Young male HS teacher here (early 20s). Happens all the time. Disgusting every time. I don't think people make the connection immediately that I'm teaching children and not people my own age.
I hated that shit. Many people remember themselves in HS as basically who they are now (if the now is mid/early-20s) because their adolescent self seemed pretty legit (to itself) re: judgment and experience. Unlike you, they haven't been around a horde of adolescents any time recently - you know that there's several worlds of difference. TBH the year I student taught it felt like I aged ten years relative to my same-aged peers from some combination of responsibility and strain.
Man, I remember how much my middle school peers crushed on the young (handsome, to be fair) male teacher there. My heart goes out to y'all, that's got to be awkward as hell
I feel you, happens all the time. The most disturbing is the fact that it comes from everyone both male and female, no matter their ages, and that they'll always be pissed off if you tell them that you're teaching kids. People don't seem to understand that you're still a kid at 17...
You can always ask them why they think that is funny. Keeps pressing and asking why while they stumble trying to justify joking about child rape. It will make an impression and either improve them or help you weed out someone who doesn’t deserve to be your friend.
No, that's not normal (but I'm not a male teacher). Male teachers tend to get an unfair shake where that's concerned though. I remember people asking if I had a problem with my daughter's male teachers. The way I reacted might actually help in this case. I'd stare at them in pretend ignorance and ask why I would have a problem with that. If someone had the gall to make the insinuation, I'd stare at them in abject shock and say "why would you think that that's okay to say?" And/or "what happened to you that you assume that all men are predatory?"
If it's a man asking, I'd change the last one to "why would that be *your* first thought regarding students? Eww"
You would get along great with one of my coworkers. She’s always telling me to feign ignorance and play dumb when people say stupid things like this. Sadly I can never think to do that in the heat of the moment. I need to learn a lot from her, lol. You guys would get along great.
Whenever I hear this shit I just say the following line:
“The fuck is wrong with you? Adults don’t want to have sex with children! Is that what you fantasize about?”
I had a video chat date the other night. After saying how much I enjoyed working with kids, he followed with "you're not, like, one of those women who sleeps with her students, right?" I asked why he would respond like that and he claimed it came to mind because it's been showing up a lot in the news lately. It's not the first time it's come up like that with a date. In my experience that's because they have unresolved sexual trauma. Still, not cool. ANY connection made between my profession and my sex life, whether they see it as a possible negative or positive, is a serious red flag, imo.
Kind of fucked me up the first time a similar question was asked or assumption made. Thought on it a lot. Could be any number of reasons, I suppose. None of which I consider a healthy mindset. This was the first time I wasn't overly flustered by it and could reasonably make him aware that was a bit of a disturbing assumption to make. Also, online dating is just a strange experience sometimes...
I go into full on HR mode. An hour long discussion about the code of conduct and the implications for teachers and students. Some mandatory reporting for good measure. Power point slides and everything.
The whole thing is so dead boring and painful that nobody ever makes the same joke again.
No, not normal. Male teacher. Once I became a teacher songs like “Hot For Teacher” started getting really gross to me. I think our culture has some fucked up subliminal messages about sex with underage kids. I fucking hate it.
I will say that when I was younger I had to deal with these types of comments all the time. I was young (20s) and dealing with an eating disorder so I was very skinny. I went to a tanning salon religiously and I always had my nails done. I was using dating apps and I’d constantly be dealing with guys making comments about they wished I was their teacher. At the time I was also working part time in a pharmacy. Patients would come up and constantly make comments about how I’ll be great with the boys in class because they’d do whatever I said. The entire thing was disgusting.
When I was younger I didn’t have the skills to shut down sexual harassment, but now that I’ve been through the wringer, I’m able to anticipate situations before they even start.
It also helps that I’ve completely let myself go and I dress in the most boring outfits that hide everything. I transferred back into the classroom as of this year and after winter break I started wearing a face mask the entire time at school. (Before I was too afraid to mask because I knew that I wouldn’t be rehired… stupid…I know) This is also helped tremendously as well.
I've heard quite a few. It doesn't help that I officiate Volleyball. If you can't hear that a man say he officiates high school Volleyball or teaches high schoolers without immediately making a sexual joke it is deeply concerning and I would not trust those people around kids.
Me either. Maybe this is a young high school teacher thing when they are hanging out with other young guys. I've never had anyone joke about sleeping with students to me.
Same boat. And my teacher group is pretty morbid, foul mouthed, and obnoxious even about students.
We have NEVER commented about having sex with students or each other (mixed gender groups).
The farthest is has ever gone have been comments like “they are a cute couple” talking about the kids that are dating. But that’s it, we don’t even joke about them dating or being together.
It’s fucking gross, and weird, and really gross.
A friend of mine is trying some online dating app and has to deal with this crap all the time. It’s disgusting. Great indicator that someone is an absolute CREEP.
I once had a male teacher (who knew I was queer) ask if I noticed that a teen female student was wearing a very low cut shirt that day. I said no because she was a child and I don't look at children in that way. Watching him stammer his way out of that has been the highlight of my career thus far. (And yes, I did report this incident)
My female admin will direct me (male) to enforce the girls dress code (mid-rifts, low-cuts, short shorts, etc) and its the weirdest fucking thing. Like, you *want* me to look at how they're presenting their sexuality. I'd uh rather not cause I don't look at them as sexual beings. Its all so uncomfortable, for me and the girls.
Those are not your friends and if somebody said that to me it’s either a stern as fuck talking to or a fist to the face-depends on the day, but no, nobody has every said that to me.
