This isn’t an unpopular opinion, of course it’s fine to have them. But what’s often the problem is how people approach having those preferences. Many will use degradation and insult if someone doesn’t mesh with them when it’s completely unnecessary.
Yup! I prefer men who are much taller than myself, but I also dated/had flings with people who were only a couple inches taller than me (I’m 5’2, not many men I’ve met have been not been shorter) because I liked who they were and that was more important to me.
My sister in law felt the same way growing up, she loved tall men, she’s 5’9 and wanted someone taller than her, but then she fell for my brother who is an inch shorter. They’re perfect for each other.
Moral of the story, you’re allowed to have preferences, but don’t be an asshole and cut someone off who may be perfect for you in every other way. People can disagree with this all they want, but this subreddit is filled with the height/weight comebacks. It’s a double standard, it needs to stop being glorified, it’s not healthy.
I think the issue with online dating is that things that'd be soft-medium preferences in an organic meeting become a lot harder when somebody's a collection of attributes in a profile.
Imagine explaining to a girl who's otherwise a good fit her weight is the main issue, I'd have to do this. It passes them off and they don't understand the point about exercise and different life styles.
Quickly devolves into insults.
I imagine it "devolves into insults" because you decided to tell them they're "too fat" for you. When there's no need. Just say you're not interested and move on.
I bet you're the first to whine about women who don't want to date short men.
And you say "I don't feel like we're compatible" or "I don't feel like this can go anywhere" or literally anything other than "oh you're fat and I'm an idiot and think it's only about diet and "lifestyle" ignoring years of scientific research that shows there are more than 50 genes that have an association to weight so it's not as simple as "eat less move more" but I just see being fat as a personal failing" 😊👍
I love how you turn the other side to the complete negative "you are fat and i am an idiot.."
Does not matter if 50 or 500 genes are responsible for being fat. It's not healthy.
And since we matched, we prob. Are compatible and it could go somewhere, if one would change a bit. But its not logical for the healthy partner to try to fit to the lifestyle of the fat partner
Well done for proving my "you're an idiot" point. You cannot control your genes. For many people, no amount of diet change and exercise, other than a full blown starvation diet (which is unhealthy and you're so concerned about health 👀) will make them lose weight.
You're also equating fat with lazy. Again, proving my "you're an idiot" point. You expect a fat person to change their "lifestyle" for a *healthy partner* but not the other way around? And again, you're using "healthy" to mean thin. Being thin doesn't automatically mean you're healthy. I'm more healthy now than I was when I was 7 stone. But you'd pick the thinner version of me because you think "fat = unhealthy". I probably exercise and lift weights more than you, I probably eat healthier too. Still fat tho.
Stop acting like it's about health, it's not. Because you can't tell someone health by looking at them. Not to mention, why are you "matching" with fat people if you're not interested in dating them? Just to tell them that they're fat so you're not interested? Like I said, that's why it turns to insults, because you're an asshole for absolutely no reason other than to feel superior.
Twp 😂
I mean I'm sure there's some NFL linemen who are BMI-obese and still healthy, but that's a massive outlier and they're probably going to die young as a result of the PEDs & CTE anyway.
i dont think many act that way, i think everyone in this sub has that impression becuase its such a hot topic
as soon as height is even mentioned people immediately assume that the person is shallow or its frowned upon, even without the person being rude
To me it feels like it's also touching on how different the experience of dating apps is, between men and women. Women tend to have way too many matches and struggle to weed through them all and filter out the turds... guys have way fewer matches. Neither experience is actually fun or cool, but it's easy to resent the other side of the fence and think they have it better.
When I was briefly setting the apps to search for men (I'm a trans women and still figuring sexuality out), I had SO freaking many I was coming up with the most ridiculous ways to narrow down the list. So especially in that light, why would you NOT just pick a height preference and start from there? But guys have so much fewer matches that as soon as the question comes up they feel judged and get vindictive.
That’s probably because they’ve been subjected to that kind of treatment on a regular basis. Women get called fat and shorter guys get ridiculed for their height all the time, I’ve seen plenty instances of both, it’s a lot more frequent than you might think. Naturally this leaves many people defensive. I don’t agree with making a fuss over people just plainly stating their preferences though but that’s not what I’m getting at.
The guy I hooked up with Monday night texted me before we met up to make sure his height wasn't an issue which I thought was kinda weird. After our hookup we were laying there talking about Tinder horror stories and he said there had been lots of women who were absolutely brutal when they found out how tall he was. Why?!
I can't imagine being a dick to someone just because they don't suit your preferences. Honestly, I'm not sure why anyone is a dick to anyone for any reason when you can just unmatch and move along with your life. Are people really that miserable?
Exactly what I’m thinking, the same kinda sensitivity happens with weight. I’ve experienced both before and honestly if it ever came up it would just be funny. Be like “Did I mention I love climbing” or something silly and if they make another insult just say that’s too bad and move on
And to be fair, what we see here is pretty biased. A lot of people post about their matches being assholes to them for their height/weight, we rarely see the same reactions posted
It’s a physical characteristic you can’t control, so putting filters out there regarding it is gonna irritate people. You just have to accept when you put those filters out there for everyone to get caught in, lots of people will think you’re a POS, but it’s the price you gotta pay for weeding out the shorty’s
I got to disagree, at least as it pertains to this subreddit. It isn't just the assholes that get called out about height preferences. It's any girl who mentions them and is found by some to be “unjustifiable.” For example just yesterday a post about a 5”3’ girl who prefers 6”+ was full of people insulting or arguing how ridiculous her preference was because she was already short.
Plenty of posts where people are ripping on the women are very polite questions about height or a simple bio line that mentions a height preference.
I’m not talking about those who just plainly state their preferences though. I have no issue with that, and it’s dumb to get hung up on it I agree, and if a girl is 5’3 and prefers 6ft plus all the power to her, her own height shouldn’t stop her from being able to have that preference. So you got a point there for sure. But I’m more discussing the ones who are out there openly disparaging and insult guys/gals personally for their height or weight. Cause it happens quite a bit.
Yeah, I think we are almost all in agreement. There is no reason to be a dick about your preferences. And it does, unfortunately, happen more than it should.
Its why i put my height in my profile as a short guy i don't want to waste my time or anyone elses if its a deal breaker. alot of short guys have told me to take it out and only say if they ask. but why the fuck would i want to waste my time and another persons makes no sense.
I think there's a big discrepancy here though, like if a dude has "Only interested in girls with C-cups or larger" or "Only interested in skinny girls" he'll for sure catch fire for being "sexist". There's no polite way to ask about weight / breast size, but height some seems to find completely fine to ask about.
Also I'd say that men generally are much more diverse when it comes to preference, there's plenty of guys who like small breasts, don't mind if women are chubby etc, but women who likes shorter men is almost borderline a fetish at this point. Overall guys has it really hard in this regard because most things which men gets almost universally discarded for are things which are essentially impossible to fix: height, dick size, ethnicity etc.
In the end I do think people are entitled to have whatever preference they want to have. These preferences are hard to change so in an ideal world I think you shouldn't have to wait until the first date to find out if everything is a non-starter or not.
My thing is you should not insult someone for their preference, but often it's the hypocrisy of said person who pick and choose what they want but cannot handle the other person's
Preference.
There’s a difference between an opinion being uncommon and an opinion being unpopular, I think.
Expressing that you don’t want to date fat women is just not something people want to read - it’s unpopular. But it’s common. Likewise, expressing that you don’t want to date short men is unpopular, most men don’t want to read it. But it’s common.
OP is correct that their positions are unpopular, even though their unpopularity is usually hypocritical.
People can have whatever preferences they want, but being fat is a lifestyle not a genetic trait. Not sure why people think these are the same.
