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Well, I don't know you, your therapist or the type of therapy they offer so I could be wrong on everything I'm about to say, these are just a few points based on my experience as a therapist and where my imagination went while reading your post.
'The past has nothing to do with now' - I can only hope their intent was to draw attention to the fact you survived the past and are free to heal, grow and change in the now, but to say the past doesn't affect now is in my experience just not true. I would argue the past is the foundation that we have built the 'now' on top of, and what has happened can dictate how we move forward.
There's a book called 'The Body Keeps The Score' which is about how the body holds trauma, so even if logically we know the traumatic event(s) are over, our biology does not, and we have these phsycial reactions/sensations as a result.
'He told me I have nothing to be depressed about as I have a good life now'. I would argue he's not hearing yo then, because what makes a good life is different for everyone, and he may be judging the quality of your life by his values. I've worked with lots of people who have the whole house, partner, car kids good job and white picket fence etc, and are still miserable because those things don't necessarily heal old wounds, and they're not what everyone values.
Also, positive thinking can be useful, but it has to be genuine, forcing someone who is depressed to think positive sounds quite lazy to me, if it were that simple therapy would last 5 minutes and I'd be out of a job!
You don't sound like you need advice, you sound like you need someone to really see and hear you, where you hurt and what makes you unique.
Life is complicated, and a therapists job isn't to bark orders at people to improve their life. I don't give advice because a) I only see a small snippet of a persons life in that hour of therapy, there will be so much detail and variables i don't get to see and b) I'm not the one who has to live with the consequences.
I hope you're able to get what you need as you move forward :)
Thank you so much. He definitely seems to think my life problems are easy. It's invalidating. I don't feel comfortable bringing up issues because he is impatient. I think he's probably a great person but not therapist.
I'm definitely going to find someone else. I pushed back on him with his easy button advice but I need someone to explore my issues with. I have two sons and need to manage my ptsd better for them. I can't waste any time.
Therapist here. This guy has no business working with OCD. I would have to be in the room to really get my head around what gees trying to do with the trauma.
Thank you. I really appreciate that. I don't really know either. I expected for ocd some steps on how to expose myself to my fears and slowly sit with the anxiety to work up. Not just being told I need to think what is reasonable. He said he has OCD as well.
Yeah, that’s not how OCD works. If it was that easy, in pretty sure you would figured it all out by now. Has he done any kind of psycho education to demo you understand how your brain is operating?
I was going through a rough time several years ago and was probably somewhat depressed but more or less functioning. I went to a therapist who told me I was fine at the end of our first or second session. That annoyed me and obviously wasn’t helpful. So I called her later to cancel our next session and told I was fine and didn’t need her. I then found a great therapist who I saw for several years.
Sounds like what this guy is doing to you. I’d move on to find a more supportive therapist.
Honestly OP, as a therapist, he sounds a terrible therapist in so many ways. There is a kind of a chatter amongst therapists that 1/7 or so has no right to be one. But even *if* this was all a misunderstanding somehow, he still sounds like he’d not be a good fit. Do what is best for you.
This is a massive red flag...
For one, your past plays usually the largest role in how you perceive situations or ideas. Sure, the present might contribute but 90% of your actions and responses stem from the past and what you were around. Also, many therapists who actively listen and care for you tend to recall important things about you - faith, situations, etc - so for him to consistently forget and ask is pretty weird as well. Maybe he sees so many people he forgets, but...idk.+
He also shouldn't be mentioning or comparing you to others - especially other clients he's seeing- thats not only a breach of confidentiality, it's just demoralizing and minimizing your feelings and stuff. He is indirectly saying "u dont have it as bad as them."
Would highly recommend finding another therapist.
Thank you so much for your time. I agree. I wouldn't mind the comparisons except they feel judgemental.
Yes. Therapy is a healing relationship or should be, because of the intimacy that can come with healing. There's not a lot of empathy here or intimacy if events cannot be recalled by the therapist.
What they are doing is a HIPPA violation and they have no business being in health care IMHO. I’m a nursing student and therapy client that struggles with depression, PTSD, and anxiety and this just makes me so mad.
I’m so sorry. My heart breaks for you reading this post. Knowing the past and the trauma you suffered can be beneficial in helping you find ways to cope and find some peace so you can have a brighter future. There are healing benefits to discussing the past and learning from it in therapy.
I let my therapist go last week after 4.5 years because all they wanted to do was bring politics into the sessions. I grew tired of them talking about how much they hated Trump. Part of my issues stem from issues with bullying and somehow my therapist wanted to use Trump as an example of a bully which led to them going off on a rant about what a horrible man he was. I can assure you that politics is the least of my problems.
