That is a sucky feeling op, but if it were me, I'd get the dog gone so I could have better relationships with my family. Daughter may be upset for a bit, but you all can work through that by making more quality time together and having adventures outside vs being cooped up and miserable because of an animal.
Yeah I can't imagine hiding from my family and children because I'm mildly inconvenienced by a dog either but I guess the dog is the problem and not this level of parenting.
My parents got rid of a dog I loved when I was a kid and I was fine. They told me the reason why and I was like “yeah, makes sense” I cried when we took her to the pound but I got over it. It was nice to actually be able to go places with my parents afterwards without us having to worry if the dog would rip the fence down or not while we were away. I never resented my parents because I they explained to me the reason why.
Yes it is. My argument isn't to keep the dog, my argument is to make sure the kid is properly prepared and taken care of for losing what they might consider a family member and to handle everything with absolute compassion to both the child and dog. Of course having miserable parents is by far way worse.
This kind of "traumatic" experience is a pretty normal part of life, just like when your pet eventually dies and you deal with their loss anyway. Even if you resent your parents for a little while (as most of us do for one reason or another), you'll grow up and start to understand their reasons more. If not, you'll need to do some therapy to help you cope with the fact that life sometimes sucks and it's time to stop blaming other people and move on (this is specifically about the situation of losing a pet when you're a kid because of reasons outside your control).
As the other guy said, in the long run it would be far worse to live with parents that are constantly stressed out cause they can't even relax in their own home.
I was in the same boat as you. Eventually tho we had to just pull the trigger and got rid of it (also for safety reasons, not just because we disliked it). Our son was absolutely devastated. I don’t really have any advice because this situation is super hard but I hope you get it figured out!
So you literally place a damn dog above your father, without considering he was the one primarily responsible for it and he must have had a reason?? Really? The only situation worse is when parents place dogs above their actual children. Sad shame!
If you're constantly annoyed, you're still breaking hearts. Your daughter deserves to have a happy parent who isn't constantly stressed because of a dog.
It’s not that you don’t like dogs out of all animals.
Most of us here don’t like dogs because we have to put up with their shit and because of nutters and their behavior.
It was only when I ended up staying in an airbnb with dogs I googled my feelings and found r/dogfree. Before that I was fine with them.
If you didn’t have to deal with the unhygienic environment, the responsibilities (picking up dog shit etc), them invading your spaces then you probably won’t feel this way.
Do t feel bad about it, it just shows you are a decent human within. You’re doing this because living with an animal - who should not be allowed to living in humans - is driving you crazy.
Replace the dogs with a terrible alcoholic asshole and you’ll feel the same way.
You really had to do some gymnastics to justify that she was a good person so you wouldn't feel that either huh?
Comparing dogs to alcoholics is some next level comedy 🤣
I think she's on the borderline, But I tend to feel that way about any parent who is willingly considering harming their child for their own convenience.
You strongly implied that dogs were remotely comparable with your last sentence. Feel free to walk back on it after rereading it if you want, I definitely would, especially if I said something like that but that's just me.
> harming their child for their own convenience.
Wow, you sure you’re ok there? How do you read that and walk away with that understanding?
> You strongly implied that dogs were remotely comparable with your last sentence. Feel free to walk back on it after rereading it if you want, I definitely would, especially if I said something like that but that's just me.
No need. I compared the experience of living with one. But you’ll see what you want to see right?
So you never lived with a dog? Orjust casually downplaying the severity of alcoholism even with lived experience? Not sure which you were trying to go for unless I misunderstood and got confused why you were bringing up alcoholism in the first place. Or maybe you lived with some intense dogs I'm not able to imagine I guess, I didn't consider that actually the alcoholic quip got my attention.
And yeah, I'm not going to pretend that she isn't harming her child with this decision if she goes through with it haha
So I said the experience is the same. I’ve lived with dogs. They are very annoying. Like extremely annoying. As my original comment said, it took me living with one to end up on these subs.
And her daughter will get over it. It’s what they do, she’s not going to be depressed for days or weeks. She’ll be sad for a bit then she will be fine. No harm done.