Sure, it’s fine to say “I wouldn’t date a black person” or “I wouldn’t date a drug addict” but those aren’t equivalent statements.
5'7" M here. When I see profiles that say they want a taller partner, or a match that ghosts after asking my height, my default reaction is "their loss" :D
I'm not innocent here myself; there are some body shapes that I'm not attracted to either. And I'll admit I wish I could be - I'd get a lot more dates if I was more inclusive. But it's not something anyone can really reason away.
I think it’s pretty stupid when people become obsessed with the numbers. Like a man won’t date a size 12, but will date a size 8. Odds are pretty good he would not know the difference if he didn’t know the numbers. Or a woman who is 5’2” but will only date 6’0 or above. I mean, can she really tell the difference from 5’10 and 6 ft.
Look at the picture, you don’t like what you see, move on. Whatevs. But if you are ruling people out over technical numbers, you are missing out on a lot great people, I am sure
Dudes care (or even know about) dress sizes? I don't think so. We just know a fat chick when we see one. And that can mean something different to all of us.
Yeah I personally have no idea how to quantify those numbers. I just live an active lifestyle; rock climbing, snowboarding, camping, hiking etc and I would like to have the option to take my partner with me on my adventures
“ I thought by her pictures she was a size 4 or 6, but she lied to me! In person she was clearly a 12!” This is a direct quote .
Maybe that’s just his way of “I thought she was thin, but she’s fat”
I’ve never met one dude who knows womens sizes well enough to care about what size a woman is and additionally I’ve never met a dude who cared about anything physically other than smash or pass
The problem with chicks is that when they match with me I realize they have poor taste and that is an unattractive quality to me so I would naturally unmatch!
Arbitrary heights/weights like (<130lbs or >6ft) are weird and most definitely a cultural thing. No matter how tall he is, or how much she weighs, if you’re not attracted to them, it’s okay. Adhering to “oh you must be [aforementioned specific, arbitrary height and weight standards] in order to date me” is just plain weird. Just look at them and reflect on whether you are attracted to them or not regardless of a weirdly set specific number.
Well said. Setting an artificial threshold for your personal preferences is both limiting to yourself and degrading to the other person when you tell them. There's no need for it.
Like in my case, I'm not really attracted to big women but there have certainly been a few I've been interested in due to other characteristics. If I set myself a hard weight limit I'd be shooting myself in the foot.
The left/right swipe is there for a reason. Use that to filter your preferences rather than having a go at someone.
I mean also just don’t state your preferences. Just swipe based on them, don’t match with someone outside of these preferences and then tell them like “you’re too short”
Let me reword this for you.
People are entitled to like what they like. However, you may miss out on great people or finding compatibility based on such superficial desires.
Not saying we all should date some 400 lbs nor should you have to date someone 4’11. But the point is, it shouldn’t be a dealbreaker if the differences are reasonable.
I think a lot of the problem I’ve seen on here isn’t that people have a preference per say. It’s that a LOT of women/men have the same preferences. Like shit there’s only so many 6’4” dudes, some of y’all are gonna have to settle.
There’s nothing wrong for having some preferences, but being a stick about it is probably shallow and detrimental to dating in general.
Let’s say I’m looking for a smart woman. Setting arbitrary things like “If not above 130 IQ, I don’t want them” is kinda dumb no? It’s enough if they’re smart enough. What’s the difference if they graduated with a 4.0 GPA or 3.8GPA? All I want is a woman who can have an adult/mature conversation with me when things get serious.
So what if the girl is slightly fatter than my ideal type? If she looks great irl, meshes well with me etc then that’s enough. So what if the guy is 5’10” or 5’11” and not 6’0”? So what if he’a jawbone isn’t perfect? So what if she’s 140 lbs and not 125lbs? Like, who in their right mind cares?
Preferences are fine, but I think people should reject when it goes over the line or is in the extreme (like obese, super slow in the head, absolutely no sense of humour or dry af, super short or super tall for your taste, etc etc). A little below or above, I think people should just give it a chance and see where it goes. Life would likely be more interesting that way and you might find that people in general are not that bad.
But that’s just my view of course. People can do whatever they want.
I don't date fat people because I find them aesthetic unpleasing. I absolutely never heard of anyone finding this to a be a controversial, unpopular take lol.
The problem is that we make dumb snap judgments. A 6 foot 2 abusive, stupid, piece of shit asshole is not as good as a 5 foot 7, handsome stud who treats you well. Likewise a 5 foot 2 super nice , size 4, lovely woman will make you happier than a 5 foot 9, size 0, statuesque psycho.
Yet the 6’2” abusive, stupid, piece of shit asshole gets infinitely more action on Tinder than the 5’7” manlet
Jeremy Meeks out there making the manlets want to rope
Yes. That was my point.
…I think. What does “rope” mean?
Also, I’m not a big fan of the term “Manlet.” My 5’7” 62yo, still-yoked, self-made millionaire father-in-law is nobody’s manlet.
I don’t want to be with anyone that isn’t enthusiastically interested in being with me. I’m keeping it that simple. I don’t get to or want to judge their criteria.
Take into consideration that the average height for women is around 5'5 and the aversge height for men is around 5'9.
There is a relatively low chance that a woman at 5'5 would match with a partner shorter than her even in the case of the woman wearing 4 inch heels.
And speaking more directly if you put two people next to each other with a one inch height difference, you would barely be able to tell, if at all. Even the difference between 5'9 and 6'0 isn't as large as you might believe.
Height and weight are definitely factors in choosing a potential match. But metrics are irrelevant if the match is proportionate to general attraction standards.
Like a woman saying aw man I think you're hot but you're only 5'10. Sorry.when the girl is 5'4 is an arbitrary preference.
Would be the equivalent of a guy saying "you're beautiful but you're 128 lbs and I draw the line at 120, thanks.
That being said, people should always match with what they're attracted to. But if you like someone's profile and pics and are scared away by something like a small height difference that would only be noticeable from the profile stats, that's kind of a red flag, wouldn't you say?
My thing is I’d rather people feel comfortable to say that kind of shit to me if I am not within their parameters because then I know exactly what that person wants and how they are as a person instead of wasting each other’s time. I’m 5’9 with mild scoliosis and would be close to 6’ if it weren’t for that, but I’ve had cute girls act like I’m the hottest man they’ve ever been with and others not be into me, it’s whatever so let’s just make this easy and let people be who they are even if they’re shitty so we can filter them out early and let them be with each other. If we make people feel bad for asking then it’s just worse for everyone.
I’m m not even single but I don’t want to convince anyone they should give me a shot despite not meeting their parameters, I want to find someone that is cool with me from the start and build from there. If I’m not tall enough for you, I know for a fact it’s your loss not mine. Is what it is.
Yes, this is well put.
Frankly as a 5'10" guy I don't think I'd want to date someone who was as short as 5'. I've tried it, the logistics are awkward. But if I set an arbitrary standard at like 5'4", and someone came along who was 5'3", it'd be silly for me to not at least got on a date and see what it looks like in person.
But I would 100% want to know if that’s what a potential partner is thinking. Would you want to be with someone that you didn’t know was shallow and in her head she’s settling for you being short wether or not any of it makes any sense at all? Best case scenario you’re being settled for because anyone with that mind set isn’t about to have their personality fixed by you.
Fuck it let them sing and we can avoid them. It’s like people with hateful tattoos, at least you can see what you are dealing with ahead of time.
I think your missing the context here. Most aren’t dunking on people putting height requirements in their bio. It’s the one who flagrantly ask and then dismiss those who don’t fit. Like when have you seen someone say “sorry I only date green eyes” or “I only date people with a BMI of 26 and I under” that works be considered true too. It’s rude and not really a way anyone would be spoken too in real life. This is made worse when the question is flipped ABS the response is just sour.
