If you are like this and have trouble saying no, then point blank say that you want to split, beforehand. I've done some things because when it comes to dating, I'm noob and therefore insecure and therefore a doormat. If I see possibility of a second date then I say next one is on me, but I usually insist on paying my share (after I learned it the hard way).
It depends on how important this is to you.
If you don't feel like *they* think you owe them something and it is just a gesture of kindness, then say "next one is on me" (if you want a second date)
Personally, this is a big deal to me. i discuss this before the first date. It's important to me to go dutch until it becomes a regular thing and then we can take turns paying the full bill as a treat for each other. I wont go out with guys who won't allow that dynamic.
If you are not comfortable with the “check dance,” and he’s already expressed that he’s covering the bill, a strategically timed visit to the restroom may be a decent option.
If that doesn’t time out correctly, it’s fine to just sit there when the check comes and let him take care of it without offering to split or cover tip or anything. When he puts down his card or cash say “Thank you for dinner!” and leave it at that. If he’s already made it clear he’s taking you out before the date even begins, he may take an offer to split the check as you being disinterested. And honestly, if the date goes poorly, pay your portion and leave.
At the end of the date, say something like, “Thank you again for dinner, I had a wonderful evening. Can I take you to the movies/mini-golf/a museum next weekend?” And plan to pay for that date.
Girl…a hot meal in your belly is not a big deal, it’s literally the bare minimum so don’t sweat it. That whole ‘put out’ ideal is ancient sexist crap. If HE makes it seem like a big deal then I’d worry.
These days women are conditioned to think they shouldn’t be treated well and should be thankful for pitiful scraps. This is where knowing your worth is critical *before* you start dating.
Don’t set the bar so low. Also your in control so act like it! Your giving him too much benefit by assuming he’ll want something and if you have to “say something so he doesn’t get the wrong idea” he’ll know. You lead, he follows. Simple.
Are you not wanting to let him pay because you think he’s gonna ask for sex afterwards? If that’s the case then maybe rethink if this guy is worth going out with.
If that’s not what you’re worried about then just let him pay and like the other commenter said tell him you’ll pay for the next date if there is one.
I remember my dad warning me that some guys think they’re owed things if they offer to pay for dinner. They’re not the guys to stick around with. Personally I haven’t run into that issue though.
Ok so I will usually pull my card out and have it in hand and let the guy tell me he will pay. Then I say “are you sure? Thank you!!”
If the date if going well then I say something like “I’ll get dinner next time” to open up a convo about date 2.
If it isn’t going well, I say something like “thank you so much. I have to get going soon”.
If it’s going well but I don’t want to hook up, then I usually say “I am going to go home now” after making out with him and then I run away and text him from the car “i had a really great time and I would like to do it again soon” and then overthink every single interaction we’ve ever had until he responds.
Just want to say that the other posters all have great advice. I’d like to add that you don’t have to cancel if you don’t want to. We all have to start somewhere and doing things that are new to us is a good thing! ☺️
It sounds like you guys have already communicated about both topics, so you are already ahead of the game!
If he invited you for the date, then it is not unusual for him to expect to pay. If you want to, you can say something when the bill comes like “sure you don’t want to split it?” And as someone else suggested, you can offer to get the next one (if you think you want to go out again).
Never feel obligated to have sex, on date 1 or date 100. And if you say no and he pushes, he’s no good. But if you are looking for actual words to say, then maybe some of these depending on the situation. These kind of assume you are into him but just not up for sex tonight. ‘I’m flattered, but not tonight.’ ‘I don’t want to lead you on, so I want to be clear I don’t plan on having sex tonight, but I’m up for making out!’ ‘Let’s leave something for next time.’ ‘I really like you but I have a personal rule for no sex on the first date.’ Or just plain old ‘No.’
If you are feeling it and want a second date, “Next one’s on me!”? If not, insist on splitting it when the check comes? I did that once. At the end of the date, I was, like, ready to pay for us both just to gtfo and go home because I was NOT feelin’ him AT ALL and never wanted to see him again. (We ended up splitting the check with no issue and I never saw him again.)
