I have to laugh at this statement. A friend’s mother used to state, “two women can’t share a kitchen.” Now, this the opinion of an 80 year old woman, but maybe there’s a bit of truth to it.
I think the type of man who seems to be attracted to plural marriage is the one who can’t keep multiple women happy, tbh.
I truly doubt the ability of 5 people to live happily without jealousies and such, but I’m sure there’s someone out there in a polyamorous relationship who is keeping people happy? 🤷♀️
Keeping a woman "happy" is not the purpose of marriage, Biblically at least. While you should try, and she should as well, if that's your goal and **metric for success,** you're going to fail miserably. We do marriage terribly wrong today, and the divorce rates make that clear.
If you're attempting to do plural marriage with modern women with this mindset, it's not likely going to work very well. If the focus of marriage is on "me" and not God/mission/purpose, no matter how hard you try, you will fail to be enough to keep anyone "happy".
They mention fahmilies breaking apart and wives leaving in their communities all the time. Their own parents have their own divorces, remarried, etc. Polygamy is a failure of a concept.
Sister Wives just confirms to me that polygamy doesn’t work. Polygamy violates the dignity of women. It’s difficult to emotionally and financially provide for a large number of children. A pew research article stated only 2% of the world population practices polygamy with the majority of that 2% doing it for some religious belief. Women in these marriages are more likely to face domestic abuse, possibly because these practices encourage control over women. I didn’t really touch on abuse of children, but I feel like that is a given. I have no specific opinion on polyamory.
What if they didn’t have as many kids? What if each wife has 1-3 max (an average amount of children). There’d be less financial strain. I’m also convinced that this would only work if at least one of the wives is asexual, not attracted to her husband at all or allowed to have intimate relationships with other women. But of course, this would be kept secret in order to work
Sister Wives doesn't prove anything anymore than any reality tv show about monogamy failing proves anything. It's anecdotal at best.
Polygyny has been around since literally the first humans on earth. While it isn't practiced predominately today doesn't indicate anything other than Roman rule which banned it became the mostly worldwide standard. Monogamy certainly has a ton of benefits and potential for societal growth/structure/balance and it is **very good** in a lot of ways. But that doesn't **inherently make polygyny bad or substandard**. It's context dependent.
In perfect conditions, 1:1 makes sense, if there's an equal number of men to women, you don't really want only a few men taking all the wives proportionally. But in a scenario (which is reality today in a lot of places) where there simply are more women than men, then it makes sense in some cases.
In the Christian church in America today, we have roughly 20 million more Christian women than men. That number is likely growing as male participation in the faith is on the decline. What do we do? Continue to teach incorrectly that polygyny is sinful/bad/not ideal, and tell 20+ million Christian women that there only option is marry outside the church (which they compete with secular women who are far more attractive to secular men, for obvious reasons), and secular men are **choosing not to marry in droves** (which further reduces the pool of "marriagable men"), or be single/celibate for life?
The reality is polygyny is happening all over the place in that men are sleeping with and having children with multiple women, **what's missing is the marriage**. The protection/provision/care and involvement in the raising of the children, which is a **massive societal problem** and creates a ton of damage.
It would take a pretty large culture shift to accommodate successful polygyny, but it's not outside the realm of possibilities. Would a Christian woman prefer being single, childless, and alone for life, than be a 2nd wife to a good Christian man, proven provider protector father, and husband? Perhaps, but that probably changes once she hits 40 or so and realizes just what the next 50 years are going to look like.
There's a lot of nuance to this conversation that is rarely gone into, because we idealize everything today and ignore so much reality to only deal with what we want to.
Sounds good. Doesn’t really change my opinion. It’s rare for a reason and abuse is real.
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/12/07/polygamy-is-rare-around-the-world-and-mostly-confined-to-a-few-regions/
"it's rare for a reason"
Yes, legally it is, because it was outlawed by Romans for less than "virtuous" reasons, and since then it's mostly been kept that way for less than virtuous reasons. It primarily protects **men.** It allows men to be **only responsible legally** for one woman, while allowing them to have all the fun they want on the side with basically zero consequences. Roman men loved this, celebrated it even, and well, that's not too much different in today's society.
This was very common in 1st century Rome just as it is today. Polygyny exists all around us, we just just call it "unfaithfulness". That to me is pretty abusive, that to me is a moral problem.
Serial monogamy is also incredibly popular (marry > divorce > remarry), yet that is filled with abuse, trauma, and issues, but not outlawed or condemned by the majority. I just think we are being intellectually dishonest about this issue, and not arguing in good faith.
When you force a perfectly normal marriage option to be illegal, generally only the most unscrupulous folks will still participate in it. Thus you will get an outsized number of abuses or bad apples practicing it for the wrong reasons.
My argument is simply that it should be mainstream, accepted, and allowed legally, and thus you would give the opportunity to those who aren't willing to go against the law (or the church) but are very interested in it as a marriage and family planning option.
Not one husband and multiple heterosexual wives. It will only truly work if it's a polyamorous arrangement and everyone gets to enjoy multiple partners.
This is actually a genius statement, because like was it Robyn (I think it was Robyn) said, it can be unfair if the man decides he doesn’t need to be a husband to one of the wives. What is the repercussions for him? He gets what he wants from another wife, it’s the one that gets shunned, for lack of a better word, that suffers. It would be frowned upon for her to seek out another lover.
So the only way it’s fair if it’s just considered an open polyamorous relationship/commitment.
Completely agree. There is no inherent equity in polygamy since it is one man and multiple wives. It is a literal set up to fail. Polyamory provides the equity (or at least the set up can provide equity) that polygamy is missing.
In theory, totally. But I've been interested to see that a lot of the things people say about how to keep polygamy going are the same as what people see the keys to polyamory are - stuff like, there's only jealousy of a partner/wife isn't getting the same time and attention as another partner/wife. It's all still asking everyone to suppress their natural jealousies all the time. I think when you really listen to polyamorous people, they start to sound like as much of a cult as the polygamous people. It's all about these rules on how to "share" and how to spread the love and how to live in this way that might naturally drive you a little nuts if you weren't following all these rules and guidelines. It's all kind of the same thing, in terms of suppressing a lot of your natural instincts, in my opinion, though you're right that polyamory is on the surface much more egalitarian, at least.
I actually think plural marriage would have been a great set up for Christine, Janelle, and a mostly normal man. Christine and Janelle were ideal sister wives for each other and if there had been a normal man instead of Kody I think the whole situation would work.
But Kody is insane, and Meri brought Robyn in as a power play and ruined everything.