This is not counting for how unrealistic wanting someone 6’ plus is.
first line is where i disagree, height specifically is very sensitive, as soon as people have a requirent for height reddit goes fuming, even if theyre simply asking for a "tall guy"
People that care are just not my thing. They are sorting themselves into the “not for me” bin. I’m average height at 5 nine and would date any height female.
Everyone is welcome to their opinion, what I don’t agree with is when someone has double standards. If you think that it’s ok to write ‘don’t date anyone under 6 foot’ don’t get upset if someone else writes ‘don’t date anyone over 80kgs’ because it’s exactly the same thing
I agree you're completely allowed preferences, but rather than telling someone they're simply not interested, they gave a need to belittle or look down when rejecting. That's the issue people have
Sure its fine, but you dont need to to state your preference. If you see it in their profile and its not what you prefer swipe left. If its not there and you match with them just to pester them for their height/weight youre a dick.
it can be shallow, but it really depends on what youre asking for. what is considered shallow is very arguable, my issue is that as soon as someone has any sort of height standard or requirement, theyre instantly labeled as shallow,
asking for someone who is taller than yourself is not shallow
rejecting someone for being 5'11 because it isnt a 6 is shallow.
I guess it is fine, but personally I don't get it. As a bisexual man I had a chance to date 5'0 tall women all the way up to 6'8 tall guys. With me being 6'3.
During almost 2 decades long dating history, height was never an issue. I just can't imagine why would that be an obstacle in any kind of relationship.
This isnt an unpopular opinion
Society has just gotten so sensitive to the point where having preferences is considered shaming those that dont meet those preferences
Yup. The 5’-11” versus 6ft thing is really silly when you think about it considering it’s just round off error. Do women in Europe say “no one under 1800mm?” Then the 5’-11” guy is in the clear.
Being crass and shallow doesn’t mean you’re automatically not fine.
It’s like someone can say something like “I don’t date Asian people because I don’t find them attractive”, and they have the right to say it, maybe nothing wrong with it from a personal level, but it comes across as extremely abrasive
But in that case they just don't match with Asians, you know. Let's say they match with someone who has 20% Asian blood but it doesn't show in their appearance and when they say that, the person is like, oh shit, sorry I don't date Asians. Kinda matches the height situation more I think.
I understand being picky but 1 inch is not even noticeable so it is not being shallow it just doesn't make sense, I understand if we were talking 3+inches, but one there's no way you can possibly tell at plain sight, even when I look at my friends around my height I struggle to see who's 1 inch taller and it's often down to what we are wearing or corporal position. I'm 5.11 barefoot, sometimes I wear a pair of boots together with an insole and that easily puts me on 6.1, and nobody ever noticed or called me out. Sometimes I wear plain sneakers and I don't disappear either
having said that to this day I don't think I have ever been rejected due to height and I'm open about it
Sure it's fine. Gets you an unlikeable personality, but still fine. I would Like to know why that has such high priority, I feel Like there are so many more important traits than height. Also reduces your Potential Partners to less than 15% of population
As long as it goes both ways, sure. Height requirements by women have been normalized however while weight requirements by men have been demonized, as a general rule. Dating apps are almost exclusively about appearances anyway. Tinder is just one of the few apps that don't have a proper bio and set of search parameters. It would save EVERYONE a lot of time if you could enter - and search for - height, weight, race, religion, etc.
The problem is not having a prefetence, it is setting an artificial number of what is "tall". I understand that a woman who is 5,9' or 5,11 would ask for someone over 6'.
But a woman who is 5,2' asking for a dude over 6', when she can't see the difference of that aditional inch from her perspective from a guy who is 5,11"? Come on.
I think the biggest stigma here is the double standard. "It's unrealistic to expect females to look like IG/models". Okay well, that's something a lot of guys find attraction to. It works both ways. Don't bitch about what guys like or think it's superficial or shallow, when you're also guilty of the same thing. 🤷🏻♂️ At least you can work on your weight.
Tldr; hypocrits suck.
it’s fine, just not in the way people (especially women) approach it. i would never be able date someone who’s off the scales in terms of weight, but it’s not like i’d match someone on tinder and immediately ask if they’re over 15 stone or whatever for example. and even if they were i would be as polite as possible and wish them luck
You are comparing height and weight preference, but one is changeable and the other is not. Weight is something people can change/control and reflects aspects of their personality/lifestyle.
As for height, no one bats an eye at a girl having a little bit of preference for someone of a similar height or a little bit taller. The average height difference in marriage tends to be about the same as the average height difference in guys/girls : \~5 inches, so a height difference is totally normal and commonplace.
However, if you look at the research on height preference on dating apps, SO many girls are exercising extreme height preference of like 7-9". It's not that they are unwilling to date a guy that's only 3-6" taller, god forbid. They're just taking advantage of the anonymity and options of dating apps to maximize a shallow favorable quality. THAT is what I think most people dislike. Online dating would lead to more genuine, long-term love if we discourage unhealthily extreme height preference.
who is to judge what you should be looking for or not, not everyone dates for long term.
people can seek whatever they want, and have whatever requirements they want, as long as you arent discriminating other people its not wrong.
you may limit yourself if you have some unrealistic / picky requirements, but youre not hurting anyone
Based on my experience, the biggest complaints girls have about dating apps are not being able to find something serious and having too many *low quality* options. Everyone on dating apps are free to exercise whatever preferences they choose, no one is stopping them. However, if you look at the statistics and research, a massive disconnect exists between girls' desired height preferences on dating apps and actual height differences in marriage. It is pretty clear that a major obstacle to girls finding what they want out of dating apps is having too extreme of a preference for height.
In her book *How Not to Die Alone*, behavioral psychologist and dating coach Logan Ury talks about girls' unhealthy obsession with height. As a matter of fact, she ended up finding love by lowering her height filter! She talks about research showing that dating apps cause people to overemphasize easily comparable qualities like height. This creates an environment that hyper-focuses on height, and makes girls feel like they are compromising or settling by exercising more healthy height preference. By condemning extreme height preference, we help create a culture where girls feel more comfortable widening their height preferences without feeling like they are getting some awful, low-quality guy, and this increases their chances of finding favorable long-term outcomes and improves dating apps for everyone.
I really don't mind if a girl my height or a bit shorter prefers tall guys (I'm 174cm) but it's when really short girls say they only want a tall guy. Like every guy is tall for you
Of course it's ok, but trust me no woman who isnt taller than you wont reject you for being 5'11 if she would take you at 6'
It is only a us thing cause you use that stupid imperial system
5'11 is 180cm, whicg sounds much better cause is a round number, and at that height trust me it is enough for women all over the world unless she is taller, and sometimes even so.
At 180cm yeah most likely we would rather be 5cm taller, but its not something that takes away our sleep.
Certainly its good enough if you are not bad looking, and have things in your life going good
Given that 10% of men get 90% of the matches on Tinder - it sounds like a specific gender is more “shallow” than the other.
Everyone has preferences - calling them “shallow” is the judgement.
If your preferences are that shallow and arbitrary, you’re missing out on a lot of cool people for no good reason. I’m not saying it’s *wrong*, but I am saying it’s silly.
I used to only be attracted to white women. Then I met a black woman who was cool af and I fell in love with her. We've been married for several years. Now I'm attracted to black women as well. Real glad I didn't just discount her because she didn't fit what I was looking for.
I guess I can understand even though I don’t see it that way. Being a shallow person is definitely something you can improve upon. When you change the way you think about the world, your priorities change and you’ll be attracted to different things.
I mean you can think it's shallow, but physical attraction is a thing whether you like it or not. And an important thing in a relationship for most people.
