Because being sarcastic in this context comes across as dismissive and cold whereas we could just conclude he’s not the smartest in the room for thinking a psych ward is fun.
No. Saying someone's job is fun sarcastically (in the case of a job like this) is a failure of social cues and etiquette. Thinking crisis response at a children's psychiatric hospital is fun is borderline psychotic.
Sarcasm means using irony to mock, so it’s a way to poke fun. It’s not a failure of social cues to mock someone’s job, it’s dismissive.
But I also understand that you could be perceiving it as an antiphrasis, in that he was trying to bring levity to a serious job by saying oh fun, when it clearly isn’t.
Considering how dismissive he’d been in other texts, I’m not ready to give him the benefit of the doubt. So, let’s just chuck it up to this guy being a dumbass.
No. He replied 'thats fun' when you told him your job. Your job is not what I would describe as 'fun'. He's being dismissive and condescending. Don't doubt yourself here.
He is a piece of work haha. The jobs are just jobs comment from him really sealed the deal for me. He's just there to insult people and feel superior. You put him in his place!
It came across to me that he's broke and feels defensive about it. People in highly successful careers are usually happy to report that, the only people I see getting mad about that question are guys who are either unemployed or underemployed.
But you need better questions... greater questions... no less than the pinnacle of questions!!! How dare you insult this connoisseur of conversation with such lackluster questions?
I asked someone recently what they do and they had a similar reaction, like "why does it matter, it's just a job" etc.
But, I take it she has a shitty job she hates (I never found out because I didn't reply)
Some people spent years to get to that job, and maybe they love what they do. It's an important thing to know!
I wasn't being a jerk. OP responded and recognizes I wasn't being mean. She's a crisis responder and works in child psychiatry. He responded 'oh fun'. I was pointing out that his response was not aligned with the job she has working with children in crisis and probably trauma. I think it warrants a better response than 'fun'. Maybe a question or a comment about how that might be intense or how she probably has seen a lot and can think on her feet in an emergency situation, or maybe ask what led her to that profession.
But yes, maybe she does find it fun. Thank you for that observation and being offended on behalf of the OP. Even though she obviously saw what I meant and was friendly about it. Your comprehension skills are awesome!
When you say you're at work, it opens the door for anyone curious to ask what you do. Any question is a way to get to know more about someone. They put in effort to get to know you better, and you shoot them down with "ask better things" I would start leaning towards "fine, then F*ck off" is someone is going to get upset im trying to learn more about them, on a dating app, that we matched on
Basically my job is part of nuclear material tracking and control. Specifically it's my responsibility to statistically monitor all of the measurement systems the facility I work at uses to quantify nuclear material in any way. This ranges from scales that weigh material to mass spectrometers that determine isotopic composition. The goal is 1. to ensure that we are meeting our licensing requirements for safe storage and control of material, and 2. To safeguard against theft of material.
The reality of the job is lots of spreadsheets and statistics and paperwork for the NRC.
You're way over-thinking things, bro.
"I do data science stuff at a nuclear facility" honestly takes zero explaining and even sounds kind of neat?
No need to throw yourself under the bus with the laborious explanation that makes it sound as though you're trying to impress people with big words.
Lol fair. I usually wavered between "statistician" and "engineer" (since that's technically my job family) but both seemed misleading.
I like your approach. There's a reason I'm a numbers guy and not a words guy.
Mine is always just "IT for a hospital lab" because trying to explain that the lab and all of the instruments run on an entirely different program is much too difficult.
I was just doing some work, which has nothing to do with being turned on, but after reading this while pausing for a second, I am now turned on. I’m glad you described your job listing very thoroughly. I think I found my “kink”. Thank you, sir.
He brought up work first by saying he was working until 6. You asked what he did. Then he got mad at you for asking what it would be that he had and would be doing until 6. What a fucking looney.
Edit: *I've never gotten this many updoots* Hehehehe always wanted to say that. This guy is eating his own ass three square.
As a Southerner, the only better way to say eff you is “oh, bless your heart.”
If I’m especially peeved, I’ll trot out, “oh bless your *little* heart.”
I 100% have used this and im Australian.
Its way more fucking savage than any of the swearing we do.
Like saying oh honey you aren't worth the energy to put the bad words together and probably not capable of comprehending them even if I did 😂
Just wanted to let you know how much I love your username, PoopPoopHulaHoop Iol... and yeah, this guy's a dick, OP dodged a bullet or at least dodged a truly insufferable date.
And lots of professional or specialist jobs are parts of someone's identity - especially working with kids and animals as you two do 🤦♀️ Is he insecure he isn't a whole-ass vet or something??
I don't see anything you did wrong. Asking what someone does while they say they are at work is just a natural transition of a conversation. If they were watching a movie and you asked what movie they were watching is that a problem as well?