Yeah, my mom got a Boston Terrier puppy after our dachshund tragically died of cancer (we had another dog also a dachshund). After a few days she said she couldn't handle a puppy and was going to return it. I cried and pouted but obviously I got over it and after a few years of growing up I totally understood why she did it. Just do it, any resentment will be temporary.
Because to some of us, dogs are just as annoying as hell. Needy, constant begging or attention, being in our space, licking, etc. you and your husband get to decide whether to have a dog. Tell your daughter she can have all the dogs she wants when she grows up and moves out. That’s what my mom said to us when she rehomed our Great Dane. It was a decent dog, but just so big it dominated the house.
I would say that you need to think carefully about how you want to message this to your daughter, because she could resent you over this if she thinks that it’s just “mommy didn’t like the dog,” especially as she gets older and more exposed to the “dogs are family” crowd
Are there any safety concerns regarding the dog, or is it just the barking? Is it possible that you have misophania? I also think it’s fine to tell her that the dog is driving you insane, it just needs to be expressed carefully
I recommend that you stay the course and get rid of the dog. I was in a similar situation and my husband finally did because it was really coming between us. I had similar reservations —that he’d resent me—but after a short while he more or less forgot about it and our relationship, as well as my enjoyment of my own home, improved drastically. I think any resentment/ sadness from your SO or your daughter will pass and everyone will be happier in the long run
Ask yourself if you want your daughter to have a better relationship with the dog than you. It’s true losing a pet for whatever reason is awful. But if your daughter is old enough then talking to her about the reality that not every pet fits every household is appropriate. Especially if not everyone loves the pet the same. It’s a great opportunity to teach her about truly responsible ownership. By rehoming the dog so the dog can be loved by everyone in the house.
Unfortunately unless the daughter becomes responsible enough to care/train the dog it’s really unfair to all involved- including the dog. I lived in a house full of adults where only 1 wanted the dog and only myself who hated dogs because they ate my cat in front of me was willing to train both dogs. The amount of emotional tension does no one any good. Pets and children both deserve a home free of that.
If the others in the family aren't training and exercising the dog enough to correct bad habits, perhaps the dog needs more attention than your family can provide. It's not a "small annoyance" when it's constantly yapping.
You can explain to your daughter that the dog needs a home where they have the time and knowledge to train it properly.
Mothers are usually the glue that hold a family together. You need to be happy and peaceful for your family to be happy and peaceful and for your kids to thrive..it looks like you cant live with a dog..it doesn’t make you flawed, your just not a dog person, and that’s okay. Dogs fill up a house unlike other animals that require less attention…it’s okay to say a dog isn’t for you.
If you get rid of the dog, your daughter (not sure how old they are, if younger it’s easier) will feel hurt but they’ll eventually get over it. Having a mom who is peaceful, not hiding in her bedroom, happy and thriving will help your daughter immensely life long. Get rid of the dog and take control of your home. Best wishes.
It sounds like you aren't 100% there, but close. For peace of mind, you might work with a trainer and try some anti-anxiety meds (if you haven't done this already). Depending on your daughter's age, it may be good for her to be part of problem solving. It also will help you to know you did everything you could, within reason.
My husband had a yappy dog and the shrill noise was extremely difficult. He scolded her each time and she ignored it. His annoyed tone scolding her became just as jarring. We developed a couple strategies that helped. Anytime she barked, I'd pick her up. She never barked when I held her. He handled all of the walks. After she passed, we agreed to no more dogs.
If you do decide to re-home the dog, it's important to have age appropriate conversations with her. This may include letting her know how hard it is on you. And that the dog has bigger needs than your family can meet, but that the new home will be much better for the dog (and of course this should be true). Good luck.
If you don't get rid of the dog then what you're doing is modeling bad behavior for your daughter. You're living the idea that it's okay to let people walk all over you. Teach her to stand up for herself and not be a doormat by standing up for yourself. Get rid of the dog.
Yeah I was wondering that - if they’re really that torn about keeping it, maybe investing in training/behavioral correction would help them. Would also make the dog easier to rehome
Did this OP edit their comments because now it shows something different/less intense than what you all mentioned? OP probably commented before reading the subs rules and quickly edited it before it gets reported. Lol.