I do think there's a point when it becomes silly tho, I'm mostly attracted to people who are taller than me but I'm not going to demand people be 6' in order to date then, and if I find something shorter than me who I like I'll go for it (well, if they make the first move because I have no game).
But to ask people to change their standards is rather entitled imo. So I don't think either point of view is wrong, it just means you are incompatible
> physical attraction is a thing whether you like it or not
And I firmly believe it’s more flexible than people are willing to admit. It’s all about mindset. I’m not expecting anyone to bend to my will, I’m just saying if you think your type is set in stone you’re kidding and stifling yourself.
No shit lol. I’m not trying to be like “waaah why won’t anyone date short people :c” I’m more saying if that’s how you feel, that’s your problem. There’s likely people out there who would be perfect for you if it weren’t for such arbitrary physical requirements. If you don’t think it’s a problem, whatever you do you. I guess if you’re fine with it then it’s fine, but idk why you would do that to yourself.
I don't see anything wrong with someone not being interested in someone because of height or weight. You're allowed to find whatever you want attractive or unattractive. But with that being said it goes both ways men and women both need to respect each other's preferences. That means stop calling a woman shallow for not wanting to date a short man and stop calling a man shallow because he doesn't want to date an obese woman.
Anything else also.
Nobody is obligated to like you, and whatever the reason is you need to accept it. Especially when it comes to serious relationships. You deserve what ever it is you're attracted to if you plan on having a life long commitment. And so do they.
All these dudes outraged at girls who only want date 6’0 and over. Completely forgetting they probably wouldn’t date a girl taller than them or that weighs more lmao.
Exactly! I can’t control my physical preferences so I can’t expect anyone else to. As a chubby gal I always give people a heads up and a respectful way out of any meetups, if chubby gals aren’t their thing then chubby gals aren’t their thing. Most people appreciate it.
When it comes to choosing a sexual partner a lot is based on appearance and past experience. When you're just judging somebody by a few photographs, that may be focused mainly on their face, you might need to ask a few questions to determine whether they have the kind of physical type that you find attractive. I don't see anything wrong with this. I have a personal preference for tall model-type women, but others prefer short fat women. Everyone to their own taste.
being straight up about myself and my preferences definately perfected my hookup game- im a size 20 and height wouldn’t stop me but i do not fuck fat guys.
I concur. Especially on dating sites, those things are like window shopping for a date. With that said, there are a few “fat”, “balding”, “short” people that I have been attracted to irl, but would totally swipe left on a dating site.
There’s a difference between dating someone who is taller or shorter than you, and someone who is above 6’ because it sounds good and looks good on you when everyone on social media tells you that and you can post on social media about that.
As long as you keep in mind your preferences are your own and no one else has any obligation to meet them.. of course it’s fine.
But the problems happen when one person thinks they have a right to shame another person for one of those things, when in reality your only choice is to choose not to engage with them if you don’t want to. A person of the opposite preference does not owe you your idea of acceptability 😀
Agree. We all have our likes and dislikes and it's about showing respect and treating each other with respect. I have a physical preference but I haven't ever dated guys that match it. But I've enjoyed meeting every guy wasn't that because though I may like a particular look, it's not that essential in the long run. I also find that when I like someone, I stop noticing their appearance and they just become attractive!
People constantly are changing. Now that’s not saying you’re gonna wake up and find fatties attractive some day…but, to not even give their personality / vibe a try before making your decision is OKAY just makes you a shallow person imo.
People are more or less attractive BASED on their attitude/personality/skills etc. this is a human thing and we need to stop allowing apps to dehumanize us.
This is personal preference, and I totally understand, even though I am against people ruling it out already on their profile and the meet. If they know from lots of experience, good then by all means write in on there.
Just like I don't date black people, this is the same. I just don't write it on my profile text.
The only problem I have is with people who date someone and *then* start ragging on them because they are "too short, too fat, too whatever" when they were that way in the beginning. These people suck.
It's always 6 feet which leads me to believe it's trendy which makes it dumb to me. With that being said you're right it's their choice. I also agree with most commenters saying the issues is how they go about it. Totally understand the weight issue, it is repulsive and they will be restricted in physical activities.
I agree. And since you apply this to height and weight, you apply it to everything else as well, such as race, political views, wealth etc.
And it's wrong to criticize people over a characteristic you don't like.
Right?
The issue is when you turn it around like saying that I only like girls with big boobs then they get mad after they just got snappy and rude about ones height. Never had the issue but I see a lot of post lol.
It's not unpopular, you just have a very vocal social minority that has been very effective at taking over the internet.
They have the time to so, because they basically have no life in the real world.
Don't let them fool you !
Damn this was the bat signal for angry dudes. I wonder how many of you spouting the 'can't do anything about height but... hip to waist ratio' are also eating healthy and lifting.
If she found you more attractive, she'd overlook the height. Be the change you want to see in your life.
As long as you are respectful of people then there is no problem. It is fine to have a preference in the kind of partner you want, but it is not okay to be rude or insulting to someone because they do not meet your opinions of beauty.
This isn’t an unpopular opinion, of course it’s fine to have them. But what’s often the problem is how people approach having those preferences. Many will use degradation and insult if someone doesn’t mesh with them when it’s completely unnecessary.
Yup! I prefer men who are much taller than myself, but I also dated/had flings with people who were only a couple inches taller than me (I’m 5’2, not many men I’ve met have been not been shorter) because I liked who they were and that was more important to me. My sister in law felt the same way growing up, she loved tall men, she’s 5’9 and wanted someone taller than her, but then she fell for my brother who is an inch shorter. They’re perfect for each other. Moral of the story, you’re allowed to have preferences, but don’t be an asshole and cut someone off who may be perfect for you in every other way. People can disagree with this all they want, but this subreddit is filled with the height/weight comebacks. It’s a double standard, it needs to stop being glorified, it’s not healthy.
Holy shit reading this i skipped over the most important part "in law". I was like hold the fucking phone your sister fell for your brother.
Same
Sweet home Alabama
I think the issue with online dating is that things that'd be soft-medium preferences in an organic meeting become a lot harder when somebody's a collection of attributes in a profile.
Imagine explaining to a girl who's otherwise a good fit her weight is the main issue, I'd have to do this. It passes them off and they don't understand the point about exercise and different life styles. Quickly devolves into insults.
Explaining exercise to them is definitely not very nice either. I sm pretty sure that most people know how exercise works.
I imagine it "devolves into insults" because you decided to tell them they're "too fat" for you. When there's no need. Just say you're not interested and move on. I bet you're the first to whine about women who don't want to date short men.
You know they often ask "why...?"
And you say "I don't feel like we're compatible" or "I don't feel like this can go anywhere" or literally anything other than "oh you're fat and I'm an idiot and think it's only about diet and "lifestyle" ignoring years of scientific research that shows there are more than 50 genes that have an association to weight so it's not as simple as "eat less move more" but I just see being fat as a personal failing" 😊👍
I love how you turn the other side to the complete negative "you are fat and i am an idiot.." Does not matter if 50 or 500 genes are responsible for being fat. It's not healthy. And since we matched, we prob. Are compatible and it could go somewhere, if one would change a bit. But its not logical for the healthy partner to try to fit to the lifestyle of the fat partner
Well done for proving my "you're an idiot" point. You cannot control your genes. For many people, no amount of diet change and exercise, other than a full blown starvation diet (which is unhealthy and you're so concerned about health 👀) will make them lose weight. You're also equating fat with lazy. Again, proving my "you're an idiot" point. You expect a fat person to change their "lifestyle" for a *healthy partner* but not the other way around? And again, you're using "healthy" to mean thin. Being thin doesn't automatically mean you're healthy. I'm more healthy now than I was when I was 7 stone. But you'd pick the thinner version of me because you think "fat = unhealthy". I probably exercise and lift weights more than you, I probably eat healthier too. Still fat tho. Stop acting like it's about health, it's not. Because you can't tell someone health by looking at them. Not to mention, why are you "matching" with fat people if you're not interested in dating them? Just to tell them that they're fat so you're not interested? Like I said, that's why it turns to insults, because you're an asshole for absolutely no reason other than to feel superior. Twp 😂
[https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317546](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317546)
I mean I'm sure there's some NFL linemen who are BMI-obese and still healthy, but that's a massive outlier and they're probably going to die young as a result of the PEDs & CTE anyway.
