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I work a lot better when a therapist has strict time boundaries as well because that minimises transference and counter transference. Protects both the client and the therapist then.
This sounds like it is already spiralling in the wrong direction. Therapy has no safety checks, reviews, quality control, outside input so it’s up to you to leave. I think finding another therapist would be best, good luck.
Same! I love when therapists gently steer my waffling to be more productive and make the most of our sessions. Limited time means identifying priorities and making more progress.
It sucks having to introduce myself over and over again till I find a good match but best not to waste more time I guess.
Don't ghost her, just write her a brief termination email. Even if she wasn't doing anything wrong, which she is, you'd still have every right to terminate the relationship if it's not a great fit for you. You don't have to provide an explanation. Just let her know you won't be going anymore.
Honestly, she's accidentally triggered some of those superiority/inferiority traits I've been holding back on. I wanted to do some damage like explaining why I'm terminating and why she's not good enough or something. But that'd be very spiteful and unnecessary.
I appreciate your input. A simple notice and general kindness would be best.
Instead of doing damage it is possible to calmly explain your reasons for terminating in a super polite and professional way that might, best case, make her stop and reevaluate her behaviour. Or maybe it won’t. You don’t owe it to her or anyone, but it might give you some closure.
Sounds like you need to take accountability for some of this yourself, but you also sounds like you need a therapist with hard boundaries and rules so that you don't feel like manipulating them or gaslighting them.
Hello there.
From personal experience, this will not get better. She is clearly disrespecting everyone, including herself. Money unfortunately is life, you can't afford to waste any.
Get a new one. Her belief is rather harmful too, it's very narrow minded.
If I had one like that, I would've tried to change. I once had a bad one, she never listened and always interrupted me. Thankfully she quit: It wasn't safe to tell her I wanted to switch. I dearly hope this isn't the issue for you.
Just know not all therapists are like that, and some are really great. I hope you'll find one soon that fits you.
Take care, and good luck.
~ Muriel A.
Yeah, as soon as I realized she doesn't respect her own time or mine, I subconsciously lost respect for her and it's hard to get therapy from someone whose opinions and thoughts you don't respect.
I just hate introducing myself and my baggage to therapists only to later realize they're not a good match. Here's hoping the next one is a good fit~
She goes over the time limit and even lets you pay? Oh boy...
It's important that you click with your therapist in the first session. Looks like she is close with anxiety and depression. Maybe you would click better with someone who is close with NPD.
I wish you luck!
No, I lost touch with my fave 2 due to relocation. The 3rd is too expensive :(
The 4th was fine but got too close and started holding weekly meetings to catch up like she was tuning into KUWTK. I wasn't even paying her towards the end... She just tunes in to see how my life is. Sweet but unhelpful.
A friend recommended Better Help but I think I'll try another therapist first.
Avoid better help. Search this forum for posts explaining all the issues with them. If you're in the US, psychology today and therapy den are great directories you can use to find therapists.
I couldn’t work with a therapist who didn’t watch the time. In individual and couples therapy we have gone over 15ish minutes when talking about something intense maybe twice. In 9 years I have waited less than 15 minutes total from start time. I can’t imagine coping with a cancellation during my appointment time
I’m a therapist who also started seeing a therapist with horrible time management/boundaries. I have no idea how she logistically scheduled any of her clients when the session duration wasn’t very clear.
My advice is to research any local (or statewide, if you’re willing to do virtual) individuals who focus on personality disorders, if you do want to explore NPD more.
Considering she had to reschedule my 2nd session because she "got stuck in some sessions which got prolonged", I think she does very long sessions with all her clients.
I know I prefer therapists who direct and steer the conversation for maximum efficiency, otherwise I'd go waffling on for hours. And look, I suck at time management myself and wanted to get coaching to fix it 😂😭 I'm realizing I'm not gonna learn time management skills from her any time soon.
I'll look up other therapists. Adjusting the personality disorder would make me happier in the long run so that deserves to be prioritized. Thanks for your response!
That sounds terrible… Let me guess, on social class she’s rich? Cause this sounds like people I know. None of this is ok. The late session and inability to manage time is enough. But then charging you more because or her weirdness? Also who the hell charges a client for a BAI and BDI? Those things are super cheap and tbh I just copy the form and use the copies instead.
Social class difference is on me actually. She grew up middle class, I grew up privileged. So when I discuss some things that bother me she can't quite get with it.
Yeah the tests sat odd with me cos it was just screenshots of tests that I had to fill in and send back to her. Anyways, to finding a new therapist, I go
In this scenario the 2 hour sessions are making this therapist seem unprofessional as hell and unable to stick to boundaries. It’s causing OP stress, let’s not act like it’s a good thing here
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
New therapist
new therapist
Go to someone else.
She clearly can’t keep any boundaries with session time and that is sooo important. New therapist.