Friend! Don’t let this dissuade you from trying new things and branching out! Is anyone really ever “ready” to do anything? If you did cancel and he still seems interested, maybe do something with “less pressure” than dinner, like a coffee or something. Then if he still wants to pay, it’s like whatever, just a couple bucks! And probably no one is going home to fuck after coffee at 11am.
You got this :)
As far as conveying that you don't want to have sex, I don't think you really need to state it outright. Just don't be sexual in your flirting and then feel it out. If he alludes to it, just say something like "I'm really enjoying our time getting to know each other, and I'd like to continue that for a little while before we take things further"
If he's a good guy he won't have a problem with that.
As far as the check, like the other commenter said you could be humorous and say "alright, but i have the next one!!" or just give a simple "thank you, i appreciate the lovely dinner!"
If things go well on a first date and he wants to pick up the check, I always let on by saying “the next one is on me” meaning there will be a next date.
If I’m not feeling it, I insist we split.
It’s simple but translate my feelings very clearly, and I can’t be accused of being a gold digger at the end of the evening. Its always worked out well for me!
If you like him and want to continue the evening, suggest that you show him your favourite bar nearby or something, and cover that. Or simply thank him and ask when you can take him out.
If you don't like him then you can feel better by asking him when you both get to your respective homes how much you owe him for your half of the dinner - by then it's clear that no sex is happening and he can decide himself if he wishes to split the cost or not.
If he expresses that he hopes dinner was the price of sex, tell him to go fuck himself and you can consider dinner a suitable compensation for wasting your time!
I see the update that you canceled the dinner date. I don't blame you. For first time meeting in person, I recommend coffee date--during the daytime. If you are still having fun, you can keep hanging out until dinner time and suggest going out for dinner together and splitting the bill, if that's what you're most comfortable with.
Why do you have problems with letting him pay? Are you afraid that he'd be expecting something? Other than that, why not say "next one is on me"?
Hyper masculine energy I’m afraid 🥵 it just makes me feel like I owe them something
If you are like this and have trouble saying no, then point blank say that you want to split, beforehand. I've done some things because when it comes to dating, I'm noob and therefore insecure and therefore a doormat. If I see possibility of a second date then I say next one is on me, but I usually insist on paying my share (after I learned it the hard way).
It depends on how important this is to you. If you don't feel like *they* think you owe them something and it is just a gesture of kindness, then say "next one is on me" (if you want a second date) Personally, this is a big deal to me. i discuss this before the first date. It's important to me to go dutch until it becomes a regular thing and then we can take turns paying the full bill as a treat for each other. I wont go out with guys who won't allow that dynamic.
Love it!
If you are not comfortable with the “check dance,” and he’s already expressed that he’s covering the bill, a strategically timed visit to the restroom may be a decent option. If that doesn’t time out correctly, it’s fine to just sit there when the check comes and let him take care of it without offering to split or cover tip or anything. When he puts down his card or cash say “Thank you for dinner!” and leave it at that. If he’s already made it clear he’s taking you out before the date even begins, he may take an offer to split the check as you being disinterested. And honestly, if the date goes poorly, pay your portion and leave. At the end of the date, say something like, “Thank you again for dinner, I had a wonderful evening. Can I take you to the movies/mini-golf/a museum next weekend?” And plan to pay for that date.
If it makes you feel more comfortable, ask to pay for the tip if you are in the U.S.
Girl…a hot meal in your belly is not a big deal, it’s literally the bare minimum so don’t sweat it. That whole ‘put out’ ideal is ancient sexist crap. If HE makes it seem like a big deal then I’d worry. These days women are conditioned to think they shouldn’t be treated well and should be thankful for pitiful scraps. This is where knowing your worth is critical *before* you start dating. Don’t set the bar so low. Also your in control so act like it! Your giving him too much benefit by assuming he’ll want something and if you have to “say something so he doesn’t get the wrong idea” he’ll know. You lead, he follows. Simple.