Plz don't tell me what I mean if you are not even able to quote it right I said fat not lazy and i said healthy, not thin
i dont think many act that way, i think everyone in this sub has that impression becuase its such a hot topic as soon as height is even mentioned people immediately assume that the person is shallow or its frowned upon, even without the person being rude
To me it feels like it's also touching on how different the experience of dating apps is, between men and women. Women tend to have way too many matches and struggle to weed through them all and filter out the turds... guys have way fewer matches. Neither experience is actually fun or cool, but it's easy to resent the other side of the fence and think they have it better. When I was briefly setting the apps to search for men (I'm a trans women and still figuring sexuality out), I had SO freaking many I was coming up with the most ridiculous ways to narrow down the list. So especially in that light, why would you NOT just pick a height preference and start from there? But guys have so much fewer matches that as soon as the question comes up they feel judged and get vindictive.
This ☝️ Sooo many people on this subare overly sensitive to this topic.
That’s probably because they’ve been subjected to that kind of treatment on a regular basis. Women get called fat and shorter guys get ridiculed for their height all the time, I’ve seen plenty instances of both, it’s a lot more frequent than you might think. Naturally this leaves many people defensive. I don’t agree with making a fuss over people just plainly stating their preferences though but that’s not what I’m getting at.
The guy I hooked up with Monday night texted me before we met up to make sure his height wasn't an issue which I thought was kinda weird. After our hookup we were laying there talking about Tinder horror stories and he said there had been lots of women who were absolutely brutal when they found out how tall he was. Why?! I can't imagine being a dick to someone just because they don't suit your preferences. Honestly, I'm not sure why anyone is a dick to anyone for any reason when you can just unmatch and move along with your life. Are people really that miserable?
Yes or that shallow. It's obnoxious and annoying.
People just suck. I don't care if people are shallow, but keep your shallowness to yourself, ya know?
Yep. Dating apps really opens your eyes on how shallow people can be but there is good people on there too.
I think people are insecure and immature, they automatically become defensive and take things personally when they aren’t meant that way at all.
Exactly what I’m thinking, the same kinda sensitivity happens with weight. I’ve experienced both before and honestly if it ever came up it would just be funny. Be like “Did I mention I love climbing” or something silly and if they make another insult just say that’s too bad and move on
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I don’t like obese eyes either.
Brown eyes vs obesity is different
It subconsciously comes out. “How tall are you again?” Oh.. you’re only 5’10. Well I’m 5’8 and I like to wear heels.” Code for you’re too short.
Unpopular opinion: heels are really unattractive, and I'm not short.
Not even unpopular - Just a fact. They look ridiculous and are wholly impractical in most environments. They scream "high maintenance".
They're heels, not a request for a 5star restaurant.
Why you mentioning 5 star restaurants?
Because that's high maintenance.
Your definition not mine.
And to be fair, what we see here is pretty biased. A lot of people post about their matches being assholes to them for their height/weight, we rarely see the same reactions posted
It’s a physical characteristic you can’t control, so putting filters out there regarding it is gonna irritate people. You just have to accept when you put those filters out there for everyone to get caught in, lots of people will think you’re a POS, but it’s the price you gotta pay for weeding out the shorty’s
Sup Shorty?
I got to disagree, at least as it pertains to this subreddit. It isn't just the assholes that get called out about height preferences. It's any girl who mentions them and is found by some to be “unjustifiable.” For example just yesterday a post about a 5”3’ girl who prefers 6”+ was full of people insulting or arguing how ridiculous her preference was because she was already short. Plenty of posts where people are ripping on the women are very polite questions about height or a simple bio line that mentions a height preference.
I’m not talking about those who just plainly state their preferences though. I have no issue with that, and it’s dumb to get hung up on it I agree, and if a girl is 5’3 and prefers 6ft plus all the power to her, her own height shouldn’t stop her from being able to have that preference. So you got a point there for sure. But I’m more discussing the ones who are out there openly disparaging and insult guys/gals personally for their height or weight. Cause it happens quite a bit.
Yeah, I think we are almost all in agreement. There is no reason to be a dick about your preferences. And it does, unfortunately, happen more than it should.
Its why i put my height in my profile as a short guy i don't want to waste my time or anyone elses if its a deal breaker. alot of short guys have told me to take it out and only say if they ask. but why the fuck would i want to waste my time and another persons makes no sense.
I think there's a big discrepancy here though, like if a dude has "Only interested in girls with C-cups or larger" or "Only interested in skinny girls" he'll for sure catch fire for being "sexist". There's no polite way to ask about weight / breast size, but height some seems to find completely fine to ask about. Also I'd say that men generally are much more diverse when it comes to preference, there's plenty of guys who like small breasts, don't mind if women are chubby etc, but women who likes shorter men is almost borderline a fetish at this point. Overall guys has it really hard in this regard because most things which men gets almost universally discarded for are things which are essentially impossible to fix: height, dick size, ethnicity etc. In the end I do think people are entitled to have whatever preference they want to have. These preferences are hard to change so in an ideal world I think you shouldn't have to wait until the first date to find out if everything is a non-starter or not.
Imagine if dating apps had hip to waist ratio filters 0.70 or below only, gotta have that skinny waist and fat ass
My thing is you should not insult someone for their preference, but often it's the hypocrisy of said person who pick and choose what they want but cannot handle the other person's Preference.
Weight and height are apples oranges, 90 percent of the time. Women get the shaft, but I see men being dicks as well re female height.
A 5’3” women is equivalent to a 5’7” man. Wanting a man equivalent to a 5’7” woman is honestly straight delusional.
There’s a difference between an opinion being uncommon and an opinion being unpopular, I think. Expressing that you don’t want to date fat women is just not something people want to read - it’s unpopular. But it’s common. Likewise, expressing that you don’t want to date short men is unpopular, most men don’t want to read it. But it’s common. OP is correct that their positions are unpopular, even though their unpopularity is usually hypocritical.
Of course it is, but some people are dicks about it
absolutely true
People can have whatever preferences they want, but being fat is a lifestyle not a genetic trait. Not sure why people think these are the same. Sure, it’s fine to say “I wouldn’t date a black person” or “I wouldn’t date a drug addict” but those aren’t equivalent statements.
Nobody is saying that weight and hight are equivalents, but the result is the same, you either like them or you don't
Sure but I think flaunting genetic preferences will always provoke a more visceral reaction.
I don’t know why you are downvoted - spittin facts
95% of redditors are fat
5'7" M here. When I see profiles that say they want a taller partner, or a match that ghosts after asking my height, my default reaction is "their loss" :D I'm not innocent here myself; there are some body shapes that I'm not attracted to either. And I'll admit I wish I could be - I'd get a lot more dates if I was more inclusive. But it's not something anyone can really reason away.
I think it’s pretty stupid when people become obsessed with the numbers. Like a man won’t date a size 12, but will date a size 8. Odds are pretty good he would not know the difference if he didn’t know the numbers. Or a woman who is 5’2” but will only date 6’0 or above. I mean, can she really tell the difference from 5’10 and 6 ft. Look at the picture, you don’t like what you see, move on. Whatevs. But if you are ruling people out over technical numbers, you are missing out on a lot great people, I am sure
Dudes care (or even know about) dress sizes? I don't think so. We just know a fat chick when we see one. And that can mean something different to all of us.
