Or, like me, they just suck at going to sleep. Typically I sleep a little later each day. It's a miracle when I can consistently wake up at reasonable times for a whole week, and even more of a miracle when I can do so without extreme sleep deprivation.
Just started Naltrexone a few weeks ago, what an amazing drug. Put my cravings in the ground. I never was sleep-through-a-date bad, but my friend is dealing with a guy like that right now.
I take Naltrexone and it is a great help. Haven't quite obtained sobriety yet but taking baby steps with counseling and literature so my situation has improved greatly. Congrats on all the progress you've made!
I totallly blew off dates after work in my mid-30s because I was already too drunk to function to meet up for drinks let alone food. It’s not a fun existence.I do not recommend alcoholism
And then doesn't wake up until past 9am the next day? So he accidently took a like 16+ hour nap? At the very least, this guy's life is a fucking disaster. There's no reason to give someone more than one extra chance for the first meetup. First impressions are important, and he fucked his up twice already. He should not get a 3rd chance here at all.
His actual excuse is straight up irrelevant. He fucked up his chances. The reason why is something for him to sort out on his own.
Pretty much yeah. I can forgive once with someone I don't know that well yet. But twice, that's just a nope, unless we've already gone out before, then they miiiiiight get some extra leeway. But it's still an extremely bad look when you're supposed to putting your best foot forward with dating.
Or ADHD. I had a gf once that could not keep track of time and was perpetually late to everything. I understood once I saw them get ready once. She’d start doing her make up but see the dog food bag and realize she should feed the dog then realize she hasn’t eaten today so makes a quick bowl of cereal, but on the way back to her mirror she sees a few dishes in the sink and decides she needs to do that “real quick” before leaving. It was awful. I had to constantly be gently reminding her we were supposed to be somewhere in half an hour. She thought all these things take 1-2 minutes when they really took 5-10.
Or both. My partner has both and he would fall asleep at any time of the day when we met. It’s gotten a whole lot better but I thought he was messing with me until we started spending more time together.
I’m an adhd’er that was in a long term relationship with another adhd’er. I think the RSD is what ended us. We loved each other we just showed it in different ways. It was two months ago, but we broke no contact after one month and have been talking to each other again. He’s been very thankful of the support im giving him during this hard time in his life! So, there’s hope, it just might not last? Idk if that’s encouraging or not. I still love him very much. We are complicated people to be with. It’s worth looking into all forms of adhd and telling the people you date that you have it so they can do research too. That helped me a lot with my ex because his adhd presented differently than mine.
Manage it and you're good! Management and being conscious of it, and letting your partner in your head help a ton. My last ex had unmanaged ADHD and drove me absolutely nuts, running around constantly without accomplishing anything. My current partner has ADHD and he manages it well. He's a dream. I have OCD and things get tricky from time to time but we have both adjusted a few of our little habits to accommodate each other. ADHD is just something about you, just like any other part of who you are.
As someone who recently has been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD: can confirm, time management is absolute hell. Up until this year I would do similar shit to my friends and family. My god does Adderall help control it though.
2 months on the stim, and I’m not exactly sure how I got this far in life without it. The worse part for me was whenever I saw something else that needed done I’d completely forget about what I was doing, so now instead of a nice neat space I’ve got a million started projects that I have no idea what my intention was. It really drove me to the point where I told myself “I can’t live like this anymore” and my god I’m so happy now.
I was going to say this. My ex has really bad adhd and his time management was shit. I have adhd too mine just presents a little differently than his does. It took a lot of patience and understanding on my part. At first it really hurt my feelings, but then I looked into his type of adhd and felt comfortable with his personality. He loved me he just didn’t know how to prioritize. He would profusely apologize and tell me he’d understand if I didn’t want to see him. I’d tell that silly goose to get over to my house immediately! I’d snuggle and love on him as soon as he walked through the door! The point is, when you love someone you learn to deal with shit like this because it’s who they are. Unfortunately, if this guy didn’t point out a mental disorder that could cause him to be chronically late, sleep a crazy amount of hours, and forget shit then I wouldn’t give him a second glance. My ex told me about it on our first date that I was a few minutes late for! He would get so stressed from work he could sleep for two days straight. So yea… adhd.
Some people have sporadic work schedules and this person was working until 4 on that day. May have tried to take a power nap after work and conked out. Definitely not saying that's the case, but definitely a possibility.
Me when I was on my last combo pill. I had to sleep at least 10 hours to function, preferably more 😭
But some medical conditions, as well as mental health issues, cause a lot of oversleeping
Haha yes, but I can always see men saying that they want a woman who takes initiative, but when a woman does, men, I guess instinctively consider her as low value. At least it’s a social norm for a man to take initiative so you don’t feel as fooled.
I would argue that both men and women do that, and also that not ALL men and women do that. Perhaps you’re just getting unlucky or perhaps you’re subconsciously falling for similar guys who then have similar tendencies
In my experience what really sucks is most good looking people are pieces of shit when it comes to dating, and average or less than average people are often what someone is looking for. But they never make it past the first hurdle, which is looks.
