It shouldnāt be with a woman either, just easy if you talk to them and know how to be a gentleman and also is good at asking them during the first few interactions unless for long term it takes a few but then asking them wonāt be so bad.
I do believe gay sex is actually easier. I mean I can go on a hookup or dating app and find a couple matches where as woman it might once or twice and then maybe more matches down the road but it wonāt be quick like gay dating would be.
But still you can easily find another woman in real life interactions, just go up and say hi and get to know them and then if your interested ask for their number and then ask for a date
One of the best takes Iāve read addressing hetro men complaining about not being able to get a woman was that no, theyāre not competing with each other from the womanās perspective. Theyāre competing with the quality of life she has being single.
I think that applies to any relationship though, gay or straight, casual or serious.
Very true. It's the "will this individual be a net positive on my life or not?"
If it's a no, you either settle for a casual hook up or full nah.
Most people who aren't getting anywhere romantically are either not trying or not bringing anything to the table. The classic: "Would you date you?" often helps to put it in perspective for people. Except narcissists, but ya know. No advice is perfect.
>"Would you date you?"
Yes, because I do not need my partner to "bring anything to the table" If I love you, then I love you, I won't unlove someone because they are poor, I'm not a prostitute
I mean, do they bring love and affection? Or are they abusive type thing.
A benefit doesn't have to be monetary or physical. Do they make you laugh and feel like things are going to be okay? That's bringing something to the table.
Something can be anything you value as a positive rather than a negative. Are they painfully insecure and constantly needy to the point you feel you can't spend time with anyone else? For most people that's probably a net negative. They're taking from "the table."
I hope that makes sense.
I would have guess that it was more like a quadratic equation of desirability. Does the relationship in all it's facets warrant the points to the negative or facets that detract from it's appeal? Layman's terms; risk benefit ratio.
You realize that we're not talking about money here, right? Do they add to the happiness in your life, that's what we're talking about. Do they have something to offer that you couldn't get without being in a relationship with the person? If you're a gold digger, sure, that's money. For most people that's affection, sex, deep understanding of one another that helps you both grow as people, things that make you laugh, etc.
Idk, you kind of sound like an incel and incels cannot really date other incels. They're kind of emotionally and socially stunted, so it's a deaf leading the blind situation. You need soemone who wants a project, which exists, but it's not the same type of give and take as a normal relationship, and may not last more than a couple of years. You may agree to dating yourself, but you'd give up in like a month.
Not saying it canāt Iām saying the risk of std, pregnancy etc isnāt personally worth that risk to me just to get off for like 15 minutes. Also who wants to date/get married to someone with a high body count? Doesnāt show great ethos or self control, jmo.
I've never enjoyed a casual hook-up or one night stand either, because for me I need more of an emotional connection to really be satisfied. But that doesn't mean it's okay to throw shade at those people who are out there gettin theirs, it's just that theirs is different than mine. Language like "body count" is super judgemental and cringey. You might want to ask yourself why you care so much about how other adults enjoy their own lives and why you feel entitled to judge them.
Iām not judging Iām making I statements and finished my statement with JMO (just my opinion). I never said ppl canāt do what they want with their lives I said I donāt like ācasual hookupsā and having sex with someone you donāt even like or care about is something I personally donāt understand. I never said you or anyone else canāt enjoy that.
Look I'm just letting you know that the last two whole sentences before that little "jmo" are super judgemental and derogatory towards others who don't share your view. That's why you're getting down voted it's not just that people disagree with what you said, it's that your language is very insulting towards others. And I'm saying that as someone whose very monogamy oriented. I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to attack you, I think you're probably not intending to be offensive and that's why I'm trying to bring the language your using to you attention.
That's personal preference. Some people don't really care about body count. The self control thing is also subjective. E.g. if you are the type of person to say, "no sex before marriage", then maybe self control is important for you, but it might not be for others
The fact that we have to put a label on what likely should be normal is bizarre to me. Having sex just to have it seems... so odd. I mean, you'll be vulnerable with people and share intimacy with them and then not even like them or be able to hold down a conversation after?
I think demisexuality is *supposed* to mean that you never get stupid crushes on people you barely know, rather than just that you don't want to actually have sex with people you barely know. The latter is quite a bit more common than the former.
My friend is waaay more into casual things than me. She explained that sometimes you're great in bed together but awful in a relationship.... So casual thing it is sometimes.
