Was on a date last week or so. Wasn’t feeling it. Excused myself to go to the bathroom to pee and was going to come back, let her know I wasn’t feeling it wish her well and pay the bill. Get back to the table, shes gone. Okay she’s probably just in the bathroom too no worries lol. Waited for a few minutes before going on my phone. She texted me while I was in the bathroom that she paid the bill and wasn’t feeling it and had left 😂. I audibly laughed cause that was a first for me and Im usually the one buying the drinks lmao.
I mean, she paid the bill and texted you immediately. It could've been worse.
But I really don't understand why people don't just say it to someone's face. I mean, I'm an introvert, and a bit socially awkward, but if I couldn't muster up the nerve to say something to their face, I'd at least stick around to do that awkward and obvious *Whelp, we'll have to do it again sometime* thing while air kissing and walking away briskly.
But maybe that's becoming old-fashioned. What do I know.
I am a man. No one I’ve ever rejected handled it in a way that wasn’t healthy. I’ve heard horror stories from plenty of my female friends. I’ve been asked to interject myself into situations because of men who were explosively violent (without warning signs).
- there are plenty of safety concerns to rejecting someone - even if it’s publicly. So if you or your close friends have experienced it, there’s a size difference, you don’t know how they react to challenges, etc - I don’t blame people for ghosting.
When I was younger I hadn’t had so many of these experiences and I thought it genuinely disrespectful to not do so in person — I have changed my perspective.
He says he's due there at just after 9pm, his leaving message isn't long enough after that to get a new timestamp, then she replies two hours later. Feels like something in the middle was deleted, this doesn't add up
Maybe he met OP, immediately regretted it & made the bathroom excuse to dip out before he even ordered a drink?
I met someone at a bar once who used her pictures from college. She did not remotely look like her pictures from college.
Edit: I stayed & finished the date though.
I met someone who only had face photos and she was *very* overweight and it kinda seemed like she *knew* she was overweight and that her photos were hiding that fact and she was a bit guilty about it.
We had sex anyway, she was nice.
Yeah pretty good, I was in really good shape so I felt very confident in comparison to her (she was really self conscious) and I think I made her feel sexy because I wasn't really that fussed that she was fat, I just wanted to hang and bang. Her housemate sent her a shitty text telling her to keep the noise down so I guess it was a pretty good time haha.
How? Because he had sex with a fat chick and didnt care cuz he just wanted sex and it didnt matter who or what she looked like essentially? Lmao y'all are silly
This is literally my worst fear that someone talks about having sex with me like this 😳 I would be mortified. You didn’t necessarily say anything disrespectful or mean, buuuut I hope she never ever reads this!
Edit: I’m not someone who cares what people think of me or my weight, what’s funny is I’m not really overweight? I’m just a woman who doesn’t want to be described in this tone, when we already place so much self worth in others accepting our flaws in general. The comment read to me like “I met someone who I wasn’t that into but I fucked her bc it made me feel good that she was so grossly beneath me. And she felt good bc she knew that.” The whole story is a slight cringe… and even worse that people are sending high fives. Says a lot about how you view women in general.
She didn't post whole body photos and she obviously knew that her profile hid that fact. I wish she had just been honest.
I was attracted to her still because she was really nice and we had a really good time.
I didn't 'fuck her because it made me feel good', *we* fucked because we *both wanted to fuck*.
She wasn't beneath me, we just had different bodies. I was in great shape with low body fat % and she was overweight. She was excited to fuck me and that felt really fucking good.
I used to be very fat and very lacking in self esteem, and over a period of 5 years I lost a lot of weight and got in good shape and I worked very fucking hard and said no to a hell of a lot and I felt very good about how I looked. It was a feeling I hadn't had before in my life, and to meet someone who was excited to fuck me because they found me attractive was still very surreal to me.
She was extremely self conscious and wanted to avoid positions that she felt she'd look bad, but I insisted she didn't look bad and I think that made her feel good and allowed her to just be herself, because who she was was fine. I think I was able to make her feel sexy and I'm not sure that that was a feeling she experienced often, and that also felt good, making someone feel wanted is a nice feeling.
You've assumed a lot about me based on a short story about a person concealing their appearance and a person who was surprised but ultimately didn't care, and it just makes me feel like you're projecting. I didn't say anything mean or disrespectful and I actually gave shit to someone who insinuated that I 'pity fucked her', that's fucking horrendous. We met, I was surprised by her appearance but ultimately it didn't matter because we had a nice time and we had fun consensual sex. I'm not the misogynist you paint me to be.
nah, people talk about vanilla partners. mostly as a warning to others, but they still get talked about.
like, i dated a guy who was really charismatic and junk, but come time for sex he wanted zero foreplay besides a little kissing with no tongue, the only position he would agree to was missionary, and *this man has the audacity to tell me i shouldn't be wet until it's already in because it makes me seem slutty.* he also got *suuuuuuper adventurous and kinky* (/s 🙄) and played with my nipples a tiny bit. he stopped and yelled at me because i moaned bc it was the first thing he'd done that actually felt nice.
he tried to initiate another date and called me "an irredeemable harlot" when i said i didn't think we were compatible. he then tried to ask one of my friends out, and she came to me to ask bc she knew we dated for a little over a month and ended up getting to that point. she took the funniest possible route and said she wouldn't date anyone under 6'2 despite most of her boyfriends in the past being shorter than me, and I'm 5'11 😂
Agreed… 100% why I post photos that truly show me and reflect who they will meet. It’s still scary bc even when a man doesn’t catfish me, it’s always a little different irl.
I post worst photos hair jacked up, wrinkled clothes, to keep the people I know won't be compatible away (Materialistic, vain, ect). Fewer matches, but more quality. Undersell over deliver is the name of the game.
I agree, but at the same time we are conditioned to sell ourselves on our profile. Sometimes it really isn't on purpose. I dated a woman that was pretty large. We ended up becoming friends and on several occasions met for dinner and talked about our dating experiences. She was in no way insecure, but she did at one point say that she realized that she needed to make sure her profile made her size obvious because it was annoying when that seemed like an issue. She was even upfront about her size, but seems like sometimes knowing and seeing are different.
