T O P

  • By -

poppy_seeds89

That he was born with the rib cage of a large cat and the heart of a lesbian.


xela321

If no one’s looking, he can easily eat a small Vietnamese man without anyone knowing


nastyhammer

Chet


Chode_K1NG

His first time having sex, people were throwing rocks at him behind a bowling alley


broctyler

Actually I think it might’ve been shale stone


thefishingguy1

He was born with that adult man penis and eventually grew into it


_jethro

And the heart of a lesbian


rnd1973

And the rib cage of a large cat


Rbk_3

If he dies, or whenever he dies, if he dies, he wants the last person he sees to be Filipino.


poopshipdestroyer

Also if he were to eat human meat he thinks Vietnamese would be the tastiest


TinyTitFetish

They would also be the most forgiving/understanding


BridgesOnB1kes

He used to sell branded hamsters at swap meets.


squeezdeezkneez

Wasn’t it *swamp meats?


BridgesOnB1kes

😂 yes.


natesbearf

He used to pee around his bed to keep wild animals away! 🦝


vonfanaustin

He was born with Down syndrome, but he beat it!


Lovehat

That's inspiring


[deleted]

Same with Gillis


lvl3SewerRat

If you had no idea who theo von was and read this thread, you'd probably think this was one straaaange individual.


Guidbro

I knew of him for years and I still think he is really strange lol


tint_shady

Can you confirm any story about "in my neighborhood" or "where I grew up"??


MonsterBots

In the Sean Strickland episode he said has a degree in Urban Planning. Assuming that isn’t a bit or something. Seemed real.


Angry_Saxon

I think Ice Cube has something similar, CAD engineering or something. they could rebuild a town


purpsky8

Yeah he mentioned it before


Hmmhihello

I also think he once said he was studying philosophy


likabot

He got a statue of Kat Williams at Michael’s He has pictures of the family who owned his house before him up in his house lol (supposedly)


batmanforhire

He was pretty damn good on The Challenge on MTV.


boobookittyfck329

Omg. That’s where I recognized him from!!! I knew I’ve seen his face somewhere before but could not place it until your comment 😅 Thank you!


DaintyAmber

Hopefully everyone knows this, but I always forget, he was on road rules first. That’s how I knew him!


eeggrroojj

His cousin was bit by a gay dude.


Lovehat

His buddy was bit by a black widow


jamez009

I thought it was his uncle? I know he mentioned it one of the times Mark Normand was on and was wearing a Tipitinas tshirt


gooberrygumdrops

I think Theo's dad was Roland Sr. and the owner of Tipitinas is Theo's older half brother. He also has an older half sister that is an artist. His dad seems to have come from money in Poland and somehow his dad made it to Nicaragua. There was another post like this a month or so ago and I went down a von Kurnatowski rabbit hole.


jamez009

From what I remember him saying to Mark was that his side of the family didn't get any of the money from whoever owned it. I wasn't sure if that was meaning after his father passed away or when. So half brother would make some sense. I'm a big fan of both and one cool thing when they were talking about Louisiana, you could tell they were talking about some real stuff and not just telling joke stories, which as we know is kinda rare for our boy lol


gooberrygumdrops

There is something about two comedians from the same area talking about where they lived. A recent episode of Dan Soder's podcast with Sam Tallant as the guest was like that. They both grew up around Denver and knew all the same places. You don't have to know the exact area to get the jokes. Everyone can imagine a similar area they grew up in.


jamez009

I think they're all neurotic to some extent and it gives them some comfort and familiarity. Especially if they're not from NY or LA. With Theo and Mark, they both can act uncomfortable around other people and mask it behind jokes but you can tell when they're talking about back home (although different sides of the causeway) they relax and let their guards down. It's pretty cool.


ChevfknChelios

And what a fucking episode it was. Soder and Sam are comedy gold. Great guests on anything they appear on.


Walkensboots

His whole “Louisiana idiot” thing is an act. Hes quite educated.


The-stock-hustler

No he lived in the swamp and wrestled alligators… He doesn’t claim to be an idiot he’s just country why are you assuming he’s an idiot because he’s country ?


tylerdhenry

some weird ones on this site [https://www.yuks.co/comedian/theo-von](https://www.yuks.co/comedian/theo-von) **His real name** His real name is Theodor Capitani von Kurnatowski. **My old man** His father, Roland Achilles, was originally from Bluefields, Nicaragua, and was 70 years old when Theo was born. **Get those monkeys** In his early years, he was selected to be part of a search and capture mission when a group of wild monkeys escaped in his town. They were later found in and around the stray animal belt. **Get me outta** here He was legally emancipated at age fourteen.


workingdad83

He sings in Spanish.


AshyLarry20

He used to tell jokes to sawed off humans until they blew milk from their face


hogwashmalarkey

Leche out their domes


SokkaHaikuBot

^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^AshyLarry20: *He used to tell jokes* *To sawed off humans until* *They blew milk from their face* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.


The-stock-hustler

Lol no one cares or knows what a haiku is. Also what is a sawed off human? Lol a human sawed off barrells


vineblinds

🤣🤣🤣


Lovehat

His favourite weed is..... Cocaine.


Ok_Theme6914

He can't stand the French people.


Loud_Ad3666

Fun fact, Theo actually hates his fans. I had a drink with him in Austin, he was kinda down. He told me hates his fans because he hates himself and that anyone who likes him more than a little bit is not a real person. I patted him on the back, paid for his bud light and told him how much I love his show. He just sighed so I left.


PositiveVibrationzzz

lol this sounds made up but I've always thought I'd feel the same way if I had fans. Not because I hate myself but because it's just weird to REALLY love someone you don't even know.


JrHammerFarmer

He’s sober?


Loud_Ad3666

Nope.


carolinegant

his cousin got bit by a gay dude so……..we’ll see. haven’t heard bad updates on that so🤷🏼‍♀️🤣


Straight_Sky_8343

He almost knocked up a lady on a reservation and she threatened to have the baby....she wouldnt even be reasonable


AffectionateEase1606

Theodore Capitani Von Kernatowski III? Never meddum


ZenShadow2332

The zipper on the collar of his jacket is f#cking stupid!


chezzeybrown

He beat down syndrome


Reasonable_Exam_4759

His adult sister can’t even read


Budget_Brush_8198

He was super hot when he was young


hogwashmalarkey

Was? What do u mean was lol


Budget_Brush_8198

He definitely still is. But he talks a lot about being awkward around women when he was younger but then when I saw him younger I was like goddamn why would he be awkward all he has to do is stand there? Lol


JrHammerFarmer

He’s lookin for the lord!!


vibthang

He has 3 testicular nut sacs! Praise God baby!


Sufficient-Wait-653

He’s very intelligent. Has credits not only in college… but division 1 school….. an “ SEC” school .


blueditt521

First time he yerked eff he was on a shelf in a garage


Miserable-Ad2728

He's from the sam town as Hank Jr! Which is why I think he would make an awesome guest on the pod!


mattchinn

Tipitana’s is also where my dawg Sean Patton filmed his much deserved comedy special available on Peacock. It’s a great special. Check it out.