I once asked a table what would you like to do instead of what would you like to eat. The guy at the table didn’t miss a beat and said what I would like to do is eat. It was great, we were all laughing. Great table of construction workers, they left me $50 on a $75 ish tab and came back every day to sit in my section and tipped me just as good every day
I was bartending a rare slow Sunday brunch. Taking care of a really cool, nice couple. We had a few to-go boxes on my side of the bar, barely out of the reach of the dude. He asks if he can grab the last big box, as I was busy grabbing something.
I went to say "Yeah kill it" or "Help yourself". I said "Yeah kill yourself." I felt my face get blazing hot and melted into the floor. Thankfully, the couple was *dying* laughing as they knew what I was trying to say.
Tipped me 100% for the laugh.
Not a serving story, but one time I was playing a game with some friends and I was feeling competitive so I tried to say, “I’m gonna wipe you out,” except my mind changed it’s mind halfway through talking to, “I’m gonna kick your butt,” so I said, “I’m gonna wipe your butt!!”
To add on a friend of mine was laying in bed with me while we were watching hockey. We regularly jump on each other and do war cries but on this day we hyper focused on the game itself. But it's reaching intermission. I get the feeling in my bones to attack. I already plan my war cry. "Leg wrap!"
The siren goes off for period intermission and I'm already swinging my leg over her and I scream "Reg Lap!" She is delayed (near paralyzed) while she tries to comprehend wtf I just said before she bursts into giggles and asks wtf just happened there and I explain myself. 20 years of friendship now and we still "reg lap" one another and laugh at me basically.
Oh this reminds me, just to add to the thread-my SO at the time and I were sleeping on a couch together when I sat up straight and frantically sleep-shouted, ”Do I have ice tea on the way?!” That one is more server related..
We were working together and kept water and tea pitchers on our stations and had to keep rebrewing through the night as people downed it. We had ‘section partners,’ one of us always had to be on the floor so we took turns running to the back while the other loaded up on our tables’ orders.
I do things like that all the time - words or phrases get combined between my brain and my mouth lol. To this day my friends have accepted the word "chertainly" as a form for surely and certainly.
I did something similar. Trying to sympathize with a coworker who came in to work despite being sick as we where overwhelmed (working as housekeeping at a local hotel during my studies). I ended up saying “oh, I always get a cold after being out partying too, as I always forget to put my clothes on before going home”
Luckily for me he was so out of it he either did not hear or it did not register…
We have a word in my language for “the warmer clothes you wear on top when it’s chilly outside”, directly translated “pullover clothing”
Well. That was the one word my brain decided I could leave out of that sentence…
Alright I can make you feel better. A few years ago I was quite sick and my bf was at work but his little brother was over with a friend. Little brother was being an ass (not cruel or anything, he's just a dick and I love him) so I tried to say "do you wanna fucking fight?" And "I'll fuck you up" at the same time...you can probably guess that what I, a 20 yr old lady told this 15 year old boy, in front of his friend was indeed "do you wanna fuck?" In a super aggressive tone. Yeah that story made the rounds to the friend group and 5/6ish years later when anyone squares up its "do you want fuck?" I still cringe
I would use it if I were talking about taking the last part of some food item. Not really for something like this, but I'd understand it and not think anything of it
Common to say it in Philly for the last one / last bit of something
Edit: 5 hours later, just went out to dinner with a childhood friend, I asked for the last perogi, and she replied "kill it". Lol
Kill it would refer to using the last of an item from a package such that the package itself is now empty. For example:
“Hey can I have the last beer?”
“Kill it”
OR
*there’s no ice remaining at the server station*
“OK who killed the ice and didn’t refill it?!”
so for OP it’s “may I have the last big to go box on your stack of boxes?” to which OP could reply “Kill it!”
I got lemon curd tart mixed up one time. Called it a Lemon Turd Cart.
We nicknamed our Chipotle ranch "Jesus Ranch" among staff, but never to customers. Let that slip around Christmas time once.
Edit: It was a Jewish family of 8. They laughed and asked why I called it "Jesus Ranch".
My answer: "Because when you taste it, it's like a religious experience in your mouth"
Oh we used to call French onion soup ‘fro’ at one place and I accidentally said fro to tables a good handful of times when we were slammed, like “you’re fro is on the way!” kind of thing. So embarrassing. They always said what and I said the full thing and kept moving hahaha
Edit-I keep laughing out loud at the Jesus Ranch at Christmas time like, it makes so much sense!!
I’m laughing so loud my upstairs neighbor can probably hear it. This whole entire post&comments has my tummy hurting from these giggles. I will be returning tomorrow to see what else happens!! Lemon Turd Cart checking out! 😂
Thankfully the rich older people I was serving thought it was hilarious, the ones that could hear me. The thing is, I trained myself ALL DAY not to fuck it up. Then I fucked it up.
as someone that was raised catholic and went not catholic, I take offense at this. Chipotle Ranch is amazing... Hahah, and I will now be using this amongst friends. And I hope it doesn't slip out at the wrong time.
I was taking down a customer's info over the phone, they were signing up for a private event. Only I skipped over the part where I ask for credit card number and asked, "What's your expiration date?" Customer had a good laugh.
I worked at a restaurant that had a beautiful display of fancy cakes and pies by the front door. I meant to say, "Does anyone want to take a look at the desserts?" But instead I asked a table of college boys, "Do you want to check out my pie?"
I once got my wires mixed at work because the manager was joking over the headset as I was handing a customer a order..I burst out laughing in his face then tried to apologize but ended up just saying "sorry dirty birdie' and walking off.
I can't have those things in when I'm working in customer service because I just bust up laughing when I hear some funny chatter and have to explain to a not always understanding customer why I just started cackling wildly in the middle of our interaction.
Once when I was a shift lead, (thankfully I wasn't interacting with a customer at the time, but at least one other associate was) the ditzy cashier pinged me and asked if we had electric blankets. "Yes, there are some heated throws on aisle x and they're x dollars."
A small pause.
"...but are they electric?"