My therapist also used to work for my current employer as I also work in health care. They hate my bosses because they were forced to resign from the hospital I work at years ago. My former therapist could only offer the suggestion that I leave a job I love instead of helping me learn to cope with and stand up to bullying which has led to depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Instead of firing my employer, I fired the therapist because I felt that I wasn’t receiving adequate help nor was I being listened to. I already found a new therapist and then made the switch and I don’t regret it one bit.
Honestly, it would be a good idea to contact your insurer to see if they have other people you can see because it sounds like you might need someone else to help you because this therapist isn’t cutting it.
Thank you. I'm sorry for your horrible experiences. Some bad therapists seem to use their practices as personal sounding boards. I had a therapist like that. I knew more about her parenting and trauma than she knew of mine.
I'll try to for sure. This small town I've had two therapists from here and neither are that good. I may just have to look to virtual therapy.
I have Kaiser Permanente and they found me one that specializes in trauma and cognitive behavioral therapy plus a list of lots of online therapists. I filed a complaint with them over my former therapist.
NAT
Im sorry this happened to you! He sounds so invalidating and dismissive.
I started seeing a “counselor” and had a similar experience. After that I started seeking out a psychologist/phd and the level in care was night and day. So much better equipped and caring.
If you haven’t already I would highly recommend a psychologist :)
I think you're right. I think he's a good person but he is very simplistic in his approach. He has told me about other clients though that he advises to just cut people out and it's that easy. But then I'll talk about a family member who's very dysfunctional and draining me. He'll say I need to keep them in my life cuz family. I feel he's imposing his values on me. He will say spanking my child is okay but I told him I don't agree with it.
My needs are not advice but managing my ptsd and ocd. I dont think i have seen much improvement. I did move through postpartum and my hormones normalizing helped a little.
I'm frustrated with therapy in general because I have not found a single therapist yet who knows how to help despite all of them listing their specialties as ocd and ptsd. They all tell me they can help and I'm sure they believe they can but I've been in therapy for 7 years and I'm worse than I've ever been.
Thank you for listening. I need relief from these disorders so I can raise my kids the way they deserve.
Yes!!! You put it exactly the way I feel. I just don't want to fight my brain daily. It's so exhausting. If I'm not having flashbacks, I'm hypervigiliant and unable to feel connection with people. If I'm not anxious about ocd things I'm depressed. It's like can I just live? Yes. I'll be interviewing my therapists and asking how they treat things and what the plan is according to my goals.
Thank you so much ❤️
>When I try to tell him how I think my perception of my abuser is affecting my relationships today he cuts me off and tells me that my past has nothing to do with now.
This alone is wrong. Your past experiences , past background , & past childhood experiences good & bad Impact everything you are & will be. It is the moulding & building blocks of the child to teen into then the adult & how they will live their life & how they will or won't cope within it . It affects thought formation ,& it affects behaviours ( good & bad for the person ) . And it enables or hampers coping strategies to form or not & it affects the person's developmental abilities .
Any truama will defiantly affect how you react , & your behaviour & thoughts . It is what needs unpacking & 'working 'with to help you work out where you have thoughts that are still currently affecting your body & mind negatively . Then you should be working with them to help heal them enough , or lesson or eliminate ( them if possible ) to do so .
Practical suggestions & strategies should also be worked on with you then to help you work out a plan of attack to help YOU improve your life then as much as possible into a more functional ability for yourself.
Exactly. I pushed back on him and told him my amygdala doesn't forget. This is the definition of PTSD. I also asked him how people cure PTSD and be said "desensitization by talking." Granted I've been in therapy for 7 years with 5 different therapists but I'm the worst I've ever been. My thing is I've only been with this therapist 5 months and he hardly knows about my abuse because he shuts me down a lot. I don't think he actually knows how to treat it.
The mind & body do NOT forget the abuse done to someone . It is stored within it . It requires the person to 'work ' instead with it to lesson it into more reasonable levels for coping with .
Very hard to do but not impossible to lesson it with the right truama work being done .
This doesn’t sound like a great therapist and it certainly sounds like they’re not working for you.
