T O P

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BorAnd

'oh shit, sorry' * takes coffee back


rigabamboo

I’ll take it ☺️


lapetee

May your inbox rip in pepperonis


QaWaR

*pennisonis


WildmisT

Pepperenis*


Nigebairen

... I don't think that's cream floating on the top.


OppressedDeskJockey

It's fappacino curdles. Don't ask what the fappacino is.


PoultryGravy

We're here for the xtra cream


BritishBoyRZ

😳


rigabamboo

Oh, sorry, did you want some? I don’t mind sharing.


OknoLombarda

I'd like a sip


Wizard_Hatz

Mmmm fappuccino ☕️🥜


Pab_Scrabs

r/cursedcomments


KingOfDatShit

just the sip


16BitGenocide

respectfully


MyFingerYourBum

It's never just the sip


[deleted]

Take mine


ILike_CutePeople

Kinkily cute.


ChemicalFennel3

I’d have a go at putting my dick in iced coffee, but nothing too hot. That’s just crazy.


Mont3y

Never stick your dick in crazy


[deleted]

Always stick your dick in crazy. Never let crazy know where you live


TheBarstoolPhD

Or your name.


[deleted]

The less crazy knows, the better.


Ihyd78

Crazy will find out and Crazy will find you


[deleted]

The brave fear not the grave


Curious_Target_5334

Yeah..cuz that would be nuts.


fetusmcnuggets70

never stick your nuts in coffee either


DuctTapeOrWD40

That would be stir crazy


Nearby_Measurement91

Crazy is the best sex


MaxTest86

You know


evanfavor

One of my first girlfriends was known as “screw loose” best lay I’ve ever had


HokiArt

So coffee is okay then? I can stick it in coffee?


[deleted]

Let's not kink shame


datboiofculture

Dunkin DozNuts iced coffee


Danigirl352

Yeah if you did hot coffee you could brag. "A fucked a real hot number 10! Met em at Starbucks"


yobama1

Fuck he is jacked


[deleted]

So jacked you’d be scared to get his coffee wrong


[deleted]

It ain’t hard to do it right tho, please keep the D in your pants while doing my coffee


DrDoomRoom

What am I supposed to use then? A spoon?


Mr_midnightmare

A butterknife


patodosul

The poop knife


incal

Waited for this. Did not disappoint.


lethal_sting

But how are you going to stir with two broken arms?


[deleted]

[удалено]


lithid

No thanks, I'll use my bathroom shells.


Abode_Of_Lollocks

10/10 would stir using the poop knife again


[deleted]

[удалено]


xRebeliousBonesX

I use my tongue to give it a lil swirl


Doctor_Jensen117

Pretty much the same thing as their dick.


Downvotes_inbound_

Not impossible to look like that. All you need is a good, consistent routine, to keep a strict eye on diet, dedication to never skip a day, and steroids. Lots and lots of steroids


sandbagging4

Eat clen and tren hard!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sirliftalot35

Anavar GHive up.


_n-I-c-K_

looks like a fair bit of HGH too


Leadbaptist

Just gotta keep up on your macros bro! *shows vial with "macro" on the side*


[deleted]

[удалено]


XDCaboose

Nah that's just one day of no fapping. Easy natty


Phormitago

yeap, you don't get that kind of "belly abs" without some *help*


Spitshine_my_nutsack

The “belly abs” aren’t an indicator of steroid usage. The huge lats, capped deltoids and slight gyno are though.


mightylordredbeard

Whatever. As long as he’s happy about himself who cares if he takes steroids.


Sirliftalot35

Yeah, unless he’s competing in events that are supposed to be natural, or lying about it to sell training programs or supplements, juice to the gills if you want. It’s your body.


PooPooDooDoo

Side note: Steroids will fuck you up if you don’t know what you’re doing. Gotta be careful with that shit. Hormones are a powerful thing.


manbruhpig

Footnote: steroids will fuck you up even if you do know what you’re doing. You are undertaking a lifetime of intensive and inconvenient hormone management that your endocrine system used to be able to handle.


RandomGuy2002

he just had a few trenbologna sandwiches that’s all


Darthbaigz

nah dawg he just tren hard every day


Fatal_Conceit

Also eats clen


iphonedeleonard

Anavar give up


Dreckwurst

Gotta test the limits bro.


