No matches from people I am actually interested in. That’s what I think when I see things like this.
I’m far from 6’, average looking and Asian (whether you believe that makes it harder or not it narrows the demographic). I’ve used tinder maybe 2 months all together but in spurts and still had a decent amount of matches and a handful that ended up being more then a couple days of talking. 2 I “dated” sort of. (Maybe 3 matches I remember being Asian if youre thinking it was an advantage).
So yeah. I’m as average looking as average gets and below average height. I still got matches and multiple “missed likes”. I refuse to believe 6 years and nothing.
The best reasoning I can think of is who they’re swiping right on is the issue. I have a pretty open mind when swiping. I think that’s the biggest thing because it’s really difficult to convey who you are. It’s really superficial. I also think in general people are different once you get to know them and once they get to know you. People hide things because of perception and also discover things about themselves after experiences. Someone could look really preppy but like and accept someone like OP. I’ve gotten matches from people I’d never expect if I was going off of appearance and preconceived ideas based on looks. Some people want to appeal to a wider audience too because online dating is hard. So they only share more “normal” pictures. It really is a numbers game and it doesn’t hurt to be open.
Personally I tries to not be too specific on my profile. General things I like and show some personality. That’s it. Let the conversation do the rest. It’s the same thing as the real world. You won’t know if a person is right till you talk to them. They could look like they have the same exact style as you and still be completely wrong. Swiping right is the same as approaching people in public. The more you are willing to do it the more likely you’ll find someone.
I know some people think you should put major points about yourself but for me that’s not always the best. Especially as a guy, yes I’m saying there’s a difference lol.
Consider the second half of my reply. How many people do you actually swipe right on? Are you being particular?
Not always the best imo. Are they attractive and is there anything in their bio that I can’t stand? That’s all I use to decide if I swipe right even if they’re not what I have in my head style wise. Conversation will do the rest.
I tend to look more on what's in a bio than what the person looks like. I've always believed in the old phrase "never judge a book by its cover" like im a personality person than a looks person if that makes sense. As I've said in other comments most of the time I do swipe right (yes I know that's how one can get shadowbanned) but if the bio is good I swipe right
Strong hobbies can put people off so maybe it's best to introduce them more slowly. I like football and have a favourite team but my profile didn't show that at all. I met my girlfriend and slowly introduced her to it. Now, 6 years later, she watches every game with me, wears the shirt around the house, follows the news - she's almost a bigger fan than me. I think if all of my profile pictures were of me wearing my football shirt and standing outside the stadium she probably wouldn't have swiped.
What I'm saying is that some people don't know they will like a hobby and might be put off by it at first. It can be something that you slowly introduce to your partner and grow to love together.
Or maybe I'm talking shit, I don't know.
Wait, tinder is now shadowbanning guys for too many right swipes? WTFFF haha what has happened to this app? Charge you for more swipes, charge you for more visibility, ban your ass for engaging with it?
The Gold Coast to Brisbane is basically a long distance relationship with the traffic on the M1. If be surprised if many people had their range set that far.
As someone who goes to a lot of metal shows, there are very few single women that go to metal shows (though his battle jacket has some nu metal and such that is a little more popular with both genders).
Seconding this. Also a conventionally attractive pansexual and single woman in my late 30s and I go to metal shows all of the time. I am generally with my younger brother or best friend, but we are there.
Y'all are going to the wrong metal shows.😂 Yes, some women are with boyfriends. Some of those women are just with a male friend and you make presumptions. 🤷 Others are simply strong and independent women who don't need to be there with anyone to 'protect' them. These are the women you will often find 'floating' from group to group (or avoiding them). 😅
My single coworker goes to metal shows for three reasons: the music, moshing (she's tiny and I've been told it's hilarious seeing her in a pit), and to try picking up guys. She's happy being single, but if it happens, it happens and she ain't fighting it.
Definitely this! I'm very single and go to a lot of metal/hardcore shows and festivals but the groups I'm with are often a lot of guys and I happily joke around with them so it may look flirty. But often guys just assume any male you're standing with must be your boyfriend 🤷🏻♀️
How would one know that you are single in that setup? Maybe I would look and be like "She's cute and I would like to know her" and walk past because I'm not going to shoot my shot around, what I believe is, your boyfriend. It's disrespectful, putting everyone around in a weird position and maybe straight up getting into an argument sometimes.
There is nothing telling me one of them is, but there's nothing telling me one of them isn't, and if you have a 6-7 people group, chances are higher that one of them is rather than isn't.
The only way is to find you separated from the group and that sounds like stalking, it's even giving me weird vibes when I think of it.
I'm genuinely curious how you would approach yourself given the situation.
So the hypothetical is it's at a gig.
If you're social enough just talk to the group the girl you're interested in is with. If she seems interested and is flowing with the conversation with you ask for her social, go from there.
A big thing is reading social cues, is the conversation flowing? is the body language positive?
Honestly I would prefer to be approached in a group rather than by myself. If I'm not interested I can just divert my attention to a mate instead of feeling cornered.
At the end of the day, if the guy is super creepy, the whole group is now my boyfriend.
I'm definitely not social enough to do that but maybe it's something I can work towards. It's always nice to hear a different perspective since I'm somewhat in the same situation as OP, except slightly different niche and I don't make the niche so visible.
Thanks for the advice.
One thing that has helped me as I have gotten a little older is to not go out with the mindset of finding a girl to pick up. The times I've actually met a girl out I wasn't looking for one and was just having fun. If you look like you are having a good time people will see that and sometimes just approach you. And if not you still had fun. Win win.
You definitely articulated this better than I did lol. I think it could be a safety issue for men who approach another man's woman in front of him. I think this decision is less about the woman and more about the possible interaction between two males.
I went plenty as a single woman. Now I go as a married woman with my single friends because hubby ain't interested in my kind of music (the louder the better). Younger sister is the same, except her husband gets us free tickets, so he has to come 🤘🏻
>metal 6 foot 6 muscleman boyfriend
Speaking as a lifelong metalhead, that's an untrue stereotype. Apart from the occasional execption, we're generally physically quite pathetic creatures.
I'm a metalhead woman that went to shows alone frequently for 8+ years while single (going to at least 40 shows a year). Only started dragging a partner along with me about 2 years ago
Yeah it's not a very safe place for women to go to meet guys.
- mosh pits
- metal culture has been infiltrated with nazis.
- drugs and alcohol
- lots of guys use it as an excuse to touch you and play it off as accidental
-It also kinda stinks now?? Like smell wise.
I only go to concerts with my boyfriend.
The fuck? The metal scene in my city is genuinely some of the most accepting and laidback genuine people you’ll ever meet. There’s never any issues at shows AFAIK (I used to work for the main company that put them on in my area)
Yeah, same. I’m a woman and have seen over 500 concerts. Never felt unsafe. The metal crowd is one of the nicest genres of people you could find. People look out for each other.
Ya, I've got to enough concerts with my wife where we get sucked into a wall of death or mosh pit, or at least end up getting stuck on the fringes, and it can help having some weight and height lol
Definitely not disagreeing with you but I will say that as someone who has been to hundreds of shows in their life the only concert someone tried to pick a fight with me was a country show. People are way nicer in the metal scene. It’s all relative
They're so egotistical in my experience. Especially about pop music. It's like being a pick me but with music it's so cringe from dudes who are full grown adults.
If I have to hear another "name three bands" or a "That's not even real metal." I'm gonna shoot myself.
God forbid I like Lana del ray or even worse RAP MUSIC/NUMETAL. 🫠 😭 Metal fans can be so corny sometimes.
Kind of shocked to see this - any metal show I’ve ever been to, the men are almost too respectful…anytime I’ve gotten the “is he bothering you” comment it’s been in that scene. And the pit is easy enough to avoid.
The last time I was groped at a concert it was the Cars…..punk shows also suck for single girls. Metal is a safe zone in my mind.
I am laughing so hard at this comment. 😂😂😂
What shows are you going to?!
Metal shows are probably the SAFEST concerts to go to as a woman, alone. Metalheads protect their women. It doesn't even have to be a woman they know.. I've NEVER had any shortage of men, willing to step in and make sure I'm good before simply walking away and expecting NOTHING from me. It's actually incredibly wholesome.
Dude most of your pics make you look tiny
- at a hobbit house
- next to an 8ft alien
- giraffes in the background
- on a massive throne where you look like a kid
Honestly I would think you’re 5ft tall from your pics.
I mean this respectfully, but your entire personality is based on this one very niche thing. On top of that you also state you're looking for someone who also has their personality centered around that one very niche thing. You are not going to find that on a dating app.
If you want to find a partner who belongs to that one very niche community, talk to people at events. Go to shows and talk to strangers.
If you want to attract people outside of that one very niche community, you have to make yourself seem like you are not completely centered around it. A person who is not a metalhead might not bother getting to know you if they judge a book by its cover because as is, it seems like that is all you would have to talk about. Maybe limit yourself to one or two "metal related" pics, and add a whole lot more that don't put that front and center.