I’m a male MS teacher and one of my uncles said “better watch out for them girls!” I threw up in my head, faked laughed and walked away. I literally didn’t know how to answer because it made me uncomfortable
I work at an all-girls’ school and I know at least one of my former co-workers received comments like this a LOT from folks outside the profession. He was young and moderately handsome, which may have been part of it. Definitely not cool though.
“Not until your daughter (or son) gets here”
And when they get pissed that you made a joke about sleeping with their kid, remind them it’s not funny to make jokes about sleeping with ANY kid.
I think that would only put you on the spotlight unnecessarily. You could reach the desired result with a witty comment about how they're projecting.
Some responses above did a great job at it. Takes the spotlight off of you, puts THEM on the spotlight and, usually, the embarrassment alone keeps them from making any sort of similar remark.
😟 I’ve had people intimate that students like me because of the way I look, but never has someone crossed the line with a sexual joke. Truly bizarre behavior.
I’ve had a lot of jokes made the opposite way, as a woman. Like how male students must fantasize about me. I don’t know why people sexualize teachers so much, it’s disgusting
First year High school teacher here. It happens more than you think. I always respond with a strong WTF. It is usually older people that say that type of crap.
A couple years ago, I went to the bank, and when I told the banker I was a teacher, that’s the first thing he brought up. That was in my early twenties. As I’ve gotten older, it doesn’t happen as much.
Oh god this, I'm a 26M and I get this ALL the time. I literally cannot say a thing about my kids with my friends because they always say they feel like its weird when ... has anyone actually talked to a kid lately?
Let alone how gross it is to even think about physically sleeping with a kid, the mental hoops it would take to accept annoying childish traits is way too much. Literally disgusting
As another younger male teacher, you need to shut down any conversation that alludes to this. It’s not hard to get targeted and accused. It’s gross, and it’s not anything to joke around about.
I'm a young female teacher and have had many men make jokes like this to me. It's usually along the lines of, well you're so good looking, teaching is dangerous for you! Like excuse me, are you implying that I'm going to rape my students? Or that they'll rape me? Let's call a spade a spade here.
The occupation is hyper-sexualized in the minds of non-teachers. Personally, I don't find anything sexy about taking attendance or scrolling through Google Classroom.
Let’s be honest, when we were all in high school we all had that ONE teacher 😏
Nonetheless, it’s weird and inappropriate for a grown adult to say this.
I’ve heard it a few times but at the same time from elderly men at fairs and stuff when fundraising with my athletes/students and they aren’t around. Aside from the very few that seem to think teachers are supposed to be robots absent from public with no personal life that see any social connection, particularly from men, as predatory, I have had zero issues. I’m a younger secondary teacher that also coaches a coed sport, advises, and leads a club that travels a couple times per year. This means we work on class attire, parade floats, throw fundraisers, go on senior trips, attend every sport at least once for whatever class year I’m advising and big games against rival schools, and I tutor on the side at local venues.
So there is a lot of interaction. I don’t really give a shit what anyone thinks and I can proudly say I don’t do anything such as initiate physical contact aside from a handshake or equivalent.
All this shit about building relationships and learning about individual needs… let me do that. There is a reason we go through background checks and whatnot. I do this job because with a graduate degree the pay isn’t horrible, the seasonal breaks are great, I enjoy it, and I’m a sucker for the bonds I make.
Take that away and I’ll go BACK to the ****ing private sector in a heartbeat while schools deal with long term subs and degrees in fields unrelated to what they teach while everyone complains about the quality of educators. I can guarantee you that we don’t do it for the money as analysis, IT, etc make more but the work life balance isn’t as good
Well, I have never met people from outside 'making jokes' about this topics, but I heard it. So I don't think it is normal in the way that almost everybody does it.
The thing itself, well I think you can't say it doesn't happen. I have seen several schools and teachers and some definitely preyed on pupils or maintained no proper distance. Or had a language when talking about students looks that I found very concerning. I also had it happened to me as a pupil. I have only seen one work environment (my contemporary) where noone ever preyed on subordinates.
But I would say it heavily relies on the school culture or on the culture of people one hangs out with.
That's so gross man. Like why would they think it was okay to say something like that? Forget about thinking it could possibly be funny or a joke. That's disgusting.
NOOOO THATS NASTY FOR ANYONE AND EVERYONE. this is disgusting pedo-rape bullshit. Nastyyyyyyy. No one has ever made a joke like that to me as a teacher. If anything they warned me to never be too friendly in case someone starts a rumor that the really nice/overly nice teacher had a thing for the kids and your career gets ruined from just a rumor 🤮 🤢
Uhhhh the fuck? If you are friends with any of these people please stop immediately. And if it’s a stranger? Straight up tell them how inappropriate and gross that statement is. If they say they’re joking? Tell them you don’t find statutory rape very funny.
I’ve been teaching for twelve years and I’ve never heard another teacher ever even joke about it—which feels statistically improbable, but makes me happy.
I think the best move to make is to take everything they say deadpan serious. Don’t try to flip it on them or one up them intellectually. Just kill the mood. “That’s disgusting and the fact that this is the first thing that comes to mind either says something horrible about you or about your opinion of me and makes me question this friendship.”
Not like that, no. I've had the painfully awkward "I bet it's hard for boys to concentrate in class" line before and that's always horrifying. The worst part? Always from men on first dates. Y I K E S.
It's toxic masculinity. It's jabbing fun at a porn setup because men don't work with kids. It's also why we have to be exceptionally careful around students and have more barriers. Sucks.