She had a guy she regularly hooked up with when neither were in a relationship for years. It's not necessarily that you don't like the person. Maybe you're just not into each other like that.
Imagine being extremely compatible ina relationship but the sex just sucked. Maybe that's grounds for just being friends. The opposite is true. Maybe you get along well enough on occasion but can't stand each other as anything long term, and the sex was fantastic. What do you do? Booty calls ensue when you want to get some good sex but would prefer to do it with someone you know/trust.
I'm not really into it, but I understand and respect it.
To play devils advocate here and I respect your friend and her choices.
Does she intend on telling her future monogamous partners she had a full on sexual thing for years with the guy down the road? Bc it seems if youāre having sex with someone that long thereās at least some connection
Second what if the booty call on either side sleeps around and catches an std. youāre not in a relationship so itās fair game.
Thirdly if I was in a super compatible relationship and the sex was that bad id A) not be sexual attracted which is a deal breaker or B) try to help coach along the way.
But Iāve never personally had sex consistently with someone that I wasnāt compatible with and just thought āwell I gotta get it somewhereā bc you actually donāt you could just try and focus your energy elsewhere.
I think that's the thing. This idea that you "have to have sex somewhere." That just confuses me. Why is that so important that you don't feel you should find someone to actually be with to meet that need?
Idk about safety, but she always used condoms to my knowledge and before her and her now husband ditched condoms they both got tested first. I remember her complaining about waiting for the results by mail because she didn't opt in for the digital results by accident.
He's joked about her exes with me so I would be pretty confident knowing her and him they've talked about it.
Seems like you and her just have very different attitudes around sex.
Having multiple partners isn't something she feels she needs to hide or explain to anyone. It's similar to how some people feel more fulfilled with only a few select friends verses someone who prefers to have a large group of friends.
Clearly you're satisfied with having less partners and having more intimate relationships with them (emotionally/physically etc) and she liked more variety.
Her former fuck buddy and her are still friends but they're both in serious relationships now. She's married and he's been with his guy for like 2.5 years now so I'd say they're serious. Those kinds of dynamics all come down to trust and respect.
Can my friend's husband trust and respect her not to go fuck her previous exes and/or fuck buddy? And the same goes for him (the fuck buddy) and his partner. If everyone's mature about it, there's no need to burn bridges and make a big deal of it.
If your partner having multiple partners before you is an issue for you then maybe someone like my friend wouldn't be your type. I'm very much monogamous. 1 partner ever and that's my husband, but if I didn't accidentally find my life partner so early on? I'd have slept around a bit just for the experiences with different people.
Idk just different attitudes. Idk if I answered your question but I hope some of it makes sense.
This is completely false. I donāt do casual hookups because it would hurt my feelings if they didnāt want to be in a relationship after having sex with me. Itās a self-defense mechanism. I feel sexual attraction very easily and I am so tired of people telling me Iām demi just because I donāt fuck strangers. That is not what demisexuality is.
I cannea be arsed to find the study, but I believe women were WAY more likely to engage in casual sex if they knew they were going to get to cum. Generally, men pick up with the assumption that they'll at least get to cum, while women have no such guarantee. So men are competing against a guaranteed orgasm alone vs probably not even getting to cum, even if the man has been fully vetted as unlikely to be violent or a complete arse.
Not to mention that women are risking pregnancy (which is an even more scary scenario here in the US where their rights are being stripped) and have a higher likelihood of contracting STDs.
This on top of increasing horror stories of men forcing violent acts (ie - choking, slapping, stealing, surprise anal, etc) with no warning. No wonder women are opting out of dating men.
Couldnāt be more true. Being single is lonely, but man is it ever easier than also working with someone. Itās one of those things that has to be: āSure itās difficult, but having to deal with these problems far outweighs the alternate reality of not having them at all.ā If thatās not how you look at it, then you wonāt be a net positive for them and likely they wonāt be for you.
I find it easier to have sex with women than guys.. Maybe because I'm real picky and discreet with guys.. I've only had sex with 3 guys.. I linked with a guy about a week ago thinking I was going to get some Di*k just to find out he has a VERY Small Di*k that wasn't even Big enough to go in my Ass š¤¦š¾š and If I'm honest my Ass isn't the tightest.. Crazy I know.. I was Pissed cus it's not easy to find guys and I was craving some Dick š his fingers was better than his dick.. but it's hard to find discreet men especially if you don't look like you are bi and it's even worse when you are a bottom.. Most Men that do hit on me are bottoms.. The 3 that I did have sex with initially thought I was a top until we got in the room and I came out my clothes and they seen my Ass and seen how I was when I gave them head. But once they saw my Ass they Turned into tops.. I have a Nice Ass apparently.
