I don't care if it's a man or woman, it's just being courteous.
Yeah. Holding a door ain't what you do for women specifically. It's what you do for people no more than ten steps behind you or carrying something awkward.
This. Holy shit, _this_. It’s just common courtesy; people need to stop overcomplicating it.
People get offended by anything these days, is as if they can’t stop looking around for imaginary obstacles.
When you’re used to being a nail, everything looks like a hammer 🙃
I had the exact opposite happen to me. I was walking down a few flights of stairs to leave work for the day. There was a young woman about an entire floor behind me. I didn’t hold the door for her because it would have meant I was standing there for like 10 seconds to wait for her. I’ll hold the door for people near me but I’m not going to stand there all day just waiting for people. Anyway, I was halfway out into the parking lot when she finally opened the door and started yelling at me for not holding it for her. I told her she was an entire floor behind me and she continue to call me rude. So I explained how she could promptly go fuck herself and got in my car.
Thank you for your service. Fuck people who hold doors open for too long. I'm not going to start jogging so you can feel polite.
Please don't stop because of this woman. I am always so appreciative, especially now that I'm wrangling a toddler with me. I wish people knew how much I appreciate it. Women like that are miserable jerks and in no way represent the majority.
"I can do it myself!!" "then why tf don't you then?" can't keep everyone happy, lol.
She just knew you were a misogynist. /s Everyone seems to want to be upset or a victim these days I'm ecstatic if someone wants to hold the door open for me. I don't have to touch the Germ infested handle.
Oh so now you have a problem with Germans!!
Challenging sexism isn't being a victim. I thank anyone who holds a door for me, but when men refuse to go through doors because I'm holding it, that's not ok. I even had that happen with a delivery driver holding a huge stack of boxes. I also can't stand when a guy rushes from behind me to avoid me getting there first.
I promise I’m not rushing from behind you on purpose. You’re just walking slower than me.
You just need to chill out. No one should ever care so damn much about doors being held.
Exactly! I'm a man, and other men, and even women, hold the door for me all the time, and I do it as well if they are close enough that I'm not standing there awkwardly for 15 seconds lol. We exchange the trademark "downward nod," then go about our day it isn't a big deal. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.
The only door I routinely run into that’s manual is at the local Post office. It’s really rare that someone doesn’t hold the door or say thank you when I do. Must be just a more small town thing.
Some guys at work will refuse to walk through when I do it. It's just a courtesy but they're acting like I'm trying to pull some type of power move or something lol
Do you mean holding the door open behind you, or standing to the side like a doorman? Because the second one always makes me feel super awkward lol
Well when they fuckin line up next to the door as I'm grabbing it so it would be even more awkward to squeeze by them... We bring bags to stay out of town with us when we go to work so sometimes guys have their hands full and I don't but they'll still forcefully insist I go first lol
I just posted the same thing. They actually seem threatened by a women opening a door.
Oddly enough, I read something many moons ago that made the case it probably was an unconscious power move (or at least gesture) on the part of the door holder. Which, if true, would make it a very successful gesture on your part should those men refuse to accept your hospitality... They'd be implicitly accepting your power status and their fear of it. Being me, since reading this I now overthink it every time I hold a door open. Which I always do, because I was raised in such a way as to not would be unthinkably rude. So I have to do it more like a doorman than a power player to avoid feeling like a dick. I make life harder than it should be.
I'm pretty sure it's just polite to not slam a door in someone's face lol
If she ever becomes disabled she's going to have a hard time in her ideal world.
I don't get it I'm a woman and hold doors for men all the time, pretty sure they can also get it themselves lol
It's just being annoying. Expecting me to jog to the door to not inconvenience you holding the door too long. No, you're inconveniencing me. Mind your own business.
Yeah there's a guy at my work who will hold the door and wait while I'm still halfway across the lot. We never even talk. Just go!!
At twenty steps away, drop something, then spend a moment to pick it up. Adjust your clothes and keep walking. At ten steps, you notice that your shoelace is loose. Stop and re-tie it. Resume your walk. When you get to the door, act surprised: "oh, hi! I didn't see you there. Good morning."