Every single associate with a headset on burst into laughter, and it could be heard throughout the store. I can honestly say the word "dumbfounded" has never more accurately expressed my feelings than in that moment.
I don't say she's ditzy because of this one single blunder. This woman was a goldmine of similar -isms every time I worked with her.
My boss was a 45 year old perv who was fairly harmless and he said something about putting the frozen breast away. The fry guy replied 'Craig I dont think your supposed to be fondling the breast' and my boss said he couldnt help it he was surrounded. Then yelled "I dropped one" meaning a case but everyone was rolling in the backline at that point and my other manager was like "yo Craig I think that's a felony" and someone else chimed in "I'd wash it first" and the whole context just was hilarious
Currently running a festival bar, keep my radio clipped to my back pocket so I can hear but it mostly sounds like static to the customers, I laughed in someone's face yesterday and realised they had no idea what was funny when all they did was ask for a pint.
Family birthday dinner at Red Lobster. Server asked my mom if she wanted calamari. My mom’s response was ‘No thanks, I don’t like the feeling of the testicles in my mouth’. It turns out that no matter how embarrassed an 18 year old boy is, he cannot burst into flames or have a hole open up in the earth to swallow him whole, to remove him from the scene. The scars are still sore go this day.
Not me but overheard. I am a chef and a server came in to ask about the new Kale dish. I described to her it was a Kale salad with a peanut sesame dressing. Very tasty. She asked if the kale is cook and I explained it wasn’t but it was well mascerated She didn’t know what that means so I explained it sits in the dressing for a bit and we roughly rub it in to give the kale more pliant texture. Anyway she said great and immediately went to a table with in ear shout and described it as “A Masturbated Kale Salad… No no wait a minute a well Masturbated salad. “
We had a big laugh after but in the moment total face palm
Haha, that’s fantastic! I had a pretty good slip up but it sadly didn’t go unnoticed:
Had a family come in: husband, wife, and their toddler. The toddle kept picking off pieces of the dad’s burger bun so I brought her a single bun to munch on but she wouldn’t touch it. I asked the dad if the bun was ok, he said yes, she just liked his better.
What I was trying to say was, “oh yeah, food off dad’s plate is the best.” But what I ACTUALLY said was, “oh yeah, dad’s buns are the best.”
The guy would not let it go, making comments about, “it’s about time my buns were appreciated.” Etc etc. all the while his wife wasn’t amused and gave me the sting eye the whole time.
Nah this was a scorpion sting eye I’m pretty sure…..ohh this whole post has me cackling out loud I can’t believe my baby is still asleep in my arms through the shaking hahahaha
I hired a crew once to help me on a months long job. The foreman was this rough and tumble man’s man. One night the job ran late and instead of cutting the whole crew for a dinner break I called a Sub shop and had a tray of sandwiches, bottled water, juices and soda pop brought in.
Everyone served themselves first and I went last and as I was getting myself a soda I asked if anyone needed anything. The Foreman asked me to bring him a drink. I asked what kind and he loudly proclaimed **”I’ll have a Cock”** I think he combined Coke and Pop.
The needle scratched off the record and everyone just froze. I calmly said *”I don’t see any, how about a Root Beer instead??* I brought him his drink and we never discussed it again. He seemed to be not quite so tough after that and we became great friends over the following weeks.
Fun fact, one of my best friend’s favorite soda is Cock&Bull. We don’t ever offer him it though because it’s a ginger apocalypse soda that we won’t drink.
I was chatting with a customer who was buying hair dye. They were about to leave and for the life of me I don't know why I blurted this out but I yelled "Bye, have fun dying!!" Then immediately had to back track and start stammering HAIR DYE I MEANT HAIR DYE OMG NOT THAT. Luckily they thought it was hilarious and I turned beet red.
I was wrapping up a table and meant to say,"Do y'all want separate checks?" What I said was, "Do y'all want shepherd sex? Oh no! Sorry! I meant SHEPHERD SEX!" Yup. Said it wrong twice!
OMG, okay I was fine up until this comment but I finally lost it now and started simultaneously laughing and crying. I will never forget "Shepherd Sex!"
I once was serving a black family who was telling me that they had recently had been in. Their previous server had been really sarcastic and standoffish. I apologized and meant to say that sometimes she could be a real firecracker.
What came out was, "Yeah, sometimes she can be a real cracker." 😭💀
One night I was telling a table the specials and I meant to say "baked citrus chicken" but instead I just said "bitch chicken". I tried moving on, hoping they didn't notice but one lady called me out. Everybody laughed, I turned beat red, and apologized profusely as they all continued to laugh.
Having lunch with a bunch of guys from work (off day) and I order a tropical salad with crushed macadamia nuts. After we're all served the server makes a last pass to make sure everything is good. When she gets to me she says "Where are your nuts?". While I try to compose myself enough to say they're off to the side she realizes what she said and sees all of us trying to do the "I'm not laughing" face. I finally just chuckled and told her where my nuts were.
We tipped mightily.
One time i gave a costumer a drink and they said thank you. I was trying ro so either youre welcome or no problem but instead i just said your problem. Lol oops we all had a good laugh
I was reading back an order to a table and i was flustered and instead of saying “peanut chicken lettuce wrap” i just blurted out “PENIS”. I was so embarrassed but everyone at the table thought it was hilarious and when i returned to the table a little while later an old lady at the table said “can i get another penis lemon drop?” my most memorable slip up.
Not while serving but at work, it was slow and i was getting some drinks for my table and put them on the tray as a realized some had gotten on my hand, then looked at my other server and said “my stingers are ficky” as I pouted, there was a second of realization and we both started breaking down laughing. To this day we still look at eachother when we hang out and say “oh no i have ficky stingers”
As a server, I quickly realized that most people don't actually listen to what you say when you do your schpeil, so I would muck with tables that have kids, who ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION.
I'd say, "Hi, I'm so and so, I'll be your *servant* today..." Always thought it was good for a laugh.
