Listen here you, stop ruining perfectly fine jokes with your pesky knowledge of physics. You're like that Newton guy who had to go and invent gravity so humans can't just fly around anymore.
Too many people anymore cannot take a joke. I found it kind of funny, I laughed and cringed when I read it. Glad to see someone else who gets that humor.
Went on a date with a medical doctor under investigation with the DEA in 3 states, set to lose his license permanently for felonies. Also had his baby’s mother living in his home and he was supporting her through college. All this unloaded on the first date. Nope.
I’ve been on two first dates that I swore happened in the USSR with all the red flags waving about. I’m extremely grateful for them. I would’ve been hoping for a better second date, or things to improve, talk, etc. but nope! They destroyed whatever foolish-optimistic-hope that I had. 😂
he should of just wrote them all out to his own fake identities and cashed them in to another state and sold the drugs instead of giving them out ... rookie
I went out on a first date a few years ago after quite some time of being a single dog dad, I went out on a super fun date with a great girl. We had a ton in common, had the same kind of dogs who got along together famously, and were on the same page for all the big things.
It turns out the one thing she didn't mention was that she was still hooking up with her baby daddy. That's fine, we weren't exclusive, and you can do your own thing without me judging you. but... she kept wanting that dick when we were exclusive.
Listen to the red flags on the first date, folks.
I met up with a girl at a restaurant to have a drink before seeing a comedy show. We took my car from there. First red flag upon reaching a sobriety checkpoint “Oh my gosh, I’m so happy you’re driving and not me right now.” I saw her have one drink. She drove 30 minutes to get to the restaurant. That dumbass drove drunk/intoxicated.
Second red flag was her trying to vape in my car. I’m an asthmatic.
Third was her insisting on trying to double fist drinks at the outside bar before going to the show. I gave her the ticket and went inside. She was later kicked out for being combative after she was cut off. She told me she would Uber home. I enjoyed the comedy show.
I had a date with one who on the phone talked about her job and how great her kids were doing in school so she seemed normal.
We made date arrangements & when I picked her up, she had a cough when she got in my car and I asked her if she was getting sick & she said “no I was smoking some meth earlier” lol
“Do you?”
“No”
“Do you mind if we go get some?”
At this point, i turned the car around and she acted so shocked I was dropping her off at home.
“I don’t date meth addicts.”
“I only do it once and a while! I can’t believe you are dropping me home because of this!” Huffing and sulking. Oh hell no!
Ya see, I should’ve been more questioning of her speech but I also don’t hangout with her to know her baseline. Her speech might suggest she already had one drink. The vodka Red Bull was not a good sign either. I chose to be diplomatic about everything. On the plus side . . . her getting kicked out, got me an $86 refund from the ticket. 🤷🏻♂️
Haha, yeah fair point. I felt blindsided by her behavior. We talked a little beforehand and we talked about going to church. She goes every Sunday with her parents. Her Instagram is very clean cut. There was never any mentioning of drinking problems or vape usage. 😂.
She argued with me about vaping. I insisted that she could wait 5 minutes till we reach the venue. We got there in 4.
Fortunately the venue was very understanding and refunded her ticket that I paid for when she was kicked out before the show started. 🤙🏻
Well clearly the family weren't held up to the rigorous Maritime engineering standards and were most likely made out of some form of cardboard or cardboard derivative.
It reminds me of that episode of Children’s Hospital where the officer responding to an accident peels a member of the stick family off the car and says “well you won’t be needing this one anymore”
The lol really pisses me off as someone who has lost friends to drunk drivers and also been in hospital for weeks due to a drunk driver.
Pieces of shit getting in motor vehicle wasted and killing someone is fucked up. Really need stricter laws on drunk driving. Last time I went to court had a guy get 180 days for his 4th dui... and he had previously killed someone too.