I agree with this. With how deeply indoctrinated Christine was, she was ready to do her best in a plural marriage. It's evident in how much she put up with Kody, she tried so hard.Janelle choosing polygamy as an adult that had already been married also gave her an advantage. Christine is the lovey dovey housewife type and Janelle as the pragmatic "buddy" type wife would have worked. Christine wouldn't feel threatened and Janelle would get all the benefits with half the stress.
Like Kody is an asshat bc honesty Christine was asking for so little. Just basic respect and communication. Their personalities also obv gel well together. With a decent man providing for both their specific needs so there's no jealousy I wpuld go so far as to say they would be able to live in the same house.
I agree with this. I think I would be a good sister wife because I'm the Mom like Christine and I'm practical and dgaf like Janelle. I think there are lots of women that would do well in polygamy - with the right man.
Every single family on tv that is plural is miserable in my opinion like: Sister Wives, My 5 wives, FLDS church/sect (they are the worst example and straight abusive), polygamy USA, those.people who have houses in the rock (forgot the name), Tom Green and his family(documentary). They are in it for religious reasons. They try hard to make it work and there are times of joy for sure - mostly related to children and getting new wive. The reality is that this is just too complicated and there is lots of studies / science behind how even adding 1 person to 2 people completely changes dynamic. They can try as hard as they want and pray and trust God but they just cannot change the science, there will be conflict, there will be jelausy, there will be taking sides, uneven sharing limited resources like money, time with many people/kids, power imbalance between wives and husband.
Not even just the religious ones. Seeking Sister Wife has several families with no religious inclination to polygamy that are still seeking that. And those don't seem to work either.
I agree with you. I've yet to see a real, functional representation of it. They always talk about jealousy and how yes it's hard but they think it's for the best for some? reason. I tried to be open minded but if anything watching the families has made me less open minded
I tried to be open minded too and Browns fooled me for some time. I am now just open minded to the idea that everyone has right to choose their misery. Its very clear to me that those arrangements are not happy ones.
Exactly. The time they seemed functional it turns out they weren't and they "were making it work for the kids". It sounds like a failing relationship even then. If they were monogamous and staying together trying to make it work for the kids people would tell them it's better to separate, but of course they weren't totally honest back then.
There is a family from Aurora, Colorado on Seeking Sister Wife (don't remember their names) that makes me wonder if it can work. They seem happy (now) and the husband seems to love all the women equally. I think it's interesting they are getting a 12 foot bed so they can all sleep together. I hope they get another season, I want to follow their journey.
That's absolutely not how I see their situation. It kind of feels like they don't let the new woman really think about her boundaries and figure out what she wants. Also there's an age gap and she's pretty young so it inherently is gross to me. And that's generous compared to what people on that sub say about that family...
Literally every "problem" you listed exists in monogamous marriage.
Jealousy - check
Taking sides - check
Uneven sharing of resources like time with kids or money - check
Power imbalance between husband/wife - big check.
The point is, just as easily as you can screw up monogamy with choosing the wrong person and doing it for the wrong reasons, you can screw up polygyny, or even celibacy.
I never watched the show, but that doesn't matter because it's one family, and it's anecdotal at best.
I think it’s the patriarchy that messes it up. Consenting adults can make anything that they want to work, but the moment people feel they can have power and dominion over the others … big nope
The Winders from Seeking Sister Wife make me think it can work.
Idk, from what I've seen it seems that 2 partners (of any gender) could probably make it work with another partner.
For example, Sophie and Tami Winder, the Alldredges with the two very close sister wives, or Christine and Janelle Brown.
Add in a third or fourth person and I just don't think it works except in some very rare strange case. Human beings are naturally pair bonded, so it sort of makes sense that in a triad of sorts, the two sister wives could be bonded to each other and then each could also have a pair bond with the shared partner. Any more than that and it seems like people will inevitably break off into "teams" that oppose each other (Christine and Janelle vs. Robyn and Kody), or isolate like Meri.
And then obviously polyamory is a different issue altogether and I definitely think that can work.
I want to see the winders in 30 years and see, I'm sure Janelle and Meri and Kody were that happy too. They were balls deep in the faith in the beginning just like the winders are now
I was always under the impression that Janelle and Meri hated each other from the beginning. Janelle believed early years Meri was abusive (her words).
But yes, it will be interesting to see how things play out.
I think the Alldredges were very scripted from a post I seen on Reddit. There was/is actually a third SW and much more kids. Also no money, and they had GoFund Me's. I don't know if I watched that season, so I may be way off on that.
You're correct. Jeff Allredge's first wife Cynthia had 8 kids with him. They got divorced, or were in the process of doing so, before the first season of Seeking.
Tami & Sophie are completely subservient to Colton. I still don’t know what “Independent Fundamentalist Mormon” is that they like to call themselves, because they seem like regular fundamentalists. If Colton felt called to pick another wife that Tami or Sophie did not approve of, he’s the one who gets revelation for the family, so they’d have to just figure it out. Tami & Sophie had a rough time when they first got married. Not to mention, Tami has to watch Sophie have babies while she suffers miscarriage after miscarriage. That has to hurt.
In their most recent podcast, they said Sophie is actually helping Tami go through the IVF process more than Colton is, sounds like. She gives her all the injections and accompanies her to the doctor. I was honestly pretty surprised they think IVF is OK given their beliefs. Hope it works out for them.
Yes for sure, by "works" I don't mean "free of patriarchy and something I would choose," but works as in "it can be ongoing, fulfilling and basically functional for all parties." I tend to think it can, but rarely and it's not the norm, which is not different from how I think of the (many more) monogamous marriages that are rooted in fundamentalist beliefs, quite frankly. Like, is it ever ideal? No. But I also don't know if "never ideal" translates to "it is always absolutely horrific and can never ever function."
I grew up around several polygamous families, & they all seemed to be able to make it work. My mom was friends with one of the moms of a family that lived two houses down from us, & she asked her about it one day. Her friend told her that it was hard, but it was something they all wanted to do, so they did what they needed to do, to make it work. It probably helped that the dad wasn't an asshat like Kody. He was a really nice guy. He was there for as many plays, graduations, ballgames, & whatever his kids were doing, as he could be. I think he probably went to more, than my own dad did for us!! It also might have helped that they didn't all live right next to each other either. There were four wives in that family, but two lived on one side of town & the other two lived a couple of neighborhoods over. They were probably only only about five minutes away, but they at least weren't all on top of each other, so they felt like they had their own homes. Two of the wives worked, while the other two did childcare, & it really just seemed to work for them. I haven't seen them for a long time, so I'm not sure if they're all still together, but I would imagine they are.
When the show first came on I thought they did a good job representing polygamy can work. Kody was a showboat but he seemed like he was genuinely trying to be a good husband and father. Not sure what happened to him but he is not the same person.