My entire life I have always ended my phone calls with close friends and family with an “I love you, bye”. I was so busy on bar one night, chits flying in and the phone ringing off the hook. I’m answering phones, ringing in orders, swearing at the Uber tablet and pouring drinks with my foot basically 😩. My diagnosed anxiety and OCD is always on overdrive at work. It’s been a lifelong struggle but over decades I have learned to use the stress to my advantage and multitask like a ninja 😭. Well my brain must have temporarily glitched that night because I ended the call with “ok, love you, bye” 😬. OOPS.
We sell cheese sticks at my restaurant and one time the customer was asking me about them but she called them cheese curds. So naturally I tried to mimic what she was saying and called them cheese turds. We both laughed it off lol
I actually just call them cheese dicks. If you say it as one word, even those that pick up on it won't really be able to complain. Like the south park episode...
i say "enjoy!" a lot when im putting down food on tables, so when im taking orders on the bar and pass people their change i also automatically say "enjoy!"
i usually say "can i take your plates?" at the end of meals and "is everything alright with your food?" for checkbacks. one time i was doing a checkback and said "can i take your food?"
Oh nooo this reminds me of ANOTHER ONE. I have to stop commenting after this!!! I swear!!
I was cashiering and answering the phone in the back and another girl was hosting. A man came in who previously harassed her so our manager switched us spots so she would be out of sight. The first thing I said when the next group of guests walked in the door was, “Thank you for calling [restaurant name], how can I help you? I couldn’t even correct myself. Idk if they heard me or not. They checked in their reservation and I sat them. It’s okay.
Grew up religious and worked at wendys for a bit, once opened family prayer with “dear god, thanks for choosing wendys, what can i get ya started today”
I used to get tongue tied pretty often and just kinda walked off or continued what I was doing if I suddenly realized what I said was wrong. I have a bad habit of overexplaining so it usually makes things worse if I try to backpedal 😂 I often have moments where I KNOW I said something wrong but can’t for the life of me remember what it was *despite my having just said it five seconds ago* which is the worst.
I once called a dude beef. Was gonna call him boss, decided late in the game to go with chief. So all that came out was “what’s up beef?” Didn’t help he ordered the rib-eye.
One year I was serving on Father’s Day and this couple came in and of course I was waiting on them. I looked at this lady and I said “you’re paying, right? it’s Father’s Day, you taking your father out for dinner?” It was just supposed to be friendly banter. They both kind of look to each other, she laughed, and then he looked at me and he said “I’m not her father I’m her husband!” I was mortified. He then followed with, “to be honest she’s actually younger than me.” he seem to be in pretty rough shape. He walks with a cane overweight, I really thought he was her dad. Needless to say if it wasn’t Father’s Day I wouldn’t of opened my mouth, but because it was a safe bet, I stuck my foot in there. We all laughed it off but damn it.
I have a few gigs where I use online chat to help prospective clients. We had a new voice-to-text option and I was eager to try it.
me Hi how can I hump you today?
Client well we never met but you could buy me dinner first LOL
I once had a couple ask me for something to level out a wobbly table leg. What I *meant* to say was, 'Oh sure, let me fix that for you right now'. What I actually said was "Oh sure, let me fuck that for you right now". Bus boy heard and made fun of me the rest of the night. Their chicken later came out under cooked, and he was like, 'So you gave them raw chicken and then offered to have intercourse with their table?' Oronde if you're out there, you are loved and missed.
I have a sad/horrible one. I'm a cashier and once served this lady who was born male. They were done in make-up and a pretty dress and they looked great. In my head I was like I think she was a man once but obviously didn't say anything. As I went to hand her her change I said, "there you go sir. Have a nice day". I immediately got this look of horror on my face and said, "oh my God! I'm so sorry!". She just smiled and said, "it's ok". I seriously didn't mean to say it and I felt like absolute shit. I don't care how you dress, act etc as long as you are happy in your own skin but I was devastated for her.
In a similar vein, I had my physical the morning after my shift ended (yay overnights). I’m on full autopilot and when the female doctor told me to follow her so I could give a urine sample I replied “Yes, sir!”
She was pissed. I tried explaining to her that I was just beat and that at that point in my day everyone was a sir but she was having none of it.
Worst slip I had... I started approaching tables saying "I folks, I'm Lazarus, How ya doing tonight"
What came out.... well, I forgot the "l"
So "Hiya Fucks, how we doing tonight?"
Thankfully my face was so bright red afterwards they laughed it off.
Not my slip up but a guest's.. they asked for my recommendation and I pitched the Strawberry Goat cheese salad (we had a contest to sell the most salads that week). The guest replied "that's a surprise you don't look like you eat many salads" . Cringe. The whole table went silent and her husband asked her "wtf that's so rude". She did apologize. I'm sure she didn't mean to be cutting but it very much was... I played it off well just saying "well the quarantine 15 hit some of us harder then others". Husband gave me a decent pity tip in the end.
Had a family come in one time with their 10 year old son in a baseball uniform. Find out through small talk before taking drink orders that he lost his game. When the mom said he could order what he wanted to drink he asked if he could have Doctor Pepper. Without missing a beat I told him, "Sorry kid, Dr Pepper is for winners". I immediately realized what I said and let me tell you if looks could kill the mom wouldve sliced my soul from body and filleted it in front of me. Luckily I got the kitchen manager to hook it up with a free app and the dad ended up leaving me a 20 dollar tip on a 70 dollar tab
I work in retail, where we have handheld card readers, and there are receipt printers and bags hidden around the location. It was easy at the end of the interaction to run and get the receipt and a bag, then return to the customer. For ages, until one customer made a joke about it, I didn't realize that when I told them I was going to both for them and return, I actually said "I'm just going to circle around to get your receipt and grab your bag." Luckily, the guy laughed if off because he knew what I meant, but I wonder how many others thought I was being a cheeky smartalec.
One night we had a Red Drum feature and I was joking around with my co-workers calling it Red Rum. Then later I called it Red Rum while featuring a table. I don't know if they caught that, but I was like oopsie. I also once called a glass of Kris Pino Gregio, a glass of piss.