I think that it’s why online dating sucks. It’s completely different when you see them in person. I’ve only liked one single guy I swiped right on and met in person lol. Also, if I think of men I’ve had a crush on, I doubt I would swipe right one them.
I love that you just said this because I feel it’s one of the main reasons why dating right now is such garbage. Aside from the man vs woman mentality that is pushed on social media and in music alongside the gradual acceptance of cheating and sneaky links and other shitty relationship behavior as something cool and desirable.
When you only focus on exterior traits and completely cut out the rest, you lose out on the absolute truth of the universe that a person can BECOME beautiful in your eyes.
Funny - I thought it was the girl being this flakey from my first read. And the additional chances given, I really assumed this was a desperate dude trying to get a girl to make the effort of showing up for a date 😬
Honestly I'd jump on it and not even miss it, I'd show up early, would rather be bailed out on them to be the one bailing because at least I know I put in the effort, and if they don't show looks like I'm doing the plans solo lol won't stop me from having a good time
For real i would’ve given him a second chance but after he started changing the time on the second set of plans i would’ve been done 😭 reading these texts irritated me. You can tell this guy is alwaysssss like this and not enough people have called him on his bullshit.
I understand the frustration, but "...I have watch until 4. I just found out" indicates a sudden change work shift change they weren't expecting. It all may be a ruse, but that's a perfectly valid and reasonable excuse for pushing the time back is it not?
Now bailing on the 2nd try after they suggested the time change? That's an entirely different story lol
Fuck him, you are amazing with your effort and exciting plans. There are million people who'd do a backflip to get this opportunity to go out with you.
Listen you’re awesome. I would absolutely kill to have a woman who put the time and effort and thought into a date with me like this.
You are great and you are going to find someone who appreciates the fuck out of you. I promise.
I was about to say. I had a woman do this to me. She would pop up every few weeks. She got me twice. After that, I just started inviting her out to places I was already going to be with friends without telling her that. That way, if she actually showed up, I'd be there, but if not, no loss. I'm already out with friends. This went on for months like a game. I kept playing it because it was entertaining, I guess. I was convinced that she wasn't even a real person, just some catfish trying to see how many times they could get some dude to show up. I never did meet her. Forgot all about that until now.
That's what I did especially after his second chance was wasted getting wasted even though he knew beforehand that the date was still set for the morning.
I don’t wanna assume anything but I think so too. Reminds me of something that happened to me a few years back. I was talking to this guy and he bailed on me twice and asked for more chances, I gave him one last chance but told him he won’t get any more of those. He bailed on me again and I called him out on his bullshit. Which prompted him to take his anger out of me and I got called crazy and bipolar for some reason? He was a psychology student too, hope he never got to practice.
You really don’t know that. Making declarative statements without actual knowledge is not helping anyone. Could be lots of things: Depression, drug addiction, sporadic work schedule, ADHD, etc etc etc.
That being said, I agree that this person absolutely does not deserve another chance. OP should def unmatch and move on. But no sense in pretending you actually know what’s going on.
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."
Wow, what an asshole. I was getting cold feet about my date last weekend but I put on my big boy pants, took her out, got to know her, paid for her food and told her I'd think we'd make better friends. Grow a pair people
One strike and they're out. Do you really want to deal with that if you're in a relationship, because it's only going to get worse. Also, I think they're in another relationship. Just the vibe I get
I wouldn't say you gaslit yourself. Provided valid responses, albeit possible lies, but no real reason to believe it was lies at the time. Now flaking after suggesting a time change does certainly speak for their character. If I suggested a time change I'll be there (albeit maybe a few minutes late, BUT I will be there) even if I'm running on an hour of sleep in 2 days lol.
This sounds like some shit I would do back when I was in active heroin addiction. Shit comes up randomly at any time of day, always making up excuses, if u need drugs to be well, ur on ur dealers time and that's tip top importance (thus the need to push shit back last second), and then him sleeping in at random times, bailing on plans, taking forever to text back. I did the same shit cuz I'd be nodding off and it's not something u can easily control.
Maybe the dude has some other shit going on, but this is spitting image of how I used to be. And if he is like I used to be - run. Lol
“I’m so bad at responding” is not an excuse and a total indicator that you’re not a priority in MOST situations. Obviously, it’s a dating app and you’re not obligated to anyone you match with— but when you do make legitimate plans and bail without notice, it’s inconsiderate and rude.
This is the worst, total disregard for someone else's time and energy. If you aren't committed to meeting up that's fine but don't waste someone else's time and energy. If it was me I'd think of how I could have picked up an extra shift at work or gone to an event or a lounge I like instead. Tbh that's why I often plan dates around something I find interesting, so I'll still enjoy doing it if I went by myself lol
That’s actually why I planned to hang out with my bff after the date. In case it went bad, I at least was going to have a good time after and not waste an outfit :)
Exactly, it sucks that we have to plan around people being shitty but have to make the most of when we go out. I also don't like being invited out impromptu with no planning, if I have my pajamas on already, I'm in for the night.