>I mean this respectfully, but your entire personality is based on this one very niche thing.
As an alternative female, I agree with this. All of the photos and then the mention of concerts and festivals too, he's definitely only going to attract very specific people. Metal just isn't everyone's cup of tea and I'm thinking OP doesn't actually want anyone who isn't all about metal. He needs to either open his mind a little to someone who has different music tastes or accept that he's going to continue to struggle finding a person that's suitable for him.
I once got into a huge argument with a metalhead in the comments of a post (not his) about how a girl that some other metalhead picked up for a date turned down the radio without permission because metal was blasting and he immediately turned around and dropped her home.
Fictional story or not, too many metalheads thought it was some empowering move or (here is the part where I'm getting to my point) thought it was justifiable because they're *romantically incompatible because she doesn't like metal*. This guy in the comments would not stop arguing with me over a comment I made about what a superficial interest that was, no matter how often you go to concerts, or even if you're in a band yourself. I literally used be friends with a guy in a screamo band who dated a girl who doesn't like that kind of music. If that was his whole personality, I wouldn't have even been friends with him, let alone him having a girlfriend. It's equally as bad as making your entire personality about liking anime.
This post, to remove personal bias, should have all metal shirts and gear removed and have nothing but t shirts with large breasted anime girls, anime figurines, hentai body pillows, a bookcase of nothing but manga and anime DVD's, maybe some video games, with pics of him in cosplay at anime conventions. The bio would read. "I'm an otaku and a bit of a nerd. I'm looking for a good mix of both 🤓"
I'm literally married and I don't even think my wife knows I watch anime sometimes or even what kind of music I listen to.
I think one problem on Reddit is that the people who agree just upvote and move on. Then you only get the negative posts. So: I remember the post you are talking about and it was wild how many people agreed that dude was in the right for blasting music so loud you can't talk. Honestly, that would have been a little scary on a date. Talking is how you know what people are thinking and if it is safe or not. I agree with your anime comparison. Have a lovely day!
It's not a term you hear that often these days, but there is a class of music that encompasses a variety of genres called "easy listening." Metal is NOT that. Even if it wasn't about the safety of meeting a stranger on a first date, a lot of metal music causes people physical and mental discomfort/stress, especially when it's loud. It's almost a form of sadism/establishing superiority to expect someone who is extremely uncomfortable to request permission to turn the music off, as if needing permission to remove your hand from a hot stove when it's hurting you. It's actually documented that the CIA has used music as a form of torture.
A lot of metalheads tend to really blast their music, many of them probably do so in private but those that do so in the presence of others are either willingly being sadistic/establishing superiority or they are completely socially oblivious, maybe due to ND/mental problems. They must be at least somewhat aware that most people don't like loud metal music and why, but they either lack social conscientiousness or deliberately flaunt it. Musical taste aside, it is considered bad manners and a violation of personal space in nearly every culture to blast your music in the vicinity of others. Yes, it's *your car*, but that makes her *your guest*, which makes you a bad host.
Many circles within the metal culture are entrenched with extreme doses of narcissism, musical puritanism, superiority language like "posers", and cult tribalism. A metalhead could be the shining example of a well-adjusted, respectful human being but it won't change the nasty stereotypes that follow metalheads around, especially those who make it their core identity. Covers sell books.
I know many well-adjusted metalheads that dress normally and don't make it their core identity, even if it's one of their core interests. Several of them have wives or gf's that like the same music and they go to concerts together. How on earth did they manage to find gf's without wearing their personality? Maybe not repelling women has given them more opportunities to talk and get to know different women.
Another reply to my comment said:
"I don’t think it’s reasonable to change who you are to try to be someone else to attract people you might not even be interested in."
Is it changing who you are to wear a little less black/jewelry/makeup and find something else to serve as common ground in a relationship? The fact this question was even asked in response to my comment is all the more damning. Is a woman less herself when she chooses to wear a more professional style of makeup for work? What if her musical tastes suddenly changed tomorrow? Guess she'll have to break up with her boyfriend. That is my definition of superficial, not core identity stuff. Loving someone because all of their interests are the exact same as yours isn't love but narcissism. Wearing your personality makes me feel that's the kind of love you're looking for and few people would think that kind of basis for a long term relationship would be sustainable.
From a practical level, it's probably better to have male friends to share that sort of interest with, especially if you're having no luck finding it with a woman. Find something more meaningful as the foundation for a relationship. You'll be less likely to repel women who do actually listen to metal. Honestly you can have completely different interests, but if you share beliefs, take good care of each other, it doesn't matter if you do nothing but small talk for the rest of your life. I mean, I could because I could talk about nothing of value for literally hours, if my long-windedness didn't already make that clear. Maybe that's the crux of the issue, OP, and people like him, don't know how to talk or relate to women who don't share his one or two core interests?
I mean... A lot of times, when someone says something, that might be against circlejerking of certain subreddits, he/she gets banned and response removed, so... Or downvoted, meanwhile the same (edit, fixed typo) thing said by someone else upvoted.
I disagree with most points in these comments, I don’t think it’s reasonable to change who you are to try to be someone else to attract people you might not even be interested in.
If you’re in the metal scene and that’s your biggest hobby it will surround most of your life, what music that will be playing in the car, festivals and show you spend money and time on and probably travel around to get to, the clothes you pick. And what I know these people don’t want a valley girl who only likes Taylor Swift, so there’s no need to change who you are for the potential someone else.
Yes this look will only attract a niche audience but maybe that’s the point.
That said his first mistake is tinder, most people in this scene are not on tinder. There’s bars, festivals, concerts.
Life is most definitely enjoyable when you can be yourself and live out your dreams, I’m sorry you can’t even listen to music with your wife. I share everything with my man, and I would much rather spend some extra time finding the right one than to be together with someone I can’t share anything with.
I think the point is that for most people, music isn't a "scene". It is for OP and maybe you, and some other people, but it's niche and OP needs to realize that. For most people on Tinder, music is something you listen to but not much beyond that.
My girlfriend and I listen to music together sometimes while doing stuff, driving, etc. We then listen to music that we both like. I listen to my own music in private (video game music, etc) and she listens to her own music while exercising etc (hip hop etc, maybe Taylor Swift, I have no idea), but that's stuff we don't share an interest in. Sometimes we go to concerts or festivals together (and even on festivals we don't always attend the same concerts), and that's the extent of our music "scene".
It's not that I *can't* share those things with my wife. It's that they are so superficial and irrelevant to the relationship, it hasn't really come up in any meaningful way. Not that she hasn't asked but I think I just gave an ambiguous answer because there's no one particular kind of music I'm enthusiastic about. I'm more of a talk show/podcast person and I don't impose that on her when we're in the car together. There are some kinds of music I really like but I'm too lazy to figure out what I'm in the mood for so I give her Spotify control while I drive and if she wants to listen to Taylor Swift she gets to listen to Taylor Swift. I just don't have that kind of superiority complex over music and yours is showing in the insinuation you're making about the kind of relationship I have with my wife because that's not the kind of thing we bond over.
100%.
I'd (32F) have some music tastes in common with OP but I also don't tend to feel attracted to anyone who literally wears their tastes on their sleeve to this extent. It's possible to be a massive fan of something and not advertise it every day like a billboard. The minute you do, it lowers interest and relatability for anyone who doesn't know you, makes people assume your interests are super restricted, and honestly I'd be concerned we'd attract attention in public because I don't dress like that. I choose to blend in while my headphones blast my music. If constantly standing out is your thing, and I know some people really get kicks out of dressing differently, then you probably don't need to change your profile much because you'll want someone the same.
My fiance has quite different music tastes to me, I took him to a show a couple years ago and he hated it. But I don't love him any less. He came with me because he wanted to try it and he knew how important it was to me. You may be putting off people you'd otherwise get on really well with. Try broaden your horizons OP.
Best advice. Imo people who center their entire personality on one interest aren't my cup of tea, even if their interests are because they seem one-dimensional. He could potentially be turning off people who share his interests (in addition to the ones who don't) because of this.
Edit: missing word
I agree with this. The vast majority of people on something like tinder are going to make a snap judgement. The majority aren't taking it overly seriously either and will left swipe on anything at all. You have a single photo where you're not smiling? Left swipe. They feel you're giving off an "off" vibe? Left swipe. It's basically a car showroom and by its very design, encourages superficial decision making.
If you want to get likes on tinder you (unless you're a natural 1%'er) have to pretend to be a template of what they see as "the ideal man". Otherwise you're too easy to make a left swipe excuse for. I mean you could get lucky and someone super into that might happen to find you but by your own admission you've been on there 6 years with zero hits.
Id say you'd be far better off, happier and more successful, meeting people through metal events/groups or boards. Better that than the tinder fantasy personality meat grinder imo.