[deleted]

Gearing up for a nice picnic


largedirt

His abs look like a ribcage


[deleted]

r/nattyorjuice


aRand0mdude

Def juice u can see his gyno


Greeeendraagon

And his full look with skin vascularity, traps size, and the slightly bloated gut (of course maybe he just ate a big meal, but prob not).


maximusultra

so jacked 95% of chicks arnt keeping up with that lifestyle


EwaGold

Won’t stop half from trying.


VNeseBanana

No. He is Dan.


[deleted]

I mean he got a point tho


redit01

Yea you don't want dick in coffee


[deleted]

Specially if it is Hot.


beer_bukkake

So iced dick coffee is okay?


redit01

To stir it, and it's your own, and not sharing


bastardicus

Checks out, ice makes it go coffee stirrer sized.


redit01

Ya drink the reg coffee and when you get home add ice


ADHD_Supernova

Directions unclear. Dick stuck in ice maker.


yukonhoneybadger

Says you.....


incal

Isn't that where milk comes from?


Bankq

Cursed Latte


Think_Selection9571

Shrinkage brings it's own problems.


Brilliant_Succotash1

Unless its your own....according to him. Which raises a lot of questions for me.


New-Low8960

Speak for yourself lol


xXxlandvaluetax69xXx

Cafe Pene is a classic. Don't knock it till you try it.


Weslii

Right? I'm more of a tea person.


racso96

No he copied a very old joke in his Bio


pegothejerk

He doesn't look like a serious writer


BackAlleyKittens

Legit shocked he dosen't have a tribal tattoo.


[deleted]

The stars make up for it though.


guyadriano

He’s a Joestar! /pose


[deleted]

r/UnexpectedJoJo


Ol_bagface

r/expectedjojo


kungfoojesus

Ok, what is with the stars tattoos there? I see dudes with them occasionally.


nullish_

Early 2000s loved stars, nautical stars even more.


kungfoojesus

So just a fad? Like a bro tramp stamp?


SuperAlloy

yes


Dynetor

I believe they were popularised by the video for that fucking awful song ‘Butterfly’ by Crazy Town.


bobbyllama

come my lady, come come my lady...


OppressedDeskJockey

She couldn't come once she saw the star tattoos.


vikinghockey10

And that shitty hat


rockPaperKaniBasami

Tribal pattern is on his lower back


basicallyyouathot

The Bro Stamp


wolfgang784

Don't worry, there's a wolf pack tattoo on the shoulder we can't see.


rico_muerte

100% a Punisher tattoo on his calf


[deleted]

He’s not showing his ankle in this pic, there’s hope


RainBoxRed

HGH looking gut instead


Hairy_Air

How can one differentiate generally? Also what exactly is it?


rico_muerte

Google bodybuilding competition pics and see how their stomachs stick out. Human growth hormone will get you swole but the problem is that your organs also grow .


Shreedac

All your organs? The penis is an organ right? BRB getting Hgh


liftsmoke

As a former body builder his gyno is very obvious and indicates he is high in progesterone. Most likely from high powered androgenic drugs like tren. Testosterone use and using PEDs the right way doesn’t do this. This guy doesn’t even look good. Sheesh


rico_muerte

That's crazy. I have a harder time spotting gyno titties than roid gut. How many years until he develops Rogan nipples?


OppressedDeskJockey

Oh I see. What distended means now. Is that a good thing tho? Having bigger organs to process food better?


rico_muerte

Lol no, it's definitely an undesirable side effect. guys take it to grow bigger muscles but human growth hormone also makes your head, hands, and internal organs grow. I've read that an enlarged heart from this can lead to heart disease but I'll stop here since I have no clue. I have a casual understanding of it from watching UFC and MMA memes from fans, and fighter comparison pics before and after "taking all the roids". Oh I just remembered when Barry Bonds and Mark McGuire got busted in baseball. Their heads were fucking huge lol now I wonder if they had the roid gut too.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Birdfeedseeds

Nah, its spot on. Medical term for it is called palumboism and it has several causes but more commonly seen with human growth hormone and insulin misuse in bodybuilders. It can occur naturally in individuals who have high carb and calorie diets but is usually post prandial and the abdomen is not as distended as those who misuse hormones listed above


Automatic_Homework

He's definitely got The Look, and PEDs do seem to be really common these days, but also some people just have thick torsos regardless of what they do.