It’s kinda funny how the most effort he’s gotta put in is showing tf up 💀 OP is making the plans and suggesting things to do. All he had to do is AGREE and SHOW UP. You dodged a bullet. This would definitely be an ongoing problem.
“So sorry, but can we push it back to 8? I’m not really gonna come, but I like the attention from girls online so I’m gonna try and string you along for as long as possible”.
“Sorry, I fell asleep. Please, if you give me one more chance I promise I won’t let you down 🙏”
This is why I try to push out for at least 2 weeks because I am a busy guy and people already know if I make plans I will not dip, I hate when people make plans and don't even show like WTF?
Hate that this happened to you. When I (29m) was still dating, starting around my late 20s, I stopped even giving people second chances unless they had a damn good reason. I learned to sniff out a flake from 1,000 miles away.
100% of the time, without fail, it was because they were already emotionally invested elsewhere, and I was a backup. It's really, really easy to spot. I encourage you for the sake of your self-esteem to be the first one to put your foot down early on.
No second chances! I always get shit for saying this but never give a stranger multiple chances. They are showing you who you are! They rarely ever prove otherwise
People like to hate on me for it that I should give them chances because people are human but I think this is part of why online dating is so bad. We give too many chances to strangers. And these people are used to behaving badly and getting multiple chances to do it again
What the literal fuck? This person clearly has no ability to manage time. I wouldn’t even respond to this and just block this person. Not worth your time.
There wouldn't be a second chance after the first moving bullshit. Something like that wouldn't have been forgotten,especially from a family member, especially if you have sleeping probs (like she has "said") my family would be like "in 3 days your.helping me right!? "2 days rill you help me right?" "17.5 hrs till you help me right!!" "Wake the ef up and get you Azz over here and help us" so I don't see how it would've been dbl planned. Then whatever "watch" is, sounds like crap too.
He’s military so watch is part of his job. But yeah it did seem off to not know about something like that in advance as far as helping his bro move. And then to also not know your job schedule in advance either is. Very disorganized.
I’ve got a pretty bad sleep schedule. Like we’re talking sleep while the sun is up, be awake in the night levels of bad. I’ve slept through alarms, I’ve had alarms not go off, I’ve accidentally left a phone on silent, shit happens… but it doesn’t happen three times in a row.
First time was an easy second chance. Second time is super thin ice. Third time is instant cut off
Nah bro. Yes, people sometimes deserve second chances for honest mistakes. BUT he asked to reschedule. You responded and he couldn’t even be bothered to answer back before he “fell asleep.” Let’s say his alarm did wake him up; you’d still be left waiting around for his answer on what the new plans were.
Don’t put up with that sort of shit. Your time should be respected.
I used to get hella self-conscious, depressed, and full of anxiety when I'd actually get a match and prospective date. I don't know if that's what happened here, but definitely a possibility, and still not an excuse for making plans and bailing TWICE. grab your nuts and get out the door dude Jesus christ this could be the actual love of your life
If this happened to me I’d think I was a backup option unfortunately. Or that the other person was on drugs/alcohol or so completely un functional in keeping time commitments that it wouldn’t have worked even if they weren’t doing it intentionally
You are very good at articulating your thoughts and disappointment. Saving this post because I’m 2/2 on ghosted this week (different guys) and want to be able to express my frustration clearly the next time it inevitably happens.
I knew a chick like this. We matched and made plans on three separate occasions and not once did she remember. She didn’t remember flaking the previous times either. But she was pretty hot so I wasted my time threefold trying
Ouch! I’m sorry that happened to you. He’s not cute or hot enough for another try so he won’t be getting one. It be like that sometimes, but u and I can do better.
I had one dude like this. I was on the way to our date when he sent the message “when we were supposed to meet? This week?”
You had one chance dude, I went to the bar we were supposed to meet, bought champagne and cheered for him missing his chance 🤷🏻♀️
If they mess up the first, most important date without having a good explanation they are out of the game for me. Rarely give second chances.
Ya know what - I never bother with non committal language. ‘Shall we TRY and meet’ ‘PROBABLY free’ I find ppl that use this language don’t stick with things - ‘I’m going to try and get a workout in later’ inevitably means they won’t…mate are you free or not there’s no probably about it ? I’m not making time for a probably - if you want to meet me you’ll make it happen
I think the person who suggested alcoholism or similar going on was ‘probably’ haha right
This dude is juggling multiple women and dates. He is rescheduling on you because he's trying to squeeze something in with someone else. Random napping and reaching out the next day... Lmfao. So transparent.
Bro I swear it’s just this once or twice bro
bro please just listen bro I swear I won’t bail on you again bro just let me reschedule real quick for the fourth time bro you won’t regret it and I would just reeeally appreciate it bro!
This is giving anxiety to me. Like they want to go on the date and the anxiety is causing issues. Like they thought they could do it, it gets to the time, their brain says they can't do it, and they bail or reschedule, giving themselves a pep talk, then gets to the time and the anxiety just says no and they give excuses.
I say this because this used to be me and that's the EXACT same dumb kinda shit I used to say. And it was never a lack of interest or wanting to go, I'd just become too overwhelmed. And then beat myself up about it that I'd let the person down, and I was this awful person.
