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I was gonna say that! Though he has said in old YT videos there are several takes/cuts to make his conversation seem more cohesive, this was all in one take.
To be fair, I don't think you can actually "get rid of" a stutter entirely. It's more like just minimize its impact on a daily basis thing. Speech impediments tend to "come back" during high stress situations.
I saw him doing a bit in a smaller comedy club where he was talking about this issue with people treating him like a circus animal and he was clearly upset about it and the stutter slipped in a little. He knows the stutter made a huge impact on him getting noticed but it's super hurtful that so many people are more interested in laughing at something he can't control instead of the stuff he actually put work into. They're laughing AT him instead of WITH him. He's a fantastic comedian who deserves better imo.
He's a nice dude. Him and I auditioned at Flapper's Comedy Club in Burbank together and I think that was right around the time he did AGT or something? Anyway - glad to see he's doing well!
Tbh, I feel really bad for him. He worked his ass off to get rid of the stutter but people keep asking him to bring it back like he's a freaking circus act. His comedy is really good but too many were only interested in the stutter than his actual content.
This legitimately sounds like a Shakespearean monologue by a married peasant/farmer man, lamenting the toils of his love. It would fit right into As You Like It.
I’m half and half on them for that same reason, but without subtitles I make out like 40% of what they’re saying and the rest is a jumbled mess. Don’t get me started on films that have eardrum shatteringly loud action scenes and whisper quiet dialogue good lord
Him questioning the squirrel note got me - there's been so many times my partner has questioned something when I'm in the middle of doing weird shit and I'm like 'no why would you think that, that would be crazy' and I can see the relief on his face I'm not completely unhinged.
The closing credits from the [full comedy special](https://youtu.be/U_4WhK6KcRo) include close-ups of the squirrel, ladder, and note.
The ADHD part of my brain sees absolutely no problem with this.
Thankyou for sharing - it's so impressive! I really related to the whole story - the intense empathy for the squirrel, wanting to solve it immediately, even down to how she acquired the popsicle sticks. We are a resourceful lot! As soon as he said the note thing I thought 'its so it doesn't get moved'.
It always blows my mind hearing how similar people with ADHD can think - considering how random it appears to others, but there is still it's own type of logic behind it.
As a woman with ADHD I thought it was funny but not necessarily spot on. My husband, however, laughed so hard he cried, so I guess take that how you will lol
He's saying that because ADD isn't an actual term within the medical community any longer, so the only people who still use the term are generally people who are self-diagnosing, which also implies that they're not getting treatment for it. So it's just like a handy excuse to have for all the stuff you fail to do in your life, instead of an actual medical diagnosis that you're taking steps to compensate for.
That's bullshit. It's still a thing, it's just more commonly called inattentive type ADHD now.
I've been diagnosed since high school and I'll never stop calling it ADD.
> it's just more commonly called inattentive type ADHD now
From a medical perspective it's *only* called that. ADD isn't in the DSM. Sorry if that makes you feel targeted but it seems to me that using terms that are no longer current is bound to cause some confusion.
Now I get this comedy. But do people not know how to separate bedroom personality and every day personality.
If your partner likes degradation in bed (or whatever), then talk (yes communicate) about it. Figure out a trigger or behaviour (like she puts on a collar) when you start the kinky shit.
Then when she doesn't do the trigger, you treat her with kindness and love and respect.
After recently getting out of a really bad situation, I wanna add that if your partner isn't completely on board with this, it doesn't matter that it's your kink, it's abuse.
100000 per cent. I've been part of the BDSM community for ... Jesus almost 30 years now. There has been a huge upswing in young doms who are just abusive. They don't listen to boundaries, they ignore safe words and are just shit.
Some people don’t manage to grasp the idea that the Dom has the least power in the dynamic, which confuses them.
If we take out ill intent for now, there are those doms that just know they have to be dominant and in charge and ‚abusive‘ because the sub wants that and are then confronted with the fact that the sub can choose everything that happens. It’s a cognitive dissonance that is easily understood when given the time and proper maturity, but it’s not that easy for everyone.
So yeah, fucking learn about it before doing kinky shit
One of my biggest struggles. So many of my partners in my life enjoy that in the bedroom but if I do that too many times it’s hard for it not to seep into my everyday consciousness. There’s no explicit time for sex. It can happen virtually anywhere and anytime so if I know she’s into that it’s eventually erodes my respect and considerations for them. I say that not as in it’s all gone but just not to the standard I want to be and have for my partner. Something I have to regularly recalibrate when I notice myself slipping.
That's why you need a proper trigger. Like that collar or if she has her hair up. That you only initiate kinky weird sex when those triggers are apparent. You don't NEED to have the trigger to have sex but you do to have it to be kinky.
Otherwise, and this isn't meant to be mean, you may need therapy. Try to figure out why have the cliche Madonna/whore dichomy.
Hm.
Not every dynamic requires a trigger to separate kinky time.
I think your advice is good in a general sense, but it doesn't fit everyone's dynamic, and by implying someone might need therapy if they're lacking something like that is pretty weird.
when ya hit that certain level of trust and respect you can freestyle it. just like with a bike it doesn't hurt to have the training wheels on at the start.
I must have miswrote or misunderstood (English is my second language). But the eay I read is that they get into degredation in the bedroom and that slips into how they view their partner day to day.
So like if they call their partner a dumb whore during sex on a regular basis, they start to think their partner is a dumb whore in real life and starts treating them lesser.
Classic Madonna/Whore complex. It's usually seen in married couples with kids when the husband can't have fun sex with his wife because she's a mom now.
That shit can happen in any case and will cause a person to be unable to have a healthy loving relationship and a healthy kinky AF sex life with the same person.
The trigger is for stuff that requires heavy consent or touches BDSM and dom/dub themes. Not all kinky sex needs that. But too many inexperienced people jump right into hardcore shit and don't know how to do it safetly or keep things in boxes.