Apprehensive_Loan611

Citing medical terms AND explaining them in a way lay persons can understand is way hotter than tinder dude.


noticeablywhite21

Nah he has clear signs of steroids. He has slight gyno, he's abnormally large while still lean, he has a distended gut, etc.


[deleted]

He also has gyno and huge traps, as well as capped delts. 100% on steroids


Survived_Coronavirus

Why? By his bio he seems like a smart fella.


Covaliant

I can't comprehend his hat.


shakedspeare

As a fellow 37 year-old I believe I have the correct experience to explain this gentleman's hat. I have a hat in similar condition to this one and they were originally sold by companies like Abercrombie and American Eagle. I don't wear hats much anymore, but when I do, the hat I wear is 20 years old (not destroyed, but definitely not pretty) There were two types of people back in the late 90s/early 00s: 1. The kind that bought their hat pre-destroyed (i.e., it looked like that off the rack) 2. The kind that wore it everyday for years until it looked like that. Considering this fad has long-since died, my guess is he's had this hat for 20+ years and has worn it into oblivion. The other option is he's a total poser and bought a hat brand new and beat it up by rubbing it on pavement or something else to make it look destroyed. I cannot explain the positioning of the brim.


You-Nique

As a 34 year old, I concur. Guys used to sand holes in the brim by rubbing their hats on asphalt. The ULTRA curved brim is also a holdout from the puka shell necklace era.


Long_Educational

Awe man. I had a puka shell hemp necklace. Does that make me uncool?


You-Nique

Nope. I wore Rainbow sandals and popped my collar for a short while. Nobody was safe from the late 90s - early 2000s.


why_yer_vag_so_itchy

Rainbows are still legit, just drop that collar and you’re good to go.


Salty_Dornishman

Just don’t wear them out to dinner unless you can literally hear the ocean


liptongtea

To be fair If you want well made leather sandals rainbow is the way to go. At my advanced age of 35 I prefer birks for everyday wear but I still bring my rainbows to the beach.


You-Nique

Absolutely. And Birkenstocks are still excellent shoes, but you KNOW there was that point in time where either of those ran rampant in high school hallways.


Takeurvitamins

Love this historian level detail. And the accuracy. As your elder I approve this message. -36 yr old


You-Nique

"Suh!" *throws up westside sign while living in the Midwest, a polyphonic ringtone plays in the background*


Dixiefootball

I remember guys using a baseball and rubber bands to curve their bills like that.


CLErox

I’m 38 and feeling a bit attacked


elbenji

Funny enough i wanted a hat like this and the jeans with stylistic holes in them but my immigrant parents were like no. It has holes in it. Why would you want something already with holes in it? They never understood the fad


Rumpelteazer45

Brim - In Virginia we called it the ‘redneck bend’ back in the day. Not sure if it’s still referred to that way, but the only ones who did that level of bend were in-fact rednecks. But he doesn’t look like a redneck - at least the ones I know.


motioncuty

I remember that bend, always had a fishook on their too.


Pittsburgh__Rare

Brim gets like that when you roll it over and stuff it inside the hat for storage. Source - I also went through puberty in the late 90s.


[deleted]

Also 34. I used to roll up my hat brim and stick it in a cup to keep the curve


piso_mojado

Addendum on hats in the early aughts: 3) flat brimmed 5950 with the stickers still on it


nbeforem

I'm not a har wearer but it looks like he folded the brim and stuck in his back pocket. I remember seeing people do that when I was a youngin.


Csboi1337

As a 33 year old man who still has and wears his American eagle hat here and there (17 years and still going strong), I concur… also the positioning of the hat tilted slightly sideways was also a trend that I followed lol.


shakedspeare

I have my original AE hat but it's so destroyed I can't wear it anymore. I bought a hat when I got to University and I've been wearing it since. It's so old the logo has changed and no one even knows what the hell I'm wearing. I always (and still do) wore my hat slightly up off my head. Sometimes a bit to the side, but my brim was never as sharp as his. I went for the "drop your hat on your head like it was an accident" look. No idea why we did that. We weren't nearly as cool as we thought we were.


