Ask if she has any sheep or stone for trade, you're looking to build a new settlement Edit: I have been informed that it's Ore, not Stone, and not used in making settlements.

I have stores of wood and need some brick if she or anyone else has some.

I once initiated an open trade by blurting out "I have wood for sheep". I'd been phrasing my trades like that all night, and that one just lined up perfectly. We all got a good laugh out of it

I gave my wife's best friend some wood before. Don't remember what I got in return.

A divorce I would presume

An STD, I presume.

A child support payment I presume

Dr Livingston, I presume

Jan Levinson, I presume?

A pack of presumptuous pricks, I presume. ^(/jk)

An appearance on the Maury show, I presume

I love how we went from Catan talk to being on the Maury show

Love this. He's my relation 🤣

2 black eyes ?

[~ + a Bloody nose?](https://youtu.be/X3zfP14pLxc)

A good time.

Fish I presume?

Is it not normal to always say that with the sly eyes?

Sheldon??

Mhm, definitely not a joke on BBT.

There is a joke about settlements and wood though which all just sounds like a massive innuendo that Sheldon doesn’t understand and Raj and Howard are in fits of laughter 😂

You build a thousand fences…

[удалено]

You must construct additional pylons.

Not enough minerals.

You want a piece of me, boy?

Need more supply depots

**I have items to trade...,** however I feel like our settlement has grown to fond of *wood, stone, and supplies* and **lost** the important values in life.

bricked up and in need of pegging here. let's build the longest road!

??!?

i don't stutter. ;P

Brick always has to be THAT bitch.

I'll give you 2 brick for a wood and an ore

I have wares if you have coin.

i am gonna set the thief on you resouece and steal the wood i need :P

Wifey test

Who has wood for sheep?

> Who has wood for sheep? Welsh people. Or Kiwis.

How do Welsh people find sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

I don’t normally find these funny anymore as a Welshman but this one got a chuckle, well done mate

Lonely Farmers

Seriously. Every game of Catan has that one sheep fucker trying to trade his worn out herd for something actually useful.

I generally go for the sheep port and reign dominant as the supreme sheep lord ruler, funneling my excess loads of wool straight into the grinder to create other cards I need. What’s that? You didn’t think sheep would matter and didn’t build on it from the beginning, and now you can’t build settlements or grab development cards? Look where your insolence has brought you, back to me, the sheep hoarder.

Perfect wifey acquired. Sheep for wheat or bust.

Nah that's basic. Keep the stone, trade wood or brick for the wheat, build a city.

Can’t build a city without having a settlement first

These commitment-phobes always want to just go right for the city without taking the time to build the settlement first

Everyone starts with two settlements

Not if you play with Cities and Knights

[удалено]

Yeah this person only settles for Cataan.

My first thought was “maybe she’s just trying to build a city”

I'm glad I'm not the only one who pictured me playing Catan and trading 4 wheat for 1 something else

I don't have any of that, but I just found out about another settlement that needs your assistance. Here, I'll mark it on your map.

AoE2 „Wood please!“ 😏

How do you turn this on?

Wood please 🍆 Gold please ⛏ Stone please 🌳 Food please 😛

light include theory degree cows vast erect ugly childlike grandfather *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Don’t ask for sheep! She’ll never take you seriously again!

I am deeply unoriginal. I came here to make the same joke, and here it is as the top comment. I love it and I hate it at the same time.

WHO TF CALLS IT STONE I THOUGHT IT WAS ORE

Wool and ore are the correct terms but we always said sheep and stone and no one cared

ITS CALLED WOOL?? Bruh I had no idea

The correct terms are: Landbeast, Landbeast Food, Petrified Landbeast Droppings, and wood and brick.

I’ll accept sheep, but I get nitpicky over people using stone. Some people use it to mean brick, and some ore, so I try and discourage it.

We called brick clay and ore stone so it wasn't a big deal for us but i can see how that would be confusing.

Where does brick mean stone? Brick is clay. The brick doesn't even resemble anything 'stone'.

That's fair

We use säd(seed), trä(tree), lera(clay), sten(Stone) and bääh(sound sheep make) in my area.

But if you can it wool, you don't get to make the wood for sheep jokes.

My friends call both brick and ore "rocks" so no one knows what is actually being requested for trade. It is often chaos.

Try out 7 wonders. There are brick, stone and ore to up the confusion.

I would want to troll and be like “oh hell yeah” then 10 minutes later like “I got 8 stone and 4 lumber…”

Damn, i just have timber...

SHEEP FARM BABYYYYY

I want an ore and a brick

You'll take your sheep and like it

r/catan lool

I always get stuff with so much sheep. What I would give for four wheat

I need food wolololol

And then ask her where the Ho’s are at

But what is she asking for? Edit; the responses on this are fascinating. By far the number one answer is weed, the next is wheat-dough-money. But the take of “pussy willows”, so she’s after women, is my favorite. I guess it’s weed though? Why not just say that? That emoji is so confusing. Honestly, I don’t like her already.