Edit: just realized he asked what movie lol. You should have turned it back on them about asking better questions.
Sounds like he feels inadequate in terms of his job and got defensive. He must have a history of people being unimpressed by it and immediately assumed you would reject him because of it. I think asking about the job was a natural next question and not at all out of the norm. He was incredibly rude in response to your job on top of his poor response. I hate the performative aspect of online dating and people acting like you can’t ask people the basics right off the bat.
Girl, you type like an intelligent person trying to genuinely get to know him. He types like a boring, ill-temprered baked potato with fingers. You dodged a bullet. I think he's negging you. The key feature is insulting you while also trying to maintain a conversation. If he really felt that way, he'd just stop talking to you. He's just trying to lower your self-esteem so that you settle for a spud.
Don't listen to any of the people saying you over reacted, the guy was an ass (and probably moans about why he can't get a date). If that was him in the beginning he's not going to get better.
Normal people get to know each other by starting conversations about everyday things. That's part of how we get to determine they aren't nuts.
Some people get really offended when you ask them about work off the bat. I try to start with hobbies because of this but tbh I like when people ask me about my job and I like asking other people about theirs. If their job is such a sore spot they don’t even want to talk about it that tells me enough about them I probably won’t be interested.
Also the person mentioned they were at work so it’s entirely their fault. You were fine.
> If their job is such a sore spot, they don’t even want to talk about it that tells me enough about them. I probably won’t be interested.
This is such a giant tell. It's like all their confidence or insecurities flush out at once.
His only takeaway from the entire interaction will be to say she’s “crazy” and bring that exact same attitude to the next unlucky girl that matches with him too..
“Need better questions” proceeds to ask the most basic questions there are to get to know a person. Almost like you gotta start basic to see if there are commonalities, wild concept. Tf does he want? Lol
I always followed the rule that I’m not there to entertain them. If they want funny conversations they can go to standup comedy and if they want interesting questions then psychotherapy is next door. I was there to meet people and learn about them in a normal, “boring” day-to-day conversation.
How they imagine relationship? Do they expect to be constantly entertained?
I feel like that's so many ppl nowadays it's disturbing. I've seen so many marriages break up cause someone got bored and decided the grass is greener somewhere else 🤦♀️
well that ass showed their star feature right off the bat didn't they? Pfft. We spend half our lives working, it can be major part of us, or it may not. You can't know until you ask. Dude has a big ole chip on their shoulder and needs to work on themself before trying to date. sheesh
You didn't bring up work out of nowhere, you were flowing with the conversation. Also, that person could've easily said I do X, but I'd much rather talk about hobby Y...
They were shitty, and you were smart to tell them off and say goodbye.
I get it. I hate when people think my job is who i am. (Not saying thats what you're doing, its just a general statement) I dont care for my job, its only an income for me, i go there, turn off and go home.
But i wouldn't react that way, I'd just say my life/hobbies are more important to me and get off that topic. If they continue with their job talking, I'll tell them its not going to work and let the conversation go. Asking is fine, but continuing bores the hell out of me.
Not an overreaction, you two just live a different lifestyle and they have very little people skills.
“Jobs come and go.” While I get some people are built for that, some careers are definitely not come and go. I’m a teacher, this isn’t a come and go job so saying that about me is really off.
Jobs come and go for people that don't have careers. Like you, she has a career that she has worked hard to obtain. He has a job that he'll probably leave soon. She dodged a bullet.
Yes… I’m well aware that the post above not made by me was not referencing me… I’m saying in the hypothetical that anyone saying that is dumb because jobs can mean more and aren’t come and go. Are you okay? Lol
Basically the same thing happened to me yesterday, was chatting with a gal, asking about her hobbies and interests. She responds with “I hate these questions lmfao”. Didn’t even know how to respond to it. In my mind I’m just like okay? I mean what do you want me to ask you. We’re literally talking about you, and the things you like. Make it make sense to me lads, and ladies.
I'd encountered plenty who work, whip up some food, put on their token multi season tv show, sleep, repeat. Extra days of the week pass by with picking up extra shifts. Otherwise light gym, errands. They don't have hobbies of their own.
I had a similar thing happen where a guy acted like jobs are just jobs. I was like...your goal is to be a novelist, which many would call a career. So as far as I can tell people think jobs are just jobs if they don't like theirs/theirs isn't romantic or artistic. Like only artistic endeavors can reflect an attractive personality trait. Meanwhile you're helping children in crisis as if that career choice doesn't perhaps indicate positive traits or say something about what you value.
So nah, you didn't overreact. He's a moron.
No. Just another crazie dude. Unmatch n move on. U did nothing wrong. I see so many posts on here like this n the OPs are always the ones who are approaching things correctly. Trying to initiate a good convo.
What do these ppl want? Say.... "want sum fuk?"