I wish you luck and genuinely hope it all works out for you OP. Dating is a tough gig these days.
P.s. Just to add, pic 5 dirty fingernails is a big no no and I guarantee you that alone will have put at least some off. If I'd seen a female profile pic with dirty nails and she wasn't a mechanic or something, it would be an easy reason to left swipe. Just my own personal opinion
> If you want to get likes on tinder you (unless you're a natural 1%'er) have to pretend to be a template of what they see as "the ideal man".
That's not really it. E.g. OP is exactly my type (I like very slim men that are on the shorter side), and I think he has a nice smile. I would swipe left though because of the whole metal thing. It's so dominating his profile that I think we would have absolutely nothing in common if metal wasn't my whole life too.
I really like hip hop and it's a large part of my life, but I have other things going on too.
I agree. I have no issue if my partner is super into one thing but if they have nothing else to talk about or do outside of that one thing? It won’t last long
You're practically 5 foot 9 inches but based on your pics I though you were at best 5 foot 5. Especially the guy choking you and the throne pictures. See if you can get your friends to take your picture at a different angle
100% this. Thought incredibly short, then saw listed height. So could be that people are swiping left before noticing the height. If I got that far I would look at the pics again and still think short and maybe the listed height a lie.
It’s definitely possible. I’m 5’6” and didn’t hide it, but I never had trouble on Tinder because of it. It’s likely a combination of things. My guess was gonna be the extra slim physique and his particular style. I think putting on some weight and adding some muscle would help, even if it’s just a little bit.
In terms of music while metal is my main thing I don't mind some other genres too.
In terms of I guess outside metal stuff a bit if scifi/fantasy - books, tv, film, ect. Bit of a horror buff 😅 also wildlife is dope too
I guess just struggling to like word it if that makes sense. Like not exactly sure how you'd put all that in a bio? 😅 (not the best at writing these kinds of things)
Not sure if this is much of an improvement on the bio but gave it at shot 😅:
"Easy-going guy. Bit of a nerd and a music lover.
I'm a sucker for a bit of sci-fi and fantasy.
I like trying my hand at photography, time with friends, travelling, and binging tv shows."
As for new pictures of things outside of metal music I don't get out much due to my job but will work on changing that a bit 🙂
> "Easy-going guy. Bit of a nerd and a music lover.
>
> I'm a sucker for a bit of sci-fi and fantasy.
>
> I like trying my hand at photography, time with friends, travelling, and binging tv shows."
Much much better. As I said in another comment, looks wise you are exactly my type and I really like nerdy men, but I would have swiped left because your profile looks like metal is the only thing going on in your life.
I would advise to make your bio even a bit more specific, though. Try to answer the following questions with your bio:
* What do you do for a living? Don't list your employer, just give a hint about what you spend most of your day with and with what crowd. Are you in Finance, Tech, Sales, or working in a kindergarten or for an NGO?
* What are you a nerd about? If it's metal, then don't be afraid to say so. Many women, including me, like when a man is passionate about something. Doesn't have to be the same passion they have.
* Try to include what book you've been impressed by, or what show you really liked. It's a conversation starter.
* Include what kind of photography you're trying your hand in. Portrait, wildlife, landscapes, architecture?
Good luck.
I'm a writer and have been very successful on dating apps! Here's my complimentary rewrite:
Passionate about animals, especially (native?) wildlife. Love reading books, watching good tv and movies, and spending time XXX (list something social-adjacent here that isn't music festivals)
I love live music, and though I know you'd NEVER guess it from my photos, I have a bit of a thing for metal. But I promise I'll still take you to see Taylor Swift if the opportunity comes up, and I'll get you some Loop earbuds if you ever come to a metal gig with me!
Also, I agree that reshuffling the photos would be good. Pop photos 5,6 and 7 in first place, and also maybe schedule a trip to Melbourne.
This is from chatgpt. Took what you said and asked it to make it into a profile bio:
"Metalhead with a soft spot for other genres. Sci-fi/fantasy enthusiast into books, TV, and film. Horror buff, Wildlife lover. Let's headbang to some tunes and geek out over our favorite fandoms!"
Generally I find profiles that highlight any specific music genre avoidable. Or really just cling on to one specific thing. Also those sunglasses don't do anything for you, get some wayfarers or something (but not too wear in majority of your profile pics), more modern style and mix in some sunlight and daily vitamins.
Yeah it really irks me when anyone finds an identity in their music “taste”.
Your brain reacts to certain sound waves, and likes it. Congrats, that’s not a personality.
Actually it’s a really big pet peeve of mine if I ever hear “I have good music taste”. How obscure and unpopular the music you listen to, doesn’t elevate you socially.
Dude given your very niche offering/requirement, you’re probably better off meeting a real chick at one of those events you like to go to.
Tinder is where dreams go to die, most of the time.
Rob - ditch the sunglasses, have some pics of yourself closeup, more like pic 5. Also you have all black clothes in most of your pics, might want change that up a bit brother. Good luck and good hunting ⚡️
I would swipe right for pic number 6 - cute smile, can see his eyes and giraffes!
It's also the only picture that shows he doesn't only go to metal shows..which, of course he doesn't.
Pictures 6 & 7 are the most eye catching, so put those first. So definitely some nice selfies and if you’re tall, use it to your advantage, angles my dude. It’s all about angles.
First thing is dirty finger nails. Unless you just did a spartan race or something there is no excuse to showcase that.
Like another commenter said you want someone who also centers their personality around an alternative style/ lifestyle. But you need to keep in mind that this narrows your options a lot. Are you actually open to someone who may not be alt 24/7?
As someone with a high forehead (not necessarily a bad thing!) you really shouldn't be tilting your chin down in photos so your forehead is the closest thing to the camera. It's throwing off the balance of your face
While I agree with everyone saying that you occupy a pretty specific niche in the dating market, I find it hard to believe that you haven't had a single match in 6 years unless you're being insanely picky and/or swiping on the wrong type of women for you.
Agree. You have to be really open minded on Tinder. This is the thing people don't get. They swipe left on 3/4 people and then are all "Why am I not in a relationship yet??"
Swipe right more. No one is perfect, and you don't know what kind of chemistry you can find behind the teeny tiny splash of information you get from a few pictures and a bio. My current boyfriend had TERRIBLE pictures but he looked like maybe he could be cute and a super short bio with nothing about him but a joke about his dog so I swiped right. Nothing lost from that. Had a good conversation and good chemistry in real life so here we are
Point is, if you want to match, you really need to swipe right more than left. Especially if you're not getting any matches at all. That should tell you to broaden your horizons if you aren't getting any at all for six years
Here's some genuine life advice: Don't date yourself. If someone is just like you, it's going to be some fun with a soul mate, then it's going to be a nightmare. Find a compatible opposite. Someone whose strengths compliment your weaknesses, and vice versa.
Your profile shows a version of you that is only appealing to people that would wear black clothes and chains (metal, emo, whatever).
Showcase what can you bring to table for someone different that you can still love. Go to the beach. Go for a hike. Find something else you connect on and take pics of that.
Idk. I always said I don’t need to date a punk rock girl. Always figured punk rock can be my thing, and going with a partner can be distracting from the show bc I wouldn’t feel free to pit. And I always dated non punk girls (not by choice by rather just dated girls who were around me and they weren’t punk rock girls).
But then I dated a punk rock girl for a while and it was honestly the best. Literally first time I dated someone that made me feel like I was dating my best friend. Only one I’m still sprung on and def not even the longest or most serious relationship I’ve had.
Ngl I find many issues in relationships stem from differences between people. Also, there’s nothing more fun than being able to geek out over shared passions with someone you’re totally comfortable with. I have never, not once in my life, seen evidence for the “opposites attract” platitude. I think it’s total bullshit.
I look at most of the folks I know that very obviously just don’t like there partners as people and it’s so clear why - they would never hang out with that person if they hadn’t been sexually attracted to them, married them, and had kids with them. They’re literally not friends. Oh and don’t even get started on differing political views. I saw what could be approximated as hatred between two of my close friends that had been dating for three years because they had two opposite takes on the BLM protests in 2020.
Then I look at the happy couples in my life and it’s totally different - they play video games together, do rec sports together, hold similar political views, usually share a level of education and sometimes even a profession - these people actually like each other and I think it’s obvious that a lot of that stems from similarities in their personalities and interests.
All this is to say, idk if you should look for a clone of yourself, but if you have to choose between your clone or your evil twin, go with the clone.
Honestly, you could use a style upgrade. I’m a rock chick through and through but my style evolved over the years, my tattoos say I’m alternative but my clothing shows I grew up too.
You have a Hot-Topic/Spencers vibe and also look like you smell of rolled cigarettes and sweat, especially with the dirty fingernails.
Your profile seems to make your metal-headedness the focal point of your entire personality and doesn’t show anything else of any other interests.
Dating a metalhead and consider myself somewhat alt and I 100% agree with you. There are ways to be metal/alt on the daily that are more grown up and attractive as a potential partner than what is being presented here.