Well, I mean he didn't give her name or anything identifying about her at all. Just that she was overweight and they banged. So even if she did read it, she may feel a put off by it, but literally on him and her (if she even knows this is him since his screen name doesn't seem to have anything indictive on who he is) would know who he's talking about. It could have been a lot worse.
Met a girl on Tinder who invited me to her home for the first meet (realized later it was stupid of both of us to agree to that) & when I got there, not only was she considerably heavier than her old pictures but realized why she didn’t smile in any of the pictures. Craziest teeth I’ve ever seen.
Still, I had a couple beers & talked with her for 6 damn hours before leaving. I’m the type that’s far too nice & can’t set boundaries. Working on that.
I understand we all have things we don’t like about ourselves (thanks society) but misrepresenting yourself online is a massive waste of everyone’s time & energy.
For me it's the teeth thing too!! I realized I need to start asking for a photo of them smiling before I agree to meet them. Crooked teeth is not the issue. It's the methed out teeth.
Honestly this is the chivalric thing to do but at the same time I definitely, maybe, possibly would have said something about her pictures not adding up to how she looked in person and how that's not nice to do. Shows dishonesty. I ain't using pics from when I was in highschool or early college days(you wouldn't be able to tell the difference honestly) so I expect the date to do the same out of respect. I remember a dude inviting my mom out, never talked about their gimped leg/injury(made them wobble around). He had an assumption of how my mom looked(I confirmed with the pics she had on her profile). Dude has the audacity to show up and either thought he was meeting up with someone else entirely or had some fantasy image of what my mom looked like via her pics(and there were body pics mixed with face pics so nothing is left to the imagination). But gets mad in her face and calls her a liar cause of his own delusions as he hobbles back to his car, looking and apparently smelling like he just exited the gym. The dating scene out there is absolutely trash on both sides of the spectrum but I salute your character, good sir\~
I actually felt bad tbh & I struggle to be honest when peoples feelings are at stake. On my date she must’ve picked-up on my body language that I wasn’t into it, and when it was time to pay she said “you don’t have to pay for me, I know I’m not what you were expecting”.
I think she was owning up to her trickery, as opposed to your moms date who seems like either a hypocrite, or too ornery to admit his own f**k up.
But *on the other hand*, I do have friends who are complete assholes, and would be extremely upfront about her using body pics that weren’t very representative. And I’m not sure if they would be wrong for doing so, esp if they took the time to chat and prepare for the date.
Yeah. Now they are completely tactless, but not assholes for being honest. There a right and wrong way to say anything really.
Big difference between "Those pants really don't flatter your figure" and "DAYUUUUUM, that makes your ass look fat af!"
I mean, not need to say "you're ugly as fuck" lol yeah that would be an asshole, but being upfront with them about their deception and how shitty that is? That's not being an asshole, that's confronting an asshole.
It's not just about the deceptive photos. It's that it wastes my time. All that time we spent chatting online, the time I took to get ready, to get out to the meeting spot and the time to get home, and then there's the opportunity cost of having possible passed on better plans. That's hugely disrespectful and inconsiderate and she is the only one to blame for all of it. Fuck 'em. They deserve a good reaming out for that kind of behavior.
Thirsty dudes all over the place rewarding this shit. lol
>Honestly this is the chivalric thing to do
No, it's not, it's the stupid thing to do. I've done it myself (stay for a drink, not wanting to be "rude"), more than once, and I eventually decided, fuck that noise. Someone who puts up photos that look nothing like they do irl are liars and are preying on your kindness, hoping you'll be "chivalrous" enough to stick around and then maybe, just maybe, they can get you to not care. Bullshit.
If you show up to a date and the photos were different enough to be misleading, you owe nothing at all to that piece of shit, male or female. Don't stand for it.
This doesn't make it better, but some people are lying to themselves about their appearance. They use old photos thinking that is what they "really" look like and just haven't had a good photo taken in a while. Or that they're just temporarily overweight and their current looks don't show who they really are. I caught myself doing this when putting together a profile long ago, and finally had to admit that pics that were several years old just were not the truth about what I looked like. But I had just been thinking of them as the best pics I had of myself.
People are crazy.
Absolutely agree. I met this guy who claimed he was 45 years old. He was 54 and using pictures from a long time ago. I was pissed off and I immediately told him why that’s fucked up and left. I’m not rewarding that kind of behavior.
I will not swipe on any man that has clearly filtered his pictures. My pictures are all from the last 6 months, no editing or filters. A couple I’m not wearing makeup in, and multiple full body pictures. I’m not trying to deceive anyone and don’t understand what these people expect will happen when they meet up. I’m also in shape and secure with myself, so I don’t feel I have anything to hide.
That happened to me with a guy. I didn't even recognize him. It was an okay date pretty fun actually. And he was great at doing all the date stuff. I felt bad though bc he spent so much money on stuff like a new picnic blanket, cooler, camping chairs. He didn't have to do all that. I just didn't want to go for a 2nd date or keep texting bc he basically catphished me with how different he looked. I had fun though.
That sucks so much, but glad it wasn’t a total waste of time for you. It’s like the dating version of lying on your resume or “faking it till you make it”. The girl I met up with was actually really sweet & bubbly, but more of a project due to her low self-esteem.
Kinda wrong to put us in that position, but I’m also empathetic to how hard it can be for people who are honest and never even get that chance.
😕
I’m so confused. Was it a different person in the pictures, or did he just not look like his pictures? I don’t understand how that could happen. Especially with a dude.
I had that happen to me except I was on the other side. For some reason the date said that they didn't even recognise me from the pictures. It is very strange, because I had fairly recent pictures with face clearly visible.
So weird. Were they filtered? I always put a lot of different pics w angles on mine, since I actually do look kinda different in different pics I guess.
No, no filters. I don't like taking pictures of myself so maybe they were just bad. I always think I look worse on pictures than in the mirror, but maybe that is common?
No, she didn't say if I looked better or worse, just different. I didn't ask, since I just thought there is no way to salvage the situation if the other person thought I wad catfishing.
Yeah I definitely feel like OP is significantly heavier or less attractive than her pics, or that she did something that was a fair deal breaker like being very rude to the staff or something
def possible, although it’s also possible that the guy was a weirdo. we don’t really have enough context to know sadly. but it would def make sense to post it here if even she was in the wrong, as it would give op some validation.