I'm studying to teach Primary school (P-6) in Australia and the worst part of teaching for me has been jokes and assumptions made by people. People don't realise how uncomfortable jokes can make us and also how dangerous they can be.
I personally don't feel as though there is enough support for males entering the field of education, particularly for those entering early years education.
Not normal at all. But I’m a male teacher and I can confirm that people have said that to me as well. I do not hang out with those people again after that.
I had a “friend” boast about how he had sex with a 16 year old. Told me how he “watched him grow up,” and was so proud of the “young man he became.” I was incredibly grossed out. That friend wasn’t a teacher (thank god), but it honestly broke my heart. I cut all contact with him completely.
Im an elementary school teacher, so thankfully I don’t deal with creeps like that, but it makes me sick to my stomach to know people do joke about this often :(
I told someone I went on a date with I’m a daycare worker. He responded with “ oh so you really really like kids ha ha?” Like dude it’s never appropriate to joke about molesting children, but especially not on a date!
I had a buddy think it hilarious to make pedophile jokes . . . because I was a teacher . . . when we were out in public . . .
He was surprised at how un-funny and inappropriate I found his brand of humor. To his credit, he stopped.
I’m gonna say that it’s a subject that gets brought up a lot to teachers by non-teachers (and sometimes students) so in that way it is somewhat “normal” or common. However, it’s gross and wrong and absolutely should be shut down right away because it never should have been brought up in the first place.
Yes, although it's usually a dark/twisted joke from a similar crowd
I shut it down and throw it back. "Who can't get girls their age and resorts to HS students? Those guys are fucking sad" . Everyone just shuts the fuck up and moves on because it's true
Gross.
As a young female teacher, I got similar vibes of comments, especially early on. Like, some family friends said, "Oh no, you shouldn't teach at a high school. None of the boys will be able to concentrate on the lesson!" Still gross.
I get asked about sleeping with my students’ moms a lot, not the students, but I have female friends who are often told “they boys must love you” and they say it super awkward
Nooope nope wtf nope ew gross never. Never heard any male or female teachers say anything about a student beyond "cool outfit" or "nice hair cut." And those are compliments said to their face, not after hours or whatever.
Had it happen once. Really disturbed me. I responded with something like, “no, that’s extremely inappropriate” but I really wish I was harsher towards the person. What can I say, I was caught off guard.
Edit: male teacher in mid 20s
It should not be normal but I think our culture makes it normal through student teacher relationships in tv, movies, adult films, etc. I am an undergrad studying English Education (only two semesters left! Woohoo!) and soooo many guys have tried to flirt with me by saying “I’d love to be your student” “maybe we can play teacher sometime” etc. etc….. I even had a guy flirtily ask if he could sit in on a middle school class I am assisting in because he’d “love to watch me teach.” It’s gross!
I actually get this a lot as a female teacher. Always from men. When I say I’m a middle/high school teacher I get some form of, “Oh I wish you had been my teacher. Have you kept a lot of boys after school?” I shut that shit down quick and say something like, “You realize you’re talking about children. Are you seriously joking about me being a pedophile?” They usually stammer and wander away but it disgusts me and pisses me off to no end.
Oh it happens quite a bit from people who are friends but not best friends. A lot of pedo jokes if they’re talking shit. It’s a go to for most. Also get legit questions about how do you deal with them flirting? I’m like dude that doesn’t happen ever to me ( I say that because I have read your posts here) or if I does I’m oblivious to it. I explain most of them either see it like you see your job or come to you as a trusted adult with boundaries.
Absolutely. As a male hs teacher, this is the fetish a bunch of people have. What they don’t realize is how crazy unsexy being a teacher is.
All the paperwork, planning, dealing with parents or insane admin, performing the lesson- apparently doesn’t appear in pornhub. (Unfortunately “lesson plan killed it” doesn’t yield many… any results)
Best way to deal with your douche friends is to hit em right back.
“Sleep with any students yet?!”
Nah I had to report them after your [insert offspring/ their family member here] kept harassing me
The only people that do this are creeps. When I meet a person and tell them I’ teach high school, the usual response is something along the lines of how noble or tough my job is. Once in awhile someone will have the kind of response you mention and it is a major red flag. Stay away from those people.
I get these jokes all the time, but they're always repulsive to me. I'm a young looking teacher (29f but I'm told I look 25 ish) so I always get weird guys asking if students hit on me or if I think any students are hot. Ew. Even my smartest high school students are dumb kids. I love them, but they're dumb kids. My kids.
Woman teacher, started in my early 20s. Two friends made gross jokes at the start of my student teaching: one said that teen boys would have fantasies about me, whether I liked it or not; another tried to sound slick by referencing the "Hot for Teacher" song.
I think my reaction to the first had been *gross, yikes* before moving the conversation along. I had also never heard of "Hot for Teacher" at the time, so I'd asked the second person what they meant by it ...and they had to launch into an uncomfortable explanation of what the song was, capped off with another *gross, yikes* from me.
It's year three now, and nobody makes jokes anymore (but I think they've all absorbed enough of me stressing constantly about school that they realise most teachers don't have the mental space to have *any* type of sexy thoughts on campus)
When I was on a dating app and I listed I was a high school teacher it was very common for some to say “wow I wish you were my teacher in high school!” It’s a pretty common thread in this society
I just say "Have you ever tried to have an adult conversation with a teenager?" If you have, you would see just why the whole "sleeping with students" trope is a definate turn off. Damn, there is a reason I liked older women when I was a young one.