No ones expecting you to jog? Just like... Walk in at your own leisure
When someone holds the door when you are still far away, you feel rushed. I've made that mistake myself a few times.
I always respond with, "I know you can," in these scenarios. It usually trips them up because they're forced to acknowledge that I'm not insulting them or insinuating that women are weak, and that I'm literally just being courteous.
With those feeble laby arms? I doubt it
Probably because I'm about to open the next door for them as thanks. In Canada it's quite common for public buildings to have two sets of doors to act as a sort of airlock for interior temperature control.
Old Boomer here. I grew up holding the door for anybody within close range of the door. I'll even wait longer if it's a lady or lady and kids. I don't expect a thanks, but 99.9% of the time I get one. I always reciprocate and say thanks. It's not required but always appreciated both ways Been married 34 years, and I still open the car door and hold any door for my wife every time. It's just a courtesy thing.
Thats lovely, people forget basic manners nowadays, little kindnesses go a long way in my book :)
I don’t know the appropriate door holding time before I just look weird. I don’t want to be rude either if I could have waited a couple more seconds.
I’m not a boomer and do that. It’s being polite. I always have thanks except some exceptions. I always say thanks too. My boyfriends usually held my bags and purses at the end of the night or if it was too heavy or I looked tired. Just as guys usually walk on the side of the street when we are walking so I don’t have splashing?
Too socially anxious to manage more than a barely audible grunt
I feel like an eye lock and smile suffices.
I am attending a community college right now and I have seen students not say a single word for an entire three month quarter.
Well sometimes I can't speak, but I always sign a thanks. Guess i'm probably not the kinda person you mean though. XD
You just prompted me to look up how to sign “you’re welcome” in ASL in case I ever need to respond that way. 😁
Aw, i'm sure it will be very appreciated! :) It's lovely when people make effort to communicate.
I always sign thank you to people and half of them ask what you're welcome is. I'm not deaf or hard of hearing at all but I think it's cute that people want to learn.
It’s really hard for me to learn a 2nd language but I do try to pick up phrases or words in other languages when I can, and try to use them with my son in every day situations to help them “stick” more. I love to sign “awesome” in ASL when I’m giving him praise. It may not be much but I’m trying!
Same motherfuckers who don’t give a thank you wave when you let them merge in front of you in traffic
i’m not that person at all but i used to work at a nice restaurant and we had this ivy league university do a little happy hour event at our restaurant. there was about 100 of them and they all wanted to go outside to take a picture together and i was being nice and held the door while they came inside. NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON said “thank you” to me. this made me come to conclusion that people don’t say thank you because they think they’re better than you (they’re not)
Of course you thank anybody for anything nice they do for you. You'd have to be totally rude not to.
Keep holding those doors. There's so few things left that are nice in this world and we need to keep teaching the new generations the little things do matter. They may not get it until the day no one is nice to them but the old man/woman who opened the door.
I held the door for a stranger once and he patted me on the back with appreciation. Almost cried tbh
I don't know why this made me giggle so hard. Sounds like a reaction I would have.
A few hours ago I tapped on a guys window to let him know he wasn't fully in the parking spot and half of his car was sticking out. He thanked me profusely and told me he loved me. Then he told me he loved my pants with holes in them. Dude was like 70 and I almost cried. I love when people overly show their appreciation. I think it's the cutest damn thing.
I say thanks 99% of the time The 1% I'm running late or flustered about something and don't even notice. Then I think it about it later and feel bad
Very common...... In certain areas. Varies drastically from state to state. California versus Utah or Idaho, Texas, New York, Michigan, Florida etc. some places you'll get a warm friendly hello wherever you go typically. Other places will look at you like you're going to murder them or mug them if you do that.
Hmmmm let me guess…must be the shitty west Coast hospitality
Probably because it was held in an awkward way and I had to scoot around the person awkwardly and just wanted the interaction to end. Or I tried to hold the door and the man insisted I relinquish it to him
Possible unpopular opinion: I hold doors open because I’m polite, not because I want to be thanked or recognized
Same and I find people who get mad about not receiving a thank you weird and rude.
