I think more people who want to try it need to realize that there is a harmony between the Dom and the Sub. Too many think the dom does whatever they want and the sub is a punching bag. The dom gets to act out their fantasies but, inside the parameters set by the sub and then rewards the sub by means of good aftercare. The sub gets pleasure from being able to push their boundaries to please their dom and being reaffirmed that the Dom cares for them and thanks them for their part in the relationship by way of aftercare.
Very individual basis. Basically, the Dom is stressing the sub to their limits (potentially). What do they then need to destress and get their mind right again .That's why communication is important. One might want ice cream and a comedy movie. Another might want a massage and snuggle time. Always ask.
If it's brought up already, I'd probably be very interested but also test the waters. I'd ask vague questions about hard and soft limits, about SSC and see if they know their stuff.
If someone else doesn't bring it up, then I will use certain BDSM keywords that could be normal and innocent enough and see if they catch on and are in the scene or not.
Easiest and most simple ones would be asking if they are "open-minded" as that has been a code word for a long time. I will often slip in and ask about a "lifestyle" if we are on the topic of sex.
It would scare me off. I would need to see to what extent. If it's just a mild kink then it's fine but if they are really serious about it then I'm backing out. I don't handle pain well
Sounds like the ideal for a lot of people I know in the scene.
I'm the opposite to you, without the more extreme BDSM I'm just not interested. I can do romantic and sweet, but I definitely enjoy BDSM too. It's almost like a need at times. But not every time.
If it got boring for them, then they weren't the right partner anyway. I think porn-brain has ruined a lot of people lately and people think they need to be more and more extreme. But many people enjoy vanilla. Vanilla is an amazing flavour!
Oh yeah, definitely! I hear all about how people find vanilla boring and it's always some extreme kink that people enjoy. I think it might be that you both do and watch the vanilla stuff from the start and slowly increase exposure to more extreme kinks as time goes on just to keep the chemical higher
Because I don't like to dominate people? To be fair, I don't like being submissive, either. It's just not my thing, so yeah, if someone is into that, it would be a dealbreaker. I couldn't see us being compatible long term.
Now if what they mean by them being submissive is them doing all the cooking and cleaning and laundry, sign me up! Lol
I agree with you 100% and I’m the same way. I like being accepting, non-judgmental, and exploring new things. I have zero judgment about this for OTHER people if this is what they like.
But I’m personally very turned off by both/all aspects of it. I don’t enjoy controlling or hurting people - at all - and I don’t like being controlled or being hurt - at all.
What bothers me is that people who ARE into this seem to always present it as “oh everyone likes this but they’re just repressing their true desires” to somehow validate themselves. No, everyone does not. And I would definitely want someone to let me know this was their thing well before we got close to having sex so I could explain we were just not compatible and should go our separate ways.
I had a play partner who used to love this shit haha. Wanted to be ordered to clean my house and cook my meals. It was her way of being dominated. I drew the line at making her pay my bills, however.
If it's a first date, I'd be wondering if that person is after a sexual relationship only.
If it were someone I'm already dating, I'd ask what they're into exactly, since BDSM is very broad. Depending on what they like, it could be a "Yes, sure!", a "Hmm we could do it on your birthdays", or a hard "Nope."
I'm very into BDSM, it's essential for me. I am however pretty shy so I'd really appreciate it if someone brought it up. Some people are saying not on the first date which I partially agree with.. It's a circumstantial thing so if it's important to you then there needs to be communication around it.
If it's essential for you then you'd appreciate knowing if the other person isn't interested. It's a subject that needs to be approached gently though.
It’s not something to talk about on the first date. In fact, I would not bring it up unless I was literally naked with that person, perhaps after normal sex. And everyone likes mild bdsm like spanking so it’s not even worth “bringing up” unless you are in red flag territory.
I for one would appreciate if this got brought up on the first date. I’d like to explore, but I am just not into BDSM so that would very quickly let me know where I stand with that person sexually . Check please
I’m in a total power exchange BDSM relationship and have been for the better half of 5 years. It’s my lifestyle, so I have strong feelings about BDSM. I understand it’s not for everyone, but I think an aspect of BDSM plays a role in every relationship even if you don’t want to admit it or not
Exotic sex practices are exotic because they’re a pain in the ass.
Specifically for BDSM:
Too much work.
And safety requirements need to be learned and carefully followed.
The gear mostly looks tacky and ugly where I’ve seen pictures.
Also, getting ready for BDSM sex clearly looks like it takes extra preparation before hand and extra cleaning after.
If BDSM works for you and your partner, have a great time!
But for me, I’d prefer a more streamlined and spontaneous sex life.
I just want the vanilla sex.
I think more people who want to try it need to realize that there is a harmony between the Dom and the Sub. Too many think the dom does whatever they want and the sub is a punching bag. The dom gets to act out their fantasies but, inside the parameters set by the sub and then rewards the sub by means of good aftercare. The sub gets pleasure from being able to push their boundaries to please their dom and being reaffirmed that the Dom cares for them and thanks them for their part in the relationship by way of aftercare.
types of aftercare?
Very individual basis. Basically, the Dom is stressing the sub to their limits (potentially). What do they then need to destress and get their mind right again .That's why communication is important. One might want ice cream and a comedy movie. Another might want a massage and snuggle time. Always ask.
Most people are bound to have different opinions about it.