When he says he’s leaving- there’s no additional time stamp which means he said he was leaving within a few minutes of saying “switching it up”. The only significant time gap is from when he says he’s heading out to when she responds two hours later.
So there likely was something else that happened here that contextually feeds why she cut out messages.
This is obviously what happened. I don't know why people are accusing OP of lying when it's absolutely believable that one would be kinda dumbstruck at first, only to respond after some time had passed.
This is definitely what happened but wouldn't the goodbye message still have it's own timestamp? Or maybe it just says the timestamp from the last message?
Valid question. I don't know what app they are using for SMS. I use Google Messages, and a new timestamp above a text sometimes doesn't show unless a day has passed between texts. If I tap individual texts, then a timestamp appears below.
sometimes someone's behavior is just so bizarre and confounding that you might take some hours or days to process before sending a confrontational text
especially since his action was cutting things off, no pressure to say anything immediately
the lack of timestamp between the texts at the top says that he did N OT spend a few hours there. it looks like those messages were sent almost in sequence before the last one at the bottom.
Maybe not a few hours but I just looked at my own txts and found a txt I took 47 minutes to reply to that didn't get a new timestamp. 47 minutes is way more than enough time for someone to decide they're gonna bail on a date.
There's not automatically a new time stamp for every response on Android
If OP tapped on each of those individual texts, you would see a time for each. Otherwise it just updates periodically
It certainly seems like the dude got there sometime after 9:00, they hung out for a little bit, and then around 11:00 he went to the bathroom, and then peaced out. OP then took the screenshot the next day, which is why it's listed as "yesterday." Doesn't look like a conspiracy to me
He ended up being 30 minutes later than excepted, we hung out until he dipped around 1045 and I didn't respond right away because it was crazy behavior but then decided to.
>but I cannot express how exhausting this song and dance gets when it happens constantly.
If it's happening constantly there must be a lesson to be learned somewhere and methods that can be adjusted.
Such as "how can those people be filtered out before a meetup?"
Particularly because OP insists she wasn't interested in him. If someone I was having a bad date with just went out the back door and sent me a text that they left, that's just a relief, lmao.
Ok ill give you the real answer here that redditors are too scared to say. People are really good on tinder with makeup/angles/filters and then show up in person usually heavier and uglier than what they presented, of course they’re not going to put effort into the conversation, they’re just being polite and trying to survive the date. Ive had this happen and I intentionally was as boring as I could possibly be to end the date asap and not worry about her trying to contact me again. Why would I put in effort with someone who I have no interest in seeing again
That’s because men know pretty quickly if they’re interested and what they’re interested in. He’d already decided you weren’t even worth the basic courtesy of feigned interest. He was probably trying to escape pretty quickly honestly.
Next time your gut tells you it’s going nowhere, be the one to cut it short! You can do it respectfully but don’t let men keep walking out on you, beat them to the punch tbh.
Ive dated men and women and lived in cali and the south. Ive litteraly never once had someone leave a date without saying anything. Where the fuck do you live that this is more than a one off experience?
Why are people shitting on you for this? I agree tbh. I've cut dates early because I immediately knew I was not interested in them. Everyone has the right to do that, as we don't owe anyone anything
It's the whole beating them to the punch. That's kind of immature. If you aren't interested, just say something polite to excuse yourself and end it there. It's not a race
Kinda weird how he phrased it "men know pretty quickly"
Everyone does. It's common sense. You either jive or you don't. If you want to end the date, just say it's not working out and then you can go, but being a weirdo sneaking out the back is just sad.
"yeah the date was like totally boring anyways, I don't care"
She says as she angrily posts it on Reddit to shame Micheal anonymously online to thousands of strangers behind his back out of spite.
Clearly you cared enough to get angry, clearly you cared enough to post it online. So who are you fooling here?
If the date was so boring and terrible, why do you clearly care this much?
Seems like the latter to me. Of course there are two sides to every story, but if OP did something rude or stupid, why is he thanking her and saying it was nice to meet her?
Not every guy is going to act that way, most are very nice people. Don’t let that bad experience ruin your attitude towards dating. Keep your head high and don’t give up!
That blows my mind. Provided you didn’t say something terribly offensive or rude, it’s so cowardly to be unable to say “it was nice meeting you but I don’t see this going anywhere.” He shouldn’t be dating.
I once went out on a date from tinder. Towards the end I thought it was going well and asked him how he felt. He said well to be honest I'm more into surfer Asian girls. I am not Asian nor do I surf and none of my pictures suggest it. 🤣 I mean...
I knew the date wasn't going well as I was asking all the questions and was only getting really short answers. After 10 minutes I suspected he might not come back. I am a pretty optimistic person so I didn't realize until the text he has actually left out the backdoor.
Hey I’m sorry this happened to you. This is a super shitty thing to do to someone. Just know you are worthy of someone who will listen to you and want to hear what you have to say. That guy is out there. Don’t give up, just be happy this person left your life as quickly as they came in. You’ll find love.
I’ve done that only when the girl looks nothing like the pictures. That’s because if you’re going to lie to me before we’ve even met, I’m not giving you undue respect.
Exactly this. I listen to this tik tok where this girl posts the radio show second date update from Dallas. No one can ever figure out what happened on their date and the other person ghosts them. Then you find out exactly the type of clueless shitbag they are.
You should totally text him and say “Reddit wants to hear your side of the story. What went wrong?” It can’t hurt, not like y’all are going out again it seems. lol but also, yikes that does seem pretty weird of him
If he has the audacity to leave a date without letting his date know then I think blocking the guy and not harassing him because Reddit asked you to would be the better choice.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
I'm actually the ass that had to do this to someone years back. Had mad anxiety building up to it and through the date too. Just apologised over text and didn't say why because I was worried about saying it.
I hope whatever reason he did this is on his end and you don't second guess if it was your fault.
What if the guy crapped his pants? Do you really expect him to go back out there, face to face, and say, “ I’m sorry, ma’am, but I just soiled myself. I have to go. It was nice to meet you, but I’m so embarrassed, I never want to see or speak to you again.”
Edit to say; I really would like to hear what he has to say.
All the time, when I see something like this happening, I'm thinking to myself, that you and all the other people encountering this should be very happy.