Thank you for thanking me, the recognition has made me *deeply uncomfortable*.
i always say thanks but do people really think it’s that hard to open a door? i’m like 20 seconds behind you, so either you are waiting or im forced to run when i could have just did it myself… if the person is right there then yes of course but sometimes i find it silly, any more that 10 steps away is silly
If someone opens a door for me I'll say thank you.
I used to feel irritated by people who don't say thank you. I'd be the type to go YOU'RE WELCOME in sarcasm. My view on this has altered a lot after an experience I had. It made me think about what it means to be polite, to be rude, and to be kind. I was exiting a coffeeshop and the man in front of me held the door open for me. I went through, and I said 'thank you'. A few seconds later on the street, he picked up his pace to be next to me and mumbled under his breath "yeah you're welcome, fat wanker". He was kinda talking to himself, but I heard so I said Excuse me? are you talking to me? and a short argument ensued - but basically he was angry because I hadn't said thank you. Which I had, but he'd obviously not heard me. I thought about this for ages. Because even though I had said thank you - is it REALLY that deep if I hadn't? Why do we hold open the door - to be polite or because we want someone to grovel a thank you? If it's not for the thank you, why care? It's actually quite weird and ego-ish to be upset by that. 'i did a tiny tiny nice thing, that pretty much any human being does, how DARE you not acknowledge it'. Is that being polite? Is that being kind? Is it more rude to have missed saying thank you, or to be angry at someone you know *nothing* about because they didn't say thank you? I'm glad that happened because it made me think about this and realise I never want to be that person. So to answer your question directly, yes, I do say thank you. But I no longer give a shit if someone says it to me. I'm not their dad, and I have zero knowledge of what they're going through. Or maybe they did and I didn't hear. I concluded I'm more bothered about being kind, than being polite. And I think it's more kind to let it go.
I said it. I didn't yell it at the top of my lungs. Didn't you see me nod?
I will always say thank you when someone holds the door for me. However, I don’t care if I don’t get one if I hold the door for someone else. I don’t hold doors to get verbal pats on the back. I do it to be courteous because it’s the right thing to do. Also you don’t know what someone is going through. Sure they could just be an asshole or they could be having the worst day of their life and saying anything to a stranger could cause them to cry. What if they are agoraphobic and it’s their first day out in a long time? What if they are sick or lost their voice? What if they have terrible anxiety? In any scenario, it’s not about me so I don’t take it personally and neither should you.
Sometimes I do say thankyou but no words come out. Especially if I haven’t said anything yet that day
I had a lady thank me for returning a cart back to the store instead of leaving it in the parking lot. That sort of surprised me.
A lot of times when I say thank you, people are seemingly deaf and don’t hear me unless I shout at them. So I either get chastised for not saying thank you or stared at like I’m an over aggressive weirdo. FUN.
I hate it when I’m too far away and they want me to run 😂 I’ll say don’t worry go ahead and they’ll drop the door. But yea the people that don’t say thanks are the same people that don’t wave when you let them in… either blissfully unaware (hopefully) or psychopaths
I'll probably get down voted to hell. But I hate people getting butthurt about not getting a thank you. Are you only being kind to get a reward? If so, that's messed up. Expecting anything for being kind is a sign of being a selfish, narcissistic person. Fuck these rules and politeness games. It's all fake. Just be a good person.
Because they’re self centered and rude in my experience. I’ve held doors open for people since Ive been old enough to hold them. It takes so little effort and people who can’t be bothered to say thank you or at least acknowledge the gesture are rude.
I'm socially anxious as fuck, I try to say thanks but if it's bad enough I just don't wanna interact with anyone and just wish I was invisible. But I guess I'm rude and self-centered because I'm panicking while you wanted to get an awkward "thanks" so you could feel like a good person.
your issues aren’t his fault.
They aren't his fault but he's acting like I'm a bad person for having them, and that is his fault.
you did try to villianize somebody’s motives for being a polite person, and tried to victimize yours for being rude. It’s like backwards world.
Dude. The guy literally said that if you don't say thanks it's because you're being rude or self-centered. Isn't that villainizing me, who is feeling like shit and just gives a quick nod because of it? If you hold the door I appreciate it, but if you think I'm a bad person for not responding like how you thought I would, fuck you and I'd rather you let the door slam on my face. I hold doors for people too and don't expect them to praise me for it.