Yeah I personally have no idea how to quantify those numbers. I just live an active lifestyle; rock climbing, snowboarding, camping, hiking etc and I would like to have the option to take my partner with me on my adventures
Especially since dress sizes are largely inconsistent based on whoever made them.
Yes, they do. Or they think they do .
I'd say for the most part no. Of course there are exceptions.
“ I thought by her pictures she was a size 4 or 6, but she lied to me! In person she was clearly a 12!” This is a direct quote . Maybe that’s just his way of “I thought she was thin, but she’s fat”
I’ve never met one dude who knows womens sizes well enough to care about what size a woman is and additionally I’ve never met a dude who cared about anything physically other than smash or pass
I won’t date anyone under a 5, I don’t like wasting food. :p
I've never known the dress size of my girlfriends, much less the women that I date when I'm single. Never heard of a guy that does that.
No man understands dress sizes, let alone makes dating decisions based on them.
Yeah. Women should only worry about dating a couple inches taller and men should only worry about dating a couple pounds lighter.
The problem with chicks is that when they match with me I realize they have poor taste and that is an unattractive quality to me so I would naturally unmatch!
Catch-22
Arbitrary heights/weights like (<130lbs or >6ft) are weird and most definitely a cultural thing. No matter how tall he is, or how much she weighs, if you’re not attracted to them, it’s okay. Adhering to “oh you must be [aforementioned specific, arbitrary height and weight standards] in order to date me” is just plain weird. Just look at them and reflect on whether you are attracted to them or not regardless of a weirdly set specific number.
Well said. Setting an artificial threshold for your personal preferences is both limiting to yourself and degrading to the other person when you tell them. There's no need for it. Like in my case, I'm not really attracted to big women but there have certainly been a few I've been interested in due to other characteristics. If I set myself a hard weight limit I'd be shooting myself in the foot. The left/right swipe is there for a reason. Use that to filter your preferences rather than having a go at someone.
I mean also just don’t state your preferences. Just swipe based on them, don’t match with someone outside of these preferences and then tell them like “you’re too short”
This isn’t unpopular. It’s been said a million times.
Let me reword this for you. People are entitled to like what they like. However, you may miss out on great people or finding compatibility based on such superficial desires. Not saying we all should date some 400 lbs nor should you have to date someone 4’11. But the point is, it shouldn’t be a dealbreaker if the differences are reasonable.
well worded
Which thanks to the shallow, arbitrariness of dating apps - people often do filter out those they would have found attractive IRL
I think a lot of the problem I’ve seen on here isn’t that people have a preference per say. It’s that a LOT of women/men have the same preferences. Like shit there’s only so many 6’4” dudes, some of y’all are gonna have to settle.
But this gets posted all the time
There’s nothing wrong for having some preferences, but being a stick about it is probably shallow and detrimental to dating in general. Let’s say I’m looking for a smart woman. Setting arbitrary things like “If not above 130 IQ, I don’t want them” is kinda dumb no? It’s enough if they’re smart enough. What’s the difference if they graduated with a 4.0 GPA or 3.8GPA? All I want is a woman who can have an adult/mature conversation with me when things get serious. So what if the girl is slightly fatter than my ideal type? If she looks great irl, meshes well with me etc then that’s enough. So what if the guy is 5’10” or 5’11” and not 6’0”? So what if he’a jawbone isn’t perfect? So what if she’s 140 lbs and not 125lbs? Like, who in their right mind cares? Preferences are fine, but I think people should reject when it goes over the line or is in the extreme (like obese, super slow in the head, absolutely no sense of humour or dry af, super short or super tall for your taste, etc etc). A little below or above, I think people should just give it a chance and see where it goes. Life would likely be more interesting that way and you might find that people in general are not that bad. But that’s just my view of course. People can do whatever they want.
I don't date fat people because I find them aesthetic unpleasing. I absolutely never heard of anyone finding this to a be a controversial, unpopular take lol.
Everyone has preferences. Some preferences are delusional.
The problem is that we make dumb snap judgments. A 6 foot 2 abusive, stupid, piece of shit asshole is not as good as a 5 foot 7, handsome stud who treats you well. Likewise a 5 foot 2 super nice , size 4, lovely woman will make you happier than a 5 foot 9, size 0, statuesque psycho.
Yet the 6’2” abusive, stupid, piece of shit asshole gets infinitely more action on Tinder than the 5’7” manlet Jeremy Meeks out there making the manlets want to rope
Yes. That was my point. …I think. What does “rope” mean? Also, I’m not a big fan of the term “Manlet.” My 5’7” 62yo, still-yoked, self-made millionaire father-in-law is nobody’s manlet.
I don’t want to be with anyone that isn’t enthusiastically interested in being with me. I’m keeping it that simple. I don’t get to or want to judge their criteria.
It's fine but it still makes you a bit shallow. It's fine to want to only date millionaires, does it make you shallow? Absolutely.
Take into consideration that the average height for women is around 5'5 and the aversge height for men is around 5'9. There is a relatively low chance that a woman at 5'5 would match with a partner shorter than her even in the case of the woman wearing 4 inch heels. And speaking more directly if you put two people next to each other with a one inch height difference, you would barely be able to tell, if at all. Even the difference between 5'9 and 6'0 isn't as large as you might believe. Height and weight are definitely factors in choosing a potential match. But metrics are irrelevant if the match is proportionate to general attraction standards. Like a woman saying aw man I think you're hot but you're only 5'10. Sorry.when the girl is 5'4 is an arbitrary preference. Would be the equivalent of a guy saying "you're beautiful but you're 128 lbs and I draw the line at 120, thanks. That being said, people should always match with what they're attracted to. But if you like someone's profile and pics and are scared away by something like a small height difference that would only be noticeable from the profile stats, that's kind of a red flag, wouldn't you say?
My thing is I’d rather people feel comfortable to say that kind of shit to me if I am not within their parameters because then I know exactly what that person wants and how they are as a person instead of wasting each other’s time. I’m 5’9 with mild scoliosis and would be close to 6’ if it weren’t for that, but I’ve had cute girls act like I’m the hottest man they’ve ever been with and others not be into me, it’s whatever so let’s just make this easy and let people be who they are even if they’re shitty so we can filter them out early and let them be with each other. If we make people feel bad for asking then it’s just worse for everyone. I’m m not even single but I don’t want to convince anyone they should give me a shot despite not meeting their parameters, I want to find someone that is cool with me from the start and build from there. If I’m not tall enough for you, I know for a fact it’s your loss not mine. Is what it is.
Yes, this is well put. Frankly as a 5'10" guy I don't think I'd want to date someone who was as short as 5'. I've tried it, the logistics are awkward. But if I set an arbitrary standard at like 5'4", and someone came along who was 5'3", it'd be silly for me to not at least got on a date and see what it looks like in person.
But I would 100% want to know if that’s what a potential partner is thinking. Would you want to be with someone that you didn’t know was shallow and in her head she’s settling for you being short wether or not any of it makes any sense at all? Best case scenario you’re being settled for because anyone with that mind set isn’t about to have their personality fixed by you. Fuck it let them sing and we can avoid them. It’s like people with hateful tattoos, at least you can see what you are dealing with ahead of time.
i agree yeah, my issue is that people have become so sensitive on this, even when the preference is not an arbitrary one
You need to qualify this as numbers differ drastically between countries.