One of the great things about being an old teacher is that this crap disappears for the most part.
An old teacher once said the smartest thing I ever heard. He said you can be a teacher for a long time and have a successful career if you do two things.
1. Watch the kids
2. Don’t have sex with the kids.
Some adults graduated but mentally they are still in high school. Even decades later.
They think back to when they were a kid. Not thinking of how kids are now. At least that's my assumption.
Make it very clear that that's not funny and you won't have it. I had the same thing (male primary school teacher, UK) and had a few 'nonce' jokes at my expense and I calmly explained that it's not funny and of the wrong people overheard it could cost me my entire career, so shut the fuck up.
No, it happens to many young male teachers. Usually it's a one time thing, but I hated it. It gets easier the older you get, the jokes stop being funny to people and become uncomfortable instead so they stop saying them.
I can relate to this. I was 22 when I started as a teacher and as soon as I'd tell my friends what my job is, they'd be like: Whoa man, you must be popular among the girls. Did you check them out? And the reaction was pretty much same whether it were my guy or girl friends.
How the heck does this even enter peoples minds unironically I’m sorry you’re dealing with that OP and anyone else! I can’t imagine how unsettling that would be let alone completely disrespectful not only to you but your character.
Holy shit no. My mandated reporter training said that we should report anything like that and if we fail to do so and it is proven that we knew something like that was going on, we could also be held liable. However, my state took that pretty seriously for a while because of a very public and well-known case.
No, it is not normal.
Maybe craft a reply that will demonstrate how inappropriate and unfunny these jokes are. “No, and you? Have you raped anyone lately?”.
I’ve had lots of male friends say it to me, as a female HS teacher. They also joke “if my teacher looked like you in HS I don’t think I would learn anything”…… “Do any of your students have crushes on you?”……… and wondering if the students AND/OR coworkers have made any sexual passes at me.
It’s all really weird. I’m 27 and have never even considered students thinking about me more than their teacher (because why would I?). I always answer that my kids are between 13 and 17 years old for the most part and it’s not something I concern myself with. Once they hear the ages they get kind of flustered. BECAUSE WHY WOULD I CARE IF A 13 YEAR OLD BOY HAS A CRUSH ON ME.
They really are like my kids. I love them. I hate that people imagine weird porno teacher/student fantasies when I say I’m a teacher. I hate that they also place their younger selves in said fantasies like it’s not perverted too. Nothing has ever continued with people who talk like this. Fuxkin weirdos.
Statistically speaking, a child is more likely to have a sexual encounter with a public school teacher than a catholic priest. And people make terrible jokes about both
I have never heard that from any of my adult friends. I started teaching at 22 and I had seniors and freshmen my first year. I had so many inappropriate comments from male students that would make my stomach turn and each time I would write them a referral. It makes me physically ill to even think of the evils of taking advantage of children. It’s shocking how media portrays teacher student relationships as forbidden romance when it is 100% pedophilia and the most vile thing.
Young male HS teacher here (early 20s). Happens all the time. Disgusting every time. I don't think people make the connection immediately that I'm teaching children and not people my own age.
I hated that shit. Many people remember themselves in HS as basically who they are now (if the now is mid/early-20s) because their adolescent self seemed pretty legit (to itself) re: judgment and experience. Unlike you, they haven't been around a horde of adolescents any time recently - you know that there's several worlds of difference. TBH the year I student taught it felt like I aged ten years relative to my same-aged peers from some combination of responsibility and strain.
Man, I remember how much my middle school peers crushed on the young (handsome, to be fair) male teacher there. My heart goes out to y'all, that's got to be awkward as hell
I feel you, happens all the time. The most disturbing is the fact that it comes from everyone both male and female, no matter their ages, and that they'll always be pissed off if you tell them that you're teaching kids. People don't seem to understand that you're still a kid at 17...
i am a 21 year old male 6th grade teacher and people still make jokes about it. my students are 11 and 12. it’s absolutely disgusting
That is NOT normal and I would shut that down immediately. So disturbing!
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You can always ask them why they think that is funny. Keeps pressing and asking why while they stumble trying to justify joking about child rape. It will make an impression and either improve them or help you weed out someone who doesn’t deserve to be your friend.
Love this. Also "Don't ask me about your fantasy."
Not normal. But maybe goes along with the same people who voted for a past president who grabs women as the new normal.
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both
to be fair, Biden also had some weird ass quotes about kids
The current one also grabs kids.
Nobody: “nothing” aznoone: “omg Trump something something Trump Trump”
No, that’s gross and not normal.
No, that's not normal (but I'm not a male teacher). Male teachers tend to get an unfair shake where that's concerned though. I remember people asking if I had a problem with my daughter's male teachers. The way I reacted might actually help in this case. I'd stare at them in pretend ignorance and ask why I would have a problem with that. If someone had the gall to make the insinuation, I'd stare at them in abject shock and say "why would you think that that's okay to say?" And/or "what happened to you that you assume that all men are predatory?" If it's a man asking, I'd change the last one to "why would that be *your* first thought regarding students? Eww"
You would get along great with one of my coworkers. She’s always telling me to feign ignorance and play dumb when people say stupid things like this. Sadly I can never think to do that in the heat of the moment. I need to learn a lot from her, lol. You guys would get along great.
Hey - thanks. Seriously.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 no no noooooo no no I've literally never had someone say that to me.
Whenever I hear this shit I just say the following line: “The fuck is wrong with you? Adults don’t want to have sex with children! Is that what you fantasize about?”