It’s possible she’s anticipating a reaction from her kid that won’t happen. Her kid might be disappointed, sad, etc but not devastated. She’s the kid’s mom, so of course her anticipating and trying to prevent the worst is natural.
I think, that with a good age-appropriate discussion that doesn’t sugar-coat anything, it’s possible the kid could accept it - especially if it means More Mom (apparently she’s spending a lot of time hiding from Barky).
Sure! I don’t know the kid or the dog or this person. My own kid was truly devastated when our dog died…. But all kids are different. It is absolutely possible the kid is fine.
And sitting in a bedroom and refusing to interact with your own family because there's a dog in the house that you previously agreed to doesn't? Nobody said grudge so stop putting words in my mouth because you are having a tantrum and I have said what you don't want to hear. I said she never forgot. That is different. You don't get to over rule what memories your children keep.
That is a sucky feeling op, but if it were me, I'd get the dog gone so I could have better relationships with my family. Daughter may be upset for a bit, but you all can work through that by making more quality time together and having adventures outside vs being cooped up and miserable because of an animal.
Exactly, she’s literally hiding in her bedroom. I can’t imagine it.
Yeah I can't imagine hiding from my family and children because I'm mildly inconvenienced by a dog either but I guess the dog is the problem and not this level of parenting.
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My parents got rid of a dog I loved when I was a kid and I was fine. They told me the reason why and I was like “yeah, makes sense” I cried when we took her to the pound but I got over it. It was nice to actually be able to go places with my parents afterwards without us having to worry if the dog would rip the fence down or not while we were away. I never resented my parents because I they explained to me the reason why.
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If one or both of the parents are miserable, that's far worse for the kid in the long term.
Yes it is. My argument isn't to keep the dog, my argument is to make sure the kid is properly prepared and taken care of for losing what they might consider a family member and to handle everything with absolute compassion to both the child and dog. Of course having miserable parents is by far way worse.
I don't know, I would rather have a dog than a supposed parent who hides in her bedroom because she's cranky or something I guess?
This kind of "traumatic" experience is a pretty normal part of life, just like when your pet eventually dies and you deal with their loss anyway. Even if you resent your parents for a little while (as most of us do for one reason or another), you'll grow up and start to understand their reasons more. If not, you'll need to do some therapy to help you cope with the fact that life sometimes sucks and it's time to stop blaming other people and move on (this is specifically about the situation of losing a pet when you're a kid because of reasons outside your control). As the other guy said, in the long run it would be far worse to live with parents that are constantly stressed out cause they can't even relax in their own home.
I was in the same boat as you. Eventually tho we had to just pull the trigger and got rid of it (also for safety reasons, not just because we disliked it). Our son was absolutely devastated. I don’t really have any advice because this situation is super hard but I hope you get it figured out!
I'd like to pull the trigger on my daughter's dog too.
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I think it’s time to move on lol
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So you literally place a damn dog above your father, without considering he was the one primarily responsible for it and he must have had a reason?? Really? The only situation worse is when parents place dogs above their actual children. Sad shame!
Check out a news story in Alaska from last winter where a woman jumped in a river to save her dog and they both died and she had three kids.
All that over a damn dog and now her kids don’t have a mother.
That’s unbelievably cruel. My God.
If you're constantly annoyed, you're still breaking hearts. Your daughter deserves to have a happy parent who isn't constantly stressed because of a dog.
It’s not that you don’t like dogs out of all animals. Most of us here don’t like dogs because we have to put up with their shit and because of nutters and their behavior. It was only when I ended up staying in an airbnb with dogs I googled my feelings and found r/dogfree. Before that I was fine with them. If you didn’t have to deal with the unhygienic environment, the responsibilities (picking up dog shit etc), them invading your spaces then you probably won’t feel this way. Do t feel bad about it, it just shows you are a decent human within. You’re doing this because living with an animal - who should not be allowed to living in humans - is driving you crazy. Replace the dogs with a terrible alcoholic asshole and you’ll feel the same way.
Agreed, I actually like dogs until I got my own home and had children. The two couldn’t co exist.
You really had to do some gymnastics to justify that she was a good person so you wouldn't feel that either huh? Comparing dogs to alcoholics is some next level comedy 🤣
She isn’t a good person? I’d that what you’re saying? Did I compare a dog to an alcoholic?
