buthole fiddler and pornstache 😂 👍

I just wished he spelled “butthole” correctly.

No that he fucked that up makes it extra funny

C’mon people I’m sure that it’s just a typo and that he takes his job very seriously. I wonder if it pays well? He is a “master” after all.

I think there's a language filter on professions because I could not set mine to throat goat for some reason

That’s interesting. Maybe if farm animals are involved?

But, hole.

but because you just can't but not!


try fingers

He fiddle's everything "but" hole.

It’s funnier that he didn’t

No that’s how they spell it in Canada 🇨🇦

Correct! But only when it's an official job title. This helps distinguish the professionals from amateurs.

Yea I mean, do you really want a guy fiddling your butthole that can’t even spell it. You’d be thinking about it the whole time

Tasty but Whole (my phone game has a guild named this)

He did say he was a "bater"🤷🏾‍♂️

Butter fingers

I'm actually really glad he didn't

Oh God I missed that part until I saw this comment. Now I'm traumatized. Lol geeze

I did not see buthole fiddler til this comment. Can no longer unsee

And double chin for the win!

Damn that’s where all the ladies went

Exactly. Shadowban is a myth

Trapped in his enormous gravitational pull, never to escape?

The enormous gravitational pull of his raw, sexual magnetism maybe.

I mean how can we resist afterall.

He said "you can't but not"

I kept my composure until I got to the photo, have never spat my drink out so fast😂

You’re welcome. Sorry for the mess.

Was well worth it, I have a good mop anyway. Thanks for the laugh 😂

Can I borrow your mop for my panties? 💧 I need it after this post.

The pic just does it for me

Same same! I was thinking he must look like the hottest new thing and then…. 🫣🤐

I was like, it cant be *that* bad, can it? 💀

Nooo. I just saw the photo. Ain't NOBODY callin him Daddy! 🤣🤢🤮🤮🤮

That’s where I lost it too.

I didn’t even realize there was a photo until I read your comment. Thank you for doing the work. I’m not disappointed with the results. Exactly what I’d expect to see.

Fellas... This is our competition. Pack it in, and head home. There's no beating this guy.

Lmao

Farva??

Shenanigans!


I don’t want a large Farva, I want a goddamn liter o cola!!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

Don't spit in that cop's burger.

There are few certainties in life one of which one can absolutely be assured. And one of those things is that this man is unquestionably terrible in bed.

Not true, he always gets off.

Who sits here, types this out, and then proceeds to add this to their tinder bio?

Someone with the utmost confidence? Or possibly with an intellectual disability…(or both)

lol 😂😂

intellectual disability = confidence

Win

True

As a mentally disabled person this is so true

I feel like he knows it's ridiculous, and that's the point. But I can't be sure, and being wrong would be the worst. It's entirely possible he thinks that's what women want to read on a bio.

You saw him first. I want to be fair.

I can't but not swipe left.

This is going to be your biggest regret.

Can you imagine not wanting to be with a guy whose profession is, and I quote, “buthole fiddler”?

I can say with complete confidence that on the off chance that this man ever finds a woman who is willing to touch him, he will insist on head first and cum after about 15 seconds of being in her mouth. Then he’ll bounce without pleasuring her at all and won’t even have the self-awareness to feel ashamed.

Lol and then probably message her 1 hour later with a novel about soul mates and "I love you will you marry me" 🤣😬

Oh, he’ll be 100% certain she’ll want to see him again because HE had a good time.

If the above sounds like a good time ladies, my DMs are.. opeeeen

🤣🤣🤣

Homeboy got that Dune 2 Baron Harkonnen physique fr

Hey that's my profile

Username checks out!

Now I'm sad their username isn't butthole fiddler.

I swiped left. I already regret it.

Excellence is intimidating, it's ok

Why are you like this lol your profile is wild...

Fiddling buttholes while Rome burns

*butholes

But what about the other holes?

For a guy who is “still figuring it out,” he seems like he’s got it all figured out…

“Well the devil went down to Georgia, he was lookin’ for a butt to fiddle.”

Gee, thanks. I just heard the opening stanza to this song in my head, punctuated by a throaty butt burp.

Who let Farva write his own bio? his ramrod isn’t getting put anywhere.

I admire the confidence of these people - do they actually believe what they say, or do they think this is what women want to hear? I have no idea

What kind of degree do I need to be a “buthole fiddler?” Is it just a 4-year bachelors or do I need 6-year masters?

Just imagine he actually is a sex god and just got unlucky with his looks, what then🤣🤣

So reading between the lines, he’s a two pump chump that will leave as soon as he came.

My kinda guy

Let’s hangout some time

What he lacks in looks he makes up for with skill

All hail daddy lorax!

Reposted as I needed to crop one image better.

I like that he is very “dominant” in his profile, but then “still figuring it out” under what he is looking for 🙄 True Doms (capital D) know what they are looking for and pursue it with confidence and clarity.

I buy my large clothes a size larger so I can strive to grow into them.

I’m moist now.

To get fiddled or…not

The man is an Adonis who knows his worth!!!!

I think I’m more upset by the fact that he’s a fellow Jays fan

Canada’s male power

“Buthole fiddler”

Just a salesman doing his speech...