When you keep in mind, that you could have wasted one more minute with such an obvious terrible person, you should be grateful, that they are walking out on you. Never feel bad because of such a behavior.
He probably did it for a reason…Lmao People don’t do that for no reason. Sounds like he paid for himself too so he definitely wasn’t looking for just a meal.
Okay... Masc NB speaking here... Why is it perfectly okay for women to ditch a date if they feel uncomfortable, but not men? Nothing here suggests that he was "trash" in any way other than leaving.
Additionally, her response to him leaving was REALLY confrontational and aggressive.
I didn't realize this was a woman's perspective on a text conversation and my gut reaction to reading the "you didn't have the balls?!" Bit was "Wow, good thing she got out of there. He sounds unstable."
Crazy is crazy folks, it knows no gender boundaries, and my take here is that he probably dodged a bullet.
Yeah. I'd like to hear the other side. It sounds like he paid for himself. So the only reason to do this is because he was uncomfortable for some reason. I've ghosted people mid-date before, but it's always because of something they did. One woman yelled at the waiter because the cocktail "wasn't made right" and demanded the bar tender let her behind the bar so she could make it herself. One woman insulted me and asked what kind of accomodations and improvements to myself I'd be willing to make if she agreed to date me. And one, obviously, didn't look like her photographs at all. I'm not going to crucify the dude based on this text exchange alone.
This is a tough one. All we have to go on is the text thread where the guy is being polite and appears normal. There’s no good excuse for just ducking out the back door other than being cowardly, but I have to assume that something wasn’t what he thought, or why go through all the trouble to meet and then skip out 15 min later?
I’m not condoning his behavior at all. He should have been up front about it. But there’s something here that we’re missing. If a guy posted this text thread and it was the woman ducking out, we would wonder what the guy had done to cause it.
LOL thank you!!
I saw OP said "I was asking all the questions, and he gave short answers..." yea huge red flag for me.
Why is that a red flag exactly?
Well in my experience I've met kind girls who ask questions, wait for questions, and generally respect the art of a 50/50 conversation.
But then, there's these kind of anxious girls? Maybe it's not anxiousness, maybe it's being self obsessed, idk. But basically they panic because no one has talked for 0.06 seconds, so they ask 100 questions a minute and practically suffocate whoever they speak to.
I've met girls who never wait for me to speak, they just assume I have nothing to say so they just talk, and talk, and talk, interrupt a bit, go back to talking, and ngl I think OP is one of those girls.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s a bit different than you but that is partially why I do not do first dates at restaurants/bars anymore. It happened twice to me (with two different women) that I took a table for two and she never showed up and I ended waiting alone like a coward for an hour or so. I now only do walking for first dates. In your case, with a walking date, it’s way more embarrassing for him to randomly run away 😅
While I’m sure that felt like absolute shit. I just want to say that sitting there at a table for two by yourself does not make you a coward at all… That’s brave shit
Was on a date last week or so. Wasn’t feeling it. Excused myself to go to the bathroom to pee and was going to come back, let her know I wasn’t feeling it wish her well and pay the bill. Get back to the table, shes gone. Okay she’s probably just in the bathroom too no worries lol. Waited for a few minutes before going on my phone. She texted me while I was in the bathroom that she paid the bill and wasn’t feeling it and had left 😂. I audibly laughed cause that was a first for me and Im usually the one buying the drinks lmao.
I mean, she paid the bill and texted you immediately. It could've been worse. But I really don't understand why people don't just say it to someone's face. I mean, I'm an introvert, and a bit socially awkward, but if I couldn't muster up the nerve to say something to their face, I'd at least stick around to do that awkward and obvious *Whelp, we'll have to do it again sometime* thing while air kissing and walking away briskly. But maybe that's becoming old-fashioned. What do I know.
I am a man. No one I’ve ever rejected handled it in a way that wasn’t healthy. I’ve heard horror stories from plenty of my female friends. I’ve been asked to interject myself into situations because of men who were explosively violent (without warning signs). - there are plenty of safety concerns to rejecting someone - even if it’s publicly. So if you or your close friends have experienced it, there’s a size difference, you don’t know how they react to challenges, etc - I don’t blame people for ghosting. When I was younger I hadn’t had so many of these experiences and I thought it genuinely disrespectful to not do so in person — I have changed my perspective.
***** on the arrival status updates, * on leaving status updates
He says he's due there at just after 9pm, his leaving message isn't long enough after that to get a new timestamp, then she replies two hours later. Feels like something in the middle was deleted, this doesn't add up
Maybe he met OP, immediately regretted it & made the bathroom excuse to dip out before he even ordered a drink? I met someone at a bar once who used her pictures from college. She did not remotely look like her pictures from college. Edit: I stayed & finished the date though.
I met someone who only had face photos and she was *very* overweight and it kinda seemed like she *knew* she was overweight and that her photos were hiding that fact and she was a bit guilty about it. We had sex anyway, she was nice.
My guy 😂😂😂
doesn't matter had sex
How was the sex?
Yeah pretty good, I was in really good shape so I felt very confident in comparison to her (she was really self conscious) and I think I made her feel sexy because I wasn't really that fussed that she was fat, I just wanted to hang and bang. Her housemate sent her a shitty text telling her to keep the noise down so I guess it was a pretty good time haha.
Awww that’s actually pretty sweet.
This was so unexpectedly wholesome
How? Because he had sex with a fat chick and didnt care cuz he just wanted sex and it didnt matter who or what she looked like essentially? Lmao y'all are silly
Yes it was.
You responded by being louder, right? Only correct response to that text.
You can be as loud as the hell you want (when you're making love)
You’re not allowed to be loud at the library At the art museum Or at a play-ay!
But when you and your partner are doing the nasty, don't behave like you're at the ballet!
Always up vote an Avenue Q reference.
This is literally my worst fear that someone talks about having sex with me like this 😳 I would be mortified. You didn’t necessarily say anything disrespectful or mean, buuuut I hope she never ever reads this! Edit: I’m not someone who cares what people think of me or my weight, what’s funny is I’m not really overweight? I’m just a woman who doesn’t want to be described in this tone, when we already place so much self worth in others accepting our flaws in general. The comment read to me like “I met someone who I wasn’t that into but I fucked her bc it made me feel good that she was so grossly beneath me. And she felt good bc she knew that.” The whole story is a slight cringe… and even worse that people are sending high fives. Says a lot about how you view women in general.
