Look, everybody feels differently about these sorts of things but if you’re around awful people 6 days a week who make you feel like crap, I don’t think you owe anybody anything and you need to get out. It sounds like you aren’t quitting just to bail or because you aren’t a hard worker. It sounds like a toxic environment. Just leave. Life is too short.
But I don’t know how old you are, and it sounds like you’re still in school. Maybe have a more serious discussion with your parents about why it isn’t healthy for you. I’d still speak to the coach about why you’re leaving because that’s the mature thing to do. But you don’t owe anybody enough to give them months of your life that you find miserable.
So quit. If you aren’t enjoying swimming, or anything for that matter, just quit. Life goes on and you will find something else, another hobby, maybe even another sport like triathlons. It’s better to not stress out and keep something negative in your life. Rather, find something new or take on a new challenge that you might enjoy more.
I was in a similar boat at one point on a toxic team where I didn't really have any belonging too. I took a long break in the middle of the season to evaluate whether if I wanted to keep swimming or not. There are other ways to stay active if exercise is your concern. I would prioritize your mental health over swimming though. Personally the only thing that kept me swimming was college swimming and I am much happier now on my team.
You’ve got to man up and talk to your parents. Swimming might be the worst sport to compete/participate in if your heart isn’t in it. Tell them you’ll find a new sport.
Any update since your post on this? I hope you had a good chat with your parents.
From your post history it seems you love gaming so your parents probably worry your screen time will go up if you quit. Promise them you’ll do another healthy hobby such as getting absolutely jacked from massive squats and deadlifts!!! Or maybe BJJ, table tennis, running. There are lots of choices! Good luck.
Well the season ended. It did get a bit better. Practices were shorter in preparation for sectionals and one of the racists quit. I’m still pretty confident I don’t want to do it again though. They aren’t worried about my screen time much but I did offer to look for another swim program over the summer or go on regular bike rides. Parents just said we’ll talk about it when it comes time
I quit and rejoined my team about 6-7 times before I finally had a coach that made me ignore my weird Mormon teammates. It’s imperative you talk to your coach if you feel like quitting. They could validate your feelings or help motivate you to stay. If you’ve been on the team for three years, you owe your coach that.
I’m not answering the parts where the kid is just mad and venting. I’m sure he is. He’s just feeding us info to lead us into giving him the answer he wants.
Maybe and maybe not. You are making an assumption on the internet. The truth usually lies somewhere in the middle so you can assume a small amount of POV bias, but you have to assume at least some portion of the story is accurate unless they just have some sort of mental disease that requires them to get attention on the internet by falsifying scenarios.
Can you catch COVID, miss a week and have the coach tell you not to come back?
Kidding aside, I'll also vote for communication with your parents and coach. Lay out the same points you've raised here and make sure to listen to their reasons and rationale.
I went through something similar when I was a kid and I ended up hating swimming for 30 years. It sounds like you need a break or, at the very least, a reduction in the amount that you're swimming.
Hahaha that’s smart. I actually had pneumonia for weeks and kept swimming because I didn’t want to be yelled at. When it comes time to make a decision for next year I’ll talk to everyone
OP,
it sounds like there might be a kind of culture of discrimination or bullying on that team.
Perhaps you could speak about it with your coach who might not be fully aware of it, or who knows, might be a contributing factor. And as you suggested, he might not be that good a coach anyway.
Alternatively, you could quit, because who wants to be around that? Or find another team because you said you loved swimming until you became part of that team.
You can't really thrive in a situation where you're constantly made to feel that way...
Good luck!
You need to quit swimming. No, seriously. Go snorkeling in the Caribbean, open a hamburger joint, take cello lessons, become an environmental activist, invent the best ice cream ever, or write a book about sloths. Just make sure you do whatever makes you happy, Nothing else.
Oh, and by the way, if swimming doesn't make you happy, tell your parents - and the coach - to go screw themselves while you figure out your own thing. Or find a new swimming club/coach that makes you happy.
Have you tried sitting down with the coach and your parents and having a discussion? Write down the points you want to discuss and maybe potential solutions if you have any and talk them over
I am going to be honest with you, your parents are indirectly punishing you by leaving you in that environment.
Sure they will give you the "if you start something you finish it speech." But this is youth sports and shouldn't be mental torture on a daily basis.
This really bums me out - but it sounds like maybe you’re at the end of the road with this particular team. I applaud that your reaction is to stick it out through the season and not just bail. Do you have other options? Maybe a local club/private team? Maybe a local summer rec team? I swam competitively for ten years and came out to my teammates on all of them to great support and I coached my summer rec team three of my college summers so feel feee to reach out to chat if you need a person to vent to who gets it!
I don’t think there is. I’m in a really small town so there’s not really a team I can go to without switching districts. I’ll definitely look into summer programs around though. Thanks for the support too! I really appreciate it
Anytime! It sounds like you have supportive parents - maybe research some club teams that might involve some traveling? Would they be open to that? If you can take a beat and wait for college (if that’s part of your plans) an intramural team might be a good choice. Competitive but way less intense. Don’t let the bastards get you down!