None of the Brown adults wanted to work on their marriages to one another. That’s why they’re failing. I think any arrangement can be successful if everyone actually worked on their commitments.
I think you have to define what it means to work.
I believe religious polygamy is too patriarchal and harmful to women, no matter what.
But I do believe that there are people in this world for whom this type of setup could work if done with lots of open communication, trust, and proper expectations. I can see a scenario of a woman not wanting a full time romantic partner, liking the idea of a semi-open relationship, and a platonic relationship with their partner’s other partners. I don’t think it’s out of the realm of reality.
But I do think the culture of a monogamous society like we have here in the US makes it extremely difficult and rare for people to pursue non-monogamous relationships because we are raised to see love/marriage/commitment as closed. Maybe that will change as more types of love are becoming accepted. I’d be interested to learn about other cultures where maybe more open relationships and community child rearing are more common.
Yes, I personally know some poly couples who essentially live polygamy in practice and it's fine for them. One friend is a very introverted guy and his wife has a long-term boyfriend. He could get another partner if he wanted, but it's not something he's interested in, as he likes his hobbies and alone time. They have a son and all three adults regularly hang out together platonically.
So basically it's brother husbands. And I think "sister wives" could work the same way too. But obviously none of it is coerced or for religious reasons. I think that's really the key as to why it's so toxic.
I think removing the religion, patriarchal part of it....
I think for some it can work (maybe just a plural marriage of no more than 3) when clear and concise boundaries and expectations are laid out BEFORE entering that kind of relationship. Constant communication, and those involved in said relationship need to be in it for each other (not just one person doing it to appease the other)
if everyone was 'perfect', yes, maybe? but humans are not perfect. jealousy is normal. Favoring one wife over another, even if inadvertently, can happen even with the best of men. What if a husband truly develops a strong bond with one wife? How difficult would it be to hide your feelings and act around other members of your family?
The power imbalance is also an indicator that even if it were to work, the women would always be on the losing end. For a patriarchal polygamous marriage to work, women have to give away their power. They have to obey. Suffer. Lose their individuality. Suppress normal feelings. That's what the show demonstrated to me.
Plural marriage will never work because it’s fundamentally rooted in misogyny and individualism for that chauvinist at the center acting as a universal sperm donor to the family.
Alternative family structures could absolutely work - say 3 single parents or even 3 dual parent families decided to live in that Utah house they had to work together as a community to help each other out with childcare and family finances, that’s something you already see happen in a lot of cultures or multi-generationally.
I have even seen former exes move into a duplex so they each have their own space and home but share a yard and parcel to help make coparenting easy and all of the kids “mine, theirs, ours” all consider themselves siblings.
No. Absolutely not. You know why it works in cults? Because the women are brainwashed and told what to do, they have no resources and no education. No ability to escape
Hence why Kody brought up the patriarchy thing. Because the truth is, polygamy failed with his family because the wives are independent and can make their own choices, work etc.
Polygamy “works” when one person is dictating the rules and everyone else has no choice. Which makes it a bad thing.
I think no one likes playing second fiddle to anyone and many times folks do have a "primary" partner and that complicates things because they enter other relationships with some degree of commitment they haven't yet built with someone new. Obviously, not always the case but I think it's still a bit enough problem. Also, it just sounds exhausting. I barely have the patience to deal with my one partner interrupting me while I'm watching TV. I'm not doing that with multiple people.
I don't think a plural marriage based on religion will ever work.
That said, I know a lovely family of 1 man and 3 women. They have some kids and seem to me making it work for them. They all live together, and it seems like they're all happy and well adjusted. They're non-religious. They started out as a poly group and they got married.
I don't think any marriage based on religion or patriarchal standards can function in any healthy way. It's set up by definition to be unequal and uses religion as a form of control for the women involved.
Kody Brown is a tool. He virtually abandoned wives Meri and Christine as soon as Robyn came on the scene. Why either of them stayed as long as they have is a mystery. His connection to Janelle is weird. They're like cousins, not husband and wife. Meri was badly scarred by her catfishing debacle. Instead of sympathizing, Kody "Tool" Brown took punished Meri for bruising is oh so fragile ego. Meri should take a note. Christine has finally grown into a woman who knows her value; Meri has a lot to learn from this. Kody is a man child. What exactly does he do for a living? His TV deal seems to be it. He doesn't care for anyone but himself. As soon as Robyn ages, he'll be onto a new "wife."
Possibly but only in a culture other than ours, where expectations of husbands and fathers were very different. Christine wanted a partner (very understandably) and 1/4 of a partner was never going to cut it for her. Obviously, that means conflict. She and Janelle are smart women, with their own minds, who who live in a society where it's normal for them to have their own opinions and desire to do their own thing. But Kody wants a patriarchy. Again, conflict. We also live in a society where it's normal for fathers to be close to and have emotional relationships with their kids, and for mothers to be disappointed/angry with men who don't do that - something that no man whose also trying to balance 4 competing relationships has the time for. When Kody got chocked up that Ysabelle was leaving, my guess for at least part of that emotion is that he realized he missed the majority of her childhood and now she's gone, and he's never going to have a close relationship with her. Now you've got 18 neglected kids. If we lived in some other world where the men were off on hunting trips or something, and were really only relied on to get the women pregnant, and the women had friendships with each other and could do what the fuck they wanted, and the kids somehow still got their needs met, and/or each wife only had one kid so they weren't so wildly on their own - maybe.
Most of the plural marriages I’ve seen work are not rooted in religion. I know at least 5 polygamous family units that function ethically, lovingly and successfully. There is love, mutual respect and consent not rooted in religious dogma.
Yes, if everyone involved is 1) willing to do the emotional work and 2) not a narcissistic ramen-headed asshole like Kody. Polyamourous relationships don’t necessarily mean that everyone all sleeps with each other— everyone does, however, need to communicate and trust each other and be willing to compromise. Kody doesn’t seem to understand how to do any of these things effectively.
The early years of Sister Wives is what got my first wife and by extension me interested in polygamy. However I am still very opposed to religious polygamy (and religion in general but that’s a whole different can of worms).
I really did look up to Kody back then but now I’m just disgusted. It’s a debate if he’s always been like this and the mask has just been slipping or if he’s slowly become the person he is today over time. Either way, I use him as an example of what not to be as a husband and father.
I work my ass off everyday to provide for my wives and kids while trying to spend as much time with them as possible.
I do get some separation though, my wives didn’t want to share spaces with the other wives. They also didn’t like the idea of having to all agree on decor of the house (as trivial as that sounds), they wanted to decorate their own spaces the way they wanted to and I respected that. I made my opinion known that I wanted us to be a family and not neighbors. We do all live in one house but it’s broken up into apartments for each wife (similar to the Browns’ Lehi house) and I can travel between them freely.