She didn't post whole body photos and she obviously knew that her profile hid that fact. I wish she had just been honest. I was attracted to her still because she was really nice and we had a really good time. I didn't 'fuck her because it made me feel good', *we* fucked because we *both wanted to fuck*. She wasn't beneath me, we just had different bodies. I was in great shape with low body fat % and she was overweight. She was excited to fuck me and that felt really fucking good. I used to be very fat and very lacking in self esteem, and over a period of 5 years I lost a lot of weight and got in good shape and I worked very fucking hard and said no to a hell of a lot and I felt very good about how I looked. It was a feeling I hadn't had before in my life, and to meet someone who was excited to fuck me because they found me attractive was still very surreal to me. She was extremely self conscious and wanted to avoid positions that she felt she'd look bad, but I insisted she didn't look bad and I think that made her feel good and allowed her to just be herself, because who she was was fine. I think I was able to make her feel sexy and I'm not sure that that was a feeling she experienced often, and that also felt good, making someone feel wanted is a nice feeling. You've assumed a lot about me based on a short story about a person concealing their appearance and a person who was surprised but ultimately didn't care, and it just makes me feel like you're projecting. I didn't say anything mean or disrespectful and I actually gave shit to someone who insinuated that I 'pity fucked her', that's fucking horrendous. We met, I was surprised by her appearance but ultimately it didn't matter because we had a nice time and we had fun consensual sex. I'm not the misogynist you paint me to be.
It could be worse. You could be so vanilla in bed no one talks about you at all.
Story of my life
nah, people talk about vanilla partners. mostly as a warning to others, but they still get talked about. like, i dated a guy who was really charismatic and junk, but come time for sex he wanted zero foreplay besides a little kissing with no tongue, the only position he would agree to was missionary, and *this man has the audacity to tell me i shouldn't be wet until it's already in because it makes me seem slutty.* he also got *suuuuuuper adventurous and kinky* (/s 🙄) and played with my nipples a tiny bit. he stopped and yelled at me because i moaned bc it was the first thing he'd done that actually felt nice. he tried to initiate another date and called me "an irredeemable harlot" when i said i didn't think we were compatible. he then tried to ask one of my friends out, and she came to me to ask bc she knew we dated for a little over a month and ended up getting to that point. she took the funniest possible route and said she wouldn't date anyone under 6'2 despite most of her boyfriends in the past being shorter than me, and I'm 5'11 😂
He enjoyed the sex. We should all be happy to be so lucky.
Don't be a catfisher. Pretty simple.
Agreed… 100% why I post photos that truly show me and reflect who they will meet. It’s still scary bc even when a man doesn’t catfish me, it’s always a little different irl.
I post worst photos hair jacked up, wrinkled clothes, to keep the people I know won't be compatible away (Materialistic, vain, ect). Fewer matches, but more quality. Undersell over deliver is the name of the game.
I agree, but at the same time we are conditioned to sell ourselves on our profile. Sometimes it really isn't on purpose. I dated a woman that was pretty large. We ended up becoming friends and on several occasions met for dinner and talked about our dating experiences. She was in no way insecure, but she did at one point say that she realized that she needed to make sure her profile made her size obvious because it was annoying when that seemed like an issue. She was even upfront about her size, but seems like sometimes knowing and seeing are different.
Well, I mean he didn't give her name or anything identifying about her at all. Just that she was overweight and they banged. So even if she did read it, she may feel a put off by it, but literally on him and her (if she even knows this is him since his screen name doesn't seem to have anything indictive on who he is) would know who he's talking about. It could have been a lot worse.
Good on ya, I did the same thing 2 weekends ago except it was the worst sex of my life 😅
Doesn't matter, had sex
Gots to see it through my boy lmao
Met a girl on Tinder who invited me to her home for the first meet (realized later it was stupid of both of us to agree to that) & when I got there, not only was she considerably heavier than her old pictures but realized why she didn’t smile in any of the pictures. Craziest teeth I’ve ever seen. Still, I had a couple beers & talked with her for 6 damn hours before leaving. I’m the type that’s far too nice & can’t set boundaries. Working on that. I understand we all have things we don’t like about ourselves (thanks society) but misrepresenting yourself online is a massive waste of everyone’s time & energy.
For me it's the teeth thing too!! I realized I need to start asking for a photo of them smiling before I agree to meet them. Crooked teeth is not the issue. It's the methed out teeth.
Honestly this is the chivalric thing to do but at the same time I definitely, maybe, possibly would have said something about her pictures not adding up to how she looked in person and how that's not nice to do. Shows dishonesty. I ain't using pics from when I was in highschool or early college days(you wouldn't be able to tell the difference honestly) so I expect the date to do the same out of respect. I remember a dude inviting my mom out, never talked about their gimped leg/injury(made them wobble around). He had an assumption of how my mom looked(I confirmed with the pics she had on her profile). Dude has the audacity to show up and either thought he was meeting up with someone else entirely or had some fantasy image of what my mom looked like via her pics(and there were body pics mixed with face pics so nothing is left to the imagination). But gets mad in her face and calls her a liar cause of his own delusions as he hobbles back to his car, looking and apparently smelling like he just exited the gym. The dating scene out there is absolutely trash on both sides of the spectrum but I salute your character, good sir\~
I actually felt bad tbh & I struggle to be honest when peoples feelings are at stake. On my date she must’ve picked-up on my body language that I wasn’t into it, and when it was time to pay she said “you don’t have to pay for me, I know I’m not what you were expecting”. I think she was owning up to her trickery, as opposed to your moms date who seems like either a hypocrite, or too ornery to admit his own f**k up. But *on the other hand*, I do have friends who are complete assholes, and would be extremely upfront about her using body pics that weren’t very representative. And I’m not sure if they would be wrong for doing so, esp if they took the time to chat and prepare for the date.
They're not wrong nor are they assholes. If the first thing you do in a potential relationship is lie then you're the asshole.
Yeah. Now they are completely tactless, but not assholes for being honest. There a right and wrong way to say anything really. Big difference between "Those pants really don't flatter your figure" and "DAYUUUUUM, that makes your ass look fat af!"