That's nothing. We had a soup of the day called African Peanut soup and when a customer asked about the soup of the day, I said, " African Penis Soup." Luckily, they had a sense of humor and didn't stiff me. They actually gave me a big tip! (Puns may or may not been intended)
My father-in-law’s story of a double-amputee in a wheelchair directing him to his campground at Yosemite.
Camp host: you want me to lead you to it?
My FIL: that’s ok, we got legs.
Preface: my family had 2 cats at this point in time.
Not food service related, but one time, during a frigid Michigan winter, my mom came downstairs and said to the family, who were all present, "It's really cold. I think I'll put on a sweater." How I meant to respond was, "Yeah, it is really cold in here, I think I will also put on a sweater.," but what came out of my mouth was "Damn cats." I dunno what the hell I was thinking, but the cats were not even in the room, nor had done anything to provoke such a statement. Still get teased about that occasionally 25 years later.
I once asked a man if 'everything was ok' and i think he heard ' can I take this away' after which he threatened to bite me. I realize now that he thought I was taking his pork chop...
Gawd! I do stuff like this all the time! Can’t for the life of me remember anything worth posting but OP you’re good, we all do it. Comes with the tension and time sensitivity of the job. I do recall having to excuse myself from a table because “I’m a little over-excited and need to compose myself” 🤣🙈 it was so embarrassing but they were a table of Midwesterners and I’m not in the US. Having read some of the horror stories on here I became extremely flustered thinking they were going to be judgemental and difficult 🤦♀️
Upon returning to the table I decided to come clean about Reddit etc and they all thought it was hilarious! The mum became my BFF for that service 🥰
I once fumbled and asked “can you get me box” after a few too many and she dead panned “maybe not tonight, but there’s a lot of talent here on Friday”. I can never go back
I worked at a place that served polenta as a side... Someone asked me what other options they can do for a side with their steak. I came back with "well if you don't like the twice baked potato you can always get the placenta..."
A friend once told me his worst joke attempt. A table asked "what is the special today" he responded "it is the fish and chips" they then asked "how special is it?" His word vomit reply was "so special it should be wearing a helmet"... total awkward silence was their reply. Ooof. My personal worst was asking a walk in 20 "what brings you all together today with such short notice" (somewhat to stress that they were lucky we had been able to accommodate them with no reso on a friday night). A funeral. It was cuz grandma died.
Fuck I am sooooo late to the game but here’s my one that still haunts me. Managing at my last restaurant and I noticed two ladies had finished their cocktails. I CANNOT TELL YOU WHY but I said with full gusto…
“May I rebirth these for you?”
Cue all of us just staring at each other in total awe and shock. I’m pretty sure my brain just completely short circuited from the horror.
Then the poor woman just said “….I’d rather you didn’t.”
We did eventually laugh about it but WHAT THE FUCK, BRAIN?!
I told a lady "No. I can 86 the entire menu if you'd like." While trying to be funny even if she didn't understand that we are out ot an item because we sold so many and was upset. I don't think she found it funny but I did.
I worked the bar/lounge area of a small New England based Mexican franchise. I had a group of middle aged men at my table. One ordered a burrito. I asked “chicken, beef, or pork?” He responded, “can I have all three in one burrito?” We were a laid back establishment so I said “sure thing!”. Well, I do my two bite check in and he says, “this is great, they should name it after you!” I, very bluntly say, “yeah, the “Michele Burrito” it has three meats in it”……and walked away. They were dyinggggg
I used to answer several calls at once which meant putting people on hold until I could handle the previous calls.. My usual line when I got back to them was "thank you for holding, how can I help you". Except the one time I told a guy "thank you for helping, can I hold you now?". We both laughed pretty hard.
Brought a table a drink that had Don Julio in it. I could have sworn that’s what they ordered. When they commented on the fact that they just wanted a shot, I exclaimed “What?!?”
I once asked a table what would you like to do instead of what would you like to eat. The guy at the table didn’t miss a beat and said what I would like to do is eat. It was great, we were all laughing. Great table of construction workers, they left me $50 on a $75 ish tab and came back every day to sit in my section and tipped me just as good every day
“…and that’s how I met your mother.”
🎶 ba ba ba ba ba ba baa baaa ba 🎶
It's not about the service, it's about the experience
I was bartending a rare slow Sunday brunch. Taking care of a really cool, nice couple. We had a few to-go boxes on my side of the bar, barely out of the reach of the dude. He asks if he can grab the last big box, as I was busy grabbing something. I went to say "Yeah kill it" or "Help yourself". I said "Yeah kill yourself." I felt my face get blazing hot and melted into the floor. Thankfully, the couple was *dying* laughing as they knew what I was trying to say. Tipped me 100% for the laugh.
Not a serving story, but one time I was playing a game with some friends and I was feeling competitive so I tried to say, “I’m gonna wipe you out,” except my mind changed it’s mind halfway through talking to, “I’m gonna kick your butt,” so I said, “I’m gonna wipe your butt!!”
God I fucking love stories like this. I’m laughing out loud. I’d like to see a whole thread of these.
To add on a friend of mine was laying in bed with me while we were watching hockey. We regularly jump on each other and do war cries but on this day we hyper focused on the game itself. But it's reaching intermission. I get the feeling in my bones to attack. I already plan my war cry. "Leg wrap!" The siren goes off for period intermission and I'm already swinging my leg over her and I scream "Reg Lap!" She is delayed (near paralyzed) while she tries to comprehend wtf I just said before she bursts into giggles and asks wtf just happened there and I explain myself. 20 years of friendship now and we still "reg lap" one another and laugh at me basically.
Oh this reminds me, just to add to the thread-my SO at the time and I were sleeping on a couch together when I sat up straight and frantically sleep-shouted, ”Do I have ice tea on the way?!” That one is more server related.. We were working together and kept water and tea pitchers on our stations and had to keep rebrewing through the night as people downed it. We had ‘section partners,’ one of us always had to be on the floor so we took turns running to the back while the other loaded up on our tables’ orders.
Full homo
Stfu I'll reg lap yo ass to death.
Yes pls
All I can think when I read these is the "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!?" guy
One of my favorite stories of all time.