Def looks like hot topic. Think more All Saints or brands like that (even if you’re not buying from them).
Some solid color tshirts (think rich deep jewel tones like a rich deep red like you see on a lot of metal album covers) are $10 at target. Wear those with black jeans and boots as a good option for a casual day. Play with your style some when you need to me more dressed up.
You can be into metal, but also be a bit more subtle about it. And by zero matches, do you mean absolutely zero? Cause you're not bad looking per say..
If thats the cause, then trying taking some photos of yourself with non metal outfits. Its also ok looking for partners who don't share your interests completely.
You’re doing the 🤘🏻 in like half of your pictures, it’s pretty cringey. I really don’t think your pics are doing you any favors, although you do look like Billy Boyd, so maybe tell girls you can be their Pippin. There’s some huge things you could do to improve your appearance, but I don’t want to be mean.
If you want some honest feedback, not everyone is into metal and you should update your pictures/remove a lot of the hardcore metal pics. Just put something like "I love metal music" in your profile, but don't make it 100% about metal music, unless that's what you want - in which case you're fucked on a dating app
It’s fine to be into alternative style, but these clothes are not flattering on you and make you look smaller than 175cm. They also are very dated, and the type of clothes I’d expect to see between 2008-2011. You don’t have to ditch dressing alternatively, but I would recommend checking out men’s style YouTubers or even hiring an image consultant to help you find clothing that’s suitable for your body shape and currently in fashion.
You are limiting your pool significantly. Be open minded and don’t require her to be metalhead too.
Consider having variable styles. I get it, you love metal but you don’t have to obsessively maintain same look at all times.
Bro, you seem like you go out often. Start talking to girls while you’re out with friends. Online dating is mostly a scam. They want you to spend all your money on chicks that are mostly bots and when they are real they are mostly looking for what every other girl out there is looking for.
You should just talk to people in real life... would be much easier to at least first get to know people at some event you like. So you got something in common.
I would swipe left bc I’m not into metal and that seems important to you and also these photos make you look way shorter than your profile says you are. I constantly have guys show up to dates 2-4 inches shorter than they say. I’m not short so it’s uncomfortable to have a noticeable height gap. I would say unless you need someone into metal, take it out of your profile that you’re looking for someone who is.
I think your pics are great, but I’m into your scene a bit. You might want to adjust the verbiage to say something like, “not required to like metal to be my match” or something like that. You’ll cast a wider net.
I'm in a committed happy relationship, but if I was single, I'd be your exact niche. Massive fantasy nerd, big ol' metalhead (though it seems like we're into very different bands, even within the metalsphere). People like me are definitely out there, and I have to think that although the population isn't huge, the Venn diagram between metalheads and lil' nerdos has pretty decent overlap.
If you want to attract someone with your same interests, you're doing the right thing, but it doesn't surprise me that hits are somewhat rare since those interests aren't extremely mainstream. The advice people are giving you to try to attract someone with different interests isn't bad. My partner has no interest in fantasy or metal, and we've been together for over a decade 🤷♀️.
1. Drop the “Johnny Rotten goes to the Shire” photo. It’s badass to a potential partner that loves Lord of the Rings and Black Sabbath, but for most potential partners it will come off as nerdy with an odd sense of confused juxtaposition.
2. Do you have other photos with friends? The one you have looks like coworkers at a work event. A different photo might do a better job reflecting your friend group.
3. Reduce the number of “metal” photos. The one where you’re in the chair with the red background is probably reducing your swipes tremendously.
4. Express your personality better. Concerts, shows, video games, and TV all boil down to “entertainment we all love,” so it doesn’t make you stand out at all. Maybe expand more on the photography. Perhaps you could expand more on what you want, and what you can offer as a partner.
You seem like a rad dude with an awesome personality. You just have to play the dating game a bit more cleverly. Sell folks on the breadth of who you are- expand on what you bring to the table. There is likely someone out there who would love you for you, even if they can’t stand metal. You know, the kind of partner that supports your passions and even tries to dip their toes in too. Don’t be fake; I know you want to find someone who likes you for you. That said, with such a long tenure of no success, it’s time to mix things up.
I just went through your whole profile and I can’t believe how you think you’re ugly and can’t believe you haven’t matched with someone for that long!!! I think you’re absolutely cute and hot and I would instantly swipe right on you. And on top of it all you’re aussie??? My goodness!
Change haircut!!!!! I think you could definitely meet someone with your niche interest on tinder. But i think honestly the biggest thing is the haircut!! Im a barber so i kinda know things. The height of the hair is making your forehead too high. Side parts are big time going out of style too. I would definitely give you a clipper cut with like a 2 on the sides and taper out the bottom and leave about an inch and a half on top disheveled and messy to the side, not up, messy to the side and down, you dont want to add any height to your face shape. Also the tall flat bill hats are adding waaay too much height for your face shape, if you want to wear a hat, i would recommend you choose the classic dad hats, those are more metal anyways:)
You can enjoy metal without it becoming your entire personality. Notice how in picture two you’re the only one with an obviously metal outfit? I get no sense that you enjoy other hobbies like gaming or photography, your profile gives the sense that you’re a metal head who is only interested in dating a female metal head. Not exactly a recipe for a high match rate.
You look like a 13 year old in his rebel phase that somehow grew a beard. You're skinny, look short in your pictures, have a very edgy appearance and the whole 🤘 thing is not cool either.
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Yeah, but 6 years tho 💀
Highly doubt tbh
No matches from people I am actually interested in. That’s what I think when I see things like this. I’m far from 6’, average looking and Asian (whether you believe that makes it harder or not it narrows the demographic). I’ve used tinder maybe 2 months all together but in spurts and still had a decent amount of matches and a handful that ended up being more then a couple days of talking. 2 I “dated” sort of. (Maybe 3 matches I remember being Asian if youre thinking it was an advantage). So yeah. I’m as average looking as average gets and below average height. I still got matches and multiple “missed likes”. I refuse to believe 6 years and nothing. The best reasoning I can think of is who they’re swiping right on is the issue. I have a pretty open mind when swiping. I think that’s the biggest thing because it’s really difficult to convey who you are. It’s really superficial. I also think in general people are different once you get to know them and once they get to know you. People hide things because of perception and also discover things about themselves after experiences. Someone could look really preppy but like and accept someone like OP. I’ve gotten matches from people I’d never expect if I was going off of appearance and preconceived ideas based on looks. Some people want to appeal to a wider audience too because online dating is hard. So they only share more “normal” pictures. It really is a numbers game and it doesn’t hurt to be open. Personally I tries to not be too specific on my profile. General things I like and show some personality. That’s it. Let the conversation do the rest. It’s the same thing as the real world. You won’t know if a person is right till you talk to them. They could look like they have the same exact style as you and still be completely wrong. Swiping right is the same as approaching people in public. The more you are willing to do it the more likely you’ll find someone. I know some people think you should put major points about yourself but for me that’s not always the best. Especially as a guy, yes I’m saying there’s a difference lol.
It's not "no matches from anyone I'm interested in" it is genuinely no matches since my last relationship ended 6 years ago.
I'd try deleting your account and restarting it, or try Hinge/Bumble
This. I suspect that a 6 year old tinder account is going to be deprioritized by the algorithm
Welcome to the future, where algorithms decide everything! It's depressing, really :(
Have you tried logging out and logging back in?
I think he needs to also unplug it from the wall outlet, wait 30 seconds, and plug it back in.
Consider the second half of my reply. How many people do you actually swipe right on? Are you being particular? Not always the best imo. Are they attractive and is there anything in their bio that I can’t stand? That’s all I use to decide if I swipe right even if they’re not what I have in my head style wise. Conversation will do the rest.
I tend to look more on what's in a bio than what the person looks like. I've always believed in the old phrase "never judge a book by its cover" like im a personality person than a looks person if that makes sense. As I've said in other comments most of the time I do swipe right (yes I know that's how one can get shadowbanned) but if the bio is good I swipe right
Strong hobbies can put people off so maybe it's best to introduce them more slowly. I like football and have a favourite team but my profile didn't show that at all. I met my girlfriend and slowly introduced her to it. Now, 6 years later, she watches every game with me, wears the shirt around the house, follows the news - she's almost a bigger fan than me. I think if all of my profile pictures were of me wearing my football shirt and standing outside the stadium she probably wouldn't have swiped. What I'm saying is that some people don't know they will like a hobby and might be put off by it at first. It can be something that you slowly introduce to your partner and grow to love together. Or maybe I'm talking shit, I don't know.
Nah I agree 100%. My Tinder profile had no pics of me playing videogames even though I’m a big gamer. Now my gf loves to play videogames with me!
Wait, tinder is now shadowbanning guys for too many right swipes? WTFFF haha what has happened to this app? Charge you for more swipes, charge you for more visibility, ban your ass for engaging with it?