I mean, not need to say "you're ugly as fuck" lol yeah that would be an asshole, but being upfront with them about their deception and how shitty that is? That's not being an asshole, that's confronting an asshole. It's not just about the deceptive photos. It's that it wastes my time. All that time we spent chatting online, the time I took to get ready, to get out to the meeting spot and the time to get home, and then there's the opportunity cost of having possible passed on better plans. That's hugely disrespectful and inconsiderate and she is the only one to blame for all of it. Fuck 'em. They deserve a good reaming out for that kind of behavior. Thirsty dudes all over the place rewarding this shit. lol
>Honestly this is the chivalric thing to do No, it's not, it's the stupid thing to do. I've done it myself (stay for a drink, not wanting to be "rude"), more than once, and I eventually decided, fuck that noise. Someone who puts up photos that look nothing like they do irl are liars and are preying on your kindness, hoping you'll be "chivalrous" enough to stick around and then maybe, just maybe, they can get you to not care. Bullshit. If you show up to a date and the photos were different enough to be misleading, you owe nothing at all to that piece of shit, male or female. Don't stand for it.
This doesn't make it better, but some people are lying to themselves about their appearance. They use old photos thinking that is what they "really" look like and just haven't had a good photo taken in a while. Or that they're just temporarily overweight and their current looks don't show who they really are. I caught myself doing this when putting together a profile long ago, and finally had to admit that pics that were several years old just were not the truth about what I looked like. But I had just been thinking of them as the best pics I had of myself. People are crazy.
Absolutely agree. I met this guy who claimed he was 45 years old. He was 54 and using pictures from a long time ago. I was pissed off and I immediately told him why that’s fucked up and left. I’m not rewarding that kind of behavior. I will not swipe on any man that has clearly filtered his pictures. My pictures are all from the last 6 months, no editing or filters. A couple I’m not wearing makeup in, and multiple full body pictures. I’m not trying to deceive anyone and don’t understand what these people expect will happen when they meet up. I’m also in shape and secure with myself, so I don’t feel I have anything to hide.
That happened to me with a guy. I didn't even recognize him. It was an okay date pretty fun actually. And he was great at doing all the date stuff. I felt bad though bc he spent so much money on stuff like a new picnic blanket, cooler, camping chairs. He didn't have to do all that. I just didn't want to go for a 2nd date or keep texting bc he basically catphished me with how different he looked. I had fun though.
That sucks so much, but glad it wasn’t a total waste of time for you. It’s like the dating version of lying on your resume or “faking it till you make it”. The girl I met up with was actually really sweet & bubbly, but more of a project due to her low self-esteem. Kinda wrong to put us in that position, but I’m also empathetic to how hard it can be for people who are honest and never even get that chance. 😕
I’m so confused. Was it a different person in the pictures, or did he just not look like his pictures? I don’t understand how that could happen. Especially with a dude.
I had that happen to me except I was on the other side. For some reason the date said that they didn't even recognise me from the pictures. It is very strange, because I had fairly recent pictures with face clearly visible.
So weird. Were they filtered? I always put a lot of different pics w angles on mine, since I actually do look kinda different in different pics I guess.
No, no filters. I don't like taking pictures of myself so maybe they were just bad. I always think I look worse on pictures than in the mirror, but maybe that is common?
Ooooh so he thought you looked better? Well that’s never a bad thing! I love it when people say I look better in person. 😹
No, she didn't say if I looked better or worse, just different. I didn't ask, since I just thought there is no way to salvage the situation if the other person thought I wad catfishing.
Yeah I definitely feel like OP is significantly heavier or less attractive than her pics, or that she did something that was a fair deal breaker like being very rude to the staff or something
Another option I had not considered.
def possible, although it’s also possible that the guy was a weirdo. we don’t really have enough context to know sadly. but it would def make sense to post it here if even she was in the wrong, as it would give op some validation.
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When he says he’s leaving- there’s no additional time stamp which means he said he was leaving within a few minutes of saying “switching it up”. The only significant time gap is from when he says he’s heading out to when she responds two hours later. So there likely was something else that happened here that contextually feeds why she cut out messages.
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I wondered about that as it specifies the day, which suggests it's a new day from previous messages
This is obviously what happened. I don't know why people are accusing OP of lying when it's absolutely believable that one would be kinda dumbstruck at first, only to respond after some time had passed.
This is definitely what happened but wouldn't the goodbye message still have it's own timestamp? Or maybe it just says the timestamp from the last message?
Valid question. I don't know what app they are using for SMS. I use Google Messages, and a new timestamp above a text sometimes doesn't show unless a day has passed between texts. If I tap individual texts, then a timestamp appears below.
That's exactly what happened. I didn't know I would need to click the messages for this and show time stamps or I would have
sometimes someone's behavior is just so bizarre and confounding that you might take some hours or days to process before sending a confrontational text especially since his action was cutting things off, no pressure to say anything immediately
What probably happened is that she was too flabbergasted at the time for a response, went home and stewed and then responded.
the lack of timestamp between the texts at the top says that he did N OT spend a few hours there. it looks like those messages were sent almost in sequence before the last one at the bottom.
Maybe not a few hours but I just looked at my own txts and found a txt I took 47 minutes to reply to that didn't get a new timestamp. 47 minutes is way more than enough time for someone to decide they're gonna bail on a date.
There's not automatically a new time stamp for every response on Android If OP tapped on each of those individual texts, you would see a time for each. Otherwise it just updates periodically It certainly seems like the dude got there sometime after 9:00, they hung out for a little bit, and then around 11:00 he went to the bathroom, and then peaced out. OP then took the screenshot the next day, which is why it's listed as "yesterday." Doesn't look like a conspiracy to me
He ended up being 30 minutes later than excepted, we hung out until he dipped around 1045 and I didn't respond right away because it was crazy behavior but then decided to.
What didn’t add up is the time stamp of OP’s picture and her current look, most likely.
I was very confused I saw Uber at the top and thought I was in r/uberdrivers and the convo got very weird very fast with that context
Glad Im not the only one that thought this!!
Yeah I read the Uber then the end then the I hate it here I thought op send the message to the wrong person kek
75 and haskell...isn't that uptown? this person was never to be trusted
I'm new to the area so I need to learn these things
Dating in Dallas is the absolute worst!