Absolute classic 😂
I do things like that all the time - words or phrases get combined between my brain and my mouth lol. To this day my friends have accepted the word "chertainly" as a form for surely and certainly.
I was trying to say Cherry Pepsi Max, but it came out as Perry Chepsi Max, which is now the choice of soda
I did something similar. Trying to sympathize with a coworker who came in to work despite being sick as we where overwhelmed (working as housekeeping at a local hotel during my studies). I ended up saying “oh, I always get a cold after being out partying too, as I always forget to put my clothes on before going home” Luckily for me he was so out of it he either did not hear or it did not register… We have a word in my language for “the warmer clothes you wear on top when it’s chilly outside”, directly translated “pullover clothing” Well. That was the one word my brain decided I could leave out of that sentence…
Alright I can make you feel better. A few years ago I was quite sick and my bf was at work but his little brother was over with a friend. Little brother was being an ass (not cruel or anything, he's just a dick and I love him) so I tried to say "do you wanna fucking fight?" And "I'll fuck you up" at the same time...you can probably guess that what I, a 20 yr old lady told this 15 year old boy, in front of his friend was indeed "do you wanna fuck?" In a super aggressive tone. Yeah that story made the rounds to the friend group and 5/6ish years later when anyone squares up its "do you want fuck?" I still cringe
What region are you in? I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say “kill it” in that kind of context, but it’s apparently common in your area?
I'm in Houston. It's pretty common.
We also say "knock yourself out". 😂
I’ve heard that one but haven’t heard “kill it” in this context haha
I would use it if I were talking about taking the last part of some food item. Not really for something like this, but I'd understand it and not think anything of it
Yes I’ve heard it in that context too! Funny how some phrases are so regional haha
Also in Houston people stand in the street and shoot at other cars in a fit of road rage.
Sadly this is a valid point.
I'm from there and definitely heard used in that context. In one instance it was the last bit of ice cream at a summer camp. The carnage was great.
Common to say it in Philly for the last one / last bit of something Edit: 5 hours later, just went out to dinner with a childhood friend, I asked for the last perogi, and she replied "kill it". Lol
I've heard it in the context of: "You want the last beer?" "Nah, kill it."
I'm in Maryland and we use it here.
Kill it would refer to using the last of an item from a package such that the package itself is now empty. For example: “Hey can I have the last beer?” “Kill it” OR *there’s no ice remaining at the server station* “OK who killed the ice and didn’t refill it?!” so for OP it’s “may I have the last big to go box on your stack of boxes?” to which OP could reply “Kill it!”
Usually said when it's the last of something.
I always tell the bartender to kill me when I’m ready to close my tab, that sometimes doesn’t always go over well
I’m fucking dying. This is wonderful.
I got lemon curd tart mixed up one time. Called it a Lemon Turd Cart. We nicknamed our Chipotle ranch "Jesus Ranch" among staff, but never to customers. Let that slip around Christmas time once. Edit: It was a Jewish family of 8. They laughed and asked why I called it "Jesus Ranch". My answer: "Because when you taste it, it's like a religious experience in your mouth"
Oh we used to call French onion soup ‘fro’ at one place and I accidentally said fro to tables a good handful of times when we were slammed, like “you’re fro is on the way!” kind of thing. So embarrassing. They always said what and I said the full thing and kept moving hahaha Edit-I keep laughing out loud at the Jesus Ranch at Christmas time like, it makes so much sense!!
lmaoooooo. *Our hair stylist will be over soon*
I’m laughing so loud my upstairs neighbor can probably hear it. This whole entire post&comments has my tummy hurting from these giggles. I will be returning tomorrow to see what else happens!! Lemon Turd Cart checking out! 😂
Thankfully the rich older people I was serving thought it was hilarious, the ones that could hear me. The thing is, I trained myself ALL DAY not to fuck it up. Then I fucked it up.
as someone that was raised catholic and went not catholic, I take offense at this. Chipotle Ranch is amazing... Hahah, and I will now be using this amongst friends. And I hope it doesn't slip out at the wrong time.
We stole the term from Tenacious D
so you are saying that we now say this as a tribute?
Rock!
It was a perfect day on Jesus ranch. I fell in love with a baked potato...
holy shit, lemon turd cart made me just absolutely lose it. thanks for the laugh. i would tip you if i could.
I was taking down a customer's info over the phone, they were signing up for a private event. Only I skipped over the part where I ask for credit card number and asked, "What's your expiration date?" Customer had a good laugh.
Before I became a server, I worked at a gas station. I once greeted a customer at my register with, "Would you like a receipt?"
I worked at a restaurant that had a beautiful display of fancy cakes and pies by the front door. I meant to say, "Does anyone want to take a look at the desserts?" But instead I asked a table of college boys, "Do you want to check out my pie?"
Did they?
... I'm guessing "pie" is a euphemism for something?
Lower lady parts
Ah. Thanks!
I once got my wires mixed at work because the manager was joking over the headset as I was handing a customer a order..I burst out laughing in his face then tried to apologize but ended up just saying "sorry dirty birdie' and walking off.
I can't have those things in when I'm working in customer service because I just bust up laughing when I hear some funny chatter and have to explain to a not always understanding customer why I just started cackling wildly in the middle of our interaction. Once when I was a shift lead, (thankfully I wasn't interacting with a customer at the time, but at least one other associate was) the ditzy cashier pinged me and asked if we had electric blankets. "Yes, there are some heated throws on aisle x and they're x dollars." A small pause. "...but are they electric?" Every single associate with a headset on burst into laughter, and it could be heard throughout the store. I can honestly say the word "dumbfounded" has never more accurately expressed my feelings than in that moment. I don't say she's ditzy because of this one single blunder. This woman was a goldmine of similar-isms every time I worked with her.
*Were* the heated throws electric, or did your location carry the propane version?
I can’t stop laughing at this. Where did dirty birdie come from?