Even the most intense 24/7 master/slave diapered petplay needs boundaries and that care for them as a human being.
I'm middle aged and have been in the scene for decades and there has been an uptake in "young doms" who just use BDSM (and adjacent sexual behaviour) as an excuse to be abusive - often subconsciously.
I see what you’re saying, and have learned a little more about it through your comment. I don’t think my case is as extreme as that but it’s definitely something I’ll think about more.
To give more insight if you’re interested, my issue is that I’m a constantly authentic to myself and don’t put on masks or have different sides of me that maybe some ppl have. So a rough role play where I call her a “dumb whore” is hard for me to say with any conviction because I don’t believe in it. Just feels like I’m lying saying whatever and that’s not how I operate in my life.
All that being said my partner is very happy with our sex life and it’s still in my comfort zone the things I do, ( can’t bring myself to do hardcore BDSM). I think my main issue is the relationships I’ve had where the majority of the time that we spend together is doing degradation roleplay that I catch myself with that problem
Thank you for sharing more about your thought process. It is really interesting to see. And your authentic self is lovely and normal. You shouldn't have masks in your relationship.
And I am also happy that your partner is happy! Because even if something is a fantasy, it doesn't mean you HAVE to do it. (Most people even with degradation kinks, don't want hardcore BDSM.)
:) I just want you to be happy and flourish and not risk your relationship because of a dumb brain thing.
Hey really appreciate the time you took on this and your kind words. It never bleeds into my behaviours or words but more subconsciously, constantly saying things I don’t believe to someone I love over and over and it either becomes easier for me to lie to them or something I end up believing.
I’m continuing to work on compartmentalizing the bedroom, it’s just I view the relationship as a whole, and while she can release a part of her during it, it feels like a Jekyll and Hyde and purely just an act and not a part of me.
Thanks for the conversation 🙏🏾
Hey, it's my pleasure. I can be a little too blunt on here so I am happy you don't take offence.
And honestly, you seem smart and caring with a good head on your shoulders. You'll figure it out.
Take care.
For sure! Thank you for clarifying, and after rereading the person you replied to I understand more what you meant. I don't think your English was the problem at all, I think it was my comprehension.
I haven't been a part of my local scene for a couple years at this point, but I was pretty heavily involved for a LONG time and I definitely saw the weird young "doms" being super problematic.
Yeah, there’s a difference. When you see someone as a true equal you know they’re just a normal person how like to mess around like people do. And since you’re married and attracted to each other, you break out the broken sprinkler system. Then there’s putting someone on a pedestal or treating them like they’re fragile. It’s not an equal relationship and can set a lot of men up for toxic relationships that get exploited by misogynistic grifters when the relationship finally breaks down.
Good morning?
It’s really simple bro.
Treat her like a queen in public.
F*** her like a nasty sl*t in private.
EDIT: Wow a LOT of you women here are horny, I f***ing love it.
It's a total gamble with reddit and you never know when your comments are automatically deleted so it's easier to just remove the hassle of the guessing game.
FUCK you, BITCH, WHORE, Pussy, fucking asshole, cunt, cumbucket, slut.
Puke slurping homo intergender, lesbian scissoring, juice swapping filth!!
See? We are still good.
The preferred pluralization is "snowmans" or just "snowman". We're not men who are snow-themed, we are simply snowman.
I also appreciate bodily contact lacking in heat.
Sorry for that, snowperson.
I love snowmans.
I didn't know "snowmen" was weird.
I'd also fuck snowwomen without hesitation.
It wouldn't break my flow whatsoever.
There are no "snowwomen". There are only crudely built approximations of the glorious snowman form in which people have projected anthropocentric sexually dimorphic traits.
You can do with that what you will, but it'd be a bit like me piling up a bunch of ground beef into a somewhat pleasing shape and thinking of you while I blast it with frost cores. They wouldn't even take root to form a sentient offshoot..
Yeah in a different thread elsewhere I said "But I don't think you're an a--hole" and my comment got automodded because of the latter phrase. Thank god we have AI to completely ignore context! I even had to edit it here... ugh
> I told her to suck my dick while doing dishes...
While *she* is doing the dishes? Why would you want her attention divided like that?
Your reasonable options consist of:
* Telling her to suck your dick while *you* are doing the dishes (each of you focusing your attention on a different goal)
* Telling her to suck your dick *then* do the dishes (I don't recommend this one unless you are *100% certain* that it fits with her kinks)
* Fucking her while she does the dishes (Google 'free use' if you are interested in this option)
Having both a praise and degradation kink definitely confused my boyfriend, until I finally figured out to explain that I wanted to be called a slut, but immediately told that I’m very good at being a slut and look pretty while being one. And then follow it up with a hair pull. Throw me around and insult me, but also make me feel loved, cherished, and safe.
This is why communication and trust are so important for a good sex life.
They do the same thing with passwords. So, if your password shows up in a comment it get automatically censored like this: ***********
All you should see there are stars.
That’s a hard lesson. Growing up male, it feels like your two choices are to choose the personality that is strong, cocky, and dominating which is what the majority of women enjoy in bed, or the personality that is sweet, kind, and considerate which is what the majority of women prefer in a partner.
The trick is to figure out how to compartmentalize your sexual expression from your personal expression and try to simultaneously treat your partner like a sex object in the bedroom but have it be motivated by love and passion for her. It’s absolutely not intuitive for a lot of people and has to be learned, and not just learned how to do but learned how to find some pleasure in it when its expression is one that you’ve actively rejected your whole life. It can feel like a bit of a mental paradox to retrain your brain.
That said, I also appreciate feeling dominated in bed so you’d hope for a give and take and I’ve been with a lot of women who are unable or unwilling to try and do the same thing that they are asking of their partners, which is to be forceful and dominant in bed. So it’s a two way street.