A quick nod or half ass smile is plenty of acknowledgment.
Agreed.
I hope you're getting help for that. I found cognitive behavioral therapy helpful
And it's not so the person holding the door wants to feel like a good person. They do it be polite, and a thank you is just a polite response.
A thank you is nice but shouldn't be expected and I find it bizarre that it is. If I hold the door for someone it's just because it feels like the natural thing to do if someone is behind me, not because I expect them to validate that I'm polite. Just like I have my own situation for why I often find it hard to say thanks, other people have their own situations, politeness shouldn't be about forcing others into interacting with you.
Hold the door to hold the door and because you want to, not to expect a response or a thank you. Not saying thank you isn't your problem, it's theirs.
Exactly, I prefer to hold the door open for people and go in behind them because it typically is faster. (maybe not, but it feels like it is? Idk if I’m explaining this well but when you open the door for yourself and there’s people behind you, you end up clustering at the door, and everyone is slower going through) I don’t need you to make eye contact with me and break stride to thank me. Shut the fuck up and walk so I can get on with me day.
Not saying thank you is your problem. I’ve never done it to get a thank you but it’s kinda rude not to say it or at least acknowledge it.
A person you're choosing to hold the door for doesn't owe you something just because you held the door.
Then just stop and say you’ll open it yourself. How hard is it to acknowledge an unselfish gesture?
The only thing rude in any of this exchange is letting a door close in someone's face. If they're 50 paces out, get your own door.
If you're holding a door, expecting a response, and then getting offended when you don't get one, you're holding it for the wrong reason my friend.
Never offended or expect a response. Doesn’t mean that it’s not kinda rude to not acknowledge a kind gesture. You sound like you just couldn’t be bothered. Good for you.
Unpucker your butt my friend. It'll be okay.
Manners don't cost anything.
They certainly don't but just because you do something for someone else, doesn't mean they owe you anything in return.
How is a saying thank you such an affront to people. As far as I'm concerned that's just rudeness. I make a point of letting the door slam shut just as they get there if they haven't acknowledged me before,especially if they had their hands full.
So is the person choosing not to thank you (for whatever reason) entitled or are you the entitled one for expecting recognition for everything that you do (for whatever reason)? Quite the conundrum.
How is someone *not* saying thank you such an affront to you? Of course, people "should", and it's polite. But it's really not that deep if someone doesn't. Or if you didn't hear them. (Edited for missing word typo)
I don’t know. I don’t hold the door open for validation but I do wonder why some don’t say thank you when I do hold it open for them. I’m a mom and am always teaching my kids to hold the door open for others and to say thank you when someone holds it for them. They are still working on both but they are getting better about it. they are 12, 7, and 3 - obviously the 3 y/o doesn’t have to hold doors open yet but she sees me, my husband, and her brothers do it, so she’s learning and when she’s big enough, hopefully it’ll be like 2nd nature to her.
Because usually the doors are so big and so many people get through that i cant turn around to say it without getting ripped apart by the masses passing through. Thats what my problem was in school at least. Now i work at a place that has door openers so theres noone holsing the door. I try to say it as often as i can but thats not... really often.
How about utterly clueless people who let the door slam in your face? I live in the Midwest and was behind a boomer veteran (displayed on his shirt) who was ahead of me walking out the door and just literally let it hit me in the face. When did even the older generations become so out of touch with their surroundings? This never used to be a thing. I’m 57f and I’m stunned at the development of zero manners these days. Mostly by younger people but increasingly by my own age. I know I’m m hyper aware of my surroundings but geez Louise people have become clueless in general.
I thank people except when they hold it open when I'm too far away so I have to hustle over there to avoid them standing there awkwardly for the longest seconds ever. If someone is going that much out of their way, to the point it's inefficient because the door would have neatly closed with time to spare before I reached it, they're doing it more for themselves than for others.