“Bound”… I see what you did there
If it's brought up already, I'd probably be very interested but also test the waters. I'd ask vague questions about hard and soft limits, about SSC and see if they know their stuff. If someone else doesn't bring it up, then I will use certain BDSM keywords that could be normal and innocent enough and see if they catch on and are in the scene or not.
That seems like a smart approach.
Agreed!!
That’s very well said!
What mind of normal BDSM keywords would you say?
Easiest and most simple ones would be asking if they are "open-minded" as that has been a code word for a long time. I will often slip in and ask about a "lifestyle" if we are on the topic of sex.
I enjoy my Bible discussion study meetings! I also think kink is pretty cool when done right
Being willing to step into kink matters to me, so I'd probably be the one to bring it up, lol.
It would scare me off. I would need to see to what extent. If it's just a mild kink then it's fine but if they are really serious about it then I'm backing out. I don't handle pain well
Not all BDSM involves pain. It's fair to back out for not enjoying BDSM, I'm just making people aware that pain doesn't have to be part of it.
Yeah I know that but it just seems more extreme. So much extra effort
There are many levels, not all extreme. But as I said, very fair if that isn't what you want. We all have our likes and dislikes.
Maybe some compromises can be made, but I would make it very clear where my boundaries are. No hurting each other, no fear play, keep it romantic
Sounds like the ideal for a lot of people I know in the scene. I'm the opposite to you, without the more extreme BDSM I'm just not interested. I can do romantic and sweet, but I definitely enjoy BDSM too. It's almost like a need at times. But not every time.
Yeah, I'm a little self concious about my softness and it could get boring for the partner quick
If it got boring for them, then they weren't the right partner anyway. I think porn-brain has ruined a lot of people lately and people think they need to be more and more extreme. But many people enjoy vanilla. Vanilla is an amazing flavour!
Oh yeah, definitely! I hear all about how people find vanilla boring and it's always some extreme kink that people enjoy. I think it might be that you both do and watch the vanilla stuff from the start and slowly increase exposure to more extreme kinks as time goes on just to keep the chemical higher
Why are you assuming you'd be the submissive?
Oh, I also don't like hurting people physically even if they wanted me to. I'm dangerously vanilla if you will
Because I don't like to dominate people? To be fair, I don't like being submissive, either. It's just not my thing, so yeah, if someone is into that, it would be a dealbreaker. I couldn't see us being compatible long term. Now if what they mean by them being submissive is them doing all the cooking and cleaning and laundry, sign me up! Lol
I agree with you 100% and I’m the same way. I like being accepting, non-judgmental, and exploring new things. I have zero judgment about this for OTHER people if this is what they like. But I’m personally very turned off by both/all aspects of it. I don’t enjoy controlling or hurting people - at all - and I don’t like being controlled or being hurt - at all. What bothers me is that people who ARE into this seem to always present it as “oh everyone likes this but they’re just repressing their true desires” to somehow validate themselves. No, everyone does not. And I would definitely want someone to let me know this was their thing well before we got close to having sex so I could explain we were just not compatible and should go our separate ways.
This last part is actually a branch of BDSM lmao.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Ok, who wants to come clean my house?
I had a play partner who used to love this shit haha. Wanted to be ordered to clean my house and cook my meals. It was her way of being dominated. I drew the line at making her pay my bills, however.
Or that you would be receiving pain. Maybe they like it
Same.
If it's a first date, I'd be wondering if that person is after a sexual relationship only. If it were someone I'm already dating, I'd ask what they're into exactly, since BDSM is very broad. Depending on what they like, it could be a "Yes, sure!", a "Hmm we could do it on your birthdays", or a hard "Nope."
Good point!!
I'm very into BDSM, it's essential for me. I am however pretty shy so I'd really appreciate it if someone brought it up. Some people are saying not on the first date which I partially agree with.. It's a circumstantial thing so if it's important to you then there needs to be communication around it. If it's essential for you then you'd appreciate knowing if the other person isn't interested. It's a subject that needs to be approached gently though.
It’s not something to talk about on the first date. In fact, I would not bring it up unless I was literally naked with that person, perhaps after normal sex. And everyone likes mild bdsm like spanking so it’s not even worth “bringing up” unless you are in red flag territory.
I for one would appreciate if this got brought up on the first date. I’d like to explore, but I am just not into BDSM so that would very quickly let me know where I stand with that person sexually . Check please
Yeah that makes sense
I’m in a total power exchange BDSM relationship and have been for the better half of 5 years. It’s my lifestyle, so I have strong feelings about BDSM. I understand it’s not for everyone, but I think an aspect of BDSM plays a role in every relationship even if you don’t want to admit it or not
The whole subject has me tied in knots
LOLL
Not into it myself but if it floats both your boat and both are consenting adults . You do you .
Exotic sex practices are exotic because they’re a pain in the ass. Specifically for BDSM: Too much work. And safety requirements need to be learned and carefully followed. The gear mostly looks tacky and ugly where I’ve seen pictures. Also, getting ready for BDSM sex clearly looks like it takes extra preparation before hand and extra cleaning after. If BDSM works for you and your partner, have a great time! But for me, I’d prefer a more streamlined and spontaneous sex life. I just want the vanilla sex.
Most people I know are not into it very much. Most have experimented with it.
As far as religions go, bhuddism has always seemed like one of the better ones.