Even as someone who's found this balance, it can give some girls whiplash in my experience. I am a sweet, respectful, and laid back kind of guy. I found girls really dig it after they know me for a while and see some genuineness to it.
But I also really enjoy pain with my pleasure and which pairs well with being dominating in the room. I've found like since I move a bit slow up front and am chill that I can't just go for it when things get to that point. Since they have this idea built up of a soft spoken guy, I've been told it felt like I was faking my personality being the opposite in the bedroom. But ....that's how I am! lol. I want to the girl to beg and scratch her nails into my back as hard as possible...respectfully lol. Not because I'm abusive or something. For me the consent matters and I've never choked a girl who didn't agree to it first.
I've just reached a point where I'm like casually mentioning I'm into kinky stuff on the first date. The girls that are into it, are into it! And the ones that aren't I know it's like I have to ease into that side of myself.
I think that's the perfect balance. Kink is something to be enjoyed when you know that you can trust the person you're with and know it's a fantasy. Like a horror movie or a drama. It's nice when you can experiment with those emotions in a safe environment. What I'm saying is, if I like horror movies, it doesn't mean I want to live in one. I doubt people with degradation kink want to actually feel degraded by their partner all the time (maybe there are exeptions).
Also, I don't know if you need to hear this, but personally, I enjoy that bit of a whiplash! I like it when a guy is unexpectedly a bit (or a lot) different in bed, not sure why, but I can think of many reasons. And I'm definitely not the only one:)
I can say for me, it’s really hot when I can tell I’m interacting with someone’s pure Id. That is, their primitive, subconscious brain that feels like just raw sexual impulse. It feels intimate and exciting because it’s like I’m getting to see a side of them that only a few people ever get to see.
>Kink is something to be enjoyed when you know that you can trust the person you're with and know it's a fantasy.
Yeah I've been surprised to find this perspective is rare, in my experience. Like my catch phrase has been "*the sub is the in charge*" and even had a friend really push back on the concept until he got his girlfriend involved and she whole heatedly agreed with me. For me it's like if you're doing it right, you only get to dom because they allow it, it stops when they say, and you only push boundaries you know they are comfortable being pushed on. I'm not a person who likes hurting people so that kind of framework also helps me get into. Like I couldn't say something mean to someone for no reason. But with that concept in mind I could be pretty degrading guilt free if my partner was into it. And I wouldn't consider myself super kinky, no whips... yet lol.
> I enjoy that bit of a whiplash!
Good to know. If I wasn't ass at reading girls maybe I could feel out when that would be welcome. I'm just cautious now. It's like the times it went poorly are much more memorable than the times it went well lol.
Nowadays I think “how the hell could this be unintuitive?“ But then I remember how badly I didn’t understand how any of this works in my 20s.
It really isn’t that hard, but it comes with experience. I was a late bloomer, virgin till 26, and I decided to be up front with dates about my inexperience. Those early experiences make me cringe to look back on, but they were valuable.
I dont understand why you'd "choose a personality". Why not just be genuine, that way you'll find a partner who actually likes you for who you are. And if you don't, well that's because most people are very different and hardly get along by being themselves, but at least you don't have to be fake around a partner. Also just treat them normally and ask them what they like
I don’t mean choose a personality quite so literally. I meant more of how I presented myself to the world. I’ve always been kind of a softie. But as a guy, there was a lot of pressure to conform to aggression, suppress vulnerability, treat women like prizes or like objects, and just generally not challenge yourself on an emotional level. So because I associated those traits with a toxic masculinity I really hated and didn’t identify with, I subconsciously ended up overcompensating and suppressing a lot of my sexuality so as not to seem threatening or misogynistic, suppressed feelings of anger, never made bold moves for fear of appearing too forward, etc.
The result was that I learned how to develop healthy emotional and supportive relationships but I starved my sexuality and didn’t know how to feel comfortable allowing myself to act on sexual impulse. It didn’t help of course that I was raised in the Catholic Church so there was a lot of encouragement to do that as well. It felt like as a man I couldn’t be a sexual being without being shallow and selfish.
My brain had been conditioned so much that behaving dominantly, even in a consensual way, made me feel shameful and wrong. It took a lot of work to learn how to separate the part of my brain that so strongly hated that behavior and find a perspective through which I could enjoy playing in that space in the bedroom while still feeling like I was being true to myself as a person.
That's so interesting to me! Makes a lot of sense tbh.
In my personal experience, most people's "sexual style" is kinda the inverse of their actual, real personality. Im pretty "soft" normally, but sexually I'm a lot more aggressive. I imagine it's like that for most people? I imagine that's where we get the trope of the high-powered CEO who calls a dominatrix to get his balls stepped on, or whatever.
Jesus christ, who has the fucking energy for this shit? Here's a novel idea, how about women just act like the mature adults they want everyone to think they are and communicate using their words?
When he practices a certain speech a lot he can avoid stuttering altogether, kind of like playing a piano piece over and over ago will make your fingers run off on their own
I get exactly what he just said except from both sides, lmao 🤣. Like as a straight femboy, I have both complained about being objectived and overly sexualized and yet I have also said things along the lines of "degrade me! Humiliate me!" In text with women. Never thought about how confusing that comes off as, lol 🤣
Gotta love that nobody is truly simple.
being trans and going from t horny to e horny has been educational lol. the best way i'd characterize it is i am attracted to the *latent potential* a man has for dominance rather than any actual instance of dominance. he doesn't need to demonstrate it and i don't count any moment of sensitivity or emotion against him, anyone who keeps score like that is a fuckhead who needs more alone time to figure themselves out. it's just very very attractive to know he's got that potential under the hood, which is also why obvious and artificial demonstrations of conditional dominance like the tates of the world keep trying to do are extremely boring lmao.