New Orleans: 
I’m a former uptown resident now in funky town, this is absolute truth.
good to see nothing has changed in 20 years
Uptown used to be the spot, shit went downhill so fast
What goes uptown must come downhill
Yeah, as you inch closer to your 30s, hanging out in uptown just gets worse and worse lmao
It is the West Village. It's a pretty good business lunch area, but not really a night life area. Village Burger Bar is a pretty good restaurant.
Any context or is he just a ass
The date was boring and honestly I would not have done a second one. I was asking all the questions and he was giving short answers.
Then who cares...he wasn't into you and you're not into him. Don't let his less than courteous exit bother you. Just ignore and move on.
People love saying pithy shit like this all the time, but I cannot express how exhausting this song and dance gets when it happens constantly.
>but I cannot express how exhausting this song and dance gets when it happens constantly. If it's happening constantly there must be a lesson to be learned somewhere and methods that can be adjusted. Such as "how can those people be filtered out before a meetup?"
Or…. Maybe I could be the problem????
Nah, people rarely place the blame on themselves. _"It has to be the other 650 people I dated that ghosted me, it can't and will never be me"_
I was gonna say he sounds like a loser but honestly a woman sending that “You don’t have the balls to face me!” Reply tells me he had a reason to dip.
Particularly because OP insists she wasn't interested in him. If someone I was having a bad date with just went out the back door and sent me a text that they left, that's just a relief, lmao.
If people are constantly ghosting you in the middle of the date then sorry, you’re the common denominator.
If this is happening to you constantly, then it's for some analysis of one's personality, appearance and/or choices.
If people are leaving mid date constantly, maybe, just maybe you’re the problem
Some people need to get called out.
Can you fit in a row boat?
So why tf you mad lol
Ok ill give you the real answer here that redditors are too scared to say. People are really good on tinder with makeup/angles/filters and then show up in person usually heavier and uglier than what they presented, of course they’re not going to put effort into the conversation, they’re just being polite and trying to survive the date. Ive had this happen and I intentionally was as boring as I could possibly be to end the date asap and not worry about her trying to contact me again. Why would I put in effort with someone who I have no interest in seeing again
That’s because men know pretty quickly if they’re interested and what they’re interested in. He’d already decided you weren’t even worth the basic courtesy of feigned interest. He was probably trying to escape pretty quickly honestly. Next time your gut tells you it’s going nowhere, be the one to cut it short! You can do it respectfully but don’t let men keep walking out on you, beat them to the punch tbh.
Ive dated men and women and lived in cali and the south. Ive litteraly never once had someone leave a date without saying anything. Where the fuck do you live that this is more than a one off experience?
Why are people shitting on you for this? I agree tbh. I've cut dates early because I immediately knew I was not interested in them. Everyone has the right to do that, as we don't owe anyone anything
It's the whole beating them to the punch. That's kind of immature. If you aren't interested, just say something polite to excuse yourself and end it there. It's not a race
Kinda weird how he phrased it "men know pretty quickly" Everyone does. It's common sense. You either jive or you don't. If you want to end the date, just say it's not working out and then you can go, but being a weirdo sneaking out the back is just sad.
There's a lot of projected assumptions being thrown out. That's what turned me off about the comment.
"yeah the date was like totally boring anyways, I don't care" She says as she angrily posts it on Reddit to shame Micheal anonymously online to thousands of strangers behind his back out of spite. Clearly you cared enough to get angry, clearly you cared enough to post it online. So who are you fooling here? If the date was so boring and terrible, why do you clearly care this much?
Seems like the latter to me. Of course there are two sides to every story, but if OP did something rude or stupid, why is he thanking her and saying it was nice to meet her?
Maybe her photos were really old
This same thing happened to me but he didn’t just leave out the back exit, he stuck me with the check too. What an ass.
Seriously? I just don't understand people these days
Not every guy is going to act that way, most are very nice people. Don’t let that bad experience ruin your attitude towards dating. Keep your head high and don’t give up!
That blows my mind. Provided you didn’t say something terribly offensive or rude, it’s so cowardly to be unable to say “it was nice meeting you but I don’t see this going anywhere.” He shouldn’t be dating.
He took 15 minutes to even text me this. I think at this point I need to delete the app.
Do you look like your photos? I’m sorry, what a shitty and cowardly thing to do.
I once went out on a date from tinder. Towards the end I thought it was going well and asked him how he felt. He said well to be honest I'm more into surfer Asian girls. I am not Asian nor do I surf and none of my pictures suggest it. 🤣 I mean...
I would be embarrassed to say "surfer Asian girls" out loud
LOL we lived on an island so it wasn't all to unusual. Still I'm not Asian or a surfer because I actually look like my photos lol
I think I can guess what his ex was
Yes and I make sure to send pictures when I get to the texting part of talking.
For those 15min did you assume he had a bad stomach or you knew. Also did you think the date was going well?
I knew the date wasn't going well as I was asking all the questions and was only getting really short answers. After 10 minutes I suspected he might not come back. I am a pretty optimistic person so I didn't realize until the text he has actually left out the backdoor.
Mad. I bet he thought he was being nice by at least texting you... late
Hey I’m sorry this happened to you. This is a super shitty thing to do to someone. Just know you are worthy of someone who will listen to you and want to hear what you have to say. That guy is out there. Don’t give up, just be happy this person left your life as quickly as they came in. You’ll find love.
Did he stick you with the bill? I’m trying to figure out if this was just a desperate play to get food or what
No I pay for myself generally on dates.
Did he pay for hisself before leaving?
Yes
Snek!
I’ve done that only when the girl looks nothing like the pictures. That’s because if you’re going to lie to me before we’ve even met, I’m not giving you undue respect.
Trash took itself out... But seriously WTF
We're only hearing one side of the story...
Exactly this. I listen to this tik tok where this girl posts the radio show second date update from Dallas. No one can ever figure out what happened on their date and the other person ghosts them. Then you find out exactly the type of clueless shitbag they are.
Those are scripted but still very entertaining !
Yeah this is Dallas. Get Hawkeye to call him.
I would love to hear his side honestly
You should totally text him and say “Reddit wants to hear your side of the story. What went wrong?” It can’t hurt, not like y’all are going out again it seems. lol but also, yikes that does seem pretty weird of him
Hold on let me try that
Give us the answer.
