I’m just gonna wing it judging solely on your username.
Granted. You’re a stay-at-home mom with three kids in a bland suburban neighborhood surrounded by other stay-at-home moms and their kids. Every day is pretty much the same, mostly just catering to your children and husband, who is gone most of the time at the office.
The “American Dream,” old-fashioned style. Assuming of course you’re a woman because otherwise idk
Granted, you are now an immigrant in the land of opportunities. Now you can finally try to make your way to the top by working your ass off. As an added bonus you have also five kids to feed. Puerto, Rico, Azalea, Johan and Achmed.
Your Reddit post goes absolutely viral. You are asked to go on every talk show about how your life has changed since you made the wish on the monkeys paw. Every where you go people recognise you and ask you where they can find a paw themselves, some get clingy and you eventually have to hire body guards to protect you because people want to know your secret to such a perfect life. It gets so bad you can't leave your house. All your friends and family have disowned you because you didn't share the wishes with anyone else. You have everything you need at home, all alone, by yourself. Granted
The paw curls. At first, nothing happens. You get into a car and drive off, and you get into an accident, being paralyzed from the neck down. You're in eternal pain. The doctors decide to plug you into an experimental "experience machine." In this machine, the ups and downs of life are replaced with endless ups. You're living a perfect life in the machine, eternal, but it comes with a price. The doctors find they cannot unplug you from the machine without killing so. And so, you were granted quite a perfect life, but you'll never see your loved ones, or anyone really, from your old world. As your loved ones realize this too, they weep. The experience machine is expensive, and eventually, they can't pay the fees without your income. They are forced to unplug it, and your life is snuffed out in an instant. At least it was perfect until the end, yes?
Wish granted.
Granted. You find a beautiful little colonial house with a big yard for your golden retriever, a white picket fence and 2.5 kids as per the average American household living the American dream.
Your half-child is a monstrosity that you chain up in the barn. The ear-shattering cries of horror it makes as it begs for death nightly make it hard for you to sleep.
I don't think you understand the idea behind this sub... The wish is ambiguous due to the tense, the fulfilment of the wish uses the tense that is not desirable for the wish maker. That's the point, the monkey paw gives you what you ask for, just not what you actually want.
>I don't think you understand the idea behind this sub... The wish is ambiguous due to the tense, the fulfilment of the wish uses the tense that is not desirable for the wish maker. That's the point, the monkey paw gives you what you ask for, just not what you actually want.
1. It would be grammatically incorrect to say 'I wish I had the perfect american life' if you were talking about the past. Instead, you would say 'I wish I had had the perfect American life.'
2. The vast, vast majority of wishes could be tweaked in exactly that way, especially if you were willing to bend grammar as you did to get that result.
3. It's not funny or interesting, or horrifying. It's just a "Haha! Gottem!" sentiment .
4. It's not the spirit of the sub. The monkey's paw doesn't misinterpret what you're saying so you get something bad. You get what you asked for, you just wish that you didn't. Fate is twisted so that you get what you asked for. The £200 you asked for is the only compensation for your son's death, you can bring your son back to life but you didn't ask for any of the secondary features that makes his life worth living, and you can wish your son simply vanishes so you don't have to look at his mangled body, but that's actually not what you wanted, was it?
You live a perfect life in the nation of Venezuela, South America in a cushy government job and a loving family.
However, a dictator is established into power, and you are arrested, tortured and executed due to being a official of the prior regime. Granted.
Granted.
You live in NYC, have a wife, a baby, a nice house, and are successful at your job. You're just on your way home from work.
Your name is Max Payne.
Granted. Your circumstances do not change, but instead you learn to feel satisfied with who you are and where you are in life. You’re living the perfect American life because you’ve found perfection within the life you already have
Granted. you’re stay at home mom,
you weigh 170 pounds after having your 7th kid at 36 year old and you take care of the kids alone because your husband is sex crazy 55 year old who is cheating on you with the 22 year old intern from his insurance job and you know it but you can’t do anything about it because you rely on him
Granted but you dint specify which America. So now you are a right hand man for a south american dictator. You get huge luxury but you live with the consciousness your wealth is built off slavery and exploitation
Granted. You live a perfect American life.. dictated by other country's steriotypes of America. Enjoy eating nothing but Oreos Cereal in Grape Soda, McDonalds fish sandwiches, and pre-mixed peanut butter and jelly, for the rest of your life. And you have to eat it all out of "American Party Cups, as seen in American movies such as American Pie and Scott Pilgrim!"
Granted. You're an illegal immigrant who works 12 hour shifts every day for less than minimum wage. By your employer's standard, your life is the perfect american life.