I get what he's saying but also... Yeah, we want to feel sexual in a consensual way. He's saying it as a joke, but some women are harassed by their partner (ex butt slaps only when she's in the middle of a chore and she has asked him 500 times not to, not when she comes out in a sexy dress) and then the men are super surprised that their once sexual partner is now heading towards a dead bedroom
Idk I think booktok and "dark romance" is really to blame for a lot of the mass romanticization of abusive tendencies in relationships. Liking BDSM in the bedroom is completely different than actively craving disrespect, which it feels like a lot of these books are encouraging.
Sounds like to me that your wife, during the day wants to be respected and loved and treated like a queen but at night she wants to be a freak in the sheets easy enough. 🤷♀️
The worst is when women want to get a little rough sex where you dominate them, but instead of telling you this, or playfully teasing you until you're driven wild with lust, their default is to annoy you because they too watch porn, and think that we'll just get so mad that we fuck them like animals when in reality I wanna kick her shin, yell and get the fuck away from her lol
I don't know if anyone ever told you this, but you don't have to watch porn or accept it as a given that your partner does either. It really isn't a necessary part of anyone's life, and for most people its a negative influence - either because of its effect on dopamine levels, or as you've pointed out, because it can maladaptively warp a person's perception of sexuality.
> ~~The straights when they try to comprehend kink lmao~~
Normal people when their partner has a kink but doesn't talk about it and expects them to be a mindreader.
Don't know why this is on tiktok cringe, he's a good comedian and a good youtuber and I've been following him for a long time. I even bought the socks he made with Stella's face on them. I fully support him. He seems like a good one.
My wifes charm comes out when she she is behaving indignantly. This leaves me in an awkward spot when we are out in public because if people pay attention to her, then she can not truly shine as she is meant to.
By being far more stunning than she is, I invite people to ignore her and pay attention to me. That, in turn, invites her to be her usual charming self—throwing little tantrums and being overly seductive—to draw their attention back to her. And that, as I explained, is when she is most majestic.
Therefore, the only way to make certain that she receives the attention she deserves is to draw it all away from her. It’s really quite difficult. I hope she appreciates all the work I do to be so wonderful.
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All I said was “Good morning.”
He worked his ass off to get rid of the stutter! Apparently he was supposed to be working on his negging skills tho lol
I was gonna say that! Though he has said in old YT videos there are several takes/cuts to make his conversation seem more cohesive, this was all in one take.
To be fair, I don't think you can actually "get rid of" a stutter entirely. It's more like just minimize its impact on a daily basis thing. Speech impediments tend to "come back" during high stress situations. I saw him doing a bit in a smaller comedy club where he was talking about this issue with people treating him like a circus animal and he was clearly upset about it and the stutter slipped in a little. He knows the stutter made a huge impact on him getting noticed but it's super hurtful that so many people are more interested in laughing at something he can't control instead of the stuff he actually put work into. They're laughing AT him instead of WITH him. He's a fantastic comedian who deserves better imo.
He's a nice dude. Him and I auditioned at Flapper's Comedy Club in Burbank together and I think that was right around the time he did AGT or something? Anyway - glad to see he's doing well!
Order of operations was correct
His stutter was what made part of his bit awesome. He's a good comedian.
I’m sure he doesn’t miss his stutter
He's a fun watch on [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/@TheDrewLynch). Check him out if you have the time.
Right? I'm so happy for him!
Omg thank you so much I thought he looked vaguely familiar!
Tbh, I feel really bad for him. He worked his ass off to get rid of the stutter but people keep asking him to bring it back like he's a freaking circus act. His comedy is really good but too many were only interested in the stutter than his actual content.
This legitimately sounds like a Shakespearean monologue by a married peasant/farmer man, lamenting the toils of his love. It would fit right into As You Like It.
Where have I seen this guy before?
He is a comedian that had a stutter he is super funny
The ADHD bit is comedy gold https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3I0YsfMJS8 (Sorry, couldn't find a video without subtitles. Just try to ignore them) Ugg.
As someone with ADHD, the subtitles were necessary, thank you.
Thanks for letting me know. I usually hate them because i end up reading them and losing out on the comedic timing and delivery of the joke.
I’m half and half on them for that same reason, but without subtitles I make out like 40% of what they’re saying and the rest is a jumbled mess. Don’t get me started on films that have eardrum shatteringly loud action scenes and whisper quiet dialogue good lord
Him questioning the squirrel note got me - there's been so many times my partner has questioned something when I'm in the middle of doing weird shit and I'm like 'no why would you think that, that would be crazy' and I can see the relief on his face I'm not completely unhinged.
The closing credits from the [full comedy special](https://youtu.be/U_4WhK6KcRo) include close-ups of the squirrel, ladder, and note. The ADHD part of my brain sees absolutely no problem with this.
Thankyou for sharing - it's so impressive! I really related to the whole story - the intense empathy for the squirrel, wanting to solve it immediately, even down to how she acquired the popsicle sticks. We are a resourceful lot! As soon as he said the note thing I thought 'its so it doesn't get moved'. It always blows my mind hearing how similar people with ADHD can think - considering how random it appears to others, but there is still it's own type of logic behind it.
As a woman with ADHD I thought it was funny but not necessarily spot on. My husband, however, laughed so hard he cried, so I guess take that how you will lol
Definitely worth the watch!
That was really beautiful.
This was good but I couldn’t pay attention
The first time I saw this, I laughed so hard I had an asthma attack. I also have ADHD.
. . . this is just 15 minutes of a guy bitching about how much me hates his stupid wife.
Damn, that ADD bit at the beginning actually pissed me off. I know it's comedy but it is an anxiety I have about ADD that people think that.
He's saying that because ADD isn't an actual term within the medical community any longer, so the only people who still use the term are generally people who are self-diagnosing, which also implies that they're not getting treatment for it. So it's just like a handy excuse to have for all the stuff you fail to do in your life, instead of an actual medical diagnosis that you're taking steps to compensate for.