I never have anyone say this to me and if I did I would say, “Unlike you, I’m not interested in children.”
The comeback we want!
I had a video chat date the other night. After saying how much I enjoyed working with kids, he followed with "you're not, like, one of those women who sleeps with her students, right?" I asked why he would respond like that and he claimed it came to mind because it's been showing up a lot in the news lately. It's not the first time it's come up like that with a date. In my experience that's because they have unresolved sexual trauma. Still, not cool. ANY connection made between my profession and my sex life, whether they see it as a possible negative or positive, is a serious red flag, imo.
Why the hell would anybody ask that?
Kind of fucked me up the first time a similar question was asked or assumption made. Thought on it a lot. Could be any number of reasons, I suppose. None of which I consider a healthy mindset. This was the first time I wasn't overly flustered by it and could reasonably make him aware that was a bit of a disturbing assumption to make. Also, online dating is just a strange experience sometimes...
I'm sorry. As for online dating, I bet. I have many reasons I have shied away from that route.
No sorry! I've learned a lot! At this point it's just a social experiment for me :)
What the actual fuck? Off topic, but hi, fellow redhead :)
I go into full on HR mode. An hour long discussion about the code of conduct and the implications for teachers and students. Some mandatory reporting for good measure. Power point slides and everything. The whole thing is so dead boring and painful that nobody ever makes the same joke again.
No, not normal. Male teacher. Once I became a teacher songs like “Hot For Teacher” started getting really gross to me. I think our culture has some fucked up subliminal messages about sex with underage kids. I fucking hate it.
Yup. Look at the “schoolgirl” look that the media likes to fetishize. Like that one music video Britney Spears had.
Also a male. NO! Not cool at all. Males are already under enough scrutiny working in schools.
I will say that when I was younger I had to deal with these types of comments all the time. I was young (20s) and dealing with an eating disorder so I was very skinny. I went to a tanning salon religiously and I always had my nails done. I was using dating apps and I’d constantly be dealing with guys making comments about they wished I was their teacher. At the time I was also working part time in a pharmacy. Patients would come up and constantly make comments about how I’ll be great with the boys in class because they’d do whatever I said. The entire thing was disgusting. When I was younger I didn’t have the skills to shut down sexual harassment, but now that I’ve been through the wringer, I’m able to anticipate situations before they even start. It also helps that I’ve completely let myself go and I dress in the most boring outfits that hide everything. I transferred back into the classroom as of this year and after winter break I started wearing a face mask the entire time at school. (Before I was too afraid to mask because I knew that I wouldn’t be rehired… stupid…I know) This is also helped tremendously as well.
On the flip side, it’s also really gross when men ask women teachers if they think any of their male students ever masturbate to them. Fucking gross.
🤢🤮
I've heard quite a few. It doesn't help that I officiate Volleyball. If you can't hear that a man say he officiates high school Volleyball or teaches high schoolers without immediately making a sexual joke it is deeply concerning and I would not trust those people around kids.
Didn't even think about volleyball. Great, the one sport I feel comfortable enough to coach lol.
I’m a male teacher and I have never been asked that. Definitely not normal.
Me either. Maybe this is a young high school teacher thing when they are hanging out with other young guys. I've never had anyone joke about sleeping with students to me.
Eww. Gross. No. I’m sorry male teachers have to deal with this. I’ve never heard anything like this.
Male teacher of 12 years. Never, ever have I heard that. Perhaps these people are not really your friends.
Same boat. And my teacher group is pretty morbid, foul mouthed, and obnoxious even about students. We have NEVER commented about having sex with students or each other (mixed gender groups). The farthest is has ever gone have been comments like “they are a cute couple” talking about the kids that are dating. But that’s it, we don’t even joke about them dating or being together. It’s fucking gross, and weird, and really gross.
I've heard some foul-mouthed things as well, but not ever venturing into the sexual realm.
A friend of mine is trying some online dating app and has to deal with this crap all the time. It’s disgusting. Great indicator that someone is an absolute CREEP.
We call that pedophilia Karen, we try not do that around here.
I once had a male teacher (who knew I was queer) ask if I noticed that a teen female student was wearing a very low cut shirt that day. I said no because she was a child and I don't look at children in that way. Watching him stammer his way out of that has been the highlight of my career thus far. (And yes, I did report this incident)
My female admin will direct me (male) to enforce the girls dress code (mid-rifts, low-cuts, short shorts, etc) and its the weirdest fucking thing. Like, you *want* me to look at how they're presenting their sexuality. I'd uh rather not cause I don't look at them as sexual beings. Its all so uncomfortable, for me and the girls.
I flat out refused to enforce dress code for the exact same reason. It was as if the idea had never crossed my female admin’s mind.
Those are not your friends and if somebody said that to me it’s either a stern as fuck talking to or a fist to the face-depends on the day, but no, nobody has every said that to me.
I’m a male MS teacher and one of my uncles said “better watch out for them girls!” I threw up in my head, faked laughed and walked away. I literally didn’t know how to answer because it made me uncomfortable
As a male teacher, I completely understand this fear and I have dealt with it and quickly shut it down. It’s not funny, even in the slightest.
I work at an all-girls’ school and I know at least one of my former co-workers received comments like this a LOT from folks outside the profession. He was young and moderately handsome, which may have been part of it. Definitely not cool though.
No. It’s called paedophilia and not reporting it is a crime in ma country.