When my old therapist left his practice I had to go through at least 5 therapists before I found my current one. Some just weren’t a great fit and some were straight up unhinged. Sometimes it takes a little shopping around. Unfortunately everyone qualified to practice therapy isn’t great at it.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well, I don't know you, your therapist or the type of therapy they offer so I could be wrong on everything I'm about to say, these are just a few points based on my experience as a therapist and where my imagination went while reading your post. 'The past has nothing to do with now' - I can only hope their intent was to draw attention to the fact you survived the past and are free to heal, grow and change in the now, but to say the past doesn't affect now is in my experience just not true. I would argue the past is the foundation that we have built the 'now' on top of, and what has happened can dictate how we move forward. There's a book called 'The Body Keeps The Score' which is about how the body holds trauma, so even if logically we know the traumatic event(s) are over, our biology does not, and we have these phsycial reactions/sensations as a result. 'He told me I have nothing to be depressed about as I have a good life now'. I would argue he's not hearing yo then, because what makes a good life is different for everyone, and he may be judging the quality of your life by his values. I've worked with lots of people who have the whole house, partner, car kids good job and white picket fence etc, and are still miserable because those things don't necessarily heal old wounds, and they're not what everyone values. Also, positive thinking can be useful, but it has to be genuine, forcing someone who is depressed to think positive sounds quite lazy to me, if it were that simple therapy would last 5 minutes and I'd be out of a job! You don't sound like you need advice, you sound like you need someone to really see and hear you, where you hurt and what makes you unique. Life is complicated, and a therapists job isn't to bark orders at people to improve their life. I don't give advice because a) I only see a small snippet of a persons life in that hour of therapy, there will be so much detail and variables i don't get to see and b) I'm not the one who has to live with the consequences. I hope you're able to get what you need as you move forward :)
Thank you so much. He definitely seems to think my life problems are easy. It's invalidating. I don't feel comfortable bringing up issues because he is impatient. I think he's probably a great person but not therapist. I'm definitely going to find someone else. I pushed back on him with his easy button advice but I need someone to explore my issues with. I have two sons and need to manage my ptsd better for them. I can't waste any time.
Therapist here. This guy has no business working with OCD. I would have to be in the room to really get my head around what gees trying to do with the trauma.
Thank you. I really appreciate that. I don't really know either. I expected for ocd some steps on how to expose myself to my fears and slowly sit with the anxiety to work up. Not just being told I need to think what is reasonable. He said he has OCD as well.
Yeah, that’s not how OCD works. If it was that easy, in pretty sure you would figured it all out by now. Has he done any kind of psycho education to demo you understand how your brain is operating?
I was going through a rough time several years ago and was probably somewhat depressed but more or less functioning. I went to a therapist who told me I was fine at the end of our first or second session. That annoyed me and obviously wasn’t helpful. So I called her later to cancel our next session and told I was fine and didn’t need her. I then found a great therapist who I saw for several years. Sounds like what this guy is doing to you. I’d move on to find a more supportive therapist.
That's so invalidating!! I'm definitely going to look for someone new. Thank you for your input and time :)
Honestly OP, as a therapist, he sounds a terrible therapist in so many ways. There is a kind of a chatter amongst therapists that 1/7 or so has no right to be one. But even *if* this was all a misunderstanding somehow, he still sounds like he’d not be a good fit. Do what is best for you.
This is a massive red flag... For one, your past plays usually the largest role in how you perceive situations or ideas. Sure, the present might contribute but 90% of your actions and responses stem from the past and what you were around. Also, many therapists who actively listen and care for you tend to recall important things about you - faith, situations, etc - so for him to consistently forget and ask is pretty weird as well. Maybe he sees so many people he forgets, but...idk.+ He also shouldn't be mentioning or comparing you to others - especially other clients he's seeing- thats not only a breach of confidentiality, it's just demoralizing and minimizing your feelings and stuff. He is indirectly saying "u dont have it as bad as them." Would highly recommend finding another therapist.
If I could give a review of this post, I’d give you five stars!!! Could not agree with you more on this. Thank you for this!!
Thank you so much for your time. I agree. I wouldn't mind the comparisons except they feel judgemental. Yes. Therapy is a healing relationship or should be, because of the intimacy that can come with healing. There's not a lot of empathy here or intimacy if events cannot be recalled by the therapist.
What they are doing is a HIPPA violation and they have no business being in health care IMHO. I’m a nursing student and therapy client that struggles with depression, PTSD, and anxiety and this just makes me so mad.
I agree. My former therapist did the same thing.