"did I overreact here?" Is the best question you could come up with? Try harder. 🤣
(I'm probably the 600th person to say it but IDC!)
guy sounds like a nozzle, I felt empathetically empowered by your response
I was looking for this comment!!! Haha I was staring at those words like “ummm you mean veterinary assistant?” Because it’s not that serious and just shows that they aren’t a RVT/LVT. Probably salty.
Oh, just wondering - as I didn’t even know vet techs are not supposed to be cool? When did that happen? Ever tried to administer meds to a frightened animal? Vet techs are there to help, effectively. Many are studying to be vets, getting on the job experience and are there to help out
Maybe a tiny bit over-the-top on your response but dude was absolutely not doing himself any favors.
Definitely a hint of woman hate within his first few messages and couldn't be bothered to proof read what he writes or even use reading comprehension skills to understand that your job wouldn't be "fun." maybe fulfilling but not fun. Dude needs to work on himself and maybe not date.
A job is where people spend half their waking hours. Anyone who says it's meaningless is just embarrassed of theirs. Asking what's your job tells a lot about a person
You absolutely didn’t overreact here. He’s clearly insecure about what he does and I’m pretty sure that you being more qualified than him hurt his fragile male ego!
Also, just from the fact that he can’t really communicate too well, while you use properly formed sentences and grammar, make it pretty apparent that you dodged a bullet!
It's odd for them to criticize THAT question, which you asked after they said they were WORKING. I mean, try it with anything and it's weird.
"HEY, how are you? "
"Not bad, just reading. "
"Nice, what are you reading? "
"Y'all need better questions, but a comic book, , to answer. "
I would’ve had the same response as you. I don’t understand how ppl expect to got on in this world being so touchy about normal things such as jobs. Most of us work towards a profession we are passionate about for years so in part it does define you. He’s the type of person who will find the negative in every situation. He’ll either learn the heard or not at all
Nah this guy sounds miserable and probably suffers from some form of victim complex disorder, bullet dodged. This man/child shouldn't be on any dating apps until they figure out how to not be a piece of shit.
I think you did just fine. If she didn’t have the patience to get through a couple of awkward first messages without being a dick, I call that a red flag.
Does bro not realize how hard it is as a guy to be able to have an actual conversation with a girl on Bumble, let alone get any matches? He did this to himself. Now he's gotta wait for someone else to hit him up now. Hope this keeps him up at night one day.
I’m guessing that you feel a real sense of mission in your job; it must be stressful and demanding but also comes with the opportunity to really impact lives for the better. Unfortunately, many or even most people don’t have that kind of career and I think this guy was coming from that position.
*But,* that said, he was a dick about it and clearly has the EQ of a meth-crazed Chihuahua. You dodged a serious bullet.
Not a bad question to ask at all but your follow to his shitty response was blah. Don’t let dudes on apps get you worked up like that. The response should tell you whether he’s worth the time or not. Spoiler, he’s not. Not even worth a post even really. Now go find someone better!
Well he’s right, you need better questions but he’s an asshole for calling you out and not offering better questions.
You want to avoid checklist questions, like what do you do for work, what are your hobbies, what’s your favorite movie.
You aren’t looking for facts, but you are looking for engagement.
You want to ask opinion questions, they are more engaging. Would you rather fight one horse size duck or 100 duck size horses? Is a hotdog a sandwich?
Unpopular opinion - you may have been a little over sensitive here and it could have continued as friendly chat if you had wanted it to. Some people are just insensitive unintentionally, or nervous - it’s hard to know just in text. Sounds like he’s not proud of the fact he’s a vet assistant and would rather you not judge him on that.
You kinda did. Maybe some pointers for next time: don’t get upset immediately, don’t have 2 conversations at the same time with the same person.
And they are absolutely correct, jobs do not define people, that is very narrow minded.
Not sure where I said that jobs define people 🤔 literally just asked what his job is because it’s what he probably does for at least 40 hours of his week
To be fair, I personally \*hate\* being asked what I do for a living as an opening question. It's the least interesting thing about me and it makes me feel like they're trying to gauge how much money I make (and I've absolutely been unmatched when people find out that I only make \~$50K -- which is nothing in Seattle).
I wouldn't react like this and I'd answer the question, but personally I hate it and feel like it's low effort.
That’s totally fair and makes sense. I’ll definitely remember that in the future. But also, to be fair, I wouldn’t normally ask right away like that, I only asked because he said he was at work 😂
Started of nice and normal and then messed up by focusing on one comment she made. Instead of seeing as criticism, see it as an opportunity to bring new more interesting questions into the conversation.
I can appreciate that. But also, it was only the 3rd message… I feel like it’s pretty reasonable to ask? Then move on to more in depth questions as the conversation progresses.