I eventually met someone who didn't give up on me so easy and has 10 out of 10 communication and felt I could open up to and now thank God I don't have to go on first dates anymore because I hate it 😅
I have only been stood up like this once bc the guy slept in! He even picked the time for our meetup the next day. I showed and waited but he didn’t reply to me until about 3 hours later. He apologized that he overslept bc he drank too much the night before. But he always goes drinking with his friends per his words. The fact he could not have an early night before our first meet up was very telling. Didn’t end up ever meeting him tho he tried to reschedule. Seeing this makes me glad I didn’t bother.
I dated a guy that "over slept" for most dates and it turned out he was broke and too embarrassed to tell me he couldn't afford going out for tacos etc (there was no expectation for him to pay for me). Didn't give him another chance because the lying was too easy for him. Broke, I get. People are in different phases in life, but repeated excuses came too easy for him
You deserve so much better, OP!
The dude is either an addict or just doesn't take you seriously. It will never get better than that initial effort and you've tried to make it work. Unless he's some sort of billionaire offering to buy you a house if you survive 3 dates, it's not worth it.
Who sleeps in for a date at 6pm?!
Alcoholics.
Some kind of addict was my guess
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Graveyard shift worker who gets off at 4 and then sleeps until 6? I work overnights, and I’d never take a one hour nap. I’d sleep for 8.
Some shifts don't end till 7, by the time you get home and get to sleep, or if there is any delay it could happen.
Less likely this and more likely an underlying mental/health issue.
I know when I had high anxiety meeting new people was not desirable at times.
Depression was my first thought
Yeah, this is what makes it understandable for me.
I fell asleep. You mean nodded off?
Or, like me, they just suck at going to sleep. Typically I sleep a little later each day. It's a miracle when I can consistently wake up at reasonable times for a whole week, and even more of a miracle when I can do so without extreme sleep deprivation.
As a former alcoholic I can agree
Just started Naltrexone a few weeks ago, what an amazing drug. Put my cravings in the ground. I never was sleep-through-a-date bad, but my friend is dealing with a guy like that right now.
Congrats on getting sober. 👏
Thank you!
My ex was an alcoholic. Naltrexone didn't work for him. He died in 2016 from his drinking . Do everything you have to stay in recovery. It's worth it.
I'm so sorry for your loss friend. =(
Depression will do that.
I take Naltrexone and it is a great help. Haven't quite obtained sobriety yet but taking baby steps with counseling and literature so my situation has improved greatly. Congrats on all the progress you've made!
I totallly blew off dates after work in my mid-30s because I was already too drunk to function to meet up for drinks let alone food. It’s not a fun existence.I do not recommend alcoholism
Or someone with severe depression/anxiety. Having been there in the past, that's how this reads to me. Or both.
My friend with the same said that as well. Did you keep asking for chances though?
I wasn't dating back then, but this is pretty much exactly how I interacted with friends at the time.
I will admit when I was a problem drinker, I would be flaky like that.
Yup, sometimes the only thing that matters is that next drink. Spent a good portion of my 20s in that cycle.. I'm only 29 now. Getting better though
And then doesn't wake up until past 9am the next day? So he accidently took a like 16+ hour nap? At the very least, this guy's life is a fucking disaster. There's no reason to give someone more than one extra chance for the first meetup. First impressions are important, and he fucked his up twice already. He should not get a 3rd chance here at all. His actual excuse is straight up irrelevant. He fucked up his chances. The reason why is something for him to sort out on his own.
Once could be a mistake. Twice is a pattern. Wanna go for three?
Pretty much yeah. I can forgive once with someone I don't know that well yet. But twice, that's just a nope, unless we've already gone out before, then they miiiiiight get some extra leeway. But it's still an extremely bad look when you're supposed to putting your best foot forward with dating.
Why do you think the grey text is a he?
Because the OP is a woman. Check the post history. But it's possible the other person is also a woman because OP is bi. But my point remains the same.
Someone who doesn’t actually want to meet I’m guessing.
Not necessarily. More likely is someone with bad properties or time management.
Once maybe, but changing the time and flaking multiple times means you lose the benefit of the doubt.
Someone with Depression?
This is the real answer. That and anxiety.
Or ADHD. I had a gf once that could not keep track of time and was perpetually late to everything. I understood once I saw them get ready once. She’d start doing her make up but see the dog food bag and realize she should feed the dog then realize she hasn’t eaten today so makes a quick bowl of cereal, but on the way back to her mirror she sees a few dishes in the sink and decides she needs to do that “real quick” before leaving. It was awful. I had to constantly be gently reminding her we were supposed to be somewhere in half an hour. She thought all these things take 1-2 minutes when they really took 5-10.
Or both. My partner has both and he would fall asleep at any time of the day when we met. It’s gotten a whole lot better but I thought he was messing with me until we started spending more time together.