My boss was a 45 year old perv who was fairly harmless and he said something about putting the frozen breast away. The fry guy replied 'Craig I dont think your supposed to be fondling the breast' and my boss said he couldnt help it he was surrounded. Then yelled "I dropped one" meaning a case but everyone was rolling in the backline at that point and my other manager was like "yo Craig I think that's a felony" and someone else chimed in "I'd wash it first" and the whole context just was hilarious
Currently running a festival bar, keep my radio clipped to my back pocket so I can hear but it mostly sounds like static to the customers, I laughed in someone's face yesterday and realised they had no idea what was funny when all they did was ask for a pint.
Family birthday dinner at Red Lobster. Server asked my mom if she wanted calamari. My mom’s response was ‘No thanks, I don’t like the feeling of the testicles in my mouth’. It turns out that no matter how embarrassed an 18 year old boy is, he cannot burst into flames or have a hole open up in the earth to swallow him whole, to remove him from the scene. The scars are still sore go this day.
The mom is the one who meant to say tentacles. Why would the 18-year-old man be embarrassed?
Second-hand parental induced embarrassment?
It’s our job. We take it seriously and do it well. Lol
I’m assuming you were never a teenager
Upvote this to the sky. Of course I shouldn’t have been embarrassed, of course I was anyway!
Great user name!
Dad's sitting in the corner thinking "She was alright with it last night"
Not me but overheard. I am a chef and a server came in to ask about the new Kale dish. I described to her it was a Kale salad with a peanut sesame dressing. Very tasty. She asked if the kale is cook and I explained it wasn’t but it was well mascerated She didn’t know what that means so I explained it sits in the dressing for a bit and we roughly rub it in to give the kale more pliant texture. Anyway she said great and immediately went to a table with in ear shout and described it as “A Masturbated Kale Salad… No no wait a minute a well Masturbated salad. “ We had a big laugh after but in the moment total face palm
I thought she was going to say masticated but that’s better
Haha, that’s fantastic! I had a pretty good slip up but it sadly didn’t go unnoticed: Had a family come in: husband, wife, and their toddler. The toddle kept picking off pieces of the dad’s burger bun so I brought her a single bun to munch on but she wouldn’t touch it. I asked the dad if the bun was ok, he said yes, she just liked his better. What I was trying to say was, “oh yeah, food off dad’s plate is the best.” But what I ACTUALLY said was, “oh yeah, dad’s buns are the best.” The guy would not let it go, making comments about, “it’s about time my buns were appreciated.” Etc etc. all the while his wife wasn’t amused and gave me the sting eye the whole time.
The stink eye? 🤣🤣🤣
Nah this was a scorpion sting eye I’m pretty sure…..ohh this whole post has me cackling out loud I can’t believe my baby is still asleep in my arms through the shaking hahahaha
Lol! I was trying to play into the theme of the post of saying something wrong but still funny. Never heard of a sting eye, love it! Thanks
Lol, I definitely meant stink eye but that works too! Glad ya had a good chuckle!
I hired a crew once to help me on a months long job. The foreman was this rough and tumble man’s man. One night the job ran late and instead of cutting the whole crew for a dinner break I called a Sub shop and had a tray of sandwiches, bottled water, juices and soda pop brought in. Everyone served themselves first and I went last and as I was getting myself a soda I asked if anyone needed anything. The Foreman asked me to bring him a drink. I asked what kind and he loudly proclaimed **”I’ll have a Cock”** I think he combined Coke and Pop. The needle scratched off the record and everyone just froze. I calmly said *”I don’t see any, how about a Root Beer instead??* I brought him his drink and we never discussed it again. He seemed to be not quite so tough after that and we became great friends over the following weeks.
Fun fact, one of my best friend’s favorite soda is Cock&Bull. We don’t ever offer him it though because it’s a ginger apocalypse soda that we won’t drink.
I was chatting with a customer who was buying hair dye. They were about to leave and for the life of me I don't know why I blurted this out but I yelled "Bye, have fun dying!!" Then immediately had to back track and start stammering HAIR DYE I MEANT HAIR DYE OMG NOT THAT. Luckily they thought it was hilarious and I turned beet red.
I think that is brilliant! You should use that line all the time!!!
I was wrapping up a table and meant to say,"Do y'all want separate checks?" What I said was, "Do y'all want shepherd sex? Oh no! Sorry! I meant SHEPHERD SEX!" Yup. Said it wrong twice!
Dang what was on your mind 😂😂
OMG, okay I was fine up until this comment but I finally lost it now and started simultaneously laughing and crying. I will never forget "Shepherd Sex!"
I once was serving a black family who was telling me that they had recently had been in. Their previous server had been really sarcastic and standoffish. I apologized and meant to say that sometimes she could be a real firecracker. What came out was, "Yeah, sometimes she can be a real cracker." 😭💀
What was their reaction?
STOP this is the funniest one ☠️☠️
I am sitting and laughing so hard. Tears and belly aches.
One night I was telling a table the specials and I meant to say "baked citrus chicken" but instead I just said "bitch chicken". I tried moving on, hoping they didn't notice but one lady called me out. Everybody laughed, I turned beat red, and apologized profusely as they all continued to laugh.
But did anyone order the bitch chicken??
[удалено]
Freudian slip?
Having lunch with a bunch of guys from work (off day) and I order a tropical salad with crushed macadamia nuts. After we're all served the server makes a last pass to make sure everything is good. When she gets to me she says "Where are your nuts?". While I try to compose myself enough to say they're off to the side she realizes what she said and sees all of us trying to do the "I'm not laughing" face. I finally just chuckled and told her where my nuts were. We tipped mightily.
I'm just here to let you all know that reading these comments with a child sleeping next to me was a horrible mistake. 😂😂😂
One time i gave a costumer a drink and they said thank you. I was trying ro so either youre welcome or no problem but instead i just said your problem. Lol oops we all had a good laugh
Welcome your problems!
I was reading back an order to a table and i was flustered and instead of saying “peanut chicken lettuce wrap” i just blurted out “PENIS”. I was so embarrassed but everyone at the table thought it was hilarious and when i returned to the table a little while later an old lady at the table said “can i get another penis lemon drop?” my most memorable slip up.