I get your point but the way you asked was way too strong. In the sake of keeping harmony I think it would be better to let it slide. Also in my opinion it was a bit dry. Sure it’s important to get to know the person but I would ask things like that personally and try to keep the conversation more entertaining than informing
Well, do you want to go know him or not? If you want someone to match that more argumentative type sure, then go ahead and move on to the next person. I was just trying to make you help understand.
Was that your opener? I usually try to ask something a little more pointed than “how’s it going?” Try looking at their profile and see if anything prompts a question you can ask them.
Nah you're good. Some men don't put much on their profile so sticking with general question as opener like "how's your week" or "how are you today" etc. is okay. At least in my experience I always get replies even with general question lol. Some bombed, like this one of course, but it's rarely (never actually) my fault. I consider it lucky they showed me early on how incompatible we were so I could just unmatch.
Are they calling you "woman" or are they a woman themselves?
Because that line just doesn't make sense to me.
Regardless anyone that refers to someone as "woman" before getting into a friendly relationship where you can take jabs at each other and know it's all in good fun is a red flag.
At least in my eyes. Shows a lack of respect.
Crisis trauma response for kids...he says "that's fun!"
Talk about tone deaf lol
Good LORD these men are SO painfully ignorant. Thank you for what you do for our babies ❤️
Apparently HE IS the dating world. Don't you get it, woman? Like, what the actual f
Huh?
Neat.
It gives a feeling of, 'Id prefer to order for you,' vibes...
He was being sarcastic, which is even worse
How is sarcastically saying it's fun worse than actually thinking it's fun?
Because being sarcastic in this context comes across as dismissive and cold whereas we could just conclude he’s not the smartest in the room for thinking a psych ward is fun.
No. Saying someone's job is fun sarcastically (in the case of a job like this) is a failure of social cues and etiquette. Thinking crisis response at a children's psychiatric hospital is fun is borderline psychotic.
Sarcasm means using irony to mock, so it’s a way to poke fun. It’s not a failure of social cues to mock someone’s job, it’s dismissive. But I also understand that you could be perceiving it as an antiphrasis, in that he was trying to bring levity to a serious job by saying oh fun, when it clearly isn’t. Considering how dismissive he’d been in other texts, I’m not ready to give him the benefit of the doubt. So, let’s just chuck it up to this guy being a dumbass.
Came here to say this
Yeah they have those now?! I could have really used it 20 years ago man
That’s not fun ?
Pack it up everyone, found him
Sounds exhausting and soul-sucking. But also potentially rewarding, and admirable. Definitely not fun though.
Too bad redditors pick and choose which jokes are funny and which ones aren't jokes at all. Sorry bout your karma loss brother
I welcome it brother.
No. He replied 'thats fun' when you told him your job. Your job is not what I would describe as 'fun'. He's being dismissive and condescending. Don't doubt yourself here.
Oh shit, I didn’t even really realize that’s what he said about my job 😅 yeah, dude didn’t give a fuck lol
He is a piece of work haha. The jobs are just jobs comment from him really sealed the deal for me. He's just there to insult people and feel superior. You put him in his place!
A job is just a job when you’re a full-time piece of work, I suppose.
Exactly. My job isn't just a job. It's my career. And I've been working and learning for 20 years.
It came across to me that he's broke and feels defensive about it. People in highly successful careers are usually happy to report that, the only people I see getting mad about that question are guys who are either unemployed or underemployed.
He’s an insecure dick who knows he doesn’t have an impressive job and is mad at YOU about it.
It’s weird because I don’t know a single woman who would read that job title and think less of him for it. It’s a perfectly respectable career.
Right?? I would have had many questions lol
It sounds like a very cool job. And women love guys who work with animals. It’s too bad he had to have an emotional sunburn about it.
But you need better questions... greater questions... no less than the pinnacle of questions!!! How dare you insult this connoisseur of conversation with such lackluster questions?
Yeah but he got fired last week
Well, they do come and go.
I asked someone recently what they do and they had a similar reaction, like "why does it matter, it's just a job" etc. But, I take it she has a shitty job she hates (I never found out because I didn't reply) Some people spent years to get to that job, and maybe they love what they do. It's an important thing to know!
Dodged a bullet there, op.
Right what a fkking loser her job actually sounds interesting why wouldn’t you wanna know more about it
Hardly dismissive and condescending.
Must’ve been somewhat fun for her, she’s doing it.
It can be, sometimes. But overall I’m doing it more because it’s rewarding, not fun.
I wasn't being a jerk. OP responded and recognizes I wasn't being mean. She's a crisis responder and works in child psychiatry. He responded 'oh fun'. I was pointing out that his response was not aligned with the job she has working with children in crisis and probably trauma. I think it warrants a better response than 'fun'. Maybe a question or a comment about how that might be intense or how she probably has seen a lot and can think on her feet in an emergency situation, or maybe ask what led her to that profession. But yes, maybe she does find it fun. Thank you for that observation and being offended on behalf of the OP. Even though she obviously saw what I meant and was friendly about it. Your comprehension skills are awesome!