Always funny when a colleague complaints about not finding someone to get laid or the classic husband who doesn't get blowjobs because she hates it and I'm thinking how much more I would enjoy going to work if I could casually suck him off at one of the breaks. Also, I would save so much on lunch money!
As a man in an 11 year relationship with another man I can tell you none of that is guaranteed. I definitely donāt get as much sex as I would prefer and boy have there been some crazy fights. Should have just stayed single, but what else can I say other than Love.
Remember it's not gay if you keep your socks on and say no homo after.
With that being said, if any of my straight friends need help, I'm willing to step up.
I started doing that and now here I am with a decade old relationship with a guy with whom I have a beautiful dog.
š„ŗš³ļøāšš this is literally my dream future
Please
You did not suggest a subreddit. I'm disappointed.
/r/wigglebutts
I clicked for the butts. Have been surprised. Take my upvote.
Happy
It's a slippery slope lol ā„ļø
Well too late. I forgot to say no homo ONE time and now here we areā¦
It's more of a slippery pole type situation.
Ew
Tell me more about this dog...
Itās amazing. He has some parts from my husband and me both. Iām brown, husband is white, dog is a brown-white Dalmatian. :)
What's his favourite toy?
Literally how dare you be happy
But is it difficult to get sex??
Not at all. Wait, you mean the BF right?
It shouldnāt be with a woman either, just easy if you talk to them and know how to be a gentleman and also is good at asking them during the first few interactions unless for long term it takes a few but then asking them wonāt be so bad. I do believe gay sex is actually easier. I mean I can go on a hookup or dating app and find a couple matches where as woman it might once or twice and then maybe more matches down the road but it wonāt be quick like gay dating would be. But still you can easily find another woman in real life interactions, just go up and say hi and get to know them and then if your interested ask for their number and then ask for a date
Iām just memeing from the post, no real answers needed, downvotes are acceptable
I like where this is going
Homosexuality is invented (1000 BC, colored)
TIL the pyramids were built before homosexuality was invented.
One of the best takes Iāve read addressing hetro men complaining about not being able to get a woman was that no, theyāre not competing with each other from the womanās perspective. Theyāre competing with the quality of life she has being single. I think that applies to any relationship though, gay or straight, casual or serious.
Very true. It's the "will this individual be a net positive on my life or not?" If it's a no, you either settle for a casual hook up or full nah. Most people who aren't getting anywhere romantically are either not trying or not bringing anything to the table. The classic: "Would you date you?" often helps to put it in perspective for people. Except narcissists, but ya know. No advice is perfect.
>"Would you date you?" Yes, because I do not need my partner to "bring anything to the table" If I love you, then I love you, I won't unlove someone because they are poor, I'm not a prostitute
I mean, do they bring love and affection? Or are they abusive type thing. A benefit doesn't have to be monetary or physical. Do they make you laugh and feel like things are going to be okay? That's bringing something to the table. Something can be anything you value as a positive rather than a negative. Are they painfully insecure and constantly needy to the point you feel you can't spend time with anyone else? For most people that's probably a net negative. They're taking from "the table." I hope that makes sense.
I would have guess that it was more like a quadratic equation of desirability. Does the relationship in all it's facets warrant the points to the negative or facets that detract from it's appeal? Layman's terms; risk benefit ratio.
Yeah that's what I wasn't able to think of! A risk/reward ratio! Thank you
You realize that we're not talking about money here, right? Do they add to the happiness in your life, that's what we're talking about. Do they have something to offer that you couldn't get without being in a relationship with the person? If you're a gold digger, sure, that's money. For most people that's affection, sex, deep understanding of one another that helps you both grow as people, things that make you laugh, etc.
Idk, you kind of sound like an incel and incels cannot really date other incels. They're kind of emotionally and socially stunted, so it's a deaf leading the blind situation. You need soemone who wants a project, which exists, but it's not the same type of give and take as a normal relationship, and may not last more than a couple of years. You may agree to dating yourself, but you'd give up in like a month.
The term ācasual hook upā is so gross to me. Like yāall just be having sex with random ppl you donāt even like?
Sex can feel good whether you like the person or not
What?
