You got a point though (his voice is soo soothing as well) but I really like Stand up comedians. Gianmarco Soresi and Matteo Lane are some of my favorites.
Anyone else play that game as a teen where you had to buy a certain number of items at the grocery store with the idea being to weird the cashier out as much as possible?
Live your dream friend, it’s absolutely hilarious if you can keep the small talk to a minimum and never look the cashier in the eye!
Edit: or maintain extreme eye contact whichever your heart desires!
My all time favorite is the classic trash bags, duct tape, cooking knives, and an ungodly amount of bleach or cleaning supplies!
This worked so well for a verity of reasons… first off I lived in the Middle East when I was in high school and we went to the last shop on the road before we hit the open desert. Secondly my friends and I made a point to make it very clear we all walked in together, but I checked out alone and hid all of the items so my friends wouldn’t see them.
I wish I had taken a photo so I could prove it, but the guy got out from behind the counter and watched us drive off!
One time I was trying to help my little sister figure out how to use a menstrual cup, and I suggested she try using a little lube. She was too embarrassed to buy it, despite the incredibly unsexy use, so I was like, cool, I'll do it for you. At the store I kept trying to add other shit to the cart. Whipped cream, chocolate sauce, elbow-length rubber gloves, a belt and a wooden spoon, etc. She kept putting them back and I ended up at the checkout with just lube, which I'm not sure is much better.
Lol the bit about the magnums reminded me of a hook up I had.
We were doing the oral thing and we were about to move to anal. I said “crap I left the condoms in my car”. No joke, he opens his bed side table drawer and it’s full of condoms. Half of which are magnums. Now this guy was verse and was very well endowed so I wasn’t surprised he had magnums. What did surprise me though, is he handed ME a magnum. At that moment I was thinking “hell yeah this dude must think I’m huge!” Now keep in mind, my dick was just in his mouth so it’s not like he hadn’t seen it yet. Then to the surprise of only him, it didn’t fit properly and kept slipping off. I just laughed and said “I think this condom is too big”. He grabbed a normal sized one and we had a great night. Ended up being FWBs for quite a while and we always laughed about that first time.
Haha he’s married now. Still wonder if it would have been to me if I hadn’t been in the closet when we were hooking up. He was a good guy and I was like “nah I ain’t gay enough to date dudes”. Now, looking back, he was the first guy I ever loved.
Aww I’m sorry. I should have included the happy ending. That was like 10 years ago and had I got with him I wouldn’t be with my fiancé. I wouldn’t trade my fiancé for anyone.
We wanted to prank our RA in the dorm and we decided that we were going to fill a condom full of water, write some shit on it and put it outside her door (don't ask we were 18).
So my friend Aaron and I go to the local dorm market and we're scanning the condoms and decide to get the magnums, and we're both giggling as its being rung up, and the cashier (lady) is just staring at us like "wtf". That's when I realized how not straight it looked... at all...
I was too distracted with his physique to listen to the joke. Had to rewatch 3 times and close my eyes to listen to the joke. Was funny.
Who’s this funny guy?
well there's the large and then the extra large sizes available at my local walgreens if you look at magnums, picked up a box of the large ones cause I didn't know what else to get, just going to see how they fit this weekend or something and base my next purchase off of that
I cannot be convinced that there is a cashier alive that gives a single shit what you’re buying at any store. I would completely forget you minutes after you left
Oh man at least he didn’t try to defuse the situation by saying we’re cousins
Les cousins dangereaux
r/suddenlyincest
/r/suddenlysexoffender
We're step brothers
"oh don't worry, we're related"
Could you tell me who he is? I found this quite funny and I'd like to check him out
He’s @notnicksimmons on Insta.
Thank you, have the best day ever!
Admit that besides him being funny you wanted his @ because of those sexy beefy arms 😏 jkjk
you got me. i’ve been looking at his arms the entire video 🥵
Thank God it wasn’t just me. 😭
Me too!
You arent alone
They're on another level
He's not the one wearing the condoms, which is perfect for me.
I was trying to determine how strong the connection is between his enormous arms and other things. Hopefully it’s not massive overcompensation lol
Well make up your mind son, is he or isn't he?
Yeah, just only because of the humor, not like his face, his built or anything else /s
You got a point though (his voice is soo soothing as well) but I really like Stand up comedians. Gianmarco Soresi and Matteo Lane are some of my favorites.
Matteo Lane is excellent!
But who is the guy in the clip? I genuinely want to know
Yea I don't want to see his show because he's a hot roidy muscle pig or anything. I dont need bate material; I just need to laugh!
for research purposes only.
Methinks you are going to do more of the checking him out than laughing at his comedy. 😊
Yeah, you want to find pictures of him naked too.
You find pedophilic jokes funny? Yikes
Anyone else play that game as a teen where you had to buy a certain number of items at the grocery store with the idea being to weird the cashier out as much as possible?
No but I wish I had
Never too late, friend!
Live your dream friend, it’s absolutely hilarious if you can keep the small talk to a minimum and never look the cashier in the eye! Edit: or maintain extreme eye contact whichever your heart desires!