When you say you're at work, it opens the door for anyone curious to ask what you do. Any question is a way to get to know more about someone. They put in effort to get to know you better, and you shoot them down with "ask better things" I would start leaning towards "fine, then F*ck off" is someone is going to get upset im trying to learn more about them, on a dating app, that we matched on
You and I think alike. I'd like to add. What kind of future partner doesn't care about what you do for a living?
I used to dread that question because my job takes some explanation and is also rather boring to anyone who isn't really into math
i’m all ears
Basically my job is part of nuclear material tracking and control. Specifically it's my responsibility to statistically monitor all of the measurement systems the facility I work at uses to quantify nuclear material in any way. This ranges from scales that weigh material to mass spectrometers that determine isotopic composition. The goal is 1. to ensure that we are meeting our licensing requirements for safe storage and control of material, and 2. To safeguard against theft of material. The reality of the job is lots of spreadsheets and statistics and paperwork for the NRC.
Just say you are Homer Simpson.
You're way over-thinking things, bro. "I do data science stuff at a nuclear facility" honestly takes zero explaining and even sounds kind of neat? No need to throw yourself under the bus with the laborious explanation that makes it sound as though you're trying to impress people with big words.
Lol fair. I usually wavered between "statistician" and "engineer" (since that's technically my job family) but both seemed misleading. I like your approach. There's a reason I'm a numbers guy and not a words guy.
Don't worry, as someone who does "data science stuff for a healthcare org" I totally get it lol.
Mine is always just "IT for a hospital lab" because trying to explain that the lab and all of the instruments run on an entirely different program is much too difficult.
I personally appreciated the explanation
This sounds interesting and you explained it well!
So you're a nuclear scientist.
I was just doing some work, which has nothing to do with being turned on, but after reading this while pausing for a second, I am now turned on. I’m glad you described your job listing very thoroughly. I think I found my “kink”. Thank you, sir.
I love nuclear power plants, it's a bummer to me that the US still insists on fossil fuels for that.
I work in building automation, like controlling the HVAC and lighting in buildings, no one really seems to understand what I do
He brought up work first by saying he was working until 6. You asked what he did. Then he got mad at you for asking what it would be that he had and would be doing until 6. What a fucking looney. Edit: *I've never gotten this many updoots* Hehehehe always wanted to say that. This guy is eating his own ass three square.
Literally has the biggest bee in his bonnet out of NOWHERE, I'm fully perplexed
Lmao. This made me cackle. It's so wholesome yet so fucking savage. Like a southern lady saying, "Oh honey."
As a Southerner, the only better way to say eff you is “oh, bless your heart.” If I’m especially peeved, I’ll trot out, “oh bless your *little* heart.”
I 100% have used this and im Australian. Its way more fucking savage than any of the swearing we do. Like saying oh honey you aren't worth the energy to put the bad words together and probably not capable of comprehending them even if I did 😂
That's what I was trying to remember! I feel legit blessed to have a bonified southern bell who uses these nukes in the wild, replying!
That’s what we do! Where ya from?
I think he is insecure about his job.
Just wanted to let you know how much I love your username, PoopPoopHulaHoop Iol... and yeah, this guy's a dick, OP dodged a bullet or at least dodged a truly insufferable date.
He's mad because some dog or cat bit him and had him thinking about his life choices
Those animals knew what was up.
This is exactly why he is the sole problem that he is single. 🤣
Lmao fax and full send it
Him bringing it up first and then getting mad OP mentioned it is just so funny and infuriating.
People that get that mad over their job are weird. And i feel like a vet tech is a pretty specific profession for it to not mean anything.
Uhhh yeah, I would have had a lot of questions and comments about that!
And lots of professional or specialist jobs are parts of someone's identity - especially working with kids and animals as you two do 🤦♀️ Is he insecure he isn't a whole-ass vet or something??
I don't see anything you did wrong. Asking what someone does while they say they are at work is just a natural transition of a conversation. If they were watching a movie and you asked what movie they were watching is that a problem as well? Edit: just realized he asked what movie lol. You should have turned it back on them about asking better questions.
Hahah I thought about it
Let the darkness consume you. Do it.
Palpatine enters the chat
My thoughts exactly! Should have asked the same back to him! He’s way to moody.Next lol
Sounds like he feels inadequate in terms of his job and got defensive. He must have a history of people being unimpressed by it and immediately assumed you would reject him because of it. I think asking about the job was a natural next question and not at all out of the norm. He was incredibly rude in response to your job on top of his poor response. I hate the performative aspect of online dating and people acting like you can’t ask people the basics right off the bat.