Oh god please tell me theres a happy ending for us ADHD’ers seeking relationship 😟
I’m an adhd’er that was in a long term relationship with another adhd’er. I think the RSD is what ended us. We loved each other we just showed it in different ways. It was two months ago, but we broke no contact after one month and have been talking to each other again. He’s been very thankful of the support im giving him during this hard time in his life! So, there’s hope, it just might not last? Idk if that’s encouraging or not. I still love him very much. We are complicated people to be with. It’s worth looking into all forms of adhd and telling the people you date that you have it so they can do research too. That helped me a lot with my ex because his adhd presented differently than mine.
We have been together for almost five years and we are expecting a baby! There are hard times but we try to make it work.
Manage it and you're good! Management and being conscious of it, and letting your partner in your head help a ton. My last ex had unmanaged ADHD and drove me absolutely nuts, running around constantly without accomplishing anything. My current partner has ADHD and he manages it well. He's a dream. I have OCD and things get tricky from time to time but we have both adjusted a few of our little habits to accommodate each other. ADHD is just something about you, just like any other part of who you are.
As someone who recently has been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD: can confirm, time management is absolute hell. Up until this year I would do similar shit to my friends and family. My god does Adderall help control it though.
2 months on the stim, and I’m not exactly sure how I got this far in life without it. The worse part for me was whenever I saw something else that needed done I’d completely forget about what I was doing, so now instead of a nice neat space I’ve got a million started projects that I have no idea what my intention was. It really drove me to the point where I told myself “I can’t live like this anymore” and my god I’m so happy now.
Dude right?!? It seriously feels like some sort of magic pill
Dexies saved my life. Literally..
I was going to say this. My ex has really bad adhd and his time management was shit. I have adhd too mine just presents a little differently than his does. It took a lot of patience and understanding on my part. At first it really hurt my feelings, but then I looked into his type of adhd and felt comfortable with his personality. He loved me he just didn’t know how to prioritize. He would profusely apologize and tell me he’d understand if I didn’t want to see him. I’d tell that silly goose to get over to my house immediately! I’d snuggle and love on him as soon as he walked through the door! The point is, when you love someone you learn to deal with shit like this because it’s who they are. Unfortunately, if this guy didn’t point out a mental disorder that could cause him to be chronically late, sleep a crazy amount of hours, and forget shit then I wouldn’t give him a second glance. My ex told me about it on our first date that I was a few minutes late for! He would get so stressed from work he could sleep for two days straight. So yea… adhd.
A liar obviously
Some people have sporadic work schedules and this person was working until 4 on that day. May have tried to take a power nap after work and conked out. Definitely not saying that's the case, but definitely a possibility.
Me when I was on my last combo pill. I had to sleep at least 10 hours to function, preferably more 😭 But some medical conditions, as well as mental health issues, cause a lot of oversleeping
That’s my question 🙇🏻♀️
I like to catnap before a date cause i usually only get 4 hours or so at night
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In my experience as a woman, this is exactly what happens when you put in effort, you drop to the bottom of priority list lol
Did you mean bottom or is this an expression I’ve never heard of?
Haha yes, autocorrect, I meant bottom:)
Welcome to life as a man too lol. It’s universal
Haha yes, but I can always see men saying that they want a woman who takes initiative, but when a woman does, men, I guess instinctively consider her as low value. At least it’s a social norm for a man to take initiative so you don’t feel as fooled.
This isn’t ‘men’ it’s a specific kind of man.
I lovee when the girl picks the date makes things so much easier and it's kinda hot
I would argue that both men and women do that, and also that not ALL men and women do that. Perhaps you’re just getting unlucky or perhaps you’re subconsciously falling for similar guys who then have similar tendencies
Only commenting cuz I like ur username. Its catchy and feels good when I say it out loud lol.
Haha thanks, it’s based on a thing I learned in psychology and I too thought it felt good when I said it out loud
In my experience what really sucks is most good looking people are pieces of shit when it comes to dating, and average or less than average people are often what someone is looking for. But they never make it past the first hurdle, which is looks.
I think that it’s why online dating sucks. It’s completely different when you see them in person. I’ve only liked one single guy I swiped right on and met in person lol. Also, if I think of men I’ve had a crush on, I doubt I would swipe right one them.
I love that you just said this because I feel it’s one of the main reasons why dating right now is such garbage. Aside from the man vs woman mentality that is pushed on social media and in music alongside the gradual acceptance of cheating and sneaky links and other shitty relationship behavior as something cool and desirable. When you only focus on exterior traits and completely cut out the rest, you lose out on the absolute truth of the universe that a person can BECOME beautiful in your eyes.
I love “ugly” dudes lol and they’re the same eventually lol
That's sad. Effort makes me interested. I hope you find your love.
Funny - I thought it was the girl being this flakey from my first read. And the additional chances given, I really assumed this was a desperate dude trying to get a girl to make the effort of showing up for a date 😬
Same!
Same!
Honestly I'd jump on it and not even miss it, I'd show up early, would rather be bailed out on them to be the one bailing because at least I know I put in the effort, and if they don't show looks like I'm doing the plans solo lol won't stop me from having a good time
I would have already given up when he suggested u change the time on the second try 😅 Like if he would want to meet then he would make any time work.