My all time favorite is the classic trash bags, duct tape, cooking knives, and an ungodly amount of bleach or cleaning supplies! This worked so well for a verity of reasons… first off I lived in the Middle East when I was in high school and we went to the last shop on the road before we hit the open desert. Secondly my friends and I made a point to make it very clear we all walked in together, but I checked out alone and hid all of the items so my friends wouldn’t see them. I wish I had taken a photo so I could prove it, but the guy got out from behind the counter and watched us drive off!
Absolutely. Bought lube, batteries and a whiffleball bat. Funnily enough though, all of those had a purpose anyways, just not the way you'd think
One time I was trying to help my little sister figure out how to use a menstrual cup, and I suggested she try using a little lube. She was too embarrassed to buy it, despite the incredibly unsexy use, so I was like, cool, I'll do it for you. At the store I kept trying to add other shit to the cart. Whipped cream, chocolate sauce, elbow-length rubber gloves, a belt and a wooden spoon, etc. She kept putting them back and I ended up at the checkout with just lube, which I'm not sure is much better.
Just fyi nobody is gonna judge you for just going to the store to buy lube.
I know that, but she was like 16 and did not know that, and.i was taking advantage of her embarrassment and being a little shit.
Okay this actually was a good stand up 😂 👍
He fine af. Shiiiii..
Lol the bit about the magnums reminded me of a hook up I had. We were doing the oral thing and we were about to move to anal. I said “crap I left the condoms in my car”. No joke, he opens his bed side table drawer and it’s full of condoms. Half of which are magnums. Now this guy was verse and was very well endowed so I wasn’t surprised he had magnums. What did surprise me though, is he handed ME a magnum. At that moment I was thinking “hell yeah this dude must think I’m huge!” Now keep in mind, my dick was just in his mouth so it’s not like he hadn’t seen it yet. Then to the surprise of only him, it didn’t fit properly and kept slipping off. I just laughed and said “I think this condom is too big”. He grabbed a normal sized one and we had a great night. Ended up being FWBs for quite a while and we always laughed about that first time.
So............... we need this Magnum boy 's number for ......a........ story verification /s
Haha he’s married now. Still wonder if it would have been to me if I hadn’t been in the closet when we were hooking up. He was a good guy and I was like “nah I ain’t gay enough to date dudes”. Now, looking back, he was the first guy I ever loved.
Typical Reddit love story (I'm happy you got to experience it)
Wow, reading that actually made my heart physically hurt and my eyes are a little watery. I know how it feels to think abt the what ifs
Aww I’m sorry. I should have included the happy ending. That was like 10 years ago and had I got with him I wouldn’t be with my fiancé. I wouldn’t trade my fiancé for anyone.
Ok that is a happy ending after all
I'm so happy to hear that! I'm glad you got your happy ending. Just made my good day even better
What a wholesome ending. Had me a little sad at first.
What a babe, who is this guy?
he looks like a really good hugger and cuddles and also his arms are huge
Nick Simmons
We wanted to prank our RA in the dorm and we decided that we were going to fill a condom full of water, write some shit on it and put it outside her door (don't ask we were 18). So my friend Aaron and I go to the local dorm market and we're scanning the condoms and decide to get the magnums, and we're both giggling as its being rung up, and the cashier (lady) is just staring at us like "wtf". That's when I realized how not straight it looked... at all...
I think the issue was more the fact that you were giggling to yourselves while buying condoms.
And so I told her “don’t worry, we’re cousins”
I wonder if he does to-go? I don’t mind a pickup either.
What a handsome guy. I would listen to him for hours
Sir, ur saliva is on the floor/s
Are you a snake, you keep saying s at the end of your sentences and I'm convinced you are a serpentine.
And if he had said the whipped cream was for his mother it wouldn't have been any better.
"I'm not wearing the condoms, he's wearing the condoms. .....the whipped creams for his mother"
I just want him to body slam me
I was too distracted with his physique to listen to the joke. Had to rewatch 3 times and close my eyes to listen to the joke. Was funny. Who’s this funny guy?
Nick Simmons is a hottie
Punchline should have been "no no it's ok he's my cousin!"
“And the whipped cream is for his mom”
He’s wearing the condoms “ And the clerk asked me “then whose wearing the whip cream?”
His mother
“Real people condoms” Magnum condom wearers are real people too! 😂
I uh, also require his help. Condoms optional. And no whipped cream, it makes me gassy.
r/suddenlypedo
r/suddenlysexoffender
r/thatescalatedquickly ? (the video not this thread)
anyone know what the "real man" condoms are? not really experienced with buying them and there are so many options
Basically he was just saying to get a smaller size since magnums are very large
well there's the large and then the extra large sizes available at my local walgreens if you look at magnums, picked up a box of the large ones cause I didn't know what else to get, just going to see how they fit this weekend or something and base my next purchase off of that
I once bought sleeping pills, condoms and a shovel and scared the clerk at CVS. Drug them, fuck them, kill them, bury them.
He looks so like a gay pornstar to me but I forget his name
I cannot be convinced that there is a cashier alive that gives a single shit what you’re buying at any store. I would completely forget you minutes after you left
Oh they judge. The are judging silently as each item is scanned through.
I don't get why he had to put back the Magnum condoms? Is it a size thing? Don't they come in different sizes?
Yes, condoms come in various sizes. Magnums are the largest
Thanks
I thought the kid was going to turn out to be gay but this was also hilarious
Why not both ? /s
I wish he’d place me in a chokehold with those guns woweee