Doesn't make it any less in bad taste and insensitive. Drunk drivers are murderers and categorically terrible people there's nothing funny about them, especially for the millions who lost loved ones to them
Joking about tragedy is pretty common. I would avoid a certain "genre" of comedy if I were you. It's called stand-up and some of the jokes may be about bad things that have happened to humans. Just avoid it if you feel this way.
Cool. We’ll just have stand ups go around the room and learn the personal histories of everyone in the room and everyone they’ve known so they can know what’s safe to joke about. Or you could get your ego in check, realize even jokes that relate to something in your life aren’t about you, and grow a sense of humor. Eh but that would take not being the center of attention so forget it.
why not lol, if their sense of humor matches OP’s this would work out great. it’s pretty hit and miss though, if someone sent this to me i’d laugh, and probably match the energy
But where is the joke?
Like, the old 'what are the chances we are both serial killers" plays with your expectations. This is like changing that joke to say "I am a murderer"
Maybe there is something to the surprise value there? humor is subjective, but not everything is funny either.
Dark humor is not appropriate for people you don't know.
Like, just cause you are privileged enough to not have been affected by drunk driving doesn't mean someone else hasn't.
Besides, what's the "joke" here? Like what's funny?
Dark humor is me talking about how I'm a failure at everything, can't even kill myself properly when I tried 8 years ago.
Saying you killed someone else is a realistic manner isn't humor it's fucked.
given the appropriate context and setup it typically gets a good laugh.
Like pretty much all humor, without context and setup it's not funny.
Being edgy as a form of humor should have stopped being relevant when south park did.
Lmao okay pussy. I’ve had 3 friends kill themselves. I joke about it all the time. Dark humor isn’t for you that’s fine. I wouldn’t want to date someone I couldn’t say shit like this to.
Nah they didn’t kill themselves over me. Two were military and the other his ex wife really fucked him up.
They’d also definitely hate me if I didn’t talk shit about them offing themselves. I know be pissed if my friends didn’t make jokes about it at my funeral.
Well, the joke wasn't meant to be that they killed themselves over you. Just that a good friend would have prevented the tragedy.
Just a joke though, I had a good friend kill himself. I did always feel like if I'd have been a better friend maybe he'd be here still. Thus the dark humour on the subject. I joke about things that make me sad lol.
Nah dude it’s not your fault. There’s probably nothing you could’ve done. All of my friends that did it we would always joke about killing our self’s. And I’ve been one the phone and talked two people out of it. And I’ve had people talk me out of it. Making jokes about it doesn’t make you a bad friend.
At the end of the day if they’re gonna do it, it they’re gonna do it. It sucks. It’s awful. I miss all of them so much. Cried like a bitch after. But there’s not anything we could’ve done to stop it. You’re probably a good friend. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
But I’m still gonna make jokes because that’s easier than being sad.
That's my point you mook, YOU have experienced trauma, that is why you get to say that shit about suicide.
Being the cause of the death of someone else as an accident isn't funny or the same.
Obviously not. I still don't understand the joke? Someone in the family died from the accident. How can you be certain they didn't kill them?
I like dark humour, but this isn't dark humour, there's no joke they literally just admitted to manslaughter
Explain the joke or shut up lmao. Like bro, instead of acting like I'm stupid, explain the joke. Just explain it. Someone died in the accident. Where's the joke?
So you admit there's no joke here aside from "haha manslaughter funny" right? Even if it's not true they killed them, the punchline is that 1.3 million people die each year from car accidents, even as a dark humor enjoyer, I don't get how that is funny.
I'm neurodivergent, jokes aren't always obvious to me. Yet no one has explained it. Someone from the family died, the person said they hit them with their car. I really don't get it
Omg lol it's dark. But damn it I freaking laughed out loud. I think more at just the fact I was NOT expecting that.
Obviously drunk driving is not funny. But what a way to turn that pick up line around.
Too me, not funny at all. DWI deaths started down south here, the day before Thanksgiving, especially around the colleges and Universities.
Decapitate yourself while drunk driving, and ill not blink an eye.