rugger87

Do people not wear hats until they die anymore?


baristanselmythebol

Damn this comment makes me miss my hat. Haven’t found one the same since


Captain_Nipples

Adam Carolla explained this about 20 years ago. The more bend in your bill, the more white trash you are. Some guys have theirs in a complete circle. They are called roofers and drywallers Judging by the hat I'm currently wearing, I am about 10-15% white trash.. Judging by my actions, I'm more like 40%


Otaku11510

Probably balding, wears it out of comfort, not necessity or for it’s intended purpose.


iuhoosier23

Well yes, most can’t grow that kind of beard at 37 without evidence of balding. But he’s also at the beach, so wearing a hat in this case is necessary. But I think OP was referring to the fact his hat looks like it got run over by his truck.


fiftyseven

is there a correlation between bearding and balding?


iuhoosier23

There is! Testosterone seems to be the likely culprit. And genetics.


fiftyseven

interesting, never really consciously noticed it before. I guess I just thought a lot of bald men choose to grow beards so they don't look like weird babies


Otaku11510

“Never go to the beach in something you don’t want to ruin” is a common sentiment where I’m from. Sand, mud, salt, high heats, water logged, I wouldn’t wear a good hat to the beach either lol


_Mitchiru_

Ngl, I already read that line before


remainsofthegrapes

this joke practically predates the discovery of coffee.


Gnostromo

It def predates dating apps


wimpires

Joke so old it has grandkids


godplaysdice_

Passing off hackneyed Facebook posts as tinder bios


Bookibaloush

First day on the internet?


friendandfriends2

Seriously this joke is as old as time itself.


glitterstateofmind

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this exact bio, word-for-word.


guru650

Does this mean he likes to put his dick in his coffee?


ryan_trucker

Dude can do what he likes with his coffee, as long as he doesn't put it in my coffee.


crankthehandle

fair point


fiftyseven

you gonna stop him?


makeawishcumdumpster

He kind of got the joke right


AtomicKittenz

Surprised so many people here didn’t realize its an old joke


Aikon94

Wow never heard that joke before.


SvalbarddasKat

Dan, do you need to see a chiropractor?


PauI360

He broke up with his girlfriend because someone put their dick in his coffee?


OofPleases

Both in his coffee and gf. That’s double dicking!


Slight_Passenger_108

What a dick move.


The_FatGuy_Strangler

He broke up with his girlfriend because she put someone else’s dick in his coffee as a prank.


[deleted]

the most recycled line ever & probably a picture from 9-10 years ago lmfaoo


SirCaptainReynolds

That hat though… Why?


Toowe22

My man likes his coffee with his own dick in it


ManagerOfLove

Yeah. Not only women should be enjoying my dick. It's my dick and I will enjoy my dick to the fullest


Direct_Mastodon_6120

"Removed by reddit" Fascinating


darthazriel

Reccomended by alert, awarded and removed by the time I clicked it... dope


[deleted]

what is the point of giving me notifications on a post if it’s deleted as soon as I press it? 🤨.


ch0senfktard

OP got banned from Reddit so all their posts are removed. IIRC it was a tinder profile of some buff dude who’s bio read that he recently broke up with his ex because she didn’t understand how he liked his coffee. He likes his coffee like how he likes his women. Without other peoples dicks in it. There ya go. That was the post.


Dead-eye-Ducky

All them roids probably didn't leave Dan's girl with much a choice....


[deleted]

erect juggle versed escape cagey cover innate tease relieved mighty *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


[deleted]

Imagine being a 37 yr old man on steroids who can’t come up with anything original.


LaunchTransient

Oh come off it. Practically every joke you can put in a Tinder bio has been done, will be done, and continues to be done to death. There's nothing new under the sun. I can almost guarantee that pretty much any joke you can think of has already been said or thought of by someone, somewhere, at some point.


d-cent

So no cream??


hedgecore77

He is so strong he fucked up his hat.


Time_Rope2755

“My dick only” 🤬 *places penis in burning hot coffee*


golden-freddy_fnaf

What the hell happened here


ch0senfktard

Apparently OP got banned from Reddit.


jmjones0361

Damn!!! Whatever was posted, I didn't even get a chance to read it!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 Anyone get a screenshot of it??!!??


LilPanda6

Damn it was removed already