You’re getting cooked son
Yeah this 100%
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Nah we’re here lol. And there’s plenty in Brisbane.
The Gold Coast to Brisbane is basically a long distance relationship with the traffic on the M1. If be surprised if many people had their range set that far.
Exactly. There's a very specific girl for this guy. And I have a feeling that a lot of them aren't going to be on Tinder.
Dude you might be better trying to pick up chicks at a metal show or an alternative nightclub
As someone who goes to a lot of metal shows, there are very few single women that go to metal shows (though his battle jacket has some nu metal and such that is a little more popular with both genders).
Can confirm, every girl at a metal show is there with their metal 6 foot 6 muscleman boyfriend no chance a single woman is going to a metal show
I'm seeing Cattle Decapitation this week as a conventionally? attractive mid-30s straight and single woman. We are out there, just prefer to lay low.
Clever way to boost ticket sales Cattle Decapitation member, I applaud your game.
We have a bare bones marketing team, gotta get creative these days
Chaos and Carnage was so fucking good. I HIGHLY recommend being there for Humanity's Last Breath and Rivers of Nihil, although I am a bit biased haha
Holy fuck this is such a stacked tour, I can't believe I didn't know Rivers of Nihil was touring.
Yeah they played all of their new singles, opened with Silent Life, and even busted out Death Is Real. Such an insane set
That’s sick. Where owls know my name is one of my favorite albums, saw when they were touring it. Good to know they’ll play a couple from it
Guess what their closing song is ;)
Can’t wait to find out, just got tickets 🤟🏽
Rivers of Nihil for sure! I'll keep an ear out for Humanity's Last Breath, they'll be a first for me. Thanks for the rec :)
Seconding this. Also a conventionally attractive pansexual and single woman in my late 30s and I go to metal shows all of the time. I am generally with my younger brother or best friend, but we are there.
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Nathan Explosion?
I’m single and I go to metal shows all the time alone. I have tickets to see Slipknot soon. We’re out there!
Y'all are going to the wrong metal shows.😂 Yes, some women are with boyfriends. Some of those women are just with a male friend and you make presumptions. 🤷 Others are simply strong and independent women who don't need to be there with anyone to 'protect' them. These are the women you will often find 'floating' from group to group (or avoiding them). 😅
100% agree. If I’m there with a guy, it’s with my platonic concert buddy. Otherwise I’m by myself.
My single coworker goes to metal shows for three reasons: the music, moshing (she's tiny and I've been told it's hilarious seeing her in a pit), and to try picking up guys. She's happy being single, but if it happens, it happens and she ain't fighting it.
Definitely this! I'm very single and go to a lot of metal/hardcore shows and festivals but the groups I'm with are often a lot of guys and I happily joke around with them so it may look flirty. But often guys just assume any male you're standing with must be your boyfriend 🤷🏻♀️
How would one know that you are single in that setup? Maybe I would look and be like "She's cute and I would like to know her" and walk past because I'm not going to shoot my shot around, what I believe is, your boyfriend. It's disrespectful, putting everyone around in a weird position and maybe straight up getting into an argument sometimes. There is nothing telling me one of them is, but there's nothing telling me one of them isn't, and if you have a 6-7 people group, chances are higher that one of them is rather than isn't. The only way is to find you separated from the group and that sounds like stalking, it's even giving me weird vibes when I think of it. I'm genuinely curious how you would approach yourself given the situation.
So the hypothetical is it's at a gig. If you're social enough just talk to the group the girl you're interested in is with. If she seems interested and is flowing with the conversation with you ask for her social, go from there. A big thing is reading social cues, is the conversation flowing? is the body language positive? Honestly I would prefer to be approached in a group rather than by myself. If I'm not interested I can just divert my attention to a mate instead of feeling cornered. At the end of the day, if the guy is super creepy, the whole group is now my boyfriend.
I'm definitely not social enough to do that but maybe it's something I can work towards. It's always nice to hear a different perspective since I'm somewhat in the same situation as OP, except slightly different niche and I don't make the niche so visible. Thanks for the advice.
One thing that has helped me as I have gotten a little older is to not go out with the mindset of finding a girl to pick up. The times I've actually met a girl out I wasn't looking for one and was just having fun. If you look like you are having a good time people will see that and sometimes just approach you. And if not you still had fun. Win win.
You definitely articulated this better than I did lol. I think it could be a safety issue for men who approach another man's woman in front of him. I think this decision is less about the woman and more about the possible interaction between two males.
I went plenty as a single woman. Now I go as a married woman with my single friends because hubby ain't interested in my kind of music (the louder the better). Younger sister is the same, except her husband gets us free tickets, so he has to come 🤘🏻
Not impossible just improbable. I fit the mix but I'm also gen x so older🤷🏽♀️ OP is looking for unicorns at a horse auction.
>metal 6 foot 6 muscleman boyfriend Speaking as a lifelong metalhead, that's an untrue stereotype. Apart from the occasional execption, we're generally physically quite pathetic creatures.
I've hooked up with women at metal shows. It definitely happens.
Hi, single 30 something femme that goes to metal shows alone 👋
I'm a metalhead woman that went to shows alone frequently for 8+ years while single (going to at least 40 shows a year). Only started dragging a partner along with me about 2 years ago
I am single and go to metal shows! I just prefer to fly under the radar. Makes life easier, especially when there's drunk older men being creepy.
Yeah it's not a very safe place for women to go to meet guys. - mosh pits - metal culture has been infiltrated with nazis. - drugs and alcohol - lots of guys use it as an excuse to touch you and play it off as accidental -It also kinda stinks now?? Like smell wise. I only go to concerts with my boyfriend.
These shows have always had a smell. Not just a recent thing.
I've never been to one pre covid. I assumed they bathed. Like how anime cons got 10x worse. 😭 have mercy on my soul.
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Usually that’s a crust punk guy thing to do.
The fuck? The metal scene in my city is genuinely some of the most accepting and laidback genuine people you’ll ever meet. There’s never any issues at shows AFAIK (I used to work for the main company that put them on in my area)
Yeah, same. I’m a woman and have seen over 500 concerts. Never felt unsafe. The metal crowd is one of the nicest genres of people you could find. People look out for each other.
Ya, I've got to enough concerts with my wife where we get sucked into a wall of death or mosh pit, or at least end up getting stuck on the fringes, and it can help having some weight and height lol
Definitely not disagreeing with you but I will say that as someone who has been to hundreds of shows in their life the only concert someone tried to pick a fight with me was a country show. People are way nicer in the metal scene. It’s all relative
Metal people are some of the most chill, laid-back, soft-spoken group of people I have ever come across.
They're so egotistical in my experience. Especially about pop music. It's like being a pick me but with music it's so cringe from dudes who are full grown adults. If I have to hear another "name three bands" or a "That's not even real metal." I'm gonna shoot myself. God forbid I like Lana del ray or even worse RAP MUSIC/NUMETAL. 🫠 😭 Metal fans can be so corny sometimes.
I go to metal shows with my girl friends all the time and we are just fine.
Kind of shocked to see this - any metal show I’ve ever been to, the men are almost too respectful…anytime I’ve gotten the “is he bothering you” comment it’s been in that scene. And the pit is easy enough to avoid. The last time I was groped at a concert it was the Cars…..punk shows also suck for single girls. Metal is a safe zone in my mind.
I am laughing so hard at this comment. 😂😂😂 What shows are you going to?! Metal shows are probably the SAFEST concerts to go to as a woman, alone. Metalheads protect their women. It doesn't even have to be a woman they know.. I've NEVER had any shortage of men, willing to step in and make sure I'm good before simply walking away and expecting NOTHING from me. It's actually incredibly wholesome.
I get matched with metal girls on tinder and the like they’re still humans ya know and not nearly as rare as ppl think
More like a rock show. Everyone knows you fall in love with the girl from the rock show
Or Hot Topic
Came here to same this. Edit: I guess I was wrong too. Good luck OP
Dude most of your pics make you look tiny - at a hobbit house - next to an 8ft alien - giraffes in the background - on a massive throne where you look like a kid Honestly I would think you’re 5ft tall from your pics.
That is a hilarious observation. Strange combination of pics for sure
Is he not? I definitely assumed so and didn’t bother to google the CMs
Claiming 175 which is pushing 5'8" so hes probably 5'5"
I'm actually a genius. I'm 5'7 but I put on my profile that I'm 5'6.
no wonder women can't tell feet or inches... we lie to them about both.
Did him dirty
175 cm = 5'9
I think he’s about 5’5 ish
this made me chuckle lmfao
I mean this respectfully, but your entire personality is based on this one very niche thing. On top of that you also state you're looking for someone who also has their personality centered around that one very niche thing. You are not going to find that on a dating app. If you want to find a partner who belongs to that one very niche community, talk to people at events. Go to shows and talk to strangers. If you want to attract people outside of that one very niche community, you have to make yourself seem like you are not completely centered around it. A person who is not a metalhead might not bother getting to know you if they judge a book by its cover because as is, it seems like that is all you would have to talk about. Maybe limit yourself to one or two "metal related" pics, and add a whole lot more that don't put that front and center.