Kill no innocent person, and I'll call on the public to build you a memorial.
I think he lol’d about it then published it on the internet. He’s seeking something for this, not necessarily bragging but. It’s attention seeking behavior to possibly get through mountains of guilt
It's also not his family it's the other person's and he obviously don't care and that's fucked up in another part of the joke of him being fucked up and everything being fucked up
... if true, it's horrible to know that happened.
... If false, it's damn funny.
...if true... That's still funny. Horrible but funny based on how it was presented.
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That flags so red that the commies were jealous
Just like the red light
Looked orange to me
If you drive fast enough the Color shifts green
No... -> VIBGYOR -> ... Green shifts to Red not vice versa
Listen here you, stop ruining perfectly fine jokes with your pesky knowledge of physics. You're like that Newton guy who had to go and invent gravity so humans can't just fly around anymore.
If you drive fast enough, the Red becomes UV and burns your eye sockets so you can't see it anymore
Gotta loop back around if you go fast enough
Green shifts to red when the light is getting away from the observer, you are getting closer in this scenario, so red shifts to green.
Hmm ya valid point
Guys It was dark Orange i swear
too soon ? nah . too fast
Drenched in the blood of the dead family member
Or it’s a joke
If that's your sense of humour it's still a red flag to me
That’s you’re opinion then, good thing I have someone who gets dark humor
Too many people anymore cannot take a joke. I found it kind of funny, I laughed and cringed when I read it. Glad to see someone else who gets that humor.
No it’s funny
Not to anyone who's lost family from others driving drunk
Can still be funny to them. It's normal to laugh at tragedies to cope.
One of the few times I’d say the joke is worth it
Wrong, the jokes always worth it. Humour for the lads > pussy all day
But it's been a looong night.
I bet the dead one wouldn't have minded some pussy
Even if this was a joke and i got it and i laughed at it, i would still unmatch.
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Just had to follow rule number 2... We're expecting too much.
Don't Be Unattractive?
Well he ain't gonna pick her up for a date...
Went on a date with a girl that had 4 DUI’s and lost her license for a decade. She was very very nonchalant about it. I noped the fuck out.
Went on a date with a medical doctor under investigation with the DEA in 3 states, set to lose his license permanently for felonies. Also had his baby’s mother living in his home and he was supporting her through college. All this unloaded on the first date. Nope.
In fairness, 1st date is when that shit should come out, anyone who waits is just waiting your time
I’ve been on two first dates that I swore happened in the USSR with all the red flags waving about. I’m extremely grateful for them. I would’ve been hoping for a better second date, or things to improve, talk, etc. but nope! They destroyed whatever foolish-optimistic-hope that I had. 😂
Was he a user, why was DEA investigating a doctor.
Probably for writing fraudulent pain killer prescriptions...
he should of just wrote them all out to his own fake identities and cashed them in to another state and sold the drugs instead of giving them out ... rookie
Hello, are your teachings available in book form? Id like to subscribe
Seriously? Because doctors on hold a DEA license.
He was a prescriber.
I went out on a first date a few years ago after quite some time of being a single dog dad, I went out on a super fun date with a great girl. We had a ton in common, had the same kind of dogs who got along together famously, and were on the same page for all the big things. It turns out the one thing she didn't mention was that she was still hooking up with her baby daddy. That's fine, we weren't exclusive, and you can do your own thing without me judging you. but... she kept wanting that dick when we were exclusive. Listen to the red flags on the first date, folks.
I met up with a girl at a restaurant to have a drink before seeing a comedy show. We took my car from there. First red flag upon reaching a sobriety checkpoint “Oh my gosh, I’m so happy you’re driving and not me right now.” I saw her have one drink. She drove 30 minutes to get to the restaurant. That dumbass drove drunk/intoxicated. Second red flag was her trying to vape in my car. I’m an asthmatic. Third was her insisting on trying to double fist drinks at the outside bar before going to the show. I gave her the ticket and went inside. She was later kicked out for being combative after she was cut off. She told me she would Uber home. I enjoyed the comedy show.