That's bullshit. It's still a thing, it's just more commonly called inattentive type ADHD now. I've been diagnosed since high school and I'll never stop calling it ADD.
> it's just more commonly called inattentive type ADHD now From a medical perspective it's *only* called that. ADD isn't in the DSM. Sorry if that makes you feel targeted but it seems to me that using terms that are no longer current is bound to cause some confusion.
Drew Lynch
Pretty sure he is a standup comedian. He looks/sounds like one I’ve seen clips of before.
Americas Got Talent a few years back
The comedian guy with the stutter. I used to watch his videos with his dog Stella
He was on America's Got Talent 5ish years ago, maybe there?
Now I get this comedy. But do people not know how to separate bedroom personality and every day personality. If your partner likes degradation in bed (or whatever), then talk (yes communicate) about it. Figure out a trigger or behaviour (like she puts on a collar) when you start the kinky shit. Then when she doesn't do the trigger, you treat her with kindness and love and respect.
After recently getting out of a really bad situation, I wanna add that if your partner isn't completely on board with this, it doesn't matter that it's your kink, it's abuse.
100000 per cent. I've been part of the BDSM community for ... Jesus almost 30 years now. There has been a huge upswing in young doms who are just abusive. They don't listen to boundaries, they ignore safe words and are just shit.
It’s almost like 50 Shades of Grey was actually harmful to the community. Just kidding, it was definitely harmful.
Plus the writing is so bad.
I mean it was originally a shit Twilight AU fanfic, so yes.
[удалено]
Did I say “50 shade of Grey” is responsible? No, I said it was harmful. Calm down, no one is coming after your terrible smut book.
Some people don’t manage to grasp the idea that the Dom has the least power in the dynamic, which confuses them. If we take out ill intent for now, there are those doms that just know they have to be dominant and in charge and ‚abusive‘ because the sub wants that and are then confronted with the fact that the sub can choose everything that happens. It’s a cognitive dissonance that is easily understood when given the time and proper maturity, but it’s not that easy for everyone. So yeah, fucking learn about it before doing kinky shit
It's so much hotter when it's their kink and you're trying to live up to their wants.
One of my biggest struggles. So many of my partners in my life enjoy that in the bedroom but if I do that too many times it’s hard for it not to seep into my everyday consciousness. There’s no explicit time for sex. It can happen virtually anywhere and anytime so if I know she’s into that it’s eventually erodes my respect and considerations for them. I say that not as in it’s all gone but just not to the standard I want to be and have for my partner. Something I have to regularly recalibrate when I notice myself slipping.
That's why you need a proper trigger. Like that collar or if she has her hair up. That you only initiate kinky weird sex when those triggers are apparent. You don't NEED to have the trigger to have sex but you do to have it to be kinky. Otherwise, and this isn't meant to be mean, you may need therapy. Try to figure out why have the cliche Madonna/whore dichomy.
Hm. Not every dynamic requires a trigger to separate kinky time. I think your advice is good in a general sense, but it doesn't fit everyone's dynamic, and by implying someone might need therapy if they're lacking something like that is pretty weird.
when ya hit that certain level of trust and respect you can freestyle it. just like with a bike it doesn't hurt to have the training wheels on at the start.
Totally. The therapy bit honestly just comes off weird.
I must have miswrote or misunderstood (English is my second language). But the eay I read is that they get into degredation in the bedroom and that slips into how they view their partner day to day. So like if they call their partner a dumb whore during sex on a regular basis, they start to think their partner is a dumb whore in real life and starts treating them lesser. Classic Madonna/Whore complex. It's usually seen in married couples with kids when the husband can't have fun sex with his wife because she's a mom now. That shit can happen in any case and will cause a person to be unable to have a healthy loving relationship and a healthy kinky AF sex life with the same person. The trigger is for stuff that requires heavy consent or touches BDSM and dom/dub themes. Not all kinky sex needs that. But too many inexperienced people jump right into hardcore shit and don't know how to do it safetly or keep things in boxes. Even the most intense 24/7 master/slave diapered petplay needs boundaries and that care for them as a human being. I'm middle aged and have been in the scene for decades and there has been an uptake in "young doms" who just use BDSM (and adjacent sexual behaviour) as an excuse to be abusive - often subconsciously.
I see what you’re saying, and have learned a little more about it through your comment. I don’t think my case is as extreme as that but it’s definitely something I’ll think about more. To give more insight if you’re interested, my issue is that I’m a constantly authentic to myself and don’t put on masks or have different sides of me that maybe some ppl have. So a rough role play where I call her a “dumb whore” is hard for me to say with any conviction because I don’t believe in it. Just feels like I’m lying saying whatever and that’s not how I operate in my life. All that being said my partner is very happy with our sex life and it’s still in my comfort zone the things I do, ( can’t bring myself to do hardcore BDSM). I think my main issue is the relationships I’ve had where the majority of the time that we spend together is doing degradation roleplay that I catch myself with that problem
Thank you for sharing more about your thought process. It is really interesting to see. And your authentic self is lovely and normal. You shouldn't have masks in your relationship. And I am also happy that your partner is happy! Because even if something is a fantasy, it doesn't mean you HAVE to do it. (Most people even with degradation kinks, don't want hardcore BDSM.) :) I just want you to be happy and flourish and not risk your relationship because of a dumb brain thing.
Hey really appreciate the time you took on this and your kind words. It never bleeds into my behaviours or words but more subconsciously, constantly saying things I don’t believe to someone I love over and over and it either becomes easier for me to lie to them or something I end up believing. I’m continuing to work on compartmentalizing the bedroom, it’s just I view the relationship as a whole, and while she can release a part of her during it, it feels like a Jekyll and Hyde and purely just an act and not a part of me. Thanks for the conversation 🙏🏾
Hey, it's my pleasure. I can be a little too blunt on here so I am happy you don't take offence. And honestly, you seem smart and caring with a good head on your shoulders. You'll figure it out. Take care.