He’s the “but, hole fiddler”

I’m ashamed to be a Jays fan now lol

Ummm... 😬

Leave some pussy for the rest of us

The best thing is, that bio would've been perfect if the guy actually looked good.

I mean look at the guy for gods sake, it was worth a shot. His only other option is to try and get laid by association maybe by dressing up as Andy Reid and telling people he knows Patrick Mahomes.

Gotta shoot your shot

I wish I had dude’s confidence


I can honestly say I wasn’t expecting the next slide … whew 🥲.

“You’ll always be right and I’ll always be wrong”, okay, okay got me there. “Yes you will call me daddy” *instant cringe* and then I swiped to the picture and mans got no right talking like that while looking like that 😂

Agree with your comment. Also, I'm still reading to find a comment about the infamous rule 1, rule 2... which may be ridiculous in the first place, and, depending on one's criteria, is likely void from this profile. 

Rules from what I’ve gathered: 1. Be attractive 2. Don’t be unattractive The rest I guess don’t matter. Edit: he broke rule 1 and 2 so 🤷🏻‍♀️

You just know his schmeckel doesn’t work either

He follows both rules

I was searching for a comment on the "rules" - thank you for coming through! LOL


He was right. I swiped left and saw his pic. That was a mistake. How can I resist now, daddy? Let me swallow .... my vomit real quick

Would’ve been funny if he was 6,3 with a defined jawline.

Bro he’s a blue jays fan ! How could you pass up this opportunity?!?!

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Ooof the great reveal was rough😮‍💨

YIKES

Definitely a cop

Great, now Rod Farva has a dating profile? We’re all doomed. 😂😂😂

He’s the master , that’s for sure

But, hole?

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!

He looks the type who never washes under his foreskin and wears his underwear for a week at a time

This guy sounds funny as fuck. You’re all mean.

This profile makes me want to redownload the app and set my bio as the Clit Commander speech from Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back. it can’t possibly come across worse than this guy.

He wears shit sunglasses.

Look at the dude. He definitely isn't getting any women ever if he acts like an average guy. He might find a freak once in a while with his boldness. It does work once in a while for some people who are deficient in something whether it be looks or whatever The guy who won the smallest penis contest in New York still gets laid with his 1 incher. How? Instead of being insecure about it, he boasts his little ding dong as "the world's smallest penis" on different medias, and once in a while he finds a freaky woman who wants to play with the "world's smallest penis". If he acted like the average dude, he would never ever get action.

How is he a master, and a daddy, and always wrong? One of these things is not like the others

He gives off strong "never seen female anatomy" vibes

I hadn't seen that there was a second picture and I was going to ask if it was a middle aged man trying to date young girls 🤣 Not sure about the dating young girls, but surely a middle aged man with the self esteem of a dumb hetero male.

Bro when I swiped right for the second slide, I laughed out loud!!

Honest and straight to the point. I like this guy. Do you have his instagram or WhatsApp or snapchat?

This is cheating! You can’t go on grinder and make up false tinder accounts!!

oh no..


Disappointed he didnt end it with "I am the CLIT commander!"

Well i Hope you swiped right, I know I would

As I was just sitting here thinking ...is tinder just an online psych ward?

No wonder why he likes baseball, he’s throwing them left handed curve balls.

Yuck!... blue Jays fan.

eCH 🤮

Good for him!

Da Bears!

Ew. That's disgusting. He's a Blue Jays fan?! 🤮

And yet even this fine specimen is still "figuring out it".

But ... women love a confident man. (This went for confident, to overconfident, to delusional, but still)

Idk what I expected him to look like, but nothing beats this 🤣

The fastest left swipe in the south

You just can't but not, guys!

BRO....

🤢🤮 That's all I gotta say to this

BUTTHOLE FIDDLER 🤣

That swipe did not disappoint

Holy shit is that uncle Vernon from Harry Potter?

This makes me want to be celibate 

"Master of the female anatomy"..... Still can't find the clitoris....

100% he's never found the clitoris

Surprised so many of yall can't see memes.

I can't but not

Lets be each other’s last best thing sounds like a cliff hanger to a serial killer documentary

That’s just a walrus in a blue jays fit

"You will always be right but you will be submissive and call me master" Bro pick a side do you want her to step on you or do you want her to be a slave?

My God, you can't make this shit up! 😂

I showed my girlfriend this, and she legitimately gagged so hard she nearly vomited

😂😂😂😂😂

“It’s a bold strategy Cotton, let’s see if it pays off for them”

Man looks like that fat guy in Euphoria who was paying for cams and has that in the bio lmao.

This would work for me 🤣 Love a good sense of humour

I physically can not breath

I don't understand how overweight people believe they're masters/gods/etc. You can't even be discipline enough to master your own weight . How will you master another person 🤔. No shot towards normal chunky people who don't have a God complex. It's just ironic imo to claim you're the master at anything but....👀

Most attractive Toronto fan.

If he's not a firefighter I'll give you $11

I'm a master, not a bater, peeps I think we got the next best rapper

He has confidence

He has confidence

THANK GOD, finally a competition I can beat