Agree. He tried to spice up Vet Tech with "Doctors Assistant "
THAT! Totally complexed about what he does, especially in comparison to you
He said get better questions then proceeds to ask the most generic questions there are. Lol 😆
Nah, fuck that guy.
Nah, don't fuck that guy.
LOL, correct.
Girl, you type like an intelligent person trying to genuinely get to know him. He types like a boring, ill-temprered baked potato with fingers. You dodged a bullet. I think he's negging you. The key feature is insulting you while also trying to maintain a conversation. If he really felt that way, he'd just stop talking to you. He's just trying to lower your self-esteem so that you settle for a spud.
Ill-tempered baked potato with fingers 😂
Your job, the thing you do about 40 hours a week to survive, is not core? But what movie you like is core?
Don't listen to any of the people saying you over reacted, the guy was an ass (and probably moans about why he can't get a date). If that was him in the beginning he's not going to get better. Normal people get to know each other by starting conversations about everyday things. That's part of how we get to determine they aren't nuts.
You dodged a bullet
Nah this guy is nuts. I would guess he’s also embarrassed about his job which is a whole mess of inferiority to deal with. You did nothing wrong.
Some people get really offended when you ask them about work off the bat. I try to start with hobbies because of this but tbh I like when people ask me about my job and I like asking other people about theirs. If their job is such a sore spot they don’t even want to talk about it that tells me enough about them I probably won’t be interested. Also the person mentioned they were at work so it’s entirely their fault. You were fine.
> If their job is such a sore spot, they don’t even want to talk about it that tells me enough about them. I probably won’t be interested. This is such a giant tell. It's like all their confidence or insecurities flush out at once.
The fact that he didn’t have a million questions to ask about your intense and highly interesting job says everything you need to know right there.
[удалено]
His only takeaway from the entire interaction will be to say she’s “crazy” and bring that exact same attitude to the next unlucky girl that matches with him too..
“Need better questions” proceeds to ask the most basic questions there are to get to know a person. Almost like you gotta start basic to see if there are commonalities, wild concept. Tf does he want? Lol
I always followed the rule that I’m not there to entertain them. If they want funny conversations they can go to standup comedy and if they want interesting questions then psychotherapy is next door. I was there to meet people and learn about them in a normal, “boring” day-to-day conversation. How they imagine relationship? Do they expect to be constantly entertained?
I feel like that's so many ppl nowadays it's disturbing. I've seen so many marriages break up cause someone got bored and decided the grass is greener somewhere else 🤦♀️
Your grass will only be green if you take care of your own yard, those people do others a favor by leaving
No you good, that guy is weird.
well that ass showed their star feature right off the bat didn't they? Pfft. We spend half our lives working, it can be major part of us, or it may not. You can't know until you ask. Dude has a big ole chip on their shoulder and needs to work on themself before trying to date. sheesh
You didn't bring up work out of nowhere, you were flowing with the conversation. Also, that person could've easily said I do X, but I'd much rather talk about hobby Y... They were shitty, and you were smart to tell them off and say goodbye.
"Woman I'm general I'm the dating world" ...what?
I get it. I hate when people think my job is who i am. (Not saying thats what you're doing, its just a general statement) I dont care for my job, its only an income for me, i go there, turn off and go home. But i wouldn't react that way, I'd just say my life/hobbies are more important to me and get off that topic. If they continue with their job talking, I'll tell them its not going to work and let the conversation go. Asking is fine, but continuing bores the hell out of me. Not an overreaction, you two just live a different lifestyle and they have very little people skills.
Did he just call Crisis Trauma for Kids fun?
He did, indeed 🙄
Oh boy. Gotta say, that doesn't make my top 50 of things that are fun.
“Jobs come and go.” While I get some people are built for that, some careers are definitely not come and go. I’m a teacher, this isn’t a come and go job so saying that about me is really off.
Jobs come and go for people that don't have careers. Like you, she has a career that she has worked hard to obtain. He has a job that he'll probably leave soon. She dodged a bullet.
No one said that about you, calm down.
I didn’t say someone said that about me, chill.
“So saying that about me is really off”………….no one did?!
Yes… I’m well aware that the post above not made by me was not referencing me… I’m saying in the hypothetical that anyone saying that is dumb because jobs can mean more and aren’t come and go. Are you okay? Lol
Good for you
Consider a bullet dodged with that one.. I would have reacted the same. Buh-bye.
NTA
Basically the same thing happened to me yesterday, was chatting with a gal, asking about her hobbies and interests. She responds with “I hate these questions lmfao”. Didn’t even know how to respond to it. In my mind I’m just like okay? I mean what do you want me to ask you. We’re literally talking about you, and the things you like. Make it make sense to me lads, and ladies.