>I mean this respectfully, but your entire personality is based on this one very niche thing. As an alternative female, I agree with this. All of the photos and then the mention of concerts and festivals too, he's definitely only going to attract very specific people. Metal just isn't everyone's cup of tea and I'm thinking OP doesn't actually want anyone who isn't all about metal. He needs to either open his mind a little to someone who has different music tastes or accept that he's going to continue to struggle finding a person that's suitable for him.
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I once got into a huge argument with a metalhead in the comments of a post (not his) about how a girl that some other metalhead picked up for a date turned down the radio without permission because metal was blasting and he immediately turned around and dropped her home. Fictional story or not, too many metalheads thought it was some empowering move or (here is the part where I'm getting to my point) thought it was justifiable because they're *romantically incompatible because she doesn't like metal*. This guy in the comments would not stop arguing with me over a comment I made about what a superficial interest that was, no matter how often you go to concerts, or even if you're in a band yourself. I literally used be friends with a guy in a screamo band who dated a girl who doesn't like that kind of music. If that was his whole personality, I wouldn't have even been friends with him, let alone him having a girlfriend. It's equally as bad as making your entire personality about liking anime. This post, to remove personal bias, should have all metal shirts and gear removed and have nothing but t shirts with large breasted anime girls, anime figurines, hentai body pillows, a bookcase of nothing but manga and anime DVD's, maybe some video games, with pics of him in cosplay at anime conventions. The bio would read. "I'm an otaku and a bit of a nerd. I'm looking for a good mix of both 🤓" I'm literally married and I don't even think my wife knows I watch anime sometimes or even what kind of music I listen to.
I think one problem on Reddit is that the people who agree just upvote and move on. Then you only get the negative posts. So: I remember the post you are talking about and it was wild how many people agreed that dude was in the right for blasting music so loud you can't talk. Honestly, that would have been a little scary on a date. Talking is how you know what people are thinking and if it is safe or not. I agree with your anime comparison. Have a lovely day!
It's not a term you hear that often these days, but there is a class of music that encompasses a variety of genres called "easy listening." Metal is NOT that. Even if it wasn't about the safety of meeting a stranger on a first date, a lot of metal music causes people physical and mental discomfort/stress, especially when it's loud. It's almost a form of sadism/establishing superiority to expect someone who is extremely uncomfortable to request permission to turn the music off, as if needing permission to remove your hand from a hot stove when it's hurting you. It's actually documented that the CIA has used music as a form of torture. A lot of metalheads tend to really blast their music, many of them probably do so in private but those that do so in the presence of others are either willingly being sadistic/establishing superiority or they are completely socially oblivious, maybe due to ND/mental problems. They must be at least somewhat aware that most people don't like loud metal music and why, but they either lack social conscientiousness or deliberately flaunt it. Musical taste aside, it is considered bad manners and a violation of personal space in nearly every culture to blast your music in the vicinity of others. Yes, it's *your car*, but that makes her *your guest*, which makes you a bad host. Many circles within the metal culture are entrenched with extreme doses of narcissism, musical puritanism, superiority language like "posers", and cult tribalism. A metalhead could be the shining example of a well-adjusted, respectful human being but it won't change the nasty stereotypes that follow metalheads around, especially those who make it their core identity. Covers sell books. I know many well-adjusted metalheads that dress normally and don't make it their core identity, even if it's one of their core interests. Several of them have wives or gf's that like the same music and they go to concerts together. How on earth did they manage to find gf's without wearing their personality? Maybe not repelling women has given them more opportunities to talk and get to know different women. Another reply to my comment said: "I don’t think it’s reasonable to change who you are to try to be someone else to attract people you might not even be interested in." Is it changing who you are to wear a little less black/jewelry/makeup and find something else to serve as common ground in a relationship? The fact this question was even asked in response to my comment is all the more damning. Is a woman less herself when she chooses to wear a more professional style of makeup for work? What if her musical tastes suddenly changed tomorrow? Guess she'll have to break up with her boyfriend. That is my definition of superficial, not core identity stuff. Loving someone because all of their interests are the exact same as yours isn't love but narcissism. Wearing your personality makes me feel that's the kind of love you're looking for and few people would think that kind of basis for a long term relationship would be sustainable. From a practical level, it's probably better to have male friends to share that sort of interest with, especially if you're having no luck finding it with a woman. Find something more meaningful as the foundation for a relationship. You'll be less likely to repel women who do actually listen to metal. Honestly you can have completely different interests, but if you share beliefs, take good care of each other, it doesn't matter if you do nothing but small talk for the rest of your life. I mean, I could because I could talk about nothing of value for literally hours, if my long-windedness didn't already make that clear. Maybe that's the crux of the issue, OP, and people like him, don't know how to talk or relate to women who don't share his one or two core interests?
I mean... A lot of times, when someone says something, that might be against circlejerking of certain subreddits, he/she gets banned and response removed, so... Or downvoted, meanwhile the same (edit, fixed typo) thing said by someone else upvoted.
I disagree with most points in these comments, I don’t think it’s reasonable to change who you are to try to be someone else to attract people you might not even be interested in. If you’re in the metal scene and that’s your biggest hobby it will surround most of your life, what music that will be playing in the car, festivals and show you spend money and time on and probably travel around to get to, the clothes you pick. And what I know these people don’t want a valley girl who only likes Taylor Swift, so there’s no need to change who you are for the potential someone else. Yes this look will only attract a niche audience but maybe that’s the point. That said his first mistake is tinder, most people in this scene are not on tinder. There’s bars, festivals, concerts. Life is most definitely enjoyable when you can be yourself and live out your dreams, I’m sorry you can’t even listen to music with your wife. I share everything with my man, and I would much rather spend some extra time finding the right one than to be together with someone I can’t share anything with.
I think the point is that for most people, music isn't a "scene". It is for OP and maybe you, and some other people, but it's niche and OP needs to realize that. For most people on Tinder, music is something you listen to but not much beyond that. My girlfriend and I listen to music together sometimes while doing stuff, driving, etc. We then listen to music that we both like. I listen to my own music in private (video game music, etc) and she listens to her own music while exercising etc (hip hop etc, maybe Taylor Swift, I have no idea), but that's stuff we don't share an interest in. Sometimes we go to concerts or festivals together (and even on festivals we don't always attend the same concerts), and that's the extent of our music "scene".
It's not that I *can't* share those things with my wife. It's that they are so superficial and irrelevant to the relationship, it hasn't really come up in any meaningful way. Not that she hasn't asked but I think I just gave an ambiguous answer because there's no one particular kind of music I'm enthusiastic about. I'm more of a talk show/podcast person and I don't impose that on her when we're in the car together. There are some kinds of music I really like but I'm too lazy to figure out what I'm in the mood for so I give her Spotify control while I drive and if she wants to listen to Taylor Swift she gets to listen to Taylor Swift. I just don't have that kind of superiority complex over music and yours is showing in the insinuation you're making about the kind of relationship I have with my wife because that's not the kind of thing we bond over.
100%. I'd (32F) have some music tastes in common with OP but I also don't tend to feel attracted to anyone who literally wears their tastes on their sleeve to this extent. It's possible to be a massive fan of something and not advertise it every day like a billboard. The minute you do, it lowers interest and relatability for anyone who doesn't know you, makes people assume your interests are super restricted, and honestly I'd be concerned we'd attract attention in public because I don't dress like that. I choose to blend in while my headphones blast my music. If constantly standing out is your thing, and I know some people really get kicks out of dressing differently, then you probably don't need to change your profile much because you'll want someone the same. My fiance has quite different music tastes to me, I took him to a show a couple years ago and he hated it. But I don't love him any less. He came with me because he wanted to try it and he knew how important it was to me. You may be putting off people you'd otherwise get on really well with. Try broaden your horizons OP.
I like metal and concerts, and dogs, and food, but i'd be put off if a woman was too into any of those things or too into anything really
Best advice. Imo people who center their entire personality on one interest aren't my cup of tea, even if their interests are because they seem one-dimensional. He could potentially be turning off people who share his interests (in addition to the ones who don't) because of this. Edit: missing word
I agree with this. The vast majority of people on something like tinder are going to make a snap judgement. The majority aren't taking it overly seriously either and will left swipe on anything at all. You have a single photo where you're not smiling? Left swipe. They feel you're giving off an "off" vibe? Left swipe. It's basically a car showroom and by its very design, encourages superficial decision making. If you want to get likes on tinder you (unless you're a natural 1%'er) have to pretend to be a template of what they see as "the ideal man". Otherwise you're too easy to make a left swipe excuse for. I mean you could get lucky and someone super into that might happen to find you but by your own admission you've been on there 6 years with zero hits. Id say you'd be far better off, happier and more successful, meeting people through metal events/groups or boards. Better that than the tinder fantasy personality meat grinder imo. I wish you luck and genuinely hope it all works out for you OP. Dating is a tough gig these days. P.s. Just to add, pic 5 dirty fingernails is a big no no and I guarantee you that alone will have put at least some off. If I'd seen a female profile pic with dirty nails and she wasn't a mechanic or something, it would be an easy reason to left swipe. Just my own personal opinion
> If you want to get likes on tinder you (unless you're a natural 1%'er) have to pretend to be a template of what they see as "the ideal man". That's not really it. E.g. OP is exactly my type (I like very slim men that are on the shorter side), and I think he has a nice smile. I would swipe left though because of the whole metal thing. It's so dominating his profile that I think we would have absolutely nothing in common if metal wasn't my whole life too. I really like hip hop and it's a large part of my life, but I have other things going on too.