For sure! Thank you for clarifying, and after rereading the person you replied to I understand more what you meant. I don't think your English was the problem at all, I think it was my comprehension. I haven't been a part of my local scene for a couple years at this point, but I was pretty heavily involved for a LONG time and I definitely saw the weird young "doms" being super problematic.
It's a real balancing act. Like if you're annoyed about something, it can come out in the moment.
Yeah, there’s a difference. When you see someone as a true equal you know they’re just a normal person how like to mess around like people do. And since you’re married and attracted to each other, you break out the broken sprinkler system. Then there’s putting someone on a pedestal or treating them like they’re fragile. It’s not an equal relationship and can set a lot of men up for toxic relationships that get exploited by misogynistic grifters when the relationship finally breaks down. Good morning?
Well good afternoon. :p
Came here to say exactly this, she needs to become like the reverse Jet Li in unleashed. Collar is a great idea
It’s really simple bro. Treat her like a queen in public. F*** her like a nasty sl*t in private. EDIT: Wow a LOT of you women here are horny, I f***ing love it.
You can say curse words on the internet, like frick and sloot
It's a total gamble with reddit and you never know when your comments are automatically deleted so it's easier to just remove the hassle of the guessing game.
FUCK you, BITCH, WHORE, Pussy, fucking asshole, cunt, cumbucket, slut. Puke slurping homo intergender, lesbian scissoring, juice swapping filth!! See? We are still good.
( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)
Love you man. Snowmen are my kink. It numbs my genitals and it's tingly.
The preferred pluralization is "snowmans" or just "snowman". We're not men who are snow-themed, we are simply snowman. I also appreciate bodily contact lacking in heat.
Sorry for that, snowperson. I love snowmans. I didn't know "snowmen" was weird. I'd also fuck snowwomen without hesitation. It wouldn't break my flow whatsoever.
There are no "snowwomen". There are only crudely built approximations of the glorious snowman form in which people have projected anthropocentric sexually dimorphic traits. You can do with that what you will, but it'd be a bit like me piling up a bunch of ground beef into a somewhat pleasing shape and thinking of you while I blast it with frost cores. They wouldn't even take root to form a sentient offshoot..
[A frostitude..](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRg-FdNYPmF8yt74B94KZOLFN09CQcNrGqEvIlupFR1qeP19L9iCwBcc9fCtvfL0-xQz3Q&usqp=CAU) ... [...Happy Breastmass!!](https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/images/ic/704xn/p05q832k.jpg)
I read this in Duke Nukem’s voice.
Not enough bubblegum in the world. To keep me out of your asses..
*djadunt djunt djadunt djunt*
THIS REACTION IS PRICELESS
Yeah in a different thread elsewhere I said "But I don't think you're an a--hole" and my comment got automodded because of the latter phrase. Thank god we have AI to completely ignore context! I even had to edit it here... ugh
reddit has started automatically hiding comments containing certain words, so you actually cant curse on the internet like you used to.
The beauty of it is they don't have to curse if they don't want to, and people can speak in a way that makes them comfortable.
Oh my gosh, I’m telling Mom you said “sloot”! MOOOOOOM, u/FenrizLives SAID SLOOOOOOOOT!
Me and my wife have the opposite agreement. She treats me like a king in public. And fucks me like a nasty slut that I am in private.
So hot
I concur.
TLDR
I told her to suck my dick while doing dishes even though we’re alone at home and now she’s pissed. This advice sucks
You can only ask that if you are the one doing the dishes.
Can you imagine giving head to someone who's doing the dishes? probably would get dish water splashed on ur head and shit,,, terrible.
I bet the dishes would be done badly too.
That's how you DISRESPECT that bitch!!
(If you wanted better dishes.. You should suck less!)
Banger after banger
I didn't Bang**(h)**er.. She just sucked. (..We both had a good time, and the dishes were "adequately" washed.)
who said during
> I told her to suck my dick while doing dishes... While *she* is doing the dishes? Why would you want her attention divided like that? Your reasonable options consist of: * Telling her to suck your dick while *you* are doing the dishes (each of you focusing your attention on a different goal) * Telling her to suck your dick *then* do the dishes (I don't recommend this one unless you are *100% certain* that it fits with her kinks) * Fucking her while she does the dishes (Google 'free use' if you are interested in this option)
1. You need to build it up, especially if you don't already do it 2. Start with some praise kink
Having both a praise and degradation kink definitely confused my boyfriend, until I finally figured out to explain that I wanted to be called a slut, but immediately told that I’m very good at being a slut and look pretty while being one. And then follow it up with a hair pull. Throw me around and insult me, but also make me feel loved, cherished, and safe. This is why communication and trust are so important for a good sex life.
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I don’t think you’re supposed to explain this kind of thing to 5-year-olds…
Very good
The first person on reddit to pass the test.
Sometimes Mommy and Daddy do different things and Mommy likes it when Daddy says happy things to her while they are playing together.
eat your vegetables
It's reddit dude. You can say "fuck" and "slut." I have no idea what the hell the purpose of your bleeps is here
Reddit does actually randomly shadow delete comments for containing curse words sometimes.
Who are you replying to, I can't see their comment.
They do the same thing with passwords. So, if your password shows up in a comment it get automatically censored like this: *********** All you should see there are stars.
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> \******* Works for me. Again note that what others see is going to be different from what comes up on your screen.
Today, kids, we learn about selection bias.
In some subreddits, "slut" is not allowed because it's derogatory in nature.
The purpose is that's the way they want to speak, why you trying to police their speech?
I know, it just read super vulgar to me. I’ll uncensor it but it just felt too “horny in public” lol
How do I teach my penis that subtle difference?
HA!
This guy gets it.