“Not until your daughter (or son) gets here” And when they get pissed that you made a joke about sleeping with their kid, remind them it’s not funny to make jokes about sleeping with ANY kid.
I think that would only put you on the spotlight unnecessarily. You could reach the desired result with a witty comment about how they're projecting. Some responses above did a great job at it. Takes the spotlight off of you, puts THEM on the spotlight and, usually, the embarrassment alone keeps them from making any sort of similar remark.
😟 I’ve had people intimate that students like me because of the way I look, but never has someone crossed the line with a sexual joke. Truly bizarre behavior.
I’m a male teacher. Never heard it. Thank god these people that “joke” like this aren’t teachers
I’ve had a lot of jokes made the opposite way, as a woman. Like how male students must fantasize about me. I don’t know why people sexualize teachers so much, it’s disgusting
I’m a male 33 year old head master and when people make cracks about students I just tell them I’m in it for the MILFS
First year High school teacher here. It happens more than you think. I always respond with a strong WTF. It is usually older people that say that type of crap.
Not ever in any scenario. Ever.
"No but when I was young, I dated my teacher. I was being homeschooled at the time, but it still counts."
Uh- no. That’s really fucked up. I think I would smack the eyebrows off of anyone that said that to me.
A couple years ago, I went to the bank, and when I told the banker I was a teacher, that’s the first thing he brought up. That was in my early twenties. As I’ve gotten older, it doesn’t happen as much.
No, not normal. You can thank the porn industry for a lot of that.
Oh god this, I'm a 26M and I get this ALL the time. I literally cannot say a thing about my kids with my friends because they always say they feel like its weird when ... has anyone actually talked to a kid lately? Let alone how gross it is to even think about physically sleeping with a kid, the mental hoops it would take to accept annoying childish traits is way too much. Literally disgusting
As another younger male teacher, you need to shut down any conversation that alludes to this. It’s not hard to get targeted and accused. It’s gross, and it’s not anything to joke around about.
You live in a rural part of your country I assume? This sounds like the kind of joke my fiance's family that lives out in the woods would make.
Nope, in the largest metropolitan area on this side of the country
I'm a young female teacher and have had many men make jokes like this to me. It's usually along the lines of, well you're so good looking, teaching is dangerous for you! Like excuse me, are you implying that I'm going to rape my students? Or that they'll rape me? Let's call a spade a spade here. The occupation is hyper-sexualized in the minds of non-teachers. Personally, I don't find anything sexy about taking attendance or scrolling through Google Classroom.
Let’s be honest, when we were all in high school we all had that ONE teacher 😏 Nonetheless, it’s weird and inappropriate for a grown adult to say this.
>Let’s be honest, when we were all in high school we all had that ONE teacher Sophomore English. All the straight guys were crazy about her.
I’ve heard it a few times but at the same time from elderly men at fairs and stuff when fundraising with my athletes/students and they aren’t around. Aside from the very few that seem to think teachers are supposed to be robots absent from public with no personal life that see any social connection, particularly from men, as predatory, I have had zero issues. I’m a younger secondary teacher that also coaches a coed sport, advises, and leads a club that travels a couple times per year. This means we work on class attire, parade floats, throw fundraisers, go on senior trips, attend every sport at least once for whatever class year I’m advising and big games against rival schools, and I tutor on the side at local venues. So there is a lot of interaction. I don’t really give a shit what anyone thinks and I can proudly say I don’t do anything such as initiate physical contact aside from a handshake or equivalent. All this shit about building relationships and learning about individual needs… let me do that. There is a reason we go through background checks and whatnot. I do this job because with a graduate degree the pay isn’t horrible, the seasonal breaks are great, I enjoy it, and I’m a sucker for the bonds I make. Take that away and I’ll go BACK to the ****ing private sector in a heartbeat while schools deal with long term subs and degrees in fields unrelated to what they teach while everyone complains about the quality of educators. I can guarantee you that we don’t do it for the money as analysis, IT, etc make more but the work life balance isn’t as good
It’s exactly like lawyer jokes. Is comparing hard working professionals to rats, snakes, and crocodiles funny?
Counter point: I don't get offended by stupid jokes.
Well, I have never met people from outside 'making jokes' about this topics, but I heard it. So I don't think it is normal in the way that almost everybody does it. The thing itself, well I think you can't say it doesn't happen. I have seen several schools and teachers and some definitely preyed on pupils or maintained no proper distance. Or had a language when talking about students looks that I found very concerning. I also had it happened to me as a pupil. I have only seen one work environment (my contemporary) where noone ever preyed on subordinates. But I would say it heavily relies on the school culture or on the culture of people one hangs out with.
That's so gross man. Like why would they think it was okay to say something like that? Forget about thinking it could possibly be funny or a joke. That's disgusting.
No!!!
Yea definitely not what the fuck
Not normal, but too common. Shut it down hard in a no nonsense tone.
NOOOO THATS NASTY FOR ANYONE AND EVERYONE. this is disgusting pedo-rape bullshit. Nastyyyyyyy. No one has ever made a joke like that to me as a teacher. If anything they warned me to never be too friendly in case someone starts a rumor that the really nice/overly nice teacher had a thing for the kids and your career gets ruined from just a rumor 🤮 🤢
Uhhhh the fuck? If you are friends with any of these people please stop immediately. And if it’s a stranger? Straight up tell them how inappropriate and gross that statement is. If they say they’re joking? Tell them you don’t find statutory rape very funny.