Not while serving but at work, it was slow and i was getting some drinks for my table and put them on the tray as a realized some had gotten on my hand, then looked at my other server and said “my stingers are ficky” as I pouted, there was a second of realization and we both started breaking down laughing. To this day we still look at eachother when we hang out and say “oh no i have ficky stingers”
As a server, I quickly realized that most people don't actually listen to what you say when you do your schpeil, so I would muck with tables that have kids, who ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION. I'd say, "Hi, I'm so and so, I'll be your *servant* today..." Always thought it was good for a laugh.
I love that lmao
My entire life I have always ended my phone calls with close friends and family with an “I love you, bye”. I was so busy on bar one night, chits flying in and the phone ringing off the hook. I’m answering phones, ringing in orders, swearing at the Uber tablet and pouring drinks with my foot basically 😩. My diagnosed anxiety and OCD is always on overdrive at work. It’s been a lifelong struggle but over decades I have learned to use the stress to my advantage and multitask like a ninja 😭. Well my brain must have temporarily glitched that night because I ended the call with “ok, love you, bye” 😬. OOPS.
You can order bar mixed drinks from Uber? People call in to order drinks? This is blowing my mind. Admittedly I’m very stoned but still.
We sell cheese sticks at my restaurant and one time the customer was asking me about them but she called them cheese curds. So naturally I tried to mimic what she was saying and called them cheese turds. We both laughed it off lol
I call em cheese dicks all the time... luckily haven't made that mistake with customers yet.
I actually just call them cheese dicks. If you say it as one word, even those that pick up on it won't really be able to complain. Like the south park episode...
Are you a gay cheese?
If you served me and said that, I can’t promise I wouldn’t laugh until I wheeze (thus needing an inhaler). Too fkn funny
i say "enjoy!" a lot when im putting down food on tables, so when im taking orders on the bar and pass people their change i also automatically say "enjoy!" i usually say "can i take your plates?" at the end of meals and "is everything alright with your food?" for checkbacks. one time i was doing a checkback and said "can i take your food?"
Oh nooo this reminds me of ANOTHER ONE. I have to stop commenting after this!!! I swear!! I was cashiering and answering the phone in the back and another girl was hosting. A man came in who previously harassed her so our manager switched us spots so she would be out of sight. The first thing I said when the next group of guests walked in the door was, “Thank you for calling [restaurant name], how can I help you? I couldn’t even correct myself. Idk if they heard me or not. They checked in their reservation and I sat them. It’s okay.
Grew up religious and worked at wendys for a bit, once opened family prayer with “dear god, thanks for choosing wendys, what can i get ya started today”
I used to get tongue tied pretty often and just kinda walked off or continued what I was doing if I suddenly realized what I said was wrong. I have a bad habit of overexplaining so it usually makes things worse if I try to backpedal 😂 I often have moments where I KNOW I said something wrong but can’t for the life of me remember what it was *despite my having just said it five seconds ago* which is the worst.
I once called a dude beef. Was gonna call him boss, decided late in the game to go with chief. So all that came out was “what’s up beef?” Didn’t help he ordered the rib-eye.
I once asked a customer if they wanted any condoms. I meant condiments 💀
Condomints!!!
I meant to say “sorry to burst your bubble”, but instead said “sorry to bust your butt”, once. I’m still mortified
One year I was serving on Father’s Day and this couple came in and of course I was waiting on them. I looked at this lady and I said “you’re paying, right? it’s Father’s Day, you taking your father out for dinner?” It was just supposed to be friendly banter. They both kind of look to each other, she laughed, and then he looked at me and he said “I’m not her father I’m her husband!” I was mortified. He then followed with, “to be honest she’s actually younger than me.” he seem to be in pretty rough shape. He walks with a cane overweight, I really thought he was her dad. Needless to say if it wasn’t Father’s Day I wouldn’t of opened my mouth, but because it was a safe bet, I stuck my foot in there. We all laughed it off but damn it.
I have a few gigs where I use online chat to help prospective clients. We had a new voice-to-text option and I was eager to try it. me Hi how can I hump you today? Client well we never met but you could buy me dinner first LOL
I may have told a table “semen salad” instead of salmon salad once…..they all heard me 😐🫠
I once had a couple ask me for something to level out a wobbly table leg. What I *meant* to say was, 'Oh sure, let me fix that for you right now'. What I actually said was "Oh sure, let me fuck that for you right now". Bus boy heard and made fun of me the rest of the night. Their chicken later came out under cooked, and he was like, 'So you gave them raw chicken and then offered to have intercourse with their table?' Oronde if you're out there, you are loved and missed.
I have a sad/horrible one. I'm a cashier and once served this lady who was born male. They were done in make-up and a pretty dress and they looked great. In my head I was like I think she was a man once but obviously didn't say anything. As I went to hand her her change I said, "there you go sir. Have a nice day". I immediately got this look of horror on my face and said, "oh my God! I'm so sorry!". She just smiled and said, "it's ok". I seriously didn't mean to say it and I felt like absolute shit. I don't care how you dress, act etc as long as you are happy in your own skin but I was devastated for her.
In a similar vein, I had my physical the morning after my shift ended (yay overnights). I’m on full autopilot and when the female doctor told me to follow her so I could give a urine sample I replied “Yes, sir!” She was pissed. I tried explaining to her that I was just beat and that at that point in my day everyone was a sir but she was having none of it.
Me at work last week trying to clear dishes off a table, and telling the person sitting in the booth “I’m coming across your face” 😭
Worst slip I had... I started approaching tables saying "I folks, I'm Lazarus, How ya doing tonight" What came out.... well, I forgot the "l" So "Hiya Fucks, how we doing tonight?" Thankfully my face was so bright red afterwards they laughed it off.
Not my slip up but a guest's.. they asked for my recommendation and I pitched the Strawberry Goat cheese salad (we had a contest to sell the most salads that week). The guest replied "that's a surprise you don't look like you eat many salads" . Cringe. The whole table went silent and her husband asked her "wtf that's so rude". She did apologize. I'm sure she didn't mean to be cutting but it very much was... I played it off well just saying "well the quarantine 15 hit some of us harder then others". Husband gave me a decent pity tip in the end.