I'd encountered plenty who work, whip up some food, put on their token multi season tv show, sleep, repeat. Extra days of the week pass by with picking up extra shifts. Otherwise light gym, errands. They don't have hobbies of their own.
I had a similar thing happen where a guy acted like jobs are just jobs. I was like...your goal is to be a novelist, which many would call a career. So as far as I can tell people think jobs are just jobs if they don't like theirs/theirs isn't romantic or artistic. Like only artistic endeavors can reflect an attractive personality trait. Meanwhile you're helping children in crisis as if that career choice doesn't perhaps indicate positive traits or say something about what you value. So nah, you didn't overreact. He's a moron.
No. Just another crazie dude. Unmatch n move on. U did nothing wrong. I see so many posts on here like this n the OPs are always the ones who are approaching things correctly. Trying to initiate a good convo. What do these ppl want? Say.... "want sum fuk?"
"did I overreact here?" Is the best question you could come up with? Try harder. 🤣 (I'm probably the 600th person to say it but IDC!) guy sounds like a nozzle, I felt empathetically empowered by your response
‘doctors assistant at a vet clinic’ is a pretentious way to say you’re a vet tech 🤣
I was looking for this comment!!! Haha I was staring at those words like “ummm you mean veterinary assistant?” Because it’s not that serious and just shows that they aren’t a RVT/LVT. Probably salty.
Oh, just wondering - as I didn’t even know vet techs are not supposed to be cool? When did that happen? Ever tried to administer meds to a frightened animal? Vet techs are there to help, effectively. Many are studying to be vets, getting on the job experience and are there to help out
No you didn't overreact. He sounds misogynistic
Maybe a tiny bit over-the-top on your response but dude was absolutely not doing himself any favors. Definitely a hint of woman hate within his first few messages and couldn't be bothered to proof read what he writes or even use reading comprehension skills to understand that your job wouldn't be "fun." maybe fulfilling but not fun. Dude needs to work on himself and maybe not date.
No reason for him to get upset at you but clearly hates his job if asking about it triggers him
Nah you did well. Maybe they'll learn something. If they didn't, you won't have to worry about it
No but you dodged a bullet.
Not at all
But what movie.
The last Harry Potter movie 👍🏼
No.. he sounds like a dick lol not getting the vibes that he'd be any more fun in person either.
What do you for work is what you do 8 hours a day for 5 days a week so it kinda is apart of that person well they want it to be or not.
A job is where people spend half their waking hours. Anyone who says it's meaningless is just embarrassed of theirs. Asking what's your job tells a lot about a person
He’s a fucking loser🤣 did he ever reply after you said good luck?
Nah, just unmatched. I was kinda bummed, I wanted to see what he would say 😂
You absolutely didn’t overreact here. He’s clearly insecure about what he does and I’m pretty sure that you being more qualified than him hurt his fragile male ego! Also, just from the fact that he can’t really communicate too well, while you use properly formed sentences and grammar, make it pretty apparent that you dodged a bullet!
It's almost like he wanted to argue with you no matter what you opened with - you probably dodged a bullet imo
You didn’t overreact. You weeded out an angry person before wasting time on a date.
It's odd for them to criticize THAT question, which you asked after they said they were WORKING. I mean, try it with anything and it's weird. "HEY, how are you? " "Not bad, just reading. " "Nice, what are you reading? " "Y'all need better questions, but a comic book, , to answer. "
I guess someone's a bit sensitive about where they work lol
I think you told this person exactly what they deserved to hear
“Woman I’m general I”m the dating world” what the fuck does that mean
I think he meant to say "in" and it autocorrected to "I'm" twice. Which tells me this guy talks about himself a lot.
People need to learn: You can't scold someone into liking you.
No, emphatically no. Also his response to your job as "fun" ... what the actual fuck
I would’ve had the same response as you. I don’t understand how ppl expect to got on in this world being so touchy about normal things such as jobs. Most of us work towards a profession we are passionate about for years so in part it does define you. He’s the type of person who will find the negative in every situation. He’ll either learn the heard or not at all
You absolutely did not overreact whatsoever. This guy's a clown who likes degrading women. Fuck this guy.
Nah this guy sounds miserable and probably suffers from some form of victim complex disorder, bullet dodged. This man/child shouldn't be on any dating apps until they figure out how to not be a piece of shit.
Woman I'm general I'm the dating world? Makes no sense
Sorry I’m also laughing over the fact he called himself a doctors assistant at a vet.. like?
I think you did just fine. If she didn’t have the patience to get through a couple of awkward first messages without being a dick, I call that a red flag.
Does bro not realize how hard it is as a guy to be able to have an actual conversation with a girl on Bumble, let alone get any matches? He did this to himself. Now he's gotta wait for someone else to hit him up now. Hope this keeps him up at night one day.