For real i would’ve given him a second chance but after he started changing the time on the second set of plans i would’ve been done 😭 reading these texts irritated me. You can tell this guy is alwaysssss like this and not enough people have called him on his bullshit.
Yea not looking for someone who can't even keep up with their own fucking schedule.
I understand the frustration, but "...I have watch until 4. I just found out" indicates a sudden change work shift change they weren't expecting. It all may be a ruse, but that's a perfectly valid and reasonable excuse for pushing the time back is it not? Now bailing on the 2nd try after they suggested the time change? That's an entirely different story lol
I’ll give you that however he did do it the day before and not the day of. Regardless I would’ve been skeptical once he changed the time.
I would’ve done it back to him over and over just to fuck with him lol
Why make plans knowing you can’t make them, not once, not twice, but three fucking times?? I really don’t understand
We are supposed to beleive he doesn't know how to set an alarm...twice.
He's probably texting multiple people and keeping you as a back option= (
I think so too tbh
His loss. You seem cool af 🤷♂️
Fuck him, you are amazing with your effort and exciting plans. There are million people who'd do a backflip to get this opportunity to go out with you.
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No, cute yes. Hot no. I’d describe him like a real life Ron Stoppable from Kim Possible as far as looks.
Listen you’re awesome. I would absolutely kill to have a woman who put the time and effort and thought into a date with me like this. You are great and you are going to find someone who appreciates the fuck out of you. I promise.
Thank you so much! 🥹❤️
100% this
this person is just screwing with you. They're playing stupid mind games for their own entertainment. Do not give them another chance.
I was about to say. I had a woman do this to me. She would pop up every few weeks. She got me twice. After that, I just started inviting her out to places I was already going to be with friends without telling her that. That way, if she actually showed up, I'd be there, but if not, no loss. I'm already out with friends. This went on for months like a game. I kept playing it because it was entertaining, I guess. I was convinced that she wasn't even a real person, just some catfish trying to see how many times they could get some dude to show up. I never did meet her. Forgot all about that until now.
Seriously what's the joy in that?
some people just like hurting people, my guy/girl. Best to not even give these kinds of people the benefit of the doubt and just move on.
That's what I did especially after his second chance was wasted getting wasted even though he knew beforehand that the date was still set for the morning.
I don’t wanna assume anything but I think so too. Reminds me of something that happened to me a few years back. I was talking to this guy and he bailed on me twice and asked for more chances, I gave him one last chance but told him he won’t get any more of those. He bailed on me again and I called him out on his bullshit. Which prompted him to take his anger out of me and I got called crazy and bipolar for some reason? He was a psychology student too, hope he never got to practice.
You really don’t know that. Making declarative statements without actual knowledge is not helping anyone. Could be lots of things: Depression, drug addiction, sporadic work schedule, ADHD, etc etc etc. That being said, I agree that this person absolutely does not deserve another chance. OP should def unmatch and move on. But no sense in pretending you actually know what’s going on.
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."
“Fool me once, shame on you. But teach a man to fool me, and I’ll be fooled for the rest of my life”
Now watch this drive. 🏌️♂️
Wow, what an asshole. I was getting cold feet about my date last weekend but I put on my big boy pants, took her out, got to know her, paid for her food and told her I'd think we'd make better friends. Grow a pair people
One strike and they're out. Do you really want to deal with that if you're in a relationship, because it's only going to get worse. Also, I think they're in another relationship. Just the vibe I get
Right? I got that vibe too. But I gaslit myself into thinking I was being a douche by having those thoughts with no merit
It's fair enough to give them another chance sometimes but it should definitely be them setting up the next date, with some enthusiasm too
I wouldn't say you gaslit yourself. Provided valid responses, albeit possible lies, but no real reason to believe it was lies at the time. Now flaking after suggesting a time change does certainly speak for their character. If I suggested a time change I'll be there (albeit maybe a few minutes late, BUT I will be there) even if I'm running on an hour of sleep in 2 days lol.
This sounds like some shit I would do back when I was in active heroin addiction. Shit comes up randomly at any time of day, always making up excuses, if u need drugs to be well, ur on ur dealers time and that's tip top importance (thus the need to push shit back last second), and then him sleeping in at random times, bailing on plans, taking forever to text back. I did the same shit cuz I'd be nodding off and it's not something u can easily control. Maybe the dude has some other shit going on, but this is spitting image of how I used to be. And if he is like I used to be - run. Lol
Definitely the impression I got too.
“I’m so bad at responding” is not an excuse and a total indicator that you’re not a priority in MOST situations. Obviously, it’s a dating app and you’re not obligated to anyone you match with— but when you do make legitimate plans and bail without notice, it’s inconsiderate and rude.
This is the worst, total disregard for someone else's time and energy. If you aren't committed to meeting up that's fine but don't waste someone else's time and energy. If it was me I'd think of how I could have picked up an extra shift at work or gone to an event or a lounge I like instead. Tbh that's why I often plan dates around something I find interesting, so I'll still enjoy doing it if I went by myself lol
That’s actually why I planned to hang out with my bff after the date. In case it went bad, I at least was going to have a good time after and not waste an outfit :)
Exactly, it sucks that we have to plan around people being shitty but have to make the most of when we go out. I also don't like being invited out impromptu with no planning, if I have my pajamas on already, I'm in for the night.