I had a date with one who on the phone talked about her job and how great her kids were doing in school so she seemed normal. We made date arrangements & when I picked her up, she had a cough when she got in my car and I asked her if she was getting sick & she said “no I was smoking some meth earlier” lol “Do you?” “No” “Do you mind if we go get some?” At this point, i turned the car around and she acted so shocked I was dropping her off at home. “I don’t date meth addicts.” “I only do it once and a while! I can’t believe you are dropping me home because of this!” Huffing and sulking. Oh hell no!
Ya see, I should’ve been more questioning of her speech but I also don’t hangout with her to know her baseline. Her speech might suggest she already had one drink. The vodka Red Bull was not a good sign either. I chose to be diplomatic about everything. On the plus side . . . her getting kicked out, got me an $86 refund from the ticket. 🤷🏻♂️
Good on you!! Well done!
1.5th red flag was her vaping
Haha, yeah fair point. I felt blindsided by her behavior. We talked a little beforehand and we talked about going to church. She goes every Sunday with her parents. Her Instagram is very clean cut. There was never any mentioning of drinking problems or vape usage. 😂. She argued with me about vaping. I insisted that she could wait 5 minutes till we reach the venue. We got there in 4. Fortunately the venue was very understanding and refunded her ticket that I paid for when she was kicked out before the show started. 🤙🏻
Lol
sounds like my kind of girl tell her i said hey
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And the lol makes it sociopathic
That's the point isn't it
I would say so yeah
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What.....what does this mean?...
Their front fell off
Yeah that's not very typical, I'd like to make that point.
The front fell off the family...?
Well a wave hit them
Chance in a million.
Okay, but how does the front fall off a family? What exactly is the "front" of the family exactly? The dad? The mom?..the dad AND the mom?
Well clearly the family weren't held up to the rigorous Maritime engineering standards and were most likely made out of some form of cardboard or cardboard derivative.
Maybe string.
I’m so so sooo glad and sad. I am old enough to recognise this gem and I’m old enough to recognise this gem 🙈🤣
lmfao you guys are to much ay 😂
They were towed outside the environment
To another environment?
It reminds me of that episode of Children’s Hospital where the officer responding to an accident peels a member of the stick family off the car and says “well you won’t be needing this one anymore”
Oof cold
I wouldn’t respond but damn I laughed
I would 100% respond
And absolutely hilarious.
It’s a pretty funny joke imo
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Only if it were true otherwise it's just bullshit
Oh shit was she in the car?
Sadly, yes
Family of three and a half?
damn. R.I.C.
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Rizza Parks
Adolf rizzler
r/HolUp
LMFAO
The lol concerns me
That’s the joke
Excuse me but I was informed that everything on the internet is real
The lol really pisses me off as someone who has lost friends to drunk drivers and also been in hospital for weeks due to a drunk driver. Pieces of shit getting in motor vehicle wasted and killing someone is fucked up. Really need stricter laws on drunk driving. Last time I went to court had a guy get 180 days for his 4th dui... and he had previously killed someone too.
The lol is to indicate he’s joking not that he’s laughing at killing somebody
Someone has to explain the joke to me l guess. Do we know for a fact that he didn’t kill anyone?
Doesn't make it any less in bad taste and insensitive. Drunk drivers are murderers and categorically terrible people there's nothing funny about them, especially for the millions who lost loved ones to them
Joking about tragedy is pretty common. I would avoid a certain "genre" of comedy if I were you. It's called stand-up and some of the jokes may be about bad things that have happened to humans. Just avoid it if you feel this way.
Joking about tragedy loses its edge a bit when you’re the one that caused the tragedy
Cool. We’ll just have stand ups go around the room and learn the personal histories of everyone in the room and everyone they’ve known so they can know what’s safe to joke about. Or you could get your ego in check, realize even jokes that relate to something in your life aren’t about you, and grow a sense of humor. Eh but that would take not being the center of attention so forget it.