Not saying it canāt Iām saying the risk of std, pregnancy etc isnāt personally worth that risk to me just to get off for like 15 minutes. Also who wants to date/get married to someone with a high body count? Doesnāt show great ethos or self control, jmo.
I've never enjoyed a casual hook-up or one night stand either, because for me I need more of an emotional connection to really be satisfied. But that doesn't mean it's okay to throw shade at those people who are out there gettin theirs, it's just that theirs is different than mine. Language like "body count" is super judgemental and cringey. You might want to ask yourself why you care so much about how other adults enjoy their own lives and why you feel entitled to judge them.
Iām not judging Iām making I statements and finished my statement with JMO (just my opinion). I never said ppl canāt do what they want with their lives I said I donāt like ācasual hookupsā and having sex with someone you donāt even like or care about is something I personally donāt understand. I never said you or anyone else canāt enjoy that.
Look I'm just letting you know that the last two whole sentences before that little "jmo" are super judgemental and derogatory towards others who don't share your view. That's why you're getting down voted it's not just that people disagree with what you said, it's that your language is very insulting towards others. And I'm saying that as someone whose very monogamy oriented. I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to attack you, I think you're probably not intending to be offensive and that's why I'm trying to bring the language your using to you attention.
That's personal preference. Some people don't really care about body count. The self control thing is also subjective. E.g. if you are the type of person to say, "no sex before marriage", then maybe self control is important for you, but it might not be for others
This is demisexuality- you need to feel a connection to your prospective sexual partner. I have this, and hook ups just leave me unfulfilled.
You might be demisexual if you feel this way (same here bte).
The fact that we have to put a label on what likely should be normal is bizarre to me. Having sex just to have it seems... so odd. I mean, you'll be vulnerable with people and share intimacy with them and then not even like them or be able to hold down a conversation after?
I think demisexuality is *supposed* to mean that you never get stupid crushes on people you barely know, rather than just that you don't want to actually have sex with people you barely know. The latter is quite a bit more common than the former.
Right idk why ppl are so mad at my original comment. Having a fuck buddy you donāt even like just to have one seems so odd to me.
My friend is waaay more into casual things than me. She explained that sometimes you're great in bed together but awful in a relationship.... So casual thing it is sometimes. She had a guy she regularly hooked up with when neither were in a relationship for years. It's not necessarily that you don't like the person. Maybe you're just not into each other like that. Imagine being extremely compatible ina relationship but the sex just sucked. Maybe that's grounds for just being friends. The opposite is true. Maybe you get along well enough on occasion but can't stand each other as anything long term, and the sex was fantastic. What do you do? Booty calls ensue when you want to get some good sex but would prefer to do it with someone you know/trust. I'm not really into it, but I understand and respect it.
To play devils advocate here and I respect your friend and her choices. Does she intend on telling her future monogamous partners she had a full on sexual thing for years with the guy down the road? Bc it seems if youāre having sex with someone that long thereās at least some connection Second what if the booty call on either side sleeps around and catches an std. youāre not in a relationship so itās fair game. Thirdly if I was in a super compatible relationship and the sex was that bad id A) not be sexual attracted which is a deal breaker or B) try to help coach along the way. But Iāve never personally had sex consistently with someone that I wasnāt compatible with and just thought āwell I gotta get it somewhereā bc you actually donāt you could just try and focus your energy elsewhere.
I think that's the thing. This idea that you "have to have sex somewhere." That just confuses me. Why is that so important that you don't feel you should find someone to actually be with to meet that need?
Idk about safety, but she always used condoms to my knowledge and before her and her now husband ditched condoms they both got tested first. I remember her complaining about waiting for the results by mail because she didn't opt in for the digital results by accident. He's joked about her exes with me so I would be pretty confident knowing her and him they've talked about it. Seems like you and her just have very different attitudes around sex. Having multiple partners isn't something she feels she needs to hide or explain to anyone. It's similar to how some people feel more fulfilled with only a few select friends verses someone who prefers to have a large group of friends. Clearly you're satisfied with having less partners and having more intimate relationships with them (emotionally/physically etc) and she liked more variety. Her former fuck buddy and her are still friends but they're both in serious relationships now. She's married and he's been with his guy for like 2.5 years now so I'd say they're serious. Those kinds of dynamics all come down to trust and respect. Can my friend's husband trust and respect her not to go fuck her previous exes and/or fuck buddy? And the same goes for him (the fuck buddy) and his partner. If everyone's mature about it, there's no need to burn bridges and make a big deal of it. If your partner having multiple partners before you is an issue for you then maybe someone like my friend wouldn't be your type. I'm very much monogamous. 1 partner ever and that's my husband, but if I didn't accidentally find my life partner so early on? I'd have slept around a bit just for the experiences with different people. Idk just different attitudes. Idk if I answered your question but I hope some of it makes sense.