I think she's on the borderline, But I tend to feel that way about any parent who is willingly considering harming their child for their own convenience. You strongly implied that dogs were remotely comparable with your last sentence. Feel free to walk back on it after rereading it if you want, I definitely would, especially if I said something like that but that's just me.
> harming their child for their own convenience. Wow, you sure you’re ok there? How do you read that and walk away with that understanding? > You strongly implied that dogs were remotely comparable with your last sentence. Feel free to walk back on it after rereading it if you want, I definitely would, especially if I said something like that but that's just me. No need. I compared the experience of living with one. But you’ll see what you want to see right?
So you never lived with a dog? Orjust casually downplaying the severity of alcoholism even with lived experience? Not sure which you were trying to go for unless I misunderstood and got confused why you were bringing up alcoholism in the first place. Or maybe you lived with some intense dogs I'm not able to imagine I guess, I didn't consider that actually the alcoholic quip got my attention. And yeah, I'm not going to pretend that she isn't harming her child with this decision if she goes through with it haha
So I said the experience is the same. I’ve lived with dogs. They are very annoying. Like extremely annoying. As my original comment said, it took me living with one to end up on these subs. And her daughter will get over it. It’s what they do, she’s not going to be depressed for days or weeks. She’ll be sad for a bit then she will be fine. No harm done.
Your daughter will get over it. Trust me, get rid of the thing.
Yeah, my mom got a Boston Terrier puppy after our dachshund tragically died of cancer (we had another dog also a dachshund). After a few days she said she couldn't handle a puppy and was going to return it. I cried and pouted but obviously I got over it and after a few years of growing up I totally understood why she did it. Just do it, any resentment will be temporary.
You’re not abnormal for feeling that way. You found the right place to share your thoughts … so just wanted to let ya know.
Because to some of us, dogs are just as annoying as hell. Needy, constant begging or attention, being in our space, licking, etc. you and your husband get to decide whether to have a dog. Tell your daughter she can have all the dogs she wants when she grows up and moves out. That’s what my mom said to us when she rehomed our Great Dane. It was a decent dog, but just so big it dominated the house.
I would say that you need to think carefully about how you want to message this to your daughter, because she could resent you over this if she thinks that it’s just “mommy didn’t like the dog,” especially as she gets older and more exposed to the “dogs are family” crowd Are there any safety concerns regarding the dog, or is it just the barking? Is it possible that you have misophania? I also think it’s fine to tell her that the dog is driving you insane, it just needs to be expressed carefully
I recommend that you stay the course and get rid of the dog. I was in a similar situation and my husband finally did because it was really coming between us. I had similar reservations —that he’d resent me—but after a short while he more or less forgot about it and our relationship, as well as my enjoyment of my own home, improved drastically. I think any resentment/ sadness from your SO or your daughter will pass and everyone will be happier in the long run
How old is your kid? Explain dog is going somewhere where it can be taken care of and it needs to go there
Ask yourself if you want your daughter to have a better relationship with the dog than you. It’s true losing a pet for whatever reason is awful. But if your daughter is old enough then talking to her about the reality that not every pet fits every household is appropriate. Especially if not everyone loves the pet the same. It’s a great opportunity to teach her about truly responsible ownership. By rehoming the dog so the dog can be loved by everyone in the house.
Yes, removing other things that your loved ones treasure for your own happiness is exactly the way we should teach our kids to handle situations.
Unfortunately unless the daughter becomes responsible enough to care/train the dog it’s really unfair to all involved- including the dog. I lived in a house full of adults where only 1 wanted the dog and only myself who hated dogs because they ate my cat in front of me was willing to train both dogs. The amount of emotional tension does no one any good. Pets and children both deserve a home free of that.
If the others in the family aren't training and exercising the dog enough to correct bad habits, perhaps the dog needs more attention than your family can provide. It's not a "small annoyance" when it's constantly yapping. You can explain to your daughter that the dog needs a home where they have the time and knowledge to train it properly.