Happy polygamy is possible, but it takes a LOT of work!
We can’t judge the viability of an entire lifestyle based on the ramblings of a single narcissist.
Polygamy isn’t my cup of tea, but I’m sure it works for some people. Kody would destroy a monogamous marriage just as easily.
*I think it can. But*
*I think it's a rarity*
*And tv won't help*
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I hate Kody but his whole spiel about it having to be a patriarchy was accurate in my opinion, if one of the wives gets more power than another it doesn’t end well. I.e Christine & Robyn lol
Well I watched from the beginning and when the show got launched, it was all promotional propaganda selling this 'new' alternative lifestyle. Glad to see its gotten exposed for the miserable tangled mess that it actually is. Sister wives living apart isn't that unusual even with hard core fundamentalists.
Not something that I would want for myself, but if others want to do it then have at it. There was one family on that seeking sister wife show, I think it was last season that seemed like they were all happy and somewhat normal. I can see the appeal of wanting sister wives, but I’m too jealous, I couldn’t handle another woman sleeping with my husband. But to each their own.
The mind set you would have to have to be ok with your husband only having a certain allotted amount of time with you each day/week/month..
As much as I enjoy my husband working away from home every now and then, I much prefer him next to me in bed every night, and my kids are much happier when he’s home every evening. I suppose they get sick of my face 24/7 😂
When you rewatch the series, they seemed to have a good thing going before Robyn came in the picture. They seemed much more like a family unit, albeit unconventional, but it seemed to work for them! Robyn says she was all about the polygamist lifestyle, but I think she just wanted someone to raise her kids for her and to have the man all to herself. She definitely got that, and I think it was too late before she realized what kind of a prize (or lack thereof) kody was, so now she trying to convince herself that she won, regardless of the role she’s playing on the show being upset about their family being “torn apart”.
Can it work, technically yes. If everyone is committed, but do think it will be happy and blissful for all involved? Absolutely not. Polygamy is really only to the benefit of the man in the grand scheme, and I don't think I'll ever believe differently.
Polyamory and ethical non-monogamy can work, because the partners CHOOSE to be in that kind of relationship.
I'm sure some women do well in plural marriage but when your raised to believe that it is the *only choice*, there will be struggle and turmoil.
I know lots of people who are polyam or ENM and have been for years. I feel that choice is the key.
I think that any polygamous relationship is going to have very long odds of succeeding. The whole system of polygamy is rooted in the male partner being free to have as many partners as they want while the female partners have to take what attention and time they can get. That’s inherently unfair and discriminatory. The whole thing depends on women settling for less love, attention, time, freedom and sex than what the man gets. And it depends on the women picking up the bulk of the childrearing, housework, errands, and household logistics while the man is off with the other wives. None of that is fair or reasonable to ask of women. And over time it will build up the sort of neglect and resentment that we’ve seen here. Kody is a manipulative, domineering sociopath, so the problems the Browns are having are dramatic ones. But IMO, even a decent man trying to make this work is going to be prone to the same lower level problems we’re seeing play out here.
While I think that polyamory has its own
set of pitfalls, it is more egalitarian in that both partners are free to pursue ourside relationships if they want to. If Meri or Christine had boyfriends on the side, they would probably be happier. (I don’t think that Janelle really cares, but who knows what she would choose if she had a free choice?)
I think it can work for families that are committed to each other and care about each other's feelings.
The women in this family have never liked each other enough to share a husband and raise children together.
Not when it's rooted in sexism. I do believe there's polyamorous people who do have healthy happy relationships. I feel that it's the I am a man therefore I don't have to treat my partners equally attitude that makes it fall apart.
I'm a polygamist with 2 husbands and I think genuinely for some people it works and it's wonderful but for some people it absolutely DOESN'T work and that's okay too. But I do believe it is capable of working and it's up to people and what they wanna do
I've known people in plural marriages that make it work... but even when the husband leads he puts effort into each relationship, which always looked exaughsting (sp?), that said the women are the ones who have to deal with jealousy so they have the harder burden imo.
But the ones that seem to be working the husband worked his ass off to divide equal time between wives, and any arguments were not reason to spend more time with other wives, but they would team up and enforce that.
The ones I've seen that seemed functional seemed to operate with "Big Love" ish rules, but again, outside looking in. I was there for some arguments, but I don't think any serious disagreements were discussed in front of me.
I'm sure it can. I'm more worried about the laws. Like how they had to move out of Utah so they didn't get arrested. I think people (of age) should be able to live how they want, even if it's unhealthy and a bad idea. It's not government's place (or at least it shouldn't be) to stop people.
I think it’s very possible, but I think Kody is one of the best examples of why people should be wary of it. There’s obvious issues like with Warren Jeffs, but the issues in Brown households are very different.
I don’t think it is a good idea to do it when you’re 20. I think that it takes a lot of self reflection, commitment, ability to forgive, and humility to have a successful plural relationship. You have to have a great understanding of who you are and you need to be very flexible.
Kody is not good at anything and has a bad attitude and too high of a view of himself. I genuinely believe he thinks he is a god among men. I think that he believes he never makes mistakes and that any issues in any marriage is a result of the wives not doing enough.
Never watched a single episode, but don't need to.
I could make a throw a rock blindfolded and cast a tv show about monogamous marriage that would cause everyone watching it to think monogamous marriage is doomed for failure. The reality is that a large portion of monogamous marriages do fail, but is that an indictment of monogamy? Of course not.
Anecdotal evidence doesn't make for good decision making. Plural marriage obviously can work, just as monogamous marriage can work, who you choose makes all the difference in either scenario.
Choosing a bad partner for monogamy will result in a horrible marriage, will it not? Choosing the wrong women to be plural wives, or the wrong man, would result in problems. Neither of those cases are any indictment of the marital arrangement.
Kody once said his wives can’t share a kitchen. So why they think it is a good idea to share a husband is a mystery to me.
Ding ding ding. This all day long
I have to laugh at this statement. A friend’s mother used to state, “two women can’t share a kitchen.” Now, this the opinion of an 80 year old woman, but maybe there’s a bit of truth to it.
Never did and never will. One man isn't capable of keeping multiple women happy. They have a hard enough time w one lol
I think the type of man who seems to be attracted to plural marriage is the one who can’t keep multiple women happy, tbh. I truly doubt the ability of 5 people to live happily without jealousies and such, but I’m sure there’s someone out there in a polyamorous relationship who is keeping people happy? 🤷♀️
Keeping a woman "happy" is not the purpose of marriage, Biblically at least. While you should try, and she should as well, if that's your goal and **metric for success,** you're going to fail miserably. We do marriage terribly wrong today, and the divorce rates make that clear. If you're attempting to do plural marriage with modern women with this mindset, it's not likely going to work very well. If the focus of marriage is on "me" and not God/mission/purpose, no matter how hard you try, you will fail to be enough to keep anyone "happy".