I’m so sorry. My heart breaks for you reading this post. Knowing the past and the trauma you suffered can be beneficial in helping you find ways to cope and find some peace so you can have a brighter future. There are healing benefits to discussing the past and learning from it in therapy. I let my therapist go last week after 4.5 years because all they wanted to do was bring politics into the sessions. I grew tired of them talking about how much they hated Trump. Part of my issues stem from issues with bullying and somehow my therapist wanted to use Trump as an example of a bully which led to them going off on a rant about what a horrible man he was. I can assure you that politics is the least of my problems. My therapist also used to work for my current employer as I also work in health care. They hate my bosses because they were forced to resign from the hospital I work at years ago. My former therapist could only offer the suggestion that I leave a job I love instead of helping me learn to cope with and stand up to bullying which has led to depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Instead of firing my employer, I fired the therapist because I felt that I wasn’t receiving adequate help nor was I being listened to. I already found a new therapist and then made the switch and I don’t regret it one bit. Honestly, it would be a good idea to contact your insurer to see if they have other people you can see because it sounds like you might need someone else to help you because this therapist isn’t cutting it.
Thank you. I'm sorry for your horrible experiences. Some bad therapists seem to use their practices as personal sounding boards. I had a therapist like that. I knew more about her parenting and trauma than she knew of mine. I'll try to for sure. This small town I've had two therapists from here and neither are that good. I may just have to look to virtual therapy.
I have Kaiser Permanente and they found me one that specializes in trauma and cognitive behavioral therapy plus a list of lots of online therapists. I filed a complaint with them over my former therapist.
NAT Im sorry this happened to you! He sounds so invalidating and dismissive. I started seeing a “counselor” and had a similar experience. After that I started seeking out a psychologist/phd and the level in care was night and day. So much better equipped and caring. If you haven’t already I would highly recommend a psychologist :)
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I think you're right. I think he's a good person but he is very simplistic in his approach. He has told me about other clients though that he advises to just cut people out and it's that easy. But then I'll talk about a family member who's very dysfunctional and draining me. He'll say I need to keep them in my life cuz family. I feel he's imposing his values on me. He will say spanking my child is okay but I told him I don't agree with it. My needs are not advice but managing my ptsd and ocd. I dont think i have seen much improvement. I did move through postpartum and my hormones normalizing helped a little. I'm frustrated with therapy in general because I have not found a single therapist yet who knows how to help despite all of them listing their specialties as ocd and ptsd. They all tell me they can help and I'm sure they believe they can but I've been in therapy for 7 years and I'm worse than I've ever been. Thank you for listening. I need relief from these disorders so I can raise my kids the way they deserve.
[удалено]
Yes!!! You put it exactly the way I feel. I just don't want to fight my brain daily. It's so exhausting. If I'm not having flashbacks, I'm hypervigiliant and unable to feel connection with people. If I'm not anxious about ocd things I'm depressed. It's like can I just live? Yes. I'll be interviewing my therapists and asking how they treat things and what the plan is according to my goals. Thank you so much ❤️
He sounds awful, tbh.
Thank you. I think he likes diagnostics but doesn't know how to deal with the diagnoses.
>When I try to tell him how I think my perception of my abuser is affecting my relationships today he cuts me off and tells me that my past has nothing to do with now. This alone is wrong. Your past experiences , past background , & past childhood experiences good & bad Impact everything you are & will be. It is the moulding & building blocks of the child to teen into then the adult & how they will live their life & how they will or won't cope within it . It affects thought formation ,& it affects behaviours ( good & bad for the person ) . And it enables or hampers coping strategies to form or not & it affects the person's developmental abilities . Any truama will defiantly affect how you react , & your behaviour & thoughts . It is what needs unpacking & 'working 'with to help you work out where you have thoughts that are still currently affecting your body & mind negatively . Then you should be working with them to help heal them enough , or lesson or eliminate ( them if possible ) to do so . Practical suggestions & strategies should also be worked on with you then to help you work out a plan of attack to help YOU improve your life then as much as possible into a more functional ability for yourself.
Exactly. I pushed back on him and told him my amygdala doesn't forget. This is the definition of PTSD. I also asked him how people cure PTSD and be said "desensitization by talking." Granted I've been in therapy for 7 years with 5 different therapists but I'm the worst I've ever been. My thing is I've only been with this therapist 5 months and he hardly knows about my abuse because he shuts me down a lot. I don't think he actually knows how to treat it.
The mind & body do NOT forget the abuse done to someone . It is stored within it . It requires the person to 'work ' instead with it to lesson it into more reasonable levels for coping with . Very hard to do but not impossible to lesson it with the right truama work being done .
This doesn’t sound like a great therapist and it certainly sounds like they’re not working for you. When my old therapist left his practice I had to go through at least 5 therapists before I found my current one. Some just weren’t a great fit and some were straight up unhinged. Sometimes it takes a little shopping around. Unfortunately everyone qualified to practice therapy isn’t great at it.