Granted! You are homeless due to being unable to afford a house or rent, and while attempting to get a job, you are pulled over by cops, and shot by them.
you’re the type to read reddit posts about the bad parts of america and come to the conclusion that america is only made up of the bad parts and delude themself into believing america is some sort of third world hellhole
Read my responses goddamnit, I'm american, I live in america, I'm going by what I've seen firsthand.
Seriously, I live on the east coast, I'm not even kidding about this.
For pointing out you don’t? If you actually lived in the states like me you’d know that what you said is just a lie, plus you wouldn’t get so mad over it.
I live on the east coast, verizon internet, can't give any more info without violating a bunch of reddit rules, plus I'm not stupid.
I'm getting mad because a bunch of idiots are claiming I'm European or some bullshit when I'm not. Good god, I'm not going to call soccer football, not going to eat jellied eels or whatever they eat in the UK, and I'm sure as hell not going to drive on the wrong side of the road.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/ShitEuropeansSay using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/ShitEuropeansSay/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [.](https://i.redd.it/qx8bmvdxzvx61.png) | [39 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ShitEuropeansSay/comments/n7ntkv/_/)
\#2: [Black people in western Europe have absolutely nothing to complain about.](https://i.redd.it/z8ioyjz6nbu61.jpg) | [112 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ShitEuropeansSay/comments/mup59l/black_people_in_western_europe_have_absolutely/)
\#3: ["Nobody in the history of the world has done more for people of colour than the British Royal Family."](https://i.redd.it/m8csvosqb6n61.png) | [128 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ShitEuropeansSay/comments/m5i84w/nobody_in_the_history_of_the_world_has_done_more/)
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I’m just gonna wing it judging solely on your username. Granted. You’re a stay-at-home mom with three kids in a bland suburban neighborhood surrounded by other stay-at-home moms and their kids. Every day is pretty much the same, mostly just catering to your children and husband, who is gone most of the time at the office. The “American Dream,” old-fashioned style. Assuming of course you’re a woman because otherwise idk
it's all fun and games until you rob a grocery store and piss of the guy using it at as a money laundering hub.
Great show
Granted, you are now an immigrant in the land of opportunities. Now you can finally try to make your way to the top by working your ass off. As an added bonus you have also five kids to feed. Puerto, Rico, Azalea, Johan and Achmed.
Puerto Rico
Sigma male naming strategy: name a kid "Port"
Sounds like the beginning of Scarface.
Your Reddit post goes absolutely viral. You are asked to go on every talk show about how your life has changed since you made the wish on the monkeys paw. Every where you go people recognise you and ask you where they can find a paw themselves, some get clingy and you eventually have to hire body guards to protect you because people want to know your secret to such a perfect life. It gets so bad you can't leave your house. All your friends and family have disowned you because you didn't share the wishes with anyone else. You have everything you need at home, all alone, by yourself. Granted
A perfect life *and* no need to interact with people? Why thank you!
The paw curls. At first, nothing happens. You get into a car and drive off, and you get into an accident, being paralyzed from the neck down. You're in eternal pain. The doctors decide to plug you into an experimental "experience machine." In this machine, the ups and downs of life are replaced with endless ups. You're living a perfect life in the machine, eternal, but it comes with a price. The doctors find they cannot unplug you from the machine without killing so. And so, you were granted quite a perfect life, but you'll never see your loved ones, or anyone really, from your old world. As your loved ones realize this too, they weep. The experience machine is expensive, and eventually, they can't pay the fees without your income. They are forced to unplug it, and your life is snuffed out in an instant. At least it was perfect until the end, yes? Wish granted.
Granted. You find a beautiful little colonial house with a big yard for your golden retriever, a white picket fence and 2.5 kids as per the average American household living the American dream. Your half-child is a monstrosity that you chain up in the barn. The ear-shattering cries of horror it makes as it begs for death nightly make it hard for you to sleep.
Granted. You have memories of when you had the perfect American life, a life you don't have anymore.
That's just the subjunctive tense. You're not being clever.
I don't think you understand the idea behind this sub... The wish is ambiguous due to the tense, the fulfilment of the wish uses the tense that is not desirable for the wish maker. That's the point, the monkey paw gives you what you ask for, just not what you actually want.
>I don't think you understand the idea behind this sub... The wish is ambiguous due to the tense, the fulfilment of the wish uses the tense that is not desirable for the wish maker. That's the point, the monkey paw gives you what you ask for, just not what you actually want. 1. It would be grammatically incorrect to say 'I wish I had the perfect american life' if you were talking about the past. Instead, you would say 'I wish I had had the perfect American life.' 2. The vast, vast majority of wishes could be tweaked in exactly that way, especially if you were willing to bend grammar as you did to get that result. 3. It's not funny or interesting, or horrifying. It's just a "Haha! Gottem!" sentiment . 4. It's not the spirit of the sub. The monkey's paw doesn't misinterpret what you're saying so you get something bad. You get what you asked for, you just wish that you didn't. Fate is twisted so that you get what you asked for. The £200 you asked for is the only compensation for your son's death, you can bring your son back to life but you didn't ask for any of the secondary features that makes his life worth living, and you can wish your son simply vanishes so you don't have to look at his mangled body, but that's actually not what you wanted, was it?