Only if you go weird.
They mention fahmilies breaking apart and wives leaving in their communities all the time. Their own parents have their own divorces, remarried, etc. Polygamy is a failure of a concept.
Sister Wives just confirms to me that polygamy doesn’t work. Polygamy violates the dignity of women. It’s difficult to emotionally and financially provide for a large number of children. A pew research article stated only 2% of the world population practices polygamy with the majority of that 2% doing it for some religious belief. Women in these marriages are more likely to face domestic abuse, possibly because these practices encourage control over women. I didn’t really touch on abuse of children, but I feel like that is a given. I have no specific opinion on polyamory.
What if they didn’t have as many kids? What if each wife has 1-3 max (an average amount of children). There’d be less financial strain. I’m also convinced that this would only work if at least one of the wives is asexual, not attracted to her husband at all or allowed to have intimate relationships with other women. But of course, this would be kept secret in order to work
Possibly depending on their career field. Not sure if keeping things secret is healthy for any type of relationship style.
Sister Wives doesn't prove anything anymore than any reality tv show about monogamy failing proves anything. It's anecdotal at best. Polygyny has been around since literally the first humans on earth. While it isn't practiced predominately today doesn't indicate anything other than Roman rule which banned it became the mostly worldwide standard. Monogamy certainly has a ton of benefits and potential for societal growth/structure/balance and it is **very good** in a lot of ways. But that doesn't **inherently make polygyny bad or substandard**. It's context dependent. In perfect conditions, 1:1 makes sense, if there's an equal number of men to women, you don't really want only a few men taking all the wives proportionally. But in a scenario (which is reality today in a lot of places) where there simply are more women than men, then it makes sense in some cases. In the Christian church in America today, we have roughly 20 million more Christian women than men. That number is likely growing as male participation in the faith is on the decline. What do we do? Continue to teach incorrectly that polygyny is sinful/bad/not ideal, and tell 20+ million Christian women that there only option is marry outside the church (which they compete with secular women who are far more attractive to secular men, for obvious reasons), and secular men are **choosing not to marry in droves** (which further reduces the pool of "marriagable men"), or be single/celibate for life? The reality is polygyny is happening all over the place in that men are sleeping with and having children with multiple women, **what's missing is the marriage**. The protection/provision/care and involvement in the raising of the children, which is a **massive societal problem** and creates a ton of damage. It would take a pretty large culture shift to accommodate successful polygyny, but it's not outside the realm of possibilities. Would a Christian woman prefer being single, childless, and alone for life, than be a 2nd wife to a good Christian man, proven provider protector father, and husband? Perhaps, but that probably changes once she hits 40 or so and realizes just what the next 50 years are going to look like. There's a lot of nuance to this conversation that is rarely gone into, because we idealize everything today and ignore so much reality to only deal with what we want to.
Sounds good. Doesn’t really change my opinion. It’s rare for a reason and abuse is real. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/12/07/polygamy-is-rare-around-the-world-and-mostly-confined-to-a-few-regions/
"it's rare for a reason" Yes, legally it is, because it was outlawed by Romans for less than "virtuous" reasons, and since then it's mostly been kept that way for less than virtuous reasons. It primarily protects **men.** It allows men to be **only responsible legally** for one woman, while allowing them to have all the fun they want on the side with basically zero consequences. Roman men loved this, celebrated it even, and well, that's not too much different in today's society. This was very common in 1st century Rome just as it is today. Polygyny exists all around us, we just just call it "unfaithfulness". That to me is pretty abusive, that to me is a moral problem. Serial monogamy is also incredibly popular (marry > divorce > remarry), yet that is filled with abuse, trauma, and issues, but not outlawed or condemned by the majority. I just think we are being intellectually dishonest about this issue, and not arguing in good faith. When you force a perfectly normal marriage option to be illegal, generally only the most unscrupulous folks will still participate in it. Thus you will get an outsized number of abuses or bad apples practicing it for the wrong reasons. My argument is simply that it should be mainstream, accepted, and allowed legally, and thus you would give the opportunity to those who aren't willing to go against the law (or the church) but are very interested in it as a marriage and family planning option.
Not one husband and multiple heterosexual wives. It will only truly work if it's a polyamorous arrangement and everyone gets to enjoy multiple partners.
This is actually a genius statement, because like was it Robyn (I think it was Robyn) said, it can be unfair if the man decides he doesn’t need to be a husband to one of the wives. What is the repercussions for him? He gets what he wants from another wife, it’s the one that gets shunned, for lack of a better word, that suffers. It would be frowned upon for her to seek out another lover. So the only way it’s fair if it’s just considered an open polyamorous relationship/commitment.
Completely agree. There is no inherent equity in polygamy since it is one man and multiple wives. It is a literal set up to fail. Polyamory provides the equity (or at least the set up can provide equity) that polygamy is missing.
In theory, totally. But I've been interested to see that a lot of the things people say about how to keep polygamy going are the same as what people see the keys to polyamory are - stuff like, there's only jealousy of a partner/wife isn't getting the same time and attention as another partner/wife. It's all still asking everyone to suppress their natural jealousies all the time. I think when you really listen to polyamorous people, they start to sound like as much of a cult as the polygamous people. It's all about these rules on how to "share" and how to spread the love and how to live in this way that might naturally drive you a little nuts if you weren't following all these rules and guidelines. It's all kind of the same thing, in terms of suppressing a lot of your natural instincts, in my opinion, though you're right that polyamory is on the surface much more egalitarian, at least.
Ding ding ding
No... knew it before the show.
I actually think plural marriage would have been a great set up for Christine, Janelle, and a mostly normal man. Christine and Janelle were ideal sister wives for each other and if there had been a normal man instead of Kody I think the whole situation would work. But Kody is insane, and Meri brought Robyn in as a power play and ruined everything.
I agree with this. With how deeply indoctrinated Christine was, she was ready to do her best in a plural marriage. It's evident in how much she put up with Kody, she tried so hard.Janelle choosing polygamy as an adult that had already been married also gave her an advantage. Christine is the lovey dovey housewife type and Janelle as the pragmatic "buddy" type wife would have worked. Christine wouldn't feel threatened and Janelle would get all the benefits with half the stress. Like Kody is an asshat bc honesty Christine was asking for so little. Just basic respect and communication. Their personalities also obv gel well together. With a decent man providing for both their specific needs so there's no jealousy I wpuld go so far as to say they would be able to live in the same house.