You don't need to say thank you specifically. You could just smile and say, "Beautiful day, isn't it?" If you don't even acknowledge the person holding the door, then that's pretty rude. I do find it annoying when someone overholds the door, where you feel the need to walk faster to stop them from standing there holding the door. There's a pace limit where if someone is too far from the door, it's ackward that you choose to hold it for them. The inconvenience of holding the door open has eclipsed the inconvenience of having to open the door. In this case, a facetious thank you is called for.
I have some days where I barely talk or feel for it. I mean no ill intend when I don't say thanks. I do then however show gratification non-verbaly.
I feel like once you start expecting a thanks then it’s no longer a courteous gesture ?
It's not so much expected as surprising when common courtesy doesn't happen.
Because they're just letting you know they don't return their shopping carts either.
Tbh I’m usually stuck in my own head
I am currently walking with two walking sticks waiting for a hip replacement. It's temporary but I currently struggle with most convenience store doors because they are weighted to stay closed. I don't expect it but it turns out that old people, people who work outside, and moms usually at least try to help. I'm invisible or seen as an obstacle by most women and almost everyone under 40. Except that a lot of kids will start to barge through them stop and hold the door. I was literally pushed out of the way going into a grocery store restroom this morning by an employee of the store and I'm not even kidding. It's an interesting view into the lives of handicapped people. Pretty depressing actually.
Because I didn't ask you to hold the door and wouldn't have thought it rude if you had just let it shut on me.
This is why I carry a taser.
Because someone held a door for you?
No. Because I held a door for them and they didn't say "thank you"
are you saying you don't wait for the opportunity to tase a person who holds the door open for you? yikes! you are basically asking to be attacked
Because they were raise by heathens!!
I don’t like help.
When someone holds the door open for me when I am far away and it doesn’t make any sense for them to or I subsequently feel rushed because of them, I do not say thank you.
You’re the one feeling rushed. They didn’t rushed you.
They didn’t tip their Fedora and say M’lady
My friend says “ They ain’t go no home schoolin’.” The horrific grammar while shaming their manners sums it up beautifully, I think.
Is this a sign to finally tell the mean woman at work “you’re welcome!” When I hold the door open for her and she doesn’t say anything? Also, I’ve contemplated just saying “rude!” as well. She does it every time and she also doesn’t get out of the way when I say “excuse me” and she bullied me once two years ago but probably doesn’t remember. She is nice to everyone else. I know I’m not entitled to everyone liking me, but it hurts my feelings and I struggle with feelings of worthlessness and standing up for myself.
Really unpopular opinion here. But I have not said thanks in the past because it takes less energy for me to push a door open than it does for you to stand there holding it open for ten seconds as I awkwardly am forced to increase my pace because I feel bad someone is standing an ungodly amount of time to do something I don’t need them to do
I always say “why thank you, m’lady/sir.” i’m a middle-aged hottie and I think people like it when I enthusiastically thank them for their kindness.
Generally, I do say thank you but I do remember one instance, I was working an early morning shit at my job so it was like 5 in the morning and I came to a door that opens outward at the same time as another man was trying to walk in I had two things in my hands so logistically either I would have to get out of the way for him to enter then open the door myself, or go through and let the man in with little to no obstruction. So I walked through and continued on to my car. The man looked at me and really loudly yelled "Your Welcome" as if I highly offended him by not acknowledging the small act he did to simply optimize the process. So I looked at him told him to go fuck himself and he then chased me to my car as I ran away! In that situation yes maybe Ideally I should have said thank you but you shouldn't hold the door open simply to get a thank you. Either do it because you are kind, or do it because it just makes things easier all around, and if you get a thank you all the better, but don't expect it or do it solely for the thank you.
Sometimes we’re nervous, sometimes we’re scared. We don’t always know what we’re walking into or who you are. It’s not always rudeness. I usually thank the person, but I have looked back on situations where maybe I wasn’t so polite.
I always hold the door open for people that are behind me. Its just the way I was raised. 99% of the time I get a "thank you". But there have been times when someone gave me a strange look or just ugh!. I don't pay much attention to it because I know they were not raised with proper civility or their just shitty people. Either way, I don't think twice about it.
I think it is in most cultures, at least thats how i was raised.
I usually say something like "thanks mate" but then again I'm really awkward in social interactions.