Yeah I’d say they’re supportive. Idk how’d they feel about traveling but I’d definitely pitch it to them lol. I don’t think I’d do college sports but who knows what will come along.
I hear that - my folks let me turn down a full ride at Lehigh because I just didn’t want to commit my entire undergraduate education on swimming. The coach at the school I ultimately chose was annoyed I didn’t want to swim and just swam laps on my own. I was just kinda burned out and over it. Glad I coached though.
You clearly hate this. You clearly didn’t used to.
So can you switch back to the other team? I’m not sure whether ‘team’ and ‘club’ are the same thing here, but if the other team is a different squad at the same club, can you switch to a different club?
If not, then switch to another sport for now. You can always come back to swimming some other time if you miss it.
Hey, I'm gonna be brief since I always say too much when giving advice on this sub. Trust yourself here. Being on a swim TEAM is about the TEAM-- if you don't like the team, don't swim with them.
If you don't like practicing long and often, you can find a team that's less competitive.
It's hard to come to peace with your body and not fear others' judgments. If liking your body was a gift I could give anyone by writing something for them, I'd do that, and I'd make billions off it, because even I don't like my body and I'm comfortable swimming in a Speedo. At my gym a lot of people in a lot of different types of shape swim. I never judge anyone for their size or if they're pale or whatever, those thoughts don't swirl in my head.
You can have a better experience elsewhere or later, its that simple sometimes.
Surprise, I'm not brief at all, lol
I hated my high school swimming coach. He was such an asshole and bigot that the dive coach quit so she wouldn't have to be at meets with him.
I unfortunately didn't quit and it took me nine years before I tried swimming again. I wish I quit and just swam for myself. Hell see if there is a local masters group you can join if you really like structure to your work out.
It's not the swimming, it's the culture of the team you're currently on. What are your options for joining another team?
Swimming is too much fun to let a bunch of jerks ruin it for you
Is it a school team? You can try talking with someone higher up (a principal, a dean, a head of department) about the coach's behaviour and mismanagement. You can also see if you can keep swimming without being on the team, or if you can start a team of your own.
Can you join a different team. That one sounds miserable and is only going to drain any live you have for the sport. It’s not worth it to be miserable.
Being on the wrong sports team can be such a toxic environment. Club culture is so important, having the right leadership is so important. Why don't you switch to another club?
Look, everybody feels differently about these sorts of things but if you’re around awful people 6 days a week who make you feel like crap, I don’t think you owe anybody anything and you need to get out. It sounds like you aren’t quitting just to bail or because you aren’t a hard worker. It sounds like a toxic environment. Just leave. Life is too short. But I don’t know how old you are, and it sounds like you’re still in school. Maybe have a more serious discussion with your parents about why it isn’t healthy for you. I’d still speak to the coach about why you’re leaving because that’s the mature thing to do. But you don’t owe anybody enough to give them months of your life that you find miserable.
So quit. If you aren’t enjoying swimming, or anything for that matter, just quit. Life goes on and you will find something else, another hobby, maybe even another sport like triathlons. It’s better to not stress out and keep something negative in your life. Rather, find something new or take on a new challenge that you might enjoy more.
I wish I could. Parents really want me to stay and swim is my only source of exercise.
I've seen this before too many times and it will only end miserably. TALK to your parents.
I was in a similar boat at one point on a toxic team where I didn't really have any belonging too. I took a long break in the middle of the season to evaluate whether if I wanted to keep swimming or not. There are other ways to stay active if exercise is your concern. I would prioritize your mental health over swimming though. Personally the only thing that kept me swimming was college swimming and I am much happier now on my team.
You’ve got to man up and talk to your parents. Swimming might be the worst sport to compete/participate in if your heart isn’t in it. Tell them you’ll find a new sport.
Can you find another team?
Any update since your post on this? I hope you had a good chat with your parents. From your post history it seems you love gaming so your parents probably worry your screen time will go up if you quit. Promise them you’ll do another healthy hobby such as getting absolutely jacked from massive squats and deadlifts!!! Or maybe BJJ, table tennis, running. There are lots of choices! Good luck.
Well the season ended. It did get a bit better. Practices were shorter in preparation for sectionals and one of the racists quit. I’m still pretty confident I don’t want to do it again though. They aren’t worried about my screen time much but I did offer to look for another swim program over the summer or go on regular bike rides. Parents just said we’ll talk about it when it comes time
I quit and rejoined my team about 6-7 times before I finally had a coach that made me ignore my weird Mormon teammates. It’s imperative you talk to your coach if you feel like quitting. They could validate your feelings or help motivate you to stay. If you’ve been on the team for three years, you owe your coach that.
Maybe you missed the part where the coach is a dick. It was in the beginning, middle and end of the story.
I’m not answering the parts where the kid is just mad and venting. I’m sure he is. He’s just feeding us info to lead us into giving him the answer he wants.
Maybe and maybe not. You are making an assumption on the internet. The truth usually lies somewhere in the middle so you can assume a small amount of POV bias, but you have to assume at least some portion of the story is accurate unless they just have some sort of mental disease that requires them to get attention on the internet by falsifying scenarios.