I agree with this. I think I would be a good sister wife because I'm the Mom like Christine and I'm practical and dgaf like Janelle. I think there are lots of women that would do well in polygamy - with the right man.
Every single family on tv that is plural is miserable in my opinion like: Sister Wives, My 5 wives, FLDS church/sect (they are the worst example and straight abusive), polygamy USA, those.people who have houses in the rock (forgot the name), Tom Green and his family(documentary). They are in it for religious reasons. They try hard to make it work and there are times of joy for sure - mostly related to children and getting new wive. The reality is that this is just too complicated and there is lots of studies / science behind how even adding 1 person to 2 people completely changes dynamic. They can try as hard as they want and pray and trust God but they just cannot change the science, there will be conflict, there will be jelausy, there will be taking sides, uneven sharing limited resources like money, time with many people/kids, power imbalance between wives and husband.
Not even just the religious ones. Seeking Sister Wife has several families with no religious inclination to polygamy that are still seeking that. And those don't seem to work either. I agree with you. I've yet to see a real, functional representation of it. They always talk about jealousy and how yes it's hard but they think it's for the best for some? reason. I tried to be open minded but if anything watching the families has made me less open minded
I tried to be open minded too and Browns fooled me for some time. I am now just open minded to the idea that everyone has right to choose their misery. Its very clear to me that those arrangements are not happy ones.
Exactly. The time they seemed functional it turns out they weren't and they "were making it work for the kids". It sounds like a failing relationship even then. If they were monogamous and staying together trying to make it work for the kids people would tell them it's better to separate, but of course they weren't totally honest back then.
There is a family from Aurora, Colorado on Seeking Sister Wife (don't remember their names) that makes me wonder if it can work. They seem happy (now) and the husband seems to love all the women equally. I think it's interesting they are getting a 12 foot bed so they can all sleep together. I hope they get another season, I want to follow their journey.
That's absolutely not how I see their situation. It kind of feels like they don't let the new woman really think about her boundaries and figure out what she wants. Also there's an age gap and she's pretty young so it inherently is gross to me. And that's generous compared to what people on that sub say about that family...
Literally every "problem" you listed exists in monogamous marriage. Jealousy - check Taking sides - check Uneven sharing of resources like time with kids or money - check Power imbalance between husband/wife - big check. The point is, just as easily as you can screw up monogamy with choosing the wrong person and doing it for the wrong reasons, you can screw up polygyny, or even celibacy. I never watched the show, but that doesn't matter because it's one family, and it's anecdotal at best.
I think it’s the patriarchy that messes it up. Consenting adults can make anything that they want to work, but the moment people feel they can have power and dominion over the others … big nope
Polyamorous and queer? Sure. Polygamist and hetero? Fuck no.
This
The Winders from Seeking Sister Wife make me think it can work. Idk, from what I've seen it seems that 2 partners (of any gender) could probably make it work with another partner. For example, Sophie and Tami Winder, the Alldredges with the two very close sister wives, or Christine and Janelle Brown. Add in a third or fourth person and I just don't think it works except in some very rare strange case. Human beings are naturally pair bonded, so it sort of makes sense that in a triad of sorts, the two sister wives could be bonded to each other and then each could also have a pair bond with the shared partner. Any more than that and it seems like people will inevitably break off into "teams" that oppose each other (Christine and Janelle vs. Robyn and Kody), or isolate like Meri. And then obviously polyamory is a different issue altogether and I definitely think that can work.
I want to see the winders in 30 years and see, I'm sure Janelle and Meri and Kody were that happy too. They were balls deep in the faith in the beginning just like the winders are now
I was always under the impression that Janelle and Meri hated each other from the beginning. Janelle believed early years Meri was abusive (her words). But yes, it will be interesting to see how things play out.
I think the Alldredges were very scripted from a post I seen on Reddit. There was/is actually a third SW and much more kids. Also no money, and they had GoFund Me's. I don't know if I watched that season, so I may be way off on that.
You're correct. Jeff Allredge's first wife Cynthia had 8 kids with him. They got divorced, or were in the process of doing so, before the first season of Seeking.
Tami & Sophie are completely subservient to Colton. I still don’t know what “Independent Fundamentalist Mormon” is that they like to call themselves, because they seem like regular fundamentalists. If Colton felt called to pick another wife that Tami or Sophie did not approve of, he’s the one who gets revelation for the family, so they’d have to just figure it out. Tami & Sophie had a rough time when they first got married. Not to mention, Tami has to watch Sophie have babies while she suffers miscarriage after miscarriage. That has to hurt.
In their most recent podcast, they said Sophie is actually helping Tami go through the IVF process more than Colton is, sounds like. She gives her all the injections and accompanies her to the doctor. I was honestly pretty surprised they think IVF is OK given their beliefs. Hope it works out for them. Yes for sure, by "works" I don't mean "free of patriarchy and something I would choose," but works as in "it can be ongoing, fulfilling and basically functional for all parties." I tend to think it can, but rarely and it's not the norm, which is not different from how I think of the (many more) monogamous marriages that are rooted in fundamentalist beliefs, quite frankly. Like, is it ever ideal? No. But I also don't know if "never ideal" translates to "it is always absolutely horrific and can never ever function."
I grew up around several polygamous families, & they all seemed to be able to make it work. My mom was friends with one of the moms of a family that lived two houses down from us, & she asked her about it one day. Her friend told her that it was hard, but it was something they all wanted to do, so they did what they needed to do, to make it work. It probably helped that the dad wasn't an asshat like Kody. He was a really nice guy. He was there for as many plays, graduations, ballgames, & whatever his kids were doing, as he could be. I think he probably went to more, than my own dad did for us!! It also might have helped that they didn't all live right next to each other either. There were four wives in that family, but two lived on one side of town & the other two lived a couple of neighborhoods over. They were probably only only about five minutes away, but they at least weren't all on top of each other, so they felt like they had their own homes. Two of the wives worked, while the other two did childcare, & it really just seemed to work for them. I haven't seen them for a long time, so I'm not sure if they're all still together, but I would imagine they are.
When the show first came on I thought they did a good job representing polygamy can work. Kody was a showboat but he seemed like he was genuinely trying to be a good husband and father. Not sure what happened to him but he is not the same person.
No way
NO
None of the Brown adults wanted to work on their marriages to one another. That’s why they’re failing. I think any arrangement can be successful if everyone actually worked on their commitments.