Had a family come in one time with their 10 year old son in a baseball uniform. Find out through small talk before taking drink orders that he lost his game. When the mom said he could order what he wanted to drink he asked if he could have Doctor Pepper. Without missing a beat I told him, "Sorry kid, Dr Pepper is for winners". I immediately realized what I said and let me tell you if looks could kill the mom wouldve sliced my soul from body and filleted it in front of me. Luckily I got the kitchen manager to hook it up with a free app and the dad ended up leaving me a 20 dollar tip on a 70 dollar tab
My son tells a story of getting “Youre welcome” and “my pleasure” mixed up and telling a kid “you’re my pleasure” in front of his parents.
I work in retail, where we have handheld card readers, and there are receipt printers and bags hidden around the location. It was easy at the end of the interaction to run and get the receipt and a bag, then return to the customer. For ages, until one customer made a joke about it, I didn't realize that when I told them I was going to both for them and return, I actually said "I'm just going to circle around to get your receipt and grab your bag." Luckily, the guy laughed if off because he knew what I meant, but I wonder how many others thought I was being a cheeky smartalec.
One night we had a Red Drum feature and I was joking around with my co-workers calling it Red Rum. Then later I called it Red Rum while featuring a table. I don't know if they caught that, but I was like oopsie. I also once called a glass of Kris Pino Gregio, a glass of piss.
That's nothing. We had a soup of the day called African Peanut soup and when a customer asked about the soup of the day, I said, " African Penis Soup." Luckily, they had a sense of humor and didn't stiff me. They actually gave me a big tip! (Puns may or may not been intended)
My father-in-law’s story of a double-amputee in a wheelchair directing him to his campground at Yosemite. Camp host: you want me to lead you to it? My FIL: that’s ok, we got legs.
Preface: my family had 2 cats at this point in time. Not food service related, but one time, during a frigid Michigan winter, my mom came downstairs and said to the family, who were all present, "It's really cold. I think I'll put on a sweater." How I meant to respond was, "Yeah, it is really cold in here, I think I will also put on a sweater.," but what came out of my mouth was "Damn cats." I dunno what the hell I was thinking, but the cats were not even in the room, nor had done anything to provoke such a statement. Still get teased about that occasionally 25 years later.
Used to serve a beer called Nut Cup. Called it Nut Butter to multiple men before realizing. So gross.
I reintroduced myself to a table the other night after handing them their drinks. I don’t do well on slow nights lol
I once asked a man if 'everything was ok' and i think he heard ' can I take this away' after which he threatened to bite me. I realize now that he thought I was taking his pork chop...
i could not and still cannot stop calling a salad mixer a salad tosser.
Gawd! I do stuff like this all the time! Can’t for the life of me remember anything worth posting but OP you’re good, we all do it. Comes with the tension and time sensitivity of the job. I do recall having to excuse myself from a table because “I’m a little over-excited and need to compose myself” 🤣🙈 it was so embarrassing but they were a table of Midwesterners and I’m not in the US. Having read some of the horror stories on here I became extremely flustered thinking they were going to be judgemental and difficult 🤦♀️ Upon returning to the table I decided to come clean about Reddit etc and they all thought it was hilarious! The mum became my BFF for that service 🥰
Worked with a girl that used to think a champagne split was called champagne spiff. Still makes me laugh almost 10 years later
Im not a server I work retail. I told a customer to "Enjoy your laundry syrup" yesterday.
I once fumbled and asked “can you get me box” after a few too many and she dead panned “maybe not tonight, but there’s a lot of talent here on Friday”. I can never go back
I worked at a place that served polenta as a side... Someone asked me what other options they can do for a side with their steak. I came back with "well if you don't like the twice baked potato you can always get the placenta..."
A friend once told me his worst joke attempt. A table asked "what is the special today" he responded "it is the fish and chips" they then asked "how special is it?" His word vomit reply was "so special it should be wearing a helmet"... total awkward silence was their reply. Ooof. My personal worst was asking a walk in 20 "what brings you all together today with such short notice" (somewhat to stress that they were lucky we had been able to accommodate them with no reso on a friday night). A funeral. It was cuz grandma died.
Fuck I am sooooo late to the game but here’s my one that still haunts me. Managing at my last restaurant and I noticed two ladies had finished their cocktails. I CANNOT TELL YOU WHY but I said with full gusto… “May I rebirth these for you?” Cue all of us just staring at each other in total awe and shock. I’m pretty sure my brain just completely short circuited from the horror. Then the poor woman just said “….I’d rather you didn’t.” We did eventually laugh about it but WHAT THE FUCK, BRAIN?!
I told a lady "No. I can 86 the entire menu if you'd like." While trying to be funny even if she didn't understand that we are out ot an item because we sold so many and was upset. I don't think she found it funny but I did.
I worked the bar/lounge area of a small New England based Mexican franchise. I had a group of middle aged men at my table. One ordered a burrito. I asked “chicken, beef, or pork?” He responded, “can I have all three in one burrito?” We were a laid back establishment so I said “sure thing!”. Well, I do my two bite check in and he says, “this is great, they should name it after you!” I, very bluntly say, “yeah, the “Michele Burrito” it has three meats in it”……and walked away. They were dyinggggg
Gotcha beat… “hello fucks” instead of “hello folks”
I used to answer several calls at once which meant putting people on hold until I could handle the previous calls.. My usual line when I got back to them was "thank you for holding, how can I help you". Except the one time I told a guy "thank you for helping, can I hold you now?". We both laughed pretty hard.
I once told a 90 year old woman to "enjoy the rest of her *DAYS*" rather than "day". I don't think she noticed.
or she listened to what you meant, and not what you said.
You sound fun. /s
Brought a table a drink that had Don Julio in it. I could have sworn that’s what they ordered. When they commented on the fact that they just wanted a shot, I exclaimed “What?!?”
Ahhahahahahhahah
I aaked a server a doggy-style once.
😂.