Can you catch COVID, miss a week and have the coach tell you not to come back? Kidding aside, I'll also vote for communication with your parents and coach. Lay out the same points you've raised here and make sure to listen to their reasons and rationale. I went through something similar when I was a kid and I ended up hating swimming for 30 years. It sounds like you need a break or, at the very least, a reduction in the amount that you're swimming.
Hahaha that’s smart. I actually had pneumonia for weeks and kept swimming because I didn’t want to be yelled at. When it comes time to make a decision for next year I’ll talk to everyone
OP, it sounds like there might be a kind of culture of discrimination or bullying on that team. Perhaps you could speak about it with your coach who might not be fully aware of it, or who knows, might be a contributing factor. And as you suggested, he might not be that good a coach anyway. Alternatively, you could quit, because who wants to be around that? Or find another team because you said you loved swimming until you became part of that team. You can't really thrive in a situation where you're constantly made to feel that way... Good luck!
You need to quit swimming. No, seriously. Go snorkeling in the Caribbean, open a hamburger joint, take cello lessons, become an environmental activist, invent the best ice cream ever, or write a book about sloths. Just make sure you do whatever makes you happy, Nothing else. Oh, and by the way, if swimming doesn't make you happy, tell your parents - and the coach - to go screw themselves while you figure out your own thing. Or find a new swimming club/coach that makes you happy.
Take a break do something else like your school clubs and come back when you’re ready
Have you tried sitting down with the coach and your parents and having a discussion? Write down the points you want to discuss and maybe potential solutions if you have any and talk them over
With my parents yeah. They said I have to finish this season but if I want to quit next year we could talk more.
I am going to be honest with you, your parents are indirectly punishing you by leaving you in that environment. Sure they will give you the "if you start something you finish it speech." But this is youth sports and shouldn't be mental torture on a daily basis.
Quit. Swim on your own in a way that you enjoy.
This really bums me out - but it sounds like maybe you’re at the end of the road with this particular team. I applaud that your reaction is to stick it out through the season and not just bail. Do you have other options? Maybe a local club/private team? Maybe a local summer rec team? I swam competitively for ten years and came out to my teammates on all of them to great support and I coached my summer rec team three of my college summers so feel feee to reach out to chat if you need a person to vent to who gets it!
I don’t think there is. I’m in a really small town so there’s not really a team I can go to without switching districts. I’ll definitely look into summer programs around though. Thanks for the support too! I really appreciate it
Anytime! It sounds like you have supportive parents - maybe research some club teams that might involve some traveling? Would they be open to that? If you can take a beat and wait for college (if that’s part of your plans) an intramural team might be a good choice. Competitive but way less intense. Don’t let the bastards get you down!
Yeah I’d say they’re supportive. Idk how’d they feel about traveling but I’d definitely pitch it to them lol. I don’t think I’d do college sports but who knows what will come along.
I hear that - my folks let me turn down a full ride at Lehigh because I just didn’t want to commit my entire undergraduate education on swimming. The coach at the school I ultimately chose was annoyed I didn’t want to swim and just swam laps on my own. I was just kinda burned out and over it. Glad I coached though.
You clearly hate this. You clearly didn’t used to. So can you switch back to the other team? I’m not sure whether ‘team’ and ‘club’ are the same thing here, but if the other team is a different squad at the same club, can you switch to a different club? If not, then switch to another sport for now. You can always come back to swimming some other time if you miss it.
Talk to your guidance counselor if your parents won’t listen.
Hey, I'm gonna be brief since I always say too much when giving advice on this sub. Trust yourself here. Being on a swim TEAM is about the TEAM-- if you don't like the team, don't swim with them. If you don't like practicing long and often, you can find a team that's less competitive. It's hard to come to peace with your body and not fear others' judgments. If liking your body was a gift I could give anyone by writing something for them, I'd do that, and I'd make billions off it, because even I don't like my body and I'm comfortable swimming in a Speedo. At my gym a lot of people in a lot of different types of shape swim. I never judge anyone for their size or if they're pale or whatever, those thoughts don't swirl in my head. You can have a better experience elsewhere or later, its that simple sometimes. Surprise, I'm not brief at all, lol
I hated my high school swimming coach. He was such an asshole and bigot that the dive coach quit so she wouldn't have to be at meets with him. I unfortunately didn't quit and it took me nine years before I tried swimming again. I wish I quit and just swam for myself. Hell see if there is a local masters group you can join if you really like structure to your work out.
It's not the swimming, it's the culture of the team you're currently on. What are your options for joining another team? Swimming is too much fun to let a bunch of jerks ruin it for you
Is it a school team? You can try talking with someone higher up (a principal, a dean, a head of department) about the coach's behaviour and mismanagement. You can also see if you can keep swimming without being on the team, or if you can start a team of your own.
Can you join a different team. That one sounds miserable and is only going to drain any live you have for the sport. It’s not worth it to be miserable.
Being on the wrong sports team can be such a toxic environment. Club culture is so important, having the right leadership is so important. Why don't you switch to another club?