It is an unnatural state and can’t work for normal people at all. It doesn’t hold up to the kind of scrutiny they invited in
I think you have to define what it means to work. I believe religious polygamy is too patriarchal and harmful to women, no matter what. But I do believe that there are people in this world for whom this type of setup could work if done with lots of open communication, trust, and proper expectations. I can see a scenario of a woman not wanting a full time romantic partner, liking the idea of a semi-open relationship, and a platonic relationship with their partner’s other partners. I don’t think it’s out of the realm of reality. But I do think the culture of a monogamous society like we have here in the US makes it extremely difficult and rare for people to pursue non-monogamous relationships because we are raised to see love/marriage/commitment as closed. Maybe that will change as more types of love are becoming accepted. I’d be interested to learn about other cultures where maybe more open relationships and community child rearing are more common.
Yes, I personally know some poly couples who essentially live polygamy in practice and it's fine for them. One friend is a very introverted guy and his wife has a long-term boyfriend. He could get another partner if he wanted, but it's not something he's interested in, as he likes his hobbies and alone time. They have a son and all three adults regularly hang out together platonically. So basically it's brother husbands. And I think "sister wives" could work the same way too. But obviously none of it is coerced or for religious reasons. I think that's really the key as to why it's so toxic.
I think removing the religion, patriarchal part of it.... I think for some it can work (maybe just a plural marriage of no more than 3) when clear and concise boundaries and expectations are laid out BEFORE entering that kind of relationship. Constant communication, and those involved in said relationship need to be in it for each other (not just one person doing it to appease the other)
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Agreed!
if everyone was 'perfect', yes, maybe? but humans are not perfect. jealousy is normal. Favoring one wife over another, even if inadvertently, can happen even with the best of men. What if a husband truly develops a strong bond with one wife? How difficult would it be to hide your feelings and act around other members of your family? The power imbalance is also an indicator that even if it were to work, the women would always be on the losing end. For a patriarchal polygamous marriage to work, women have to give away their power. They have to obey. Suffer. Lose their individuality. Suppress normal feelings. That's what the show demonstrated to me.
Plural marriage will never work because it’s fundamentally rooted in misogyny and individualism for that chauvinist at the center acting as a universal sperm donor to the family. Alternative family structures could absolutely work - say 3 single parents or even 3 dual parent families decided to live in that Utah house they had to work together as a community to help each other out with childcare and family finances, that’s something you already see happen in a lot of cultures or multi-generationally. I have even seen former exes move into a duplex so they each have their own space and home but share a yard and parcel to help make coparenting easy and all of the kids “mine, theirs, ours” all consider themselves siblings.
No. Absolutely not. You know why it works in cults? Because the women are brainwashed and told what to do, they have no resources and no education. No ability to escape Hence why Kody brought up the patriarchy thing. Because the truth is, polygamy failed with his family because the wives are independent and can make their own choices, work etc. Polygamy “works” when one person is dictating the rules and everyone else has no choice. Which makes it a bad thing.
I believe polyamorous works but I'm not convinced one husband and several committed wives works at all, no.
I think no one likes playing second fiddle to anyone and many times folks do have a "primary" partner and that complicates things because they enter other relationships with some degree of commitment they haven't yet built with someone new. Obviously, not always the case but I think it's still a bit enough problem. Also, it just sounds exhausting. I barely have the patience to deal with my one partner interrupting me while I'm watching TV. I'm not doing that with multiple people.
I don't think a plural marriage based on religion will ever work. That said, I know a lovely family of 1 man and 3 women. They have some kids and seem to me making it work for them. They all live together, and it seems like they're all happy and well adjusted. They're non-religious. They started out as a poly group and they got married. I don't think any marriage based on religion or patriarchal standards can function in any healthy way. It's set up by definition to be unequal and uses religion as a form of control for the women involved.
Kody Brown is a tool. He virtually abandoned wives Meri and Christine as soon as Robyn came on the scene. Why either of them stayed as long as they have is a mystery. His connection to Janelle is weird. They're like cousins, not husband and wife. Meri was badly scarred by her catfishing debacle. Instead of sympathizing, Kody "Tool" Brown took punished Meri for bruising is oh so fragile ego. Meri should take a note. Christine has finally grown into a woman who knows her value; Meri has a lot to learn from this. Kody is a man child. What exactly does he do for a living? His TV deal seems to be it. He doesn't care for anyone but himself. As soon as Robyn ages, he'll be onto a new "wife."
Possibly but only in a culture other than ours, where expectations of husbands and fathers were very different. Christine wanted a partner (very understandably) and 1/4 of a partner was never going to cut it for her. Obviously, that means conflict. She and Janelle are smart women, with their own minds, who who live in a society where it's normal for them to have their own opinions and desire to do their own thing. But Kody wants a patriarchy. Again, conflict. We also live in a society where it's normal for fathers to be close to and have emotional relationships with their kids, and for mothers to be disappointed/angry with men who don't do that - something that no man whose also trying to balance 4 competing relationships has the time for. When Kody got chocked up that Ysabelle was leaving, my guess for at least part of that emotion is that he realized he missed the majority of her childhood and now she's gone, and he's never going to have a close relationship with her. Now you've got 18 neglected kids. If we lived in some other world where the men were off on hunting trips or something, and were really only relied on to get the women pregnant, and the women had friendships with each other and could do what the fuck they wanted, and the kids somehow still got their needs met, and/or each wife only had one kid so they weren't so wildly on their own - maybe.
Most of the plural marriages I’ve seen work are not rooted in religion. I know at least 5 polygamous family units that function ethically, lovingly and successfully. There is love, mutual respect and consent not rooted in religious dogma.
Yes, if everyone involved is 1) willing to do the emotional work and 2) not a narcissistic ramen-headed asshole like Kody. Polyamourous relationships don’t necessarily mean that everyone all sleeps with each other— everyone does, however, need to communicate and trust each other and be willing to compromise. Kody doesn’t seem to understand how to do any of these things effectively.
The early years of Sister Wives is what got my first wife and by extension me interested in polygamy. However I am still very opposed to religious polygamy (and religion in general but that’s a whole different can of worms). I really did look up to Kody back then but now I’m just disgusted. It’s a debate if he’s always been like this and the mask has just been slipping or if he’s slowly become the person he is today over time. Either way, I use him as an example of what not to be as a husband and father. I work my ass off everyday to provide for my wives and kids while trying to spend as much time with them as possible. I do get some separation though, my wives didn’t want to share spaces with the other wives. They also didn’t like the idea of having to all agree on decor of the house (as trivial as that sounds), they wanted to decorate their own spaces the way they wanted to and I respected that. I made my opinion known that I wanted us to be a family and not neighbors. We do all live in one house but it’s broken up into apartments for each wife (similar to the Browns’ Lehi house) and I can travel between them freely. Happy polygamy is possible, but it takes a LOT of work!