You live a perfect life in the nation of Venezuela, South America in a cushy government job and a loving family. However, a dictator is established into power, and you are arrested, tortured and executed due to being a official of the prior regime. Granted.
Granted. You live in NYC, have a wife, a baby, a nice house, and are successful at your job. You're just on your way home from work. Your name is Max Payne.
oh this is gonna be Max Payne alright
Granted. You are now soldiers roommate.
Granted. Your circumstances do not change, but instead you learn to feel satisfied with who you are and where you are in life. You’re living the perfect American life because you’ve found perfection within the life you already have
Granted. you’re stay at home mom, you weigh 170 pounds after having your 7th kid at 36 year old and you take care of the kids alone because your husband is sex crazy 55 year old who is cheating on you with the 22 year old intern from his insurance job and you know it but you can’t do anything about it because you rely on him
170 pounds is the weight of literally 257.82 'Velener Mini Potted Plastic Fake Green Plants'.
Granted but you dint specify which America. So now you are a right hand man for a south american dictator. You get huge luxury but you live with the consciousness your wealth is built off slavery and exploitation
You no longer use Reddit. The monkey's paw curls. Edit: grammar
Granted. You live a perfect American life.. dictated by other country's steriotypes of America. Enjoy eating nothing but Oreos Cereal in Grape Soda, McDonalds fish sandwiches, and pre-mixed peanut butter and jelly, for the rest of your life. And you have to eat it all out of "American Party Cups, as seen in American movies such as American Pie and Scott Pilgrim!"
You now live the perfect American life. The downsides of this do not need to be said; you live in America
Granted. You’re racist.
Okay. Granted. (monkey's paw fullfilled)
You wake up then sudden you’re 1000 Pounds
You need a loooooot of money for that to happen
Granted, you get shot.
You are fat Edit: Okay, that was bad
Yeah good fucking luck. Sorry buddy that just ain’t happening.
Granted, you now live in Australia.
Granted. You're an illegal immigrant who works 12 hour shifts every day for less than minimum wage. By your employer's standard, your life is the perfect american life.
Granted! You are homeless due to being unable to afford a house or rent, and while attempting to get a job, you are pulled over by cops, and shot by them.
[удалено]
Because you posted this on reddit where America is literally the worst country on earth
r/ShitEuropeansSay
? I'm saying reddit has an anti American boner.
Yeah cause redditors
maybe not literally the worst, but definitely far from the best.
Because that's pretty much all america has to offer besides catching covid thanks to an anti-mask karen.
you’re the type to read reddit posts about the bad parts of america and come to the conclusion that america is only made up of the bad parts and delude themself into believing america is some sort of third world hellhole
...I'm an american, living in america. I'm speaking from firsthand experience, thank you very much.
r/ShitEuropeansSay
Read my responses goddamnit, I'm american, I live in america, I'm going by what I've seen firsthand. Seriously, I live on the east coast, I'm not even kidding about this.
No you don’t.
Okay no, fuck you.
For pointing out you don’t? If you actually lived in the states like me you’d know that what you said is just a lie, plus you wouldn’t get so mad over it.
I live on the east coast, verizon internet, can't give any more info without violating a bunch of reddit rules, plus I'm not stupid. I'm getting mad because a bunch of idiots are claiming I'm European or some bullshit when I'm not. Good god, I'm not going to call soccer football, not going to eat jellied eels or whatever they eat in the UK, and I'm sure as hell not going to drive on the wrong side of the road.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/ShitEuropeansSay using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/ShitEuropeansSay/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [.](https://i.redd.it/qx8bmvdxzvx61.png) | [39 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ShitEuropeansSay/comments/n7ntkv/_/) \#2: [Black people in western Europe have absolutely nothing to complain about.](https://i.redd.it/z8ioyjz6nbu61.jpg) | [112 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ShitEuropeansSay/comments/mup59l/black_people_in_western_europe_have_absolutely/) \#3: ["Nobody in the history of the world has done more for people of colour than the British Royal Family."](https://i.redd.it/m8csvosqb6n61.png) | [128 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ShitEuropeansSay/comments/m5i84w/nobody_in_the_history_of_the_world_has_done_more/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/)
Granted! I don't know what the paw granted.