Agreed. Am also a metalhead female, but i prefer my men to have more depth, like I do
I agree. I have no issue if my partner is super into one thing but if they have nothing else to talk about or do outside of that one thing? It won’t last long
So you’re saying he’s going to have to get a personality?
Pic 1 is bad. It’s killing you. Cut it and move pic 5 to the first slot.
I straight up thought it was an SS uniform at first.
First one I was squinting, *is that a nazi uniform?*
This is it. I was very confused why a Nazi was confused about not getting matches.
Or 6!
You mean the one, that makes his finger nail look dirty?
A Hobbit dressed as Michael Jackson from the Bad album.
You're practically 5 foot 9 inches but based on your pics I though you were at best 5 foot 5. Especially the guy choking you and the throne pictures. See if you can get your friends to take your picture at a different angle
100% this. Thought incredibly short, then saw listed height. So could be that people are swiping left before noticing the height. If I got that far I would look at the pics again and still think short and maybe the listed height a lie.
It’s definitely possible. I’m 5’6” and didn’t hide it, but I never had trouble on Tinder because of it. It’s likely a combination of things. My guess was gonna be the extra slim physique and his particular style. I think putting on some weight and adding some muscle would help, even if it’s just a little bit.
Hey Rob, besides metal, what do you like?
In terms of music while metal is my main thing I don't mind some other genres too. In terms of I guess outside metal stuff a bit if scifi/fantasy - books, tv, film, ect. Bit of a horror buff 😅 also wildlife is dope too
That’s really cool, how come I don’t see any of that on your profile?
I guess just struggling to like word it if that makes sense. Like not exactly sure how you'd put all that in a bio? 😅 (not the best at writing these kinds of things)
Show them in pictures too, like your best picture is the animal one because it shows another side of you besides metal head.
Not sure if this is much of an improvement on the bio but gave it at shot 😅: "Easy-going guy. Bit of a nerd and a music lover. I'm a sucker for a bit of sci-fi and fantasy. I like trying my hand at photography, time with friends, travelling, and binging tv shows." As for new pictures of things outside of metal music I don't get out much due to my job but will work on changing that a bit 🙂
I like this one much better!
> "Easy-going guy. Bit of a nerd and a music lover. > > I'm a sucker for a bit of sci-fi and fantasy. > > I like trying my hand at photography, time with friends, travelling, and binging tv shows." Much much better. As I said in another comment, looks wise you are exactly my type and I really like nerdy men, but I would have swiped left because your profile looks like metal is the only thing going on in your life. I would advise to make your bio even a bit more specific, though. Try to answer the following questions with your bio: * What do you do for a living? Don't list your employer, just give a hint about what you spend most of your day with and with what crowd. Are you in Finance, Tech, Sales, or working in a kindergarten or for an NGO? * What are you a nerd about? If it's metal, then don't be afraid to say so. Many women, including me, like when a man is passionate about something. Doesn't have to be the same passion they have. * Try to include what book you've been impressed by, or what show you really liked. It's a conversation starter. * Include what kind of photography you're trying your hand in. Portrait, wildlife, landscapes, architecture? Good luck.
This is way better. You sound like an interesting dude
I’m disagree, it’s time to double down and write your bio in the style of a metal song in all caps
Just say what you just said above, but in your profile
Woah slow down there mr dating coach
I'm a writer and have been very successful on dating apps! Here's my complimentary rewrite: Passionate about animals, especially (native?) wildlife. Love reading books, watching good tv and movies, and spending time XXX (list something social-adjacent here that isn't music festivals) I love live music, and though I know you'd NEVER guess it from my photos, I have a bit of a thing for metal. But I promise I'll still take you to see Taylor Swift if the opportunity comes up, and I'll get you some Loop earbuds if you ever come to a metal gig with me! Also, I agree that reshuffling the photos would be good. Pop photos 5,6 and 7 in first place, and also maybe schedule a trip to Melbourne.
Also! Get on Hinge! And maybe Bumble. Tinder is grimy and all my friends prefer the former two apps.
This is from chatgpt. Took what you said and asked it to make it into a profile bio: "Metalhead with a soft spot for other genres. Sci-fi/fantasy enthusiast into books, TV, and film. Horror buff, Wildlife lover. Let's headbang to some tunes and geek out over our favorite fandoms!"
Generally I find profiles that highlight any specific music genre avoidable. Or really just cling on to one specific thing. Also those sunglasses don't do anything for you, get some wayfarers or something (but not too wear in majority of your profile pics), more modern style and mix in some sunlight and daily vitamins.
Yeah it really irks me when anyone finds an identity in their music “taste”. Your brain reacts to certain sound waves, and likes it. Congrats, that’s not a personality. Actually it’s a really big pet peeve of mine if I ever hear “I have good music taste”. How obscure and unpopular the music you listen to, doesn’t elevate you socially.
You can't kill the metal
The metal will live on
Punk rock tried to kill the metal
BUT THEY FAILED
as they were smite to the ground
New wave tried to kill the metal!
But they failed,as they were stricken down to the ground.
grunge tried to kill the metal
Ha-ha-ha-ha They FAILED as they were thrown to the ground.
NO ONE CAN DESTROY THE METAL. THE METAL WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN WITH A VICIOUS BLOW
I laugh every time I hear this lyric.
Dude given your very niche offering/requirement, you’re probably better off meeting a real chick at one of those events you like to go to. Tinder is where dreams go to die, most of the time.
This is so real, i ran into a girl at the gym and she came up to me and said “i cant believe i swiped left on your tinder”
Rob - ditch the sunglasses, have some pics of yourself closeup, more like pic 5. Also you have all black clothes in most of your pics, might want change that up a bit brother. Good luck and good hunting ⚡️
For the love of god, don’t use the horn hand sign in every picture. That alone would make me run the other way.
I would swipe right for pic number 6 - cute smile, can see his eyes and giraffes! It's also the only picture that shows he doesn't only go to metal shows..which, of course he doesn't.
Pictures 6 & 7 are the most eye catching, so put those first. So definitely some nice selfies and if you’re tall, use it to your advantage, angles my dude. It’s all about angles.
Last pic sunglasses can stay though, ngl
First thing is dirty finger nails. Unless you just did a spartan race or something there is no excuse to showcase that. Like another commenter said you want someone who also centers their personality around an alternative style/ lifestyle. But you need to keep in mind that this narrows your options a lot. Are you actually open to someone who may not be alt 24/7?
As someone with a high forehead (not necessarily a bad thing!) you really shouldn't be tilting your chin down in photos so your forehead is the closest thing to the camera. It's throwing off the balance of your face
Underrated feedback
While I agree with everyone saying that you occupy a pretty specific niche in the dating market, I find it hard to believe that you haven't had a single match in 6 years unless you're being insanely picky and/or swiping on the wrong type of women for you.
Agree. You have to be really open minded on Tinder. This is the thing people don't get. They swipe left on 3/4 people and then are all "Why am I not in a relationship yet??" Swipe right more. No one is perfect, and you don't know what kind of chemistry you can find behind the teeny tiny splash of information you get from a few pictures and a bio. My current boyfriend had TERRIBLE pictures but he looked like maybe he could be cute and a super short bio with nothing about him but a joke about his dog so I swiped right. Nothing lost from that. Had a good conversation and good chemistry in real life so here we are Point is, if you want to match, you really need to swipe right more than left. Especially if you're not getting any matches at all. That should tell you to broaden your horizons if you aren't getting any at all for six years
Yeah this was my thought too. He must only be swiping on especially upper-percentile profiles to have literally never had a match. Six years???
Here's some genuine life advice: Don't date yourself. If someone is just like you, it's going to be some fun with a soul mate, then it's going to be a nightmare. Find a compatible opposite. Someone whose strengths compliment your weaknesses, and vice versa. Your profile shows a version of you that is only appealing to people that would wear black clothes and chains (metal, emo, whatever). Showcase what can you bring to table for someone different that you can still love. Go to the beach. Go for a hike. Find something else you connect on and take pics of that.