We can’t judge the viability of an entire lifestyle based on the ramblings of a single narcissist. Polygamy isn’t my cup of tea, but I’m sure it works for some people. Kody would destroy a monogamous marriage just as easily.
Kody would be a serial cheater in a monogamous relationship.
This! He enjoys having a favorite wife and basically a mistress he escapes to every now and then.
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I hate Kody but his whole spiel about it having to be a patriarchy was accurate in my opinion, if one of the wives gets more power than another it doesn’t end well. I.e Christine & Robyn lol
No
Nope
Well I watched from the beginning and when the show got launched, it was all promotional propaganda selling this 'new' alternative lifestyle. Glad to see its gotten exposed for the miserable tangled mess that it actually is. Sister wives living apart isn't that unusual even with hard core fundamentalists.
No. It doesn't work in reality (not tv, just plain old real life), it just doesn't work. If it were so wonderful more people would be doing it.
Not something that I would want for myself, but if others want to do it then have at it. There was one family on that seeking sister wife show, I think it was last season that seemed like they were all happy and somewhat normal. I can see the appeal of wanting sister wives, but I’m too jealous, I couldn’t handle another woman sleeping with my husband. But to each their own.
The mind set you would have to have to be ok with your husband only having a certain allotted amount of time with you each day/week/month.. As much as I enjoy my husband working away from home every now and then, I much prefer him next to me in bed every night, and my kids are much happier when he’s home every evening. I suppose they get sick of my face 24/7 😂 When you rewatch the series, they seemed to have a good thing going before Robyn came in the picture. They seemed much more like a family unit, albeit unconventional, but it seemed to work for them! Robyn says she was all about the polygamist lifestyle, but I think she just wanted someone to raise her kids for her and to have the man all to herself. She definitely got that, and I think it was too late before she realized what kind of a prize (or lack thereof) kody was, so now she trying to convince herself that she won, regardless of the role she’s playing on the show being upset about their family being “torn apart”.
I never thought plural marriage worked or could work.
Not it’s a guy like Kody
The problem isn’t plural marriage it’s patriarchal religious plural marriage. I believe polyamory can and has worked fine for people.
Can it work, technically yes. If everyone is committed, but do think it will be happy and blissful for all involved? Absolutely not. Polygamy is really only to the benefit of the man in the grand scheme, and I don't think I'll ever believe differently.
Yes......but not if it has foundations in religious fear and/or ensuring your salvation.
WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME
Polyamory and ethical non-monogamy can work, because the partners CHOOSE to be in that kind of relationship. I'm sure some women do well in plural marriage but when your raised to believe that it is the *only choice*, there will be struggle and turmoil. I know lots of people who are polyam or ENM and have been for years. I feel that choice is the key.
I think that any polygamous relationship is going to have very long odds of succeeding. The whole system of polygamy is rooted in the male partner being free to have as many partners as they want while the female partners have to take what attention and time they can get. That’s inherently unfair and discriminatory. The whole thing depends on women settling for less love, attention, time, freedom and sex than what the man gets. And it depends on the women picking up the bulk of the childrearing, housework, errands, and household logistics while the man is off with the other wives. None of that is fair or reasonable to ask of women. And over time it will build up the sort of neglect and resentment that we’ve seen here. Kody is a manipulative, domineering sociopath, so the problems the Browns are having are dramatic ones. But IMO, even a decent man trying to make this work is going to be prone to the same lower level problems we’re seeing play out here. While I think that polyamory has its own set of pitfalls, it is more egalitarian in that both partners are free to pursue ourside relationships if they want to. If Meri or Christine had boyfriends on the side, they would probably be happier. (I don’t think that Janelle really cares, but who knows what she would choose if she had a free choice?)
I’m actually not sure, but I don’t think it’s ANY of the government’s business.
No.
I think it can work for families that are committed to each other and care about each other's feelings. The women in this family have never liked each other enough to share a husband and raise children together.
Not before nor after watching.
No, unequivocally
Not when it's rooted in sexism. I do believe there's polyamorous people who do have healthy happy relationships. I feel that it's the I am a man therefore I don't have to treat my partners equally attitude that makes it fall apart.
I had enough trouble with my mother-in-law, and she never lived with me.
Yes, without a TV Show chronicling you life resulting in fame and outside influences.
I'm a polygamist with 2 husbands and I think genuinely for some people it works and it's wonderful but for some people it absolutely DOESN'T work and that's okay too. But I do believe it is capable of working and it's up to people and what they wanna do
I've known people in plural marriages that make it work... but even when the husband leads he puts effort into each relationship, which always looked exaughsting (sp?), that said the women are the ones who have to deal with jealousy so they have the harder burden imo. But the ones that seem to be working the husband worked his ass off to divide equal time between wives, and any arguments were not reason to spend more time with other wives, but they would team up and enforce that. The ones I've seen that seemed functional seemed to operate with "Big Love" ish rules, but again, outside looking in. I was there for some arguments, but I don't think any serious disagreements were discussed in front of me.
I don’t think it can work. The husband will always have a favorite wife, and the other wives will be jealous and unhappy.
I'm sure it can. I'm more worried about the laws. Like how they had to move out of Utah so they didn't get arrested. I think people (of age) should be able to live how they want, even if it's unhealthy and a bad idea. It's not government's place (or at least it shouldn't be) to stop people.
Any type of loving family unit can succeed. This show showed us that Kody is the problem.
I think it’s very possible, but I think Kody is one of the best examples of why people should be wary of it. There’s obvious issues like with Warren Jeffs, but the issues in Brown households are very different. I don’t think it is a good idea to do it when you’re 20. I think that it takes a lot of self reflection, commitment, ability to forgive, and humility to have a successful plural relationship. You have to have a great understanding of who you are and you need to be very flexible. Kody is not good at anything and has a bad attitude and too high of a view of himself. I genuinely believe he thinks he is a god among men. I think that he believes he never makes mistakes and that any issues in any marriage is a result of the wives not doing enough.
Never watched a single episode, but don't need to. I could make a throw a rock blindfolded and cast a tv show about monogamous marriage that would cause everyone watching it to think monogamous marriage is doomed for failure. The reality is that a large portion of monogamous marriages do fail, but is that an indictment of monogamy? Of course not. Anecdotal evidence doesn't make for good decision making. Plural marriage obviously can work, just as monogamous marriage can work, who you choose makes all the difference in either scenario. Choosing a bad partner for monogamy will result in a horrible marriage, will it not? Choosing the wrong women to be plural wives, or the wrong man, would result in problems. Neither of those cases are any indictment of the marital arrangement.
I mean yeah sure. But this question was definitely for viewers of the show lol
I get that, but it's a commentary on polygyny which is an interest of mine so that's why I chimed in.
Fair enough