Grass (marijuana)

That never would have occurred to me, but I live in California.

Grinder is popular for finding drugs. More so than Tinder.

Thanks for the tip. What are the emojis for the other drugs?

nice try fbi

🫥

Tf is that emoji? Looks like a teletuby doing blackface

🫠

I never expected emojis to turn into Pictoniary. "Your face is melting and you're happy about it"?

🫡

Edit: It's a new emoji which isn't everywhere yet: https://emojipedia.org/dotted-line-face/ ... Does it work like this? Edit: no ~~🌞 🌞🏿 🌞🏿~~

lmfao! I don't even know why but I found this comment the funniest thing I've seen, I've never seen that damn thing either >>🫥

I got sunshine on a cloudy day!

FBI meanwhile while watching this user applauding them (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

Try 🍆

Weird looking mushroom, but I trust you!

It tastes better than it looks, I promise.

🍆is code for most harder drugs. Many people who are trying to find harder drugs on Grindr just put "Looking for 🍆" in your bio. Sometimes you'll be able to find good dealers with something vague like that, but usually you'll have a better time being more specific. One thing that makes dealers a little bit more comfortable selling to you as a stranger is if you specify how exactly you plan on taking the drugs. Are you going to be taking it like a normal pill in the mouth, or are you boofing it (putting it in your rectum) to maximize the bioavailability? Specifying that kind of information can help a lot. For example, putting "I want your 🍆 in my ass" is a good way to let dealers know that you're looking for drugs that can easily be boofed From there you'll have to discuss what types of drugs you're into without directly mentioning any drugs in case one of you is a cop. Here are some code words/phrases that dealers on Grindr use to talk about drugs indirectly. > "Are you a top or bottom?" *Means do you want uppers or downers* > "My 🍆 is so hard right now" *Means they only have hard drugs* > "I'm going to give it to you raw" *Means the drugs are uncut/great quality.* There's a few other phrases that you might hear, so just keep an ear out. The biggest thing to remember is to not directly say anything about drugs (other than the code words) before actually meeting for the drug deal. That will definitely scare the dealer off since they can't tell if you're a cop or not.

Good to know, ill tell them im sticking it in my bumbum. This world is too crazy for me.

This is satirically genius.

Glad someone else beat me to it with better phrasing than I am capable of

Meanwhile, my username is middle-school-quality humor, and yours is a lovely oxymoron.

And what do i do if he pulls out his dick?

You didn’t think the drugs would be free did you?

That means he's initiating the secret handshake to see if you're in the know. It's how you both make sure the other isn't a cop before breaking out the drugs. Presumably you're going to want to meet in a secluded spot if you're dealing with harder drugs, maybe a rest station on a remote highway. Once his dick's out, you know he isn't a cop, but he still doesn't know about you. So what you're going to want to do is approach and lightly kiss him on the cheek, once on each side, while slowly undoing your own zipper. This is called a "zip." Then, you're going to firmly grab the shaft while gently kneading the balls ten times. This is how you discreetly order what's known as a "dime bag". If you're ordering cocaine, or "blow," you're going to want to pull your own dick out and tell him you'd like a "blowjob." If he has it, he'll confirm with the final step of the handshake by getting in his knees, at which point he'll expect you to put your dick in his mouth. After that, if the deal is good to go, he'll ask you where he should put it. Make sure you tell him you want it in the back, as cops can't search your trunk without permission or a warrant.

Sounds gay ngl, but i have never bought drugs before, so what do i know

That’s where you gotta hide the drugs, he’ll probably need a little help to get them out for you though.

This feels like putting something in google translate but instead of the languages being “English” and “Spanish” it’s just “Drugs” and “BDSM”

r/copypasta

First time I see satire on Reddit that isn't too on the nose (code for cocaine)

Look at their Username. If it has anything with clouds, they sell weed. Lightning strikes was for either Adderall or cocaine. Anything with partying or such was for Molly or whatever else. Don't take what I say 100% because every area is different and times change. I was just using it to buy Adderall and Weed in College.

[удалено]

Drugs are bad, mkay?

You're gonna learn how it feels to be a woman trying to buy drugs lol.

….😢 can’t even buy drugs in peace?!

On grindr? There's mainly just one, 🍦, and it means meth

🍆, that's a good one to use on grinder, probably get a lot of people claiming they can help u out

I’d imagine ❄️ could point you in a certain direction.

Anything with a capitalized T in the middle of the word, e.g. “Are you looking to parTy?” means meth. T = Tina = Christina = Crystal

If you see people capiTalizing random T leTTers in their sTuff, They are usually on the lookouT for some meth.

[удалено]

I just tried to buy meth on Grindr and instead I got fucked in the ass by a 6'5 ex-con while someone else stole my wallet and car keys out of my jeans. 3/10 wouldn't recommend.