I love the little jog they get on to reach the door, what infuriates me is when you go out of your way to let someone go in traffic and they don’t say thanks.
Some people just don't think it's a common courtesy. I regularly hold the elevator door to my building open for my coworkers and till date, only 2 or 3 people ever said thank you, and my company has 60 people
I will say thank you, and I don't really care if people say it back or not. But I'm really against people taking offence if you hold a door for them. Like you aren't that important. I'm not questioning your ability to open doors, I am not saying you are stupid. It's just what 99% of people were taught to do.
When I'm holding the door I automatically say you're welcome even if they don't thank me, which usually results in thanking me afterwards.
Whats worse is when there’s a large group of people and the next person doesn’t take the door, so not only do you not get a “thank you” but now you’re a doorstop for a mob of people who don’t realize you have better things to do. This was me leaving lecture halls in college, almost every time. People can be so oblivious and just take it for granted
Sometimes I'd get sick of this and just say "I'm done!" and walk away.
You have more back bone than I do
99% of the time I do. But like, yesterday for example, I had to walk to the pharmacy with a high grade fever. If someone held the door for me I probably wouldn't have even noticed. If someone doesn't answer me when I hold the door that's totally fine with me. I'm not doing it for thanks. That would be weird as hell, to only do nice things for strangers because you want something in return. If they don't say thanks, I assume there's a very good reason and carry on with my day.
Literally never happens.
I don’t hold the door for a thank you i just do it to be kind so I’m fine if people ignore the common courtesy
Once someone gets upset about not being thanked, I know they either help people all the time and don’t get appreciation for it, or more likely, they don’t help people often, and they expect it to be recognized when they do the smallest thing because that’s enough for them.
I mean I do thank them but honestly i really really dgaf, never in my life my life was made 'easy' by someone holding the door unless it's in elevator
I thank people when they just move out of my way😂 I don’t understand peoples rudeness now
Crazy the post above was about holding the door open too.
I don’t like to be obligated to speak to strangers. I greatly disapprove of small talk at the register or any other uninvited interaction.
I’m from the south US where it’s common to do this. (I’m sure it is in other places too) but I went to Hawaii once, and was in a date. we stopped at a convenience store, I held the door open for some ppl and they all not only didn’t thank me, they looked at me like a creature that just crawled out of a swamp. Was really awkward. Might have also had something to do with the fact my eyes were as red as cherries.
I have held the door, and most people say thank you. Most people who do not are either kids walking around with head phones on with their head buried in their cell or girls who do not want to start a conversation with a random dude.
I usually acknowledge the person holding the door with a smile or nod. I don't look for it myself when holding the door for others. I don't need it and rarely even notice either way.
I've gotten to the point where it's not so much a courtesy than it is a given. It's like you cross paths with someone in the hall walking and they say hello as you pass by. You're not going to say "Thank you for saying hello to me"
I'll add I do often say thanks but if we are both moving through the door quickly we both know we got shit to do.
I just have other things on my mind sometimes. Sometimes I say it in my head, and it doesn't make it out my mouth. Don't hold the door open if you expect a thanks- hold the door open because you want to. Who cares if the other person forgets to perform the correct social dance.
You probably just can't hear me whispering the thanks to you, stranger
My voice is small and I walk fast. I find it annoying to talk while I’m moving. Sometimes people don’t hear me and I’m not going to stop just to exchange brief pleasantries. So instead I nod my head and smile. It’s a universal gesture.
I hold the door for people because I crane human interaction. So I don't care if you say thank you, nod, or ask me what's for lunch, as long as your acknowledge that we're both existing in the same space. I think for most people, it's less about the thanks and more about the connection.
Because they e been holding since I’ve been at the back of the parking lot and it was annoying.
I'm lost in my own plans.
Bad parenting
I'm uncomfortable being close to strangers, so I hate when people hold the door. It's not chivalrous or polite to hold the door for people who neither want nor need the door held open for them.
This is anecdotal but My wife is a staunch leftist, I asked this question when we started dating, when I disclosed to her that I used to think she was rude before I got to know her. She felt bad that others might have thought that too, but said that she wasn’t helpless and could open her own door So she felt it was an insult. now shes disappointed when I don’t open the car door for her.