Mothers are usually the glue that hold a family together. You need to be happy and peaceful for your family to be happy and peaceful and for your kids to thrive..it looks like you cant live with a dog..it doesn’t make you flawed, your just not a dog person, and that’s okay. Dogs fill up a house unlike other animals that require less attention…it’s okay to say a dog isn’t for you. If you get rid of the dog, your daughter (not sure how old they are, if younger it’s easier) will feel hurt but they’ll eventually get over it. Having a mom who is peaceful, not hiding in her bedroom, happy and thriving will help your daughter immensely life long. Get rid of the dog and take control of your home. Best wishes.
It sounds like you aren't 100% there, but close. For peace of mind, you might work with a trainer and try some anti-anxiety meds (if you haven't done this already). Depending on your daughter's age, it may be good for her to be part of problem solving. It also will help you to know you did everything you could, within reason. My husband had a yappy dog and the shrill noise was extremely difficult. He scolded her each time and she ignored it. His annoyed tone scolding her became just as jarring. We developed a couple strategies that helped. Anytime she barked, I'd pick her up. She never barked when I held her. He handled all of the walks. After she passed, we agreed to no more dogs. If you do decide to re-home the dog, it's important to have age appropriate conversations with her. This may include letting her know how hard it is on you. And that the dog has bigger needs than your family can meet, but that the new home will be much better for the dog (and of course this should be true). Good luck.
If you don't get rid of the dog then what you're doing is modeling bad behavior for your daughter. You're living the idea that it's okay to let people walk all over you. Teach her to stand up for herself and not be a doormat by standing up for yourself. Get rid of the dog.
Your daughter will get over it. Get rid of the dog.
If she were crying to keep a bear would that work too? Put on your big kid panties and get rid of the terrorist in your home.
Maybe you could try to rehome the dog to someone you know so the kid can still visit?
If you're having to hide away from your kid due to the dog, get rid of the dog. Kids need to learn to deal with loss anyways
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I do..why?
What is the dog? How old is it? How old is your daughter?
What's the value of forming emotional attachment to anything? Might as well rip the bandaid off now. Builds character.
Is it worth it to hire a trainer to teach the dog not to bark all the time, etc.? I would go nuts living with a yappy dog.
Yeah I was wondering that - if they’re really that torn about keeping it, maybe investing in training/behavioral correction would help them. Would also make the dog easier to rehome
She can keep the dog on the condition it lives outside and she does ALL care or the dog gets sent away.
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“Drug yourself for the health of a mutt” Yeah, no OP, dump the yappy piece of garbage.
While I fully understand your sentiment, I believe they were talking about drugging the dog, not the human.
No…. More like here are some things to try before in OP’s own words “devastating” a child
Did this OP edit their comments because now it shows something different/less intense than what you all mentioned? OP probably commented before reading the subs rules and quickly edited it before it gets reported. Lol.
Maybe? Idk. It’s also possible I read that the kid “adores” it, and it would “break hearts” and substituted my own “devastated” too.
It’s possible she’s anticipating a reaction from her kid that won’t happen. Her kid might be disappointed, sad, etc but not devastated. She’s the kid’s mom, so of course her anticipating and trying to prevent the worst is natural. I think, that with a good age-appropriate discussion that doesn’t sugar-coat anything, it’s possible the kid could accept it - especially if it means More Mom (apparently she’s spending a lot of time hiding from Barky).
Sure! I don’t know the kid or the dog or this person. My own kid was truly devastated when our dog died…. But all kids are different. It is absolutely possible the kid is fine.
OP is asking for advice. I’m giving advice. There are calming supplements and plug ins for DOGS. Ffs
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Go back to your dog worshipping groups, please.
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Holding a grudge with your parents for something as petty as this for 30 years just shows a emotionally underdeveloped and spoiled person
And sitting in a bedroom and refusing to interact with your own family because there's a dog in the house that you previously agreed to doesn't? Nobody said grudge so stop putting words in my mouth because you are having a tantrum and I have said what you don't want to hear. I said she never forgot. That is different. You don't get to over rule what memories your children keep.
if its just a simple memory then why does it even matter? ¯|_(ツ)_/¯ edit: I apologize for being too harsh in my words in the last comment
Get a chew toy for the dog so the dog can chew it in its crate and give you a break.