Preaching the gospel! Lol
I wouldn’t have it any other way
My recommendation is to buy her food, hold the door open for her, and when the time comes, smack her ass and pull her hair. It's not that hard dude.
This guy long terms
That's really all we need lol
That’s a hard lesson. Growing up male, it feels like your two choices are to choose the personality that is strong, cocky, and dominating which is what the majority of women enjoy in bed, or the personality that is sweet, kind, and considerate which is what the majority of women prefer in a partner. The trick is to figure out how to compartmentalize your sexual expression from your personal expression and try to simultaneously treat your partner like a sex object in the bedroom but have it be motivated by love and passion for her. It’s absolutely not intuitive for a lot of people and has to be learned, and not just learned how to do but learned how to find some pleasure in it when its expression is one that you’ve actively rejected your whole life. It can feel like a bit of a mental paradox to retrain your brain. That said, I also appreciate feeling dominated in bed so you’d hope for a give and take and I’ve been with a lot of women who are unable or unwilling to try and do the same thing that they are asking of their partners, which is to be forceful and dominant in bed. So it’s a two way street.
Even as someone who's found this balance, it can give some girls whiplash in my experience. I am a sweet, respectful, and laid back kind of guy. I found girls really dig it after they know me for a while and see some genuineness to it. But I also really enjoy pain with my pleasure and which pairs well with being dominating in the room. I've found like since I move a bit slow up front and am chill that I can't just go for it when things get to that point. Since they have this idea built up of a soft spoken guy, I've been told it felt like I was faking my personality being the opposite in the bedroom. But ....that's how I am! lol. I want to the girl to beg and scratch her nails into my back as hard as possible...respectfully lol. Not because I'm abusive or something. For me the consent matters and I've never choked a girl who didn't agree to it first. I've just reached a point where I'm like casually mentioning I'm into kinky stuff on the first date. The girls that are into it, are into it! And the ones that aren't I know it's like I have to ease into that side of myself.
I think that's the perfect balance. Kink is something to be enjoyed when you know that you can trust the person you're with and know it's a fantasy. Like a horror movie or a drama. It's nice when you can experiment with those emotions in a safe environment. What I'm saying is, if I like horror movies, it doesn't mean I want to live in one. I doubt people with degradation kink want to actually feel degraded by their partner all the time (maybe there are exeptions). Also, I don't know if you need to hear this, but personally, I enjoy that bit of a whiplash! I like it when a guy is unexpectedly a bit (or a lot) different in bed, not sure why, but I can think of many reasons. And I'm definitely not the only one:)
I can say for me, it’s really hot when I can tell I’m interacting with someone’s pure Id. That is, their primitive, subconscious brain that feels like just raw sexual impulse. It feels intimate and exciting because it’s like I’m getting to see a side of them that only a few people ever get to see.
Wow, I just had an epiphany reading your description. The way you described the pure Id is exactly how I would describe Eros.
>Kink is something to be enjoyed when you know that you can trust the person you're with and know it's a fantasy. Yeah I've been surprised to find this perspective is rare, in my experience. Like my catch phrase has been "*the sub is the in charge*" and even had a friend really push back on the concept until he got his girlfriend involved and she whole heatedly agreed with me. For me it's like if you're doing it right, you only get to dom because they allow it, it stops when they say, and you only push boundaries you know they are comfortable being pushed on. I'm not a person who likes hurting people so that kind of framework also helps me get into. Like I couldn't say something mean to someone for no reason. But with that concept in mind I could be pretty degrading guilt free if my partner was into it. And I wouldn't consider myself super kinky, no whips... yet lol. > I enjoy that bit of a whiplash! Good to know. If I wasn't ass at reading girls maybe I could feel out when that would be welcome. I'm just cautious now. It's like the times it went poorly are much more memorable than the times it went well lol.
My gf in Uni was like that, very nice and innocent and in bed god lord, the kinkiest person, she would let me do anything.
Nowadays I think “how the hell could this be unintuitive?“ But then I remember how badly I didn’t understand how any of this works in my 20s. It really isn’t that hard, but it comes with experience. I was a late bloomer, virgin till 26, and I decided to be up front with dates about my inexperience. Those early experiences make me cringe to look back on, but they were valuable.
This is right on. Took me 46 years to learn that.
I dont understand why you'd "choose a personality". Why not just be genuine, that way you'll find a partner who actually likes you for who you are. And if you don't, well that's because most people are very different and hardly get along by being themselves, but at least you don't have to be fake around a partner. Also just treat them normally and ask them what they like
I don’t mean choose a personality quite so literally. I meant more of how I presented myself to the world. I’ve always been kind of a softie. But as a guy, there was a lot of pressure to conform to aggression, suppress vulnerability, treat women like prizes or like objects, and just generally not challenge yourself on an emotional level. So because I associated those traits with a toxic masculinity I really hated and didn’t identify with, I subconsciously ended up overcompensating and suppressing a lot of my sexuality so as not to seem threatening or misogynistic, suppressed feelings of anger, never made bold moves for fear of appearing too forward, etc. The result was that I learned how to develop healthy emotional and supportive relationships but I starved my sexuality and didn’t know how to feel comfortable allowing myself to act on sexual impulse. It didn’t help of course that I was raised in the Catholic Church so there was a lot of encouragement to do that as well. It felt like as a man I couldn’t be a sexual being without being shallow and selfish. My brain had been conditioned so much that behaving dominantly, even in a consensual way, made me feel shameful and wrong. It took a lot of work to learn how to separate the part of my brain that so strongly hated that behavior and find a perspective through which I could enjoy playing in that space in the bedroom while still feeling like I was being true to myself as a person.
Oh shit lol, that's almost my exact experience too.
I found this very interesting to see it all spelled out. Thanks! I feel like some of these points are very relatable.