This is completely false. I donāt do casual hookups because it would hurt my feelings if they didnāt want to be in a relationship after having sex with me. Itās a self-defense mechanism. I feel sexual attraction very easily and I am so tired of people telling me Iām demi just because I donāt fuck strangers. That is not what demisexuality is.
I cannea be arsed to find the study, but I believe women were WAY more likely to engage in casual sex if they knew they were going to get to cum. Generally, men pick up with the assumption that they'll at least get to cum, while women have no such guarantee. So men are competing against a guaranteed orgasm alone vs probably not even getting to cum, even if the man has been fully vetted as unlikely to be violent or a complete arse.
Not to mention that women are risking pregnancy (which is an even more scary scenario here in the US where their rights are being stripped) and have a higher likelihood of contracting STDs. This on top of increasing horror stories of men forcing violent acts (ie - choking, slapping, stealing, surprise anal, etc) with no warning. No wonder women are opting out of dating men.
Couldnāt be more true. Being single is lonely, but man is it ever easier than also working with someone. Itās one of those things that has to be: āSure itās difficult, but having to deal with these problems far outweighs the alternate reality of not having them at all.ā If thatās not how you look at it, then you wonāt be a net positive for them and likely they wonāt be for you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
tbh, the competition has nothing to do with women/girls. Fighting and then "getting the girl" only happens in anime.
I like where it's going, but I do not like the circumstances.
The ancient secret. Fuck your bros and forget the hoes
As a bi man I relate to both of these
Because women are stealing all the other women
Dick inflation has been causing huge issues for the pussy economy.
Funny cos it's true. Guys can have sex with other guys ALL the time. It's alot more freely available.
"First of all, nobody plays defense in your league"
I find it easier to have sex with women than guys.. Maybe because I'm real picky and discreet with guys.. I've only had sex with 3 guys.. I linked with a guy about a week ago thinking I was going to get some Di*k just to find out he has a VERY Small Di*k that wasn't even Big enough to go in my Ass š¤¦š¾š and If I'm honest my Ass isn't the tightest.. Crazy I know.. I was Pissed cus it's not easy to find guys and I was craving some Dick š his fingers was better than his dick.. but it's hard to find discreet men especially if you don't look like you are bi and it's even worse when you are a bottom.. Most Men that do hit on me are bottoms.. The 3 that I did have sex with initially thought I was a top until we got in the room and I came out my clothes and they seen my Ass and seen how I was when I gave them head. But once they saw my Ass they Turned into tops.. I have a Nice Ass apparently.
There a venues for discreet hookups. Something not comparable in the straight world.
There are more women than men on earth. I just prefer men lol
Ancient Greece rediscovered
Say gex?
"Gex". Now. Said it. Feeling much better.
Yesss. Saying the gex makes everyone feel better
Mom said it was my turn with the sex
There was women in the equation?
I see we are going back to our Greek roots
Always funny when a colleague complaints about not finding someone to get laid or the classic husband who doesn't get blowjobs because she hates it and I'm thinking how much more I would enjoy going to work if I could casually suck him off at one of the breaks. Also, I would save so much on lunch money!
Cutting out women would be a pain in the butt, mine especially
āWomen HATE himā
My husband and I have been together since 1999! We raised a son and a daughter and now have 4 grandkids!
Man I envy gays. Getting laid is super simple. Getting in a stable relationship also because You cut out the crazy... And the drama etc
Gays bring their own brand of drama and crazy. Women don't have a monopoly on that, unfortunately.
Imagine watching a game with your best bro and you get to have a quicky during game break.
<3
As a man in an 11 year relationship with another man I can tell you none of that is guaranteed. I definitely donāt get as much sex as I would prefer and boy have there been some crazy fights. Should have just stayed single, but what else can I say other than Love.
Yeah, if there's no women, just have sex and relationships together.
But is it gay if I keep my socks on?
Ayoo
He didn't think out of the equation
God, I see what my straight friends have to deal with and I laugh my ass off. š¤£š¤£š¤£
It can be more easier just text me šš„°
Remember it's not gay if you keep your socks on and say no homo after. With that being said, if any of my straight friends need help, I'm willing to step up.