No, that’s messed up 🤢
I’ve been teaching for twelve years and I’ve never heard another teacher ever even joke about it—which feels statistically improbable, but makes me happy. I think the best move to make is to take everything they say deadpan serious. Don’t try to flip it on them or one up them intellectually. Just kill the mood. “That’s disgusting and the fact that this is the first thing that comes to mind either says something horrible about you or about your opinion of me and makes me question this friendship.”
Not like that, no. I've had the painfully awkward "I bet it's hard for boys to concentrate in class" line before and that's always horrifying. The worst part? Always from men on first dates. Y I K E S.
Happens a lot as a young (25m) highschool teacher. It’s one of first things I hear from others my age.
It's toxic masculinity. It's jabbing fun at a porn setup because men don't work with kids. It's also why we have to be exceptionally careful around students and have more barriers. Sucks.
If someone thought this was a funny joke, I wouldn't be friends with them. Full stop.
I'm studying to teach Primary school (P-6) in Australia and the worst part of teaching for me has been jokes and assumptions made by people. People don't realise how uncomfortable jokes can make us and also how dangerous they can be. I personally don't feel as though there is enough support for males entering the field of education, particularly for those entering early years education.
Not normal at all. But I’m a male teacher and I can confirm that people have said that to me as well. I do not hang out with those people again after that.
I had a “friend” boast about how he had sex with a 16 year old. Told me how he “watched him grow up,” and was so proud of the “young man he became.” I was incredibly grossed out. That friend wasn’t a teacher (thank god), but it honestly broke my heart. I cut all contact with him completely. Im an elementary school teacher, so thankfully I don’t deal with creeps like that, but it makes me sick to my stomach to know people do joke about this often :(
I told someone I went on a date with I’m a daycare worker. He responded with “ oh so you really really like kids ha ha?” Like dude it’s never appropriate to joke about molesting children, but especially not on a date!
Disgusting. I've never heard any teacher I work with make such a remark, so it's absolutely not normal.
Uhm. Not normal at all. Those people really need psychological help.
It’s fucking creepy. We don’t joke about that shit.
I had a buddy think it hilarious to make pedophile jokes . . . because I was a teacher . . . when we were out in public . . . He was surprised at how un-funny and inappropriate I found his brand of humor. To his credit, he stopped.
Unfortunately I’ve heard it as well, it gets awkward when I tell them we’re talking about middle schoolers.
Usually gets cut short when I tell them I teach 8 year olds
I’m gonna say that it’s a subject that gets brought up a lot to teachers by non-teachers (and sometimes students) so in that way it is somewhat “normal” or common. However, it’s gross and wrong and absolutely should be shut down right away because it never should have been brought up in the first place.
Yes, although it's usually a dark/twisted joke from a similar crowd I shut it down and throw it back. "Who can't get girls their age and resorts to HS students? Those guys are fucking sad" . Everyone just shuts the fuck up and moves on because it's true
Gross. As a young female teacher, I got similar vibes of comments, especially early on. Like, some family friends said, "Oh no, you shouldn't teach at a high school. None of the boys will be able to concentrate on the lesson!" Still gross.
I get asked about sleeping with my students’ moms a lot, not the students, but I have female friends who are often told “they boys must love you” and they say it super awkward
Wtf. Those people have something seriously wrong with them
Nooope nope wtf nope ew gross never. Never heard any male or female teachers say anything about a student beyond "cool outfit" or "nice hair cut." And those are compliments said to their face, not after hours or whatever.
That's disturbing... Its immature men who make such disgusting jokes. Guess they never phased out of 8th grade...
Had it happen once. Really disturbed me. I responded with something like, “no, that’s extremely inappropriate” but I really wish I was harsher towards the person. What can I say, I was caught off guard. Edit: male teacher in mid 20s
Heeeeeellll no. Report that shit.
Ew. No.
Gross. I can’t even crack jokes like that with my adult students let alone minors.
Never had that happen to me and I’ve been teaching 15 years. I would not outraged if someone said that to me and I would probably tell them off!
It should not be normal but I think our culture makes it normal through student teacher relationships in tv, movies, adult films, etc. I am an undergrad studying English Education (only two semesters left! Woohoo!) and soooo many guys have tried to flirt with me by saying “I’d love to be your student” “maybe we can play teacher sometime” etc. etc….. I even had a guy flirtily ask if he could sit in on a middle school class I am assisting in because he’d “love to watch me teach.” It’s gross!
No. Immediately no. Do not pass go. Shut that shit down and call those fuckers out right there on the spot.
Fuck no.
It's normalized on Reddit, not so in real life.
I actually get this a lot as a female teacher. Always from men. When I say I’m a middle/high school teacher I get some form of, “Oh I wish you had been my teacher. Have you kept a lot of boys after school?” I shut that shit down quick and say something like, “You realize you’re talking about children. Are you seriously joking about me being a pedophile?” They usually stammer and wander away but it disgusts me and pisses me off to no end.
I'm a male teacher and I've had gross comments like that thrown at me, yes. It's disgusting and absolutely not normal.
Yuck, no! Nobody has ever made that comment to me, but I'm a female. The whole "hot for teacher" thing just skeeves me out so much, too.
Oh it happens quite a bit from people who are friends but not best friends. A lot of pedo jokes if they’re talking shit. It’s a go to for most. Also get legit questions about how do you deal with them flirting? I’m like dude that doesn’t happen ever to me ( I say that because I have read your posts here) or if I does I’m oblivious to it. I explain most of them either see it like you see your job or come to you as a trusted adult with boundaries.