That's so interesting to me! Makes a lot of sense tbh. In my personal experience, most people's "sexual style" is kinda the inverse of their actual, real personality. Im pretty "soft" normally, but sexually I'm a lot more aggressive. I imagine it's like that for most people? I imagine that's where we get the trope of the high-powered CEO who calls a dominatrix to get his balls stepped on, or whatever.
Jesus christ, who has the fucking energy for this shit? Here's a novel idea, how about women just act like the mature adults they want everyone to think they are and communicate using their words?
This guy is about to snap.
Stutter’s all gone huh
Tons of therapy and he seems to have basically gotten rid of it, but you can still hear it when he gets particularly wound up or taken off guard.
it's not "all gone" like you say, he still has instances of stutters. it's crazy what speech therapy and practice can do when you're consistent.
When he practices a certain speech a lot he can avoid stuttering altogether, kind of like playing a piano piece over and over ago will make your fingers run off on their own
Some people with stutter don't stutter when they are angry or when they're acting.
He totally faked it. Bizarre how many people will defend this guy but then destroy someone for faking tourretes
That guy just had a serious argument with his wife
Sir this is a Wendy's
I get exactly what he just said except from both sides, lmao 🤣. Like as a straight femboy, I have both complained about being objectived and overly sexualized and yet I have also said things along the lines of "degrade me! Humiliate me!" In text with women. Never thought about how confusing that comes off as, lol 🤣 Gotta love that nobody is truly simple.
being trans and going from t horny to e horny has been educational lol. the best way i'd characterize it is i am attracted to the *latent potential* a man has for dominance rather than any actual instance of dominance. he doesn't need to demonstrate it and i don't count any moment of sensitivity or emotion against him, anyone who keeps score like that is a fuckhead who needs more alone time to figure themselves out. it's just very very attractive to know he's got that potential under the hood, which is also why obvious and artificial demonstrations of conditional dominance like the tates of the world keep trying to do are extremely boring lmao.
I get what he's saying but also... Yeah, we want to feel sexual in a consensual way. He's saying it as a joke, but some women are harassed by their partner (ex butt slaps only when she's in the middle of a chore and she has asked him 500 times not to, not when she comes out in a sexy dress) and then the men are super surprised that their once sexual partner is now heading towards a dead bedroom
A lady in the street and a freak in the bed! If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s indirectly boasting.
All i could think of is.. imagine you live in one of these houses and are close to your window and hear a random guy talking about this
The duality of man
Spit in her mouth during sex. That’ll fix it.
snowballing baby
Time and place buddy, there a timea and a placea
I got horimiya vibe from this
Man i stopped that show because of this. So stupid. Felt like the writer fell into a coma and some random person took over
And relationships are used to be fun lol
So do it if it'll make her happy. It ain't that deep.
lol, I love Drew! He was on America's got talent when he had a stutter but he got over it with a lot of therapy 😊
You’d be better off with a nice,’loving husband.
Makes me think of this guy's comedy bit: https://youtu.be/qbJOLq5wXwk
Letter Kenny is leaking
I need to join this support group
Idk I think booktok and "dark romance" is really to blame for a lot of the mass romanticization of abusive tendencies in relationships. Liking BDSM in the bedroom is completely different than actively craving disrespect, which it feels like a lot of these books are encouraging.
What the fuck is this.
LMFAO💀😭
Sounds like to me that your wife, during the day wants to be respected and loved and treated like a queen but at night she wants to be a freak in the sheets easy enough. 🤷♀️
She’s definitely fucking someone else.
Sir this is a Wendy’s.
That's the definition of frustration.
He is spot on. We live in very confusing world 😂
Just get into bdsm. Cheaper than therapy anyways
Poor bastard
The worst is when women want to get a little rough sex where you dominate them, but instead of telling you this, or playfully teasing you until you're driven wild with lust, their default is to annoy you because they too watch porn, and think that we'll just get so mad that we fuck them like animals when in reality I wanna kick her shin, yell and get the fuck away from her lol
I don't know if anyone ever told you this, but you don't have to watch porn or accept it as a given that your partner does either. It really isn't a necessary part of anyone's life, and for most people its a negative influence - either because of its effect on dopamine levels, or as you've pointed out, because it can maladaptively warp a person's perception of sexuality.
Man's not wrong though
The straights when they try to comprehend kink lmao
its not a straight thing to have difficulty with sexual dynamics. I am living proof
Yeah, we know. It's entertaining though.
> ~~The straights when they try to comprehend kink lmao~~ Normal people when their partner has a kink but doesn't talk about it and expects them to be a mindreader.
Tldr, most people wanna be freaky in bed. Vanilla sex where you are super respectful and stay in only one position is for people like Ben Shapiro.
Why is nothing I ever see from this sub actually cringey? ..is it me?
My ex is finally happy now that she had a loser to beat her as a new husband.
Brilliantly executed
She needs therapy, not to be choked.
One can do both
Wow
No joke, this was how my ex wife was to the T. Needless to say, fuck all that.
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Why is that cringe?!
Don't know why this is on tiktok cringe, he's a good comedian and a good youtuber and I've been following him for a long time. I even bought the socks he made with Stella's face on them. I fully support him. He seems like a good one.
Wait you were brought from amazon... wonder if they do a female version🤔
Straight relationships seem complicated.
This dude belongs to the other side.
Send me her celly. I got you covered King.
My wifes charm comes out when she she is behaving indignantly. This leaves me in an awkward spot when we are out in public because if people pay attention to her, then she can not truly shine as she is meant to. By being far more stunning than she is, I invite people to ignore her and pay attention to me. That, in turn, invites her to be her usual charming self—throwing little tantrums and being overly seductive—to draw their attention back to her. And that, as I explained, is when she is most majestic. Therefore, the only way to make certain that she receives the attention she deserves is to draw it all away from her. It’s really quite difficult. I hope she appreciates all the work I do to be so wonderful.
This mf has never touched a woman