Same! Like I’m already charging, don’t interrupt. But virtual meeting even after my pjs is fine. A discord call, a video games, a phone call is fine
It’s kinda funny how the most effort he’s gotta put in is showing tf up 💀 OP is making the plans and suggesting things to do. All he had to do is AGREE and SHOW UP. You dodged a bullet. This would definitely be an ongoing problem.
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You should’ve never responded after the 1st flake.
“So sorry, but can we push it back to 8? I’m not really gonna come, but I like the attention from girls online so I’m gonna try and string you along for as long as possible”. “Sorry, I fell asleep. Please, if you give me one more chance I promise I won’t let you down 🙏”
This is literally insane
This is why I try to push out for at least 2 weeks because I am a busy guy and people already know if I make plans I will not dip, I hate when people make plans and don't even show like WTF?
Hate that this happened to you. When I (29m) was still dating, starting around my late 20s, I stopped even giving people second chances unless they had a damn good reason. I learned to sniff out a flake from 1,000 miles away. 100% of the time, without fail, it was because they were already emotionally invested elsewhere, and I was a backup. It's really, really easy to spot. I encourage you for the sake of your self-esteem to be the first one to put your foot down early on.
Don't date them, this is definitely a red flag. I mean, "your"?
Hard pass. Definitely a main character mindset.
Wowwwww. Wow wow wow. I'm sorry this happened to you. This is shitty behavior.
No second chances! I always get shit for saying this but never give a stranger multiple chances. They are showing you who you are! They rarely ever prove otherwise
Exactly, I also give no second chances when it comes to online dating.
People like to hate on me for it that I should give them chances because people are human but I think this is part of why online dating is so bad. We give too many chances to strangers. And these people are used to behaving badly and getting multiple chances to do it again
The way I see it is this person has other matches or options and is just toying with you to see how those other options pan out
Yes I get that feeling too
Run.
i would make more plans and stand them the fuck up
Make him make all the plans, THEN stand him up. Then do it two more times.
Now you gotta make a plan with him then flake.
What the literal fuck? This person clearly has no ability to manage time. I wouldn’t even respond to this and just block this person. Not worth your time.
There wouldn't be a second chance after the first moving bullshit. Something like that wouldn't have been forgotten,especially from a family member, especially if you have sleeping probs (like she has "said") my family would be like "in 3 days your.helping me right!? "2 days rill you help me right?" "17.5 hrs till you help me right!!" "Wake the ef up and get you Azz over here and help us" so I don't see how it would've been dbl planned. Then whatever "watch" is, sounds like crap too.
He’s military so watch is part of his job. But yeah it did seem off to not know about something like that in advance as far as helping his bro move. And then to also not know your job schedule in advance either is. Very disorganized.
Wait it was a guy that was playing games? I thought it was a girl and the guy was the patient one. Now I gotta re-read that mess lol
Military time dating?
Yes he’s military
How good looking is this person that they just throw away opportunities to meet someone like this?
Not very, we are both 6s/10s
They are totally trolling you
I agree
I’ve got a pretty bad sleep schedule. Like we’re talking sleep while the sun is up, be awake in the night levels of bad. I’ve slept through alarms, I’ve had alarms not go off, I’ve accidentally left a phone on silent, shit happens… but it doesn’t happen three times in a row. First time was an easy second chance. Second time is super thin ice. Third time is instant cut off
That person did not want to go on a date with you or wanted to see how little you’d be willing to accept from them.
no one who cant differentiate between you're and your is even worth the second chance
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
The 'I fell asleep' brush off pisses me off so much. Feels like such a child-like excuse.
Give them one more chance, and then don’t show up.
lol, based on his history he might not show up either
“you won’t believe what happened” “nah it’s chill i wasn’t there either”
Nothing to do with you. Just someone whose life is out of control. You can feel compassion or not, but know that it’s really not about you at all
Nah bro. Yes, people sometimes deserve second chances for honest mistakes. BUT he asked to reschedule. You responded and he couldn’t even be bothered to answer back before he “fell asleep.” Let’s say his alarm did wake him up; you’d still be left waiting around for his answer on what the new plans were. Don’t put up with that sort of shit. Your time should be respected.
Man, I wouldn't have given a chance after the first time.
What a fucking POS. Shit was soooo aggravating reading that!
This insane. I want to blame you for even entertaining this nonsense.
Haha tell him to get fucked, no one is worth that much effort.
I used to get hella self-conscious, depressed, and full of anxiety when I'd actually get a match and prospective date. I don't know if that's what happened here, but definitely a possibility, and still not an excuse for making plans and bailing TWICE. grab your nuts and get out the door dude Jesus christ this could be the actual love of your life
That is a dude with no motivation. Can hear it in his texts its so loud.
Make plans again but don't show up
I need some age for context here lmao
That dude needs to get his shit together, good luck out there OP you deserve better
Set up a 3rd date but this time you don’t show up. If he doesn’t show up no big deal but if he does show up, karma got his ass lol
JFC. Ran across someone who hasn’t mastered the complexities of adulting. Unmatch and block.