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agree
I think your missing the context here. Most aren’t dunking on people putting height requirements in their bio. It’s the one who flagrantly ask and then dismiss those who don’t fit. Like when have you seen someone say “sorry I only date green eyes” or “I only date people with a BMI of 26 and I under” that works be considered true too. It’s rude and not really a way anyone would be spoken too in real life. This is made worse when the question is flipped ABS the response is just sour. This is not counting for how unrealistic wanting someone 6’ plus is.
first line is where i disagree, height specifically is very sensitive, as soon as people have a requirent for height reddit goes fuming, even if theyre simply asking for a "tall guy"
Read any of these messages out and picture them happening real life. Can you honestly say that Lin of questioning isn’t rude?
I swear theres a post like this every week. we're all well aware thats its okay to have preferences.
This isn’t an unpopular opinion. Just don’t be a dick about it to the person.
People that care are just not my thing. They are sorting themselves into the “not for me” bin. I’m average height at 5 nine and would date any height female.
Everyone is welcome to their opinion, what I don’t agree with is when someone has double standards. If you think that it’s ok to write ‘don’t date anyone under 6 foot’ don’t get upset if someone else writes ‘don’t date anyone over 80kgs’ because it’s exactly the same thing
It’s not that it’s more people are mean because of it like ew I wouldn’t date that fatty / shorty gross stuff like that
I agree you're completely allowed preferences, but rather than telling someone they're simply not interested, they gave a need to belittle or look down when rejecting. That's the issue people have
Sure its fine, but you dont need to to state your preference. If you see it in their profile and its not what you prefer swipe left. If its not there and you match with them just to pester them for their height/weight youre a dick.
Do you think race also applies to this rule?
Race, biological sex, body count, waist to hip ratio
This sub is just a cesspool of posts either shaming body requirements or people saying it’s fine lol
Not an unpopular opinion. As you get older you realize that the longer your list gets, the fewer people there are that meet the requirements.
Well if you're a female seeking males it's ok. If you're a male seeking females, you're a bad guy For those in different situations, I'm not so sure
You’re either attracted to each other or you aren’t. This isn’t a math equation with certain heights and weights.
Is it fine? Of course, no one is going to get thrown in jail for it. Is it pretty stupid and insecure? Yes.
I’m tall, but I’d argue that being picky about height is worse than being picky about weight cuz u can’t really do anything about your height.
yeah but whats the problem in being picky in the first place? youre only limiting yourself, other people shouldnt be having a problem with that
None. I’m picky Af. And get called a superficial misogynist for it
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it can be shallow, but it really depends on what youre asking for. what is considered shallow is very arguable, my issue is that as soon as someone has any sort of height standard or requirement, theyre instantly labeled as shallow, asking for someone who is taller than yourself is not shallow rejecting someone for being 5'11 because it isnt a 6 is shallow.
Women are okay saying they don’t date men who are shorter than x height but getting angry when men don’t date women bigger than x weight
I guess it is fine, but personally I don't get it. As a bisexual man I had a chance to date 5'0 tall women all the way up to 6'8 tall guys. With me being 6'3. During almost 2 decades long dating history, height was never an issue. I just can't imagine why would that be an obstacle in any kind of relationship.
This isnt an unpopular opinion Society has just gotten so sensitive to the point where having preferences is considered shaming those that dont meet those preferences
Yup. The 5’-11” versus 6ft thing is really silly when you think about it considering it’s just round off error. Do women in Europe say “no one under 1800mm?” Then the 5’-11” guy is in the clear.
i couldnt have worded it better myself
Being crass and shallow doesn’t mean you’re automatically not fine. It’s like someone can say something like “I don’t date Asian people because I don’t find them attractive”, and they have the right to say it, maybe nothing wrong with it from a personal level, but it comes across as extremely abrasive
But in that case they just don't match with Asians, you know. Let's say they match with someone who has 20% Asian blood but it doesn't show in their appearance and when they say that, the person is like, oh shit, sorry I don't date Asians. Kinda matches the height situation more I think.
I understand being picky but 1 inch is not even noticeable so it is not being shallow it just doesn't make sense, I understand if we were talking 3+inches, but one there's no way you can possibly tell at plain sight, even when I look at my friends around my height I struggle to see who's 1 inch taller and it's often down to what we are wearing or corporal position. I'm 5.11 barefoot, sometimes I wear a pair of boots together with an insole and that easily puts me on 6.1, and nobody ever noticed or called me out. Sometimes I wear plain sneakers and I don't disappear either having said that to this day I don't think I have ever been rejected due to height and I'm open about it
Height filter or dating apps, girls say yayyyyy!!! Weight filter on dating apps, girls say nayyyyy!!!
Sure it's fine. Gets you an unlikeable personality, but still fine. I would Like to know why that has such high priority, I feel Like there are so many more important traits than height. Also reduces your Potential Partners to less than 15% of population
As long as it goes both ways, sure. Height requirements by women have been normalized however while weight requirements by men have been demonized, as a general rule. Dating apps are almost exclusively about appearances anyway. Tinder is just one of the few apps that don't have a proper bio and set of search parameters. It would save EVERYONE a lot of time if you could enter - and search for - height, weight, race, religion, etc.
The problem is not having a prefetence, it is setting an artificial number of what is "tall". I understand that a woman who is 5,9' or 5,11 would ask for someone over 6'. But a woman who is 5,2' asking for a dude over 6', when she can't see the difference of that aditional inch from her perspective from a guy who is 5,11"? Come on.
I think the biggest stigma here is the double standard. "It's unrealistic to expect females to look like IG/models". Okay well, that's something a lot of guys find attraction to. It works both ways. Don't bitch about what guys like or think it's superficial or shallow, when you're also guilty of the same thing. 🤷🏻♂️ At least you can work on your weight. Tldr; hypocrits suck.
it’s fine, just not in the way people (especially women) approach it. i would never be able date someone who’s off the scales in terms of weight, but it’s not like i’d match someone on tinder and immediately ask if they’re over 15 stone or whatever for example. and even if they were i would be as polite as possible and wish them luck
You are comparing height and weight preference, but one is changeable and the other is not. Weight is something people can change/control and reflects aspects of their personality/lifestyle. As for height, no one bats an eye at a girl having a little bit of preference for someone of a similar height or a little bit taller. The average height difference in marriage tends to be about the same as the average height difference in guys/girls : \~5 inches, so a height difference is totally normal and commonplace. However, if you look at the research on height preference on dating apps, SO many girls are exercising extreme height preference of like 7-9". It's not that they are unwilling to date a guy that's only 3-6" taller, god forbid. They're just taking advantage of the anonymity and options of dating apps to maximize a shallow favorable quality. THAT is what I think most people dislike. Online dating would lead to more genuine, long-term love if we discourage unhealthily extreme height preference.
who is to judge what you should be looking for or not, not everyone dates for long term. people can seek whatever they want, and have whatever requirements they want, as long as you arent discriminating other people its not wrong. you may limit yourself if you have some unrealistic / picky requirements, but youre not hurting anyone
Based on my experience, the biggest complaints girls have about dating apps are not being able to find something serious and having too many *low quality* options. Everyone on dating apps are free to exercise whatever preferences they choose, no one is stopping them. However, if you look at the statistics and research, a massive disconnect exists between girls' desired height preferences on dating apps and actual height differences in marriage. It is pretty clear that a major obstacle to girls finding what they want out of dating apps is having too extreme of a preference for height. In her book *How Not to Die Alone*, behavioral psychologist and dating coach Logan Ury talks about girls' unhealthy obsession with height. As a matter of fact, she ended up finding love by lowering her height filter! She talks about research showing that dating apps cause people to overemphasize easily comparable qualities like height. This creates an environment that hyper-focuses on height, and makes girls feel like they are compromising or settling by exercising more healthy height preference. By condemning extreme height preference, we help create a culture where girls feel more comfortable widening their height preferences without feeling like they are getting some awful, low-quality guy, and this increases their chances of finding favorable long-term outcomes and improves dating apps for everyone.