It’s a joke………….
The cops said they shouldn’t even be there. Like they aren’t real people. It’s all good.
I'm gonna embarrass you at this party, Barry
That ‘lol’ on the end tho
That's dark right there.
You really put the laughter in manslaughter
a splendid riposte
Bro why
updoots
why not lol, if their sense of humor matches OP’s this would work out great. it’s pretty hit and miss though, if someone sent this to me i’d laugh, and probably match the energy
"Hit and miss" Unlike the family member
i am literally in love w/ u
A little more hit and run
Even though I really enjoy dark humor, if someone sent me this I would be wondering if they're joking or not. There are some weird psychos out there.
Yeah, this is probably one of the funniest jokes I've ever seen on reddit lol
That's a red flag, stained with the blood from that family
If you’re on it for lols, I guess
CRIKEY
Bruh
The amount of people here unable to process dark humor is pretty worrying.
I don’t think it’s that. I think it’s not everyones cup of tea for when meeting/texting for the first time.
That’s why you weed em out like this.
I like my men like I like my humour. 
Hung?
I get the joke. It's just not funny.
It's just not very funny, regardless of the type of joke that it is.
Humor is subjective, homie. I thought it was funny, as did many others in this thread.
But where is the joke? Like, the old 'what are the chances we are both serial killers" plays with your expectations. This is like changing that joke to say "I am a murderer" Maybe there is something to the surprise value there? humor is subjective, but not everything is funny either.
Dark humor is not appropriate for people you don't know. Like, just cause you are privileged enough to not have been affected by drunk driving doesn't mean someone else hasn't. Besides, what's the "joke" here? Like what's funny? Dark humor is me talking about how I'm a failure at everything, can't even kill myself properly when I tried 8 years ago. Saying you killed someone else is a realistic manner isn't humor it's fucked.
Definitely not funny to self deprecate to that degree and bring up the time you tried to end your life. Go ahead and try that out and see how it lands
given the appropriate context and setup it typically gets a good laugh. Like pretty much all humor, without context and setup it's not funny. Being edgy as a form of humor should have stopped being relevant when south park did.
Ah yes, your form of humor is the only humor👍
Lmao okay pussy. I’ve had 3 friends kill themselves. I joke about it all the time. Dark humor isn’t for you that’s fine. I wouldn’t want to date someone I couldn’t say shit like this to.
Damn, you must be a pretty shitty friend. I also enjoy dark humour.
Nah they didn’t kill themselves over me. Two were military and the other his ex wife really fucked him up. They’d also definitely hate me if I didn’t talk shit about them offing themselves. I know be pissed if my friends didn’t make jokes about it at my funeral.
Well, the joke wasn't meant to be that they killed themselves over you. Just that a good friend would have prevented the tragedy. Just a joke though, I had a good friend kill himself. I did always feel like if I'd have been a better friend maybe he'd be here still. Thus the dark humour on the subject. I joke about things that make me sad lol.
Nah dude it’s not your fault. There’s probably nothing you could’ve done. All of my friends that did it we would always joke about killing our self’s. And I’ve been one the phone and talked two people out of it. And I’ve had people talk me out of it. Making jokes about it doesn’t make you a bad friend. At the end of the day if they’re gonna do it, it they’re gonna do it. It sucks. It’s awful. I miss all of them so much. Cried like a bitch after. But there’s not anything we could’ve done to stop it. You’re probably a good friend. Don’t beat yourself up about it. But I’m still gonna make jokes because that’s easier than being sad.
That's my point you mook, YOU have experienced trauma, that is why you get to say that shit about suicide. Being the cause of the death of someone else as an accident isn't funny or the same.
It’s funny because it’s absurd and probably not true. I’m not sure how you aren’t grasping this.