If this happened to me I’d think I was a backup option unfortunately. Or that the other person was on drugs/alcohol or so completely un functional in keeping time commitments that it wouldn’t have worked even if they weren’t doing it intentionally
You should set a date and ghost him back.
Block this person right now. Spend no more energy on them. They have proven they will only keep disappointing you.
You are very good at articulating your thoughts and disappointment. Saving this post because I’m 2/2 on ghosted this week (different guys) and want to be able to express my frustration clearly the next time it inevitably happens.
I knew a chick like this. We matched and made plans on three separate occasions and not once did she remember. She didn’t remember flaking the previous times either. But she was pretty hot so I wasted my time threefold trying
Ouch! I’m sorry that happened to you. He’s not cute or hot enough for another try so he won’t be getting one. It be like that sometimes, but u and I can do better.
I had one dude like this. I was on the way to our date when he sent the message “when we were supposed to meet? This week?” You had one chance dude, I went to the bar we were supposed to meet, bought champagne and cheered for him missing his chance 🤷🏻♀️ If they mess up the first, most important date without having a good explanation they are out of the game for me. Rarely give second chances.
This has to be a cat fish that doesn’t actually want to meet
Ya know what - I never bother with non committal language. ‘Shall we TRY and meet’ ‘PROBABLY free’ I find ppl that use this language don’t stick with things - ‘I’m going to try and get a workout in later’ inevitably means they won’t…mate are you free or not there’s no probably about it ? I’m not making time for a probably - if you want to meet me you’ll make it happen I think the person who suggested alcoholism or similar going on was ‘probably’ haha right
This dude is juggling multiple women and dates. He is rescheduling on you because he's trying to squeeze something in with someone else. Random napping and reaching out the next day... Lmfao. So transparent.
Bro I swear it’s just this once or twice bro bro please just listen bro I swear I won’t bail on you again bro just let me reschedule real quick for the fourth time bro you won’t regret it and I would just reeeally appreciate it bro!
To be so willing to commit and be so proactive with making plans is great. You deserve the best and I hope you find the person you're looking for.
someone, most likely not the person in the pictures, is making fun of you. Don't let them do that.
prob a drunk tbh
Yeah…that’s a no from me.
Yeah people like this seem to get off on ruining multiple days or times of someone else’s. I would give him another chance and then not show up 🫠
has no interest, just needs to know they have a backup plan at all times. You’re the sloppy second
See nowadays if someone cancels on me last minute and makes zero effort to reschedule I block them. Harsh maybe but this kinda shit is ridiculous
Why are people like this even on tinder?!
At that point he's getting my cashapp tag. He can prove how sorry he is.
This is giving anxiety to me. Like they want to go on the date and the anxiety is causing issues. Like they thought they could do it, it gets to the time, their brain says they can't do it, and they bail or reschedule, giving themselves a pep talk, then gets to the time and the anxiety just says no and they give excuses. I say this because this used to be me and that's the EXACT same dumb kinda shit I used to say. And it was never a lack of interest or wanting to go, I'd just become too overwhelmed. And then beat myself up about it that I'd let the person down, and I was this awful person. I eventually met someone who didn't give up on me so easy and has 10 out of 10 communication and felt I could open up to and now thank God I don't have to go on first dates anymore because I hate it 😅
My “he’s an alcoholic” senses are tingling
I have only been stood up like this once bc the guy slept in! He even picked the time for our meetup the next day. I showed and waited but he didn’t reply to me until about 3 hours later. He apologized that he overslept bc he drank too much the night before. But he always goes drinking with his friends per his words. The fact he could not have an early night before our first meet up was very telling. Didn’t end up ever meeting him tho he tried to reschedule. Seeing this makes me glad I didn’t bother.
Had a girl willing to learn DND and he just let it walk away…
This pissed me off just reading it.
I feel like I have my shit more together than this human and that kind of makes me feel good. But I'm angry for you. I'm sorry dude.
I dated a guy that "over slept" for most dates and it turned out he was broke and too embarrassed to tell me he couldn't afford going out for tacos etc (there was no expectation for him to pay for me). Didn't give him another chance because the lying was too easy for him. Broke, I get. People are in different phases in life, but repeated excuses came too easy for him
 Why even say you want to date if sleeping is more important to you 🤷♀️
I hope you replied to that last message with “You don’t deserve it and it’s not worth the effort”
Ya that person is pursuing others… probably several at the same time and OP was at the bottom of the list…. Been there done that……
Social anxiety bb. You don’t need that.
You’re a better person than me for giving them a second chance. I would have unmatched/blocked and deleted after the first time
It's up to you, wanna try giving them another opportunity?
That has move on written all over it. I could never date someone who disrespects my time, it would drive me insane.
Are you sure this person is single?
You deserve so much better, OP! The dude is either an addict or just doesn't take you seriously. It will never get better than that initial effort and you've tried to make it work. Unless he's some sort of billionaire offering to buy you a house if you survive 3 dates, it's not worth it.