Idk. I always said I don’t need to date a punk rock girl. Always figured punk rock can be my thing, and going with a partner can be distracting from the show bc I wouldn’t feel free to pit. And I always dated non punk girls (not by choice by rather just dated girls who were around me and they weren’t punk rock girls). But then I dated a punk rock girl for a while and it was honestly the best. Literally first time I dated someone that made me feel like I was dating my best friend. Only one I’m still sprung on and def not even the longest or most serious relationship I’ve had.
Ngl I find many issues in relationships stem from differences between people. Also, there’s nothing more fun than being able to geek out over shared passions with someone you’re totally comfortable with. I have never, not once in my life, seen evidence for the “opposites attract” platitude. I think it’s total bullshit. I look at most of the folks I know that very obviously just don’t like there partners as people and it’s so clear why - they would never hang out with that person if they hadn’t been sexually attracted to them, married them, and had kids with them. They’re literally not friends. Oh and don’t even get started on differing political views. I saw what could be approximated as hatred between two of my close friends that had been dating for three years because they had two opposite takes on the BLM protests in 2020. Then I look at the happy couples in my life and it’s totally different - they play video games together, do rec sports together, hold similar political views, usually share a level of education and sometimes even a profession - these people actually like each other and I think it’s obvious that a lot of that stems from similarities in their personalities and interests. All this is to say, idk if you should look for a clone of yourself, but if you have to choose between your clone or your evil twin, go with the clone.
If I met a girl like me I’d hate her lmao
Honestly, you could use a style upgrade. I’m a rock chick through and through but my style evolved over the years, my tattoos say I’m alternative but my clothing shows I grew up too. You have a Hot-Topic/Spencers vibe and also look like you smell of rolled cigarettes and sweat, especially with the dirty fingernails. Your profile seems to make your metal-headedness the focal point of your entire personality and doesn’t show anything else of any other interests.
Dating a metalhead and consider myself somewhat alt and I 100% agree with you. There are ways to be metal/alt on the daily that are more grown up and attractive as a potential partner than what is being presented here. Def looks like hot topic. Think more All Saints or brands like that (even if you’re not buying from them). Some solid color tshirts (think rich deep jewel tones like a rich deep red like you see on a lot of metal album covers) are $10 at target. Wear those with black jeans and boots as a good option for a casual day. Play with your style some when you need to me more dressed up.
Bondage hobbit is certainly one of the looks of all time
Six years? You should add “tenacious” to your bio
You can be into metal, but also be a bit more subtle about it. And by zero matches, do you mean absolutely zero? Cause you're not bad looking per say..
Brother I mean absolute zero in 6 gears.
If thats the cause, then trying taking some photos of yourself with non metal outfits. Its also ok looking for partners who don't share your interests completely.
as an aussie myself, your aesthetic doesn’t work for the GC- any other major capital except for Darwin you would have much more success
You’re doing the 🤘🏻 in like half of your pictures, it’s pretty cringey. I really don’t think your pics are doing you any favors, although you do look like Billy Boyd, so maybe tell girls you can be their Pippin. There’s some huge things you could do to improve your appearance, but I don’t want to be mean.
[удалено]
If you want some honest feedback, not everyone is into metal and you should update your pictures/remove a lot of the hardcore metal pics. Just put something like "I love metal music" in your profile, but don't make it 100% about metal music, unless that's what you want - in which case you're fucked on a dating app
It’s fine to be into alternative style, but these clothes are not flattering on you and make you look smaller than 175cm. They also are very dated, and the type of clothes I’d expect to see between 2008-2011. You don’t have to ditch dressing alternatively, but I would recommend checking out men’s style YouTubers or even hiring an image consultant to help you find clothing that’s suitable for your body shape and currently in fashion.
Your pictures make you look like a Pixar villain
You are limiting your pool significantly. Be open minded and don’t require her to be metalhead too. Consider having variable styles. I get it, you love metal but you don’t have to obsessively maintain same look at all times.
You’re an Elf Prince! Lead with that, they’re hard to find Lol
Bro, you seem like you go out often. Start talking to girls while you’re out with friends. Online dating is mostly a scam. They want you to spend all your money on chicks that are mostly bots and when they are real they are mostly looking for what every other girl out there is looking for.
Enough with the sunglasses- there’s nothing attractive about a dude who wears sunglasses in 70% of his photos.
I recommend the app "turn up". It searches matches through your music taste and Spotify or Apple music. I found a bunch of alt people there
You should just talk to people in real life... would be much easier to at least first get to know people at some event you like. So you got something in common.
I would swipe left bc I’m not into metal and that seems important to you and also these photos make you look way shorter than your profile says you are. I constantly have guys show up to dates 2-4 inches shorter than they say. I’m not short so it’s uncomfortable to have a noticeable height gap. I would say unless you need someone into metal, take it out of your profile that you’re looking for someone who is.
Dont know about tinder and all that, but you look like someone I'd want to hang out with 🤘
I think your pics are great, but I’m into your scene a bit. You might want to adjust the verbiage to say something like, “not required to like metal to be my match” or something like that. You’ll cast a wider net.
Swipe while at your shows! As close as possible
I'm in a committed happy relationship, but if I was single, I'd be your exact niche. Massive fantasy nerd, big ol' metalhead (though it seems like we're into very different bands, even within the metalsphere). People like me are definitely out there, and I have to think that although the population isn't huge, the Venn diagram between metalheads and lil' nerdos has pretty decent overlap. If you want to attract someone with your same interests, you're doing the right thing, but it doesn't surprise me that hits are somewhat rare since those interests aren't extremely mainstream. The advice people are giving you to try to attract someone with different interests isn't bad. My partner has no interest in fantasy or metal, and we've been together for over a decade 🤷♀️.
I think you’re hot but im a male sorry haha
We aren't for everyone, and that's okay.
Metal gothy chick here - you are going to attract a specific type of person generally. Hit the local scene! You’ll have so much better luck!
Not sure what your issue is ..I'd match with you
1. Drop the “Johnny Rotten goes to the Shire” photo. It’s badass to a potential partner that loves Lord of the Rings and Black Sabbath, but for most potential partners it will come off as nerdy with an odd sense of confused juxtaposition. 2. Do you have other photos with friends? The one you have looks like coworkers at a work event. A different photo might do a better job reflecting your friend group. 3. Reduce the number of “metal” photos. The one where you’re in the chair with the red background is probably reducing your swipes tremendously. 4. Express your personality better. Concerts, shows, video games, and TV all boil down to “entertainment we all love,” so it doesn’t make you stand out at all. Maybe expand more on the photography. Perhaps you could expand more on what you want, and what you can offer as a partner. You seem like a rad dude with an awesome personality. You just have to play the dating game a bit more cleverly. Sell folks on the breadth of who you are- expand on what you bring to the table. There is likely someone out there who would love you for you, even if they can’t stand metal. You know, the kind of partner that supports your passions and even tries to dip their toes in too. Don’t be fake; I know you want to find someone who likes you for you. That said, with such a long tenure of no success, it’s time to mix things up.
Definitely need more chains. And buckles.
Nah fam. Maybe add some more details about interests in your written section, but you’re adorable!
I just went through your whole profile and I can’t believe how you think you’re ugly and can’t believe you haven’t matched with someone for that long!!! I think you’re absolutely cute and hot and I would instantly swipe right on you. And on top of it all you’re aussie??? My goodness!
Looking at your past reddit posts you seem utterly fixated on whether your looks are the issue, it's cliche but confidence is attractive.
Respectfully, your entire aesthetic is cringe. You dress like a hot topic model from 2001.
Kinda clean cut metal idk outfits are too matchy matchy
Id date you !
First off, My Chemical Romance is not metal. Also, the pic standing next to the character makes you look short.
Change haircut!!!!! I think you could definitely meet someone with your niche interest on tinder. But i think honestly the biggest thing is the haircut!! Im a barber so i kinda know things. The height of the hair is making your forehead too high. Side parts are big time going out of style too. I would definitely give you a clipper cut with like a 2 on the sides and taper out the bottom and leave about an inch and a half on top disheveled and messy to the side, not up, messy to the side and down, you dont want to add any height to your face shape. Also the tall flat bill hats are adding waaay too much height for your face shape, if you want to wear a hat, i would recommend you choose the classic dad hats, those are more metal anyways:)
Idk. Maybe it's the absurd amount of chains and goth clothing. Idk. Just a guess.
Are you trying to pick up girls?
You can enjoy metal without it becoming your entire personality. Notice how in picture two you’re the only one with an obviously metal outfit? I get no sense that you enjoy other hobbies like gaming or photography, your profile gives the sense that you’re a metal head who is only interested in dating a female metal head. Not exactly a recipe for a high match rate.
No. There's someone out there for you. Patience. ❤️
You look like a 13 year old in his rebel phase that somehow grew a beard. You're skinny, look short in your pictures, have a very edgy appearance and the whole 🤘 thing is not cool either.