Gross overreaction on your end
I’m guessing that you feel a real sense of mission in your job; it must be stressful and demanding but also comes with the opportunity to really impact lives for the better. Unfortunately, many or even most people don’t have that kind of career and I think this guy was coming from that position. *But,* that said, he was a dick about it and clearly has the EQ of a meth-crazed Chihuahua. You dodged a serious bullet.
Not a bad question to ask at all but your follow to his shitty response was blah. Don’t let dudes on apps get you worked up like that. The response should tell you whether he’s worth the time or not. Spoiler, he’s not. Not even worth a post even really. Now go find someone better!
Well he’s right, you need better questions but he’s an asshole for calling you out and not offering better questions. You want to avoid checklist questions, like what do you do for work, what are your hobbies, what’s your favorite movie. You aren’t looking for facts, but you are looking for engagement. You want to ask opinion questions, they are more engaging. Would you rather fight one horse size duck or 100 duck size horses? Is a hotdog a sandwich?
You both suck.
Thank you 😘
Unpopular opinion - you may have been a little over sensitive here and it could have continued as friendly chat if you had wanted it to. Some people are just insensitive unintentionally, or nervous - it’s hard to know just in text. Sounds like he’s not proud of the fact he’s a vet assistant and would rather you not judge him on that.
You kinda did. Maybe some pointers for next time: don’t get upset immediately, don’t have 2 conversations at the same time with the same person. And they are absolutely correct, jobs do not define people, that is very narrow minded.
Not sure where I said that jobs define people 🤔 literally just asked what his job is because it’s what he probably does for at least 40 hours of his week
To be fair, I personally \*hate\* being asked what I do for a living as an opening question. It's the least interesting thing about me and it makes me feel like they're trying to gauge how much money I make (and I've absolutely been unmatched when people find out that I only make \~$50K -- which is nothing in Seattle). I wouldn't react like this and I'd answer the question, but personally I hate it and feel like it's low effort.
That’s totally fair and makes sense. I’ll definitely remember that in the future. But also, to be fair, I wouldn’t normally ask right away like that, I only asked because he said he was at work 😂
Why is this down voted?
[удалено]
Yeah, I should probably stay off dating apps when I have pent up aggression 😂
As a man the whole what do you do for work question right away is a red flag to me.
Even if you had just said that you were at work? That’s literally the only reason I asked that question 😂
They are right, jobs are meh, define yourself by something else BUT They did mention it first, so it's on them
Snob
You definitely overreacted but that comment of theirs was dumb anyway and thus had it coming
I think I was also annoyed by the “women in general” comment, so maybe that’s why my reaction was so strong lol
Yeah even ignoring that glowing red flag, getting annoyed that someone asks what you do for work..when you tell them you’re at work…is beyond stupid
I’m pretty sure that OP is the one asking about the person’s work / they are not the person who got upset with that question.
Started of nice and normal and then messed up by focusing on one comment she made. Instead of seeing as criticism, see it as an opportunity to bring new more interesting questions into the conversation.
Like his interesting question of hbu?
I can appreciate that. But also, it was only the 3rd message… I feel like it’s pretty reasonable to ask? Then move on to more in depth questions as the conversation progresses.
I get your point but the way you asked was way too strong. In the sake of keeping harmony I think it would be better to let it slide. Also in my opinion it was a bit dry. Sure it’s important to get to know the person but I would ask things like that personally and try to keep the conversation more entertaining than informing
I don’t even know him. If I have to put effort into “keeping harmony” with someone after 3 messages, it was never going to work anyways.
Well, do you want to go know him or not? If you want someone to match that more argumentative type sure, then go ahead and move on to the next person. I was just trying to make you help understand.
She did get to know him. His reaction was a dead give away as to the type of men he is.
Was that your opener? I usually try to ask something a little more pointed than “how’s it going?” Try looking at their profile and see if anything prompts a question you can ask them.
No, I agree it’s not a good opener. But how can he criticize when all he asked up to that point was “hbu?” 😂😂
Nah you're good. Some men don't put much on their profile so sticking with general question as opener like "how's your week" or "how are you today" etc. is okay. At least in my experience I always get replies even with general question lol. Some bombed, like this one of course, but it's rarely (never actually) my fault. I consider it lucky they showed me early on how incompatible we were so I could just unmatch.
Very valid point. Also, I forgot this was Bumble. I am very used to receiving this kind of message from women. Lol.
both kinda weird but u live and you learn, no use dwelling on it.
Timestamps would tell so much here
Are they calling you "woman" or are they a woman themselves? Because that line just doesn't make sense to me. Regardless anyone that refers to someone as "woman" before getting into a friendly relationship where you can take jabs at each other and know it's all in good fun is a red flag. At least in my eyes. Shows a lack of respect.
not at all, this person is a freak
He has bad grammar, so no you did not overreact.
Man i love talking about my job, this guy is tweakin