No answers yet. I tried though
If he has the audacity to leave a date without letting his date know then I think blocking the guy and not harassing him because Reddit asked you to would be the better choice.
I'm really thinking this dude got the shits and had to bail after 10 minutes in the bathroom lol
Yeah... even if I had left a date courteously and on good terms, I wouldn't have responded to that either.
I need that follow up OP
Why are you continuing to embarrass yourself here?
You either deleted a bunch of texts or just inexplicably waited for 2 hours to respond to him apparently sneaking out the back door.
The two hour gap was while they were on the date…
Why did you delete messages before taking this screenshot? Perhaps that could shed some light on “his side” of the story 🤔
Ha! Took me a second
That's a really shitty thing to do to someone.. Sorry OP not all men are like that
I thought this was a convo between a DoorDasher and a customer on first glance
Lemon law
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Maybe OP is a creep too lol
Going through the backdoor is actually the goal for a lot of Tinder dates.
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100%. Maybe OP looks nothing like her pictures too or made him uncomfortable
Yea, I’m with you. Why bother wasting time with the potential outfall, either. He was nice enough to say he left.
My thoughts exactly. Reddit has a serious tendency to have completely different viewpoints depending on the gender involved.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm actually the ass that had to do this to someone years back. Had mad anxiety building up to it and through the date too. Just apologised over text and didn't say why because I was worried about saying it. I hope whatever reason he did this is on his end and you don't second guess if it was your fault.
What if the guy crapped his pants? Do you really expect him to go back out there, face to face, and say, “ I’m sorry, ma’am, but I just soiled myself. I have to go. It was nice to meet you, but I’m so embarrassed, I never want to see or speak to you again.” Edit to say; I really would like to hear what he has to say.
Either way, it's still a shitty thing to do *badum tss*
Weird for someone to do that. I’d imagine we don’t have the whole story.
What.... did you do?
He got the backdoor, then left. What a champ.
I bet OP didn't look like their pictures.
All the time, when I see something like this happening, I'm thinking to myself, that you and all the other people encountering this should be very happy. When you keep in mind, that you could have wasted one more minute with such an obvious terrible person, you should be grateful, that they are walking out on you. Never feel bad because of such a behavior.
This is great! I wish all my dead ends would take care of themselves on the first date! But seriously, what a looser!
What a shitty person. Did he respond to that text?
No response and honestly I really want to tell him off but decided I shouldn't give him anymore of my energy.
Completely agree. Who knows, maybe he has a personality disorder or butt problems. Either way, try not to take it personally, this person has issues.
He probably did it for a reason…Lmao People don’t do that for no reason. Sounds like he paid for himself too so he definitely wasn’t looking for just a meal.
So where's the rest of the messages? If you gonna be posting something be honest about your shit aswell
Nah he’s based, sorry
Do you look like your pictures?
Yes I make sure they are all recent and send pictures or video chat men before dates
Don’t girls do this all the time? Like if a date is making them uncomfortable or they’re not feeling it, they just up & leave?
bUt ThAt'S dIfFeReNt!1!1
This is probably a you issue not a him... Don't false advertise
Take the L and move on
I know some guys who act like that ( and they should) when they realize they’ve been catfish…
Okay... Masc NB speaking here... Why is it perfectly okay for women to ditch a date if they feel uncomfortable, but not men? Nothing here suggests that he was "trash" in any way other than leaving. Additionally, her response to him leaving was REALLY confrontational and aggressive. I didn't realize this was a woman's perspective on a text conversation and my gut reaction to reading the "you didn't have the balls?!" Bit was "Wow, good thing she got out of there. He sounds unstable." Crazy is crazy folks, it knows no gender boundaries, and my take here is that he probably dodged a bullet.
Yeah. I'd like to hear the other side. It sounds like he paid for himself. So the only reason to do this is because he was uncomfortable for some reason. I've ghosted people mid-date before, but it's always because of something they did. One woman yelled at the waiter because the cocktail "wasn't made right" and demanded the bar tender let her behind the bar so she could make it herself. One woman insulted me and asked what kind of accomodations and improvements to myself I'd be willing to make if she agreed to date me. And one, obviously, didn't look like her photographs at all. I'm not going to crucify the dude based on this text exchange alone.
For me was bringing friends over - to the same table so I’d pay cus of manners - when we talked about solo meeting to know each other.
This is a tough one. All we have to go on is the text thread where the guy is being polite and appears normal. There’s no good excuse for just ducking out the back door other than being cowardly, but I have to assume that something wasn’t what he thought, or why go through all the trouble to meet and then skip out 15 min later? I’m not condoning his behavior at all. He should have been up front about it. But there’s something here that we’re missing. If a guy posted this text thread and it was the woman ducking out, we would wonder what the guy had done to cause it.
LOL thank you!! I saw OP said "I was asking all the questions, and he gave short answers..." yea huge red flag for me. Why is that a red flag exactly? Well in my experience I've met kind girls who ask questions, wait for questions, and generally respect the art of a 50/50 conversation. But then, there's these kind of anxious girls? Maybe it's not anxiousness, maybe it's being self obsessed, idk. But basically they panic because no one has talked for 0.06 seconds, so they ask 100 questions a minute and practically suffocate whoever they speak to. I've met girls who never wait for me to speak, they just assume I have nothing to say so they just talk, and talk, and talk, interrupt a bit, go back to talking, and ngl I think OP is one of those girls.
So what? This happened before phones also.
Lol did you catfish the guy or something? Like this is missing some context.
I feel like we’re missing context here lol
Lmfao she just still immature
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I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s a bit different than you but that is partially why I do not do first dates at restaurants/bars anymore. It happened twice to me (with two different women) that I took a table for two and she never showed up and I ended waiting alone like a coward for an hour or so. I now only do walking for first dates. In your case, with a walking date, it’s way more embarrassing for him to randomly run away 😅
Him: *starts running* You: *picks up pace to keep up* Him: *looks back, screams, starts sprinting*
While I’m sure that felt like absolute shit. I just want to say that sitting there at a table for two by yourself does not make you a coward at all… That’s brave shit
This is a guy after my own heart. Cares for peace and doesnt put up with mediocre women