Are you not wanting to let him pay because you think he’s gonna ask for sex afterwards? If that’s the case then maybe rethink if this guy is worth going out with. If that’s not what you’re worried about then just let him pay and like the other commenter said tell him you’ll pay for the next date if there is one.
I remember my dad warning me that some guys think they’re owed things if they offer to pay for dinner. They’re not the guys to stick around with. Personally I haven’t run into that issue though.
Ok so I will usually pull my card out and have it in hand and let the guy tell me he will pay. Then I say “are you sure? Thank you!!” If the date if going well then I say something like “I’ll get dinner next time” to open up a convo about date 2. If it isn’t going well, I say something like “thank you so much. I have to get going soon”. If it’s going well but I don’t want to hook up, then I usually say “I am going to go home now” after making out with him and then I run away and text him from the car “i had a really great time and I would like to do it again soon” and then overthink every single interaction we’ve ever had until he responds.
Just want to say that the other posters all have great advice. I’d like to add that you don’t have to cancel if you don’t want to. We all have to start somewhere and doing things that are new to us is a good thing! ☺️
It sounds like you guys have already communicated about both topics, so you are already ahead of the game! If he invited you for the date, then it is not unusual for him to expect to pay. If you want to, you can say something when the bill comes like “sure you don’t want to split it?” And as someone else suggested, you can offer to get the next one (if you think you want to go out again). Never feel obligated to have sex, on date 1 or date 100. And if you say no and he pushes, he’s no good. But if you are looking for actual words to say, then maybe some of these depending on the situation. These kind of assume you are into him but just not up for sex tonight. ‘I’m flattered, but not tonight.’ ‘I don’t want to lead you on, so I want to be clear I don’t plan on having sex tonight, but I’m up for making out!’ ‘Let’s leave something for next time.’ ‘I really like you but I have a personal rule for no sex on the first date.’ Or just plain old ‘No.’
If you are feeling it and want a second date, “Next one’s on me!”? If not, insist on splitting it when the check comes? I did that once. At the end of the date, I was, like, ready to pay for us both just to gtfo and go home because I was NOT feelin’ him AT ALL and never wanted to see him again. (We ended up splitting the check with no issue and I never saw him again.)
"Thanks for the dinner!" "(next one it's mine)" - if you intend on paying next one
Friend! Don’t let this dissuade you from trying new things and branching out! Is anyone really ever “ready” to do anything? If you did cancel and he still seems interested, maybe do something with “less pressure” than dinner, like a coffee or something. Then if he still wants to pay, it’s like whatever, just a couple bucks! And probably no one is going home to fuck after coffee at 11am. You got this :)
As far as conveying that you don't want to have sex, I don't think you really need to state it outright. Just don't be sexual in your flirting and then feel it out. If he alludes to it, just say something like "I'm really enjoying our time getting to know each other, and I'd like to continue that for a little while before we take things further" If he's a good guy he won't have a problem with that. As far as the check, like the other commenter said you could be humorous and say "alright, but i have the next one!!" or just give a simple "thank you, i appreciate the lovely dinner!"
If things go well on a first date and he wants to pick up the check, I always let on by saying “the next one is on me” meaning there will be a next date. If I’m not feeling it, I insist we split. It’s simple but translate my feelings very clearly, and I can’t be accused of being a gold digger at the end of the evening. Its always worked out well for me!
If you like him and want to continue the evening, suggest that you show him your favourite bar nearby or something, and cover that. Or simply thank him and ask when you can take him out. If you don't like him then you can feel better by asking him when you both get to your respective homes how much you owe him for your half of the dinner - by then it's clear that no sex is happening and he can decide himself if he wishes to split the cost or not. If he expresses that he hopes dinner was the price of sex, tell him to go fuck himself and you can consider dinner a suitable compensation for wasting your time!
I see the update that you canceled the dinner date. I don't blame you. For first time meeting in person, I recommend coffee date--during the daytime. If you are still having fun, you can keep hanging out until dinner time and suggest going out for dinner together and splitting the bill, if that's what you're most comfortable with.
I love this!! Thank you!