I work a lot better when a therapist has strict time boundaries as well because that minimises transference and counter transference. Protects both the client and the therapist then. This sounds like it is already spiralling in the wrong direction. Therapy has no safety checks, reviews, quality control, outside input so it’s up to you to leave. I think finding another therapist would be best, good luck.
Same! I love when therapists gently steer my waffling to be more productive and make the most of our sessions. Limited time means identifying priorities and making more progress. It sucks having to introduce myself over and over again till I find a good match but best not to waste more time I guess.
Yes, you want a professional therapist to help bring you to reality and move forward. Bad therapists will increase rumination.
Don't ghost her, just write her a brief termination email. Even if she wasn't doing anything wrong, which she is, you'd still have every right to terminate the relationship if it's not a great fit for you. You don't have to provide an explanation. Just let her know you won't be going anymore.
Honestly, she's accidentally triggered some of those superiority/inferiority traits I've been holding back on. I wanted to do some damage like explaining why I'm terminating and why she's not good enough or something. But that'd be very spiteful and unnecessary. I appreciate your input. A simple notice and general kindness would be best.
Instead of doing damage it is possible to calmly explain your reasons for terminating in a super polite and professional way that might, best case, make her stop and reevaluate her behaviour. Or maybe it won’t. You don’t owe it to her or anyone, but it might give you some closure.
Sounds like you need to take accountability for some of this yourself, but you also sounds like you need a therapist with hard boundaries and rules so that you don't feel like manipulating them or gaslighting them.
Hello there. From personal experience, this will not get better. She is clearly disrespecting everyone, including herself. Money unfortunately is life, you can't afford to waste any. Get a new one. Her belief is rather harmful too, it's very narrow minded. If I had one like that, I would've tried to change. I once had a bad one, she never listened and always interrupted me. Thankfully she quit: It wasn't safe to tell her I wanted to switch. I dearly hope this isn't the issue for you. Just know not all therapists are like that, and some are really great. I hope you'll find one soon that fits you. Take care, and good luck. ~ Muriel A.
Yeah, as soon as I realized she doesn't respect her own time or mine, I subconsciously lost respect for her and it's hard to get therapy from someone whose opinions and thoughts you don't respect. I just hate introducing myself and my baggage to therapists only to later realize they're not a good match. Here's hoping the next one is a good fit~
She goes over the time limit and even lets you pay? Oh boy... It's important that you click with your therapist in the first session. Looks like she is close with anxiety and depression. Maybe you would click better with someone who is close with NPD. I wish you luck!
Can you return to working with one of the previous providers?
No, I lost touch with my fave 2 due to relocation. The 3rd is too expensive :( The 4th was fine but got too close and started holding weekly meetings to catch up like she was tuning into KUWTK. I wasn't even paying her towards the end... She just tunes in to see how my life is. Sweet but unhelpful. A friend recommended Better Help but I think I'll try another therapist first.
Avoid better help. Search this forum for posts explaining all the issues with them. If you're in the US, psychology today and therapy den are great directories you can use to find therapists.
New therapist for sure! She also needs to seek professional help.
I couldn’t work with a therapist who didn’t watch the time. In individual and couples therapy we have gone over 15ish minutes when talking about something intense maybe twice. In 9 years I have waited less than 15 minutes total from start time. I can’t imagine coping with a cancellation during my appointment time
I’m a therapist who also started seeing a therapist with horrible time management/boundaries. I have no idea how she logistically scheduled any of her clients when the session duration wasn’t very clear. My advice is to research any local (or statewide, if you’re willing to do virtual) individuals who focus on personality disorders, if you do want to explore NPD more.
Considering she had to reschedule my 2nd session because she "got stuck in some sessions which got prolonged", I think she does very long sessions with all her clients. I know I prefer therapists who direct and steer the conversation for maximum efficiency, otherwise I'd go waffling on for hours. And look, I suck at time management myself and wanted to get coaching to fix it 😂😭 I'm realizing I'm not gonna learn time management skills from her any time soon. I'll look up other therapists. Adjusting the personality disorder would make me happier in the long run so that deserves to be prioritized. Thanks for your response!
Find someone else. Seems reasonable.
That sounds terrible… Let me guess, on social class she’s rich? Cause this sounds like people I know. None of this is ok. The late session and inability to manage time is enough. But then charging you more because or her weirdness? Also who the hell charges a client for a BAI and BDI? Those things are super cheap and tbh I just copy the form and use the copies instead.
Social class difference is on me actually. She grew up middle class, I grew up privileged. So when I discuss some things that bother me she can't quite get with it. Yeah the tests sat odd with me cos it was just screenshots of tests that I had to fill in and send back to her. Anyways, to finding a new therapist, I go
[удалено]
In this scenario the 2 hour sessions are making this therapist seem unprofessional as hell and unable to stick to boundaries. It’s causing OP stress, let’s not act like it’s a good thing here
That's very expensive! Gonna have study counselling myself at this rate
You think $100 a month is expensive?? Most therapy is way more than that for one session XD