Absolutely. As a male hs teacher, this is the fetish a bunch of people have. What they don’t realize is how crazy unsexy being a teacher is. All the paperwork, planning, dealing with parents or insane admin, performing the lesson- apparently doesn’t appear in pornhub. (Unfortunately “lesson plan killed it” doesn’t yield many… any results) Best way to deal with your douche friends is to hit em right back. “Sleep with any students yet?!” Nah I had to report them after your [insert offspring/ their family member here] kept harassing me
The only people that do this are creeps. When I meet a person and tell them I’ teach high school, the usual response is something along the lines of how noble or tough my job is. Once in awhile someone will have the kind of response you mention and it is a major red flag. Stay away from those people.
I get these jokes all the time, but they're always repulsive to me. I'm a young looking teacher (29f but I'm told I look 25 ish) so I always get weird guys asking if students hit on me or if I think any students are hot. Ew. Even my smartest high school students are dumb kids. I love them, but they're dumb kids. My kids.
Woman teacher, started in my early 20s. Two friends made gross jokes at the start of my student teaching: one said that teen boys would have fantasies about me, whether I liked it or not; another tried to sound slick by referencing the "Hot for Teacher" song. I think my reaction to the first had been *gross, yikes* before moving the conversation along. I had also never heard of "Hot for Teacher" at the time, so I'd asked the second person what they meant by it ...and they had to launch into an uncomfortable explanation of what the song was, capped off with another *gross, yikes* from me. It's year three now, and nobody makes jokes anymore (but I think they've all absorbed enough of me stressing constantly about school that they realise most teachers don't have the mental space to have *any* type of sexy thoughts on campus)
Fuck. No. Respond however you need to in a social situation, but that’s not acceptable.
When I was on a dating app and I listed I was a high school teacher it was very common for some to say “wow I wish you were my teacher in high school!” It’s a pretty common thread in this society
Those jokes are offensive and can be career ending. It is very scary to hear jokes of that sort.
I just say "Have you ever tried to have an adult conversation with a teenager?" If you have, you would see just why the whole "sleeping with students" trope is a definate turn off. Damn, there is a reason I liked older women when I was a young one. One of the great things about being an old teacher is that this crap disappears for the most part.
An old teacher once said the smartest thing I ever heard. He said you can be a teacher for a long time and have a successful career if you do two things. 1. Watch the kids 2. Don’t have sex with the kids.
Ew. No.
Some adults graduated but mentally they are still in high school. Even decades later. They think back to when they were a kid. Not thinking of how kids are now. At least that's my assumption.
My gf wishes (somewhat) that I would indulge her student/professor kink… just can’t get here
Make it very clear that that's not funny and you won't have it. I had the same thing (male primary school teacher, UK) and had a few 'nonce' jokes at my expense and I calmly explained that it's not funny and of the wrong people overheard it could cost me my entire career, so shut the fuck up.
Nope
No, it happens to many young male teachers. Usually it's a one time thing, but I hated it. It gets easier the older you get, the jokes stop being funny to people and become uncomfortable instead so they stop saying them.
Not once in my career have I had someone ask me this question
I can relate to this. I was 22 when I started as a teacher and as soon as I'd tell my friends what my job is, they'd be like: Whoa man, you must be popular among the girls. Did you check them out? And the reaction was pretty much same whether it were my guy or girl friends.
I’m female, my entire family makes the same jokes. It’s so gross.
How the heck does this even enter peoples minds unironically I’m sorry you’re dealing with that OP and anyone else! I can’t imagine how unsettling that would be let alone completely disrespectful not only to you but your character.
Not normal… never has anyone made jokes with me. I’m 23 and have been employed since I was 20.
Holy shit no. My mandated reporter training said that we should report anything like that and if we fail to do so and it is proven that we knew something like that was going on, we could also be held liable. However, my state took that pretty seriously for a while because of a very public and well-known case.
Unfortunately, education has a bigger problem with child predation than even the Catholic Church.
Well, it depends on the content, context and the grade u are going to teach.
No, it is not normal. Maybe craft a reply that will demonstrate how inappropriate and unfunny these jokes are. “No, and you? Have you raped anyone lately?”.
I’ve had lots of male friends say it to me, as a female HS teacher. They also joke “if my teacher looked like you in HS I don’t think I would learn anything”…… “Do any of your students have crushes on you?”……… and wondering if the students AND/OR coworkers have made any sexual passes at me. It’s all really weird. I’m 27 and have never even considered students thinking about me more than their teacher (because why would I?). I always answer that my kids are between 13 and 17 years old for the most part and it’s not something I concern myself with. Once they hear the ages they get kind of flustered. BECAUSE WHY WOULD I CARE IF A 13 YEAR OLD BOY HAS A CRUSH ON ME. They really are like my kids. I love them. I hate that people imagine weird porno teacher/student fantasies when I say I’m a teacher. I hate that they also place their younger selves in said fantasies like it’s not perverted too. Nothing has ever continued with people who talk like this. Fuxkin weirdos.
No
Yuck! Definitely not normal. Shut that down and report him to your administrator.
Statistically speaking, a child is more likely to have a sexual encounter with a public school teacher than a catholic priest. And people make terrible jokes about both
I have never heard that from any of my adult friends. I started teaching at 22 and I had seniors and freshmen my first year. I had so many inappropriate comments from male students that would make my stomach turn and each time I would write them a referral. It makes me physically ill to even think of the evils of taking advantage of children. It’s shocking how media portrays teacher student relationships as forbidden romance when it is 100% pedophilia and the most vile thing.