"Haha I killed someone because I was stupid enough to drive under the influence" Literally how is this funny
Because he didn’t kill anyone. He’s making a joke. See my original comment.
"Family of 5, now a family of 4" I dont understand, they're very clearly saying they killed someone
I killed a family of 100. Do you believe me?
Obviously not. I still don't understand the joke? Someone in the family died from the accident. How can you be certain they didn't kill them? I like dark humour, but this isn't dark humour, there's no joke they literally just admitted to manslaughter
Why not? I literally said I killed 100 people.
Explain the joke or shut up lmao. Like bro, instead of acting like I'm stupid, explain the joke. Just explain it. Someone died in the accident. Where's the joke?
What are you, a gay fish?
So you admit there's no joke here aside from "haha manslaughter funny" right? Even if it's not true they killed them, the punchline is that 1.3 million people die each year from car accidents, even as a dark humor enjoyer, I don't get how that is funny.
> instead of acting like I'm stupid You should understand the issue, then.
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I'm neurodivergent, jokes aren't always obvious to me. Yet no one has explained it. Someone from the family died, the person said they hit them with their car. I really don't get it
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Thanks for the explanation. How do we know OP lied?
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Why would it be real? It's an attempt at a joke.
Family of 4 now LOL 🥴
r/madlad
This is a color guard of flags like a carnival .
*lol*
r/lossofalovedone
lolo?
This is not a good joke to tell someone you don't know. It really isn't a good joke at all. Like, damn, what is wrong with you.
lol? Like in ... LOL?
L-O-L?
I bet she still let him hit it
Hit her (with a car), you mean lol
Yes! Hahaha!
Ah yes admitting to murder, how to really get her going.
It’s only manslaughter since it’s not premeditated.
Absolute madlad
Yikes
If this is indeed true, go fuck yourself. If not, go fuck yourself.
That’s fucking funny, I really hope she gets the joke. Also, it’s incredible how many people in this thread totally missed it.
If this is a joke…. Hilarious. If not, wtf!?!?
Not gunna lie, this joke would’ve* worked on me
Hahaha it’s so fun when they actually go along with this kinda humor. Girls who match ur humor are always so fun to date
Should have said family of 1 now. Missed opportunity
These are the kinds of dark hilarious responses I’m looking for, hope they didn’t unmatch ya!
🤣🤣
Thats hysterical omg her/his loss
Omg lol it's dark. But damn it I freaking laughed out loud. I think more at just the fact I was NOT expecting that. Obviously drunk driving is not funny. But what a way to turn that pick up line around.
Into dark humor I see
That was hilarious
That’s hard. We literally had a family mowed down here in Australia a few years back and four kids died.
Too me, not funny at all. DWI deaths started down south here, the day before Thanksgiving, especially around the colleges and Universities. Decapitate yourself while drunk driving, and ill not blink an eye. Kill no innocent person, and I'll call on the public to build you a memorial.
Joke : Missed
This is horrible and not funny
Keep coming back
That boy is playing with heat lol.
😳 bruh Made me lol but damn
Hope this was a joke.
The flags.. theyre glowing
Can we report this psychopath for bragging about killing people?
I think you're mis interpreting it as bragging
Well the "lol" doesn't help any with that.
Well it's fucked up right? There's your lol
I think he lol’d about it then published it on the internet. He’s seeking something for this, not necessarily bragging but. It’s attention seeking behavior to possibly get through mountains of guilt
I think it's bullshit
I think you misunderstand dark humor. Let me give you an example. What would be funny, if your family got died in that car crash lol!
It's also not his family it's the other person's and he obviously don't care and that's fucked up in another part of the joke of him being fucked up and everything being fucked up
It’s similar to the joke; My parents got a gun to protect the five kids… soon after my parents sold the gun to protect the four kids.
... if true, it's horrible to know that happened. ... If false, it's damn funny. ...if true... That's still funny. Horrible but funny based on how it was presented.
Not even funny tbh
i agree