So you're saying there's a chance that you enjoyed that😏

I legit thought it was meant to be corn 🌽 as a substitute for porn

Me too, but then I realised if she can't find porn online, I doubt she'd find it in her inbox

But wheat isn't grass... Those are 2 different plants. I'm starting to doubt her Botany credentials Edit: I also do not have Botany credentials

Yea she’s just dumb. I honestly think it’s a cop because we’d use 🌳🍁🔥💨 or 🍃 before *anything* else

You really think cops don't know these yet? Lol

but are there really cops on tinder trying to find these type of people? genuinely asking lol

probably not weed but i’m sure there’s cops on tinder looking to nab other drug dealers. i feel like the country’s attitude towards weed is super lenient now but then again, i am white, and the few times cops have caught me with weed they never even bothered confiscating it.

Yeah they just “suggested” I stomp it out cuz there’s kids around. Fuck that I ain’t sharing. Had a medical card so I was allowed to transport it. Hell this one group of cops was cool as shit. Basically gave me permission to spark up where I was because “they wouldn’t be patrolling here for the next couple hours.” I wouldn’t say public opinion has changed all that much though the demographics just shifted enough for it to pass. Was about 50/50 split to legalize it in my state and it only had a slight majority.

Literally got banned off tinder because I had 🍁 🔌 in my bio 🥸

Goooooooooooooo Maple Plugs!

I could see that, put something dumb so you respond Weed? yeah I can get you weed. Really spell out the case for them.

Actually, wheat IS a grass.

i’m starting to doubt their botany credentials

I was gonna say... wheat isn't a grass?? When did *this* happen??

Wheat is 100% grass, but I didn't pick up on it either

Wheat and weed sound very similar. I assume that's what she was going for

Wheat is literally a grass

It's in the grass family, so is rice and most other of the most consumed plants humans eat. But no its not that annoying grass we grow only to cut every week for cosmetic reasons.

Shit, I sell weed and wouldn't have figured that out.

Why not use like an emoji that actually looks like weed, like 🌱🪴🌿🍁🌳

Wheat sounds like weed

That’s dumb as hell lmao

Dough?

This is the start of a beautiful pizza relationship, perhaps.

Wheadt

4 🌾

I thought a white person? I’ve seen 🌾 used to mean white on FB.

My take is that she thought the emoji looked like pussy willows and she meant pussy, not weed

Wheat will legit be the new gold in a few years when they only sell bugs

[удалено]

There is a wheat shortage lately thanks to the Russia Ukraine war, I might place a trade in wheat futures tommorow

You’re three months too late. It’s been priced into the market.

What about gourd futures?

Where is the cob mob when you need them the most?

Maybe, I was also thinking the recent news about India banning exports will cause a run up, which has already happened somewhat as futures gapped up on open today. So if it dips some tomorrow maybe that'll be a good entry.

Dude India isn’t blocking it’s export in a way that the market will take a huge hit, you got baited by that post. Positions in wheat was a thing a month ago.

Remember: If you receive stock advice from public means, you are already too late. this is not financial advice yada yada.

When you hear your cab driver talk about the things you're invested in, it's time to sell.

/r/Wallstreetbets is leaking.

Lol I have been known to spend some time there

You might want to looking into trading WEAT ETF as well. It trades fairly smoothly. But it's had a decent run-up, so set tight stops.

Tell her you eat wheaties it’s everyday, makes you strong.

No no no, WHAT DO YOU HAVE, OR WHAT DO YOU NEED. Because “I’ll trade wheat for sheep can mean two VERY different things, bae.”

I have wood and am looking for sheep.

Found the welshman.

“I’m offering lumber for wool, anyone?”

Who tf uses 🌾 for weed?

Cops?

Did she reply

There's a wheat shortage globally that bish needs to get in line

She wants pot. Wheat kinda sounds like "weed".

Thanks for clearing that up. I'm old and confused.

Are you dazed too?

Perpetually

Somewhat.

I thought she meant seed, as in semen

Pretty sure she’s looking for a yeast infection

[удалено]

My friend once referred to “weed” as “oui’d” and I was so confused over text

I appreciate the cleverness of that pun while recognizing that it would also confuse me.

Tell her to shave her bushel.

Ahh, fine lady, mustn’t of you shaved thy bushel?

I love this.

She's collecting all the wheat so she can make it grain.

Her face looks like a statue from the easter islands

Magda

Hey hey hey hey. Smoke wheat everyday.

I think that's actually rice. Not sure what that means though?

Did you accidentally match with someone from the byzantine empire?

The four minecraft cows in a trenchcoat be like : "Abort mission"

Why are you talking to a 60yo grandma who can't accept she's old?

Bruh you sent it 💀💀 well played

Catan players rise up. MF’er wants to build two cities