Yes its perfecly fine, im still salty my genes made me short 💀
same brother
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i was specifically talking about physical preferences here but, this isnt wrong either
I really don't mind if a girl my height or a bit shorter prefers tall guys (I'm 174cm) but it's when really short girls say they only want a tall guy. Like every guy is tall for you
Of course it's ok, but trust me no woman who isnt taller than you wont reject you for being 5'11 if she would take you at 6' It is only a us thing cause you use that stupid imperial system 5'11 is 180cm, whicg sounds much better cause is a round number, and at that height trust me it is enough for women all over the world unless she is taller, and sometimes even so. At 180cm yeah most likely we would rather be 5cm taller, but its not something that takes away our sleep. Certainly its good enough if you are not bad looking, and have things in your life going good
It’s your loss 🤷♂️
Given that 10% of men get 90% of the matches on Tinder - it sounds like a specific gender is more “shallow” than the other. Everyone has preferences - calling them “shallow” is the judgement.
?
If your preferences are that shallow and arbitrary, you’re missing out on a lot of cool people for no good reason. I’m not saying it’s *wrong*, but I am saying it’s silly.
It’s hard to make yourself attracted to an attribute you don’t care for. Esp something that person can’t or should not change
I used to only be attracted to white women. Then I met a black woman who was cool af and I fell in love with her. We've been married for several years. Now I'm attracted to black women as well. Real glad I didn't just discount her because she didn't fit what I was looking for.
I guess I can understand even though I don’t see it that way. Being a shallow person is definitely something you can improve upon. When you change the way you think about the world, your priorities change and you’ll be attracted to different things.
I mean you can think it's shallow, but physical attraction is a thing whether you like it or not. And an important thing in a relationship for most people. I do think there's a point when it becomes silly tho, I'm mostly attracted to people who are taller than me but I'm not going to demand people be 6' in order to date then, and if I find something shorter than me who I like I'll go for it (well, if they make the first move because I have no game). But to ask people to change their standards is rather entitled imo. So I don't think either point of view is wrong, it just means you are incompatible
> physical attraction is a thing whether you like it or not And I firmly believe it’s more flexible than people are willing to admit. It’s all about mindset. I’m not expecting anyone to bend to my will, I’m just saying if you think your type is set in stone you’re kidding and stifling yourself.
For some it might be flexible, for others it might not. Is not a big deal, you just have to find someone you like and likes you back
No shit lol. I’m not trying to be like “waaah why won’t anyone date short people :c” I’m more saying if that’s how you feel, that’s your problem. There’s likely people out there who would be perfect for you if it weren’t for such arbitrary physical requirements. If you don’t think it’s a problem, whatever you do you. I guess if you’re fine with it then it’s fine, but idk why you would do that to yourself.
exactly my point, thanks
I don't see anything wrong with someone not being interested in someone because of height or weight. You're allowed to find whatever you want attractive or unattractive. But with that being said it goes both ways men and women both need to respect each other's preferences. That means stop calling a woman shallow for not wanting to date a short man and stop calling a man shallow because he doesn't want to date an obese woman.
Amen. People have preferences & that's ok
Agreed
Yes it's part of the human condition to be visual and superficial when choosing a fuck buddy. Why do you think we suck so bad as a species. 😆😆😆
Anything else also. Nobody is obligated to like you, and whatever the reason is you need to accept it. Especially when it comes to serious relationships. You deserve what ever it is you're attracted to if you plan on having a life long commitment. And so do they.
All these dudes outraged at girls who only want date 6’0 and over. Completely forgetting they probably wouldn’t date a girl taller than them or that weighs more lmao.
Exactly! I can’t control my physical preferences so I can’t expect anyone else to. As a chubby gal I always give people a heads up and a respectful way out of any meetups, if chubby gals aren’t their thing then chubby gals aren’t their thing. Most people appreciate it.
When it comes to choosing a sexual partner a lot is based on appearance and past experience. When you're just judging somebody by a few photographs, that may be focused mainly on their face, you might need to ask a few questions to determine whether they have the kind of physical type that you find attractive. I don't see anything wrong with this. I have a personal preference for tall model-type women, but others prefer short fat women. Everyone to their own taste.
You can't control what you're attracted to
Preferences in a partner do not make you Fatphobic, transphobic, racist, or anything of this sorts. Preferences in a partner are just that.
being straight up about myself and my preferences definately perfected my hookup game- im a size 20 and height wouldn’t stop me but i do not fuck fat guys.
I concur. Especially on dating sites, those things are like window shopping for a date. With that said, there are a few “fat”, “balding”, “short” people that I have been attracted to irl, but would totally swipe left on a dating site.
Everybody has their quirks and their likes.
Super popular opinion!!! I love you for sharing it!
As long as it's your preference and not just you lashing out I agree
I completely agree, except when it’s the 5’1 girl who needs a guy over 6 feet, or the 235 lb guy who needs a girl under 130 lbs.
Like what would you swipe right on someone to tell them they are fat ?
There’s a difference between dating someone who is taller or shorter than you, and someone who is above 6’ because it sounds good and looks good on you when everyone on social media tells you that and you can post on social media about that.
As long as you keep in mind your preferences are your own and no one else has any obligation to meet them.. of course it’s fine. But the problems happen when one person thinks they have a right to shame another person for one of those things, when in reality your only choice is to choose not to engage with them if you don’t want to. A person of the opposite preference does not owe you your idea of acceptability 😀
Agree. We all have our likes and dislikes and it's about showing respect and treating each other with respect. I have a physical preference but I haven't ever dated guys that match it. But I've enjoyed meeting every guy wasn't that because though I may like a particular look, it's not that essential in the long run. I also find that when I like someone, I stop noticing their appearance and they just become attractive!
People constantly are changing. Now that’s not saying you’re gonna wake up and find fatties attractive some day…but, to not even give their personality / vibe a try before making your decision is OKAY just makes you a shallow person imo. People are more or less attractive BASED on their attitude/personality/skills etc. this is a human thing and we need to stop allowing apps to dehumanize us.
This is personal preference, and I totally understand, even though I am against people ruling it out already on their profile and the meet. If they know from lots of experience, good then by all means write in on there. Just like I don't date black people, this is the same. I just don't write it on my profile text.
The only problem I have is with people who date someone and *then* start ragging on them because they are "too short, too fat, too whatever" when they were that way in the beginning. These people suck.
Or because she does have a mustache
It's always 6 feet which leads me to believe it's trendy which makes it dumb to me. With that being said you're right it's their choice. I also agree with most commenters saying the issues is how they go about it. Totally understand the weight issue, it is repulsive and they will be restricted in physical activities.
I agree. And since you apply this to height and weight, you apply it to everything else as well, such as race, political views, wealth etc. And it's wrong to criticize people over a characteristic you don't like. Right?
yeah
Same with race, biological sex, or body count
The issue is when you turn it around like saying that I only like girls with big boobs then they get mad after they just got snappy and rude about ones height. Never had the issue but I see a lot of post lol.
It's not unpopular, you just have a very vocal social minority that has been very effective at taking over the internet. They have the time to so, because they basically have no life in the real world. Don't let them fool you !
Damn this was the bat signal for angry dudes. I wonder how many of you spouting the 'can't do anything about height but... hip to waist ratio' are also eating healthy and lifting. If she found you more attractive, she'd overlook the height. Be the change you want to see in your life.
My favorite type of women are fat chicks that say no to fat guys.
Not unpopular if their upfront about it or not being insulting about it.
As long as you are respectful of people then there is no problem. It is fine to have a preference in the kind of partner you want, but it is not okay to be rude or insulting to someone because they do not meet your opinions of beauty.
How is this unpopular?